El-Baydha Wal Hagar (1990) - full transcript
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- Dear me!
- Shut up, you witch
- What is it?
- I don't know
- What's going on?
- Beats me
- Oh, non!
- Shut up, ladies
All you want is to scream
What is happening?
I don't know really
- What's going on?
- I said, shut up
- Help us
- Oh, what misery!
This is one big catastrophe
Somebody help us!
Zibakh Elteeby
If you don't like it, leave
Well, we'll never be any poorer
Who do you think you are?
We've signed rental contracts
We pay rent, just like any
fat-pig-tenant in any apartment
Watch your big mouth, washing girl!
I swear, if you don't shut up
I'll bang your skull with a bar
and wail over your dead body
Dear me!
Get out of the way
Dear me!
Oh dear...
Police, help us, please
- What's going on here?
- This man wants to ruin us
- He wants to bring us down
- He wants to spoil our lives
He wants to turn us into faggots
They want to deter me from opening
a room that I own
This room is haunted, sir
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- Go away, spirits
- Don't get angry
See these superstitious dimwits?
Shut up, all of you!
Ask permission to speak
- Listen to me, sir
- And who might you be?
I am Om Tarouta,
an ancient tenant here
I've lived on this roof for
thirty years...
when Sharnoub Shousha owned
the building
Oh my! Will you tell the story
of your life, Ma?
Be brief
In brief, someone was killed
in that very room 25 years ago
He was massacred... torn to pieces
- The blood covered the walls
- The blood covered the walls?
It was left empty for ten years
We'd hear voices
and see real crazy stuff
The only person able to inhabit it
was Zibakh Elteeby
He knew the underworld
He communicated with the spirits
there and they co-existed
He protected us from their evils
I beg you, sir, don't open the room
I'm a lonely woman,
my shadow spooks me
Oh, my! Open the room?!
I'm willing to pay the rent
until Zibakh is back
Was Zibakh the previous tenant?
He was a sorcerer, he lived
there without a contract
A year ago, he left and I got a police
permit to re-possess the room
- Where is the permit?
- I have it with me
Here you go
- Open the door
- Oh, no!
Policemen serve and protect,
they don't mess up and wreck!
Oh dear!
What are you waiting for?
Open the door!
My eyes!
Take cover
Hocus Pocus
Screenplay: Mahmoud Abu Zeid
They heard the word,
from the chanting bird
This world is full of wonders
Some people toil all their lives
And others simply juggle
eggs and rocks
Starring: Ahmed Zaki
Maaly Zayed
Mamdouh Wafy
Ahmed Ghanem
And: Mahmoud El-Sabaa
Those who strived and endured
Were called greedy slugs
And those who stole and
stacked piles of money
Were treated with respect
Those who were content
Were treated with contempt
And those who raided and pinched
Are now filthy rich
They heard the word,
from the chanting bird
This world is full of wonders
Some people toil all their lives
And others simply juggle
eggs and rocks
Editing: Hussein Afifi
Cinematographer: Said Sheemy
Produced by: Medhat El-Sherif
Directed by: Aly Abd El-Khaleq
- Excuse me, please
- Yes, sir
Where is the real estate
broker here?
- Sitting over there
- Thanks
You haven't found a tenant
for that room for 6 months
Everybody is afraid to live there
Afraid of what?
We read the whole Koran there
and we renovated and redecorated it
- Good morning
- Hello
One moment, sir, please be seated
We have to find a tenant
by any means
They all heard about what
happened to your eyes
That was acute keratitis
From the hot pepper
that the tenants had thrown
on the door
to prevent the spirits from
leaving the room
Damn them!
I hope you get better soon
I will not take any rent from
its tenant until he settles in
I hope we do find a tenant
If we don't, then it will be
a big shame for all of Egypt
It'll be living proof of our
ignorance
and of our poor cultural
and educational standards
- Long live educational standards!
- Who might you be?
I will save the face of
our educational system
You will like the room, I'm sure
We are honored by your visit
- This way
- After you
I didn't catch your name
Mostataa El-Taazy,
high school teacher
- What do you teach?
- Philosophy and Sociology
Greetings to the man of science
The man of enlightened thought
and good comportment
Please, come in
Oh, my!
- What is it, gal?
- Ugly creatures on a sunny day
- Who are you talking about?
- The landlord. He's opening the room
Who's that guy with him?
A gullible tenant
- Wail, gal
- Oh, dear!
Agony knocks on our doors!
Shut up, you stupid washing girl!
A dog may bark in my face
but I'm no dog to bark back
All they need is tails and
they'll turn into mules!!
Did he bring you here without
telling you the truth?
A man was killed in that room
and his ghost is still at large
Is this ghost good or evil?
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- A genie
- Oh, now that's reassuring
Reassuring?
Genies are easier to live with, Miss
- Miss?
- Sorry if I'm mistaken
No, I'm still a "Miss"
Ignore these riffraff and let's go
Regretfully, you'll share
a bathroom with the beasts
- What?
- Other people on the roof
I will not take rent from you
for two months
until you settle in and make sure
it isn't haunted
- How long?
- Two months
- No good
- How is that?
What are you thinking?
Living here is risky
Who knows what will become of me?
You're the personification of
enlightment and science
Any other person would have
asked for life insurance
- if he considered this place...
- Well, take your time
I'm traveling to have my eyes healed,
after that we'll talk
I'll take my lute and suitcase,
tomorrow I'll come back for the books
- Why don't you ever settle down?
- Look for another roommate
I won't pay an extra penny
to the landlady
She has a good reason,
look at inflation rates
If the price of an object rises,
I renounce it
Thus it becomes cheaper to me,
however high its price is
No furnished flats goes for less
A room on a roof is sufficient
- Have some shame
- I resist inflation by renunciation
If one of my needs becomes out of
reach, I search for an alternative
Here
- I'll pay 120 and you pay 80
- All I make is 96 pounds
No one makes it on their salary alone
- How then?
- Be artful
What you pinch, you reap
Give private lessons,
give out notes to the students
- That is against rules
- Rules were made to be broken
Thieves play hide and seek,
and bullshit is the magic word!
- What did you say?
- Preacher or pimp, money is what counts
I swear you are a clown!
I've never heard a journalist say
hide and seek and limp pimp
I appreciate my peace of mind,
I'm not into sleazy pranks
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I've heard of people who have
seen them
I challenge you to find anyone
who saw, they just heard fibs
- It is all superstition
- You always argue
All religions touched on such issues
Religion doesn't say a dead man's
soul spooks the living
There's a difference between
being dead and being murdered
If the soul of a murder victim kills
me, my soul will kill it back!
Cut that out
- Are you a musician?
- I'm a teacher
- What about that lute then?
- It is food for the soul
Soul! God protect us
- Tell me
- Yes?
- Is the room really haunted?
- That's none of my business
Don't keep me in the dark
Look, my knees are wobbly already
You wait and see
- Have you seen anything?
- It's sunny at night
What do you mean?
When the moon is in the sky,
you find the room sunny
So it's sunny in there now?
That was long ago,
before Zibakh lived there
Back then, the walls would
ooze with blood
Blood?
As long as we keep the vow
made by Zibakh,
it's okay
- Vow?
- All the neighbors keep it
How?
Incense burnt and dues paid on time
That will prevent the evil,
don't worry
How relieving!
- Goodbye, man
- Goodbye
A cat jumped in,
and back out again, very normal
Loud western music,
nothing unusual there
Don't give in to delusions
Being deluded is to stick to
a faulty idea
He who fears ghosts is bound to
see them...
I am not scared
I am not scared
I am not scared
What's there to fear?
Those who get scared are deceived
by their own eyes
I am not scared
He who fears ghosts is bound
to see them
They will spook him,
drain life out of him
No drug for that ailment
But I am not scared
- Fear is only...
- My God!
the key to all misfortune
Oh, what a mess!
What a mess!
Auntie!
Fear fogs our brains
And increases our pains
Cast away, evil spirits
He's singing to the cat-ghost
Ever since I saw him,
I knew he was a clone of Zibakh
What's there to fear?
Those who get scared are deceived
by their own eyes
By their own eyes
And, boy, am I scared!
Oh, woe to me!
Talk about bad luck
Once unlucky, twice unfortunate
I'm afraid to give you my heart
You'll play hard to get
And if I hide my love from you
My eyes give me away
What is it?
In the name of God, what's that?
Now that's unusual!
- One more blow
- Keep your voice down
We have to scare him away tonight
What more can I do?
I'm out of breath
Give it another blow, let him get
scared, maybe he hasn't felt it yet
Give it to me
You blow, I'm breathless
I don't blow, boy, I pull the strings
Well, pull the hose before
he finds us
- Let's scare him away first
- I think he fell asleep
Who did it attack this time?
If you pull any more cheap tricks,
I'll rip your eyes off
I will turn you into roaches
and squash you
Oh, God! Are you one of the masters?
If I weren't a master, would I have
taken the room, you lame crooks?
So you know?
I see and hear all
I will kill you if you rip off
any of the neighbors again
We repent, master
Forgive us, your holiness
Go, go
So you are into sleazy pranks?
If someone fools me, I fool them
and if they hit me, I devour them
- You are incredible
- Give me the defeater
What' s that?
Defeater of strength and the
alternative to marriage
- What a tough wife!
- You're the wimp
- You up there on the roof!
- What?
- Go slow on the water
- Yes, I'll close the tap a little
I've been in the loo for an hour,
I'll suffocate
- Wosool?
- Yes?
The people in flat 4 are unhappy
with your new prices
How am I supposed to fix
my washing machine then?
- What do I tell them?
- That everything's become expensive
Why should laundry be cheaper?
Maybe cleanliness doesn't matter
What a vile language
Laundry and pressing go hand in hand,
my price is the same as theirs
Do you want a quarter of a pound
for each shirt, you money-hound?
Leave it altogether
Let them press their clothes unwashed
Like they say: "Don't fancy
being clean
Walk around stinky and mean!"
You animals on the roof!
I'll call the police if you don't
close the tap
They'll pull out that water pump
you installed
You rogues!
Have a heart, sir. We're doing your
filthy laundry up here after all
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- I'm all wet now
- I'll be damned!
- I was going for a shower anyway
- Excuse me, your holiness
- My holiness?
- Please forgive me
- Cast away evil spirits
- You are very funny
Give me your clothes
and I'll wash them for you
Never mind, I like to wash
my clothes by myself
- Wash while I'm around?
- God bless your hands
Your clothes will bless my washing
basin, oh master!
Are you one of those who
wake up drenched in water?
- Who is that?
- Tarouta, our neighbor
- What does he do?
- Dye, curl and roll
- What?
- Dye, curl and roll
Tarouta is a well-known hairdresser
Hairdresser! God bless!
Tell me, Mr. Whoever-you-are,
are you really possessed?
Cast away evil spirits
What a thing to ask!
He's our neighbor,
we have to know his flavor
I'd love to know your flavor
I'm vanilla white, the best around
Tarouta is like that, he sweet-talks
his customers all the time
- Very sweet
- Looks like a mean neighbor
What's wrong with that man?
His mother was dying to have a son
To protect him from the evil eye,
she dressed him like a girl
till he was 9
It's not his fault then
Two more years and his body would
have developed bends and curves
You are hilarious, your holiness
Social adaptation is coping
with what one has
and is present in one's surrounding
environment
- Question, please
- Yes, Dahy
If the surrounding environment
is corrupt,
- how can one cope?
- By taking dope!
That goes in movies,
not in Sociology, idiot!
Sit down, Dahy
One must use one's brain to
defend oneself from corruption
How will one's brain defend?
It should control your urges
and regulate your needs
- How to control urges?
- By cutting down on things
- So, we don't eat?
- We eat but sensibly
Man is a consumer by nature
But if consumption rates
surge to the rate of greed
then, his life goes berserk
He will feel enormous anxiety,
conflicts and perversions
He will lose his taste
for the items he strives for
- Excuse me, sir
- Yes? Sit down
So if there is a plate of beans and
platter of salad, do I eat only one?
Young man, eat whatever comes
in your way..
Hush, boys
because you're a good boy
Wow!
Life is not about stuffing your belly
A lot of people die of over eating
but no one dies of hunger
Are you Ghandi or the authority
of malnutrition?
- What's going on?
- Sales dropped because of you
- The school shop will go bankrupt
- Thanks to your greed
Who said you can sell sandwiches
and soda to students-
at touristic prices?
- What is it to you?
- Answer him, boys
- This is public exploitation
- Dodgy manipulation
- Out of reach, out of mind
- Is that so?
- What do you think?
