Easy Living (1937) - full transcript

- Good morning sir.
- Same to you.

- Well, well, well, well.
- Oh, I beg your pardon sir.

- Good morning sir.
- Good morning.

- Good morning sir.
- Good morning.

Oh, you shouldn't have black
cats in the house, it's bad luck.

Oh sir, your trousers.

I see you're down early
for breakfast this morning sir.

Give me your hand.

- Graves, Graves, where are you? Come here.
- Coming Mr.Ball.

What's the matter with the old garbage can?

- Somebody stole it Mr. Ball.
- Oh, nothing is safe.



I thought I just bought you a
new car a couple of months ago.

I turned it in as a down payment on the
Lugatti and they're getting kind of restless.

Tell the chef the world isn't made of butter.

You mean to tell me you
turned in a perfectly good...

free and clear paid up
American car for a foreign jalopy?

Tell him to try lard.

- Oh but Mr. Ball, the chef says that...
- That's all right what the chef says.

Tell him he can fry an egg very
nicely in lard, tell him I said so.

I told you 9,000 times, never to
buy anything on time payments.

- Even a, even a cat should understand that.
- Certainly should.

I'll tell you why.
How much did you pay for the car?

11,000 dollars.

So you paid 11,000 dollars
for a secondhand Spagotti.

Now, wait a minute.



I've waited for 20 years to find out
that I was the father of a butterfly.

A mutton head.

Oh, I think you're being
slightly offensive Father.

Oh, you think I'm offensive, do you?
Well, let me tell you something.

If anybody called me
a loafer and a parlor snake...

I'd knock their block off, even
if it was my own grandfather.

Well, we don't do
that to our grandfathers these days.

Take it away.

What your grandfather would've
done to you is nobody is business.

I remember when I was about your age.

I was out all night
playing, see? And when I...

Well, I'll put 1,000 dollars
to your account in the bank.

- Don't bother.
- Eh?

I said don't bother.

I'm very grateful for the room
and board but not at these prices.

The cooking isn't good enough.

- The cooking isn't good enough.
- No.

Graves, where are you? Come here.

- The cooking isn't good enough.
- And I tell you something else...

that isn't good enough,
it's being a banker's son.

Everybody is thinking you're a fool
who couldn't make a nickel on his own.

A nincompoop living on his father's charity.

Oh pooh, I was a banker's son
and up until I was 26 years old...

- I was just as dumb as you are.
- Yes, indeed sir.

But after a while all the fat
fell off my brains and I...

Say, how old are you?

Old enough to earn a very good living without
any help from you or your sneering friends.

And if any of my sneering friends ever gave
you a job, I'd have their head examined.

That's what you think, I'm
going to make you eat those words.

- That's all you'll be eating.
- Possibly.

- Probably.
- Right.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yes sir.

Here, you'd better take this with...

- What is this?
- Madam told me to give it to you sir.

Jenny, Jenny, where are you?

- Oh, hiding, eh?
- I am not hiding.

What do you mean by buying another fur coat?

You want me to look nice, don't you?

After all, the wife of
the fourth biggest banker...

I beg your pardon, the third biggest banker.

- Well, the third biggest banker.
- Yes...

and you know well enough
I'm the third biggest banker.

What's the matter with the
other fur coats you got?

Why, I haven't any to speak of
and besides, they're out of style.

Out of, how can a fur coat get out of style?

A skunk smells the same
today as he did in 1906.

- Now, where is it?
- I won't tell you.

Jenny, you're being
very childish in this matter.

All I've got to do is open these doors.

Here, wait a minute.

Holy smoke.

Well, what about this one? What about?

What about this one?

That, that, that's Kolinsky.

Well, I guess you got me Jenny.

- You're not as smart as people think you are.
- Oh, that's right, that's right.

I think I'll take this
Kolinsky for a consolation.

- You give me that coat.
- Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, just...

Here.

Jenny, bring that coat back.

Jenny.

Jenny, open this door.

Jenny, give me that,
give me that coat or I...

Open this...

You're making yourself very
ridiculous, now open the door.

Jenny.

Oh, nobody thinks
of my blood pressure at all.

Jenny.

Have a good morning sir.

Good morning Joseph, Justin
or whatever your name is.

- I beg your pardon Martin.
- Yes madam.

Jenny, can I speak with you a moment my love?

Jenny, pardon me Martin, Jenny.

Just a minute my dear.

Jenny, coming.
Oh, throwing things again, eh? Jenny.

Jenny, Jenny. Oh, it's you.

- Did you see Mrs. Ball up here?
- No, no sir.

- Did she tell you to say that?
- Yes sir.

- But, but I, I mean...
- You mean, I know what you mean.

Jenny.

Now that you've made us both look ridiculous.

But I tell you Mr. Zickel
won't take it back, he told me so.

- They were especially grown in Russia.
- Give it to me.

Juny, you can't get your money back.

You'll have to pay for it,
this simply isn't a thing.

Hand it over, hand it over.

Well, now that you've got it, what
are you going to do with it, eat it?

I'll show you what I'll do with it.

- Say, what's the big idea anyway?
- Kismet.

Watch your step please.

- Pleasant day sir.
- You think so?

- Listen to me, you.
- What?

- Do you want me to fry in lard?
- Well, what about it?

Go and fry yourself
in lard, you dirty capitalist.

Why, you...

Fry yourself in lard.

Charles, did you drop a fur coat?

- No miss, not here.
- Oh, thank you.

- Where did you find it?
- Find what? How do I know it's yours?

Well, look at the label and see if it
doesn't say AB Zickel and Company.

You work for a living?

Yes, that's right, all right.
What? Why, of course I do.

Why, why, I don't see
what business that is of you.

- Say, look what you did to my hat.
- You own a fur coat?

- No, I don't but I still don't...
- That's where you're wrong.

You own that one, happy birthday.

- Now, just a minute Santa Claus.
- Eh?

- What's the matter with it? Ls it hot?
- I don't know, I've never worn one.

- What kind of fur is it anyway?
- Zebra, anything else you want to know?

Yes. I'd like to know how you get...

Let me give you a piece of
advice young lady, don't be to wise,

Don't think you know all the answers.

Things have been done
for people, many nice things.

Remember that. Well, what do you want?

Say, could you lend me 10 cents?

- Lend you? Of course I can.
- It's pay day and I...

forgot when I got off that
it was my last dime and I...

Well, of course, if you're short...

Of course I'm not short,
don't be silly, you mean to take a bus?

Well, what's the matter with this bus?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, hop in, hop in.

- The Boys' what?
- The Boys' Constant Companion.

- Very well madam.
- It's a magazine for boys.

Yeah? I never heard of it.

- We have over a million readers.
- Well, you haven't got me.

- Stop at a hat shop.
- Yes sir.

Oh no, really, you mustn't do that...

That's terribly sweet of you but I
haven't got time and anyway my goodness...

Well, if I can keep waiting
what's waiting for me, I guess the...

Boys' Constant Reminder
can wait a few minutes also.

