Dumbstruck (2010) - full transcript

At the annual Vent Haven Convention in Ft. Mitchell, Kentucky, ventriloquism capital of the world, director Mark Goffman discovers five extraordinary characters straight out of a Christopher Guest mockumentary. But in this delightful, it's-all-true documentary, the characters are real, and so are the emotional attachments that they have with their "dummies."

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Mike check, check.


Hey, check-a.

♪ Pull the string,
and I'll wink at you ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

♪ I'll do funny things
if you want me to ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

in 30 minutes,

this place is gonna be crazy
with ventriloquists.

♪ Pull the little strings,
and I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

a lot of times,
the vents are really isolated,

like, "Hey, I'm the only vent
in my town,"

and they don't
have anybody to talk to.

So, here they get to talk
to people.

Yeah! Yeah!

Actually, quite a few
ventriloquists who started out

initially were quite shy
and are still shy,

and that's not an uncommon trait
among ventriloquists.

♪ Treat me good
and I'll do anything ♪

♪ I'm just a puppet,
and you hold my string ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

Welcome, everybody, to the 31st
vent haven convention.

What do you think of that?

31 times we've been here
and done that.

About 450 come every year --

as far away as New Zealand,
Australia, Japan.

Do you speak English?


I don't think
I'm playing with a full deck.

Come on, boy.
What are you betting?

I came to my first convention,

and I just fell in love
with the people.

Everyone's so friendly,
and everybody is like me --

talk to themselves and play
with dolls for a living.

Our next contestant,
Kimberly Yeager,

will now take the stage
with her special friend, Carson.

♪ I've been everywhere,
man ♪

♪ I've been everywhere,
man ♪

I actually got my start
with the miss Ohio pageant,

and I got to do my ventriloquist
act, the only ventriloquist

in so many --
I don't know how many years.

Our talent winner this evening
is Kimberly Yeager.

Our swimwear winner
is contestant number 18,

Kimberly Yeager.

The new miss Ashland,
number 18, Kimberly Yeager!

She made miss Ashland,
made miss Mansfield,

and then was in the miss Ohio,
and she really loved it.

But she had always played
with the little puppets and...

But I thought it would
kind of end as she got older.

That's a nice outfit.
You need another color on him.


I've got
the perfect color.

Okay. Come here.
I'll show you.
All right.

We've got eyes here.

Eyelids --
he can blink, blink, blink.

And this is what
it looks like inside.

Upper lip, nose.

And if it's all going,
it looks something like this.

Do you want to try it on him?
Here -- we'll put it on him.

That's good.

My name is Dylan Burdette,

and I hopefully will be
the next best ventriloquist.

So, here's 13-year-old
Dylan Burdette

from down the street!

Reggie -- I guess
he considers himself a pimp.

You know?

He's been interested
in it since he was 5,

so I can't ever remember a time

when he wasn't
playing with puppets.

My mom's kind of supportive of it.

She takes me here every year.

She's the one who buys me
all the dummies.

I'm not really sure
what my dad thinks of it,

but I think my dad wanted me
to get into other sports, so...

I don't quite understand

why Dylan picked a black figure
to use, but that's his choice.

I've always wanted
to hopefully find publicity,

to maybe get the word out
that I'm a ventriloquist.

And who knows? Maybe I'll
be able to be professional.

I'll get discovered.

Welcome to vent haven museum.

Is this
your first time, then?

The number-one element to being
a successful ventriloquist

is you have to be funny
to be good.

If you're technically
perfect at it,

you might get
very polite applause

and very appreciative applause,

but I don't know that people
would come back to see you

time and time again
unless you are very, very funny.

Little Gary, say "Hello."


I saw your mouth move.

Oh, uh...


When you're a kid,
you don't think about

whether you're good or bad.
You just do it because it's fun.

And I was beat up a lot
for being a sissy.

But I didn't care.
I liked it.

♪ Ahhhhh

It wasn't until
I got into college

that I was suddenly in amongst

a whole bunch of different
people that didn't know me.

That's where I brought the
puppets out of the closet again,

and things started to go
completely the other direction.

Instead of being picked on,
I was suddenly popular.

Shut up!
Let's play cards!

Why don't you play
that pair you got?

They look good.

Think again.

I need more drink.

Excuse me.
Bird here.

Bird here.
Bird here.

Bird here.
Excuse me. Excuse me.

I can't walk very fast.

