Ediths Glocken - Der Film (2016) - full transcript

When Edith's Bells Toll

December 22nd

Finally, uncomfortable shoes!

These go back here. Great.

This will be delicious!

Now that's what I call pressure!

All set for New Year's Eve...

Oh, shit!

Damn, she saw me.

What? Come in, Jutta!

Man, the door is open,

come on in!

Jeez!

I wanted you to hold the door

for me and take my bags!

Sorry!

Are you on the run, Jutta?

Almost. I was in the East

for the first time since '89!

- What?

- Yeah! I had to go!

The department store

at Alexanderplatz went bankrupt.

The Christmas decorations are 50% off!

You had to be there,

such a big Christmas fan!

Exactly. I showed those folks

there what an East Berliner Is.

Now they know what

elbowing really means!

They were flying right and left!

Severely injured,

then back to work!

I got me the best stuff,

but I won't make it to the pub.

Can I leave it here for a bit?

Put it next to my bags, here.

No wonder they were

scared of you, Jutta.

You look like a bear

from a Czech fairy tale.

Let me take that.

Oh, dear...

I'm hanging it here, okay?

Yeah, don't put

a price tag on it again!

For me Russia starts

behind Friedrichstrasse.

True that.

Do you have any Prosecco?

Of course Jutta,

it's after 11pm!

Oh, the old briefs!

They've been hanging

here since August!

Don't remind me.

I ordered twelve online.

They are total non-sellers.

You'll get ride of them

with the Christmas sales.

From your lips to God's ears!

So, breakfast time!

- Cheers!

- Cheers!

Shalom!

Hi Adriano!

Hello!

Jutta, my sweetie, hello!

I am so exhausted.

I'm on the brink.

What is up with you?

You're out of breath!

I urgently need a gift for

my husband, Enrico Norman!

Excuse me?

Two days before Christmas

Eve you go shopping?

It totally slipped my mind!

But now I know what to get him.

He is a Jungle Camp fan, right?

I forbade him to watch it

for a while. It made me paranoid!

But on the 24th we have

a serious date, you know?

You won't be just

stuffing the goose, right?

I've bought four square

meters pool liner.

Pool liner?

Oh, you're too young for this.

Anyway, I'm getting him your leopard

briefs cause they fit our theme!

This cannot be!

We were just talking about them!

They are brand new,

Brigitte just put them up there.

- Do you have an unopened one?

- No worries. Just a sec.

What size is he? Medium?

He has very narrow hips.

Yes, but give me an XXL,

he is very well endowed.

The pain sometimes...

Voila! Here it is.

You know what? You must feel

the texture, it's something else.

- Brigitte...

- Well?

- I love animal print.

- Me too!

Great!

It has that new car smell.

The fabric is from China.

It's banned in Germany.

- Does it cost extra?

- Oh, don't think about it.

Oh my goodness, I can see it...

Enrico Norman,

laying on the pool liner...

Wearing his new briefs...

Legs in the air, America!

- He always screams...

- That's too much information.

Oh please, it's all natural.

But if you get him something so nice,

you need something for yourself!

You need to keep up, dear!

You're right. I need an upgrade!

Absolutely. No worries,

I have the right thing for you.

- What, you?

- Yes!

When I got here I meant to call you.

Here it is!

- Voila!

- Oh God!

What do you think?

It's very Christmassy with the gold.

And very erotic with the black...

It looks like it would fit you!

My God, Jutta, maybe on one leg.

I won't be doing a trapeze

act on X-mas Eve.

Is it stretchy?

Excuse me dear,

but with me everything is stretchy.

Just try it on.

What? No...

You need to see it on you.

Go change!

Brigitte, no!

If I can't take it off,

you're calling the fire brigade.

He's got all three:

gay, from the East and no taste!

But I got rid of the briefs!

But now, finally Jutta...

Cheers! I just opened it.

"Neukolln Leggings Dream."

Oh, look!

Here is another homeless

guy dressed as Santa Claus.

Don't worry, I'll throw him out.

Get out of my shop,

no Santas are allowed here.

Mrs Wuttke,

did you behave this year?

You too, Mrs Hartmann,

did you behave,

or should I take my prick out?

Tell me, how do you

know our names?

Because it's me!

Edith!

Why are you dressed as Santa?

I've been working in Karstatd

at Hermannplatz as Santa!

Oh, right.

Hard to keep up with her.

Now close the door! Can't you hear

the ringing? We're not on the street!

At least she finally

has a job after thirteen years!

Definitely!

Stop it Jutta!

They threw me out!

15 minutes ago!

I'm so pissed off.

I need to get out of this costume.

Why did they throw you out?

Tell us!

Edith, you're such a misfit.

Yeah! How did you do this again?

This job was made for you.

Yeah. Earning money

just by sitting around.

Sitting around, my ass!

Phew, just give it a rest, okay?

It would have been a twelve-hour

shift, without any break!

- I need my cigarette break.

- Cigarette?

If I don't smoke I get aggressive.

So I thought:

"Why not smoke as Sandy Claus?"

The kids were sitting on my lap,

getting smoke in their eyes.

They were crying of course.

There was this fat little girl.

I'm tellin' ya, she was sitting on my leg,

I thought it was about to break!

My toes are bruised!

Oh my! She looks me

in the eye and I say:

"Hey fatty, what do you want

for Christmas? A pork roast?"

The whole store could hear

her screaming, I'm tellin' ya.

But those ugly Turkish

women were the worst.

Those temp-queens

with that make-up on!

I was on my X-Mas throne.

Two of them stand there,

one of them says:

What do you want,

you old X-mas bitch?

Their German is so bad!

- Hello Biggy!

- Enrico Norman!

Hello to you!

Well this is a surprise!

Girls, let me introduce Enrico

Norman, Kevin's new hubby.

This is our Edith.

Hello!

And this is Joan Collins from Britz,

Jutta Hartmann!

He's the well-hung guy.

You don't look like one...

- Oh well...

- What?

What brings you here?

I'm so glad to meet you all.

I'm looking for a gift for my hubby.

I don't have one yet.

Maybe you can help me!

Maybe a mug with a sheep?

- Yes!

- No!

No, that's so ugly!

A breakfast board

with his name engraved?

Yes, great idea.

Or a porcelain chicken?

That's a nice one!

Yes, a ceramic Christmas chicken.

You need to get your

husband something personal!

The best gift is always underwear!

What about these wonderful briefs?

They're amazing!

Yes, that's true,

but I'm all out of these.

Why don't you go to

the shop across the street?

But you have a whole stock here!

I'm buying them!

Great, I'll gift wrap this.

I'm sure you need to go.

Hold on! If you get something

this nice tor your husband,

you need to keep up!

You need an upgrade!

- Maybe there is something there.

- No, no! Wait!

