Entre amis (2015) - full transcript

AMONG FRIENDS

You guys are such a pain.

We said 2 o'clock at the marina
to meet the Skipper.

It's 2:17.

Relax! We're coming!

You never change, always late.

Plane delays, lost luggage.
We couldn't find a cab.

-Growing back, is it?
-Very funny.

Hi. So, beautiful?

Boris's cologne!

I wear your son's cologne, so?



So he's 17!

And I feel 17!

Well, Philippe?

You've put on a few pounds!

I was trying to look like you.

-Are you alone?
-Daphné's buying books.

She's an intellectual.

So Charlotte's a ditz?

Oh, hi Astrid!

Please don't mention Charlotte.

Well, gang...

be honest... whaddya think?

It has its charm.

This hull is indestructible.



In four world trips,
it only capsized twice.

Get on!

This all they had?

No, there was bigger and better,

but I figured you'd like a real boat.

It'll be fun!

-Did you test it?
-No, it's seaworthy.

A good boat's like a friend,

you recognize it immediately.

I'm not getting on that.

That's her...

I'm counting on you. Go easy on her.

This is Daphné, the love of my life.

Love of my life, my friends.

Philippe, Gilles, Carole and Astrid.

Are you alright?

That's nothing.
I slammed a door on my finger.

-Hi, Carole. Delighted.
-Hello.

They're shy now, but in 10 minutes,
it'll be like summer camp.

Hello.

Daphné.

Astrid.

Why are you standing
by this old raft?

Imagine going to Corsica in that!

-The look on your faces!
-You jerk.

Throw him overboard!

No, no, no, no, no!

Friends, I'd like to present
our boat: The Scolapasta!

She's beautiful!

There's a girl on her.

What hospitality!

Who is that girl?

Dunno, introduce me.

What a body!

What?

Sorry, but she does have a great ass.

-Yes.
-OK.

You're pathetic.

What are you looking at?

Private boat. No photos.

Private indeed!

I rented it. It's my boat.

Where's Christophe?

I can't hear you. Come over here.

Oh, fuck...

Here, kitten.

Relax, babe.

I am relaxed, kitten.

Sorry. Come on, follow me. Hurry up!

Did he just call her "kitten"?

He's her babe, she's his kitten.

-She seems sweet.
-Wonderful.

You Richard?

Richard, yes.

-Who are you?
-Battistou.

Where's Christophe?

Christofu?
He couldn't come, he had a problem.

What kind of problem?

Unfinished business
with another family.

They had words... and chak!

-"Chak"?
-Chak.

What's "chak"?

-I spoke to Chris.
-Chris...tofu.

Fine, then. Where is Mr. Tofu?

Let's just say
the phone service is spotty there.

Thick walls.

He's in the slammer.

We need a skipper...

OK, I do sail, but I'm on vacation.

No, babe. He's on vacation.

-Don't.
-You shouldn't.

I'm replacing Christofu.

Don't worry. You're safe with me.

And the girl on deck before...

Who is she?

What?

This is Catalina.

She's the cook and first mate.

She's a professional.

How professional, you ask?

Well, last week Catalina
served on a yacht belonging to...

Gaugle.

Who?

-To whom?
-Gaugole.

I don't...what's that mean?

Gouougle.

We don't understand.

He means Google.

Same difference.

Battistou will take your bags.

Welcome aboard.

Hi Catalina, I'm Richard.

What's he like,
the CEO of Google? Is he...

I barely saw him. His yacht's 300ft.

-And mine?
-100ft.

Ah, OK.

200ft. less.

Yours fits in his cabin.

Really? Holy cow!

Courtesy of The Scolapasta.

Thanks!

This is my crew...

Philippe le Bosco and Gilles Oarsman.

I'm oarsman?

Call me Philip-ou.

Why pull in your tummy??

Not at all.

Astrid-ou. Partner of Philip-ou.

I'm Carole.

My first time on a boat.
I thought you should know.

I'm Daphné, the Captain's fiancée.

I don't need a hat,
but where's the first-aid kit?

Sure. Why?

I just need to know.

-OK. I'll go get it.
-Thanks.

-Looks good, no?
-Yes.

Mailman or valet... I can't decide.

During the crossing,
please call me "Captain."

And me "Your Highness."

Troublemakers will scrub the deck
with a toothbrush.

Follow me
for a tour of The Scolapasta.

This way.

-Are they always like this?
-Oh, yes!

And it's been a year,
so you can imagine...

Oh my God!

This is the bridge,

and GPS.

All decisions are made here.

I'll be spending a lot of time here.

Right?

Very important: no smoking aboard.

It's cute, but small.

What do you want?

Objectively...

Great idea, vacation in a closet!

