Eat Locals (2017) - full transcript

In a quiet countryside farmhouse, Britain's vampires gather for their once-every-fifty-years meeting. Others will be joining them too; Sebastian Crockett, an unwitting Essex boy who thinks he's on a promise with sexy cougar Vanessa; and a detachment of Special Forces vampire killers who have bitten off more than they can chew. This is certainly going to be a night to remember... and for some of them it will be their last.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

This is control,
what's your sit rep?

Come back.

Sorry sir, caught a tiger.

tracking you now?

I don't know sir, I
gotta get out of here.

Stop where
you are and count to five.

Negative, sir.

Do it now,
18, that's an order.






You still there, 18?

I think so, sir.

Then he's
not tracking you.

How can you tell?

You got
to five, didn't you?

What you doing?

Shouldn't you be in bed by now?

No, our bedtime
ain't till 10:00.


That's outrageous.

I was never allowed to stay up
till 10 when I was your age.

What a cock.

Nine million.

No no
no, let me speak.

Nine million.

We meet only
once every 50 years, Peter,

and you've striven
to become a bore.

10 million.

And I cherish each
and every one of them.

I'm just
stating the facts here.

As you see them.

As they are.

Nine million.

10 million, four
million, eight million.

Now take away the first
two numbers you thought of

and add seven.

Two and a half million.


He doesn't even feed.

Is that why you
think it's okay

to keep poaching
on my territory?

For the fifth and
final time, Henry,

north of the border's
my territory.

And I'm not Erica Von
Tweed, Mr. Boniface.

Gentlemen, please.

One squabble at a time, and I
believe I have the rank here.

60 million and counting.

Yet I remember when
it was just six,

and we were eight then,
and we're eight now.

Thinking of breeding,
are you Peter?


No, I'm quite happy with
the friends I've got,

thank you very much.

And so am I.

But I rather not be stuck
here with all of you tomorrow.

If you don't mind, please,
could we get to the point?


And so it wasn't
even us it who pushed her

into the pond, yet we were the
ones who got told off for it,

and she was already
climbing out.

Plus she's our new rep.

That's good.

Give us a quid.

Ain't your parents
ever told you

about talking to strangers?

Ain't yours?

I never even knew 'em, mate.

I'm an orphan.

My dad's in Afghanistan.


Here you go.

In the army then,
is he, your dad?


The Taliban.

Wait, give me that
quid back, you little!

Oh, about time.

Here you are, you
have the rest of that.

Not late, am I?

Just in time.

You smell lovely.


And you smell of booze.

Just a couple with the
lads while I was waiting.

So how far's this place, then?

Not far.

Nice car.

Nice looking bird.

Oh yeah.

You have your rightful orders.

That's not enough.

I'll speak with the
European council again.

But you know what they will say.

Fuck the council.

I say we set our own quarters.

And cut our own throats.

They will hunt us
down and you know it.

These are difficult

for all of us.

Our glory days are long gone.

Difficult times?

Yeah but only for us.

Because I know what
they're taking over there,

and it's a hell of a lot more

than what we're
taking over here.

We are an island race, Peter.

Therefore we must
tread more carefully.

And this has its
pros and its cons.

Yeah, and the pros are?

The population's skyrocketing.

So is their technology.

And all records,
computer files, DNA.

We're not talking Bo
Street runs anymore.

Come on.

All those migrants
coming in clinging

to the undersides of vehicles.

No one's going to
miss a few of them.

Been reading the
Daily Mail again, Alice?

Those migrants may not be as
invisible as you might think.

They're harvesting our crops,
they're sweeping our streets.

They're emptying the bins.

And they're sending the
money home to their families

so that maybe just
maybe they can join us

here in the promised land.

Whether we like it or
not, they have become

part of the fabric of this
society, and they will be missed

if we think we can
start helping ourselves.

Not by my friends at
the bingo they won't be.

Just wait till your
friends are lying

in their hospital
beds at death's door

needing their backsides wiped.

I suspect it
won't come to that

for most of my dear old friends.

