Eight on the Lam (1967) Movie Script

Mr. Dimsdale, I know

that you like to leave

promptly at 4:00,

but there are times when the

bank requires your services

beyond the hand on the clock.

Therefore... Dimsdale?

Dimsdale!

Steve! Daddy's here.

Okay.

See you all tomorrow.

See you.

See you tomorrow.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Dad.

Oh. Sorry.

Dana!

Come on, Mark.

You have a lovely

family, Mr. Dimsdale.

I'd join a car pool,

but we'd need a bus.

It's reassuring

to know there

are still fathers

with enough interest

in their children to

put themselves out.

One more kid and that's

exactly where I'd be.

But it's reassuring to know

that there are teachers

with enough interest

to be interested

in fathers with

enough interest.

I am, Mr. Dimsdale.

I know, Miss Barton.

See you later.

There you go, champ.

How's that for

a Freudian slip?

I guess I'll use any

excuse to see you again.

I was afraid you might

think you've been

seeing too much of me.

Too much of you?

Try me.

8:00.

Okay.

Dad, make him stop!

All right.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold it down to

a small riot, will you?

Daddy, when are

we gonna be able

to afford a larger car?

When you're about

10 years older and can

marry a millionaire.

I had more room when

I was in my baby buggy.

And I haven't finished

paying for that, either.

In fact I still owe

two more payments to the

hospital before I own you.

At least we're a

very close family.

Here. Next time

you do this.

I feel like

I'm auditioning

for Peyton Place.

Hey, it's Golda!

Hey, Golda!

Golda!

Thanks, Smokey.

Next time I'll bring

the marshmallows.

That's a nice

entrance, Golda,

but don't you know you can get

into trouble with the city,

riding a fire truck?

Relax, we watered

the Mayor's lawn

as we went by.

Well, don't be juicing

the Mayor. All I hired

you for is babysitting.

Fine. You just

point them out

and I'll sit on them.

Please.

Don't encourage her.

I better get a few laughs.

I don't get any food.

In fact, last Wednesday,

I almost starved to death.

Listen, I don't mind you

having a little snack,

but with your appetite

I have to keep counting

the kids around here.

You know how I

love these children.

I must.

Look at the punishment

I take in this house.

They're very

well behaved.

Who's talking

about them?

There must be some strange,

wonderful reason that

I keep you on.

Oh, of all

the ungrateful...

Do you realize that I have

more than $20 in yarn alone

in this sweater

I'm knitting for you?

For me?

What is it,

socks, too?

Does it come with

a bunch of bananas?

Come on, you don't wear it

like that. The arms have to

be strapped behind you.

Oh, yes, that would...

Come on.

Okay, everybody,

wash your hands.

Dinner's almost ready.

Dinner?

You have had dinner.

You mean last night?

Go wash your hands.

Yippee, Golda gets

to stay for dinner!

Naturally!

Daddy, if she's gonna stay,

we don't have enough chops.

We better get some more.

Yeah, and she's

over there licking hers.

I better go to the store.

Golda gets to

stay for dinner!

I wish I knew

what they saw in her.

Maybe there's a cure for it.

Okay. Now, remember,

we're playing house rules.

And you,

stop doubling up

on sixes.

Okay, okay, hit me,

down and dirty.

Good.

Thousand dollar bills.

Two thousand,

three thousand,

four thousand.

Five, six,

seven, eight...

$10,000.

If the poor guy

who lost this

doesn't get it back,

he'll empty

his swimming pool

and dive in.

Hey. I wanna talk

to you a second.

No, but I got to...

Hey, you know what

just happened?

No, what?

Well, I fell down over

there and I found...

Forget it.

They'll never expect

to find anything there.

Okay,

go ahead, take it.

You can have it.

What is it, Daddy?

Huh?

Oh.

I'll let you know

as soon as I

swallow my heart.

I scared him!

Don't ever do that, Mark.

Daddy could die of fright.

If he does,

can I have his room?

Go to the kitchen.

Daddy,

are you all right?

Yeah, but I just...

Here's Golda's chops.

I'll be down right away

to help you with dinner.

Watch it.

I'm sorry.

You need curb feelers

around here.

Daddy, you look like there's

something on your mind.

No, I was just thinking

about dinner and all that

lettuce. I mean, bread.

Daddy! Daddy!

What's the matter, honey?

Mike and Andy and Steve

won't let me play

Monopoly with them.

Well, maybe they think

you're too little to play.

They play it on the floor.

I can reach it and

I have my own money!

Well, as long as you've got

your own money, let's go in

and check with those cats.

I'll take two houses

on Park Place.

That'll be $1,000.

Hey, listen,

why don't you kids let your

little brother in the game?

I could buy 10 houses.

I got lots of money.

You heard him.

His money's down.

But, Dad, he doesn't

understand, it takes

more than money.

Not more than this money.

Yeah, but I still wish

you'd let him in the game.

It's my money.

Give me it!

Well, go ahead,

give it to him.

But, Dad!

Yeah, but you

don't have... You...

You.

Where did you

get this money?

I found it.

Where?

In my secret

hiding place.

I stumbled onto

the family vault.

Well, it just so

happens to be mine.

I put it there.

Okay.

A thousand

dollar bill?

Ten thousand

dollar bills,

to be exact.

I found them in

the parking lot.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, boy, now I get that

little tape recorder I've

always been dreaming about.

And an adding machine

to figure out my back pay.

And I can get my

walkie-talkies.

Yeah.

And you can

pay off the hospital,

and then you'll own me.

