Eight on the Lam (1967) - full transcript

Bank teller and widower with seven kids, Bob Hope finds $10,000 in a parking lot. His luck quickly changes when it's discovered that his bank discovers a substantial money shortage in their books. Now Hope and his large family are forced to take it on the lam. His children's baby-sitter Phyllis Diller protects Hope from her dim-witted cop boyfriend Jonathan Winters while he hides out, hoping to get to the true cause of his dilemma. Past and future "Bond Girls" Shirley Eaton ("Goldfinger") and Jill St. John ("Diamonds Are Forever") play a schoolteacher and a gold-digger and Winters plays his own mother!

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Mr. Dimsdale, I know
that you like to leave
promptly at 4:00,

but there are times when the
bank requires your services
beyond the hand on the clock.

Therefore... Dimsdale?

Dimsdale!

Steve! Daddy's here.

Okay.

See you all tomorrow.

See you.
See you tomorrow.

Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Dad.

Oh. Sorry.

Dana!



Come on, Mark.

You have a lovely
family, Mr. Dimsdale.

I'd join a car pool,
but we'd need a bus.

It's reassuring
to know there
are still fathers

with enough interest
in their children to
put themselves out.

One more kid and that's
exactly where I'd be.

But it's reassuring to know
that there are teachers
with enough interest

to be interested
in fathers with
enough interest.

I am, Mr. Dimsdale.

I know, Miss Barton.

See you later.

There you go, champ.

How's that for
a Freudian slip?

I guess I'll use any
excuse to see you again.



I was afraid you might
think you've been
seeing too much of me.

Too much of you?
Try me.

8:00.
Okay.

Dad, make him stop!

All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold it down to
a small riot, will you?

Daddy, when are
we gonna be able
to afford a larger car?

When you're about
10 years older and can
marry a millionaire.

I had more room when
I was in my baby buggy.

And I haven't finished
paying for that, either.

In fact I still owe
two more payments to the
hospital before I own you.

At least we're a
very close family.

Here. Next time
you do this.

I feel like
I'm auditioning
for Peyton Place.

Hey, it's Golda!

Hey, Golda!

Golda!

Thanks, Smokey.

Next time I'll bring
the marshmallows.

That's a nice
entrance, Golda,

but don't you know you can get
into trouble with the city,
riding a fire truck?

Relax, we watered
the Mayor's lawn
as we went by.

Well, don't be juicing
the Mayor. All I hired
you for is babysitting.

Fine. You just
point them out
and I'll sit on them.

Please.
Don't encourage her.

I better get a few laughs.
I don't get any food.

In fact, last Wednesday,
I almost starved to death.

Listen, I don't mind you
having a little snack,

but with your appetite
I have to keep counting
the kids around here.

You know how I
love these children.

I must.
Look at the punishment
I take in this house.

They're very
well behaved.

Who's talking
about them?

There must be some strange,
wonderful reason that
I keep you on.

Oh, of all
the ungrateful...

Do you realize that I have
more than $20 in yarn alone

in this sweater
I'm knitting for you?

For me?
What is it,
socks, too?

Does it come with
a bunch of bananas?

Come on, you don't wear it
like that. The arms have to
be strapped behind you.

Oh, yes, that would...
Come on.

Okay, everybody,
wash your hands.
Dinner's almost ready.

Dinner?

You have had dinner.

You mean last night?

Go wash your hands.

Yippee, Golda gets
to stay for dinner!

Naturally!

Daddy, if she's gonna stay,
we don't have enough chops.
We better get some more.

Yeah, and she's
over there licking hers.
I better go to the store.

Golda gets to
stay for dinner!

I wish I knew
what they saw in her.
Maybe there's a cure for it.

Okay. Now, remember,
we're playing house rules.

And you,
stop doubling up
on sixes.

Okay, okay, hit me,
down and dirty.

Good.

Thousand dollar bills.

Two thousand,
three thousand,
four thousand.

Five, six,
seven, eight...

$10,000.

If the poor guy
who lost this
doesn't get it back,

he'll empty
his swimming pool
and dive in.

Hey. I wanna talk
to you a second.
No, but I got to...

Hey, you know what
just happened?

No, what?

Well, I fell down over
there and I found...

Forget it.

They'll never expect
to find anything there.

Okay,
go ahead, take it.
You can have it.

What is it, Daddy?
Huh?

Oh.

I'll let you know
as soon as I
swallow my heart.

I scared him!

Don't ever do that, Mark.
Daddy could die of fright.

If he does,
can I have his room?

Go to the kitchen.

Daddy,
are you all right?

Yeah, but I just...

Here's Golda's chops.
I'll be down right away
to help you with dinner.

Watch it.
I'm sorry.

You need curb feelers
around here.

Daddy, you look like there's
something on your mind.

No, I was just thinking
about dinner and all that
lettuce. I mean, bread.

Daddy! Daddy!

What's the matter, honey?

Mike and Andy and Steve
won't let me play
Monopoly with them.

Well, maybe they think
you're too little to play.

They play it on the floor.
I can reach it and
I have my own money!

Well, as long as you've got
your own money, let's go in
and check with those cats.

I'll take two houses
on Park Place.

That'll be $1,000.

Hey, listen,
why don't you kids let your
little brother in the game?

I could buy 10 houses.
I got lots of money.

You heard him.
His money's down.

But, Dad, he doesn't
understand, it takes
more than money.

Not more than this money.

Yeah, but I still wish
you'd let him in the game.

It's my money.
Give me it!
Give me it!

Well, go ahead,
give it to him.

But, Dad!

Yeah, but you
don't have... You...

You.

Where did you
get this money?

I found it.

Where?

In my secret
hiding place.

I stumbled onto
the family vault.

Well, it just so
happens to be mine.
I put it there.

Okay.

A thousand
dollar bill?

Ten thousand
dollar bills,
to be exact.

I found them in
the parking lot.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, boy, now I get that
little tape recorder I've
always been dreaming about.

And an adding machine
to figure out my back pay.

And I can get my
walkie-talkies.
Yeah.

And you can
pay off the hospital,
and then you'll own me.

And I can get...
Hold it. Hold it.

This money goes back
to the manager of
the market tomorrow.

But why?
'Cause somebody
lost it, that's why.

In kindergarten,
it's finders keepers.

In your kindergarten,
ring-around the Rosie
was probably fixed.

The money goes back.

You're kidding! When you
hand over the money, ask if
anybody found your marbles.

Daddy's right.
We sure could
use it, though.

Yeah, with $10,000
we could buy
a lot of nice things.

A car big enough for
people, an engagement ring,

or a nice dress
for the school dance.

But we've got to do
the honest thing, right?

Do you want
an honest answer?

But, Dad, if you turn the
money in to the market, how do
we know they won't keep it?

They won't even
give you trading stamps!

If it's going to fall into
the hands of crooks,
I'd rather it be us!

We've got to think of
the poor man who lost it.

Not the poor man
who found it.

I suppose we could put
a little ad in the paper,

asking the person
who lost it to
get in touch with us.

Yeah, but 20,000 people
will claim it.

