Ein Käfer gibt Vollgas (1972) - full transcript
Jimmy Bondi and his miracle beetle Dudu are on their way to Portugal by sea. In the Algarve, they are witness to a dispute in which ex-inmate Plato and the attractive Tamara have to do with Marchese de la Sotta and his henchmen.
(Waves Crashing)
(Receiving Radio Transmission)
yeah i'm reading you what's up? it is 800 hours, time
to log your position. well what is our position?
we are approaching coast of portugal we were
supposed to have taken 48 hours to get from
the canaries to lisbon 47 hours 42 minutes
18 seconds. okay next time i'll program you
down to a tenth of a second make it a hundred.
you've got too big of a mouth for a computer.
900 hours off southern coast portugal
you don't say if we're off the southern
coast at nine o'clock then we'll dock
in lisbon tonight just in time for
dinner okay dodo step on it, floor it!
(Soft Music)
scrub my back dodo (Pass the brush) don't be too rough there
(One gentle scrubbing, coming up)
don't get rough now. hey not
funny stop horsing around...
(Soft Music)
well what is it?
Dodo, look there's the algarve the south of portugal
that's what i told you i'm
glad to see dry land again
hold it silver but uh
oh very funny senor
i love being bothered when i play golf and that
goes for my lawyer as well well i'm sorry but
it's important very important sir. plato was
released from prison he's on his way here now
does he have the plates with him? all i know
is that i've conveyed your offer to him
and that he's prepared to sell them he wants 50
000 real dollars for the phony five dollar plate
which is why i took the liberty of bringing
the money along. plato is due at the airport
in an hour senior marches. i'll wait for you
with the chateau bring senor plato to me
i'll discuss our business with him
in person there yeah as you wish
yeah and so far listen you're my case i'll take
custody of the cash. very well senior market.
go on what's the matter you're afraid of
plato? if i knew who he was i'd meet the
guy myself but you will soon know who
he is. sure sure. thank you bye goodbye
well if your client would like the plates
i'll have to go out to our villa in the
country because that's where they're hidden
no you can't have hidden the plates in the
how would you know that i know because you because
you're too intelligent you'd hide them in a safer
place i have one side of the plates here the
other side's with my friend chabulski what
with jabulski yeah but what if he's out of
town then i'll get in touch with a young
woman named dolores who should know where he
is i'm afraid this is most annoying of you how
will i ever explain to my client that you're
in no position to do business with us if he
wants to do business with me the smartest thing
is to have the money in a handy place it's all
tell me have you talked about this with anybody
i never mentioned it to a soul we mustn't waste
time though we have a car waiting for us you
go on i've got time to spare i'll get me a taxi
why don't we take him with us you were mad to
have killed chewbalski he hit half the plate in
his villa in fellasia in malaysia yes from now
on we're not going to let him out of our sight
uh
what are you doing there you always
look through people's keyholes
do you always stick people in the uh rear end
just when they're spot what did you call me
or you think i'm stupid huh well i'm not
just what are you after uh senor how pity
uh i peddle handiwork for the sisters the medera
clone vent did you ever see anything so beautiful
it's not even finished what
damn it those lazy cows
wait till the mother superior finds
out what they pulled are you a singer
what was he up to he was all bent
over with an eye to your keyhole
i should have known that what brings you
here i live here hmm but that apartment's
where one of my best friends lives stan
chewbalski then you must be plato yes i am
i'm tamara chibulski stan was my brother
did you say he was your brother
let me explain to you at the beach
will you wait while i get
my things it won't take long
did the police discover where
you had the plates you were using
why what place the copper engravings
used for printing counterfeit money with
how do you know about that since he died
i've read a lot of interesting things
papers that my brother left me
nice spot huh that's where it was what was i
was halfway i couldn't climb any further and
i couldn't come down i was really terrified
and i came after you yes and we both took a
nasty tumble and that made you so angry that
you gave me a good spanking get stuck again
my child and you know what'll happen don't
you call me a child i'm not a child anymore
did you get stanslighted you came here to get it
they must explain where the plates are hidden he
left it with dolores i remember the way he put it
he wrote if you ask dolores he'll probably never
tell you but twist her neck for me and i'm sure
she will well did she give you a very hard time
yeah i broke her neck just to get the message
out of him what our friend dolores was the name
we gave the black queen when we played chess
because she always seemed to win she wouldn't
give the message to me till i twisted off her
head was that an idea of yours no it was stan's
were you gone for a very long time in jail
four years five months and 27 days wow
and in all that time you haven't kissed a girl
didn't have much opportunity for that you have the
opportunity now what go on you're hardly the first
i'm afraid that wouldn't be very uh
why don't you like me sure but i'm almost as old
as your father young lady what's wrong with that
tamara you keep out of this
there we go
senor plato welcome home i hope we're not
disturbing you if you be good enough to hand
over that letter we'll be on our way what letter
i believe you received a letter that explains
where the plates were hidden what happened
to stan chubowski the gentleman doesn't know
who asks the questions here market de la setter
does now give me the letter you come and get it
go after it then
looking for something
young
so
i want you you can't escape
stop where you are where are you help me
please he's following me get in the car
idiots
on your feet
no that one oh sorry he
thinks i'm stupid but i'm not
the horn dodo don't move
please gentlemen relax
anybody who knows no i never saw him
unlock it now young lady i warn you there's a
limit to my patience give me that letter did you
get it silver this insolent little pup refuses
to give it to me hadn't she best give it to him
do what he says
it disappeared i i must have lost it that's
impossible i saw you put it there with my own eyes
i know it's there let me go
i'm going to show you but what do you
expect from a tin can tin can you'll see
i say mind your own business that wasn't funny
the beetle did it sir young man i am not
stupid don't blame it on a piece of junk
i don't get it it's what you call
defensive programming dumbo jalopy huh
follow
for the revolting
that's enough nonsense sorry there's nothing i can
do gonzalez cut the engine another one coming up
good i'll take him for a spin
marchese the letter you wanted
marquez
he goes wild when he's angry
how can we ever thank you for your
help sir what's nothing at all
some thumb you've got there just double
jointed may i go ahead and see if it works
quite a weapon you can keep it if you
like it could come in handy and look us
up if you're ever in lisbon general service
our number is just a minute dota what's the
telephone number of general service three
two three four seven six sorry blind busy
busy as usual incredible just as for jimmy bundy
that's me adios hello thanks for everything
stop stop where you are ah come back here bring
back my letter stop the letter is still in the
car seen my caser wake up senor you've got to do
something what do i pay you idiots for anyway i
have a dozen bodyguards to protect me my still
gets kicked around see my casey your letter is
on its way to this band what yes it's in the
beetle i saw it myself it must have fallen
out when i was in the middle let's go there's no
time to lose we've got to catch him do your job
don't you dare come back without my letter
i hope they won't be able to track him down
not with that car still i'd better warn jimmy
bundy that those lunk heads are after him
i've got to go to lisbon you mean we've got to
go to lisbon how often must i tell you you're
to stay out of this what could possibly
happen after all i'm with a policeman
would you please say that again you're not plato
now look i'm going to tell you what nato
happens to have shattered his wrist the time
that he and stan were arrested he couldn't
hold a pencil much less hit someone with it
you've read too many detective stories and
i almost always know from the beginning of
the story who'd done it you must have
a very important job with the police
senor marquez took you for plato so
he must have learned everything about
plato while he was a prisoner now who else
could do that but a cop now listen to me
you're playing with fire they're very
dangerous men it's a question who manages
to get the engravings first everyone knows the
government offered a 20 000 reward and since the
