Emmerdale Farm (1972) - full transcript

The stocktake
shouldn't take us long, anyway.

I got loads done last night.

Well, doesn't seem much point
in closing early, then.

Shall I have a word with Priya?
You could...

Or we could make the most
of having the place to ourselves.

Yeah, I realise it sounded
like I was coming on to you.

Aw, I always knew
we'd end up together (!)

Well, obviously. We'd be
Emmerdale's premier power couple.

No, I was thinking we have
ourselves a cheeky little lock-in.

And Luke's up for it.

Oh, well, I'll have to check
my diary and see if I'm free...



Ah, yeah, I forgot...

I'm always free. I have no life.

Well, today, you do.
Well, in that case,

I'll go and get some wine
or something and see you there.

Amy said yeah.
How you getting on with Matty?

Piece of cake.

And he didn't suspect anything?

No. I just told him there'd be girls
there, he almost bit my hand off.

Ah, you have done well,
my young apprentice.

Well, I aim to please.

D'you know, I've got a really
good feeling about today.

Operation M-amy...

Atty...?

Yeah, we'll work on that.
But Operation Matty and Amy is a go!



Something beautiful for the most
beautiful woman in the world.

Oh, wow, they're lovely.
Thank you.

Well, you deserve the very best.
Are you sure you like them?

Sorry, er, I'm just a bit tired,
that's all.

I'm not surprised,
the amount you do.

Yeah, just been, er...

Things have been getting
on top of me a little bit lately.

Which is why I thought
it'd be a good idea

to get away from the village
this afternoon.

So, I've booked us a table
at Santiago's, in Harrogate.

Oh, wow, I really love it there.

I know you do.

Cos it's my job to make you happy.

Thanks for taking the time
to visit the old man.

I still feel a bit anxious
coming round here.

That's to be expected.

This is your home, so I'm not gonna
let what happened sour it for me.

I might even try to get to know
some of the locals.

I'm proud of you, son.

Just make sure you give Sarah hell.
I'm not sure about "hell",

but I'll try and point her
in the right direction.

How's work been?

Not the same since my reputation

as a notorious druggy's
been doing the rounds.

The case has been dropped,
surely they don't believe it.

I don't know what they think,

but the vibe's been totally
different. I don't know,

maybe it's time I looked elsewhere.
Are you all right there?

Er, yes, ha, ha...

I have just, er, underestimated
how heavy boxes of wine are.

Oh, yeah, that's right...

Wine in a box, I'm classy like that.

Thirsty, are we?

Oh, no, it's not all for me. We're
having a lock-in at the Hide later.

But, erm, I realise I probably
shouldn't be saying that

to the whole world.

Your secret's safe with me.

Ah, you're the new vicar, are you?
I'm Amy.

Ah, please, call me Charles.

And this is my son, Ethan.
Hiya.

Ooh, I, er,
heard about the Sarah thing.

Not exactly the best welcome
to the village.

No, we usually wait until at least,
pfft, your third visit

to plant drugs on you.

Guess I got lucky!

Well, I hope it hasn't put you off?
No. I was just telling Dad

that I, erm, might try
and get to know some of the locals.

Oh, yeah, anyone in mind?
I dunno...

If only there was some sort
of lock-in going on somewhere...

Ah, you are so welcome to join!
Yeah? Yeah.

I mean, it's just a select,
bijou gathering

of some of Emmerdale's high rollers.

Really?
Nah, it's just me, Vic, and Luke.

But I've never used the word
bijou in a sentence before, so...

You used it beautifully.

Cheers. Right, better crack on.

Er, see you in a couple of hours
and I can introduce you to the gang.

Cool, I'll see you then.

DEBBIE: 'Hey, it's me.

'Thought I'd give you a call
and say hi, and I miss you.

'Listen, things have been
crazy with the kids,

'but I'm free all afternoon.
So, if you wanna meet,

'I'll definitely make it worth
your while. Let me know.'

Right, let's get going.

