Elsa & Fred (2005) - full transcript

What do you mean Monday?

You should have taken
the sign down last Monday!

What!
We signed the contract

seven weeks ago.
I can see you don't run

a real estate agency.

You run a fourth-rate
gambling den!

We'll take it down!

What do you mean "we"?

- You have a tool box?
- Yes...

Go get it and I'll help you.

Juani!



Juani!

- Get me some pliers.
- What's all the shouting?

- That woman's driving me nuts.
- God!

Morning, madam.

Is the new neighbor
off to a bad start?

- It's not her, thank God.
- Really?

Her father's
the new neighbor.

It seems he lost his wife
recently, the poor man.

Though if she was anything
like the daughter...

Here. The pliers.

- Good luck with the pliers.
- Thank you, madam.

- Wasn't so difficult, was it?
- Well...

Hurry, I don't have all day.

That goes in the bedroom.



Mom!

Where's your dad?

Give me the car keys.
Did you lock it?

- This box to the bathroom.
- But, Mom...

Hurry!

Brute!

Honestly!

Why does he have a cell phone
if it's never on?

I can't believe it!

This woman will be
the death of me.

Alfredo,

come on.

Well?

- Here or on the bedside table?
- I don't know.

- Ask Grandpa, it's his house.
- Hey!

Take these chairs
to the kitchen.

Don't leave them there.

At last!

Where have you two been?

- Why isn't your cell on?
- Cuca.

I loaned you the car only an hour
ago and you already crashed it.

Are you crazy?
I didn't crash the car.

Really? Well, the front
headlights are smashed.

Are you deaf?
I did not crash the car!

It was an old lady
in a dark red car.

Why didn't you tell me before?

You wouldn't let me.

You see? You don't know
what you're talking about.

I told you to park it

- in a parking lot.
- Sure!

How do you like

the apartment?

Fine.

I'm on my way.

You should have been
at the clinic 15 minutes ago.

I got held up.

What happened?

I can't explain now.
I'm arriving.

That's why I called, Mom.
I can't go today.

I have an urgent meeting
at the office.

I'll stop by later.

There's no need.

Yes, there is, Mom.

I have a few questions

- to ask you.
- I have to hang up.

I'm in the car. Bye.

A control freak like his father.

Well, that's that.

The washing machine
and microwave are plugged in.

There are plenty of delis
in the neighborhood

but I left you some chicken
and rice to heat up.

The bathroom light's fixed.
Let's go.

- Your dad needs to rest.
- I'm coming. Here.

Javier, forget the dog
and come say goodbye to Grandpa.

The janitor's name's Goyo.

He'll give you a hand
with everything.

Bye, Grandpa.

If you need anything, call us.

Come on, Cuca.
He'll be fine.

Bye, Dad.
Call us anytime, okay?

Did you give Juan
your new number?

I'll call him tomorrow.

I'll call him if you like.

No. I'll call him.

Call him. It'll do you good
to go outwit him.

Honey...

Cuca.

- Sorry.
- Don't worry.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Come on, come on.

- What did you want to ask me?
- Let's go inside, Mom.

We'll talk inside.
Give me the keys.

- Mom.
- Yes, I'm coming.

What's the matter with you?

That's the old lady
who crashed into the car.

I got a statement from the bank
and there was a withdrawal.

What did you spend the money on?

Living expenses.

Mom, it was 1,400 euros.

What are you insinuating?

- You want the credit card back?
- No...

I'll give it back if you want
and pay back every...

I'm not asking you to do that.

I just want to know
what you did with the money.

Let's talk about something else.
Are you staying for supper?

Mom...

Something simple.
There's no food left in the house.

- Mom!
- Don't worry.

- We can phone out for some.
- Mom, no!

- Will you just answer me?
- Answer what?

Have you been
helping Alejo out again?

Why do you have to mention Alejo?
Just a minute. I'll get that.

Saved by the bell.

What you did

is a complete lack
of respect for others.

I'm going to call the police.

Not only for damaging
private property

but for death threats to a child.

I'm sorry,
but this is the first time

I ever set eyes on that child.

No more threats!

Calm down, please.
What is it, Mom?

- I don't know. She's crazy.
- No,

I am not crazy. This evening your...
Is she your mother?

- No!
- Yes, Mom!

Go on.

Your mother dented my car

and drove off.

My son saw it all.
Don't you have a dark red car?

- No.
- Mom...

Light red.

I will not move from here
until you accept responsibility

- for the damage.
- Please, calm down.

- Your insurance policy.
Get the policy.

- I can't.
- What?

I didn't make
the last payment.

How irresponsible!
How can you drive without insurance?

What if

- you'd killed someone?
- But I didn't.

It was just a little headlight.

Two headlights.

- All right, two little headlights.
- Calm down,

madam.

Get an estimate for the repairs

and call me.

I'll send you the money.

Some people should have
their driver's license taken away.

And some people shouldn't have
a driver's license at all.

That woman is crazy.

So much fuss over
a little headlight.

- Mom...
- What?

When she calls tomorrow,
I'll tell you the amount

to write in on the check
and you give it to her.

I don't...

- Listen, Mom...
- I am but I can't.

- Why not?
- Because I don't...

I don't know where she lives.

But isn't she your neighbor?

No, she isn't my neighbor.
You've got it wrong.

It's her father who moved in.

Then give it to him.

Listen to me, Mom, please.

Here's the check.
Make sure you don't lose it.

Don't you trust me?
Don't you trust your own mother?

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I am.

Go on.

I've no energy for that.

I'm very tired.

Come on, Alfredo.
The exercise will do you good.

You can't punish yourself
like that.

- Cuca called you, didn't she?
- No.

Yes, she did.
She called you.

Don't lie to me.

Okay, but don't
change the subject.

I'll pick you up
tomorrow at nine.