I heard that.

I'm kidding! It's a lovely boat.

It's wonderful, my love.

Stop touching everything.

No, no, no, no, no.

On a boat, everything has its place.

-Don't touch the helm.
-No, but no.

Order is key.

If we start off like this,
this trip is gonna be hell.

Just warning you,
I may be a pain in the ass.

No joke.

Mayday! The Captain may be a pain.

I repeat, the Captain may be a pain!

Refined, as always.

-Come right in.
-OK.

Find a spot.

It's beautiful!

It hardly even sways!

Second salon.
The lower lounge and galley.

This is where we eat in bad weather,

and take shelter in case.

In case of trouble.

What trouble?

What's the ax for?

Emergencies.

To cut halyards and lines.

Chak!

-And the bedrooms?
-Cabins!

On a boat, we say "cabin."

Follow me, please.

Nice.

Oh wow.

The Captain's cabin is the largest.

Our little love nest!

Right?

The two guest cabins are over there.

One's a little roomier.

Careful with the toilet.
Read the instructions.

Your shower's right behind you.

-Enjoy.
-Thank you.

It's huge!

It's tiny.

It's a kids' room, what do we do?

We can flip for it.

No, take the big one.

OK.

Sorry. You know how she is.

-Settled in?
-Yeah, great.

Crap!

Funny, I never pictured
him with another woman.

She's gonna be a problem.

-Why?
-She's a bitch.

You just met her.

Strike first, strike hard
or she'll shit all over us.

Nix the deal,
and call me when it's done!

Damn it!

You were saying?

Forget it.

Sure you don't want this one?

No. On a boat,
you get sicker higher up.

Sleeping alone is no vacation!

Oh la la.

Poor little boy, all alone in bed.

He wants mommy to tell him a story.

C'mon, it'll be fun.
Reminds me of summer camp.

Reminds me of the army.

I'm glad I'm here,
but it's a little weird.

See, the top bunk!

Not that.

I mean Charlotte.
Oh.

Is it really over?

He just introduced Daphné,
the love of his life.

Charlotte is history.

I still think
he could've prepared us.

Stop biting your lip.

Sure you want to quit?

Trust me. I can handle it.

No problem.

Number 643.

If you need a hand,
I spent five years at the Glénans.

Take the wheel.

No sudden movements,
the rest's off-limits.

-OK?
-OK.

Number 643.

How're you, Battistou?

My handsome Captain. Ahh...

It's simple, really.

You just have to remember
the sea's a living thing.

My Captain's a poet.

Otherwise, it's easy as...

driving a car.

Goddamn boat!

You OK, kitten?

Hey!

No sudden movements!

It wasn't me.

You blew the horn.

Don't touch my boat again!

Testy, that Battistou.

Cute name, though.

-Think they're an item?
-Who?

Gilligan and Ginger?

I bet he's nailing her.

I've heard seafaring women
are wild in bed.

-Heard you blew the horn.
-Me?

No way.

-Have you spoken?
-With who?

Take a guess.

Unbelievable!
I introduce my new soulmate,

and you mention Charlotte.

Give us a break.

After 20 years,

we can't just forget
about her like that!

He's just asking
if you've been in touch.

Look, Philippe,
I know it's hard for you.

Charlotte's in Provence
with friends, period.

I think she's moved on.

He's married, so I didn't...

But he still took me home.

Excuse me.
Did you get a sunburn already?

No, I banged my head.

How old's Daphné?

She's... 34 years old.

Well, then.

What? I'm in love with her.

I haven't felt like this in years.

It's nothing like with Charlotte.

It's apples and oranges.

OK, but...
We got used to Provence together.

20 years of Provence,
of crickets chirping...

I was fed up. I've put it behind me.

OK.

I'm really glad you came, I mean...

Given the situation...

Others would have ditched me,

but no, you're here. Thank you.

Hey,
you can't get rid of us so easily.

It's like college orientation,

I have to prove my worth.

Not at all!

As long as Richard's happy...

Honestly, in all these years
he's never looked so good.

-Really?
-Yes.

Thanks to you.
It's the Daphné Effect.

That's sweet.

-Astridou! Set a date yet?
-For?

Your wedding.

-Phil's so excited.
-But I'm not.

That's so funny!

-What?
-Our bikinis match.

How random!

We're bikini buddies!

Astrid and Charlotte were close, no?

Very.

Battistou, you're great.

Very classy.

I propose a toast
to Battistou and Catalina.

Cheers!

Cheers.

To you, kitten.

So... The weather's fair,
with changing winds.

What will you be using, Battistou?

The Genoa, right?

The engine, initially.

Sure... why not?

Know what a Genoa is?

No, I know the city.

I love it there!

So...