You'll make a mess.

I'll get something nice for you.

This one's great.

The colour is so you

and it's one size!

I'll wrap it up for ya,

but you must be going now.

Wait a minute, let me try it on first!

No, you can't go

in there at the moment.

- Why?

- It's a mess.

You can go to the kitchen.

It's so cold! Ouch!

Ha-ha, very funny Jutta.

What am I going to do with them here?

- This is so stressful!

- Christmas is always stressful!

That's true.

Speaking of Christmas!

Girls, I wanted to ask you.

What are your plans for Christmas Eve?

That's the worst day for me.

I have no family, no children.

I only have my pub.

I'm usually open on Christmas Eve.

Oh, the people that come!

Really wasted people,

the scum of the earth!

Alcoholics, homeless, drug addicts!

- Really?

- Yes! The dregs of society!

Jutta, I've been at your

pub every X-mas Eve.

Stop laughing!

They sit at the bar busting my chops.

I get even more irritated.

You know what?

This year I'm not opening.

- What?

- No!

- I'm better off overdosing on...

- Jutta!

...Bach flower rescue drops.

Edith dear, you're doing

something nice, right?

Of course!

I'm spending a cosy night in.

At 5pm there will be

a premium microwave dish.

Then I'm watching

a nice war film.

Excuse me? You're watching

war films on X-mas Eve?

That's what's on private TV!

You both are Christmas grouches!

Shame on you!

You should follow my lead.

I really honour this holiday.

Uh huh. How?

Usually I meet up with

Solarium-Uschi and Pet-Shop-Marita

and we go to a men's strip show.

Men's strip show.

That's very Christmassy.

There is always someone

dressed as Santa, right?

And on the 24th he takes

out his Christmas rod.

Oh stop it!

Oh, sorry!

What's the matter?

- Oh God, I totally forgot about you.

- What?

Edith, hi there!

What do you think?

You look... different.

I got a new hair colour,

you noticed!

No, no...

- I mean your clothing...

- What about it?

I don't know...

It makes your penis look flat.

What?

It's not flat, it's gone back!

- Stop it!

- Indeed!

Nonsense!

It's just as I imagined it!

So sexy!

- You think?

- Yeah!

I look a bit like

a shot-putter from Luckenwalde.

Such nonsense.

It's exactly the opposite. So manly!

I can't keep my hands off!

My husband has to like it.

Oh, your husband is in...

Hey! One more

word and you're out.

Don't say a word.

It must be a surprise.

Well, it will definitely be a surprise.

- So I should take it?

- Yes, of course!

Maybe with different shoes.

Really now, you can't

sell him this oven bag.

Don't you feel bad

about your customers?

Yes, but I mostly feel bad

for my bank account, dear.

That's true.

Back to Christmas Eve.

I have a reason for asking.

This year I can't spend it

with Uschi and Marita.

They are going on a cruise.

So I thought...

If none of us has plans,

let's celebrate together!

- Oh, no!

- No way!

- You're nuts!

- You have no limits!

We see each other every day.

Must we spend Christmas together as well?

No, no.

We get one day off each year.

What kind of logic is this?

We see each other every

day but not on X-mas?

Should I cry my eyes out

under the X-mas tree all alone?

Oh come on, girls. The only

problem is finding where to celebrate.

But I already have a solution!

We'll go to yours, Jutta!

Great idea!

Thanks Jutta for inviting us!

Not possible!

You'll make a mess!

Excuse me?

Then we'll go to yours, Brigitte.

No! My place is too small

for such a big party.

Oh! We'll do it at my place!

That's a nice idea!

My place is a mess anyway!

Yeah!

I'll cook for us!

- You?

- Of course!

You can't cook!

Why not? It says how

on the package.

What are you making?

The classic!

Roast goose with red cabbage!

But I need to find out

whether a whole goose

will fit in my microwave.

You know what?

I'll cut it in half,

stuff it in there - 60 minutes

at 1000W and it's done!

What about presents?

Yes! Great idea! You know what?

Let's exchange gifts!

That's a nice idea.

We'll only buy one present each!

Exactly!

We did it once. Do you

remember what you got me?

- What?

- The LIDL perfume.

What was wrong with that?

It made holes in my clothes.

Nonsense!

Jutta, I had told you

not to spray it on your clothes.

Where else?

- On your neck!

- What would have happened then?

Your wrinkles would have disappeared.

Brigitte, it doesn't fit me!

There were mouse

traps in the kitchen!

I totally forgot to tell you!

Wait, wait!

I'll take it off. Stay calm.

One, two, three!

He doesn't need the briefs now.

Why do you have mousetraps?

I've had a rodent problem ever

since the Leibniz cookie shop opened.

It's always fun you girls.

Let's spend Christmas Eve together!

Finally Jutta!

It is a family holiday after all.

We are like family.

Jutta, you're so sweet!

Speaking of family.

Biggy, are you inviting

your little daughter?

I'm really sorry.

Yeah, right. Why did you

have to mention that?

I thought I'd ask after

such a long time.

- Really?

- Yes.

Edith, you know that I don't

get along well with my daughter.

How do you know?

You haven't seen her since she was born.

And if I'm doing the math right,

it's already been six years.

Yes, okay, it's true,

but you see...

My dear, you have to see

it like a job interview.

You know if it's right for you

within the first 30 seconds.

- How can one be so heartless?

- Terrible.

I'd be happy to have a daughter.

You?

I can't sleep at night thinking what

will happen to my pub when I die?

They'll turn it into

a Waldorf kindergarten.

For God's sake!

But where is your

daughter anyway?

Listen, it's like this:

Little Ilonka is with her grandma.

My mom takes care of her and she is happy.

That's great! Then give your mother

a call and tell her to bring Solyanka!

Ilonka!

We'll celebrate

together at Edith's!

- Your mother too!

- What?

No way!

She's not allowed in my house.

She is insane!

What is wrong with her?

She has Alzheimer's,

Parkinson's and Tourette's.

That's one of

the worst combinations.

It would be so nice to have

a child under the Christmas tree.

Jutta, please, a child

is not part of the decor.

Just calm down.

It's super ugly. Yuck!

Ugly? It's from the

Hella von Sinnen collection!

You used to have

such nice festive shirts!

Please, I have nothing else to

offer you, don't you wanna go?

Brigitte, I'll take it.

Will you wrap it up?

Yeah.

I can always wear it to

my gay pregnancy group.

Girls, I have everything,

I need to go back to the salon.

Come by!

I got you an appointment.

Why?

You can't go out like

this on Christmas Eve!

The cheap stuff you put on

your hair looks just awful!

No worries, I'll give you a nice red,

it'll look amazing.

- Ok, take care!

- You too!

Your bag!

- Here's a fifty!

- Fifty?

- Keep the change. Thanks!

