Embraye bidasse... ça fume (1978) - full transcript
On a leave from the army, Cri-Cri gets with his friends and stumbles upon an hamlet of beautiful girls.
One, two...
High knees!
Section A,
ready on my command!
Attention! Head for the hurdles!
Hurry up. One after the other.
Ready for training, sergeant.
Let's go, one after the other!
Follow each other and jump!
Come on! Faster than that, damn it!
Three days!
Let's go! Come on, a little more energy!
Soldiers ready for inspection, sergeant!
Stand to attention!
Hair?
Cut, sergeant.
Go to jail!
Perfect!
- You'll shave that off quickly!
- Right away, sergeant.
Silence! Three days!
- Thank you, sergeant.
- What?
It's worth it, sergeant!
There!
Do you call that a uniform?
Here's an example. Pull this.
Pull it!
How many did you pull off?
- Five, sergeant.
- Then you'll do five days!
Well done!
Perfect!
Perfect!
On my command, rest!
Stand to attention!
Dismissed!
Sergeant?
Yes?
Which idiot did that?
It was him!
That's enough.
There are more important things to do.
What could be more important
than your husband's bike?
- The bed needs making.
- Good. The housework, too.
Yes, come on!
I haven't finished.
I need to fix the saddle.
- It doesn't matter, come on!
- Okay!
- Oh dear, what a battlefield!
- With you, we don't count the victories.
1515.
Come on, quick!
Quick!
- You!
- Yes, sir!
I know.
Four days!
Where is private Amouroux?
- At the hospital!
- On duty!
- At the gear!
- In the kitchen!
That's not true, sir!
He's at the transmissions!
- No!
- Yes!
Hey, do you call that sweeping?
What work do you do as a civilian?
I'm a sweeper!
Is it a vocation?
Yes, from father to son.
My dad did the Tour de France.
I don't see the connection.
He drove the sweeper car!
Ah yes, I see. A family of champions!
Oh, what's happening?
- Sergeant, did you fall?
- No!
And what happened to you?
They were bothering me,
but I corrected them.
- Good! Go on then, help me.
- Yes. I'll help you, sergeant.
Thanks.
Sergeant.
- Cri-Cri, stay a little longer!
- Oh. I want to be brave, but not stupid.
Don't worry. I'm sure he doesn't suspect.
Fortunately,
because I spend my life in hiding.
Oh, is it not worth it?
Yes.
- Where is that little bastard?
- Oh, no!
- Where?
- Five letters, bullfighters fear them?
Horns.
- Where?
- In the closet, of course!
Ah, so you admit it! You admit it!
Not there!
Oh, you never find anything! Here!
- Okay, let's see. Greek God, four letters.
- Amouroux!
- No. that's not it. That's eight letters!
- Are you serious?
Oh, is it nice up there?
You should have been a paratrooper!
Whose is this?
Oh, it's yours, darling!
Whose do you want it to be!
How are you, sergeant?
Good night, Cri-Cri.
- See you on Tuesday!
- See you on then!
- Guys, are you there?
- Yes!
- Is sergeant Ball-breaker around?
- No!
Good, because he's a terror.
A real nut-case!
- Is that right?
- Yes.
- Ah, no. It's not...
- No! It's the nut-case!
- Oh, you know. I just said...
- Go to the cabin!
And not just for the night,
believe me! Come on!
- Ouch!
- Oh, what is it?
Ah, I'm telling you.
You should've seen his face!
Not the proud Parisian: "Sorry, sergeant."
"I won't do it again, I promise."
A real wimp.
He literally rolled over.
This has been tampered with!
It was Amouroux!
That one will end up
in a cabin in no time!
Well, he's already there.
Well, that's too bad.
For God's sake, you can see I'm stuck!
Come and help me!
Oh, well. Another thing.
Yes?
Yes, captain...
Right away, captain.
The captain has called me in urgently.
It smells like an emergency at this time.
Here, take this.
Is it intelligence
that makes you look fat?
No, it's recovery.
Some idiot left this lying around.
You're lucky
I don't have time to punish both of you.
Come in.
- Captain.
- Ah, it's you. About time.
I've had Major Dubois in.
Oh, how is he?
I learned
he was having trouble with sciatica.
Operations have been brought forward
a month.
Operations!
Is the equipment ready?
Yes, the equipment!
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
- Yes, I understand what you're saying.
- Good.
But, captain, it's just that everything
was planned for a month's time.
- So?
- So nothing is ready!
And the men that do it aren't there.
Not there? What do you mean not there?
- Brunet's getting married to his girl.
- Who to?
- To his wife.
- Ah! What?
I mean, Brunet is marrying his girl...
I don't care!
Well, if you don't care...
Delaplace has quilts.
- Huh?
- Pillows.
And then leave is on Brochart.
- What?
- No... on a brochure...
- Huh?
- No... B-Brochart is on leave!
- Ah!
- As for Larousse...
- He's sowing!
- Huh?
Ah, that's funny!
And Amouroux?
Amouroux... is erm...
Still in jail?
- I'll explain!
- No, I don't want to know.
He's the best mechanic here,
so deal with it.
Everything has to be ready.
It's only operations that count.
Dismissed.
I haven't seen him today.
- Dismissed!
- Ah! Perfect.
I had forgotten.
Sergeant, you shouldn't fool around.
I hope this is the last one!
There are 20 more trucks to check.
I've had enough.
I don't care. Get to work!
- Okay, ten days!
- What? What do you mean ten days?
Listen, sir. Did you remove the
prison sentence to check the equipment?
Yes!
Well, ten days of exceptional leave.
Never!
As you like, sir.
It's weird. Now I don't feel so good.
Oh, bastard! Little bastard!
- But likable, right sir?
- Yes.
Say it better than that!
- Better than that!
- Yes. There!
- And my ten days?
- Agreed, accepted!
But you're in for a rough ride.
Right, back to work!
Yes, you're right. The sooner I'm done,
the sooner I can leave.
What the hell is this?
Stop!
Gentlemen, I want to thank you
and congratulate you.
You were faithful to my call
and on time to the meeting.
You, Aurélien,
you didn't hesitate to leave
your father's notary office to join me.
It's beautiful. It's great!
And you, Bobby,
you abandoned your medical studies,
what can I say, science
to unite your body and soul to friendship.
It's wonderful!
I owe you my warmest gratitude.
Now, let's enjoy ourselves!
- We've got ten days to let loose!
- Not a minute to lose!
- Waiter, a cola!
- A 7-up!
And the check for me. It's my round!
And how's it going in the ranks?
Don't, the sergeant's always on my back.
I spend half my life in the jail.
- Not true!
- Yes.
Anyway, it's great meeting up with you!
- Yeah.
- Today it's every man for himself.
Whatever happens, meet here tomorrow.
- First to arrive can order drinks.
- It won't be me.
Oh, that's mechanics.
Please, I was there before you.
- Well, that was a good start.
- Yeah.
The old girl's a bit easy!
You're curious about women.
When they don't want you, you insult them.
When they do want you, you yell at them.
What are you looking for?
A billionaire virgin
who falls at my feet in love.
Ah yes, it's not fun. It's just routine.
- It's everyday.
- We'll see.
Did you see that?
At first look, she's not a billionaire,
so she's not for you!
See you!
Oh, take my bag and pay.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure. I'm happy to help.
- Who are you?
- The after-sales service.
That's good. Well, thanks again.
- Is this nice bike yours?
- Are you interested in motorbikes?