Mike's right.
But I could watch
the want ads

for the person who lost it
to advertise.

See, there is
an honest way.

Oh, boy!

Some people can't even be
trusted to find money!

I still like the way we
do things in kindergarten.

Not a bad place for a date.

Sort of a poor man's
Las Vegas.

Music, dancing and
you come out clean.

Think of all those
unfortunate people with
their own washing machines.

Ellie, am I being
some kind of jerk?

You mean about
the money you found?

Keep it, and you'll
never be able
to live with yourself.

I'll be able
to live with you.

I think you're doing exactly
the right thing, watching for
an ad in the paper.

But what if
nobody claims it?
No ad appears?

Honey, we're talking
about $10,000.

Nobody can afford to lose that
kind of money unless they have
long hair and play a guitar.

Not if it was some
kind of hot money.

Or undeclared cash
or something.

Think of what we
could do with it.

Oh, I got to get you out of
here. You're breathing too
much of this detergent.

Dana's.

Andy.

But if we could keep it,
think how beautiful
things would be.

Mark's.

We could really
start to live.

You know, when you've
got seven kids,
this is a big event.

Maybe we could
even have a few more
little mouths to feed.

Honey, right now
I'd settle for just
being able to marry you.

Well!

Arthur, get me out of here.
This place is full of
sex maniacs!

You, I trust.

Oh, no.

Only one to a bed
in this hotel.

What've you got,
two heads?

Daddy.

The studious one.

Oh, he's learning
pretty fast.

What's with you?

Dad, I waited up for you.

Well, you didn't have to.
I'm a big boy now.

I just wanted to tell you,
we all sure hope there's
no ad in the paper tomorrow.

Dream it.

More mouths to feed.

What a club.

Never thought you'd
turn on your master.

Here, you read it.

I couldn't.

Not me.

I pass.

I'll read it.

You can't even read.

It isn't there.

Oh, boy!
We can keep it!

No, no.

Not yet. Too soon.
Maybe it'll be in
tomorrow's paper.

Gee, Dad,
what if we...

No, we're not going to
cancel our subscription.

Oh, it's you. With all
that money in the house,
I hooked up a burglar alarm.

Yeah, but...

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

But I think my eyeballs
just changed sockets.

It works.

Yeah, it's fine. Now
the question is, do I?

Aren't you going
a little far with this?

Are you kidding?

With all that money in
the house, the last two weeks
I've been a money-sitter.

No, it couldn't be.
Could it?

This is Ronald.

And if he doesn't change his
ways, all I'm going to give
him for Christmas is a sponge.

Have you been
moonlighting?

I hope you mean that
the way I hope you mean that.

He belongs to
the neighbors
down the street.

They pay cash.

Cash. It's people like that
who ruin the neighborhood.

How long you
gonna keep waiting?
The money is yours.

You know,
there's something sick
about being so honest.

You think I'm
happy about it?

But I've got to think
about the kids.

I've got to
set an example
for them to follow.

Some example.
They'll grow up and
try to become idiots.

Just look at you!
You're a nervous wreck.

You don't even know
what you are doing.

Well, I may be
a trifle tense,

but I'm in perfect
control of myself.

Yeah,
in perfect control, eh?

Newspapers in
the refrigerator?

Well, I...

And...

Now, who put
that in there?

You're in control
like he's in control.

It's almost his
feeding time.

Boy, have you
got a wrong number.

Well, I guess
I'll be running along,

if there's nothing
else you'd like.

No, running along
is plenty for me.
Goodnight, Golda.

Goodnight.

Oh, uh, Henry.

Henry?

I've been thinking.
If you're free some night,

maybe I could give
one of my IOUs to
a babysitter and we could...

You and me?

Stranger things
have happened.

Not to me.
Oh, look, Golda,
I appreciate the offer,

but, you know,
Miss Barton and I
are sort of a thing.

Well. Watch it.
With her education,

she knows the difference
between a proposal
and a proposition.

What happened to you
and your boyfriend?

Have you and
the snake charmer gone pfft?

No. Pfft!

Hey, Stevie,
why aren't you in bed?

I've got
a test in algebra.

You don't know
what trouble is until
you get in that stuff.

Here, have a blast.

I couldn't
fall asleep.

You, too?

Belly up to the bar,
I'm buying.

I guess I'm worried
because I know
you're worried.

Well, you shouldn't be.

I don't think I'll ever
get rid of these jitters
until I get rid of that money.

Spend it.
That's a good way
to get rid of it.

It isn't mine.

Mark, Andy, Dana,
Mike and me, we took
a vote on you today,

on account of
you already held the money
for two weeks.

And what did
the summit decide?

You got two "honests"
and three "stupids."

If I didn't believe in
the secret ballot, there would
be three good spankings.

How would you vote,
honey?

Any way that would give
you some peace of mind.

Yeah. I wish
I knew what to do.

If Mom was here,
I bet you she'd
tell you to keep it.

Yeah, your mother always
was pretty good at figuring
out problems. She married one.

If Ellie was our mom, she
could tell you what to do.

Are you gonna
marry her, Dad?

Steve, that's not
a fair question
to ask your father.

That's not even a fair
question to ask Ellie,
without that $10,000.

That does it.
I've waited long enough.

Anybody who lost $10,000
and doesn't try to claim it
in two weeks, doesn't want it.

Tomorrow morning, when
the other kids wake up,

you can give them the news.
I'm putting the money in
the bank. We're keeping it.

Oh, Dad!
Oh, Daddy!

Just for that,
don't tell them a thing.

Why do you
want to put it into
a savings account?

Make a public
record out of it?

Why don't you just
keep it right where it is,
in your money belt.

I had a large lunch.

Sure, you'll never be
able to shake those
insurance salesmen,

and those guys with
the cemetery plots.

And the income tax boys.
You found it,
and they'll find you.

I don't know, $10,000
is a lot of responsibility
for a two-dollar wallet.

- Don't be foolish, Henry.
- They're right, Dimsdale.

As a bank president,
I say deposit the money
in a bank.

But, as a friend who knows
what you've been through
with those seven children,

I say think of yourself.

Well, I guess
that settles it.

Getting it right from
the horse's mouth.

I mean the
boss's mouth.

I can't tell you
how delighted I am,
Dimsdale.

And confidentially,
when no one turned up to
claim the money immediately,

I knew you'd
wind up with it.

The first thing I got to do
is teach my kids the meaning
of a new word. Spend.

That's the idea.
And don't forget to
enjoy it yourself.

Buy that new car,
buy that new fishing rod,
buy that new suit.

Well, I can sure
use the money.

My suits are worn out
but the pockets
are brand new.

Goodnight,
Dimsdale.

Thanks.

Here it is, sir.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

I just can't understand
a thing like that.
Can you, Mr. Pomeroy?

Not a shortage in our books.
Maybe if you checked
the figures again.

I'd be delighted.
But in the meantime,
if I might suggest,

you should try
to think of one
of your employees

who's recently
been living
beyond his means.

A big spender?

I can't think of a one.

Yeah, I guess
this is it.
I'll take it.

Not just short,
Mr. Pomeroy.
$50,000 short.

