Dylan (2017) - full transcript

- No you're the one who said
we had to stop eating meat

because of the fucking environment.

And so I said okay and
I've been eating vegetarian

for two days while you
post pictures of hamburgers

that you eat for lunch, you hypocrite.

Hold on.

Hi.

- Hi.

All day right?

- Yes.

-Ten bucks.



- Here you go.

Just keep it, it's Friday,

and you guys see enough of me as it is.

- Thanks.

Have a good weekend.

- You too.

- Mari, I said we'd taper off.

- Yeah we'll I am just protein deficient

from all like the fucking
kale fumes I've been inhaling.

- I told you when we started

that you don't need to go full out.

And I know you sneaking
beef jerky at work.

You think I don't notice
your Instagram posts.

It's a little weird that
you complain so much.



- Well I love to have my little surprises

whenever the shoot wraps,

and anyway I wanted to
share my day with my man.

- Um

Well, everyone has their
secrets I guess even you.

- How do you know?

- I can smell the smoke.

- My God.

- Busted.

- Yes.

- Hey you okay?

You smoke more when you're overwhelmed.

- Yeah I'm fine.

I'm gonna taper off.

What are those?

- I think these are flowers.

I just wanted to be boyfriend of the year,

and drop these off to you

and not harp on you for
smoking right in front of me.

- Well, you know what's not
boyfriend of the year material?

Inviting your college buddy

to spend our anniversary weekend with us.

- Listen, I know I'm an idiot, okay?

But it's only for the night.

And he's a great guy,
and he's a big smoker,

so you two can just kill
yourselves together, alright?

You're gonna love him.

- Now I'mma fuck him.

I have to.

- Alright alright.

I'll see you later.

- See ya.

- Bye.

- Okay, well now you're just sucking up.

Nick?

♪ Midnight in the house of spirits ♪

- Well, starting without ya.

♪ Last customer, they shut me down ♪

♪ So long, we'll see ya tomorrow ♪

♪ Gotta get out of here ♪

♪ Midnight at the house of spirits ♪

- I didn't even know you could cook.

- Hi.

- Jesus Christ.

- Dylan?

- In the flesh.

Gosh I scared you

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I'm stupid. Um...

I'm Nick's buddy, not some weird weirdo.

- It's okay, I mean, I'm
sorry, I wasn't expecting you.

- Yeah I missed a call from
Nick when I was out shopping.

- Well, what's all this?

- I, yeah, it's almost ready.

It was just hard to time it

because I wasn't sure when
you were gonna get home.

Um..but I just want to thank you
for letting me visit tonight.

- Wow.

I mean, that's really nice.

You really didn't have to.

- Honestly it's my pleasure.

I haven't seen Nick in a few years,

and I used to always
cook when we were at SUNY

- Yeah, he did say that you
were like the youngest chef at -

- You are so much more
beautiful than your pictures.

- Thank you.

It's been a long day, so.

- I'm sure.

You've been calling the shots all week.

Time to relax.

- Well, how polite.

- It's important to respect the host.

- You should tell Nick that.

- I've never been afraid
to tell Nick what's up.

- Me neither.

- Yeah I heard that.

He told me you're an over sharer.

- Really.

I would say authentic.

- Authentic, I like that.

I feel like I know you already.

- Yeah well.

I'mma put him on blast for
having such a big mouth.

He should be here any minute.

- So try this Bruschetta
before he eats it all.

- Okay, thank you.

Wanna wash your hands there chef?

- Humans are inherently dirty.

- Yeah, well I guess that's true.

Wow, that's really good.

- Thanks.

It's a little honey on the Burrata.

My mother always said you
catch more flies with honey.

- I've heard that.

She must be really proud of you.

- Who?

- Your mom, your folks.

For you running your own kitchen.

- They're pretty
disappointed, you know,

they wanted me to be a lawyer.

- Well, you gotta do you though.

- That's absolutely right.

I dropped out and now
I'm doing what I want.

- Good for you man.

- Well you can't be scared
of how other people see you.

Can't hide what you are.

- Yeah sometimes I worry in the office

I'm too hard on people but you
gotta get shit done you know.

- I'll drink to that.

- Thank you.

None for you?

- No, I don't drink.

- What?

- This is kind of a meet cute?

- Um, well, isn't that
kind of a romantic thing?

- Right.

Well I know you're not
eating meat right now, so

- What?

- Aren't you doing the
whole vegetarian thing?

- Yeah but that just, I just started.

What, I'm sorry, did Nick tell you that?

- Yes, Nick told me that.

I guess he's an over sharer too.

Anyway I've prepared a really nice-

- Actually he's gonna be home any minute.

- No I made him something else,

we can start with the first course.

- Dylan, I'd really like to
wait for him if that's okay.

Sets dish on table

- Right.

Of course.

How rude.

I never was good at first dates.

- Well luckily, this ain't a date.

- I just meant a meeting,
a meeting of humans.

- Right.

I'm sorry, did Nick tell you
this was my favorite song?

- No, is it?

Lucky guess I guess.

I'm glad I did something right.

- Um, hey listen, I'm gonna
come help you in a minute

but first I'm just gonna-

- Go smoke.

- Well I was gonna say try Nick,

but yeah I'm probably gonna
steal one before he yells at me.

Would you like one?

- No, I don't smoke.

- That's weird,
Nick said that you did-

- Anymore.

He really loves you.

He told me he wants to marry you.

- Yes, he's asked me in the past,

and it's one of the reasons I smoke.

- How come?

You're worth it.

- Well you don't really know me that well,

but I said that I would think about it,

if we made it to five years.

- And here you are.

In your own home.

- I'm gonna go grab that smoke.

- I'll be here.

- It's Nick, leave a message.

- It's Nick leave a message.

- Dylan?

- You weren't supposed to see that.

I have a confession to make.

I'm not much of a chef.

- That's okay.

- Yeah, I'm sorry I lied.

I just, I really wanted us to work.

- You know, a friend of
Nick's is a friend of mine.

- Yeah, no, I know, but

this isn't really working
out the way I imagined it.

It looks like I'm not
boyfriend of the year.

- I'm gonna go use the ladies room.

Nick?

Nick.

You bastard.

No, no no no.

Please please please.

No

- What the fuck?

- It's Nick, leave a message.

- Hey man, it's Dylan.

I'm here, we said eight right?

Where are you guys?

Give me a call.

Jesus Christ.