- Thank you!

- Take care!

- Happy holiday!

- Thanks, same to you.

- Bye!

He didn't even notice

I'm wearing a hat!

Biggy, you got me

all tangled up!

That's a Spanish scarf!

I want to sell that!

So, my dear, here is your bag.

Those briefs will

be a great surprise!

Thanks, girls!

- Take care. Bye!

- Merry Christmas!

Bye!

I'd love to look at their faces

as they unwrap the same briefs!

Those queens will pull

each other's eyes out!

Of course, those fairies

will have a real party.

Cat fight!

- Jutta, you're such a witch!

- But you're laughing!

I need to say goodbye now.

I'm so happy you were here.

- But you need to go now.

- Why?

Listen, Jutta.

I'm waiting for a client, you know,

earning a bit of Christmas money.

He's in international politics.

If he sees this here,

he won't even enter.

So, Edith dear...

Jutta, I have an idea!

You know what?

Let's go have some

mulled wine with a kick.

I have some money. I'm getting

welfare again, drinks are on me!

I won't sit and watch while

you drink my taxes away.

Ok, I'm going alone!

Two cups for me then!

Don't spend all your money.

Madame is expecting

an expensive gift from us!

Let's get it tomorrow!

- As soon as I get up! As 5pm!

- Perfect!

- Bye!

- Bye, dear!

I have no time for this,

I need to decorate my balcony.

I'm taking part in the competition

"The Prettiest X-mas Balcony in Neukolln."

Again?

- I want to win.

- What?

Two days at a 3-star

spa hotel in Bad Pyrmont!

You'll get a full

makeover there!

Bye!

Wow, it's so cold.

I should prepare

my plants for winter.

Oh well, it's probably

too late tor that anyway.

Jutta! Hi!

Be quiet! Not everyone needs

to know we live in the same building.

I'm ashamed for your balcony.

Such an embarrassment.

Where is your X-mas decor?

At least the basics!

A 4-colour interval fairy light system

in the shape of a reindeer, where is that?

Who will see it anyway, Jutta?

I'd like to see something

nice when I take the bins out.

Wait, I'll make you

something festive. Look!

What is that in the middle

around your head?

It's my Virgin Mary window.

But it's not working

and it's your fault.

Yes! Ever since you started feeding

the pigeons with kebab they've gone crazy

and commit suicide on my balcony.

They pick on my ice sticks!

Jutta, what's that thing?

Aren't you afraid

the balcony might collapse?

Pretty, right? It was on the roof

of the store at Alexanderplatz.

It has 8000 Watt and

tonight I'm turning it on.

No! Give your stupid

balcony a rest this year.

Let me remind you the last plane

that wanted to land at Tempelhof

crashed on our street because the pilot

thought your balcony was the runway.

Nothing happened!

Apart from the small

explosion at the Thai place.

At least the cats could escape!

Now be quiet, lights on!

No! Wait! I need to put on

my protective glasses.

I don't want to go blind!

Let there be light!

God, my eyes!

Sometimes I dream about

my Christmas balcony.

Blinking reindeer,

shiny Christmas glitter balls,

that you can see from an airplane.

Do you know what I dream about?

Your electricity bill.

The 10.000 Euro you

had to pay extra last year

from all the blown fuses.

The entire street went dark.

In Poland an old atomic

power plant opened again

just so we could get some light.

You're just jealous of my style.

What's happening?

Be careful! Too much power!

Go inside! It will explode!

December 23rd

Biggy's boutique!

Hello, Biggy speaking!

Hi Biggy! Don't be shocked,

this is your mother.

Mom, I've told you a thousand times,

don't call me at work!

- I have a reason for calling.

- I'm listening.

- I can't take Ilonka on Christmas Eve.

- What?

You must take her. I'm going

on a trip with my tea friends.

Are you nuts?

Christmas Eve is tomorrow already!

Sorry for the short notice,

but I'm going with my

tea friends to Mallorca.

I'm sincerely sorry, but I can't.

I'm invited to Edith's tomorrow.

Then you can take the child with you!

What are you talking about?

She'll be bored with three old women.

And to be honest

I'm also a bit embarrassed.

You know Edith.

She drinks like a fish.

I don't want

the child to see that.

- Hello!

- You were supposed to come at 5!

I got up early today!

I'll browse a bit.

- Who are you talking to?

- Edith just walked in.

Say hi from me and that there

will be an extra person tomorrow...

Yes, okay.

...cook some extra food.

Something for kids, French fries.

French fries on Christmas Eve,

what are you on about?

- You'll take the child, that's it.

- Alright!

Give me a call.

Why? You know where Edith lives,

12 Nogat Street. Bring the child over.

And don't forget to call me!

Okay, if I really have to!

- Bye.

- Bye.

Who was that? A client?

I'd never talk to clients like that.

That was my mother.

- The 'insane' one, as you said.

- I stand by that.

Somehow you and Jutta

did some witchcraft.

- What?

- You get your wish!

Ilonka will be with us tomorrow.

My mother is leaving and

she's bringing the kid over.

Oh, Biggy, that's so nice!

She'll be just fine!

To be honest it's not that bad.

If you think about it...

Christmas, us three, the little

one playing under the tree...

She must be a big girl now!

You think?

At six they're this big.

Her tits must have grown!

I hope she doesn't eat all the food!

- Don't!

- What is it?

Don't touch that!

It's all infected with

measles, Ebola, bird flu!

What should I hold on to?

No worries, I have my own.

Here. One for you, one for me.

Did you cut up

your wallpaper roll?

Lift it up!

What are we getting Jutta?

Don't worry dear.

I know exactly what.

And what is that?

Just think.

What does she urgently need?

- No idea.

- She needs a man.

But she's getting a vibrator!

That's so disgusting!

Fucking Christmas!

We can't get her

a vibrator for Christmas!

Why not? It's nice and practical.

Everybody likes them.

Nonsense.

- Edith!

- Now what?

Hold it up!

I can't hold my

arm up for so long!

Ok, let's switch to this.

Hermannplatz.

Change to the U7 line

and to bus service.

Let people get out first,

you idiots!

It was so fucking

freezing in the tube!

Stop moaning!

What's wrong with you?

All those low-lives!

So disgusting!

What's wrong with you?

That's enough now.

Do you know why

I'm so aggressive?

It's those LED lights!

No one believes me but it's true!

They blink in a frequency

that makes me super aggressive.

Oh stop that nonsense.

Look dear, Karstatd

is so nicely decorated.

That's true. It's nice here.

See?

Hey, Brigitte.

Where are we going

to find a vibrator here?

With the electrical appliances?

With washing

machines and mixers?

It's almost like a mixer!

Get it?

Oh look! Here are

the electrical appliances!

Why do they have

so many sex toys here?

They merged it with the top

floor for streamlining reasons.