I don't want to lay an egg.

Pretty much the rest of the family

wants nothing to do with this,

and they always try to tell me
to stay away from my aunt, also,

but I was in rough times,

and my aunt was the only one
that helped me out, so...

I'm going down to get drunk.

I can say things
through the characters that,

if I said it myself,
I'd be fired,

I'd be slapped in the face
or beat up.

But they can say stuff
and get away with it.

She was working, I think,
as a security guard,

and she got beat up
pretty bad,

and they had to wire
her jaw shut.

And of course they said,
"Well, you can't talk."

That's not gonna stop Wilma.

So that's how she started
to work on the ventriloquism,

and she found a way to talk
with her mouth wired shut.

Testing, one, two, three.

beware of the puppetmobile.

I want to thank you
for another great convention,

and see you again next year.

Safe travels, all right?

Since I was 10 years old,

I've been wanting to go
to the ventriloquist convention

and never was able to.

I was too young at first,
and then I was working,

and it was either money
or go to the convention.

Oh, no,
a ventriloquist.

Oh! Ho ho!
Ho ho!

What is your name, sir?

My name is Terry Fator.

And I'm Emma Taylor.

This is Emma Taylor.
I'm a singer.

Yeah, she's a singer.

Show us what you got, man.
All right.

Hit it.
What? Wait.
What are you doing? What --

Wai-- Emma,
do you know who that is?

You're gonna do
an impression of her?


All right.
Emma Taylor.

♪ At last


Whoa ho!

♪ My love has come along


Up until just
a very few months ago,

we were really,
really struggling.

I would, you know,
look up every single venue

that was possible
for me to play,

and it just never worked out,
never worked out.

And so I was out there,
you know, mowing lawns

and painting houses and just
trying to keep ourselves afloat.

I mean, I knew
how talented he was.

And I just kept telling him,
for years and years,

"It's just a matter
of the right people seeing you."

All right.

Terry, I have to tell you
real up straight--

when you came in, I thought,
"Oh, lordy, lord, not again."

But you are quite brilliant.
Thank you.

You really are.

I think you're on your way.
Anyway, that's just my opinion.

Thank you.

I work full time
as a ventriloquist.

I did 482 shows
last year.

You hungry, puppy?

Jasper, you are so spoiled.

I work for
the officer Phil company,

which books me
in all school assemblies,

and I do shows
all over different states.

We utilize magic
and ventriloquism,

with a safety message.

Lucky, what does a duck use
if he were to break his wing?

What would he use to fix it?

"Duck" tape.

If a duck were to get sick
and he needed some medicine,

who would he go to?

A "ducktor."

Lucky, what do you call
a cow and two ducks?

I don't want to do
any more jokes.

Come on, lucky.

I don't want to do any...


You guys
are making fun of me.

Oh, no, no, no, lucky,
you know --

oh, boys and girls,
I see what happened here.

He thought we were laughing
at him, making fun of him.

Hi, baby.

Go bye-bye?

I'm at a point in my life
where I'm 31

and I've been working for the
same company for 7 years now,

doing children's shows,
which I love, you know?

But I just want to -- you know,

I really don't have
anywhere else to go.

Thank you, mommy.

Sometimes I wish she would get out.

I mean, "Kimmy, just...

Find someone, get married, have kids."

"Mom, these are my kids."

I mean...You know?

I don't mean, like, settle down,
like she's wild or something.

She's not wild.
Just --

you meant settle down
and get married.

Yeah, and have kids
instead of her...

Puppet children...

...that she does.

Down here, this is, like, my main room,

where I have my puppets and all
the stuff that I kind of loved.

I was engaged at one point.

And, you know, the whole wedding
thing just didn't work out.

All the way there,
from the top to the bottom,

two rows of, like, wedding stuff
that never got used,

so I just stored it.

11 30-gallon tubs
of wedding stuff.

So I'm set for the next one,
if I ever get married.

You're so hot.
Give me a kiss.

Oh, stop it.

Get out of my face,
you pervert.

Hey, what's that mean?

I'm not gonna tell you.

Tell me.

I feel like, a lot of times,

I'm like,
"What am I doing here in this town?"

And just -- you know, I just --

there's something waiting
out there for me and I just --

I'm ready to get to it,

and I'm just not there,
and I'm here.

I just feel on edge, you know,
'cause I want to get there.

This is our boat.