No, Juan, really.

You have to get back
to a normal life.

My life will never be

normal again.

I'm trying to help you,
my friend.

And I appreciate that.
But if you want to remain my friend,

don't lean on me.
Got that

I have my daughter.

Whatever.

Well...

Either that old man

is as rude as his daughter

or he's as blind as a bat.

Napoleon, come here.

Come here.

Come on.

Javi!

Juan told me you wouldn't go
for a walk with him.

Since when have you
been talking to Juan?

Since Grandma died.
Go on, get changed.

I'm not going.

I'm on vacation,

I got up early and came
all the way over here.

Come on, Grandpa, be cool.

Hello?

Mom, this is the third time I've
called you. Why didn't you answer?

- I knew it was you.
- Are you okay?

Yes, I'm radiant.

Your neighbor's daughter rang.

She gave me the estimate for
the repairs. Now write this down.

1,470 euros.

She's a thief! She can't get away
with that. Let me talk to her.

- I'll get her to lower the price.
- Don't do anything!

Just give her the check.

She's robbing you.

By the way,
it's Carla's birthday on the 24th.

I'm telling you now
so don't say...

When did I ever forget
one of your children's birthdays?

Last year.

- I was in Seville.
- Write it down.

I'll pick you up on the 24th.

In Seville!
She says she was in Seville!

Alejo, I can't allow this.

Just think.
Remember...

Remember Juanjo's exhibition?

Remember that nice lady
who said she was the gallery owner

and that you could exhibit there?

I went there.

That's good.

I went.

She told me

how much the commission was.
They charge a fortune.

I mean, if you have the money...

How much?

A lot.

And you have
to exhibit with three

or four others.

No.

And for just 3 paintings...

- No, no...
- I need to exhibit

on my own.
A place like this...

Yes...

Smart, modern,

appetizers, drinks...

Perfect! I understand.
Then you should speak to them.

I did.

And?

It might be too much.

Money, no...
It can't be too much.

1,200 euros.

You see...
1,200 euros!

That's what
the night owner told me.

I should talk to the other owner.
I know him better.

Actually...

The police.

Hello, Mom.
Did you give her that check?

- There was nobody home.
- Mom,

- keep calling.
- I will.

- Until I find someone there.
- Where are you?

- With the Meninas at the Prado.
- Mom!

I have to go.
Some man's been following me.

I don't like the look of him.
He does odd things with his hands.

Bye for now.

Would you believe it?

He's always telling me what to do.

Anyway...

Shall I get the check?

- Yes.
- You'll pay, right?

Yes. What's wrong?

- No money?
- No.

None at all?

- None.
- Nothing?

I'll pay.

Okay, we'll be in touch.
Thanks very much.

Bye.

It's nice and well-located,
isn't it?

I don't know. There's another
opposite and next door.

Yes, opposite and next door,
but not here. And it's a good idea.

An idea everybody else
has already had.

The town's full of cyber cafés.

The best ideas
are original ones.

It was the same with
that video club of yours.

You're bringing me down again.

That's your specialty.

Hugo and his cousin love the idea.

And they love the place.

All they need is our decision.

It's not only the decision,
there's the money, too.

Didn't you speak to your dad?

No, not yet.

I told you to
when he sold his apartment.

The money was fresh then.

Then I told you to
when he bought the new place.

He must have made
at least 100,000 euros.

Vulture!

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Bonaparte, come here.

Bonaparte.
"Dress me slowly

for I am in haste."

I'm Elsa.
Elsa Oviedo.

Your neighbor from apartment J.
J for Josephine.

Gunny... Josephine, Napoleon,

- and Bonaparte.
- Alfredo Ponce Cabeza de Vaca.

Strange last name.

How can I help you?

You can help me
by taking this check.

What is it for?

Didn't your daughter tell you?

Ah, yes, the repairs to the car.

Now just a minute.

1,470 euros.
That's highway robbery.

Pardon?

Two headlights
can't cost that much.

Even if the car was imported.

What are you insinuating, madam?

Nothing. It's just that
when I look at this amount...

Got 1,400 euros my five
grandchildren could eat

for a month.
A month?

No, two months.

Give children

who lost their mother.

Their father an out-of-work
widower, and now this.

Your daughter died?

Yes, well no, not my daughter,
my daughter-in-law.

A lovely girl.

A family destroyed.
I help them the best I can

but with my pension,
it isn't very much.

And now the youngest
is seriously ill.

He has a very rare disease.
A rare virus.

Another disaster like this
was all he needed.

I'm sorry to hear that.

So am I, believe me.

Is that your wife in the photo?

Yes.

You're a widower?

And I'm a widow.

For 27 years now.

What about you?

Seven months.

Seven months is nothing.

The first year's
the most difficult.

Well...

Anyway...

Goodbye.

Goodbye, madam.

Cold! Wretched!

Elsa.

What did I forget this time?

This.

If you need the money...

No, I can't accept it.
Your daughter

was rude to me.

Pay no attention to Cuca.
She's temperamental but a good girl.

- Cuca?
- Yes.

Her name's Alicia
but we call her Cuca.

No, I can't.
Here.

Keep the check and give me
the money when you can.

I'll give my daughter the money

to calm her down.

The most important thing
at the moment

are your grandchildren.

Well...

you are an angel.

Nothing like Cuckoo.

Okay, I know that was a bad joke.

And you didn't like it.

- No offense.
- None taken.

Alfredo.

Thank you.

The daughter must
take after the mother

because that widower is charming.

Mom, what are you doing here?

I've been waiting
for half an hour. Get in.

Yes.

How did it go

- with the bar owner?
- Gine.

- Good.
- He liked the paintings.

But...

- I don't know.
- What?

He won't bring his price down.

I'll throw my paintings
into the river. And then myself.