I don't like 'em over 60.

It's too gamey for my taste.


What are we even
talking about here?

I'm not racist.

I'll kill anyone, no
matter where they're from.

Doesn't bother me.

Come on.

So that's what you've
been up to, is it?

Helping yourself.

Oh yeah.

Oh, you'd like
that, wouldn't you?

Get a sanction off the
council to get rid of me.

I'm not talking to you, Peter.




You think we wouldn't
find out, Thomas?

That the council
wouldn't find out?

he talking about?

I dunno.

He's been overfeeding.

No I haven't.

16 above his quota
this year already.

And the less said about
last year the better.

That's a lie.

And not only has
he been overfeeding,

he's been taking them young.

The little boy in the paper?

Boys, plural.

That wasn't me.

I didn't take them, honest.

I swear.

What have you done?

You're always saying
we should take what we want.

Yeah, not children,

not like this, not
without consent.


you said.

And you.

No, Tom.


I can stick to my quota.

I won't let you down again.

If only it were that simple.

Let me go!

This isn't right.

No, but it's official.

Do it quickly, finish this.

No, Henry!

Peter, don't do
this Henry, please!

You brought it on yourself.

When fires
die and shoals combust,

the blood recedes
to leave but dust.

And that's that.

This ain't nothing
kinky, is it?

Describe kinky.

Well, I'm not looking
to cross the streams.

Do you know what I mean?

Not entirely, no.

Well, I'm just saying,
you know I like you.

And I like you too.

And I'm sure my
friend's gonna like you.

I just, I thought
when you asked that

it'd be just the
two of us, you know?

Aren't you the cutest little
thing when you're being shy?

Slightly patronizing.

But okay.

We won't stay up too late.

We'll have a quick bite and
then off to bed, I promise.

I can live with that.

We'll see.

Everybody here?

Everybody was.

This is Sebastian.

Hey Sebastian, glad
you could make it.

You took the
words right out my mouth, mate.

Go on inside.

Everyone's waiting for you.

He's got my bag.


For fucks sake.

Come on.

Hi everyone.

Not too late, am I?


Your timing couldn't be better.

Ah no.

Ah no, I don't believe this.

You know the
rules, Peter, one out, one in.

So nice to be consulted.

Look, if there's a problem,

I can always piss
off to the pub.


No, not at all.

This is Sebastian.

The one I told you about.

Fine name, Sebastian.


Always hated it, myself.

What do your friends
call you, then?


Very telling.

I am the Duke.

You're a Duke?

He's The Duke.

Why not.

I'm game.

This is...

No one to you.

So you're
the gypsy boy, then.

I say Romani.

I'm Henry.

I hail from the East myself.

Oh, yeah.

That's my barrier, is it?







Get some gloves, you lot.

Shall we begin?

Now I suppose you're wondering...

What the Fuck.

The leg's been busted off.

Here, have mine.

Oh no, you're all right,
don't worry about it.

Sebastian, just...

No, seriously.

No no, just take it.

Sit, Sebastian.

I'm just gonna
wait in the car.


We have a proposition for you.

I thought you might.

We are eight in number.

We've always bene eight.

Since before the
time of Ipsubal.

The council decrees it.

Yeah, my council's
a bit like that.

They drive me mad, you know.

Do you mind if I smoke?

But this night, Sebastian...

There's a space.

If not a chair, right?


Come in 18, over.

I repeat, come in 18, over.

18, will you please
respond, over.


Patience is a virtue, Padre.

All good things come
to those who wait.

Waited long enough.

The Vatican's
waited 1000 years.

I'm sure 10 more minutes
won't make any difference.

Sebastian please,
this is important.

Vanessa has spoken
very highly of you.

She says you come
from good stock.

You're joking, ain't ya?

I'm a Romani from an orphanage.

I sell back catalog, no band.

That'll work for us.

Look, I'd love
to and all that,

but caught me on a bad
week and I'm tapped out.

Normally, I am the
man to see, but.

The boy's an idiot.