And I can get...

Hold it. Hold it.

This money goes back

to the manager of

the market tomorrow.

But why?

'Cause somebody

lost it, that's why.

In kindergarten,

it's finders keepers.

In your kindergarten,

ring-around the Rosie

was probably fixed.

The money goes back.

You're kidding! When you

hand over the money, ask if

anybody found your marbles.

Daddy's right.

We sure could

use it, though.

Yeah, with $10,000

we could buy

a lot of nice things.

A car big enough for

people, an engagement ring,

or a nice dress

for the school dance.

But we've got to do

the honest thing, right?

Do you want

an honest answer?

But, Dad, if you turn the

money in to the market, how do

we know they won't keep it?

They won't even

give you trading stamps!

If it's going to fall into

the hands of crooks,

I'd rather it be us!

We've got to think of

the poor man who lost it.

Not the poor man

who found it.

I suppose we could put

a little ad in the paper,

asking the person

who lost it to

get in touch with us.

Yeah, but 20,000 people

will claim it.

Mike's right.

But I could watch

the want ads

for the person who lost it

to advertise.

See, there is

an honest way.

Oh, boy!

Some people can't even be

trusted to find money!

I still like the way we

do things in kindergarten.

Not a bad place for a date.

Sort of a poor man's

Las Vegas.

Music, dancing and

you come out clean.

Think of all those

unfortunate people with

their own washing machines.

Ellie, am I being

some kind of jerk?

You mean about

the money you found?

Keep it, and you'll

never be able

to live with yourself.

I'll be able

to live with you.

I think you're doing exactly

the right thing, watching for

an ad in the paper.

But what if

nobody claims it?

No ad appears?

Honey, we're talking

about $10,000.

Nobody can afford to lose that

kind of money unless they have

long hair and play a guitar.

Not if it was some

kind of hot money.

Or undeclared cash

or something.

Think of what we

could do with it.

Oh, I got to get you out of

here. You're breathing too

much of this detergent.

Dana's.

Andy.

But if we could keep it,

think how beautiful

things would be.

Mark's.

We could really

start to live.

You know, when you've

got seven kids,

this is a big event.

Maybe we could

even have a few more

little mouths to feed.

Honey, right now

I'd settle for just

being able to marry you.

Well!

Arthur, get me out of here.

This place is full of

sex maniacs!

You, I trust.

Oh, no.

Only one to a bed

in this hotel.

What've you got,

two heads?

Daddy.

The studious one.

Oh, he's learning

pretty fast.

What's with you?

Dad, I waited up for you.

Well, you didn't have to.

I'm a big boy now.

I just wanted to tell you,

we all sure hope there's

no ad in the paper tomorrow.

Dream it.

More mouths to feed.

What a club.

Never thought you'd

turn on your master.

Here, you read it.

I couldn't.

Not me.

I pass.

I'll read it.

You can't even read.

It isn't there.

Oh, boy!

We can keep it!

No, no.

Not yet. Too soon.

Maybe it'll be in

tomorrow's paper.

Gee, Dad,

what if we...

No, we're not going to

cancel our subscription.

Oh, it's you. With all

that money in the house,

I hooked up a burglar alarm.

Yeah, but...

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

But I think my eyeballs

just changed sockets.

It works.

Yeah, it's fine. Now

the question is, do I?

Aren't you going

a little far with this?

Are you kidding?

With all that money in

the house, the last two weeks

I've been a money-sitter.

No, it couldn't be.

Could it?

This is Ronald.

And if he doesn't change his

ways, all I'm going to give

him for Christmas is a sponge.

Have you been

moonlighting?

I hope you mean that

the way I hope you mean that.

He belongs to

the neighbors

down the street.

They pay cash.

Cash. It's people like that

who ruin the neighborhood.

How long you

gonna keep waiting?

The money is yours.

You know,

there's something sick

about being so honest.

You think I'm

happy about it?

But I've got to think

about the kids.

I've got to

set an example

for them to follow.

Some example.

They'll grow up and

try to become idiots.

Just look at you!

You're a nervous wreck.

You don't even know

what you are doing.

Well, I may be

a trifle tense,

but I'm in perfect

control of myself.

Yeah,

in perfect control, eh?

Newspapers in

the refrigerator?

Well, I...

And...

Now, who put

that in there?

You're in control

like he's in control.

It's almost his

feeding time.

Boy, have you

got a wrong number.

Well, I guess

I'll be running along,

if there's nothing

else you'd like.

No, running along

is plenty for me.

Goodnight, Golda.

Goodnight.

Oh, uh, Henry.

Henry?

I've been thinking.

If you're free some night,

maybe I could give

one of my IOUs to

a babysitter and we could...

You and me?

Stranger things

have happened.

Not to me.

Oh, look, Golda,

I appreciate the offer,

but, you know,

Miss Barton and I

are sort of a thing.

Well. Watch it.

With her education,

she knows the difference

between a proposal

and a proposition.

What happened to you

and your boyfriend?

Have you and

the snake charmer gone pfft?

No. Pfft!

Hey, Stevie,

why aren't you in bed?

I've got

a test in algebra.

You don't know

what trouble is until

you get in that stuff.

Here, have a blast.

I couldn't

fall asleep.

You, too?

Belly up to the bar,

I'm buying.

I guess I'm worried

because I know

you're worried.

Well, you shouldn't be.

I don't think I'll ever

get rid of these jitters

until I get rid of that money.

Spend it.

That's a good way

to get rid of it.

It isn't mine.