One of my people?
I just can't believe it.

I'll take it.

Ellie's on
the phone, Daddy.

Hello, honey.

How about putting down
your pencil and
putting on some lipstick?

I'm taking you
out to dinner tonight,
to someplace special,

where you don't have
to order the special.

I'll need
your name, sir.

Oh, sure.
Henry Dimsdale.

Dimsdale?

There it is in
black and white.
$50,000 short.

Not Henry.

Are you sure you
haven't made a mistake?

All right, girls.

These are the very latest,
Mr. Dimsdale.

That yellow one
is beautiful.

Well, we'll take it.

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, she said Daddy,
but she meant Father.

Of course, sir.

And I believed him when
he told me he found
the money in a parking lot.

But, Mr. Pomeroy,
would an embezzler call
attention to himself

by telling everybody
he found $10,000?

I don't know
what to say.

Well, I do.
Get down to
the police department

and swear out a warrant
for Dimsdale's arrest.

A man with seven
wonderful children.

Boy, with this family,
I might as well
walk around naked.

Oh, you said
a dirty word.

Hey.

If money can't buy happiness,
then this is a pretty crazy
brand of misery.

Oh, Henry,
you shouldn't have!

I didn't.

I know, but I love to
watch a coward squirm.

It's Golda!

I got a paint book.

Beautiful!

The money!
You kept it.
Or rather, you blew it.

I knew you had some
good crooked blood
in you somewhere.

Welcome to the club.

All right, everybody,
school tomorrow.
Off to bed.

And I don't want any report
cards coming home with
A in Snoring. Hit the pad.

Sleeping's no fun.

I'm going to dream
I made Daddy go to bed early.

Well, it's about
time that I...

Hey, Marty, what are you
doing here at this hour?
Your wife left you?

Nothing like that.
This is bad news.

Bad news?

Two bank examiners came over
to look over the books.

Well, what about it?

Don't you understand?

I think
we're being bugged
by a live one.

Pardonnez-moi.

Well, they found
a shortage in your books,

and you've been pretty
loose with your money
all of a sudden.

Yeah, but you know
I found the $10,000,
and so does Mr. Pomeroy.

Yes, but he doesn't
believe it anymore.

He's sure it's part
of the missing money.

But, Marty,
you believe me,
don't you?

Of course.
You're not bright enough
to steal $50,000.

$50,000? But I...

$50,000!

Poor Mr. Dimsdale.
Unless he took it.
Then it's rich Mr. Dimsdale.

I'm going right
down to Mr. Pomeroy
to clear this thing up.

I'm being framed
by somebody.

Well, you can
go right over to
Police Headquarters,

where he's swearing out
a warrant for your arrest.
Now, if you take my advice,

you get out of town
and you lay low until
you can clear yourself.

Oh, dear!

I need time
to think it over.

In about 10 minutes
you're gonna have
10 years to think it over.

Yeah, but, Marty.

Look, if they catch
me here with you,

guess who'll be
lining up next to you
in the exercise yard.

See you, Henry.
Good luck.

Thanks, Marty.

All I have to do now
is figure out
what I have to do now.

Get out of town!

Hey, how do you
know what happened?

I got wall-to-wall ears.
Listen, if I were in
your shoes, they'd be running.

Don't stand there!
I'll help you pack.

The next voice you hear
may have a siren
on the end of it.

Yeah, but even if I wanted
to run away, I've got seven
kids. I can't leave them.

Why leave them?

Yeah, we could all
go on the lam together.

Some families go bowling.
And your car will be hot.

You'd better switch
plates with me.

Yeah, I'll get them ready.
Hey, wait a minute, wait
a minute. I'm panicking.

They can't put me in jail.
What have they really
got against me?

That I bought
a new car for cash,
a diamond ring for cash,

a store full
of toys for cash?

I wonder if they'll let me
have visitors on weekends.

You're right.
You round up the boys
and I'll get the girls packed.

Linda.
What is it, Daddy?

It's nothing, honey,
just put your clothes on

and get the other girls
dressed and packed.
We're going on a trip.

At this time of night?

Yeah, it's a new thing,
instant vacation.

But, Daddy...
No buts, honey,
just get dressed and packed.

I've got to go
back downstairs.

I forgot my lawyer.
I mean my laundry.

Come on, baby,
put it all together.
It's gonna be great fun.

Come on, come on!
What's the matter?

Don't ask
so many questions.

Get dressed, put some
things in a suitcase,
you're going on a vacation.

A vacation, whoopee!

Come on,
out of the sack.
Huh?

Out! Out!

What about school?

School? Are you
some kind of a nut?

Come on, shorty,
on your feet.

I'm sorry, Mark,
you got to go!

I already went.

Steve, you take charge of
this lump of Jell-O.

I've got to go
check on the girls.

Mr. Dimsdale?

Why deny it?

I hope you don't
mind my barging in.

Well, I must say,
you fellows are sure polite.

Mom always says,
"Jasper, if you can't
be bright, be polite."

Mom knows me real good.
She's my mother.

Part of the new breed.

I suppose you
want to frisk me.

Not really.

What'd you
have in mind?

You're very kind.

You're very playful.

I guess you won't mind
if I go up and say goodbye
to the kids.

I'd rather they
hear it from me.

You go right ahead,
Mr. Dimsdale.
Thanks.

Mr. Dimsdale, Mr. Dimsdale,
don't you think I ought to...

Jasper!

Jasper?

Relax. He's
my new boyfriend.

Just don't talk
about snake charmers.

Jasper, darling!

You know,
your boss is kind of a kook,
but he's got a lot of heart.

Jasper, how nice
of you to drop in unannounced.
Just like a raid.

Golda, it's so good
to see you. I wanted you
to be the first to know,

I've been promoted
to Detective.

Detective! Wonderful.

Now, I want you to
tell me all about it.

So, you go home
and call me up.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute, Golda.
He's very friendly.

He doesn't mind my being here.
Fact is, he's taking off
any minute.

How do you know that?

Well, he said
he wanted to go upstairs
and say goodbye to the kids.

I mean, if he was gonna stay,
he wouldn't have said that,
now, would he?

Say, you are
a detective,
aren't you?

Here, come with me,
right in here, come on.

What's the matter, honey?

I couldn't stand it,
that, that hungry look
in your eye.

Here is something delicious
that I just made,

ice cold beef stew.

Golda, bless your heart.
As a matter of fact,
I am kind of hungry.

Hungry enough
to eat a horse.

Now, I'll be right back.
And you eat slow. It's better
for everybody's digestion.

Hurry it up.
I got the fuzz
feeding his face.

Thanks, Golda.
Say, and Pogo's got to
be fed before we leave.

Check. What does he eat
besides stuffed pandas?

Now, it's on
the third shelf
in the refrigerator.

It's stewed horse meat
and kibble.

Check, third shelf,
refrigerator.

That's dog food?

Dogs love it!

I wonder who that is.

Jasper!

If I'd wanted
this kind of action,
I'd have been a mailman.

Isn't that cute?
He didn't want you
to eat alone.

