Encino Man (1992) - full transcript
Stoney and Dave find a caveman (Link) trapped in ice, thaw him out, and show him around town. Although Link is slow to catch on to basic concepts of 20th century life, he has no trouble impressing all the girls and helping Stoney and Dave find the coolness they've been searching for.
[RUMBLING]
AAAH!
AAAH!
AAAH!
AAAAAAH!
[CAR ALARM WAILS,
DOG BARKING]
I HATE THOSE THINGS.
* OOH OOH OOH OOH
* OOH OOH OOH OOH
* REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND
OF MINE *
* MAYBE WHY IS THE QUESTION
THAT'S ON YOUR MIND *
* BUT REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY
USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND
OF MINE *
* PLEASE DON'T ASK ME
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY *
* BUT REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* I USED TO BE FRIENDS
WITH REALITY *
* SHE USED TO BE A PAL
REAL CLOSE TO ME *
* WHEN SHE TRIED TO HIDE FROM ME
WHAT WAS IN STORE... *
[HOWLING]
Woman: WILL YOU PUT
THAT BACK?
PUT THAT BACK.
HEY.
I JUST WASHED
ALL THIS STUFF.
IT'S MY GEAR.
SORRY, MAN.
WHAT'S MY MOM
SCREAMING ABOUT?
SHE'S BUMMED BECAUSE
I SNAKED HER LAST BAGEL.
GRAB A SHOVEL,
MAN.
NO. I JUST WANT
TO MUNCH.
FINE. IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO HELP,
THAT'S JUST FINE.
YOU KNOW,
THIS IS A TOTAL
WASTE OF TIME.
DAVE, BE MORE
OF A GEEK.
THERE'S NO WAY
YOU'RE GOING
TO THE PROM.
YOU'RE A DISEASE,
AND NO ONE WILL EVER SWIM
IN THIS STUPID POOL.
LATER.
LOOK, DAVID, PLEASE
DO ME A FAVOR AND
STRESS LESS, BRO.
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER, BUDDY.
GET INTO IT.
WE'RE LOSERS.
I'VE DECIDED
SOMETHING, STONEY.
I WANT TO LOOK BACK
ON MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER
AND THINK
THAT I STARTED SLOWLY,
BUT I FINISHED STRONG.
I MEAN, HIGH SCHOOL'S
ALMOST OVER, AND I DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.
I KNOW. ME NEITHER.
DUDE, YOU SHOULD BE
STOKED, THOUGH,
'CAUSE YOU GOT THROUGH
THE LAST 4 YEARS
WITHOUT THE FULL-ON
MELON TWEAKAGE.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
I MEAN, I WANT MY OWN PAGE
IN THE YEARBOOK.
JUMP OFF THE GYM,
SPLATTER ON THE STREET,
AND GO FOR THE COVER.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
I'M NOT GOING DOWN
AS THIS GEEK KID
FROM ENCINO.
WHEN I FINISH THIS POOL,
I'M GONNA HAVE THE KILLER
PARTY AFTER THE PROM.
I'M GONNA BE THE PROM KING,
AND I'M GONNA GRADUATE
A LEGEND.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?
OH. WELL, YOU'LL
BE THERE, TOO.
THANKS. BUT
ROBYN SWEENEY, BRO,
SHE'S NOT GOING
TO THE PROM WITH YOU.
I WISH SHE WOULD,
BUT SHE'S REALLY NOT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
ROBYN SWEENEY
IS MINE.
SHE'S BECOME A MAJOR BABE
AND SHE LOVES ME.
SHE FINDS YOU
CRUSTY, DAVE.
I'LL CONVINCE HER.
SHE'LL SEE THE TRUTH.
TRUTH IS, BRO,
LIFE'S ABOUT GREASIN'
THE 'DO BACK, BUDDY,
AND WEAZIN'
ON THE BUFFEST, MAN.
HIGH SCHOOL WAS
INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT?
BUT IT WAS KIND OF LIKE
A HARSH RIDE.
WE'RE GOING ON
TO BIGGER AND BETTER
THINGS, BUDDY.
STONEY, I AM ON TO
BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.
COUNT ON IT.
* WON'T TAKE A MINUTE
* WON'T TAKE LONG
* SO GET ON IN IT...
Stoney: AAY! OWWW!
AAY!
WHOA. HEY,
WHAT'S UP?
I'M THE STONEY
CRUSTY DUDE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I GOT A MOP ON TOP.
EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU PLEASE MOVE?
ME AND
MY FRIEND DAVID
ARE COMING THROUGH.
HEY, THERE'S ROBYN.
OH, HEY, ROBYN!
OWW-WOO!
FOUR-WHEELIN'
OVER THE BERMS.
LOOK, DAVE, YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO JUST
MELLOW OUT, BRO,
ON THIS WHOLE
ROBYN THING.
SHE ALWAYS
SHINES YOU, BRO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE HAVE HISTORY.
YOU HAD PRE-FRESHMAN HISTORY.
YOU COULD HAVE HAD HER
BACK THEN, MAN.
SHE HADN'T HIT
BABEHOOD YET.
MILK DOES A BODY GOOD, HUH?
CHECK HER.
SHE'S CLEAN, BUDDY,
AND HE'S GOT HER.
MATT WILSON?
I MEAN, WHAT A JERK.
WHAT DOES SHE SEE
IN HIM ANYWAY?
WELL, HE'S GOT THE BUFF SPIKES
CHILLIN' ON TOP OF HIS MELON,
OBVIOUSLY, RIGHT?
DUDE, HE'S CHECKING
HER CHEEKS. OH!
HE'S GOT THE SERIOUS BEAK
AND HIS OWN PERSONAL...
HOLDING COMPANY,
FULL OF FUNDAGE, BRO,
THAT HE WEAZES OFF
OF MA...
JOR.
18-INCH BIs.
MINE ARE ONLY 4.
BUT BESIDES THAT.
HE WALKS LIKE THIS,
RIGHT?
JUST LIKE THIS, RIGHT?
[BELL RINGS]
[KIDS TALKING]
HEY, MATT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
QUIET, PLEASE.
SETTLE DOWN. QUIET.
WE'RE GOING TO START
THIS WEEK'S CLASS
SAME PLACE
WE ENDED LAST WEEK'S CLASS,
AND THAT'S TALKING ABOUT
PREHISTORIC MAN IN THE WHAT?
PREHISTORIC MAN
IN THE...?
OH, STONEY.
ICE AGE?
YES, ICE AGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, WHY DO WE CALL IT
THE ICE AGE?
BECAUSE THERE WAS
A LOT OF ICE AROUND.
WHAT DO WE CALL THESE
BIG CHUNKS OF ICE?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
THOSE HUGE SLABS OF ICE?
WHAT DO WE CALL THEM?
GLACIERS.
RIGHT. YOU ARE
PAYING ATTENTION.
THAT'S GOOD.
NOW, THESE GLACIERS,
AS THEY MOVED DOWN
OUR WAY,
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
THEY'RE SO HEAVY AND
SO COLD AND SO THICK
THAT THEY FREEZE
THE GROUNDWATER
UNDERNEATH THEM
AND THEY FORM
UNDERGROUND...
GLACIERS.
RIGHT. NOW,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SOME SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT
THERE ARE ACTUAL UNDERGROUND
GLACIAL MOVEMENTS
STILL IN THIS PART
OF THE WORLD.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK
THAT IS, CLASS?
Students: LAME!
EXACTLY.
LISTEN. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT
MOST OF THIS HEMISPHERE--
INCLUDING THE GROUND
THAT I'M WALKING ON--
ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER
ICE AT SOME POINT,
SO, I GUESS FINDING SOMETHING
FROZEN, DUG UP HERE OR THERE,
WOULDN'T BE THAT UNCOMMON
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
SO, MOVING RIGHT ALONG
ON YOUR JOURNEY OF KNOWLEDGE,
LET ME SHOW YOU CRO-MAGNON MAN,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
HE'S DOPE.
I'D GO OUT WITH HIM.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T THINK SO, ELLA.
YOU SEE, CRO-MAGNON MAN,
EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT
BAD-LOOKING--
YOU KNOW, HE'S STANDING
UPRIGHT AND ALL--
HE WAS EXTREMELY BRUTAL,
SO HE JUST TOOK WHATEVER
HE WANTED,
AND THAT INCLUDED
HIS WOMEN.
THAT'S BARBARIC.
INDEED.
STONE.
STONEY!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
HEY!
COME ON,
CHECK THIS OUT.
FEEL THE GROUND,
MAN.
WHOA. BUDDY,
IT'S CHILLIN'.
IT'S NOT LIKE
CHILLIN' CHILLIN'.
BRO, IT IS CHILLIN'.
I KNOW. IT'S COLD.
[BLOWS]
HELP ME.
CHECK IT, BUDDY.
OH, BUDDY.
I KNOW
WHAT THIS IS, BRO.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL.
NO WAY!
HEY. COME ON, DAVID.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.
WHAT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL?
A MUSTERIAN BOWL
FROM THE MUSTERIAN ERA.
PREHISTORIC ARTIFACTS
FOR 500, ALEX.
DON'T YOU EVER
WATCH JEOPARDY!?
HEY, THIS IS KIND OF LIKE
PREHISTORIC TUPPERWARE, BRO.
IT'S STILL PRESERVED.
LIKE SMUCKER'S.
AAAAH!
[BARKING]
EARTHQUAKE. EARTHQUAKE!
EARTHQUAKE!
AAH!
OH, GOD. OH, GOD.
NICE SAVE, DAVE-AGE!
STONE?
YEAH.
THERE'S A GUY
BURIED IN MY POOL.
AAH!
AAH!
HELLO, FRED?
OH, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.
ARE YOU AVAILABLE
FOR A MEETING
SOMETIME THIS WEEK?
MRS. MORGAN!
MOM! MOM!
[BOTH YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
WELL, WE'RE THINKING
ABOUT STARTING A CENTER
FOR THE HOMELESS,
AND, UH...EXCUSE ME.
MOM, HELP!
I'M WORKING.
SO, ANYWAY, CAROL...
YOU KNOW,
THEY NEVER FOUND
JOE LARSEN.
YEAH, OR JIMMY HOFFA.
OR JIMMY MAHONEY.
HE WAS A KID I KNEW
IN CUB SCOUTS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THEY NEVER
FOUND THEM.
DUDE, I KNOW
WHAT THIS IS.
WHAT?
IT'S A CAVE MAN.
PLEASE.
I'M SERIOUS.
NO WAY.
WHOA.
A CAVE MAN.
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
COULD MEAN FOR US?
THIS COULD MEAN FAME
OR MONEY...
OR POPULARITY.
FAR TOO MUCH
RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ME.
ANYWAYS,
I'M ALREADY POPULAR.
YEAH. YOU TRAVEL
IN LARGE GROUPS OF ONE,
STONEY.
BESIDES, THIS IS MY
ONE CHANCE TO MAKE
SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME
DIG HIM OUT.
YOU WERE HERE.
YOU'RE PART OF IT.
I DON'T WANT TO BE
PART OF ANYTHING, DAVE.
I'M HAPPY JUST TO BE ME.
IT COULD MEAN MONEY.
YOU TELLING ME
YOU COULDN'T USE
A NEW SCOOTER?
SOME NEW BELL-BOTTOMS?
A LITTLE FUN-DAGE?
WEAZE SOME OLDER NUGS
WITH A MANSION AND A POOL?
SOAKING UP THE RAYS...
WATCHING ALL THE JEOPARDY!
YOU CAN HANDLE?
THAT WAS
THE CLINCHER, BRO.
EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICE.
COME ON.
[MOTOR RUNNING]
[DOG BARKING]
STEADY IT!
MORE GAS! MORE GAS!
HOLD!
THIS THING
WEIGHS A TON.
AHH...
HEY, THERE'S
HIS PITS, BRO.
THAT'S HIS HEAD.
THAT'S HIS SKULL.
[SNORES]
AH! GET OFF ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I DON'T LIKE
MORNINGS.
OW. COME ON,
LET'S GET UP.
HE'S STILL IN HERE.
NO KIDDING, DAVE.
HE'S AN ICE CUBE.
WE GOT TO THAW HIM OUT.
OK.
[EXHALING]
THIS HAS GOT TO BE
OUR SECRET, OK, STONE?
YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY.
NOBODY.
CAN I TELL
STEVE KOOZER?
NO ONE, ALL RIGHT?
NOBODY.
OK.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
NO ONE.
YEAH. ZIP.
THANK YOU.
A DEE DOO DAH.
Robyn: THIS IS
KIND OF NICE.
HI, ROB.
HI, DAVE.
GUESS WHAT
I FOUND.
A LIFE?
NO. COME HERE.
GUESS WHAT I FOUND.
I DON'T KNOW.
GUESS, GUESS.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
[WHISPERING]
I FOUND A CAVE MAN.
A CAVE MAN?
SHH! YEAH.
OH, DAVE.
YOU'RE DROWNING.
IT'S COOL, RIGHT?
I FOUND A CAVE MAN.
ALL BY MYSELF.
I DUG HIM OUT
OF MY BACK YARD.
YOU WANT TO COME
CHECK HIM OUT
AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, UH...
I'M ONLY INVITING
A FEW PEOPLE.
I GOT THAT
PROM THING,
YOU KNOW.
10 MINUTES.
PLEASE?
DAVE, I JUST...
DON'T THINK
I'M READY
TO HANDLE A...
A CAVE MAN.
YOU'RE NOT?
ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
BYE, DAVID.
[SIGHS]
I LOVE IT WHEN
SHE CALLS ME DAVID.
HELLO, DAVID.
UGH.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
YEAH. I GOT A DATE
WITH YOUR MOM.
THAT'S NOT NICE.
IT WAS A JOKE.
I'M SORRY. JUST KIDDING.
AAH!
AAH!
YOU'VE BEEN A HEADACHE
EVER SINCE THE THIRD GRADE.
I KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUPID
PROM-KING BULLSHIT.
FORGET IT.
ROBYN WOULDN'T PISS
ON YOUR GUMS
IF YOUR TEETH
WERE ON FIRE.
YES, SHE WOULD.
HA HA. SHUSH!
HUSH, PLEASE.
SHOWING YOUR IGNORANCE
AGAIN, MORGAN.
SOME OF US PUMP...
AND SOME OF US SLUMP.
YOU SHOULD TRY
SOME PUMP, MORGAN.
MIGHT CLEAR UP
YOUR ACNE.
YOU'RE SO--
AM I?
NO. STOP.
STOP IT.
WHY DO YOU MAKE ME
DO THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU WRITING?
HEY, WHAT DID YOU WRITE?
MATT--
NOT THE FIRE ALARM!
MATT! MATT!
MATT! OH, GOD.
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
HEY, COME HERE.
OH, HA HA HA.
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[CRASH]
AAAH!
[WOOF WOOF]
WOOF WOOF!
[HELICOPTER]
AAH!
HAH!
AAH!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
HMM.
[SPITTING]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[COUGHING]
[MOTOR REVVING]
AAH! AAH!
[SCREAMING]
[HORN HONKS]
AAH!
WHOA. OHH.
UHH.
I'LL BE BACK.
[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]
[SONG ENDS]
[DANCE SONG BEGINS]
HE MELTED.
DAVE, IT JUST WASN'T
MEANT TO HAPPEN,
ALL RIGHT?
COME ON.
I'LL GO BUY YOU
SOME HO-HOs.
COME ON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE MELTED.
BORIS!
[ALARM BUZZING]
AAH!
AAH!
[CRASHING]
WHAT THE--
[THUMP]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HE'S ALIVE!
HE WAS PRACTICALLY
AN ICE CUBE...PRACTICALLY.
I SAY WE JUST WALK.
NO. NO WAY.
HE IS OURS.
HE IS OURS.
WE FOUND HIM.
WHAT?
BE HOSPITABLE.