Mark, Andy, Dana,

Mike and me, we took

a vote on you today,

on account of

you already held the money

for two weeks.

And what did

the summit decide?

You got two "honests"

and three "stupids."

If I didn't believe in

the secret ballot, there would

be three good spankings.

How would you vote,

honey?

Any way that would give

you some peace of mind.

Yeah. I wish

I knew what to do.

If Mom was here,

I bet you she'd

tell you to keep it.

Yeah, your mother always

was pretty good at figuring

out problems. She married one.

If Ellie was our mom, she

could tell you what to do.

Are you gonna

marry her, Dad?

Steve, that's not

a fair question

to ask your father.

That's not even a fair

question to ask Ellie,

without that $10,000.

That does it.

I've waited long enough.

Anybody who lost $10,000

and doesn't try to claim it

in two weeks, doesn't want it.

Tomorrow morning, when

the other kids wake up,

you can give them the news.

I'm putting the money in

the bank. We're keeping it.

Oh, Dad!

Oh, Daddy!

Just for that,

don't tell them a thing.

Why do you

want to put it into

a savings account?

Make a public

record out of it?

Why don't you just

keep it right where it is,

in your money belt.

I had a large lunch.

Sure, you'll never be

able to shake those

insurance salesmen,

and those guys with

the cemetery plots.

And the income tax boys.

You found it,

and they'll find you.

I don't know, $10,000

is a lot of responsibility

for a two-dollar wallet.

- Don't be foolish, Henry.

- They're right, Dimsdale.

As a bank president,

I say deposit the money

in a bank.

But, as a friend who knows

what you've been through

with those seven children,

I say think of yourself.

Well, I guess

that settles it.

Getting it right from

the horse's mouth.

I mean the

boss's mouth.

I can't tell you

how delighted I am,

Dimsdale.

And confidentially,

when no one turned up to

claim the money immediately,

I knew you'd

wind up with it.

The first thing I got to do

is teach my kids the meaning

of a new word. Spend.

That's the idea.

And don't forget to

enjoy it yourself.

Buy that new car,

buy that new fishing rod,

buy that new suit.

Well, I can sure

use the money.

My suits are worn out

but the pockets

are brand new.

Goodnight,

Dimsdale.

Thanks.

Here it is, sir.

Uh-huh.

I just can't understand

a thing like that.

Can you, Mr. Pomeroy?

Not a shortage in our books.

Maybe if you checked

the figures again.

I'd be delighted.

But in the meantime,

if I might suggest,

you should try

to think of one

of your employees

who's recently

been living

beyond his means.

A big spender?

I can't think of a one.

Yeah, I guess

this is it.

I'll take it.

Not just short,

Mr. Pomeroy.

$50,000 short.

One of my people?

I just can't believe it.

I'll take it.

Ellie's on

the phone, Daddy.

Hello, honey.

How about putting down

your pencil and

putting on some lipstick?

I'm taking you

out to dinner tonight,

to someplace special,

where you don't have

to order the special.

I'll need

your name, sir.

Oh, sure.

Henry Dimsdale.

Dimsdale?

There it is in

black and white.

$50,000 short.

Not Henry.

Are you sure you

haven't made a mistake?

All right, girls.

These are the very latest,

Mr. Dimsdale.

That yellow one

is beautiful.

Well, we'll take it.

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, she said Daddy,

but she meant Father.

Of course, sir.

And I believed him when

he told me he found

the money in a parking lot.

But, Mr. Pomeroy,

would an embezzler call

attention to himself

by telling everybody

he found $10,000?

I don't know

what to say.

Well, I do.

Get down to

the police department

and swear out a warrant

for Dimsdale's arrest.

A man with seven

wonderful children.

Boy, with this family,

I might as well

walk around naked.

Oh, you said

a dirty word.

Hey.

If money can't buy happiness,

then this is a pretty crazy

brand of misery.

Oh, Henry,

you shouldn't have!

I didn't.

I know, but I love to

watch a coward squirm.

It's Golda!

I got a paint book.

Beautiful!

The money!

You kept it.

Or rather, you blew it.

I knew you had some

good crooked blood

in you somewhere.

Welcome to the club.

All right, everybody,

school tomorrow.

Off to bed.

And I don't want any report

cards coming home with

A in Snoring. Hit the pad.

Sleeping's no fun.

I'm going to dream

I made Daddy go to bed early.

Well, it's about

time that I...

Hey, Marty, what are you

doing here at this hour?

Your wife left you?

Nothing like that.

This is bad news.

Bad news?

Two bank examiners came over

to look over the books.

Well, what about it?

Don't you understand?

I think

we're being bugged

by a live one.

Pardonnez-moi.

Well, they found

a shortage in your books,

and you've been pretty

loose with your money

all of a sudden.

Yeah, but you know

I found the $10,000,

and so does Mr. Pomeroy.

Yes, but he doesn't

believe it anymore.

He's sure it's part

of the missing money.

But, Marty,

you believe me,

don't you?

Of course.

You're not bright enough

to steal $50,000.

$50,000? But I...

$50,000!

Poor Mr. Dimsdale.

Unless he took it.

Then it's rich Mr. Dimsdale.

I'm going right

down to Mr. Pomeroy

to clear this thing up.

I'm being framed

by somebody.

Well, you can

go right over to

Police Headquarters,

where he's swearing out

a warrant for your arrest.

Now, if you take my advice,

you get out of town

and you lay low until

you can clear yourself.

Oh, dear!

I need time

to think it over.