- This is sabotage
The principal, who's on the take,
will hear about this!
Give him my best regards
We must put an end
to the philosophy teacher
Oh, damn him.
What has he done now?
A new predicament every day.
He is a communist, sir
- What?
- Believe me
He spatters and spews..
Spews?
Left-winged talk,
extra-curricular discussions
- What kind of discussions?
- Consumption and value
- That red communist bogus!
- Damn it!
A rich man is one who can give up
the biggest amount of possessions
not one who will buy them
Be realistic! What can you give up?
Providing essentials is hard enough
Alternatives do exist,
and life is easy
You ride an old bike
in the middle of traffic
You're a teacher, studying for
a Ph.D in philosophy
You cheapskate!
My bike gets me here
before people in cars do
So a bike is alternate
means of transportation
What about your defeater as
an alternative to marriage?
Both beat the hell out of me
You've become the laughing
stock of the community
- Why, brother?
- Damn this brotherhood
You've brought shame
to the whole family
I just thought I'd give you
my new address
A room up on a roof?
Have you forgotten who you are?
Let go of your unjustified snobbery
All your grandfather left you was
a father, and he's dead!
Your father died and left you
a big house
In a slum, built in the 1800's
and it collapsed
- Where do you want me to live?
- You were in a rented flat
It became out of reach, so..
You abandoned it. Nonsense!
That's as much as I can afford,
what should I do?
Do like everyone else
- Should I become a crook?
- That would be more honorable
Ma, the good-looking boy is
at the door
All flashy and shiny
Shall I close the door, Ma?
Or shall I let him in?
Ma, the good-looking boy is
at the door
I'll close the door.
Ladies are everywhere
We see a lot on the streets
But here, I can zoom in
Ma, the pretty girl is at the door
Come, defeater!
How hard it is to stick
to principles these days!
If we stop collecting dues,
the tenants will know we were crooks
And if we collect them,
that creep will blow our cover
Blessed were the days of Zibakh
Yeah, those were the good old days
Help me. My son is under
a magic spell
Zibakh is away,
he will never be back
Where did he go?
Tell me, please, where he is
- I said I don't know
- Why don't you let her go upstairs?
- To whom?
- To Master Taazy
- Where can I find him?
- In Zibakh's old room
He is a blessed man,
he will set you at ease
Don't tell him that we sent you
- Why not?
- He has a few followers only
He's very picky, go to him,
maybe he'll help
Thank you so much
- What did you do that for?
- Bait, dumbhead
Bait?
If he falls for it, we'll kick him
around like we did with Zibakh
And if he doesn't?
Then he knows nothing about
magic, he's harmless to us
Your holiness, please have mercy on me
Holiness? I am not into
that kind of business
For the sake of all the Holy Masters,
please help me
My only son, the only thing
I got from this world...
- What's with him?
- Spellbound against his wife
They've been married for 2 month
and nine days, with no intimacy
Poor son, he cries all night
And she sits there wailing
over her bad luck
And all I can do is slap myself
Your son needs professional help
Nothing wrong with his health.
He's as sound as a bell
- Good God!
- Please help me
- Try to understand me
- Take this
What is this?
100 pounds up front, and whatever
you ask for you'll get it
You are inviting me to steal you
God forbid! I beg you,
please help me
Please don't. Oh, God!
Okay, I accept
Thank you
- How old is your son?
- Almost thirty
- And his wife?
- Twenty-five
Where do you live?
In Abdeen, Number 5, Khomeisy Street
You go on home, and I will
pay you a visit
- God bless you
- Thank you
- Any requirements?
- You insist on spending money?
All for the sake of my son,
I want this spell undone
One and a half kilo of kebab
with salads
Sure thing
- And four stuffed pigeons
- Done
- And five bottles of beer
- Beer?
Yes, my underworld assistants
are alcoholics
Whatever you say, your holiness
- Buy what's written here
- From the herbalist?
- No, from the pharmacy
- Okay
- We want to cure him right
- May God grant you His blessings
Your son and his wife must
meet me unsullied
They are always unsullied,
your holiness
Drink
Drink, this beer is non-alcoholic
So what if it has a little
bit of alcohol in it?
Drink away
I assure you that your knots
have been undone
The spell has been burnt
and thrown into the sea
- Really?
- Yes
The rest is up to you
Treat your wife as if she were
your lover
- What do you do?
- I work in a café
Treat her as one of your customers
Don't you always try
to please your customers?
- Yes
- Then, please her
Sweet-talk your way with her
Flirt with her
- How?
- I'll tell you how
Hey, beautiful, he wants you
for a second
Don't bother yourself, my pretty
wife, lady of all ladies
Everything is going to be fine
I'm starting to feel powerful
already
Get up, girl, hurry
God created all women beautiful
You have to be pretty from
the inside as well as the outside
Become beautiful, O daughter of Eve
You are the source of life
and the well of happiness
I swear by lovely Venus of Greece
and by Camelia, the belle
of Egyptian Cinema..
be soft and tender
By the power of the immortal
tender beauties
Soad, Naglaa and Mervat Amin
Peace be with you
Wait
God grant you happiness,
your holiness
- What is this?
- A little something
I don't accept money
until after the results are good
and working for six months
God grant you a long life
Handcuffs are easier than illusions
Spells are not illusions
They are illusions to the mind,
and the solution is in our hands
So you undid the spell with
that hocus pocus you did?
Give me a break
I directed them to the causes
of frigidity between couples
in the same way sorcerers
speak and act
How do you know how sorcerers act?
Hey, I'm wet all over,
mind the potatoes!
Don't doubt my knowledge again
Sorcerers' success depends on
two things
His self-confidence and how
much people believe in him
This is not your buisness
Why put your nose in such
experiences?
I won't leave you this time
Here..
I'm really concerned and you are
interrupting my thoughts
Understood
The experiences I've studied on the
roof since I moved in that room
made me change the topic
of my thesis
So, you're giving Plato the slip?
Yes, to tackle an issue of public
interest
Philosophy must be used to serve
the society
So what's the new topic?
Homo sapien's perplexity between
science and superstition
- Thanks
- You're welcome
Yes, sir
Your name isn't on this
month's payroll, Mr. Mostataa
What do you mean?
That you won't be paid
Why not?
- Mr. Mostataa Taha El-Taazy
- Yes, sir
Are you teaching students
the principles of communism?
What are the principles of
communism?
Just answer YES or NO
- This is a formal investigation
- No
Are you urging the students
to practice asceticism,
Sufism and carrying weapons?
Weapons? Is there a Sufi communist?
Please, just answer the questions
- I live by principles
- Principles?
I resist inflation by renunciation
Confesses to living by principle
Is this a set up?
The complaints submitted by your
peers and superiors are serious
- You threaten national security
- I'm a threat to national security?
I am a very law-abiding citizen,
a nobody in the community
Say that to the D.A. and National
Security Investigations and-
others monitoring your activities
My activities?
You are suspended from your job
until the investigations are over
- Take this
- God forbid! I'm not begging
Then why did you come to me?
I want you to find me any job
until this crisis is over
What job can I find you with
your "philosophy"?
You would have been better off
apprenticing with a mechanic
That way, you would still be sane!
Thank you, Assy
- Bye
- Bye
What joy you've given us,
your holiness
We're now extremely joyous
Your blessings have flooded us,
your holiness
Oh, how blissful and fortunate
we have become
- What is it?
- We are blissful thanks to you
Kiss the master's hand
God bless you, your holiness
- Where is your bride?
- At the ladies' barber
I got her a membership card there
so that she always looks pretty
And you?
Thank God, we take a shower
every day
The way you treat her is the key
that will protect you from
envy and evil spells
- God bless you
- This is a small gift
What's all this? I told you
I don't accept gifts
It's just a small gift,
please don't let me down
Our Prophet accepted
gifts from his followers
- Praised be the Prophet
- Shall I take the basket in?
Put it down, and go downstairs!
- Good evening, your holiness
- Good evening
- May I have a word with you?
- Please, come in
- What are all these books?
- I am practicing for my thesis
Please, don't practice your
witchcraft now!
I get petrified, please
I meant, preparing a doctorate
thesis
So what kind of doctor will you be?
A doctor in philosophy,
do you know what that is?
Of course I do! You don't think
I'm illiterate, do you?
I even flunked fifth grade
three times!
Bravo, if you'd flunked one more time,
you would've passed
- You are so funny, your holiness
- You are sweet, too
Thank you
So where is one's philosophy?
You know, like if one's
philosophy hurts,
- where would the pain be?
- In the head
Oh, God forbid!
I wish I hadn't dropped out of school,
I would've become a big shot
To hell with schools!
You're a lot better off as you are
Hello
My late father was a big gardener
It shows, he planted a very
beautiful trunk
God bless you
When he got richer,
he fell for a playgirl
She squandered his money
and devastated us
My mother couldn't take it
and she died of misery
And so I left school and worked
so as not to starve
- That's respectful
- But loneliness is ugly
My stepmother condemned me to
loneliness
because I refused to marry her son
How did she do that?
She cast a spell so I won't marry
Don't say that
You're very beautiful, any man
would love to marry you
They make me look like a monkey
in the eyes of my suitors!
- Who are "they"?
- Cast away evil spirits
Any suitor either has an accident
and runs away from me-
- or sees me a monkey
- That is nonsense
My stepmother, may she burn in hell,
cast a spell on a string
with multiple knots
and buried it under an ant's toenail
An ant?
And this ant is roaming the earth,
nowhere to be found
Your holiness, I beseech you,
help me
I will help you, on one condition
Your wish is my command
Forget about this ant business,
it's nonsense
Marriage is a matter of destiny
My destiny's under an ant's toenail
Your destiny depends on your conduct,
the way you behave
Men will always run away
if you're edgy and tense
Will incantations calm me down?
- What are you saying?
- What do I do then?
Highlight your feminine side.
Always be soft, gentle and tender
Oh, golly!
Believe me, the solution
is in your own hands
You have undone everybody's spells,
but not mine?
There is no spell cast on you
You think I won't pay your earnings?
- Earnings?
- I am a big spendthrift
Ask all the sorcerers about me
So you've visited them all, eh?
I'm sorry I ever came to you
"Close at hand, but won't lend
a helping hand"
Take it easy. You want
to get married, don't you?
- I need to find that ant first
- I'll find it for you
- What are you waiting for?
- We need tools
Just name them
- A bright red rose-bud
- Okay
- And a snow-white pigeon
- Now you're talking
- And incense and some henna
- Sure thing
- And two silver coins
- Only two?
For your sake
God bless you
May God accept your gift
Don't forget to change the
burnt lamp on the third floor
- For sure
- My family is afraid of the dark
Rest assured, madam
As long as we keep paying the dues,
there's no need to be afraid
Yes, heaven protect us
- In the name of God
- I caught you red-handed
This time, I will tell all
the neighbors... Madam!
I swear that I never ask anyone
for anything
They give me things to deliver
Deliver what?
Alms, I deliver them to the mosque
- Mosque?
- As Zibakh ordered
All alms go the mosque
How many apartments paid so far?
I will show you! Come with me
Where to?
I'll show you the right place
to put the money you collect
Move it
And these vows state that each
apartment must donate a duck?
These are offerings,
each gives what he can afford
Some apartments give us some sugar
Others give us tea
- And some give you sheep
- Sheep?
- And turkeys
- I hope I choke on them
- Be honest
- Please don't give me that look
- Speak up, Sabbassy
- I'll tell you everything, I promise
One passenger to Banha
Get in quickly, Miss
What chaos is this! I was here first
Sorry, lady, take the next car
Can't you see the state I'm in?
I want you to sit next to the driver
Otherwise, you might deliver
your baby
How dare you?
On your way, driver, Godspeed
One passenger to Banha
Kaooda, leave this place
and come with me right now
- Everything okay?
- Everything is great
Come, let's carry Zibakh's chest
- Carry them where?
- To the roof
Let's go
Here it is, it contains his clothes,
books and tools of the trade
Open it
May the doors of heaven open to you
Maybe we'll be prosperous once again
Excuse me, but will you make it
in this profession?
Of course, shall I turn you
into a monkey?
No, let's stay friends
Don't you think he can do what
Zibakh did?
The look in his eyes makes birds
drop dead off the trees
Zibakh can't do what I can do,
you idiots!
Tell me what Zibakh used to do
He'd do spells, undo them,
and he read palms
- Did he read the sea shells?
- No, he didn't
I will read sea shells, change good
wills and make charmed amulets
- Charmed amulets?
- That'll make the moon stop spinning
My, oh my! Great!