- My name is Sonia, and you are?
- Christian.
Cri-Cri for the ladies and lovely girls.
Could Cri-Cri take this girl to her house?
Careful, we're taking off.
If you want to give directions,
tap on my back.
Right shoulder for right. Left for left.
Well, I'd like to but...
Oh, yes. In that case,
kiss the ear of your choosing.
Let's hope it's not a straight road!
Here, Monica!
- Thank you, Alan. See you next week!
- Bye!
What are you doing there?
Waiting for you.
I don't know you.
I'm Aurélien, and you?
Monica.
Look at that. We're already old friends.
I guess you want me to drop you off.
On your heart, in your sheets,
but definitely not outside!
I've met cheeky boys before,
but none like you!
I know, I'm unique!
Where are you going?
Well, with you. I'm not leaving you now.
Okay.
You're planning something.
Yes, but I highly doubt
it's the same thing as you.
Hi!
This is Bobby!
Hi!
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
Hello!
Hello everyone!
Hello.
Well done. He's very cute.
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
And it seems like he's got chat.
Hi!
Everyone, this is Cri-Cri.
- Hi!
- Hi!
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
They're definitely going to get along.
- What are you playing at?
- And you?
We're failing our duties by not
introducing ourselves. I'm Noémie!
Joelle!
I'm Nathalie. You can call me Nat.
And the quiet one over there is Karine.
We call her Joan of Arc.
But it's not because of the voices!
And this is Isabelle, the complainer.
It's fine.
If I'm bothering you, I can leave.
Don't start, you two. We have guests.
Guests that we forgot to introduce
to each other.
Cri-Cri, Bobby. Bobby, Cri-Cri.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
We're just missing...
Aurélien.
This is Aurélien!
He's a Taurus.
You bet!
Taurus, rising Virgo!
Well, this rising sign will please Karine.
Wow!
Well, I wasn't expecting this!
That's what I was going to say!
We've hit the jackpot!
Bobby, Cri-Cri.
Hi!
Hello, Taurus!
Oh, this fucking chair. It's unbelievable!
Leave it. I'll fix it.
Leave it to me!
- I'll take care of it.
- It's a man's job!
No need to argue...
Since you seem to like to help...
It's good timing!
You were sent from the stars.
There are a few little things to mend.
Oh, don't worry. It's not much!
It's nothing big, but it needs to be done!
Bobby will work on the tower
in the morning.
Aurélien will reconstruct the scaffolding.
As for Cri-Cri...
I think we may have gone a bit hard
for the first day.
It's the same every time.
We're finding guys
and killing them on the first day...
Exactly.
They're no better than the last ones.
It's our fault.
When we get boys in to build the village,
we need to pick properly.
- Only get the strong ones.
- Damn, they've got nerve!
We could make them do tests.
What tests?
Idiot!
Okay, I've got it.
I don't want three dead bodies
on my conscience.
Shit, there's the first!
We need to do something!
- Mum.
- You'll see your mum soon!
- My hand, my hand!
- His hand!
Oh, his poor hand!
Look, he's having a ball!
What about us?
Shush!
In these cases, the best thing is
to give mouth-to-mouth.
I met Joelle
when I was at architecture school.
She was telling me about
this idea she had:
to buy an abandoned village and fix it up.
I borrowed some money from my dad,
but it wasn't enough.
And then what?
Then I met Sonia,
who told me about her project.
Then I talked to other girlfriends
who had some money.
And that's how we became owners
of a whole village!
- That?
- Well, almost all of it!
Right.
And did you find it like that by chance?
No, no.
We had the choice of a few villages.
Noémie wasn't working, so
she came to visit them and chose this one.
I'm talking and talking.
We've walked a lot.
You aren't too tired? Where are you?
Here! I'm dead!
Well, you've recovered quickly!
- Did you believe me?
- Not for a second!
It's weird, eh?
Every time it's my turn to cook,
they're on a diet!
They don't know what they're missing!
Your fish is great!
It's chicken.
I was joking. Of course it's chicken!
Chicken with white sauce!
It's mashed potato, not white sauce!
- Karine, aren't you eating?
- No.
She's eating him with her eyes.
She's had plenty!
The Virgo devouring her Leo!
Oh, that's enough.
Oh, don't be mad!
We were all virgins once!
Not for long.
Are you happy?
Everyone knows now!
- What's up with her?
- She never gets offended!
Don't worry. I'll sort this out.
You know, they're not being mean, Karine.
They're just messing around, that's all!
But you're not angry at me, are you?
Eh?
If you're not angry at the trout either,
stop throwing stones at them.
- So...
- Yes?
It's really bad at my age not to...
Not at all. But you're at an age
where you can explore.
- Cri-Cri?
- Yes?
Do you want to?
To be my first?
Well, yes. With the greatest pleasure.
Well, then. I'm waiting.
Oh, shit!
Cri-Cri, come on!
Quickly!
Come on, there's no rush... Shit!
Oh Cri-Cri, please.
Stop acting like a clown!
This is a big moment for me!
Cri-Cri,
My throat is tight.
Not just your throat!
Please Cri-Cri,
I beg you.
You've waited 18 years,
you can wait another minute!
Silence!
And it is on this great day, uh I mean,
on this great day,
it is my honor to declare
that this shower
which represents the epitome
of community effort, which...
Put it in gear, it's smoking!
- Okay, who has the scissors?
- Me! Can I do it?
I declare the shower open!
Let's go! Everyone get naked!
What's up with her?
A woman is born.
- What?
- A woman is born!
Do you live with your parents?
- Aurélien!
- Aurélien!
It's not me!
- It was him, sergeant!
- Well, we really don't understand.
Eh, Paulo?
Imbeciles, idiots!
Thanks to you,
we risk the enemy knowing our position!
- We didn't mean to!
- It'll take more than that!
We just put it in the barrel like this...
No!
Yes.
Everyone on the ground!
I'm going to stay calm!
I'm trying to stay calm!
I don't want to see or hear any bullshit
throughout these operations, understood?
Yes, sir!
- Section A!
- Yes, sir!
Attention!
Go and see if the enemy is hiding
in the village!
- Yes, sir!
- Section A, follow me!
One, two! One, two!
- One, two! One, two!
- What the hell did I say?
Go that way!
What is this? Come on.
Follow the section!
What the hell did I say to those jerks?
Shit, the shower!
The moon entered Jupiter at 7:32,
which is not a good sign.
Look!
- Is it a war or what?
- No, it looks more like training.
It's the season for it.
Maybe,
but they need to be told to calm down.
This isn't a training ground!
You're right. It's private property.
Wow!
Chicks!
Real ones... Bloody good ones.
Yeah. Oh, those legs.
Wow, amazing.
Section A. Fall in!
These operations, what a find!
Chicks, loads of chicks. Wow!
Oh, guys!
Yes, yes, I understand. What's that?
What do you want me to say?
Yes, that's it!
Fall into place!
Section A reporting, sergeant!
- Well?
- Nothing to report, sir!
- No blues on the horizon.
- Perfect!
We're the first, so we're the best!
Attention!
Perfect.
Very good.
No enemies, sir, but there are birds!
Well, chicks. I mean girls.
There you go again. You're obsessed!
Silence!
Girls, are you sure?
Yeah!
Are they pretty at least?
Superb, sergeant. Superb!
With boobs... I mean very pretty, yes.
Amazing!
- Silence!
- We said silence!
- And how many were there?
- Five, sergeant.