[CREAKING]
[SNIFFING]
UHH. AAH!
AAH!
[GRUNTS]
HOW YOU DOING?
HI.
MY NAME IS DAVE.
AAH!
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
INTRODUCE YOURSELF.
THIS IS STONEY.
STONEY--HE'S
MY FRIEND.
UH...THIS IS MY ROOM.
AAH!
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
[GRUNTING]
UH...
WE'RE FROM ENCINO.
IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
AND WE HOPE
YOU DON'T GNAW
ON OUR BEAKS.
SHH! I KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING, STONE.
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
WE GO TO HIGH SCHOOL.
HIGH SCHOOL?
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS.
I KNOW.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT A ROOM IS.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT ANYTHING IS.
LOOK, JUST BE
CALM AND EASY.
CALM...
AND EASY.
YEAH.
HI.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
[RING]
AAH!
AAH!
GET THE PHONE!
OK. OK.
[GRUNTING]
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
SEE? I THINK
HE'S CALMING DOWN.
CALMING...DOWN.
[TELEPHONE BEEPING]
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HUH?
FIRE.
HA HA.
FLAME-AGE.
BUDDY, HE'S INTO IT.
THAT WAS KILL,
STONE.
LOOK
AT HIS EYES.
BUDDY, HE LIKES
THE BLUE PART.
HE'S GLOSSY EYED.
LOOK. FREAK HIM OUT.
OW!
OW! OH!
UHH!
OK. AH..AH...AH!
HA HA HA!
GIVE IT TO HIM.
GIVE IT TO HIM.
[GRUNTING]
HERE. HERE.
HERE.
YOU GOT TO TEACH HIM.
AHH! OHH!
[GRUNTING]
AH. OHH.
HA HA HA!
HEY!
NO.
NO?
WHAT? DID
YOU JUST--
I THINK HE JUST
SAID "NO."
NO.
NO?
NO. NO.
NO.
NO.
COOL, BUDDY.
HE IS SO GREASY.
GREASY?
HE'S A PREHISTORIC
PYROMANIAC.
WE GOT TO
TEACH HIM STUFF.
WE'LL TEACH HIM
HOW TO WEAZE.
NO.
NO.
NO!
NO!
OH, GOD.
WE GOT TO TEACH HIM
HOW TO BE NORMAL.
NO. UH-UH.
WE'RE GOING PSYCHO
WITH HIM, BRO.
THAT'S BORING, DUDE--
NORMAL.
STONEY, COME ON,
MAN, HANG WITH ME.
WE GOT TO JUST PLAY
THIS THING OUT,
ALL RIGHT?
IF WE TELL ANYONE,
IF ANYONE SEES HIM,
THEY'LL TAKE HIM
AWAY FROM US,
ALL RIGHT?
AND THEN THEY'LL
CUT HIM UP INTO
LITTLE PIECES,
AND THEY'LL TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT,
AND WE'LL
STILL BE GEEKS.
I'M NOT A GEEK.
I'M A UNIQUE WEASEL,
DAVID.
[CLICKING TONGUE]
I'M JUST UNDERRATED
BECAUSE I LIVE HERE
IN ENCINO.
BUD...
BUDDY...
OWWW!
OK? HE NEEDS
A BATH...BIG TIME.
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY LOVE *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE
* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY SHIRT *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT
* SO SEXY, IT HURTS
* AND I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MILAN *
* TOO SEXY FOR MILAN,
NEW YORK, AND JAPAN *
[GRUNTING]
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR YOUR PARTY *
* TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY
* THE WAY
I'M DISCO DANCING *
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY LOVE *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE
* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME
* AND I'M TOO SEXY
FOR THIS SONG *
STANDING "O"!
[WHISTLES]
DUDE, IF I HAD A BIC,
BRO, RIGHT HERE.
DON'T FREAK HIM OUT.
OK. LET'S SHOW HIM
HIMSELF.
OK. HERE, LOOK.
YOU WANT TO SEE
YOUR MUG, BUD?
CHECK IT.
AAH!
DUDE. BUDDY, YOU
SHOULD BE WITH
YOUR MUG, BRO.
YOU LOOK BUFF.
RIGHT?
HEY, CAN YOU
SAY BU...
UFF?
BU...UFF?
HA HA HA!
I LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW,
YOU PAUSED, TOO.
WE GOT TO GIVE HIM
A COOL NAME.
AXL. YEAH, BUDDY.
NO. COME ON.
NOT AXL.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
I MEAN, WE'VE GOT
THE MISSING LINK
STANDING
IN MY BEDROOM.
LINK!
LINK! WE'LL
CALL HIM LINK!
OK, COOL. LOOK, DAVID,
I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE COULD CALL HIM
STONEY NUMBER 2
BECAUSE HE'S GOT
MY SAME 'DO
AND HE'S FROM
THE STONE AGE.
I LIKE LINK
BETTER.
OK. WE'LL
CALL HIM LINK,
BUT CAN I CALL HIM
LINKAGE?
COOL.
COOL.
LET'S SEE
HOW SMART HE IS.
WHOA!
OK.
OK.
YOU OK? OK.
UH...UH...
LOOK.
SEE?
HUH? AHH...
WHOA!
WHOA!
AAH! AAH!
OHH. AHH.
OK. OK.
UM...LINK.
LINK.
NO.
YOU'RE LINK.
I'M DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE. DAVE.
NO. DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE.
DAVE.
YES!
HA HA HA!
OK. AND THAT'S...
THAT'S...
STONEY.
MM-HMM.
STONEY.
NO. NO. STONEY.
STONEY.
YES!
HA HA HA!
OK. OK. OK.
NOW...
YOU...ARE...
DAVE. HA!
NO, NO, NO.
I'M DAVE.
YOU ARE...
BUFF.
OH...
NO.
[HORN HONKING]
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE HAD
A HARD DAY.
IT'S OK.
YOUR PARENTS!
MY PARENTS!
AAH!
OK. UH...UH...
TAKE HIM OUT BACK
AND RING THE DOORBELL
3 TIMES, OK?
BUT, DAVE--
NO BUTS.
JUST DO IT!
LOOK. FOLLOW THE WEASEL,
LINKAGE.
COME ON.
COME ON, BUD.
COME ON. COME ON.
LINK, QUICK.
[CRASH]
MY KITCHEN!
AAH!
BUSTED.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M COOKING DINNER.
YOU'RE WHAT?
BUSTED.
I'M COOKING DINNER
FOR YOU GUYS.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE
A NICE SURPRISE.
THEY'RE SURPRISED,
ALL RIGHT.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHERE'S THE FLOUR?
I CAN'T FIND THE FLOUR.
HELLO, STANLEY.
WHO IS THIS
STRANGE BOY,
AND WHY IS
HE RINGING
MY DOORBELL?
IT GOT STUCK, SIR.
COME IN.
MEET YOUR NEW FAMILY.
WHAT? WHAT?
WHOSE FAMILY?
[BARKING]
BORIS, GET DOWN.
BORIS. BORIS, GET DOWN.
[BORIS BARKING]
AAH!
BORIS,
GO OUTSIDE.
HEY, DAD.
DAVID,
WHO IS THAT?
THAT? WHO'S THAT?
THAT WAS
LINKAVITCH...
CHOMOFSKY, MOM.
WHAT?
LINK...LINKAVITCH.
DOESN'T ANYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE
LISTEN
TO ANYTHING I SAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING--
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
DAD. LINKAVITCH
CHOMOFSKY.
OUR EXCHANGE
STUDENT? HE'S HERE.
YEAH. HE'S
GOING TO HELP US
DIG THE POOL.
YEAH.
WHY DOES NONE
OF THIS SOUND
FAMILIAR TO ME?
I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THIS MONTHS AGO.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
ABOUT SCHOOL GIVING US
EXTRA CREDIT FOR COLLEGE
FOR HOUSING
EXCHANGE STUDENTS
AND LEARNING ABOUT
THEIR CULTURE AND JUNK,
AND YOU SAID IT WAS OK.
NOW YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE IT BACK?
NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GOING
TO TAKE IT BACK.
THIS IS
IMPORTANT TO ME.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
BESIDES, IT'S EMBARRASSING.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL THE GUY?
HE TRAVELED HERE
ALL THE WAY FROM...
I DON'T KNOW.
ESTONIA?
YEAH. ESTONIA.
MOM, COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT
BUYING THIS.
DAD!
WELL...
ACTUALLY...
I--I THINK NOW THAT--
I--I DO RECALL SOMETHING...
SOMETHING ABOUT...
YOU SEE?
SEE? IT'S ABOUT
FOCUSING.
YOU'RE BOGUS.
LARRY.
HOW COULD I
FORGET SOMETHING
LIKE THIS?
THERE'S AN
EXCHANGE STUDENT
WHO'S GOING
TO BE STAYING
IN OUR HOUSE...
HOW COULD YOU HAVE
FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME
IN THE THIRD GRADE?
I SPENT THE ENTIRE
NIGHT AFTER THE PLAY
IN THE PARKING LOT.
IN THE SIXTH GRADE,
DO YOU REMEMBER,
THE SOCCER DUES--
OK. WHERE IS HE
GOING TO STAY, AND...
AND WHY IS HE...
WHY IS HE ATTACKING
THE DOG?
HE'S GOING TO STAY
IN MY ROOM,
AND HE'S NOT
ATTACKING THE DOG.
HE'S BONDING.
AS IF.
SHUT UP!
YOU SHUT UP.
NO. EVERYBODY
SHUT UP.
LARRY, LARRY.
I'M FINE. I'M TIRED.
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY.
I THINK IT'S TIME
WE DECIDE WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO MAKE FOR DINNER.
STANLEY, I ASSUME
YOU'LL BE JOINING US?
YOU ASSUME
CORRECTLY, MR. M.
WELL, WE PRACTICALLY FEED
THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WHY NOT PART
OF ESTONIA AS WELL, HUH?
I ALWAYS EAT HERE,
AND I LIKE YOUR FOOD.
GREAT.
[RINGING DOORBELL]
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
NO. NO.
NO.
[DING DONG]
Dave: I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU TOLD MY PARENTS
HE'S FROM ESTONIA.
Stoney:
COW PAJAMAS, BUDDY.
THOSE ARE
KIND OF FLAMING.
OHH.
SOME BETTY, HUH?
BETTY.
MMM.
GONZAGAS.
GONZAGAS.
BUDDY, CONES.
[MOANING]
I KNOW YOU'VE HAD
A BIG DAY, PAL,
BUT TOMORROW,
I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU
SOMEPLACE
REALLY SPECIAL.
TACO BELL.
BETTER.
GET THE CAMERA, STONE.
HA HA.
CONGRATULATIONS,
LINK.
YOU'RE GOING
TO BE A SENIOR.
SMILE.
AAH!
UHH!
* WILD THING
* YOU MAKE MY HEART SING
* YOU MAKE EVERYTHING
GROOVY *
* WILD THING
UHH!
NO. HE DOESN'T
LIKE THAT.
THAT'S GLASS.
THAT HURTS
YOUR BEAK, RIGHT?
STAND UP STRAIGHT.
POOR STONE-AGER.
HE SPENT
A MILLION YEARS
CHILLIN' IN
A BLOCK OF ICE.
NOW HE'S GOT TO GO
TO HIGH SCHOOL. UCK!
WHO'S THAT GUY
WITH THE DORK SQUAD?
OH, MY GOD.
HE IS TOTALLY RUDE.
TOTALLY.
WE HAVE GOT
A MAJOR FIND HERE.
THIS GUY IS
OUR TICKET TO FAME
AND POPULARITY.
ALL WE GOT TO DO
IS GET HIM ENROLLED
IN SCHOOL,
AND HE'LL HELP US
BECOME POPULAR.
HEY, THAT'S HARSH.
WE'LL MAKE HIM
FAMOUS.
WE'LL TEACH HIM
SOME STUPID
PET TRICKS
AND GET HIM
ON LETTERMAN.
YOU'RE WEAZIN'
OFF HIS GIG.
OH, PLEASE.
HE'S A CAVE MAN,
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
I MEAN,
LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S PRACTICALLY
A MONKEY.
COME HERE.
AHH.
WE FOUND HIM.
WE CAN DO
WHATEVER WE WANT
WITH HIM.
WE, WE, WE.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU, YOU, YOU.
I JUST WANT TO
BE HIS FRIEND.
FINE.
HELLO, MRS. MACKEY.
FINE.
AND WHAT DO
WE HAVE HERE?
HI, STEVE KOOZER.
OK. GOT HIM COVERED
UP TO FOURTH PERIOD.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH HIM
AFTER THAT.
I CAN TAKE HIM
TO SPANISH, IF YOU WANT.
I'LL BE COOL, MAN.
I PROMISE.
OK.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
LINK, BE CAREFUL!
UH...UH...
HEY, LINK,
HOW'S YOUR MELON, BUD?
[SNIFFING]
WHOA.
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
[GRUNTING]
WHOA.
HA HA HA!
LINK.
IS THIS DUDE
TOTALLY FUNDAMENTAL
OR WHAT?
DID YOU MISS ME?
ALWAYS.
WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS
MY FRIEND LINK.
HE'S STAYING WITH US
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HE'S FROM ESTONIA.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
THIS GUY...
IS STAYING
WITH YOU GUYS?
MM-HMM.
AHH...
YEAH. HE'S THINKING OF
BECOMING A HAIRDRESSER,
ACTUALLY.
DESIGNING CRUSTY MOPS
FOR THE RICH
AND THE FAMOUS,
LITTLE ONE.
UHH. GONZAGAS.
NO!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
BYE, ROB.
I THINK HE WAS SAYING
HE LIKES YOUR CONES.
I'M THRILLED.
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OW!
ROBYN, THAT IMPORT
IS MINE.
THIS IS JUST IN TIME
FOR PROM.
IS HE FINE OR WHAT?
I'M NOT SURE.
HE'S A LOOKER.
HA HA.
LINK. LINK!
LINK, PLEASE.
COME SIT DOWN.
[GRUNTING]
WHO IS THIS
DIPSHIT, ANYWAY?
HIS NAME'S LINK.
HE'S FROM ESTONIA,
AND I THINK HE'S JIVE.
JIVE. YEAH.
YOU DO?
HELL, YEAH.
AND I'M NOT
THE ONLY ONE.
HEY...LINK!
[COUGHING]
[BELL RINGS]
Dave: FIFTH PERIOD.
WATCH HIM.
ALL RIGHT,
DAVE-AGE.
BUDDY, WE GOT
SPANISH NOW.
SPANISH IS
LIKE GUACAMOLE,
CHIPS AND SALSA.
LA DÃ
THE DAY IS BEAUTIFUL.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
SORRY, YOU GUYS.
WHOA, MAN!
[LAUGHING]
REPITAN
EN ESPAÑOL.
THE CHEESE
IS OLD AND MOLDY.
[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]
WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?
¿DONDE ESTA
EL SANITARIO?
[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]
Teacher: GOOD. GOOD.
ONCE AGAIN.
YOU'RE CUTE.
CUTE.
MEET ME AT BLADES
TONIGHT.
BLADES TONIGHT.
YES?
YOU CAN DROP HIM OFF
IN FRONT OF BLADES
TONIGHT, RIGHT?
OH, UM, CAN
DAVID AND I GO,
TOO, PLEASE?
UCK. YOU SMELL.
HE-HEY, SEÑORITA!
THAT HURT MY LOBES!
I DIDN'T DO IT.
THEY STARTED IT.
KASHMIR,
RAJNISH,
HOW MANY MINUTES FOR
THE BURRITO AGAIN?
Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.
Rajnish: ONE MINUTE.
ONE AND A HALF.
AHH! MAKE UP
YOUR MELONS!
AHH.
IS IT ONE OR 2?
ONE AND A HALF
MINUTES.
OK.
OK, MY FRIEND.
