Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds (2006) Movie Script

[knock on door]

[Man]

Coming!

I'm coming as fast

as I can!

Hey!

What's up, man?

What's up, dude?

Sorry, I'm late.

No problem.

So, I'll go get

my suit.

You bring

the spare board?

Oh, bro, no, I didn't.

I forgot it.

But you know what?

I got something

else you can ride.

Aw, dude,

I got you all wet.

Maybe we should get you

out of those clothes, bro.

Dude...I got

a girlfriend.

Does she know you

mess around with dudes,

or are you just

some big closet case?

Maybe you're confused.

Or maybe you like

playing confused.

I-I don't know.

[mocking]

I don't know what I am.

You're so sexy

when you stammer.

You're good.

Yeah.

I play confused.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm straight.

Mostly.

[panting]

No, rip open my shirt.

Sir, yes, sir.

Strip.

[scoffs]

Amateur.

[moaning]

[grunts]

Less teeth, more tongue.

This is how you do it.

[moaning]

Oh, that feels so good.

God, I love your tits.

[Woman]

Stop calling them tits.

I want to eat

your tits all day.

Stop calling them tits.

I love your tits.

Stop calling them tits!

Sorry.

I love your breasts.

I want to fuck

your breasts.

[moaning]

Shane, sweetie...

Are you having

that gay fantasy again?

[sighs]

Honey, it's not you.

It's...

Well, it's you.

What's wrong if I want

to see a little boy-on-boy

in the bedroom?

Nothing, I guess,

if you're a gay man.

Close enough.

But you can't expect me

to go gay every time

you want to have sex.

I don't want you to be gay,

just...gayer.

So, you want me

to get it on

with another guy

in front of you?

Well, in front of,

on top of, yeah.

Gwen, I'm not gay.

I'm not bi.

I'm a heterosexual breeder.

And if you can't accept that,

then we probably shouldn't

be dating.

How can you be

so homophobic?

You're ridiculous.

Oh, don't even think

you're breaking up with me.

I'm breaking up with you.

Huh?

I've sat in millions

of bedrooms

and listened

to millions of boys

tell me they're leaving me

for the pole.

I'm not going to sit here

and have one leave me

for pussy!

What?

I'm leaving you, Shane!

Go not suck

all the dick you want!

Yeah?

And you keep laying

that pride parade march

right on through your crotch!

Gay-basher!

Tits, tits, tits, tits, tits!

Crazy fuckin'

doesn't know what she wants--

[sighs]

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

Fag.

I wish!

I told you this

was gonna happen.

I know, Kyle.

That's all you've said

from day two:

"You're too hot, Marc.

You're gonna leave me."

And look how right I was.

You weren't right, Kyle.

Your puppy-dog eyes

and goofy charm turned me on,

but you wouldn't believe it.

How could I believe it

when you flirt with everyone?

I don't flirt with everyone.

I just...like making friends.

Well, did you have to

befriend every member

of the gymnastics team

and Alpha Gamma Testes?

God, it's like

you're only happy

when you think

you can't have me.

I wouldn't be jealous

if you went out and made

some hot friends.

See? I'm too boring

for you.

You want a boyfriend

who's all social

and hangs out

with confident,

sophisticated

guys like...him.

Hey, Sebastian.

Who's this?

Who are you?

He's here

for emotional support.

I'm supposed to be

your emotional support.

But you're too emotional.

[moaning]

Fags.

So, what, it's been about...

[smacking lips]

five days since

you last jerked off?

Wow, you're good.

[chuckles]

Thanks, Eric.

That was fun.

No. Thank you, Teri.

Tiffani.

And I think this is yours.

[spits]

Well, have fun fucking

his puppy-dog eyes

and goofy charm.

I hope someday you can see

past everything you don't like

about yourself

and realize we had

something special.

Wow. That was Hallmarky,

Marc, even for you.

[scoffs]

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

[sighs]

Okay, just because

we used to date the same loser

doesn't mean we have to be

all cunty to each other.

You're right. Truce?

Oh, I'm s--

[whimpering]

What's wrong?

I just...

I don't want to be

a slut anymore.

I want a boyfriend.

[sobbing]

I just really wish Caleb

was still here.

Is that the heterosexual

you were trying to sleep with?

No. Well, yes.

He was my roommate

who I used to want.

Your roommate dumped you?

No, my boyfriend dumped me.

My roommate isn't here

to help me through this.

So, is your roommate the gay one

or the straight one?

You're not listening to me.

My boyfriend's gay,

and not just that,

he's the hottest gay

I will ever make it with.

Honey, you're gonna make it

with plenty of hotties.

Mom, it's not even that.

He's gonna find a new boyfriend

first, and I'm gonna be alone.

You are not

going to be alone.

There are plenty

of rainbow fish in the sea.

Ha-ha.

Plenty of cocks in the henhouse.

Mom!

Plenty of freshmen ass

in the locker room.

Ew, Mom!

Kyle, I am

really trying here.

I know, Mom. Thanks.

Do you have any idea

what it's like to be a gay man

trapped inside a woman's body?

My God,

you have no idea.

Well, there's, like,

five gay men trapped inside me,

and they're all greasy

and having sex with each other

and just trying

to fuck their way out.

Send me an X-ray.

Why are you being

all Fiona Apple?

I broke up with Shane.

He's single?

Hands off, cock-monger.

[laughs]

I'm kidding.

What is it with straight guys

and their aversion

to sucking dick?

I just got dumped.

What is with gay guys

wanting to suck

everyone's dick?

Yeah, I heard.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks.

Sorry you're a psychopath.

I say this with

my trademark sweetness,

but you do know that Marc

was the best thing that will

ever happen to you?

Hey, I'm a catch.

Says who? Your mom?

Other people do, too.

I just...

I just want to hear

"I love you"

instead of "Take it,

you tight little snatch."

Hi, Mr. Thompson.

Tiffani.

Oh, I love your pastel

paisley halter

with the chiffon

inlet overlay.

My wife has one

just like it.

[mouths words]

Okay, class.

Fingertips.

I don't know how many of you

are sick to death

with still life,

but if I see another fruit,

I'm gonna have a hissy.

[apple thuds]

I think it's time

that we tried something

a little more...dangerous.

[door opens]

Class,

meet Troy.

[laughing]

[door closes]

Ta-da!

[chuckling]

Troy's going to model

for us today.

Nude.

Troy is a veterinarian major

who has just

moved here, fresh,

from a little town

in Illinois known as--

Oh, Troy.

[chuckling, muttering]

Troy from Troy.

