East of Shanghai (1931) - full transcript
Fred and Emily Hill are leading a boring life in London. They receive a big inheritance by a rich relative and now they can realize all their dreams. They leave for a cruise behaving as rich people....but this is the beginning of the end. Richness makes they soon forget their love and family.
[♪♪♪]
[CHATTERING]
[CHATTERING]
[INAUDIBLE]
Hello, Em.
Hello.
I think you'll like me in
this dress when it's done.
Oh. Have you broken your umbrella?
I made you steak and kidney
pudding for tonight.
And I was wondering whether you'd like
to stay in and listen to the wireless,
or go out to the pictures.
[TUNING RADIO]
[OVER RADIO] Mr. Baker will give his 12th
talk on accountancy in 3 minutes.
[SHUTS OFF RADIO]
- The pictures then, dear?
- Damn the pictures...
and the wireless, and the office.
I want some life! Life, I tell you!
Like that.
What you want, dear, is some little
liver pills and some fruit torte.
I don't want any pills.
I want some of the good things of life.
Money.
Why should you be able
to spend less on yourself
than some women do on their rotten poodles?
Why shouldn't you have a hairdresser
- and a lady's maid?
- Why, Fred, I never expect those things.
And that's just it. The good little
women like you don't want enough.
Get out of there!
- I think the best place for us is a gas oven.
- Fred!
To talk about gas ovens when
we've a roof over our heads.
Food, beds... oh, and lots of things.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Is that the post?
- Oh, let it be the gas bill.
Serves you jolly well right if
it is, talking about gas ovens.
Oh, thanks.
[EMILY] Have you left everything ready
for me outside, Mrs. Porter?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Thank you. Good night.
- Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir.
- Good night, Mrs. Porter.
Is it the income tax?
Em! Quick, look.
Oh!
See this, Em?
- Now you can have some real clothes.
- Oh! My new dress!
[POT BOILING OVER]
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[TRAIN PULLING OUT]
[MAN] Hurry up, old man,
we'll be late for the office.
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[LAUGHING]
[BOAT HORN]
You know, Em, I always got into the sea.
[MAN] I hear it's a bit rough in the channel.
Hello. We're off.
Come on, Em. Let's take a snap.
I say, Em, I think I'll pop down and get
you some sick... I mean, magazines.
Yeah, but...
[♪♪♪]
Oh, my God. The curtain's gone up
too soon. They're not dressed!
I mean...
[BANJO STRUMMING]
[GONG]
[♪♪♪]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC ENDS]
[♪♪♪]
- Oh, let's get out of here. I don't like it.
- Why not?
- Somebody just pinched me.
- Where?
You know where.
[MUSIC AND CHATTERING]
You leave it to me.
So long, folks. See you tomorrow.
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING QUIETLY]
What's in that parcel, Fred?
For you.
Whoo! I couldn't wear this.
People will think we aren't married.
[SLURRING] Don't feel a bit as if we are.
[♪♪♪]
[MAN 1] One of the sailors told me
it was a bit rough outside.
[MAN 2] Yes, I heard that, too.
I say, Em...
I think I'll go down to the cabin and, um,
I mean, you know...
- to see if everything's all right.
- All right, Fred.
Oh, excuse me.
- Oh, hello, commander.
- Hey, how do you do, Miss Emory?
Are we going to have a
lot of fun and mischief?
Well, I hope so.
We're not off yet. Just about that much.
- It's a marvelous night, isn't it?
- Yes, isn't it?
- Is your husband feeling better?
- Oh, yes, he's much better.
He's really a very good sailor,
but he's not used to it.
Yes.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, commander Gordon,
aren't you coming down?
We're all waiting for you.
Do you mind if I have one more pipe in peace?
- Oh.
- Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, these bright young people
make one feel awfully old at times.
Oh, I like to see people enjoying themselves.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENING]
- Come in.
- How do we go now, sir?
Would you like to try a little something?
Ask my wife...[MUTTERING INAUDIBLY]
Very good, sir.
[TRAIN PULLING OUT]
[MAN] Hurry up old man,
we'll be late for the office.
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[CHATTERING AND LAUGHTER]
[BELL RINGING]
[FRED] You know Em, I've
always got into the sea.
[MAN] I hear it's a bit
rough in the channel.
[FRED] Hello, we're off.
- May I draw on this?
Yes. If you want to.
[LAUGHING]
- You're the quaintest person, really.
- Why do you say that?
I don't know. You're delicious.
I could sit and listen to you all the afternoon.
- You're laughing at me.
- No, no, I'm not, really.
Funny you should say that, because I
always find it so difficult to talk to people.
- Do you?
- Yes.
But not to you. I find it quite easy,
much easier than I could to my husband.
- Do you know...
- I could bet you...
- I beg your pardon.
- Oh, no.
Oh, please, I didn't mean to interrupt.
- Go on.
- Well...
What I was saying was you know,
I couldn't understand it at first.
- But now I think I know why it is.
- Oh? Why?
Well, you see, you're just
a man and not my husband.
And if you get bored with me,
all you've got to do is to get up
and go away and it doesn't matter.
Yes, but it would matter very much.
Have you ever been in love, Mr. Gordon?
No, I can't say that I have.
- That's a pity.
- Worst luck.
That's a pity. because it's
difficult for you to understand.
You see, I love Fred and he loves me.
And naturally, I want him to think well of me.
When I talk to him, I'm always so
frightened of saying something...foolish.
You see, he's terribly clever.
- And I'm not, eh?
- No.
Oh, I think you're interesting and amusing.
- And you like the things that I like...
- Yes.
Well, that doesn't take much doing, does it?
No, I suppose not.
No, I don't think you're clever.
[CHUCKLES]
No, I supposed I'm not really.
I say...
It's a very lucky thing that, uh,
- we're not in love, isn't it?
- Yes. Isn't it?
Love is a very difficult business,
Mr. Gordon. You'd be surprised.
It makes everything difficult and dangerous.
You know, I don't think love makes
people brave like they say it does in books.
I think it makes them timid.
I think it makes them frightened when
they're happy and sadder when they're sad.
You see, everything's multiplied by two...
sickness, death, the future.
It all means so much more.
Oh, I'm afraid I haven't
made myself very clear.
- Yes, you have...
- You see,
love's a wonderful thing, Mr. Gordon.
Yes.
The kind of love that you're describing must be.
- You know, I think I shall have to try it.
- You must. You're just cut out for it.
But do be sure you get the right girl.
It'd be a crime if you were wasted.
Mrs. Hill...
will you give me an honest
answer, to a straight question?
Why, yes.
Are you trying to pull my leg?