- Companion boys' Constant Companion.
- All right, companion.>

Yeah. You know,
I was going to buy a fur coat.

You can get them for 2 dollars a
week and one percent on the balance.

- One percent a month?
- Yes, isn't it wonderful.

- How they can do it for so little?
- So little? That's 25% a year.

No, one percent a month is 12% a year.

You of course, don't know who I am,
but I'm very good at computing interest.

Well, I'm sure you are, but...

having passed through high school myself...

I think I can safely say that
one percent a month is...

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You owe $100, you're paying off at the
rate of 2 dollars a week or $8 dollars...

- 66 and two thirds cents a month.
- You mean 8 dollars a month.

- There are four weeks in a month, you know.
- I beg your pardon madam.

There are four and one third weeks in a month
otherwise we'd only have 48 weeks in a year.

- You mean leap year?
- No, no, I don't mean leap year.

If I meant leap year
I would've said leap year.

At the end of six months
you would've paid 52 dollars...

- But you're still paying...
- Twelve percent.

At the end of 49 weeks you will
have paid everything but 2 dollars...

so you're paying 600%.

You know, you don't have to get
mad just because you're so stupid.

Don't talk to me like...

You don't seem to understand...

- What do you mean I...
- that 12 times one can't possibly be 600...

- All right, all...
- Twelve times one is 12.

- All, all, all...
- I don't want to be rude, but I mean I...

should think a small child
would be able to understand that...

All right, let's forget all about it.

- Right.
- Right.

- This isn't mink, is it?
- Eh?

- Of course it is, that's Levinsky.
- You mean Kolinsky?

Why, you shouldn't be
giving away a real Kolinsky.

I'll tell you, we'll
look at it another way now.

A farmer borrows 100 cows, you understand?

He borrows 100 cows.

- Now, how much did the farmer pay?
- Twelve cows.

- Well, don't you like this one either?
- I do not, looks like a salt shaker.

- Well, we think it's very recherche.
- That's the trouble with it.

Oh, what's this?

We, we prefer to handle these ourselves.

Yourself.

- Brute.
- Try this.

- Oh fur.
- Why, that's genuine sable.

Let's try it with the coat.

- Now you're talking.
- Oh?

Oh, I haven't any money with me but...

- Well, of course...
- Here's my card.

- And send me the bill.
- Yes.

Come on.

Oh, will you put my old hat in a bag please?

- A bag?
- Yeah.

Why, my dear, we'll send it to you
in a Rolls Royce and the address?

Mary Smith, 725 West 112th Street.

- Come on, I've got to get to work.
- A bag?

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- You get that coat?

My dear, you don't realize,
that was the Bull of Broad Street.

A what?

The Bull, the Bull.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- And keep the moths out of Levinsky.
- I will.

I don't know how to thank you mister,
mister. You didn't tell me your name.

Oh, excuse me, I'm so sorry.

Good morning Miss Swerf. Oh,
I know I'm late but I'll stay and make it up.

Pretty, isn't it?

Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning.

Hello.

Ladies and gentlemen please.

No, no, no, no. Ball.
JB Ball himself, in person.

The Bull of Broad Street.

With a girl, in the sablest
sable coat they ever sabled.

Well, wherever there's smoke
there must be somebody smoking.

Mary Smith. Now, don't breathe a word
of it to a soul, not even a soupcon.

Toodlee-oo.

You expect us to believe Miss
Smith, that a complete stranger...

- having dropped a valuable mink coat...
- Oh, it isn't mink, it's Kolinsky.

Mink or Kolinsky, whatever that is.

- It's mink.
- It is not mink.

Well, I ought to know mink. My
mother had a little tibbet...

- It is not mink.
- It does not really matter.

The thing that does matter is that...

- you expect us to believe...
- Well, I know it's terribly unusual...

- and I suppose if anybody told me that...
- It's most unusual.

- So unusual, in fact, that...
- This is a boys' magazine, you know...

Well, what about it?

The Boys' Constant Companion regrets

- that it will no longer require your...
- Now, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Now, I tell you...

You see, I didn't want you to
know that I was so extravagant.

And I suppose it was awfully
foolish of me to try to tell you...

I'm no good at making up stories at all.

You see, I bought the
coat out of my own savings.

Yes and I thought that you'd think that I...

That, well, so, well, that's why I was late.

- Where did you buy it?
- Zickel's.

And how much did you pay for it?

Well I, I don't see why I
should've to tell you...

- That coat cost $400 if it cost a...
- It did not, it cost...

- it cost 162.79.
- Now we're getting somewhere.

- Give me Zickel's Fur Store please.
- Well I, I...

Oh I, I don't know really
if it cost exactly $162.79.

- You see, it's the first fur coat...
- Did you sell a Kolinsky this morning.

- Well, anybody is liable to make a mistake.
- For...

- 162 dollars 79 cents?
- They had loads of prices there.

You did not? Nothing under 500?
Thank you very much indeed.

I believe that's all Miss Smith.

As I said before, the ethical requirements
of the Boys' Constant Companion are...

Well, it did hit me on the head.

Just be careful you don't
get hit by a diamond bracelet.

He didn't tell me his name, he gave me a hat.
Now, you feeble minded old fool.

Quick, here she comes.

- Oh, I'm glad to hear feeling better John.
- Thank you sir.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Get Mrs. Ball for me, good morning.
- Pardon me.

Mr. Ball just arrived, he
wants to talk to Mrs. Ball on the phone.

- How's your wife this morning Graves?
- Very good sir.

- And how's that new baby coming along?
- Good morning Mr. Ball.

- Good morning.
- Having a little misery this morning Mr. Ball.

Oh, that's too bad.

Here are these
Consolidated bonds you asked for.

What you say about Mrs. Ball?

I said Mrs. Ball is already
left the house, she's gone to Florida.

She says you don't need fur coats in Florida,
she said all you need in Florida

- is a bathing suit and an amiable...
- All right, all right.

Anybody waiting for me?

Mr. Louis is waiting Mr. Ball.

- At 11:30 you have a meeting with...
- Mr. Who?

Mr. Louis Louis, you know, Hotel Louis.

- At 11 o'clock you have a meeting with the Con...
- Oh, he is, is he? Well, send him right in.

At 11 o'clock you have a meeting
with the Consolidated National.

At 12 o'clock the delegation from Peru...

12:30, lunch at the
Bankers' Club with Mr. Van Astorbilt.

- Very important.
- All right, all right.

Don't forget to be back here at 2:30.

- Mr. Louis.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- You may go in now.
- No, no, no. Just a minute, just a minute.

Rabbit's feets.

- Mr. Louis Mr.Ball.
- Thank you.

- Take your hat off.
- Oh, excuse me.

Well Mr. B, the bonds are
due today, so here I am.

Johnny on the spots.

That's fine, but you don't have to bother me.

Go downstairs to the window
marked loans, the big window.

Mr. B, you and I just get along like this.

- Just like Mike and Ike.
- Did you come here to pay or what?