Five, all of them beautiful,
each and every one.
Ten!
No, I assure you.
I took the time to count.
Ten boobs!
Well, ten things like this, so five girls.
Fifteen!
Oh, you're getting carried away.
There were five, but conversational.
No, I believe the boss means
fifteen days in jail!
Exactly!
- For seeing five girls?
- Yes!
That's expensive for a tit!
Silence! I said silence! What is this?
Attention!
Sergeant, there's a phone call for you!
Fall out!
He's coming.
It's the captain, sir.
- Should I transfer it to your office?
- Yes.
Hello? Yes. Yes, captain.
Absolutely, captain.
Yes, captain. Line 493.
- The map!
- What?
The map, for god's sake!
Yes, captain, I have it here.
I have it here on the map.
Yes, captain.
We're occupying the village
and taking position within 48 hours.
Yes, captain! We'll hold, captain.
My little Gontran,
it'll be a piece of cake.
We'll give those greens a thrashing!
- Blues, sergeant!
- The color doesn't matter!
We're the strong ones,
so there won't be a problem.
Sergeant! We have a problem!
What's wrong? Explain!
Well, explain!
There are civilians
who want to talk to you!
Civilians?
Impossible. No man has the right
to enter a military zone!
No, no man has the right!
But they aren't men, they're...
Young ladies, soldier!
- Leave it to me--
- What the...
Ladies?
Are you responsible for this ruckus?
We'll be nice.
You have an hour to clear out
your troops and equipment.
Understood?
You destroyed our shower.
You ruined the landscape.
And you disrupted our sleep!
So, it's simple.
Take your squabble elsewhere
and we'll be friends, okay?
You seem nervous!
What's your star sign, corporal?
- Sergeant!
- Corporal!
Nothing.
Oh, you're coughing a lot, sergeant!
You should put garlic in your socks!
Well?
Well, that would be a no!
They said it's their land.
Their land! Well, that's not right!
We're the ones that bought this village,
they're on our land!
Look, you don't have to worry about it.
You just have to show them proof
that it's your land.
Proof?
Well, yes. Your sales agreement.
Did you sign a contract?
Of course.
We didn't win this village in a lucky dip!
Where did you put it?
Erm...
Don't worry, I'll go and find it.
We messed up.
There was a sergeant we called "corporal"!
A sergeant? I know one.
He has a cuckold's face.
Oh yeah? That'll be mine!
Plumet, you'll be on guard here!
Onward!
Oh, holy cow!
What luck!
The dream!
Paradise...
What a blast!
What an idiot!
Oh là là!
Oh, she's so beautiful!
Oh, beautiful breasts!
She's going to take it off!
Now turn around, yeah!
Come on!
Oh, what a nice...
What a nice ass!
Oh, shit! Where could I have put it?
Well, the contract?
Well, the contract?
Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for it.
She's looking for it.
Thanks, I heard.
He heard her, eh?
If she thinks she has me!
Ah, sir!
Sir!
An enemy attack?
Not really, sir!
I was at my observation point, there.
Yes.
Standing still.
- I don't know what happened...
- Oh, right.
Something fell on my head.
Something the size of a fat cow!
Really?
- Well, go to the infirmary!
- Yes, sir!
I'll give him a fat cow!
Fat cow.
He deserves three days for that, sir!
- Well?
- I couldn't find it.
That's what I thought.
There is no contract!
What?
No contract? Is he taking us for liars?
And we even put all our savings into it!
Silence! We've had enough messing around.
I know one thing.
You're here on military land.
You will evacuate immediately!
- No way!
- The village is ours!
- We rebuilt it.
- It's you that will be leaving.
Play war somewhere else!
Goddamn it, what did you say?
She told you to play around
somewhere else!
- Silence!
- I'd like to tell you the same.
I said silence!
Come on girls. That's not the end of it,
but we've got work to do!
- Oh, sergeant, you're bleeding!
- It's nothing. I can deal with pain!
Oh, be careful, sir. No kidding.
I have a friend that got tetanus.
What?
Yes, he got gangrene
and had to have his hand cut off.
- Do you think so?
- Absolutely!
Yes, sir,
and then its crap to salute with!
Well, I'm going to the infirmary
and I'll be back for the evacuation.
- The nurse is sick. She's been evacuated!
- So?
Well, we have vaccines with us anyway.
We need to find someone
that can give injections.
Ah, we have a doctor.
Idiot!
Well, when I say doctor,
one of the girls is a medical student.
She'll do. Send her to me right away.
Okay. We'll send someone to you,
but on one condition!
Oh, don't blackmail me.
This is military ground
and you have to leave.
Don't be fussy, sergeant.
It's five o'clock.
We've been working all day, we're
exhausted, disgusting and want to wash.
Well then, wash.
How? You idiots destroyed
our shower when you came!
- I beg your pardon!
- Idiots!
- So we want to use yours!
- Is that it? Okay then, deal.
Get the hell out of here!
But, sergeant, you told me to come here!
And now I'm saying get the hell out!
- Is it in here for the injection?
- Yes, come in quickly!
There's our sick boy!
Oh, don't exaggerate.
It's just a little boo-boo.
It's more serious than I thought!
Serious? Are you sure?
Don't you worry.
Christine, be a doll
and pass the alcohol and cotton.
Hello, lieutenant.
- Do you need anything, sergeant?
- Get out!
- Yes, sergeant!
- Unbelievable!
You're pretty.
- Here, darling.
- Thank you, darling!
Oh, that hurts.
Here is the tetanus shot.
Is that really necessary?
Come on, let's see it.
What?
Your...
Well, your ass!
You should have said.
You can't be serious, Christine.
You've missed three times.
It must hurt the poor sergeant.
No, no, it's fine.
He's fine.
Okay, try one more time
and, if you can't, I'll do it!
How's it going, guys?
I'm in a rush. I'm on potato duty.
- Hi, Plumet!
- Hi!
Hi, Plumet!
SHOWERS
He's got some nerve!
Well?
- It feels good, eh?
- You bet it feels good!
- Yeah, but you see...
- What?
They weren't very hot!
We'll make do.
- You're right, like in the war.
- Like in the war!
Goddamn it!
Well, shit.
We're just as good as four-eyes,
aren't we?
Yeah!
What's going on here? At ease!
- Go on, to the cabin!
- It isn't built yet, sir!
I don't care! On the double! One, two!
Hello, sir!
It's a bummer being in jail
in weather like this!
He seems like
he's got a very bad headache.
It's normal for a sergeant.
He's thinking a lot
so he gets tired faster!
That must be it.
Remember that, Pichard.
Thanks, my friend. It was nice of you
to let us use your showers.
My pleasure.
What are you playing at?
I'm digging a tunnel.
I'm escaping.
Shit! Watch what you're doing!
Oh, don't worry.
Watering things usually makes them grow.
Well, that seems to have had
a strange effect on you!
My mum told me that girls weren't made
the same as boys.
Well, she made a fool of me!
Goodbye, handsome soldiers.
- It's not good to lie to your children.
- No.
What are you playing at now?
I'm escaping!
Damn, it works!
Let's get him! Give him some soap first!
Sergeant!
What the hell is this?
Sergeant!
What's going on here!
I was passing by and there I was.
- Doing what?
- Nothing, sergeant!
Tomorrow morning, seven a.m. sharp,
you'll board the trucks!
- But I--
- There's no I!
I said seven a.m. sharp!
No way. We're not in the army!
They'll be coming for you anyway.