Send me any customer who asks
for Zibakh's services
Now we're talking, your holiness
- His holiness is here, sir
- He is most welcome
Hello, please come in
This way, sir
Please, have a seat
What is your problem?
Someone stole 4,000 pounds off me,
I kept them here, at home
I want you to find out which of
my three wives took them
- Is this true, ladies?
- That's bogus
- God protect us
- Such a tyrant!
- Could it be anyone else?
- It is one of them
The truth will appear, for God
is near, may I have a knife?
- A knife?
- A sharp one, please
Here you are, your holiness
Each one of you will lick the
sharp edge of the knife like this
And let it be known to you
that the knife of revelation
will cut the tongue of the infidel
amongst you
Lick the knife, Aziza
I hope your tongue gets cut off
Give me the knife, you slanderer
God has revealed your innocence
Your turn, madam
No way! I will never lick a knife,
forget it!
What are you afraid of?
You took the money, you thief!
Yes, I took it and you won't
get a penny back
- The truth has appeared
- God is great!
Now I eat three meals a day,
for free!
Blast you! You are a demon
You haven't seen anything yet
- What's next?
- The game is just starting
How?
If I am not Zibakh,
I must become Zibakh
Damn you
I will juggle eggs and rocks
- You'll become a trickster?
- Who isn't a trickster these days?
Zibakh has his own tools
Magic is an intelligent manipulation
of the hopes of people
But there are rules you know
nothing about
I learned metaphysics
and mathematical logic
and the methodology for
seeking truth
I can surely learn about
conjuring and witchcraft
- Witchcraft?
- Or sorcery
As Ibn Khaldun called it
in his book, idiot
What's wrong with you?
Are you out of your mind?
"Woe to the world if the learned
live perversely"
We were young, now we're old
Go away, old age, and
bring back the golden age
Let's jump and jump
From one city to another
We were young, now we're old
Jump up and down, soar like a rocket
Luck is on your side
Burn the old man in you
and bring out the fiery flirt
His youth
Will make one powerless
We were young, now we're old
Don't worry, this sheikh is really
good, he will undo the spell
I hope he unwinds his soul
altogether
How could you speak like that
about your husband!
What kind of a husband is he, Ma?
Who else would agree to marry you
and support your kids?
- Man in hand better than ten on a tree
- I told you, he isn't a man
His first wife has him spellbound,
we are undoing him
Now have some shame and
stop being such a lust-hound
Oh, dear! It looks like
he kicked the bucket!
You fool
He's been dead, not bound,
for thirty years
What do we do?
- Don't worry, he'll wake up
- No, he won't
- He is a corpse now
- Shut up! What do you know?
Look, Zibakh never killed anybody.
You'll get us into trouble!
I told you not to worry, he has
to rest after that workout
Workout?
We massaged his body and got blood
running in his blood vessels
- He was old but alive
- He'll be as fit as a fiddle
- He's gone into eternal rest
- Shut up!
Are you going to tell me
what to do? Hands off
Did you undo the spell?
Yes, his fingers moved
I heard he wants to remarry now
that he's rejuvenated himself
How did you do it?
A cup of milk, some abracadabra,
and an egg from a black hen
- Black hen?
- Any nonsense goes
Well, I gave him healthy food
and revived his body
God raises the dead! We are
just tools of good will
- Give me some blessings
- Our souls obey our illusions
- I am concerned
- About what?
Don't push your luck
You may try to revitalize
someone and they die
We're all going to die
- How can you be sure of success?
- My success is guaranteed
How is that?
I'll tell you
People's fear of the future
makes them anxious
Anxiety creates the willingness
to accept illusions
which will force them to believe
anything
- Do you think so?
- And there's more
Some will actually hear and see
things that do not exist
Is that so?
Or else, why would people hang
on to ancient superstitions?
Why do they believe them?
- They even watch movies & read about
them
- Why so?
So that they can control their fear
of the unknown
Come with me
Oh yeah, we're all afraid
of the unknown
I don't get it
- Everybody's playing dirty
- Get me one of Zibakh's hoods
- What for?
- So we could play together
- Now you're talking
- Thanks to you
Untie the knots of her fortune
Undo the chains of her luck
Untie the knots of her fortune
Undo the chains of her luck
What's with you, foreigner?
Have some respect!
I am not a foreigner
Get lost, or I'll make a scene
- I really admire you
- I am not what you think
If you don't go away,
I'll break these slippers
on the nape of your neck
Believe me, I mean well
I'm afraid you'll disappoint me
with my customers
Oh, you don't believe in me, eh?
- Not really
- They're here
Hello, Tarouta
- Welcome
- God forbid!
Please, come in
- Sit down, Tarouta
- No, dear, I'll sit over there
Yet you came among them!
Why did you come?
You envy her, and you want
her husband!!
You are sitting here, as her friend
Have mercy on her
Have mercy on her
- Who do you mean?
- I never meant anything
They mean and I just spoke out
We all mean well, and if you mean
well, stay among us
Oh my!
He has been so unfair to you,
and you don't deserve it.
You are from a very prominent family
He doesn't appreciate your beauty
Let him...
Let him run to her,
and don't spare your tears
Go on and cry
Be careful, he's fooling you
- He won't marry me after my divorce?
- He may, and he may not
Don't worry, I will help you,
I know how to get him to marry you
Get me an identifier,
and all will be well
God Almighty created maladies
and cures
But believe me, the treatment
will never work
He's been going to doctors
since we married...
Don't lose hope,
although the spell cast on him
is a new super black-magic
SSGL evil spell
It is thrown under a 20-storey
building
Gracious God! What is happening
to you?
Come here
Leave her.. just hold on to me
Get away from her
- This brunette is a relative?
- No
- Any relationship with her?
- No relation at all
- Good-bye then
- Sit down, please
- I don't like to be lied to
- Well, it's not a real relationship
I rented a flat for her but left
when she wanted to stick with me
- A man in the Customs
- What about him?
Watch out, he's close to her and
they're cooking something together
What is it? Only God knows
Oh, golly! You've impressed
them all!
You thought I'd disappoint you?
You made me very proud
- Aren't you making good money?
- Yes, as you can see
- Why don't you get married?
- Do you have a pretty girl for me?
- There are lots of pretty girls
- That's what messes me up
Yes, tell me now,
why are you messed up?
- Can I be honest with you?
- Yes
- Can you keep a secret?
- Till death do us part
I'm a playboy
How?
I am a loose boy, wasting my time
and money on women
- Women like your mom?
- Is my mom a woman?
You really are a playboy!
This amulet...
You must shower before the
call for the morning prayer
And then wear it around your neck,
don't ever take it off
As long as you wear it, no policeman
will ever come near you
- No one from the authorities?
- Not a soul
Open up! This is the police!
Put on your amulet and jump out
of the window, quick!
The jackass didn't take
a shower first!
Cairo Security Bureau
Zibakh, play it straight
and stop conning people
God knows I'm good
Cut the crap and be a good citizen
or we'll put you in jail again
I put my fate in God's good hands
You are under surveillance,
you and any other sorcerer like you
God will punish the unjust
To be delivered to relevant precinct,
released under surveillance
This is trespassing on the habitat
of an honest citizen
and squatting on property in his
absence! What a filthy crime!
What can I do? Go tell the landlord!
What am I but a doorman?
I will pull his eyeballs out!
Well, his eyes are sore anyway.
He's abroad, getting them cured
Where are my chest and tools?
- Upstairs, with the new master
- What?
The man that moved in is like you,
your holiness!
And now he is sitting on his throne!
What throne are you talking about?
Have you forgotten who I am?
I am Zibakh Elteeby!
Where were you all this time?
In the Guest House, I was in conference
with kings of the underworld
Tell everybody that, and we will
revive the good old days
If only we could turn the hands
of time
Have you betrayed our partnership?
- What can we do?
- Go talk it over with the new master
Your new master! I'll show him,
you low-life creeps!!
He's no fool! He raised a man from
the dead, before our very eyes!
I am still Zibakh, and I've juggled
eggs and rocks for 45 years!
- Yes?
- Hello, your holiness
- Who do you want?
- I want you
- Who are you?
- I am Zibakh
- I know no one with such name
- You'll get to know me
- Where to?
- Reclaiming my room
- Your room?
- Hand off or I'll turn you into a rock
Turn me into a rock!
Tell me something I'll believe
I am Zibakh, the spiritualistic
healer
- You heal with spirits or manure?
- I don't want to harm you
You harm me, you pile of shit?
Damn you, what are you muttering?
Shut up! These books you are misusing
will get you into trouble
The demons are wicked,
they'll harm us
I said shut up!
Conjuring is a science
You are humiliating the vows
of King Solomon
and the Cryptic Scrolls,
you'll send us straight to hell
No, no, no!!
You've summoned them
Who are you talking to?
Help! Help!
You troublesome bastard!
Zibakh turned out to be a fool,
a flake
Every fake is a flake
Intellect has nothing to do
with emotional stability
What does that mean?
In any state of excitation, a brain
will accept illusions instantly
The smart and stupid,
the intellectual and illiterate
Fear deters clear thinking and
quick decision-making
Yes, but Zibakh is supposedly
a professional trickster
How did you scare him so easily?
You're right, but certain factors
helped me
What factors?
He drank too much before
he came to see me
- He was anxious
- Why?
The boys told him I was really
into spirits and demons
and that I had raised someone
from the dead
Zibakh walked in with his mind
ready to accept any illusions
He was inclined to fall under
my spell
You've started to scare me
The real magic is still to come...
Stand up and raise your hands
- Throw the knife on the floor
- You won't fool me again
This time, I will eat you alive,
you despicable wretch!
We are Jacks of the same trade,
we should not squabble
- Put your knife down
- Here it is, let's talk sensibly
- Why are you in here?
- Don't mistake me for a thief
- I have the right to be here
- Right?
- Let's go see what happened
- Why should we care?
We did what we had to do.
No one can blame us
We let Zibakh go upstairs and
we informed Mostataa
That's what I call double-loyalty
- They'll settle their own affairs
- Zibakh is nasty with knives
Mostataa went up after him
with a gun
- It's a toy gun
- Toy gun?
It only gives off sound, I bought it
myself from the toyshop
Let them fight, and we'll play
with the winner
- What's in that parcel?
- My life's earnings
- Open it up
- I'll give you five thousand
How do I know what's in it?
Maybe it's drugs
I don't deal in drugs.
Here, take a look
- How much are they?
- I'll give you five
And I will make you rot in jail,
you thief
This money is mine,
I toiled to gather it
You collected it by conning,
by playing sleazy tricks
This money must be handed over
to the authorities
Please, don't mention them,
I'll give you seven
No way, I'm taking half the money
You want to take 40 thousand?
40,000 aren't good enough,
I'll take 50 thousand
What?
Then, we'll hand it all
to the police, you thief!
- So I'm the thief?
- Shut up!
Shut up, you wicked trickster,
get going!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come.. Come
Come and let me play some tricks
Interpreting Dreams
A beautiful damsel in distress
Needs some power to clean up
her mess
And this young man doesn't
have a clue
Let me show him what to do
Your Sun Sign
Interpreting Dreams
Mostataa El-Taazy elected Chairman of
International Astronomy Association
Are you a lost heart in the
deep sea of love?
I'll pull you up to the stars above
Oh, my
Oh, my
These people around me are
half-wits
Living on illusions and bullshit!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come.. Come
Come and let me play some tricks
How was your trip?
I wish you were there,
the Prince sends his regards
Only his regards?
Plus a fat check to support
your magazine
Your network is growing
As usual, don't be envious
Friends don't envy, your holiness
Envy domains all, damn you
How is Tarouta?
The published article and photo
over-bloated his ego
Does he send us the rent regularly?
No, he even gets a share of
his customers' fees
A creep!
How does he know what they pay?
Bloody hell! Customers tell him
during their hairdressing
Customers, that's it!
The shop cost us L.E. 350,000
Don't nag him, his clients are
delicious, easy and fast to fall!
Yes, they all fall in your own lap
Don't worry, tomorrow I'll
buy you icecream
Fun for you, not me!
I have you in my plans
Welcome back, professor
The famous belly-dancer called
a lot today
She reminds you of the party
she's thrown at your honor
- At my honor?
- They're glorifying you
After one dies, he becomes
a sweet guy
Well! Well!
We only glorify those who die
As long as someone famous is alive,
we curse the daylight out of him
After his death, we make an idol
out of him!
What is it?
- What's wrong?
- I feel very tired
- Shall I call a doctor?
- Are you crazy?
