Election (1999) - full transcript

Tracy Flick is running unopposed for this year's high school student election. But school civics teacher Jim McAllister has a different plan. Partly to establish a more democratic election, and partly to satisfy some deep personal anger toward Tracy, Jim talks popular varsity football player Paul Metzler to run for president as well. Chaos ensues.


Hey, Mr. McAllister.

- Not wasting any time, are you, Tracy?
- You know what they say about the early bird.

Yeah, I do.

Good luck there, Tracy.

- Thanks, Mr. M.
- Mm-hmm.

- I'll see you in class.
- Yep. Mm-hmm.

None of this would've happened
if Mr. McAllister hadn't meddled the way he did.

He should've just accepted things as they are,
instead of trying to interfere with destiny.

You see, you can't interfere with destiny.
That's why it's destiny.

And if you try to interfere, the same thing's
just gonna happen anyway, and you'll just suffer.

It's hard to remember how the whole
thing started, the whole election mess.

What I do remember is that I loved my job.

I was a teacher, an educator,
and I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Mr. McAllister. Mr. M!

Quit daydreaming. Get back to work.

The students knew
it wasn't just a job for me.

I got involved.

Put down the cards, boys!

This game is over!

- And I cared.
- Come on, Wolverines!

Defense! Let's go!

And I think I made a difference.

I knew I touched the students' lives
during their difficult young adult years,

and I took that responsibility seriously.

In the 12 years I taught US history,
civics, and current events at Carver,

I was voted
Teacher of the Year three times -

a school record.

Teaching was all I'd ever wanted to do.

"We will not continue the current system..."

Standing in front of
a roomful of young people,

trying to get them excited about the world,
trying to make them think,

preparing them for the tough moral
and ethical decisions that they'd face as adults.

That's how I wanted to spend my life.

So is this a moral situation
or an ethical situation?

What's the difference
between morals and ethics anyway?


- Derek.
- Yeah.

Ethics is like when you do
what society tells you is right to do.

And morals...

Yeah, yeah, you're on the right track.
Can anybody help him out?


Morals are like... lessons.
You know, like the moral of a story.

It's what you learn from a story
or a fable or something.

Or a life experience. Good.

And ethics?

Um, ethics is how you use the morals...

that you learn from the story?

Yeah, okay, but I think
we're missing something key here.

What are we missing?


Ethics are rules of conduct -

Tracy Flick.

Tracy Flick.

I'd seen a lot of ambitious students
come and go over the years,

but Tracy Flick, she was a special case.

Some people say I'm an overachiever,
but I think they're just jealous.

My mom always tells me I'm different.
You know, special.

And if you look at all the things
I've accomplished so far,

I think you'd have to agree.

Here I am as Hodel in Fiddler On The Roof.

♪ Matchmaker, matchmaker ♪

♪ I'll bring the veil ♪

♪ You bring the groom ♪

And here I am on KCHS,
our student-run TV station.

...that the littering must stop.

Tracy Flick reporting.

Which means...

But it was in the SGA,
the Student Government Association,

where I made my biggest mark.

I never missed a single meeting,

and I volunteered for every committee,
as long as I could lead it.

I agree with Ashley! I think we should
rent the barrels ahead of time.

Because what happened last time
was a travesty.

It was ridiculous, and I think
it really reflected poorly on all of us.

Now Tracy Flick was poised to win
the presidency of the student body.

And so far, she was running unopposed.

...determined by a culture
at a certain time in history.

Oh, there's one more thing about Tracy
I think you should know.

Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.

Don't tell me that.
Don't tell me that. I don't want to know that.

A few months before the election,

she'd gotten herself in a little trouble
with my best friend, Dave Novotny.

♪ Foxy ♪

Dave came to Carver the year after I did,
and we hit it off right away.

- ♪ Sweet little love-maker ♪
- Dave was one of those guys who taught

because they never wanted to
leave high school in the first place.

- ♪ Foxy ♪
- But basically, he was a good guy.

Our wives became best friends too.

And when Dave and Linda's son Darryl was born,
they asked us to be his godparents.

- "B" to side "C"...
- You probably think the worst,

that Mr. Novotny was taking horrible advantage
of one of his students.

But it wasn't like that at all.

Our relationship was based
on mutual respect and admiration.

I mean, during my sophomore year
in Geometry,

it was strictly professional between us.

I mean, nothing.

It wasn't until junior year when we
worked together on the yearbook

that things got kind of serious.

One night he took us editors out
to celebrate after a deadline.

Eventually, Dave and I were left alone,
and we got to talking.

Not like teacher and student,
but like two adults.

You know, Tracy,

I notice that you don't seem to
have any close friends at Carver.

You seem to be kind of a loner.

No, I'm not. I'm just real busy.

Oh, no. I know. I know it's not by choice.

I just mean that - that, well...
being the kind of person you are,

it must be really difficult for you
to find somebody you can talk to.

What do you mean?
What kind of person am I?

Tracy, you know, I've been watching you
for going on three years now,

and I think you are
one of the most talented,

hardworking, sensitive, attractive,

brilliant students I...


Human beings I have ever met.

Thank you.

And I know that sometimes people like you
have to pay a price

for their greatness,

and that price is loneliness.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but...

it just seems to me
like you might need a friend.

Since I grew up without a dad,
you might assume, psychologically,

I was looking for a father figure.

But that had nothing to do with it at all.

It was just that Dave was so strong,
and he made me feel so safe and protected.

It was the first time somebody
ever saw the real me,

the me that nobody else knows.

Okay, here. Get down. Get down.

♪ You're once ♪

♪ Twice ♪

♪ Three times a lady ♪

♪ And I love ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ Yes, you're once ♪

♪ Twice ♪

♪ Three times ♪

♪ A lady ♪

♪ And I love ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ I love ♪

♪ You ♪

When I think back on
my relationship with Mr. Novotny,

what I miss most is our talks.

You did it in your house?
In your own house?

Look, Jim, okay,
I know it seems crazy, but...

Jim, what I'm trying to tell you is that

Tracy and I

are totally, totally... in love.

- In love?
- Yeah.

It's serious.

She inspires me
in ways that Linda never has.

She even wants to read my novel.

- But you haven't written your novel.
- That's the whole point!

I... I've got the whole thing right here!