Er, babe, I'm so sorry...

I just had a reminder I've got
a meeting in town this afternoon.

It's completely slipped my mind.

Right, well, I'll come with you,
keep you company.

No, no, look, it may take a while.

Look, you go home, put your feet up,
and I'll see you later.

OK?
OK...

RADIO PLAYS

Where's your brother?

Er, he's not come down yet.
Well, I hope he's found some digs,

cos he's not stopping here
another night.

I don't think
he's got anywhere else to stay.

Why doesn't that surprise me?
You know he's gonna let you down.

Look, I just wanna give him
a chance.

Well, he's had plenty of chances,

and he's thrown them
back in your face every time.

I just hope
you don't end up disappointed.

Where you going?
I'm going to see Nate and Tracy.

Make sure they're all right.

Bye, then.
DOOR CLOSES

Morning.
It's half twelve.

And I've been waiting
all this time for breakfast in bed.

The service here is terrible.

Still think you're funny, do you?
I know I am.

Yeah? Well, Kim might not agree.

And neither will Cain if he finds
out she's coming for you.

Cain's got a sense of humour?

He kept that quiet.
Hey, he wants you gone.

And what about you?

Well, you know I want you here,
just need to convince Cain.

And we should probably keep the Kim
stuff between us for now. Yeah?

Whatever.

Hey, you need
to take this seriously.

You could get into a lot of bother.

Do you think she's gone
to the police already?

If she had, they'd be here by now.

Well, what's...
what's she waiting for?

Oh, I dread to think.

She seems to really have it in
for Cain.

She's coming for the garage
big time.

I saw her looking at plans.

Plans? What plans?

She wants to run the place
into the ground,

buy it cheap,
and build something there.

So that's why she had you
targeting the garage?

I guess.
Ha...

Right, you sit tight,
I'll make you something to eat.

Then you can tell me everything
that scheming cow's been up to.

One stocktake, done!

Oh! You're here.

Wow, there's a welcome (!)

No, I mean, it's...
it's nice that you're here.

It's just,
I thought it was your day off.

Yeah, it is.
I'm here for the lock-in.

Great. Excuse me...

So, erm...

Matty's here, then?
Yup.

It's not a problem, is it?

Problem? There's no problem.

I do have one question, though...

Is this some sort of lame-o
attempt by you guys

to get me and Matty
in the same room together?

Er, I mean,
I'm actually really offended

that you think we'd be so underhand
and sly.

But it is, though?

Yeah. It's exactly that.
Brilliant...

This is so cringe.
It's also a golden opportunity

to get you guys
out of the friend-zone...

DEEP VOICE: ..and into
the "love" zone.

Ugh. Never do that voice again.

So, does anyone fancy taking me on?

Amy does.

Good luck.

Ah, Moira, do come in.

I thought I could smell the stench
of farm wafting through.

All this time you have wasted
being the local bitch

when you could've been
a stand-up comedian...

Seems such a shame.

I always love a witty retort.

Come back when you have one.

Hmm. We've been waiting all
morning for the police to show up,

but they still haven't arrived.
Did you forget to call them?

On my to-do list.

Or was it an empty threat because
Mackenzie could just tell the police

that you set the whole thing up?

Being a fine, upstanding pillar
of the community that he is,

er, I'm sure they'd believe
every word.

True, but they'll probably think
you getting Noah off the hook

and sitting on the CCTV
was a little bit fishy.

I don't think it'd take much
to convince them

that he threatened to kill me
if I took that footage to them.

So, why haven't you called them yet?

Cos I'm enjoying myself.

Oh, ho, ho, Kim,
you need to get out more.

You know your brother
hates your guts, don't you?

Literally had nothing nice
to say about you at all.

You should hear what he thinks
about you.

Have you ever considered
Mack's back with you

because I want him to be there?

You can try and get inside my head
all you like,

but I'm not gonna play your games.

And this pathetic grudge
that you have against my family...

It ends now.

