Eagle vs Shark (2007) - full transcript
In Wellington, Lily is a wallflower, inexplicably attracted to Jerrod, a loser. He's nursing a decade-long grudge against someone who teased him in high school; she's just out of a job. She goes home with him to a seacoast town where he intends to have it out with his nemesis; she meets his father, his daughter from a one-night stand, and other family members - and there's the memory of his talented (and dead) brother. Jerrod treats Lily badly, invents a relationship with a women he had a crush on years before, and gears up for his fight. Will she finally have enough and go home?
Lily...
l brought you here today
to ask you a very special question.
What is it?
Well, l've never felt this way
about anyone before.
Same! But it feels really natural.
Yeah, same. l feel that, too.
Now, Lily, will you be my girlfriend?
Yes. Yes, l will.
Awesome!
You have made me
the happiest man in the whole restaurant.
l love you.
l love you, too.
- Hi.
- Hello, welcome to Meaty Boy.
- l'm Lily. Can l take your order?
- What?
Hello, l'm Lily. Welcome to Meaty Boy.
Can l take your order?
Er, yeah. Just a Mega Meaty Meal, please.
Sure.
Could l interest you in the Crazy Burger?
lt's meat, and then bread, and then
more meat. lt's like an inside-out burger.
- No, just the Meaty Meal.
- l'll just go get that for you.
Can l have a Meaty Meal?
- OK, Lily, l'll just make it, OK?
- Sure.
- Hi, Tony.
- Hi.
- Thanks, Kayleigh.
- OK.
Thanks very much for dining at Meaty Boy.
Please come back again. Bye.
(Laughter)
(Giggles)
Keep up the good work, meaty girl.
Hi, l'm Jenny. Welcome to Meaty Boy.
How can l help you?
Oh, you guys can't come over here cos my
till's broken. Can you please go over there?
(Mutters) Please not me.
Please not me. Please not me.
Like l said, it's management.
They make these decisions.
Please not me. Please not me.
Sorry, Lily.
- That's OK.
- OK, guys, let's get back to work.
Sorry, it's... lt's unlucky.
- You can finish up the week.
- Yeah.
(TV) The shark is often a solitary animal.
lts only social contact...
No, no!
You've eaten already.
- Winston's trying to eat my fish and chips.
- Cute.
..attracted from a considerable distance
by the distressed or wounded.
* You are apples
* l am tangerines
* We're different fruit from the same tree *
(Knock at door)
- That sounds really cool.
- Yeah...
- Here.
- (Laughs)
l got the idea
when Winston tried to eat my fish.
Thanks, Damon. l like that a lot.
l'm really sorry you lost your job.
They don't know what they're missing.
And if Mum and Dad were alive,
they'd say the same thing, so...
Thanks, Damon.
Well, it's true.
Good night, sis.
Good night.
* You are apples
* l am tangerines
* Different fruit from the same tree
* And l wonder if you'll notice me
* Different fruit from the same...
* Same tree *
Hello, l'm Lily McKinnon.
Welcome to Meaty Boy.
What would you like to eat today?
A Big Boy Burger Meal, l bet!
- Yes. A Big Boy Burger Meal, please.
- OK.
Do you want the Big Fries?
- Erm... No.
- lt's free. l'll give them to you.
The big size, free. You'll save a dollar fifty.
- Free.
- Erm... OK.
- Do you want cheese on your burger?
- No, thanks.
lt's free, too. l'll give it to you.
You'll save 60 cents.
- No, thanks. No.
- Why? lt's free cheese.
- l can't eat cheese.
- Oh, OK. No cheese.
l'll just go and get that for you.
OK, order up, Kayleigh. One Big Boy Burger
Meal, hold the cheese, and one large fries.
Come on, guys,
let's try and make this happen.
- You work at Screen Blasterz, eh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, l know that.
- There you go.
- Hey, do you know that chick, Jenny?
- Yeah, she's my best friend.
- Would you be able to give her this?
lt's an invitation to my party.
Oh, cool!
lt's gonna be cool.
You dress as your favourite animal.
And there's going to be games.
My friend has a helmet and
he's gonna let us chuck shoes at his head.
- Wow! Cool!
- Yeah.
Yeah. So... Thanks for the fries.
Bye.
Erm... Jenny, a guy came in today
with this invitation to give to you.
lt's for a party, for an animal party.
- An animal party?
- You go dressed as your favourite animal.
lt's going to be cool. Do you think there's any
potential way l could come with you?
Ah, yeah, cool. That sounds really cool.
* She could hold her own in the pool
* She knew all the strokes
that were cool... *
(Hissing)
* ..from the right or from the left?
* Which way should l light my cigarette? *
- Cool costumes.
- Thanks.
- l'm Duncan.
- (Both) Hi.
Can you guess what l am?
- A snake?
- Yes. Hiss!
Hey, Jarrod.
This is Jarrod. He's my flatmate.
- Hi. Who are you guys?
- l'm Lily.
- She gave you free fries.
- Damon!
Oh, yeah, l got some free fries.
- Cool.
- Yeah, l told you.
Yeah, you told me.
Where's that chick, Jenny?
Why isn't she here?
She's a lesbian. She went to a lesbian party.
- Typical.
- Awesome!
Oh, well, it was getting too crowded
here anyway. l like your costume.
Thanks.
lt's pretty much the second-best outfit here.
- So, your favourite animal's a shark?
- Yep.
- Pretty cool.
- l almost came as a shark, actually.
But then l realised
that an eagle's slightly better.
- What are you supposed to be?
- Tarantula.
- Seven o'clock, Jarrod.
- OK, let's do this thing.
- What's happening?
- The Fight Man competition. Come on.
- Cool.
- lt's neat.
lt's a knockout tournament.
The finalist gets to fight Jarrod.
But you probably won't win.
He's the undefeated champion.
- Are you competing?
- Yep.
- You?
- Oh, no, l'm just a spectator.
- What's your combat name?
- What?
You know, your combat name
for when you're competing.
Jarrod, he's Eagle Lord. And l'm Blaze.
Erm... Mine's The Dangerous Person?
Huh! OK...
Hi, everyone.
Welcome to the second annual F...
..third annual Fight Man competition.
First up, we have Valkyrieblood
and the lce Elf Queen.
- Let's fight, man!
- (TV) Fight!
Tony, you're up.
Fight!
Destroy him!
Er... Next up is Dangerous Person.
Choose your destiny.
Who are you?
Destroy her!
Outstanding!
That girl sure knows
how to play her video games.
She's all right.
- Glorious victory.
- Fuck!
- Good stuff, Lily.
- You're good!
So that's the end of the list
and we're into the finals now.
Dangerous Person
will take on last year's champion,
and the year before that's champion,
Eagle Lord.
Gidday.
- Superb.
- Nice.
Kill her.
You win.
lt's time for my game.
- lmpressive fighting, Dangerous Person.
- Thanks.
- Where'd you learn to play like that?
- l don't know. l guess l just got into it.
You had some pretty cool moves
for someone who'd never played before.
But it takes more than cool moves
to defeat a champion. Don't forget that.
(* Bouncy synthesizer music)
This is a plane l made.
Cool.
Guitar. Emery board fret board.
Painted eggs. Jewellery.
Watch wallet.
Wow!
This is the area where l make my candles.
Flame within a flame. Conceptual.
Giant pencil, ancient coin.
Probably sell these to the Muslims.
Sell this one to the Yanks, make a mint.
- Cool.
- l've gotta keep creating or l'll just die.
Wow.
So who's that tarantula guy?
ls that your boyfriend?
Oh, no, he's my brother.
He's a cartoonist, and
he's very good at accents and impressions.
My brother's dead.
Oh, l'm sorry.
My parents are dead, too.
Yeah, well, my mum's dead as well.
- How did your parents die?
- Heart attacks.
- Were they too fat?
- Oh, no.
My dad died when he was 72, and my mum
died because she really missed him.
Yeah, well...
My mum got kicked in the head by a cow.
l can't go near cows now cos of that,
cos l think about her too much.
l'm so sorry about your mum.
And your brother.
That's cool.
- You're pretty beautiful.
- Same.
l mean, you are, too. Well, handsome.
- Do you want to kiss?
- Yep.