In about 10 minutes

you're gonna have

10 years to think it over.

Yeah, but, Marty.

Look, if they catch

me here with you,

guess who'll be

lining up next to you

in the exercise yard.

See you, Henry.

Good luck.

Thanks, Marty.

All I have to do now

is figure out

what I have to do now.

Get out of town!

Hey, how do you

know what happened?

I got wall-to-wall ears.

Listen, if I were in

your shoes, they'd be running.

Don't stand there!

I'll help you pack.

The next voice you hear

may have a siren

on the end of it.

Yeah, but even if I wanted

to run away, I've got seven

kids. I can't leave them.

Why leave them?

Yeah, we could all

go on the lam together.

Some families go bowling.

And your car will be hot.

You'd better switch

plates with me.

Yeah, I'll get them ready.

Hey, wait a minute, wait

a minute. I'm panicking.

They can't put me in jail.

What have they really

got against me?

That I bought

a new car for cash,

a diamond ring for cash,

a store full

of toys for cash?

I wonder if they'll let me

have visitors on weekends.

You're right.

You round up the boys

and I'll get the girls packed.

Linda.

What is it, Daddy?

It's nothing, honey,

just put your clothes on

and get the other girls

dressed and packed.

We're going on a trip.

At this time of night?

Yeah, it's a new thing,

instant vacation.

But, Daddy...

No buts, honey,

just get dressed and packed.

I've got to go

back downstairs.

I forgot my lawyer.

I mean my laundry.

Come on, baby,

put it all together.

It's gonna be great fun.

Come on, come on!

What's the matter?

Don't ask

so many questions.

Get dressed, put some

things in a suitcase,

you're going on a vacation.

A vacation, whoopee!

Come on,

out of the sack.

Huh?

Out! Out!

What about school?

School? Are you

some kind of a nut?

Come on, shorty,

on your feet.

I'm sorry, Mark,

you got to go!

I already went.

Steve, you take charge of

this lump of Jell-O.

I've got to go

check on the girls.

Mr. Dimsdale?

Why deny it?

I hope you don't

mind my barging in.

Well, I must say,

you fellows are sure polite.

Mom always says,

"Jasper, if you can't

be bright, be polite."

Mom knows me real good.

She's my mother.

Part of the new breed.

I suppose you

want to frisk me.

Not really.

What'd you

have in mind?

You're very kind.

You're very playful.

I guess you won't mind

if I go up and say goodbye

to the kids.

I'd rather they

hear it from me.

You go right ahead,

Mr. Dimsdale.

Thanks.

Mr. Dimsdale, Mr. Dimsdale,

don't you think I ought to...

Jasper!

Jasper?

Relax. He's

my new boyfriend.

Just don't talk

about snake charmers.

Jasper, darling!

You know,

your boss is kind of a kook,

but he's got a lot of heart.

Jasper, how nice

of you to drop in unannounced.

Just like a raid.

Golda, it's so good

to see you. I wanted you

to be the first to know,

I've been promoted

to Detective.

Detective! Wonderful.

Now, I want you to

tell me all about it.

So, you go home

and call me up.

Wait a minute,

wait a minute, Golda.

He's very friendly.

He doesn't mind my being here.

Fact is, he's taking off

any minute.

How do you know that?

Well, he said

he wanted to go upstairs

and say goodbye to the kids.

I mean, if he was gonna stay,

he wouldn't have said that,

now, would he?

Say, you are

a detective,

aren't you?

Here, come with me,

right in here, come on.

What's the matter, honey?

I couldn't stand it,

that, that hungry look

in your eye.

Here is something delicious

that I just made,

ice cold beef stew.

Golda, bless your heart.

As a matter of fact,

I am kind of hungry.

Hungry enough

to eat a horse.

Now, I'll be right back.

And you eat slow. It's better

for everybody's digestion.

Hurry it up.

I got the fuzz

feeding his face.

Thanks, Golda.

Say, and Pogo's got to

be fed before we leave.

Check. What does he eat

besides stuffed pandas?

Now, it's on

the third shelf

in the refrigerator.

It's stewed horse meat

and kibble.

Check, third shelf,

refrigerator.

That's dog food?

Dogs love it!

I wonder who that is.

Jasper!

If I'd wanted

this kind of action,

I'd have been a mailman.

Isn't that cute?

He didn't want you

to eat alone.

That clown acted like

I was on the menu.

Say, what's a Pogo?

A Pogo?

That's the name of

the manufacturer.

It was made in Japan.

It's also

a transistor radio.

Pogo! Pogo!

Pogo! Here, boy!

Why, that was dog food.

Don't you like

my cooking?

Where are you going?

To get a distemper shot.

I can't let you go!

Tonight's special.

We've got to have

something special.

I already did.

Wine! Special wine

to toast your promotion.

Cooking sherry?

But what a year!

Red wine with dog food?

Pogo!

Pogo! Here, boy!

Hey, what're you doing?

I'm dancing!

Oh, that music

turns me on.

Really? I thought you had

a cold button somewhere.

Goodbye!

Bye!

Goodbye!

Now I know just how

Ma Dillinger felt.

Ow!

Ooh, that smarts.

Golda, you got me

all wound up.

Maybe you better

leave before you

pop your mainspring.

I hear bells.

I think it's love.

I think it's the doorbell.

Family curse.

We dig novel women.

Mr. Henry Dimsdale?

What if I said yes?

I know he won't mind

if we come in

and say hello.

You got a warrant

to say hello?

Hello.

Lynch! You here, too?

Me, too?