Yes, I come here to pay my respects,
because in the whole world of financials...

Listen you, you're three years
behind on your first mortgage...

two years behind on your second,
and one year behind on your third.

Mr. B, what do I know about such things?

The Hotel Louis must
succeed because it is the best.

Excuse me. Now think...

Think of my Roast Veal a la JB Ball.

Yeah, yeah, everybody knows
you're the finest cook in the world.

But you don't know anything about business.

Now you get back into that kitchen
where you belong, you'd be better off.

Now you're foreclosed.

- I'm doing you a favor.
- Oh Mr.B please, give me six months.

Oh, not on your tintype.

- Well, just give me six weeks.
- I'll give you a week.

- What can I do in a week?
- All right, I won't give you a week.

All right, I'll take a week,
bye bye, I must go, I'm in a hurry.

What you going to do?

Well, I don't know, but I
got a week to do within.

Down. Oh, excuse please.

How can such a phenomenon be a flop?

Louis.

Louis.

You might, this might be a little
bit more comfortable, I'll...

Pardon me. Louis.

- Louis, Louis.
- What is it? What is it?

Louis, who you suppose
was in my salon this morning?

- What I suppose was in your salon?
- Yeah.

What I need is something in my salon,

Something like a,
like a convention and quick.

You'll never guess.

All right, all right,
I'll play a riddle with you, who?

- The Bull of Broad Street.
- Who?

- The Bull of Broad Street, with a chicken.
- Chickens, bulls, what do I care?

You don't mean the Ball of Bull Street?

- That's just what I'm trying to tell you.
- With his wife?

- With a dancing partner.
- You got the dope?

The dame's name?
The hangout? Etcetera, etcetera...

I have, but I haven't the slightest
idea of parting with a scrap of it.

Mr. Van Burens, with a
little corruption from you...

the curfew shall not rang
next week. Oh, thank you, thank you.

I'm sorry Wafford.

- I'm sorry sir.
- How many times I told you not to creep?

- There's a Miss Smith to see you Mr. Louis.
- What? What?

Why don't you say so? Get out of my way.

- Yes sir.
- Where is my coat tail?

- Here.
- Boy.

- Get me a flower.
- Yes sir.

How can you think
of girls at a time like this?

Girls, girls, girls. She's the girlfriend
of our first, second and third mortgage.

- What's the matter with you?
- Eh?

She's got to live here, with little Smithy in
the house, not even a monster can foreclose.

What's the matter with
you? You think I'm a stiff?

- Ye, no sir.
- Put it back in the icebox.

Yes sir.

Meet me Gurney, this
is the last cheese in the trap.

- Miss Smith?
- Yes.

A pleasure, sit down, sit down.

Oh, excuse me my liberty of
sending you myself, a telegram.

You look exactly as I
thought, only 100% much better.

Well, thank you very much.

I don't know how you ever heard of me

- but I'm sure we'd get along all right.
- Miss Smith, I am a man like this.

I don't beat around the
bush to come in the back door.

I tell you, this is where you
belong and this is where you got to be.

Well, I'm perfectly willing.
I don't ask very much and...

Until you have lived
in the Hotel Louis, you ain't.

- I have to live here?
- I insist please do me a favor.

- And now, take a peek, eh?
- At what?

This way, I'll show you. This way, after you.

This way please, this way.

- The Imperial suit.
- Yes sir.

Excuse me please.

First reception rooms, nice, eh?

Second reception room, the kitchen.

For hanging pictures, very handy.

Excuse please.

Third reception room.

Oh, excuse me.

Main saloon.

Fireplace, it makes it more homey.

Piano.

- You tickle the ivories?
- Oh, I, I...

It needs tuning.

- Some joint, eh?
- Yeah.

For everything you wish, we anticipate.

Even before you think. Now look, service.

There.

New, everything new.

Excuse me, this way.

Four reception room.

Oh, kitchen.

I knew it was hanging around here someplace.

- Gas box.
- What?

They tell me it works with
gas, but I don't believe it.

First bedroom, hotsie, eh?

There. Yes, invisibles.

Fifth reception room.

Undressing room.

Two-way mirrors.

Every other hotel is got three.

Wait.

Plunge.

- What's it for?
- For wash.

Golly.

- Gymnasium.
- Oh, what's that?

- A horse.
- A horse?

Excuse please.

Let's be getting some fun.

- Nice fellow.
- Yeah.

Excuse please.

Now at last, but not least. Excuse. Now.

Your bedroom.

- My bedroom?
- Nice place to flop, eh?

- Couldn't you be cozie here?
- Well, yes, it's cozy all right but...

But I don't think I understand,
how much would you pay me?

- How much would I pay you? For what?
- Well, for, for whatever it is?

Don't you think you should pay
me a little bit of somethings?

- For what?
- For what?

For what I just show you, the dining room,
the kitchen, the bedroom, the, the horse.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Are you trying to rent me this little number?

Exacts.

- Is that why you sent for me?
- Certainly.

I think you've got the wrong Smith.

- You think so?
- I'm sure of it.

- Just a minute, just a minute Mary Smith?
- Yeah.

- West 112th Street?
- Yes.

You bought a hat this morning?

- Yes.
- Oh, you're the right Smith.

- But how did you know?
- This is where you belong.

A beautiful young girl like you
is got to have a background.

This is what you call a background.

I should say it is.

No matter where you look, you'll never
find another background goes so far back.

You're right Mr.Louis, but
look, I couldn't afford even the...

I couldn't afford any of it.

Just a minute, just a minute. That's what
you think my dear young lady, but I'll...

tell you something confidentials.

The management will make some concessions.

That's awfully sweet
of you Mr. Louis, but even if you...

- We'll meet you more than halfway.
- Look, even if you came the whole way,

- it wouldn't make...
- Listen, listen, listen.

- What are you paying now?
- 7 dollars.

No, no, no, I said what are
you paying now? I mean rent, rent.

- 7 dollars.
- 7 dollars?

Seven.

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven?
- Yes, with breakfast, one egg.

Oh, let me see,
seven times seven, 56. Minus...

- My dear young lady, could you make it...
- Not seven times seven Mr. Louis.

One times seven, 7 dollars a week.

- A week?
- With breakfast.

Oh, one egg.

7 dollars a week with a gymnasium.

You're driving a hard
bargain my dear young lady.

7 dollars a week.

- But Mr. Louis, I don't...
- It is yours.

- But I don't want...
- It is yours.

You want breakfast? You got it.

- But look, I wouldn't...
- I, I want you here.

One egg, two eggs, three eggs. Ostrich eggs.

What do I care? I'll send a
truck and move you immediate.

You can't, I owe for the week.

Well, well, well, we'll pay it.

- Why? Why? Why?
- Why? I'll tell you why.

I don't beat around the back door
to come down in the coal chutes.

Come here please, come here.

- You see them lights going on and off?
- Yes.

That's bellboys.

They switch the switches, so the people
don't know that my hotel is a fizzle.

