Eggshells (1969) - full transcript

Experimental allegorical story about a group of hippie students in Austin, Texas, who move into an old big house in the woods. However, something else is there and it's influencing them.


(J Folk rock music)

(J Blues guitar plays over dialogue)

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Don't talk to nobody

J it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Say hi to somebody

J And no one will talk back
when you're through

J Yeah

(Hubbub of crowd)

J I ain't feelin' right

J And I could talk all night with you

J Lonely sleepless nights

J I know what I'd like to do

J I ain't got time to slow down

J People dyin' uptown

J Making such a bad sound

J I know what I'd like to do

J Don't look at nobody

J' And nobody will look at you

J Don't look at nobody

J And it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true... J

(Man) What do we want?

(Crowd) Peace!

(Man) When do we want it?

(Crowd) Now!

(Crowd chants) Peace! Now!

Peace! Now!

Bring home the boys for peace!

Bring them home for peace!

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Don't talk to nobody

J it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Say hi to somebody

J 'Cause no one will talk back
when you're through

J Don't look at nobody

J' And nobody will look at you

J Don't look at nobody

J it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Don't talk to nobody

J it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true

(J Crowds chanting and singing)

J I ain't feelin' right

J I'd like to talk all night with you

J Lonely sleepless nights

J I know what I'd like to do

J Ain't got time to slow down

J People dyin' uptown

J Making such a bad sound

J I know what I'd like to do

J Yeah!

J Don't talk to nobody

J' And nobody will talk to you

J Don't talk to nobody

J it's too damn bad
that it's got to be true J

Hey. Toz. Food.

Oh. God! Man...

(Dog barks)

(Woman) Oh. David!
I forgot to tell you...

This woman called from Montopolis.

I'm sorry it's got to change.
but 75% of the meetings they decided...

Are you on hold?

Honey. get out there! Go!

Amy. you want me to get her outside?

Domini. Et Filio. Et Spiritu. Amen.

Kyrie eleison.

Christi eleison. . . f?

- Christi Eleison! Go ahead!
- Dumbass.

Kyrie eleison. (Laughs)

Christi eleison.

This has got to be reverent.
I mean you can't be sacrilegious about it.

- This is serious.
- All right. I'm into it.

- All right. Go ahead.
- OK.

- Pick it up.
- Let me compose myself.

Kyrie eleison.

Christi eleison.

Kyrie eleison.

Christi eleison.

Kyrie eleison.

Christi eleison.

OK. David.
you work out now with your prayer.

Give us a prayer.

O God. bless this food to our use
and us to thy service

Make us ever mindful
of the needs of others

In Christ may we ask it.

That's enough
of this God bullshit. let's eat.

(J Toots tune on kazoo)

There was campers and leads and wares

and seven people holding' great tubes
that put your voices in a box

with little wheels
that made it come back again

and people with tall bodies
and fat stubbings

and blue lines on their faces
and little red hairs too far apart

and beard cline that all did the work
and all inscribed fans and cards

with fat biros
and words to talk about things

that were talked but not doing

and three-quarters are livin'
just talking and burnin' stock

and taking people's money

'cause they couldn't pay their tags
and lobbin' and plastic bags.

Actually. this is the tale
of my good friend Ben Skabarsak.

(Amy) All right. what had happened:
David had been docked to sell the car.

And I was at home.
Toz was here like it was no problem.

But he'd left at ten o'clock
to show this guy the car.

And it was midnight
and he still wasn't back.

(Man) And what she did
she started envisioning wrecks.

(Amy) I didn't really
envision his death so much

as I did how I would react to it.

- If what? If he was in a wreck?
- If he died. Period.

- But what happened you can't tell.
- But what was happening...

Yeah. I know but then
my whole head was just absolutely...

like I was ready to fall apart.

What was happening is. she was
sending out these vibrations. you see.

Some sort of electronic.
non-measurable at this point vibrations

which I was picking up.

And which made me
nervous and paranoid about wrecking

and perhaps could have increased
the probability of me wrecking the car.

- Ooh!
- You see?

- That's scary.
- That's a little bit freaky. kids.

And then we're going like.

A step then kind of a shuff... shuffle.
you know.

It was real slow.

And like by that point
I grabbed for the phone.

I was sitting next to it.