TRY AND EXPERIENCE
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO
CHIRP IN YOUR LOBES.
OK, COOL?
UHH.
TODAY, BUDDY,
WE'RE GOING TO
DISCUSS GRINDAGE--
HOW TO FILL THE FURNACE,
PACK THE CHEEKS,
AND STUFF THE GILLS. OK?
YOU'RE PROBABLY USED
TO EATING TWIGS, RIGHT?
BUT OUT HERE
IN THE U.S. OF A., BUDDY,
WE GOT SOMETHING CALLED
THE 4 BASIC FOOD GROUPS.
AND, LINK, THIS IS NOT
ONE OF THEM.
OH.
LOOK AT WHAT
WE HAVE HERE.
DAIRY GROUP.
MILK DUDS.
YOU HIDE THESE
UNDER YOUR PILLOW, BRO,
SO YOUR MOM
DOESN'T FIND THEM.
IF SHE DOES,
YOU'RE TWEAKED, BUDDY.
KEEP ON CRUISIN'.
FRUIT GROUP.
SWEETTARTS.
THESE ARE KILLER, BUDDY.
SO CITRUSY, DUDE,
YOU'LL FREAK.
KEEP ON CRUISIN'.
UH-HUH.
RIGHT. THIS IS
THE VEGETABLE GROUP.
VEGETABLE GROUP.
CORN NUTS. PUT THEM
ON A PEDESTAL, BRO.
LOOK AT THAT. YEAH.
THOSE ARE KILL, HUH?
[MICROWAVE DINGS]
MEAT GROUP!
COME ON, LINK.
THE MEAT GROUP.
THESE ARE MY FAVORITE.
AHH.
HEY--HEY!
YOU GOT TO BE EQUAL.
EQUAL.
SO 50-50. HERE.
MMM.
MMM.
[SPITTING]
EW!
FIGURES.
HOT ON THE OUTSIDE,
ICICLE
IN THE MIDDLE.
Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.
BUT YOU LIKE THAT,
RIGHT, BECAUSE
YOU'RE A CAVE MAN.
COOL, BUDDY.
THE BEVERAGE.
ICEE, BRO.
THIS IS WHAT PUT
THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
MR. STONEY? NO.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS HERE.
LEAVE NOW. NOW.
YOU MUST LEAVE NOW.
PLEASE.
LOOK, KASHMIR,
RAJNISH, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST CHILL?
NO BUDS CHILL.
LINK AND I
ARE CRUISIN'
THE MOUNTAIN, BRO,
AND WE FIGURED
WE'D WEAZE
A LITTLE JU-ICE.
NO WEAZING THE JU-ICE.
WEAZE THE JUICE.
NO, NO, NO WEAZING
THE JUICE!
NO WEAZING THE JUICE!
HEY! HEY!
DUDE.
CHILL, BUDS.
NO BUDS CHILL.
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OK. JUST CHILL.
I'LL BE BACK.
NO BUDS CHILL.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OH, MY GOD, NO!
WAIT, STOP!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OWWW!
HERE WE GO!
WHOO!
WHOO!
WAS THAT THE HOTTEST
OR WHAT, BRO?
ARE YOU INTO IT?
* JOY TO THE FISHES
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA *
* JOY TO YOU AND ME
STOP! STOP!
WHERE DID YOU GO?
YOU JUST TOOK OFF
AFTER SCHOOL.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN?
YOU SOUND LIKE
MY MOM.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME.
WHAT'S ON HIS NOSE?
JUST CHILL, BECAUSE
YOU KNOW WHY?
LINK AND I HAD
A STONEY TIME
AT THE MOUNTAIN.
YOU TOOK HIM
TO MEGAMOUNTAIN?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
THEY'RE
RIDING THE VAPOR
IN REVERSE.
THEY ARE? OH, COOL.
CHECK OUT THE FRESH NUGS,
WEAZIN' THE JUICE.
OWWW!
OWWW!
BUDDY.
BUDDY.
CHECK OUT MY CAT. OWWW!
OH, MY GOD.
YOU GOT HIM TALKING
LIKE YOU NOW.
OWWW!
OWWW!
GEE, LINK, THAT
IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
IS IT OLD?
[GAGS]
YOU KNOW, MR. M.,
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
SOMEDAY YOUR DAUGHTER
AND I COULD BE MARRIED,
AND WE COULD BE RELATED.
I COUNT THE DAYS.
SO, STANLEY,
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
SHE'S REALLY BUMMED.
CAN YOU PASS THE PEAS?
SURE.
THANKS.
MR. MORGAN,
IF YOU'RE EDGED
BECAUSE I'M WEAZIN'
ON YOUR GRINDAGE,
JUST CHILL
BECAUSE IF I HAD
THE WHOLE BRADY BUNCH THING
HAPPENING AT MY PAD,
I'D GO GRIND OVER THERE,
SO DON'T TAX MY GIG
SO HARD-CORE, CRUSTER.
ENGLISH, STANLEY.
SPEAK ENGLISH.
DAD!
LINK, HONEY, HOW
WAS YOUR DAY?
HOW ARE
YOU ADJUSTING?
HE'S DOING
JUST GREAT.
WE GOT HIM ENROLLED
IN ALL HIS CLASSES.
DIDN'T WE, PAL?
YEAH.
A SUCCESS.
[FLY BUZZING]
WHAT'S UP?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY,
MOM?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT'S HE DOING?
I THINK
HE'S TRACKING A FLY.
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* 'CAUSE YOU BELONG
TO MY FRIEND LINK *
GOOD CATCH.
[BUZZING]
[GULP]
MEAT GROUP.
[SNIFFING]
HE'S INTO MUNCHING,
TOO, YOU KNOW?
BLADES--FINALLY
PART OF THE ELITE.
HOW COOL ARE WE?
WE'RE COOL.
DAVID, I EVEN SHOWERED, BRO.
CHECK OUT MY--
DUDE, I GOT THE RADDEST
DEODORANT ON, BUDDY.
TAKE A WHIFF, BUD.
DUDE, SMELL.
* OH, NO
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
LINK. HEY.
I AM SO GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
HON, LOSE THE GEEK SQUAD.
THEY'RE BAD FOR YOUR DEAL.
BLADES.
HIGHWAY PATROL,
BARNEYS INCOMING.
GET 'EM.
GOT 'EM.
HEY, ROB--
OH!
GOOD.
GOOD.
THAT WAS NOT COOL AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HURT
HIS PANCREAS.
I LIKE THE KETCHUP
AND MUSTARD.
VERY AVANT-GARDE.
WHOA.
IS THAT ME?
BETTY.
BETTY.
BETTY?
BETTY NUGS.
BETTY NUGS.
ROBYN, DON'T FORGET.
WE'VE BEEN
NAKED TOGETHER.
NICE BODY.
REMEMBER WHEN
WE WERE TOGETHER?
DID YOU SHOW THIS
TO ANYONE?
NO.
THAT'S YOUR COPY.
YOU CAN SHOW
ANYONE YOU WANT.
THANKS, DAVE.
OH, I GET IT.
THIS IS
YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND
IN ESTONIA
OR SOMETHING.
DO YOU MISS HER?
BECAUSE
I CAN TELL YOU
FROM EXPERIENCE,
LONG-DISTANCE
RELATIONSHIPS
NEVER WORK OUT.
OH.
ESTONIA IS A LONG WAYS
AWAY, LINK...
AND I'M RIGHT HERE.
SO LET'S WORK
ON CHANGING YOUR MIND...
RAD MOBILE.
RAD MOBILE.
WHOA.
RAD MOBILE.
OR NOT.
YOU JUST THINK I'M BAD
FOR YOUR ACT. THAT'S ALL.
RIGHT. AND YOU THINK
I'M GOOD FOR YOURS.
WHAT?
MATT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE.
HA HA! WHOA!
WHOA!
OH!
AAH!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
ARE YOU DEAF, DORK?
DIDN'T I FORBID YOU
TO SPEAK TO HER?
AAH!
THAT'S ALL, LINK.
IT'S OVER.
Robyn: MATT!
Stoney:
END OF STORY.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
AAH!
Link: WEAZE
THE JUICE!
HEY!
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
OH, GOD!
Man: FIGHT! FIGHT!
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I DON'T LIKE YOU.
AS OF NOW,
I'M ALL OVER YOU.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
THE NEW KID,
HE TOOK IT.
WHOA.
WHOA.
DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
DO SOMETHING.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
HIT HIM BACK.
LINK, HIT HIM BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF YOUR BULGARIAN
DORK-BUD, NOW, HMM?
THAT WAS HARSH,
MATT.
LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE.
THE STENCH OF LOSERS
IS DOING DAMAGE
TO MY SINUSES.
JUST STOP IT, MATT.
JUST DON'T EVEN
COME NEAR ME.
HEY, WATCH IT.
YOU KNOW,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS?
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
I NEED IT ANYMORE.
HEY!
CAN'T BELIEVE
HE GOT NAILED.
HE'S A PACIFIST.
A PACIFIST
CAVE MAN?
YOU'RE MENTAL.
CAVE MANS AREN'T
LIKE US, DAVE.
THEY FOUGHT FOR FOOD
AND SURVIVAL.
THEY DID NOT FIGHT
FOR POPULARITY.
WHAT WOULD HE
BE FIGHTING FOR?
FOR FACE. FOR US.
TO BE COOL.
COOL, HUH?
HE DOES NOT KNOW
WHAT COOL IS, DAVE.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHERE HE IS.
HE KNOWS NOTHING.
HE'S GOT TO LEARN
HOW TO DEFEND HIMSELF.
AGAINST WHAT?
AGAINST BUTTHOLES
LIKE MATT.
COME ON. COME ON.
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
TV: OH, AIRPLANE SPIN.
GOING ROUND AND ROUND.
Dave: LINK, STOP!
HEY, STOP!
* KNOCK YOU OUT
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
* KNOCK YOU OUT,
MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT *
HEY! HEY! HEY!
HEY, LINK! AAH!
PUT ME DOWN, LINK!
AAH!
* KNOCK YOU OUT
Stoney: OW. MY PANCREAS.
[BELL RINGS]
HEY, LOOK.
HEY, DUDE, MAN.
YOU TOOK IT
FROM WILSON.
NO ONE'S EVER
DONE THAT BEFORE
AND SURVIVED.
YE HEE HEE WHOO!
OH, MAN.
MMM.
WHOO!
LINK! GET BACK HERE!
OH, MY GOD.
HE'S SO...
* MATTIE TOLD HATTIE
* ABOUT A THING SHE SAW
* HAD TWO BIG ARMS
* AND A WOOLLY JAW
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY *
HEY.
HOME SLICE.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
WE'LL SEE YOU
IN MR. ALBERT'S
CLASS, HUH?
SLICEY.
HELLO, LITTLE ONE.
WE TOOK A VOTE,
AND THE COMPUTER
CLUB FEELS
YOUR PRESENCE WILL
BE A VALUABLE ASSET
TO OUR ORGANIZATION.
COMPUTER CLUB.
COMPUTER CLUB.
HOMEBOY.
WHY DOESN'T
THAT HAPPEN
WHEN MATT HITS ME?
GIVE YOURSELF A FEW
MILLION YEARS, DAVID.
BEAUTIFUL ORANGE SKIRT
YOU HAVE.
THAT'S A NICE
BELL-BOTTOM OUTFIT
YOU HAVE.
LINK. LINK. LINK.
GET DOWN. GET DOWN.
ALL RIGHT. HEY.
NO. I WAS JUST PLAYING.
I WAS JUST PLAYING.
ALL RIGHT, CRO-MAGNON MAN--
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT HERE, CLASS,
IS A REPRESENTATION
OF WHAT CRO-MAGNON MAN'S
EVERYDAY LIFE
MAY HAVE BEEN LIKE.
IF HE WAS HERE TODAY,
YOU COULD SIT NEXT TO HIM
ON A BUS,
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.
WE'RE GOING TO LOOK
AT THE GIANT SLOTH.
[ROARS]
[SCREECHES]
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
UHH!
[SCREECHES]
AAH!
CLASS,
THIS IS SABERTOOTH CAT.
EVEN THOUGH
HE'S BEEN EXTINCT
FOR WELL OVER 10,000 YEARS,
WHILE HE WAS ALIVE
YOU CAN IMAGINE
THAT MANY A CAVEMAN
WAS A TASTY MEAL
TO ONE OF THESE.
Link: AAH!
THERE'S ONE NOW.
LET'S GO LOOK
AT THE MAMMOTH DISPLAY,
OUR SCHOOL MASCOT.
COME ON.
LOOK OUT!
WHOA!
[BLOWING]
LINK, GET OUT
FROM THERE.
AAH!
LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S FLIPPING OUT.
HE KNOWS, DAVE.
WHAT?
HE KNOWS.
HE KNOWS WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM.
WE HAVE TO
HELP HIM.
LINK.
LINK.
LINK.
OW.
LINK.
HEY.
STOP IT.
LOOK.
HEY, I UNDERSTAND.
FAMILY.
FAMILY.
FAMILY.
YOU OK?
IT'S OK. LOOK, WE'RE
YOUR NEW FAMILY, MAN.
WE'RE YOUR NEW FAMILY.
IT'S OK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE'S BURNT FROM ALL THIS.
SEEING AS WE STARTED
THE SCHOOL YEAR
AS TOTAL LOSERS
AND NOW EVERYONE
KNOWS WHO WE ARE,
I DON'T THINK
ONE MISTAKE IS
SUCH A BIG DEAL.
YOU'RE DOGGIN' HIM, DAVE.
JUST PROMISE ME
JUST A LITTLE MORE MELLOW?
NOT SO MUCH?
STONEY.
DAVE.
ALL RIGHT.
IF IT'LL MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER,
I'LL BE MORE MELLOW
WITH HIM.
OK, ROBYN SWEENEY.
HERE.
AGAIN?
I JUST CAN'T QUITE GET
THAT PARALLEL-PARKING THING.
WHOA. WHOA.
PARALLEL PARKING
IS NOT A THING.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S NOT A FEELING,
IT'S NOT
A STATE OF MIND,
AND IT'S NOT
ONE OF YOUR
DISCO DANCES.
NOW GET IN THE CAR,
AND DON'T TAKE IT
PERSONALLY.
OK, MR. BEADY.
LINKAVITCH CHOMOFSKY.
OOH. OOH.
WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?
GET INSIDE THE CAR.
I CAN SHOOT
YOUR BARBER.
WITH HEMINGWAY'S
THE SUN ALSO RISES
WHERE THE BLOOD SPORT
OF BULLFIGHTING IS USED...
UH-OH.
OH, GOD!
RAD MOBILE!
RAD MOBILE!
BOYS, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
MELLOW, DAVE.
THIS ISN'T MELLOW.
LINK! LINK!
DAVE.
WATCH THE PEOPLE!
GRAB THE WHEEL!
HEY! COME ON!
TELL HIM TO STOP!
OK. STOP.
DIDN'T PHASE HIM, BRO.
ALL RIGHT, LINK,
JOKE'S OVER. STOP.
HEY.
STOP THAT CAR,
YOUNG MAN.
NO, LINK! BOTH HANDS
ON THE WHEEL!
WHO WAS THAT?
WHO WAS THAT?
A CAR! A CAR!
AAH!
CLOSE CALL, BUDDY.
HEY, BUDDY.
HI, ROB.
HI, DAVE.
RED LIGHT!
AAH!
BOOM! THERE HE WAS UP
ON TWO WHEELS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
I DON'T TEACH THAT.
I GOT THE LICENSE
PLATE NUMBER.
IT'S E684257.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
I LEFT THE KEYS
IN THE IGNITION, DO YOU?
OW!
I THINK HE'S GOT
THE HANG OF IT.
WELL, THAT CONCLUDES
OUR PARALLEL PARKING
FOR TODAY.
CLASS DISMISSED.
Robyn: LINK,
I THINK YOU JUST
FAILED DRIVER'S ED.