We're going on a charter
over to coco cay.

Hi, mom. Hi!

After what happened to me with,
you know, my last relationship,

I went on a cruise with my
sister, just a weekend cruise,

and I performed with Bertha.

I just brought her along,
and I said, "Hey, I'd like to --

"I'm a ventriloquist.

Can I do a little bit
in the show?"

I want to get me some fried
chicken and mashed potatoes

and grits and okra
and green beans...

It was just so magical.

Everyone laughed.

They loved it,
and they were like,

"If you ever want to do cruises,
let us know."

Give it up for Kimberly Yeager.

The big thing is, you know,
I put my dreams on hold

for the last person I dated.

I did, and I thought I was gonna
have a different life with him.

And then that didn't work out,

so now it's like I'm back
to square one, pursuing --

my dream I've always
wanted to try was cruise ships.

So I'm not gonna let anyone
stand in my way this time.

I've worked for several
of the cruise lines

for a number of years now,

and pretty much
that's all I'm doing anymore.

It's a lot of fun.

It's taken me
all over the world.

We are here in San Diego,

And I'm just starting my season
working the Mexican riviera.


Cruise ships are very much like
the latter-day Las Vegas now.

They're putting on
big, splashy shows,

and they're bringing in
name entertainment,

and people can come into
beautiful theaters.

Setting sail --
it's a lot of fun.

You're embarking
on an adventure,

and it feels like that.

You need to sing
into the Mike.

Otherwise, the audience
can't hear you.

Is it on?
Yes, it's on.

It's on!
Don't do that again.

All right, now,
just --

Stop that, all right?
Sing into the Mike!

I'll bet you want
a signature, don't you?

Yes, I do.

You have such talent.

Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Thank you.

I am considered
a headliner act on the ship.

I mean, I'm excited
about having this

because I'm only one of
just two or three ventriloquists

that work this line.

So, you folks were
at the show last night.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you.

In the ventriloquist world,

really, the top of the heap
is cruise ships,

and that's what
you really want to get to.

I tried, man. For years,
I tried to get -- I did.

I've seen a lot of ventriloquists.

Dan's technique
is unbelievably good.

Part of the illusion
and magic of ventriloquism

is you have to create --

that character has to be
completely apart from you.

What's your name?


John, I'd like to say
two words -- "Rogaine."

I'm kidding!
That's one word.

do you like games?

How about peek-a-boo?

Don't do that!

It's taken me years
and years and years

to hone the craft
and to write the material

and to get the timing down.

John, he's manhandling me!
You're just sitting there!

I've never seen you
act like this.

What is your problem
here tonight?


I want --

The way to really be successful,
though, is to try to reach

a level of performing
where you're consistent,

where people feel like they're
seeing this for the first time.

They want to feel like
they've witnessed something

unique and in-the-moment.

Cruises -- this is a really
good opportunity.

It pays well.

It's exciting
because you're traveling.

If there is a downside -- and
this is a big one, I guess --

is it does keep you away from
your home and your family a lot.

I met my wife in the lobby

of the theater
where I was doing a show,

and we're about to celebrate
our 24th wedding anniversary.

So, it was ventriloquism
that brought us together.

I'm on the road a lot more now
than I used to be,

and we're both
very independent people,

we're both very committed
to each other,

and we just make it work.

When I do ventriloquism,

it actually does feel like
I'm talking to another person.

I can't explain it.
It just does.

I mean, I know that
kind of sounds weird,

but it actually does.

It's just out of this world.

I feel like I'm different
in everything that I do,

and all my friends think
that ventriloquism is strange,

but it's just
something that I love.

This is a place
where I like to think

without being bothered
by anybody.

I've got, like, a little
DVD player over there,

where I watch my acts
to see how good I am.

Over here -- I always
set my dummies on this

so I can kind of look in the
mirror, watch my lip movement,

and look at my performance.

I kind of just like
practicing by myself.

Once I get my act perfect,
then I like to show my family,

but it still
hasn't been perfected.

It's just kind of memorized
in my head.

Dylan, for being 13 years old,

is probably about
the smallest kid in his class.

And it's been that way
for a long time.

He's just very small.

Dylan is a very quiet,
shy person,

until he gets onstage.

And then
he's totally different.

And I think it's because
he has his friend.

It's like you have
someone up there with you,

and Reggie is the one
doing the work.

And Reggie --

Reggie hasn't been having
any girls come here lately.