Honest, I mean look, it
sounds brilliant and all that.

Whatever it is.

Save the whale or praise the
lord or whatever, but it's,

I like to do my own thing.

Plow my own furrow, so no
offense and all that, seriously.

Thanks for asking.


You didn't tell him?

I thought we'd break
it to him gently.

She's a monster.

Calm down, Sebastian.

No, she's a zombie.

I'm off, bro, believe
that, I gotta go.

Take a breath.

No, no.


We're not saving
the whales, Sebastian.

And we are certainly
not peddling God.

Tonight we must become eight.

Oh fuck.

Yeah, oh fuck indeed,
my young Romani kin.

We have a vote before us.

Yea or nay.

Let's hear it now.






And for Chen too.



Thomas was my friend.

I brought him in.

You should've talked
to me about this.

Nessa, what's he mean nay?


I've spent months
on his candidature.

He's 12 generations
pure, you can't do this.

I can and I am.

And there's nothing
you can do about it.

We apologize, Sebastian.

Hey, that's all right.

It was nice meeting
you and all that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sebastian, it
wasn't meant to be like this,

I thought they'd all accept you.

I didn't count on the
fact that some people

are just assholes, no matter
how long they live for.

Wait, wait wait,
it's six to one.

That's a landslide, surely.

Has to be
unanimous, I'm afraid.

Really did like
you, Sebastian.

Well, I liked
you too, Vanessa.

All of ya.

What good lads.

Even you, I mean,
you look all right.

You take a day, get to
know me, we could be mates.

You're not my type, son.

Vanessa, he's
your responsibility.


Just close your eyes

and think happy thoughts.


No no, wait wait, you can't.

I've got kids.

No you haven't Sebastian,
you haven't got anyone.


I just said that.


Yeah, you did.

Get back.

Get back everyone,
in the name of God,

the son and the holy
smoke, I command thee.

You get back!

Get back!

You get back.

I command thee.

Did he just say "thee?"


I don't think it
quite works like that.

doesn't work like that?


about this, then?


Love hurts, I guess.

Glad to see you're
still here, 18.

What's happening in there?

I dunno, sir.

There's a lot of screaming,
shouting, yelling, all sorts.

It's horrible.

And that's your report, is it?


Who else is here, where's

Don't worry about that.

We've got it covered.


Oh, please.

Come on, just leave me alone.

Oh, me arse.

making a break for it.

Get ready.

Wait, sir.

It's human.

It's a hot body.

It's not our target.

He's a fighter, you
gotta give him that.

So he is.


Where did he come from?

I don't know.

Cold body, cold body, that's
him, that's our target.

Get away from me, man.

I mean it, mate.

Look, I don't wanna fuck you up.


I'm warning you, bruv.

I know kung fu.

Is it him?

Colonel Bingham, do you
have a visual on our target?

Confirmed, Mr. Larousse,
the target is cold.

We have a positive sighting.

Oh, thank god.

I'm giving you the order to go.

Take the target down
with my authority

and that of the Full Synod.

Wait, cold body.

Second target.

God, seriously?

Abort the grab.

I repeat, abort the grab.

Everyone stand down.

What's going on?

I said go, take him
down, do it now.

I don't have time for this,
I've got places I need to be...

What is it?

There's something out here.

Just out for his
dinner, Mr. Boniface.

Same as us.

He's all yours.

Rouse him, it's only proper.

Wakey wakey.

Alright, lads?

Piss off!



Just a thought.

Do we have any food in?

It would be a shame
to waste a meal.


This just gets better
and better, doesn't it?

Colonel Bingham,
what's going on?

I gave you the order to go,
so why haven't you gone?

We have a second
target, Mr. Larousse,

it changes everything.

It changes nothing.

We have the resources for two,
so I'm ordering you to go.

Father, this is a
dangerous situation.

Unique even.

Now we need time to
reci the house properly.

We don't have
the time, Colonel,

if the targets are in the house

you need to take
them down and now.

Mr. Larousse.

Now, Colonel!