Pull your leg?
I don't quite know why I said
that. It's rather foolish.
- Forgive me, will you?
- Oh, yes, of course.
[GORDON] What I was searching to say. I mean...
[COLONEL] Hello, Gordon!
- Why, hello, colonel.
- Oh, and, um, this I presume is Mrs. Gordon.
Oh, there you are. Now, come along, colonel.
You distinctly promised
me you wouldn't run away.
I want you to help me feed the seagulls.
If you come along with me, colonel.
There you are.
No, no, commander, don't be silly.
If I may intrude for just a teeny weenie second.
It's just struck me, I have the very
thing for your poor dear husband.
That's very kind of you.
I have a perfectly marvelous plaster.
You just put one on and the effects?
Magical.
- But what do you...?
- There's one on the... next the skin.
I guarantee he'll be up tomorrow,
I really do. I guarantee it.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's nothing. I really only carry
them for the benefit of the less fortunate.
Don't you think the world would
be a better place, commander,
if we all did that sort of
thing a little more often?
Yes, I suppose so. I'm afraid I don't...
- bother very much about other people.
- I don't believe it. No, no. I don't believe it.
- Shall I fetch the plasters later on?
- What? Oh, yes, yes.
Now, commander, what about a 4 at bridge?
I'm afraid not. I promised
to take Mrs. Hill for a stroll.
If you'll excuse me.
What a perfect gentle
knight you are, commander.
Good evening.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
Oh, Gordon...
I... I called you Gordon. Why,
that's a Christian name, too.
Yes.
I liked it.
It sounded kind of... friendly.
- The "Mister" got lost out here, didn't it?
- Yes, I'm glad. Let it stay lost.
It's rather good, eh? Gordon.
Just... just one bloke to another.
[WAVES CRASHING]
Oh!
I feel quite dizzy.
Let's go back.
[CARD PLAYERS ARGUING]
Ah! Well, upon my soul, I've been
looking for you everywhere,
when you were here all the time.
- Behold, the wonder worker.
- Thank you.
And tomorrow your husband will
be up and looking after you again.
But poor commander Gordon will
be left right into the background.
There, there. I'm only joking.
You like my high spirits? How funny.
Well...
I must be going.
Good evening.
Well, I suppose I'd better
be saying good night, too.
Is it all right?
[FRED MUTTERING] Yes. From the office.
What's for dinner, Em?
Steak and kidney pudding?
What, again?
Every other night it's
steak and kidney pudding.
Gosh, Em, I'm feeling fine.
I say, Em, these deck games look good to me.
Yes.
Ooh!
Oh...
- I'm most terribly sorry.
- I say, damn it. You need to be more careful.
You might have knocked my eye out.
They ought to have a rope
round here or something.
I say, old man, no need to go on
like that. It was quite an accident.
The princess couldn't help it.
Don't be angry with him.
I am not offended.
Get down. You'll fall.
Ah, Fred.
How lovely.
Ah, my bag in...
Are you'll stay here?
Yes.
- Don't run away without me.
- No.
Have you seen the colonel?
- No.
- No?
You here. He's there all the time.
Now, colonel, don't forget you're
coming with me to buy my carpet.
What? Oh, yes.
Yes, you'd better come
now, I think. Good morning.
Don't forget you’re coming
to buy my carpet, will you?
[EMILY] Fred, isn't it lovely?
Em, I shouldn't take that with you.
It makes you look like a tourist.
To think that place has
been there all these years.
All those strange people, having their babies.
Dying.
Cooking their funny meals.
Strange.
It's been there all these years.
You don't think they built it
especially for us overnight, do you?
Well, you needn't snap my head off.
That's the third time you've spoken to me
- like that since yesterday.
- I'm sorry.
Ah, Emily!
Oh, your husband. He
looks so good. Don't he?
[MAN] Going ashore...
[PRINCESS] Oh, come. Let us go.
Hello.
Aren't you going ashore?
Yes.
Well, there's... not too much time.
- May I carry that for you?
- [WOMAN] Come on!
Em, are you coming bathing
with the princess and me?
No, I'm staying with Miss
Emory to buy her carpet.
Oh, my dear, really, that's quite all right.
I don't mind.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
There, there.
Yes, I like this, I think.
- Come on. Uh... really.
- Be careful, dear.
I rather like that.
Thank you.
Now, Mr. Gordon, you'll
carry this for me, I'm sure...
well, he's gone.
Well, colonel, you can carry it.
Good ev... Good morning.
[♪♪♪]
Shall we go?
Fred may be looking for me.
Yes, I suppose we'd better.
[MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE]
[PRINCESS] Our little twin beds, huh?
Oh! My poor heart. You make
it jump so. You feel?
[♪♪♪]
Cabin number 19.
No, no, no. Not right away.
You must be what you call discreet.
You go have your promised dance
with the, um, gossip woman.
Then she will not look for you.
[PRINCESS] Cabin number 19.
[♪♪♪]
Good evening.
Don't you think my shepherdess
costume makes me look young?
Yes.
How old?
19.
[GIGGLES]
Whoo!
Good evening.
[MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
- Can I get you an ice?
- Oh, yes, please do.
Thank you.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
I'm drunk, Emily.
- No, you're not.
- I am.
Admit it.
Well, if you are, I am, too.
Exactly.
Hello, Em.
- Hi, Gordon.
- Hello.
Sit down. I'm tight.
What are you gonna have?
All right. I'll get you something.
Steward.
- Oh, hello, Fred.
- Hello.
Hello, Emily.
Oh, no, no, no. I sit there.
Why, hello, princess. What will you have?
Oh, I think, um, a brandy and soda.
Brandy and soda? Oh, steward,
a brandy and soda as well, please.
- Have you a cigarette, Fred?
- Yes, I think.
- Ah, what do you want, a cigarette?
- Please.
I have one.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
[PRINCESS] It's a gorgeous night
outside. Perfect for lovers.
Oh, have you seen my
husband anywhere about?
I think he went ashore
with the princess, madam.
[DRUNKEN SINGING]
♪ My wife ♪
♪ Won't let me... ♪
Well, uh...
- Why not let me show you around town, eh?
- All right, I'd be delighted.
- Hey, Quartermaster...
- Yes, sir?
When's there a boat leaving again for shore?
There's one going in 5 minutes.
- 5 minutes. Shall we?
- All right.
You've been thinking.
Oh, I'm as much at sea as ever.
It's a bewildering business, this,
this being at sea.
But on the night of the carnival, I knew
that Fred and the princess were...
were drunk, too.
Compared with them, we
were a pair of sober sods.
But I can't feel sorry.