That clown acted like
I was on the menu.

Say, what's a Pogo?

A Pogo?

That's the name of
the manufacturer.
It was made in Japan.

It's also
a transistor radio.

Pogo! Pogo!
Pogo! Here, boy!

Why, that was dog food.

Don't you like
my cooking?

Where are you going?

To get a distemper shot.

I can't let you go!

Tonight's special.
We've got to have
something special.

I already did.

Wine! Special wine
to toast your promotion.

Cooking sherry?

But what a year!

Red wine with dog food?

Pogo!
Pogo! Here, boy!

Hey, what're you doing?
I'm dancing!

Oh, that music
turns me on.

Really? I thought you had
a cold button somewhere.

Goodbye!
Goodbye!

Goodbye!

Goodbye!
Bye!

Goodbye!

Now I know just how
Ma Dillinger felt.

Ow!

Ooh, that smarts.

Golda, you got me
all wound up.

Maybe you better
leave before you

pop your mainspring.

I hear bells.
I think it's love.

I think it's the doorbell.

Family curse.
We dig novel women.

Mr. Henry Dimsdale?

What if I said yes?

I know he won't mind
if we come in
and say hello.

You got a warrant
to say hello?

Hello.

Lynch! You here, too?

Me, too?

Golda. You and
my superior officer?

The least you
could've done was picked
a different precinct.

How long has this
been going on?

About 30 seconds.
I knew you'd find out
sooner or later.

The joint's clean.
Not a sign of Dimsdale.

That's right,
he's out for the evening.

Out for the evening?

Yeah, and she's
the babysitter.
Right, Golda?

It's only temporary.

I'm just waiting around
for the next
Miss Universe contest.

No sign of the
kids, either. Nothing.

That's right.
They're up in their
little beds, fast asleep.

Very fast.

In their little beds.

It may come as a shock
to you, Detective Lynch,

but Mr. Dimsdale is wanted
for embezzling $50,000,

and he just escaped
under your nose

with a family of seven
and a four-footed monster
named Pogo.

Pogo?

Why that dirty dog!

And you let that
whole bunch get away.

Well, Lieutenant,
I'll tell you something.

In spite of what you say,
I feel responsible,

and as my first assignment
as Detective,

I request permission
to bring in Dimsdale.

Lynch, I'm not giving
you permission,
I'm giving you an order.

Chief, you can count on me.
I'll follow that man
to the ends of the earth.

Further, if necessary.

Well, if the kids are gone,
there's no use of
me sitting around.

Now, just a minute.

What?

Get it on the radio.
Dimsdale, the kids,
the car, the license.

And I think you better
take a little ride
downtown with me.

All right, but you know
how jealous Jasper gets.

Come on,
get out of here!

Daddy, how come
you got off from
the bank now?

Your vacation
isn't till August.

Honey, it's a little late.
Why don't you get some rest.

Here, I'll get a little
rock-a-bye music for you.

...suspected
of embezzling $50,000...

...believe the bank teller
and his seven children...

...fleeing
the city in a late-model
Chrysler station wagon...

Nothing but cheap
mystery programs.

Daddy?

Yes, honey?

We're running away,
aren't we?

What, because of
that stuff on the radio?

There must be a lot of bank
tellers with seven children
heading for the state line.

And besides, I promised
you kids a vacation,

and money, you know.

I can't lie to you.
You have your mother's eyes.

Were the ones
they're after, aren't we?

If I went to jail before
I could clear myself,

I don't know what
would happen to you kids.

But, Daddy, doesn't
running away make it worse?

Honey, we hit "worse"
before we left the house.

I'll confess!

Only turn off
that light!

Water. Water!
Give me a drink of water!

Golda, will you stop
turning that light on.
It's hot in here.

What kind of
a third degree is this?

Here I was,
looking forward to something,
and what do I get?

No light in my eyes,
all the water I want,
no rubber hose.

You haven't even hit me
with a folded newspaper.

Talk about
police brutality.

Lieutenant,
we'll never get her to talk.
She won't stop talking.

Look, all we
want to know is,

did Dimsdale
give you any idea
where he might be headed?

Well, the kids wanted
to go to San Diego.

So, more than likely,
that's where they're headed.

Big S,
small A.

Small N.
Big D.

San Diego?

No, Bakersfield.

Well, if he's headed
for San Diego, how does
he get to Bakersfield?

Don't ask me,
I get lost in
my own driveway.

She's your friend,
take her home!
I've had all I can take.

You heard
what he said, Jasper.
Let's go up to my place.

No, Golda,
passion's got to wait.

No, I've sworn to give
wholeheartedly of myself

in the pursuit of justice.
I shall doggedly pursue it.

Across the mountains,
the prairies, the plains,

and the cities.
He shall not know a moment
of peace or security.

For I, Jasper Lynch,

am on the trail.

Say, you keep
defending him.

Don't tell me
you're on his side?

Don't tell me
you want to arrest
an innocent man

with seven kids
and a babysitter to support?

You are on his side!

Well, you never know when
they're gonna turn on you.

I'll bet you were
covering up for him
back there at headquarters.

And I believed you
when you said
he was heading north.

And south and west and...

Luckily, I was
an Eagle Scout,

and I happen to know
there's another direction
on the compass.

I'm gonna put it
on the Teletype right now.

Dimsdale is headed east!

Not in this car,
you don't.

Golda, give me
those keys!

I should've known
that wouldn't work.

Good evening, miss.
Do you have any plants
or citrus fruit with you?

No, sir, just my mother
and the children.

Evening, ma'am.

Have a pleasant trip.

Just a minute, miss!

I thought you
looked familiar.

Aren't you Jenny Hotchkiss,
who graduated from
James Monroe High?

Bessie Mae Zoldak,
and I was a dropout.

Well, at...

Well, at least
we made it out
of the state.

This vacation's no fun!

Why couldn't we stay
in the hotel?

Easy, kids, easy.

You're seeing
a part of America
very few people get to see.

It's not even
on the map.

Are we really lost?

Not completely.

We've been around
the same block three times.

Now, if I could
just figure out
which block.

I wanna go home.

I wanna go sleep.

I wanna go!

Old Faithful's
right on time again.

You sure you
just don't wanna play
with the roller towel?

Positive.

There must be
somebody still awake

who wouldn't mind
if we started our own
share-the-plumbing drive.

This is perfect.
Give me the flashlight.

In there, Daddy?
Aren't we taking a chance?

Not at all.
Every house has one.

Hope there's
nobody in there.

So does Mark.
Keep everybody quiet.

Hello? Hello?

It must be down here.

Hey, that was a good idea.
I feel better, too.

Daddy.

It's a rest stop.
It doesn't mean rest.

I guess that's my bed.

Yeah.

Well, why fight
the majority?

And you can have this one
for only 10% down.

Now, I know you folks
have been looking at
a lot of houses,

but I'm going to show you
something you've never seen
in a model house before.

Now, you just look around,
and I'll open up a window
and get a little air here.

What's the matter?
A man!

Lady! Lady, shh!
Oh, hi there.

What is this?
What are you doing here?