I just need to get it out there.

And Tracy wants me to write it
so she can read it.

It's beautiful.


I'm just saying this as your friend.

What you're doing is really, really wrong,

and you've gotta stop.

The line you've crossed is...

It's immoral, and it's illegal.

Jim, come on.
I don't need a lecture on ethics.

I'm not talking about ethics.
I'm talking about morals.

What's the difference?

I guess I don't have to tell you
how this all turned out.

Tracy's mom, sh-she doesn't understand.

No, I'd say she doesn't.

The fact is,
I have never seen a mother so upset.

All right.

I know what Tracy told her mother,
what her mother told me.

I need to hear this from you
because I have a legal responsibility here.

Let me ask you this.

Did you cross the line with this girl?

I di...


We're in love.

Your novel?

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Linda.

After Dave got fired,

Linda kicked him out of the house
and filed for divorce.

Linda. Linda?

He ended up moving back to Milwaukee
to live with his parents.

- He's lucky he's not in jail.
- Linda!

And ethics are the basis of...

Okay. We'll pick up here next time.

Would it be possible for me
to retake the test we took yesterday?

- The test yesterday? You wanna retake it?
- Yeah. I had to work late the night before.

- And I didn't have enough time to study.
- Oh, yeah?

Now that I have
more life experience,

I feel sorry for Mr. McAllister.

I mean, anyone who's stuck
in the same little room,

wearing the same stupid clothes,

saying the exact same things
year after year for his whole life,

while his students go on to good colleges

and move to big cities and do great things
and make loads of money...


...he's gotta be at least a little jealous.

- I noticed it was a little low for you.
- It's like my mom says.

The weak are always trying
to sabotage the strong.

One thing that's important to know about me
is that I'm an only child,

so my mom is really devoted to me.

And I love her so much.

She wants me to do all the things
that she wanted to do in life but couldn't.

Mom used to be a stewardess for Northwest,
and now she works as a paralegal.

She likes to write letters to successful women
like Elizabeth Dole and Connie Chung

and ask them how they got to be
where they are

and what advice do they have for me,
Tracy, her daughter.

Nine times out of 10, they say you have to
hold onto your dreams no matter what.

The pressures women face
mean you have to work twice as hard,

and you can't let anything or anyone
stand in your way.

Hey! Hey! One per person!
Put those back!

Eat me.

But you know,
winning isn't everything.

Win or lose, ethical conduct
is the most important thing.

Just ask Mr. McAllister.

Mr. McAllister! Mr. McAllister, wait up!

Mr. McAllister, don't go!

I got all my signatures.

- There's 158, way more than I need.
- Hey, that's super.

Here they are.

Oh, you can just put them in my box,
and I'll take a look at them tomorrow.

Could you approve them now?

Because I'd really like to kick off my campaign
right away, you know, in the morning.


Yeah, yeah. Those look good to me.

- Aren't you supposed to keep them?
- No. That's fine.

I thought you were supposed to keep them.

Yeah, right, fine. Okay.

- Thanks for everything.
- You bet.

I can't wait to start campaigning.

- What's that?
- I can't wait to start campaigning.

Oh. Well, it should be easy for you.
So far, no competition.

Yeah, but you know, Coca-Cola's by far
the world's number-one soft drink,

and they spend more money
than anybody on advertising.

I guess that's how come
they stay number one.


Okay. Well, good luck there, Tracy.

You know, Mr. M?

When I win the presidency,

that means you and I are gonna be
spending a lot of time together,

and I, for one,
would really like that time to be

harmonious and productive.

Wouldn't you?


Okay. That's what I thought.
I was just checking.

Yeah. Good luck there, Tracy.


I don't blame Tracy
for what happened with Dave.

How could I? Dave was an adult,
more than twice her age.

Sure, she got on my nerves
once in a while, but I admired Tracy.

I really did.

Thank God for Diane.

She was my best friend,
my source of love and strength.

Oh, sure, we'd had our share of bumpy times,
but we'd always seen them through.

After nine years of marriage,
we were closer than ever.

Anything wrong?

No. No.

Just, you know, school.

When I win the presidency,

we're gonna be spending a lot of time together.

Lots and lots and lots of time.

President and adviser.

Harmonious and productive.

Close and special.

You... and I.

Hey, P.J.

What are you doing here
in the boys' locker room?

I've come to see the star quarterback
before the big game.

But what if Coach Henderson walks in?

Oh, that's okay. I took care of him.

So, uh, what you reading?

I'm just reviewing my playbook.

I have a play we can practice.

You be quarterback. I'll be tight end.

You know, Coca-Cola is by far
the world's number-one soft drink.



I was so mad at God when I broke my leg
at Shadow Ridge over Christmas break.


The doctors told me I'd have to quit sports
for at least a couple of years,

if not forever,

which meant no first-string quarterback
in the fall.

It was like the end of my life.

When I got back to school,
everybody was so supportive,

and they all wanted to sign my cast
and everything,

but I still couldn't shake the feeling
that now my life had no purpose.

What did God want from me?

Why did I exist?

Sometimes you can search
everywhere for answers.

Then one day, destiny just walks up
and taps you on the shoulder.

I know because it happened to me.

Paul, can I speak to you for a minute?

Mr. McAllister changed my life.

And no matter what they say
he did or did not do,

I believe he is a good man.


I know you've been pretty down
since your accident.

Yeah, I... I wanted to play football
again so bad I could taste it.

- And maybe go on to the play-offs and...
- Yeah, I know.

I understand disappointment.
I really do.


Now, I personally think you have
a very bright future ahead of you.

And I'm not talking about
the fleeting glory of sports.

- What do you mean?
- Let me give you a clue.

You're a natural-born leader.

You're one of the most
popular students at Carver.

You're honest, you're straightforward,
and you don't crack under pressure,

as we all saw in the amazing
fourth quarter against Westside.

All the kids look up to you.

Now, what does that spell?

Student... council... president.

Who, me?

Oh, no. I...

I don't know anything about that stuff,
Mr. M.

I mean, besides, that's Tracy Flick's thing.
She's always working so hard at it.

Yeah, I know.
She's a real go-getter, all right.

And she's super-nice.

Yeah. Yeah.

But one person assured of victory kind of,
uh, undermines the whole idea of democracy.