[laughs]

My parents didn't want me

to forget where I was from.

How rustic.

He's got an accent.

He looks like

he spent his life

baling hay

and milking things.

He looks like sex.

Well, um,

Troy from Illinois.

[laughing, muttering]

Uh, whenever you,

uh, feel inspired.

[laughing]

I, uh...

[clears throat]

So, uh, where

do you want me?

On my face.

[stammers]

Right here on my desk.

And, uh, we'll get you in, um,

several different positions.

Missionary,

reverse cowgirl, 69.

Chalks to paper!

Oops.

[giggles]

Dropped it.

Guess I'll just ha--

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Permit me.

I wouldn't want you

to ruin anybody's art

by moving.

Hi.

[giggles]

Nice to meet you.

Same here.

Okay. I'm just...

Okay.

I want to hit that

harder than Ike hit Tina.

Oh! I want

to be wrapped in his arms

forever and ever.

I want to see him

get it on with his

boyfriend.

You think he's gay?

Does Whitney

want crack?

[gasps]

Hey, there!

I didn't recognize you

without your penis.

I had to leave it there.

School property and all.

I'm Gwen.

The girl with the big boobs

is Tiffani.

The guy with the small pe--

I'm Kyle.

Troy.

From Troy.

Illinois.

[clears throat]

Oh, are those your drawings?

Yeah.

This is mine.

That's Kyle's, and Tiffani's.

I've never drawn one before,

so I figured

that I would

just focus on it.

Well, you're very generous.

I'm a giver.

Aw, this one's incredible.

Thanks.

You just spoke to me.

Are you an art major?

No.

She's undeclared, which is

practically the same thing.

Well, you should be.

How'd you get into

nude modeling?

Well, I grew up

in the country,

and no one's around,

so I just go naked a lot.

Then I bought a Webcam.

I'm so Googling you.

When I moved here,

I found I can get paid

to hang out naked.

I was like, "Sign me up!"

Next stop, porn.

How much does that ass

of yours bring in?

Oh, 50 bucks a class.

Porn pays way better.

Yeah, I'd just as likely do it

for a case of beer or weed.

Ah, noted.

When did you move here?

A couple weeks ago.

All by your lonesome?

Yeah.

I'll bet it was great.

Start over where no one

knows your name.

You can do anything you want

with whomever you want.

I guess.

Kind of miss my mom.

Oh, so you're close

to your mom?

I miss both my parents,

but there's something

about a mom, you know?

A boy needs none other

than the love of his mother.

Yeah.

Hey, we were gonna

go grab some coffee.

You wanna come?

Ah, I got to get home.

But thanks for the offer.

Maybe some other time?

Someone waiting for you

at home?

Uh, my roommate.

He's secretly

in love with me.

I'll see you in class.

Keep up the good work.

Oh, keep up the good penis!

[Man]

Stop the spread of faggotry.

I totally thought

he was a 'mo

till he made that lame

straight-guy joke.

He's an enigma

fucking a riddle

fucking a mystery.

I love being single.

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

But spreading

is my favorite thing.

I'll be praying for you.

[Gwen]

Hold that pose.

Would you boys do me a favor

and just sit there for a minute?

Or 20?

But I want him

out of here in five.

What's her story?

I, uh, used to flirt

with this one,

but we never did anything

'cause I wasn't available.

So we're going to make up

for lost time.

[door opens]

Man whore!

[door closes]

[sighs]

Lucky bastard.

[Kyle]

See that guy over there?

The studly rack of meat

or your loser ex-boyfriend?

The meat rack. Marc pre-cheated

with him and with a couple

of other guys, too.

He pre-cheated?

It's this thing that gays do.

The moment their relationship

starts getting a little rocky,

they start lining up

replacement sex partners.

The second they're single,

it's, "Hey, remember me?

You want some head?"

Your boyfriend's

far too creampuff

to cheat.

I didn't say he cheated.

He pre-cheated.

God, you're paranoid.

I know how his mind works.

If I were hot enough,

I'd do the same thing.

I guess it's over.

Look what I found!

Hey.

Troy!

Nude guy!

So, Troy, the three of us

are falling behind in art class,

and we were wondering...

Do you have

a preference?

Uh...

[coughing]

See? It works.

Now take off

your clothes, damn it.

This is kind of weird.

No. Come on.

We're just gonna draw, really.

So, did you leave someone

special back home?

Nope.

That's probably good.

Yep.

I've always wondered

what it would be like

to live on a farm.

I mean,

what did you do for fun?

Mostly, we'd just drive around

the strip on weekends

or-- or throw parties

in some field.

I always liked the idea

of being out among all

the nature,

getting fucked

in a rainstorm,

getting fucked

in a tractor,

getting fucked in a...

[laughs]

Can't say I did all that.

Well, where did you

get fucked?

I don't know.

Regular places.

Bed.

My car.

In the ass?

Excuse me?

Oops. I mean,

boys or girls?

Uh...

Uh, I'm sorry. If you don't

want to talk about this...

No, it's-- it's okay,

I guess.

Girls,

mostly.

[gasping]

Why? Does that freak you out?

Oh, honey, no.

I'm what they call a fag hag.

So you are gay, then.

I am...

I'm not gay. It's just...

Well, all kinds of people

hit on me,

so I just kind of

go along with it.

What the hell

does that mean?

I like it.

I mean,

we're all just people.

Just bodies

with organic needs.

So, did you ever

have a girlfriend?

Sort of.

What about boyfriends?

Well, I-- I had

this really close friend

in high school.

But I never done much

with a guy before,

'cause I want to get married

and have kids.

Not that gay guys can't,

'cause they can.

It's just...

I don't know.

Being gay just seems

like so much work.

Amen, sister.

First, you have to

tell everyone.

That's no fun.

And then

there's rejection.

You're never hot enough.

STDs.

If you're lucky.

There's this group--

Coming In.

I kind of wanna go

check 'em out, 'cause I

think they might fix me.

The antigays?

Ex-gays.

Just like you, Kyle, right?

What?

Kyle used to be gay.

[gasps]

You two should hang out,

get to know each other,

swap stories.

[nervous chuckle]

You're an ex-gay?

[Kyle]

Well...

You're, like, my idol.

I totally just wanna get inside

of you and learn everything.

Uh...

Oh, my God!

You two are together, right?

Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

We are boyfriend

and girlfriend.

God, I knew it!

You're always together,

but I wasn't sure.

It must've been the...

The fact that I act so faggy?

And you're

really straight now?

As a cucumber.