Golda. You and

my superior officer?

The least you

could've done was picked

a different precinct.

How long has this

been going on?

About 30 seconds.

I knew you'd find out

sooner or later.

The joint's clean.

Not a sign of Dimsdale.

That's right,

he's out for the evening.

Out for the evening?

Yeah, and she's

the babysitter.

Right, Golda?

It's only temporary.

I'm just waiting around

for the next

Miss Universe contest.

No sign of the

kids, either. Nothing.

That's right.

They're up in their

little beds, fast asleep.

Very fast.

In their little beds.

It may come as a shock

to you, Detective Lynch,

but Mr. Dimsdale is wanted

for embezzling $50,000,

and he just escaped

under your nose

with a family of seven

and a four-footed monster

named Pogo.

Pogo?

Why that dirty dog!

And you let that

whole bunch get away.

Well, Lieutenant,

I'll tell you something.

In spite of what you say,

I feel responsible,

and as my first assignment

as Detective,

I request permission

to bring in Dimsdale.

Lynch, I'm not giving

you permission,

I'm giving you an order.

Chief, you can count on me.

I'll follow that man

to the ends of the earth.

Further, if necessary.

Well, if the kids are gone,

there's no use of

me sitting around.

Now, just a minute.

What?

Get it on the radio.

Dimsdale, the kids,

the car, the license.

And I think you better

take a little ride

downtown with me.

All right, but you know

how jealous Jasper gets.

Come on,

get out of here!

Daddy, how come

you got off from

the bank now?

Your vacation

isn't till August.

Honey, it's a little late.

Why don't you get some rest.

Here, I'll get a little

rock-a-bye music for you.

...suspected

of embezzling $50,000...

...believe the bank teller

and his seven children...

...fleeing

the city in a late-model

Chrysler station wagon...

Nothing but cheap

mystery programs.

Daddy?

Yes, honey?

We're running away,

aren't we?

What, because of

that stuff on the radio?

There must be a lot of bank

tellers with seven children

heading for the state line.

And besides, I promised

you kids a vacation,

and money, you know.

I can't lie to you.

You have your mother's eyes.

Were the ones

they're after, aren't we?

If I went to jail before

I could clear myself,

I don't know what

would happen to you kids.

But, Daddy, doesn't

running away make it worse?

Honey, we hit "worse"

before we left the house.

I'll confess!

Only turn off

that light!

Water. Water!

Give me a drink of water!

Golda, will you stop

turning that light on.

It's hot in here.

What kind of

a third degree is this?

Here I was,

looking forward to something,

and what do I get?

No light in my eyes,

all the water I want,

no rubber hose.

You haven't even hit me

with a folded newspaper.

Talk about

police brutality.

Lieutenant,

we'll never get her to talk.

She won't stop talking.

Look, all we

want to know is,

did Dimsdale

give you any idea

where he might be headed?

Well, the kids wanted

to go to San Diego.

So, more than likely,

that's where they're headed.

Big S,

small A.

Small N.

Big D.

San Diego?

No, Bakersfield.

Well, if he's headed

for San Diego, how does

he get to Bakersfield?

Don't ask me,

I get lost in

my own driveway.

She's your friend,

take her home!

I've had all I can take.

You heard

what he said, Jasper.

Let's go up to my place.

No, Golda,

passion's got to wait.

No, I've sworn to give

wholeheartedly of myself

in the pursuit of justice.

I shall doggedly pursue it.

Across the mountains,

the prairies, the plains,

and the cities.

He shall not know a moment

of peace or security.

For I, Jasper Lynch,

am on the trail.

Say, you keep

defending him.

Don't tell me

you're on his side?

Don't tell me

you want to arrest

an innocent man

with seven kids

and a babysitter to support?

You are on his side!

Well, you never know when

they're gonna turn on you.

I'll bet you were

covering up for him

back there at headquarters.

And I believed you

when you said

he was heading north.

And south and west and...

Luckily, I was

an Eagle Scout,

and I happen to know

there's another direction

on the compass.

I'm gonna put it

on the Teletype right now.

Dimsdale is headed east!

Not in this car,

you don't.

Golda, give me

those keys!

I should've known

that wouldn't work.

Good evening, miss.

Do you have any plants

or citrus fruit with you?

No, sir, just my mother

and the children.

Evening, ma'am.

Have a pleasant trip.

Just a minute, miss!

I thought you

looked familiar.

Aren't you Jenny Hotchkiss,

who graduated from

James Monroe High?

Bessie Mae Zoldak,

and I was a dropout.

Well, at...

Well, at least

we made it out

of the state.

This vacation's no fun!

Why couldn't we stay

in the hotel?

Easy, kids, easy.

You're seeing

a part of America

very few people get to see.

It's not even

on the map.

Are we really lost?

Not completely.

We've been around

the same block three times.

Now, if I could

just figure out

which block.

I wanna go home.

I wanna go sleep.

I wanna go!

Old Faithful's

right on time again.

You sure you

just don't wanna play

with the roller towel?

Positive.

There must be

somebody still awake

who wouldn't mind

if we started our own

share-the-plumbing drive.

This is perfect.

Give me the flashlight.

In there, Daddy?

Aren't we taking a chance?

Not at all.

Every house has one.

Hope there's

nobody in there.

So does Mark.

Keep everybody quiet.

Hello? Hello?

It must be down here.

Hey, that was a good idea.

I feel better, too.

Daddy.

It's a rest stop.

It doesn't mean rest.

I guess that's my bed.

Yeah.

Well, why fight

the majority?