You again? Get the hell out of here!
Sergeant!
The big guy isn't joking anymore!
What are we going to do?
What do you want to do?
Well, did you find the contract?
I'm looking.
Yeah,
maybe if you were a little tidier too.
I have an idea.
What it would take...
Yes?
is to put their suspicion to sleep.
Maybe not just their suspicion.
Great!
DANGER
Three in that one!
Karine, the guards!
You in here!
Oh, the girls!
Drink up. It's going to be a party!
Kiss me!
I'll have a little sip.
- Kiss me?
- No! Drink up!
Yes, it's good wine.
Maybe we've overdone it a little!
Sergeant!
Yes?
Come closer to the canvas,
I have a confession to make.
Ever since I saw you,
I haven't stopped thinking of you.
Is that right?
- You keep me up at night.
- Ah! Come in and join me!
Not right now, tomorrow!
What is it that you like about me?
Your charm.
Come closer. Your authority.
Come closer.
Yes!
Closer.
Oh, come back!
- Are you interested in mechanics, darling?
- It's my passion!
But it's not a thing for young girls.
I know. That's what my big brother
always tells me.
A sneaky little drink, sir?
No thanks. Your friends just
offered me some, but I don't drink.
Like my big brother!
He's like you: tall, muscly,
a gorgeous boy.
Well, what would you like to know?
What's that little coloured thread for?
- Oh, it's so cute!
- This little thread is the link between...
Good night!
Where are the men?
Oh, for the love of God!
Is that you, darling?
Did you bring me croissants?
Croissants! Here you go!
Here's one that's working!
Well done! Where are the others?
Tell me, what are they playing at?
- Oh!
- Oh, hello, sir.
Oh, well... This is really...
Those bitches!
They sabotaged everything,
the equipment and men.
That's it, they'll hear from me.
Those bitches!
Get up in there, bunch of crooks!
This is not a holiday!
Come on, hurry up! You'll see!
Yes, sir.
- What's this, sir?
- Well, it's a duck.
Come on, hurry. Quicker than that!
What did that bunch of morons do to me?
They're my shoes.
Ah, I've got it. Those bitches.
Those bitches...
Come on, run, for God's sake. Do as I say!
Let's go. Get a move on!
Hurry. Come on, faster.
Everyone in position.
Let's go, for God's sake!
What is this, you bunch of slackers?
Are these men? No!
Well, come on.
It's not a big deal. Jump over!
Climb!
I said climb!
Keep up, hurry!
Let's go!
Let's go!
I'm scared, sir!
I don't want to know. Jump! What is this?
Go!
I said jump!
Let's go. Get a move on, now!
Jump!
We're not falling, we're climbing!
Come on. Faster than that, dummy!
You're worse than a dummy,
you're an imbecile!
Climb!
What the hell is that?
Come on. Do as I say, for God's sake!
Jump!
Come on, jump!
Jump! For God's sake! Jump!
I'll teach you to jump.
What does this mean?
Come on! Jump!
Hurry up!
Go!
Quickly!
Good, now come back!
Well, come back. We told you to come back!
Come back!
- Well, where are they?
- I don't know, sir!
Oh, boy!
- Follow me, Gontran?
- Yes, sir. Careful not to fall, sir.
No. It's quite dangerous, you see.
- I've got you.
- Yes, I'm going.
Oh, guys. I've got the best one!
Not that one! That's my wife!
- Nat, what do I do with the jug?
- Put it in that room, at the back.
Okay.
One day, you'll be a great doctor.
Can you predict my specialty?
The heart, maybe?
Well, I'll be your first patient.
I'll finish the suitcase.
You can put away the vase if you want.
I'm not in your way, am I, guys?
No. Isabelle, not here. Good grief!
Where will I put this?
You know,
it's been great!
Will I see you again in Paris?
You don't need me anymore.
You're a big girl.
- They're here.
- They're here!
We don't give a damn!
Hey, guys!
This is a bill of sale of a village
in ruins to a group represented by--
He could have told us.
We wouldn't have believed it.
Hey, girls!
Yes, what?
- Do you want to have some fun?
- Yeah!
I have an idea.
What?
Come on, ladies. Let's go!
You're leaving already? What a shame.
Well, goodbye, sergeant.
I don't think you'll be missed.
What's going on now?
It so happens that
we found the bill of sale.
So you are on our land
and you'd better leave fast
if you don't want us to get in your way.
Indeed, you are the owners
of St Brouillac village!
- Ah!
- But...
This is not St Brouillac...
It's St Marcillac!
What?
Well, this is messing up your plan.
Not at all. On the contrary!
Come on, ladies. You're leaving!
No!
Listen,
is this the village you came to see
before we bought it?
Well, yes, I came to this one,
but I saw about 20.
Maybe I told the lawyer the wrong name.
It happens to everyone.
Sometimes, yes, but not all the time!
St Brouillac is about 20 kilometers away.
That way!
On you go!
You'll do four days!
Okay, ladies. Get moving.
I said move!
Oh, we're not going to be split up
like that, my handsome soldier.
Come in for a drink!
Raise one to friendship!
No, that won't be possible. We're on duty.
Then, you never know,
sometimes there's just one step
between friendship and love.
Oh, well. That's right. Let's go.
- Sergeant Morel?
- He's not here.
I see that. Where is he?
He's at the girls' house with my brother.
What a disgrace!
Attention!
Cover up!
What's going on here?
A party, a fair, having fun, captain.
Why are you in this state?
Hey guys, he's asking why we're drunk.
We're drunk because we drank apple juice.
He said apple juice!
Here! Do you want to have a drink?
Why are you undressed?
Oh, we don't know.
It's a mystery!
- No! It was the girls.
- Girls?
Yes, they wanted us to have a contest
to see who was the most handsome
and the most beautiful.
Yes, and it was me that won!
Oh, it was you--
- That surprised you.
- Don't touch me!
The boss!
Girls, what girls?
Well, our girls!
- The ones from here!
- Okay.
Yes!
The ones from here, I said!
Come on, let me whisper in your ear.
Their bodies are first class!
Oh, yeah. You should have seen their tits!
And you should have seen their...
Eight girls just for us.
Eight girls all to ourselves!
- And where are they?
- Oh, yes!
They went out to get more to drink.
Because we're thirsty, eh, boys?
Yes, sir!
When they come back,
we're going to surprise them!
It'll be so funny!
Come on, boys. Undress the captain!
Do not touch me!
This is a disciplinary action!
We don't care!
Here's something else!
Where are we going?
My good man, what's the quickest way
to get to St Brouillac?
St Brouillac?
Well, go straight ahead,
turn left before my house.
Then in front of Louise's house
and then you're there.
That's it!
- You won't forget me?
- No.
Promise! You'll think of me?
Yes.
Okay.
- Are they really going to St Brouillac?
- Yes.
- Well, they're not done laughing!
- Why?
Well, with the 300 soldiers doing
their operations there!
- Bye! Good luck!
- See you soon!
Have fun!
Bye!
Faster than that!
You there, wait!
We've got some scores to settle!
Them again!
- How long do we have to lug them around?
- No. We're going to get rid of them now!
Come on, faster!
Wait for us!
I'm tired. Wait for us!
Son of a bitch!
- How are you feeling?
- Absolutely fine!
Are you okay, sergeant?
Very well, my little Gontran!
Hello?
Yes.
Sergeant, it's for you. It's the general!
Ah, yes.
Yes, general.
Gontran, I'm fired!