God! No wonder I felt

so comfortable with you two.

How long you been together?

Uh...

a few months.

Yeah.

And it's true love.

Open up, my little sex monkey.

Oh! Oh, God!

[nervous laugh]

[forced laugh]

You're comfortable

that he used to...

Smoke sausage?

You know, we've all got

skeletons in our closet.

His are just more well hung.

And how's that going for you?

Well, how do you think

it's going for him?

Look at me. I'm perfect.

Yeah. Yeah, she's awesome.

Oh! He especially loves

my titties.

[shudders]

Breasts!

So, what are the meetings like?

Oh, uh, you know, I've never

been to this chapter.

I don't--

Oh, my God. Would you do me

the biggest favor?

Of course I'd do you...

You have to take me

to one of these meetings.

There's one tomorrow.

You could be, like,

my-- my sponsor or whatever.

You know, honey, do it.

It might do you some good

to renew your vows

to heterosexuality.

Not that he doesn't

ride me every night.

[chuckles]

Uh, okay.

It's a date!

[chuckles]

I'll be right back.

I have to go use the head.

What the hell

just happened?

We just got you laid

by Troy from Illinois.

You made me into an ex-gay.

Those are my least

favorite kinds of gays.

Grow some nuts.

Do you think

he would've been

remotely interested

in you if you were

just another gay guy?

Listen to me.

I don't have a chance

in this godforsaken world

of wrapping my lips

around his 40 acres and a mule,

but you do.

So you're saying

he'll let me have sex with him

because I'm not gay?

You heard him.

You'll be his new

close friend.

Since you're straight,

you'll get to hang out

with him.

You'll support him

in all those straight

emo bonding ways

until, eventually,

all his repressed passion

explodes!

Right down

your throat.

This is sick.

You're both sick!

You think it could work?

Damn!

Hey.

No way.

I'm so nervous.

It's okay.

You'll be fine.

What are you doing?

Straight-male bonding.

Just have fun.

[chattering]

Hi.

[Men]

Hi.

I'm Octavio.

[Man]

Octavio.

Introductions lead

to conversations,

lead to invitations

of intercourse

with the wrong persuasion.

I'll do the introducing.

What the hell do you want?

Oh, uh...

We want to join.

I find that hard to believe.

Maybe we should leave.

God believes me.

Well, I did pray for you.

I know.

Spooky.

I'm Jacob Buchanan,

Coming In president.

This is Derek, Allan,

Roy and, uh...

Violet.

Well, I'm Kyle, and...

Troy.

[all]

Hi, Troy.

Hi.

Hello, Kyle.

[Jacob]

You do know

what we're all about here,

right, at Coming In?

Well, yeah, but he

doesn't need to be here.

He's a success story.

[nervous chuckle]

Kyle's renouncing

his sexuality?

What's going on?

Are you sitting down?

Now, who'd like to speak first?

Okay, I will.

I have some great news

that is gonna change

all of our lives.

I have been asked

to present

the new ad campaign

for Coming In National.

The board of directors,

including my mom,

is gonna be here next week,

and if they like

my presentation,

which they will,

you're gonna see my posters

in high schools

and college campuses

across the nation.

"Homo no more.

Stop the spread of faggotry."

Now, I need you to repeat

this slogan to every student

across campus.

"Homo no more" is gonna become

a national catchphrase.

Like,

"Can you hear me now?"

Yeah, only more clever.

So, let's have a testimonial.

Who wants to start?

I sucked a dick.

Shut up.

Are you serious?

Like a fox.

That's fabulous.

What was it like?

Details.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, tell us how it

made you feel, Violet.

Well, I got really trashed

at the Up With Jesus kegger,

and this skinny guy

with dyed black hair

and lipstick

asked if I wanted

to do one of those

upside-down keg shooters.

They started playing

My Chemical Romance,

so I took that as a sign.

Downed half the keg,

and before I knew it, we were

in the back of his mom's Saab--

choking on his dick,

my makeup smearing,

I'm about to puke.

It was great.

I watched porn.

Straight porn.

And I made sure

it was Ron Jeremy,

so I wouldn't focus

on his, um...

Yeah.

And it was hot.

Good. Good.

Allan, how are

things going with, um...

Was her name Leslie?

I think so. Yeah.

Uh, we went on a date.

And what happened

on this date?

We went to this cute

little Italian restaurant.

Service was great.

No. No, no.

I meant physically.

Oh, well, um,

after dinner,

we went back to her dorm.

Were you nervous?

Oh, yeah.

Turned on?

Well...

I'm trusting at some point

you got turned on, right?

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

[chuckles]

Totally...turned on.

Rock hard.

Tell me about that.

Uh, um, let's see.

[chuckles]

We sat on her bed,

and she showed me

this photo album she had

of this Japanese internment

camp she had visited.

And we were balancing

the book on our legs,

and her knee

grazed my knee,

and that kind of

got me going.

[laughs]

And then?

Then?

She jumped

on top of me.

Really?

And, uh, I let her

kiss me and stuff.

Good! Good.

Now, did she go for second base?

Run her hands up and down

your smooth chest

underneath your shirt?

A little.

Might not count.

Why don't you show me?

Like...this, I guess.

[Jacob]

But never the nipples?

No.

On this date,

did you think about men?

No. No.

Never?

What about

your locker room fantasy?

Thrusting jockstraps,

towels snapping at your ass.

I never said anything

about towels.

Well...

next week's assignment--

and I'm holding you to this--

is third base.

But what about the girl?

Leslie?

Yeah, Leslie.

Shouldn't I respect her

and stuff?

Don't worry.

She's not gonna get pregnant.

All I'm asking for

is one finger...

[swooshing sound]

in her bush.

So, I'm fascinated to hear

your guys's stories.

I'm not ready

to talk yet.

But, uh, Kyle here

has got a hottie girlfriend,

and they can't keep

their hands off each other.

You...have a girlfriend?

Mm-hmm.

And you used to be gay?

Yeah.

Well, why don't you

tell us, Kyle,

what brought about

this amazing change?

Uh, my story...

Just speak from the heart,

like Jesus would.

Well, I was...

pretty much born gay.

Mom said

my first sentence was,

"Get those boobs

out of my face," so...

Anyway, uh,

I lived the gay lifestyle

for a while,

and I dated

a lot of guys.

A lot...of guys.

Just mens

and mens and mens.

I mean, they were calling me

all the time.

"Kyle, please have sex

with me. Please!"

I was so popular.

[Jacob] But then it began

to take its toll.