And you can have this one

for only 10% down.

Now, I know you folks

have been looking at

a lot of houses,

but I'm going to show you

something you've never seen

in a model house before.

Now, you just look around,

and I'll open up a window

and get a little air here.

What's the matter?

A man!

Lady! Lady, shh!

Oh, hi there.

What is this?

What are you doing here?

Right now I'm trying

to get my right leg

in the right leg.

That's not what I mean!

I suppose you want

an explanation of

why I'm here.

I suppose I do!

Well, how about this?

I overslept.

How dare you just walk in

and spend the night here!

Morning, Dad.

Boy, was I sleepy.

You have two children?

Yeah, it was an accident.

I mean us staying here,

not the children.

You don't know

the half of it.

Morning, Daddy.

We about ready to go?

Morning, Daddy.

That's about

the half of it.

If you'll just give me

a chance to...

Four children!

Well, I hope no more

are gonna pop out.

I'm with you.

Dad, me and Linda wanna know

if we're gonna cook here

or eat out.

Well, I guess

we both lost.

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it!

What kind of a man

would have the gall

to stay overnight

in a strange house

with six kids?

Daddy, I'm hungry.

Seven!

Well, he doesn't count,

he just dropped in

to check the plumbing.

Never in my whole life.

There just better

not be any more.

I give you my word,

there's no more children.

Oh, no!

A dog! Oh, no!

He thinks he's a pussycat.

I'm calling the cops.

This is trespass!

This is invasion! This is

breaking and entering!

Wait, wait! Come here.

And this is

10% down.

You're talking cash?

I figured you'd dig

those Jolly Green Giants.

The papers are

in the car.

Fine.

Daddy, are you going

to buy the house?

Okay. Get your things

out of the car.

We're staying?

This is it, go.

This house is a bargain

for a family like ours.

It's cheaper than bail.

And besides, we got to figure

a place to hide out until

I can get my name cleared.

If you can clear mud.

Hello.

Is this 213-794-5499?

Yes. Who is this?

This is 213-798-7499.

213-7...

Henry, is that you?

Please, no names.

Just call me by

my area code.

Are you all right?

Are the children all right?

Oh, sure.

Everybody's fine.

Things aren't much different,

I just have to keep my car

parked with the motor running.

I had to call you, Ellie,

just to explain why

I didn't show last night.

You didn't have to.

It's in all the papers.

Pictures, as well.

Ellie, I didn't do it.

I'm innocent!

I know that, darling.

I love you. Do you think

I care what the papers say?

Thanks, Ellie. Well, there's

nothing left to say except

I love you, too.

Don't hang up. Where are you?

I'll pack and come instantly.

What are you talking about?

You'd become an accessory.

Of course, you'd be one

of the nicest accessories

a crime ever had,

but forget it, huh?

But I want to be with you.

Yeah, but they wouldn't

put me in a woman's prison.

Look, I don't want you

to get mixed up in this.

Stay where you are.

But supposing I find out

something that might help you

get out of this mess.

You better not write it down,

just memorize it.

141 Cactus Way, Phoenix.

141 Cactus Way,

Phoenix, Arizona.

Good morning.

Morning.

What's the matter, Daddy?

Oh, it's our next-door

neighbor. What a vulture.

She knows a dead pigeon

when she sees one.

Next thing you know,

she'll be over here

ringing the bell.

I'll get it.

It's Ellie! It's Ellie.

Ellie!

Hello.

Ellie!

Okay, kids.

Break it up.

You did the welcome bit,

so get lost.

Come on. I know,

go ahead. Go ahead.

Ellie and Daddy have

a little grownup talking

to do.

And don't take it off,

you're going right back.

After dinner.

You do that again

and you'll still leave,

but I'll go with you.

Now you listen to me,

Mr. Dimsdale-Duncan.

I love you. And you're

in trouble and I'm going

to share it with you.

I'm just not leaving,

and that's all

there is to it.

I'll admit, there's

a lot to it. This is

no place for you.

You don't seem to realize

just how much you

really do need me.

Henry, do you

want a policeman

ringing your bell

to find out

why the children

aren't in school?

And you can't send them

without their records

from Altadena.

I'm the answer.

Your children are

going to have

a private tutor.

Okay. You're the teacher.

I'll move you in with Linda.

You'd better not.

If teacher lived here,

Mrs. Nosy Neighbor,

who was sizing me up

when I came in, might

get a wrong idea.

Yeah, and I might get

a few myself.

I'll find

a little place in town.

Going somewhere?

Yeah, I'm going

into town to get

you an apartment.

We can call it

Wrong-ideas-ville.

You can't risk

going into town.

Somebody might recognize you.

Yeah, I guess

you're right. I'd better

lay low for a while.

I'll pick up my bag later.

Ellie, I'm glad you came.

You know, it's nice to know

that somebody is on your side.

Especially now, with

everybody in the world

out to get me.

I'm no exception.

I'm out to get you, too.

What a trap.

Pardon the interruption.

So, that was the man

with those seven kids.

This the man?

That's definitely

some other guy.

That other guy happens

to be my sweetheart.

Well, if you

put it that way.

There's an awful lot of

hostility in you, baby.

That's him.

That's the man.

I'd know that

nose anywhere.

So he did pass through

here after all.

Now the question is,

where's he headed for?

Yuma? Salt Lake?

Daddy, open this

for me, please.

Mmm-hmm.

Daddy, I think you're

pretty. I don't care what

everybody else says.

Yeah. What does

everybody else say?