Sex toys and appliances

are all together now.

Look! Over there!

Look! They have it in blue,

her favourite colour!

- Oh no!

- What?

Look at this thing!

It's way too big!

True. You're right -

with all your experience.

She'll be ripped apart

like wrapping paper.

We're laughing, but you know what

happens if we don't wear any earrings.

Look here!

This is more realistic, look.

Very slim and in silver, so chic!

Hello, ladies.

My name is Jeff.

How can I help you?

We're just looking around.

The daughter is getting

the mother a gift?

- Let me see this.

- No, wait...

What do we have here?

Oh, the Audessa 2000.

It plays a melody

when you climax.

At your age I'd propose

the model Mammoth!

No, no, we're interested...

in that appliance there.

A shaving machine.

For the older, hairier woman.

Does he know you?

With an oscillating head.

It reaches all areas. Dry and wet!

Do you have it in

a colour other than Braun?

Yes, we have it in Siemens too.

I'll look downstairs.

I'll be right back.

Thank you!

Listen to me.

He's gone. Put it in here.

What? Are you crazy?

I used to work here,

they know me.

I can't shoplift, are you crazy?

Edith, I'm not going to pay for

a vibrator in front of everybody.

Put it in, he's coming back.

Seriously now!

It's only $14,95.

We can share the cost!

I, as a self-confident housewife

from Neukolln will go to this counter

and say:

"I'd like to buy this device."

Shit!

Look, it's just that I used

to go out with the cashier.

With the nigger?

We don't use that word anymore!

Do you still live in ancient times?

Just put it in, please!

I don't want him thinking that

I am in need of a vibrator!

I can't waste my whole day here!

But if we get caught,

I'll say that you made me do it!

We won't get caught.

Stop worrying.

For the $14,95 we just saved

we can have a cupcake.

Just a moment, ladies!

- Can I have a word with you?

- Yes, please?

Look, they found

a replacement for me.

No, Mrs Schroder. I'm not Santa

and not your replacement.

My name is Hermann B. Grabschbach

and I am the store detective.

This is my ID.

- VIP pass at the erotic store?

- No, no, that's...

I don't need to identify myself.

You need to give me your IDs.

- Why? We're just browsing!

- Oh really?

So you can't imagine

why I stopped you?

No, why?

What is this doing in your pocket?

You put that in there!

I did no such thing, Mrs Schroder!

What is it doing there?

The shelf... was very unstable

and it just fell in this pocket.

It's so big!

Congratulations, this is the

dumbest excuse of the season.

- You can tell that to Santa.

- I am!

- Are we being fresh?

- You got it back, now let's go!

I don't think so.

You'll stay where you are.

I need to see some ID.

I caught you stealing.

Stop shouting,

people are looking!

- Can't we go somewhere else?

- Now you're embarrassed.

- Of course.

- I can understand.

Let's go to my office.

- Where is that?

- Follow me, Mrs Schroder.

Thanks a lot!

Come in, please, ladies.

Let's go.

Straight ahead, please!

- And now?

- Left! There is only one way.

We are disappointed

on a personal level.

Personal level...

On top of that the incident

with the little girl on your lap.

The CEO's daughter!

- She was his...

- Didn't you know?

No, how should I?

From the huge photograph

in our CEO'S office.

I thought it was a butcher's ad!

She looked like a roast!

You see? This is what I mean.

Your attitude.

This is why you were fired.

You don't fit in our

nice Karstatd family.

So this was your

revenge for getting fired?

No! She put me up to it!

I told you I'd tell on you!

Ok, then. I admit it.

I confess, I am responsible.

But I can explain it.

- Oh really now?

- Yes, really!

This is what happened:

Today I took too much cinnamon oil.

Right as we entered

the store it kicked in

and I was such in a Christmas mode

that I forgot that one has to pay here.

Ok, I take it all back. This is the

dumbest excuse of the season.

Just wait a second!

Let's just say this is petty theft,

Mr Grabschbach.

I thought of something!

My contract is until

the 31st of December!

I'd like a staff discount!

I've never encountered such

reactionary types in my life!

Are you aware of

the situation you're in?

I caught you stealing!

Right on the act!

I can put you in

jail for three days!

Three days?

We'd save heating costs at home.

Oh!

So lifetime ban from Karstatd

wouldn't affect you ladies.

Lifetime ban?

Services in Germany are a desert!

Can't you think of something else?

I know where this is going...

Well...

Mr Grabschbach.

Let's ring those bells!

Don't touch me!

Sit down! Back to your seat!

But I thought...

It's a misunderstanding!

I won't end up guilty as well!

With us it's not a crime!

Thank you, Mrs Schroder.

I hadn't noticed.

I mean...

It's not... a total misunderstanding.

Just... not with me.

With whom then?

Look...

You are... good friends, right?

Yes, so?

What do you do...

when you meet in the evenings...

Two... attractive ladies...

Lonely...

On the couch...

A bit of alcohol.

We watch TV sometimes.

Yes, or a nice DVD.

I'm a Video World member.

Drama films. Edith likes to cry.

Remember?

Yes, but I mean you know...

You can do other things too...?

Not just watch DVDs...

What?

I mean... One could...

You are one,

you are two, I am three...

We could... I am here...

I'd like to watch you two!

Brigitte?

What does he mean?

Edith, you still don't get it?

He likes it when two

women play with each other...

Are there such people?

Did you return

from the Stone Age?

- Don't you have internet?

- I don't have a landline.

So, Mr Grabschbach,

you can just forget about this!

We are very sorry.

It's not possible.

We've been friends

for so long. I would laugh!

Imagine.

I see. Right.

What a shame.

You're banned! That?s it!

Wait a minute.

There must be a solution

between the police

and intercourse.

Mr Grabschbach, listen.

The problem is...

We don't have such experience.

Do you think she could have

done something like that?

And you?

At a festival. With Sybille.

Mrs Schroder, does this mean...

you're like a virgin

in this field?

- Even better!

- I'm not even active!

Listen.

Come, turn the fatty on a bit.

You moan a bit. Come on!

Is this really necessary?

Of course it is!

Come on, do it!

Do it, fondle her a bit!

Like gentle cousins!

Cousins?

- Ouch! Let me do it!

- Just kiss!

Do it!

- Without tongue!

- I thought I should!

Keep going, keep going!

- Touch her breasts!

- No! Why?

What do you mean no?

We don't have all day!

You either do this with me,

or in jail with your inmates!

- Do it!

- Then I'll do this!

More, more!

- Now put your finger in there.

- What?

Put it in! Come on, do it!

Do it already!

What is it? Come on, lick her!

- What?

- Yes!

I draw the line here.

Two words: Lifetime ban!

Come on!

Ok Edith, I will lick you.

I don't want a lifetime ban!