See, you realized that gays--

they're not interested

in getting to know you.

No, as soon as you put out,

they vanish,

and then they never

call you back when they say

they're gonna call you back,

because they're out

with some stud

when they say

they should be in class!

I wouldn't say that.

Well, then, what exactly

would you say, Kyle?

What brought about

this amazing transformation?

Well, I got fed up

with the men

and the sex and the fun,

the music

and the apple martinis.

And just when

I didn't know what else to do,

an angel from heaven above

flew into my life.

A sexy 52-24-48 angel

named Tiffani.

Is Tiffani a rhinoceros?

Size doesn't matter.

What matters is,

is that I fell in love,

and I never looked back.

Oh, stop.

But what about the sex?

Oh, it's a piece of cake.

I just say, "Kyle,

"take everything you love

about Reese Witherspoon

and project it

onto this girl

who wants to be with you."

And now I can't get enough.

That's incredible.

Yeah, 'cause you seem

really gay.

Not anymore. I'm telling you,

there is nothing

like the smooth, wet,

porcelain lips of the vagina

spreading and enveloping me,

squeezing against

the head of my dick

ever so firmly.

And that's nothing

compared to what it feels like

to eat her out

and lap up

all those fresh juices.

[coughing]

[snaps fingers]

Well, we look forward

to seeing you both again.

Well, we both look forward

to coming.

? ["Hallelujah Chorus"]

With girls.

A little ex-gay joke.

Jesus now

will be keeping

an eye on you.

Hey! Stop the spread

of faggotry.

[Man]

Fuck off, man.

That was fun!

That was nerve-racking.

Yeah, you were sweating

like a suicide bomber

on a summer jihad.

Man, I love your...

sense of humor.

Man, you really dig

your pussy.

Yeah. So, what are

you up to now?

I gotta go model

for Mr. Thompson's art class.

Hey, uh, are we still on

for tomorrow's game?

Go, local sports team!

[laughs]

This must be

the right place.

Hey.

Hey, I'm Marc,

Professor Thompson's

next top model.

But I use the word

"top" loosely.

Wow, great body.

Yeah, I know.

I meant you.

Oh. Oh, thanks.

You're, uh,

supposed to wear it

over your shoulders.

What?

The robe.

Oh. Yeah.

Did you want some privacy?

'Cause I could come back.

No. No. I'm gonna be naked

in front of 15 people.

You're easy.

How would you know?

No, I-- I wouldn't.

Anyway, we're gonna be naked

in front of 15 people.

Huh?

We're posing together.

Seriously?

You got a problem with that?

No, of-- of course not.

Are you gay?

Well, yeah.

You got a problem with that?

N-No, I-- I don't

have a problem with that.

I mean, you're not straight,

are you?

Well...

Oh, my heck!

Who-- Who are you?

Uh, I'm Marc,

your model.

You are?

Well, what about him?

You didn't request

two models for today?

I have the Student Services req

in here.

Nice.

What?

I can't find it.

I mean, I guess if you

don't need two nudes today,

I can leave.

Oh, n-n-- Okay, okay.

I know what.

Yeah. 'Cause I-- I do need

both-- both of-- both models.

[stammers]

Nude. In five minutes.

[laughs]

I'd forget head

if it wasn't on top of me.

What?

[stammering]

I would forget my head

if it wasn't on top of me.

[laughs]

My wife is always

correcting my grammar.

You know I'm, uh...

[clears throat]

I am, um-- I'm married.

I don't know

if you know that.

Oh, okay.

You guys...carry on.

[laughs]

I'll, uh...

I'll get the class ready.

So, what's

your name again?

Troy.

And you're Marc.

With a C.

Pretty gay, huh?

[chuckles]

Yeah.

Look, dude, if you're worried

about me looking at your dick,

I can turn around.

But, I mean, don't sweat it.

You're not my type.

I'm not?

No. Should you be?

No, I guess not.

I mean, you're hot and all,

but I like guys

who can take charge.

Plus, your hair is too dark.

And you're too tall.

[chuckles]

Gee, thanks.

Just being honest with you.

I think it's great-- types.

I mean, if we all wanted

the same thing,

might as well be straight.

Maybe not everyone knows

what their type is.

True enough.

There was this one guy...

This sounds stupid,

but when I met him,

I sort of saw something

in his soul, like a light.

And physically,

he was nothing like any

of the guys I dated before.

But when I saw that light,

I realized...

this is my type, too.

I asked him out, eventually.

That's deep.

Fuck you.

No, I'm serious.

That's...

So, whatever happened

to your soul man?

Doesn't matter.

Anyway, that's...

ancient history.

Hey, you need

a workout buddy?

Yeah.

[Kyle]

This feels horrible.

Stop shaking

your ass so much.

No, I mean lying to Troy.

Honey, men lie.

And you're a man, technically.

Well, tonight,

you better not forget to...

Fuck!

Oh, honey, I never

forget to fuck.

No, "fuck," as in...

Kyle.

Well, hey, boys,

what's up?

Oh, you two

know Marc?

I used to have

a big crush on Kyle.

Didn't I?

But he's not

your type at all.

So, how do you two

know each other?

We got naked together

last night.

What?

Yeah, we both model

for Mr. Thompson.

Ah. Well, he's a regular

Gus Van Sant.

Can I talk to you

for a second?

You haven't fucked him yet.

Hey, I don't treat people

like pieces of meat.

Well, you should.

It's fun.

You do know

he's gay, right?

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Is that against the rules?

Dude, that's the only

fucking rule!

Keep away from hot gay guys

unless they have girlfriends

like me.

Okay, okay. Well,

don't queen out about it.

Besides, he told me

I'm not his type.

And you believed him?

I bet he told you he saw

a light in your soul, too.

Kyle, I think your girlfriend's

getting jealous.

Oh, please.

She trusts me completely.

We're stronger than ever.

In fact, we were just

about to...fuck.

Whoa.

Really?

Yeah. I can hardly

keep my fingers off

his big, hard stick,

especially when he's all...

[inhales sharply]

sweaty from power walking.

I'll bet.

Go for it.

What?

Stick your hand

in his shorts.

Get him hard.

Yeah.

No way.

What? Aren't you

straight anymore?

Of course I'm straight.

I just don't think parading

my heterosexuality around

in public is very polite.

Well, then, how about

you two just kiss?

Yeah, that'd be hot.

Yeah.

A kiss.

And use some tongue.

Unless you don't like

kissing your girlfriend.

Oh, I love kissing

my girlfriend.

Prove it.

Oh, why should...