HEY, LINK, WAIT UP.
WHERE ARE WE?
GREAT.
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
HOLA, MI AMIGOS.
IS IT OK
IF I JUST CHILL
UPON HERE?
ODALé.
AMIGO, HUH?
YOU WANT
TO BE A MAN, éSE?
UH, EVENTUALLY,
YEAH,
BUT I'M ALMOST
THERE. LOOK.
LOOK AT MY PATCH,
BRO.
WHOA.
WHOA.
MACHO.
THIS IS TEQUILA, RIGHT?
HMM.
WAIT, WHERE'S THE WORM?
THE WORM'S
RIGHT THERE, éSE.
UH-UH. I'M A WEASEL.
[IMITATING WEASEL]
A WEASEL, EH?
YEAH.
YOU WANT TO BE A MAN,
WEASEL?
YOU WANT TO
BE A MAN, éSE?
THEN DRINK LIKE AN HOMBRE.
NO, I CAN'T.
NO. I'M NOT GONNA.
WHAT?
AAH! YOU GUYS!
IT'S DISRESPECTFUL,
WEASEL!
BE A MAN, éSE.
COME ON.
DRINK IT UP.
LET'S GO.
DRINK LIKE A MAN, éSE.
YOU CAN DO IT, éSE.
YOU CAN DO IT.
ANDALE!
[HOWLING]
COME ON!
OTRA! OTRA!
OTRA VEZ! OTRA VEZ!
OTRA VEZ! OTRA!
OK, OK, OK. STOP.
5 MORE, MAN.
[CHANTING] WEASEL! WEASEL!
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
[HOWLING]
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
WAIT, WAIT!
STOP, STOP!
DUDE, DO I HAVE
TO PAY FOR 'EM?
[HOWLING]
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
HEY.
HEY, STONE.
WHERE'S LINK?
DANCING.
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
COOL. LET'S GO.
LET'S GO DANCE.
NO. I'M NOT GOOD
AT DANCING.
DAVE, YOU ARE TOO UPTIGHT.
I JUST DON'T LIKE
TO DANCE.
HEY, WEASELS,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY. ENRIQUE, DAVE.
ENRIQUE.
HEY, MAN, YOU VATOS SEE
THAT MUCHACHA OVER THERE?
YOU SEE HER?
YOU SEE HER?
DON'T BE LOOKING
AT HER, MAN!
YOU SEE HER?
IF I SEE ANY MAN LOOKING
AT MY MUCHACHA,
THAT MAN WILL NO LONGER
BE RECOGNIZABLE AS A MAN.
NOW I WANT YOU VATOS
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,
ALL RIGHT?
SEE YOU LATER, WEASELS.
AHH.
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
EVERYWHERE *
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
* FEEL-FEEL-FEEL-FEEL
THE RHYTHM *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY *
CHOMOFSKY...CHOMOFSKY...
GOT IT.
CHOMOFSKY.
"RABIES, DISTEMPER,
FLEA DIP."
WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S A DOG LICENSE, MAN.
WHOA.
ANIMAL SHELTER.
WHAT ARE THE TWO BIGGEST
LOSERS IN SCHOOL HIDING?
A DOG?
IT'S NOT
HIS LICENSE.
MM-HMM.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
* YEAH
* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY
TURN ME ON *
* COME ON NOW, HON, YEAH
* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY
TURN ME ON *
* YOU DO, YOU DO
* AND WHEN, WHEN,
OH, WHEN YOU DO IT *
* UH, UH, UH, OH
* THAT'S MY SONG
* COME ON NOW, BABY, YEAH
* COME ON AND DO IT
TO ME PLEASE *
AAH!
* DO IT, LET'S DO IT
* HIP, HIP, HIP,
YOU DO IT *
* COME ON,
UH, UH, UH, OH *
* THAT'S MY SONG
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT *
* YOU'RE TURNING ME ON
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT *
* COME ON NOW,
LET'S DO A TWIRL *
* COME ON,
AND DO IT TO ME *
* COME ON,
LET'S DO A TWIRL *
YOU'RE RIGHT, éSE.
SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.
YEAH, THE VATO'S
GOT A POINT.
HEY, SHE AIN'T
WORTH IT, HOMES.
COME HERE, VATO.
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT **
POLICE.
INMIGRACIóN.
OH, GOD!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, SHIT.
STONE, STONE, LOOK.
TAKE ROBYN.
[BELCHES]
ROBYN, TAKE STONE.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
I'LL MEET UP
WITH YOU GUYS LATER.
ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.
LINK!
LINK!
LINK! LINK!
THE COPS ARE HERE.
GET DOWN. GET DOWN.
COME ON.
WE'RE GOING TO GET BUSTED.
YOU ARE BUSTED.
STONEY IS
THE CRUSTIEST VATO
I'VE EVER WITNESSED.
SO DON'T HARSH HIS GIG,
BUDDY.
OW!
OW!
OW!
BUDDY.
BYE, GUYS.
DRIVE SAFELY.
[HONKS HORN]
NICE ELEMENT YOU'RE
HANGING OUT WITH.
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS
IN THE LOWRIDER?
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,
MATT. GO HOME.
HUH.
WHAT TIME DO YOU WANT ME
TO PICK YOU UP
TOMORROW NIGHT?
IT'S THE PROM, REMEMBER?
YOU KNOW,
YOU ARE JUST LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE.
ALL YOU CARE ABOUT
IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
OH, IT'S REALLY PATHETIC.
HEY, WATCH IT.
MATT, I'M NOT GOING
TO THE PROM WITH YOU.
I WANT TO GO WITH SOMEBODY
WHO'S REALLY COOL,
WHO'S NOT AFRAID
OF BEING HIMSELF
OR HAVING FUN.
GOOD NIGHT.
WHO'S COOLER THAN ME?
YOUR PHONE CALL.
YOU GOT ONE.
MAKE IT QUICK.
THANKS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
MATTHEW WILSON.
HELLO.
ROBYN.
DAVE, DID YOU GUYS
GET AWAY OK?
WE'RE IN PRISON.
IT'S BEEN GREAT.
LOOK, THIS IS
MY ONE PHONE CALL,
AND I'M USING IT
TO ASK YOU
TO GO TO THE PROM
WITH ME.
SO JUST SAY YES.
NO.
WHY NOT?
I WANT TO GO WITH LINK.
WHAT?
LOOK, WILL YOU
JUST ASK LINK
IF HE'LL GO WITH ME?
YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER.
WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
DAVE.
HEY, DAVID!
HEY.
¿CóMO ESTá USTED
MUY BONITAS DE DIA?
HEY, WAIT. HOW WAS JAIL?
DID YOU MEET ANYONE?
HEY, WAIT! WAIT UP!
LOOK,
THINGS JUST DIDN'T
TURN OUT RIGHT.
I MEAN,
I DON'T WANT THEM
CUTTING YOU UP
INTO LITTLE PIECES
OR ANYTHING.
THIS IS JUST
WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
IT'S BEST FOR ME,
TOO, ALL RIGHT.
HERE.
FOR RAD MOBILE.
FOR RAD MOBILE.
YEAH. PUT THEM
IN YOUR POCKET.
DON'T LOOK
AT ME LIKE THAT.
THIS IS JUST THE WAY
IT'S GOT TO BE.
GO ON.
GET OUT OF HERE.
GO ON.
GO ON. LEAVE.
GO.
I'M SORRY.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
TALK TO ME, DAVE.
LET ME KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M LETTING HIM GO.
WHAT?
LOOK, I CAN'T
HANDLE HIM ANYMORE.
BESIDES,
HE'LL BE BETTER OFF
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.
NO, HE'S NOT, DAVE.
LISTEN TO ME.
CALL HIM BACK.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
CALL HIM BACK.
IT'S DONE, MAN.
I'M SERIOUS.
CALL HIM BACK.
THAT'S HARSH.
HE'S NOT
MY RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WHEEZED
OFF HIS GIG THE WHOLE TIME
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT MAYBE
IT'D GET YOU SOMEWHERE,
AND NOW THE GUY GETS
A LITTLE CRUSTY,
AND YOU'RE JUST
GOING TO BAG HIM.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS
WITH FRIENDS, MAN.
YOU DON'T
BAG YOUR FRIENDS
BECAUSE THEY GET
IN YOUR WAY,
NO MATTER WHAT.
YOU'VE ONLY CARED
ABOUT NUGS, CHILLIN',
AND GRINDAGE.
I HAPPEN TO CARE
RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S CONVENIENT.
YOU CAME ALONG
FOR THE RIDE,
AND YOU LET ME
DO THE DIRTY WORK
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
IT MIGHT WORK OUT
TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
THOSE ARE DESPERATE WORDS
OF A LOSER.
MAYBE MATT WILSON
WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.
TAKE THAT BACK,
STONEY.
NO, YOU TAKE IT BACK.
TAKE IT BACK!
YOU'RE A LOSER.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
FAMILY.
YOU CAN LET GO, LINK.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
IT'S OK.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT, STONE.
I'M SORRY ABOUT IT.
OW!
[RAP SONG PLAYING]
YOU LOOK GREAT.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YOU DESERVE IT.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SNIFFING]
IF YOU TOUCH HER...
SO YOU THINK
THEY'RE READY?
I DON'T KNOW.
DAVE!
DAVE, HEY.
HEY.
YOU'RE NOT READY.
I CAN'T GO.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
JUST TURN AROUND
AND GO UPSTAIRS,
PUT SOMETHING ON.
NO, REALLY, I CAN'T.
I'M ON PROBATION.
I'M GROUNDED.
HI, LINK.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU GUYS GO.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
COME ON. LET GO.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
COME ON.
DAVE, ARE YOU SURE?
GO.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
GO ON.
GET OUT OF HERE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
DRIVE SAFELY.
GOD, SHE SMELLS GOOD.
TO LINK.
MAY HE HAVE A COOL TIME
AT THE PROM.
TO LINKAGE.
THERE'S ALWAYS COLLEGE.
JUNIOR COLLEGE.
LINK, GET DOWN HERE.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
WHOA.
HA HA HA!
GOTCHA.
DAVE!
STONEY, COME ON.
UH-OH.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GIVE ME BACK
THOSE PICTURES.
NO.
HEY, COME BACK HERE.
THEY TOOK
THE POLAROIDS.
COME ON.
COME ON. THOSE
ARE OUR PICTURES.
AND IT'S UNANIMOUS.
THE VOTE FOR PROM KING
GOES TO--
WAIT!
WAIT!
WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO, MATT?
COME ON. STOP IT.
THIS IS OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?
YEAH.
YEAH.
AND WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW
IF SOMETHING BOGUS
IS GOING DOWN
IN OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
THIS HUMMER RIGHT HERE
IS TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE.
HIS NAME ISN'T
LINKOVITCH CHOMOFSKY,
AND HE'S NOT FROM ESTONIA.
MATT, WILL YOU JUST
STOP THIS ALREADY?
SHOOSH!
TRUST ME.
THEY'VE ALL BEEN LYING
TO US,
BUT I FOUND OUT.
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
THE TRUTH?
YEAH.
YEAH.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HE REALLY IS?
YEAH!
YEAH!
Girl:
WHAT'S THE SECRET?
HE'S A CAVEMAN.
NO. NO!
LOOK! HE'S A FREAK!
I GOT PICTURES.
NO!
LET ME SEE THOSE PICTURES.
GIVE ME BACK THOSE PICTURES.
GIVE ME THOSE.
NO.
DAVE!
HMM-MMM!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
FAG?
WHOA.
HEY.
HEY!
HEY!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
HEY!
WATCH, WATCH, WATCH.
UH-HUH.
SHOOSH!
OW!
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES TO BOOGIE
* WELL, YOU GOT
TO LET ME TELL YOU *
* ALL THE STORY
* OF A HOMETOWN BOY
AND HIS MONKEY *
* HE'S GOT THAT KIND
OF MONKEY *
* THAT THE GIRLS
WANT TO KNOW *
* HE LIKES
TO TAKE HIS MONKEY *
* EVERY PLACE THAT HE GOES
OW!
* TO FEED THE MONKEY
* DIDN'T YOU KNOW
WATCH THIS.
* A FUNKY MONKEY
* I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW
* HOW DID
HE GET SO HUNGRY? *
* I'D LIKE TO KNOW
* WOULD YOU
FEED MY MONKEY? *
* WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO
THE WILD THING? *
* MY MONKEY DON'T SCRATCH,
MY MONKEY DON'T BITE *
* MY MONKEY DON'T SWING
IN NO TREE *
* MY MONKEY DON'T CHILL,
MY MONKEY DON'T DROOL *
* MY MONKEY DON'T START
A THING *
* MY MONKEY DON'T FREAK,
MY MONKEY DON'T CARE *
* MY MONKEY
GONNA BE OK *
* YOU TELL MY MONKEY
YOU WANT TO EAT *
* THEN HE'LL TURN
INTO A BIG OLD APE **
[TARZAN YELL]
[HONKING HORN]
HEY, PARTY!
WHAT YOU DID
WAS PRETTY COOL.
WHO CARES ABOUT COOL
ANYWAY, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
WELL, THERE WAS ONE
REALLY COOL THING
I WANTED
TO SHOW YOU.
WHAT?
THIS.
OH, DAVE.
HEY, BUDDY.
[ALARM SOUNDING]
AAH!
AAH!
Stoney: IT'S YOUR CAVENUG.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
OW!
AAH!
YEAH!
OW!
OW!
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, BUDDY.
SHE IS SO GREASY.
DUH!
AAH. HEY.
OW!
I'LL BE BA-ACK.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
BUENA VISTA TELEVISION
OW! YEAH, STONERS!
WHAT'S UP, BRO?
WHOO!
PARTY FIESTA!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
* YOUR LITTLE WOMAN GOT
THAT LOOK IN HER EYES *
* WANNA CUT ME DOWN
TO SIZE *
* SHOW ME WHAT YOU
GONNA DO *
* IT'S TRUE
* WHO'S THAT GORILLA
STANDIN' BY YOUR SIDE? *
* OH, NO,
THAT MUST BE A RIDE *
* YOU WOULDN'T BE
WITH SUCH A FOOL *
* CALL YOUR MAMA, TOO
* THERE'S SOMETHIN' OVER
HERE I WANT YOU TO SEE *
* THERE'S A PARTY
* BUT IT ISN'T FOR FREE
* GET SOMETHIN' STRAIGHT
BETWEEN YOU AND ME *
* BECAUSE
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* WHOA, NO, NO
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* WHOA!
* HEARTBREAKER, YEAH,
YOU CAME FOR THE SHOW *
* BUT LITTLE DID YOU KNOW
* YOU'D END UP
IN THE SPOTLIGHT *
* WELL, ALL RIGHT
* COME ON, BABE,
WON'T YOU SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT *
* READY OR NOT
* I WANT TO
* HERE WE GO
* OH, NO!
* I'M MAKIN' PLANS
FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT *
* SO TELL YOUR FATHER
THAT HE BETTER NOT FIGHT *
* MY DOGS ARE BIGGER,
AND THEY'RE READY TO BITE *
* SO COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON *
* GIVE IT UP TONIGHT
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* WHOA, NO, NO!
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME
* WHOA, NO, NO!
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* YEAH
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN *
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN *
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN, BABY *
* OH, BUT SHE CAN'T COME
* WHOA!
AAAH!
AAAH!
AAAH!
AAAAAAH!
[CAR ALARM WAILS,
DOG BARKING]
I HATE THOSE THINGS.