- Don't you think?
- But, Mr. M...

I mean, that'd be more like a dictatorship,
like we studied.

- But, Mr. M, there's...
- Paul, what's your favorite fruit?


Pears. Good. Okay.

- Let's say all you ever had was -
- Oh, no, wait.


Apples. Fine.

Let's say all you ever knew were apples.

Apples, apples, and more apples.

You might think apples were pretty good,
even if you got a rotten one once in a while.

But then one day there's an orange.

And now you can make a decision.

Do you want an apple
or do you want an orange?

That's democracy.

I also like bananas.

Exactly. Good.

So what do you say? Maybe it's time
to give a little something back.

How's that?

I think that's... No. Just a little higher.

- A little higher.
- Is this okay?

Eric, you can't put tape
on the outside of the poster.

It goes on the back of the poster.

You better just take the whole thing down
and redo it.

- Who put you up to this?
- Oh, hi, Tracy.

- Who put you up to this?
- What do you mean?

You just woke up this morning
and suddenly decided to run for president?

No. Um, no. I-I just thought that, uh -

Thought what?

Well, I was talking to Mr. McAllister
about my leg

and how I still want to do something
for the school and -

So Mr. McAllister asked you to run.

Well, um, I talked to him and everything,

but he just said that he thought
it would be a good idea,

and how there's all different kinds
of fruits and, um -

And, well, it's nothing against you, Tracy.
I mean, you're the best.

- Uh, I-I just thought, uh -
- Okay.

You're on, Mr. Popular.

You might think it upset me that
Paul Metzler had decided to run against me.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

He was no competition for me.
It was like apples and oranges.

I had to work a little harder, that's all.

You see, I believe in the voters.

They understand that elections
aren't just popularity contests.

They know this country was built by people
just like me who work very hard

and don't have everything handed to them
on a silver spoon.

Not like some rich kids
who everybody likes

because their fathers own Metzler Cement
and give them trucks on their 16th birthday

and throw them big parties all the time.

No. They don't ever have to
work for anything.

They think they can just, all of a sudden,
one day out of the blue

waltz right in
with no qualifications whatsoever

and try to take away
what other people have worked for

very, very hard their entire lives!

No! Didn't bother me at all!


Paul Power.

Paul... Paul for President.

Paul for President.




♪ There's a place I know ♪

♪ Where you can look down ♪

♪ The air makes you feel light ♪

- ♪ The air makes you feel right ♪
- What?

I told you. I can't.

It just doesn't feel right anymore.

♪ The road I'm travelin' ♪

But I love you.

I said no.

Hey, Tammy, guess what happened today.

- Don't you fucking knock?
- Yeah.

Oh, hi, Lisa.

- Get - Get out, Paul!
- Listen.

- So Mr. McAllister calls me in and tells me -
- I gotta go.

- You dumb shit!
- What'd I do?

It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything.

I'm attracted to the person.

It's just that all the people I've ever
been attracted to happen to be girls.

Lisa, wait!


- What?
- Where are you going?

I'm not like you, okay?

What do you mean?

I'm not a dyke.

And we're not in love.

We were just... experimenting.

How can something
that seemed so true

turn out to be such a lie?

Lisa and I were destined to be together.

Of all the people on the planet
who had ever lived,

somehow we'd found each other.

It was like a miracle.

We had so much fun together,

like the time we ate a bunch of asparagus

to see how long it takes
before your pee smells funny.

It was very scientific.

For me, it was 11 minutes.
For her, it was 17.

Every day I found a new way
to tell Lisa how much I loved her.

"If you died right now,

I would throw myself
into one of my dad's cement trucks

and get poured into your tomb."

But it just seemed like the closer we got,
the more she pulled away.

- Are you crazy?
- What?

- These are private. These are for us.
- So?

- But other people can see them too.
- I don't care.

Well, I do.

♪ I can't get along without you now ♪

What did I do to make her change?

What's wrong with me?

Sometimes when I'm sad,

I sit and watch the power station.

They say if you lie
between two of the main wires,

your body just evaporates.

You become a gas.

I wonder what that would feel like.

I don't know why,

but Lisa decided she wanted to hurt me.

And she knew exactly what to do.

I sure was surprised the day
Lisa Flanagan asked me for a ride home

and ended up blowing me.

I've wanted this for so long.

I mean, life is so weird.

First, Lisa has a big fight with my sister,

and the next thing you know
she's my girlfriend.

Since Lisa knew
all about public relations and stuff,

she offered to help me with my campaign.

We made a great team.

It seemed so natural,
the two of us together.

It was like a miracle.

My leg wasn't bugging me too much
and the weather was so nice.

And every day after school
Lisa and I would go to her house

to fuck and have a hot tub.

If that's the way they wanted it,
then that's the way it was gonna be.

But I wasn't going down without a fight.


Tammy, what are you doing?

You're the adviser.
You should stop her.

She's not qualified. She's just a sophomore.
Did you know that?

Calm down, Tracy.
Just calm down.

We can't both run, can we?
I mean, we're brother and sister.

- Can we?
- It's a conflict of interest, and Paul was first.

Anybody who gets signatures in on time can run,
and she got in just under the wire.

These are a bunch of burnouts!

A-And what's this one?
It's "illigible." I can't even read that.

That's Tim... Cobsa.

She's doing this to get back at me.

- For what?
- I mean, at you.

For what?

Tim Cobsa?

Tim Cobsa? Who's he?
I've never even heard of him.

Look, why don't we just forget about Tammy?
We'll have the assembly tomorrow.

Everybody can make their speeches,
and I'm sure everything's gonna be just fine.

Yay! Whee!

Jim, don't. You're scaring him.

Nah. He likes it.

Ah, not that much.

Around that time, Diane and I were
hanging out a lot at Linda Novotny's house,

giving her our love and support

and helping her make it through
a difficult time.

Oh, honey.

Diane really wanted to have kids,
and so did I,

but it seemed like there was
always a reason to wait.

She had to finish nursing school,
I had to get my master's,

we needed a new house,
we needed more money.

Finally, we just decided to go for it.

Gonna do it? You gonna do it?

But for over a year,
we hadn't had any luck.

- Just a minute.
- Come on.

Do it. Do it.

- Fill me up. Come on. Fill me up.
- Yeah. Okay.