Wow.

You two, get a room.

Invite me over.

[car approaching]

[tires screech]

Kyle?

Mom?

Kyle!

What are you doing here?

I was just running errands.

Oh, baby, this is more

than I could ever

have hoped for!

This is wonderful!

[chuckling]

You are a girl, right?

Mom, of course she's a girl.

Would you please

stop hugging me?

We hadn't told her yet.

You don't understand.

I used to catch this boy

masturbating with every

vegetable in the fridge.

And now this! Oh!

Have you told that awful

ex-boyfriend of yours yet?

Mom, I have a feeling

that he already knows.

I have a feeling

this is the funniest thing

he's ever seen.

Well, I have a feeling that

the childish things that he's

doing are acts of jealousy.

In some small way,

it's nice to know

that he cares for a change.

Who gives a shit about him?

I'm gonna be a grandma!

This is war!

Marc is gonna rue the day

he ever messed with me!

Wow, you almost seem

like a top.

Marc thinks he can get

whatever he wants

just by taking his shirt off.

Maybe some guys don't want

a hot, muscular stud who's

confident with their sexuality.

Maybe some people think

it's charming enough to pretend

that you're sexually conflicted.

Some people like...

Octavio.

Octo-what?

Oh, hi, honey.

I'm Tiffani.

The rhinoceros?

Excuse me?

Tiffani, this is Octavio

from that group that I

was telling you about.

Mmm. Rhinoceros?

I'll call you tonight.

Good luck

not fucking each other.

So, Octavio.

[corrects pronunciation]

Octavio.

It's like you're saying

a V and V at the same time.

Octavio.

"B and B"?

V and V.

So, what are you

doing here?

Your girlfriend's sexy.

Thanks.

Nothing like I expected.

So what are you saying?

I'm not good enough for her?

No, I just...

I didn't believe you.

Something about you

screamed single...and lonely.

Well, as you can see,

I'm clearly not.

And horny.

Horny.

You're-- You're

hitting on me.

Yes, I am.

[mouths words]

What about Homo No More?

I thought they

straightened you out.

Yeah, but when I

saw you at the meeting,

I sort of fell off my wagon.

Well, you didn't really

have that far to fall.

Shut up.

I must have you.

I have a feeling that this

is against the rules.

It's okay. That bossy guy,

Jacob, he breaks the rules

all the time.

Wait. Jacob's gay?

Of course.

One time he followed me

into the bathroom at school

and started tapping his toes

underneath the stall.

Anyways,

enough about him.

Your lips taste

like cherry.

It's my girlfriend's

lip gloss.

Oh, Octavio.

[corrects pronunciation]

Octavio.

Well, I'm this way.

Thanks for the jog.

Cool. Hey, you wanna

come over tonight?

Uh, no, I can't.

I'm gonna watch the game

with Kyle and Tiffani.

Oh. Well, you guys have fun.

Hey, you wanna

jog again tomorrow?

Maybe late afternoon?

We can hang out afterwards.

That'd be great.

Cool.

That's how we gays do it.

Hey, w-wasn't

that awesome?

Yeah.

Kyle made his mom so happy.

What could they

possibly have in common

besides wanting

to be straight?

Well, they both have dicks

that haven't been sucked today.

Thanks, Gwen.

You have nothing

to worry about.

Kyle's nonthreatening.

He's like...soy milk

or something you use

when you run out of normal milk.

And you're cream--

gay cream.

Ew.

Hold still!

What's up with

all the drawing?

I don't know.

I like it.

I'm kind of good at it.

Since when?

Since now.

I think I found my calling.

I barely think

about sex anymore.

I just wanna draw it.

That's so not like you.

And you being all jealous

isn't like you, either.

Look, it's simple.

Troy is a blank canvas.

No, he's a sketch.

He's got all these lame ideas

about what being gay is like,

but he needs you to come in

and provide the horny details.

Ha-ha.

And before you know it...

fine art.

[grunting]

[crowd cheering on TV]

Fucking shit!

Come on, motherfuckers!

We can win this!

Kyle, 48 points behind

with less than a minute to go.

Oh.

[TV off]

That was

actually fun, though.

I mean, it sucks

that we lost.

Aw, you'll get over it.

Um, so how was your day?

Strange.

But, you know, there was

something that I wanted

to talk to you about.

Something I didn't share

with the group yesterday.

I didn't exactly

go cold salami when I

decided to turn straight.

There were a few slip-ups.

While you were with Tiffani.

Well, yeah.

And she's great,

because she understands

how pent-up feelings

can just explode if you don't

do anything about 'em.

So, it's-- it's okay

if one of us makes a mistake

every once in a while.

You know, we've even talked

about the possibility of...

playing...together.

What, like a three-way?

Yeah.

Yeah. I had a three-way once.

What?

Yeah, with two girls.

Oh. I guess that counts.

Barely.

We were in this empty farmhouse

outside of town.

It was going great,

you know.

They had me in the middle.

We were kissing.

And then they

pulled their panties down

and pushed me downtown,

and that's when things

started to fall apart.

So you didn't like it?

Well, it wasn't

doing much for me.

Does that make me gay?

Well, lots of straight guys

don't like eating pussy.

I mean, they complain

about it all the time.

So what happened next?

Well, the situation

got worse.

I couldn't, you know.

I couldn't find their clits.

You couldn't?

Or G-spots or whatever.

I was down there forever.

It was embarrassing.

They laughed at me.

And one of them even called me

the Susan Lucci

of tongue fucking.

Seventeen attempts

and no clit.

I know where it's at.

You do?

Yeah.

Well, could you show me?

Show you?

How do you find it

on Tiffani?

How am I supposed

to show you that?

I don't know. Use your fingers.

How about I use yours?

You know, so you can feel

what I'm doing.

This is stupid.

No, come on.

It'll be fun.

I'll show you

my whole routine.

All right.

[clears throat]

All right. First,

you gotta start

with some little teases.

Breathe on it.

[exhales]

Make her squirm.

And then, you just...

[laughing]

Which is usually not

the reaction that I get.

No, it's-- it's good.

It's-- It's good.

In the middle

of all of this,

of course,

is the love button.

But most girls go nuts

if you just...

dive on in.

That's good.

That's really good.

Sorry I missed the game, guys.

What the hell?

I was just showing Troy

some tips on the art

of cunnilingus.

Not that I need 'em.

Even Melissa Etheridge could

learn a thing or two from Kyle.

I gotta get going.

Oh, stay.

There's plenty to eat.

Yeah, you don't have to go.