* OOH OOH OOH OOH
* OOH OOH OOH OOH
* REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND
OF MINE *
* MAYBE WHY IS THE QUESTION
THAT'S ON YOUR MIND *
* BUT REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY
USED TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE *
* REALITY USED TO BE A FRIEND
OF MINE *
* PLEASE DON'T ASK ME
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY *
* BUT REALITY USED TO BE
A FRIEND OF MINE *
* I USED TO BE FRIENDS
WITH REALITY *
* SHE USED TO BE A PAL
REAL CLOSE TO ME *
* WHEN SHE TRIED TO HIDE FROM ME
WHAT WAS IN STORE... *
[HOWLING]
Woman: WILL YOU PUT
THAT BACK?
PUT THAT BACK.
HEY.
I JUST WASHED
ALL THIS STUFF.
IT'S MY GEAR.
SORRY, MAN.
WHAT'S MY MOM
SCREAMING ABOUT?
SHE'S BUMMED BECAUSE
I SNAKED HER LAST BAGEL.
GRAB A SHOVEL,
MAN.
NO. I JUST WANT
TO MUNCH.
FINE. IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO HELP,
THAT'S JUST FINE.
YOU KNOW,
THIS IS A TOTAL
WASTE OF TIME.
DAVE, BE MORE
OF A GEEK.
THERE'S NO WAY
YOU'RE GOING
TO THE PROM.
YOU'RE A DISEASE,
AND NO ONE WILL EVER SWIM
IN THIS STUPID POOL.
LATER.
LOOK, DAVID, PLEASE
DO ME A FAVOR AND
STRESS LESS, BRO.
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER, BUDDY.
GET INTO IT.
WE'RE LOSERS.
I'VE DECIDED
SOMETHING, STONEY.
I WANT TO LOOK BACK
ON MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER
AND THINK
THAT I STARTED SLOWLY,
BUT I FINISHED STRONG.
I MEAN, HIGH SCHOOL'S
ALMOST OVER, AND I DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOW FOR IT.
I KNOW. ME NEITHER.
DUDE, YOU SHOULD BE
STOKED, THOUGH,
'CAUSE YOU GOT THROUGH
THE LAST 4 YEARS
WITHOUT THE FULL-ON
MELON TWEAKAGE.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
I MEAN, I WANT MY OWN PAGE
IN THE YEARBOOK.
JUMP OFF THE GYM,
SPLATTER ON THE STREET,
AND GO FOR THE COVER.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
I'M NOT GOING DOWN
AS THIS GEEK KID
FROM ENCINO.
WHEN I FINISH THIS POOL,
I'M GONNA HAVE THE KILLER
PARTY AFTER THE PROM.
I'M GONNA BE THE PROM KING,
AND I'M GONNA GRADUATE
A LEGEND.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?
OH. WELL, YOU'LL
BE THERE, TOO.
THANKS. BUT
ROBYN SWEENEY, BRO,
SHE'S NOT GOING
TO THE PROM WITH YOU.
I WISH SHE WOULD,
BUT SHE'S REALLY NOT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
ROBYN SWEENEY
IS MINE.
SHE'S BECOME A MAJOR BABE
AND SHE LOVES ME.
SHE FINDS YOU
CRUSTY, DAVE.
I'LL CONVINCE HER.
SHE'LL SEE THE TRUTH.
TRUTH IS, BRO,
LIFE'S ABOUT GREASIN'
THE 'DO BACK, BUDDY,
AND WEAZIN'
ON THE BUFFEST, MAN.
HIGH SCHOOL WAS
INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT?
BUT IT WAS KIND OF LIKE
A HARSH RIDE.
WE'RE GOING ON
TO BIGGER AND BETTER
THINGS, BUDDY.
STONEY, I AM ON TO
BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.
COUNT ON IT.
* WON'T TAKE A MINUTE
* WON'T TAKE LONG
* SO GET ON IN IT...
Stoney: AAY! OWWW!
AAY!
WHOA. HEY,
WHAT'S UP?
I'M THE STONEY
CRUSTY DUDE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I GOT A MOP ON TOP.
EXCUSE ME.
CAN YOU PLEASE MOVE?
ME AND
MY FRIEND DAVID
ARE COMING THROUGH.
HEY, THERE'S ROBYN.
OH, HEY, ROBYN!
OWW-WOO!
FOUR-WHEELIN'
OVER THE BERMS.
LOOK, DAVE, YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO JUST
MELLOW OUT, BRO,
ON THIS WHOLE
ROBYN THING.
SHE ALWAYS
SHINES YOU, BRO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE HAVE HISTORY.
YOU HAD PRE-FRESHMAN HISTORY.
YOU COULD HAVE HAD HER
BACK THEN, MAN.
SHE HADN'T HIT
BABEHOOD YET.
MILK DOES A BODY GOOD, HUH?
CHECK HER.
SHE'S CLEAN, BUDDY,
AND HE'S GOT HER.
MATT WILSON?
I MEAN, WHAT A JERK.
WHAT DOES SHE SEE
IN HIM ANYWAY?
WELL, HE'S GOT THE BUFF SPIKES
CHILLIN' ON TOP OF HIS MELON,
OBVIOUSLY, RIGHT?
DUDE, HE'S CHECKING
HER CHEEKS. OH!
HE'S GOT THE SERIOUS BEAK
AND HIS OWN PERSONAL...
HOLDING COMPANY,
FULL OF FUNDAGE, BRO,
THAT HE WEAZES OFF
OF MA...
JOR.
18-INCH BIs.
MINE ARE ONLY 4.
BUT BESIDES THAT.
HE WALKS LIKE THIS,
RIGHT?
JUST LIKE THIS, RIGHT?
[BELL RINGS]
[KIDS TALKING]
HEY, MATT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
QUIET, PLEASE.
SETTLE DOWN. QUIET.
WE'RE GOING TO START
THIS WEEK'S CLASS
SAME PLACE
WE ENDED LAST WEEK'S CLASS,
AND THAT'S TALKING ABOUT
PREHISTORIC MAN IN THE WHAT?
PREHISTORIC MAN
IN THE...?
OH, STONEY.
ICE AGE?
YES, ICE AGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, WHY DO WE CALL IT
THE ICE AGE?
BECAUSE THERE WAS
A LOT OF ICE AROUND.
WHAT DO WE CALL THESE
BIG CHUNKS OF ICE?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
THOSE HUGE SLABS OF ICE?
WHAT DO WE CALL THEM?
GLACIERS.
RIGHT. YOU ARE
PAYING ATTENTION.
THAT'S GOOD.
NOW, THESE GLACIERS,
AS THEY MOVED DOWN
OUR WAY,
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
THEY'RE SO HEAVY AND
SO COLD AND SO THICK
THAT THEY FREEZE
THE GROUNDWATER
UNDERNEATH THEM
AND THEY FORM
UNDERGROUND...
GLACIERS.
RIGHT. NOW,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SOME SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT
THERE ARE ACTUAL UNDERGROUND
GLACIAL MOVEMENTS
STILL IN THIS PART
OF THE WORLD.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK
THAT IS, CLASS?
Students: LAME!
EXACTLY.
LISTEN. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT
MOST OF THIS HEMISPHERE--
INCLUDING THE GROUND
THAT I'M WALKING ON--
ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER
ICE AT SOME POINT,
SO, I GUESS FINDING SOMETHING
FROZEN, DUG UP HERE OR THERE,
WOULDN'T BE THAT UNCOMMON
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
SO, MOVING RIGHT ALONG
ON YOUR JOURNEY OF KNOWLEDGE,
LET ME SHOW YOU CRO-MAGNON MAN,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
HE'S DOPE.
I'D GO OUT WITH HIM.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T THINK SO, ELLA.
YOU SEE, CRO-MAGNON MAN,
EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT
BAD-LOOKING--
YOU KNOW, HE'S STANDING
UPRIGHT AND ALL--
HE WAS EXTREMELY BRUTAL,
SO HE JUST TOOK WHATEVER
HE WANTED,
AND THAT INCLUDED
HIS WOMEN.
THAT'S BARBARIC.
INDEED.
STONE.
STONEY!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
HEY!
COME ON,
CHECK THIS OUT.
FEEL THE GROUND,
MAN.
WHOA. BUDDY,
IT'S CHILLIN'.
IT'S NOT LIKE
CHILLIN' CHILLIN'.
BRO, IT IS CHILLIN'.
I KNOW. IT'S COLD.
[BLOWS]
HELP ME.
CHECK IT, BUDDY.
OH, BUDDY.
I KNOW
WHAT THIS IS, BRO.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL.
NO WAY!
HEY. COME ON, DAVID.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.
WHAT'S A MUSTERIAN BOWL?
A MUSTERIAN BOWL
FROM THE MUSTERIAN ERA.
PREHISTORIC ARTIFACTS
FOR 500, ALEX.
DON'T YOU EVER
WATCH JEOPARDY!?
HEY, THIS IS KIND OF LIKE
PREHISTORIC TUPPERWARE, BRO.
IT'S STILL PRESERVED.
LIKE SMUCKER'S.
AAAAH!
[BARKING]
EARTHQUAKE. EARTHQUAKE!
EARTHQUAKE!
AAH!
OH, GOD. OH, GOD.
NICE SAVE, DAVE-AGE!
STONE?
YEAH.
THERE'S A GUY
BURIED IN MY POOL.
AAH!
AAH!
HELLO, FRED?
OH, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.
ARE YOU AVAILABLE
FOR A MEETING
SOMETIME THIS WEEK?
MRS. MORGAN!
MOM! MOM!
[BOTH YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
WELL, WE'RE THINKING
ABOUT STARTING A CENTER
FOR THE HOMELESS,
AND, UH...EXCUSE ME.
MOM, HELP!
I'M WORKING.
SO, ANYWAY, CAROL...
YOU KNOW,
THEY NEVER FOUND
JOE LARSEN.
YEAH, OR JIMMY HOFFA.
OR JIMMY MAHONEY.
HE WAS A KID I KNEW
IN CUB SCOUTS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THEY NEVER
FOUND THEM.
DUDE, I KNOW
WHAT THIS IS.
WHAT?
IT'S A CAVE MAN.
PLEASE.
I'M SERIOUS.
NO WAY.
WHOA.
A CAVE MAN.
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
COULD MEAN FOR US?
THIS COULD MEAN FAME
OR MONEY...
OR POPULARITY.
FAR TOO MUCH
RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ME.
ANYWAYS,
I'M ALREADY POPULAR.
YEAH. YOU TRAVEL
IN LARGE GROUPS OF ONE,
STONEY.
BESIDES, THIS IS MY
ONE CHANCE TO MAKE
SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME
DIG HIM OUT.
YOU WERE HERE.
YOU'RE PART OF IT.
I DON'T WANT TO BE
PART OF ANYTHING, DAVE.
I'M HAPPY JUST TO BE ME.
IT COULD MEAN MONEY.
YOU TELLING ME
YOU COULDN'T USE
A NEW SCOOTER?
SOME NEW BELL-BOTTOMS?
A LITTLE FUN-DAGE?
WEAZE SOME OLDER NUGS
WITH A MANSION AND A POOL?
SOAKING UP THE RAYS...
WATCHING ALL THE JEOPARDY!
YOU CAN HANDLE?
THAT WAS
THE CLINCHER, BRO.
EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICE.
COME ON.
[MOTOR RUNNING]
[DOG BARKING]
STEADY IT!
MORE GAS! MORE GAS!
HOLD!
THIS THING
WEIGHS A TON.
AHH...
HEY, THERE'S
HIS PITS, BRO.
THAT'S HIS HEAD.
THAT'S HIS SKULL.
[SNORES]
AH! GET OFF ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I DON'T LIKE
MORNINGS.
OW. COME ON,
LET'S GET UP.
HE'S STILL IN HERE.
NO KIDDING, DAVE.
HE'S AN ICE CUBE.
WE GOT TO THAW HIM OUT.
OK.
[EXHALING]
THIS HAS GOT TO BE
OUR SECRET, OK, STONE?
YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY.
NOBODY.
CAN I TELL
STEVE KOOZER?
NO ONE, ALL RIGHT?
NOBODY.
OK.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
NO ONE.
YEAH. ZIP.
THANK YOU.
A DEE DOO DAH.
Robyn: THIS IS
KIND OF NICE.
HI, ROB.
HI, DAVE.
GUESS WHAT
I FOUND.
A LIFE?
NO. COME HERE.
GUESS WHAT I FOUND.
I DON'T KNOW.
GUESS, GUESS.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
[WHISPERING]
I FOUND A CAVE MAN.
A CAVE MAN?
SHH! YEAH.
OH, DAVE.
YOU'RE DROWNING.
IT'S COOL, RIGHT?
I FOUND A CAVE MAN.
ALL BY MYSELF.
I DUG HIM OUT
OF MY BACK YARD.
YOU WANT TO COME
CHECK HIM OUT
AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, UH...
I'M ONLY INVITING
A FEW PEOPLE.
I GOT THAT
PROM THING,
YOU KNOW.
10 MINUTES.
PLEASE?
DAVE, I JUST...
DON'T THINK
I'M READY
TO HANDLE A...
A CAVE MAN.
YOU'RE NOT?
ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
BYE, DAVID.
[SIGHS]
I LOVE IT WHEN
SHE CALLS ME DAVID.
HELLO, DAVID.
UGH.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
YEAH. I GOT A DATE
WITH YOUR MOM.
THAT'S NOT NICE.
IT WAS A JOKE.
I'M SORRY. JUST KIDDING.
AAH!
AAH!
YOU'VE BEEN A HEADACHE
EVER SINCE THE THIRD GRADE.
I KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUPID
PROM-KING BULLSHIT.
FORGET IT.
ROBYN WOULDN'T PISS
ON YOUR GUMS
IF YOUR TEETH
WERE ON FIRE.
YES, SHE WOULD.
HA HA. SHUSH!
HUSH, PLEASE.
SHOWING YOUR IGNORANCE
AGAIN, MORGAN.
SOME OF US PUMP...
AND SOME OF US SLUMP.
YOU SHOULD TRY
SOME PUMP, MORGAN.
MIGHT CLEAR UP
YOUR ACNE.
YOU'RE SO--
AM I?
NO. STOP.
STOP IT.
WHY DO YOU MAKE ME
DO THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU WRITING?
HEY, WHAT DID YOU WRITE?
MATT--
NOT THE FIRE ALARM!
MATT! MATT!
MATT! OH, GOD.
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
HEY, COME HERE.
OH, HA HA HA.
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[CRASH]
AAAH!
[WOOF WOOF]
WOOF WOOF!
[HELICOPTER]
AAH!
HAH!
AAH!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
HMM.
[SPITTING]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[COUGHING]
[MOTOR REVVING]
AAH! AAH!
[SCREAMING]
[HORN HONKS]
AAH!
WHOA. OHH.
UHH.
I'LL BE BACK.
[HEAVY METAL PLAYING]
[SONG ENDS]
[DANCE SONG BEGINS]
HE MELTED.
DAVE, IT JUST WASN'T
MEANT TO HAPPEN,
ALL RIGHT?
COME ON.
I'LL GO BUY YOU
SOME HO-HOs.
COME ON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE MELTED.
BORIS!
[ALARM BUZZING]
AAH!
AAH!
[CRASHING]
WHAT THE--
[THUMP]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HE'S ALIVE!
HE WAS PRACTICALLY
AN ICE CUBE...PRACTICALLY.
I SAY WE JUST WALK.
NO. NO WAY.
HE IS OURS.
HE IS OURS.
WE FOUND HIM.
WHAT?
BE HOSPITABLE.
[CREAKING]
[SNIFFING]
UHH. AAH!
AAH!
[GRUNTS]
HOW YOU DOING?
HI.
MY NAME IS DAVE.
AAH!
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
INTRODUCE YOURSELF.
THIS IS STONEY.
STONEY--HE'S
MY FRIEND.
UH...THIS IS MY ROOM.
AAH!
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
[GRUNTING]
UH...
WE'RE FROM ENCINO.
IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
AND WE HOPE
YOU DON'T GNAW
ON OUR BEAKS.
SHH! I KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING, STONE.
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
WE GO TO HIGH SCHOOL.