I picked up the phone.
and I panically called Steve.

Oh yeah. I was there.
you told me about that.

And she asked me
where the ghosts were. and I told her.

Our problem is that everyone has told us
that house is haunted.

And so we think it's haunted.

(Amy) All right. how can you explain
the door being open.

The light being on in the room?

You must have sub-consciously
manoeuvred that.

That's right. Amy. with those thought
waves you can do that.

(Amy) You can turn the light switch on?

I saw that stuff on “You Asked for It“
with Art Baker.

- Remember that show?
- Oh. God...l

Then don't believe me.
That show. you name it. man...

- they did it on that show.
- Do you believe anything you see on TV?

You got to. man.
That tube does not lie to me!

There were ghosts.
I tell you that there were.

But they're in our heads.

Were they friendly ghosts
like in “Casper”!

When we first moved in the house.
David opened up the cistern in the back...

On the back porch. you know...

Now listen! Let me finish. David.

He opened up the cistern and inside
there was about seven feet of trash.

And there were
two fairly new boots sticking up.

All right.
Then we went to the landlord.

And we told him
that we'd opened up the cistern

and we were thinking of cleaning it out.

The landlady...
the landlady freaked out and said.

“Oh my gosh!
I thought I had that thing cemented up.

“Don't you dare open it!“

Now then.
we went back about a month later

and opened it up and it was empty.
It was all cleaned out.

Now. how do you explain that?

Vincent Price was there.

- She killed her lover...
- Vincent Price!

She killed her lover
and buried him in the cistern.

- And that lover is haunting the house.
- Yes. and she was afraid too.

Right! And he's probably crooked
or something.

Amy. it's probably hype to get your money
and the deed transferred.

(Amy) No. really. I mean. honestly.

- I really heard footsteps. you know.
- I'm sure you did.

And they didn't go back
down the stairs. OK?

- You mean you just heard them one way?
- Yes. they only went up.

No... I was logically
trying to explain this to myself.

You've been pre-set for that. Amy.

You know they've told you,
"You are walking' into a haunted house."

- And if they tell you that...
- But I never believed it. I really didn't.

- I'll get it.
- I thought it was a bunch of bullshit.

You know. for somebody to say
the house is haunted.

Oh. yeah. it's haunted... Right.

And even when I was there alone
I wasn't scared.

Because I was working on a sculpture.
and I was busy.

So, I wasn't even bugged by being alone.
'Cause I was doing something.

So. why would I dream up
something like these noises?

If I wasn't. you know. scared
in the first place.

- I believe you.
- Thank you.

(J Didgeridoo and wind instruments play)

Oh. wait a minute! You know
with those people from the march?

Did anything happen with that?

I mean. did you ever
take the newspaper down to them?

Um. it was. it was like it is already...

They already had the information anyway.

- Why didn't they publicise it?
- They did.

We just didn't read it.

- What's wrong with this country?
- it's flipping out.

Were they really bayoneted?

Yeah. 11 people.

- Did anybody die?
- Um. don't know.

- I don't understand.
- No way of knowing.

Boy! I'm gonna tell my father,
and that's going to blow his mind,

because here he is preaching
about how America is really good.

Because we don't repress the news.
you know.

And we let everybody know
what's going on.

Your father's suggested solution was.
like Mexico. to repress the news.

Yeah. I know.
But he was still saying that...

- It doesn't.
- ...that it doesn't.

That America isn't like
a communist country

that doesn't let you know what's going on,
and they just kill people off.

But what are they doing here?

They're killing people off.
and they're not telling anybody.

And it's Communism.
and they tell us we're Communists.

It's not Communism.

- What's not Communism?
- What you're saying.

Yeah. but that's
what my father thinks it is.

Yeah. but you said
this is Communism. and it's not.

- Well. it's getting pretty close to it.
- You don't know what Communism is.

- You're as bad as your old man.
- No!

You point to this
and say it's Communism.

You point to that
and say Communism.

I'm not saying...
Wait a minute.

I'm just saying
that in my father's terms,

he terms Communism as being bad.

- Yeah.
- OK.

That's all he knows is
that everything that's bad is Communism.

OK. well he thinks that America is good.
because it's not Communistic.

Wait a minute!
Because it's not Communistic.

See? You're using his definition.