Thank you, general.
I'm the sergeant!
I'll get them down!
High knees!
Section A,
ready on my command!
Attention! Head for the hurdles!
Hurry up. One after the other.
Ready for training, sergeant.
Let's go, one after the other!
Follow each other and jump!
Come on! Faster than that, damn it!
Three days!
Let's go! Come on, a little more energy!
Soldiers ready for inspection, sergeant!
Stand to attention!
Hair?
Cut, sergeant.
Go to jail!
Perfect!
- You'll shave that off quickly!
- Right away, sergeant.
Silence! Three days!
- Thank you, sergeant.
- What?
It's worth it, sergeant!
There!
Do you call that a uniform?
Here's an example. Pull this.
Pull it!
How many did you pull off?
- Five, sergeant.
- Then you'll do five days!
Well done!
Perfect!
Perfect!
On my command, rest!
Stand to attention!
Dismissed!
Sergeant?
Yes?
Which idiot did that?
It was him!
That's enough.
There are more important things to do.
What could be more important
than your husband's bike?
- The bed needs making.
- Good. The housework, too.
Yes, come on!
I haven't finished.
I need to fix the saddle.
- It doesn't matter, come on!
- Okay!
- Oh dear, what a battlefield!
- With you, we don't count the victories.
1515.
Come on, quick!
Quick!
- You!
- Yes, sir!
I know.
Four days!
Where is private Amouroux?
- At the hospital!
- On duty!
- At the gear!
- In the kitchen!
That's not true, sir!
He's at the transmissions!
- No!
- Yes!
Hey, do you call that sweeping?
What work do you do as a civilian?
I'm a sweeper!
Is it a vocation?
Yes, from father to son.
My dad did the Tour de France.
I don't see the connection.
He drove the sweeper car!
Ah yes, I see. A family of champions!
Oh, what's happening?
- Sergeant, did you fall?
- No!
And what happened to you?
They were bothering me,
but I corrected them.
- Good! Go on then, help me.
- Yes. I'll help you, sergeant.
Thanks.
Sergeant.
- Cri-Cri, stay a little longer!
- Oh. I want to be brave, but not stupid.
Don't worry. I'm sure he doesn't suspect.
Fortunately,
because I spend my life in hiding.
Oh, is it not worth it?
Yes.
- Where is that little bastard?
- Oh, no!
- Where?
- Five letters, bullfighters fear them?
Horns.
- Where?
- In the closet, of course!
Ah, so you admit it! You admit it!
Not there!
Oh, you never find anything! Here!
- Okay, let's see. Greek God, four letters.
- Amouroux!
- No. that's not it. That's eight letters!
- Are you serious?
Oh, is it nice up there?
You should have been a paratrooper!
Whose is this?
Oh, it's yours, darling!
Whose do you want it to be!
How are you, sergeant?
Good night, Cri-Cri.
- See you on Tuesday!
- See you on then!
- Guys, are you there?
- Yes!
- Is sergeant Ball-breaker around?
- No!
Good, because he's a terror.
A real nut-case!
- Is that right?
- Yes.
- Ah, no. It's not...
- No! It's the nut-case!
- Oh, you know. I just said...
- Go to the cabin!
And not just for the night,
believe me! Come on!
- Ouch!
- Oh, what is it?
Ah, I'm telling you.
You should've seen his face!
Not the proud Parisian: "Sorry, sergeant."
"I won't do it again, I promise."
A real wimp.
He literally rolled over.
This has been tampered with!
It was Amouroux!
That one will end up
in a cabin in no time!
Well, he's already there.
Well, that's too bad.
For God's sake, you can see I'm stuck!
Come and help me!
Oh, well. Another thing.
Yes?
Yes, captain...
Right away, captain.
The captain has called me in urgently.
It smells like an emergency at this time.
Here, take this.
Is it intelligence
that makes you look fat?
No, it's recovery.
Some idiot left this lying around.
You're lucky
I don't have time to punish both of you.
Come in.
- Captain.
- Ah, it's you. About time.
I've had Major Dubois in.
Oh, how is he?
I learned
he was having trouble with sciatica.
Operations have been brought forward
a month.
Operations!
Is the equipment ready?
Yes, the equipment!
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
- Yes, I understand what you're saying.
- Good.
But, captain, it's just that everything
was planned for a month's time.
- So?
- So nothing is ready!
And the men that do it aren't there.
Not there? What do you mean not there?
- Brunet's getting married to his girl.
- Who to?
- To his wife.
- Ah! What?
I mean, Brunet is marrying his girl...
I don't care!
Well, if you don't care...
Delaplace has quilts.
- Huh?
- Pillows.
And then leave is on Brochart.
- What?
- No... on a brochure...
- Huh?
- No... B-Brochart is on leave!
- Ah!
- As for Larousse...
- He's sowing!
- Huh?
Ah, that's funny!
And Amouroux?
Amouroux... is erm...
Still in jail?
- I'll explain!
- No, I don't want to know.
He's the best mechanic here,
so deal with it.
Everything has to be ready.
It's only operations that count.
Dismissed.
I haven't seen him today.
- Dismissed!
- Ah! Perfect.
I had forgotten.
Sergeant, you shouldn't fool around.
I hope this is the last one!
There are 20 more trucks to check.
I've had enough.
I don't care. Get to work!
- Okay, ten days!
- What? What do you mean ten days?
Listen, sir. Did you remove the
prison sentence to check the equipment?
Yes!
Well, ten days of exceptional leave.
Never!
As you like, sir.
It's weird. Now I don't feel so good.
Oh, bastard! Little bastard!
- But likable, right sir?
- Yes.
Say it better than that!
- Better than that!
- Yes. There!
- And my ten days?
- Agreed, accepted!
But you're in for a rough ride.
Right, back to work!
Yes, you're right. The sooner I'm done,
the sooner I can leave.
What the hell is this?
Stop!
Gentlemen, I want to thank you
and congratulate you.
You were faithful to my call
and on time to the meeting.
You, Aurélien,
you didn't hesitate to leave
your father's notary office to join me.
It's beautiful. It's great!
And you, Bobby,
you abandoned your medical studies,
what can I say, science
to unite your body and soul to friendship.
It's wonderful!
I owe you my warmest gratitude.
Now, let's enjoy ourselves!
- We've got ten days to let loose!
- Not a minute to lose!
- Waiter, a cola!
- A 7-up!
And the check for me. It's my round!
And how's it going in the ranks?
Don't, the sergeant's always on my back.
I spend half my life in the jail.
- Not true!
- Yes.
Anyway, it's great meeting up with you!
- Yeah.
- Today it's every man for himself.
Whatever happens, meet here tomorrow.
- First to arrive can order drinks.
- It won't be me.
Oh, that's mechanics.
Please, I was there before you.
- Well, that was a good start.
- Yeah.
The old girl's a bit easy!
You're curious about women.
When they don't want you, you insult them.
When they do want you, you yell at them.
What are you looking for?
A billionaire virgin
who falls at my feet in love.
Ah yes, it's not fun. It's just routine.
- It's everyday.
- We'll see.
Did you see that?
At first look, she's not a billionaire,
so she's not for you!
See you!
Oh, take my bag and pay.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure. I'm happy to help.
- Who are you?
- The after-sales service.
That's good. Well, thanks again.
- Is this nice bike yours?
- Are you interested in motorbikes?
- My name is Sonia, and you are?
- Christian.
Cri-Cri for the ladies and lovely girls.