About... them?
About us.
Tell me, Fred, have you not
a regret for treating Emily so?
Well, I wouldn't be human if I had
no regrets. Naturally, I feel for her.
I'd be a pretty poor sort of fish if I didn't.
Of course, she's fond of me I know.
I suppose we were happy enough
in our own quiet little way
until we came on this trip and I met you.
After that, of course, it was all out.
I mean, how can I be expected
to love Emily when I...
when I love you?
Water is a good drink, but
champagne he is better, yes?
That's it. That's it.
And having developed a taste for champagne
what's the use of trying to stick to water?
Oh, well, maybe she will find someone
who is nearer her own level.
Yes. She'll probably be much happier.
Of course, you know, she
never really understood me.
I was a bit too much for her.
[ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Like to see a ship we were once passengers in?
It's running away from us now.
Em.
Is it going to be this?
You are going to let me
take care of you, aren't you?
Oh, I don't know.
Let me make this figure real.
After all, you know, you drew it.
Isn't it marvelous to think that after
tonight we should always be together?
Yes.
But don't forget, Fred.
Tomorrow when we go ashore,
I must get off alone.
Oh, yeah.
- My hand.
- Sorry.
But I can't help feeling a bit worried about Em.
I hope she'll be all right.
- Fred...
- Hmm?
If the woman can't hold her man,
there's no reason why he
should take the blame.
No. I suppose you're right.
You always are.
Shall we go inside?
All right.
[MAN] Hip hip hooray!
- Hip hip hooray! Hooray!
- Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip...
hooray.
[LAUGHTER]
[BOAT ENGINE]
I've seen it all along.
Look at the way you made yourself
an absolute slave to him. Anyway...
I'll be able to make you happy now. You
wouldn't go back to that dull life again?
- Fred may have to go back.
- Oh, he's fickle.
If he were a man, I'd feel
ashamed. As it is, I frown for him.
- Bluff. Empty shirt.
- Oh, Gordon.
It used to make my heart ache to hear
you worship that overgrown sham,
the way you kowtowed to him.
He was just a great baby
masquerading as a big, strong man.
I've held my tongue, because I hadn't
the heart to open your dear eyes.
But now,
you're not his wife anymore.
- Yet a princess fell in love with him.
- Princess.
Do you know why Fred succeeded so
admirably with her royal highness?
Because she's not a princess.
She's just a common adventuress
and he was the biggest ass aboard.
She set her trap and caught him.
[EMILY] Why didn't you warn him?
[GORDON] Much good that would'v e done, sweetheart.
You can't teach the Freds of this world.
- What'll happen to him?
- I don't know, and I don't care.
When she's spent all his money,
she'll drop him like a hot brick.
- Then he can come to his senses.
- Alone.
It's not our business, sweetheart.
We've got to forget him.
But don't you see, I can't, Gordon.
A wife's more than half a mother.
And I've been married to him for over 8 years.
It's a long time, you know that?
Oh, think what it means, Gordon.
- I hate to.
- No, Gordon. I can't!
Ask him to stop.
Fred...
I've been down to make certain.
She has gone.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
That must be the bill I sent for.
Come in.
Oh, uh, wait there.
Put the bill on the table there.
Fred?
Oh!
Perhaps you would wish to
speak alone with Fred? Eh?
I will wait downstairs for you, Fred. Yes?
Uh...
I'll go and get a shirt.
Thank you, uh...
Princess.
You did not go with him.
You little fool. You damn little fool.
I was... I was just fixing up
to go bathing with the princess.
You don't want to come, do you?
I suppose you'll be going
somewhere with Gordon.
He's gone.
- He's what?
- He's gone to his home.
Up country.
- Oh, fancy that.
- He wanted to take me with him.
What's that?
He loves me.
- And how far has this thing gone?
- Oh! Fred, don't start play acting over this.
- It'll only make things worse.
- Oh, play acting. Huh! Sorry state of affairs.
Yes, yes, Fred! Let's take all that as said!
I'd have gone with him
if it hadn't been for you.
- For me?
- He'd have made me happier.
- But you've no right...
- When I said I would,
He started to show me you as
the outside world sees you.
Not as I've seen you, blinded by love
and all this long time together.
Don't... you're mad.
Yes, I was to have missed my chance.
But after what he said...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh, come in!
[FRED] Get out of here!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Well, what did he say then?
[EMILY COUGHS]
Just the truth, Fred.
He said you were a sham,
nothing but a bluff.
I'll smash him to bits, is what I'll do.
He wouldn't have any fear of you, dear.
He knows you're just a great big coward.
Well, if you thought so much of him to listen
to all his dirty lies about me, why
the devil didn't you go with him?
Because I recognized your faults.
Whereas, before I'd always dressed
you up in all kinds of silly virtues.
Oh, very much obliged, I'm sure.
I saw that I was the wife for you.
That without me, you'd be lost.
I couldn't allow that.
- It wouldn't be right, would it?
- Oh, not right, eh?
Very kind of you, I'm sure.
And do you think that after
the way you've behaved...
I suggest that if you want to
get this thing straightened out
and not wreck everything through... this trip,
you've got to do something about this.
Well, what's that?
She's a sham, too.
You don't tell me.
Is anybody or anything real then?
And in what way is the princess a sham,
if it's not troubling you too much?
She's not a princess at all.
Because she's just a common,
cheap adventuress.
And she only threw her hat at you
- because you were the one man on board...
- Oh, shut up!
- Shut up, damn you!
- It's true!
Shut up, I tell you. Shut up!
- I'll shut up when I've said you think she...
- Shut up!
That's all.
I'll go to the princess.
My things can be sent on.
Good-bye.
[OPENS DOOR]
[DOOR CLOSES GENTLY]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Just a minute.
Come in.
Thank you.
[GORDON] "Dear...
"knowing you, I accept your verdict.
"You have made your choice
and I see the way of it.
"I don't know much about love, how
long it lasts or what the remedies are,
"but I love you, Emily.
"So much that I can't write anymore...
only blessings and prayers for you."
[DOOR OPENS]
Don't you dare say, "I told you so."
- She...
- Caught the train to Rangoon.
But I can't make it out why she would...
Um, do you think that this has got her...
Give it to me. What do you
mean by hiding my letters?
She's gone.
She was a fraud.
She thanks me for my company and says
her father kept a cleaning shop in Berlin.
That little swine.
Yes! That's what she is. The
swine! To treat you like that.
- Oh, I could...
- What a fool she's made of me.
- What a fool!
- Oh, Fred.
- Poor Fred.
- Oh, for god's sake, keep your pity!