Right now I'm trying
to get my right leg
in the right leg.

That's not what I mean!

I suppose you want
an explanation of
why I'm here.

I suppose I do!

Well, how about this?
I overslept.

How dare you just walk in
and spend the night here!

Morning, Dad.
Boy, was I sleepy.

You have two children?

Yeah, it was an accident.
I mean us staying here,
not the children.

You don't know
the half of it.

Morning, Daddy.
We about ready to go?

Morning, Daddy.

That's about
the half of it.

If you'll just give me
a chance to...

Four children!
Well, I hope no more
are gonna pop out.

I'm with you.

Dad, me and Linda wanna know
if we're gonna cook here
or eat out.

Well, I guess
we both lost.

I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it!

What kind of a man
would have the gall
to stay overnight

in a strange house
with six kids?

Daddy, I'm hungry.

Seven!

Well, he doesn't count,
he just dropped in
to check the plumbing.

Never in my whole life.
There just better
not be any more.

I give you my word,
there's no more children.

Oh, no!

A dog! Oh, no!

He thinks he's a pussycat.

I'm calling the cops.

This is trespass!
This is invasion! This is
breaking and entering!

Wait, wait! Come here.

And this is
10% down.

You're talking cash?

I figured you'd dig
those Jolly Green Giants.

The papers are
in the car.

Fine.

Daddy, are you going
to buy the house?

Okay. Get your things
out of the car.

We're staying?
This is it, go.

This house is a bargain
for a family like ours.
It's cheaper than bail.

And besides, we got to figure
a place to hide out until
I can get my name cleared.

If you can clear mud.

Hello.

Is this 213-794-5499?

Yes. Who is this?

This is 213-798-7499.

213-7...
Henry, is that you?

Please, no names.
Just call me by
my area code.

Are you all right?
Are the children all right?

Oh, sure.
Everybody's fine.

Things aren't much different,
I just have to keep my car
parked with the motor running.

I had to call you, Ellie,
just to explain why
I didn't show last night.

You didn't have to.
It's in all the papers.
Pictures, as well.

Ellie, I didn't do it.
I'm innocent!

I know that, darling.

I love you. Do you think
I care what the papers say?

Thanks, Ellie. Well, there's
nothing left to say except
I love you, too.

Don't hang up. Where are you?
I'll pack and come instantly.

What are you talking about?
You'd become an accessory.

Of course, you'd be one
of the nicest accessories
a crime ever had,

but forget it, huh?
But I want to be with you.

Yeah, but they wouldn't
put me in a woman's prison.

Look, I don't want you
to get mixed up in this.
Stay where you are.

But supposing I find out
something that might help you
get out of this mess.

You better not write it down,
just memorize it.
141 Cactus Way, Phoenix.

141 Cactus Way,
Phoenix, Arizona.

Good morning.

Morning.

What's the matter, Daddy?

Oh, it's our next-door
neighbor. What a vulture.

She knows a dead pigeon
when she sees one.

Next thing you know,
she'll be over here
ringing the bell.

I'll get it.

It's Ellie! It's Ellie.

Ellie!
Hello.

Ellie!

Okay, kids.
Break it up.

You did the welcome bit,
so get lost.

Come on. I know,
go ahead. Go ahead.

Ellie and Daddy have
a little grownup talking
to do.

And don't take it off,
you're going right back.

After dinner.

You do that again
and you'll still leave,
but I'll go with you.

Now you listen to me,
Mr. Dimsdale-Duncan.

I love you. And you're
in trouble and I'm going
to share it with you.

I'm just not leaving,
and that's all
there is to it.

I'll admit, there's
a lot to it. This is
no place for you.

You don't seem to realize
just how much you
really do need me.

Henry, do you
want a policeman
ringing your bell

to find out
why the children
aren't in school?

And you can't send them
without their records
from Altadena.

I'm the answer.

Your children are
going to have
a private tutor.

Okay. You're the teacher.
I'll move you in with Linda.

You'd better not.
If teacher lived here,
Mrs. Nosy Neighbor,

who was sizing me up
when I came in, might
get a wrong idea.

Yeah, and I might get
a few myself.

I'll find
a little place in town.

Going somewhere?

Yeah, I'm going
into town to get
you an apartment.

We can call it
Wrong-ideas-ville.

You can't risk
going into town.
Somebody might recognize you.

Yeah, I guess
you're right. I'd better
lay low for a while.

I'll pick up my bag later.

Ellie, I'm glad you came.

You know, it's nice to know
that somebody is on your side.

Especially now, with
everybody in the world
out to get me.

I'm no exception.
I'm out to get you, too.

What a trap.

Pardon the interruption.
So, that was the man
with those seven kids.

This the man?

That's definitely
some other guy.

That other guy happens
to be my sweetheart.

Well, if you
put it that way.

There's an awful lot of
hostility in you, baby.

That's him.
That's the man.

I'd know that
nose anywhere.

So he did pass through
here after all.

Now the question is,
where's he headed for?

Yuma? Salt Lake?

Daddy, open this
for me, please.

Mmm-hmm.

Daddy, I think you're
pretty. I don't care what
everybody else says.

Yeah. What does
everybody else say?

That you look
like a short, fat
President Lincoln.

Well, I guess that's better
than being a furry
Benedict Arnold.

Look, kids, I'm busy now.
Daddy's looking for something
very important in the paper.

Wanna see how I can read?
Listen, Daddy.

"$1,000 reward
offered for

"Altadena
bank em-bell-zer-er."

No.

Em-bell-zer-er-er?

No, that's "embezzler."
It's a common word, something
you find around the house.

Let's go out and play.

Embezzler.
That's a funny word.

Yeah, I'm hysterical.

Go out and play
with your brother.

I've given the children
a break. They're doing
so well today.

Something the matter?

Boy, if I don't do something
about finding out who framed
me, nobody will.

I can't just sit around here
waiting for a miracle.

I'm gonna go back to Altadena,
get into that bank and take
a good look at those books.

But that's too dangerous.
Then I'm coming with you.

Oh no. I'm not letting
you get involved.

I'm already involved.

Oh, you must be
some kind of beautiful nut.

Anyway, I'm still
coming with you.

I don't think that's
what they had in mind
when they said

couples in love
should do things together.

Tickles.

Get used to it.

He's just closing
the door now.

All clear.

Okay, but this may
take a minute.

My blood is having
trouble finding my legs.

Okay. Now I'm gonna
look through the books.
Is anybody coming?

No. It's still all clear.

Please, darling,
do try and hurry.

Just take it easy.
With you out there,
I feel perfectly safe in here.

Hey, it's
the Altadena Bank.

Attention. G-1275,
G-1283, G-9511,
it's a 23-41.

A 23-41.
That's a 23-41.

23-41?
They must have left out
a number.

Nobody's built like that!

It's a 23-41,
the Altadena Bank.
Get out there.

That's a bank robbery.
It's only a couple
of blocks away.

Hey, I found it.
Boy, did he do things
with my books!

I don't know who he is,
but I bet he never pays
any income tax.

Henry!

Just a few more pages.
I want to look at this.

Get out of there.
It's the police!