You don't have to do that.

You'll have your exhibition.
No questions.

And don't say anything
to your brother.

My lovely old Mom!

And don't call me old.

Dumplings!

Your favorites.

All the way from Arturo Soria?

No, Velazquez. But they're just
as good. We don't have the car.

Here, Dad. Your decaf.

By the way, did that
Argentinean woman give you

- the check?
- No.

What!

I spoke to her son!

She gave me cash.

I thought she might try
to pull something on us.

Well, she didn't.
She brought the money.

Also,

Elsa is a very nice lady.

Nice?
That Argentinean tramp's...

That's enough!
Don't call her a tramp.

And what does her place of birth

have to do with it?

But Dad,
she had no insurance.

And you should see
how she exploits her son.

You're wrong there, too.
She helps him.

He's a widower and out of work

- with five children.
- Give children?

Yes, five.

Anyway...

how did it go with
that place you went to see?

- We want to set up a business there.
- A cybercafé.

It's already set up.

We only need to pay for
the transfer, and the rent.

Paco's friend Hugo and his cousin
want to become partners.

And we...

wanted to suggest that you become

a partner, too.

It's a great business
opportunity, Alfredo.

And you wouldn't have
to worry about anything.

Well... just put up
a little money, that's all.

How much would I have to put up?

60,000.

Well, actually, we need 90,000.

Of course,

we'd take care of the work side,
don't worry about that.

I'll have to think about it.

Look, Dad, we really need you
to give us a hand here.

If we don't set up
a business it'll be hard

to get anywhere.

Paco's been out of work
for some time,

and it's not only us.
It's Javi, too.

We have to think of his future.

Well, I haven't said no.

Let me think about it.

Of course, of course.

Hello?

Alfredo?

This is Elsa, your neighbor

from apartment J.

J for...

- Josephine.
- Ah, it's you. How are you?

Fine. I just wanted

to say thank you
for that gesture of yours.

It was so kind of you.

You already thanked me.
It was nothing.

Well, first,
I didn't thank you.

And second,

since you were so kind...

Have you had supper?

No. I don't eat much

- at night.
- I know.

But how about a snack?
Some cheese, or ham.

So I planned...

I was thinking of
something more formal.

A glass of liqueur,
a nice cup of coffee...

I don't know. Whatever

- you fancy.
- There's no need.

Alfredo, I think
you're being rather rude.

And don't tell me it's late
because I was looking in

through your window last night
and the lights were on

till very late, Alfredo.

I may be rude
but aren't you being rather...

indiscreet?

That's not an answer

to the invitation
I just made...

that glass of liqueur
and all the rest.

You don't know
how important it is to me,

Alfredo, being able to thank you.

Well...

All right.

Right, I'll be waiting.

See you soon.

That was a lot of work!

The girl in the photo is me

when I was young.

If you'd met me fifty years ago,

you'd believe me right away.

Really.

We were very much alike.

I was busty, too,

we were the same height,
with platinum blond hair...

We were identical.

People sometimes mistook me
for her. My husband

didn't like that too much.

Twenty-three years!

Twenty-three?
I thought you said it was

twenty-seven.

No, I'm sure I said twenty-seven.

I say twenty-three but there's
the four years we were engaged.

Sometimes I say twenty-three
and sometimes twenty-seven,

depending on how much I miss him.

Today I miss him less.

What was her name?

Anita Ekberg.

In "La Dolce Vita".

That film of Gellini's with...

- Gassman.
- No!

No, no, Mastroianni.

Mastroianni, that's right.

All my life I've dreamed

of seeing the Fontana di Trevi.

It's smaller than it looks.

How do you know?
Don't tell me you've been.

Yes, some years ago.

I never got Pablo to take me.

And after coming all the way
to live over here.

We were blacklisted.
It was terrible.

We came over to Madrid, so close,

only a stone's throw away from Rome.

But it was no good. There was
noway. He just wouldn't

take me there.

Then shortly after, he died.

God knows where he is now,
regretting he never took me.

Now tell me about yourself.

What was your wife like?

Tidy.

She was tidy. And?

Tidy, I see.

Always organizing things.

Your life, too, no doubt.

And did you like her way

- of organizing everything?
- I suppose so.

You suppose.
Aren't you sure?

Yes, yes.

Another important question.
Were you happy?

Well, we got on well.

Like friends.

I'm sorry,
but I don't think...

No, I'm sorry. I'm being nosy.
I shouldn't have...

Bonaparte.

He hasn't got used
to the new house yet.

He's a dog, Alfredo.
He'll get used to it.

No, I should go.

Anyway, I've had

that coffee as promised.

Or in other words,

- you've done your duty.
- Don't get me wrong,

- Elsa.
- No, it's true.

Go check on your dog
while I get the liqueur ready.

Go on.

If it's not that bitch of a
daughter, it's that old dog's dog.

Good morning.

I just couldn't get Bonaparte

to calm down last night.

I was going to call...

Are those flowers
a peace offering?

No.

For the cemetery.

Ah, then they're for her.

Well, take them to her
and arrange them nicely.

I mean, since
the deceased was so tidy...

Going to the cemetery won't do you
any good and there's no point.

What do you know?

It's how I feel!

Don't be like that.

I want to see you well.

I'll be well when I feel well.

What's this?

Coffee with caffeine?

I always make it that way.

And I always say don't give me
coffee with caffeine.

- It's bad for me.
- And I always say it isn't.

I have high blood pressure.

And I'm a doctor.

You have the same problems

as anyone your age, that's all.
You love being ill.

All those pills you take...

You don't smoke or drink,

but with all those pills
you'll give yourself

- liver cancer.
- Shut up!

A walk tomorrow?

I don't know.

You went out with Javi.

Don't talk to my grandson!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I went too far

with what I said
about your late wife.