On the lips, though?
- Yep.
- OK.
- D'you want to have a lie down on my bed?
- Yep.
Do you want to have sex?
Erm... Yep.
Sorry.
- (Woman) Hello?
- Hello, is Eric there, please?
- Who's speaking?
- The police.
- (Man) Hello?
- You're fucking dead, you fucking Samoan.
Who is that, please?
* You're so cheerful
* And you're so kind
* But l'm careless and l'm blind
* Oh, oh
* But l never mean a bad word, oh, no
* Well, l only want to see you smile *
- Oh, hi.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, l just had a sandwich
and l was, you know, nearby.
That was some pretty good sex last night.
OK, well, l'm going back to work.
- OK, bye.
- See you.
- See you.
- Er...
- What are you up to tonight?
- l don't know.
l might go to a movie. Come if you want.
lt's the new Wolverine movie.
lt's got Hugh Jackman in it.
Apparently l look like him.
lt gets pretty tiresome.
''Hey, Jarrod, you look like Wolverine.''
Sometimes l wish l did have
knives that came out of my fists.
lt's 7:30 at Cine-Saurus Rex,
so if you want to come you can come.
- l don't care.
- Yep.
OK, OK, see you.
- See you. Erm... Jarrod?
- Yeah?
- Eagle, eh?
- What?
Your favourite animal. Eagle?
Yeah. Or cobra.
But yeah, pretty much the eagle rules.
- OK, see you.
- See you.
(Knock at door)
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah, so l didn't end up going to that movie.
Did you?
- Yeah. Well, no.
- l knew it!
How did you find out where l live?
l got my flatmate to ring up your work,
tell them it was an emergency.
You probably shouldn't go in there.
They think you're dead.
Yeah, l had to be alone.
l got depressed about something.
l suffer from depression.
50. Break.
Yeah, it makes me pretty intense.
l just do stuff without thinking.
- What's wrong?
- l need to go home. To my home town.
- Well, that sounds cool.
- No, it's not cool. lt's necessary.
Why?
Because of my mission.
lt's time to put my training into use.
- What do you have to do?
- Kill a man. Probably.
- Who?
- Eric Elisi. He's Samoan.
- Why, what did he do?
- Nearly ruined my life, that's all.
He was my high school nemesis.
He's been living in Samoa. But l heard from
my contact that he's going to be home soon.
When he gets back, guess who's
going to be forming the welcoming party?
- You?
- You got it, girl.
What exactly are you going to do to him?
l'm going to kick his Samoan arse,
that's what!
lt's time to pay the piper. He's going to reap
what he sowed, and it sure ain't corn.
- Or wheat.
- When are you going?
That's the fucking point. l can't leave.
Sorry. l told you, l just snap sometimes.
lt's my depression.
Sorry.
- Why can't you leave?
- Cos l don't have any wheels.
How am l going to get there
if l got no wheels?
- On the bus?
- l'm not going to take a damned bus.
lt'd take ages.
l'd get there in like two weeks or something.
Why don't you hire a car?
OK, sure.
Have you got like a million dollars for me?
- What about Damon?
- Who?
- My brother.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
He's got a car. He's got a Ford Laser.
Shall l ask him?
Yeah.
Damon, would it be all right if we borrowed
your car to take Jarrod to his home town?
- Yes.
- He said yes.
l heard.
Thanks, man. You're cool.
* l don't want to settle down
* l don't want to settle down
* With you... With you... With you...
* And l don't want to spend my life
* l bet you think l'm in a movie with you
* With you... With you... *
(Door beeps)
* Sometimes l feel it's such a shame
l ever fell for you... *
- Horse.
- (Lily) Damn!
- Fourteen now. You've only got eight.
- You're too good.
- How many have you got, Jarrod?
- None.
- Horse.
- (Lily) Damn.
Look, l don't even get it.
Just whenever you see a horse,
you say ''horse''.
And whoever at the end
has the most horses wins all the horses.
Well, not so much, really. Just like pretend.
Yeah, well, it's not even a real game.
l don't really want to play this game
any more, Damon. lt's dumb.
Hey, so,
what did the Samoan guy do to you?
Damon, that actually might be personal.
lt's cool. Him and some of the other guys
from school used to gang up on me.
l used to be a bit of a nerd.
lt would have been OK one-on-one.
Even one-one-two, me against two of them.
But l'd usually have to fight,
like, eight of them.
That's awful.
Sometimes my brother would help out
and then we'd kick some serious ass.
But usually they'd find me when l was alone.
Then l'm like, ''OK, now l have to fight
eight of you. Come on, then, bring it on.''
Anyway, l don't really want to talk about it.
Jarrod.
(As the Terminator) Get out of the car!
l need your clothes and your boots
and your motorcycle.
- Know who that is?
- Arnie.
- lt's Arnie.
- That sounds just like him.
Hey, l bought some apples for you guys.
Thanks. l'll have mine later.
Oh, yuck! This is rotten.
Thanks very much
for trying to kill me, Damon.
So, are you going to introduce us?
- This is Nancy, my sister.
- Hi.
This is Doug, her husband.
- Hi.
- This is Dad. He's my dad.
- This is my friend, Damon.
- Hello.
And this is Lily.
Lily's like the best female Fight Man player
l have ever seen.
- And she's a dancer.
- Cool.
- No, l'm not.
- Oh.
l thought you said that once.
l like your jackets and your pants.
Thanks.
This is our own label, Awesome Apparel.
- lt didn't really take off.
- Which actually makes these quite rare.
- Really?
- Yeah, you wouldn't find these in any shops.
We've actually got some surplus stock,
if you guys are keen...to buy anything.
- Oh, yeah?
- Are you keen?
- l am.
- Yeah?
Dad, l made you this.
Thanks, Jarrod.
Where are you going to sleep?
There's no room in the house.
- What about my room?
- Our surplus stock's in there.
- What about Gordon's room?
- Dad's in there.
- Well, who's in his room?
- Us.
- Who's in your room?
- Zane.
And Vinny's in here.
lt's not fair. Where am l supposed to sleep?
- Pitch the tent.
- l don't want to sleep in a damned tent.
- Typical. No-one ever thinks about me.
- lt's cos you're a loser.
- You're a loser, bitch.
- Cockhole.
- Bitch.
- Cockhole.
- Bitch!
- Cockhole.
Stop calling me cockhole, bitch.
- (Mutters) Cockhole.
- Ugh! You're a bitch.
And you're going to die of diabetes.
l'm 28 years old!
- Hey, wow, there's you!
- Ow!
What? Yes.
That's so well done.
That's OK. My brother did it.
- What's all this stuff?
- Stuff.
- More candles?
- Rejects, ones that aren't good enough.
Hey, wow!
lt's a hand, pointing up.
Give me that.
Who gave you permission to touch that?
No one. Sorry.
How would you like it if l went to your place
and started touching evertyhing?
Like your books and your...oven.
Or your computer. How about if l just started
messing around and changed the settings?
Changed your bloody desktop picture?
l said l was sorry.
This candle was supposed to be for my dad
but he thought it was dumb.
- Well, l think it's cool.
- lt's a reject.
How did your brother die?
Sorry.
He was saving a kid
from a fire at the school.
Wow!
Wow.
- So, l'll be back in a week, right?
- Yep.
lf you need anything,
you just give me a call, OK?
OK, yeah.
Thanks, Damon.
Ooh, wait.
(Both) Safety grass!
(As Arnie) l'll be back.
See you later...cockhole.
See ya. Love ya.
* You are apples, l am tangerines
* Different fruit from the same tree... *
Done.
l like your family.
- Doug and Nancy are very nice.
- They're idiots.
Except for my dad and me.
- l like them.
- Yeah, well, they're still idiots.
This is Mason Hutchinson.
He's the best computer hacker l know.
- Gidday, Mason.
- This is Lily McKinnon.
She's the best female Fight Man player
l've ever seen.
Hey...
Down to business, Mason.
Any developments?
When's the bastard getting back?
(Hard drive beeps)
(Whirring)
(Whirring continues)
Er... Not today, but the next day.
Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Good work.
How did you find out this information?
- l asked his mum. She lives in his house.
- Good.
Glad he'll have someone to wipe his arse
when l've turned him into a vegetable.