Stand by.

We move on my order.


All those in favor.


Then we are decided.


You can't eat me.

I'm all fat and cholesterol.

And I've
been so good all week.

Everyone, get
down on the floor.


We have a problem.

Oh, Corporal.

You have no idea.

Behind you.

Get out, get out.

Abort, abort.

Help us.

Help us!

Captain, we need assistance,

we need assist...

First squad come in.

What's your status, over.

First squad, I repeat, come
in, what's your status, over.

Colonel Bingham?

How many were in there?

More than two, Mr. Larousse.

More than two.

First squad over and out.

Help him up, help him up.


Please, please don't go.

Henry, what are we gonna do?

- Henry.
- Shh.

Shh, it's all right.

No no no.

Angel, Angel.

It's too late.


Who gets his territory, then?


Too soon?

Shouldn't we get out of here?

I mean, if they're as
dangerous as you say,

shouldn't we retreat?

We've got the tiger
by the tail, 18.

As long as we don't let go, we
won't end up like the others.

I don't see anyone.

No, there's more outside.

How many?

I dunno.

If you want
to move into position

you have my authority to go.

Negative, we're standing fast.

The situation has changed, over.

Colonel Bingham, you
may have the experience,

but I have the authority...

I think they're having
the same conversation.

Father Larousse.

You have just given
out that order

over a compromised
radio channel.

Now before you go sacrificing
any more of my men,

scramble to pre six, over.

What's going on?

I dunno, they just scrambled.

Who are they?

I dunno, Nessie.

I've got a horrible feeling
they know exactly who we are.


Someone's moving.

Trying to leave
without saying goodbye?

Trust me, Seba,
you don't want to go outside.

There's not
gonna be any more assaults,

Mr. Larousse, we're
sealing off the perimeter.

That's not the plan, Colonel.

The plan changes when
I lose a whole squad

in under a minute.

Now we've three squads
left, and I'm not wasting

any more of my men for
nothing, do you understand?

Colonel Bingham, this is
the opportunity of a lifetime,

you can't just
let them get away.

Then we won't.

We're going to put a ring of
steel around this farmhouse

till tomorrow.

Nothing gets in or out of
that place alive tonight.

Very good, Colonel, carry on.

He says we can carry on.

When fires
die and shoals combust,

the blood recedes
to leave but dust.

What do we do with him?

Got a broom or something, or?

I've seen a dustpan
and brush somewhere.

Dear god, who says
there's no dignity in death?

His problems are over.

Ours are just beginning.

Let's just Skype
next time, yeah?

What's Skype?

That internet
phone thingy, Alice.

I can work the video now.

You still using tapes?

Yes, why?


It's like being
around me nan's house.

Oh yeah, that reminds me.

Does somebody want
to kill him now?

I'll do it.

No, we might still need him.

Are you sure?

She's sure.

You're sure?

She's sure, she's sure.

Yeah, until we know
what we're dealing with,

we can just put him downstairs
with the rest, okay?

I'll take him.

No, I brought
him here tonight.

Well split him then.

I'll take him.

I'll take him.

Neither of you are taking him.

I'm doing it.

No sides, no arguments.

Not if we want to get
out of here tonight.

Hang on a minute.

What others?

Who are you talking about?

You're all right, go on.

Anyone use one
of these before?

I've got one at home.

The Thatchers.

It's their farm.


You all right?

How's it going?

Vanessa was right about you.

You are something else.

Coming from.




What is it?

Something odd.

For god's sake.

Stop that before the others see.

Boy's dead.

I don't care, I'm starving.

That's disgusting.

He's still warm.

Want some?

What was that for?!

Someone else objecting to your

questionable culinary
habits, it would seem.

Here, keep it.

Everyone's a food
critic these days.


Eat this, you sons of bitches.

Everybody shoot her!


I'm busy!


Glad you came?

Oh yeah.

Vampires with machine guns.

What's not to love?


They got me.


You know, there
are other guns.

Well you're all making
enough noise on your own,


You're such a prick.