police can't accept rewards for themselves
poor tomorrow will so you cooperate with me
or no what or tomorrow morning they'll
be informed you're working for the police
now you listen to me you you greedy
little go-getting whippersnapper
yes well you can come with me but only if
you agree to do exactly what i tell you
i'll do anything you want honest then for a start
get back in the car i won't tell them who you are
who are you anyway i'm still called plato
i think we're being followed
um the dodo we're going through
nuts i guess that didn't fall
he turned left right into
the rock now he's up ahead
dodo we're out of danger good work
sooner or later they're bound to come this way
dodo it's time to blend into the scenery
tire tracks they went that way that's
what i told you come on let's go
yeah well not so fast i'm losing my pants
six
let's make it snappy what's holding you up
what do you mean i'm trying to hold my pants up
switch over to radar control dodo proceed at will
so
look granada we're not a look at that quick
renaissance heaven's sakes
wake up a boulder just went by
don't be silly
hurry up you guys come on come
on follow me all right come on
wait hey wait i gotta get my pants on good
god look renata what's going on not so fast
let's get out of here i thought this
was a nice legit spot hello girl coming
we have the entire coast of portugal covered the
beetle hasn't shown yet but when it
does signal my case it will tell you
where near us that's nonsense i would
have seen it however i'll have a look
there's nothing inside in my sector hold on i'll
ask mickey mickey any moving objects out there
the place is deserted let's go dodo there's no
sign of life on the beach senior not a sound
not a thing is that so i can see from miles
around there's no trace of human activity
nothing but sand and sea and sky in the rocks and
look boys here's old silva there with his umbrella
now let's clear out dodo switch over to automatic
ready get set go what are you waiting for
need that any longer taxi
the tracks go straight ahead
it was a rock that's an odd rock
shaped just like the beatles
go ahead he won't come out of there alive
let me finish him bam back
ain't nobody in here they're over there near
the rocks the police let's get moving but you
can't do that that's the thing that's
wrapped me down i'm the dirty old man
wait you guys
give
you thought i was stupid but i'm not fair
you are you dirty exhibitionist it's sexual
perverts and pornography that are
ruining the morals of the nation
don't worry senor he won't
get away from us this time
dodo how about an 80 uphill grade dodo
always makes the grade good go to it
he's never make it after him
up
hey
yes senior market no he can't escape now
he's as good as court yes we will right
we're there welcome to lisbon
look over there
so that's the avenida library
i never dreamed lisbon was so lovely i
wonder if jimmy bundy is here in lisbon
impossible unless he flew here however
we should pay a visit to general service
i think we'll find it just outside town
it might impress you well we'll soon see
hey here comes plato huh there's nobody around
judging from what jimmy bundy said they know
we're coming and if they're expecting us
they'll send someone to meet us welcome to
general service we were expecting
you the ferry is going to pick you up
it's very impressive actually i doubt if there's
anyone but robots and computers to
keep his company in there maggie
maggie i wish it learned to leave me alone
maggie where are you in here keeping myself busy
a man and a woman are coming across on the ferry
you know what i bet their
clients come and look clients
make sure it's not anyone we owe money to i
know all our creditors these are strangers
you're right cyril they do look like clients
cyril i've got it i can let my fox find out for us
and what if it doesn't work they might
find us out that's a risk i'll have to take
the main thing is finding out who
we're dealing with that way we'll
know how much they're worth
let me have your billboard
hurry will you come on now watch this
you suppose that'll please him please who
jimmy bondi oh you like the coffee machine
the one you invented oh uh your clients
while i get dressed you make them at home
now look again
boss it's not jimmy it's plato and the girl
i got my eyes open well i
probably look stupid but i'm not
welcome to general service
this way please
oh my god uh
she's in a rush yeah i bet she's russia senor may
i help you yes tell us who that person was oh yes
it seems she's a russian princess a customer of
ours please won't you make yourselves at home
know what i think we may as well do what the
man says and have a look at general's service
princess
well i'll be the damn thing worked i told you
it says here he was just released from prison an
ex-convict oh and i said make yourselves at home
what exactly is general service general service
exists for the purpose of making your dreams come
true we will do anything to serve you as long
as it's not illegal or immoral if you want a
white elephant we'll get it if you want to go to
kathmandu we'll fly you there if you want to go
out to dinner we'll babysit for you we will keep
your wife's jewels in our vaults or if you prefer
we will keep your wife in our vaults we will
retrieve stolen property get your tickets to the
world series teach you fluent chinese in 48 hours
how to fly a jet or how to become a movie star
this sort of thing always gives me the
creativity i wouldn't worry the robots
programmed on a computer when you ask
them a question these boys here answer it
it's a clever trick the man who
designed it is a clever fellow
there are some awfully clever women designers
too sir what can general service do for you
uh may we see senor bondi please jimmy bondi
yes is he here to tell the truth senor the
last time i saw him he was sitting outside
in his beetle planning a voyage to spain
i wasn't aware too much later that he was taking
a voyage around the world and since then you've
had no news from him the last card he sent
came from africa the sahara desert this way
we bumped into him in algarve he said he was
coming here it can't be when is he coming is
he all right he looked well when we saw him
yesterday i've got a letter of introduction
but i'm afraid my billfold disappeared ah
so it's yours and the gardener found it
you must have dropped it when you got
off the ferry that's where you found it
i have it there in my desk you say you
saw jimmy bondi you spoke to him if you
wanted something done you could have asked him
it's pretty complicated he has a paper of ours
dodo i'm going shopping when
you filled your tank why don't
you go find a parking place for yourself okay
regulation 6397 it is a criminal offense to
spit in a police officer's eye regulation 5087
it is a criminal offense to do physical
harm to the person of an officer of the law
yeah you see over there then the culprit
will be sent to jail you'll pay for this
only criminal law doesn't seem to apply
to a motor car obviously it only refers
to living persons but since that man
is responsible for this stupid machine
no no dodo
listen to me senor there is something
wrong with the car that won't obey the law
senator commissioner what is it i can't hold the
flag load because my bugle doesn't work why not
that crazy car pulled into pieces dodo
what do you know about bugle calls
your timing is tops
bye
so
so
that's the famous arena where the
bullfights are held it's a fantastic sight
and over there is where the star comes in el toro
i'm sure i'd fainted the side of it all the
portuguese have different customs for instance
they never kill the bull in portugal
the fight is really a display of courage
a sort of match between the strength of
the bull and the skill of the torreiras
tamara see what i just found
thank you
what a brave torreira you are
we'd like you to come along please but don't
give us any trouble or you'll regret it
would like to have a word with you at his
palace if you cooperate no harm will come to you
well nobody's up yet dodo
wake up isabel i brought treat for you
jimmy
jimmy bondi
isabelle wake up stupid it's late
we don't allow obama's to sleep here
so
um
now look here we have all the stable hands we
need it's not a flop house either i didn't want
to get you out of bed that's all that you haven't
changed a bit maggie you'll look just great as if
you cared the least little bit is that the philly
i gave you when i went away no isabel is the
daughter you gave me the mother hasn't been that
long it was three years ago when you walked out
how time flies tell me how cyril he's just
fine of course i'd avoid him if i were you
what a sight you are oh by the way yesterday
someone asked for you a man called plato
plato or he wants some letter it must be rather
important everybody seems interested in it
well uh can i help you no thank you we've managed
to get along all these years without your help
i better say hello to cyril
they're driving me crazy with their fiddly
oil a couple of nuts and how are the
prisoners doing today silva enjoying the music
multiprestor piano how about some more to drink