Hey. See a man run
through here?

Leave me alone, fuzz.

Let's go!

Hey, a man on the run
just jumped into that car.

I think our bank robber
is a paunchy
overage folksinger.

They're after us, all right.
And they're not trying to
beat us to a parking space.

Hang on, Golda. This
could mean speeds in excess
of 65 miles an hour.

Hey, I'll cut over
and go up the on-ramp.

The freeway?
Won't it be easy
to recognize us?

Not up there, everybody
drives like a fugitive.

Henry, we forgot
it's the rush hour.

Just our luck, trying to
make a getaway in the
world's longest parking lot.

Come on, you guys!
Open up! Open up!

Well, what do we do now?

We could neck.

Hey, there they are.
About a dozen cars ahead.

And we're gaining
on them. Keep it up.

We're gaining. Six, seven,
eight, nine inches.

A quarter of a mile
to the next exit.

Out of my way.
One side. Look.

I'm a policeman. Open up,
in the name of the law.

You hear me?
I said I'm a policeman.

Well, Golda. All my life
I wanted to say that.

But I'm afraid we're not...
Golda? Golda?

Golda!

All right.
Break it up,
just break it up.

Let the police through.

Okay, just for that.
Everybody off of the freeway!

What's wrong down there?
Don't you hear me?

What are you,
some kind of a kook, lady?

Keep your eyes on the road.
What do you want
to cause, a wreck?

Well, you're walking
on top of my car!

You're lucky
I'm not Jose Greco.

I got an idea.

Hey! That's illegal.

Here.
What's that for?

They might have spotted the
beard, and there's more than
one way to have a close shave.

But they're looking
for you without a beard, too.

Yeah, I'm a walking
doubleheader.

Go ahead,
knock off the beard,
just leave the mustache.

Aha!
Aha?

He's heading up
that dead-end street.
That'll bottle him up.

Here comes the stopper.

Boy, this guy is
tough and slippery.

But is he really happy?

You know, Golda,
this criminal we're after is
obviously devious and clever,

with an IQ between
134 and 147.

No!

Catching him could make up
for letting Dimsdale slip
through my fingers.

It could?

Well, if I knew...
Golda!

It's a loaded
Smith and Wesson
six-inch .38.

Relax. I'm only gonna
get him in the tires.

Oh, great.
You got our tire!

Yeah, how about that.

D-341, D-341.

D-341, go ahead.
On that bank robbery,

all that's missing
is a sheet from
the ledger of the 301 file

with the seven kids,
Dimsdale.

Dimsdale. That was
Dimsdale with the beard.

Of all the cheap
hairy tricks.

Mr. Dimsdale?

And to think we've been
playing hide-and-go-seek
with his hide.

And I almost helped
to catch him!

On that request for
a make on auto license,
T-A-O 2-1-6.

It's a rental to a Jane Smith,
whose time of arrival
this a.m.

indicates Flight 64
out of Phoenix.

Phoenix.

Why, he'd never
go to Phoenix.

He wouldn't?

Well, if you say so,
that's exactly where
we're going.

We?
No, no,
you're not going.

You've let go a gopher
on the front lawn of
justice for the last time.

It's Daddy and Ellie!

He cut off his whiskers.
He never quits...

Now, look, kids. I don't
want any questions asked.

I just want everybody to get
packed right away.
It's blast-off time again.

We're gonna leave?
Let's go to Paris.

Hey, you sure you can't read?
Come on, everybody get ready.

Daddy, I was so worried
about you. Why do we have
to run away again?

I've been promoted from
page 8 to page 1.

"Bank embezzler
sought in Phoenix"?

Yeah, every cop in the city is
looking for a guy with seven
kids and a nervous breakdown.

I'd better dash home
and get my things.

Oh, no. I let you
talk me into staying,
but that's it.

In fact there's only one place
you're going, and that's
straight back to Altadena.

I most certainly am not.

You most certainly am so.

Honey, the heat's on.
They're closing in on me.
If they pick you up with me,

the next class you'd
be teaching is basket-weaving
in the jute mill.

But what about
the children?

That's right,
if I get nabbed,

don't you think
we ought to have
somebody on the outside

to tell them about
the birds and the bees
and the embezzlers?

But when will I see you?
How will I know
where you are?

You won't, till I get
this mess cleared up. Or
the police clear it up for me.

I still don't
like the idea.

Maybe the next time, you
better fall in love with a guy
who never gets into trouble,

like the head of the Mafia.

Good luck.

Daddy,
where are we going?

Promise to keep it
under your hat?

I wish I knew.

Daddy, Mr. Pomeroy
just went by.
Hello, Mr. Pomeroy!

What? Don't be silly, Mark.
What would Mr. Pomeroy
be doing here?

Right now he's back in the
bank, checking on everybody
who took a late lunch hour.

Mark saw a mirage.

I saw Mr. Pomeroy.
I did so, Daddy.

If only it was Mr. Pomeroy.
He's the one person
I could show this to.

He'd recognize
my handwriting.

But it was
Mr. Pomeroy, Daddy.

Right in the backseat
of that taxi.

Well, what can we lose?

At least it's a cheap way to
find out if he needs glasses.

Just staying a moment.
Park it, will you, Linda?

Mr. Pomeroy's
room, please.

Pomeroy?
Yeah. I think he
just checked in.

Pomeroy.

He's tall, distinguished,
smells of money.

I'm sorry, sir.
We don't have any
Pomeroy on the guest list.

Oh, he must be here.

The only thing I passed
going the other way was two
prairie dogs and a tumbleweed.

I'm sorry, sir.
He didn't stop here.

Well, thanks anyway.
You're welcome.

Your key, Mr. Haskell.
Your bags are in your room.

And your coat
is there, too,
Mrs. Haskell.

Thank you very much.

Haskell?

Mrs. Pomeroy is
not that young.

In fact she's not
that anything.

Bunny Toes!

I don't know what to say.
Is it insured?

You're a very expensive
but non-deductible item,
my dear.

Not Mr. Pomeroy.

Maybe she's just looking for
a loan and he's just checking
her collateral.

Psst!

Now, honey, don't be
like that. Now, look,
it's not so bad.

After all, we'll have
a few hours of fun and games
before I have to fly back.

Fly back?

Waiter. Waiter!

I'm sorry, angel pie,
but it's an absolute
necessity.

Waiter!

We'll start with
three Caesar salads.
We'll think about the entree.

Yes, sir.

But, angel cake,
I've got to go back.

Things are still
a little touchy
around the bank.

Bank, bank, bank.
All you think
about is work.

Hardly. It's more
in the nature of
self-preservation.

Sorry.

And my wife is beginning
to suspect something.

I've been
a little too happy
around the house.

Your wife!

Now you're depressing me.
And you know what happens
to my system.

Lamby, lovey, the last thing
I want to do is upset my
little raisin dumpling, but

things are
getting difficult.

Difficult?

We're not running out
of money, are we?

I think I'd like to
eat somewhere else.

So would I.

Well,
naturally, my dear.

You see, in
my particular business,
there are some things

that it doesn't pay
to advertise.