That you look

like a short, fat

President Lincoln.

Well, I guess that's better

than being a furry

Benedict Arnold.

Look, kids, I'm busy now.

Daddy's looking for something

very important in the paper.

Wanna see how I can read?

Listen, Daddy.

"$1,000 reward

offered for

"Altadena

bank em-bell-zer-er."

No.

Em-bell-zer-er-er?

No, that's "embezzler."

It's a common word, something

you find around the house.

Let's go out and play.

Embezzler.

That's a funny word.

Yeah, I'm hysterical.

Go out and play

with your brother.

I've given the children

a break. They're doing

so well today.

Something the matter?

Boy, if I don't do something

about finding out who framed

me, nobody will.

I can't just sit around here

waiting for a miracle.

I'm gonna go back to Altadena,

get into that bank and take

a good look at those books.

But that's too dangerous.

Then I'm coming with you.

Oh no. I'm not letting

you get involved.

I'm already involved.

Oh, you must be

some kind of beautiful nut.

Anyway, I'm still

coming with you.

I don't think that's

what they had in mind

when they said

couples in love

should do things together.

Tickles.

Get used to it.

He's just closing

the door now.

All clear.

Okay, but this may

take a minute.

My blood is having

trouble finding my legs.

Okay. Now I'm gonna

look through the books.

Is anybody coming?

No. It's still all clear.

Please, darling,

do try and hurry.

Just take it easy.

With you out there,

I feel perfectly safe in here.

Hey, it's

the Altadena Bank.

Attention. G-1275,

G-1283, G-9511,

it's a 23-41.

A 23-41.

That's a 23-41.

23-41?

They must have left out

a number.

Nobody's built like that!

It's a 23-41,

the Altadena Bank.

Get out there.

That's a bank robbery.

It's only a couple

of blocks away.

Hey, I found it.

Boy, did he do things

with my books!

I don't know who he is,

but I bet he never pays

any income tax.

Henry!

Just a few more pages.

I want to look at this.

Get out of there.

It's the police!

Hey. See a man run

through here?

Leave me alone, fuzz.

Let's go!

Hey, a man on the run

just jumped into that car.

I think our bank robber

is a paunchy

overage folksinger.

They're after us, all right.

And they're not trying to

beat us to a parking space.

Hang on, Golda. This

could mean speeds in excess

of 65 miles an hour.

Hey, I'll cut over

and go up the on-ramp.

The freeway?

Won't it be easy

to recognize us?

Not up there, everybody

drives like a fugitive.

Henry, we forgot

it's the rush hour.

Just our luck, trying to

make a getaway in the

world's longest parking lot.

Come on, you guys!

Open up! Open up!

Well, what do we do now?

We could neck.

Hey, there they are.

About a dozen cars ahead.

And we're gaining

on them. Keep it up.

We're gaining. Six, seven,

eight, nine inches.

A quarter of a mile

to the next exit.

Out of my way.

One side. Look.

I'm a policeman. Open up,

in the name of the law.

You hear me?

I said I'm a policeman.

Well, Golda. All my life

I wanted to say that.

But I'm afraid we're not...

Golda? Golda?

Golda!

All right.

Break it up,

just break it up.

Let the police through.

Okay, just for that.

Everybody off of the freeway!

What's wrong down there?

Don't you hear me?

What are you,

some kind of a kook, lady?

Keep your eyes on the road.

What do you want

to cause, a wreck?

Well, you're walking

on top of my car!

You're lucky

I'm not Jose Greco.

I got an idea.

Hey! That's illegal.

Here.

What's that for?

They might have spotted the

beard, and there's more than

one way to have a close shave.

But they're looking

for you without a beard, too.

Yeah, I'm a walking

doubleheader.

Go ahead,

knock off the beard,

just leave the mustache.

Aha!

Aha?

He's heading up

that dead-end street.

That'll bottle him up.

Here comes the stopper.

Boy, this guy is

tough and slippery.

But is he really happy?

You know, Golda,

this criminal we're after is

obviously devious and clever,

with an IQ between

134 and 147.

No!

Catching him could make up

for letting Dimsdale slip

through my fingers.

It could?

Well, if I knew...

Golda!

It's a loaded

Smith and Wesson

six-inch .38.

Relax. I'm only gonna

get him in the tires.

Oh, great.

You got our tire!

Yeah, how about that.

D-341, D-341.

D-341, go ahead.

On that bank robbery,

all that's missing

is a sheet from

the ledger of the 301 file

with the seven kids,

Dimsdale.

Dimsdale. That was

Dimsdale with the beard.

Of all the cheap

hairy tricks.

Mr. Dimsdale?

And to think we've been

playing hide-and-go-seek

with his hide.

And I almost helped

to catch him!

On that request for

a make on auto license,

T-A-O 2-1-6.

It's a rental to a Jane Smith,

whose time of arrival

this a.m.

indicates Flight 64

out of Phoenix.

Phoenix.

Why, he'd never

go to Phoenix.

He wouldn't?

Well, if you say so,

that's exactly where

we're going.

We?

No, no,

you're not going.

You've let go a gopher

on the front lawn of

justice for the last time.

It's Daddy and Ellie!

He cut off his whiskers.

He never quits...

Now, look, kids. I don't

want any questions asked.

I just want everybody to get

packed right away.

It's blast-off time again.

We're gonna leave?

Let's go to Paris.

Hey, you sure you can't read?

Come on, everybody get ready.

Daddy, I was so worried

about you. Why do we have

to run away again?

I've been promoted from

page 8 to page 1.