Couldn't we go back

to last night?

Oh, sorry.
I didn't know

you had company.
Sorry again.

Juan, a friend.

Elsa, my neighbor.

From apartment J.

J for Josephine.

Don't say that too loud.
Bonaparte

might get jumpy.

I'll leave you two to it.

No, no, not at all.

The liqueur can wait.

Anyway...

A pleasure.

The pleasure was mine,

Josephine.

Quiet, Napoleon's listening.

Bonaparte.

Bonaparte.

Good afternoon.

Who is it?

Alfredo, your neighbor.

I'm afraid
I'm not decent, Alfredo.

It won't take a minute.

I am offended.
I am offended...

You're not going to
the cemetery at this hour?

These are for you, Elsa.

I came for that liqueur.

I'm sorry but I've run out.
I finished it

with my girlfriends.

Do you want to come in
or is that all?

I'd like to come in.

Come in then.

I was allowed to leave once,

but not twice.

By whom?
Me or Bonaparte?

You, Mrs. Oviedo.

Oh, Alfredo.
Don't call me that.

It's too polite.

Come on in.

And he never stopped talking.

The most horrible things.

He talked for an hour
and twenty minutes non-stop.

What did you say?

He asked the same thing.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"
And I said, "Yes."

That's what I said.
I was so tired of all

his chatter.

Were you ever happy with him?

At the beginning, maybe.

But not for long.

It was his fault.

What about you?

What's the most daring
thing you ever did?

Daring? I don't know.

I did a lot of things.

I put Cuca through university,

gave my wife a comfortable life.

I lived for my family.

I had a good job.

Forty years working for
the same firm. Telefonica.

40 years at the same place?
How could you spend 40 years

at the same place?

How old are you?

Seventy-eight.

I'm younger.

Really?

I didn't like
how you said that.

Really, I'm younger than you.

I'm 77. And have you had
a lot of laughs?

What a question!

No, it's a very good question.

I don't think I've had many.

That's a shame.
But you still have time.

Still have time. If you stay

close to me,

as a neighbor, as a friend...

Whatever.

I know you're going

to laugh again.

Doesn't agree with him.

That new balanced diet.

No, it doesn't agree with him

- at all.
- That's right.

Didn't I tell you?
You're starting to laugh again.

Not because of you

but Bonaparte.

All right.
Poor thing.

He's ugly,

but he's cute.

Know what you'll do now?

You'll drink up

that glass of liqueur,

and eat a pastry or two
while I...

play you some Bach.

Bravo!

Elsa.

- How are you?
- Hello, doc.

- Done all your homework?
- All my homework...

All right, not all.

On Friday I forgot
to take the green pill.

Why? Some new love
so late in life maybe?

Really?

Well, we're only
just starting out.

I'd say we're at a point
that you could call

- a "rare friendship".
- How old is he?

I don't know.
27, 28... He's 78.

But he's impeccable.
A little...

I don't know...
A little... opaque.

Opaque?

Yes, opaque.
Kind of subdued.

From a lifetime

of doing things properly.

Pretty boring, you know?

Never strayed from
the straight and narrow.

Never got into mischief.

And he loves being ill.

I wouldn't think he'd love that.

Doc.

This is a serious illness.

Ask anyone who knows me

if I've ever mentioned...

what I've got.

Never.

But he's the opposite.

Always talking about death.

I'll put some life
into that dinosaur,

doctor.

And this "rare friendship".

How far does it go?

Not too far yet.

We're at the "hand-touching" stage.

Our hands touch all the time.

And...

some other things don't help too
much. He recently lost his wife.

So he's full of memories,
complexes, guilt. Weird.

It's difficult.

Just be patient.

Men can get scared very easily.
We move at

a slower pace.

I'm running out of time, doc.

So he'd better get a move on.

You're not that bad, Elsa.

Don't lie to me, doctor.

I saw the results.

The levels are dropping

and that's not good.

Javi, did your mother
send you here

to keep me company?

No. Your TV set's bigger.

Have you made out with her yet?

What did you say, Javi?

Elsa. Have you
made out with her?

I'm your grandfather!

I'm your grandson.

How can you ask me
a question like that, Javier?

How can I?
I can, Alfredo.

I made you nervous.

Come on, Anita.

Don't fail me now.

Look, it's Marcello.

Marcello.

Elsa!

I've come to take you
out to dinner.

Why out? We could call
and have it brought in.

Can't you think of a worse way
to spend an evening with a lady?

Put on a jacket
and necktie and let's go.

All right, but
I could go like this.

- You can't go like that.
- Why not?

I don't want to be seen at the best
place in Madrid with a bum.

- I put my best clothes on.
- Why this sudden urge?

How should I know?

You think too much.
It stops you from living.

Now go put on
that jacket and tie.

At your service, madame.

You really did

wreak havoc on that poor man

but I'll fix him for you.

What do you mean "Why?"

Because I love him.

What's wrong with it?

It's pure uric acid.

I don't know how
I'll feel tomorrow.

You'll feel marvelous

with the memory of
this unforgettable night.

This uric acid is delicious!

I love you.

Doesn't love agree with that sick,
frail body of yours either?

Elsa,

what are we?

We are a woman and a man

discussing the good
and bad points of fillet steak.

- That's what we are.
- No, I mean...

Not this. Us.

I feel strange.

Good strange or bad strange?

Strange.

Well, I want to know.

This is very important
to me, Alfredo.

I don't want to suffer.

Strange things
are happening to my heart.

You're talking
like a teenager.

But I am a teenager.

Yes, you're a little girl
in an elderly woman's body.

An immature old woman.

An adorable woman.

Then it's good strange.

Do you think

we might get somewhere,
the two of us,

in the not-too-distant future?

I can't believe it!

He blushed!

