Easy Six (2003) - full transcript

MILTON AWAITS,
JASON.

YEAH, SURE.

"MORTALS...THAT WOULD...

FOLLOW...ME...LOVE..."

HI.

MORNING, RACHEL.

I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK
I WAS GOING TO TEACH

TO AN EMPTY CLASSROOM.

"VIRTUE...

"SHE, ALONE, IS FREE.

"SHE CAN...TEACH...YE...
HOW TO....CLIMB..."



"HIGHER THAN
THE SPHERY CHIME."

"OR IF VIRTUE FEEBLE WERE,

HEAVEN ITSELF
WOULD STOOP TO HER."

YOU KNOW, RACHEL,

WITHOUT THE REST
OF YOUR CLASSMATES,

IT’S PROBABLY BETTER
IF WE DISCUSSED THIS

NEXT SEMESTER

AND TAKE AN EARLY BREAK.

JANET, WHAT A SURPRISE.

I AM JUST PREPARING
FOR MY MILTON CONFERENCE.

REALLY?

SAM WAS TELLING ME YOU WERE
JUST MAKING SOME COPIES

OF PERSONAL MATERIALS
ON THE FACULTY MACHINE.

I’M SURE HE WAS.



I’M HAPPY TO REIMBURSE
THE COLLEGE--

LET ME FINISH.

IT OCCURRED TO ME
THAT YOU REALLY

SHOULD BE WORKING NOW,

TEACHING YOUR FINAL CLASS,
NOT MAKING COPIES

OR CERTAINLY NOT PREPARING
FOR YOUR TRIP TO LAS VEGAS.

I HAD PLANNED TO,
BUT NOBODY TURNED UP,

OR ALMOST NOBODY,

SO I DISMISSED EARLY.

HMM...

ARE YOU HAPPY HERE,
PACKARD?

DO YOU LIKE TEACHING HERE?

YES, VERY MUCH.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, JANET.

MWAH!

FRANK. OF COURSE,
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU,

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, SAM.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,
FRANK. WE GONNA HAVE

ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP
SEASON THIS YEAR?

OH, I’M TELLIN’ YA,
THE CATFISH

ARE LOOKIN’ GOOD, BUDDY.

THAT’S GOOD.
YEAH.

GO CATFISH!
GO CATFISH!

ALL RIGHT! GO!

MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO BILL AND THE 2 KIDS!

Janet:
MERRY CHRISTMAS, FRANK.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SAM!

I ADMIRE YOUR ENTHUSIASM
FOR THOSE TWO.

BROWN-NOSE, PACK.
BROWN-NOSE.

YOU KISS JANET’S BUTT,
AND I GUARANTEE

SHE’LL LET BYGONES
BE BYGONES.

YES, BUT TELLING A JOKE
IN CLASS

IS HARDLY
A CAPITAL OFFENSE.

I’M NOT GOING TO GROVEL

FOR SOMETHING I DIDN’T
THINK WAS WRONG.

I FULLY AGREE WITH YOU.

[PLAYFULLY SOBBING]
IT’S JUST NOT FAIR.

YOU SURE YOU DON’T MIND
LOOKING FOR SALLY

WHILE YOU’RE IN VEGAS?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

I TRY TO REACH HER,

AND SHE JUST DOESN’T
CALL BACK.

EH, IT’S
A DADDY’S WORRY.

IT’D BE SO, SO NICE

IF I COULD SEE HER
FOR CHRISTMAS.

IT’S NOT A PROBLEM.

I TELL YOU,
I’M LOOKING FORWARD

TO SEEING SALLY AGAIN.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, SHE LOVES YOU.

YOU’RE
THE ONLY PROFESSOR

THAT DIDN’T FAIL HER.

HEY, UH...

SANTA BROUGHT YOU A GIFT.

OH, HE DID?

HERE.
WOW.

OPEN IT.

IT’S FOR VEGAS.

GOOD LUCK.

WELL, I APPRECIATE IT,

BUT IT’S NOT A HOLIDAY,
IT’S A CONFERENCE,

AND I DON’T GAMBLE.

WELL, YOU SHOULD GAMBLE,

’CAUSE NOW YOU’RE GONNA
HAVE GOOD LUCK.

FIRST YOU SCORE
AT THE TABLE,

AND THEN YOU SCORE
SOME SKIRT.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT]
"WITH HER BUTTOCKS BROAD

"AND BREASTES
ROUND AND HIGH,

SHE WAS HAIR A’FAIR..."

OHH! I CAN’T WAIT
TILL YOU COME HOME

AND TELL ME SOME
WAR STORIES! HA HA!

FRANK.

GOOD EVENING, SIR.

THANK YOU. I’M WITH
THE MILTON CONFERENCE,

AND I THINK IT’S IN
THE DUGOUT ROOM.

DUGOUT ROOM, RIGHT
THROUGH THOSE DOORS.

THANK YOU.

[DOOR OPENS]

AHH...WELCOME.

HELLO, HERB.

TO THE LAST
MILTON CONFERENCE.

OH, THE NEW NAME
DIDN’T HELP.

I’VE--I’VE
TOLD YOU WHO I AM.

I’M LOOKING FOR SALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU,

SOME KIND OF PRIVATE
DETECTIVE OR SOMETHING?

NO. I’M AN OLD
ENGLISH PROFESSOR OF HERS.

BULL--BULLSHIT.

FUCK OFF.

I’M HERE
FOR A CONFERENCE.

I--I JUST WANT
TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER.

RECITE SOME
ENGLISH LITERATURE.

WHAT?

SEE?
YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT.

OH, UM, ALL RIGHT.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT]
"WHEN THAT APRILE

"WITH ITS SHOWERS SWEET...

THE DROUGHT OF MARCH
HATH PIERCED TO THE ROOT."

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
IN ENGLISH?

UM, YOU EVER HEARD
SHAKESPEARE?

"TELL ME,
WHERE IS FANCY BREAD,

"IN THE HEART
OR IN THE HEAD?

"HOW BEGOT, HOW NOURISHED?

"REPLY, REPLY,

"IF ENGENDER’D BY THE EYES
WITH GAZING FED,

"THEN FANCY DIES IN THE CRADLE
WHERE IT LIES.

"LET US ALL RING
FANCY’S KNELL.

I’LL BEGIN IT.
DING DONG, DING DONG BELL."

OK, ALL RIGHT,

SALLY’S AT WORK
AT THE PARADISE INN.

IS THAT A HOTEL?

IT’S A RESTAURANT,

SEAFOOD, ACTUALLY.

HMM. THANK YOU.

WHAT’S YOUR NAME?

SAMANTHA.

EXCUSE ME.

THIS IS THE PARADISE INN?

WELL, IT SURE IS,
HONEY.

WHERE’S THE DINING ROOM?

DINING ROOM?

THERE’S NO
DINING ROOM HERE.

I’M A LITTLE CONFUSED.

IS THIS A...

BROTHEL?

THIS IS THE BEST
LEGAL BROTHEL

IN ALL OF NEVADA.

YOU WANT ME TO SEND
THE GIRLS OUT?

YES.

THEY’LL BE OUT
IN A MINUTE.

AHEM. LADIES.

THIS IS CRYSTAL...

AND SANDY...

AND CHANTEL...

AND PAULA...

AND THIS,
THIS IS NATALIE.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO MAKE A CHOICE, SIR?

N-NATALIE.

SO YOU’VE FOUND OUT
MY SINFUL SECRET.