Colonel Bingham,
come in, I repeat,

what's happening, over.

Talk to me.

They're trying out the weapons
you've gifted them Father, over.

Well stop firing, you're
just wasting ammunition,

you can't kill them
that way anyway.

You may be right.

They don't like it either.

You okay?

I'll live.

True enough.

Hold on.




They've stopped shooting.

No shit, Sherlock.

I don't think my suit could've
taken much more of this.

You are no fun in a
fight, do you know that?


One more minute, they
would've been out of ammo.

Colonel, I think you
should look at this.

Might be a longer
night than we thought.


Oh shit, I been shot.

I been shot, I been shot,
quick, someone, please,

quick, please,
call an ambulance...

No, calm down,
calm down, Seba.

No you haven't,
that's just my blood.

You idiot.

Oh, it's your blood.

Your blood.

Get it off me, man.

Get it off me, please get
it off me, get it off me...

Wait, wait, wait.

- Get it off me, get it off me.
- What's wrong now?

Mate, if it's your blood,
who knows what you've got?

I'll tell you what,
if I've got anything

it'll be foot in mouth disease.


I'm not a human
feeder, Sebastian.

I only take from animals.

But I thought you was...

Yeah, as most people do.

We don't all feed on humans.

I choose not to.

Why's that?

Because I used to be one.


Two's up.


I love you.

Oh, fuck off.


How many?


Enough for what?

Enough to stop us from
leaving before dawn.

What then?

Why then, dear boy, we
won't be leaving at all.

Feeling brave, Mr. Larousse?

I can't see anything
from back there,

I need to know what's happening.

Not much, at the moment.

Can we hold them there?

Until sunrise?

Well if we don't, I'll
be sure to let you know.

They're just in
there, aren't they?

They're really there.

What if we could take
just one of them out alive?

What are you talking about?

Just to get a sample.

For the sake of science.

These things are an
abomination, Colonel.

They need to be wiped from
the face of this Earth.

Righteous speech,
Mr. Larousse,

but I think we're
missing an opportunity.

We have them trapped, Colonel,
this is our opportunity.

We might never be this close
to this many of them again.

You're right.

I know I am.

My authority comes
right from the top.

What's, no no no, this
doesn't happen, what is this?

My authority.

I'll be taking
charge from now on.

you can stay here.

Look, see if I care.

I'm not saying
that, I'm just saying that

we shouldn't go out
there without a plan.

And the plan is
I'm just gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go towards the trees
and I'm just gonna go for it.

That's not a plan.
Running is what you do

when you don't have a plan.

The place is surrounded,
how far do you think

we're gonna get anyway?

Far enough for my issues not
to get mixed up with yours.

I'm ready.

For what?

We haven't even decided
what we're doing yet.

Guys, the game
might be up for us.

But we can still make a few
widows before this night's out.

Of course, we don't
all have to get away.

What's that?

What are you talking
about, old woman?

No, no, she's right.

What do mean by that, what?

As long as they've got
us where they can see us,

we're hog-tied.

But if one of us can get
away, get to the shadows.

The night is ours.


Okay, good, so now
we have a plan.

I'm ready.

Chen's ready.

So we break as one, all
in the same direction,

at the same time.

And the first one in
the clear doubles back

and butchers every last
single one of them.

I did it.

Did you see that?

I did it!

Don't worry, I'll
come back with help.

Fine, but you owe me.

You can have a Victoria
Cross and a little notch

if you'd like, just
get us out of here.

Please hold
the line.

Infinity help UT,
please hold the line,

you are currently
ninth in the queue.

Son of a bitch.

Who was that?

Someone who pays more
than you, Mr. Larousse.

30 pieces of silver, is it?

More or less,
allowing for inflation.

Hold up, I got ya, I got ya.

Well use your
bleeding arms, then.

Oh shit, sir,
we got movement.

What is it?

Someone at the
farmhouse just there.

What the hell is that?

Come on, Frodo, put
your back into it.

Sniper one,
leave that target pinned down

until we find out if it's
one of them or us, over.