He's 78 years old

and he blushed.
How could I

not fall in love with you?

Oops, I'm talking too much.

What's wrong with it?

It's a mountain of cholesterol.

Stick your finger in
and lick it, dammit!

That would be bad manners.

You know something?

You're not afraid of dying.

You're afraid of living.

You sound like some

self-help book.

Aren't you afraid of dying?

No.

Let's clarify that point.

You are a healthy man with all

the aches and pains of old age.

But that's not serious.

The day you really are sick,

you'll really want
to enjoy all this.

You talk as if

- that has happened to you.
- It happened

with my husband
when the doctor told him

he had only a few months to live.
Poor man. It was terrible.

Something similar happened

to your wife, I imagine.

No, she died suddenly
of a heart attack.

Actually, I am a bit

of a hypochondriac.

No, not a bit.
And you're not even a hypochondriac.

I'll tell you what you are.

I'll tell what we'd call you
where I come from. You're a wimp.

A wimp.

Nobody dies from eating the most
delicious dessert in Madrid.

That finger!

That finger.

That's my boy!

Here's to life.

- To life.
- Which is marvelous.

I wish I'd met you before.

Stop whining.

We met and that's that.

- Let me.
- No, I said it was on me.

I told you so.

- Highway robbery!
- Give me that.

I said it was on me.

It is

- highway robbery!
- Have you got money?

Are you scared?

No, I'm not scared but
you shouldn't have to pay a fortune

for a piece of meat
and a dessert.

But this isn't for
a piece of meat and a dessert.

It's for the most
wonderful night we've ever had

and you can't put
a price on that.

And when you can't put a price
on something, you don't pay for it.

I don't understand.

I'll count to three.

On three, we get up

- and leave.
- Are you crazy?

Leave without paying?

Who'd be suspicious of
two harmless old fogies?

One...

- two...
- We could go to jail for this!

I hope not.
Three!

Slowly now. Slowly.

- Start the car!
- It is starting.

- What do you mean?
- Start!

Well...?

Are we being followed?

Everything's all right, Fred.

You had visions
of the police arresting us

and that sweet daughter
of yours bailing us out, right?

What is it?

What is it?

Is there any gas in the tank?

No.

The police! The police!

They've gone. See?

They weren't after us.
It's okay.

"It's okay, it's okay"!
You are out of your mind.

I may be a hypochondriac,
a wimp, whatever, but you are

crazy, crazy, crazy!

I'm not used to

women like you.

No, you were with one for years
and years who was very boring.

Maybe so, but she was normal,
serious, coherent!

And you're crazy!

You scare me!

- Alfredo?
- What?

- What is it?
- A pain

in my chest.
Take me to a hospital.

Haven't you learned
anything tonight?

- Take me, dammit!
- All right.

But we'll have to wait for a taxi

because ambulances
don't come this way.

She's crazy.

Crazy, crazy.

Apparently,

all's normal.

Heart's beating a bit fast
but nothing serious.

Has he been drinking?

A heavy meal?
Did something upset him?

All of that in less
than two hours.

Goodness gracious!

I'm going to give you

something to help you relax
and you should go home and rest.

- Okay?
- Okay.

I'll get a prescription.

Excuse me.

Oh, well.

Another little pill

- for your collection.
- Why don't you go home?

You'll never regret tonight.

I already did, I assure you.

That's not true.

The best night you've had
for a long time.

One day

you'll thank me for it.

Where are you going?

Didn't you tell me to leave?

Wait for me.
At least take me

- home.
- Okay.

Imagine the waiter's face

when he told the maître d'
we'd left without paying.

Right...

This is where I picked you up,

and this is where
I'll drop you off.

How's that ticker?

Recovering.

You'll get used to excesses.

You're the biggest excess

my old heart can take.

Hesitate two seconds
longer and I'm off.

Is it too soon to ask you
to invite me

to sleep with you?

And I said sleep.

It's dawn.

Yes.

It's dawn.

Get rid of those pills, Fred.

I'm your only salvation.

Stop taking them for a week

and if by then you're dead,

I promise I'll buy you
a new batch.

Dad?

Dad?

What are you doing?

I'm going to take a bath.
Why did you come in

- without knocking?
- I was worried and...

- You okay?
- Never better.

I've never seen you bathe,
especially at this time.

No, never.

So what?

Those pills?

Blue for blood pressure,
white for

uric acid,
the round ones

for cholesterol.

Would you mind leaving me
alone to take

- my bath?
- Dad, what is all this?

And why does it
bother you so much

- that we worry about you?
- I don't need you to.

I'm fine.
And from now on,

ring the bell before you come in.

And if you come in
and see me asleep in bed

or in the bathroom

or... doing things

I have to do

in private,

knock on the door
like a civilized person.

And don't treat me
like a sick person.

I'm fine.

I wouldn't say
you were fine, Dad.

What is it?

- Have you decided to die?
- I've decided to live!

Now, please,

off you go.

The door.

Close it.

What lyrics!

"Today could be
a really good day

so get the most out of it."

That song of Serrat's
is beautiful. I really like it!

And I really like you.

Why?

Because you're crazy.

- Hello?
- How's the love of my life?

Oh, it's you.

I'm fine.

How are you, madame?

Marvelously well.

Are you out?
I can hear

- a lot of noise.
- I'm going to have tea

- with some girlfriends.
- Good.

You'll have to introduce me
to them sometime.

No way! They're more
dangerous than I am.

And I told them
you're a sick old man.

They wouldn't believe that.

How would you get involved
with a sick old man?

I also told them
you were a tycoon.

And a major
Telefonica shareholder.

I think I'm going to crash.

I did.

I'll call you back.

Put tomatoes
on the shopping list.

I LOVE YOU

TACITURN ALIENATION

Strange she hasn't come.

No, but you know
she's usually late.