I BET YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME
A MORALITY TALK NOW.

WELL, YOU’RE WELCOME TO TRY

THE "WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH YOUR LIFE" SPEECH.

I GET THAT ALL THE TIME.

USUALLY AFTERWARD,
THOUGH.

AREN’T YOU SHOCKED?

I’M SPEECHLESS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DON’T YOU WISH
I’D DONE THAT IN CLASS?

YOUR FATHER ASKED ME
TO CHECK UP ON YOU.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL HIM?

YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET,
CAN’T YOU?

I DON’T KNOW.

DON’T GO YET.

SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO GO.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU’RE SO AFRAID.

I SAW THE WAY YOU USED
TO LOOK AT ME IN CLASS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU HAD SUCH
A CRUSH ON ME.

EVERYBODY KNEW ABOUT IT.

I’LL TELL YOUR FATHER
I COULDN’T FIND YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
THERE’S PLENTY

OF OTHER PRETTY GIRLS HERE
IF YOU DON’T LIKE ME.

I MEAN, YOU SHOULD
STAY A WHILE

AND HAVE SOME FUN.

THAT’S FROM YOUR FATHER.

Packard: SO,
I GAVE HER THE TICKET,

AND I LEFT.

I MEAN...IT’S
THE DAMNEDEST THING.

I DON’T THINK SO AT ALL.

I MEAN, YOU GOT A CHANCE
TO NAIL YOUR DREAM GIRL.

THAT’S NOT THE POINT.

I MEAN, BESIDES,
FRANK’S MY FRIEND.

BUT SHE’S IN TROUBLE.

AND I DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL HIM.

I WOULDN’T TELL HIM
ANYTHING AT ALL.

BUT ISN’T IT
MY MORAL OBLIGATION?

LOOK AT WHERE MORALITY
AND OBLIGATION HAVE GOTTEN YOU.

I MEAN,
NO OFFENSE, PACK,

BUT YOU’RE NOT GETTING
ANY YOUNGER, RIGHT?

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING WRONG

BECAUSE MAYBE
IT FEELS RIGHT.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE MORAL RELATIVISM.

COME WITH ME
FOR A SECOND.

Man: 7, WINNER, 7.
FRONT LINE WINNER 7.

WE GOT A SHOOTER NOW.

GET YOUR BETS DOWN.
7 OR 11. HEY, COME ON.

SAME LUCKY SHOOTER
COMIN’ BACK ON...

YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE
LOSE AT GAMBLING?

PEOPLE LOSE MONEY
AT GAMBLING

BECAUSE THEY TRY
TO WIN HONESTLY

AND SQUARELY,
ACCORDING TO THE RULES.

BUT THE HOUSE
DOESN’T PLAY ITS RULES.

THE HOUSE BUILDS IN
A 10% ADVANTAGES FOR ITSELF,

SO THE SQUARES, THEY GET
SLOWLY FUCKED, RIGHT?

THE WAY TO WIN IS TO BET
AGAINST THE SUCKERS.

BET THE HOUSE--
WRONG BETTING.

CRAPS BETTING
IS WHAT WORKS.

YOU GO AGAINST
WHAT SEEMS RIGHT

AND WIN.

LOOK,

I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING
TO SET ME STRAIGHT,

BUT MY SYSTEM,

THE OLD SYSTEM
OF GOOD AND BAD

AND RIGHT AND WRONG,
WORKS.

WELL, I’M GONNA
JOIN THE GAME.

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

NO. NO,
I DON’T THINK SO,

BUT GOOD LUCK.

[VELCRO SNAPS]

Man: 6, EASY 6.
RIGHT ON 6.

YO, 11! WHERE YOUR 11?
FRONT LINE ON 11!

COME ON, NOW. GET ’EM DOWN.
WE GOT A SHOOTER, FOLKS.

COMIN’ OUT AGAIN, NOW.
SAME LUCKY SHOOTER.

6, EASY 6.

HA HA HA HA!

YEAH!

WINNER, EASY.
PAY THE LINE. WINNER 6.

COME BETS, FIELD BETS.
LET’S GO FOLKS.

SAME LUCKY SHOOTER.

YEAH! MAGIC FINGERS.

WE GOT A WINNER
ON OUR TEAM, HUH?

HA HA HA HA HA!

HEY.

WE DON’T WANT
ANY WRONG BETTERS HERE.

THIS IS A HOT TABLE!
BITCHIN’ KARMA!

COMIN’ BACK OUT,
SAME LUCKY SHOOTER.

NOW, HERE WE GO.

MUST BE THAT HAT.

3, CRAP 3. HIGH AND AWAY
ON THE FIELD. HIGH AND AWAY.

FUCK, MAN.

YOU’RE FUCKIN’ UP
THE KARMA.

HERE.
HERE’S 100 BUCKS.

WHY DON’T YOU GO PLAY
AT ANOTHER TABLE?

NO, THANKS.

AND WE GOT A NEW SHOOTER
COMIN’ OUT. NEW SHOOTER.

GET YOUR BETS DOWN.
GET YOUR HANDS UP.

BETS DOWN.
NEW SHOOTER COMIN’ OUT.

7 OUT, LINE AWAY.
PAY THE LAST COME ON THE LOW.

SMART GUY, YOU’RE BETTING
AGAINST THE TABLE.

COMIN’ OUT,

SAME LUCKY SHOOTER.
COMIN’ OUT.

9, 9. ROLLED A 9.
PLACE TO 5.

9’LL DO IT.
9’S YOUR NUMBER.

9’LL DO IT, SHOOTER.

[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

FUCK THIS.

THANKS FOR THE KARMA,
ASSHOLE.

HEH HEH.

Man: CAN’T WIN
ON THIS GODDAMN THING.

FUCK!

SAMANTHA?
OH, HEY, HEY.

HUH? HEH.

AH, YOU KNOW
EACH OTHER, HUH?

WE HAVE
A MUTUAL FRIEND.

OH, YEAH? YOU WON
A LOT OF MONEY THERE.

YOU LOOKIN’ FOR
SOME PLACE TO SPEND IT?

SOMEBODY?

HEH HEH.
NO?

HERE, I TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU WANT
TO SPEND IT SOMEWHERE,

YOU WANNA GO SOMEWHERE,
YOU LET ME KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD
GIVE ME A BUCK HERE.

I CAN WIN
A LOT OF MONEY FOR YOU.

I FEEL THIS THING’S
GONNA WIN, IT’S GONNA HIT.

LOOK.

GOD!

ELVIS...

THERE IS SOMEWHERE
I’D LIKE TO GO.

WELL, LET ME
TAKE YOU THERE.

I GOT A SWEET LIMO.

IT’S A 1965 HEARSE.
NICE VINTAGE LIMO.

SO, WHAT DO
YOU PLAY?

CRAPS.

OH, CRAPS.

A VET BUDDY OF MINE,
JASON,

HE’S A BIG
CRAPS PLAYER.

IN NAM,
HE CAUGHT A CHUNK

OF V.C. MORTAR SHRAPNEL
RIGHT IN THE TEMPLE.

DOCTORS
WOULDN’T REMOVE IT,

’CAUSE THEY THOUGHT
IT WOULD KILL HIM,

SO THEY LEFT IT IN.
ONLY THING IS,

NOW HE CAN’T GET TOO CLOSE
TO A MAGNETIC FIELD.

IT GIVES HIM
A BIG FUCKIN’ HEADACHE.