Could Cri-Cri take this girl to her house?
Careful, we're taking off.
If you want to give directions,
tap on my back.
Right shoulder for right. Left for left.
Well, I'd like to but...
Oh, yes. In that case,
kiss the ear of your choosing.
Let's hope it's not a straight road!
Here, Monica!
- Thank you, Alan. See you next week!
- Bye!
What are you doing there?
Waiting for you.
I don't know you.
I'm Aurélien, and you?
Monica.
Look at that. We're already old friends.
I guess you want me to drop you off.
On your heart, in your sheets,
but definitely not outside!
I've met cheeky boys before,
but none like you!
I know, I'm unique!
Where are you going?
Well, with you. I'm not leaving you now.
Okay.
You're planning something.
Yes, but I highly doubt
it's the same thing as you.
Hi!
This is Bobby!
Hi!
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
Hello!
Hello everyone!
Hello.
Well done. He's very cute.
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
And it seems like he's got chat.
Hi!
Everyone, this is Cri-Cri.
- Hi!
- Hi!
Well, I wasn't expecting this.
They're definitely going to get along.
- What are you playing at?
- And you?
We're failing our duties by not
introducing ourselves. I'm Noémie!
Joelle!
I'm Nathalie. You can call me Nat.
And the quiet one over there is Karine.
We call her Joan of Arc.
But it's not because of the voices!
And this is Isabelle, the complainer.
It's fine.
If I'm bothering you, I can leave.
Don't start, you two. We have guests.
Guests that we forgot to introduce
to each other.
Cri-Cri, Bobby. Bobby, Cri-Cri.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
We're just missing...
Aurélien.
This is Aurélien!
He's a Taurus.
You bet!
Taurus, rising Virgo!
Well, this rising sign will please Karine.
Wow!
Well, I wasn't expecting this!
That's what I was going to say!
We've hit the jackpot!
Bobby, Cri-Cri.
Hi!
Hello, Taurus!
Oh, this fucking chair. It's unbelievable!
Leave it. I'll fix it.
Leave it to me!
- I'll take care of it.
- It's a man's job!
No need to argue...
Since you seem to like to help...
It's good timing!
You were sent from the stars.
There are a few little things to mend.
Oh, don't worry. It's not much!
It's nothing big, but it needs to be done!
Bobby will work on the tower
in the morning.
Aurélien will reconstruct the scaffolding.
As for Cri-Cri...
I think we may have gone a bit hard
for the first day.
It's the same every time.
We're finding guys
and killing them on the first day...
Exactly.
They're no better than the last ones.
It's our fault.
When we get boys in to build the village,
we need to pick properly.
- Only get the strong ones.
- Damn, they've got nerve!
We could make them do tests.
What tests?
Idiot!
Okay, I've got it.
I don't want three dead bodies
on my conscience.
Shit, there's the first!
We need to do something!
- Mum.
- You'll see your mum soon!
- My hand, my hand!
- His hand!
Oh, his poor hand!
Look, he's having a ball!
What about us?
Shush!
In these cases, the best thing is
to give mouth-to-mouth.
I met Joelle
when I was at architecture school.
She was telling me about
this idea she had:
to buy an abandoned village and fix it up.
I borrowed some money from my dad,
but it wasn't enough.
And then what?
Then I met Sonia,
who told me about her project.
Then I talked to other girlfriends
who had some money.
And that's how we became owners
of a whole village!
- That?
- Well, almost all of it!
Right.
And did you find it like that by chance?
No, no.
We had the choice of a few villages.
Noémie wasn't working, so
she came to visit them and chose this one.
I'm talking and talking.
We've walked a lot.
You aren't too tired? Where are you?
Here! I'm dead!
Well, you've recovered quickly!
- Did you believe me?
- Not for a second!
It's weird, eh?
Every time it's my turn to cook,
they're on a diet!
They don't know what they're missing!
Your fish is great!
It's chicken.
I was joking. Of course it's chicken!
Chicken with white sauce!
It's mashed potato, not white sauce!
- Karine, aren't you eating?
- No.
She's eating him with her eyes.
She's had plenty!
The Virgo devouring her Leo!
Oh, that's enough.
Oh, don't be mad!
We were all virgins once!
Not for long.
Are you happy?
Everyone knows now!
- What's up with her?
- She never gets offended!
Don't worry. I'll sort this out.
You know, they're not being mean, Karine.
They're just messing around, that's all!
But you're not angry at me, are you?
Eh?
If you're not angry at the trout either,
stop throwing stones at them.
- So...
- Yes?
It's really bad at my age not to...
Not at all. But you're at an age
where you can explore.
- Cri-Cri?
- Yes?
Do you want to?
To be my first?
Well, yes. With the greatest pleasure.
Well, then. I'm waiting.
Oh, shit!
Cri-Cri, come on!
Quickly!
Come on, there's no rush... Shit!
Oh Cri-Cri, please.
Stop acting like a clown!
This is a big moment for me!
Cri-Cri,
My throat is tight.
Not just your throat!
Please Cri-Cri,
I beg you.
You've waited 18 years,
you can wait another minute!
Silence!
And it is on this great day, uh I mean,
on this great day,
it is my honor to declare
that this shower
which represents the epitome
of community effort, which...
Put it in gear, it's smoking!
- Okay, who has the scissors?
- Me! Can I do it?
I declare the shower open!
Let's go! Everyone get naked!
What's up with her?
A woman is born.
- What?
- A woman is born!
Do you live with your parents?
- Aurélien!
- Aurélien!
It's not me!
- It was him, sergeant!
- Well, we really don't understand.
Eh, Paulo?
Imbeciles, idiots!
Thanks to you,
we risk the enemy knowing our position!
- We didn't mean to!
- It'll take more than that!
We just put it in the barrel like this...
No!
Yes.
Everyone on the ground!
I'm going to stay calm!
I'm trying to stay calm!
I don't want to see or hear any bullshit
throughout these operations, understood?
Yes, sir!
- Section A!
- Yes, sir!
Attention!
Go and see if the enemy is hiding
in the village!
- Yes, sir!
- Section A, follow me!
One, two! One, two!
- One, two! One, two!
- What the hell did I say?
Go that way!
What is this? Come on.
Follow the section!
What the hell did I say to those jerks?
Shit, the shower!
The moon entered Jupiter at 7:32,
which is not a good sign.
Look!
- Is it a war or what?
- No, it looks more like training.
It's the season for it.
Maybe,
but they need to be told to calm down.
This isn't a training ground!
You're right. It's private property.
Wow!
Chicks!
Real ones... Bloody good ones.
Yeah. Oh, those legs.
Wow, amazing.
Section A. Fall in!
These operations, what a find!
Chicks, loads of chicks. Wow!
Oh, guys!
Yes, yes, I understand. What's that?
What do you want me to say?
Yes, that's it!
Fall into place!
Section A reporting, sergeant!
- Well?
- Nothing to report, sir!
- No blues on the horizon.
- Perfect!
We're the first, so we're the best!
Attention!
Perfect.
Very good.
No enemies, sir, but there are birds!
Well, chicks. I mean girls.
There you go again. You're obsessed!
Silence!
Girls, are you sure?
Yeah!
Are they pretty at least?
Superb, sergeant. Superb!
With boobs... I mean very pretty, yes.
Amazing!
- Silence!
- We said silence!
- And how many were there?
- Five, sergeant.
Five, all of them beautiful,
each and every one.
Ten!
No, I assure you.