Uh, I gotta

call it a night.

Thanks for, um,

time, Kyle.

Did you see that?

One more session like that,

and he's gonna explode.

Yeah, if he doesn't explode

with Marc first.

[yells]

I win!

[chuckling]

Oh.

What?

So, uh, when did you first

know for sure you were gay?

Mmm. Just now.

No, I had my suspicions

when I was, like, 12 or 13.

But I didn't know for sure

until a couple years later

when I went down

on my first guy.

It's the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

What? Being gay?

Yeah.

Imagine that you think you're

gonna live your life one way--

you get a job, you get married,

get a three-bedroom house--

and then you discover

this...thing about yourself.

It opens up a million

new options as to how

you can live your life.

Suddenly, you don't have

those milestones

that straight people have

to compare each other against.

You can...choose

your own adventure.

I love those books.

Me, too.

But aren't you worried

you'll end up all alone

and not have

any of those things?

Doesn't everyone?

Gay or straight?

Sprint you home.

[panting]

And just so you know,

Kyle's mom's reaction

to him being straight

wasn't awesome.

Huh?

Well,

you said it like

you were happy for them.

Like that's the way

it should be.

My parents are totally cool

with me being gay.

Yeah, but are your parents

really okay with it?

I bet Kyle's mom

grew to be okay with it.

But you saw

how happy she was.

And that's what parents

really want for their kids.

If you ask,

most parents will say

they just want their kids

to be happy.

And maybe my mom

would be happier if I put

my dick somewhere else.

But you've seen those ex-gays.

Is that happy?

[sighs]

If your parents love you

and they think you're happy,

they'll adjust.

I don't think my parents

would adjust to me being gay.

They shouldn't have

anything to do with it.

You have to be who you are.

It's the only way

you can live with yourself.

And it's the only way

I can live at all.

Did you wanna take a shower?

Talk about getting my

creative juices flowing.

I didn't know

you were here.

Wait. Keep 'em down.

Would you boys

let me draw you?

What, together?

No, right where you are.

Right now.

I'll call it Proposition.

What do you think?

I don't know. It...

It's this or renting a movie.

Choose your own adventure.

When I walked in on the two

of you, I was, like,

"Fuck this

drawing-one-person-at-a-time

shit.

If I can capture the tension

between these two"...

There was tension?

Honey, it was more tense than

Star Jones in a training bra.

Now, make that look

you had--

surprised, a little turned-on,

kind of scared.

No. I don't know.

Stare at Marc's crotch

and imagine what he could

do to you with that.

Trust me,

he could do a lot.

Perfect.

So, uh, you two dated?

Gwen was my last girlfriend.

And Marc was my first.

After him,

all I ever wanted

to date were fags.

I've got an idea.

This could take forever,

and I see the potential for

something more interesting.

Could I do a series

with you guys?

Almost like a story

that starts with this scene

and goes from there.

What do you think?

I don't know.

If I said,

"Pose with a woman,"

you'd totally do it.

It's not like we'd even

have time to pose for a series.

I'll take photos

and use them to draw from.

Come on.

We can be done in minutes,

depending how well

you two...connect.

Yeah, but Troy

feels uncomfortable.

No. I'll do it.

Perfect.

I'll get my camera.

You sure?

Yeah.

Choose your own adventure.

Okay, Troy, sit back down.

Marc, off with the pants.

[beeps]

Perfect.

Okay, Troy,

stand back up with Marc.

I want you to do

that same character

you were doing.

Like he's a virgin

and he wants it,

but he's confused.

Can you do that?

Yeah.

So, Marc, honey,

why don't you

get down on one knee

and put your hands

underneath...

Yeah, that.

[camera beeps]

Actually,

raise the shirt a little

and lift your head

so you're looking

into his eyes.

[camera beeps]

Look like you're in the moment

and you want it.

[beeps]

Marc, I want you to stand

and take Troy's...

Yeah, that.

[camera beeps]

Now, Troy,

the removal of the shirt

is one of

the hottest moments.

When you know soon

you'll be skin on skin,

chest on chest,

lips on lips.

[camera beeps]

Marc, toss the shirt aside.

Marc, lick one of

Troy's nipples.

Don't worry.

It'll feel good.

Yeah. I-- I know.

[camera beeping]

Troy, run your left hand

through Marc's hair.

[camera beeps]

Marc, hold it right there.

Troy, pull Marc in.

[camera beeps]

Yeah.

[camera beeps]

Marc, lick his chest

up to his neck.

[camera beeps]

[Gwen]

How you feeling, Troy?

Really, really good.

Then throw your head back.

[grunts]

Sorry.

It's perfect.

Stay right there.

Marc, make like you're

kissing your way down.

[camera beeping]

How 'bout I do this?

This is hot, right?

God, yeah.

You're a natural, Troy.

[camera beeps]

Close your eyes.

Marc, move down between his legs

and kiss his stomach.

[camera beeping]

Now, Marc, get up

so that you're on top of him,

face-to-face.

You can open your eyes

if you want.

Hold that pose.

Like you're about to kiss.

One of those first kisses

that takes forever

before you meet.

Moving closer...

and closer.

[camera beeping]

Shit!

What?

My card's full.

Hey, look, I wanna

keep this going.

You're fine with that, right?

Uh-huh.

I'll just go upload 'em

in my room.

It'll take 15 minutes.

Hold that pose.

I'll be in my room.

With the door closed.

[door closes]

I...don't think I can stay

like this for 15 minutes.

Me, either.

I-- I know

I'm not your type, but...

And I'm not a girl,

but we'll improvise.

[moaning]

Oh, that feels so good.

[moans]

I'm gonna...

[grunting]

Wow.

That was...fast.

I'm sorry. It's--

It's been a while.

Plus, I--

I haven't gotten it

like that before.

Like that--

meaning with a guy

or meaning it was that good?

Here, let me

get you a towel.

No, wait.

My turn.

[moaning, grunting]

Troy...

[groans]

Teeth! Teeth!

Sorry. Sorry.

[moans]

It's okay.

Oh, yeah! Oh!

[straining]

Oh, yeah!

[grunts]

All right.

[sighing]

Am I not

doing it right?

No, you were fine.

I just...

No, I just can't.

Fuck! Why am I so bad

at giving oral sex?

No, you were doing great.

I just...

I'm sorry.

Is it because

I'm not your type?

Troy, you're hot,

trust me.

Or, no, don't trust me.

Can you wait one minute?

These are hot.

I can't do it.

But it's going

exactly how you wanted.

I just can't do it.