We'll sail past Italy,
across the Ligurian Sea,

past Capraia,
before arriving in Corsica.

A 20-hour trip.

The plane only takes an hour!

So you'll be using the east winds?

No, northwest.

Yeah...

Life jackets.

Very important.

The life jackets...

In case of trouble.

Trouble?

Here's how you put it on.

This is yours.

Buckle the waist belt like so.

Adjust the straps here and here.

Pull the yellow tab to inflate.

When I give the order, and only...

Actually...
I meant to pull the strap, Battistou.

A little team spirit, guys.

Love it.

The knot,
best thing since sliced bread!

-I'm stumped.
-Me too.

OK, once again...

The snake pops out of the well,

encircles the tree,

and goes back into the well.

I'm totally lost.

Almost there.

And to think this is the first knot
we learned at Glénans!

Screw this!

You put the tree in the well,

so your snake can't pop out.

Free your snake!

Let's see now... got it!

So... The well's over the tree.

No, it's beside the snake, babe.

But, stop...

Why is the snake in the well?

Who cares! He pops out,

encircles the tree...

What about a name?

That's the tree you've got.
Not the snake.

Ms. Catalina, we're just fine.

There! I've got it, no?

-There you go. Perfect!
-Congrats, honey.

My first knot!

A superb bowline.

No, it's not corked.

-Think so?
-Yes.

It is, it smells funny.

It's fine.

What do you know?

-Not at all.
-Sorry?

Isn't this great?

The nice thing about sunset
is everyone looks great.

Wow.

Let's take your photo
before it's too late!

Kitten,

sit with my pirate crew.

-Let's go.
-My mouth's full.

-Stop it. Look.
-Cut it out. Now smile...

-My makeup!
-My hair's a mess.

You, too. Look at the camera!

-Astrid! Smile a little.
-I am smiling.

You! You! You!

No! I hate that.

Where's the mayo?

Remember last year's
photos in Provence?

When Richard's flash
gave us all red-eye.

And Charlotte...

Right. We all had red-eye.

So, the mayo?

-Phil has it.
-Nope.

You can't get quiet
whenever Charlotte comes up.

We need time. It's not easy.

It's not easy for me either.

Sailing away
with a man I met six months ago.

It's a challenge.

Six months and three days.

I propose a mutiny.

We'll throw him in the brig!

Bread and mayo!

Speaking of mayo, anyone seen it?

In any case, I'm thrilled.

I mean it. Being one of the gang,

I'm thrilled.

I'd wait to be thrilled.

Oh yeah? OK.

Do you have the mayo?

It got passed from Philippe,
to Richard, to Carole...

Enough with the mayo!

Let's be frank.

I have the mayo!

-She's funny.
-What suspense!

-What's your field?
-I'm a surgeon.

Good! I feel safer
with a doctor aboard.

-Do you specialize?
-In penoplasty.

-What?
-It's penis enlargement.

That's how I met Richard.

Gotcha!

Eye surgeon.

I said to myself, so...

-Everything OK?
-Perfect.

Thanks. Delicious.

Super good.

Not your usual cook.

Is 'fish stick maker' on your face?

I'd like to propose a toast
to Richard.

Speech, speech!

-A speech!
-Oh come on!

OK.

Friendship is like the tide,

it has highs and lows,
but it's always there.

Thanks for being here with me.
I love you all.

Congrats.

What if we put on music and danced?

-Great idea!
-No.

-I love dancing.
-I...

Gianfranco my God !

Jeez, we're on vacation!

Astridou, enough!

-Do not make fun of it.
-Amazing! Yeah?

It's Gianfranco,
her New York designer.

You'll see. He's a riot.

What did I tell you? A riot!

Oh my God !

Whatever, he's gay.

Come on ! Come on !

Oh Gianfranco...

Hey! Come on, Philippe!

Come on, you big lug.

Smile!

Pick a card, kitten.

If you were a porn star,
what name would you choose?

Great game.

Pick another card.

No, let Charlotte...

Daphné answer.

Let's see...

Daphné de Clito de Vagina.

Carolina Blowall.

I love it.

Very clever.

And you, honey?

Astrid Orgasma.

A clear offer,
satisfaction guaranteed.

She's an ad exec.

Moving right along.

Gilles, pick a card.

This one.

Let's see...
If you could travel through time

and erase 5 minutes of your past,
what would you erase?

Well?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

My turn.

What animal would you like
to be reincarnated as?

-You? A rabbit.
-No. No...

Sorry Astrid,
you can't say that word on a boat.

It's unlucky.

Which word?

The floppy-eared rodent.

-In the hare family.
-Rabbit!

No! You can't say...

You, superstitious?

Not at all.
You just can't say it on a boat.