Yes, and she's not the only one.

Not many people.

Not enough critics.

Brito Mendez came.

He's the worst.

I think I'll start anyway.

Go ahead.

Yes, I think I will.

Why not call her

on her cell?

She turned it off.

We should have

- picked her up.
- She didn't want us to.

Why not?
She crashed her car.

She's acting weird.

Mysterious.

Ah, there she is.

Sorry we're late.

We couldn't get a cab.

This is

my son Gabriel.

My daughter-in-law Laura.

And this is Alfredo,

my boyfriend.

All right.

Good evening, everyone.
Thank you

for coming.

Tonight is a very
important night for me.

These canvases contain

my dreams of the last few years
and I'd like to share them with you.

I'd like to open this exhibition
with the apple of my eye,

"Explosion of Pain".

It is the most delicate of my...

creations

and I hope you like it
and that it moves you

as much as it does me.

Anyway, here it is.

Look at the intensity,
the power.

The...

You hate it.

Well, I prefer

figurative painting.

I know, I know.

This...

is art.

It is art because there is
absolutely nothing to understand.

When art touches you,

it touches you.

When it doesn't touch you...

it doesn't touch you.

Yes, of course.

Does he sell many?

Yes, some, no, he doesn't.
That's why he organized this.

I hope the people here
tonight aren't like you,

preferring dogs
and flowers and all that.

How does he manage to support
five children on this?

Well, er...

Strange you should ask.
It has to do with that line.

That horizontal line.
I see it

and it intrigues me,
I don't know why.

At the center I see a...
a flower emerging!

You know,

I don't think your oldest son
likes the idea

of our relationship very much.

Of course, you did come out
with it just like that.

Just you wait till
you tell your daughter.

Fred?

The very same.

Alfredo

Ponce Cabeza de Vaca.

You hadn't seen my work before.

- What do you think?
- No...

Do you like it?

Yes, yes, very much.

It has great power,
great color.

It's truly admirable.

I hope you're able to
keep on with your vocation.

Maintaining five children
must be

- very difficult.
- No, Gabriel's the family man.

I'm single.

I couldn't do this with kids.

Ready?
No, no, no...

- Question.
- Yes?

What did the critics say?

The critics...
Two came,

one left.

Gine, fine.

Don't forget Sunday
is Carla's birthday.

Ah, yes, of course.

- You are coming?
- Yes.

Well?

Well?

Don't rush me.

Mom,

why didn't you
tell me about Alfredo?

Oh, Alfredo.

What do you think of him?

A nice boy, isn't he?

Mom, what is all this?

How could you do such a thing
this late in life?

- Are you calling me old?
- No, irresponsible.

For a moment I thought...
Look who's talking.

You married twice

and you've been with
the last one for years now.

So don't criticize.

Mom, what's with you
and Alfredo?

With us?
I don't know.

We're together.

I do him good,

he does me good.

And you know
I don't have that much time

to plan much else with him,
if that's what you're worried about.

Does he know
about your illness?

No, he doesn't,
and please don't tell him.

Now let's talk about
more important things.

Do I look divine?

Divine, Mom.

Then "Avanti, bersaglieri!

Victory is ours."

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Having a good time?
- Yes, very good.

I'm glad.

You wish I hadn't come?

No, not at all.

Are you sure?
You seem... strange.

Well, I am strange.

- Fred!
- Ah, hello.

What's that?

"Country Morning". Appropriate
for a girl of her age.

- Really?
- Yes.

I can't let you do anything.

Mom, I got fed up of looking.
It's not that easy.

We wanted to give her

a pony

but it would have
eaten all the plants.

- Ready?
- Yes.

Come on, family photo!

Laura, Carla, come on.

I'll put this away.

All right.

Come on, here, here.

- Come on.
- Mom! Alfredo!

Come on!

Come on.

Oh, no.

You wanted to come and you came.
Now you're here,

you're going to play,

eat good things and sing
Happy Birthday and be in the photo.

Come on, Mom.

Come on.

Hold on!

Grandfather missing!

Grandpa!

Is that Laura's father?

No, mine.

He lied to me!

He cheated on me,
as simple as that!

Big time.

I didn't care if he was
in love with another girl...

Because that's life. I expect
the same happened to you.

- Never.
- Of course not...

What do you mean "never"?

You never went after
another woman?

Yes. You.

Well...

You are weird,
you know that?

You didn't because
you wouldn't let yourself.

- That's why.
- I never felt the need.

Well, Pablo my husband
felt the need.

He cheated on me
and I happened to find out.

From a secretary
who put her foot in her mouth.

So I confronted him with it

and he denied it.

So I had to follow him,
catch him red-handed

so he'd stop denying it.
And that's what I did.

Then you threw him out.

Yes, I threw...
No!

I gave him a choice.

At the door I said,

"If you're in love
with another woman, go!"

No, it was better than that.
I said,

"If you're in love
with another woman, leave!"

I said. "Have your choice!"

Or "make"... I can't remember...
"Make your choice!"

And he was...

taken aback and then we tried

to put things back
together again, but...

But it didn't work.

No, it didn't work.
And I was stuck...

Because all I wanted

was to get even with him.
He'd done it, why shouldn't I?

I didn't know what to do
so I went on a trip...

to London with my girlfriends.

A group of women alone,
friends of mine, and we went

to Portobello Road,
where all those clubs

with male strippers are,
the ones who show it all.

And one came up
to me. You know

6 foot 3, green eyes,

black hair...

And we talked
and after a few drinks

I asked him, sort of off-handedly,
how much. I asked in English.

I said...

I said it like that...

And he understood and took me
to a hotel like a real pro.

Mike his name was.

He was cute, very...
how can I say it? Useful.

Then after that
I came back to Madrid.

All I wanted was to tell
my husband I'd done the same as him.