HIGH SCHOOL?
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS.
I KNOW.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT A ROOM IS.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT ANYTHING IS.
LOOK, JUST BE
CALM AND EASY.
CALM...
AND EASY.
YEAH.
HI.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
[RING]
AAH!
AAH!
GET THE PHONE!
OK. OK.
[GRUNTING]
IT'S OK. IT'S OK.
SEE? I THINK
HE'S CALMING DOWN.
CALMING...DOWN.
[TELEPHONE BEEPING]
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HUH?
FIRE.
HA HA.
FLAME-AGE.
BUDDY, HE'S INTO IT.
THAT WAS KILL,
STONE.
LOOK
AT HIS EYES.
BUDDY, HE LIKES
THE BLUE PART.
HE'S GLOSSY EYED.
LOOK. FREAK HIM OUT.
OW!
OW! OH!
UHH!
OK. AH..AH...AH!
HA HA HA!
GIVE IT TO HIM.
GIVE IT TO HIM.
[GRUNTING]
HERE. HERE.
HERE.
YOU GOT TO TEACH HIM.
AHH! OHH!
[GRUNTING]
AH. OHH.
HA HA HA!
HEY!
NO.
NO?
WHAT? DID
YOU JUST--
I THINK HE JUST
SAID "NO."
NO.
NO?
NO. NO.
NO.
NO.
COOL, BUDDY.
HE IS SO GREASY.
GREASY?
HE'S A PREHISTORIC
PYROMANIAC.
WE GOT TO
TEACH HIM STUFF.
WE'LL TEACH HIM
HOW TO WEAZE.
NO.
NO.
NO!
NO!
OH, GOD.
WE GOT TO TEACH HIM
HOW TO BE NORMAL.
NO. UH-UH.
WE'RE GOING PSYCHO
WITH HIM, BRO.
THAT'S BORING, DUDE--
NORMAL.
STONEY, COME ON,
MAN, HANG WITH ME.
WE GOT TO JUST PLAY
THIS THING OUT,
ALL RIGHT?
IF WE TELL ANYONE,
IF ANYONE SEES HIM,
THEY'LL TAKE HIM
AWAY FROM US,
ALL RIGHT?
AND THEN THEY'LL
CUT HIM UP INTO
LITTLE PIECES,
AND THEY'LL TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT,
AND WE'LL
STILL BE GEEKS.
I'M NOT A GEEK.
I'M A UNIQUE WEASEL,
DAVID.
[CLICKING TONGUE]
I'M JUST UNDERRATED
BECAUSE I LIVE HERE
IN ENCINO.
BUD...
BUDDY...
OWWW!
OK? HE NEEDS
A BATH...BIG TIME.
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY LOVE *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE
* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY SHIRT *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT
* SO SEXY, IT HURTS
* AND I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MILAN *
* TOO SEXY FOR MILAN,
NEW YORK, AND JAPAN *
[GRUNTING]
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR YOUR PARTY *
* TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PARTY
* THE WAY
I'M DISCO DANCING *
* I'M TOO SEXY
FOR MY LOVE *
* TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE
* LOVE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME
* AND I'M TOO SEXY
FOR THIS SONG *
STANDING "O"!
[WHISTLES]
DUDE, IF I HAD A BIC,
BRO, RIGHT HERE.
DON'T FREAK HIM OUT.
OK. LET'S SHOW HIM
HIMSELF.
OK. HERE, LOOK.
YOU WANT TO SEE
YOUR MUG, BUD?
CHECK IT.
AAH!
DUDE. BUDDY, YOU
SHOULD BE WITH
YOUR MUG, BRO.
YOU LOOK BUFF.
RIGHT?
HEY, CAN YOU
SAY BU...
UFF?
BU...UFF?
HA HA HA!
I LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW,
YOU PAUSED, TOO.
WE GOT TO GIVE HIM
A COOL NAME.
AXL. YEAH, BUDDY.
NO. COME ON.
NOT AXL.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
I MEAN, WE'VE GOT
THE MISSING LINK
STANDING
IN MY BEDROOM.
LINK!
LINK! WE'LL
CALL HIM LINK!
OK, COOL. LOOK, DAVID,
I WAS THINKING
MAYBE WE COULD CALL HIM
STONEY NUMBER 2
BECAUSE HE'S GOT
MY SAME 'DO
AND HE'S FROM
THE STONE AGE.
I LIKE LINK
BETTER.
OK. WE'LL
CALL HIM LINK,
BUT CAN I CALL HIM
LINKAGE?
COOL.
COOL.
LET'S SEE
HOW SMART HE IS.
WHOA!
OK.
OK.
YOU OK? OK.
UH...UH...
LOOK.
SEE?
HUH? AHH...
WHOA!
WHOA!
AAH! AAH!
OHH. AHH.
OK. OK.
UM...LINK.
LINK.
NO.
YOU'RE LINK.
I'M DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE. DAVE.
NO. DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE. DAVE.
DAVE.
DAVE.
YES!
HA HA HA!
OK. AND THAT'S...
THAT'S...
STONEY.
MM-HMM.
STONEY.
NO. NO. STONEY.
STONEY.
YES!
HA HA HA!
OK. OK. OK.
NOW...
YOU...ARE...
DAVE. HA!
NO, NO, NO.
I'M DAVE.
YOU ARE...
BUFF.
OH...
NO.
[HORN HONKING]
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE HAD
A HARD DAY.
IT'S OK.
YOUR PARENTS!
MY PARENTS!
AAH!
OK. UH...UH...
TAKE HIM OUT BACK
AND RING THE DOORBELL
3 TIMES, OK?
BUT, DAVE--
NO BUTS.
JUST DO IT!
LOOK. FOLLOW THE WEASEL,
LINKAGE.
COME ON.
COME ON, BUD.
COME ON. COME ON.
LINK, QUICK.
[CRASH]
MY KITCHEN!
AAH!
BUSTED.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M COOKING DINNER.
YOU'RE WHAT?
BUSTED.
I'M COOKING DINNER
FOR YOU GUYS.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE
A NICE SURPRISE.
THEY'RE SURPRISED,
ALL RIGHT.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHERE'S THE FLOUR?
I CAN'T FIND THE FLOUR.
HELLO, STANLEY.
WHO IS THIS
STRANGE BOY,
AND WHY IS
HE RINGING
MY DOORBELL?
IT GOT STUCK, SIR.
COME IN.
MEET YOUR NEW FAMILY.
WHAT? WHAT?
WHOSE FAMILY?
[BARKING]
BORIS, GET DOWN.
BORIS. BORIS, GET DOWN.
[BORIS BARKING]
AAH!
BORIS,
GO OUTSIDE.
HEY, DAD.
DAVID,
WHO IS THAT?
THAT? WHO'S THAT?
THAT WAS
LINKAVITCH...
CHOMOFSKY, MOM.
WHAT?
LINK...LINKAVITCH.
DOESN'T ANYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE
LISTEN
TO ANYTHING I SAY?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING--
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
DAD. LINKAVITCH
CHOMOFSKY.
OUR EXCHANGE
STUDENT? HE'S HERE.
YEAH. HE'S
GOING TO HELP US
DIG THE POOL.
YEAH.
WHY DOES NONE
OF THIS SOUND
FAMILIAR TO ME?
I TOLD YOU ABOUT
THIS MONTHS AGO.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
ABOUT SCHOOL GIVING US
EXTRA CREDIT FOR COLLEGE
FOR HOUSING
EXCHANGE STUDENTS
AND LEARNING ABOUT
THEIR CULTURE AND JUNK,
AND YOU SAID IT WAS OK.
NOW YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE IT BACK?
NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GOING
TO TAKE IT BACK.
THIS IS
IMPORTANT TO ME.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
BESIDES, IT'S EMBARRASSING.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL THE GUY?
HE TRAVELED HERE
ALL THE WAY FROM...
I DON'T KNOW.
ESTONIA?
YEAH. ESTONIA.
MOM, COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT
BUYING THIS.
DAD!
WELL...
ACTUALLY...
I--I THINK NOW THAT--
I--I DO RECALL SOMETHING...
SOMETHING ABOUT...
YOU SEE?
SEE? IT'S ABOUT
FOCUSING.
YOU'RE BOGUS.
LARRY.
HOW COULD I
FORGET SOMETHING
LIKE THIS?
THERE'S AN
EXCHANGE STUDENT
WHO'S GOING
TO BE STAYING
IN OUR HOUSE...
HOW COULD YOU HAVE
FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME
IN THE THIRD GRADE?
I SPENT THE ENTIRE
NIGHT AFTER THE PLAY
IN THE PARKING LOT.
IN THE SIXTH GRADE,
DO YOU REMEMBER,
THE SOCCER DUES--
OK. WHERE IS HE
GOING TO STAY, AND...
AND WHY IS HE...
WHY IS HE ATTACKING
THE DOG?
HE'S GOING TO STAY
IN MY ROOM,
AND HE'S NOT
ATTACKING THE DOG.
HE'S BONDING.
AS IF.
SHUT UP!
YOU SHUT UP.
NO. EVERYBODY
SHUT UP.
LARRY, LARRY.
I'M FINE. I'M TIRED.
I'M A LITTLE HUNGRY.
I THINK IT'S TIME
WE DECIDE WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO MAKE FOR DINNER.
STANLEY, I ASSUME
YOU'LL BE JOINING US?
YOU ASSUME
CORRECTLY, MR. M.
WELL, WE PRACTICALLY FEED
THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.
WHY NOT PART
OF ESTONIA AS WELL, HUH?
I ALWAYS EAT HERE,
AND I LIKE YOUR FOOD.
GREAT.
[RINGING DOORBELL]
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
NO. NO.
NO.
[DING DONG]
Dave: I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU TOLD MY PARENTS
HE'S FROM ESTONIA.
Stoney:
COW PAJAMAS, BUDDY.
THOSE ARE
KIND OF FLAMING.
OHH.
SOME BETTY, HUH?
BETTY.
MMM.
GONZAGAS.
GONZAGAS.
BUDDY, CONES.
[MOANING]
I KNOW YOU'VE HAD
A BIG DAY, PAL,
BUT TOMORROW,
I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU
SOMEPLACE
REALLY SPECIAL.
TACO BELL.
BETTER.
GET THE CAMERA, STONE.
HA HA.
CONGRATULATIONS,
LINK.
YOU'RE GOING
TO BE A SENIOR.
SMILE.
AAH!
UHH!
* WILD THING
* YOU MAKE MY HEART SING
* YOU MAKE EVERYTHING
GROOVY *
* WILD THING
UHH!
NO. HE DOESN'T
LIKE THAT.
THAT'S GLASS.
THAT HURTS
YOUR BEAK, RIGHT?
STAND UP STRAIGHT.
POOR STONE-AGER.
HE SPENT
A MILLION YEARS
CHILLIN' IN
A BLOCK OF ICE.
NOW HE'S GOT TO GO
TO HIGH SCHOOL. UCK!
WHO'S THAT GUY
WITH THE DORK SQUAD?
OH, MY GOD.
HE IS TOTALLY RUDE.
TOTALLY.
WE HAVE GOT
A MAJOR FIND HERE.
THIS GUY IS
OUR TICKET TO FAME
AND POPULARITY.
ALL WE GOT TO DO
IS GET HIM ENROLLED
IN SCHOOL,
AND HE'LL HELP US
BECOME POPULAR.
HEY, THAT'S HARSH.
WE'LL MAKE HIM
FAMOUS.
WE'LL TEACH HIM
SOME STUPID
PET TRICKS
AND GET HIM
ON LETTERMAN.
YOU'RE WEAZIN'
OFF HIS GIG.
OH, PLEASE.
HE'S A CAVE MAN,
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
I MEAN,
LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S PRACTICALLY
A MONKEY.
COME HERE.
AHH.
WE FOUND HIM.
WE CAN DO
WHATEVER WE WANT
WITH HIM.
WE, WE, WE.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU, YOU, YOU.
I JUST WANT TO
BE HIS FRIEND.
FINE.
HELLO, MRS. MACKEY.
FINE.
AND WHAT DO
WE HAVE HERE?
HI, STEVE KOOZER.
OK. GOT HIM COVERED
UP TO FOURTH PERIOD.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH HIM
AFTER THAT.
I CAN TAKE HIM
TO SPANISH, IF YOU WANT.
I'LL BE COOL, MAN.
I PROMISE.
OK.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
LINK, BE CAREFUL!
UH...UH...
HEY, LINK,
HOW'S YOUR MELON, BUD?
[SNIFFING]
WHOA.
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
[GRUNTING]
WHOA.
HA HA HA!
LINK.
IS THIS DUDE
TOTALLY FUNDAMENTAL
OR WHAT?
DID YOU MISS ME?
ALWAYS.
WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS
MY FRIEND LINK.
HE'S STAYING WITH US
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HE'S FROM ESTONIA.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
THIS GUY...
IS STAYING
WITH YOU GUYS?
MM-HMM.
AHH...
YEAH. HE'S THINKING OF
BECOMING A HAIRDRESSER,
ACTUALLY.
DESIGNING CRUSTY MOPS
FOR THE RICH
AND THE FAMOUS,
LITTLE ONE.
UHH. GONZAGAS.
NO!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
BYE, ROB.
I THINK HE WAS SAYING
HE LIKES YOUR CONES.
I'M THRILLED.
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OW!
ROBYN, THAT IMPORT
IS MINE.
THIS IS JUST IN TIME
FOR PROM.
IS HE FINE OR WHAT?
I'M NOT SURE.
HE'S A LOOKER.
HA HA.
LINK. LINK!
LINK, PLEASE.
COME SIT DOWN.
[GRUNTING]
WHO IS THIS
DIPSHIT, ANYWAY?
HIS NAME'S LINK.
HE'S FROM ESTONIA,
AND I THINK HE'S JIVE.
JIVE. YEAH.
YOU DO?
HELL, YEAH.
AND I'M NOT
THE ONLY ONE.
HEY...LINK!
[COUGHING]
[BELL RINGS]
Dave: FIFTH PERIOD.
WATCH HIM.
ALL RIGHT,
DAVE-AGE.
BUDDY, WE GOT
SPANISH NOW.
SPANISH IS
LIKE GUACAMOLE,
CHIPS AND SALSA.
LA DÃ
THE DAY IS BEAUTIFUL.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
SORRY, YOU GUYS.
WHOA, MAN!
[LAUGHING]
REPITAN
EN ESPAÑOL.
THE CHEESE
IS OLD AND MOLDY.
[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]
WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?
¿DONDE ESTA
EL SANITARIO?
[CLASS SPEAKING SPANISH]
Teacher: GOOD. GOOD.
ONCE AGAIN.
YOU'RE CUTE.
CUTE.
MEET ME AT BLADES
TONIGHT.
BLADES TONIGHT.
YES?
YOU CAN DROP HIM OFF
IN FRONT OF BLADES
TONIGHT, RIGHT?
OH, UM, CAN
DAVID AND I GO,
TOO, PLEASE?
UCK. YOU SMELL.
HE-HEY, SEÑORITA!
THAT HURT MY LOBES!
I DIDN'T DO IT.
THEY STARTED IT.
KASHMIR,
RAJNISH,
HOW MANY MINUTES FOR
THE BURRITO AGAIN?
Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.
Rajnish: ONE MINUTE.
ONE AND A HALF.
AHH! MAKE UP
YOUR MELONS!
AHH.
IS IT ONE OR 2?
ONE AND A HALF
MINUTES.
OK.
OK, MY FRIEND.
TRY AND EXPERIENCE
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO
CHIRP IN YOUR LOBES.
OK, COOL?
UHH.
TODAY, BUDDY,
WE'RE GOING TO
DISCUSS GRINDAGE--
HOW TO FILL THE FURNACE,
PACK THE CHEEKS,
AND STUFF THE GILLS. OK?
YOU'RE PROBABLY USED
TO EATING TWIGS, RIGHT?