(Laughs)
You've got pornography
on your computer screen.
(Computer) Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh...
lt's got a virus.
Lilies!
Move!
(Dog barks)
Hi, Dad.
So, Zane, are you still playing guitar?
Yep, yep.
- Me and Zane are in a band.
- Wow.
He does the music and l dance.
Cool. Lily plays guitar, too. She's
really good. She's good at finger picking.
- Really?
- No, not really. Just sort of teaching myself.
- And she's got a degree.
- No, l don't.
- What do your parents do?
- They're dead, unfortunately.
They're dead. Good one, Nancy.
They had heart attacks.
Sorry, Lily.
lt doesn't matter.
She's an orphan, like Oliver Twist.
- Well, l suppose l should say a few words.
- Why?
Now we're all here, l'd just like to say
that l'm happy we're all together
under the same roof.
lt's always great to come home.
And l'd also like to say that this Saturday
l'll be having a scheduled fight
with Eric Elisi.
- He's Samoan.
- Oh, he used to beat you up.
- And me.
- Yeah, and him.
He was the toughest guy at our school.
He used to pick on quite a few people,
actually.
Anyway, you're all invited to attend.
lt'd be great to see you there.
- Thank you.
- Why are you fighting him, Uncle?
Er, well, Zane, basically, l'm going
to restore honour to the family name.
- To your family name.
- My family name's Davis.
- Eh, Dad?
- Yep.
''Dangerous Davis'', back in the day.
- You have a Davis team.
- That doesn't matter, does it? We're family.
That's what matters.
Why didn't you tell me you had a little girl?
- l don't know.
- How often do you see her?
- Not very.
- How old is she?
Nine.
- Are you married?
- No. What is this, Crimewatch?
We met at a party, we had sex
and a baby came out.
End of story, finito.
- How many boyfriends have you had?
- Three.
- Who?
- Sam. Sam, another Sam and Raymond.
How many girlfriends have you had?
About five.
Actually, eight. l forgot some.
- Who?
- That's irrelevant.
- Lily?
- Yes?
You can hold my hand if you want.
OK.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
- Hi.
- Hey, look at all this stuff.
How much do you reckon you'd pay
for all this make-up? A bag like this.
l don't know. Maybe a hundred bucks?
Now, all this is only 30 dollars.
And it's dermatologically sweet as.
- Yeah, but you can have it for 20.
- Cool.
- Five.
- 25 dollars, because you're a guest.
Combination. Kick, punch,
block, spin, double kick.
Kick, spin, kick, punch, double kick.
OK, ball. Block.
Stick. Block, block.
Hoop.
Through, yes!
- Hey.
- Hey, Trace Meister!
Let's take a break. Good work, everyone.
- Who's that?
- That's Tracy, their dead brother's fianc?e.
- Hey, this is Lily.
- Gidday.
- Hi.
- She's good at sports.
Netball, darts...
Hey, Trace Meister,
l heard you made team captain.
Yeah, Norma got run over on the weekend,
so...
- That's wonderful news. l'm proud of you.
- Thanks.
Lily, show them your Hula-Hooping.
- No, l'm not really that good.
- Yes, you are.
She is good.
Show them. Go on, they want to see it.
- Why'd you drop it?
- (Sniggers)
Sorry.
Dad, what do you think of my new girlfriend?
She's an artist and a musician,
amongst other things.
- She's pretty cool, eh?
- l don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, what's good to buy for girls?
- Socks.
- l don't know.
Vitamins.
- Flowers, eh? Chicks like flowers.
- Yes.
- What kind?
- l don't mind.
lt doesn't matter.
Chicks, they just like flowers.
Share?
l have to dump you.
OK.
My life's just too complicated.
l guess what l'm saying is,
l've got to be alone right now.
- Oh, yeah.
- And l'm busy with a revenge mission.
l'm sorry. l didn't know this would happen.
Oh, it doesn't matter. Huh.
We can still be friends, right?
Yeah.
Damn it!
l'm too complex.
(Man) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm on a mission
for Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Please leave a message,
shaken, not stirred.
- (Beep)
- Hi, Damon. lt's Lily.
l might have to come back a little bit early.
So would you mind giving me a call, please,
on 815337...3? Thanks, bye.
(Man) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm away on a mission...
(Phone)
- Hey, bee-atch!
- (Man) Hello?
- Who's this?
- Oh, sorry. ls Eric there, please?
No, he's not back till later tonight.
We're going to the airport.
We've got a minivan, do you want to come?
(Sighs) No, thanks.
OK. You want to leave a message for him?
Er... Yes.
Could you tell him
that justice is waiting for him?
''..is waiting for you.'' OK, Justin, thank you.
- Bye-bye.
- No, justice.
(Dialling tone)
Justice.
- Hey, Tracy.
- Hi.
- Can l come in?
- Yeah.
No buses today. They only go on Sundays.
That's, like, three whole days away.
- l heard you broke up with Jarrod.
- No.
- He broke up with me.
- Did he?
W-well...do you want to go out with me?
No, thanks.
Yeah, well, l wasn't even serious.
l was...l was joking and...and you fell for it.
So...huh...
l was joking.
Ha! l was joking.
(Hysterically) l was joking!
You fell for it!
(Strangled sobs and laughter)
(Damon) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm on a mission for
Her Majesty's Secret Service...
Fuck it!
(Hammering)
Hi.
* l could have caught the sun today
* Hey
* But l let it slip away
* Just like you *
- l don't want to go up here.
- What?
l don't want to go up here.
Take me home, please.
Take me home, please!
l don't want to go up there!
That's where my Uncle Gordon died.
- l thought he died in a fire.
- No.
l need to go to the toilet.
Come on, then. Come on.
There's my dad.
(Sobbing)
* The body breaks and the body is fine
* Now l'm open to yours
and l'm open to mine
* The body aches
and that ache takes its time
* But you'll get over yours
and l'll get over mine
* And the sun will shine
* And the moon will rise *
Have you, erm...checked out
our local social scene yet?
No, not really.
We're going to a party tomorrow.
Come if you want.
Thanks, but l'm trying to go home.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Does anybody want to hear a joke?
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
What's the name of the emperor of farts?
- What?
- Gasius Maximus.
(Everybody laughs)
What's so funny?
- Oh, Lily just told a funny joke.
- Yeah. Where have you been?
Just hanging out with Tracy. We've been
pretty much laughing the whole day.
Like this,
but about ten times more laughing.
Wow, that's heaps.
Excuse me.
Thank you for that very lovely dinner.
Excuse me. Thank you.
(Crowd) Gordon! Gordon! Gordon!
(Chuckles)
Get out of it.
Dad, me and Tracy are going out.
l don't know how it happened but...
lt's pretty serious.
l just thought you should know
the good news.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. l'm asleep.
- Why don't you go sleep in the tent?
- l'm all right.
You go in the tent. l'll sleep out here.
- No, you go.
- You go. You're the lady.
l can handle it. l've got my sleeping bag.
l'm cool.
You don't complain about anything, do you?
Yeah, well, there's some people in the world
who don't even have sleeping bags.
There's a weird smell down there.
l don't like it. l think it's probably
a dead hedgehog or something.
lt's disgusting.
lf you get cold, you can come and sleep
in my tent, but please don't wake me up.
lt's the last thing l need.
(Sighs)
You seem to be getting on pretty well
with my family.
l told you, l like them.
Yeah, well, don't get too close.
They'll turn on you, that's for sure.
What was that joke you told them?
lt's my favourite. lt's one of Damon's.
Can you tell it to me?
No.
(Jarrod sighs)
(Dogs barking)
- Ugh, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
You sucker!
You'd better watch out, you fool.
Yeah, you fool. Hey, fool!
Sucker. You foolish, foolish sucker!
Better wat...
- (Man) Hello?
- ls Eric there, please?
- Speaking.
- Hey, sucker!
- (Man) Who is this?
- This is...the Piper.
And l wanna be pied...paid. Paid.
- Who is this?
- lt's Jarrod.
- Who?
- Lowe.
- Who?
- Jarrod Lowe. We went to school together.
- Did we?
- Yes. l assume you got my letter?
- No, what letter?
- lnvitation.
- To a party?
- To a fight.