Well, just so you know
that I'm a very
sensitive person,

and I like
to be respected.

And I don't like
to be left alone.

Do you think I'm leaving
you here on choice?

There are many
pressures, my precious.

I've got to be there,
to keep up appearances
at the bank.

I'll be so lonesome.
I'm the only person
in town I know.

And let's keep it
like that.

Oh, honey, I'll fly in
whenever I can.

You don't understand.
But there are a few other
problems in life besides that.

Like what?
Well, like, shall we say,

a group of people who
frown on bank presidents
living magnificently?

Well, if you ask me,
they're just mean
and jealous,

and I hope they're
not the reason that you're
running back to Altadena.

I'll give you
another reason.
The FBI is back in town.

Well, aren't they after
that fellow Dimsdale?

And that's the way we want
to keep it. No connection
between you and me.

That's it, that's
the house, right there.

Passing himself off
as a decent,
upstanding citizen.

Well, it just goes to
show you what a desperate,
criminal mind will go to.

Get over there.

Now hear this! Now hear this!
Get out the back, Henry.

The fuzz is
at the front door.
Run for your life!

Got you!

You didn't
find him, did you?

Golda, this is
the last time.
I mean the last time.

I wouldn't take
this from Mother.

Officer, Officer! If you're
looking for Mr. Duncan,
he left this morning

with those seven
little noisemakers.

Duncan?

Is this a picture of him?

No, that's not him.

It certainly is.
Before the beard.
Before the mustache.

Mustache, huh? Very good.
Now stop and think
for a minute.

Did he happen to mention
where he was going?
Did he talk to anybody else?

Like a friend, maybe.

Well, there was this
certain person. She called
herself a schoolteacher.

Her name was...
Oh, I do have trouble
with names.

I can think of a few.
Golda!

Miss Barton?

Yes?

Miss Ellie Barton?

Yes.

Your landlord said that
you might be interested in
our new 32-volume set of

World Wide Encyclopedia.
We're recommended
by Diners Club.

Well, no, thanks.
I'm rather busy at the moment.
Maybe some other time.

Some other time.
Yeah, sure. Thanks.

That was the Barton
dame, all right.

She was packing her stuff.
Getting ready to run off
and meet him.

You know, this capture
could make me more famous
than Melvin Purvis.

Honey, Golda.
I apologize for this.

You know how
much I love you.

But this really, you know,
it hurts me more than
it does you.

It really does.

Hi, Daddy.
Hi.

Make him stop.
Hey, wait a minute.

You're gonna have
a long panda bear.

Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Linda.

What's in those boxes?
Oh, this may help my case.

Pomeroy is leaving
this afternoon.

I've got a hunch
his girlfriend, Monica,
knows everything.

About Pomeroy, I mean.

What's that got to do with
what's in the boxes?

I'll show you later.

- You ready out there?
- Yeah!

Okay.
All right!

What are you dressed
like that for, Daddy?

Well, how do I look, Linda?
Or should I say Linda Bird?

Oh, like a Texas oilman
with millions.
Good.

Because if I sized up
Monica right,
that's what she likes.

A plain, simple fellow
with a walk-in wallet.

Oh, Daddy, you look
positively in.

What I'm
trying to do is stay out.
Say, this better work.

Oh, I forgot my money.

I bet it has something
to do with the bank job.

No, I bet we're broke
and he's going to work
as a bellhop.

Sure one way
to find out.

How?

Come on.

$1,100, $1,200.

I didn't know we had
that much money left.

These are just singles, honey.
They wouldn't buy dinner
at this place.

But they do make
a nice sandwich.

Hey, where are you two
going in such a hurry?

Nowhere special, Dad.

Just outside,
to look for Pogo.

Poor kids,
they're stir-crazy, too.

Good luck, Daddy.

Linda, what's
a diplodocus?

A...

I haven't got
the slightest idea, Andy.

I bet Ellie would know.

Hello. Andy,
are you all right?

Oh, sure,
but I want to ask you...

Where's your father?

I don't know, he
just went out and left us.
But I want to ask...

Left you? But didn't he
say where he was going
or when he was coming back?

Nope, he just said goodbye
and took all his money
with him.

Now, Andy,
where are you?

Yes, I want to know
the name of the ranch.

Did you say
Lazy Z?

Hey,
bartender, give me
a whiskey straight,

and keep pouring
till this here runs out.
Yes, sir.

Are you going to
drink all of this?

Yep.

My, that's
a terrible waste.

Yeah, I wanna forget.

Oh.

A woman.

Nope, a gusher.

Four of them came in
today in my north forty.
Got the corn all greasy.

Worse than that,
the prices of steers
shot up.

And to top it off,
the government decided
to pay me

$5,000 an acre
not to grow wheat.

And with 10,000 acres,
you know what that does
to me, gal?

I know what
it does to me.

Boy, it puts me in
the 104% bracket.

The only way
I can break even
is to go broke.

What do you say,
little filly,

you wanna help
a poor cowhand
head 'em off at the pass?

Poor cowhand!
I bet you own Texas.

Who snitched?

Well, here's branding you
where your saddle
won't rub, ma'am.

Where you from, gal?

Oh, just anyplace,
that's where I'm from.

You here alone?

Well, yes, and no.

That's what I like,
a straight answer.
What do they call you, gal?

You don't have to call,
I'm already here.

Yeah, for a minute,
I thought they turned off
the cooling system.

You gonna be
good now, Golda?

Is that a question
or a proposition?

I mean, you're not
going to try to help
Dimsdale again, are you?

I can't honestly say.

Why not?

Well, if I do, you'll slap
those handcuffs on me.

Thanks for telling the truth,
Golda. That exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Stop that!

All right, quit trying to
struggle, will you?
What, not again!

Just behave yourself.
Not again!

Don't do this to me.

You got a grip like
a used car dealer.

Just relax, will you.
Just be good, huh?
I gotcha, haven't I?

Ah, good.

I wish you...

So it shouldn't be
a total loss, kiss me.

All right,
keep right on
joking, honey,

but I got the key in
my right rear pocket,
so the laugh's on you.

Have another laugh on me.
Cut it out, will you...

Cut it out, will you, Golda.
Cut it out, Golda.
Come on, Golda.

Imagine! They couldn't even
wait until they checked in.

Disgraceful.

Oh, yes. You go through
those doors, across the court
and around the pool.

It's bungalow 27.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay. Just so you don't remind
me of them cotton-picking
uranium mines.

Uranium?

Well, we're not sure,
all we know is
the lizards light up at night.

Well, let's not talk
about me. What's your
room number, honey?

Well, it's right in here
on the key. I have all sorts
of trouble with numbers.

Yeah. Me, too.

Oops.

Whoops, I got you.

Oh, you sure have.

Henry!

Ellie!

So this is what
you abandoned
your children for.

This is suddenly
why I have to leave town.

Ellie! I know
you're wondering
what's this all about.

I know what it's all about,
I read Cosmopolitan.

I just never
thought it would
happen to me.

Ellie.

Let her go, Uranium, honey.
I mean, Henry, honey.