BUT OUT HERE
IN THE U.S. OF A., BUDDY,
WE GOT SOMETHING CALLED
THE 4 BASIC FOOD GROUPS.
AND, LINK, THIS IS NOT
ONE OF THEM.
OH.
LOOK AT WHAT
WE HAVE HERE.
DAIRY GROUP.
MILK DUDS.
YOU HIDE THESE
UNDER YOUR PILLOW, BRO,
SO YOUR MOM
DOESN'T FIND THEM.
IF SHE DOES,
YOU'RE TWEAKED, BUDDY.
KEEP ON CRUISIN'.
FRUIT GROUP.
SWEETTARTS.
THESE ARE KILLER, BUDDY.
SO CITRUSY, DUDE,
YOU'LL FREAK.
KEEP ON CRUISIN'.
UH-HUH.
RIGHT. THIS IS
THE VEGETABLE GROUP.
VEGETABLE GROUP.
CORN NUTS. PUT THEM
ON A PEDESTAL, BRO.
LOOK AT THAT. YEAH.
THOSE ARE KILL, HUH?
[MICROWAVE DINGS]
MEAT GROUP!
COME ON, LINK.
THE MEAT GROUP.
THESE ARE MY FAVORITE.
AHH.
HEY--HEY!
YOU GOT TO BE EQUAL.
EQUAL.
SO 50-50. HERE.
MMM.
MMM.
[SPITTING]
EW!
FIGURES.
HOT ON THE OUTSIDE,
ICICLE
IN THE MIDDLE.
Kashmir: 2 MINUTES.
BUT YOU LIKE THAT,
RIGHT, BECAUSE
YOU'RE A CAVE MAN.
COOL, BUDDY.
THE BEVERAGE.
ICEE, BRO.
THIS IS WHAT PUT
THIS PLACE ON THE MAP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
MR. STONEY? NO.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS HERE.
LEAVE NOW. NOW.
YOU MUST LEAVE NOW.
PLEASE.
LOOK, KASHMIR,
RAJNISH, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST CHILL?
NO BUDS CHILL.
LINK AND I
ARE CRUISIN'
THE MOUNTAIN, BRO,
AND WE FIGURED
WE'D WEAZE
A LITTLE JU-ICE.
NO WEAZING THE JU-ICE.
WEAZE THE JUICE.
NO, NO, NO WEAZING
THE JUICE!
NO WEAZING THE JUICE!
HEY! HEY!
DUDE.
CHILL, BUDS.
NO BUDS CHILL.
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S OK. JUST CHILL.
I'LL BE BACK.
NO BUDS CHILL.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OH, MY GOD, NO!
WAIT, STOP!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OWWW!
HERE WE GO!
WHOO!
WHOO!
WAS THAT THE HOTTEST
OR WHAT, BRO?
ARE YOU INTO IT?
* JOY TO THE FISHES
IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA *
* JOY TO YOU AND ME
STOP! STOP!
WHERE DID YOU GO?
YOU JUST TOOK OFF
AFTER SCHOOL.
DO YOU KNOW
HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN?
YOU SOUND LIKE
MY MOM.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME.
WHAT'S ON HIS NOSE?
JUST CHILL, BECAUSE
YOU KNOW WHY?
LINK AND I HAD
A STONEY TIME
AT THE MOUNTAIN.
YOU TOOK HIM
TO MEGAMOUNTAIN?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
THEY'RE
RIDING THE VAPOR
IN REVERSE.
THEY ARE? OH, COOL.
CHECK OUT THE FRESH NUGS,
WEAZIN' THE JUICE.
OWWW!
OWWW!
BUDDY.
BUDDY.
CHECK OUT MY CAT. OWWW!
OH, MY GOD.
YOU GOT HIM TALKING
LIKE YOU NOW.
OWWW!
OWWW!
GEE, LINK, THAT
IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
IS IT OLD?
[GAGS]
YOU KNOW, MR. M.,
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
SOMEDAY YOUR DAUGHTER
AND I COULD BE MARRIED,
AND WE COULD BE RELATED.
I COUNT THE DAYS.
SO, STANLEY,
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
SHE'S REALLY BUMMED.
CAN YOU PASS THE PEAS?
SURE.
THANKS.
MR. MORGAN,
IF YOU'RE EDGED
BECAUSE I'M WEAZIN'
ON YOUR GRINDAGE,
JUST CHILL
BECAUSE IF I HAD
THE WHOLE BRADY BUNCH THING
HAPPENING AT MY PAD,
I'D GO GRIND OVER THERE,
SO DON'T TAX MY GIG
SO HARD-CORE, CRUSTER.
ENGLISH, STANLEY.
SPEAK ENGLISH.
DAD!
LINK, HONEY, HOW
WAS YOUR DAY?
HOW ARE
YOU ADJUSTING?
HE'S DOING
JUST GREAT.
WE GOT HIM ENROLLED
IN ALL HIS CLASSES.
DIDN'T WE, PAL?
YEAH.
A SUCCESS.
[FLY BUZZING]
WHAT'S UP?
HOW WAS YOUR DAY,
MOM?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT'S HE DOING?
I THINK
HE'S TRACKING A FLY.
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* SHOO, FLY
* DON'T BOTHER ME
* 'CAUSE YOU BELONG
TO MY FRIEND LINK *
GOOD CATCH.
[BUZZING]
[GULP]
MEAT GROUP.
[SNIFFING]
HE'S INTO MUNCHING,
TOO, YOU KNOW?
BLADES--FINALLY
PART OF THE ELITE.
HOW COOL ARE WE?
WE'RE COOL.
DAVID, I EVEN SHOWERED, BRO.
CHECK OUT MY--
DUDE, I GOT THE RADDEST
DEODORANT ON, BUDDY.
TAKE A WHIFF, BUD.
DUDE, SMELL.
* OH, NO
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
LINK. HEY.
I AM SO GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
HON, LOSE THE GEEK SQUAD.
THEY'RE BAD FOR YOUR DEAL.
BLADES.
HIGHWAY PATROL,
BARNEYS INCOMING.
GET 'EM.
GOT 'EM.
HEY, ROB--
OH!
GOOD.
GOOD.
THAT WAS NOT COOL AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HURT
HIS PANCREAS.
I LIKE THE KETCHUP
AND MUSTARD.
VERY AVANT-GARDE.
WHOA.
IS THAT ME?
BETTY.
BETTY.
BETTY?
BETTY NUGS.
BETTY NUGS.
ROBYN, DON'T FORGET.
WE'VE BEEN
NAKED TOGETHER.
NICE BODY.
REMEMBER WHEN
WE WERE TOGETHER?
DID YOU SHOW THIS
TO ANYONE?
NO.
THAT'S YOUR COPY.
YOU CAN SHOW
ANYONE YOU WANT.
THANKS, DAVE.
OH, I GET IT.
THIS IS
YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND
IN ESTONIA
OR SOMETHING.
DO YOU MISS HER?
BECAUSE
I CAN TELL YOU
FROM EXPERIENCE,
LONG-DISTANCE
RELATIONSHIPS
NEVER WORK OUT.
OH.
ESTONIA IS A LONG WAYS
AWAY, LINK...
AND I'M RIGHT HERE.
SO LET'S WORK
ON CHANGING YOUR MIND...
RAD MOBILE.
RAD MOBILE.
WHOA.
RAD MOBILE.
OR NOT.
YOU JUST THINK I'M BAD
FOR YOUR ACT. THAT'S ALL.
RIGHT. AND YOU THINK
I'M GOOD FOR YOURS.
WHAT?
MATT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE.
HA HA! WHOA!
WHOA!
OH!
AAH!
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
ARE YOU DEAF, DORK?
DIDN'T I FORBID YOU
TO SPEAK TO HER?
AAH!
THAT'S ALL, LINK.
IT'S OVER.
Robyn: MATT!
Stoney:
END OF STORY.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
AAH!
Link: WEAZE
THE JUICE!
HEY!
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
OH, GOD!
Man: FIGHT! FIGHT!
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I DON'T LIKE YOU.
AS OF NOW,
I'M ALL OVER YOU.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
THE NEW KID,
HE TOOK IT.
WHOA.
WHOA.
DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
DO SOMETHING.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
HIT HIM BACK.
LINK, HIT HIM BACK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF YOUR BULGARIAN
DORK-BUD, NOW, HMM?
THAT WAS HARSH,
MATT.
LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE.
THE STENCH OF LOSERS
IS DOING DAMAGE
TO MY SINUSES.
JUST STOP IT, MATT.
JUST DON'T EVEN
COME NEAR ME.
HEY, WATCH IT.
YOU KNOW,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS?
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
I NEED IT ANYMORE.
HEY!
CAN'T BELIEVE
HE GOT NAILED.
HE'S A PACIFIST.
A PACIFIST
CAVE MAN?
YOU'RE MENTAL.
CAVE MANS AREN'T
LIKE US, DAVE.
THEY FOUGHT FOR FOOD
AND SURVIVAL.
THEY DID NOT FIGHT
FOR POPULARITY.
WHAT WOULD HE
BE FIGHTING FOR?
FOR FACE. FOR US.
TO BE COOL.
COOL, HUH?
HE DOES NOT KNOW
WHAT COOL IS, DAVE.
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHERE HE IS.
HE KNOWS NOTHING.
HE'S GOT TO LEARN
HOW TO DEFEND HIMSELF.
AGAINST WHAT?
AGAINST BUTTHOLES
LIKE MATT.
COME ON. COME ON.
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
TV: OH, AIRPLANE SPIN.
GOING ROUND AND ROUND.
Dave: LINK, STOP!
HEY, STOP!
* KNOCK YOU OUT
* I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT
* MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
* KNOCK YOU OUT,
MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT *
HEY! HEY! HEY!
HEY, LINK! AAH!
PUT ME DOWN, LINK!
AAH!
* KNOCK YOU OUT
Stoney: OW. MY PANCREAS.
[BELL RINGS]
HEY, LOOK.
HEY, DUDE, MAN.
YOU TOOK IT
FROM WILSON.
NO ONE'S EVER
DONE THAT BEFORE
AND SURVIVED.
YE HEE HEE WHOO!
OH, MAN.
MMM.
WHOO!
LINK! GET BACK HERE!
OH, MY GOD.
HE'S SO...
* MATTIE TOLD HATTIE
* ABOUT A THING SHE SAW
* HAD TWO BIG ARMS
* AND A WOOLLY JAW
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY
* WOOLY BULLY *
HEY.
HOME SLICE.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
WE'LL SEE YOU
IN MR. ALBERT'S
CLASS, HUH?
SLICEY.
HELLO, LITTLE ONE.
WE TOOK A VOTE,
AND THE COMPUTER
CLUB FEELS
YOUR PRESENCE WILL
BE A VALUABLE ASSET
TO OUR ORGANIZATION.
COMPUTER CLUB.
COMPUTER CLUB.
HOMEBOY.
WHY DOESN'T
THAT HAPPEN
WHEN MATT HITS ME?
GIVE YOURSELF A FEW
MILLION YEARS, DAVID.
BEAUTIFUL ORANGE SKIRT
YOU HAVE.
THAT'S A NICE
BELL-BOTTOM OUTFIT
YOU HAVE.
LINK. LINK. LINK.
GET DOWN. GET DOWN.
ALL RIGHT. HEY.
NO. I WAS JUST PLAYING.
I WAS JUST PLAYING.
ALL RIGHT, CRO-MAGNON MAN--
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING
AT HERE, CLASS,
IS A REPRESENTATION
OF WHAT CRO-MAGNON MAN'S
EVERYDAY LIFE
MAY HAVE BEEN LIKE.
IF HE WAS HERE TODAY,
YOU COULD SIT NEXT TO HIM
ON A BUS,
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.
WE'RE GOING TO LOOK
AT THE GIANT SLOTH.
[ROARS]
[SCREECHES]
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
UHH!
[SCREECHES]
AAH!
CLASS,
THIS IS SABERTOOTH CAT.
EVEN THOUGH
HE'S BEEN EXTINCT
FOR WELL OVER 10,000 YEARS,
WHILE HE WAS ALIVE
YOU CAN IMAGINE
THAT MANY A CAVEMAN
WAS A TASTY MEAL
TO ONE OF THESE.
Link: AAH!
THERE'S ONE NOW.
LET'S GO LOOK
AT THE MAMMOTH DISPLAY,
OUR SCHOOL MASCOT.
COME ON.
LOOK OUT!
WHOA!
[BLOWING]
LINK, GET OUT
FROM THERE.
AAH!
LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S FLIPPING OUT.
HE KNOWS, DAVE.
WHAT?
HE KNOWS.
HE KNOWS WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM.
WE HAVE TO
HELP HIM.
LINK.
LINK.
LINK.
OW.
LINK.
HEY.
STOP IT.
LOOK.
HEY, I UNDERSTAND.
FAMILY.
FAMILY.
FAMILY.
YOU OK?
IT'S OK. LOOK, WE'RE
YOUR NEW FAMILY, MAN.
WE'RE YOUR NEW FAMILY.
IT'S OK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE'S BURNT FROM ALL THIS.
SEEING AS WE STARTED
THE SCHOOL YEAR
AS TOTAL LOSERS
AND NOW EVERYONE
KNOWS WHO WE ARE,
I DON'T THINK
ONE MISTAKE IS
SUCH A BIG DEAL.
YOU'RE DOGGIN' HIM, DAVE.
JUST PROMISE ME
JUST A LITTLE MORE MELLOW?
NOT SO MUCH?
STONEY.
DAVE.
ALL RIGHT.
IF IT'LL MAKE YOU
FEEL BETTER,
I'LL BE MORE MELLOW
WITH HIM.
OK, ROBYN SWEENEY.
HERE.
AGAIN?
I JUST CAN'T QUITE GET
THAT PARALLEL-PARKING THING.
WHOA. WHOA.
PARALLEL PARKING
IS NOT A THING.
UNDERSTAND?
IT'S NOT A FEELING,
IT'S NOT
A STATE OF MIND,
AND IT'S NOT
ONE OF YOUR
DISCO DANCES.
NOW GET IN THE CAR,
AND DON'T TAKE IT
PERSONALLY.
OK, MR. BEADY.
LINKAVITCH CHOMOFSKY.
OOH. OOH.
WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?
GET INSIDE THE CAR.
I CAN SHOOT
YOUR BARBER.
WITH HEMINGWAY'S
THE SUN ALSO RISES
WHERE THE BLOOD SPORT
OF BULLFIGHTING IS USED...
UH-OH.
OH, GOD!
RAD MOBILE!
RAD MOBILE!
BOYS, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
MELLOW, DAVE.
THIS ISN'T MELLOW.
LINK! LINK!
DAVE.
WATCH THE PEOPLE!
GRAB THE WHEEL!
HEY! COME ON!
TELL HIM TO STOP!
OK. STOP.
DIDN'T PHASE HIM, BRO.
ALL RIGHT, LINK,
JOKE'S OVER. STOP.
HEY.
STOP THAT CAR,
YOUNG MAN.
NO, LINK! BOTH HANDS
ON THE WHEEL!
WHO WAS THAT?
WHO WAS THAT?
A CAR! A CAR!
AAH!
CLOSE CALL, BUDDY.
HEY, BUDDY.
HI, ROB.
HI, DAVE.
RED LIGHT!
AAH!
BOOM! THERE HE WAS UP
ON TWO WHEELS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
I DON'T TEACH THAT.
I GOT THE LICENSE
PLATE NUMBER.
IT'S E684257.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
I LEFT THE KEYS
IN THE IGNITION, DO YOU?
OW!
I THINK HE'S GOT
THE HANG OF IT.
WELL, THAT CONCLUDES
OUR PARALLEL PARKING
FOR TODAY.
CLASS DISMISSED.
Robyn: LINK,
I THINK YOU JUST
FAILED DRIVER'S ED.