But I tell you again, If you say "I told you
so," I'll strangle you I will, I swear I will.
Wish I could strangle her.
And all the time she was
just a rotten streetwalker.
[♪♪♪]
- I'll set the police on her, that's what I'll do.
- But you can't. She hasn't done anything.
I mean, not broken any law.
Hasn't she just? That's all you know.
- She's only robbed us of £1,000.
- What?
- You would like...?
- [FRED YELLING] Get out!
[DOOR SLAMS]
But... how could she?
Oh, she told me a pack of lies about
an expected remittance or something.
Anyway, it was only to be a loan.
Well, not a loan exactly because
we were pooling everything we had.
And then there were our
passages to Australia...
Of course, I was going to see
the jeweler all right. I mean...
Well, you were gonna run away
with your precious Gordon.
- But I didn't.
- Well, did I?
I wish I'd never come on the trip.
Think of that tart heading for Burma
with 1,000 of the best in her pocket
and shoving her fingers to her nose.
How in god's name are we
going to get home, Fred?
Shall we have enough?
Oh, I dare say we have enough to
pay this bill and a cheap boat home.
[SMASHING]
[HORN SOUNDING]
[HORN SOUNDING]
[HORN SOUNDING URGENTLY]
[CRASHING]
Fred! Fred!
[HORN SOUNDING]
[RUSHING FOOTSTEPS]
- That's all right, darling.
- [MAN] All hands on deck!
[WHISTLES BLOWING]
What's up, Em?
[RUSHING FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE]
Em, what's happened?
We've stopped.
- I don't know...
- You must know.
- I don't.
- What is it?
I don't know. I don't.
There was a big bang and
something fell. It hit you on the head.
You'll be fine.
[THUNDEROUS FOOTSTEPS, WHISTLES CONTINUE]
[FRED] Can't get the damn thing open.
[EMILY] The bolt!
[BANGING]
Why can't you open this door, you fool?
[LOUND BANGING NOISES]
Help! Help!
- Help! Oh, help!
- Help!
Help!
There go the lights, Em.
Help! Help!
Help!
- Help!
- It's no use, Fred.
We can't get out, Em.
We're dying.
Oh, Em, for God's sake.
Fred...
Do you mind very much?
Not now.
I did at first.
I'm... I'm scared, Em.
Em... I'm sorry.
What for, Fred?
There's only been you.
- There's only ever been you.
- Oh, I know. I know.
Fred.
Fred! It's daylight.
Look.
Look at the port hole.
- Don't do that. You'll let the sea in.
- Be quicker anyway.
[WAVES LAPPING]
Fred, we could have got out last
night. The gangway is just outside.
If only we'd thought.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh, I'll go first to see if it's all right.
Come on, darling.
Come on. Don't forget, feet first.
[FRED GRUNTING]
[EMILY LAUGHING]
- [FRED] Ooh. Ahh.
- [EMILY] Come on.
[FRED] Ooh!
Ahoy!
Ahoy!
Ooh!
- Have they gone, Fred?
- Don't go sneaking up to a chap like that.
It's scary enough without
playing funny tricks.
Of course they've gone
- They'll come back, chappy.
- Oh, will they?
They'll reckon it's gone down hours
ago instead of floating on like this.
Why did it, Fred?
How the dickens do I know?
The silly things you ask.
What the hell do we do
now? That's the question.
Well, we want a boat or a raft or something.
You don't tell me.
Fred, hadn't we better go and
find some clothes or something?
- Somebody might come.
- Yes, that's very likely.
[FRED] Let's see what's in here.
I'd better give you a hand with these.
Sorry.
- All right?
- Yes.
That's better.
[FRED CHUCKLES]
He set next to me at dinner.
Let's go.
It's getting on my nerves. I need a drink.
I know. Let's go down to the bar.
[FRED] We'll have brandy. It'll warm us up.
Here we are.
I tell you one thing:
We'd better get a move on and
find some way out of this,
make a raft or something.
- Fred.
- Mm-hmm.
- Here. Listen.
- What?
Do you think it's mad if I use the
gentleman's? Ours is underwater.
Yes. Go on. No sense in being suburban.
[CRASHING]
[FRED] Listen.
Fred, look!
A chinese junk.
[CHATTERING IN CHINESE]
[FRED] Give me your hand.
That's right.
There we are.
Ohh!
[CREAKING]
Uh, good afternoon.
Fred, look! She's going to have a baby.
Seems all right, Em.
Mm! Best meal I've eaten for ages.
Much better than all those
swell meals we had in Paris.
Mm!
I like being shipwrecked.
- It's not half as bad as people make out.
- Hmm. Nothing ever is.
Why, this is as good as yachting.
Hi!
Dullard dummies, aren't they?
Ah... I just won a bone in it.
Hello. What's the old boy up to?
Help me up, Fred.
Ooh! Sat on a knot.
- I'll tell you one thing, Em.
- What's that?
That ship going down has done us
a bit of good in a way, you know.
Well, don't you see?
That £1,000 I gave... I lost well,
we can say it went down with the ship.
Why, yes.
And then we'll be able to get some more and
buy some clothes and things when we land.
Yes. When we land.
[CHILD CRYING]
Fred...
Do you hear that?
It's a baby.
What do you mean?
That woman's had her baby.
- How could she?
- Well, anyway, she has.
Isn't it wonderful.
I'd better go and see if I can help.
Better keep out of it, Em. They don't
want us. We'd only be in the way.
[CRYING CONTINUES]
I suppose so.
There, there. Don't cry, Em, old dear.
Why, these darn Chinese breed like rabbits.
We're all right, Em. We've got each other.
[CRYING STOPS BRIEFLY]
Oh, the poor little mite.
Gosh, isn't it ugly?
You mustn't do that! You mustn't!
No newly born baby could stand it!
- Stop it, stop!
- Don't be silly, Em.
How would you like a Chinaman to
tell you how to manage your baby?
Besides, look how strong it is.
I bet that chap holding it is the
father. See how proud he is of it?
I made a nice steak and kidney pudding...
and I've ordered the papers and
I had the wireless batteries charged.
[TURNS ON RADIO]
[ON RADIO] Have issued the following gale warning.
Strong northwesterly gales all
coasts of the British Isles.
Rain in most districts,
some hail or sleet locally.
Channel crossings extremely rough.
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
What are you looking at, Fred?
I was wondering if we could
get a pram down that passage.
- But are we going to be here?
- What? Why not?
When you get your new job
as traveler for the firm,
I'm going to a bigger, better house than this.
- Oh, what do you want to move for?
- There won't be enough room here.
Oh, I never heard of anything so ridiculous.