- Only in his definition am I going to...
- ...say that it's Communistic here.

Right. So that I can
blow his whole theory.

I think it'd be a lot clearer if you...

And then. then I can go back
and describe what Communism really is.

And that it's not. you know...

You aren't succeeding at anything
if you're first using the term wrong though.

So. I should undo it.

Just tell him he doesn't know
what Communism is.

He won't believe you.
and he'll blow you off.

And you'll blow him off
and walk right away.

And he can never hassle us again
his whole life.

- What?
- (Chuckles) Gazonk.

Yeah. and we won't get
any more money either.

- Money?
- We'll starve to death.

Brown rice.

We may not even get
the 500 dollars

he's going to give us
for our wedding present.

After he sees our wedding.
he may not.

Oh. I thought of a couple more people
I want to invite.

So did I.

- You did?
- Mm-hmm.

(Sighs) What are we gonna do?

(J Ambient music)



Oh. David?

Alan and Sharon are coming over.
I forgot to tell you.

Well. Steve and Jim
are coming over too.

Oh. shit. That means we're gonna
have to get something to eat.


- Amy?
' (Amy) Yes.

You upstairs?

- We're here!
- (Amy) Just a second!

- Hi!
- Hello.

- I hope we're not too early.
- No. I think there's going to be a party too.

David's informed me that
a few other people are coming.

Oh. would you get a load of this...?

- He's worn out.
- Oh. yes. definitely.

Come on in the kitchen!

- Where are you going in California?
- We're going to San Francisco.

I was thinking I have a friend
in San Francisco that you could stay with.

- Really?
- Yeah.



- Hey. Caleb!
- Hey. Alan.

- What happened to you?
- I was in an accident.

Is that right?

Did you really hurt yourself
or you just malingering?

No. you know. it wasn't me.
Look. I was in a wheel chair...

A-one. two. A-one. two...

(J Country song plays)

(indistinct chattering)


- What's this. Toz?
- I was telling you about Ben Skabarsak.

- Right. This friend of yours.
- Right. Anyway...

I'm his best friend.
He doesn't know that.

But anyway.
his best friend is Seymour Mollosk.

A mere two and-a-half-million-year-old
fossilized clam.

Which I thought
was a good sort of friend to be.

Considering the sort of relationship
you can establish with a clam.

- Are you talking' to me?
- (Laughing)

I'm talking' about Ben Skabarsak.

- I just...
- You want me to read this?

Those things slip down
out of our attic occasionally.

And I thought they were important if they
slipped down out of the attic.

- “F Street Blues“.
- Yeah.

“Ben Skabarsak
lived in a big old house

“that had only one tiny bathroom
upstairs in the back.

“There were a lot of rooms in the house.
and people lived in all of them.

“Girls too.

“Ben's room was downstairs.
right next to the front door.

“So when he had to go to the bathroom
he passed by all the rooms.

“And all the people could look out
and see him or hear him

“and know
he was going to the bathroom.

“Ben always played his harmonica
when he went to the bathroom

"so the people wouldn't think
he was going to the bathroom.

“This day. there was a light on
in the bathroom.

“He could see it through the transom.
and the door was closed.

“Maybe somebody's in there.'
Ben Skabarsak was thinking.

“He couldn't hear anything.
No water running. No movement.

“Maybe nobody's in there.

“He put his fist up
to knock on the door.

“Everybody will laugh
and laugh and say.

“Ben Skabarsak
is going to the bathroom.'

“Is anybody in there?
What if it's a girl?

"She'll say, 'Occupied!' and giggle,
and everybody will know.

“Ben Skabarsak
put his hand on the doorknob.

“What if it is a girl?

“He pulled on his heavy rubber shoes.

“The old grey. weathered boards
of the garage were soggy.

“And the cold. damp wind
bristled shrilly

“through the cracks
between the shrunken timbers.

“But Ben Skabarsak
felt warm and comfortable

“as he peed there in the gloom.

“He wasn't thinking anything in particular.
Just tinkling.“

- Dude. here's another one.
- This is really good.

(J Guitar music plays)

(indistinct chattering and laughing)




(Whining and hissing)


(Whining and humming)

(indistinct chattering)

Can't believe it! David is gonna have
another party for his Spanish class.

They left the smell of beer
from one end of the house to the other.