- What fight?
- Our fight.
Oh. Hold on, hold on.
Alison, is there any mail for me?
Ah, yes, there's something here.
lt's a letter. Should l open it?
Yes. l'll call you back. lt's long.
- (Phone)
- (Eric) Hello.
- Hi, it's Jarrod.
- Ah, hey there, man.
- Did you read it?
- Yeah. Look, man, l'm sorry.
You will be sorry.
You will be.
Meet me, 3:00pm, at the school playground.
We're gonna have a fight.
- No, look...
- No, you look. And listen.
You'd better be on that playground
on Saturday.
l'm gonna be there, ready to fight you.
lf you don't turn up,
everyone's gonna know you're a pussy,
because l'm gonna tell them, fool.
- All right, l'll be there.
- Good.
- All right.
- That's all. See you later.
* All you want is for her to say the words
* All you want is for her to say them now
* You want her to tell your past
* You want her to tell you slow
* What a funny shadow you have
* When you look behind you now, it's gone
* And it's just you and her
* Feeding fish and drinking tea *
(Chuckling)
- Jarrod!
- Argh!
- Jarrod, are you all right?
- Help me up. Get this bike off me.
- What happened?
- l had an accident.
Some chick in a Trans Am. Reckless bitch.
(Theatrical groan)
- What are you guys up to?
- Nothing. Walking.
Are you?
Dad, do you want to come with me?
We could hang out and train.
Lily and l are doing something.
OK, cool.
Well, l'll see you guys later, then.
Have a good day.
Who does he think he is?
You were right to break up with him.
No, l didn't break up with him.
He broke up with me.
No, well, you would have. Given time.
Take me away from here.
- Where?
- Anywhere.
- Help me escape.
- OK.
- Where shall we go?
- Well, where do you want to go?
Home. l want to go home.
Home's horrible.
You must want to go somewhere else.
Hmm, dunno. Australia?
No, not there.
- My ex-wife lives there.
- What? ls she alive?
Who cares about her? She's a lesbian.
OK, don't put the blade out.
- Whoa!
- Wow!
Stop the press!
We got a fashion model in the house.
- ls that the make-up you got from us?
- Yeah.
- And your skin's all right?
- Yeah. Why?
- We were just wondering.
- Nothing.
Erm... l was wondering if perhaps l could
potentially still come to that party?
- Sure.
- Thank you.
ls this sort of appropriate? lt's just l don't
really have any sort of party gears.
(Laughter and indistinct chatter)
* One, give me one, give me one,
give me two
* Give me five, give me five, give me five
* lt's an '80s celebration
* lt's an '80s celebration
* Five, give me four, give me three,
give me two
* Give me one, give me one, give me one
* lt's an '80s celebration
* lt's an '80s celebration
* We chose not to fall
* Madly in love
* Childishly sweet
* Man is to the world
* So the teachers say
* Giving it all up for a chance to smile
* To scream and dream of you
* l really love you
* Oh oh, one, give me one
* Give me one, give me two... *
(All chant) Lily! Lily!
Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!
(Cheering)
Woo-hoo!
Did you have a nice time
fucking my friend Mason Hutchinson?
What?
Did you have a nice time
fucking my friend Mason Hutchinson?
- Or did you do everyone at the whole party?
- l didn't do anyone.
Anyway, what do you care? You got Tracy.
We're not even going out.
We haven't even kissed.
l could've if l wanted to,
but l've been too busy training.
- Where did you sleep last night?
- ln the bushes.
Great. Meanwhile l'm up all night,
wondering where the hell you are.
l thought you were dead.
You could have left me a note or something.
lt's easy.
''Dear Jarrod, don't wait up all night long.
''l'll be sleeping in the bushes, thank you.''
l didn't get any sleep
and you know it's my big day.
What am l going to tell your brother?
''Oh, yeah, hi, Damon.''
''Oh, your sister, Lily?
Oh, she went to a party and got killed.''
''Here's a bit of her leg. That's all that's left.''
You should be more careful next time, cos
l'm not going to be there to wait up for you.
- (Bleeping)
- l've got to go.
- Are you ready for your fight?
- Yes.
l'm gonna cut his damn head off.
Not that you'll be there. You'll probably
be off having sex with heaps of people.
Well, l'll think about it.
Can you remind my dad to come?
Cos he might forget.
(Man) Hi, this is Michael Jackson.
- Damon, it's Lily.
- Lily! l tried to call.
- How's it going down there?
- lt's been pretty weird.
Do you want to come home?
l can come and get you.
No, no, no, it's too far. l can catch a bus.
Are you sure? l can leave right now.
No, no, no, it goes tomorrow.
l'll be home in time for tea.
l'll make your favourite. Shepherd's pie.
- Oh, yum!
- Are you gonna be OK?
Yeah. lt's just really nice to hear your voice.
- OK. Well, l'm right here, OK?
- Yeah, l know.
Well, you have a shagadelic day, baby!
Yeah!
- Oh, behave!
- Bye.
Bye.
Gordon jumped off that.
Look at that, sticking up there
like a bloody tombstone.
lt was so wonderful when he won.
l just wanted him to keep on doing better.
To keep winning.
Maybe that's why he did it.
Cos of me.
l'll never know now.
My whole life's a complete disaster.
You know, life is full of hard bits, l think.
But in between the hard bits
there's some really lovely bits.
- l mean, Jarrod's a lovely bit.
- Jarrod?
Yep.
- Jarrod?
- Yeah. l just don't think you know him.
Yes, l do. l know my family.
Better than you do.
What's Jarrod's favourite animal, then?
- A giraffe.
- No.
An octopus? A cheetah?
No. lt's an eagle.
OK.
Or a cobra.
- Good luck, eagle.
- What?
Eagle. l know.
There he is.
Kick his arse!
(Groans)
ls this a trick?
No, it's not a trick.
Mason?
Mason, is he tricking?
- Can you move?
- Yeah.
- Your legs?
- No.
- Can you feel anything in them?
- No.
Argh! Fuck off!
- You felt it.
- No, l didn't.
- Did you feel it or what?
- No.
- You screamed.
- You hit me with a fucking numchucks!
- You're a cripple.
- Yeah.
He's a cripple.
l don't fucking believe it.
- Mason, why didn't you tell me?
- l did, kind of.
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, on the phone, before l came here.
You said, ''When l'm finished with him,
he won't be able to walk,'' and l laughed.
- ls that what you meant?
- Yeah.
l've been training.
l was going to kick your arse.
- When did it happen?
- About a year ago.
- How?
- Accident.
- What kind? Car accident?
- No.
- What kind?
- l was skiing...
Shut up. l don't want to know.
- Listen.
- Shut up, l'm trying to think.
- l'm sorry.
- What?
- What did you say?
- l'm sorry.
For all the things l did.
For picking on you at school...
Jesus, it was such a long time ago.
- l'm sorry.
- You ruined my life.
Jarrod!
Jarrod! Cut it out!
Leave him. He's had enough.
Hello.
- How's it going?
- Fucking terrible.
Stop following me.
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues
* Let's dance
to the song playing on the radio
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues *
Dance the blues.
lt's ''dance the blues'', not ''do the blues''.
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues *
(Jarrod groans)
You're still watching me, aren't you?
Yep.
Why don't you go away?
Don't want to.
Why?
l mean, what a loser.
Yep.
Why are you hanging around me? A loser?
lt's not worth it.
Yeah, it is.
* And if you say ''Run''
* l'll run with you
* And if you say ''Hide''
* We'll hide *
Do you know we've got the same mole?
What mole?
This one. See?
l'm a loser. Aren't l?
lt doesn't matter.
* Because my love for you
* Would break my heart in two
* lf you should fall into my arms
* And tremble like a flower *
l have two things to say.
One, l'm leaving tomorrow on a bus.
Two, that could change.
* A girl consumed by fire
* We all know her desire
* From the plans that she has made
* l have her on a promise
* lmmerse me in your splendour
* All the plans that l have made
* This is the one, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one she's waited for
* This is the one, this is the one... *
Hey, Dangerous Person.
* This is the one she's waited for *
- Lilies!
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
Horse.
- Yes!
- Damn.