sorry something
it's a genie aladdin's inside this bottle
and that's exactly the gimmick we'll use i'm not
so sure we'll fit in there now about that one
i think we'll fit in this
now we'll see if this thing really works
you let me know if anybody comes
i raise you another thousand since
it's the marquez's money why not
jimmy bondi's in town he arrived before
dawn this morning slip right past us
while you obviously were sound asleep huh
i was i never closed an eyeball all night
we caught in two old pals geoca palace new york
east coast margie of san francisco west coast
what coast are you from max drawler
coney island roller coaster senoras
now it's your turn you just hand over
the five thousand but we'll kill him dead
do whatever you want all senior marqueza
wants is the letter okay silva the deed
is practically done got remember if you don't
succeed i never saw you in my life got that okay
that was a long night maybe i should go to bed huh
i hope they fall for it don't make any noise
keep down there tomorrow and don't move a muscle
my dad what is it i have to no not now can i come
what's going on here what have they done
to the girl what's she screaming for
oh should we know we just got here no no
they're gone but they were here a minute ago
that was where we left the right there there's
no other way they've escaped through the sewers
they couldn't have come this way because the
gates were locked i know where they'll show up
they're all for the wild goose
chase now keep behind that thing
it's too big for me i'm sorry it's the only way
to get past them without being seen forward march
plato slow down
i missed what you've done
they couldn't get this one how do you
know they couldn't get there nowhere else
well i'd give her a good night's sleep just
a second you can catch up on your sleep later
on i've been up all night long that's too bad we
need your help you know plato could have tricked
us we left the gate wide open i knew it idiots
hurry hurry after them and you're coming with us
that's what you say i know i might look stupid
but i'm not i'm going to bed hurry up will you
oh here they come up against the wall hurry
get down
that way wait for me
stick off they went right by now let's go
why did they make these things with wheels on them
go on what are you afraid of
lord you call that helping let's go
drollo you can sleep later no you
think i'm stupid huh well i'm not stupid you are
boy that sure is heavy
if you want we'll switch i hear someone again
come on up against the wall against what
we'll put it back together
i'm going to sneeze
is it gone let me see
come on this must lead somewhere how do we get
down there we'll have to jump you wait here for me
careful
get out get down
where
hmm
tamara hey what is it oh come on i'm too afraid
look there's the girl what are you
waiting for go on stomper silva
don't let them get away how could you let
them escape watch a bunch of idiotic fatheads
after them what am i paying you for
no wait please send your marquesa that was
nice to him let's get why did you do such a
stupid thing that's enough of that silver senior
i'm sorry but the plates were in that package
hmm looking for trouble aren't we we were only
worn outs from walking oh you weren't running away
i don't believe you do you think i'm stupid well
i'm not and i wasn't thinking any such thing
what are you doing here i was trying to get
a little sleep is that what you wanted why
don't we uh take you to a hotel then that way
you can sleep the whole afternoon no you don't
you think i'm that stupid but i'm not
welcome to general service
we take pains with our brains
yeah how do you like that it's quite a
trick jimmy but there must be a catch to it
hey i'll put that away before maggie
comes good idea maggie's pretty clever too
she's invented some amazing
gimmicks you'll see sarah yes cyril
do you know where my fox is cyril uh no i don't
oh jimmy what's been going on here uh
he was showing me his latest invention
oh well jimmy let's see what you're
capable of if you're not too tired that is
i've designed the ultimate in air guns
surely your weapon isn't lethal but yes it is
it can penetrate solid steel a foot thick it's
accurate up to a mile away too but don't you still
need bullets for it my pistol doesn't use ordinary
bullets it fires tiny spheres of super compressed
air actually i designed it for the protection
of that space laboratory now approaching venus
see those tomatoes over there
well what do you think of it i think maggie's
just as accurate i think it's a waste of tomatoes
it's more than a pistol
though for example watch this
now what do you say
where do you want it maggie exactly where it was
there the most revolutionary
firearm since the winchester
and it weighs less than an eighth of
an ounce but your coffee's ready too
are you expecting anyone maggie you're all dressed
up oh i almost forgot we have two customers
cyril where's my fox uh
there take the bench inside
will she make us think about it well
i doubt it but talk about a sting
have you been sleeping in a stable yeah
what then why don't you take a bath
hundreds of dollars huh oh wow thousands
of dollars it's a war for the arrest of
chico cappellas america's number one criminal
wanted for narcotic smuggling arson robbery and
murder and this one is maggio fitti goopy here
he is with his girl if you cheat on me once more
you're done for some clientele you've got here
us you're the one they asked for didn't they
for me yes they wanted to talk to the man who
owns the yellow beetle tell me cyril is that
secret passage still the best way to get out
of here you can't walk out on us here they come
look we don't have time to sit around all day long
countless of kiev for the precious works of art
yeah well now lady chicago so you're
trying to outfox me were you excuse me
you wanted to see me i believe about what may i
ask about what he says give me the letter fathead
just what do you mean what
do you mean what do you mean
don't overestimate my tolerance of bad jokes in
your can it this ain't humorous will you take
your dirty foot off my chair it's 18th century
did you hear that the joint's full of junk
don't you think you're going to parson yours
not far enough knucklehead where's the letter
huh where is it
answer me now how about spilling of bees
what's your racket huh answer
me or i'll bet you one hmm
look at mr major fidogolfy of chicago
i bet you're the same martial that's number two
on the wanted list uh he's got my number i thought
nobody knew me here in my house i'm the master
if there's anything you want come right to me
i'd cool the chatter if i were you and
you're chico cabela's of san francisco
you're wrong if you think we're
impressed because you're number one chico
you wouldn't have the chance of a
snowball in hell in our business
there's a lady here remember are you
scared to uncover the hole in your head
i'm not impressed with your insults
tell me what are you impressed by
perhaps a match of physical skill why not
aren't you biting off more
than you can chew charlie
no cheating it's not done with mirrors
cheap gangsters like you are a dime a
dozen the world over about twice what
you're worth too enough small talk
just keep quiet majo one more word and you're
going to curse the day you were ever born
maybe you need a charmed life my boy but you're
not immortal don't move out ready for the holes
what a pity chico i've been
immunized against lead poisoning
now then it's my turn i can't wait to belt you one
stop right there lady chicago huh i
thought you might like a little coffee
maggie the gun
well jimmy what do you think of
that even if it's a bit old hate
impressed jimmy bundy are you sure maggie
jimmy what are we doing with these two jerks
i'm sure gentlemen gangsters like you wouldn't
mind if we were to charge you a certain sum
before the damage you've done
where did she ever get my wallet
item number one 16th century oil from the school
of pietro de cardona which you stupidly misused
is an ashtray the repair of which is going
to cost you a thousand dollars two thousand
dollars two thousand please deduct that maggie
what that's too damn steep sit down and shut
up nowadays the old masters are expensive for
two thousand clams i've repaired a thing myself
now we come to item number two
it consists of a mahogany bench
spanish broke the seed of which is broken in two
it wasn't us i saw you smash up my bench
look at it this way i broke it only because i
was provoked into doing it so you're the guilty
ones you know then how many dollars are left over
there's twelve hundred dollars that's about right
one thousand two hundred dollars for the
mahogany bench that's way below factory price too
now gentlemen here are your wallets and thank you
oh you've got some very cute girlfriends
very cute indeed the next time we meet i
warn you your goose is cooked you hear that
it's cooked yeah and you i want my hat back
a man can catch his death a cold in this weather
without a hat on do you care for coffee thanks no
general servants just a minute jimmy it's for you
i think jimmy bondi will be
very happy to return your letter