Not only that.
there's some beer cans out in the yard.

I never seen so many beers
all over the place!

Toz! Toz. I wanted you to meet...

This is Mahlon.
She's a friend of mine from work.

But actually this is the bum
who lives here with us.

And he's really fucked up.

So. you don't have to say hello
if you don't want to.

- You can flutter your eyelids...
- I did.

- ...alluringly anyway.
- Shall I chortle alluringly?

- What the hell for?
- Like a cote of doves.

Actually. Mahlon came here
to fuck David.

- She did?
- Yeah.

- I wanted to ball David.
- Really? Wouldn't you rather fuck me?

What for? You're not going to have
anything more to offer than he does.

- Well. let me see. Let's look...
- Let's look at each other.

- Bullshit. Take off your pants.
- You take your pants off.

No. I want to see your tits first.
I want to see your...

Good grief.
I guess I didn't hear an objection.

- We're fixing' to fuck on the steps.
- I just introduced 'em!

Are you sure
you want to do this thing?

I don't really want to.
Listen. I am fallin' down the stairs.

Quit doing' that!
I haven't even seen anything yet.

- Hey you guys aren't messing' around..
- Sure. I'll volunteer.

Wait a minute. let me see.


We can make it here! Come on!

(Baby cries)

(Bell rings)

(J Piano plays distantly)

(Amy) They're gonna eat us.

We'll broil ourselves.

(David) David and Amy
under glass.

Oh. Amy. I love you.

Let me count the ways.

See. there's um...

I love you for your breasts.

My bagels?

I know why you like me.

Because I'm good to you.
Because I...

I do all the dishes.

And cook all the meals.

And pick up all your shit.

And run your bathtub.
and clean out the bathtub. and...

Don't even think about it.
We're away from that.

Yeah. I may never go back!

I may stay in this plexiglass bubble
for the rest of my life.

(indistinct excitable chattering)

Look at the sky!
Those trees! it's fantastic!

(Excited chattering and shouting)


Give them some more flowers.

Want a flower?

Would you like a flower?

Just a rose...

it's got acid on it.

She don't want no flower. man

you're disgusting.

We're really having trouble
with my landlord.

- Did he come over?
- Yeah.

- Did he know you have a dog?
- Yeah.

Have you got a lease?

No. I never signed anything.

Well. I'll tell you what.
Why don't you just come stay with us?

Like. we've got tons of rooms
and extra mattresses.

And if you get uptight
there's no reason why you shouldn't.


In fact there's a study.

Well. there's a junk room
we were gonna fix up into a study.

But we'll probably never get around to it.

It's got a place where you could
put your clothes and everything.

And you're welcome to use that.

Let's get some of this bird shit off.

- Now that is cold!
- I don't want it to be real hot.

I don't care what you want.

Are you going to wash it off?

Oh. you want me to!


Ooh. look at your nipples!
All squashed up.

OK. I'll just wash.

I'll bet.

You're trying' to get in...
get in some little fun in there too.

Why don't you go walk down the street.
and I'll borrow up a '56 Chevrolet

from someone across the street.

And come up beside me?

And I'll have an arm hanging out.
Sort of squished...

Do you want me to walk
with my pants unbuttoned a little bit?

- Where are you from?
- Nankin Ridge.


Listen. really -
where are you from?

I was born in Denniston.

You were born in Denniston?

We quickly moved to Sioux City. Iowa.
and then to St. Joe. Missouri.

In order to escape the persecution
of the whites by the black community?

(Water splashes)

The only recollection of my childhood
was when I was a rooster.

I bet you were
a really fucked-up little kid.

Listen. I was so nifty
I could beat up everybody on my block.

You've never been nifty in your life!

That was before I became a pacifist

and had to go around
letting people break my glasses.

It's running down here...

Hey. hold on. Here.

Don't get all that paint
all over that shit. asshole.

- Don't treat me like a child.
- I'm going to kick your ass.

If you're gonna fuck around
then fuck around. you'll get yourself hurt.

You're pinching me!

(Both laugh)

You want to fuck?

You bet!

(J Sitar music)



Hey. Wake up!


Come on. get up!

Get up! it's morning.

Come on! Get up!

Wake up!

Listen to Yellow Dog - new creation...