* Oh, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one l've waited for
* This is the one
* Oh, this is the one
* Oh, this is the one,
this is the one l've waited for
* This is the one, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one,
this is the one l've waited for
* lt may go right
* But it might go wrong
* This is the one,
this is the one she's waited for *
l brought you here today
to ask you a very special question.
What is it?
Well, l've never felt this way
about anyone before.
Same! But it feels really natural.
Yeah, same. l feel that, too.
Now, Lily, will you be my girlfriend?
Yes. Yes, l will.
Awesome!
You have made me
the happiest man in the whole restaurant.
l love you.
l love you, too.
- Hi.
- Hello, welcome to Meaty Boy.
- l'm Lily. Can l take your order?
- What?
Hello, l'm Lily. Welcome to Meaty Boy.
Can l take your order?
Er, yeah. Just a Mega Meaty Meal, please.
Sure.
Could l interest you in the Crazy Burger?
lt's meat, and then bread, and then
more meat. lt's like an inside-out burger.
- No, just the Meaty Meal.
- l'll just go get that for you.
Can l have a Meaty Meal?
- OK, Lily, l'll just make it, OK?
- Sure.
- Hi, Tony.
- Hi.
- Thanks, Kayleigh.
- OK.
Thanks very much for dining at Meaty Boy.
Please come back again. Bye.
(Laughter)
(Giggles)
Keep up the good work, meaty girl.
Hi, l'm Jenny. Welcome to Meaty Boy.
How can l help you?
Oh, you guys can't come over here cos my
till's broken. Can you please go over there?
(Mutters) Please not me.
Please not me. Please not me.
Like l said, it's management.
They make these decisions.
Please not me. Please not me.
Sorry, Lily.
- That's OK.
- OK, guys, let's get back to work.
Sorry, it's... lt's unlucky.
- You can finish up the week.
- Yeah.
(TV) The shark is often a solitary animal.
lts only social contact...
No, no!
You've eaten already.
- Winston's trying to eat my fish and chips.
- Cute.
..attracted from a considerable distance
by the distressed or wounded.
* You are apples
* l am tangerines
* We're different fruit from the same tree *
(Knock at door)
- That sounds really cool.
- Yeah...
- Here.
- (Laughs)
l got the idea
when Winston tried to eat my fish.
Thanks, Damon. l like that a lot.
l'm really sorry you lost your job.
They don't know what they're missing.
And if Mum and Dad were alive,
they'd say the same thing, so...
Thanks, Damon.
Well, it's true.
Good night, sis.
Good night.
* You are apples
* l am tangerines
* Different fruit from the same tree
* And l wonder if you'll notice me
* Different fruit from the same...
* Same tree *
Hello, l'm Lily McKinnon.
Welcome to Meaty Boy.
What would you like to eat today?
A Big Boy Burger Meal, l bet!
- Yes. A Big Boy Burger Meal, please.
- OK.
Do you want the Big Fries?
- Erm... No.
- lt's free. l'll give them to you.
The big size, free. You'll save a dollar fifty.
- Free.
- Erm... OK.
- Do you want cheese on your burger?
- No, thanks.
lt's free, too. l'll give it to you.
You'll save 60 cents.
- No, thanks. No.
- Why? lt's free cheese.
- l can't eat cheese.
- Oh, OK. No cheese.
l'll just go and get that for you.
OK, order up, Kayleigh. One Big Boy Burger
Meal, hold the cheese, and one large fries.
Come on, guys,
let's try and make this happen.
- You work at Screen Blasterz, eh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, l know that.
- There you go.
- Hey, do you know that chick, Jenny?
- Yeah, she's my best friend.
- Would you be able to give her this?
lt's an invitation to my party.
Oh, cool!
lt's gonna be cool.
You dress as your favourite animal.
And there's going to be games.
My friend has a helmet and
he's gonna let us chuck shoes at his head.
- Wow! Cool!
- Yeah.
Yeah. So... Thanks for the fries.
Bye.
Erm... Jenny, a guy came in today
with this invitation to give to you.
lt's for a party, for an animal party.
- An animal party?
- You go dressed as your favourite animal.
lt's going to be cool. Do you think there's any
potential way l could come with you?
Ah, yeah, cool. That sounds really cool.
* She could hold her own in the pool
* She knew all the strokes
that were cool... *
(Hissing)
* ..from the right or from the left?
* Which way should l light my cigarette? *
- Cool costumes.
- Thanks.
- l'm Duncan.
- (Both) Hi.
Can you guess what l am?
- A snake?
- Yes. Hiss!
Hey, Jarrod.
This is Jarrod. He's my flatmate.
- Hi. Who are you guys?
- l'm Lily.
- She gave you free fries.
- Damon!
Oh, yeah, l got some free fries.
- Cool.
- Yeah, l told you.
Yeah, you told me.
Where's that chick, Jenny?
Why isn't she here?
She's a lesbian. She went to a lesbian party.
- Typical.
- Awesome!
Oh, well, it was getting too crowded
here anyway. l like your costume.
Thanks.
lt's pretty much the second-best outfit here.
- So, your favourite animal's a shark?
- Yep.
- Pretty cool.
- l almost came as a shark, actually.
But then l realised
that an eagle's slightly better.
- What are you supposed to be?
- Tarantula.
- Seven o'clock, Jarrod.
- OK, let's do this thing.
- What's happening?
- The Fight Man competition. Come on.
- Cool.
- lt's neat.
lt's a knockout tournament.
The finalist gets to fight Jarrod.
But you probably won't win.
He's the undefeated champion.
- Are you competing?
- Yep.
- You?
- Oh, no, l'm just a spectator.
- What's your combat name?
- What?
You know, your combat name
for when you're competing.
Jarrod, he's Eagle Lord. And l'm Blaze.
Erm... Mine's The Dangerous Person?
Huh! OK...
Hi, everyone.
Welcome to the second annual F...
..third annual Fight Man competition.
First up, we have Valkyrieblood
and the lce Elf Queen.
- Let's fight, man!
- (TV) Fight!
Tony, you're up.
Fight!
Destroy him!
Er... Next up is Dangerous Person.
Choose your destiny.
Who are you?
Destroy her!
Outstanding!
That girl sure knows
how to play her video games.
She's all right.
- Glorious victory.
- Fuck!
- Good stuff, Lily.
- You're good!
So that's the end of the list
and we're into the finals now.
Dangerous Person
will take on last year's champion,
and the year before that's champion,
Eagle Lord.
Gidday.
- Superb.
- Nice.
Kill her.
You win.
lt's time for my game.
- lmpressive fighting, Dangerous Person.
- Thanks.
- Where'd you learn to play like that?
- l don't know. l guess l just got into it.
You had some pretty cool moves
for someone who'd never played before.
But it takes more than cool moves
to defeat a champion. Don't forget that.
(* Bouncy synthesizer music)
This is a plane l made.
Cool.
Guitar. Emery board fret board.
Painted eggs. Jewellery.
Watch wallet.
Wow!
This is the area where l make my candles.
Flame within a flame. Conceptual.
Giant pencil, ancient coin.
Probably sell these to the Muslims.
Sell this one to the Yanks, make a mint.
- Cool.
- l've gotta keep creating or l'll just die.
Wow.
So who's that tarantula guy?
ls that your boyfriend?
Oh, no, he's my brother.
He's a cartoonist, and
he's very good at accents and impressions.
My brother's dead.
Oh, l'm sorry.
My parents are dead, too.
Yeah, well, my mum's dead as well.
- How did your parents die?
- Heart attacks.
- Were they too fat?
- Oh, no.
My dad died when he was 72, and my mum
died because she really missed him.
Yeah, well...
My mum got kicked in the head by a cow.
l can't go near cows now cos of that,
cos l think about her too much.
l'm so sorry about your mum.
And your brother.
That's cool.
- You're pretty beautiful.
- Same.
l mean, you are, too. Well, handsome.
- Do you want to kiss?
- Yep.
On the lips, though?
- Yep.
- OK.
- D'you want to have a lie down on my bed?
- Yep.
Do you want to have sex?
Erm... Yep.
Sorry.
- (Woman) Hello?
- Hello, is Eric there, please?
- Who's speaking?
- The police.
- (Man) Hello?
- You're fucking dead, you fucking Samoan.