We've been here for all these years.
- What do you want to move for?
- That is one of the very reasons why.
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
[♪♪♪]
[CHATTERING]
[CHATTERING]
[INAUDIBLE]
Hello, Em.
Hello.
I think you'll like me in
this dress when it's done.
Oh. Have you broken your umbrella?
I made you steak and kidney
pudding for tonight.
And I was wondering whether you'd like
to stay in and listen to the wireless,
or go out to the pictures.
[TUNING RADIO]
[OVER RADIO] Mr. Baker will give his 12th
talk on accountancy in 3 minutes.
[SHUTS OFF RADIO]
- The pictures then, dear?
- Damn the pictures...
and the wireless, and the office.
I want some life! Life, I tell you!
Like that.
What you want, dear, is some little
liver pills and some fruit torte.
I don't want any pills.
I want some of the good things of life.
Money.
Why should you be able
to spend less on yourself
than some women do on their rotten poodles?
Why shouldn't you have a hairdresser
- and a lady's maid?
- Why, Fred, I never expect those things.
And that's just it. The good little
women like you don't want enough.
Get out of there!
- I think the best place for us is a gas oven.
- Fred!
To talk about gas ovens when
we've a roof over our heads.
Food, beds... oh, and lots of things.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Is that the post?
- Oh, let it be the gas bill.
Serves you jolly well right if
it is, talking about gas ovens.
Oh, thanks.
[EMILY] Have you left everything ready
for me outside, Mrs. Porter?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Thank you. Good night.
- Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir.
- Good night, Mrs. Porter.
Is it the income tax?
Em! Quick, look.
Oh!
See this, Em?
- Now you can have some real clothes.
- Oh! My new dress!
[POT BOILING OVER]
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[TRAIN PULLING OUT]
[MAN] Hurry up, old man,
we'll be late for the office.
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[LAUGHING]
[BOAT HORN]
You know, Em, I always got into the sea.
[MAN] I hear it's a bit rough in the channel.
Hello. We're off.
Come on, Em. Let's take a snap.
I say, Em, I think I'll pop down and get
you some sick... I mean, magazines.
Yeah, but...
[♪♪♪]
Oh, my God. The curtain's gone up
too soon. They're not dressed!
I mean...
[BANJO STRUMMING]
[GONG]
[♪♪♪]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC ENDS]
[♪♪♪]
- Oh, let's get out of here. I don't like it.
- Why not?
- Somebody just pinched me.
- Where?
You know where.
[MUSIC AND CHATTERING]
You leave it to me.
So long, folks. See you tomorrow.
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING QUIETLY]
What's in that parcel, Fred?
For you.
Whoo! I couldn't wear this.
People will think we aren't married.
[SLURRING] Don't feel a bit as if we are.
[♪♪♪]
[MAN 1] One of the sailors told me
it was a bit rough outside.
[MAN 2] Yes, I heard that, too.
I say, Em...
I think I'll go down to the cabin and, um,
I mean, you know...
- to see if everything's all right.
- All right, Fred.
Oh, excuse me.
- Oh, hello, commander.
- Hey, how do you do, Miss Emory?
Are we going to have a
lot of fun and mischief?
Well, I hope so.
We're not off yet. Just about that much.
- It's a marvelous night, isn't it?
- Yes, isn't it?
- Is your husband feeling better?
- Oh, yes, he's much better.
He's really a very good sailor,
but he's not used to it.
Yes.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, commander Gordon,
aren't you coming down?
We're all waiting for you.
Do you mind if I have one more pipe in peace?
- Oh.
- Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, these bright young people
make one feel awfully old at times.
Oh, I like to see people enjoying themselves.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[DOOR OPENING]
- Come in.
- How do we go now, sir?
Would you like to try a little something?
Ask my wife...[MUTTERING INAUDIBLY]
Very good, sir.
[TRAIN PULLING OUT]
[MAN] Hurry up old man,
we'll be late for the office.
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
[CHATTERING AND LAUGHTER]
[BELL RINGING]
[FRED] You know Em, I've
always got into the sea.
[MAN] I hear it's a bit
rough in the channel.
[FRED] Hello, we're off.
- May I draw on this?
Yes. If you want to.
[LAUGHING]
- You're the quaintest person, really.
- Why do you say that?
I don't know. You're delicious.
I could sit and listen to you all the afternoon.
- You're laughing at me.
- No, no, I'm not, really.
Funny you should say that, because I
always find it so difficult to talk to people.
- Do you?
- Yes.
But not to you. I find it quite easy,
much easier than I could to my husband.
- Do you know...
- I could bet you...
- I beg your pardon.
- Oh, no.
Oh, please, I didn't mean to interrupt.
- Go on.
- Well...
What I was saying was you know,
I couldn't understand it at first.
- But now I think I know why it is.
- Oh? Why?
Well, you see, you're just
a man and not my husband.
And if you get bored with me,
all you've got to do is to get up
and go away and it doesn't matter.
Yes, but it would matter very much.
Have you ever been in love, Mr. Gordon?
No, I can't say that I have.
- That's a pity.
- Worst luck.
That's a pity. because it's
difficult for you to understand.
You see, I love Fred and he loves me.
And naturally, I want him to think well of me.
When I talk to him, I'm always so
frightened of saying something...foolish.
You see, he's terribly clever.
- And I'm not, eh?
- No.
Oh, I think you're interesting and amusing.
- And you like the things that I like...
- Yes.
Well, that doesn't take much doing, does it?
No, I suppose not.
No, I don't think you're clever.
[CHUCKLES]
No, I supposed I'm not really.
I say...
It's a very lucky thing that, uh,
- we're not in love, isn't it?
- Yes. Isn't it?
Love is a very difficult business,
Mr. Gordon. You'd be surprised.
It makes everything difficult and dangerous.
You know, I don't think love makes
people brave like they say it does in books.
I think it makes them timid.
I think it makes them frightened when
they're happy and sadder when they're sad.
You see, everything's multiplied by two...
sickness, death, the future.
It all means so much more.
Oh, I'm afraid I haven't
made myself very clear.
- Yes, you have...
- You see,
love's a wonderful thing, Mr. Gordon.
Yes.
The kind of love that you're describing must be.
- You know, I think I shall have to try it.
- You must. You're just cut out for it.
But do be sure you get the right girl.
It'd be a crime if you were wasted.
Mrs. Hill...
will you give me an honest
answer, to a straight question?
Why, yes.
Are you trying to pull my leg?
Pull your leg?
I don't quite know why I said
that. It's rather foolish.
- Forgive me, will you?
- Oh, yes, of course.