Now, there's still time
to go upstairs to my place
and have that little drinkie.

Yeah, thanks, but I
just had a straight shot
of romance on the rocks.

Oh, honey!
Now, I have seen her type
a hundred times

and if there's one thing
I can't stand,
it's a party pooper.

Now you come on upstairs
to my place, and we'll drown
your sorrows together.

Course, a couple
more drownings, and my head
will start to swim.

And then I'll be telling you
the story of my life.

Yeah, but...

You will?
Come to think of it,
that's not a bad idea.

A little of that
100-proof blabber juice.

Oh, honey.

There're a lot more things
to do at my place
than just talking.

Yeah. Listening.

You there,
cowboy, come here.
Raise your right hand.

I hereby deputize you
a member of the Altadena,
California, Police.

Now, if you'd be
kind enough to reach
in my right rear pocket,

you'll find a
small key. Easy.

Thank you,
you're relieved of duty.

Golda!

Henry! Henry Dimsdale,
are you here?
The heat's here.

Henry! I'm sorry.
They followed me.

I'm so sorry
they followed me.

Hey, what's with
you and my husband?

Dimsdale, huh? Okay!

Sorry.

Obviously,
you're not Dimsdale.

I made a terrible
mistake. Madam.

Incidentally, while you're
here on the ranch,
stay off the Shetland ponies.

Golda! Golda!

Henry Dimsdale! Henry!
Mr. Dimsdale! Henry!
Henry Dimsdale!

You know, you're right.
A person should never
get caught.

Who's trying to
catch you, anyway?

Federal Bureau
of Investi...

Investi...

The FBI.

Oh.

♪ Who's afraid of the FBI?
The FBI, the FBI ♪

Me. But I have
a very clever scheme.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm gonna trap you
into admitting

that Mr. Pomeroy stole
the money from the bank.

I'm gonna
get you to talk.

Me?

No, not you.

You!

Say. That is
a clever scheme!

How you
gonna do it?

By getting you drunk.

I never get drunk.

Okay. Let's drink to
you not getting drunk.

Now, how'd she do that?

What happened?

I don't know.
I just got here.

You'll be all right.
Just hang on to the floor.

You expecting company?

No.

Who goes there?

Open up.
It's Bunny Toes.

It's Bunny Toes.
You've got to get out
of here, it's Bunny Toes!

Bunny toes?
I'm not afraid
of bunny toes,

even if the whole bunny's
attached to them.

But that's Bunny Toes!

Well, throw him some carrots
and maybe he'll go away.

No, don't argue.
You've got to
get out of here.

Very well, I'll just...

Not that way,
no, not that way.

That way, that way,
that way.

Monica.

Just a minute.
I'm trying to throw
something out. On!

But this is the window.

Just stand on the ledge
and grab a vine.

A ledge for Bunny Toes?

Well, isn't this
a pleasant surprise.

How do you like that!
It's fogged in over
the entire West Coast.

The flight's been
canceled. Looks like
I'll have to stay over.

Say, Monica's had
a little drinkie.

Well, it's so lonesome
without my Bunny Toes.

Well, you stay right there
with your happy little buzz
till Bunny Toes catches up.

It's my new western
tango skirt.

Do you like it?
Yippee-I-Oh.
Cha-cha-cha.

Mmm-hmm!

Aren't the sleeves
a little long?

Bunny Toes!

Monica, where is he?

Bunny Toes!
What are you
accusing me of?

Where is he,
Monica?

Bunny Toes!

Get down!

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Don't you lie to me.
There was a man in here.

I admit there was
a man's jacket in here.

But that is no reason
to be upset.

No reason?
After I put everything
I've got on the line?

Honey. I've put everything
I've got on the line, too.

Yes, well, I was the one
who juggled the books
to the tune of $50,000

to keep you in diamonds
and dude ranches.
And now you do this to me.

Where are you going?

Back to my wife.

I can't stand her,
but at least she's loyal.

Hmm!

You just can't trust
a married man.

You can come in
now, sweetie.

I'll need a crowbar
to get my fingers loose.

Send those to 203.

Mr. Dimsdale!

Golda, don't you warn
that clown!

Follow that cart! Come on!

Whoa!

Stop! In the
name of the law!

Stop! Whoa!
Where're you going?

Hey, you.
No pets allowed in here!

Boy, they sure
built this place
close to the highway.

Golda!

Hold it there! Whoa!

That's a capital offense,
striking an officer
of the law.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Stop! Whoa!

All right,
park somewhere,
will you?

Whoa!

Get off that horse,
Dimsdale!

You're not
helping me, Golda.

Whoa!

Golda. Golda.

Get out of the way!

Help! Help!

Now Indian
have mobile home.

Fore!

Well at least
they're getting smaller.

Help!

Hang on,
Mr. Dimsdale.

That, I thought of myself.

Put it into reverse. Whoa!

Stop, Dimsdale.

How about that?
I'm whiter than white.

Give it up, Golda.
He's no good.

What am I doing up here
in the crow's-nest?

Nobody fools with
Jasper Lynch.

Mr. Dimsdale,
I can't see.

We're flying blind.

Stop in the
name of the law!

Jasper, I tell you,
he's innocent.
He's innocent, Jasper.

Come on, Dimsdale.
Come on.

There, there.
Stop crying.

Your father's
going to be all right.

After all, we know
he's innocent.

But nobody else
does.

There. Now,
be a good boy
and sit down.

Here's, Mr. Duncan...
Mr. Dimsdale's coat, ma'am.

It was left in suite 22.

Thank you.
Hang on a minute.

What's that?
My tape recorder.

What was it
doing in there?

We planted it on Dad
before he went out.

We wanted to hear
what was going on.

You mean, you spied
on your father?

I guess so.

We figured maybe we could
help out, sort of.

Well, all right.

But I'm going to erase
every syllable off this tape.

Then I won't say
any more about it.

I admit there was
a man's jacket in here,

but that is no reason
to get upset.

You pushed the wrong button,
Ellie, this is...
Listen.

Yes, well, I was
the one who juggled the books
to the tune of $50,000

to keep you in diamonds
and dude ranches.
And now you do this to me.

Come on!

And do you,
Henry Dimsdale,

take this woman to have
and to hold, as long as
you both shall live?

We do!

Me too.

And do you,
Jasper Lynch,
take this...

This...
Woman.

To have and to hold,
as long as you
both shall live?

He certainly does.

Please, Mother,
I'd rather handle
this myself.

But, Jasper, you know
how you need help
with these things.

I'm just trying to do
my duty as a mother.

What time do
you go off duty?

I now pronounce you
husbands and wives.

I want a kiss!

Hi, Mom!
Come on, Daddy!

Hey, wait a minute, I got
to get a picture of this.

I'll get the camera.
It's in the car.

Where are we going
on our honeymoon?

Niagara Falls
sounds exciting.

Yeah, and I'll
bring the barrel.

- Alaska.
- Miami.

No, let's go to Hawaii.

No, South America.

Don't you want
to go anywhere?

I already went.

Come on, let's get ready
for the photograph.

Anything wrong?

No, but did we just
have a close call.