if you ask him to well there he's on the
phone of course whatever you say this is plato
why don't you come here and
bring the letter when you come
good that's a good place sure i'll be alone
all right goodbye
go see what's taking them so long
it appears that stan shibulski had the other plate
somewhere in the villa according to this good
it almost solves the case he sounds like a cop
or the fbi not exactly i work for the fbscn and
just what the hell is that the federal bureau of
security for coins and notes that's right it's an
organization that's supported by the international
banking community for the purpose of stamping out
the worldwide traffic in counterfeit banknotes
and now i need your help general service
at your service in your plato of course
we always take ten percent that can
be arranged what do you want us to do
let's see what if i were to talk
the market into searching the villa
we'll let him do the work and when he finds the
plate you folks will move in with the police here
first you'll contact this number give them the
exact location of the house where chebulski lived
we'll set up an observation unit in the house
next door and you give us a sign as soon as
you find the plate that's a good idea maggie
if you'll let us up the market first we have
an old score to settle i think i can arrange
it watch it i think we have company coming
good luck i'll be counting
on you we'll do our best
all right
it's about time they found the
place we'll have to move in then
they won't be expecting anything i can take care
of them that's easy to say is that the trick kane
well what's it filled with what gun powder
gun power yeah is that all the equipment i get
well what more do you want you'll see jimmy
shall i record the whole thing of course
i hit something senor
is that it yes the underside forgetting one
thing they're mine you know shapiro see that
our friend gets what's coming to him will you
whatever he's got coming i'll give him double
yeah if you think we're that
stupid you got it wrong mister
i suppose that means you think
you now own these printing plates
you bet we do samuel do you intend
to make counterfeit money with them
as much as we possibly can these
engravings are of extremely high quality
market what's my cut in the deal i can't
believe you'd seriously think of parting
me from one cent of my money you're very
wrong there marchese either pay the price
that those engravings are worth or this time
they can send you to prison him shut his mouth
one day yours is stanley chubowski
around i thought perhaps what's that
you boys studying archaeology who are you that's
a good question where's stan chubowski this is his
house what are you doing here i hope you didn't
forget our parties game i plan to knock the
daylights out of them this time i can't lose i've
got an unbeatable strategy do you play parcheesi
no i'm afraid now you want to learn then
i'm just the man to teach you what's that
hello sonny you want to learn parts easy
now i can teach a championship pinnacle if you
want say i know the game just your speed old maid
boss should i cut them down
to size or break your pardon
i have to be the same size i always was but
i'm busy all right sir busy i'll wait i'll
set up the board in the meantime
sonny will you get me getting rid
of this madman are you finished what you're
doing there have you got a light play-doh oh
hold it huh
good work jimmy
that's that
look plato do you want the marquesa to escape
if he gets to his boat before we do we'll never
see the plates again get dressed and follow me
what's going on
deploy 40 men as fast as possible along the beach
refuel the motorboat and wait for
the signal to attack that's all
senior plato will need every man you've
got i wish i could do something for him
but i can't why not the information we
just received indicates that the marquesa
has summoned his entire bodyguard to cover
the coast you should send for reinforcement
shouldn't you i already have but there may
not be time for them to arrive from lisbon
dodo come as fast as you can hurry
surely you know plato needs help i must
wait till reinforcements have arrived
jimmy yeah wait don't you think there's too
many of them for you i'll let dodo take half
the gang i can manage the others if there
are any left over you're welcome to them
oh
all right
just me and you now i hope not you're all
mistaken aren't you you'd better look again senor
give yourself up samuel plato you don't have
a chance this time that computerized beetle
won't be able to help you did you hear that dodo
let's show them everything we know from a to z
oh dodo all stations on offensive alert
let's give him a for annabelle
aim for annabelle
senor if you want the beetle to do a job for
you ask for it alphabetically alphabetically
what starts with c uh c cook
no not with s with c
cook
liquidate them what am i paying
you for will you tell me that
bad
thank you no good you're worse than a piggy tom
hey you trying to find me it's not funny you
stand there giggling like some idiotic bird brain
you go too far stupid
well look who's talking
plato where are we w walrus
i'll teach you a steal
they're hard to get
watch it plato that's more than
we're getting paid for oh tell him
well the bull fights over
now that we ran out of [ __ ]
dodo relax
relaxation is for model t's
silva take the plates marquez i don't know what
they're for keep them safe till i come back
which one of you is plato he's plato
i see you've had some trouble at
these ruffians should i arrest them
no no actually i prefer you to arrest the
man responsible for the counterfeiting of
dollar bills before he gets away with
the plates excuse me inspector may i
and where is this man he's right over
there but you'll have to run to catch him
you can't prove he's a counterfeiter
without plates and neither can i arrest him
yeah that's why i wonder sometimes why i
gave up my profession as a schoolteacher
you refuse to arrest him not just on your
accusation can't you see he's escaping so what
get it out there's got to be a way of helping him
photo's better at that than we are dodo we need
help now come as fast as you can engine switch
over to automatic pilot step on it have you seen
anything of maggie she went off to town to phone
someone to phone someone you mean general service
no i think it was a priest what priest why should
she talk to a priest she probably needs priest
to marry her maybe she thinks it's about time
it's about time you learn
to mind your own business
hello
just mind your own business
please senorita
who are you silva look at this plate do you know
how much money it's worth twenty thousand dollars
if you're smart you'll give it to
me before the police discover it
what will they give me for the
plates no more than ten years
dodo it's skimming right over the
water it won't be too hard stop
oh
(Soft Music)
ah
come here will ya
come here easy does it now slowly
watch it you'll lose the baggage if
you're not careful here i come ready
stop dodo let me in hey pull over
will ya you idiot i beg your pardon
will you stop wait just wait i'm going
to rip your computer out you'll see
plato plato you've got my hood there stop
oh thank goodness i questioned jimmy about
marrying you and what did he say he doesn't
sound very convinced yet that phony he sworn
his word of owner that we'd get married
there
hey plato did you get the plates from the marquisa
he hasn't got the plates without proof that he's
a counterfeiter he'll go free think of the
time you wasted that's what i'm afraid of
listen plato would you explain to maggie
that i want to i've got to follow a lead
and so what you really want to do is skip out no
not really i plan ahead for the bahamas because
i've heard they've discovered a lot of goals
so i thought i'd take my chances you know
and how long do you expect to be
away ah a few weeks just two or three
the bahamas eh the fbscn has recently heard
rumors of a new counterfeit ring there
let's see now aren't the bahamas in that direction
let's go then what do we do with your prisoner
we'll set him adrift the boat's almost out of gas
look they're leaving the harbor
oh what a coward not only does he run out on you
but he talks his friends into going along with him
but he needs his belt to control
that car and we've got it here
i'll teach him a lesson how
the dawn thing works for him
so it's bound to work for me as well
after all i'm the one who designed it
listen dodo you've got to come back
return to the shore come in for a landing
you know we're headed for sure
the steering wheel's jammed
just a second where's my belt
do you mean you left without it
damn that computer now what do we do
look out dodo thieves what what what's going on
it's out of control stop it somehow what
do you want me to do step on the brakes
very funny
there's a storm coming just stand right there
wait til i get my hands on that... whoa
if i had hey but you come back here
it's storm under a tornado
that's a regular hurricane
oh come on do something get to
stop this going out of control
this seat's busted i can't sit down. oh forget it
there's nothing you can do
about it just sit back and enjoy it (Laughs) Help!