We drank tea and I told him.

And would you believe it?

He didn't like it at all.

He didn't like it!

In fact he actually got angry.

And from that point on

he was dead for me.

Now, from what I've told you,

did I or did I not
have good reason to do what I did?

If someone crashed
into your car again,

- it wasn't me.
- I'm looking for my father.

Is something wrong?

I went to see you.

You weren't in

so I thought you'd be here.

Will you be long?

I need to talk to you.

We'll talk later.

What's going on, Dad?

Mom's still warm in her grave
and you go after that lunatic!

Don't insult Elsa.

She's just an Argentinean...

And I'm an old fool?

Is that what
you were going to say?

Give me back my keys.
I'm sorry but...

And remember to phone
before you come around to see me.

Wait, Dad.

What's the matter?

I'm worried.
You've been acting strange lately.

Is it because of that woman?

Dad,

you're not serious
about her, are you?

Did you come here
to talk about that

or something else?

On Thursday we have to sign
the contract for the cybercafé.

I'd like to know
what you've decided.

But if you want, we can
leave it for another time.

No, now's all right.
If you think it's a good business,

I'll put up the money.

Call me on Thursday
before you sign and come over

for the money.

Anything else?

No.

See you on Thursday then.

Off you go.

Down, Bonaparte.

Good afternoon.

- If you're here to...
- Can we talk?

What about?

May I come in?

Come in.

Look, I don't know who you are...

her husband, her ex-husband,

her late husband...

That's shocking!
Did she say I was dead?

Yes, she told me you were dead,

but I can see you're
as alive as I am.

I don't want any trouble.

May I sit down?

Thank you.

Look,

Elsa is extremely

dangerous.
She lies, makes things up.

Be careful. I loved her
with all my heart and soul.

But you cheated on her.

Only after she cheated on me
with a male stripper!

As I understand it,
that was afterwards,

when she found out
about your affair.

That's a lie!

She said it was after?
You see?

She bends the truth
to suit her purposes.

It was before.

She called one of those boys who...

She said it was

a birthday gift from a girlfriend.
I found out and went there.

I saw her.

I didn't know
whether to kill her

- or myself.
- You went all the way to London?

London?

It was in Buenos Aires.

Did she say
it was in London?

For God's sake!

She's never been to London.

A glass of whiskey?

I don't drink, thank you.

Another thing
she nagged me about.

She said I was boring,
had no vices...

And I was 10 years
younger than her!

You drink,
if you need to.

No, I need something else.

Be careful, Alfredo.

You do not know

what you've got yourself into.
She'll ruin your life.

What else is not true?

Everything.

That can't be.

Let's see.
What else has she told you?

A lot of things.
That she teaches English...

False.

She had a cassette course...

And she'll say she speaks Italian
when she's never studied it.

She hasn't mentioned that.

She will, when
she tells you her big dream

is to go to Rome
to see the Fontana di Trevi.

She told me that.

Is that a lie, too?

No, that's
the only thing that's true

- about Elsa.
- She said you wouldn't go to Rome.

She wanted us to get into the
Fontana di Trevi like that actress

and her Italian leading man.

Absolute madness!
Don't you think so?

Why? To get arrested?

She is completely crazy!

Look...

She's very dangerous, Alfredo.
Keep away from her.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything
and don't thank me, either.

I only did what I had to do.
I don't want others

to suffer like I have.

I'll find my own way out.

Can I ask you

one last question?

Is it true that
as a girl she looked

like Anita Ekberg?

Like who?

The blond actress.

She was spectacular.

Amazing.

The most stunning blond

in all Buenos Aires.

She didn't have... like...

When she passed by,

the ground shook!

You know what?

Don't lose her.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

You spoke to Javi again.

I speak to him every day.

We're following your little affair
with great interest.

I won't say a word about Elsa.

So she's not "the neighbor
from apartment J" anymore,

she's "Elsa" now?

Anything happened?

Juan,

show some respect.

You're in love!

I thought all you wanted
was company, a fling maybe,

but you've fallen in love.

Well, well, well!

I don't use people.
That's your style.

Anyway, you should know me by now.

You're in love.

And it's doing me good.

And fewer pills.

The doctor told me...

I'm your doctor.

You were.
I changed doctors.

Are you going out?

Yes, I'm going to meet Elsa.

She went to tea
with some girlfriends.

And I'm not saying where.

Let's go.

Take me along.

Maybe I can score
with one of her friends.

In your dreams!

Elsa!

Elsa!

I'm in the bathroom.

Are you all right?

Yes.

Supper's on the table.

Coming.

You haven't eaten a thing.

Didn't you like it?

Yes.

But... I'm not hungry.

Shall I make you some tea?

No.

I just want you to hold me.

Incredible.

This scene is almost pornographic.

What made you rent
"La Dolce Vita"?

Look at Anita.

What a woman!

I saw her in a magazine recently.
She looks older

but still has
that platinum blond hair

and those boobs.

Are all people who have
to have dialysis treatment...

seriously ill?

What?

I said are all people
who need dialysis

terminally ill?

Do you have to have dialysis?

Just answer me.

Well, it depends.
They can live a long time.

What about older people?

What's the matter?

Elsa goes to dialysis.

What could happen?

I don't know. I'd have
to see her case history but...

But what?

Let's just say

that it's not very promising
in a person her age.

Is Elsa going to die?

My friend...

What time is it?

A quarter to five.

What are you doing?

Alfredo, what
are you looking for?

Are you busy right now?

No. I haven't been
busy for years.

Then come with me.

Where to?

You'll see.

Where are we going?

Good evening.

May I ask where
you've been all afternoon?

May I ask what
you're doing tomorrow?

What's this?

Tickets.

Rome!

Happy?

Very.

Shall I tell him
to drive past the Fontana?