It's no joke!

Right. Don't say that word.

He's the life of the party.

OK, my turn.

Do you still speak to
your first love?

I do.

What do you mean?

Do I know him?

-Don't get upset.
-Yeah!

I'm curious, that's all.

It was ages ago, who cares?

I disagree.
A first love stays with you.

The first time's quite a jolt.

So who was this Capt'n Jolt?

It was you, silly!

You goofball.

But, OK.

So Gilles was your first?

My first real crush, yeah.

And first experience?

No. Don't be ridiculous!

No, there were lots.
My first was 20 years older.

Like me and Richard.

Not that old.

How did you two meet?

She came onto me. Head-on.

But I had the right-of-way.

She ran a stop sign.

We got out of our cars,
signed a report.

She was alone, so was I.

We stared at each other,
and the rest is history.

It was 25 years ago.

Best accident I ever had.

-You ran a stop sign.
-I had priority.

How much money
would you need to stop working?

-A million!
-A million...

-No, two.
-Three and 1/2.

With five, you're set.

Doesn't matter...
My girl's loaded, so...

I live like an... old whore.

Isn't that right?

You make 10 times what I do.
So I'm a whore.

-An old whore!
-Stop, Philippe!

Lay off the booze.

-What ? It's OK?
-You should stop...

You should stop,
drink some water.

Let him be. It's OK.

He is a whore.

And I'm the cunt with all the dough.

See, she agrees.

Daphné?
What do you think, am I a cunt?

It's too soon to tell.

Money's not everything.

Easy to say with a rich boyfriend.

I dunno if it's verbatim, but...

"This purple robe is but wool
dyed with the blood of a shellfish."

Laid bare, things reveal
their inner worthlessness.

Marcus Aurelius. So there.

Well, this cunt is going to bed.

Well, goodnight.

-Goodnight.
-'Night, Astrid.

OK.

I think I'll have some cake.

Anyone else?

A tiny piece,
just for the hell of it.

Hear that?

See?

I told you they were an item.

Doesn't prove anything.

See you at 10 a.m.
for another day at sea.

Goodnight. Babe!

Jackasses!

I bet he's a smoker.

Goodnight.

I bet he's banging her.

Thank God for yoga.

Really?

It keeps me zen, calms my urges.

What urges?

-Like throwing Astrid overboard.
-They can hear you!

Sorry,
it must have been a rough evening.

You seemed distant. Detached.

My friends are hard work.

I see.

I wonder if this trip
was a good idea.

Give them time to adjust.

45 years isn't long enough?

They kept mentioning Charlotte.

That's normal.
I thought they took it well.

Except for Astrid, but...

You're a little blunt:
"Here's my new girl, deal with it."

The problem with old friends
is you only see their flaws.

Ask me why we're friends,
and I couldn't tell you.

-You love them.
-That's a given. I love them.

But they can be a real pain. Yikes!

And you... Do you love me?

Yes. More than you.

Really?

More than me? No way!

No, I looove you.

I looove you.

-I love you this much.
-No, I love you... this much.

-Are you OK?
-I'm fine!

-What's on your mind?
-A camel.

In a few weeks,
you'll be over the cravings.

And I'm here for you, honey.
I love you.

I know.

-Daphné's sweet.
-Very.

We must seem so old to her.

-Old?
-Me, I look the oldest.

Hey! Don't start with that.

Everyone needs ugly friends.

It raises self-esteem.

You may be balding,
but you're much sexier.

You're just flattering me.

No, I really think so.

Should we call the kids?

What for? Let them be.

I'm the one who needs attention.
Top bunk?

-No way.
-Yes.

No, it's too dangerous.

We're fine here.
Now put your hand on my...

Oh well say so!

-You OK?
-But, OK. I'm OK.

Did you hurt yourself?

Yeah, I bumped my head.

And there, too.

My goodness,
there's a lot of swelling!

I should never have come.

Another scene like tonight,
and I hop the first flight to NY!

I have work to do!
And your buddies...

I'd like to remind you,
they're not "my" buddies,

but "our" friends.

And that bitch.

She can put Marcus Aurelius
you know where!

What are you doing?

I'm trying to make love to my girl.

I guess it can't hurt.

Be quick about it, I'm beat.

Shut up!

Sure you don't need a hand?

Because I could have done that.

Relax.
He'll give you more important tasks.

Well?

-You've lost weight?
-No.

-You've gained weight?
-Not that either.

You slept badly.

Not much, but...

I bet it was Battistou's guitar.

I'll show him who's boss.

Battistou?

Yes?

I'd like to discuss...

What?

Your guitar.

You like music?

Yes! Yes, I'm a big...

We're big music fans.

That's right.