(Soft Music)
(Receiving Radio Transmission)
yeah i'm reading you what's up? it is 800 hours, time
to log your position. well what is our position?
we are approaching coast of portugal we were
supposed to have taken 48 hours to get from
the canaries to lisbon 47 hours 42 minutes
18 seconds. okay next time i'll program you
down to a tenth of a second make it a hundred.
you've got too big of a mouth for a computer.
900 hours off southern coast portugal
you don't say if we're off the southern
coast at nine o'clock then we'll dock
in lisbon tonight just in time for
dinner okay dodo step on it, floor it!
(Soft Music)
scrub my back dodo (Pass the brush) don't be too rough there
(One gentle scrubbing, coming up)
don't get rough now. hey not
funny stop horsing around...
(Soft Music)
well what is it?
Dodo, look there's the algarve the south of portugal
that's what i told you i'm
glad to see dry land again
hold it silver but uh
oh very funny senor
i love being bothered when i play golf and that
goes for my lawyer as well well i'm sorry but
it's important very important sir. plato was
released from prison he's on his way here now
does he have the plates with him? all i know
is that i've conveyed your offer to him
and that he's prepared to sell them he wants 50
000 real dollars for the phony five dollar plate
which is why i took the liberty of bringing
the money along. plato is due at the airport
in an hour senior marches. i'll wait for you
with the chateau bring senor plato to me
i'll discuss our business with him
in person there yeah as you wish
yeah and so far listen you're my case i'll take
custody of the cash. very well senior market.
go on what's the matter you're afraid of
plato? if i knew who he was i'd meet the
guy myself but you will soon know who
he is. sure sure. thank you bye goodbye
well if your client would like the plates
i'll have to go out to our villa in the
country because that's where they're hidden
no you can't have hidden the plates in the
how would you know that i know because you because
you're too intelligent you'd hide them in a safer
place i have one side of the plates here the
other side's with my friend chabulski what
with jabulski yeah but what if he's out of
town then i'll get in touch with a young
woman named dolores who should know where he
is i'm afraid this is most annoying of you how
will i ever explain to my client that you're
in no position to do business with us if he
wants to do business with me the smartest thing
is to have the money in a handy place it's all
tell me have you talked about this with anybody
i never mentioned it to a soul we mustn't waste
time though we have a car waiting for us you
go on i've got time to spare i'll get me a taxi
why don't we take him with us you were mad to
have killed chewbalski he hit half the plate in
his villa in fellasia in malaysia yes from now
on we're not going to let him out of our sight
uh
what are you doing there you always
look through people's keyholes
do you always stick people in the uh rear end
just when they're spot what did you call me
or you think i'm stupid huh well i'm not
just what are you after uh senor how pity
uh i peddle handiwork for the sisters the medera
clone vent did you ever see anything so beautiful
it's not even finished what
damn it those lazy cows
wait till the mother superior finds
out what they pulled are you a singer
what was he up to he was all bent
over with an eye to your keyhole
i should have known that what brings you
here i live here hmm but that apartment's
where one of my best friends lives stan
chewbalski then you must be plato yes i am
i'm tamara chibulski stan was my brother
did you say he was your brother
let me explain to you at the beach
will you wait while i get
my things it won't take long
did the police discover where
you had the plates you were using
why what place the copper engravings
used for printing counterfeit money with
how do you know about that since he died
i've read a lot of interesting things
papers that my brother left me
nice spot huh that's where it was what was i
was halfway i couldn't climb any further and
i couldn't come down i was really terrified
and i came after you yes and we both took a
nasty tumble and that made you so angry that
you gave me a good spanking get stuck again
my child and you know what'll happen don't
you call me a child i'm not a child anymore
did you get stanslighted you came here to get it
they must explain where the plates are hidden he
left it with dolores i remember the way he put it
he wrote if you ask dolores he'll probably never
tell you but twist her neck for me and i'm sure
she will well did she give you a very hard time
yeah i broke her neck just to get the message
out of him what our friend dolores was the name
we gave the black queen when we played chess
because she always seemed to win she wouldn't
give the message to me till i twisted off her
head was that an idea of yours no it was stan's
were you gone for a very long time in jail
four years five months and 27 days wow
and in all that time you haven't kissed a girl
didn't have much opportunity for that you have the
opportunity now what go on you're hardly the first
i'm afraid that wouldn't be very uh
why don't you like me sure but i'm almost as old
as your father young lady what's wrong with that
tamara you keep out of this
there we go
senor plato welcome home i hope we're not
disturbing you if you be good enough to hand
over that letter we'll be on our way what letter
i believe you received a letter that explains
where the plates were hidden what happened
to stan chubowski the gentleman doesn't know
who asks the questions here market de la setter
does now give me the letter you come and get it
go after it then
looking for something
young
so
i want you you can't escape
stop where you are where are you help me
please he's following me get in the car
idiots
on your feet
no that one oh sorry he
thinks i'm stupid but i'm not
the horn dodo don't move
please gentlemen relax
anybody who knows no i never saw him
unlock it now young lady i warn you there's a
limit to my patience give me that letter did you
get it silver this insolent little pup refuses
to give it to me hadn't she best give it to him
do what he says
it disappeared i i must have lost it that's
impossible i saw you put it there with my own eyes
i know it's there let me go
i'm going to show you but what do you
expect from a tin can tin can you'll see
i say mind your own business that wasn't funny
the beetle did it sir young man i am not
stupid don't blame it on a piece of junk
i don't get it it's what you call
defensive programming dumbo jalopy huh
follow
for the revolting
that's enough nonsense sorry there's nothing i can
do gonzalez cut the engine another one coming up
good i'll take him for a spin
marchese the letter you wanted
marquez
he goes wild when he's angry
how can we ever thank you for your
help sir what's nothing at all
some thumb you've got there just double
jointed may i go ahead and see if it works
quite a weapon you can keep it if you
like it could come in handy and look us
up if you're ever in lisbon general service
our number is just a minute dota what's the
telephone number of general service three
two three four seven six sorry blind busy
busy as usual incredible just as for jimmy bundy
that's me adios hello thanks for everything
stop stop where you are ah come back here bring
back my letter stop the letter is still in the
car seen my caser wake up senor you've got to do
something what do i pay you idiots for anyway i
have a dozen bodyguards to protect me my still
gets kicked around see my casey your letter is
on its way to this band what yes it's in the
beetle i saw it myself it must have fallen
out when i was in the middle let's go there's no
time to lose we've got to catch him do your job
don't you dare come back without my letter
i hope they won't be able to track him down
not with that car still i'd better warn jimmy
bundy that those lunk heads are after him
i've got to go to lisbon you mean we've got to
go to lisbon how often must i tell you you're
to stay out of this what could possibly
happen after all i'm with a policeman
would you please say that again you're not plato
now look i'm going to tell you what nato
happens to have shattered his wrist the time
that he and stan were arrested he couldn't
hold a pencil much less hit someone with it
you've read too many detective stories and
i almost always know from the beginning of
the story who'd done it you must have
a very important job with the police
senor marquez took you for plato so
he must have learned everything about
plato while he was a prisoner now who else
could do that but a cop now listen to me
you're playing with fire they're very
dangerous men it's a question who manages
to get the engravings first everyone knows the
government offered a 20 000 reward and since the
police can't accept rewards for themselves
poor tomorrow will so you cooperate with me
or no what or tomorrow morning they'll
be informed you're working for the police
now you listen to me you you greedy