- Now, that's of course strictly confidential.
- Oh, what a shame Mr. Louis.

But with you here, anyway I have
some legitimate lights in my towers.

- Oh, I see what you mean.
- You can do also me a little favor too.

- What?
- The next time you see Mr. Ball...

Mr. who?

Oh, I'm sorry, I, I
shouldn't have mentioned names.

The next time you see that
certain party without the name...

will you tell him what a
beautiful layout we have here...

what a beautiful, classy
service we have here?

Will you tell him, that under no
circumstances, you will not move?

Tell who?

- That certain party, you know...
- But where?

Wherever it does the most good.

Oh, you mean you want me to boost your hotel?

That's the exact word, I could
not have said that in 10 years.

- Boost it in the right place and soon.
- Well, I'll do my best Mr. Louis.

- And loud.
- Loud?

- And how.
- Yeah and how.

Golly.

Thank you.

If I hadn't seen it,
I wouldn't have believed it.

I've seen a lot of things today,
I never would've believed.

Yeah.

- Haven't I seen you somewhere?
- I don't think so.

I didn't get to the Waiters' Ball this year.

Oh, neither did I. Were you at
the Junior League dance?

Were you at Mrs. Astor's on Thursday?

- No, I couldn't get away in time.
- Oh too bad.

- It couldn't have been nicer.
- Really?

Were you in Palm Beach in February?

- Were you in St. Moritz, Christmas?
- No, I couldn't make that either.

Well, I couldn't make it
either, so I guess we haven't met.

By the way, I hear the beefsteak
pie is magnificent, six nickels.

- With three nickels more you can get a...
- Oh, shut up.

Sorry.

Thought part of my job
would be to suggest things.

Yes, well if you can suggest where to get the
nine nickels, I might take your suggestion.

Otherwise, don't go around putting
ideas into people's mouths.

I'm sorry,
what's the matter? Haven't you any...

- Listen.
- You and again.

- You go over to that Hot Dish window...

Hotch kiss window? What's the matter?
You got something wrong with your teeth?

I said, Hot dish window smartie.

You go over there and pick out what you like
see and I'll go in back and work the gag.

I'm allowed in the back.

- Say, what are you trying to do?
- Land us all in the jug?

I'll put the nickels in when I get paid
and you can pay me back sometime.

I'm not that hungry.

Don't be a sucker sister,
that beef pie is a wow.

Suppose they see you?

Well, I'll say the gag was stuck, now
go on, I'll meet you behind the grapefruit.

No, no, waiter wait.

Is everything all right?

Everything is hunky-dory,
I'll see you at the beef pies.

- The door stuck, I mean, gag isn't working.
- Neither are you buddy, come on.

- Now listen, don't start pushing me around.
- Don't get hard, I'm not as soft as I look.

- Oh, you think so?
- I think so.

Hey, food, food.
Come on folks, right here for food.

All free food, let's go.

- Hey, wait a minute, that's my food.
- I just put that there.

- Hey listen, that's mine.
- Hire a hall, it's mine.

- You mean, you mean, you, you lost your job?
- Well, there wasn't any...

There wasn't any future to it anyway.
Slave for 20 years and you're...

- You're still behind the nut salad.
- I know, but that's awful, that's terrible.

- Have you got any money saved up?
- Money? No.

Now, you see?

When you're working you
ought to save your money and then...

- when you're resting you can eat.
- Like you.

No, not like me.

When you're hungry, no busboy is
going to lose his job trying to feed you.

- Yes, there's something in that.
- More than meets the eye.

- Have you got a place to sleep?
- Oh sure, sure.

- Where?
- I have a Park Avenue...

What?

- Park Avenue.
- Ah, in the park.

In the park. Well, supposing
a guy does go in the park and...

Well, I think you'd better come up
to the Louis and we'll talk it over.

The Louis? Ok.

- You live at the Louis?
- Sure.

- Then what were you doing in the Automat?
- Eating.

Oh?

- Kitchings.
- Wait a minute.

Just why did he want you to live here?

He said the lights in
his tower were illegal and...

if I came and lived
here it would be all right or...

something or other, I
didn't really know what he meant.

- Gas box.
- A what?

It runs by gas but we don't believe it.

Boy's bedroom, hotsies, eh?

Are you sure he didn't say anything else?

He said I should put in a good word
for the place with anybody I met...

and you're the first person I
met, so I brought you right over.

Look, invisibles, glass to you.

Fifth...

You know, he did say something about
telling somebody something or other but...

then he said he shouldn't mention names
and he was sorry or something, I don't know.

Who?

Mr. Louis, you know I think the guy is crazy.

No, no, no, no, no. What name did he mention
and then say that you shouldn't mention?

Well, he said, Bull.

- Bull.
- Yeah.

That's funny, my name is Ball.

- That's funnier still.
- What?

- That was it.
- That was what?

- That was the name he said.
- Ball?

- To bed so early sir?
- Oh, what is it to you?

There's nothing
like it sir, for a dull night.

- Will that be all sir?
- What did she take with her?

Twelve trunks sir, 17 suitcases,
three jewel boxes and an umbrella sir.

Why an umbrella in Florida?

Oh, we thought it ill
advised sir, would that be all sir?

- My son come in yet?
- Not yet sir.

- What did he take with him?
- He took nothing sir, nothing at all.

- Fathead.
- Sir?

I said my son was a fathead.

Indeed sir? He had escaped us sir.

- Will that be all sir?
- No sir, I mean yes...

Pack me a bag and take it down to the club.

- This place is getting clammy.
- Yes sir.

No, wait a minute, I've changed
my mind, the club is deader than this is.

Take the bag to the Ritz.

- Very good sir.
- No, no. Wait a minute, wait, wait.

- You better take it to the Hotel Louis.
- Certainly sir.

- The Hotel Louis, you know?
- Yes sir.

Louis will drop dead.

- Find anything?
- No.

Well, he said it was to wash in
but I don't know what you'd wash in it.

An elephant.

Doesn't she look silly standing up
there with her hands sticking out?

- I guess she doesn't know either.
- Doesn't know what?

What it's for.

What you doing?

Well, I thought for a moment that this
might have something to do with it.

Just turn it off.

Turn it off.

- Elephants, eh?
- Well.

- What's that?
- A buzzer.

Oh, oh, they mustn't find
you here, hide someplace. Hide.

I, I can't get out.

Oh?

Oh, don't be frightened
Miss Smith, only me. Just take the fan.

- Oh. Oh, hello.
- Hello.

Just pour yourself into
these dear and fall in a faint.

My dear, I want you to try these on
without any obligation whatsoever.

After all, you know, you're
practically my discovery.

- All right.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

You know, is
something awfully phony about this.

Are you just beginning to find that out?

What you mean you won't publish
it in your column Mr. Wallace?

In the second place it is the truth
and in the third place she lives here.

Right here in the Hotel Louis, the
roundabouts of the bong tong.

I don't know who
you got living here but I tell you...

the old man don't buy fur coats for dames.

If anybody knew, it would be me, wouldn't it?