Who is that, please?
* You're so cheerful
* And you're so kind
* But l'm careless and l'm blind
* Oh, oh
* But l never mean a bad word, oh, no
* Well, l only want to see you smile *
- Oh, hi.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, l just had a sandwich
and l was, you know, nearby.
That was some pretty good sex last night.
OK, well, l'm going back to work.
- OK, bye.
- See you.
- See you.
- Er...
- What are you up to tonight?
- l don't know.
l might go to a movie. Come if you want.
lt's the new Wolverine movie.
lt's got Hugh Jackman in it.
Apparently l look like him.
lt gets pretty tiresome.
''Hey, Jarrod, you look like Wolverine.''
Sometimes l wish l did have
knives that came out of my fists.
lt's 7:30 at Cine-Saurus Rex,
so if you want to come you can come.
- l don't care.
- Yep.
OK, OK, see you.
- See you. Erm... Jarrod?
- Yeah?
- Eagle, eh?
- What?
Your favourite animal. Eagle?
Yeah. Or cobra.
But yeah, pretty much the eagle rules.
- OK, see you.
- See you.
(Knock at door)
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah, so l didn't end up going to that movie.
Did you?
- Yeah. Well, no.
- l knew it!
How did you find out where l live?
l got my flatmate to ring up your work,
tell them it was an emergency.
You probably shouldn't go in there.
They think you're dead.
Yeah, l had to be alone.
l got depressed about something.
l suffer from depression.
50. Break.
Yeah, it makes me pretty intense.
l just do stuff without thinking.
- What's wrong?
- l need to go home. To my home town.
- Well, that sounds cool.
- No, it's not cool. lt's necessary.
Why?
Because of my mission.
lt's time to put my training into use.
- What do you have to do?
- Kill a man. Probably.
- Who?
- Eric Elisi. He's Samoan.
- Why, what did he do?
- Nearly ruined my life, that's all.
He was my high school nemesis.
He's been living in Samoa. But l heard from
my contact that he's going to be home soon.
When he gets back, guess who's
going to be forming the welcoming party?
- You?
- You got it, girl.
What exactly are you going to do to him?
l'm going to kick his Samoan arse,
that's what!
lt's time to pay the piper. He's going to reap
what he sowed, and it sure ain't corn.
- Or wheat.
- When are you going?
That's the fucking point. l can't leave.
Sorry. l told you, l just snap sometimes.
lt's my depression.
Sorry.
- Why can't you leave?
- Cos l don't have any wheels.
How am l going to get there
if l got no wheels?
- On the bus?
- l'm not going to take a damned bus.
lt'd take ages.
l'd get there in like two weeks or something.
Why don't you hire a car?
OK, sure.
Have you got like a million dollars for me?
- What about Damon?
- Who?
- My brother.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
He's got a car. He's got a Ford Laser.
Shall l ask him?
Yeah.
Damon, would it be all right if we borrowed
your car to take Jarrod to his home town?
- Yes.
- He said yes.
l heard.
Thanks, man. You're cool.
* l don't want to settle down
* l don't want to settle down
* With you... With you... With you...
* And l don't want to spend my life
* l bet you think l'm in a movie with you
* With you... With you... *
(Door beeps)
* Sometimes l feel it's such a shame
l ever fell for you... *
- Horse.
- (Lily) Damn!
- Fourteen now. You've only got eight.
- You're too good.
- How many have you got, Jarrod?
- None.
- Horse.
- (Lily) Damn.
Look, l don't even get it.
Just whenever you see a horse,
you say ''horse''.
And whoever at the end
has the most horses wins all the horses.
Well, not so much, really. Just like pretend.
Yeah, well, it's not even a real game.
l don't really want to play this game
any more, Damon. lt's dumb.
Hey, so,
what did the Samoan guy do to you?
Damon, that actually might be personal.
lt's cool. Him and some of the other guys
from school used to gang up on me.
l used to be a bit of a nerd.
lt would have been OK one-on-one.
Even one-one-two, me against two of them.
But l'd usually have to fight,
like, eight of them.
That's awful.
Sometimes my brother would help out
and then we'd kick some serious ass.
But usually they'd find me when l was alone.
Then l'm like, ''OK, now l have to fight
eight of you. Come on, then, bring it on.''
Anyway, l don't really want to talk about it.
Jarrod.
(As the Terminator) Get out of the car!
l need your clothes and your boots
and your motorcycle.
- Know who that is?
- Arnie.
- lt's Arnie.
- That sounds just like him.
Hey, l bought some apples for you guys.
Thanks. l'll have mine later.
Oh, yuck! This is rotten.
Thanks very much
for trying to kill me, Damon.
So, are you going to introduce us?
- This is Nancy, my sister.
- Hi.
This is Doug, her husband.
- Hi.
- This is Dad. He's my dad.
- This is my friend, Damon.
- Hello.
And this is Lily.
Lily's like the best female Fight Man player
l have ever seen.
- And she's a dancer.
- Cool.
- No, l'm not.
- Oh.
l thought you said that once.
l like your jackets and your pants.
Thanks.
This is our own label, Awesome Apparel.
- lt didn't really take off.
- Which actually makes these quite rare.
- Really?
- Yeah, you wouldn't find these in any shops.
We've actually got some surplus stock,
if you guys are keen...to buy anything.
- Oh, yeah?
- Are you keen?
- l am.
- Yeah?
Dad, l made you this.
Thanks, Jarrod.
Where are you going to sleep?
There's no room in the house.
- What about my room?
- Our surplus stock's in there.
- What about Gordon's room?
- Dad's in there.
- Well, who's in his room?
- Us.
- Who's in your room?
- Zane.
And Vinny's in here.
lt's not fair. Where am l supposed to sleep?
- Pitch the tent.
- l don't want to sleep in a damned tent.
- Typical. No-one ever thinks about me.
- lt's cos you're a loser.
- You're a loser, bitch.
- Cockhole.
- Bitch.
- Cockhole.
- Bitch!
- Cockhole.
Stop calling me cockhole, bitch.
- (Mutters) Cockhole.
- Ugh! You're a bitch.
And you're going to die of diabetes.
l'm 28 years old!
- Hey, wow, there's you!
- Ow!
What? Yes.
That's so well done.
That's OK. My brother did it.
- What's all this stuff?
- Stuff.
- More candles?
- Rejects, ones that aren't good enough.
Hey, wow!
lt's a hand, pointing up.
Give me that.
Who gave you permission to touch that?
No one. Sorry.
How would you like it if l went to your place
and started touching evertyhing?
Like your books and your...oven.
Or your computer. How about if l just started
messing around and changed the settings?
Changed your bloody desktop picture?
l said l was sorry.
This candle was supposed to be for my dad
but he thought it was dumb.
- Well, l think it's cool.
- lt's a reject.
How did your brother die?
Sorry.
He was saving a kid
from a fire at the school.
Wow!
Wow.
- So, l'll be back in a week, right?
- Yep.
lf you need anything,
you just give me a call, OK?
OK, yeah.
Thanks, Damon.
Ooh, wait.
(Both) Safety grass!
(As Arnie) l'll be back.
See you later...cockhole.
See ya. Love ya.
* You are apples, l am tangerines
* Different fruit from the same tree... *
Done.
l like your family.
- Doug and Nancy are very nice.
- They're idiots.
Except for my dad and me.
- l like them.
- Yeah, well, they're still idiots.
This is Mason Hutchinson.
He's the best computer hacker l know.
- Gidday, Mason.
- This is Lily McKinnon.
She's the best female Fight Man player
l've ever seen.
Hey...
Down to business, Mason.
Any developments?
When's the bastard getting back?
(Hard drive beeps)
(Whirring)
(Whirring continues)
Er... Not today, but the next day.
Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
- Good work.
How did you find out this information?
- l asked his mum. She lives in his house.
- Good.
Glad he'll have someone to wipe his arse
when l've turned him into a vegetable.
(Laughs)
You've got pornography
on your computer screen.
(Computer) Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!
Oh...
lt's got a virus.
Lilies!
Move!
(Dog barks)
Hi, Dad.
So, Zane, are you still playing guitar?
Yep, yep.
- Me and Zane are in a band.
- Wow.
He does the music and l dance.