little go-getting whippersnapper
yes well you can come with me but only if
you agree to do exactly what i tell you
i'll do anything you want honest then for a start
get back in the car i won't tell them who you are
who are you anyway i'm still called plato
i think we're being followed
um the dodo we're going through
nuts i guess that didn't fall
he turned left right into
the rock now he's up ahead
dodo we're out of danger good work
sooner or later they're bound to come this way
dodo it's time to blend into the scenery
tire tracks they went that way that's
what i told you come on let's go
yeah well not so fast i'm losing my pants
six
let's make it snappy what's holding you up
what do you mean i'm trying to hold my pants up
switch over to radar control dodo proceed at will
so
look granada we're not a look at that quick
renaissance heaven's sakes
wake up a boulder just went by
don't be silly
hurry up you guys come on come
on follow me all right come on
wait hey wait i gotta get my pants on good
god look renata what's going on not so fast
let's get out of here i thought this
was a nice legit spot hello girl coming
we have the entire coast of portugal covered the
beetle hasn't shown yet but when it
does signal my case it will tell you
where near us that's nonsense i would
have seen it however i'll have a look
there's nothing inside in my sector hold on i'll
ask mickey mickey any moving objects out there
the place is deserted let's go dodo there's no
sign of life on the beach senior not a sound
not a thing is that so i can see from miles
around there's no trace of human activity
nothing but sand and sea and sky in the rocks and
look boys here's old silva there with his umbrella
now let's clear out dodo switch over to automatic
ready get set go what are you waiting for
need that any longer taxi
the tracks go straight ahead
it was a rock that's an odd rock
shaped just like the beatles
go ahead he won't come out of there alive
let me finish him bam back
ain't nobody in here they're over there near
the rocks the police let's get moving but you
can't do that that's the thing that's
wrapped me down i'm the dirty old man
wait you guys
give
you thought i was stupid but i'm not fair
you are you dirty exhibitionist it's sexual
perverts and pornography that are
ruining the morals of the nation
don't worry senor he won't
get away from us this time
dodo how about an 80 uphill grade dodo
always makes the grade good go to it
he's never make it after him
up
hey
yes senior market no he can't escape now
he's as good as court yes we will right
we're there welcome to lisbon
look over there
so that's the avenida library
i never dreamed lisbon was so lovely i
wonder if jimmy bundy is here in lisbon
impossible unless he flew here however
we should pay a visit to general service
i think we'll find it just outside town
it might impress you well we'll soon see
hey here comes plato huh there's nobody around
judging from what jimmy bundy said they know
we're coming and if they're expecting us
they'll send someone to meet us welcome to
general service we were expecting
you the ferry is going to pick you up
it's very impressive actually i doubt if there's
anyone but robots and computers to
keep his company in there maggie
maggie i wish it learned to leave me alone
maggie where are you in here keeping myself busy
a man and a woman are coming across on the ferry
you know what i bet their
clients come and look clients
make sure it's not anyone we owe money to i
know all our creditors these are strangers
you're right cyril they do look like clients
cyril i've got it i can let my fox find out for us
and what if it doesn't work they might
find us out that's a risk i'll have to take
the main thing is finding out who
we're dealing with that way we'll
know how much they're worth
let me have your billboard
hurry will you come on now watch this
you suppose that'll please him please who
jimmy bondi oh you like the coffee machine
the one you invented oh uh your clients
while i get dressed you make them at home
now look again
boss it's not jimmy it's plato and the girl
i got my eyes open well i
probably look stupid but i'm not
welcome to general service
this way please
oh my god uh
she's in a rush yeah i bet she's russia senor may
i help you yes tell us who that person was oh yes
it seems she's a russian princess a customer of
ours please won't you make yourselves at home
know what i think we may as well do what the
man says and have a look at general's service
princess
well i'll be the damn thing worked i told you
it says here he was just released from prison an
ex-convict oh and i said make yourselves at home
what exactly is general service general service
exists for the purpose of making your dreams come
true we will do anything to serve you as long
as it's not illegal or immoral if you want a
white elephant we'll get it if you want to go to
kathmandu we'll fly you there if you want to go
out to dinner we'll babysit for you we will keep
your wife's jewels in our vaults or if you prefer
we will keep your wife in our vaults we will
retrieve stolen property get your tickets to the
world series teach you fluent chinese in 48 hours
how to fly a jet or how to become a movie star
this sort of thing always gives me the
creativity i wouldn't worry the robots
programmed on a computer when you ask
them a question these boys here answer it
it's a clever trick the man who
designed it is a clever fellow
there are some awfully clever women designers
too sir what can general service do for you
uh may we see senor bondi please jimmy bondi
yes is he here to tell the truth senor the
last time i saw him he was sitting outside
in his beetle planning a voyage to spain
i wasn't aware too much later that he was taking
a voyage around the world and since then you've
had no news from him the last card he sent
came from africa the sahara desert this way
we bumped into him in algarve he said he was
coming here it can't be when is he coming is
he all right he looked well when we saw him
yesterday i've got a letter of introduction
but i'm afraid my billfold disappeared ah
so it's yours and the gardener found it
you must have dropped it when you got
off the ferry that's where you found it
i have it there in my desk you say you
saw jimmy bondi you spoke to him if you
wanted something done you could have asked him
it's pretty complicated he has a paper of ours
dodo i'm going shopping when
you filled your tank why don't
you go find a parking place for yourself okay
regulation 6397 it is a criminal offense to
spit in a police officer's eye regulation 5087
it is a criminal offense to do physical
harm to the person of an officer of the law
yeah you see over there then the culprit
will be sent to jail you'll pay for this
only criminal law doesn't seem to apply
to a motor car obviously it only refers
to living persons but since that man
is responsible for this stupid machine
no no dodo
listen to me senor there is something
wrong with the car that won't obey the law
senator commissioner what is it i can't hold the
flag load because my bugle doesn't work why not
that crazy car pulled into pieces dodo
what do you know about bugle calls
your timing is tops
bye
so
so
that's the famous arena where the
bullfights are held it's a fantastic sight
and over there is where the star comes in el toro
i'm sure i'd fainted the side of it all the
portuguese have different customs for instance
they never kill the bull in portugal
the fight is really a display of courage
a sort of match between the strength of
the bull and the skill of the torreiras
tamara see what i just found
thank you
what a brave torreira you are
we'd like you to come along please but don't
give us any trouble or you'll regret it
would like to have a word with you at his
palace if you cooperate no harm will come to you
well nobody's up yet dodo
wake up isabel i brought treat for you
jimmy
jimmy bondi
isabelle wake up stupid it's late
we don't allow obama's to sleep here
so
um
now look here we have all the stable hands we
need it's not a flop house either i didn't want
to get you out of bed that's all that you haven't
changed a bit maggie you'll look just great as if
you cared the least little bit is that the philly
i gave you when i went away no isabel is the
daughter you gave me the mother hasn't been that
long it was three years ago when you walked out
how time flies tell me how cyril he's just
fine of course i'd avoid him if i were you
what a sight you are oh by the way yesterday
someone asked for you a man called plato
plato or he wants some letter it must be rather
important everybody seems interested in it
well uh can i help you no thank you we've managed
to get along all these years without your help
i better say hello to cyril
they're driving me crazy with their fiddly
oil a couple of nuts and how are the
prisoners doing today silva enjoying the music
multiprestor piano how about some more to drink
sorry something
it's a genie aladdin's inside this bottle
and that's exactly the gimmick we'll use i'm not
so sure we'll fit in there now about that one