I treat the doctors
You don't eat well, go slow on
the scotch
It's the most expensive thing
I can find
God bless the old days,
forsaking what's out of reach
Back then, I resisted my urges
by letting go of them
Now, my urges have gotten a
hold on me
So you either die of hunger
or of over-eating?
Well, all they eat is bread
Piling money does not fill
the void inside
We have to wash it down with
some scotch
Did you find out who Naznaz
invited to her party tonight?
All investigations done
Who's the prey?
A billionaire "Fakhry Lahfoury".
He was a useless brat
Now he has a factory, and wants
your acquaintance
- Got info on him?
- Since his birthday
I just need a single truth
And I'll weave a million lies around it
Ah, that Lahfoury is...
Just drop the boring details, Tawaly
My brother-in-law never believed
in palm reading
But since he has met Dr. Taazy
- What happened?
- He was stupefied
God bless him, every year
he gives me an amulet
That makes me above all the others
And if I forget to wear it,
my luck goes sour
- What is your sun sign, Tarouta?
- I'm a Virgo, my dear
Women are like fruit
With me, they become forbidden
fruit
You always eat your dessert alone
Grab this lovely banana then
Do you think it's easy?
Bananas peel easily and chew easily
What about you?
I'll leave all fruit
and go for the big pumpkin
Get ready, Naznaz is bringing
in Lahfoury
- Did you inform the guys?
- Yes, they're on their way
- So, do I tell him...
- Say whatever you want to
I introduce to you Mr. Lahfoury,
your holiness
- Don't shake my hand
- Why not, your holiness?
It's the same hand that bribed a man
to let in a shipment of bad cheese
And before that, the milk
Shame on you to bribe people, Lahfoury
How do we work then, your holiness?
We have to pave our way
He is right, your holiness.
Forgive him this time
He came especially to ask you about
the fate of his current deal
- I see two bracelets
- Gold?
A man with a bird in his hands
A bird? A sparrow, you mean?
No, a vulture
It's an eagle
And he is not holding it
It rests on a man's shoulder, this man
is handing you two bracelets
- When?
- After two
Either two months, or two days,
two hours
Or two minutes,
Or two seconds, maybe this minute
- What is it?
- Shut up and come with us
Don't say a word
Hey, everybody. Why is everyone
shocked?
What's done is done, we don't
need grief
Back to the party, folks.
The show must go on
And if you've lost Lahfoury,
you are all Lahfoury's
- Hilarious!
- That's the spirit
Will he cast a spell on me
to lose weight?
I do the weight loss,
he gave me the secrets
We go out tonight, and tomorrow
you lose 7 kilos
- Really?
- You won't lose if you try
If you don't like it, go elsewhere.
Let's go, may God help
How will you undo the spell?
With my hands
The spell cast on you was thrown
all over your body
I must wipe it off myself,
but in a nice cozy place
No, the first booking is within
two months
Please send data about the patient
Name, mother's name, date of birth
No, not before three months
No, not required
The professor doesn't charge fees
till after curing the patient
Pregnancy depends on the position
of the moon the minute you were born
When I was born?
Sure
So, if you were born on
a night of a full moon
Then the most probable time for you to
conceive is when the moon is full
- Moon is very influential
- What does that mean?
Rest assured, I will do it all
We'll calculate the position
of the moon when you were born
Then we decide when is the
best time for you to conceive
According to the moon's
gravitational pull
I want you to drop your worries
God bless you
- Hello, doctor
- Hello, madam
- Help me, Dr. Taazy
- What is it, madam?
Saleh's been depressed since yesterday,
I fear he might harm himself
- Where is he?
- Come with me
I ordered that no one come in
- Good morning, sir
- Doctor Taazy, where have you been?
I am at your service
I am sick, Doctor
I feel that I will be paralyzed
God protect you, sir
Injustice makes me bitter
Prayers of the wronged hang between
earth and heaven and God says to him:
"By my power, I will make thee
victorious, if even after a while"
- Just pray to God
- Oh, God
Your words ease me, doctor
Ma'am, please order 2 cups of mint
in the garden
- Tea with mint leaves?
- No, mint only please
Since Venus is entering Scorpio,
you will gain victory over your enemies
They will cause havoc because of
their unjust treatment to you
When Mars continues its course
in orbit
Your stars will smile at you,
your fame will rise
My name and fame are ruined
by my archrival Gasser Sahwan
He defamed me with his dirty
maneuvering
God is above all
You can't imagine how cruel
and powerful he is
- God protect us
- Have you ever seen him?
I haven't been that fortunate,
God forbid!
He is mean, he twists all truths
The stars assure your victory
Enough
Print these and bring the rest, too
Hurry
Will you be selling my pictures
on the stands?
Your holiness is no less
Holiness, my foot!
Did you read the article I wrote
about you this month?
- I didn't like it
- Why not? I commended you a lot
I told you a zillion times, stories
reaching people about me
must be astonishing,
make them love me
- Yet fear me
- More than this?
The stories must prepare them
to fall under my seize
I understand that
Cover me with underlying insinuation
and mystery
- That's what I did
- Is it?
A picture and a nonsense article
A legend is made by good propaganda
Why do you think I set up
the magazine for?
Okay, rest now before the forum
What forum?
The one on TV tonight, it is live
Well, I am not going
I'll have a few days of solitude
- The king himself?
- I have no time to quarrel
- Someone is with me outside
- Who?
A most beautiful, captivating widow
- Pretty?
- The word was made for her
Let's go then
- She has lived in the States for 5 years
- I hope she doesn't have HIV
No way, chastity is her middle name
- Why did you bring her here?
- Urgent consultation
She inherited five million pounds
from her husband
- How much?
- 5 million
- God rest his soul
- That's in sterling pounds
- Bring her in
- Don't you want to know who she is?
All her wishes and desires are here
She shouldn't have to wait
- I'll go get her
- And you get lost
I want to do the check up alone
Good Day!
"Cast away evil spirits"
I miss you, truly, your holiness
- What?
- I missed you
Wosool! I don't believe my eyes.
You're so pretty and elegant
- Thanks to you
- Me?
- You undid my spell
- Without finding the ant!
Sit down
No, Dr. Taazy is not here.
Who's speaking?
Who?!
Hello, sir
Yes, he is in solitude
I will inform him of your call
as soon as he's back
Yes, okay
Your wishes are our commands, sir
Yes? Who am I?
His butler, sir, I am the butler
My name? Tamer
Good bye, sir
Good bye
I went to visit my aunt in Hussein
and there I met him
I never imagined that a well-cultured
man like him would admire me
Any man who sees you, admires you
We got married. Imagine he loved the
black shawl I draped my body with
Only?
- Only the shawl?
- Yes
He loved anything that reminded
him of Egypt
- Was he a foreigner?
- No, he was Egyptian
A very patriotic Egyptian
He did immigrate,
but Egypt was always on his mind
I'm sorry if I'm bringing back
painful memories
I'll never forget him
Anything starts out small in
this world, then grows
Except grief, which starts out
enormous and withers away
That's why I came to you
I am at your service
My late husband, God rest his soul
Always believed that a woman
needed a man
However independent she was
A woman cannot live without a man,
no doubt
In his last days, he asked me
to remarry
Good man and good advice, you must
do what he asked you to do
Frankly, I have a few suitors
All of them are good respectable
I don't know which to choose
My God! Looks like ants
have gone extinct!
Their names are on this paper,
along with mothers' names
and birthdates
Please, help me
This is a very hard choice
I want to know which of them
is best for me
These are all very wealthy,
well-known men
Yes, and the most important thing
I'm looking for is honesty
One who is dishonest doesn't
deserve respect
You're right, honesty is like
a precious coin
And fake coins aren't even worth
the sack they're in
A disaster!
- Why does he want me?
- I don't know
Are you sure he said he was
Gasser Sahwan?
- Was I dreaming then?
- I wish you were
Tomorrow morning at ten,
they'll come and pick you up
- Where to?
- To meet him
- Meet him?
- What's wrong with you?
Why are you afraid?
Did you get info on him?
- Who would dare do it?
- How am I supposed to deal with him?
I don't know
Oh, dear! We're in deep trouble
this time
- What's wrong, professor?
- No more professor!
We are doomed, dead ducks, it's over
I am in a very tough position
I am very weak and confused
I have never felt so weak
- What is it?
- My only daughter
A blossoming flower, twenty years old,
works as an assistant in university
- God bless her
- Has a brain tumor
God protect her
The big surgeons have
conflicting opinions
Some say we must operate. Others say
the operation is too serious
I don't know what to say
I must give my decision today
But my mind is paralysed,
I can't think
- I'm hanging on to hope
- God is merciful
See what the stars say,
her horoscope,
fortell, do anything to tell us
what's right
God will do what's best, sir
Get to work, do your thing
Time is of the essence
In such delicate issues,
one can not rely on predictions
This is a grave responsibility
I would like to know what
the stars say
- The only word here is for the surgeons
- They have disagreed, I told you!
Why do you think I turned to you?
I can't give you my opinion
on such an issue
I don't want your opinion,
I want you to ask the stars
Honestly speaking, sir
I advise you not to depend
on the stars in this issue
Even if astrologers give you
a little truth, they are liars
Looks like you are not good
in your game
God knoweth all, sir
A foreteller that cannot tell
- I want to say..
- What do you want to say?
- I mean...
- You are a trickster
Yes, that's what I wanted to say
I can't help it, my circumstances
led me to this mess
What circumstances?
Your friendship with my enemy dictates
that you don't help me out?
No, I would never have dreamt
of this honor
You accuse yourself of falsehood out of
loyalty to him so as not to help me?
That's not the case at all, sir
You helped him to harm my
daughter with your evil spells
No, I swear to you, I am a fake
Is that how loyal you are to Saleh?
Believe me, I admit to being a fake
A cheap statement to cover up your
evil deeds against my daughter
This never happened, sir, I swear
No thief admits to stealing, unless
he's covering up a bigger crime
I am a quack, I swear
Nashar!
Cairo Security Bureau
If you were illiterate, we'd believe
you were a trickster as you claim
But you have a Ph.D in Philosophy
This is my bad luck
You are very modest, your holiness
I am not close to being holy
You give people sweet hope
every morning
No one in the country doesn't
read your Zodiac section
It's the best in the morning papers
- This is all bullshit
- I'd believe you and deny myself?
I personally don't walk out
my door in the morning
without reading my daily horoscope
You are wrong
Doctor, our investigations prove
that all who have dealt with you
insist that you really do have
miracles
I'm like a person stuffed in
a suit of armor
As I get fatter inside, I suffocate
You insist you are a quack
Everything is fake these days
Principles, paradigms, people
Even scientific theories are
dubious
and newer theories deem them
obsolete
Honestly, you have drained
my brain
People need a truth to hang on to
That's why amulets and spells and a
trickster like me appeal to them
So you are accusing society
of ignorance?
No, of weakness
Weakness doesn't discriminate
an intellect from an ignorant
They make the quack a truth,
willingly
Just like they carved an idol
out of stone, then worshipped it
- Congratulations, sir
- Truth always wins
- God save you for all of Egypt
- Congratulations
Congratulations to all of us
Please tell him that I want to see him
You can't see him today
- Tell him it's Tawaly
- Sir...
He'll be upset if he learned
I wasn't allowed to see him
These are his orders, sir
Tell him it's Tawaly, don't get
yourself into trouble
- I know what I'm doing
- Tell him it's me
- Look, I have no time for this
- Neither do I
- I told you not to shout
- I told you tell him it's me
Tawaly, I am Tawaly
- Tawaly whom?
- Tawaly Tanih
- What?
- Tawaly Tanih, on behalf of...
- You came on someone's behalf?
- Someone pure
Someone holy
- Who?
- Taazy, the miracle-man
The man of truthful predictions,
the man Sahwan tried to wipe out
Damn him!
- Uncuff him
- Yes, sir
I ordered that Dr. Taazy
mustn't be handcuffed
Yes, sir
Sit down, doctor
What's going on?
We are very sorry, your holiness
I admitted to being a quack
Put me to trial and imprison me,
let me have some peace
God forbid! How could we
imprison a holy man like you?
Sir, I am a fake
Please, forgive us, your holiness
We are sorry
And tell Mr. Saleh that we are sorry
Cairo Security Bureau
- We won't leave him
- He is under surveillance, you know
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come to me
Come and let me play some tricks
A beautiful damsel
in distress
Needs some power to clean up
her mess
And this young man is in trouble
Let me show him what to do
Are you a lost heart in
the deep sea of love?
I'll pull you up to the stars above
These people around me
are half-wits
Living on illusions and bullshit!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come to me
Come and let me play some tricks
Presents
- Dear me!