That's why you...

I know he's very
passionate about the figure

and doing the ventriloquism.

There's a lot of kids out there
that are playing football,

and they have to practice
twice a day,

11 months out of the year.

So, I think those guys
are also pretty passionate

about what they do.

This is my motorcycle
right here, this yamaha yz250.

I've been riding
since I was 9 years old,

so I've been at it
for a long time.

Now, with the motorcycles and
some of the other activities,

I can kind of coach him
a little bit.

When it comes to ventriloquism,

I don't know anything about it.

Motocross-- I'm not the best.

I mean, I'm pretty good.

I just don't feel like I'll ever
be good enough to become pro.

I've had
a couple of wrecks,

and you've had
a couple wrecks, but...

This is Dave.

Hey, Dave, this is Dylan.

After the last convention,
I kind of thought, you know,

one show isn't really enough
per year,

so I decided to kind of
look in the phone books,

call every talent agency,
and I contacted them.

I called and said, "Hey,
do you hire ventriloquists?"

The whole thing's been Dylan,
and he called this place,

this talent agency
all by himself.

So, it's all been Dylan.

I have very little
to do with this.

Is this an act
that you've done before?

Uh, well, I just
wrote the script

about last week, so...

Do you have other pieces
that you've done in the past?

Yes, I do.

Okay, bring
some of that material, too,

so it's not just
a totally fresh act...

Dave-- he said, you know, "You're 13.

"I'm sorry,
I can't really hire you,

"but if you'd like,
once you're 14,

"you can come down to
the amazing portable circus,

"and we can talk to you and
see if you've got any potential

"for when we can hire you.

And you can come down here
and see what it's all about."

This is Dr. Fred.

Whenever somebody in our family
or somebody I know

is in the hospital,
Dr. Fred makes a visit

and checks the patient out --

not out of the hospital,
but checks the patient out.

Come on...


I went in the hospital.
They thought it was a stroke.

My whole left side
went numb.

So she brought in Dr. Fred
to cheer me up.

Well, we were making
so much noise.

It was like,
after about five minutes,

you forget
that Wilma's there.

You just start
talking to Dr. Fred.

a very good person.

If you're in trouble, Wilma
is right there on the spot.

Wilma sticks out and --
for good or bad, she sticks out.

For a woman that's 6'5",

she is just a bundle of joy,
and she's just fun to be around,

and she just puts herself
into it,

and she loves people.

God uses what gifts you have.

And if your gift
is ventriloquism,

that's what your medium
should be.

When I entertain, I love
going the whole nine yards,

decorating for my sets and all.

I've done a few shows
at maranatha.

They're just a great bunch
that come to that church.

You remember the ostrich.

I've put together
what I believe is my best show.

They will never
forget this show.

Hi, there.
How you doing?

How you doing there,

Hi, there.
Hi-yi-yi-yee! Hi!

You look hot.
Let me cool you down.

Okay, now, you guys have just
saw me draw this face.

Are you moving your eyes?


Can I have your name?

No, it's mine.

Oh, okay.
And -- and what is your name?


Art -- that's a good name
for a drawing.

I thought the show was great.

I mean -- but then,
I'm prejudice.

We have a special guest here.

Here is none other
but tigerman!

Everybody go, "Rah!"


Come on, let me hear you say, "Rah!"

All right,
we'll get started here.

Let's clap your hands.

There -- you can stand up.

Now clap your hands.
There you go.

Now stomp your feet.

Movement is good.

Here we go now.
Come on.


Everybody, who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Several of them came up
to me and even thanked me

for deciding to have an extra
added attraction in the show.

♪ We need love

try to stand up, everybody,
whoever can.

♪ We need love

nice and loud.

♪ We need peace

♪ We need peace

♪ Around the world

♪ Around the world

♪ We need love

♪ We need love

♪ And peace

♪ And peace

if I do a show
and I just get one person

to just forget
their troubles and laugh,

I've done my job.

And today, I saw
more than one person laugh.

I mean,
we had the audience --

well, I can't say
falling in the aisles,

because they were supported
by their walkers, but...

I did a show, and there was
one 12-year-old kid at the show.

And about 10 minutes
into the show --

I'm doing the show --
I'm thinking, "Oh, well,

it's only one kid,
but I'm gonna go ahead

and do a good show
for him, anyway."