Ben Skabarsak was shaking a hole
and saying to Morris

to scare away this yellow dog
lived next door to a house

where he lived
with his friends Joffre and Amy

who were always afraid the yellow dog
was going to beat up their dog.

But didn't have any teeth
due to old age and disease.

When the yellow dog painted silver.

Just up and bit off
a piece of his leg anyway.

Goddamn Yellow Dog!

Joffre's dog
didn't like Ben Skabarsak either

and always peed
on the wall in his room.

Oh Mahlon. that's another thing -
these guys are male chauvinists.

What's a male chauvinist?

A male chauvinist is somebody
that gets away with murder. man!

You do the cooking
and the cleaning-up,

and once in a while you may be able
to get him to empty the trash.

But you have to...
You have to...

- Oh. listen to what I...
- Trick 'em.

You got to trick 'em. see?
I tricked Toz the other day.

He was emptying out his trash can -
just his little trash can.

And when he came back in the door

I had five huge trash cans
right in front of him.

He couldn't get in
without emptying 'em.

He's sitting' there the whole time
cussing me.

“You tricked me! You tricked me!
Goddammit. you tricked me.“

You quit running' amuck.
You're the muck runner...

What an awful name!
First I was the bagel lady.

Now I'm the muck runner!

Spallwell plays a tune
upon the blue guitar...

Here! Let me play “Edelweiss“.

This is the only song I know.

I think it's horrible.
It looks yellow-green.

- It's really ugly.
- Just look at all the medium fills

(J Plays “Edelweiss“ on ukulele)

Kind of an old car.

Ssh... I'm playing “Edelweiss“.

I'm gonna get us another harmonica.
ours is broke.

I want to get one
that sounds really nice.

Maybe I could learn how to play it a bit.

I've got a tambourine.

Amy. I could never play a tambourine.

I know. it's too complicated for you.
You have to move it too much.

A bell would be really easy.
so you could just blow.

- Toz needs a pencil.
- Hmm?

Toz needs a pencil.
so he could just tap.

I'm glad you get to live
in my house an' all. but...

This isn't your house!

- Go figure. chicky.
- it's the Earth's house.

- It's the Earth's house.
- No. it's all mine.

If the Earth wants to let you stay it will.

Otherwise the ghosts
will haunt you out of this place.

There's ghosts here
I want you to know.

Oh. Mahlon. before you move in

I just want to warn you
that our house is haunted.

And that's why our landlord
rents it for so cheap.

But they like us so far. because
they haven't shoo'd us out of here.

There's a recent old ghost in my room.

His cousin Ray.
you met him. remember?

He wanted to have - what does he call it -
a seance here.

And I couldn't stand the idea.
I heard some weird things.

- You ever been at one?
- Yeah.

- I never have...
- Oh. they're scary. but they're fun.

- I get scared hard.
- I do too. but it's fun to get scared.

It is?

Yeah. Why do you go
if you know you're gonna get soared -

'cause you're gonna get scared.


Mahlon needs her butt scratched.

OK Mahlon. you gotta sing too!

One. two. three...

(J Singing and laughing)

J Walk with me

(indistinct chattering)

J Jesus hear my plea... J

Amy. you're pretty good at that.

- For a Jew it's not bad!
- Pretty good.

(Humming and buzzing)




- Yeah.
- What?

So good. So good for you.

Actually they're pretty good.
those are...

It smokes very nice.

I finished it. David. This is the design
for our invitation.

Good shit...

That's not very becoming
for a young lady.

In fact. that's downright obscene.

Sorry if I offended you.

You muck runner.

Not that again. Please.

Muck runner.

Runner muck?

Run amuck.
That's what we decided.

You weren't even there
when we started talking about that.

Yes. she was.

Thank you.

- I just realised it was hot.
- Hand me the ashtray.

I just decided
I really wouldn't mind getting stoned.

Maybe that's... I wouldn't worry
if I did get stoned.

Toz. you are too stoned.
Your eyes are red.

His eyes are thinking...

He really does...

Ah. fantastic.

Can I have it?

(Toz) Oops. doped again.

Who's painting dune buggies.
dune buggies is not...

(Amy) You got to let me have your arm.
and I'll light it.

(Toz) I never design things. you know.
like you can see. for distances...

Oh! (Giggles)

He goes up to the bathroom. see.