- Shut up, you witch
- What is it?
- I don't know
- What's going on?
- Beats me
- Oh, non!
- Shut up, ladies
All you want is to scream
What is happening?
I don't know really
- What's going on?
- I said, shut up
- Help us
- Oh, what misery!
This is one big catastrophe
Somebody help us!
Zibakh Elteeby
If you don't like it, leave
Well, we'll never be any poorer
Who do you think you are?
We've signed rental contracts
We pay rent, just like any
fat-pig-tenant in any apartment
Watch your big mouth, washing girl!
I swear, if you don't shut up
I'll bang your skull with a bar
and wail over your dead body
Dear me!
Get out of the way
Dear me!
Oh dear...
Police, help us, please
- What's going on here?
- This man wants to ruin us
- He wants to bring us down
- He wants to spoil our lives
He wants to turn us into faggots
They want to deter me from opening
a room that I own
This room is haunted, sir
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- Go away, spirits
- Don't get angry
See these superstitious dimwits?
Shut up, all of you!
Ask permission to speak
- Listen to me, sir
- And who might you be?
I am Om Tarouta,
an ancient tenant here
I've lived on this roof for
thirty years...
when Sharnoub Shousha owned
the building
Oh my! Will you tell the story
of your life, Ma?
Be brief
In brief, someone was killed
in that very room 25 years ago
He was massacred... torn to pieces
- The blood covered the walls
- The blood covered the walls?
It was left empty for ten years
We'd hear voices
and see real crazy stuff
The only person able to inhabit it
was Zibakh Elteeby
He knew the underworld
He communicated with the spirits
there and they co-existed
He protected us from their evils
I beg you, sir, don't open the room
I'm a lonely woman,
my shadow spooks me
Oh, my! Open the room?!
I'm willing to pay the rent
until Zibakh is back
Was Zibakh the previous tenant?
He was a sorcerer, he lived
there without a contract
A year ago, he left and I got a police
permit to re-possess the room
- Where is the permit?
- I have it with me
Here you go
- Open the door
- Oh, no!
Policemen serve and protect,
they don't mess up and wreck!
Oh dear!
What are you waiting for?
Open the door!
My eyes!
Take cover
Hocus Pocus
Screenplay: Mahmoud Abu Zeid
They heard the word,
from the chanting bird
This world is full of wonders
Some people toil all their lives
And others simply juggle
eggs and rocks
Starring: Ahmed Zaki
Maaly Zayed
Mamdouh Wafy
Ahmed Ghanem
And: Mahmoud El-Sabaa
Those who strived and endured
Were called greedy slugs
And those who stole and
stacked piles of money
Were treated with respect
Those who were content
Were treated with contempt
And those who raided and pinched
Are now filthy rich
They heard the word,
from the chanting bird
This world is full of wonders
Some people toil all their lives
And others simply juggle
eggs and rocks
Editing: Hussein Afifi
Cinematographer: Said Sheemy
Produced by: Medhat El-Sherif
Directed by: Aly Abd El-Khaleq
- Excuse me, please
- Yes, sir
Where is the real estate
broker here?
- Sitting over there
- Thanks
You haven't found a tenant
for that room for 6 months
Everybody is afraid to live there
Afraid of what?
We read the whole Koran there
and we renovated and redecorated it
- Good morning
- Hello
One moment, sir, please be seated
We have to find a tenant
by any means
They all heard about what
happened to your eyes
That was acute keratitis
From the hot pepper
that the tenants had thrown
on the door
to prevent the spirits from
leaving the room
Damn them!
I hope you get better soon
I will not take any rent from
its tenant until he settles in
I hope we do find a tenant
If we don't, then it will be
a big shame for all of Egypt
It'll be living proof of our
ignorance
and of our poor cultural
and educational standards
- Long live educational standards!
- Who might you be?
I will save the face of
our educational system
You will like the room, I'm sure
We are honored by your visit
- This way
- After you
I didn't catch your name
Mostataa El-Taazy,
high school teacher
- What do you teach?
- Philosophy and Sociology
Greetings to the man of science
The man of enlightened thought
and good comportment
Please, come in
Oh, my!
- What is it, gal?
- Ugly creatures on a sunny day
- Who are you talking about?
- The landlord. He's opening the room
Who's that guy with him?
A gullible tenant
- Wail, gal
- Oh, dear!
Agony knocks on our doors!
Shut up, you stupid washing girl!
A dog may bark in my face
but I'm no dog to bark back
All they need is tails and
they'll turn into mules!!
Did he bring you here without
telling you the truth?
A man was killed in that room
and his ghost is still at large
Is this ghost good or evil?
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- A genie
- Oh, now that's reassuring
Reassuring?
Genies are easier to live with, Miss
- Miss?
- Sorry if I'm mistaken
No, I'm still a "Miss"
Ignore these riffraff and let's go
Regretfully, you'll share
a bathroom with the beasts
- What?
- Other people on the roof
I will not take rent from you
for two months
until you settle in and make sure
it isn't haunted
- How long?
- Two months
- No good
- How is that?
What are you thinking?
Living here is risky
Who knows what will become of me?
You're the personification of
enlightment and science
Any other person would have
asked for life insurance
- if he considered this place...
- Well, take your time
I'm traveling to have my eyes healed,
after that we'll talk
I'll take my lute and suitcase,
tomorrow I'll come back for the books
- Why don't you ever settle down?
- Look for another roommate
I won't pay an extra penny
to the landlady
She has a good reason,
look at inflation rates
If the price of an object rises,
I renounce it
Thus it becomes cheaper to me,
however high its price is
No furnished flats goes for less
A room on a roof is sufficient
- Have some shame
- I resist inflation by renunciation
If one of my needs becomes out of
reach, I search for an alternative
Here
- I'll pay 120 and you pay 80
- All I make is 96 pounds
No one makes it on their salary alone
- How then?
- Be artful
What you pinch, you reap
Give private lessons,
give out notes to the students
- That is against rules
- Rules were made to be broken
Thieves play hide and seek,
and bullshit is the magic word!
- What did you say?
- Preacher or pimp, money is what counts
I swear you are a clown!
I've never heard a journalist say
hide and seek and limp pimp
I appreciate my peace of mind,
I'm not into sleazy pranks
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I've heard of people who have
seen them
I challenge you to find anyone
who saw, they just heard fibs
- It is all superstition
- You always argue
All religions touched on such issues
Religion doesn't say a dead man's
soul spooks the living
There's a difference between
being dead and being murdered
If the soul of a murder victim kills
me, my soul will kill it back!
Cut that out
- Are you a musician?
- I'm a teacher
- What about that lute then?
- It is food for the soul
Soul! God protect us
- Tell me
- Yes?
- Is the room really haunted?
- That's none of my business
Don't keep me in the dark
Look, my knees are wobbly already
You wait and see
- Have you seen anything?
- It's sunny at night
What do you mean?
When the moon is in the sky,
you find the room sunny
So it's sunny in there now?
That was long ago,
before Zibakh lived there
Back then, the walls would
ooze with blood
Blood?
As long as we keep the vow
made by Zibakh,
it's okay
- Vow?
- All the neighbors keep it
How?
Incense burnt and dues paid on time
That will prevent the evil,
don't worry
How relieving!
- Goodbye, man
- Goodbye
A cat jumped in,
and back out again, very normal
Loud western music,
nothing unusual there
Don't give in to delusions
Being deluded is to stick to
a faulty idea
He who fears ghosts is bound to
see them...
I am not scared
I am not scared
I am not scared
What's there to fear?
Those who get scared are deceived
by their own eyes
I am not scared
He who fears ghosts is bound
to see them
They will spook him,
drain life out of him
No drug for that ailment
But I am not scared
- Fear is only...
- My God!
the key to all misfortune
Oh, what a mess!
What a mess!
Auntie!
Fear fogs our brains
And increases our pains
Cast away, evil spirits
He's singing to the cat-ghost
Ever since I saw him,
I knew he was a clone of Zibakh
What's there to fear?
Those who get scared are deceived
by their own eyes
By their own eyes
And, boy, am I scared!
Oh, woe to me!
Talk about bad luck
Once unlucky, twice unfortunate
I'm afraid to give you my heart
You'll play hard to get
And if I hide my love from you
My eyes give me away
What is it?
In the name of God, what's that?
Now that's unusual!
- One more blow
- Keep your voice down
We have to scare him away tonight
What more can I do?
I'm out of breath
Give it another blow, let him get
scared, maybe he hasn't felt it yet
Give it to me
You blow, I'm breathless
I don't blow, boy, I pull the strings
Well, pull the hose before
he finds us
- Let's scare him away first
- I think he fell asleep
Who did it attack this time?
If you pull any more cheap tricks,
I'll rip your eyes off
I will turn you into roaches
and squash you
Oh, God! Are you one of the masters?
If I weren't a master, would I have
taken the room, you lame crooks?
So you know?
I see and hear all
I will kill you if you rip off
any of the neighbors again
We repent, master
Forgive us, your holiness
Go, go
So you are into sleazy pranks?
If someone fools me, I fool them
and if they hit me, I devour them
- You are incredible
- Give me the defeater
What' s that?
Defeater of strength and the
alternative to marriage
- What a tough wife!
- You're the wimp
- You up there on the roof!
- What?
- Go slow on the water
- Yes, I'll close the tap a little
I've been in the loo for an hour,
I'll suffocate
- Wosool?
- Yes?
The people in flat 4 are unhappy
with your new prices
How am I supposed to fix
my washing machine then?
- What do I tell them?
- That everything's become expensive
Why should laundry be cheaper?
Maybe cleanliness doesn't matter
What a vile language
Laundry and pressing go hand in hand,
my price is the same as theirs
Do you want a quarter of a pound
for each shirt, you money-hound?
Leave it altogether
Let them press their clothes unwashed
Like they say: "Don't fancy
being clean
Walk around stinky and mean!"
You animals on the roof!
I'll call the police if you don't
close the tap
They'll pull out that water pump
you installed
You rogues!
Have a heart, sir. We're doing your
filthy laundry up here after all
May God protect us from
evil spirits
- I'm all wet now
- I'll be damned!
- I was going for a shower anyway
- Excuse me, your holiness
- My holiness?
- Please forgive me
- Cast away evil spirits
- You are very funny
Give me your clothes
and I'll wash them for you
Never mind, I like to wash
my clothes by myself
- Wash while I'm around?
- God bless your hands
Your clothes will bless my washing
basin, oh master!
Are you one of those who
wake up drenched in water?
- Who is that?
- Tarouta, our neighbor
- What does he do?
- Dye, curl and roll
- What?
- Dye, curl and roll
Tarouta is a well-known hairdresser
Hairdresser! God bless!
Tell me, Mr. Whoever-you-are,
are you really possessed?
Cast away evil spirits
What a thing to ask!
He's our neighbor,
we have to know his flavor
I'd love to know your flavor
I'm vanilla white, the best around
Tarouta is like that, he sweet-talks
his customers all the time
- Very sweet
- Looks like a mean neighbor
What's wrong with that man?
His mother was dying to have a son
To protect him from the evil eye,
she dressed him like a girl
till he was 9
It's not his fault then
Two more years and his body would
have developed bends and curves
You are hilarious, your holiness
Social adaptation is coping
with what one has
and is present in one's surrounding
environment
- Question, please
- Yes, Dahy
If the surrounding environment
is corrupt,
- how can one cope?
- By taking dope!
That goes in movies,
not in Sociology, idiot!
Sit down, Dahy
One must use one's brain to
defend oneself from corruption
How will one's brain defend?
It should control your urges
and regulate your needs
- How to control urges?
- By cutting down on things
- So, we don't eat?
- We eat but sensibly
Man is a consumer by nature
But if consumption rates
surge to the rate of greed
then, his life goes berserk
He will feel enormous anxiety,
conflicts and perversions
He will lose his taste
for the items he strives for
- Excuse me, sir
- Yes? Sit down
So if there is a plate of beans and
platter of salad, do I eat only one?
Young man, eat whatever comes
in your way..
Hush, boys
because you're a good boy
Wow!
Life is not about stuffing your belly
A lot of people die of over eating
but no one dies of hunger
Are you Ghandi or the authority
of malnutrition?
- What's going on?
- Sales dropped because of you
- The school shop will go bankrupt
- Thanks to your greed
Who said you can sell sandwiches
and soda to students-
at touristic prices?
- What is it to you?
- Answer him, boys
- This is public exploitation
- Dodgy manipulation
- Out of reach, out of mind
- Is that so?
- What do you think?
- This is sabotage
The principal, who's on the take,
will hear about this!