I'm telling you
she is, he does, but you don't.

- I don't what?
- You don't know what's going on in New York.

- I don't know what's going on in New York.
- You just ain't up to date.

- I just ain't up to...
- You just lost a grips.

- Listen, you greasy little hamburger...
- Hamburger.

Mr. Ball is at the desk Mr. Louis.

Mr. B... Yes.

How long does it take
to get a room in this shebang?

- Oh Mr.B. You are a sight for eyesore.
- Eh?

- I want a room with a bath.
- Room with a bath.

Now, let me see, the
Imperial Suite is already occupied.

Give me the key of the Royal.

I don't want the Royal.
I want a room with a bath.

All right, give me the key
of the Prince of Pilsen Suite.

I don't want the Prince's
Suite, I want a room with a bath.

But a room with a bath
cannot be up in the tower.

Well, what I want to be in the tower for?

You don't mean to tell me you don't
want to be near the Imperial Suite?

What for?

- Give me a plain double room.
- With a bath.

Naturally, with a bath, you don't
think we use the rain barrel, do you?

Excuse me, just a jokes.

After you Mr. B.

It is an unexpected pleasure
to have you here Mr. B.

I just moved in for the funeral.

Yes, it's the last corpse
who laugh the longest.

Mr. Louis, I was just looking for you.

What?

- Oh, hello, hello Santa Claus.
- How do you do?

- How you getting along?
- All right.

You know each other, eh?
Well, well, well. Yes.

- You live here?
- Yes.

Yes, I do Mr.Louis
made me a very special rate.

- With breakfast.
- Yes, one egg.

Oh, that's what I want to
talk to you about Mr. Louis.

I was wondering if I could have the
egg now instead of in the morning?

- You mean now?
- Yes.

Don't you think supper be a better idea?

- Oh, I don't think I'm entitled to supper.
- Entitled, she entitled?

You name it and we'll wrestle her up quick.
Ernest, Ernest, take an order. Now.

Now, I should think you should've...

You should've now, here now,
a little snack of Lobster Financier?

No, no, no. Not at all.

- Have you any guinea hen?
- Yes.

- Breast of guinea hen on Westphalian ham.
- Guinea hen...

Oh, what I am thinking about? Naturally.
And a little salad with orange and avocado.

No, no, endive and beetroot.

And don't forget the
truffles with the guinea hen.

Endive and beetroots? Yes, that's
right, but may I make a suggestion?

A little bottle of
1923 Mums, don't you think?

No, I do not. I think she should
have George Goulet, 1919.

- With guinea hen?
- You heard me.

And a bomb surprise for the end.
You are good and hungry now, yes?

Yes, yes, I am.

Now Ernest, serve for two
up in the Imperial Suite.

- And make it snappy.
- Yes sir.

- Please, take care of it. Ninth floor.
- Yes sir.

Hello, City Desk?

Kill that Leisendorf blessed
event and lead off with...

What leading international financier...

make that Flash, what
leading international gone pfoof...

with his wife
over a beautiful gal at the Hotel Louis?

- Take the lady to the Imperial Suite.
- Yes sir.

- What was that young lady's name?
- Of course, that yo...

- Mary Smith.
- Smith?

- Exacts.
- I thought it was Jones.

What a diplomat?

That's one of the
finest suppers I ever supped.

No, that's not right. Yes, it's too, supped.

You know, it's just
like Arabian Nights or something...

except you don't look
much like Prince Charming.

You know, we used to have a chef years
ago that could fix guinea hen just like that.

It's one of my father's
favorite dishes, poor old father.

Say, he must've been pretty rich at one time.

- Who?
- Your father.

- I mean, to have a chef and all like that.
- Oh?

Oh yes.

- Has he been dead long?
- Who? The chef? No.

I think he went back to Bulgaria
or Romania or someplace.

No, no, I mean your father.

Did I say he was dead?

Well, well, you said poor old father.

Well, you don't have to be
dead to be poor old father.

Or you don't even have to be poor.

- I suppose you don't have to be old either.
- Not so terribly.

Well, I wouldn't go around saying, poor old
father and squeezing sympathy out of people.

I wasn't trying to squeeze any sympathy.

I should think a fellow has a right to
think of his folks once in a while...

- so when I said poor old father...
- What you going to look for?

- I said, when I said, poor old father...
- In the morning, what kind of a job?

Oh?

Oh, I don't know, what do you suggest?

Well, I'd, I'd aim a little higher I think.

Wouldn't do any harm, you know.

Can't you do anything besides wait on table?

I can't even wait on table.

All I know is how to take the dishes off.

Didn't you study to be anything?

Anything like what?

Like a, like a dentist or something.

Well, how did you expect to while
away the hours after you grew up?

I didn't have to study to do that.

In training I've whiled
away an hour in 26 minutes flat.

Of course, I always had a dream that
one day I'd be able to do it in 25, but...

I remember there was a fellow in college
called Underdunk who had the longest legs...

Oh, shut up.

Come to think of it, it wasn't
Underdunk, it was Overdunk.

You know, I'm awfully glad
you came into the Automat.

So am I.

- Good night.
- Night.

Say...

What leading international
financier has gone pfoof...

with his wife over a beautiful girl and
followed her over to the Hotel Louis?

Many things are clear today
which previously were murky.

- Over to where?
- I said over to the Hotel Louis.

It's simply swarming with bankers.

- What's the matter with this hotel?
- It isn't fashionable dear.

You will notice when JB Ball wants to
peccadillo, he doesn't pick it here.

He goes over to the Hotel Louis.

Hello, hello, hello...

Hello, hello...

Hello, yes, this is me.

This is the V16 Company of America.

Do you want to what? Did I ever what?

Oh no, of course I've never driven
one. No, no, we had a Saxon, yes.

Yes, well, I suppose they are different.

Well, what do you
want to do that for? Oh, well...

I'll take your word for it.

Yes, but look, even if I did
want it, what would I use for?

Oh but mister you...

Look please, you don't...

Yeah, I know but I, yeah.

Well, all right. All right.

Yes, you can put two chauffeurs
in it if it'll make you happy.

Pink. Well, well, any color you like.

All right, all right. Goodbye.

Yes? Yes, this is Miss Smith.

Well, well, just fine.
How did you sleep? Who?

Well, you'll have to say it again.
Cart what? Oh, Corray, yes, yes.

Yeah, I got it.

Oh no, no, I haven't any of those, I'm sorry.

You make... You make what?

Yes well, that's wonderful. That's, that's
lovely but I don't want any jewelry. No. No.

Wait a minute.

Yes? Yes. Yes, this is me.

Please please don't do that, how do you know
I'm honest? Maybe I'll run away with them.

No, I don't want a,
I've already got a fur coat.

Look...

I said I want to take a bath.

Look, if you just
give me a chance to wake up.

I said I want to brush my teeth.
All right, all right. Oh. All right.

Good morning, good morning, morning.

Good morning, all for you.

- Oh, good morning.
- All for you, all for you.