HEY, LINK, WAIT UP.
WHERE ARE WE?
GREAT.
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
HOLA, MI AMIGOS.
IS IT OK
IF I JUST CHILL
UPON HERE?
ODALé.
AMIGO, HUH?
YOU WANT
TO BE A MAN, éSE?
UH, EVENTUALLY,
YEAH,
BUT I'M ALMOST
THERE. LOOK.
LOOK AT MY PATCH,
BRO.
WHOA.
WHOA.
MACHO.
THIS IS TEQUILA, RIGHT?
HMM.
WAIT, WHERE'S THE WORM?
THE WORM'S
RIGHT THERE, éSE.
UH-UH. I'M A WEASEL.
[IMITATING WEASEL]
A WEASEL, EH?
YEAH.
YOU WANT TO BE A MAN,
WEASEL?
YOU WANT TO
BE A MAN, éSE?
THEN DRINK LIKE AN HOMBRE.
NO, I CAN'T.
NO. I'M NOT GONNA.
WHAT?
AAH! YOU GUYS!
IT'S DISRESPECTFUL,
WEASEL!
BE A MAN, éSE.
COME ON.
DRINK IT UP.
LET'S GO.
DRINK LIKE A MAN, éSE.
YOU CAN DO IT, éSE.
YOU CAN DO IT.
ANDALE!
[HOWLING]
COME ON!
OTRA! OTRA!
OTRA VEZ! OTRA VEZ!
OTRA VEZ! OTRA!
OK, OK, OK. STOP.
5 MORE, MAN.
[CHANTING] WEASEL! WEASEL!
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
[HOWLING]
WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASEL!
WAIT, WAIT!
STOP, STOP!
DUDE, DO I HAVE
TO PAY FOR 'EM?
[HOWLING]
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
HEY.
HEY, STONE.
WHERE'S LINK?
DANCING.
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
COOL. LET'S GO.
LET'S GO DANCE.
NO. I'M NOT GOOD
AT DANCING.
DAVE, YOU ARE TOO UPTIGHT.
I JUST DON'T LIKE
TO DANCE.
HEY, WEASELS,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY. ENRIQUE, DAVE.
ENRIQUE.
HEY, MAN, YOU VATOS SEE
THAT MUCHACHA OVER THERE?
YOU SEE HER?
YOU SEE HER?
DON'T BE LOOKING
AT HER, MAN!
YOU SEE HER?
IF I SEE ANY MAN LOOKING
AT MY MUCHACHA,
THAT MAN WILL NO LONGER
BE RECOGNIZABLE AS A MAN.
NOW I WANT YOU VATOS
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,
ALL RIGHT?
SEE YOU LATER, WEASELS.
AHH.
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
EVERYWHERE *
* FEEL THE RHYTHM
* FEEL-FEEL-FEEL-FEEL
THE RHYTHM *
* MOVE YOUR BODY
* MOVE YOUR BODY
TO THE RHYTHM OF LOVE *
* MOVE YOUR BODY *
CHOMOFSKY...CHOMOFSKY...
GOT IT.
CHOMOFSKY.
"RABIES, DISTEMPER,
FLEA DIP."
WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S A DOG LICENSE, MAN.
WHOA.
ANIMAL SHELTER.
WHAT ARE THE TWO BIGGEST
LOSERS IN SCHOOL HIDING?
A DOG?
IT'S NOT
HIS LICENSE.
MM-HMM.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
* YEAH
* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY
TURN ME ON *
* COME ON NOW, HON, YEAH
* YOU KNOW YOU REALLY
TURN ME ON *
* YOU DO, YOU DO
* AND WHEN, WHEN,
OH, WHEN YOU DO IT *
* UH, UH, UH, OH
* THAT'S MY SONG
* COME ON NOW, BABY, YEAH
* COME ON AND DO IT
TO ME PLEASE *
AAH!
* DO IT, LET'S DO IT
* HIP, HIP, HIP,
YOU DO IT *
* COME ON,
UH, UH, UH, OH *
* THAT'S MY SONG
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT *
* YOU'RE TURNING ME ON
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT *
* COME ON NOW,
LET'S DO A TWIRL *
* COME ON,
AND DO IT TO ME *
* COME ON,
LET'S DO A TWIRL *
YOU'RE RIGHT, éSE.
SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.
YEAH, THE VATO'S
GOT A POINT.
HEY, SHE AIN'T
WORTH IT, HOMES.
COME HERE, VATO.
* LET'S DO IT,
LET'S DO IT **
POLICE.
INMIGRACIóN.
OH, GOD!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
OH, SHIT.
STONE, STONE, LOOK.
TAKE ROBYN.
[BELCHES]
ROBYN, TAKE STONE.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
I'LL MEET UP
WITH YOU GUYS LATER.
ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.
LINK!
LINK!
LINK! LINK!
THE COPS ARE HERE.
GET DOWN. GET DOWN.
COME ON.
WE'RE GOING TO GET BUSTED.
YOU ARE BUSTED.
STONEY IS
THE CRUSTIEST VATO
I'VE EVER WITNESSED.
SO DON'T HARSH HIS GIG,
BUDDY.
OW!
OW!
OW!
BUDDY.
BYE, GUYS.
DRIVE SAFELY.
[HONKS HORN]
NICE ELEMENT YOU'RE
HANGING OUT WITH.
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS
IN THE LOWRIDER?
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,
MATT. GO HOME.
HUH.
WHAT TIME DO YOU WANT ME
TO PICK YOU UP
TOMORROW NIGHT?
IT'S THE PROM, REMEMBER?
YOU KNOW,
YOU ARE JUST LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE.
ALL YOU CARE ABOUT
IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
OH, IT'S REALLY PATHETIC.
HEY, WATCH IT.
MATT, I'M NOT GOING
TO THE PROM WITH YOU.
I WANT TO GO WITH SOMEBODY
WHO'S REALLY COOL,
WHO'S NOT AFRAID
OF BEING HIMSELF
OR HAVING FUN.
GOOD NIGHT.
WHO'S COOLER THAN ME?
YOUR PHONE CALL.
YOU GOT ONE.
MAKE IT QUICK.
THANKS.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
MATTHEW WILSON.
HELLO.
ROBYN.
DAVE, DID YOU GUYS
GET AWAY OK?
WE'RE IN PRISON.
IT'S BEEN GREAT.
LOOK, THIS IS
MY ONE PHONE CALL,
AND I'M USING IT
TO ASK YOU
TO GO TO THE PROM
WITH ME.
SO JUST SAY YES.
NO.
WHY NOT?
I WANT TO GO WITH LINK.
WHAT?
LOOK, WILL YOU
JUST ASK LINK
IF HE'LL GO WITH ME?
YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER.
WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
DAVE.
HEY, DAVID!
HEY.
¿CóMO ESTá USTED
MUY BONITAS DE DIA?
HEY, WAIT. HOW WAS JAIL?
DID YOU MEET ANYONE?
HEY, WAIT! WAIT UP!
LOOK,
THINGS JUST DIDN'T
TURN OUT RIGHT.
I MEAN,
I DON'T WANT THEM
CUTTING YOU UP
INTO LITTLE PIECES
OR ANYTHING.
THIS IS JUST
WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
IT'S BEST FOR ME,
TOO, ALL RIGHT.
HERE.
FOR RAD MOBILE.
FOR RAD MOBILE.
YEAH. PUT THEM
IN YOUR POCKET.
DON'T LOOK
AT ME LIKE THAT.
THIS IS JUST THE WAY
IT'S GOT TO BE.
GO ON.
GET OUT OF HERE.
GO ON.
GO ON. LEAVE.
GO.
I'M SORRY.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
TALK TO ME, DAVE.
LET ME KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M LETTING HIM GO.
WHAT?
LOOK, I CAN'T
HANDLE HIM ANYMORE.
BESIDES,
HE'LL BE BETTER OFF
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.
NO, HE'S NOT, DAVE.
LISTEN TO ME.
CALL HIM BACK.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
CALL HIM BACK.
IT'S DONE, MAN.
I'M SERIOUS.
CALL HIM BACK.
THAT'S HARSH.
HE'S NOT
MY RESPONSIBILITY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WHEEZED
OFF HIS GIG THE WHOLE TIME
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT MAYBE
IT'D GET YOU SOMEWHERE,
AND NOW THE GUY GETS
A LITTLE CRUSTY,
AND YOU'RE JUST
GOING TO BAG HIM.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS
WITH FRIENDS, MAN.
YOU DON'T
BAG YOUR FRIENDS
BECAUSE THEY GET
IN YOUR WAY,
NO MATTER WHAT.
YOU'VE ONLY CARED
ABOUT NUGS, CHILLIN',
AND GRINDAGE.
I HAPPEN TO CARE
RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S CONVENIENT.
YOU CAME ALONG
FOR THE RIDE,
AND YOU LET ME
DO THE DIRTY WORK
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
IT MIGHT WORK OUT
TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
THOSE ARE DESPERATE WORDS
OF A LOSER.
MAYBE MATT WILSON
WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.
TAKE THAT BACK,
STONEY.
NO, YOU TAKE IT BACK.
TAKE IT BACK!
YOU'RE A LOSER.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
FAMILY.
YOU CAN LET GO, LINK.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
IT'S OK.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT, STONE.
I'M SORRY ABOUT IT.
OW!
[RAP SONG PLAYING]
YOU LOOK GREAT.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YOU DESERVE IT.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SNIFFING]
IF YOU TOUCH HER...
SO YOU THINK
THEY'RE READY?
I DON'T KNOW.
DAVE!
DAVE, HEY.
HEY.
YOU'RE NOT READY.
I CAN'T GO.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
JUST TURN AROUND
AND GO UPSTAIRS,
PUT SOMETHING ON.
NO, REALLY, I CAN'T.
I'M ON PROBATION.
I'M GROUNDED.
HI, LINK.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU GUYS GO.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
COME ON. LET GO.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
COME ON.
DAVE, ARE YOU SURE?
GO.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
GO ON.
GET OUT OF HERE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
DRIVE SAFELY.
GOD, SHE SMELLS GOOD.
TO LINK.
MAY HE HAVE A COOL TIME
AT THE PROM.
TO LINKAGE.
THERE'S ALWAYS COLLEGE.
JUNIOR COLLEGE.
LINK, GET DOWN HERE.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
WHOA.
HA HA HA!
GOTCHA.
DAVE!
STONEY, COME ON.
UH-OH.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GIVE ME BACK
THOSE PICTURES.
NO.
HEY, COME BACK HERE.
THEY TOOK
THE POLAROIDS.
COME ON.
COME ON. THOSE
ARE OUR PICTURES.
AND IT'S UNANIMOUS.
THE VOTE FOR PROM KING
GOES TO--
WAIT!
WAIT!
WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO, MATT?
COME ON. STOP IT.
THIS IS OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?
YEAH.
YEAH.
AND WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW
IF SOMETHING BOGUS
IS GOING DOWN
IN OUR SCHOOL, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
THIS HUMMER RIGHT HERE
IS TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE.
HIS NAME ISN'T
LINKOVITCH CHOMOFSKY,
AND HE'S NOT FROM ESTONIA.
MATT, WILL YOU JUST
STOP THIS ALREADY?
SHOOSH!
TRUST ME.
THEY'VE ALL BEEN LYING
TO US,
BUT I FOUND OUT.
I KNOW THE TRUTH.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
THE TRUTH?
YEAH.
YEAH.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HE REALLY IS?
YEAH!
YEAH!
Girl:
WHAT'S THE SECRET?
HE'S A CAVEMAN.
NO. NO!
LOOK! HE'S A FREAK!
I GOT PICTURES.
NO!
LET ME SEE THOSE PICTURES.
GIVE ME BACK THOSE PICTURES.
GIVE ME THOSE.
NO.
DAVE!
HMM-MMM!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
FAG?
WHOA.
HEY.
HEY!
HEY!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
HEY!
WATCH, WATCH, WATCH.
UH-HUH.
SHOOSH!
OW!
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES
TO FEED THE MONKEY *
* SHE LIKES TO BOOGIE
* WELL, YOU GOT
TO LET ME TELL YOU *
* ALL THE STORY
* OF A HOMETOWN BOY
AND HIS MONKEY *
* HE'S GOT THAT KIND
OF MONKEY *
* THAT THE GIRLS
WANT TO KNOW *
* HE LIKES
TO TAKE HIS MONKEY *
* EVERY PLACE THAT HE GOES
OW!
* TO FEED THE MONKEY
* DIDN'T YOU KNOW
WATCH THIS.
* A FUNKY MONKEY
* I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW
* HOW DID
HE GET SO HUNGRY? *
* I'D LIKE TO KNOW
* WOULD YOU
FEED MY MONKEY? *
* WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO
THE WILD THING? *
* MY MONKEY DON'T SCRATCH,
MY MONKEY DON'T BITE *
* MY MONKEY DON'T SWING
IN NO TREE *
* MY MONKEY DON'T CHILL,
MY MONKEY DON'T DROOL *
* MY MONKEY DON'T START
A THING *
* MY MONKEY DON'T FREAK,
MY MONKEY DON'T CARE *
* MY MONKEY
GONNA BE OK *
* YOU TELL MY MONKEY
YOU WANT TO EAT *
* THEN HE'LL TURN
INTO A BIG OLD APE **
[TARZAN YELL]
[HONKING HORN]
HEY, PARTY!
WHAT YOU DID
WAS PRETTY COOL.
WHO CARES ABOUT COOL
ANYWAY, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
WELL, THERE WAS ONE
REALLY COOL THING
I WANTED
TO SHOW YOU.
WHAT?
THIS.
OH, DAVE.
HEY, BUDDY.
[ALARM SOUNDING]
AAH!
AAH!
Stoney: IT'S YOUR CAVENUG.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
OW!
AAH!
YEAH!
OW!
OW!
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, BUDDY.
SHE IS SO GREASY.
DUH!
AAH. HEY.
OW!
I'LL BE BA-ACK.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
BUENA VISTA TELEVISION
OW! YEAH, STONERS!
WHAT'S UP, BRO?
WHOO!
PARTY FIESTA!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
* YOUR LITTLE WOMAN GOT
THAT LOOK IN HER EYES *
* WANNA CUT ME DOWN
TO SIZE *
* SHOW ME WHAT YOU
GONNA DO *
* IT'S TRUE
* WHO'S THAT GORILLA
STANDIN' BY YOUR SIDE? *
* OH, NO,
THAT MUST BE A RIDE *
* YOU WOULDN'T BE
WITH SUCH A FOOL *
* CALL YOUR MAMA, TOO
* THERE'S SOMETHIN' OVER
HERE I WANT YOU TO SEE *
* THERE'S A PARTY
* BUT IT ISN'T FOR FREE
* GET SOMETHIN' STRAIGHT
BETWEEN YOU AND ME *
* BECAUSE
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* WHOA, NO, NO
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* WHOA!
* HEARTBREAKER, YEAH,
YOU CAME FOR THE SHOW *
* BUT LITTLE DID YOU KNOW
* YOU'D END UP
IN THE SPOTLIGHT *
* WELL, ALL RIGHT
* COME ON, BABE,
WON'T YOU SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT *
* READY OR NOT
* I WANT TO
* HERE WE GO
* OH, NO!
* I'M MAKIN' PLANS
FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT *
* SO TELL YOUR FATHER
THAT HE BETTER NOT FIGHT *
* MY DOGS ARE BIGGER,
AND THEY'RE READY TO BITE *
* SO COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON *
* GIVE IT UP TONIGHT
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* WHOA, NO, NO!
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* OH, NO!
* YOU'RE INVITED,
BUT YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME *
* YOUR FRIEND CAN'T COME
* WHOA, NO, NO!
* COME ON, BABE,
WE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN *
* YEAH
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN *
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN *
* WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN, BABY *
* OH, BUT SHE CAN'T COME
* WHOA!