Music fans are sensitive people.

You're quite right,
we're very sensitive.

I come off as cold or unsympathetic.

Not at all!

But music makes me happy...

and brings out my soft side.

Then keep playing, Battistou.

Keep playing music.

-You showed him.
-What do you want?

-Sleep well?
-Not a lot, but well.

And the waves?

They were calming.

And Battistou's concert?

I loved it. I found it romantic.

-And the sea air...
-What about it?

I don't know...

The iodine, the salt, the wind.
Aphrodisiacs, I guess.

Gilles and me both.

No way!

I swear. All night.

On the bottom bunk, the top bunk,

in the shower...

No offense,
but I didn't see Gilles that way.

Gilles? Smoke-free, he's an animal.

-I'm exhausted.
-Really?

Forgive me for last night,
I had too much to drink.

As for Astrid...

She'll warm up.

It's not that big a deal.

It always takes her
a few days to adjust.

Today will be better.

Hey, Astridou! How about some coffee?

Did you sleep well?

-Does it hurt?
-A little, yeah.

It'll turn a hideous purple.

Laid bare, things reveal
their inner worthlessness.

Marcus Aurelius.

Look, Astrid...

I don't want us to ruin
each other's vacation.

We have two options:

clear the air,
or politely ignore each other.

Option 2.

I said a few days.

How old are your kids?

Boris is 17, and Lucas 24.
They're grown-up.

-You?
-What about me?

-Got any kids?
-No.

-Want them?
-Oh, yes!

You jackass!

Have a look!

Knowing what's down there
makes me worried.

Everything worries you!

I'm going fishing, what'll it be?

A lobster, a coffee, and the check.

Lobster, coffee, check.
Coming right up!

Be right back.

12 years old.

I think he looks happy.

With you, Carole,
it's all going swimmingly.

Was that papaya juice this morning?

I don't know. Why?

I have a food...

intolerance to papaya.

-It's not your day!
-I'll be fine!

Gilles?

Gilles?

-It disappeared.
-So what?

Have fun like me!

-Isn't this great?
-I've known worse.

We've been friends 50 years!

Do you realize?

We've come a long way.

Hey... I wanted to ask...

Yeah?

Battistou!

Battistou!

Battistou!

Crap!

-What's going on?
-The boat's too far away!

I can't swim to it.

-Are you OK, kitten?
-It's the papaya.

What the... Battistou!

Battistou, get over here!

I'm expecting a call!

Calm down, we're not in any danger.

Stay here. I'll swim to the boat,
and come back for you.

It's too far, Richard.

It's at least 700 yards.

So?

You may feel 20,
but your body knows better.

It won't make it that far!

I'll be back.

-Careful, babe.
-Don't worry.

Battistou, goddamnit!

Battistou!

Battistou!

Battistou!

Battistou!

Battistou!

What's going on?

Beauty and the Beast
are leaving us to die!

Maybe they're napping.

At 10 a.m?

Now that's my kind of nap!

We're gonna die!

Sounds like hypothermia.

Float on your back.

-Not at all.
-No, she should keep moving.

Should I move or not?

Something brushed my leg!

It's nothing... a piece of seaweed.

What's that over there?

Over there! It looks like... A fin.

No, no, no.

-The fin of a... shark?
-No, no.

It's coming toward us!

There are no Mediterranean sharks.
Except in shallow water.

-This is shallow!
-What do you know?

Astrid, it's not a shark, OK?

Are you sure, kitten?

From here it looks very shark-like.

Are you bleeding?

-They're drawn to blood.
-Get away or it'll eat us.

This is no time to panic.

When is a good time to panic?

Phil, your spear!

As soon as it's in view, use it!

It's useless, I'll hardly scratch it.

In that case,
let's make noise and scare it off.

It's my flipper! I lost it.

Very clever.

Here is the other one.

Stop the boat, please!

So Captain Richard...

-Aquafit class?
-Funny.

You forgot to tell me. Big mistake.

True, not a smart move.

And you went to sailing school?

Let's go.

Catalina's making coffee.
Full-bodied!

After you, Astrid.

I feel like he's mocking us.

No! He's kidding.

"Full-bodied"
because he's big and athletic.

Where were you? It's been an hour!

Bad news.

-What is it?
-Storm warning.

We'll take shelter in Capucci.

An island to the east.

Careful, Daphné!

-OK, kitten?
-What do you think?

She slipped.

-Oh.
-Fuck.

Go on, push harder.

I hate this goddamn boat!

Here.

-Thanks for helping!
-Whatever!

So what's tomorrow's agenda?

Jellyfish attack and kitchen fire?

This is no time to complain.

Why the long face?

There's a storm coming.

Crap!