Jesus Christ!

Warm body,
sir, warm body.

It's human.

Hold your fire.

Go on then, get out of here.

Go, go, go!

Good work, sniper
one, you have backup, over.

What is she doing?

Evading our fire, it seems.

Well let's give her a
little bit of encouragement.

Go on then.

Your go.

To you.

To you.

Jesus, some people don't know

I don't believe
it, she made it.

You all right, mate?

Don't look at me like that.

She was the one that
didn't want to wait for ya.

This way.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You have no idea what
I've been through.

Who are you?

I'm Mrs. Thatcher.

I live on the farm.

They came tonight, they did.

How many are there?

Six, seven maybe?

Plus some grotty little scumbag.

They're all in it together.

And my husband as
well, knowing him.

I can't get it off.

He's done it up too tight.

Yeah... get off...


Pull my gag off

Hold up.

Sorry mate.

Ah, okay.

Just cut it off, there's
a knife over there.


Over there on the
workbench, there's a knife.

Just cut it off.

What, there?

What, this one?

I can't see it.

Over there
on the workbench, blindo,

right in front of ya.

I can't see one.

Keep looking.

In there?

No, no no, don't
look in there!

Don't look at me, sport.

That was here when we moved in.

sure that's everything?


Yeah, I told you.


I'll be off.

I got a heart
condition, you know.

I'm not a well woman.


Come with me?

Oh, thanks babes, but I
don't wanna bother you no more.

I'll be fine on
my own from here.

I insist.


Might just nip behind that tree.

Here I go.

Been tied up half the night.

Absolutely bursting, I am.

Got a bladder like
a filled balloon.

Let me out!

What, end up
pickled like that lot?

No thanks.

You got all that coming
to you, sunshine.

Come here!

What'd you do that for?

She could've been
in league with them.


What sort of
justification is that?

An uncertain one.

Now there's certainty.

You're mad.

This is madness.

This is war, 18.

You'd better decide whose
side you're on, before dawn.

Sun's up in four hours, 18.


I can't believe she's dead.

It's nearly 20 years
we been together.

She didn't deserve that.

I'm sorry.

Look, as one human
being to another,

you gotta let me
out, right, yeah?

Let me go.

I can't do that.

Look, it really
wasn't my fault.

I mean, when you
trace it all back,

it was Mrs. Thatcher's fault.

I mean, I loved her, but
she was fuckin' nuts.

You had
me fooled once.

The lady's not concerned.

So, so what, look, look,
you're gonna untie me, yeah?


Fucking hell.

second squad, hold
your positions.

Do not let a single
one out of your sights.

Third squad, you've
got two to your left.


Where's the bloody cars?

Stay where you are!

Will you let me,
I know you're there,

for god's sake, do something!

Well that's not
gonna help, is it?

Okay, it was pretty helpful,
thank you very much.

So quiet.

Better move.

Better keep moving.


- Chen?
- Go.

Chen, no.

No no no, listen
to me, Vanessa.

Get out of here.


Who's in there?

Shoot him!

Shoot him!

I'm out!

Here, have one more.

Enemy down.

We've got him, sir.

Keep searching.

We have a visual of
a lone female, over.

We need to
get back to the house.

There's too many of them.

We're gonna die out here.


Over here.

We found her, sir.

We found her, over.

We have a visual...

In position, sir.


Awaiting orders.


All right, lads.

Who's winning?

Yeah, who's winning?

Hi, Sebastian

Anyone else
in here besides you two?

Well, there's a few hot
pickles in jars over there.


We pick our hosts
quite carefully.


Worked out great, hasn't it?

It's not over yet.

If anyone can do it, she can.

You all right, love?

Hold your position, soldier.

I, I, I don't hear very well.

Soldier, I said
hold your position!

They did terrible
things to me.

Really, really terrible things.


You're safe now.

Oh my.

Let's get you out of here.



We've barely two
squads left, Colonel.

It's not enough to
hold this place.

They're down as
well, Mr. Larousse.