And about 10 minutes into it,
3 teenage kids come in

and sit down,
and I'm thinking,

"Thank goodness.
Finally I'm getting a crowd."

About five minutes after that,
a guy walks in --

and I'm in the middle
of my show --

and a guy walks in and tells
the three teenage kids,

"All right,
let's go to work,"

and they started
folding the chairs up.

And I'm going, "Uh, well,
I guess the show's over."

It was horrible.
I was so discouraged.

And there were shows
like that,

where I would call Melinda
and I would say,

"Honey, I just don't know
if I can do this."

America has decided.

The winner of "America's Got Talent"

and the winner
of $1 million is...

...Terry Fator!

Way to go, brother.

We've got
one more surprise for you.

We know your dream
is to play Las Vegas.

Well, we're gonna make
that dream come true.

Home to some of the greatest
entertainment in the world,

and it is all yours,
Terry Fator.

What a night!

Congratulations to our
$1-million winner, Terry Fator!

A big, big round of...

So, when people come in now,

this is what
they'll witness.

And they're assuming
they're just seeing

your everyday

But unbeknownst to them --

go ahead, Sam, if you'd
raise that curtain.


Oh, that is cool.

That is unbelievable!

I just -- I cannot believe it.


Come on up and see your new chest.

A place to hang the jacket,
all the Cher stuff.

Oh, my gosh,
it's all here.

You know, I used to think
about winning the lottery

all the time, and I would pray,
I'd be like, "God, you know,

please let me win the lottery.
Please let me win the lottery."

And it was like a voice
in my head one day said,

"Look, I've given you
everything you need

to win your own lottery.

Now get out there and do it."
And I went, "Okay."

And I quit
buying lottery tickets,

and I started
working on my act.

Except most people
who win the lottery

don't get their name
in 8-foot letters.

Those are 10-foot.

10-foot letters.
Okay, yeah.

And we might put them
on 2-foot risers.

For somebody like me,
it's truly mind-boggling.

I -- you just -- you know,
I mean, I'm 42 years old,

and I've lived a completely
normal existence up to now.

And now all of a sudden,
I'm staying in this suite.

All right.
Thank you.

Enjoy the show tonight.

The one and only
Terry Fator!

So, what are you gonna
start off with tonight?

I'd like to do
my theme song.

You have a theme song?

I do now.

Since when have you had
a theme song?

Since I won "America's Got Talent."

Wait a second. Wait.

You won "America's Got Talent"?

Well, duh.

He went from playing Ferris festivals

to playing the Las Vegas Hilton,
all within one year.

And now we're getting offers

from just about
every major hotel,

wanting to build
the Terry Fator theater,

which is his lifelong dream come true.

My father, no matter what I would do--

I would do a show,
and my dad would say,

"Well, you're really
not that good,

but you're good at making people
think you're good."

And I was thinking --
so, all this time --

all my life,
I've thought I was a fraud,

and I thought
that the house of cards

was gonna come tumbling down

when everybody realized
I wasn't really that good.

Terry Fator was talking
about his drive and his passion,

and it took him 10 years
to get an act in Vegas.

He's one in a million.
You know?

I really think, though,
the first step is that drive

because if you have the drive,
and if you have the desire,

you'll find a way.

So, I guess the natural step
for a ventriloquist,

after you get
to a certain place,

is to go on the cruises
or to go into corporate or to --

the cruise industry
has changed a lot, though,

in the last few years.

The cruise lines really
prefer to work with people

that will go for longer
periods of time.

And when
you're away from home,

if you're on a ship
six to eight weeks,

it's very hard to start up

to maintain relationships.

Unless you meet someone
on the ship and get married.

I was just gonna say --
I know some people

that have met other people
while working on a ship,

but that's rare.

Now, my dogs -- I love my dogs,
and -- oh, I just don't know.

Most likely,
you wouldn't be allowed

to travel with your dogs.

How could I leave my dogs
for two months?

I mean, how do you do that?

How do I leave my kids
for two months?

That's -- that's a hard thing,
but if I don't,

I can't put a roof over their
head and food on the table.

Hi. How you doin'?
Come here.

I'm gonna give you a kiss.
You want to give me a kiss?

Oh! You go lay down.

Lay down.
Lay down right now.

I'm really excited about tonight.

Yes, because I'm gonna showcase
my adult routines and --

you know, 'cause I do
kids shows most --

the majority of the time,
it's kids stuff,

so I definitely
need the practice.