Give him my best regards
We must put an end
to the philosophy teacher
Oh, damn him.
What has he done now?
A new predicament every day.
He is a communist, sir
- What?
- Believe me
He spatters and spews..
Spews?
Left-winged talk,
extra-curricular discussions
- What kind of discussions?
- Consumption and value
- That red communist bogus!
- Damn it!
A rich man is one who can give up
the biggest amount of possessions
not one who will buy them
Be realistic! What can you give up?
Providing essentials is hard enough
Alternatives do exist,
and life is easy
You ride an old bike
in the middle of traffic
You're a teacher, studying for
a Ph.D in philosophy
You cheapskate!
My bike gets me here
before people in cars do
So a bike is alternate
means of transportation
What about your defeater as
an alternative to marriage?
Both beat the hell out of me
You've become the laughing
stock of the community
- Why, brother?
- Damn this brotherhood
You've brought shame
to the whole family
I just thought I'd give you
my new address
A room up on a roof?
Have you forgotten who you are?
Let go of your unjustified snobbery
All your grandfather left you was
a father, and he's dead!
Your father died and left you
a big house
In a slum, built in the 1800's
and it collapsed
- Where do you want me to live?
- You were in a rented flat
It became out of reach, so..
You abandoned it. Nonsense!
That's as much as I can afford,
what should I do?
Do like everyone else
- Should I become a crook?
- That would be more honorable
Ma, the good-looking boy is
at the door
All flashy and shiny
Shall I close the door, Ma?
Or shall I let him in?
Ma, the good-looking boy is
at the door
I'll close the door.
Ladies are everywhere
We see a lot on the streets
But here, I can zoom in
Ma, the pretty girl is at the door
Come, defeater!
How hard it is to stick
to principles these days!
If we stop collecting dues,
the tenants will know we were crooks
And if we collect them,
that creep will blow our cover
Blessed were the days of Zibakh
Yeah, those were the good old days
Help me. My son is under
a magic spell
Zibakh is away,
he will never be back
Where did he go?
Tell me, please, where he is
- I said I don't know
- Why don't you let her go upstairs?
- To whom?
- To Master Taazy
- Where can I find him?
- In Zibakh's old room
He is a blessed man,
he will set you at ease
Don't tell him that we sent you
- Why not?
- He has a few followers only
He's very picky, go to him,
maybe he'll help
Thank you so much
- What did you do that for?
- Bait, dumbhead
Bait?
If he falls for it, we'll kick him
around like we did with Zibakh
And if he doesn't?
Then he knows nothing about
magic, he's harmless to us
Your holiness, please have mercy on me
Holiness? I am not into
that kind of business
For the sake of all the Holy Masters,
please help me
My only son, the only thing
I got from this world...
- What's with him?
- Spellbound against his wife
They've been married for 2 month
and nine days, with no intimacy
Poor son, he cries all night
And she sits there wailing
over her bad luck
And all I can do is slap myself
Your son needs professional help
Nothing wrong with his health.
He's as sound as a bell
- Good God!
- Please help me
- Try to understand me
- Take this
What is this?
100 pounds up front, and whatever
you ask for you'll get it
You are inviting me to steal you
God forbid! I beg you,
please help me
Please don't. Oh, God!
Okay, I accept
Thank you
- How old is your son?
- Almost thirty
- And his wife?
- Twenty-five
Where do you live?
In Abdeen, Number 5, Khomeisy Street
You go on home, and I will
pay you a visit
- God bless you
- Thank you
- Any requirements?
- You insist on spending money?
All for the sake of my son,
I want this spell undone
One and a half kilo of kebab
with salads
Sure thing
- And four stuffed pigeons
- Done
- And five bottles of beer
- Beer?
Yes, my underworld assistants
are alcoholics
Whatever you say, your holiness
- Buy what's written here
- From the herbalist?
- No, from the pharmacy
- Okay
- We want to cure him right
- May God grant you His blessings
Your son and his wife must
meet me unsullied
They are always unsullied,
your holiness
Drink
Drink, this beer is non-alcoholic
So what if it has a little
bit of alcohol in it?
Drink away
I assure you that your knots
have been undone
The spell has been burnt
and thrown into the sea
- Really?
- Yes
The rest is up to you
Treat your wife as if she were
your lover
- What do you do?
- I work in a café
Treat her as one of your customers
Don't you always try
to please your customers?
- Yes
- Then, please her
Sweet-talk your way with her
Flirt with her
- How?
- I'll tell you how
Hey, beautiful, he wants you
for a second
Don't bother yourself, my pretty
wife, lady of all ladies
Everything is going to be fine
I'm starting to feel powerful
already
Get up, girl, hurry
God created all women beautiful
You have to be pretty from
the inside as well as the outside
Become beautiful, O daughter of Eve
You are the source of life
and the well of happiness
I swear by lovely Venus of Greece
and by Camelia, the belle
of Egyptian Cinema..
be soft and tender
By the power of the immortal
tender beauties
Soad, Naglaa and Mervat Amin
Peace be with you
Wait
God grant you happiness,
your holiness
- What is this?
- A little something
I don't accept money
until after the results are good
and working for six months
God grant you a long life
Handcuffs are easier than illusions
Spells are not illusions
They are illusions to the mind,
and the solution is in our hands
So you undid the spell with
that hocus pocus you did?
Give me a break
I directed them to the causes
of frigidity between couples
in the same way sorcerers
speak and act
How do you know how sorcerers act?
Hey, I'm wet all over,
mind the potatoes!
Don't doubt my knowledge again
Sorcerers' success depends on
two things
His self-confidence and how
much people believe in him
This is not your buisness
Why put your nose in such
experiences?
I won't leave you this time
Here..
I'm really concerned and you are
interrupting my thoughts
Understood
The experiences I've studied on the
roof since I moved in that room
made me change the topic
of my thesis
So, you're giving Plato the slip?
Yes, to tackle an issue of public
interest
Philosophy must be used to serve
the society
So what's the new topic?
Homo sapien's perplexity between
science and superstition
- Thanks
- You're welcome
Yes, sir
Your name isn't on this
month's payroll, Mr. Mostataa
What do you mean?
That you won't be paid
Why not?
- Mr. Mostataa Taha El-Taazy
- Yes, sir
Are you teaching students
the principles of communism?
What are the principles of
communism?
Just answer YES or NO
- This is a formal investigation
- No
Are you urging the students
to practice asceticism,
Sufism and carrying weapons?
Weapons? Is there a Sufi communist?
Please, just answer the questions
- I live by principles
- Principles?
I resist inflation by renunciation
Confesses to living by principle
Is this a set up?
The complaints submitted by your
peers and superiors are serious
- You threaten national security
- I'm a threat to national security?
I am a very law-abiding citizen,
a nobody in the community
Say that to the D.A. and National
Security Investigations and-
others monitoring your activities
My activities?
You are suspended from your job
until the investigations are over
- Take this
- God forbid! I'm not begging
Then why did you come to me?
I want you to find me any job
until this crisis is over
What job can I find you with
your "philosophy"?
You would have been better off
apprenticing with a mechanic
That way, you would still be sane!
Thank you, Assy
- Bye
- Bye
What joy you've given us,
your holiness
We're now extremely joyous
Your blessings have flooded us,
your holiness
Oh, how blissful and fortunate
we have become
- What is it?
- We are blissful thanks to you
Kiss the master's hand
God bless you, your holiness
- Where is your bride?
- At the ladies' barber
I got her a membership card there
so that she always looks pretty
And you?
Thank God, we take a shower
every day
The way you treat her is the key
that will protect you from
envy and evil spells
- God bless you
- This is a small gift
What's all this? I told you
I don't accept gifts
It's just a small gift,
please don't let me down
Our Prophet accepted
gifts from his followers
- Praised be the Prophet
- Shall I take the basket in?
Put it down, and go downstairs!
- Good evening, your holiness
- Good evening
- May I have a word with you?
- Please, come in
- What are all these books?
- I am practicing for my thesis
Please, don't practice your
witchcraft now!
I get petrified, please
I meant, preparing a doctorate
thesis
So what kind of doctor will you be?
A doctor in philosophy,
do you know what that is?
Of course I do! You don't think
I'm illiterate, do you?
I even flunked fifth grade
three times!
Bravo, if you'd flunked one more time,
you would've passed
- You are so funny, your holiness
- You are sweet, too
Thank you
So where is one's philosophy?
You know, like if one's
philosophy hurts,
- where would the pain be?
- In the head
Oh, God forbid!
I wish I hadn't dropped out of school,
I would've become a big shot
To hell with schools!
You're a lot better off as you are
Hello
My late father was a big gardener
It shows, he planted a very
beautiful trunk
God bless you
When he got richer,
he fell for a playgirl
She squandered his money
and devastated us
My mother couldn't take it
and she died of misery
And so I left school and worked
so as not to starve
- That's respectful
- But loneliness is ugly
My stepmother condemned me to
loneliness
because I refused to marry her son
How did she do that?
She cast a spell so I won't marry
Don't say that
You're very beautiful, any man
would love to marry you
They make me look like a monkey
in the eyes of my suitors!
- Who are "they"?
- Cast away evil spirits
Any suitor either has an accident
and runs away from me-
- or sees me a monkey
- That is nonsense
My stepmother, may she burn in hell,
cast a spell on a string
with multiple knots
and buried it under an ant's toenail
An ant?
And this ant is roaming the earth,
nowhere to be found
Your holiness, I beseech you,
help me
I will help you, on one condition
Your wish is my command
Forget about this ant business,
it's nonsense
Marriage is a matter of destiny
My destiny's under an ant's toenail
Your destiny depends on your conduct,
the way you behave
Men will always run away
if you're edgy and tense
Will incantations calm me down?
- What are you saying?
- What do I do then?
Highlight your feminine side.
Always be soft, gentle and tender
Oh, golly!
Believe me, the solution
is in your own hands
You have undone everybody's spells,
but not mine?
There is no spell cast on you
You think I won't pay your earnings?
- Earnings?
- I am a big spendthrift
Ask all the sorcerers about me
So you've visited them all, eh?
I'm sorry I ever came to you
"Close at hand, but won't lend
a helping hand"
Take it easy. You want
to get married, don't you?
- I need to find that ant first
- I'll find it for you
- What are you waiting for?
- We need tools
Just name them
- A bright red rose-bud
- Okay
- And a snow-white pigeon
- Now you're talking
- And incense and some henna
- Sure thing
- And two silver coins
- Only two?
For your sake
God bless you
May God accept your gift
Don't forget to change the
burnt lamp on the third floor
- For sure
- My family is afraid of the dark
Rest assured, madam
As long as we keep paying the dues,
there's no need to be afraid
Yes, heaven protect us
- In the name of God
- I caught you red-handed
This time, I will tell all
the neighbors... Madam!
I swear that I never ask anyone
for anything
They give me things to deliver
Deliver what?
Alms, I deliver them to the mosque
- Mosque?
- As Zibakh ordered
All alms go the mosque
How many apartments paid so far?
I will show you! Come with me
Where to?
I'll show you the right place
to put the money you collect
Move it
And these vows state that each
apartment must donate a duck?
These are offerings,
each gives what he can afford
Some apartments give us some sugar
Others give us tea
- And some give you sheep
- Sheep?
- And turkeys
- I hope I choke on them
- Be honest
- Please don't give me that look
- Speak up, Sabbassy
- I'll tell you everything, I promise
One passenger to Banha
Get in quickly, Miss
What chaos is this! I was here first
Sorry, lady, take the next car
Can't you see the state I'm in?
I want you to sit next to the driver
Otherwise, you might deliver
your baby
How dare you?
On your way, driver, Godspeed
One passenger to Banha
Kaooda, leave this place
and come with me right now
- Everything okay?
- Everything is great
Come, let's carry Zibakh's chest
- Carry them where?
- To the roof
Let's go
Here it is, it contains his clothes,
books and tools of the trade
Open it
May the doors of heaven open to you
Maybe we'll be prosperous once again
Excuse me, but will you make it
in this profession?
Of course, shall I turn you
into a monkey?
No, let's stay friends
Don't you think he can do what
Zibakh did?
The look in his eyes makes birds
drop dead off the trees
Zibakh can't do what I can do,
you idiots!
Tell me what Zibakh used to do
He'd do spells, undo them,
and he read palms
- Did he read the sea shells?
- No, he didn't
I will read sea shells, change good
wills and make charmed amulets
- Charmed amulets?
- That'll make the moon stop spinning
My, oh my! Great!