I took the time to count.
Ten boobs!
Well, ten things like this, so five girls.
Fifteen!
Oh, you're getting carried away.
There were five, but conversational.
No, I believe the boss means
fifteen days in jail!
Exactly!
- For seeing five girls?
- Yes!
That's expensive for a tit!
Silence! I said silence! What is this?
Attention!
Sergeant, there's a phone call for you!
Fall out!
He's coming.
It's the captain, sir.
- Should I transfer it to your office?
- Yes.
Hello? Yes. Yes, captain.
Absolutely, captain.
Yes, captain. Line 493.
- The map!
- What?
The map, for god's sake!
Yes, captain, I have it here.
I have it here on the map.
Yes, captain.
We're occupying the village
and taking position within 48 hours.
Yes, captain! We'll hold, captain.
My little Gontran,
it'll be a piece of cake.
We'll give those greens a thrashing!
- Blues, sergeant!
- The color doesn't matter!
We're the strong ones,
so there won't be a problem.
Sergeant! We have a problem!
What's wrong? Explain!
Well, explain!
There are civilians
who want to talk to you!
Civilians?
Impossible. No man has the right
to enter a military zone!
No, no man has the right!
But they aren't men, they're...
Young ladies, soldier!
- Leave it to me--
- What the...
Ladies?
Are you responsible for this ruckus?
We'll be nice.
You have an hour to clear out
your troops and equipment.
Understood?
You destroyed our shower.
You ruined the landscape.
And you disrupted our sleep!
So, it's simple.
Take your squabble elsewhere
and we'll be friends, okay?
You seem nervous!
What's your star sign, corporal?
- Sergeant!
- Corporal!
Nothing.
Oh, you're coughing a lot, sergeant!
You should put garlic in your socks!
Well?
Well, that would be a no!
They said it's their land.
Their land! Well, that's not right!
We're the ones that bought this village,
they're on our land!
Look, you don't have to worry about it.
You just have to show them proof
that it's your land.
Proof?
Well, yes. Your sales agreement.
Did you sign a contract?
Of course.
We didn't win this village in a lucky dip!
Where did you put it?
Erm...
Don't worry, I'll go and find it.
We messed up.
There was a sergeant we called "corporal"!
A sergeant? I know one.
He has a cuckold's face.
Oh yeah? That'll be mine!
Plumet, you'll be on guard here!
Onward!
Oh, holy cow!
What luck!
The dream!
Paradise...
What a blast!
What an idiot!
Oh là là!
Oh, she's so beautiful!
Oh, beautiful breasts!
She's going to take it off!
Now turn around, yeah!
Come on!
Oh, what a nice...
What a nice ass!
Oh, shit! Where could I have put it?
Well, the contract?
Well, the contract?
Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for it.
She's looking for it.
Thanks, I heard.
He heard her, eh?
If she thinks she has me!
Ah, sir!
Sir!
An enemy attack?
Not really, sir!
I was at my observation point, there.
Yes.
Standing still.
- I don't know what happened...
- Oh, right.
Something fell on my head.
Something the size of a fat cow!
Really?
- Well, go to the infirmary!
- Yes, sir!
I'll give him a fat cow!
Fat cow.
He deserves three days for that, sir!
- Well?
- I couldn't find it.
That's what I thought.
There is no contract!
What?
No contract? Is he taking us for liars?
And we even put all our savings into it!
Silence! We've had enough messing around.
I know one thing.
You're here on military land.
You will evacuate immediately!
- No way!
- The village is ours!
- We rebuilt it.
- It's you that will be leaving.
Play war somewhere else!
Goddamn it, what did you say?
She told you to play around
somewhere else!
- Silence!
- I'd like to tell you the same.
I said silence!
Come on girls. That's not the end of it,
but we've got work to do!
- Oh, sergeant, you're bleeding!
- It's nothing. I can deal with pain!
Oh, be careful, sir. No kidding.
I have a friend that got tetanus.
What?
Yes, he got gangrene
and had to have his hand cut off.
- Do you think so?
- Absolutely!
Yes, sir,
and then its crap to salute with!
Well, I'm going to the infirmary
and I'll be back for the evacuation.
- The nurse is sick. She's been evacuated!
- So?
Well, we have vaccines with us anyway.
We need to find someone
that can give injections.
Ah, we have a doctor.
Idiot!
Well, when I say doctor,
one of the girls is a medical student.
She'll do. Send her to me right away.
Okay. We'll send someone to you,
but on one condition!
Oh, don't blackmail me.
This is military ground
and you have to leave.
Don't be fussy, sergeant.
It's five o'clock.
We've been working all day, we're
exhausted, disgusting and want to wash.
Well then, wash.
How? You idiots destroyed
our shower when you came!
- I beg your pardon!
- Idiots!
- So we want to use yours!
- Is that it? Okay then, deal.
Get the hell out of here!
But, sergeant, you told me to come here!
And now I'm saying get the hell out!
- Is it in here for the injection?
- Yes, come in quickly!
There's our sick boy!
Oh, don't exaggerate.
It's just a little boo-boo.
It's more serious than I thought!
Serious? Are you sure?
Don't you worry.
Christine, be a doll
and pass the alcohol and cotton.
Hello, lieutenant.
- Do you need anything, sergeant?
- Get out!
- Yes, sergeant!
- Unbelievable!
You're pretty.
- Here, darling.
- Thank you, darling!
Oh, that hurts.
Here is the tetanus shot.
Is that really necessary?
Come on, let's see it.
What?
Your...
Well, your ass!
You should have said.
You can't be serious, Christine.
You've missed three times.
It must hurt the poor sergeant.
No, no, it's fine.
He's fine.
Okay, try one more time
and, if you can't, I'll do it!
How's it going, guys?
I'm in a rush. I'm on potato duty.
- Hi, Plumet!
- Hi!
Hi, Plumet!
SHOWERS
He's got some nerve!
Well?
- It feels good, eh?
- You bet it feels good!
- Yeah, but you see...
- What?
They weren't very hot!
We'll make do.
- You're right, like in the war.
- Like in the war!
Goddamn it!
Well, shit.
We're just as good as four-eyes,
aren't we?
Yeah!
What's going on here? At ease!
- Go on, to the cabin!
- It isn't built yet, sir!
I don't care! On the double! One, two!
Hello, sir!
It's a bummer being in jail
in weather like this!
He seems like
he's got a very bad headache.
It's normal for a sergeant.
He's thinking a lot
so he gets tired faster!
That must be it.
Remember that, Pichard.
Thanks, my friend. It was nice of you
to let us use your showers.
My pleasure.
What are you playing at?
I'm digging a tunnel.
I'm escaping.
Shit! Watch what you're doing!
Oh, don't worry.
Watering things usually makes them grow.
Well, that seems to have had
a strange effect on you!
My mum told me that girls weren't made
the same as boys.
Well, she made a fool of me!
Goodbye, handsome soldiers.
- It's not good to lie to your children.
- No.
What are you playing at now?
I'm escaping!
Damn, it works!
Let's get him! Give him some soap first!
Sergeant!
What the hell is this?
Sergeant!
What's going on here!
I was passing by and there I was.
- Doing what?
- Nothing, sergeant!
Tomorrow morning, seven a.m. sharp,
you'll board the trucks!
- But I--
- There's no I!
I said seven a.m. sharp!
No way. We're not in the army!
They'll be coming for you anyway.
You again? Get the hell out of here!
Sergeant!