WELL, JASON’S
A CRAPS PLAYER, RIGHT?

SO HE’S GOT TO STAND

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE CRAP TABLE.

DO YOU WANT TO ASK WHY?

WHY?

BECAUSE EACH END
OF THE CRAPS TABLE

IS MAGNETIZED.

SO IF HE GETS
TOO CLOSE TO THE ENDS,

HE GETS ANOTHER
BIG FUCKIN’ HEADACHE.

YOU LOOK SURPRISED.

AH, FIX IS IN.

WHEN THE TABLE
GETS ON A ROLL,

THE HOUSE
SWITCHES OUT THE DICE.

THEY DROP
A PAIR OF TRICK DICE

WITH METAL IN IT,

MADE IT TURN SEVENS
ON THE ROLL

AND BUSTS THE TABLE.

WHEW.

MY BUDDY--POOR SUCKER.

I GOTTA TELL YOU.

HE LOSES MONEY
LIKE CRAZY.

I MEAN,
SCREAMIN’ CRAZY.

IF HE KNOWS
IT’S FIXED,

WHY DOESN’T HE BET
THE HOUSE? I DID.

THE GUY’S GOT
A BIG PIECE OF METAL

IN HIS FUCKIN’ HEAD.

NOW, ME,
I WANT TO SUE ’EM,

BUT I CAN’T FIND
A LAWYER

GOOD ENOUGH
TO REPRESENT ME.

YOU A LAWYER?
NO.

GOOD. I HATE
THOSE COCKSUCKERS.

OHH.

YOU’RE PRETTY QUIET.

I GET LIKE THAT
SOMETIMES.

THINKING.

JUST THINKING.

AH.

YOU A VET?

UM...UH, NO.

NO, NOT A VET.

YOU EVER SEEN RAMBO?

I’VE HEARD OF IT.

THAT WAS ME.

REALLY?

JOHN RAMBO.

IT’S BASED ON ME.

YEAH, I WAS, UH,
SPECIAL FORCES,

SNIPER, IN NAM.

’70, ’72.

COUNTERINSURGENCE
BEHIND ENEMY LINES.

199 CONFIRMED KILLS.

WOW. THAT’S INCREDIBLE.

YEAH,
THEN THE WAR ENDED.

STATESIDE, EVERYTHING
TURNED TO SHIT.

OLD STORY, OLD STORY,
OLD STORY.

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU GOT TO SELL YOURS

TO HOLLYWOOD.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDIN’?
FUCKERS STOLE IT,

CHANGED EVERYTHING
INTO BULLSHIT.

I’M SORRY.

SO...

CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION ABOUT ELVIS?

FUCK ELVIS.

DON’T GET ME STARTED
ON FUCKIN’ ELVIS.

[DEEP SIGH]

IT’S GETTIN’ THAT

I CAN’T EVEN
TAKE HER SMELL

SO LONG...

Packard, sighing:
I MUST BE CRAZY.

Sally: I THINK
I’M GONNA CALL YOU PACK.

DR. SCHMIDT
JUST SOUNDS WEIRD.

SOMETHING STRANGE
HAS HAPPENED

THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

IT’S AS IF SOMETHING HAS--
HAS CHANGED.

I...THINK
IT’S GOOD, PACK.

I MEAN,
MAYBE YOU’RE JUST

COMING OUT
OF YOUR SHELL,

HAVE A SEAT
NEXT TO ME.

SO, IN HONOR
OF YOUR FIRST TIME,

I’M GONNA GIVE YOU
THE PARADISE SPECIAL

FOR THE PRICE
OF THE FRENCH DATE.

OH. THAT’S INTERCOURSE?

YEAH.
YEAH, EVERYTHING.

JUST, UH,
NO EXTRA GIRLS,

NO EQUIPMENT, AND,
UM, NO SOCRATES.

SOCRATES?

YEAH, UP--

UP THE ASS,
YOU KNOW?

I DON’T--
I DON’T DO THAT.

NEITHER DO I.

UM...

[MUTTERS]
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

BUT YOU’LL--
YOU’LL DO FINE.

IT’LL BE FUN.
JUST RELAX,

AND, UM...AHEM.

I MEAN, I DO A VERY
CONVINCING ORGASM.

YOU DO?
WELL, YEAH.

UM...

SO, UM...
IF YOU’LL JUST,

YOU KNOW, GO OVER
TO THE WASH BASIN

AND...YOU KNOW.

I’M SORRY. I DON’T.

DICK CHECK TIME.

SO, UM, DID TRACY EIFFELS
PASS YOUR CLASS?

YES. I GAVE HER
AN A-MINUS.

WHY?

JUST ’CAUSE
SHE’S PRETTY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, DUH.

YOU GIVE ALL
THE PRETTY GIRLS

AUTOMATIC As.

TRACY COPIED
HER TERM PAPER

OFF THE INTERNET

AND THEN WENT AROUND
BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

I COULDN’T BELIEVE

THAT YOU DIDN’T
CATCH HER.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR
NICKNAME AT SCHOOL WAS?

UM...DR. DIRTY JOKES,
RIGHT?

WELL, YEAH.

THEY ALSO CALLED YOU
"PROFESSOR PACK-A-SHIT."

SO, MAKE YOURSELF
COMFORTABLE.

JUST DON’T GET
UNDER THE COVERS.

OH, CHRIST.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

ARE YOU GOING
SOMEWHERE?

[NO AUDIO]

YOUR ORGASM, WAS IT REAL?

[CHUCKLES]
YEAH. SURE.

OF COURSE, PACK.

SALLY, I DON’T MEAN
TO LECTURE YOU,

BUT WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I COULD ASK YOU
THE SAME THING.

NO, SERIOUSLY.
I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

WHAT’LL BECOME OF YOU
IF YOU STAY HERE?

[SIGHS]

LOOK...

LOOK, YOU--
YOU PAID TO FUCK,

AND I’M TIRED OF CHATTING,
SO OUR SESSION’S OVER.

I COULD HELP YOU,
IF YOU’D LET ME.

RIGHT.

YOU COULD COME AND
STAY FOR A WHILE,

UNTIL YOU’RE BACK
ON YOUR FEET.

I MEAN IT.

[CHUCKLES]

I’D EAT YOU ALIVE.

YOU REALLY SHOULD GO.

YOUR TIME’S UP.

SALLY--

NO KISSING.
SPREADS GERMS.

[RATTLING]

Woman: IT’S A SOUVENIR

TO MARK
YOUR FIRST TIME HERE.

IT GOES
ON YOUR KEY RING.

HERE. I’LL TRADE YOU.

HA.

WELL, THANKS, HONEY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

AH.

[RING]

HELLO?

Sally: HI, FRANK.

SALLY, IS THAT YOU?

DID DR. SCHMIDT
FIND YOU?

YEAH. YEAH, HE DID.

OH, SALLY.

IT’S--THAT’S STRANGE HE
DIDN’T CALL ME AND TELL ME.

BUT THAT DOESN’T MATTER.
NEVER MIND.

IT’S JUST SO GOOD TO HEAR
YOUR VOICE AGAIN.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

UM...

I’M GONNA COME HOME
FOR CHRISTMAS.

OH, SALLY.

THAT’S WONDERFUL!

OH, THAT’S WONDERFUL,
SALLY.

UM...YOU’RE--

YOU’RE REALLY GONNA LIKE
YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

SWEETHEART,
FORGET THE PRESENTS.