No.

I want to discover it on my own.

Like Anita.

There's plenty of time.
I'll tell you when.

Did you call first?

Three times. All I got
was the answering machine.

Dad!

Alfredo!

Use your keys.

I told you what he told me.

He might be inside, sick.

Dad!

I don't like this.
Try the bedroom.

Enough already, Paco!

Dad?

Cuca.

What is it?

"Dear Cuca,

I've been thinking about
that investment of yours,

and I've decided
not to go ahead.

I'm going to invest the money
in being happy."

In being happy!

"I hope you won't
take it too badly.

I know you'll be surprised.

Don't try to explain my actions
because I can't explain myself.

But I feel good.

I'm in Rome at the moment..."

In Rome!

"...making a dream
of Elsa's come true.

I hope I haven't
inconvenienced you.

I'm sure you won't
have trouble finding

someone else to invest.
It's a good business. Love, Dad."

He tricked us, Cuca.

What can I say?

He's right.

He's changed so much.

And...

I'm glad he invested
in his happiness.

His happiness?
Cuca, he's going to waste

all his money on that old woman!

What should he do?

Waste it on your cybercafé?
What for?

He doesn't care about the business,
and that's fine by me.

And you want to know
something else?

I'm not interested either.

I did it for you.

Now,

if you really want
to do it, go ahead.

Find the money and do it.
Yourself!

Come on,

let's go home.

This trip must
have cost you a fortune.

Somebody once told me

concerning a scandalous check
in a restaurant

that there are some things
you can't put a price on.

Okay.

- Did you already have the money?
- No.

You had to borrow it?

I stole it.

No!

Seriously, did you have
to borrow it or not?

No, it was mine.

- What?
- She looked at you.

- What's the matter?
- The first one, I saw her.

- What?
- These Italian girls are incredible.

She wouldn't look at me!

She looked at you!

This man's mine!

It seems that Gellini
would ring Marcello every Monday

and he'd say, "Marcello,
when was the last time we met up?

Next week,

on Wednesday, we'll meet

at the Augustus café

for a chat."
And of course,

neither of them appeared.
And they knew

that they wouldn't.

Then the next week,
Marcello would ring Gellini...

What is it?

They used to arrange
to meet here?

Here! I can't believe it!
It's a sign!

Or a lie.

No, really.

That story...

- Is it true?
- Of course it is. I read about it

in a book.

But it was actually here?

Yes, actually here. I'm sure...
No, I'm not sure...

No, I'm not sure... Actually,
sometimes I get mixed up,

what with...
It wasn't the Augustus.

I mean there were so many...

Maybe it was the Titus or the
Andronicus or the Constantius.

But nothing cheap.
All emperors. I'm sure it was

- the name of an emperor.
- I believe you.

Good.

Tomorrow night, huh?

Tomorrow night,

what?

I want to go to the Fontana.

As you wish.

- You didn't forget the kitten?
- Kitten?

How can you ask such a question?
You've seen "La Dolce Vita",

- haven't you?
- Of course I have.

But you can't expect me

- to go...
- Well, I do

want you to.

And I want a kitten like Anita
Ekberg's... small and white.

But Elsa...

No. I've been dreaming
about this for years.

And I want it
like in my dream.

- But...
- Please.

I was right when I said
you were like a teenage girl.

Thank you.

Is that a compliment
or an insult?

Your beauty
is an insult to all women.

Are you all right, madam?

I'm splendid!

Buon giorno.

No.

At this time of day

it's buona sera.

Sorry. Buona sera.
Look, I need

a gatto.

Is that how you say it?

Gatto?

Yes, a gatto.
Miaow, miaow.

Small...

piccolino...

e bianco.

Yes, I see. A cat.

We don't allow animals
in the hotel, sir.

I know.

But I need

a cat.

It's an emergency.

I don't understand.

Near here?

Is there

an animal shop

near here?

Animals.

Ah, a pet shop.
A cat.

You want to buy a cat.

I don't think so,
not at this time.

Closed.

Cerrado.

Fermé.

Isn't there some other way?

Some way

to get a cat.

A small,

white cat.

No cats.

Pardon me.

Buona...

You're welcome.

You want a cat?

Don't look at me!

Don't look at me!

200euros.

200 euros?

You want a cat?

A small, white one.

200euros.

Small and white?

Small, white,
blue, yellow, red...

200euros.

All right, all right.

No!

In an hour and a half
in your room.

He'll rip me off.

Small

and white.

Excuse me...

How do I look?

Beautiful.
Very beautiful.

What's that?

The cat.

Let me see.

What's wrong?

It isn't white.

It's lovely.

After all, Fred, we're not
Anita and Marcello either.

Are we?

Let's go.

Let's go.
I'm so excited!

It must be this way.

You hear that?

The cat.

It's in here.

The cat.

The glass of milk.

- What?
- The glass of milk.

- A glass of milk?
- Yes.

When they get here... maybe not
exactly here, but anyway,

Anita asks Marcello to bring
the cat a glass of milk.

Elsa, please.
I mean, look around you.

There's not a soul in sight.

But Fred, we've come this far.

The same route,
we have the cat.

Find out which store Marcello
bought the milk for the cat in.

Marcello didn't buy
anything in a store.

One of the crew members
gave him the milk.

Really.

All right, all right.
Wait here.

Come on.

Get in.

No, we'll freeze to death.

So what? Would you care
if you died here tonight?

Come on.

Come on in.

There's a magical moment

when they're the only
people left in the world.

Then the sound of the water

begins to fade.

Dear Marcello,

I have a confession to make.

I love you.

I love you more than
I've ever loved anyone.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Get out of there right now!

We're going to get arrested!

They engraved the headstone.

She was older than you.

82 years old.

She looked younger.

What are you laughing at?

Nothing.

Nothing.