i think we'll fit in this
now we'll see if this thing really works
you let me know if anybody comes
i raise you another thousand since
it's the marquez's money why not
jimmy bondi's in town he arrived before
dawn this morning slip right past us
while you obviously were sound asleep huh
i was i never closed an eyeball all night
we caught in two old pals geoca palace new york
east coast margie of san francisco west coast
what coast are you from max drawler
coney island roller coaster senoras
now it's your turn you just hand over
the five thousand but we'll kill him dead
do whatever you want all senior marqueza
wants is the letter okay silva the deed
is practically done got remember if you don't
succeed i never saw you in my life got that okay
that was a long night maybe i should go to bed huh
i hope they fall for it don't make any noise
keep down there tomorrow and don't move a muscle
my dad what is it i have to no not now can i come
what's going on here what have they done
to the girl what's she screaming for
oh should we know we just got here no no
they're gone but they were here a minute ago
that was where we left the right there there's
no other way they've escaped through the sewers
they couldn't have come this way because the
gates were locked i know where they'll show up
they're all for the wild goose
chase now keep behind that thing
it's too big for me i'm sorry it's the only way
to get past them without being seen forward march
plato slow down
i missed what you've done
they couldn't get this one how do you
know they couldn't get there nowhere else
well i'd give her a good night's sleep just
a second you can catch up on your sleep later
on i've been up all night long that's too bad we
need your help you know plato could have tricked
us we left the gate wide open i knew it idiots
hurry hurry after them and you're coming with us
that's what you say i know i might look stupid
but i'm not i'm going to bed hurry up will you
oh here they come up against the wall hurry
get down
that way wait for me
stick off they went right by now let's go
why did they make these things with wheels on them
go on what are you afraid of
lord you call that helping let's go
drollo you can sleep later no you
think i'm stupid huh well i'm not stupid you are
boy that sure is heavy
if you want we'll switch i hear someone again
come on up against the wall against what
we'll put it back together
i'm going to sneeze
is it gone let me see
come on this must lead somewhere how do we get
down there we'll have to jump you wait here for me
careful
get out get down
where
hmm
tamara hey what is it oh come on i'm too afraid
look there's the girl what are you
waiting for go on stomper silva
don't let them get away how could you let
them escape watch a bunch of idiotic fatheads
after them what am i paying you for
no wait please send your marquesa that was
nice to him let's get why did you do such a
stupid thing that's enough of that silver senior
i'm sorry but the plates were in that package
hmm looking for trouble aren't we we were only
worn outs from walking oh you weren't running away
i don't believe you do you think i'm stupid well
i'm not and i wasn't thinking any such thing
what are you doing here i was trying to get
a little sleep is that what you wanted why
don't we uh take you to a hotel then that way
you can sleep the whole afternoon no you don't
you think i'm that stupid but i'm not
welcome to general service
we take pains with our brains
yeah how do you like that it's quite a
trick jimmy but there must be a catch to it
hey i'll put that away before maggie
comes good idea maggie's pretty clever too
she's invented some amazing
gimmicks you'll see sarah yes cyril
do you know where my fox is cyril uh no i don't
oh jimmy what's been going on here uh
he was showing me his latest invention
oh well jimmy let's see what you're
capable of if you're not too tired that is
i've designed the ultimate in air guns
surely your weapon isn't lethal but yes it is
it can penetrate solid steel a foot thick it's
accurate up to a mile away too but don't you still
need bullets for it my pistol doesn't use ordinary
bullets it fires tiny spheres of super compressed
air actually i designed it for the protection
of that space laboratory now approaching venus
see those tomatoes over there
well what do you think of it i think maggie's
just as accurate i think it's a waste of tomatoes
it's more than a pistol
though for example watch this
now what do you say
where do you want it maggie exactly where it was
there the most revolutionary
firearm since the winchester
and it weighs less than an eighth of
an ounce but your coffee's ready too
are you expecting anyone maggie you're all dressed
up oh i almost forgot we have two customers
cyril where's my fox uh
there take the bench inside
will she make us think about it well
i doubt it but talk about a sting
have you been sleeping in a stable yeah
what then why don't you take a bath
hundreds of dollars huh oh wow thousands
of dollars it's a war for the arrest of
chico cappellas america's number one criminal
wanted for narcotic smuggling arson robbery and
murder and this one is maggio fitti goopy here
he is with his girl if you cheat on me once more
you're done for some clientele you've got here
us you're the one they asked for didn't they
for me yes they wanted to talk to the man who
owns the yellow beetle tell me cyril is that
secret passage still the best way to get out
of here you can't walk out on us here they come
look we don't have time to sit around all day long
countless of kiev for the precious works of art
yeah well now lady chicago so you're
trying to outfox me were you excuse me
you wanted to see me i believe about what may i
ask about what he says give me the letter fathead
just what do you mean what
do you mean what do you mean
don't overestimate my tolerance of bad jokes in
your can it this ain't humorous will you take
your dirty foot off my chair it's 18th century
did you hear that the joint's full of junk
don't you think you're going to parson yours
not far enough knucklehead where's the letter
huh where is it
answer me now how about spilling of bees
what's your racket huh answer
me or i'll bet you one hmm
look at mr major fidogolfy of chicago
i bet you're the same martial that's number two
on the wanted list uh he's got my number i thought
nobody knew me here in my house i'm the master
if there's anything you want come right to me
i'd cool the chatter if i were you and
you're chico cabela's of san francisco
you're wrong if you think we're
impressed because you're number one chico
you wouldn't have the chance of a
snowball in hell in our business
there's a lady here remember are you
scared to uncover the hole in your head
i'm not impressed with your insults
tell me what are you impressed by
perhaps a match of physical skill why not
aren't you biting off more
than you can chew charlie
no cheating it's not done with mirrors
cheap gangsters like you are a dime a
dozen the world over about twice what
you're worth too enough small talk
just keep quiet majo one more word and you're
going to curse the day you were ever born
maybe you need a charmed life my boy but you're
not immortal don't move out ready for the holes
what a pity chico i've been
immunized against lead poisoning
now then it's my turn i can't wait to belt you one
stop right there lady chicago huh i
thought you might like a little coffee
maggie the gun
well jimmy what do you think of
that even if it's a bit old hate
impressed jimmy bundy are you sure maggie
jimmy what are we doing with these two jerks
i'm sure gentlemen gangsters like you wouldn't
mind if we were to charge you a certain sum
before the damage you've done
where did she ever get my wallet
item number one 16th century oil from the school
of pietro de cardona which you stupidly misused
is an ashtray the repair of which is going
to cost you a thousand dollars two thousand
dollars two thousand please deduct that maggie
what that's too damn steep sit down and shut
up nowadays the old masters are expensive for
two thousand clams i've repaired a thing myself
now we come to item number two
it consists of a mahogany bench
spanish broke the seed of which is broken in two
it wasn't us i saw you smash up my bench
look at it this way i broke it only because i
was provoked into doing it so you're the guilty
ones you know then how many dollars are left over
there's twelve hundred dollars that's about right
one thousand two hundred dollars for the
mahogany bench that's way below factory price too
now gentlemen here are your wallets and thank you
oh you've got some very cute girlfriends
very cute indeed the next time we meet i
warn you your goose is cooked you hear that
it's cooked yeah and you i want my hat back
a man can catch his death a cold in this weather
without a hat on do you care for coffee thanks no
general servants just a minute jimmy it's for you
i think jimmy bondi will be
very happy to return your letter
if you ask him to well there he's on the
phone of course whatever you say this is plato