Fill me up. Fill me up!

Okay. Okay.

Good job.

Say, Jim?

Jim, can you get this? I can't...

Oh, yeah, sure.

- Just put it on the table.
- All right.

Without Dave around,
Linda needed a lot of help around the house.

- Where do you want it, here?
- No.

More this way.


Uh, yeah. That's good.

I had always liked Linda,

but we'd never had a chance
to spend any time alone together.

Oughta warm you up a little bit.

Now with Dave out of the picture,

I began to see what an incredibly
sensitive and giving person she was.

We got to be kind of like buddies.

I even took her to the mall one time
while her car was in the shop.

What do you think?

You look great.

I can't afford this stuff right now.

Aw, come on.
You've had a hard year.

You're cooped up all the time with the kid.

Let go. Live a little.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

So what do you think?

- Should we get a room?
- Should we get a what?

That's not funny.

- How'd it go?
- Fine.

You know. Just went to Westerly's.

Did you guys have fun?

Um... yeah.

No, I mean... you know.


Well, Linda's great,

but she can be
a little bit much sometimes.


Oh, God. Oh, just like that. Yeah.

Fill me up. Fill me up.

Oh... yeah!

Fill me up!

Oh, God. Just like that. Oh, yeah.

- Fill me up.
- God. Oh, God!

- Oh, God. Just like that.
- Just like that.

- Oh, yeah. Fuck me!
- Do it, Jim. Fuck me.

Do it, Jim. Just like that.

Do it, Jim. Fill me up.

Just like that. Do it, Mr. M. Do it.

Fuck me, Mr. M. Fuck me!

Fuck me hard, Mr. McAllister!
Harder! Harder!

Fuck me, Mr. McAllister!
Fuck me hard!

Harder! Fuck me! Please!

So like I was saying,
things were going pretty well in my life.

That is, until things started going all haywire
with that damn election.

I love Carver High,

and I will be a dedicated vice president.

A vote for Jerry Slavin
is a vote for good government,

and even if I can't really
stand up for you, I will.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jerry.
Thank you and good luck.

Again, Jerry is running unopposed
for vice president.

So, we'll move on now
to the presidential race,

with three candidates running.

The first, in alphabetical order,
is Tracy Flick.


Poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote,

"I cannot make my days longer,
so I strive to make them better."

With this election, we here at Carver
also have an opportunity

to make our high school days better.

During this campaign,

I've spoken with many of you
about your many concerns.

I spoke with Eliza Ramirez, a freshman,

who said she feels alienated
from her own homeroom.

I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks,

who said his mother works in the cafeteria

and can't afford to buy him
enough spiral notebooks for his classes.

- Eat me!
- Eat me raw!

All right, now -

Hey, if you can't be adults and give
these candidates the courtesy they deserve,

then you don't deserve
to be called adults, but children.

Because that's what children are,
and you'll be treated like children.

So let's all listen up, huh?

I care about Carver,
and I care about each and every one of you.

And together,
we can all make a difference.

When you cast your vote
for Tracy Flick next week,

you won't just be voting for me.

You'll be voting for yourself
and for every other student here at Carver.

Our days might not be any longer,
but they can sure be better.

Thank you.

The... The next candidate for
student body president is Paul Metzler.


- Paul!
- Paul!

You're the man!

"As many of you know,
I broke my leg pretty bad this year,

and the experience has made me reevaluate
what I want to do with my life,

and that is help people.

When you think about it,
a school is more than a school.

It's our second home,
where we spend all our time

and grow as individuals in the community.

But is our school everything it could be?

I want our school
to reach its true potential.

That's why I'm running for president.

I know what it is to fight hard and win,

like when we almost went to State last fall

and I threw the fourth-quarter pass
against Westside for the touchdown

that won the game by three points.

I won't let you down like I didn't then,

and I promise we can all score
a winning touchdown together.

Vote Paul Metzler for president.
Thank you."

Okay, Paul.

The final candidate
for student council president

is another one of the Metzler clan,
sophomore Tammy Metzler.


People! People!

Who cares about this stupid election?

We all know it doesn't matter
who gets elected president of Carver.

Do you really think it's gonna change
anything around here,

make one single person smarter,

or happier,

or nicer?

The only person it does matter to
is the one who gets elected.

The same pathetic charade
happens every year,

and everyone makes
the same pathetic promises

just so they can put it on their transcripts
to get into college.

So vote for me,

because I don't even want to go to college,
and I don't care.

And as president, I won't do anything.

The only promise I will make
is that, if elected,

I will immediately dismantle
the student government

so that none of us will ever have to sit through
one of these stupid assemblies again!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!

Tammy! Tammy! Tammy! Tammy!
Tammy! Tammy!

Or don't vote for me! Who cares?
Don't vote at all!

Close the door.

I tell you, that little bitch
made a fool out of us.

I want her out of this election.

I mean,
getting everybody all riled up like that.

She is washed up. You understand me?
She's finished.

Well, we can't throw her out of the election
just because we don't like her speech.

That's not what
student government is about.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Look, all I know is she's a troublemaker.
She's on my list.

All we need to do is send a message.

Uh, so maybe, uh,
we should just suspend her.

That's it. Three days.
She's suspended for three days.

Being suspended
is like getting a paid vacation.

Why do they think it's a punishment?

It's like your dog pees on the carpet
and you give him a treat.

Then you get in trouble for skipping school.
It's so stupid.

Hendricks told me,
"One more time" and I'd be expelled.

Sounded good to me.

Whoo! You got it! You got it!

Over here!

Right here! Come on! Right here!

Oh. Hi, Tammy.

What do you want?

Well, I went to all your teachers
and got your assignments for you.

I... I just thought, you know,

last time you got suspended
you fell so far behind,

and I just didn't want to
see that happen again.

Thanks, Paul. Thanks a lot.

Sure. You bet.

- Now could you leave me alone?
- Oh. Yeah.

Um, Tammy, there's just one other thing.

You know all this election stuff?

'Cause everybody is saying it's really weird
that you're running against me and everything.

And it is kind of weird.

You haven't really told me why you're doing it
and didn't tell me in advance.

But that's okay. I respect your privacy.

It's just, I want you to know that
no matter who wins, you or me,

there's no hard feelings.