- It's not possible!

- Spread your legs!

- It's just not possible!

- Why not?

I'm wearing these

nylons since Wednesday!

- That's tomorrow!

- Exactly!

Lick, lick!

Lick sister, lick!

Oh, I'm going crazy.

You could have

shaved before at least!

How should I know that

you'd lick me in Karstatd?

Wait a minute.

Are you a natural blonde?

Oh just do it properly.

You see? I knew it!

Oh my God!

Grab the stuff!

Come on!

Luckily my new beer tap

is ready just before Christmas.

It cost $500.

All those melted down 5 cent coins from

the 'rescue the children' donation box.

Damn it!

Miss Hartmann,

it's worse than I thought.

Your coupling is

completely calcified.

It's all blocked!

I cannot work like this!

Do you know what you need?

Two new nipples.

Yes! Then I need to get some English

men to clean the whole mess!

Hold on one second.

Mr Kakalakis...

You know...

I am a little out of practice.

No need to get an English man.

I've prepared an ouzo

for you in the kitchen.

That's your drink, right?

Ouzo? Are you crazy?

I have to work! I got other

clients with nipple problems.

Unbelievable.

Hi Jutta!

Hey, you can't come in.

We're closed!

You can't come in. I'm busy.

Nonsense! You are here,

therefore it's open!

What happened to you?

Have you been hit by a truck?

Oh, stop!

It's from all the Christmas stress.

It's horrible.

What happened to you?

Your lipstick is smudged and you have...

...hair between your teeth!

Jutta, funny story.

We had a mishap.

There is a new dog

parlour on Hermann Street.

Someone came out

with a freshly shaved dog.

Some hair was still there,

so the wind blew it in her face!

Oh yeah? Bullshit!

Now tell me what really happened.

No!

Yes!

I don't know how

to tell you this, but...

Me and Edith had

to lick each other.

At Karstatd!

In which section?

At no section!

We were caught stealing!

I need a shot right now

to disinfect my mouth.

I was between her legs!

I need a Futschi!

Miss Hartmann I found the problem.

Your pipes are open again.

Look at this! Jutta, take it.

I have pipe problems too.

Yes, I can smell it.

I mean in my flat,

my kitchen sink.

I've invited the ladies for Christmas.

I only have three plates.

I need to wash them in between.

You just need to pump it

and suck it all out.

No, Edith!

Jutta, it's just a small thing,

I'll bring him back in ten minutes!

Let him go!

Did you see that?

Of course I did! Don't laugh!

She stole my plumber. How am I

supposed to survive the holidays?

Now I get what's going on.

Jutta, I didn't know

you had it in you.

Although, as the old

Chinese saying goes:

"Red roof, moist basement."

What's wrong with your pipe?

I already took it out.

What? You dismantled it?

I'm afraid I demolished it.

Give it to the expert.

This is the pro grip, right?

Put it all in, up to the elbow.

- It's clogged.

- I told you so!

No!

My Christmas stollen!

In the sink pipe?

I had put them in the freezer.

I put it in the sink to let it

thaw as I did the dishes.

When I took the lid out it must

have gone down the pipe.

- Would you like a piece?

- No thanks, I don't like stollen.

- What about a coffee?

- Coffee would be nice.

Make it fast, I need to go.

Of course.

Let me take this.

Please do.

- How do you take it?

- Blond and sweet, like you.

You could use a renovation here.

Nah, it was recently renovated.

15 years ago.

That's a bit long ago.

What's this smell here?

Did someone die in here?

Wait a minute.

Here is your coffee.

How cute, in a Christmas mug.

Oh Gosh, I could

have made you a latte.

Whoopsie daisies.

Excuse my light clothing,

it gets so hot next to the coffee machine.

You know...

When I have a man with

such cute curls in my house...

What happens then?

I'm not the Edith

you know anymore.

Well... My father was Greek.

- No!

- Yes!

Tell me, is the legend true?

What do you mean?

That the Greeks

are well equipped.

Oh yeah.

In my toolbox I have

all the tools you can imagine.

I have a drill, I have a yard stick,

I have a pipe wrench!

I don't mean your toolbox!

I mean your tool!

Oh my, you are so naive!

Don't make me come there!

You're so strict! I like that!

You know what? I have an idea.

I will give you your

Christmas bonus in barter.

What, with the stollen?

Oh, forget about

the old stollen!

No, I mean your own 'stollen'...

If I'm lucky, I will find

some eggnog in it.

Now you got it, huh?

Take your little Greek out!

He's not little,

he's the Colossus of Rhodes!

He smells a bit used, but yummy!

Look how happy he is.

- A penis has no eyes.

- What?

Where did you learn that?

In community college?

No, with my dead husband.

- He was still alive of course!

- Oh okay!

Let me continue.

Surprise!

What are you doing here?

I was... I was sewing a button!

Enough with the nonsense.

I want my plumber back.

- Mr Kakalakis, come please.

- Actually I was about to.

No, no, hold on!

Don't be so business-like.

Quick question:

You have already paid Mr Kakalakis

for the whole afternoon, right?

Yes! That's why he

should come with me.

I'm still a bit excited

from the Karstatd incident.

Don't you wanna bring a little Christmas

spirit in here and share him with us?

Share him? You should

give me something at least.

I'll give you 5 Euro!

Ok, let's do it.

Not bad.

December 24th

Welcome to my humble abode

and Merry Christmas.

Thanks!

I have to put it back in the oven.

What is this in here? Oh look!

It's the neck!

- I'll make broth out of it.

- Bon app?tit!

It's a 4,5 kg goose,

I got it on the B1 highway.

What?

At a street vendor. They had

bird flu last year. I got it very cheap.

Oh well. You know my motto.

Bigger is better.

It will taste good

when it's done.

I hope so.

Ok, let's start!

Isn't this pretty?

What is it?

Cute, I know.

I got it at a nice shop.

You know that I don't

know much about wine.

But! I sought advice.

I had a thorough and extensive

discussion with the cashier at LIDL.

She said: "Mrs Schroder, for the goose

roast, Rosenthaler Cadarca is the best."

That's great.

I bought six of them.

I opened all of them

to let them breathe.

I've already 'breathed' one in.

You had a bottle

of wine by yourself?

No! I put some

of it in the sauce.

- Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas!

- Thanks for the invitation.

- Careful!

Fingers off the alcohol!

This is a wine you can

drink even if you're thirsty.

No! It's so sour,

it tingles my tongue.

Well... Jutta.

This wine is not sour and

it doesn't tingle. It massages.

And it has a nutty aftertaste.

- Bottled in Fukushima!

- Yes!

That's where the baby-head

sized grapes grow.

By the end of the night

we'll be glowing!

Speaking of glowing:

Where is your Christmas tree?

You're right!

It looks brilliant this year.