why don't you come here and
bring the letter when you come
good that's a good place sure i'll be alone
all right goodbye
go see what's taking them so long
it appears that stan shibulski had the other plate
somewhere in the villa according to this good
it almost solves the case he sounds like a cop
or the fbi not exactly i work for the fbscn and
just what the hell is that the federal bureau of
security for coins and notes that's right it's an
organization that's supported by the international
banking community for the purpose of stamping out
the worldwide traffic in counterfeit banknotes
and now i need your help general service
at your service in your plato of course
we always take ten percent that can
be arranged what do you want us to do
let's see what if i were to talk
the market into searching the villa
we'll let him do the work and when he finds the
plate you folks will move in with the police here
first you'll contact this number give them the
exact location of the house where chebulski lived
we'll set up an observation unit in the house
next door and you give us a sign as soon as
you find the plate that's a good idea maggie
if you'll let us up the market first we have
an old score to settle i think i can arrange
it watch it i think we have company coming
good luck i'll be counting
on you we'll do our best
all right
it's about time they found the
place we'll have to move in then
they won't be expecting anything i can take care
of them that's easy to say is that the trick kane
well what's it filled with what gun powder
gun power yeah is that all the equipment i get
well what more do you want you'll see jimmy
shall i record the whole thing of course
i hit something senor
is that it yes the underside forgetting one
thing they're mine you know shapiro see that
our friend gets what's coming to him will you
whatever he's got coming i'll give him double
yeah if you think we're that
stupid you got it wrong mister
i suppose that means you think
you now own these printing plates
you bet we do samuel do you intend
to make counterfeit money with them
as much as we possibly can these
engravings are of extremely high quality
market what's my cut in the deal i can't
believe you'd seriously think of parting
me from one cent of my money you're very
wrong there marchese either pay the price
that those engravings are worth or this time
they can send you to prison him shut his mouth
one day yours is stanley chubowski
around i thought perhaps what's that
you boys studying archaeology who are you that's
a good question where's stan chubowski this is his
house what are you doing here i hope you didn't
forget our parties game i plan to knock the
daylights out of them this time i can't lose i've
got an unbeatable strategy do you play parcheesi
no i'm afraid now you want to learn then
i'm just the man to teach you what's that
hello sonny you want to learn parts easy
now i can teach a championship pinnacle if you
want say i know the game just your speed old maid
boss should i cut them down
to size or break your pardon
i have to be the same size i always was but
i'm busy all right sir busy i'll wait i'll
set up the board in the meantime
sonny will you get me getting rid
of this madman are you finished what you're
doing there have you got a light play-doh oh
hold it huh
good work jimmy
that's that
look plato do you want the marquesa to escape
if he gets to his boat before we do we'll never
see the plates again get dressed and follow me
what's going on
deploy 40 men as fast as possible along the beach
refuel the motorboat and wait for
the signal to attack that's all
senior plato will need every man you've
got i wish i could do something for him
but i can't why not the information we
just received indicates that the marquesa
has summoned his entire bodyguard to cover
the coast you should send for reinforcement
shouldn't you i already have but there may
not be time for them to arrive from lisbon
dodo come as fast as you can hurry
surely you know plato needs help i must
wait till reinforcements have arrived
jimmy yeah wait don't you think there's too
many of them for you i'll let dodo take half
the gang i can manage the others if there
are any left over you're welcome to them
oh
all right
just me and you now i hope not you're all
mistaken aren't you you'd better look again senor
give yourself up samuel plato you don't have
a chance this time that computerized beetle
won't be able to help you did you hear that dodo
let's show them everything we know from a to z
oh dodo all stations on offensive alert
let's give him a for annabelle
aim for annabelle
senor if you want the beetle to do a job for
you ask for it alphabetically alphabetically
what starts with c uh c cook
no not with s with c
cook
liquidate them what am i paying
you for will you tell me that
bad
thank you no good you're worse than a piggy tom
hey you trying to find me it's not funny you
stand there giggling like some idiotic bird brain
you go too far stupid
well look who's talking
plato where are we w walrus
i'll teach you a steal
they're hard to get
watch it plato that's more than
we're getting paid for oh tell him
well the bull fights over
now that we ran out of [ __ ]
dodo relax
relaxation is for model t's
silva take the plates marquez i don't know what
they're for keep them safe till i come back
which one of you is plato he's plato
i see you've had some trouble at
these ruffians should i arrest them
no no actually i prefer you to arrest the
man responsible for the counterfeiting of
dollar bills before he gets away with
the plates excuse me inspector may i
and where is this man he's right over
there but you'll have to run to catch him
you can't prove he's a counterfeiter
without plates and neither can i arrest him
yeah that's why i wonder sometimes why i
gave up my profession as a schoolteacher
you refuse to arrest him not just on your
accusation can't you see he's escaping so what
get it out there's got to be a way of helping him
photo's better at that than we are dodo we need
help now come as fast as you can engine switch
over to automatic pilot step on it have you seen
anything of maggie she went off to town to phone
someone to phone someone you mean general service
no i think it was a priest what priest why should
she talk to a priest she probably needs priest
to marry her maybe she thinks it's about time
it's about time you learn
to mind your own business
hello
just mind your own business
please senorita
who are you silva look at this plate do you know
how much money it's worth twenty thousand dollars
if you're smart you'll give it to
me before the police discover it
what will they give me for the
plates no more than ten years
dodo it's skimming right over the
water it won't be too hard stop
oh
(Soft Music)
ah
come here will ya
come here easy does it now slowly
watch it you'll lose the baggage if
you're not careful here i come ready
stop dodo let me in hey pull over
will ya you idiot i beg your pardon
will you stop wait just wait i'm going
to rip your computer out you'll see
plato plato you've got my hood there stop
oh thank goodness i questioned jimmy about
marrying you and what did he say he doesn't
sound very convinced yet that phony he sworn
his word of owner that we'd get married
there
hey plato did you get the plates from the marquisa
he hasn't got the plates without proof that he's
a counterfeiter he'll go free think of the
time you wasted that's what i'm afraid of
listen plato would you explain to maggie
that i want to i've got to follow a lead
and so what you really want to do is skip out no
not really i plan ahead for the bahamas because
i've heard they've discovered a lot of goals
so i thought i'd take my chances you know
and how long do you expect to be
away ah a few weeks just two or three
the bahamas eh the fbscn has recently heard
rumors of a new counterfeit ring there
let's see now aren't the bahamas in that direction
let's go then what do we do with your prisoner
we'll set him adrift the boat's almost out of gas
look they're leaving the harbor
oh what a coward not only does he run out on you
but he talks his friends into going along with him
but he needs his belt to control
that car and we've got it here
i'll teach him a lesson how
the dawn thing works for him
so it's bound to work for me as well
after all i'm the one who designed it
listen dodo you've got to come back
return to the shore come in for a landing
you know we're headed for sure
the steering wheel's jammed
just a second where's my belt
do you mean you left without it
damn that computer now what do we do
look out dodo thieves what what what's going on
it's out of control stop it somehow what
do you want me to do step on the brakes
very funny
there's a storm coming just stand right there
wait til i get my hands on that... whoa
if i had hey but you come back here
it's storm under a tornado
that's a regular hurricane
oh come on do something get to
stop this going out of control
this seat's busted i can't sit down. oh forget it
there's nothing you can do
about it just sit back and enjoy it (Laughs) Help!
(Soft Music)