We're still brother and sister, okay?
Even though you're adopted, because -

I-I hope you feel the same.

What happened at the speeches
was an "unconscience-able" travesty.

That little bitch Tammy Metzler
wanted to make a fool out of me.

Well, it wasn't gonna work.

If all those students
who cheered for Tammy Metzler

only knew how hard I worked for Carver,

like all the late nights
I spend at the yearbook office

just to give them their stinking memories.

One of my duties
was to clean up the group photos.

It was a cinch with our new software.

People are so ungrateful.

The day before the election is when
things started to get really complicated.

There's your culprit.

Linda had asked me
to stop by on my way to school

to help her out
with a little plumbing problem.

Did you know Dave's a bed-wetter?

No. No, I-I didn't know that.

All his life. He's tried everything.


Is that still running clear?


- Better let it run for a while.
- Okay.

Oh, wait.

Here. This one's clean.

Well, I guess you better get to work, huh?

- You're gonna be late.
- Yeah.

Thank you, Jim.

It was something that just happened.

Neither of us expected it.
Neither of us planned it.

But once we started,
we knew there was no turning back.

It was a miracle.

Oh, Jim.

Hey, take me to that motel,
like you wanted.

- Now?
- Um, come by after school.

- I'll leave Darryl with the sitter.
- Oh.

- 3:25.
- Okay. 3:25.

What had blossomed between Linda and me

was too real, too powerful to deny.

For the first time in years,
I felt free and alive.

Yeah, ciao. Ciao. Ciao.

It's not fair. It's just not fair.

I just don't think somebody would
do something like that on purpose.

It must be some sort of mistake,
like a maintenance thing.

Jim, where the hell have you been?

Nowhere. No, I-I just don't have
any classes till second period.

Well, I tried you at home,
and we've got a situation here.

If Paul loses this election tomorrow,
there has to be another one with posters.

Somebody tore down their posters.

Those posters cost us a lot of money,
and there's no time to make any more.

- All right, we'll get to the bottom of it.
- We still have some extra ones, don't we?

- Maybe we could just use those.
- It was Tammy. That's who it was.

Oh, no. Hey, like I said,
she just wouldn't do something like that.

Well, that speech that she gave,
you know, it was pretty...

It was out there.

But we'll get to the bottom of it.
I want you two to go back.

I want you to focus on your studies.

Mr. McAllister
will handle the whole thing.

- Right, Jim?
- What's that?

Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah, you bet.


Tracy, come on in.

Close the door behind you.

Have a seat.

I guess you know why you're here.

If it's about the posters,
I think it's awful.

- I think it's a travesty.
- Travesty, huh?

Well, that's interesting...

because I think you did it.


Are you accusing me? You're not serious.

Mr. McAllister, we've worked together
on the SGA for three solid years.

Besides, my own best banner was torn down.
Did I do that too?

Were you or were you not working
in the Looking Glass Office over the weekend?

I was. So?

Mr. Paterno let me in.

As you know, with my many responsibilities,
I often have to come in on the weekend.

And I have permission to do so.

But I left very early, around 6:30.



How do you know what time
the posters were torn down?

I don't. I just know
that they were there when I left.

I'm giving you helpful information,
that's all.

You know, instead of wasting
your time interrogating me,

we should be out there trying
to figure out who did this.

Okay, Tracy.

Who do you think did it?

Whom should we interrogate?

Well, I don't know.
You know, it could have been anybody.

There's a lot of subversive elements
here at Carver,

like Rick Thiessen or Kevin Speck
and those burnouts.

Or what about Tammy Metzler?

I mean, her whole thing
is being anti-this and anti-that.

Tracy, you're a very intelligent girl.

You have a lot of admirable qualities.

But one day maybe you'll learn
that being smart

and doing whatever
you need to do to get ahead

and, yes,
stepping on other people to get there,

well, there's a whole lot more
to life than that.

And in the end,
you're only cheating yourself.

Why are you lecturing me?

This isn't the time or the place
to get into it.

But there is, for just one example,
a certain former colleague of mine

who made a very big mistake,
a life mistake.

Now, I think the lesson here is that,
old or young, we all make mistakes.

And we have to learn that our actions,
all of them,

can carry serious consequences.


I don't know what you're referring to,
but maybe if certain older, wiser people

hadn't acted like such little babies
and gotten so mushy,

then everything would be okay.

I agree.

And I also think that
certain young and naive people

need to thank their lucky stars
and be very, very grateful

that the entire school didn't find out
about certain indiscretions

that could've ruined their reputations
and their chances to win certain elections.

And I think certain older people,
like you and your colleague,

shouldn't be letching after their students,

especially when some of them
can't even get their own wives pregnant.

And they certainly shouldn't be
making slanderous accusations,

especially when certain young,
naive people's mothers

are paralegal secretaries
at the city's biggest law firm

and have won many successful lawsuits.

And if you want to keep
questioning me like this,

I won't continue without my attorney present.

You wanted to see me, Mr. McAllister?

Just wait outside, Tammy.

Okay, but is this about the posters?

Possibly. Please, just wait outside.

Okay, because I know who did it.

So, I'll just be outside.

Don't go anywhere, Tracy.
Tammy, come on in here.

This ought to be good.

So, what do you have to tell me, Tammy?

Well, this is hard for me,

but I think it's important to be honest,
don't you?

Yeah. What is it, Tammy?

I did it.
I'm the one who tore down Paul's posters.

I did it.

- When did you do it?
- I don't know. Yesterday, Sunday.

How'd you get into the school?

- Door was open.
- Which door?

I don't know. All I know is I did it.

Well, I don't believe you.

I have proof.

- Tracy?
- Yes?

Looks like today's your lucky day.

You're off the hook.
Tammy here has confessed.

I told you.

I told you.
You're gonna pay for my poster!

Okay, easy, now. Now, quit
while you're ahead, will you, Tracy?

Just run along. Back to class.

The rest of the day was unbearable.

I kept smelling Linda
on my clothes and on my fingers,

and I just couldn't wait
to get out of there.

I wanted everything to be perfect
that afternoon at the motel,

so I decided to give myself a little time
to prepare during eighth period.

Pop quiz, everybody.

Put your stuff away.
Come on. No whining.

If you've done your reading,
this should be an easy one.

I'd have exactly 48 minutes
to make all the arrangements.