[GORDON] What I was searching to say. I mean...
[COLONEL] Hello, Gordon!
- Why, hello, colonel.
- Oh, and, um, this I presume is Mrs. Gordon.
Oh, there you are. Now, come along, colonel.
You distinctly promised
me you wouldn't run away.
I want you to help me feed the seagulls.
If you come along with me, colonel.
There you are.
No, no, commander, don't be silly.
If I may intrude for just a teeny weenie second.
It's just struck me, I have the very
thing for your poor dear husband.
That's very kind of you.
I have a perfectly marvelous plaster.
You just put one on and the effects?
Magical.
- But what do you...?
- There's one on the... next the skin.
I guarantee he'll be up tomorrow,
I really do. I guarantee it.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's nothing. I really only carry
them for the benefit of the less fortunate.
Don't you think the world would
be a better place, commander,
if we all did that sort of
thing a little more often?
Yes, I suppose so. I'm afraid I don't...
- bother very much about other people.
- I don't believe it. No, no. I don't believe it.
- Shall I fetch the plasters later on?
- What? Oh, yes, yes.
Now, commander, what about a 4 at bridge?
I'm afraid not. I promised
to take Mrs. Hill for a stroll.
If you'll excuse me.
What a perfect gentle
knight you are, commander.
Good evening.
Like to see a ship we
were once passengers in?
Oh, Gordon...
I... I called you Gordon. Why,
that's a Christian name, too.
Yes.
I liked it.
It sounded kind of... friendly.
- The "Mister" got lost out here, didn't it?
- Yes, I'm glad. Let it stay lost.
It's rather good, eh? Gordon.
Just... just one bloke to another.
[WAVES CRASHING]
Oh!
I feel quite dizzy.
Let's go back.
[CARD PLAYERS ARGUING]
Ah! Well, upon my soul, I've been
looking for you everywhere,
when you were here all the time.
- Behold, the wonder worker.
- Thank you.
And tomorrow your husband will
be up and looking after you again.
But poor commander Gordon will
be left right into the background.
There, there. I'm only joking.
You like my high spirits? How funny.
Well...
I must be going.
Good evening.
Well, I suppose I'd better
be saying good night, too.
Is it all right?
[FRED MUTTERING] Yes. From the office.
What's for dinner, Em?
Steak and kidney pudding?
What, again?
Every other night it's
steak and kidney pudding.
Gosh, Em, I'm feeling fine.
I say, Em, these deck games look good to me.
Yes.
Ooh!
Oh...
- I'm most terribly sorry.
- I say, damn it. You need to be more careful.
You might have knocked my eye out.
They ought to have a rope
round here or something.
I say, old man, no need to go on
like that. It was quite an accident.
The princess couldn't help it.
Don't be angry with him.
I am not offended.
Get down. You'll fall.
Ah, Fred.
How lovely.
Ah, my bag in...
Are you'll stay here?
Yes.
- Don't run away without me.
- No.
Have you seen the colonel?
- No.
- No?
You here. He's there all the time.
Now, colonel, don't forget you're
coming with me to buy my carpet.
What? Oh, yes.
Yes, you'd better come
now, I think. Good morning.
Don't forget you’re coming
to buy my carpet, will you?
[EMILY] Fred, isn't it lovely?
Em, I shouldn't take that with you.
It makes you look like a tourist.
To think that place has
been there all these years.
All those strange people, having their babies.
Dying.
Cooking their funny meals.
Strange.
It's been there all these years.
You don't think they built it
especially for us overnight, do you?
Well, you needn't snap my head off.
That's the third time you've spoken to me
- like that since yesterday.
- I'm sorry.
Ah, Emily!
Oh, your husband. He
looks so good. Don't he?
[MAN] Going ashore...
[PRINCESS] Oh, come. Let us go.
Hello.
Aren't you going ashore?
Yes.
Well, there's... not too much time.
- May I carry that for you?
- [WOMAN] Come on!
Em, are you coming bathing
with the princess and me?
No, I'm staying with Miss
Emory to buy her carpet.
Oh, my dear, really, that's quite all right.
I don't mind.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
There, there.
Yes, I like this, I think.
- Come on. Uh... really.
- Be careful, dear.
I rather like that.
Thank you.
Now, Mr. Gordon, you'll
carry this for me, I'm sure...
well, he's gone.
Well, colonel, you can carry it.
Good ev... Good morning.
[♪♪♪]
Shall we go?
Fred may be looking for me.
Yes, I suppose we'd better.
[MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE]
[PRINCESS] Our little twin beds, huh?
Oh! My poor heart. You make
it jump so. You feel?
[♪♪♪]
Cabin number 19.
No, no, no. Not right away.
You must be what you call discreet.
You go have your promised dance
with the, um, gossip woman.
Then she will not look for you.
[PRINCESS] Cabin number 19.
[♪♪♪]
Good evening.
Don't you think my shepherdess
costume makes me look young?
Yes.
How old?
19.
[GIGGLES]
Whoo!
Good evening.
[MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
- Can I get you an ice?
- Oh, yes, please do.
Thank you.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
I'm drunk, Emily.
- No, you're not.
- I am.
Admit it.
Well, if you are, I am, too.
Exactly.
Hello, Em.
- Hi, Gordon.
- Hello.
Sit down. I'm tight.
What are you gonna have?
All right. I'll get you something.
Steward.
- Oh, hello, Fred.
- Hello.
Hello, Emily.
Oh, no, no, no. I sit there.
Why, hello, princess. What will you have?
Oh, I think, um, a brandy and soda.
Brandy and soda? Oh, steward,
a brandy and soda as well, please.
- Have you a cigarette, Fred?
- Yes, I think.
- Ah, what do you want, a cigarette?
- Please.
I have one.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
[PRINCESS] It's a gorgeous night
outside. Perfect for lovers.
Oh, have you seen my
husband anywhere about?
I think he went ashore
with the princess, madam.
[DRUNKEN SINGING]
♪ My wife ♪
♪ Won't let me... ♪
Well, uh...
- Why not let me show you around town, eh?
- All right, I'd be delighted.
- Hey, Quartermaster...
- Yes, sir?
When's there a boat leaving again for shore?
There's one going in 5 minutes.
- 5 minutes. Shall we?
- All right.
You've been thinking.
Oh, I'm as much at sea as ever.
It's a bewildering business, this,
this being at sea.
But on the night of the carnival, I knew
that Fred and the princess were...
were drunk, too.
Compared with them, we
were a pair of sober sods.
But I can't feel sorry.
About... them?
About us.
Tell me, Fred, have you not
a regret for treating Emily so?