- Answer the phone, will you please?
- Hello, this is the Smith residence.

Tell him I'm canning some fruit.

The missus, I, I mean, the
missus has gone hunting.

No, the hunting with hounds
on a horse, I beg your pardon?

No, I said an horse, an equine, you know.

What do you mean how big a suite?

She gets what we give.

Hello? No, no, no, we don't give
any information from the customers.

What kind of a dump you think this is?

Mary Smith.

Here, here. When a man takes
the trouble to come here...

Please please please please.

- Hello?
- Hello, hello, hello, is this you Louis?

This is Mrs. JB Ball.

I want some information.

I'm sorry madam,
but I think you got the wrong Louis.

Did you have a pleasant night Mr. Ball?

- Mr. B, good morning, I want...
- Good morning.

That certain party call up
but I give her the bum steers.

- What?
- The storm and strife.

She just give me a buzz
but I got her entirely mystified.

Well, you've got me entirely mystified too.

Cocktail waitress, $12 and tips.

Oh. Must've curves.

- Well, you got them, haven't you?
- Oh, thank you Johnny.

Let us teach you tattooing, no.

Say, here's one I can do, listen to this.

Are you worried? Take your troubles
to the Professional Listener.

A dollar fifty an hour.

- What?
- There it is right there in black and white.

It's better than the Automat.

Well, I don't know Johnny, I don't
think you'd make a very good listener.

Well, there must be something for
somebody that can't do anything.

Well, look here, attractive
widow with small capital...

would like to meet gentleman
with sense of humor, how's that?

Guess I'm kind of dumb at that.

Oh no, you're not, you're just a
little underdeveloped, that's all.

I beg your pardon.

Well, it's only temporary, you know.

Oh, it's just that some people
develop sooner than others, that's all.

But when those others...

are developed, why they're just as well
developed as the others, you see what I mean?

It's like now, you, you take a chicken.

Well, a chicken reaches maturity at...

Well, whenever it is, but on the other
hand, a horse? Oh, a horse takes much longer.

You think I'm the horse type?

You know, I think I'm kind
of dumb sometimes myself.

You're awfully sweet.

- Do you think so Johnny?
- Yes.

No, no, you, you
finish your breakfast, I'll go.

Ah Miss Smith, EJ Hulgar & Company,
stock brokers, all principal cities.

What?

I want to make you some
money and the best way is steel.

Is it going up or down, that's all we have
to know, I'd like to make you a lot of money.

Well look, that's wonderful, go ahead.

- Go ahead and what?
- Well, go ahead and whatever is.

Well, whatever is is
what I came to see you about.

Shall I buy or shall I sell?

Oh, why don't you just use your own judgment?

That's the one thing in the
world that I don't want to use.

But if you could
find out how he feels about it.

If you could sort of worm it
out of him, then we'd have something.

- Who?
- Him.

- Who's him?
- Allbay.

- Allbay?
- Mr. Ball.

Oh, you mean him, well...

Well, I'll ask him but I'm sure
he doesn't know a thing about it.

- He's here?
- Yes, he's having his breakfast.

- I, I, I'll wait out in the hall.
- Well, what do you want to do that for?

- Don't mention my name.
- No.

I, I don't even remember what it is.

Oh look, sponge rubber neckties,
look like leather wear like iron.

Johnny Johnny, a man in the hall
wants to know what you think about steel.

Steel neckties?

- No no, plain steel, is it going up or down?
- Oh, down.

- Down?
- Yes.

- How do you know?
- Oh, my father told me.

You see, whenever looks like rain the stock
market goes down, like a dog follows a cat.

- You're sure, now?
- Oh, I've made a deep study of it.

Well, all right.

- Ah, he says it's going down.
- Down?

- Down.
- Holy smokes.

Down. Down. Down.

Down. Down.

Going up?

- No, down.
- Yes, down.

That steel is going up, it's the chance
we've been waiting for gentlemen.

You win?

Steel is going up,
why are ore shipments so heavy?

Stop fooling with that pen.

Why is pig iron soaring?

What does it mean, when steel
scrap is scarcer than hen's teeth?

- Have you got a pin?
- Eh?

No.

- I tell you...
- that steel is due for a big drop.

Double exclamation point.

This is the greatest opportunity the clients
of EJ Hulgar & Company have ever had...

to participate in advance information
from the world's greatest expert on steel.

Triple exclamation point.

And Mr. Salmon of London and Mr. Jonas,
and Mr. Manger and Lord Beaver.

All right, all right.

Take a letter.

Miss Mary Smith, care of the Boys...

What do you call it? New York, New York.

No, make that the Hotel
Louis, New York, New York.

What is this anyway? My dear Miss Smith.

No, my dear Mary...

- My dear Mary.
- Don't rush me. Now, where was I?

- My dear Mary.
- Oh. Oh. Oh.

My dear Mary.

There was a schoolboy called
Jones, make his name Willie.

- Willie Jones.
- No, no, just plain Willie.

And I want it on plain paper.
We got any plain paper?

- If we haven't, we can get some.
- All right.

There was a schoolboy called Willie Jones.

- Just Willie.
- I said his name was Jones.

Who wanted a hundred marbles
to play a game of Maggies.

- Aggies.
- Oh, whatever you call it.

- Have you got that?
- Of course I have.

All right. Now.

His friend, is this here?

Tell the porter to come clean it up.
On the other hand, his friend Henry...

His friend...

Steel is too low, buy 1,000 at the market.

- 1,000 steel.
- Tell Mr. Hyde to come in here.

- Send Mr. Hyde in.
- On the other hand, his friend Henry...

On the...

Five more and tell that fellow
to hang on the end of the line.

- Five more.
- 10 more and watch it.

- You ring for Mr. Hyde?
- Yes sir.

- Get me Kirk and Company.
- Kirk and Company.

On the other hand, his friend Jack said...

- Friend's name was Henry.
- What do you mean his name was Henry?

Kirk and Company on one.

Hello, hello? Want talk to the Colonel.

Yeah. I always thought his name was Jack.

There's somebody over there
trying to pull something.

If they think they can kid me, they're crazy.

Hello Kirk, this is Ball.

I want 50 steel, what? No.

50 thousand. Yeah. Right.

- Where's Hyde?
- He's in the barber shop.

He's always in the barber shop.
You tell that fathead for me that if he...

This is a fine time to be fixing your hair.

- Well, I was only down in...
- I don't care where you were.

If you paid more attention to the
stock market and less to your hair...

- This is unfair Mr.Ball.
- Don't you Mr. Ball me.

Buy 50 more.

- 50 more.
- Now, get down on the floor where you belong.

Well, well, well, how about my hair?

I don't care anything about
your hair, get out of here.

- Well, is anything happening?
- Why don't you get down and find out?

Oh, just a moment please Miss Smith...

- Oh Miss Smith, telephone please.
- Oh, excuse me.

Hello. Hello.

Hello, are we alone? I mean, can you talk?

Good, well, you've just made 18,000 dollars.