Cool. Lily plays guitar, too. She's
really good. She's good at finger picking.
- Really?
- No, not really. Just sort of teaching myself.
- And she's got a degree.
- No, l don't.
- What do your parents do?
- They're dead, unfortunately.
They're dead. Good one, Nancy.
They had heart attacks.
Sorry, Lily.
lt doesn't matter.
She's an orphan, like Oliver Twist.
- Well, l suppose l should say a few words.
- Why?
Now we're all here, l'd just like to say
that l'm happy we're all together
under the same roof.
lt's always great to come home.
And l'd also like to say that this Saturday
l'll be having a scheduled fight
with Eric Elisi.
- He's Samoan.
- Oh, he used to beat you up.
- And me.
- Yeah, and him.
He was the toughest guy at our school.
He used to pick on quite a few people,
actually.
Anyway, you're all invited to attend.
lt'd be great to see you there.
- Thank you.
- Why are you fighting him, Uncle?
Er, well, Zane, basically, l'm going
to restore honour to the family name.
- To your family name.
- My family name's Davis.
- Eh, Dad?
- Yep.
''Dangerous Davis'', back in the day.
- You have a Davis team.
- That doesn't matter, does it? We're family.
That's what matters.
Why didn't you tell me you had a little girl?
- l don't know.
- How often do you see her?
- Not very.
- How old is she?
Nine.
- Are you married?
- No. What is this, Crimewatch?
We met at a party, we had sex
and a baby came out.
End of story, finito.
- How many boyfriends have you had?
- Three.
- Who?
- Sam. Sam, another Sam and Raymond.
How many girlfriends have you had?
About five.
Actually, eight. l forgot some.
- Who?
- That's irrelevant.
- Lily?
- Yes?
You can hold my hand if you want.
OK.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
- Hi.
- Hey, look at all this stuff.
How much do you reckon you'd pay
for all this make-up? A bag like this.
l don't know. Maybe a hundred bucks?
Now, all this is only 30 dollars.
And it's dermatologically sweet as.
- Yeah, but you can have it for 20.
- Cool.
- Five.
- 25 dollars, because you're a guest.
Combination. Kick, punch,
block, spin, double kick.
Kick, spin, kick, punch, double kick.
OK, ball. Block.
Stick. Block, block.
Hoop.
Through, yes!
- Hey.
- Hey, Trace Meister!
Let's take a break. Good work, everyone.
- Who's that?
- That's Tracy, their dead brother's fianc?e.
- Hey, this is Lily.
- Gidday.
- Hi.
- She's good at sports.
Netball, darts...
Hey, Trace Meister,
l heard you made team captain.
Yeah, Norma got run over on the weekend,
so...
- That's wonderful news. l'm proud of you.
- Thanks.
Lily, show them your Hula-Hooping.
- No, l'm not really that good.
- Yes, you are.
She is good.
Show them. Go on, they want to see it.
- Why'd you drop it?
- (Sniggers)
Sorry.
Dad, what do you think of my new girlfriend?
She's an artist and a musician,
amongst other things.
- She's pretty cool, eh?
- l don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, what's good to buy for girls?
- Socks.
- l don't know.
Vitamins.
- Flowers, eh? Chicks like flowers.
- Yes.
- What kind?
- l don't mind.
lt doesn't matter.
Chicks, they just like flowers.
Share?
l have to dump you.
OK.
My life's just too complicated.
l guess what l'm saying is,
l've got to be alone right now.
- Oh, yeah.
- And l'm busy with a revenge mission.
l'm sorry. l didn't know this would happen.
Oh, it doesn't matter. Huh.
We can still be friends, right?
Yeah.
Damn it!
l'm too complex.
(Man) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm on a mission
for Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Please leave a message,
shaken, not stirred.
- (Beep)
- Hi, Damon. lt's Lily.
l might have to come back a little bit early.
So would you mind giving me a call, please,
on 815337...3? Thanks, bye.
(Man) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm away on a mission...
(Phone)
- Hey, bee-atch!
- (Man) Hello?
- Who's this?
- Oh, sorry. ls Eric there, please?
No, he's not back till later tonight.
We're going to the airport.
We've got a minivan, do you want to come?
(Sighs) No, thanks.
OK. You want to leave a message for him?
Er... Yes.
Could you tell him
that justice is waiting for him?
''..is waiting for you.'' OK, Justin, thank you.
- Bye-bye.
- No, justice.
(Dialling tone)
Justice.
- Hey, Tracy.
- Hi.
- Can l come in?
- Yeah.
No buses today. They only go on Sundays.
That's, like, three whole days away.
- l heard you broke up with Jarrod.
- No.
- He broke up with me.
- Did he?
W-well...do you want to go out with me?
No, thanks.
Yeah, well, l wasn't even serious.
l was...l was joking and...and you fell for it.
So...huh...
l was joking.
Ha! l was joking.
(Hysterically) l was joking!
You fell for it!
(Strangled sobs and laughter)
(Damon) Hello. This is Bond, James Bond.
l'm on a mission for
Her Majesty's Secret Service...
Fuck it!
(Hammering)
Hi.
* l could have caught the sun today
* Hey
* But l let it slip away
* Just like you *
- l don't want to go up here.
- What?
l don't want to go up here.
Take me home, please.
Take me home, please!
l don't want to go up there!
That's where my Uncle Gordon died.
- l thought he died in a fire.
- No.
l need to go to the toilet.
Come on, then. Come on.
There's my dad.
(Sobbing)
* The body breaks and the body is fine
* Now l'm open to yours
and l'm open to mine
* The body aches
and that ache takes its time
* But you'll get over yours
and l'll get over mine
* And the sun will shine
* And the moon will rise *
Have you, erm...checked out
our local social scene yet?
No, not really.
We're going to a party tomorrow.
Come if you want.
Thanks, but l'm trying to go home.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Does anybody want to hear a joke?
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
What's the name of the emperor of farts?
- What?
- Gasius Maximus.
(Everybody laughs)
What's so funny?
- Oh, Lily just told a funny joke.
- Yeah. Where have you been?
Just hanging out with Tracy. We've been
pretty much laughing the whole day.
Like this,
but about ten times more laughing.
Wow, that's heaps.
Excuse me.
Thank you for that very lovely dinner.
Excuse me. Thank you.
(Crowd) Gordon! Gordon! Gordon!
(Chuckles)
Get out of it.
Dad, me and Tracy are going out.
l don't know how it happened but...
lt's pretty serious.
l just thought you should know
the good news.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. l'm asleep.
- Why don't you go sleep in the tent?
- l'm all right.
You go in the tent. l'll sleep out here.
- No, you go.
- You go. You're the lady.
l can handle it. l've got my sleeping bag.
l'm cool.
You don't complain about anything, do you?
Yeah, well, there's some people in the world
who don't even have sleeping bags.
There's a weird smell down there.
l don't like it. l think it's probably
a dead hedgehog or something.
lt's disgusting.
lf you get cold, you can come and sleep
in my tent, but please don't wake me up.
lt's the last thing l need.
(Sighs)
You seem to be getting on pretty well
with my family.
l told you, l like them.
Yeah, well, don't get too close.
They'll turn on you, that's for sure.
What was that joke you told them?
lt's my favourite. lt's one of Damon's.
Can you tell it to me?
No.
(Jarrod sighs)
(Dogs barking)
- Ugh, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
You sucker!
You'd better watch out, you fool.
Yeah, you fool. Hey, fool!
Sucker. You foolish, foolish sucker!
Better wat...
- (Man) Hello?
- ls Eric there, please?
- Speaking.
- Hey, sucker!
- (Man) Who is this?
- This is...the Piper.
And l wanna be pied...paid. Paid.
- Who is this?
- lt's Jarrod.
- Who?
- Lowe.
- Who?
- Jarrod Lowe. We went to school together.
- Did we?
- Yes. l assume you got my letter?
- No, what letter?
- lnvitation.
- To a party?
- To a fight.
- What fight?
- Our fight.
Oh. Hold on, hold on.
Alison, is there any mail for me?
Ah, yes, there's something here.
lt's a letter. Should l open it?
Yes. l'll call you back. lt's long.
- (Phone)
- (Eric) Hello.
- Hi, it's Jarrod.