And he's afraid we're gonna hear him
go to the bathroom, you know,

so he takes his harmonica.
but he's afraid that's not enough.

So he turns on the faucet.

Amy. that's Ben Skabarsak.
I'd never do that! I am not Ben Skabarsak.

Somebody else thought
I was Ben Skabarsak...

You mean Ben Skabarsak
is living in this house?


- Oh. come on.
- He is.

Is he the ghost?


Probably. like he's...

This is another one
of Amy's statements here.

Keep that up baby.

No. What he really did.
he was one of the...

- Why do you always make fun of me?
- Amy.

You're such a goose.
You always come outwith such things...

You're so positive. but they bear
with no relation to any fact whatsoever.

- Fuck you!
- You'd make a great gossip. Amy.

All you need to do is sit around
and listen to ladies at bridge tables.

Whilst Skabarsak talked about walnuts
or something.

Toz. quit teasing me.

- English walnuts?
- English walnuts at that.

David. how could you let him
tease me like that?

You know why English walnuts
are good for you. Amy?

'Cause you're guilty.

Amy. You know.
if you had some English walnuts

that sure would improve your gold shit.

Amy. listen...

I'm not going to listen to you anymore.
I hate you.

I don't “hate“. that's wrong.
I dislike you intensely.

You need some help?

Yeah. why don't you help me do this.

I can't get it...

It needs a hook up there. so...


I hadn't forgotten.
I just haven't put it in yet.

Why don't you get up on the stool

and let me get a look
at what it looks like already.

OK. turn around very slow.

Have you got the hem all around?

No. Just part of the way.
Let me see it in the front.

How does that feel?

I mean. does that look like that'll be
the length you want?

That's about right.

It was too short before
when you pinned it.


Yeah. I think that's...
Don't you?

Yeah. I'm not sure if it's...

Oh. wow! How's it going?

- Hey. you're not supposed to be in here!
- You peeked!

This is my wedding dress.
Nobody's supposed to see it.

- Turn around a little bit.
- Getting ready for the nuptials...

Look. you went
through the same thing.

- Yeah. that's what I want to ask you.
- He wasn't fitted for a dress though.

But Sharon was.

Since we went through it.
why you getting married?

Why’d you go through it?

I haven't answered that question.

You still don't know.

No man. I keep asking myself...

No. I got a reason.

You do. huh?

I do too.

I think it ought to be
about three feet shorter.

Hey. let's see what it looks like. Sharon.
Real short...!

It's a micro-mini.


Short enough
so your pic shows your back end.

You could have a little bustle.

- Amy. you look awful.
- Beautiful. beautiful.

That is a... Hugh Hefner would...

Listen, my mother bought
all this material. We have to use it!

Hey! That's the trim.

Let me show you.

The trim goes right... like this. See?

Amy. listen if you wouldn't get married.

You wouldn't have to go
through all this bullshit.

- I kind of like it. it's fun.
- What?

Standing' up on a stool all day long
for hours and hours?

- I haven't stood up here that long.
- You gonna hem it?

Yeah. that's what I'm doing.

No. I think that
it's a real nice dress.

And I just want to have
a wedding dress on.

So I figured
I might as well get married.

Besides that I tricked David
into taking me to Europe.

And he wouldn't have taken me
unless we got married.

Oh. you again!

I know. but my mother
wouldn't have let me go!

The only reason
he's marrying you. Amy.

Is so that he can get that money
so he can go to Europe.

I knew it!
I had a feeling about that.

He said something
about getting the deed to your ranch.

- Is that right?
- No. He got my inheritance though!

I turned 21. and he got my inheritance
from my great-grandfather.

I know that's why...

There's bound to be an ashtray
around here somewhere...

- Use the bottle right there.
- This'll work.

Don't you like my dress. Toz?

Are you kidding me?

I'd like to like it.
I'd like to tell you I like it even. but I don't.

You'd like to tell me you hate it!

Because it's a wedding dress
you hate it.

Or because of what it looks like
you hate it?

'Cause it's a wedding dress
and you actually stand up on that stool.

So. you don't really hate the dress.
you hate the symbolic.

- Yeah.
- All right.

Do you like the dress if I was just gonna
wear it around the house

and do the dishes and stuff?

Yeah. it's not a bad dress
for washing dishes.