I've exceeded myself.

This year everything is red!

- Where?

- Here!

Edith, did you decorate

your toilet brush?

Oh please!

It's rather... a Christmas bonsai.

No, it's Asian modesty!

How should I get

into the Christmas spirit?

Dunno, go a bit closer!

Should I spend

the whole evening like this?

Why not?

I'm getting my tree

from my flat.

I wonder what kind of metal

rod she'll bring in here.

My laminated floor

is very sensitive.

It's called laminate floor.

Then my laminate

floor is sensitive.

I'm back!

Oh my! Do you need help, Jutta?

Watch out!

- Step aside.

- You stepped on my feet!

Careful, the lamp is shaking.

Here it is.

What's so funny?

It's not decorated!

I had it in the

corner of my room.

Be careful with the curtain!

Now look at it!

Great!

It's a real silver fir

from Taiwan.

It was made by a lot of

poor little Taiwanese girls

in a dark factory room

for $1,50 a day.

And we are doing great!

It's really nice, Jutta.

What's this face now?

I don't know.

I don't like it.

I prefer the colourful ones.

But that's so out!

Didn't you read about it?

Single colours are in now.

This is Korean red.

Don't listen to her,

the tree looks incredible.

It looks even better than

the one at the job centre.

Thank you. I got inspired by

the Swarotzki tree at the central station.

I can tell!

What about lights?

Look, this is new.

It has voice recognition.

Look!

Futschi!

That's awesome!

I can't believe it!

I'm speechless, Jutta!

The things you can do today!

Now it looks completely different.

I'm gonna try it, okay?

It's so festive!

Isn't it nice when

a simple woman is happy?

Since we are so festive now,

let's sing a Christmas song.

Please, no.

- You can't even sing.

- Yes I can!

I can sing at least two notes.

My voice is trained.

Ok, sing your two notes

so we're done with it.

You're right.

Was that one note?

No! I ate a fruit fly.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright

Round yon virgin

Mother and child

Holy infant

Tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

That's great. Look at what

you've done with your howling.

I didn't sing so bad

that you have to cry.

I just remembered that

I have no children, no man.

I only have you two.

That's horrible.

What?

Listen to me. Empty this

galss of wine and you'll feel better.

That cheap thing!

It's not cheap!

One bottle costs $1,99!

What? Then I want some more.

So what's the plan for tonight?

After dinner we exchange gifts.

What?

That's nonsense.

Gifts come before dinner.

No, first comes the main course,

then gifts, then desert.

Why?

If I don't like my present

I can still look forward to desert.

Excuse me?

There is only yogurt

for desert anyway.

Oh come on, that's silly.

You know what?

Let's do gifts before dinner.

I'm so excited.

I had a tingling in my body the whole day.

I can't wait till after dinner.

So, first gifts, then dinner.

For that tingling,

let's do it after dinner.

What tingling are you on about?

Main dish, gifts, yogurt, period!

How come you're

so authoritative?

I brought the Christmas tree.

Oh well okay,

we'll do it your way.

But serve the food Edith!

- I want to get my present!

- We're hungry.

Yeah, but it's not done yet.

Wait, I'm so forgetful.

What do you mean?

I don't know if I have everything.

You don't know?

Let me think for a moment.

Hold on.

Red cabbage, dumplings.

We saw the goose.

Jutta is here.

There was something else.

What was it?

I got it! I forgot the sauce thickener.

Jutta, do you have some at home?

No, my sauces get

thick on their own.

Biggy, you must

have some with you.

Yes, I always have some.

You have to think of something.

I got it! I'll go to

the Turkish shop downstairs.

Turkish shop?

We don't want a goose kebab.

It's a late night shop.

They must have some.

No, just stay here.

Just drink your Cadaver,

I'll be back.

It's Cadarca and stay here!

I'll be right back!

See you in a bit!

What kind of planning is this?

No idea.

She pretends to be great

and then messes it all up.

Too much talk and no result.

Do you smell

the bacteria in here too?

Of course.

She hasn't cleaned in ten months.

Oh, stop it.

- The couch table.

- What about it?

We got it together at the second

hand shop. It used to be white.

Have you seen the cutlery?

My fork looks almost like

a spoon with all the dirt on it.

Look, a dead fly!

Let's leave.

No, Jutta, after all your

efforts bringing the tree here.

Don't worry. I know exactly

what to do with the dirt.

What?

- We'll just seal it.

- How?

With hair spray!

Come on, lift your plate.

Hold your breath.

Who is this?

Who do you think?

Stupid Edith locked herself out.

She'll smell the hairspray.

We'll say we were

doing our hair.

Make it go away.

I'll get the door.

Edith, I'm coming!

I said I'm coming, Edith!

Dear God!

Mom!

You are two hours early.

I'm sorry I'm so early.

The train schedules are unpredictable.

- You never know...

- I thought you were coming later.

Then they have signal problems.

I'm tellin' ya,

I'm fed up with this.

This is Ilonka?

Yes. She's gotten big, my cutie.

Dear God!

Say hello to her!

If I have to.

Hello, Ilonka!

- Get away from the child!

- What did I do?

Ilonka, dear, don't be afraid.

That's not a leopard,

it's your mommy.

Don't worry, mom.

She will recognize me.

How should she recognize you?

You've never visited us.

Ilonka, my sweetie.

Don't be scared of me.

It's me, your mommy.

Don't remember me?

We have met before.

In the delivery room!

Brigitte!

Are you totally crazy?

How can you wear something

like that for Christmas?

Unbelievable. Are you working

on the street or what?

Mother! It's a Gucci!

No, it's too short.

What's on your arms is

supposed to be on your legs.

I can't look at you!

You didn't get that from me.

Hartmann, Jutta.

I heard a lot about you.

She doesn't look like a redhead

mummy, like you say on the phone.

Where is Schroder?

Well...

Edith went out to get something.

What, she went shopping

before you've opened the gifts?

What kind of planning is this?

Oh, no, no!

There we go again.

Not with the banana again.

Stop it!

This child eats bananas all the time.

It's not a bad thing, they have vitamins.

But when she's done,

the peel flies through the room

and I never know where it is.

Last time I tripped

on it and fell down!

I was lucky because I only

hit the edge of the couch.

At home I have a similar table,

but you wouldn't know this.

Imagine what would have

happened, had I hit the table.

I would have a bump

on my forehead.

I would have been

there on my table

and I would have dropped dead.

You're exaggerating a bit.

I am afraid of the child.

The little one? Why?

She's very intelligent.

You don't see it at first glance.

I was cleaning up at home.

I found this box in her room.

It was full of flies.

She had ripped their wings off.

Oh! And this thing with

the wheels is just awful.

- What is it?

- She can walk, you know.

But she is lazy as fuck and says:

"Grandma, I wanna roll."