The big guy isn't joking anymore!
What are we going to do?
What do you want to do?
Well, did you find the contract?
I'm looking.
Yeah,
maybe if you were a little tidier too.
I have an idea.
What it would take...
Yes?
is to put their suspicion to sleep.
Maybe not just their suspicion.
Great!
DANGER
Three in that one!
Karine, the guards!
You in here!
Oh, the girls!
Drink up. It's going to be a party!
Kiss me!
I'll have a little sip.
- Kiss me?
- No! Drink up!
Yes, it's good wine.
Maybe we've overdone it a little!
Sergeant!
Yes?
Come closer to the canvas,
I have a confession to make.
Ever since I saw you,
I haven't stopped thinking of you.
Is that right?
- You keep me up at night.
- Ah! Come in and join me!
Not right now, tomorrow!
What is it that you like about me?
Your charm.
Come closer. Your authority.
Come closer.
Yes!
Closer.
Oh, come back!
- Are you interested in mechanics, darling?
- It's my passion!
But it's not a thing for young girls.
I know. That's what my big brother
always tells me.
A sneaky little drink, sir?
No thanks. Your friends just
offered me some, but I don't drink.
Like my big brother!
He's like you: tall, muscly,
a gorgeous boy.
Well, what would you like to know?
What's that little coloured thread for?
- Oh, it's so cute!
- This little thread is the link between...
Good night!
Where are the men?
Oh, for the love of God!
Is that you, darling?
Did you bring me croissants?
Croissants! Here you go!
Here's one that's working!
Well done! Where are the others?
Tell me, what are they playing at?
- Oh!
- Oh, hello, sir.
Oh, well... This is really...
Those bitches!
They sabotaged everything,
the equipment and men.
That's it, they'll hear from me.
Those bitches!
Get up in there, bunch of crooks!
This is not a holiday!
Come on, hurry up! You'll see!
Yes, sir.
- What's this, sir?
- Well, it's a duck.
Come on, hurry. Quicker than that!
What did that bunch of morons do to me?
They're my shoes.
Ah, I've got it. Those bitches.
Those bitches...
Come on, run, for God's sake. Do as I say!
Let's go. Get a move on!
Hurry. Come on, faster.
Everyone in position.
Let's go, for God's sake!
What is this, you bunch of slackers?
Are these men? No!
Well, come on.
It's not a big deal. Jump over!
Climb!
I said climb!
Keep up, hurry!
Let's go!
Let's go!
I'm scared, sir!
I don't want to know. Jump! What is this?
Go!
I said jump!
Let's go. Get a move on, now!
Jump!
We're not falling, we're climbing!
Come on. Faster than that, dummy!
You're worse than a dummy,
you're an imbecile!
Climb!
What the hell is that?
Come on. Do as I say, for God's sake!
Jump!
Come on, jump!
Jump! For God's sake! Jump!
I'll teach you to jump.
What does this mean?
Come on! Jump!
Hurry up!
Go!
Quickly!
Good, now come back!
Well, come back. We told you to come back!
Come back!
- Well, where are they?
- I don't know, sir!
Oh, boy!
- Follow me, Gontran?
- Yes, sir. Careful not to fall, sir.
No. It's quite dangerous, you see.
- I've got you.
- Yes, I'm going.
Oh, guys. I've got the best one!
Not that one! That's my wife!
- Nat, what do I do with the jug?
- Put it in that room, at the back.
Okay.
One day, you'll be a great doctor.
Can you predict my specialty?
The heart, maybe?
Well, I'll be your first patient.
I'll finish the suitcase.
You can put away the vase if you want.
I'm not in your way, am I, guys?
No. Isabelle, not here. Good grief!
Where will I put this?
You know,
it's been great!
Will I see you again in Paris?
You don't need me anymore.
You're a big girl.
- They're here.
- They're here!
We don't give a damn!
Hey, guys!
This is a bill of sale of a village
in ruins to a group represented by--
He could have told us.
We wouldn't have believed it.
Hey, girls!
Yes, what?
- Do you want to have some fun?
- Yeah!
I have an idea.
What?
Come on, ladies. Let's go!
You're leaving already? What a shame.
Well, goodbye, sergeant.
I don't think you'll be missed.
What's going on now?
It so happens that
we found the bill of sale.
So you are on our land
and you'd better leave fast
if you don't want us to get in your way.
Indeed, you are the owners
of St Brouillac village!
- Ah!
- But...
This is not St Brouillac...
It's St Marcillac!
What?
Well, this is messing up your plan.
Not at all. On the contrary!
Come on, ladies. You're leaving!
No!
Listen,
is this the village you came to see
before we bought it?
Well, yes, I came to this one,
but I saw about 20.
Maybe I told the lawyer the wrong name.
It happens to everyone.
Sometimes, yes, but not all the time!
St Brouillac is about 20 kilometers away.
That way!
On you go!
You'll do four days!
Okay, ladies. Get moving.
I said move!
Oh, we're not going to be split up
like that, my handsome soldier.
Come in for a drink!
Raise one to friendship!
No, that won't be possible. We're on duty.
Then, you never know,
sometimes there's just one step
between friendship and love.
Oh, well. That's right. Let's go.
- Sergeant Morel?
- He's not here.
I see that. Where is he?
He's at the girls' house with my brother.
What a disgrace!
Attention!
Cover up!
What's going on here?
A party, a fair, having fun, captain.
Why are you in this state?
Hey guys, he's asking why we're drunk.
We're drunk because we drank apple juice.
He said apple juice!
Here! Do you want to have a drink?
Why are you undressed?
Oh, we don't know.
It's a mystery!
- No! It was the girls.
- Girls?
Yes, they wanted us to have a contest
to see who was the most handsome
and the most beautiful.
Yes, and it was me that won!
Oh, it was you--
- That surprised you.
- Don't touch me!
The boss!
Girls, what girls?
Well, our girls!
- The ones from here!
- Okay.
Yes!
The ones from here, I said!
Come on, let me whisper in your ear.
Their bodies are first class!
Oh, yeah. You should have seen their tits!
And you should have seen their...
Eight girls just for us.
Eight girls all to ourselves!
- And where are they?
- Oh, yes!
They went out to get more to drink.
Because we're thirsty, eh, boys?
Yes, sir!
When they come back,
we're going to surprise them!
It'll be so funny!
Come on, boys. Undress the captain!
Do not touch me!
This is a disciplinary action!
We don't care!
Here's something else!
Where are we going?
My good man, what's the quickest way
to get to St Brouillac?
St Brouillac?
Well, go straight ahead,
turn left before my house.
Then in front of Louise's house
and then you're there.
That's it!
- You won't forget me?
- No.
Promise! You'll think of me?
Yes.
Okay.
- Are they really going to St Brouillac?
- Yes.
- Well, they're not done laughing!
- Why?
Well, with the 300 soldiers doing
their operations there!
- Bye! Good luck!
- See you soon!
Have fun!
Bye!
Faster than that!
You there, wait!
We've got some scores to settle!
Them again!
- How long do we have to lug them around?
- No. We're going to get rid of them now!
Come on, faster!
Wait for us!
I'm tired. Wait for us!
Son of a bitch!
- How are you feeling?
- Absolutely fine!
Are you okay, sergeant?
Very well, my little Gontran!
Hello?
Yes.
Sergeant, it's for you. It's the general!
Ah, yes.
Yes, general.
Gontran, I'm fired!
Thank you, general.
I'm the sergeant!
I'll get them down!