- Ah, hey there, man.
- Did you read it?
- Yeah. Look, man, l'm sorry.
You will be sorry.
You will be.
Meet me, 3:00pm, at the school playground.
We're gonna have a fight.
- No, look...
- No, you look. And listen.
You'd better be on that playground
on Saturday.
l'm gonna be there, ready to fight you.
lf you don't turn up,
everyone's gonna know you're a pussy,
because l'm gonna tell them, fool.
- All right, l'll be there.
- Good.
- All right.
- That's all. See you later.
* All you want is for her to say the words
* All you want is for her to say them now
* You want her to tell your past
* You want her to tell you slow
* What a funny shadow you have
* When you look behind you now, it's gone
* And it's just you and her
* Feeding fish and drinking tea *
(Chuckling)
- Jarrod!
- Argh!
- Jarrod, are you all right?
- Help me up. Get this bike off me.
- What happened?
- l had an accident.
Some chick in a Trans Am. Reckless bitch.
(Theatrical groan)
- What are you guys up to?
- Nothing. Walking.
Are you?
Dad, do you want to come with me?
We could hang out and train.
Lily and l are doing something.
OK, cool.
Well, l'll see you guys later, then.
Have a good day.
Who does he think he is?
You were right to break up with him.
No, l didn't break up with him.
He broke up with me.
No, well, you would have. Given time.
Take me away from here.
- Where?
- Anywhere.
- Help me escape.
- OK.
- Where shall we go?
- Well, where do you want to go?
Home. l want to go home.
Home's horrible.
You must want to go somewhere else.
Hmm, dunno. Australia?
No, not there.
- My ex-wife lives there.
- What? ls she alive?
Who cares about her? She's a lesbian.
OK, don't put the blade out.
- Whoa!
- Wow!
Stop the press!
We got a fashion model in the house.
- ls that the make-up you got from us?
- Yeah.
- And your skin's all right?
- Yeah. Why?
- We were just wondering.
- Nothing.
Erm... l was wondering if perhaps l could
potentially still come to that party?
- Sure.
- Thank you.
ls this sort of appropriate? lt's just l don't
really have any sort of party gears.
(Laughter and indistinct chatter)
* One, give me one, give me one,
give me two
* Give me five, give me five, give me five
* lt's an '80s celebration
* lt's an '80s celebration
* Five, give me four, give me three,
give me two
* Give me one, give me one, give me one
* lt's an '80s celebration
* lt's an '80s celebration
* We chose not to fall
* Madly in love
* Childishly sweet
* Man is to the world
* So the teachers say
* Giving it all up for a chance to smile
* To scream and dream of you
* l really love you
* Oh oh, one, give me one
* Give me one, give me two... *
(All chant) Lily! Lily!
Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!
(Cheering)
Woo-hoo!
Did you have a nice time
fucking my friend Mason Hutchinson?
What?
Did you have a nice time
fucking my friend Mason Hutchinson?
- Or did you do everyone at the whole party?
- l didn't do anyone.
Anyway, what do you care? You got Tracy.
We're not even going out.
We haven't even kissed.
l could've if l wanted to,
but l've been too busy training.
- Where did you sleep last night?
- ln the bushes.
Great. Meanwhile l'm up all night,
wondering where the hell you are.
l thought you were dead.
You could have left me a note or something.
lt's easy.
''Dear Jarrod, don't wait up all night long.
''l'll be sleeping in the bushes, thank you.''
l didn't get any sleep
and you know it's my big day.
What am l going to tell your brother?
''Oh, yeah, hi, Damon.''
''Oh, your sister, Lily?
Oh, she went to a party and got killed.''
''Here's a bit of her leg. That's all that's left.''
You should be more careful next time, cos
l'm not going to be there to wait up for you.
- (Bleeping)
- l've got to go.
- Are you ready for your fight?
- Yes.
l'm gonna cut his damn head off.
Not that you'll be there. You'll probably
be off having sex with heaps of people.
Well, l'll think about it.
Can you remind my dad to come?
Cos he might forget.
(Man) Hi, this is Michael Jackson.
- Damon, it's Lily.
- Lily! l tried to call.
- How's it going down there?
- lt's been pretty weird.
Do you want to come home?
l can come and get you.
No, no, no, it's too far. l can catch a bus.
Are you sure? l can leave right now.
No, no, no, it goes tomorrow.
l'll be home in time for tea.
l'll make your favourite. Shepherd's pie.
- Oh, yum!
- Are you gonna be OK?
Yeah. lt's just really nice to hear your voice.
- OK. Well, l'm right here, OK?
- Yeah, l know.
Well, you have a shagadelic day, baby!
Yeah!
- Oh, behave!
- Bye.
Bye.
Gordon jumped off that.
Look at that, sticking up there
like a bloody tombstone.
lt was so wonderful when he won.
l just wanted him to keep on doing better.
To keep winning.
Maybe that's why he did it.
Cos of me.
l'll never know now.
My whole life's a complete disaster.
You know, life is full of hard bits, l think.
But in between the hard bits
there's some really lovely bits.
- l mean, Jarrod's a lovely bit.
- Jarrod?
Yep.
- Jarrod?
- Yeah. l just don't think you know him.
Yes, l do. l know my family.
Better than you do.
What's Jarrod's favourite animal, then?
- A giraffe.
- No.
An octopus? A cheetah?
No. lt's an eagle.
OK.
Or a cobra.
- Good luck, eagle.
- What?
Eagle. l know.
There he is.
Kick his arse!
(Groans)
ls this a trick?
No, it's not a trick.
Mason?
Mason, is he tricking?
- Can you move?
- Yeah.
- Your legs?
- No.
- Can you feel anything in them?
- No.
Argh! Fuck off!
- You felt it.
- No, l didn't.
- Did you feel it or what?
- No.
- You screamed.
- You hit me with a fucking numchucks!
- You're a cripple.
- Yeah.
He's a cripple.
l don't fucking believe it.
- Mason, why didn't you tell me?
- l did, kind of.
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, on the phone, before l came here.
You said, ''When l'm finished with him,
he won't be able to walk,'' and l laughed.
- ls that what you meant?
- Yeah.
l've been training.
l was going to kick your arse.
- When did it happen?
- About a year ago.
- How?
- Accident.
- What kind? Car accident?
- No.
- What kind?
- l was skiing...
Shut up. l don't want to know.
- Listen.
- Shut up, l'm trying to think.
- l'm sorry.
- What?
- What did you say?
- l'm sorry.
For all the things l did.
For picking on you at school...
Jesus, it was such a long time ago.
- l'm sorry.
- You ruined my life.
Jarrod!
Jarrod! Cut it out!
Leave him. He's had enough.
Hello.
- How's it going?
- Fucking terrible.
Stop following me.
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues
* Let's dance
to the song playing on the radio
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues *
Dance the blues.
lt's ''dance the blues'', not ''do the blues''.
* Let's dance
* Put on your red shoes and do the blues *
(Jarrod groans)
You're still watching me, aren't you?
Yep.
Why don't you go away?
Don't want to.
Why?
l mean, what a loser.
Yep.
Why are you hanging around me? A loser?
lt's not worth it.
Yeah, it is.
* And if you say ''Run''
* l'll run with you
* And if you say ''Hide''
* We'll hide *
Do you know we've got the same mole?
What mole?
This one. See?
l'm a loser. Aren't l?
lt doesn't matter.
* Because my love for you
* Would break my heart in two
* lf you should fall into my arms
* And tremble like a flower *
l have two things to say.
One, l'm leaving tomorrow on a bus.
Two, that could change.
* A girl consumed by fire
* We all know her desire
* From the plans that she has made
* l have her on a promise
* lmmerse me in your splendour
* All the plans that l have made
* This is the one, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one she's waited for
* This is the one, this is the one... *
Hey, Dangerous Person.
* This is the one she's waited for *
- Lilies!
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
Horse.
- Yes!
- Damn.
* Oh, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one l've waited for
* This is the one
* Oh, this is the one
* Oh, this is the one,
this is the one l've waited for
* This is the one, this is the one
* This is the one
* This is the one,
this is the one l've waited for
* lt may go right
* But it might go wrong
* This is the one,
this is the one she's waited for *