I'll put away my flippers
and dry off.

Ever sailed through that?

It's just a little squall.

Go, bearing 110.

Bearing 110.

-You want?
-No, thanks.

Coffee.

And cookies to settle your stomach.

Sure, I love these little cookies.

-Ms. Astrid, coffee?
-Yes, please.

Thank you.

-Is your chin OK?
-It's rock solid.

Last year I hit it on a trunk,
and it was fine.

-Luck's not on your side.
-Nope.

Honey, the sea air agrees with you.

You look great.

Like a new man.

Think so?

Jeez, you're pale.

How about a snack?

What if I fixed you
a salami sandwich?

Or cheese?

Carole!
Thanks, but I'm fine right here.

I'm losing service.

It'll only get worse.

-Why do you say that?
-No reason.

We need help on deck! Let's go.

No, I got this.

These little apricots! Yum!

Having fun, Goldilocks?

I don't understand.

You don't? Oh, how adorable!

And if I bitch-slap you,
how about then?

Watch out.

Shit.

Go on, landlubbers!

Let's see some sweat!

I hope it's not me he's barking at.

Don't take it personally.

No egos in sailing.
It's about efficiency.

Capt'n Richard!
Faster! Crank that winch!

?missing dual speaker Efficiency!

Mr. Philippe!

Come with me.

Sorry, the boss is calling.

Crank, lazy ass!

Crank, crank...

-Who wants a cookie? Richard?
-No.

Philippe, a cookie?

Put a lid on it, Carole!

Yes?

I was there 10 years ago.
It was hard. Very hard.

I even smoked Q-tips once.

The patch works best.

Want one?

No thanks, I... I'll manage.

They all say that.

We need you on deck.
It's getting worse.

Oh?

Crap, crap! The toilet's clogged.

For fuck's sake!

Are you OK, kitten?

Guess she doesn't have her sea legs.

She should eat, she'd feel better.

-The toilet won't flush.
-What?

The shitter's clogged!

What did you do?

Someone didn't follow instructions.

It wasn't me!

This can't be happening!
I have no service!

I demand that
whoever clogged the toilet

confess immediately.

If not Daphné, who?

Take over, Carole.

Thanks!

Why not Daphné?

It's not like her.

It couldn't be her.

She doesn't pee?

-Hey, watch it!
-Calm down.

We have to get back!

Go ahead then. Call a cab!

I have no service!

How will you survive?

Don't start.

Go flirt with Goldilocks.
I'm expecting an important call!

All your calls are important!

If you played with him half the time
you played with your phone,

he wouldn't hit on cooks.

-You whined to them your friends!
-OK, do as you always do.

Then do what you always do,
call your paralegal

and have a quickie at the Ritz.

What? Didn't everyone know?

Excuse me, I'm new so...

What, should I stay home
building bookshelves?

You were right.

Next time don't come.

The worst is I still believe in us.

I meant this to be fun,
to bring us closer.

But you're not here.
You're never here!

What do you want? To leave me?

Then say it.
Say you don't love me anymore!

Say it!

Guys, guys...

Enough out of you!

Eat your cookies and shut up!

Don't talk to her like that.

You sure as hell don't.

-What's that mean?
-You're a loser!

She's bored stiff.

That's why she eats so much!

My God, you're dull.
A corpse is more fun than you!

You're already dead!

Now, kids...

-Cut it out!
-Astrid, stop!

Talk!

-Get off me!
-Break it up!

-Let her go.
-I'll kill her!

Stop it, my kids.

Stop! Both of you.

You don't fucking talk to me
like that! Bitch!

Let's talk! I beg you.

Stop.

Bitch.

Fuck.

What did you do?

Grab the halyard!

-Grab!
-Grab the halyard!

Watch out, Battistou!

He weighs a ton.

Careful. Easy does it.

-Where do we put him?
-In your cabin.

-Why ours?
-It's closer.

Smaller, too.

Put him in mine.

Battistou!

What's wrong? What happened?

-What happened?
-Let go, dammit!

Don't worry, your lover will be OK.

He's my brother! It's all your fault.

You morons
have no business on a boat!

Insult me all you want,
but please step aside!

Back off now, Catalina.

Watch it!

What the hell was that for?

So that's not OK? Screw this!

Let's keep moving.

-Slowly slowly.
-Warning!

Gently.

-Watch out!
-No, you watch out!

Let's not bump his head again.

Attention.

You think he'll wake up?

-Is it serious?
-No, he's tough.

Right, Daphné?

Shit.

The Scolapasta here, do you copy?

-Come in.
-Oh shit.

This is...

Is he operable?

I'm an ophthalmologist...

I can dress his wound.

There's no cause for alarm.
Help's on the way.