There are only three of
them left, and they're hurt.

They won't try that again.

Actually sir, there's four.


How's your evening panning out?

What do we do with her, sir?

Please, we have
to kill her now.

She's too dangerous to hold.

Little old me?



Break out the frame.

Take it easy.

Liable to hurt
yourself with that.

Are we the
only ones who made it?

Not quite.


My night's complete.

You and me both, Chuckles.

What the bloody hell's
happened to my living room?

What we gonna do?

We need a plan.

Look, why don't you
just try talking to them.

Talking to them?

Yeah, you know, strike
up a little pow-wow.

What you got to lose?

They want to exterminate us.

Yeah, well you won't be
getting your deposit back,

that's for sure.

Yeah, well, they're
probably saying

the same thing out there.

Why don't you just go see
what their best offer is?


And, ,

how would we do that?

Well you're not seriously
asking him for advice...

You have any better
ideas right now?

Look mate, I've been around,
you know, I know the score.

I'm over 2000 years old, boy.

I fourth at the
Battle of Erbella.

I fought with
Alexander through Asia.

We conquered the known
world and we ruled as gods.

Oh, that's all well and
good and all that, but

what you done lately?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, just, come
on, just let me go,

come on, let me
down, this is done.

What's your name?


And I'm coming for you.

You should know better
than to hit a lady.

You're no lady, my dear.

You so much as lay
a finger on her,

touch her, or harm her
in any way, you will die.

You don't know
what you're doing.

Maybe not, but
there is a cosmetic company

that will be here in
the morning that do.

And then what?

And then, me and my
men are going to retire,

somewhere far away from here.

And very fucking sunny.

The other three vampires are
back in the farmhouse, sir,

with two warm bodies.

Any of ours?

Negative, sir.

I'm guessing it's the
farmer and the other one,

the mystery guest.

Now why haven't
they killed them?

Maybe they're keeping
their options open.

It's what I would do.

It is, is it?

So tell me, 18, what
will their next move be?

What would you do?

I'd make a deal.

Do you
like what you see?

You're completely healed.

It could be yours.

Every night,

in every conceivable way,

for all eternity.

How many of you are there?

Enough to farm you
like cattle if we wanted.

So why don't you?

We like our meat organic,

just as God intended.

What do you know of God?

than you, I wager.

How old are you?

Well now you're
just being personal.

Wait till you see me
in daylight, darling,

it's a lot less flattering.


I plan to.

Make no mistake about that.

As soon as the Colonel
has his precious samples

you will see the light.

Then we shall
share it together.

No, no no no no no.

She hardly broke the skin.


Okay, and all those in
favor of Sebastian's idea.

No, he doesn't get a vote.

Why not?

Yes he does.

No, no he doesn't.

All right, fine, three to one.

Go on, Seba, tell us
how this plan works.

Well, you ever seen
a film called Zulu?



I am not one of them!

I am God's envoy.

Be grateful it's still me
who's in charge, Mr. Larousse.

There are others around
here who would see you burn.

we've got movement.

It's definitely one of theirs,

and it's one of the
humans from the house.

There's a hot one and a cold
body walking up the hill, sir.

That's far enough.

Good evening.

Good evening.

How are you
lot doing up there?

We're holding our own.

How about yourselves?

You know.

We've seen better nights.

I imagine you have.

You wanted to talk?

Yeah, we wanted to go.


Go where?


Go abroad.

Basically anywhere
this isn't happening.

And why should we let you go?

You ever seen Zulu?

The film, yes.

Well there you go, that
should speed things along.

You're proposing an
honorable withdrawal.

One settle, both
sides leave the field

with mutual respect
for each other.

Yeah, something like that.

How very civilized of us.

You know you've killed
more of us in one night

than anyone else
has in 1000 years.

Your place in
history is assured.

Supposing we did
just let you go.

How do we know you wouldn't
kill us the moment you got out?

Because there's
something else we want.

Our friend you're holding.

We're willing to
trade one of yours

for one of ours.