YOU COMING HOME
IS GIFT ENOUGH FOR ME.

IT’D JUST BE
SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

UM, YEAH, I--

I GOTTA GO.

I LOVE YOU.

[DECK THE HALLS PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

I’D LIKE TO BEGIN
OUR DISCUSSION

OF EROTIC IMAGES
IN MILTON

BY STARTING WITH
A BRIEF RECITATION

MATCHED WITH
SELECTED IMAGES.

"BUT COME THOU GODDESS
FAIR AND FREE,

"IN HEAVEN YCLEPED
EUPHROSYNE,

AND TO MEN,
HEART-EASING MIRTH..."

"WHOM LOVELY VENUS
AT A BIRTH..."

SO ROSY, SO PINK.

MAI HELP YOU,
MA’AM?

YEAH.
IS, UH, PACK HERE?

Packard: IMAGERY
IN BOTTICELLI’S VENUS,

OF THE--OF THE CONCH SHELL
AND THE WATER

AND THIS FERTILE,
FLOWING, FECUND SEXUALITY

IS VERY--

SALLY.

HEY, SALLY!

WHO IS THAT?

WHY ARE WE RUNNING?

Man: SALLY.

I NEED TO TALK
TO YOU.

Packard: MAY I ASK YOU
THE NATURE OF THIS INTRUSION?

OFFICER?

BEEN GETTING
COMPLAINTS

ABOUT GIRLS WORKING
OUT OF THE CASINOS.

DONNY, I’M NOT--
I’M NOT WORKING.

OH, REALLY?

MAYBE I’LL
BELIEVE THAT.

SO, YOU MUST BE
HER FATHER.

AM I RIGHT?

PLEASED TO
MEET YOU, SIR.

ACTUALLY, I’M A FRIEND
OF THE FAMILY.

OH, RIGHT.
OF COURSE.

THE OLD FRIEND
OF THE FAMILY.

DONNY, I’M NOT
FUCKING WORKING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FOR A LIVING NOW?

I’M A REGISTERED HOSTESS
IN NYE COUNTY--

LICENSE NUMBER AG148976.

AH. LET’S SEE
YOUR SHERIFF’S CARD.

Sally: UH...

OK.

WANT IT? WANT IT?

GIVE IT TO ME.

SO YOU’VE DECIDED
TO GO LEGIT NOW, HUH?

YOU’RE SURE YOU’RE
NOT DOING ANY JOBS

ON THE SIDE WITH, UM,
FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY?

[SIGHS]
HELL, NO, DONNY.

I WOULDN’T WANT
TO RISK MY LICENSE.

SALLY.

SALLY, SALLY.

JUST STAY OUT
OF TROUBLE, OK?

THANKS.

OH, AND, UH,

HEY, MR. FRIEND
OF THE FAMILY.

DID YOU KNOW THAT
HERE IN CLARK COUNTY,

YOU CAN BE ARRESTED
FOR PATRONIZING

A HOOKER LIKE SALLY?

THANK YOU FOR
THAT INFORMATION, OFFICER.

DON’T MENTION IT.

FUCKIN’
LIMP DICK.

WHAT A RUDE MAN.

I MEAN,
DOES THAT HAPPEN OFTEN?

YEAH. IT’S VEGAS.

HA HA HA.

[GURGLING]

AHH. AH.

AGAIN.

UHH. COOL.

BEAUTIFUL.

HA HA HA.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNAPPING PICTURES]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL
A HERD OF MASTURBATING CATTLE?

BEEF STROGANOFF.

OH.

THE STRANGE THING--
I ALMOST GOT FIRED

FOR TELLING
THAT SILLY LITTLE JOKE.

MAYBE THAT
WOULD’VE BEEN BEST.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, I MEAN,
IT’S OBVIOUS

YOU--YOU DON’T
FIT IN THERE.

OH.

WELL, FITTING IN HAS
NEVER BEEN EASY FOR ME.

THAT’S WHY
I LEFT ENGLAND.

AMERICAN COLLEGES,
WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED,

WERE FREE AND LOOSE,

REFUGES FOR
INTELLECTUALISM

AND RADICAL THINKING.

NOW THEY’RE JUST PART OF
THE BIG CORPORATE ECONOMY,

LIKE A DEPARTMENT STORE.

THE ADMINISTRATORS
ARE LIKE STORE MANAGERS.

THE PROFESSORS
ARE THE CLERKS,

AND THE STUDENTS
ARE THE ALMIGHTY CUSTOMERS.

[SCOFFS] WHY DO YOU
LET EVERYONE

PUSH YOU AROUND?

WHO?

EVERYONE. THE--THE--
THE STUDENTS, FACULTY.

ESPECIALLY
THE STUDENTS.

WELL, AS I SAID,
THE STUDENTS ARE THE CUSTOMERS,

AND THE CUSTOMERS
ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW WHEN
I GAVE MY LAST FAIL?

IT WAS BEFORE
YOUR TIME,

NEARLY 7 YEARS AGO--

A GIRL CALLED NORA VELLUM.

WELL, NORA VELLUM
HARDLY EVER CAME TO CLASS,

SHE NEVER DID HOMEWORK,
DID A MISERABLE EXAM,

AND SHE WAS ARGUMENTATIVE
IN MY CONFERENCE WITH HER.

I HAD NO HESITATION
IN FAILING HER.

WELL...SHE COMPLAINED
TO DEAN VANDERPOOL

THAT THE REASON
SHE DIDN’T COME TO CLASS

WAS TO PROTEST THE FACT

THAT I ONLY TAUGHT
ONE WOMAN WRITER

IN MY RENAISSANCE FICTION
SEMINAR.

SHE SAID I WAS SEXIST.

WELL, THE DEAN
INSTRUCTED ME

TO GIVE HER A B-PLUS

AND TO RECONSIDER
MY CURRICULUM.

SO, WHAT DID YOU DO?

AT FIRST,
I THOUGHT ABOUT QUITTING.

THEN I THOUGHT
ABOUT FIGHTING.

AND THEN I COMPROMISED.

I GAVE NORA HER GRADE,

BUT I WENT ON TEACHING
WHAT I WANTED TO TEACH.

BUT AS A CONCESSION,

I ONLY EVER GIVE STUDENTS
As AND Bs SINCE THEN.

THAT WAY, WELL,
EVERYONE’S SATISFIED.

I--I LOOK GOOD,

AS IF I’M DOING
A GREAT JOB,

THE STUDENTS GET
THE GRADES THEY WANT

BUT ARE NEVER PREPARED
TO WORK FOR,

AND THE ADMINISTRATION
IS HAPPY.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

YES, OF COURSE.

I MEAN,
WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?

[RINGS]

UH...

[RING]

COULD YOU GET THAT?

[RING]

HELLO?

HEY, PACK.
PACK, IT’S FRANK.

HEY. SALLY’S COMING HOME
FOR CHRISTMAS.

YEAH. SHE SAID
THAT YOU FOUND HER.

WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME
AND TELL ME?

BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE
THE ONE TO TELL YOU.

THAT’S WHAT
I FIGURED. LISTEN...

I JUST CAN’T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE IT.

OH, IT’S NOTHING.

HEY, PACK,
ARE WE GONNA--

SHH, SHH!
WHAT’S THAT?

YOU GOT SOMEBODY THERE?

UH, DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.

YOU GOT LUCKY!

[LAUGHS]

YOU GOT LUCKY! THERE’S SOMEBODY
WITH YOU, ISN’T THERE?