So I have to pull her.

All the way to the shopping centre.

As we go through

the sliding doors she jumps in!

Runs to the Lego shop

and eats all the Lego bricks.

- Mrs Hartmann.

- Yes...

I like you.

You are a nice woman.

One can tell.

You've grown dear to my heart

in the time I got to know you.

- Can't you take the child?

- Oh no!

You've got no time...

You're a business woman.

- Only for a short time.

- Still no...

You know, I won a trip.

To Mallorca.

But it's so stressful!

I get picked up

at 6am with the bus,

brought to the plane

to fly to Mallorca.

From the airplane onto the next bus,

for an hour long city tour in Palma.

Then we'll travel through

the island to see some windmills.

On the way back

we'll visit a winery.

It will just be old women.

None of them will

walk straight - oh stop it!

Because they will be drunk.

Actually I'd love to see the beach.

But it's not possible.

We're only there for 24 hours.

- Mum, come on now...

- Shut the fuck up!

I'm trying to have

a conversation here.

Mrs Hartmann, were you

also bombed in 1945?

Jutta looks older

than she really is.

Is there anything else

I should know about Ilonka?

It's quite simple actually.

Her food is below the wheels.

It's in containers.

Give her one container every day,

divided in three meals.

Great. So, mom,

it was good to see you.

- Bye!

- No!

- What, no?

- No, no, no!

- No, no!

- What no, no?

- No, that's a no-no.

- What no-no?

- No! I'm not going yet!

- Yes you are!

No, Brigitte!

I'm staying another hour.

No, I don't want

Edith to see you.

- I can't leave yet.

- Why not?

My feet are wet.

No wonder.

Why you are wearing your

house shoes in this weather?

Are you crazy?

You know what, Brigitte?

You never listen to me.

I've told you a thousand times.

I cannot wear closed shoes anymore.

I have water retention in my legs.

Water retention?

You can't see it cause it's frozen.

Get out, mom! That's enough!

Bye Ilonka, dear!

I'll pick her up in two days!

She slammed the door...

Look who it is! Mrs Schroder!

Jesus, Mrs Wuttke!

You scared me.

What is wrong with you?

Going shopping before opening the gifts?

But what do I care.

I brought the child over.

She's wearing such

a nice dress, very festive.

She's like a little princess.

Much nicer than your dress...

Don't you want to stay for dinner?

Nice of you to ask, but no.

I have no time, I won this trip.

A trip to Mallorca.

So stressful!

- Let me through, please.

- Merry Christmas.

This will be my last Christmas.

I'm so fed up.

Ilonka, say hello to aunt Jutta!

Come on, she wants to say hello.

- I don't want to!

- You're six years late!

- Come on. Don't be shy.

- I don't want to!

Look! You wanted

to have a kid around!

Yes, I wanted a kid. Imagine

how big she is if she gets up.

Oh, she's just well-nourished.

She sure is.

She looks like Chucky's Bride.

Stop it, I didn't wish

for this to happen.

She's nice, right Ilonka?

You are a polite kid.

Careful!

Oh shit!

What is wrong with you?

Thank you, Jutta.

Where have you been?

Did you forget you have guests?

No, I didn't. I got sauce.

This is garlic sauce!

Oh well, then it's

crossover kitchen.

You reek of alcohol.

You've been drinking.

I beg your pardon.

I have not been drinking.

Did you know that Turkish

people celebrate Christmas too?

They gave me one, two,

three, four raki shots.

I have a weird

taste in my mouth.

I need to wash it down.

Edith, stop drinking now.

Stop it!

Say hello to our visitor!

Ilonka is here.

You are a really ugly kid.

Children need to hear

the truth at some point.

Nonsense!

Ilonka, sweetie, don't worry.

I'm your godmother

and I'm putting money

aside for you until you're 18.

Then I will pay

for your face surgery.

Stop it now!

Or a beheading.

That's enough!

She threw up on your carpet!

Oh, you funny little goofball!

- I'm so sorry, Edith!

- But it's okay!

So you threw up on my carpet.

But don't worry,

it's already very dirty.

I'll smear it all over,

no one will notice.

Don't encourage her.

Ilonka, why are you doing this?

How can you ridicule me like

this on such an important day?

Ilonka, stop it now!

- Jutta, push her out of here.

- No!

Come on, push her out of here.

Get her out.

That's it, no party for you.

Be happy that I am not slapping you.

Get out of here!

- I put her in the hallway.

- Did you lock the door?

Of course.

Why is it so cold in here?

- The balcony door is open.

- Who opened it?

This cannot be.

Why is this happening to me?

Calm down.

How? There is banana vomit

everywhere from my daughter.

- I'll put on a nice Christmas CD.

- What?

- I brought Uschi Glass.

- Do we have to?

It's a nice CD.

Let's turn it on a bit.

That's Uschi Glass?

- It's nice, right?

- She has a really nice voice.

- What?

- A nice voice!

Yes, she wrote

all the songs herself.

Nonsense, this song

is not by Uschi Glass.

It is! She wrote it in 1845

when she was 38.

You make me laugh, Jutta.

Turn it down a bit, okay?

What is this?

I need to smoke to calm down.

I'll be done in a bit.

We said no smoking

on Christmas Eve.

Just one fag, I just had the most

stressful experience ever.

You should be used to it.

That's why today should

smell like Christmas tree.

It's been sprayed in Taiwan!

- Then I will open the balcony door.

- I'm cold, my skirt is short.

I might catch a cold.

You mother is right,

you could dress better.

Finally!

You locked me out!

I was waving, screaming,

didn't you see me?

I thought it was

a blue garbage bag.

Edith, tell me.

Are you crazy?

We're starving here and you are

enjoying the view on the balcony.

I almost froze.

It's freezing out there.

My nipples are hard.

- Didn't you hear me screaming?

- We were listening to a CD.

Oh really?

Probably at a discotheque volume.

- People were looking.

- We are hungry.

Please serve the food already!

You're right, it must be ready.

I'll go have a look.

Here are the dumplings.

Here you go.

There is more to come.

Careful, Jutta.

The red cabbage!

Edith, hold on.

Is this an albino red cabbage?

It cooked for so long,

that the colour is gone.

But I have another sauce!

How did you manage?

I had some goulash

and I boiled it down.

We have a chef amongst us!

Make some space,

the roast is coming!

That big thing, oh my, Jutta!

It's nice to be invited, right?

Especially here, right?

Shit!

What is it?

Yes, everything is fine!

- Do you need help?

- I just spilled some fat!

It smells really nice.

Help yourselves.

This was supposed

to be a 4 1/2 kg goose?

It sure was, okay?

It just shrunk a little bit.

It's your fault! I was locked out

for at least 15 minutes!

It shrunk?

The thing is dry as hell!