18,000 dollars? What
do you mean 18,000 dollars?

That's right, two times nine. Call me at
once if you get any more news, goodbye.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, what did you say?

What?

- 18,000 dollars?
- Oh no, this one is 200,000 dollars.

- That's what he said,
that's what he said. What?

- Johnny.
- What?

I'm going to buy a dog.

You know, one of those great, big woolly ones
Johnny, with the bangs all over its eyes.

- Mary. Mary. Mary.
- I know they have fleas but I don't care.

- I've wanted one all my life.
- Oh, snap out of it please.

Johnny. Oh Johnny,
we've just made 18,000 dollars.

9,000 for you and 9,000 for me.

One of those great, big woolly ones Johnny.

Is there a doctor in the house?

- And 50.
- And 50.

- 20 more.
- 20 more.

- Get me Kirk and Company.
- As your partners JB...

- we don't want to buy any more...
- Oh, keep quiet.

Keep quiet, hello.

No, I didn't say that to you? Kirk? Listen...

Yeah, all right.

- Well, you get me all that you can swing.
- We think it very unwise.

- We absolutely refuse to buy any more steel.
- You'll run us all into bankruptcy.

You're in bankruptcy now, you fathead.

- The only thing will save us is steel.
- My poor wife.

Go and sit down someplace.
Get me Noyes and Company. 20 more.

Noyes and Company,
that was Mrs. Ball's lawyers,

- Spitz and O'Neil. 20 more.
- What do they want? 10 more.

- 10 more. Mrs. Ball is divorcing you.
- Holy smoke.

- 20 more.
- 20 more.

Extra, extra.
Read all about it, extra, extra.

Probably my old man pulling a fast one.
I forgot, you don't know my old man, do you?

- Fortune is vanish.
- Let me see that, will you?

- Hold this.
- Market crash, worse than '29.

Hey, wait a minute, Lt me see that.

- Say, where's the subway?
- What's the matter?

- Come on, give me a nickel.
- Where you going?

- Why don't you use the car?
- Subway is faster, I'll see you later Mary.

Hey, you big lug, give me my dime.

Stop doing that.

Hello, hello.

Hello Mr.Hyde.

Yeah. Lester? Yeah.

It's no use JB, we can't turn it.

Looks as if everybody
in the country is selling. Yeah.

Now, take it easy, take it easy.

You did the best you could, yeah.

We might buy a...

Oh, never mind.

All right, yeah, goodbye.

Why don't you birds go out and eat somewhere?

You too Lillian, get me a sandwich.

I have one for you outside Mr. Ball.

Put it on the desk.

Jenny.

Juny.

- I didn't know.
- There, there. My gracious.

You know I'd scrub floors
for you Juny, I'd do anything.

We've been through tighter squeaks
than this, haven't scrubbed any floors yet.

But I would.

Of course you would
and you'd probably do a fine job of it.

Thank you Juny.

And and I forgive you everything.

Even the, the girl at the Hotel Louis.

Now look here, you got me
mixed up with somebody else.

I did spend the night
at the Hotel Louis, yes.

Oh I, I don't expect you to admit it.

After all, you're a
handsome, forceful man and...

Well, I'm not exactly
the debutante you married.

Now Jenny, I've got trouble enough.
Out of simple decency you ought to...

I wouldn't talk about
decency if I were you Juny.

Come in.

Hello Father, hello Mother.

- The prodigal.
- Anything I can do?

Anything but floor scrubbing,
your mother's spoken for that.

How can you be so cruel Juny?

I'm not cruel Jenny,
I'm just laying out the work.

- When everything was going so nice.
- Every cloud has a silver lining.

Never mind the weather.
We got a lot of things to worry about.

Why don't you look where you're going?

Excuse me, look what I've got Mr. Louis.

Come on, come on up Snooks.

And I got something for you, bowl of goldfish.
Look. Put them right here Mr. Hornsby.

There are eight in there, I think.
Come on, don't act like that.

I am dying and she is bringing the animals.

- Did you see the papers?
- Yes, I saw the headlines.

It says that certain party is tottering...

and every time he's tottering I am tittering.

Oh, did something happen
to your hotel Mr. Louis?

If he's in the soup...

- the Hotel Louis is blooey.
- Who's in the soup?

- The certain party that give you the sables.
- What sables?

My dear young lady, we are all
alone, will you please cut the tragedy.

- But I haven't got any sables.
- I am trying to give you my friendship.

And she plays puss around
the corner, what is this? A horse?

- No smarty, it's Kolinsky.
- Me and you both.

Well, if you don't believe
me ask, ask Mr. Van Buren.

Well, if it's just the same to you
I'd rather remain on the sidelines.

He's the one who told me.

Well, if this is sable,
he must've made a mistake.

You, you, you wouldn't give a sable
coat to a stranger, would you?

- Who? Me?
- Never.

What was the name of the gentleman that
helped you order my supper last night?

Too far is enough.

The Imperial Suite for one buck a day
with breakfast, one egg, I don't mention.

The bottle of Goulet 1919, guinea pig...

hunky-dorey. But...

when you tell me that you don't
even know the name of JB Ball...

my dear young lady...

Do you mean to tell me that
old gentleman is JB Ball?

And you thought I took a sable coat from him?

Come on Snooky, come on Mr. Hornsby.

- We won't stay around here.
- Get out from my hotel.

Put that back in the icebox.

Such a humiliation.

That's terrible.

What do you suppose made it crash?

A little stock called steel that you
probably don't know anything about.

This little stock dropped 40 points
since it opened this morning.

I guess that answers your question.

- So steel went down?
- Down is right.

- Well, it's certainly very funny.
- It certainly is if you can take a joke.

No, I mean because
I told her it was going down...

when that screwball
in the hall wanted to know.

- What screwball in what hall?
- I didn't see him.

But you know how it is when somebody comes
in and asks you how you feel about steel...

- Why you just naturally...
- Who comes in?

The girl I met in the Automat.

- Since when you eating in the Automat?
- I don't eat there I work there or I used to.

You mean where they
push these things out at you?

Yeah, yeah.

So when she said there was a
screwball in the hall who...

- Didn't I already say that?
- Yeah.

Yeah. I thought so. So I said, casually
of course, not meaning a thing I thought...

the weather looked kind of threatening
and that consequently steel would go down.

He said steel would go down
because the weather was bad.

- There's your son for you.
- But I told you I was only joking.

Don't you know you can't make jokes
about steel with a name like Ball.

Well, I did.

Say, I wonder does Mary
know who that guy was?

- Not that it matters.
- Mary who?

Mary Smith.

- Mary Smith?
- Yes Mary Smith.

Say, haven't I got a right to
know a girl called Mary Smith?

- You mean Mary Smith at the Hotel Louis?
- Yeah.

Say, wait a minute, how did you
know she's at the Hotel Louis?

I thought the whole world knew it.

- Get me the Hotel Louis.
- She told me she didn't know you.

Don't you read the papers dear?

Hello, is the Hotel Louis?