What was a spear
doing lodged in my radio?

Mind explaining that?

How should I know?

We'll see later.

Just wondering, who's driving?

Secure the boom.

-The thing that fell?
-Raise it again.

Come on!

Keep going!

-Secure the line.
-OK.

Good, come.

Is this the right direction?

She's right.
Shouldn't we go that way?

No. We were headed south.

Well, it's not that way.

We'll lie low till it blows over.

Where exactly?

Battistou mentioned an island...

-"Cap" something.
-Well that's a relief.

I'm going inside, if that's OK.

Take the helm.

Lucky dog!

-We should talk.
-Feeling better?

It's Battistou.
He's still unconscious.

What can we do?
There's no phone, no radio.

After the storm,
we'll hospitalize him.

You don't get it.
A hemorrhage could be fatal.

Richard, did you hear me?

Yes, I heard you.

Astrid, open up for God's sake!

In port, to disembark.

Do us a favor and disembark now!

I heard that!

What good is drinking
a bottle of rum?

You hate it, you can't stomach it.

Why not?

We hate and still stomach each other.

That's not what I meant!

-Astrid, open up!
-No!

Turn, turn! Steer into the waves.

Steer into the waves.

Into the waves?

They're everywhere!

The big ones, honey. Those, there!

I'd like to see you try.

What do you think?

That my job is easy?

Being a woman in a man's world?

You think it's easy?

If I don't strike first, they will.

You wouldn't believe those assholes!

It's a pissing contest.

"Look, we're men!"

I have no choice.
I have to squeeze and squeeze hard.

"Ouch, it hurts."
Damn right it hurts!

Of course they hate me.

But I have no choice.

"Yeah, go men!"

GPS!

Where the hell's
the fucking GPS manual?

G-P-fucking-S!

G-P-fucking... manual.... GPS...

Here it is! GPS!

But the print's tiny and in English!

How is he?

Stable. How should I know?

Is Gilles alone?

What do you want?
We have to find the island!

Are you deaf, Richard?

We're all going to die!

No! No one's going to die!

It's in English!

What do you want me to do?

Bad seat, huh?

They're all bad seats.

Is Gilles at the helm?

-I'm Gilles!
-Then who is?

-Carole.
-Does she know how?

She has her moped license.

It's official, we're doomed.

-Anyone speak English?
-Astrid.

-Fuck off!
-Good idea.

You're not driving a Prius!

This rocks!

And it's not that hard.

It'd be nice to know
where we're going though.

The waves are getting bigger!
Awesome!

Shit!

Nothing but water!

Did you find it?

Yeah, there it is.

There.

It's here.

The Isle of Capucci.

Isn't that it, there?

There's definitely an island there.

Yeah... like I said... Over there.

Reverse engines.

That's enough.

Did you secure the anchor?

Soon as it clears, we go back out.

Don't worry, Richard.

Are we safe?

We're away from the wind and rocks.

It's bumpy, but we're safe!

If the wind changes?

We'll go to the other side
of the island.

Come eat! Carole made pasta.

I'm not hungry.

Is the guitar necessary?

Maybe it'll wake him up.

Anyway, it can't hurt.

-What now?
-What now? It's pretty obvious.

We can't go out in a storm.

We have to leave now, rain or shine.

I agree with Daphné.

Me too! Screw this stupid trip!

Do you realize? Force 10 winds.

Know what Force 10 means?
It means war.

Frankly, you're no army.

Hey, wake up!

There's a dying man aboard.

If he dies, we'll all be responsible.

It's criminal.

So I'm for leaving now.

You'd risk seven lives, to save one?

Sorry, babe. You're my guest.

It's my boat. On my boat, I decide.

Oh brother, "My boat...
my woman, my dick..." It's pathetic.

We agree for once.

Truth is, you're old.

You're afraid because you're old.

Three old farts.

Shut up or I'll feed you that guitar.

What?

Three flaccid old dicks. Right baby?

I'll kill her, Ms. CEO!

-I'll kill her!
-Richard, stop!

So I'm the rich bastard

who lets Battistou die,

who pays for everything,
but who everyone hates?

Ax the ax. Put it down!

-Sit down!
-Careful.

Not one of you thanked me.
Except Ms. Cookie.

Would it kill you to say thanks?

No, that'd be too easy.

You'd rather poke fun and criticize.

I shouldn't be surprised.
It's not new.

It's been going on for 50 years.

You're just here to get a tan

and try to bang the cook!

But I know why you never say thanks.

Because you're jealous!

You're all jealous!

-Richard, gimme the ax.
-It's my ax!

I hate this goddamn boat! I hate it!

I hate it!

I hate you!

I hate all of you!

You should probably
go talk to him now.