If Kyle wants

to pretend to be straight

just to have sex with Troy,

that's his prerogative.

I just can't

do this anymore.

Well, can we at least

finish the photo shoot?

[door closes]

[car departs]

Oh, great.

He's probably

freaking out about

making it with a guy.

He's probably

looking for someone

who won't cock-tease him.

I know where

he's going.

[sighs]

I fucked up.

What is it?

I had sex with a guy.

Was it Marc?

Oh, my God!

That's horrible!

I know. It was.

It was?

I felt so guilty,

because...

all I could do

was think about you, Kyle.

Really?

Yeah. And how I let you down,

and how I let

the group down,

and how, more than anything,

I just wanted to be

with a woman.

Or with a man and a woman.

I don't know.

It's so confusing.

[sighs]

And then I thought

of you two,

and what good friends

you've been to me,

and how honest and open

you've been about

your struggles, Kyle,

and about how you two

have...an arrangement.

Wait, wait.

Is this too weird?

It's not too weird!

Ahhh!

[panting]

Show me.

Huh?

Show me your routine.

Oh. It's gonna go

that far, huh?

Three-ways usually do.

I want you to teach me.

Please? I need this.

Well, why don't I do

a little mouth magic

on you first?

That'll get me all nice

and rolling out

the welcome mat down there.

No. You two first.

That way, it'll get me ready

for what you're gonna do to me.

But you don't want

sloppy seconds.

I mean,

company should go first.

[whimpers]

That is so hot.

[nervous chuckle]

Oh, Kyle, eat me out already.

The boy wants to see

how it's done.

Please don't make me!

[grunting]

[lips smacking]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. That's it.

You can do it.

Make Mama proud.

My God, it's like

the little homo that could.

Do you wanna

try now, please?

Troy?

[Kyle gulps]

Where are you going?

[gasps]

Well, that certainly didn't

taste like sugar and spice.

Troy?

What's going on?

It's my pussy.

My pussy scared him away!

You little ex-gay sluts!

Oh, my God!

Can we come in,

or were you in

the middle of dinner?

What are you doing here?

We're not eating pussy.

What are the three of you doing?

Well,

[gulps]

Kyle was showing Troy

the art of cunnilingus.

And he was doing

an admirable job.

Yeah, for a gay guy.

Yeah, I know. Everything.

And you guys will do

anything to get laid.

I ate pussy for nothing?

You deserved it.

Hey!

It wasn't that bad.

I'm sorry.

I'm horrible.

We're all horrible.

If it's any consolation,

it wasn't just about the sex.

We really liked you.

Working out with you.

Watching the game.

Drawing you.

Well, it doesn't matter now.

You think he's gonna wanna

have anything to do with us?

Now, what the fucked-up

thing is, even though

you lied to me

and to each other

and to people

you don't even know,

I like you...liars.

We like you, too.

Yeah, you're so cool.

And I'm sorry.

I know I kind of led y'all on

with the whole confused thing.

Yeah, so, come on. You've

sucked dick and eaten pussy.

Which is it?

Well, that's what's been

tripping me up all these years.

I thought it had to be

one or the other.

After sampling both,

I've come to a conclusion.

I'm...bisexual.

[all together]

There's no such thing!

Says who?

Uh, the laws of nature.

It's like horses

fucking gerbils.

Well, then,

I'm a freak of nature,

and I'm proud of it.

Good. Be proud, bi-boy.

I wish you'd been proud

when we met.

Yeah, I guess that's hard

when people like you

and Jacob Buchanan tell him

how bad it is to be gay.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

I should've helped you

instead of trying

to take advantage

of you not knowing

what you were.

So, what do we do now?

We're gonna stop

people like me.

No one should take advantage

of confused queer kids.

And the sooner we help them

see past what it is

they don't like in themselves

so they can see all the great

things right in front of them,

the better.

He's a homo who fucks things up

for other homos.

I don't know if that's--

Octavio, if people

like him weren't around,

everyone would come out.

You would get laid like that.

[snaps fingers]

Hmm.

I take your point.

I'll do it.

And then we make love.

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

Wake up and smell the patchouli.

You're a dyke.

Help!

I'm being recruited!

Convince me

you didn't like that.

Do your best.

Look, I'm not gonna

embrace who I am

just because

it's obvious, okay?

What?

Everyone's so cool

with being gay.

"Will and Grace this,

Clay Aiken that."

Well, I'm not

gonna be labeled.

You're not convincing me.

Okay, I'm gay.

Now shut up and kiss me.

I'm not gay.

Then what do you want?

I want us to make art.

That is so...hot.

God, you are a lesbian.

[Kyle]

Mom?

What are you doing here?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

No. What? I've never

seen you this upset.

[sniffles]

I was at the beauty shop,

and I was looking

through a magazine,

and I saw that the Oscars

are coming up.

Well, I thought,

who am I gonna watch

the Oscars with?

And then that Britney Aguilera

song came on.

You know, that one about

you're beautiful,

even if you're ugly and gay?

And I thought,

who is gonna play me

this shitty music?

And who is gonna

take me dancing

when I've had a bad date?

Oh, Mom, come on.

Oh, no, you stop.

You're gonna get married

and have kids,

for Christ's sake.

I'm gonna visit

with my girlfriend,

and all we're gonna talk about

is our grandchildren.

And that is so boring!

And, Kyle,

you have never

been boring,

and that is

because you're gay.

You're a fag,

and I want

my little faggot back!

Mom, he is back.

[sobbing]

Honey.

[tape ripping]

Did my vagina

scare you away?

What?

The other night.

You ran away the second

you saw my vagina.

Don't be crazy.

I think you have

a very sexy vagina.

Well, you sure know how

to charm a girl.

[tape ripping]

There.

This port-a-potty's

ready to roll.

Stop the spread of faggotry.

I got his precious BlackBerry.

We have five minutes.

All right.

Now, do what you gotta do,

but be quick about it.

[Octavio on phone]

Cool. It shouldn't take more

than a couple of minutes.

Hi.

Hey.

So, you wanna--

Got it.

Perfect. Now get your ass

at the parking lot, pronto.

This is turning me on.

Stop the spread

of faggotry.

Octavio, aren't you going

to the big presentation?

Oh, yeah.

But it's not till 1:00.

It's in five minutes.

It's at 1:00.

Check your schedule.

Oh. I could've sworn

it was...

So, it looks like you

have some time to kill, huh?

Well, you know,

there's plenty of work

to be done.

Oh, that's...too bad.

Hi. Are you here

for Coming In?