I need to get my puppets out
there and showcase,

you know, the adult shows.

♪ Oh, say, can you see

♪ By the dawn's early light

♪ What so proudly we hailed

♪ At the twilight's
last gleaming? ♪

Well, tonight we're
at the miss Mansfield pageant.

They're doing a thing
where they're bringing back

all the former miss mansfields
throughout the years,

and I was
miss Mansfield 2000.

So I'm here, and they asked me
to be a performer.

So I'm gonna be doing
my talent after intermission.

No way. Unh-unh.
I ain't gonna do it, Kim.

Okay, we'll come back to that.

So, the only thing left,
really, is talent.

I ain't got no talent, Kim.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

We are proud to present to you
12 intelligent young women

who tonight will vie
for the title of miss Mansfield.

You have
a really skinny waist.

Yeah, well, things don't
grow well in the shade.

Kimberly has asked me
to videotape her tonight.

She's trying to put together
a package that she can use

to send out, sort of like a
tryout tape or an audition DVD.

What were you thinking,

getting me up here
on this stage, Kim?

Well, you always said you wanted
to be in a beauty pageant.

Now, this is your chance.

Now, let's
look at the positives.

I ain't got none.
Come on.

Now, you have
a really skinny waist.

Yeah, well, things don't
grow well in the shade.

Bertha, come on.

Delayed reaction, Kim.

Yeah. They'll get it.

We're in Mansfield.

Bertha, like I said, you look
really pretty tonight.

No, I don't, Kim.
Look at these teeth.


These teeth make me
look like a horse.

A horse?

Every time I go
to the racetrack,

they try to put
a saddle on me.


Do you want me to comment, like,
on all the things I hate?

Well, you always said

you wanted to be
in a beauty pageant.

Now, this is your chance.

Now, let's
look at the positives.

I don't know.
I hate to watch myself.

No matter if I do good or bad,
I hate to watch myself.

I just -- I need to learn to be
a good critique of myself,

but -- I'm working on it.

This is kind of the point

where I am coming out
of my comfort zone.

Now it's, like, time to,
yeah, make new relationships,

meet people that can help me
in different ways, you know,

'cause my goals
are different now.

The only person
I could really think of

that would work out great
would be Tom ladshaw.

You know, I've come a long way.

I've got a lot of characters
that I think are really cool

and would be good
for a cruise ship.

Tom ladshaw -- he's a great guy,

very well-respected
in the vent community.

I think he's somebody that
really would be good for me.

But I need someone to help me
get my "act together."

I understand,
but ultimately, then,

the final goal
is the cruise ship.

Here's what I can do
for you.

I can help you build the act,
step by step.

You already have
the characters, which --

that's the biggest part
of the battle.

Now we'll put together
some material for you,

material that is going to work
in the particular venues --

the cruises.

And then, once we've got
the act ready,

once we've done it a thousand
times and polished it,

then we're going to contact
some people.

You know, I don't know
what my future holds.

You know,
I'd like to get married.

I'd like to have children.

I would like to do cruise ships.

All this has to fit, and I don't
want to be 40 years old.

I know this is something
I'm just --

I'm passionate about,
and I'm aching to do it.

When my dad gets out there,
I think I'll beat him.

He always makes up
the excuse that,

oh, if he gets hurt,
then he can't work, so...

He couldn't keep up.

Give me a chance.
I got to get warmed up.


I'm working up a pretty good
sweat out there,

and it's gonna keep me
wide awake

when I do that audition
later on, so...

Well, since I'm turning 14 soon,

I called Dave
at the amazing portable circus.

I asked him if I could audition.

It'll be just such an honor to
have Dave sign me as a client.

All right, the basics
of fire-eating --

one wand, a little fire,

one big idiot --
that's all you need.

There you go.

Now, you have to be careful

'cause sometimes when you're
working with magic rope,

it'll actually play tricks
on the magician,

just like I play tricks
on my audience.

if I'm not paying attention,

the ends will actually slide
from one side of the rope

to the other,
just like that.

Audiences want an expert.

They want to be in the hands
of somebody who's a master.

And Dylan's biggest holdback
might be the fact that he's 13.

So I'm eager to see
where he's at, talent-wise,

but I'm more eager to see
how he presents himself.

You're Dylan?

Nice to meet you, sir.

We do a lot more
than just ventriloquism.