That's where we differ, I'm afraid.

As far as I'm concerned...

it's barely even begun.

Yes!
Ugh...

Are you sure
you've never played this before?

Oh, beginner's luck.

Helps having a good teacher, mind...

Ethan, you came!

You sure this is all right?
Yeah, course.

What is a party
without a gatecrasher?

Ethan, this is Matty...
All right, mate.

Hi. How's it going, you all right?
Yeah.

Victoria.

Hiya. Hi.
So, Ethan, how do you know Amy?

Oh, we go way back
to, erm, dinnertime...

She was trying out the word bijou
on me...

Ooh, fancy.

And I randomly invited myself
to your party.

Ah, Luke, this is Ethan.

Hiya, mate.
Hi.

Amy, could I have a word, please?

Yeah, sure.

What you doing here?

Er, Amy invited me.

It's been a while.
How... how you doing?

Er, yeah, good.

Look...

A lot's changed
since I last saw you. Erm...

It would really help me out
if we act like we haven't met.

Right...

So, as far as anyone's concerned,
we don't know each other.

I cannot tell you
how happy I am to see you.

I feel like I haven't been
out of the house for weeks.

Teenage daughters are hell.

I bet you were a right handful.

Still am.

Oh, then I'll have to keep
a close eye on you.

DISTANT BANG
You're a bit jumpy, you all right?

No, not at all.

I just know how important it is
to keep this under wraps.

You know, for you.
I've gotta be honest, though,

I'm digging the whole deserted barn
in the countryside thing.

You know what we have, it...

it's more than just sex, isn't it?

Debbie, where's this coming from?

Oh, I dunno.

I just feel like my head
goes to weird places sometimes.

Just... just need a bit
of reassurance, that's all.

Then hear this...

You're my world.

And I couldn't love you more.

I tell you what...

You wait here, I'm gonna pop home

and change into something
that will blow your mind...

Oh, I can't wait.

So, Ethan's hot.

I know, right?

Like, really hot.
Yeah.

No, that's not why
I invited him here.

So, you're still interested
in Matty?

God, yes!

But he is so beyond not interested,
it's not even funny.

He's probably just acting
like he's not interested

because he doesn't know
that you are.

You need to show him
what he's missing.

Ooh, go and flirt with Ethan.

And see how Matty reacts.

It's hardly
the most mature approach.

What have you got to lose?
Er, my dignity.

Babe, you can't lose something
you never had.

Now, go over there,

and throw yourself
at that complete stranger.

Hey, are you OK?

You seem a bit quiet.

Just tired.
How's Operation Amy and Matty going?

Oh, we've only gone
and made it into phase two.

Which is?
Desperation.

AMY CACKLES WILDLY

Are you, er... you OK?

Yeah... Look...

This might sound a bit weird, but...

Well, long story short,

me and Matty
are destined to be together,

it's just he doesn't know it yet.
So, I am...

Pretending to flirt with
the new guy to make him jealous?

Hardly my finest hour. Sorry.

Lucky for you, I've done this
a thousand times before.

I think it's best
you follow my lead.

That fake laugh was...

Hi.

Where have you been?

Out.
Out where?

I was looking for a job.

I spoke to Kim.

Oh, yeah. About what?

Everything. You.

Look, what's...
what's Kim said?

You're here
because she wants you here.

Well, that's a total lie.

She's...
she's just mixing things up.

That's what I thought.

You have a home here
for as long as you want,

but please...

Please don't betray me.

It means everything to me
you being back into my life.

I won't go near that crazy bint
again.

Honest.
Good.

And, er, she's got no intention
of going to the police...

Oh, thank God.

How did you talk her out of that?

DOOR OPENS

Still here?

I'm not just gonna turf him out.

Well, I can. Just say the word.

I want him to stay.

And if it doesn't work out,
it doesn't work out.

He knows he's fresh out of chances.

Don't you?

I won't mess up again.

Best behaviour from now on,
I promise.