YOU KNOW I’M NOT
LIKE THAT, FRANK.

THE RABBIT’S FOOT WORKED!

HUH? [LAUGHS]

HEY, LET ME TALK TO HER.

I DON’T THINK
THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.

COME ON. PUT THE PHONE
UP TO HER EAR.

HIYA, SWEETHEART.

WHAT’S YOUR NAME, HONEY?

COME ON. TALK TO ME, BABY.

I HAVE TO
GO NOW, FRANK.

YES. BYE-BYE.

YOU DIDN’T TELL ME
YOU’D CALLED FRANK.

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

I’D JUST LIKED TO HAVE
BEEN MORE PREPARED.

YOU’RE TREATING THE TEXT
LIKE IT’S DEAD, IRV,

AND THAT YOU’RE
THE ONLY ONE QUALIFIED

TO DO THE POSTMORTEM.

I--I HAVE MORE RESPECT
FOR THE FORM.

Irv: YOU HAVE
MORE RESPECT,

SUDDENLY.

MILTON ENSLAVED
HIS DAUGHTERS

TO READ TO HIM
AFTER HE WENT BLIND.

DOESN’T THAT OUTRAGE YOU?

Irv: PACK.

PACKARD.

PACKARD.

BE THE VOICE
OF REASON.

SPEAK
TO THIS YOUNG MAN.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU’RE ACTING
REALLY STRANGE, PACK.

WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

[SIGHS]

[BEEP]

TELL ME ABOUT THE GIRL.

FORGET IT.

AW, COME ON.

[CHUCKLES]

COME ON. TELL ME.

YOU KNOW, I’M GONNA
GET IT OUT OF YA, PACK.

YOU HAD SOMEBODY
IN YOUR ROOM, DIDN’T YA?

HUH? ADMIT IT.

OK. YOU WIN.

LISTEN, THERE
WAS A STREETWALKER.

I GAVE HER $100.

SHE WAS THRILLED.
I WAS THRILLED.

THAT’S IT. THAT’S ALL.

I CAN’T BELIEVE
YOU FINALLY CAME DOWN

OFF YOUR PERCH AND
HAD SEX WITH SOMEBODY!

OH, MAN! HEY,
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

DON’T WORRY.

WHAT ARE THOSE
PEEP-SHOW BEAUTIES

GONNA THINK ABOUT YOU
NOW, THOUGH?

[LAUGHING]
I SAID

I DIDN’T WANNA
TALK ABOUT IT, FRANK.

WHAT HAPPENED?

SOMETHING WENT WRONG?

NOTHING WENT WRONG,
FRANK.

SOMETHING
WENT WRONG.

WHAT HAPPENED?

ALL RIGHT.

SHE HAD A NAME
LIKE, WHAT?

LIKE ONE OF THOSE
SUCCULENT HOOKER NAMES,

UH, CANDY, HONEY,
PEACHES? WHAT?

NATALIE.
HER NAME WAS NATALIE.

NATALIE?! NATALIE?

I’LL SEE YOU LATER,
FRANK.

NATALIE.

[LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT!

[LAUGHING]

WHAT?

[LAUGHS] NO, I--
THE DECORATIONS.

I PUT ’EM OUT.

YOU PUT ’EM UP.

MMM.

HUH?

HELLO, PACK.

WELCOME
TO OUR HUMBLE ABODE,

AND A MERRY
CHRISTMAS EVE TO YOU.

[CHUCKLES]

WELL, THANK YOU
FOR INVITING ME.

IT’S, UH, A LONG TIME

SINCE I PUT DECORATIONS
ON A CHRISTMAS TREE.

HELLO, SALLY.

HI.

NOW, THAT’S NOT
HOW WE WERE RAISED, SALLY.

STAND UP AND SHAKE
DR. SCHMIDT’S HAND.

IT’S ALL RIGHT,
FRANK. I MEAN,

SALLY AND I SAW
EACH OTHER IN VEGAS.

Frank: ALL RIGHT.

HAVE A SEAT.

UH, SHOULDN’T WE BEGIN
THE DECORATIONS?

WELL, THAT’S
WHAT I WANTED TO DO.

IT WAS ALL ABOUT SALLY.

AND FOR SOME REASON,

SALLY’S NOT INTERESTED.

AHH!

Frank: ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON’T YOU
JUST SIT DOWN

AND HAVE A DRINK?

THE BEER’S FOR YOU.

Frank:
OH, I’M SORRY.

I FORGOT THE, UH,
BOTTLE OPENER.

I’LL GO GET YOU ONE.

I THINK I HAVE ONE
ON MY KEY CHAIN.

WHERE’S THE RABBIT’S FOOT
THAT I GAVE YOU?

OH, IT’S AT HOME.

AT HOME. WHY?

DID YOU PUT
SOMETHING NEW ON THERE?

WELL, NOTHING SPECIAL.

WELL, WHY ARE YOU
BEING SO SECRETIVE?

FRANK, LEAVE HIM ALONE.

YOU’RE ALWAYS
PUSHING PEOPLE AROUND.

WELL, IT’S NOT
A PROBLEM. HERE.

OH. [CHUCKLES]

PARADISE INN.

IT’S A HOTEL
OR SOMETHING?

IT’S A RESTAURANT.

RESTAURANT.

AH. [CHUCKLES]

WELL, SEE, THAT WASN’T
SO DIFFICULT, WAS IT?

COME ON, PACK.
I BET SALLY WOULD LOVE

TO HEAR
ABOUT YOUR ADVENTURES.

[LAUGHS]

WELL, SOME OF IT
WAS FUN.

FUN. FUN!

I THINK IT WAS MORE
THAN JUST FUN! HUH?

NOW’S NOT THE TIME,
FRANK.

[LAUGHS] COME ON!

TELL US ABOUT, UH,
NATALIE, HUH?

NATALIE! [LAUGHS]

COME ON. OH, MAN!

DICE, WOMEN, AND BOOZE!

OH! I WISH
I’D BEEN WITH YA!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

YEAH. VIVA LAS VEGAS,
FRANK.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

HELLO?

HELLO, SALLY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
CALLING ME HERE?

[GROANS]

OK. I’LL--OK.

I’LL--

I’LL SEE YOU
AT 8:00.

I--I DON’T KNOW.

TEACHING’S NOT WORSE
THAN ANY OTHER JOB.

YES, BUT IT’S NO BETTER.

WELL, THEN, QUIT, IF--

IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.
I MEAN...

CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

WELL, THAT’S IT EXACTLY.

I THOUGHT
I COULD MOVE TO VEGAS

AND MAYBE GET A JOB
IN A CASINO.

AND YOU AND I--
[LAUGHS]

THAT--THAT’S JUST
NOT REALISTIC, PACK.

I KNOW.

BUT I-I’M SICK
OF BEING REALISTIC.

BEFORE I MET YOU, SALLY,

MY LIFE WAS A TRIUMPH
OF REALISM OVER FANTASY,

OF MATURITY
OVER PASSION.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN RUINED

BY A COWERING FEAR
OF CHANGE.

[LAUGHS]

YOU’RE JUST GETTING
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY,

I THINK.

I GUESS I AM.

AND I LIKE IT.

I’M IN LOVE
WITH YOU, SALLY.

WELL, THERE’S JUST
ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT.

WHAT?

I’M--I’M NOT
IN LOVE WITH YOU.

YOU’RE NOT?

NO.