I want to talk to Mr. Louis.

Yes Mr. B.

Oh, that one? I threw her out.

What? But Mr. B
she's a phony from Phonyville.

She told me she was your palsie-walsie.

And then she eat me
out of the house and but, but, but...

But how I am supposed to know Mr. B?

I am not a diplomats.

I am a great cook, I am the, the mister...

- What's the matter?
- Yes.

This time the goose is geesed or viceversa.

- I tell you, you can't see him.
- But I got to see him...

- it's terribly important.
- Now, now, now.

You don't understand, he's
made a very expensive mistake.

Look Mr.Ball is that busy...

- if the King of France himself come on...
- In first place, France hasn't any king...

- Pardon me please.
- Oh, I don't know, come on fellows.

Hello. Police Department?

Give me Captain Jackson of the
traffic Squad, I want a V-16 picked up.

- What, you say you fired her?
- Number 86-9982.

Say listen, is this
the Boys' what you call it?

- And...
- Why don't you get these things unsnarled.

- I can't talk over a phone.
- There's no time to fix...

- anything in this madhouse.
- Hello.

It's a big V-16 and Mr. Ball
wants it picked up right away.

Oh. So. All right.

Well, any time I can do you a favor,
you big fathead, you let me know.

- Where did you say you left her?
- At a pet shop on 6th Avenue and 35 Street.

- Get me a list of pet shops right away.
- List of pet shops.

Why should she pretend she didn't know him?

The less we know dear,
the happier we're apt to be.

Was she wearing anything
unusual you could identify her by?

She had on two English sheepdogs,
a goldfish bowl and a pair of parrots.

That unusual enough?

- She had on two English sheepdogs and...
- No, no, no, she didn't have on...

I mean, she bought two English sheepdogs,
goldfish bowl and a couple of parrots.

- Got those contracts signed yet?
- Say mister.

I've got to see Mr. Ball.

- Could you arrange it for me?
- Oh, you've got to see Mr. Ball.

Would you like to see him in person?

- Thanks very much.
- No, in the movies.

Say, say fellows,
come here, come here fellows.

Now listen fellows, when I say
go, you go like anything, see?

All right. One, two, three, go.

Hey.

Hey, wait...

Hey. Hey.

- Don't talk to your father like that, quiet.
- Oh, he's always yelling at me.

What's going on around here.
Never heard so much noise.

What the? Mary?

- Mr. Ball, these dogs and this woman...
- Keep quiet and get out of here.

- I got here just as fast as I could.
- So you didn't know my father.

- Are you? Ls he? Why, I didn't know...
- You shut up, we're old friends.

Keep out of this.

I hurried right down here, you know,
this isn't Kolinsky at all, it's sable.

- And I knew you wouldn't give me sable.
- You mean he even gave you the coat?

- Well, I didn't know he was your father.
- Well, supposing you didn't?

Is that any reason why you
should take a coat from the guy.

- I don't know. I thought...
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Shut up, both of you.

If I could get a word
in edgeways around here...

with one of my unimportant
quibbles, we'll get somewhere.

Get out of here,
get out of here, get out of here.

Now.

Did you tell anybody Mr. Ball
said steel was going down?

Only Mr. Hulgar.

- Only Mister...
- And all the principal cities.

Oh. You don't mean EJ Hulgar & Company.

- That must've been the screwball in the hall.
- Well, this is a fine time to find it out.

- Well, didn't you want it to go down?
- No, no, no.

- JB, your blood pressure.
- No.

- Then why doesn't she tell him is going up?
- Tell who?

Hulgar, if a thing
works once, it'll work twice.

What do you mean, tell Hulgar?

Of all the nonsensical, idiotic
idea I ever heard in my life...

Yes, yes.

Yes, this is me.

Well, this is me.
I've got some very important news.

- Steel is going up, do you understand?
- Up Holy smoke.

- We'll have to cover right away.
- You'd better get plenty of covers.

And listen, I don't know what this
means but I understand that he's got it...

He's got it...

What?

What? Oh, give me a piece of paper, quick.

- Cornered.
- Cornered yes, he's got it cornered.

Do you know what that means?

Holy mackerel, are, are you sure?

Goodbye.

And don't forget to
tell all the principal cities.

He's gone, now...

Where's Hyde?

- He's in the...
- He's in the barber shop, I thought so.

- Mr. Ball wants you right away.
- Ball? Get me out of here, let me up.

- Mr. Ball wants me.
- I told you I didn't know who he was.

So when I said I didn't know your father...

I didn't know him, because
I didn't know he was your father.

Then why you take the coat?

I didn't want to but your father
kept saying that I shouldn't be a...

smarty and that I shouldn't
know all the answers and...

besides, you don't know what a fur coat
means to a girl who never even had a tippet.

Well, how nice my coat looks on you.

Did you have it altered Miss Smith?

I don't blame you for believing
anything you want to believe about me.

If I loved a man the way you love Mr. Ball
and I thought someone was trying to...

- steal him away from me, why I...
- Now Mary please.

But why, why this big lug, who
practically spent the weekend with me...

who shared the whole thing with
me, who I thought was my friend...

- why he should believe all those things...
- Oh, calm yourself...

- please.
- Go soak your head in a bucket.

Here. Here.

Hurray, buy 100.

Say, what's going on
around here, buy another 50.

Johnny, you don't suppose...

- Buy 50 more.
- JB, when do we sell?

When it hits 100.

Say, what's going on around here.
Anyway what did they sell us?

Yeah, when it hits 100.

Please I please...

- Hey, follow that car.
- Just a minutes, I got to get out.

- Go on buddy, drive faster.
- Driver, not so fast please.

Don't pay no attention
to these guys, get going.

I am in terrible troubles.

Mr. Hornsby,
Mr. Hornsby we're being arrested.

Yes mum, I know it.

All right, buddy, back where
you came from, come on.

Yes Officer.

- What's going on down there?
- I'm afraid the police have arrested Mary.

Mary, what she done?

Johnny. Johnny, they're trying to
arrest me, I haven't done anything.

You saw me give the fur coat back
and I put the jewels under the horse.

- You know where Mr. Louis.
- I don't want to be complicated.

Johnny, don't let them take me away.

- No, no, no.
- I haven't done anything.

- Where's Mr. Ball?
- I'm Mr. Ball, what do you want?

Are you the party that wanted
her back so bad and so quick?

No, I'm Mr. Ball, I wanted her back.

- JB steel is 105.
- JB steel is 105.

- Well, sell 100.
- Make it 200.

Sell 100. Sell 200.
Hey you, come on up here and go to work.

All right, all right clear the sidewalk.
It's just a little misunderstanding.

- Not so little as you think.
- Mary, come here, come here.

Mary.

- What? What?
- Mary, I've got a job.

- Oh Johnny.
- So have you.

- Well, what is it?
- Cooking my breakfast.

Johnny.

Didn't I tell you, you
couldn't have that coat?

- But, Juny.
- Now, let go, let go of it.

Johnny, this is where we came in.