All right!

Except the sleeves
might get in the dirty water.

Well. then we'll just cut 'em off
about there.

After I get married.

(J Country music on car radio)

(Cockerel crows)

Your bites look a lot better.

- It was fuller than this at first.
- That might be. but we're losing some.

My great stopper is somewhere...

- Ah. that's hot!
- I know.

It feels good.
What I need is a cheek.


Don't wake Grandma Susnik
to come in here and take a bath.

I think it must've stung...

You don't need those.

Golly. you cut your face all up.

Uh-oh. we're losin' water!

David. how could you do that?

Amy. it's all your fault.

Nothing's my fault - ever.
I'm perfect!

What are you doing?
I want to be on top.

Have a foot!

Eat my foot. David.

Caress it.

Ooh. David. I didn't really mean it.

How come I always get this side?

That's male chauvinism again!

Did you feed the dogs this morning?

- You escaped that?
- I forgot all about it.

I was gonna remind you. but...

I thought you might make me do it.

- Did you feed your dog?
- I just feed him once a day.

Have you ever watched his face?
His intelligent little face?

I sit around and watch
a little dog's face just lots...

He knows what's going on,
you can tell.

When someone says something funny.
he smiles.

And his tongue goes out the side
of his mouth.

Have you charmed him?

- No. no. no.
- Just to pacify me.

Mahlon was pretty uptight about. um.

Toz going to see
that other chick in New Mexico.


And she told me
that she really digs Toz much.

But I don't think
Toz is gonna go anymore.

'Cause Toz digs Mahlon for a change.

He finally found a chick
that can make him happy.

You think she can make him happy?

Mahlon's pretty cool.

And like. the one thing that Toz never dug
was a chick that was. like er...


No. David.

A chick that. you know.
was possessive.

And I don't think Mahlon is.
I don't think she knows how to be.

That's how come...

I don't know.
I think Mahlon is too good for Toz.

- No, I think you're being crummy.
- I don't look good in a moustache.

You don't?
Have you ever tried waxin' it up?


A long thin one?
How about a Fu Man Chu?

- I think you'd look kinda nifty that way.
- Let me see.

I don't.

I know you do.

(imitates gun shot)

Well. that's dirty.

I can't help it. I can't help it.

- I'm lazy. Look what it's done for me.
- Nothing! At least Toz writes.

- You know, maybe...
- That's what's wrong with us.

- What?
- it's that he has one thing...

No. at least Toz has something.
You don't have anything.

Mahlon did get...
she probably did something halfway...

That's what's so cool.
I'm free. I don't have anything.

- You don't have anything?
- Yeah. I'm free.

You got me.
You're stuck with me.

You know what we got to do?

We got to go castrate David.

(Priest) Perhaps
these words best express...

You were born together.
and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the
white wings of death scatter your days.

You shall be together
even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces
in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens
dance between you.

Love one another.
but make not a bond of love.

Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup.
but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread.
but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous.

But let each of you be alone.

For even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts
but not into each other's keeping,

for only the hand of life
can contain your hearts.

And stand together.
yet not too near together.

For the pillars of the temple
as the pillars of the structure stand apart.

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.

As you publicly declare

in the exchange of the symbol of the ring
before your community.

May you go from this place
with one heart

and ever be grateful
for the union of your lives.

May wherever you reside be a holy place
because of your presence.

The presence of two human hearts
that are sharing.

May every place be made warm
by the light of your love

May you grow old together
in peace and in happiness.

(indistinct shouting)

The more I give to you.
the more we have.

Like a flower that gives and grows.

And gives and grows...


The most important thing
that they be very. very happy. right?


- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

Lots and lots of love.

Just be happy the rest of your life.

All the happiness in the world. dear.

To you too. David.
Lots of happiness.

You should be.

You want to come
cut your wedding cake?

Yeah. you wanna come get some cake?

Come on!

- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.

- At least it didn't rain.
- No. we had a marvellous day.

(indistinct chattering continues...)

Well. hello. Richard.

I want to wish you the best of luck
as you embark on the career of marriage.

That was really nice.

- Hello. John.
- There you are!

(indistinct chattering)

(Thunder rumbles)


(Whining and beeping)

(Musical cacophony)

(J Guitar music plays)

(Pneumatic drill)