WELL, I CAN MAKE YOU
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.

BUT YOU LIKE ME.

YEAH.
AND...

THAT’S A START.
THAT’S ENOUGH, INITIALLY.

I MEAN, I’M JUST A LITTLE
FURTHER AHEAD THAN YOU.

YOU’RE--YOU’RE MILES
AHEAD OF ME.

I--

THIS WAS JUST,
YOU KNOW, LIKE...

A FUCK OR TWO. YOU’LL--

YOU’LL SEE.

[SIGHS] YOU’LL COOL DOWN
IN A LITTLE BIT,

AND THINGS’LL
GO BACK TO NORMAL,

AND I’LL GO BACK TO VEGAS,

AND YOU’LL...

START TEACHING AGAIN,
AND, YOU KNOW,

IT’LL JUST BE
A MEMORY TO YOU.

THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT.

WELL, THAT’S WHAT I WANT.

THEN WHERE
DOES IT LEAVE US?

WELL, LET’S HAVE SUPPER.

UM, I--I ATE
BEFORE I CAME OVER.

I--I SHOULD GO.

[DOOR CREAKING]

FRANK?

FRANK.

FRANK.

YOU STINK.

YOU MISERABLE
PIECE OF SHIT.

WHAT’S GOING ON?
YOU’RE--YOU’RE DRINKING.

I’M SORRY, FRANK.

YOU’RE SORRY?

YOU SAY YOU’RE SORRY...

AND YOU’VE RUINED
MY DAUGHTER’S FUCKING LIFE.

I HAVEN’T RUINED
HER LIFE.

YOU’VE RUINED YOUR LIFE.

I’LL COME BACK,
AND WE’LL TALK ABOUT THIS

WHEN YOU’VE CALMED DOWN.

YOU DON’T GET IT,
DO YOU?

YOU’RE FINISHED.

IT’S OVER.

I’M GOING
TO SEE YOU FRY.

YOU TURNED MY DAUGHTER
INTO A WHORE.

THAT’S RIDICULOUS.

YOU’RE GOING
TO STAND THERE

AND DENY THAT
TO MY FACE?

I THINK SOMETHING’S BURNING.

YOU PRETENDED
TO BE MY FRIEND!

YOU MADE A MONKEY
OUT OF ME!

I’M LEAVING.

SALLY--

SALLY’S NOT GOING
TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

SHE’S GROUNDED.

GROUNDED? FRANK,
SHE’S NOT A CHILD.

YOU’RE CHALLENGING ME?

YOU FORCED SEX
ON MY DAUGHTER!

DON’T YOU CHALLENGE ME!

PUNCH ME, FRANK.
I DESERVE IT.

YOU’LL FEEL BETTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL IT
WHEN A GROWN MAN

FORCES HIMSELF
ON A YOUNG GIRL?

JUST PUNCH ME.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY CALL IT?

I DIDN’T FORCE
ANYTHING ON SALLY.

RAPE.

THAT’S WHAT
THEY CALL IT.

THEY CALL IT--
THEY CALL IT RAPE.

GET IT OUT
OF YOUR SYSTEM.

PUNCH ME OR KICK ME
OR SOMETHING!

I DON’T EVEN NEED
TO PUNCH YOU.

I’VE ALREADY FAXED
THE PICTURES

TO JANET VANDERPOOL,

AND I TOLD HER
ABOUT THE FELON

SHE’S GOT WORKING
IN HER ENGLISH DEPARTMENT.

AND I’VE CALLED THE POLICE

AND MY ATTORNEY,

AND THERE’S GOING TO BE
A FULL INVESTIGATION

OF ALL THE TIMES
YOU TOLD OBSCENE JOKES

IN FRONT OF YOUR CLASS

AND OF ALL THE TIMES

YOU FORCED SEX
ON YOUR STUDENTS!

FRANK,
THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS!

YOU’RE FUCKED!

YOU’RE FINISHED.

I CAME HERE
TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU,

TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED
IN VEGAS,

BUT THIS--THIS IS CRAZY!

I’M LEAVING.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[GROANS]

NOW GET OFF
MY PROPERTY!

OHH! I THOUGHT I WAS
GONNA CONTROL MYSELF.

IVERSON, YOU’VE GOT TO LEARN
TO CONTROL YOURSELF!

[FRANK GROANS]

Frank:
I HATE YOU, ASSHOLE!

Packard: NUTTER.

Packard: WELL,
AREN’T YOU INTERESTED

IN HEARING MY SIDE
OF THE STORY?

Janet: OH,
OF COURSE, PACKARD,

BUT WE WERE ABLE TO COME
TO A DECISION WITHOUT YOU.

WE’RE GONNA NEED YOU
TO SIGN A FEW PAPERS.

I DON’T CARE.

I DON’T GIVE
A SINGLE SHIT,

BUT YOU CAN’T SUSPEND ME
OR FIRE ME, BECAUSE I--

YOU QUIT?

I FEEL SORRY
FOR YOU, JANET,

BECAUSE YOU SPEND ALL DAY
IN YOUR IVORY TOWER

LOOKING OUT
OVER YOUR KINGDOM,

BUT YOUR THRONE
IS A CASTOFF CHAIR

THAT’S BEEN FARTED IN
BY 2 GENERATIONS

OF VAIN, FRUSTRATED
ADMINISTRATORS,

AND YOUR KINGDOM

IS A THIRD-RATE
PROVINCIAL COLLEGE

THAT HAS WHORED
ITSELF OUT TO THE WHIMS

OF ITS FICKLE,
IGNORANT STUDENTS.

OH, REALLY, PACKARD!

DON’T SAY THINGS NOW
THAT YOU WILL REGRET LATER.

SAM, I’M NOT
TALKING TO YOU,

SO KINDLY
SHUT THE FUCK UP.

JANET, THE TRUTH IS,

YOU’VE GROWN OLD
AND SOLD OUT.

YOU LIVE AND BREATHE
FRAUD AND HYPOCRISY,

AND YOU AND YOUR KIND
CHEATED THE STUDENTS

OF THEIR ONE OPPORTUNITY
OF LEARNING

BY GIVING THEM DIPLOMAS

I WOULDN’T WIPE
MY ASS WITH.

I UNDERSTAND
YOU’RE UPSET, PACKARD,

BUT THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE
THAT KIND OF TALK.

IT’S UNPROFESSIONAL.

OH, IT’S UNPROFESSIONAL?

I’LL SHOW YOU
UNPROFESSIONAL.

JANET,
IN THE VERNACULAR,

EAT ME!

[RADIO PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]

I’VE BEEN SHOT DOWN

HEY, LITTLE GIRL

I PLAY A GUITAR

I EVEN DRIVE

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

A BRAND-NEW CAR

BIG MAN IN TOWN

I’VE BEEN SHOT DOWN

WOWWH

THOUGHT
YOU WAS HAVING FUN

NOW SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE

CAN’T SHOW MY FACE
IN TOWN

’CAUSE I’VE BEEN
SHOT DOWN

[SQUEALING]

WOWWH

THOUGHT
YOU WAS HAVIN’ FUN

NOW SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE

CAN’T SHOW MY FACE
IN TOWN

’CAUSE I’VE BEEN
SHOT DOWN

HEY, LITTLE GIRL

I NEED YOU SO

IF YOU WANT MY LOVE

JUST LET ME KNOW

STOP RUNNIN’ AROUND

I’VE BEEN SHOT DOWN

[POLICE SIREN]

HELLO, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT?