Any more funny business,

I'll drop kick you all the way back
to Glasgow, got it?

Loud and clear, boss.

You destroyed me! What happened
to going easy on the new guy?

Oh, I don't take any prisoners.

I'm beginning to think that
was all a hustle.

Never underestimate me.
I am a woman of many talents.

Oh, I bet you are!

He is magnificent.

Even I'm a bit jealous.

Having fun?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great...

If we eke this out any longer,
it's just plain cruel.

He looks set to burst.

Right. I'm going in.

Here goes nothing.

Ah, erm, can I have a...?

Look, I need to come clean.

About?
Ooh, all sorts.

I, erm... I know I've messed you
around a bit,

and you probably think that
I'm not worth the hassle, but...

I really like you, Matty.

You what?
I've liked you for ages.

What about you and, er... Ethan?

I thought you guys were...

Ah, so, er...
That's confession number two.

I wasn't sure
if you still liked me or not,

so I resorted to the cheapest trick
in the book to see if you did.

Er, kinda hoping it worked,

and I haven't just exposed myself
as the massive weirdo I actually am.

I really wanna kiss you.

Supply cupboard?

Now, that is what I call a result.

So, Ethan...

Hello.
Hi.

Why don't you tell us
about yourself?

And don't skimp on the details.

Ah, I, erm... I live in Leeds,
and I work as a lawyer.

Single?
Definitely single.

I, erm... I've been taking a break
from dating.

I've got the worst taste in men
ever.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Oh, so you guys, erm...
You guys are together?

Why so surprised?

It's cos I'm massively out
of his league, isn't it?

I get it all the time.
Ha...

You know what? Erm, this
beer's really not agreeing with me.

Oh, no. Are you OK?

Erm, yeah, I feel a bit sick.

Er, I just need some air.

You know, I thought something
was bothering him.

He's never normally this quiet.

Mm.

PHONE RECORDING, DEBBIE:
'You know what we have, it...

'it's more than just sex, isn't it?'

AL: 'Debbie.
Where's this coming from?'

'Oh, I dunno.

'I just feel like my head
goes to weird places sometimes.

'Just... Just need a bit
of reassurance, that's all.'

'Then hear this.
You're my world.'

OK, turn it off.

Sorry, sorry,
but you needed to hear that.

D'you know what,
I really thought that, deep down,

he really did love me?

And that all of this
was just a blip.

God, I'm so sorry for doubting it.
I am such an idiot.

No, Priya, you're not.

He is convincing.

Sorry. It just really hurts.

I know.

So, he stayed at the barn
and waited for you?

Yeah.

It was a long wait, though.

And then I finally text him
and said summat had come up.

But you know what, that is it now.

He has got it coming,
no more waiting.

I should've made another
bank transfer last night,

but stupid me felt sorry for him.

But I've got my head
back in the game now.

Good.

I'll make another transfer
later this evening.

D'you know what? I can't...

I can't be around him
for one more minute

without wanting
to punch his face in.

I can't wait to see the look
on his face

when he realises
he has lost absolutely everything.

By tomorrow,
we will have everything in place

to blow his miserable little life
into pieces.

Hey.

What was that about?

Nothing. Just forget it.

I didn't think
I'd ever see you again.

Not after the way you walked out.

Well, it was for the best.

So, what's the deal round here?

I'm with Victoria now. We're happy.

Yeah, she seems nice. Really nice.

Yeah, and I don't want anything
to spoil that.

I don't get what your problem is.

Look, my girlfriend...

Victoria...

She's been through a lot.

And I don't want her to think
that I've lied to her

over something that doesn't mean
anything anyway.

Don't worry,
I'm not gonna out you, or...

I'm not gay.

I never said you were.

Or bi.

Ste, Stephen...
Stephen was a one-time thing.

Look, your sexuality
is nothing to be ashamed of.

Look, I don't wanna get into this
with you, all right?

You don't know me.

And I don't know you, all right?

So just stay the hell away.