If you finish early,
just sit quietly and check your work.

I'll be right back.

Okay, everybody. Pass 'em forward.

Stephanie, put your pen down. Stop.

All right, see you all on Wednesday.
Don't forget to vote tomorrow.









Oh, fuck!

Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.

We're not around,
but we'll call you back real soon.

Have a nice day.

Hey, Linda. It's me.
Are you there? Pick up.

Um -

Okay, well, it's, uh - it's 4:32,

and, uh, I came by at 3:25, like we said,

and, uh, I waited there,
but, um, you weren't there,

so - so now I'm at the -
at the place that we talked about.

Suite 246.

And I'm here.

Everything's all set,
so, uh, hope you get here soon.

Okay. Bye-bye.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

What you have against your mother and me,
against your brother Paul,

is completely beyond me.

Your mother's extremely upset.
She's at the end of her rope.

Your behavior keeps getting crazier
and crazier and wilder and wilder.

Who knows what the hell else you're doing
out there that we don't even know about?

We just had a long conversation
with Walt Hendricks.

Just got off the phone with him at his home.

You know he doesn't want you
back at Carver.

He's fed up with you. Fed up.

- And I don't blame him.
- Dick, Dick.


Tammy, your father and I have been talking,
and we've come to a decision that we -

You're going to Immaculate Heart.
That's where you belong.

Maybe the nuns
will be able to straighten you out.

Is that funny? You think it's funny?



Dear Lord Jesus,

I do not often speak with you
and ask for things,

but now I really must insist
that you help me win the election tomorrow,

because I deserve it
and Paul Metzler doesn't,

as you well know.

I realize that it was your divine hand
that disqualified Tammy Metzler,

and now I'm asking
that you go that one last mile

and make sure to put me in office
where I belong

so that I may carry out your will on earth
as it is in heaven.


Dear God, I know I don't believe in you,

but since I'll be starting
Catholic school soon,

I thought I should at least practice.

Let's see. What do I want?

I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is
and feel really bad

and apologize for how she hurt me

and know how much I still love her.

In spite of everything, I still want Paul
to win the election tomorrow,

not that cunt Tracy.

Oh, and I also want a really expensive
pair of leather pants,

and someday I want to be
really good friends with Madonna.

Love, Tammy.

Dear God, thank you for all your blessings.

You've given me so many things,
like good health, nice parents,

a nice truck,
and what I'm told is a large penis,

and I'm very grateful.

But I sure am worried about Tammy.

In my heart, I still can't believe
she tore down my posters,

but sometimes she does get
so weird and angry.

Please help her be a happier person
because she's so smart and sensitive

and I love her so much.

Also, I'm nervous about the election tomorrow,

and I guess I want to win and all,
but I know that's totally up to you.

You'll decide who the best person is
and I'll accept it,

and forgive me for my sins,
whatever they may be.


Linda never came home that night.

I know, because I spent 10 hours
waiting outside her house.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, God.

On election day,
my mom and I got up really early,

and together we customized 480 cupcakes.

Good morning, Mr. M.

Looks like you could use a cupcake.

Hey, what happened to your eye?

Are you okay?

"Mr. McAllister, Mr. McAllister,
somebody tore down my posters.

It's not fair. It's not fair.

Can I have an 'A'?
Can I have a recommendation?

Can I, can I?"

Fuck them.

Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.

We're not around,
but we'll call you back real soon.

Have a nice day.

Why did you do that?

I trusted you completely.

And you ruined my life.
Do you know that? Do you realize that?

Huh? Do you?

You ruined Diane's life.
You ruined my life.

Is that what you wanted?

I'm - I'm sorry. I-I'm - I'm sorry.

I'm just - I'm going nuts here,
and I really think we should talk.

It's Jim. I love you.

Attention, everyone.

We have an important announcement
from our principal, Dr. Hendricks.

Good morning, students.

It, uh, behooves me to inform you
of an important change in today's election.

Effective this morning,
sophomore Tammy Meltzler has been -

Metzler has been determined ineligible,
I repeat, ineligible for SGA president.

All other candidates are eligible.

You may, uh, vote for any of those,
but not Tammy Metzler.

When the time came to cast our votes,

I stood in line just like everyone else.

- Hi, Tracy.
- Tracy Enid Flick.

I know.

Thank you.

- Ready, Phil?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

Thanks, Phil.

Oh, hey, Tracy.

- Hi, Paul.
- Isn't this exciting?


Well, good luck.

Thanks, Paul. You too.

Oh, thanks!

It's so weird.

Do people always just vote for themselves?

'Cause looking at my own name
on the ballot, I just -

I don't know. I just felt like
it's not right to vote for yourself.

Okay, Mr. M.

Oh, right. So... let's start counting.

Okay. Well, as the election committee
chairman, I'll do the first count.

And then you can do the second count,
you know, for the two independent counts.

Fine. So do your count.

Start with the president,
and I'll be right back.

You have the key, Mr. McAllister.


Are you okay, Mr. McAllister?

Yeah. What happened to your eye?

I'm fine! It's just a bee sting.

A simple little everyday bee sting.

Some people, they get stung,
it's no big deal.

Me, I swell up.

There's not much time left
until eighth period.

I have other things going on too,
you know.

Yeah. Okay.

- We know.
- All right.

I'll be right back.

Hi. You've reached the Novotnys.

We're not around,
but we'll call you back real soon.

Have a nice day.

Uh, it's me again.

I'm sorry for all the messages, but, uh -

Linda, if I could just hear your voice.

If you'd only acknowledge that I -

What do you want, Jim?

You're there.

Yeah, I'm here.

Linda, I love you.

Don't say that. You know it's not true.

It's the only true thing I know anymore.

We made a mistake.
Let's not make it worse.

A mistake? That was no mistake.

I was lonely. You took advantage.


I took advantage of you?

You hugged me! You kissed me!
You're the one who -

- Hey, Mr. M. Big day, huh?
- Not now, Paul.

What have you got?

Well, I'm not supposed to tell.
Not until you've counted too.

We're each supposed
to make an independent count.

You're kidding, right?

Well, I thought those were the rules,
Mr. McAllister.

If they've changed in any way, I can -

Larry, we're not electing the fucking pope here.
Just tell me who won.