VERY WELL,
THANK YOU.

BECAUSE YOUR CAR’S
PRETTY BADLY DAMAGED.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE
THERE ISN’T ANY PROBLEM.

OH, THAT’S
VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU.

THERE’S NO PROBLEM.

MIND DOING ME
A FAVOR, SIR?

COME OVER AND TALK TO ME
BY THE PATROL CAR.

72...64...56...48--

NOW BY 7s.

FROM WHERE?

FROM WHERE YOU ARE.

[SIGHS]

41...35...28...21--

OK, THAT’S ENOUGH.

APPROACH THE CAR.

HANDS IN FRONT,
PLEASE?

HERE’S THE STORY.

YOU DIDN’T DO WELL ENOUGH
FOR ME TO LET YOU GO.

I’M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE
YOU DOWN FOR A BLOOD TEST.

BUT, OFFICER,
I’VE HAD ONE BEER.

I’M NOT DRUNK.

THE RULE IS
IF IT’S DETECTABLE,

IT’S BOOKABLE--
ZERO TOLERANCE.

WELL, I HOPE YOU’RE
PLEASED WITH YOURSELF.

IT’S NOT THAT BAD.
IT’S NOT A FELONY.

THIS IS YOUR FIRST OFFENSE,
RIGHT?

THERE ISN’T
ANY OFFENSE.

YOU HAVEN’T CONVICTED ME
OF ANYTHING.

LOOK, MR. SCHMIDT,
IT’S NO BIG DEAL.

MOST JOBS WON’T FIRE YOU
FOR D.U.I.

THE JAIL PART
YOU CAN DO ON WEEKENDS.

THAT’S EASY.

AND YOU CAN GET
YOUR LICENSE BACK

IN A YEAR IF YOU GO
TO A.A. ONCE A WEEK.

I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.

THAT DOESN’T MATTER.
IT’S VERY IMPORTANT

TO TELL THEM
YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC.

THEY’LL GO EASIER
ON YOU.

THEY JUST HATE PEOPLE

WHO WON’T ADMIT
THEY’RE ALCOHOLICS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[CRYING]

SALLY.

Sally: HI.

HI.

HOW DID FRANK
GET THOSE PHOTOS?

WELL, I--I BROUGHT THEM
BACK TO GIVE TO HIM.

MAYBE THAT WAS
THE WHOLE POINT.

BUT THEN I FELT BAD,

’CAUSE I DIDN’T
WANNA HURT YOU,

SO I THREW ’EM AWAY,
BUT HE--

HE FOUND THEM ANYWAY.

DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?

I--I DON’T
UNDERSTAND.

WHAT DID FRANK
DO TO YOU?

I’M SO MISERABLE.

I--

I JUST WISH
I WERE DEAD.

NO, DON’T SAY THAT,
SALLY.

YOU WON’T DO ANYTHING
STUPID, WILL YOU?

WOULDN’T BE
THE FIRST TIME.

I LOVE YOU.

I JUST WISH I’D STAYED
AT WORK FOR CHRISTMAS.

I MEAN, AT LEAST
THERE YOU GET PAID

WHEN YOU GET FUCKED.

Woman: NO SWEARING
ON THE PHONE.

Sally: WHO WAS THAT?

OH, I’M IN JAIL.

WHY?

A D.U.I.

[LAUGHS]

YOU--YOU REALLY DO
HAVE SHIT FOR LUCK.

I HAVE TO
SEE YOU, SALLY.

I DON’T THINK
THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.

I HAVE TO
SEE YOU.

I--I GET OUT
TODAY.

I JUST CAN’T.

I’M SORRY.

[DIAL TONE]

[RINGS]

Frank, recorded: YOU’VE
REACHED THE IVERSON RESIDENCE.

LEAVE US A MESSAGE.

I’M GONNA GO AND GET
SOME TAKEOUT

FROM WONG’S,

AND WHEN I GET BACK,
I EXPECT THIS TREE

TO BE DRESSED

AND BEAUTIFUL.

[CHUCKLES]

IT’S NOT EVEN
CHRISTMAS ANYMORE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?

A TURD?

A PIECE OF SHIT

THAT YOU CAN SCRAPE
FROM YOUR SHOE

AND FORGET ABOUT?

DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU’VE BEEN UP TO,

THE GAMES
YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING?

TOYING WITH ME?

WELL, THAT’S
GOING TO STOP NOW.

YOU’RE MINE,

AND YOU’RE GOING
TO STAY MINE

UNTIL I DECIDE OTHERWISE.

YOU CHALLENGE ME,

I’LL WIN.

I ALWAYS DO.

AND DON’T TRY TO RUN AWAY,

’CAUSE I’LL COME AFTER YOU,

AND I’LL BRING YOU BACK.

HERE’S YOUR TREE.

HERE’S YOUR TREE.

ENJOY YOURSELF.

SALLY?

BE QUIET. BE QUIET.

[WHIMPERING]

AAH!

BE QUIET.

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

THAT’S R-I-M-B-A-U-D?

NO.

R-A-M-B-O.

YEAH. THAT’LL DO IT.

A LITTLE NERVOUS?

YEAH.

GET YOUR HAT.
LET’S GET READY.

YOU SHOULD BE
NERVOUS, YOU KNOW.

IT’S A BIG COMMITMENT,
MARRIAGE.

I’VE BEEN MARRIED
3 TIMES.

I DON’T PUT
THE GLUE ON ANYMORE.

IT SMELLS.
GIRLS DON’TLIKE IT.

OK.

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

THIS WAY.

YOU STAND
RIGHT OVER THERE.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

OH, THANKS.

OK...

LET’S SEE HERE.

DO YOU...

[MUSIC STOPS]

WHAT HAPPENED?

MUST’VE BLOWN A FUSE.

CAN YOU FIX IT?

GOT A FLASHLIGHT.

IT’S ATMOSPHERIC.

YEAH.

DO YOU PACKARD SCHMIDT

TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

I DO.

DO YOU SALLY IVERSON

TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR
LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

YES.

OK.

BRING THE RINGS, PLEASE.

GRAB HER HAND.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.

YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

OH, NO.
NOT--NOT ON THE LIPS.

WOW. BEAUTIFUL.

EVER TRY TO GET WORK AS
A TOM JONES IMPERSONATOR?

IMPOSSIBLE.

THIS TOWN, THIS COUNTRY,
IT’S ALL ABOUT ELVIS.

ELVIS, ELVIS, ELVIS.

MAKES ME SICK.

HE WAS A WEAK MAN.

FAT, WEAK COWARD.

YEAH.

NOW, TOM JONES,
HE’S THE ONE.

HE’S A REAL MAN.

HE’S THE REAL FUCKIN’ DEAL.

YOU NEVER SEE TOM JONES
ALL DOPED UP OUT OF HIS MIND,

LAYIN’ ON HIS BACK
IN SOME BED,

EATIN’ MASHED POTATOES
WITH HIS HANDS,

CRYIN’ FOR HIS MAMA.

MAMA.

MAMA.

NO.

NO, THEY DON’T CALL
TOM JONES THE KING, THOUGH.

UH-UH.

THEY DON’T PUT HIS FACE
ON A STAMP.

PERHAPS
WHEN HE’S DEAD,

HE’LL BE MORE
FULLY APPRECIATED.

NAH, HE’LL NEVER DIE.

PUSSY KEEPS A MAN YOUNG.
YOU KNOW THAT.