Well, I wouldn't be human if I had
no regrets. Naturally, I feel for her.
I'd be a pretty poor sort of fish if I didn't.
Of course, she's fond of me I know.
I suppose we were happy enough
in our own quiet little way
until we came on this trip and I met you.
After that, of course, it was all out.
I mean, how can I be expected
to love Emily when I...
when I love you?
Water is a good drink, but
champagne he is better, yes?
That's it. That's it.
And having developed a taste for champagne
what's the use of trying to stick to water?
Oh, well, maybe she will find someone
who is nearer her own level.
Yes. She'll probably be much happier.
Of course, you know, she
never really understood me.
I was a bit too much for her.
[ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Like to see a ship we were once passengers in?
It's running away from us now.
Em.
Is it going to be this?
You are going to let me
take care of you, aren't you?
Oh, I don't know.
Let me make this figure real.
After all, you know, you drew it.
Isn't it marvelous to think that after
tonight we should always be together?
Yes.
But don't forget, Fred.
Tomorrow when we go ashore,
I must get off alone.
Oh, yeah.
- My hand.
- Sorry.
But I can't help feeling a bit worried about Em.
I hope she'll be all right.
- Fred...
- Hmm?
If the woman can't hold her man,
there's no reason why he
should take the blame.
No. I suppose you're right.
You always are.
Shall we go inside?
All right.
[MAN] Hip hip hooray!
- Hip hip hooray! Hooray!
- Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip...
hooray.
[LAUGHTER]
[BOAT ENGINE]
I've seen it all along.
Look at the way you made yourself
an absolute slave to him. Anyway...
I'll be able to make you happy now. You
wouldn't go back to that dull life again?
- Fred may have to go back.
- Oh, he's fickle.
If he were a man, I'd feel
ashamed. As it is, I frown for him.
- Bluff. Empty shirt.
- Oh, Gordon.
It used to make my heart ache to hear
you worship that overgrown sham,
the way you kowtowed to him.
He was just a great baby
masquerading as a big, strong man.
I've held my tongue, because I hadn't
the heart to open your dear eyes.
But now,
you're not his wife anymore.
- Yet a princess fell in love with him.
- Princess.
Do you know why Fred succeeded so
admirably with her royal highness?
Because she's not a princess.
She's just a common adventuress
and he was the biggest ass aboard.
She set her trap and caught him.
[EMILY] Why didn't you warn him?
[GORDON] Much good that would'v e done, sweetheart.
You can't teach the Freds of this world.
- What'll happen to him?
- I don't know, and I don't care.
When she's spent all his money,
she'll drop him like a hot brick.
- Then he can come to his senses.
- Alone.
It's not our business, sweetheart.
We've got to forget him.
But don't you see, I can't, Gordon.
A wife's more than half a mother.
And I've been married to him for over 8 years.
It's a long time, you know that?
Oh, think what it means, Gordon.
- I hate to.
- No, Gordon. I can't!
Ask him to stop.
Fred...
I've been down to make certain.
She has gone.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
That must be the bill I sent for.
Come in.
Oh, uh, wait there.
Put the bill on the table there.
Fred?
Oh!
Perhaps you would wish to
speak alone with Fred? Eh?
I will wait downstairs for you, Fred. Yes?
Uh...
I'll go and get a shirt.
Thank you, uh...
Princess.
You did not go with him.
You little fool. You damn little fool.
I was... I was just fixing up
to go bathing with the princess.
You don't want to come, do you?
I suppose you'll be going
somewhere with Gordon.
He's gone.
- He's what?
- He's gone to his home.
Up country.
- Oh, fancy that.
- He wanted to take me with him.
What's that?
He loves me.
- And how far has this thing gone?
- Oh! Fred, don't start play acting over this.
- It'll only make things worse.
- Oh, play acting. Huh! Sorry state of affairs.
Yes, yes, Fred! Let's take all that as said!
I'd have gone with him
if it hadn't been for you.
- For me?
- He'd have made me happier.
- But you've no right...
- When I said I would,
He started to show me you as
the outside world sees you.
Not as I've seen you, blinded by love
and all this long time together.
Don't... you're mad.
Yes, I was to have missed my chance.
But after what he said...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh, come in!
[FRED] Get out of here!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Well, what did he say then?
[EMILY COUGHS]
Just the truth, Fred.
He said you were a sham,
nothing but a bluff.
I'll smash him to bits, is what I'll do.
He wouldn't have any fear of you, dear.
He knows you're just a great big coward.
Well, if you thought so much of him to listen
to all his dirty lies about me, why
the devil didn't you go with him?
Because I recognized your faults.
Whereas, before I'd always dressed
you up in all kinds of silly virtues.
Oh, very much obliged, I'm sure.
I saw that I was the wife for you.
That without me, you'd be lost.
I couldn't allow that.
- It wouldn't be right, would it?
- Oh, not right, eh?
Very kind of you, I'm sure.
And do you think that after
the way you've behaved...
I suggest that if you want to
get this thing straightened out
and not wreck everything through... this trip,
you've got to do something about this.
Well, what's that?
She's a sham, too.
You don't tell me.
Is anybody or anything real then?
And in what way is the princess a sham,
if it's not troubling you too much?
She's not a princess at all.
Because she's just a common,
cheap adventuress.
And she only threw her hat at you
- because you were the one man on board...
- Oh, shut up!
- Shut up, damn you!
- It's true!
Shut up, I tell you. Shut up!
- I'll shut up when I've said you think she...
- Shut up!
That's all.
I'll go to the princess.
My things can be sent on.
Good-bye.
[OPENS DOOR]
[DOOR CLOSES GENTLY]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Just a minute.
Come in.
Thank you.
[GORDON] "Dear...
"knowing you, I accept your verdict.
"You have made your choice
and I see the way of it.
"I don't know much about love, how
long it lasts or what the remedies are,
"but I love you, Emily.
"So much that I can't write anymore...
only blessings and prayers for you."
[DOOR OPENS]
Don't you dare say, "I told you so."
- She...
- Caught the train to Rangoon.
But I can't make it out why she would...
Um, do you think that this has got her...
Give it to me. What do you
mean by hiding my letters?
She's gone.
She was a fraud.
She thanks me for my company and says
her father kept a cleaning shop in Berlin.
That little swine.
Yes! That's what she is. The
swine! To treat you like that.
- Oh, I could...
- What a fool she's made of me.
- What a fool!
- Oh, Fred.
- Poor Fred.
- Oh, for god's sake, keep your pity!
But I tell you again, If you say "I told you
so," I'll strangle you I will, I swear I will.
Wish I could strangle her.