It's a squeaker, Mr. M.

I've got Tracy by a vote.

Just one vote.

Mr. M?



Well, guess I better do my count.

I was at the end of my count
when it happened.

I'd come up with exactly
the same numbers as Larry -

256 to 257.

Tracy had won the election
by a single vote.

I was about to announce my tally when...

The sight of Tracy at that moment
affected me in a way I can't fully explain.

Part of it was that she was spying.

But mostly it was her face.

Who knew how high she would climb in life?

How many people would suffer
because of her?

I had to stop her... now.



I think we have a problem.

253, 254, and 255.

Yep, I get the same as you, Jim.

Looks like Paul's our next president.

No way! I-It doesn't make sense.

Well, sorry, Larry, but my figures work out
exactly the same as Mr. McAllister's.

I get, uh, 256 for Paul,

255 for Tracy.

- And 290 disregards, right?
- If you say so.

- Mostly Tammy fans, if you can believe it.
- See? It doesn't add up.

There were 801 ballots,
but 803 people voted.

Well, there must be two votes missing.
Check the register.

He's right. Two people must have
pocketed their ballots.

Usually there's more.

But they were there. I counted 803 votes.

It happens, Larry.
People make mistakes.

I didn't make a mistake.

- Every vote was there when you sat down.
- Easy, Fouch.

I don't like where you're going.

I'm sorry, Dr. Hendricks,
but every vote was accounted for.

Fouch, that's enough.

End of story.


I just want to let you know that no matter
what happens and how this turns out,

you've run a really great campaign.

- Good luck.
- Well, thanks, Tracy.

You too. I'm just glad it's over.

If we can just get started.

People. People.

As soon as the winners are announced,
we can all go home, okay?

Some contests are... are so well-fought

that it seems unfair for someone to win.

Act surprised.
Walk slowly to the podium.

Be modest.
Thank them for this incredible honor.

They're all highly qualified

and embody the, uh, integrity

that we expect from the school leadership.

That said, the whole point of an election
is to choose a winner,

and that you have done.

We'll begin with president.

I'd just like to add that this
was an extraordinarily close race.

It is my pleasure to announce
the next president

of George Washington Carver High School,

Paul Metzler.

Geez, you guys, thanks.


Wow! Thanks.

I promise to do my best

and do a really good job
and be a good president.

I just want to thank, uh, Lisa Flanagan
for being a super campaign manager.

And I'd also like to say...

Look. It's Mr. M.

Yes, over there. Yeah, come on.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow, Mr. M. This is so wild.

We were just here, uh, you know,
celebrating my victory, and you're here.

This is incredible. This is great.
Well, these are my parents.

- Hi. Dick Metzler.
- Jim McAllister.

- Jo Metzler.
- How do you do?

Paul just thinks the world of you.
I mean, you should hear him.

- He goes on and on and on.
- Yes.

Apparently you've really come behind him,

really helped him out
with that student council thing and all.

Oh, well - well,
Paul doesn't need any help from me.

He's going places.
You should be very proud.

- Oh, we are.
- Hey, look, you're all alone.

- Why don't you come over and join us?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Come on.
- No, I'm just finishing up here.

- I've gotta get home.
- Okay.

Oh, well, uh,
why don't you guys go sit down,

and, uh... you know,
I'll catch up with you in a minute.

I'm going to talk to Mr. M
about some important stuff, all right?

All right. That sounds great.
Hey, sure nice to meet you.

- Great to meet you.
- Pleasure.

- So nice, and thank you.
- You bet.

So, Mr. M,
I was starting to think about, you know,

some ideas for what we could do.

I was thinking it'd be cool
to have a carnival.

You know, with rides and stuff.

And it could be for,
like, muscular dystrophy.

And then on Halloween,
we could have a haunted house.

But you know, a really good haunted house,
not like those cheesy bad ones.

You know, I mean,
this one would be super scary.

And then for homecoming, well,

you know how last year's theme
was "Heaven On Earth"?

- Well, this year -
- Paul.

We'll have plenty of time
to talk about this later.

A whole year, in fact.

But right now, I'd just...

I need to finish my pie, go on home.

Yeah, okay. Sorry.

Uh, Mr. M, just one more thing.

So, uh, do you think Tracy's
gonna be okay?

I mean, I saw her face after the assembly.

It looked like
she was taking it pretty hard.

Don't worry about Tracy.
She'll be fine.

Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, sweetheart.


Oh, baby. Baby.

Oh, baby.

Come on. Take one of my pills.

You'll feel better.



Come on, baby. Come on.

Lie down. Lie down.

That's a good girl. Lie down.

Good girl.

That's it. That's it, baby.

That's it, honey.

Maybe you needed more posters, honey.

Or if you'd just taken my suggestions
about your speech.

I don't know. We'll figure it out.


I, uh - I made a mistake, and I...

Did you want the same room?

Yeah, okay.

♪ It's a beautiful day ♪

The next day, I woke up resolved
to get my life back on track.

The way I saw it, Diane's kicking me
out of the house had been a good thing,

a wake-up call.

It wasn't a setback. It was an opportunity.

I figured we just needed a little time
to work things out.

The election was behind me,
and the worst was over.

After all, what harm had really been done?

Nobody was dead.

- Jim? Jim!
- Yeah.

Walt wants to see you.

Okay, thanks.

You rang?

Mr. McAllister, I hope you can
help us clear something up.

- ¿Yo?
- Pierdo.

- ¿Tú?
- Pierdes.

¿Él, ella, usted?


- ¿Nosotros?
- Perdemos.


Señor presidente.

Quieren verte en la oficina.


Dr. Hendricks?

Uh, come on in, son.

We have something... hard
we gotta tell you.

- Is it about Tammy?
- It's about the election.

After Paul got the bad news,

Walt asked for a few minutes
alone with me.

It was very simple, really.

I offered my resignation, and he accepted.

Very quietly, it was all over
for Jim McAllister at Carver High.

Suddenly everyone knew who I was.

That corrupt teacher who had tried
to crush the dreams of an innocent girl.

Overnight, all the good things
I'd ever done in my life evaporated.

Soon the wire services picked up
on the story.

It was the kind of absurd little news item
people e-mail each other

or post on the bulletin board at work.

To top it all off,
Diane had started divorce proceedings.