Yes, we are.

Where's Jacob?

I'm Linda, his mother.

Oh, Mrs. Buchanan,

so nice to meet you.

I'm Kyle, one of Jacob's

right-hand men.

He's running a little late,

but he did say to go ahead

and start without him.

Huh. Jacob's never

mentioned you.

Oh, well, that's probably

because he's been so busy

talking about all the girls

he's been dating, huh?

[laughs]

No.

No kissing.

[chuckles]

You like it nasty, huh?

[moans]

[moaning]

Today, I am proud to present

the fruits of my son's labor.

But more than that,

I am excited

to see the swelling

of Coming In.

As the homosexual threat

seems to be swelling

exponentially,

it is people

like my son Jacob

who continues

to thrust our crusade

into the spotlight.

Oh, yes.

I have wanted this

[unzipping]

for so long.

Shh. Shh.

No. I want to be loud.

It's dangerous.

It's hot.

Open this. And shut up.

Jacob has always been

a beacon of light.

When he came to me

as a teenager and told me

of his inner demons,

I knew we could destroy them

with loving support

and a strong fist.

Oh, you're gonna

split me in two,

aren't you?

[moans, grunts]

And we have!

Today, Jacob dates girls!

And he likes dating girls.

Jacob proves

that if you can fight it,

you can hide it.

And if you can hide it,

you can bury it!

Thank you.

[Jacob moans]

[no audible dialogue]

[moans]

What was that?

That was me.

Oh, God, it was?

Oh, God, it is you!

In keeping with the themes

that you've mentioned, Linda,

we've commissioned

local artist Gwen Anderson

and Coming In member

Violet Muffdaver

to portray the revolting

and immoral acts

of homosexuality

in a new and compelling

campaign, which we'd like

to present to you now.

Gwen.

[Jacob, Octavio moaning]

[squeaking]

[moaning continues]

[squeaking continues]

Members of the student press,

heterosexuals,

and those who want to be,

we present Coming In's

newest ad campaign.

[all gasp]

"Gay sex sucks."

[Guests murmuring]

Oh, God! Oh, baby!

This...is...

absolutely revolting!

Where is Jacob?

Oh, baby, I'm so close.

Where is my son?

[Jacob yelling]

I'm going to find Jacob,

and when he's through

with you...

[Jacob] Oh, God! Oh!

Oh, baby! So close!

So close!

[moaning loudly]

Oh, baby!

So close! So close!

[moaning continues]

Jacob?

Oh, I'm coming!

[all gasp]

[moans]

[Guests murmuring]

[Man whispers]

That's Jacob!

Oh!

Mommy?

[vomits]

[groans]

Get this off of me.

[Man]

Terrible.

Yep, he's gay.

[Linda]

And zip up, Jacob.

Gwen, I was wondering

if I could maybe

model for you sometime.

Me, too.

[both chuckle]

I didn't know outing someone

could be so much fun.

[Jacob]

This is who I am...

[continues, indistinct]

Listen, Tiffani, uh,

I don't know

how you feel about

the whole...bisexual thing.

Well, I let my ex-boyfriend's

gay roommate go down on me.

I'm a pretty open person.

Yeah, well,

you know how you and Kyle

were pretending to have

an arrangement?

You mean the three-ways?

Yeah.

Um, how would you feel

if you really had that

with me?

Because...I'd be honored

to be your boyfriend.

No one's ever said that

to me before.

[giggles]

You know, you went above

and beyond the call of duty.

[chuckles]

No. That was hot.

And now I think it's time

for you to repay me

for my services.

Oh, Octavio,

I don't think--

I won't take no for an answer.

No.

Well, that was easy.

I'm out of here.

You come back here,

and you talk...

No. You know what, Mom?

I'm glad you caught me.

I'm gay,

and Octavio...

[corrects pronunciation]

Octavio.

Well, he's my lover.

[scoffs]

[Guests gasping, murmuring]

Well, we're off for a fuck.

Seems like everybody is.

Just do me one favor.

Yeah?

Lead him to the clit.

Oh, honey,

from the waist down,

it's all clit.

[laughs]

That's how I do it.

You know what?

These lies I get us into

really have a way

of working out.

Yeah. Perfect.

Remember how when you and Marc

were fighting over Troy,

you tapped into

some unknown confidence

none of us knew you had?

Yeah.

Use it.

[footsteps approaching]

So, the plan worked.

Everyone seems

to be happy.

So, Octavio, huh?

Oh, please.

There's nothing there.

Just a friend

I had sex with once.

Looks like you went out

and made some hot friends.

Yeah. I got more social.

It does

make you jealous.

[chuckles]

What?

When Troy left last night,

I knew where he was going.

The same place I used to go

when I had a problem

I needed to talk about.

I got jealous.

[chuckles]

So,

do you think that

you can find it in your heart

to love somebody

who pretended to be straight

just to get laid?

I don't know.

Can you love someone

who flirted with

way too many guys

while he was

your boyfriend?

Can you love somebody

whose last sexual act

involved eating pussy?

Can you love someone who--

Wait. Being a flirt

was my only flaw, right?

I don't know.

I lost count.

You brushed your teeth,

right?

Does that turn you on

as much as I think it does?

Yeah.

But that doesn't mean

I'm not open to new experiences.

Come here.

Better than boys?

Different.

Different rocks.

? [pop rock]

[Man]

? You say that you're in

? You say that you're out

? So now that it's clear

? Then there really is

no doubt ?

? It's only half the story

? You say that you'll leave

? You say that you'll stay

? And so I believe

? Every single word you say

? Is only half the story

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Then I only trust

half of you ?

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Just tell me

which half is true ?

[moaning loudly]

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[sighing]

Did I do good?

Yes, baby, you did good.

All right.

Time for thirds.

? [continues]

? I say I love you

? You say you love me

? It's our fairy tale

? We can make it end happily

? So let's rewrite the story

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Which half are you

gonna stick to ?

? If you start telling me

all the story ?

? I'll start a new story

with you ?

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Then I only trust

half of you ?

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Just tell me

which half is true ?

? If you're only telling me

half the story ?

? Which half are you

gonna stick to ?

? If you start telling me

all the story ?

? I'll start a new story

with you ?

? [ends]

[Man]

? You make it better

? When we are together

? Yeah, you make it better

? Every day

? You make it better

? When we are together

? Yeah, you make it better

? Every day

Closed-Captioned By

J.R. Media Services, Inc.

Burbank, CA

Oh, God!

I am gay.

Oh!

Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds (2006) - full transcript