Listen to this!

I can't eat this fire victim.

- Great, we'll have a veggie Christmas.

- It only gets worse.

But the rest is super yummy.

- Let me serve you.

- Yes, please.

Oh! Hot!

- Another one?

- Yes, please.

Don't do it with your hands!

What should I do? I gave my

big spoons to the pawnshop.

When did you last

wash those paws?

This morning, before I peed.

- Do you also want two?

- Just one.

I'll take two.

Red cabbage.

Thanks.

- Some sauce, Brigitte?

- Yes, please.

- What is it?

- It has skin!

- Just a bit!

- I hate skin!

- I don't like it on milk either.

- I'll take it then.

- It's like a bathing cap.

- It's almost like pudding.

You, Jutta?

On the cabbage,

to give it some colour.

Happy to. Here you go.

- Merry Christmas.

- Bon app?tit!

Cheers, Jutta.

Oh, Jutta, you're so unlucky.

You got the one knife

that isn't sharp.

Well, the sauce is really yummy.

Hey, that was the doorbell.

Oh yeah? I heard nothing.

- It was the doorbell.

- Yes, it was.

Let me finish my dinner, okay?

Don't you want to know who it is?

Maybe it's Santa.

Jutta, Santa never comes here.

Only some guy from the job centre.

Come on, Edith,

go open the door!

Damn it! Can't we have some

peace and quiet at Christmas?

Well...

This will be a surprise.

- You know who it is?

- I can guess.

From out the forest we now appear!

To proclaim that Christmas is here!

It's my surprise for you!

I ordered some Santas!

- Who is this?

- You'll never guess.

It was a real surprise, Jutta.

It's Kevin Adriano

and Enrico Norman.

How did you know? Did you tell?

You are bad actors.

No, it was worth an Oscar.

The shoes gave you away.

Oh, no! You could have

chosen different shoes!

No, I couldn't. I have an awful

nail fungus. The foot needs air!

So, are you done with dinner?

Definitely.

Then it's gift time!

Oh yeah! Do you

have the presents?

No, I always carry a big sack.

Yes, presents!

Hey, let me get in there!

- Can you tell us a poem first?

- No! I don't have to!

This looks really expensive.

Irish cream!

That might come out later.

Twist it!

It's really powerful Jutta!

It has the power of four penises.

Did you check your calendar?

What day is it today? It's X-mas Eve!

The birth of our Lord.

I wanted to go to church later!

You can still go!

Just turn it off before.

Is this a hint that I'll never get a man?

Why would you get me this?

Jutta, don't get so upset!

It has multiple parts. You can

use it as an electric toothbrush.

Look at this!

They gave me this for Christmas.

You're right.

It's too thin for me too.

But it's slim line!

It's for your bum, Jutta.

Keep it! I don't need it.

My shower head has a massager.

Oh well.

I licked Edith for nothing.

You did what?

I don't want to know!

Who's next?

The biggest one goes

to the slimmest one!

It's me!

Not for the last 30 years!

Merry Christmas, Brigitte.

Thanks!

Brigitte you will love it!

It fits to your style and your flat.

You are crazy,

getting me something so big.

- Did you get the right one?

- Yes, of course.

I'm so happy, you two!

What do you mean,

it fits my style and my flat?

What? It's beige, brown

and black like your dress.

I am wearing leopard.

This is tiger. They don't match!

It's not tiger!

It's not!

The salesgirl explained

it to me clearly.

It's the belly of the leopard.

The dots become stripes

when they go down to the belly.

- Really?

- No!

This is bullshit!

I told you: Go to Price-Inferno

and get the leopard fur.

No, you didn't say that!

You just gave me 5 Euro.

You said: Just get whatever and with

the change buy yourself a sausage.

I want my 5 Euro back.

I'm not paying for the wrong gift!

It's not possible. It was third

rate, I can't take it back!

Are you serious? You get me

something from Price-Inferno

and it's even third rate?

I hope the sausage was good.

It was yummy!

We can take it if you don't want it.

Someone stole our doormat.

Here.

Hold on! It's my turn now!

What? No, you can forget it.

Are you nuts?

You cannot possibly

be expecting a gift from us.

Not from me.

No.

I'm getting no gift?

- No.

- Why not, Brigitte?

Why not? Look at our

opulent Christmas meal.

Yes, but you could have

predicted that. You know Edith.

- She put a lot of effort into it.

- Of course.

And she's your only friend.

No, I have Pet-Shop-Marita

and Solarium-Uschi.

Do as you like.

Merry Christmas, Edith.

It looks so nice!

I put so much effort into it...

Should I iron it

and give it back to you?

Vacuum cleaner bags?

Yes!

In my whole life I have never

gotten such an impersonal gift.

Not even from

my dead husband Hotte.

But thank you!

These are for the

"RL-48 Super Clean".

If my friends had asked

me which vacuum I have,

they would know that

I have the Siemens 'Vampirette'.

These bags are not suitable for it.

You can cut it

so it fits, you know?

I will be cutting vacuum bags?

As if I had nothing better to do!

- Don't yell at me!

- It's a product of the West!

He's right! It's a special item.

Don't get so upset.

Look on the label.

It's the Karstatd home brand.

You can get it

at any Karstatd store.

I should keep buying

the wrong vacuum bags?

Are you out of your mind?

I will not sit here

and get hit on Christmas Eve.

Me and my tree are out!

- Why don't you?

- Jutta, wait!

Kevin Adriano,

are you completely insane?

You are eating my dumpling.

- What, can't I eat a dumpling?

- No!

- I wanted to have it for breakfast!

- With cinnamon and sugar?

Yes, exactly that.

Give me back

the plate immediately.

You want this plate back?

You want to have my plate?

Here is your fucking plate!

Shut the fuck up!

That's enough!

I've had it up to here!

Get out of here! And you two

Eastern faggots are leaving first.

You just take, take, take

and steal my dumplings.

Go back to Treptow and when

you get there, put the wall back up.

Don't talk to them like this.

Shut up, you little slut!

Why don't you go earn

some money on the street?

I can see your tonsils

from down there.

I totally agree.

Keep quiet you old

Christmas ball, you dried prune!

Go to your fucking pub and bathe

in rum so you get a bit wet.

And take your stupid tree back!

Oh, Jutta, I'm so

sorry about the tree.

I'll put everything back.

Oh dear, Merry Christmas.

What a Christmas.

The food was shit,

the gifts were terrible.

We had a fight.

Let's do this again next year!

- Cheers!

- Cheers!

It gets tastier.

Is the late night

shop still open?

Should be. It's a 24/7.

Then let's go!

Careful, Edith!

Ahmed, we're coming!

Enrico Norman,

your briefs are here!

The leopard briefs?

I got the same!

- Brigitte!

- Brigitte!

Mommy?