She's right. Go on.

Are you jealous?

Of course.

Always have been.
He's good at everything.

It's hard not to be jealous.

Can't deny he's talented.

Talented, smart, funny...

-And generous.
-Very generous.

See his fiancée? A real knockout.

You bet.

I'm not sure the sea air
agrees with her.

True,
she doesn't look so fresh anymore.

I worry she'll lose her looks.

But ashore, she was fine.

If you don't talk,
we're gonna say it.

-The unlucky word?
-Exactly.

-Rabb...
-I'm sorry.

Say again?

I apologize
for what happened just now.

I dunno what came over me.

Do you realize that, in 50 years,
that's your first apology?

The first.

Not even when you put
paint in my shampoo.

Actually that was me.

No!

You think I've become
a bitter old man, that it?

Because you won't save Gilligan?

I can change. I'm sure of it.

But Charlotte... She's lost hope,
she says it's too late.

That's why she... She left me.

-Charlotte?
-Right.

What? She left you?

Yes.

Three old farts.

-Shall we go back inside?
-Yes.

I had a breakdown.

That's why I didn't call
for six months.

At the hospital
they said it was burnout,

that things could only get better.

Why were you at the hospital?

I got my stomach pumped.

Don't worry, I'm fine now.

Why didn't you tell us?

I just did.

But why didn't you call us?

I did! You were swamped,

you couldn't meet,
you were gonna call back,

and you forgot.

We had a lunch date
and you canceled twice.

After that it was over,
it was too late.

I'm sorry.

Don't be! You didn't know.

It's normal, we each have our lives.

Ever wonder who'd croak first?

-Good God!
-I think about it a lot.

I can't imagine us being separated.

Let's hang out more.

And I disagree with you.
We have lots to look forward to.

Like braving a storm
to save a guy's life.

Are you serious?

Yeah. I want to be a hero for once.

Can it be done?

We may have a slight chance
if the weather improves.

In that case, even slighter.

Keep it coming!

OK, stop.

You trained five years for this?

3 1/2 months.

We're heeling to port!

What do we do?

Lower the sail or we'll capsize!

Carole says less sail,
or we'll capsize!

It's stuck.

-The furler!
-What?

The furler is jammed.

I'll go.

Don't go!

Come back!

That's it! He unjammed it!

C'mon, Gilles, keep cranking.

He did it, Astrid!

Philippe!

-Holy shit!
-No.

Astrid!

-Philippe!
-Philippe!

-Pull! Pull!
-Attach your clip.

Hang on.

Philippe!

Hold on!

Hang on!

Keep pulling!

Pull!

Philippe!

He's OK!

We did it!

You OK, Daphné?

No one's on the bridge. Should I go?

No, I set the autopilot,
all we can do is wait.

When you organize a vacation,
you don't skimp on activities.

Sailing,
shark hunting, ax technique...

I am...

I'm glad... I'm glad you're here.

OK.

Shit!

Are we out of fuel?

-That's right. Bingo.
-No.

Good, I thought it was serious.

I have something to confess.

I clogged the toilet.

I misread the instructions.

I must've pumped the wrong way.

The radio was my fault, I slipped.

I knew it.

I slept with Gianfranco.

-I thought he was gay.
-So did I.

I shaved off my mustache.

So that's it!

I kept thinking...

-It's great.
-Great.

-There is something...
-Much better.

-Does it rejuvenate me?
-No.

What's that noise?

You made the right choice.

No. We all did.

I have service! I have service!
I have service!

-We are over here!
-Over here.

Over here!

Catalina?

Catalina is fine, just fine.

She's in the chopper.

And the boat?

The boat's great! Terrific!

It weathered the storm.

-My guitar?
-The guitar is fine!

A little out of tune, but fine.

Dunno about you,

but it's my first rescue.

Worth celebrating, isn't it?

Shit.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just a little leak.

Well? What are you doing?

Nothing.
Just a little leak from the ax.

We just have to seal it.

It's not working!

Wait! Try this!

Gimme a sock or something.

The suitcase is empty!

I'll figure it out.

Oh crap! Oh crap! I can't!

We're sinking!

Stand aside. Lemme try a pillow.

Bad idea, kitten.

Just apply pressure.

She's right.

-You OK, kitten?
-What do you think!

How about a Corsican villa next year?

-Yeah! Sounds great!
-Good.

It's stable and grounded! Good idea.

First half of July?

No, you're busy the first half.

Oh really?

We're getting married.

Yes.

We're not out of the woods yet.

Don't worry. I'm here.

Philippe!
Are you naturally this stupid?

You can't talk to him like that!

We're re-sinking.

-What do we do?
-Start bailing.

It went off by itself.

Relax, bunny rabbit.