Send me any customer who asks
for Zibakh's services
Now we're talking, your holiness
- His holiness is here, sir
- He is most welcome
Hello, please come in
This way, sir
Please, have a seat
What is your problem?
Someone stole 4,000 pounds off me,
I kept them here, at home
I want you to find out which of
my three wives took them
- Is this true, ladies?
- That's bogus
- God protect us
- Such a tyrant!
- Could it be anyone else?
- It is one of them
The truth will appear, for God
is near, may I have a knife?
- A knife?
- A sharp one, please
Here you are, your holiness
Each one of you will lick the
sharp edge of the knife like this
And let it be known to you
that the knife of revelation
will cut the tongue of the infidel
amongst you
Lick the knife, Aziza
I hope your tongue gets cut off
Give me the knife, you slanderer
God has revealed your innocence
Your turn, madam
No way! I will never lick a knife,
forget it!
What are you afraid of?
You took the money, you thief!
Yes, I took it and you won't
get a penny back
- The truth has appeared
- God is great!
Now I eat three meals a day,
for free!
Blast you! You are a demon
You haven't seen anything yet
- What's next?
- The game is just starting
How?
If I am not Zibakh,
I must become Zibakh
Damn you
I will juggle eggs and rocks
- You'll become a trickster?
- Who isn't a trickster these days?
Zibakh has his own tools
Magic is an intelligent manipulation
of the hopes of people
But there are rules you know
nothing about
I learned metaphysics
and mathematical logic
and the methodology for
seeking truth
I can surely learn about
conjuring and witchcraft
- Witchcraft?
- Or sorcery
As Ibn Khaldun called it
in his book, idiot
What's wrong with you?
Are you out of your mind?
"Woe to the world if the learned
live perversely"
We were young, now we're old
Go away, old age, and
bring back the golden age
Let's jump and jump
From one city to another
We were young, now we're old
Jump up and down, soar like a rocket
Luck is on your side
Burn the old man in you
and bring out the fiery flirt
His youth
Will make one powerless
We were young, now we're old
Don't worry, this sheikh is really
good, he will undo the spell
I hope he unwinds his soul
altogether
How could you speak like that
about your husband!
What kind of a husband is he, Ma?
Who else would agree to marry you
and support your kids?
- Man in hand better than ten on a tree
- I told you, he isn't a man
His first wife has him spellbound,
we are undoing him
Now have some shame and
stop being such a lust-hound
Oh, dear! It looks like
he kicked the bucket!
You fool
He's been dead, not bound,
for thirty years
What do we do?
- Don't worry, he'll wake up
- No, he won't
- He is a corpse now
- Shut up! What do you know?
Look, Zibakh never killed anybody.
You'll get us into trouble!
I told you not to worry, he has
to rest after that workout
Workout?
We massaged his body and got blood
running in his blood vessels
- He was old but alive
- He'll be as fit as a fiddle
- He's gone into eternal rest
- Shut up!
Are you going to tell me
what to do? Hands off
Did you undo the spell?
Yes, his fingers moved
I heard he wants to remarry now
that he's rejuvenated himself
How did you do it?
A cup of milk, some abracadabra,
and an egg from a black hen
- Black hen?
- Any nonsense goes
Well, I gave him healthy food
and revived his body
God raises the dead! We are
just tools of good will
- Give me some blessings
- Our souls obey our illusions
- I am concerned
- About what?
Don't push your luck
You may try to revitalize
someone and they die
We're all going to die
- How can you be sure of success?
- My success is guaranteed
How is that?
I'll tell you
People's fear of the future
makes them anxious
Anxiety creates the willingness
to accept illusions
which will force them to believe
anything
- Do you think so?
- And there's more
Some will actually hear and see
things that do not exist
Is that so?
Or else, why would people hang
on to ancient superstitions?
Why do they believe them?
- They even watch movies & read about
them
- Why so?
So that they can control their fear
of the unknown
Come with me
Oh yeah, we're all afraid
of the unknown
I don't get it
- Everybody's playing dirty
- Get me one of Zibakh's hoods
- What for?
- So we could play together
- Now you're talking
- Thanks to you
Untie the knots of her fortune
Undo the chains of her luck
Untie the knots of her fortune
Undo the chains of her luck
What's with you, foreigner?
Have some respect!
I am not a foreigner
Get lost, or I'll make a scene
- I really admire you
- I am not what you think
If you don't go away,
I'll break these slippers
on the nape of your neck
Believe me, I mean well
I'm afraid you'll disappoint me
with my customers
Oh, you don't believe in me, eh?
- Not really
- They're here
Hello, Tarouta
- Welcome
- God forbid!
Please, come in
- Sit down, Tarouta
- No, dear, I'll sit over there
Yet you came among them!
Why did you come?
You envy her, and you want
her husband!!
You are sitting here, as her friend
Have mercy on her
Have mercy on her
- Who do you mean?
- I never meant anything
They mean and I just spoke out
We all mean well, and if you mean
well, stay among us
Oh my!
He has been so unfair to you,
and you don't deserve it.
You are from a very prominent family
He doesn't appreciate your beauty
Let him...
Let him run to her,
and don't spare your tears
Go on and cry
Be careful, he's fooling you
- He won't marry me after my divorce?
- He may, and he may not
Don't worry, I will help you,
I know how to get him to marry you
Get me an identifier,
and all will be well
God Almighty created maladies
and cures
But believe me, the treatment
will never work
He's been going to doctors
since we married...
Don't lose hope,
although the spell cast on him
is a new super black-magic
SSGL evil spell
It is thrown under a 20-storey
building
Gracious God! What is happening
to you?
Come here
Leave her.. just hold on to me
Get away from her
- This brunette is a relative?
- No
- Any relationship with her?
- No relation at all
- Good-bye then
- Sit down, please
- I don't like to be lied to
- Well, it's not a real relationship
I rented a flat for her but left
when she wanted to stick with me
- A man in the Customs
- What about him?
Watch out, he's close to her and
they're cooking something together
What is it? Only God knows
Oh, golly! You've impressed
them all!
You thought I'd disappoint you?
You made me very proud
- Aren't you making good money?
- Yes, as you can see
- Why don't you get married?
- Do you have a pretty girl for me?
- There are lots of pretty girls
- That's what messes me up
Yes, tell me now,
why are you messed up?
- Can I be honest with you?
- Yes
- Can you keep a secret?
- Till death do us part
I'm a playboy
How?
I am a loose boy, wasting my time
and money on women
- Women like your mom?
- Is my mom a woman?
You really are a playboy!
This amulet...
You must shower before the
call for the morning prayer
And then wear it around your neck,
don't ever take it off
As long as you wear it, no policeman
will ever come near you
- No one from the authorities?
- Not a soul
Open up! This is the police!
Put on your amulet and jump out
of the window, quick!
The jackass didn't take
a shower first!
Cairo Security Bureau
Zibakh, play it straight
and stop conning people
God knows I'm good
Cut the crap and be a good citizen
or we'll put you in jail again
I put my fate in God's good hands
You are under surveillance,
you and any other sorcerer like you
God will punish the unjust
To be delivered to relevant precinct,
released under surveillance
This is trespassing on the habitat
of an honest citizen
and squatting on property in his
absence! What a filthy crime!
What can I do? Go tell the landlord!
What am I but a doorman?
I will pull his eyeballs out!
Well, his eyes are sore anyway.
He's abroad, getting them cured
Where are my chest and tools?
- Upstairs, with the new master
- What?
The man that moved in is like you,
your holiness!
And now he is sitting on his throne!
What throne are you talking about?
Have you forgotten who I am?
I am Zibakh Elteeby!
Where were you all this time?
In the Guest House, I was in conference
with kings of the underworld
Tell everybody that, and we will
revive the good old days
If only we could turn the hands
of time
Have you betrayed our partnership?
- What can we do?
- Go talk it over with the new master
Your new master! I'll show him,
you low-life creeps!!
He's no fool! He raised a man from
the dead, before our very eyes!
I am still Zibakh, and I've juggled
eggs and rocks for 45 years!
- Yes?
- Hello, your holiness
- Who do you want?
- I want you
- Who are you?
- I am Zibakh
- I know no one with such name
- You'll get to know me
- Where to?
- Reclaiming my room
- Your room?
- Hand off or I'll turn you into a rock
Turn me into a rock!
Tell me something I'll believe
I am Zibakh, the spiritualistic
healer
- You heal with spirits or manure?
- I don't want to harm you
You harm me, you pile of shit?
Damn you, what are you muttering?
Shut up! These books you are misusing
will get you into trouble
The demons are wicked,
they'll harm us
I said shut up!
Conjuring is a science
You are humiliating the vows
of King Solomon
and the Cryptic Scrolls,
you'll send us straight to hell
No, no, no!!
You've summoned them
Who are you talking to?
Help! Help!
You troublesome bastard!
Zibakh turned out to be a fool,
a flake
Every fake is a flake
Intellect has nothing to do
with emotional stability
What does that mean?
In any state of excitation, a brain
will accept illusions instantly
The smart and stupid,
the intellectual and illiterate
Fear deters clear thinking and
quick decision-making
Yes, but Zibakh is supposedly
a professional trickster
How did you scare him so easily?
You're right, but certain factors
helped me
What factors?
He drank too much before
he came to see me
- He was anxious
- Why?
The boys told him I was really
into spirits and demons
and that I had raised someone
from the dead
Zibakh walked in with his mind
ready to accept any illusions
He was inclined to fall under
my spell
You've started to scare me
The real magic is still to come...
Stand up and raise your hands
- Throw the knife on the floor
- You won't fool me again
This time, I will eat you alive,
you despicable wretch!
We are Jacks of the same trade,
we should not squabble
- Put your knife down
- Here it is, let's talk sensibly
- Why are you in here?
- Don't mistake me for a thief
- I have the right to be here
- Right?
- Let's go see what happened
- Why should we care?
We did what we had to do.
No one can blame us
We let Zibakh go upstairs and
we informed Mostataa
That's what I call double-loyalty
- They'll settle their own affairs
- Zibakh is nasty with knives
Mostataa went up after him
with a gun
- It's a toy gun
- Toy gun?
It only gives off sound, I bought it
myself from the toyshop
Let them fight, and we'll play
with the winner
- What's in that parcel?
- My life's earnings
- Open it up
- I'll give you five thousand
How do I know what's in it?
Maybe it's drugs
I don't deal in drugs.
Here, take a look
- How much are they?
- I'll give you five
And I will make you rot in jail,
you thief
This money is mine,
I toiled to gather it
You collected it by conning,
by playing sleazy tricks
This money must be handed over
to the authorities
Please, don't mention them,
I'll give you seven
No way, I'm taking half the money
You want to take 40 thousand?
40,000 aren't good enough,
I'll take 50 thousand
What?
Then, we'll hand it all
to the police, you thief!
- So I'm the thief?
- Shut up!
Shut up, you wicked trickster,
get going!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come.. Come
Come and let me play some tricks
Interpreting Dreams
A beautiful damsel in distress
Needs some power to clean up
her mess
And this young man doesn't
have a clue
Let me show him what to do
Your Sun Sign
Interpreting Dreams
Mostataa El-Taazy elected Chairman of
International Astronomy Association
Are you a lost heart in the
deep sea of love?
I'll pull you up to the stars above
Oh, my
Oh, my
These people around me are
half-wits
Living on illusions and bullshit!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come.. Come
Come and let me play some tricks
How was your trip?
I wish you were there,
the Prince sends his regards
Only his regards?
Plus a fat check to support
your magazine
Your network is growing
As usual, don't be envious
Friends don't envy, your holiness
Envy domains all, damn you
How is Tarouta?
The published article and photo
over-bloated his ego
Does he send us the rent regularly?
No, he even gets a share of
his customers' fees
A creep!
How does he know what they pay?
Bloody hell! Customers tell him
during their hairdressing
Customers, that's it!
The shop cost us L.E. 350,000
Don't nag him, his clients are
delicious, easy and fast to fall!
Yes, they all fall in your own lap
Don't worry, tomorrow I'll
buy you icecream
Fun for you, not me!
I have you in my plans
Welcome back, professor
The famous belly-dancer called
a lot today
She reminds you of the party
she's thrown at your honor
- At my honor?
- They're glorifying you
After one dies, he becomes
a sweet guy
Well! Well!
We only glorify those who die
As long as someone famous is alive,
we curse the daylight out of him
After his death, we make an idol
out of him!
What is it?
- What's wrong?
- I feel very tired
- Shall I call a doctor?
- Are you crazy?
I treat the doctors
You don't eat well, go slow on
the scotch
It's the most expensive thing
I can find
God bless the old days,
forsaking what's out of reach
Back then, I resisted my urges
by letting go of them
Now, my urges have gotten a
hold on me
So you either die of hunger
or of over-eating?