What's your name?

What does that matter?

It doesn't.

Do you know what I
have at the moment?

Tell me.


And for that, uncertainty's
no exchange at all.


The lord is my
shepherd, I shall not want,

he maketh me to lie
down in green pastures.

He leadeth me beside
the still waters.

He restoreth my
soul and leadeth me

on the path of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk
through the valley

of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil,

for thou art with me.

Thy rod and thy
staff comfort me.

Put a muzzle on that one.

Listen to me, listen to me.

You can still walk
away from this.

If you release us you will live,
if you don't, you will die.

And disappoint my benefactors?

Whatever they're paying
you, we can double it.

Money's no object to us.

As tempting as that may
seem, I am a man of principles,

and they bribed me first.

I'm gonna do something I
haven't done in over 600 years.

And what's that?

I'm going to
enjoy killing you.

I like your confidence.

If only we could
bottle that too.

out there heard anything

from section three?


Anyone in section three?


What's going on?

Colonel, we've got a problem,
there's something out here.

That's impossible, all
our targets are contained.

Negative, sir.

It's in the trees.

Talk to me.


Come in, soldier.

What are your orders, sir?

We can't hold the ridge.

We're being cut to
pieces out here, sir.

- Sir.
- Come in, soldier.

Start running!

Cover the retreat!



Fuck it.



Kill them.

Do it now.

No, please,
Captain, don't do it.

You don't have to do it.


It's time for me to go now.

No, Vanessa.

Love ya.

No, Vanessa.



In 200
meters, bear right.

In 200 meters, bear right.

You have reached
your destination.

But that's bollocks.

around when possible.

Recalculating route.


Recalculating route.


Wait, time out.


Look mate, we don't
have to do this.

Let's just pretend we
ain't seen each other.

Sounds good to me.

Well there you go, mate.

Can I let you into
a little secret?

You're doing me a favor.

End it.

End it.

Excuse me.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Stay back.

I'm not one of them,
I'm human, like you.

Don't come any closer.

Something horrible
out there in the woods,

something really horrible.

Creeping about, it's
horrible, please!

Look, let's just pretend we
didn't see each other, yeah?


Go our separate ways.

No one needs to know.

What kinda sissy
attitude is that?

I mean you're a
soldier, I'm a civilian,

you're supposed to protect me.

I pay my taxes.

Most of 'em, most of the
time, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I guess so.

Hey, you got a car?


You got a gun?

No, but I got a knife.

That's not a knife.

This is a knife.

I told you there was something
horrible out there, didn't I?


You're all mine now,
you little fox digger.

You killed a lot of
my friends tonight.

Thanks for that.

You come on my land,
scare my chickens.

He was like this
when I found him.


Oh, you lucky bastard.

Ah yes.

Going somewhere?

Oh, come on.

Let me go.

After all we been through?

I need a ride.

You got a car, ain't ya?

Sun's coming up,
we can't drive in daylight.

Will you let me go after?

Of course, Sebastian.

We're nothing if
not appreciative.


I get the Duke's whole
territory then, do I?

Oh, don't be ridiculous,
let me out of here.

We'll discuss it later.


You're not kidding, are you?


Yeah, you can have
the Duke's territory.

That make you happy?

Yeah, that makes me happy.

Great let's go.

Good meeting.


Just give me a second here.




You made it.

Yeah, just about.

Watch it, Seba.

Thanks for hanging around.

Hey, it's all right.

You know me.

Is that my suit?

Fair exchange is no robbery.


No, we're all that's left.

Well, you can still join us,

if you wanna change your mind.

I mean, what do you
say, Mr. Boniface?

We have some vacancies
crop up of late.

It's up to him.

We're all good lads.

I withdraw my objection.

There you go, Seba.

Wanna join the family?

Uhm, Actually, can
I think about it?

All right, think about
it while you're driving.

Let's get going!

Where we going, then?

but here, Sebastian.

Anywhere but here.

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You might
wanna go the other way.

right, yeah, sorry.

We've gone wrong.

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