She was completely unforgiving
about the thing with Linda.

In the end, she took almost everything,
including the house.

I got the car.

Then one day, I realized it was time
to get out of Omaha and move on.

Senior year was great.

Sure, I didn't get to play ball or be president,

but I got elected homecoming king
and prom king.

I got into Nebraska, like I wanted,
and early rushed Phi Delts.

And at the end of the year,
me and my buddies

threw a bitchin' Mexican party
down at the cement plant.

Shit, that was a good party.

The only really bad thing
about senior year was Lisa.

Right before Christmas, she dumped me.

One minute, she's totally in love with me,
and then boom,

she goes after my football buddy Randy.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened
if I'd actually won the election.

Maybe my whole life would be different.

Like I might never have gone to Yosemite
with Greg and Travis.

Or maybe I'd be dead.

♪ Alleluia ♪

Catholic school was great.

I mean, the teachers kind of sucked,

and they were supposedly way more strict.

But you could get away with murder.

The best thing about Immaculate Heart
was meeting Jennifer.

♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪

♪ Lives up on the hill ♪

♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪

♪ Sitting very still ♪

♪ Is she sleeping? ♪

Jennifer and I are soul mates,

and we're never, ever, ever
going to be apart.

♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪

Order! Order! Order!

Senior year was very productive for me.

Let's vote on this issue.

On top of a very successful
student council year,

I was in the top seventh percentile
of my graduating class.


And I got into Georgetown like I wanted,
with scholarships.


But sometimes I got lonely,
and I'd think about Dave.

I missed our talks.

Maybe it could have worked out between us.

I don't know.

I wonder what he's doing now.

Maybe he finally finished his novel.

But you know, even with all
my myriad accomplishments and bright future,

somehow I just didn't feel
the way you're supposed to feel.

Everybody else seemed so happy,

planning big parties
and signing each other's yearbooks.

Hardly anybody signed mine.

You'd think as student body president,
I'd be the one surrounded by friends.

- Thanks.
- But it wasn't like that at all.

Brittany Blake Fillmore.

As far as Mr. McAllister was concerned,

you might be surprised, but I hardly
thought about him at all anymore.

Besides, nobody had heard from him
in a long time.

It was almost like he'd never existed
in the first place.

Tracy Enid Flick.

When I got to Georgetown,

I thought I'd finally be among people
more like me.

You know, smarter, more ambitious people.

I was sure that finally
I'd make some true friends.

Clean yourself off.

Excuse me!

Will you please be quiet!

But it wasn't like that at all.

A lot of them were just spoiled little rich kids
who didn't know how lucky they had it.

Clean yourself off.

But that's okay.

I've come to accept that very few people
are truly destined to be special,

and we're solo fliers.

I guess it really is like Dave said.

"If you're gonna be great,
you've got to be lonely."

What happens to a man
when he loses everything?

Everything he's worked for.

Everything he believes in.

Driven from his home.

Cast out of society.

How can he survive?

Where can he go?

Right this way.

New York City.

For centuries, people have come to New York
seeking refuge from their troubled lives.

Now I am one of them.

I'd always dreamed of living in New York.

All that excitement and culture.

Living in the city
brings surprises all the time.

Once in a while, I even bump into
former students of mine from Carver.

Oh, sure, my apartment's a little smaller
than what I was used to back in Omaha,

and the rent's pretty darn steep,

but it's got a lot of character,
and I'm cozy enough.

Besides, it's great not needing a car.

And I get a lot of reading done
on the subway.

Some days I even walk to work.

The job market is pretty tight in New York,
but after hunting around for a while,

I finally landed a position
in the education department

at the Museum of Natural History.

That's right. I'm teaching again.

The bison, or buffalo -

When a school brings its students
to the museum on a field trip,

there's a staff of both volunteer docents
and trained educators like myself

who pick up
where the class work leaves off.

Down these tubes -

And I've started seeing someone new.

Her name is Jillian.

She works at the museum too,
in Signs and Signage.

She's really different from Diane,
and, I don't know,

I've just never met anyone quite like her.

She just got out
of a long relationship too,

so we're trying to take it slow.

You might ask
if I ever saw Tracy Flick again.

Well, I did. Just once.

I was down in Washington
for a museum educators' conference,

and I stayed an extra day
to do some sightseeing.

After an inspiring morning on the Mall,

I was on my way
to the Holocaust Museum when...

I'll never know if she saw me.

Probably not.

But in that moment, all the bad memories,

all the things
I'd ever wanted to say to her,

it all came flooding back.

My first impulse was to run over there,
pound on her window,

and demand that she admit
she tore down those posters

and lied and cheated her way
into winning that election.

But instead, I just stood there.

And I suddenly realized
I wasn't angry at her anymore.

I just felt sorry for her.

I mean, when I think about my new life
and all the exciting things I'm doing,

and then I think about
what her life must be like -

probably still getting up
at 5:00 in the morning

to pursue her pathetic little dreams -

it just makes me sad.

I mean, where is she really trying
to get to anyway?

And what is she doing in that limo?

Who the fuck does she think she is?

Hey, you! Hey!

You asshole!

But that's all ancient history now.

I've got a whole new life.

I mean, that's what's great about America.

You can always start over.

So would that make this an igneous rock
or a sedimentary rock?

What's the difference between igneous
and sedimentary anyway?


♪ I want to know how love began ♪

♪ I want to go to school again ♪

♪ If you'll be the teacher ♪

♪ Long before the school bells chime ♪

♪ I'll be there ahead of time ♪

♪ Just to see my teacher ♪

♪ Start right from the first of it ♪

♪ Don't miss a thing ♪

♪ I want to get all the facts ♪

♪ Then I'll know what to do ♪

♪ When we graduate, I'll hold you tight ♪

♪ Then you'll know you taught me right ♪

♪ Teacher, teacher
I'm in love with you ♪

♪ If you'll be the teacher ♪

♪ If you'll be the teacher ♪

♪ Start right from the first of it ♪

♪ Don't miss a thing ♪

♪ I want to get all the facts ♪

♪ Then I'll know what to do ♪

♪ When we graduate, I'll hold you tight ♪

♪ Then you'll know you taught me right ♪

♪ Teacher, teacher ♪

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Shoo-wop, shoo-wop, shoo-ba ♪