Well, all they eat is bread
Piling money does not fill
the void inside
We have to wash it down with
some scotch
Did you find out who Naznaz
invited to her party tonight?
All investigations done
Who's the prey?
A billionaire "Fakhry Lahfoury".
He was a useless brat
Now he has a factory, and wants
your acquaintance
- Got info on him?
- Since his birthday
I just need a single truth
And I'll weave a million lies around it
Ah, that Lahfoury is...
Just drop the boring details, Tawaly
My brother-in-law never believed
in palm reading
But since he has met Dr. Taazy
- What happened?
- He was stupefied
God bless him, every year
he gives me an amulet
That makes me above all the others
And if I forget to wear it,
my luck goes sour
- What is your sun sign, Tarouta?
- I'm a Virgo, my dear
Women are like fruit
With me, they become forbidden
fruit
You always eat your dessert alone
Grab this lovely banana then
Do you think it's easy?
Bananas peel easily and chew easily
What about you?
I'll leave all fruit
and go for the big pumpkin
Get ready, Naznaz is bringing
in Lahfoury
- Did you inform the guys?
- Yes, they're on their way
- So, do I tell him...
- Say whatever you want to
I introduce to you Mr. Lahfoury,
your holiness
- Don't shake my hand
- Why not, your holiness?
It's the same hand that bribed a man
to let in a shipment of bad cheese
And before that, the milk
Shame on you to bribe people, Lahfoury
How do we work then, your holiness?
We have to pave our way
He is right, your holiness.
Forgive him this time
He came especially to ask you about
the fate of his current deal
- I see two bracelets
- Gold?
A man with a bird in his hands
A bird? A sparrow, you mean?
No, a vulture
It's an eagle
And he is not holding it
It rests on a man's shoulder, this man
is handing you two bracelets
- When?
- After two
Either two months, or two days,
two hours
Or two minutes,
Or two seconds, maybe this minute
- What is it?
- Shut up and come with us
Don't say a word
Hey, everybody. Why is everyone
shocked?
What's done is done, we don't
need grief
Back to the party, folks.
The show must go on
And if you've lost Lahfoury,
you are all Lahfoury's
- Hilarious!
- That's the spirit
Will he cast a spell on me
to lose weight?
I do the weight loss,
he gave me the secrets
We go out tonight, and tomorrow
you lose 7 kilos
- Really?
- You won't lose if you try
If you don't like it, go elsewhere.
Let's go, may God help
How will you undo the spell?
With my hands
The spell cast on you was thrown
all over your body
I must wipe it off myself,
but in a nice cozy place
No, the first booking is within
two months
Please send data about the patient
Name, mother's name, date of birth
No, not before three months
No, not required
The professor doesn't charge fees
till after curing the patient
Pregnancy depends on the position
of the moon the minute you were born
When I was born?
Sure
So, if you were born on
a night of a full moon
Then the most probable time for you to
conceive is when the moon is full
- Moon is very influential
- What does that mean?
Rest assured, I will do it all
We'll calculate the position
of the moon when you were born
Then we decide when is the
best time for you to conceive
According to the moon's
gravitational pull
I want you to drop your worries
God bless you
- Hello, doctor
- Hello, madam
- Help me, Dr. Taazy
- What is it, madam?
Saleh's been depressed since yesterday,
I fear he might harm himself
- Where is he?
- Come with me
I ordered that no one come in
- Good morning, sir
- Doctor Taazy, where have you been?
I am at your service
I am sick, Doctor
I feel that I will be paralyzed
God protect you, sir
Injustice makes me bitter
Prayers of the wronged hang between
earth and heaven and God says to him:
"By my power, I will make thee
victorious, if even after a while"
- Just pray to God
- Oh, God
Your words ease me, doctor
Ma'am, please order 2 cups of mint
in the garden
- Tea with mint leaves?
- No, mint only please
Since Venus is entering Scorpio,
you will gain victory over your enemies
They will cause havoc because of
their unjust treatment to you
When Mars continues its course
in orbit
Your stars will smile at you,
your fame will rise
My name and fame are ruined
by my archrival Gasser Sahwan
He defamed me with his dirty
maneuvering
God is above all
You can't imagine how cruel
and powerful he is
- God protect us
- Have you ever seen him?
I haven't been that fortunate,
God forbid!
He is mean, he twists all truths
The stars assure your victory
Enough
Print these and bring the rest, too
Hurry
Will you be selling my pictures
on the stands?
Your holiness is no less
Holiness, my foot!
Did you read the article I wrote
about you this month?
- I didn't like it
- Why not? I commended you a lot
I told you a zillion times, stories
reaching people about me
must be astonishing,
make them love me
- Yet fear me
- More than this?
The stories must prepare them
to fall under my seize
I understand that
Cover me with underlying insinuation
and mystery
- That's what I did
- Is it?
A picture and a nonsense article
A legend is made by good propaganda
Why do you think I set up
the magazine for?
Okay, rest now before the forum
What forum?
The one on TV tonight, it is live
Well, I am not going
I'll have a few days of solitude
- The king himself?
- I have no time to quarrel
- Someone is with me outside
- Who?
A most beautiful, captivating widow
- Pretty?
- The word was made for her
Let's go then
- She has lived in the States for 5 years
- I hope she doesn't have HIV
No way, chastity is her middle name
- Why did you bring her here?
- Urgent consultation
She inherited five million pounds
from her husband
- How much?
- 5 million
- God rest his soul
- That's in sterling pounds
- Bring her in
- Don't you want to know who she is?
All her wishes and desires are here
She shouldn't have to wait
- I'll go get her
- And you get lost
I want to do the check up alone
Good Day!
"Cast away evil spirits"
I miss you, truly, your holiness
- What?
- I missed you
Wosool! I don't believe my eyes.
You're so pretty and elegant
- Thanks to you
- Me?
- You undid my spell
- Without finding the ant!
Sit down
No, Dr. Taazy is not here.
Who's speaking?
Who?!
Hello, sir
Yes, he is in solitude
I will inform him of your call
as soon as he's back
Yes, okay
Your wishes are our commands, sir
Yes? Who am I?
His butler, sir, I am the butler
My name? Tamer
Good bye, sir
Good bye
I went to visit my aunt in Hussein
and there I met him
I never imagined that a well-cultured
man like him would admire me
Any man who sees you, admires you
We got married. Imagine he loved the
black shawl I draped my body with
Only?
- Only the shawl?
- Yes
He loved anything that reminded
him of Egypt
- Was he a foreigner?
- No, he was Egyptian
A very patriotic Egyptian
He did immigrate,
but Egypt was always on his mind
I'm sorry if I'm bringing back
painful memories
I'll never forget him
Anything starts out small in
this world, then grows
Except grief, which starts out
enormous and withers away
That's why I came to you
I am at your service
My late husband, God rest his soul
Always believed that a woman
needed a man
However independent she was
A woman cannot live without a man,
no doubt
In his last days, he asked me
to remarry
Good man and good advice, you must
do what he asked you to do
Frankly, I have a few suitors
All of them are good respectable
I don't know which to choose
My God! Looks like ants
have gone extinct!
Their names are on this paper,
along with mothers' names
and birthdates
Please, help me
This is a very hard choice
I want to know which of them
is best for me
These are all very wealthy,
well-known men
Yes, and the most important thing
I'm looking for is honesty
One who is dishonest doesn't
deserve respect
You're right, honesty is like
a precious coin
And fake coins aren't even worth
the sack they're in
A disaster!
- Why does he want me?
- I don't know
Are you sure he said he was
Gasser Sahwan?
- Was I dreaming then?
- I wish you were
Tomorrow morning at ten,
they'll come and pick you up
- Where to?
- To meet him
- Meet him?
- What's wrong with you?
Why are you afraid?
Did you get info on him?
- Who would dare do it?
- How am I supposed to deal with him?
I don't know
Oh, dear! We're in deep trouble
this time
- What's wrong, professor?
- No more professor!
We are doomed, dead ducks, it's over
I am in a very tough position
I am very weak and confused
I have never felt so weak
- What is it?
- My only daughter
A blossoming flower, twenty years old,
works as an assistant in university
- God bless her
- Has a brain tumor
God protect her
The big surgeons have
conflicting opinions
Some say we must operate. Others say
the operation is too serious
I don't know what to say
I must give my decision today
But my mind is paralysed,
I can't think
- I'm hanging on to hope
- God is merciful
See what the stars say,
her horoscope,
fortell, do anything to tell us
what's right
God will do what's best, sir
Get to work, do your thing
Time is of the essence
In such delicate issues,
one can not rely on predictions
This is a grave responsibility
I would like to know what
the stars say
- The only word here is for the surgeons
- They have disagreed, I told you!
Why do you think I turned to you?
I can't give you my opinion
on such an issue
I don't want your opinion,
I want you to ask the stars
Honestly speaking, sir
I advise you not to depend
on the stars in this issue
Even if astrologers give you
a little truth, they are liars
Looks like you are not good
in your game
God knoweth all, sir
A foreteller that cannot tell
- I want to say..
- What do you want to say?
- I mean...
- You are a trickster
Yes, that's what I wanted to say
I can't help it, my circumstances
led me to this mess
What circumstances?
Your friendship with my enemy dictates
that you don't help me out?
No, I would never have dreamt
of this honor
You accuse yourself of falsehood out of
loyalty to him so as not to help me?
That's not the case at all, sir
You helped him to harm my
daughter with your evil spells
No, I swear to you, I am a fake
Is that how loyal you are to Saleh?
Believe me, I admit to being a fake
A cheap statement to cover up your
evil deeds against my daughter
This never happened, sir, I swear
No thief admits to stealing, unless
he's covering up a bigger crime
I am a quack, I swear
Nashar!
Cairo Security Bureau
If you were illiterate, we'd believe
you were a trickster as you claim
But you have a Ph.D in Philosophy
This is my bad luck
You are very modest, your holiness
I am not close to being holy
You give people sweet hope
every morning
No one in the country doesn't
read your Zodiac section
It's the best in the morning papers
- This is all bullshit
- I'd believe you and deny myself?
I personally don't walk out
my door in the morning
without reading my daily horoscope
You are wrong
Doctor, our investigations prove
that all who have dealt with you
insist that you really do have
miracles
I'm like a person stuffed in
a suit of armor
As I get fatter inside, I suffocate
You insist you are a quack
Everything is fake these days
Principles, paradigms, people
Even scientific theories are
dubious
and newer theories deem them
obsolete
Honestly, you have drained
my brain
People need a truth to hang on to
That's why amulets and spells and a
trickster like me appeal to them
So you are accusing society
of ignorance?
No, of weakness
Weakness doesn't discriminate
an intellect from an ignorant
They make the quack a truth,
willingly
Just like they carved an idol
out of stone, then worshipped it
- Congratulations, sir
- Truth always wins
- God save you for all of Egypt
- Congratulations
Congratulations to all of us
Please tell him that I want to see him
You can't see him today
- Tell him it's Tawaly
- Sir...
He'll be upset if he learned
I wasn't allowed to see him
These are his orders, sir
Tell him it's Tawaly, don't get
yourself into trouble
- I know what I'm doing
- Tell him it's me
- Look, I have no time for this
- Neither do I
- I told you not to shout
- I told you tell him it's me
Tawaly, I am Tawaly
- Tawaly whom?
- Tawaly Tanih
- What?
- Tawaly Tanih, on behalf of...
- You came on someone's behalf?
- Someone pure
Someone holy
- Who?
- Taazy, the miracle-man
The man of truthful predictions,
the man Sahwan tried to wipe out
Damn him!
- Uncuff him
- Yes, sir
I ordered that Dr. Taazy
mustn't be handcuffed
Yes, sir
Sit down, doctor
What's going on?
We are very sorry, your holiness
I admitted to being a quack
Put me to trial and imprison me,
let me have some peace
God forbid! How could we
imprison a holy man like you?
Sir, I am a fake
Please, forgive us, your holiness
We are sorry
And tell Mr. Saleh that we are sorry
Cairo Security Bureau
- We won't leave him
- He is under surveillance, you know
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come to me
Come and let me play some tricks
A beautiful damsel
in distress
Needs some power to clean up
her mess
And this young man is in trouble
Let me show him what to do
Are you a lost heart in
the deep sea of love?
I'll pull you up to the stars above
These people around me
are half-wits
Living on illusions and bullshit!
If you are happy,
or if you are gloomy
Come and let me play some tricks
Come to me
Come and let me play some tricks