And all the time she was
just a rotten streetwalker.
[♪♪♪]
- I'll set the police on her, that's what I'll do.
- But you can't. She hasn't done anything.
I mean, not broken any law.
Hasn't she just? That's all you know.
- She's only robbed us of £1,000.
- What?
- You would like...?
- [FRED YELLING] Get out!
[DOOR SLAMS]
But... how could she?
Oh, she told me a pack of lies about
an expected remittance or something.
Anyway, it was only to be a loan.
Well, not a loan exactly because
we were pooling everything we had.
And then there were our
passages to Australia...
Of course, I was going to see
the jeweler all right. I mean...
Well, you were gonna run away
with your precious Gordon.
- But I didn't.
- Well, did I?
I wish I'd never come on the trip.
Think of that tart heading for Burma
with 1,000 of the best in her pocket
and shoving her fingers to her nose.
How in god's name are we
going to get home, Fred?
Shall we have enough?
Oh, I dare say we have enough to
pay this bill and a cheap boat home.
[SMASHING]
[HORN SOUNDING]
[HORN SOUNDING]
[HORN SOUNDING URGENTLY]
[CRASHING]
Fred! Fred!
[HORN SOUNDING]
[RUSHING FOOTSTEPS]
- That's all right, darling.
- [MAN] All hands on deck!
[WHISTLES BLOWING]
What's up, Em?
[RUSHING FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE]
Em, what's happened?
We've stopped.
- I don't know...
- You must know.
- I don't.
- What is it?
I don't know. I don't.
There was a big bang and
something fell. It hit you on the head.
You'll be fine.
[THUNDEROUS FOOTSTEPS, WHISTLES CONTINUE]
[FRED] Can't get the damn thing open.
[EMILY] The bolt!
[BANGING]
Why can't you open this door, you fool?
[LOUND BANGING NOISES]
Help! Help!
- Help! Oh, help!
- Help!
Help!
There go the lights, Em.
Help! Help!
Help!
- Help!
- It's no use, Fred.
We can't get out, Em.
We're dying.
Oh, Em, for God's sake.
Fred...
Do you mind very much?
Not now.
I did at first.
I'm... I'm scared, Em.
Em... I'm sorry.
What for, Fred?
There's only been you.
- There's only ever been you.
- Oh, I know. I know.
Fred.
Fred! It's daylight.
Look.
Look at the port hole.
- Don't do that. You'll let the sea in.
- Be quicker anyway.
[WAVES LAPPING]
Fred, we could have got out last
night. The gangway is just outside.
If only we'd thought.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Oh, I'll go first to see if it's all right.
Come on, darling.
Come on. Don't forget, feet first.
[FRED GRUNTING]
[EMILY LAUGHING]
- [FRED] Ooh. Ahh.
- [EMILY] Come on.
[FRED] Ooh!
Ahoy!
Ahoy!
Ooh!
- Have they gone, Fred?
- Don't go sneaking up to a chap like that.
It's scary enough without
playing funny tricks.
Of course they've gone
- They'll come back, chappy.
- Oh, will they?
They'll reckon it's gone down hours
ago instead of floating on like this.
Why did it, Fred?
How the dickens do I know?
The silly things you ask.
What the hell do we do
now? That's the question.
Well, we want a boat or a raft or something.
You don't tell me.
Fred, hadn't we better go and
find some clothes or something?
- Somebody might come.
- Yes, that's very likely.
[FRED] Let's see what's in here.
I'd better give you a hand with these.
Sorry.
- All right?
- Yes.
That's better.
[FRED CHUCKLES]
He set next to me at dinner.
Let's go.
It's getting on my nerves. I need a drink.
I know. Let's go down to the bar.
[FRED] We'll have brandy. It'll warm us up.
Here we are.
I tell you one thing:
We'd better get a move on and
find some way out of this,
make a raft or something.
- Fred.
- Mm-hmm.
- Here. Listen.
- What?
Do you think it's mad if I use the
gentleman's? Ours is underwater.
Yes. Go on. No sense in being suburban.
[CRASHING]
[FRED] Listen.
Fred, look!
A chinese junk.
[CHATTERING IN CHINESE]
[FRED] Give me your hand.
That's right.
There we are.
Ohh!
[CREAKING]
Uh, good afternoon.
Fred, look! She's going to have a baby.
Seems all right, Em.
Mm! Best meal I've eaten for ages.
Much better than all those
swell meals we had in Paris.
Mm!
I like being shipwrecked.
- It's not half as bad as people make out.
- Hmm. Nothing ever is.
Why, this is as good as yachting.
Hi!
Dullard dummies, aren't they?
Ah... I just won a bone in it.
Hello. What's the old boy up to?
Help me up, Fred.
Ooh! Sat on a knot.
- I'll tell you one thing, Em.
- What's that?
That ship going down has done us
a bit of good in a way, you know.
Well, don't you see?
That £1,000 I gave... I lost well,
we can say it went down with the ship.
Why, yes.
And then we'll be able to get some more and
buy some clothes and things when we land.
Yes. When we land.
[CHILD CRYING]
Fred...
Do you hear that?
It's a baby.
What do you mean?
That woman's had her baby.
- How could she?
- Well, anyway, she has.
Isn't it wonderful.
I'd better go and see if I can help.
Better keep out of it, Em. They don't
want us. We'd only be in the way.
[CRYING CONTINUES]
I suppose so.
There, there. Don't cry, Em, old dear.
Why, these darn Chinese breed like rabbits.
We're all right, Em. We've got each other.
[CRYING STOPS BRIEFLY]
Oh, the poor little mite.
Gosh, isn't it ugly?
You mustn't do that! You mustn't!
No newly born baby could stand it!
- Stop it, stop!
- Don't be silly, Em.
How would you like a Chinaman to
tell you how to manage your baby?
Besides, look how strong it is.
I bet that chap holding it is the
father. See how proud he is of it?
I made a nice steak and kidney pudding...
and I've ordered the papers and
I had the wireless batteries charged.
[TURNS ON RADIO]
[ON RADIO] Have issued the following gale warning.
Strong northwesterly gales all
coasts of the British Isles.
Rain in most districts,
some hail or sleet locally.
Channel crossings extremely rough.
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
What are you looking at, Fred?
I was wondering if we could
get a pram down that passage.
- But are we going to be here?
- What? Why not?
When you get your new job
as traveler for the firm,
I'm going to a bigger, better house than this.
- Oh, what do you want to move for?
- There won't be enough room here.
Oh, I never heard of anything so ridiculous.
We've been here for all these years.
- What do you want to move for?
- That is one of the very reasons why.
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
[♪♪♪]