TOM JONES GETS MORE PUSSY
THAN THE KING OF ENGLAND.

HE’LL LIVE TO BE ABOUT 200.

LIKE MOSES.

EXACTLY, LIKE MOSES.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[RING]

HELLO.

HI, SAMANTHA. YEAH.

WE’RE JUST IN THE LIMO
ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT.

GOING TO HAWAII, YEAH.
YEAH. HA HA.

WELL, CAN’T IT WAIT TILL--
TILL WE GET BACK?

OK, I’LL ASK.

CAN WE STOP OFF
AND SEE A GIRLFRIEND OF MINE?

SHE WANTS TO GIVE US
OUR WEDDING PRESENT

BEFORE WE GO.

YES, OF COURSE.
I REMEMBER SAMANTHA.

OK. YEAH, YEAH,
WE’LL BE THERE IN A SECOND.

OK. BYE.

THAT’S ANOTHER STOP.

JUST A QUICK ONE.

FINE.

WAIT!

HI, SAMANTHA.

I’M SO SORRY.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I’M NOT GONNA LET
MY DAUGHTER MARRY A RAPIST.

YOU’RE A SICK MAN, FRANK!

GET BACK IN THAT CAR!

HEY! IN THE FRONT SEAT.

HEY, CLOWN,
PUT THE GUN AWAY.

DON’T TALK BACK.

Rambo:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

DON’T TALK BACK.

FRANK, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP IT.

THIS GUY’S NOT GONNA
SHOOT ANYBODY.

I KNOW A CARD
WHEN I SEE ONE.

WOULD YOU SHUT UP?

STOP THE CAR.

FRANK, THIS HAS
GONE FAR ENOUGH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DON’T STOP THE CAR.

KEEP MOVING, OR I’LL
SHOOT YOU, GODDAMN IT.

OH, YOU’RE NOT GONNA
SHOOT ANYBODY.

FRANK, YOU’RE A COACH,
NOT A MURDERER.

PUT THE GUN AWAY.

YOU DON’T THINK
I HAVE THE BALLS

TO KILL YOU, DO YOU?

I’M NOT SAYING THAT.
I AM.

WOULD YOU SHUT
THE FUCK UP?

LOOK, THE GUY’S SWEATING.

HE’S NOT GONNA KILL ANYBODY.
HE’S NEVER KILLED ANYBODY.

YOU THINK
I’M YELLOW, RIGHT?

YEP.

SHUT UP!

FRANK--

YOU DON’T THINK
I CAN DO IT, DO YOU?

YOU DON’T THINK I CAN!

WELL, WATCH THIS,
MR. SMART GUY!

OH, FRANK!
CHRIST!

[GUN JAMS]

Packard: JESUS!

[RATCHETING CHAMBER]

[GROANING]

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?!

IT’S A TOY GUN!

IT’S A PELLET GUN.

TAKES 5 DAYS
TO GET A REAL ONE.

FUCKING DEMOCRATS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT’S JUST LIKE
A COWARD

TO HAVE
A GODDAMN TOY GUN.

IT’S NOT A TOY GUN!

YOU CAN PUT SOMEONE’S EYE OUT
WITH ONE OF THESE!

IT SAYS SO
ON THE FUCKING BOX!

GET THE FUCK OUT
OF MY CAR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I’M GONNA SHOOT
YOUR EYE OUT!

Packard: DON’T BE
STUPID, FRANK.

Sally: YOU’RE FUCKING
DISGUSTING, FRANK!

I’M GONNA SHOOT
YOUR EYE OUT!

Packard: STAY AWAY.

Sally: WHAT IS
WRONG WITH YOU?

I’M GONNA SHOOT
YOUR EYE OUT!

FRANK!
YOU’RE DISGUSTING!

ALL RIGHT--

I’M GONNA SHOOT YOU
IN THE EYE.

FRANK!

TAKE IT EASY.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.

I’M LETTING GO.

YOU DON’T WANT
TO SHOOT ANYBODY.

JUST TAKE IT EASY.
JUST TAKE IT--

ALL RIGHT!

THAT’S NOT A REAL GUN!

YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE.

STAY BACK, SALLY!

I’M GONNA SHOOT
YOUR DICK OFF!

TAKE IT EASY NOW,
SALLY.

GET OFF OF ME!
GET OFF ME!

DROP THE GUN.

YOU DON’T WANT
TO SHOOT ANYBODY.

I’M GONNA SHOOT
HIS DICK OFF!

GET OUT OF THERE!

YOU’RE NOT GONNA--

[GUNSHOT]

[GUN COCKS]

200.

I’M GONNA SHOOT--

SHOTS FIRED.

ROLL MEDIC.
ROLL MEDIC.

I’M AT THE FREMONT EXPERIENCE.
FREMONT EXPERIENCE.

OFF!

DON’T TOUCH ME.
DON’T TOUCH ME.

WHY ARE YOU
TOUCHING ME?

HEY, SALLY, NO.

STOP IT!

HEY, SALLY,
THAT’S ENOUGH!

ROLL MEDIC.
ROLL MEDIC.

SHOTS FIRED.

POLICE!
PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA!

CLEAR THE AREA, PLEASE!
CLEAR!

FRANK?

FRANK.

I’M SORRY, SALLY.

I’M SORRY
ABOUT EVERYTHING.

[SNIFFLES]

WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?

I THINK I’LL HEAD WEST,

DRIVE SLOWLY,
TAKE THE BACK ROADS.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I HAVE SOME MONEY
FROM THE INSURANCE,

SO I’LL PROBABLY
TRAVEL, TOO.

I DON’T KNOW.

IF YOU’D LIKE,
YOU COULD COME WITH ME.

[CLEARS THROAT]

TO BE HONEST, SALLY,

I SUPPOSE NONE OF IT
SEEMED REAL SOMEHOW.

I ALMOST FORGOT.

KEEP IT.

NO, YOU’RE GONNA
NEED IT SOMEDAY

WHEN YOU FIND
THE RIGHT PERSON.

GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE, SALLY.

[RED MORNING BY DEVICS PLAYING]

STREAMS OF STREETS
THAT SEEM TO CHANGE YOU

BUT YOU KNOW
THEY’LL ALWAYS FIND YOU

NO ONE EVER
REALLY KNOWS YOU

IN LIGHT OF THE HEART

THAT BEATS
OVER YOUR HEAD

UNTIL YOU LISTEN TO IT

UNTIL YOU RUN
RIGHT TO IT

THERE’S NO RIGHT WAY
TO DO IT

IT’S THE LIGHT
OF THE HEART

THAT BEATS
OVER YOUR HEAD

TURN UP THE STEREO

I CAN’T HEAR
WHEN YOU TALK SO LOUD

I WANT TO GO
WHEREVER IT GOES

I WANT TO BE THERE

IN THE RED, RED,
RED, RED MORNING

I WANT TO BE THERE

IN THE RED,
RED MORNING

YOU FOUND PLACES
TO STIMULATE YOU

BUT YOU KNOW
THEY’LL NEVER CHANGE YOU

YOU COULD RUN FOREVER

AND FIND THAT THE HEART

STILL BEATS
OVER YOUR HEAD

TURN UP THE STEREO

I CAN’T HEAR
WHEN YOU TALK SO LOUD

I WANT TO GO
WHEREVER IT GOES

I WANT TO BE THERE
IN THE RED MORNING

[SONG ENDS]

[NEW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC BEGINS]