"Bank embezzler

sought in Phoenix"?

Yeah, every cop in the city is

looking for a guy with seven

kids and a nervous breakdown.

I'd better dash home

and get my things.

Oh, no. I let you

talk me into staying,

but that's it.

In fact there's only one place

you're going, and that's

straight back to Altadena.

I most certainly am not.

You most certainly am so.

Honey, the heat's on.

They're closing in on me.

If they pick you up with me,

the next class you'd

be teaching is basket-weaving

in the jute mill.

But what about

the children?

That's right,

if I get nabbed,

don't you think

we ought to have

somebody on the outside

to tell them about

the birds and the bees

and the embezzlers?

But when will I see you?

How will I know

where you are?

You won't, till I get

this mess cleared up. Or

the police clear it up for me.

I still don't

like the idea.

Maybe the next time, you

better fall in love with a guy

who never gets into trouble,

like the head of the Mafia.

Good luck.

Daddy,

where are we going?

Promise to keep it

under your hat?

I wish I knew.

Daddy, Mr. Pomeroy

just went by.

Hello, Mr. Pomeroy!

What? Don't be silly, Mark.

What would Mr. Pomeroy

be doing here?

Right now he's back in the

bank, checking on everybody

who took a late lunch hour.

Mark saw a mirage.

I saw Mr. Pomeroy.

I did so, Daddy.

If only it was Mr. Pomeroy.

He's the one person

I could show this to.

He'd recognize

my handwriting.

But it was

Mr. Pomeroy, Daddy.

Right in the backseat

of that taxi.

Well, what can we lose?

At least it's a cheap way to

find out if he needs glasses.

Just staying a moment.

Park it, will you, Linda?

Mr. Pomeroy's

room, please.

Pomeroy?

Yeah. I think he

just checked in.

Pomeroy.

He's tall, distinguished,

smells of money.

I'm sorry, sir.

We don't have any

Pomeroy on the guest list.

Oh, he must be here.

The only thing I passed

going the other way was two

prairie dogs and a tumbleweed.

I'm sorry, sir.

He didn't stop here.

Well, thanks anyway.

You're welcome.

Your key, Mr. Haskell.

Your bags are in your room.

And your coat

is there, too,

Mrs. Haskell.

Thank you very much.

Haskell?

Mrs. Pomeroy is

not that young.

In fact she's not

that anything.

Bunny Toes!

I don't know what to say.

Is it insured?

You're a very expensive

but non-deductible item,

my dear.

Not Mr. Pomeroy.

Maybe she's just looking for

a loan and he's just checking

her collateral.

Psst!

Now, honey, don't be

like that. Now, look,

it's not so bad.

After all, we'll have

a few hours of fun and games

before I have to fly back.

Fly back?

Waiter. Waiter!

I'm sorry, angel pie,

but it's an absolute

necessity.

Waiter!

We'll start with

three Caesar salads.

We'll think about the entree.

Yes, sir.

But, angel cake,

I've got to go back.

Things are still

a little touchy

around the bank.

Bank, bank, bank.

All you think

about is work.

Hardly. It's more

in the nature of

self-preservation.

Sorry.

And my wife is beginning

to suspect something.

I've been

a little too happy

around the house.

Your wife!

Now you're depressing me.

And you know what happens

to my system.

Lamby, lovey, the last thing

I want to do is upset my

little raisin dumpling, but

things are

getting difficult.

Difficult?

We're not running out

of money, are we?

I think I'd like to

eat somewhere else.

So would I.

Well,

naturally, my dear.

You see, in

my particular business,

there are some things

that it doesn't pay

to advertise.

Well, just so you know

that I'm a very

sensitive person,

and I like

to be respected.

And I don't like

to be left alone.

Do you think I'm leaving

you here on choice?

There are many

pressures, my precious.

I've got to be there,

to keep up appearances

at the bank.

I'll be so lonesome.

I'm the only person

in town I know.

And let's keep it

like that.

Oh, honey, I'll fly in

whenever I can.

You don't understand.

But there are a few other

problems in life besides that.

Like what?

Well, like, shall we say,

a group of people who

frown on bank presidents

living magnificently?

Well, if you ask me,

they're just mean

and jealous,

and I hope they're

not the reason that you're

running back to Altadena.

I'll give you

another reason.

The FBI is back in town.

Well, aren't they after

that fellow Dimsdale?

And that's the way we want

to keep it. No connection

between you and me.

That's it, that's

the house, right there.

Passing himself off

as a decent,

upstanding citizen.

Well, it just goes to

show you what a desperate,

criminal mind will go to.

Get over there.

Now hear this! Now hear this!

Get out the back, Henry.

The fuzz is

at the front door.

Run for your life!

Got you!

You didn't

find him, did you?

Golda, this is

the last time.

I mean the last time.

I wouldn't take

this from Mother.

Officer, Officer! If you're

looking for Mr. Duncan,

he left this morning

with those seven

little noisemakers.

Duncan?

Is this a picture of him?

No, that's not him.

It certainly is.

Before the beard.

Before the mustache.

Mustache, huh? Very good.

Now stop and think

for a minute.

Did he happen to mention

where he was going?

Did he talk to anybody else?

Like a friend, maybe.

Well, there was this

certain person. She called

herself a schoolteacher.

Her name was...

Oh, I do have trouble

with names.

I can think of a few.

Golda!

Miss Barton?

Yes?

Miss Ellie Barton?

Yes.

Your landlord said that

Eight on the Lam (1967) - full transcript