We have 30 entertainers that
work with us on a regular basis.

They all work for us

One of the pieces of paper
that I'll be showing you

is the noncompete
that they all sign.

In exchange for that,
they get training.

In exchange for that,
they get lots of work.

If you are anywhere
in the greater Cincinnati area

and you see living statues,
that's us.

If you are anywhere
in the greater Cincinnati area

and you see stiltwalkers,
with the exception of one guy,

it's always us.

We dominate.
That's great.

And we do it on purpose.

You ready to perform?

I think so.

All right.
Uh, well, hello.

I am Dylan Burdette,
and, as you can see,

I am a ventriloquist.

And, uh, with that --

All right, the bell
you heard is the phone,

so sorry about that.

Let's just do it again,
and good luck.

All right.

And with that, I'd like you
to meet my right-hand man --

yeah, no kiddin'.

Uh, this is Reggie.

What's up?

So, um...

Let's see.

So, Reggie, uh, you know,
I understand

when we came down here,
we didn't really have an act.

So, in the car,
we just kind of discussed

what we'd like to share
our views and opinions about.

Yeah, I know.

So, uh...
Uh, all right.

Let's see.

Tell me, uh...

Uh, I don't know.

Maybe I should ask you
the questions.

You want to ask me
the questions?

All right. Sure.

Uh, well,
aren't you ever afraid

somebody might not laugh
at your jokes?

Uh, I don't know.

I don't really know the meaning
of the word "fear."

Yes, but you also don't know
the meaning of most words.

Dylan, here's where we're at,
you and I, as far as --

you called me
wanting a job, okay?

You're not at the place
where I could book you tomorrow.


But I think you could
do a birthday party.

And I think you could
do a school show.

And I think you could
do that this year.

But there's a lot of work

that goes between
where we're at today

and there, okay?

I was really surprised to see

that he did a brand-new piece
for us today.

I'd rather have seen him
do something

that he's well-versed on.

I actually said that to him
on the phone, too.

I'm like, "you don't have to do
brand-new material,"

for the exact same reason.

I mean, he didn't do that for
anybody, so he had absolutely...

Exactly. Same thought.

I'm pretty happy with my performance,

considering I didn't really
have, like, all year

to practice
and perfect that act.

But you looked like
you were pretty sad about --

about what he was saying.

To me, you appeared sad.

Mnh-mnh, no.
You weren't sad?


You got to pay your dues, no
matter what you do, sometimes.

You know?

When -- when
I'm falling apart,

I can't get these characters to
cheer me up because they just --

even when they try to talk
to me, they crack up, too,

and I mean crying.

But I don't
have any tear ducts.


"Warning -- your property
is about to be sold

without your consent
for delinquent taxes."

I guess some people, when you
get in this desperate situation,

they turn to their family.

Wilma went one way,
and they're the other way,

and that's the way
families work.

Her brother and my mom
want nothing to do with her...

...nothing at all.

Like, if they seen her
on the street,

they'd just keep walking.

They wouldn't even
say hi to her.

There's several reasons

I'm not in good
with my brother and sister,

but the main reason is
they hate what I'm doing.

And they hate ventriloquism.

She had medical conditions
when she was younger,

and she pretty much
chose differently

than what everybody else
would have thought of doing.

And that's why nobody really
wants nothing to do with her.

My whole family
pretty much told me

I was living with Wilma
too long,

but I don't understand
that one.

Wilma's helping me out.
I'm getting cleaned up.

The only thing I have left to do

is reach out for another
family of mine --

my ventriloquist family.

"Hi, everyone, normally I try
to keep my private life secret,

"but I'm at wit's end.

"And they say that, when you
have a problem, tell someone.

"Since you're the closest
to my relatives that I have,

"I'm hoping that one of you
can help me

"continue my ventriloquism.

"If I don't come up
with $1,079.42,

my house will be sold."

"Unless god comes up
with a miracle,

I'll be homeless on the 23rd."

My son -- he disappeared
from me at the age of 5.

He was taken away from me

because of problems with my ex

and my ex mother-out-law.

I never called her an "in-law."
She was always an out-law.

My son --

well, I call him Billy,
but he's now William, Jr.

Billy went looking for me
one time,

and they found out that he came
over to my parents' house,

which was
his grandparents' house.

When my mother-out-law and my ex
found out about it,

they said that I had died,
so he wouldn't stop.

But he still came over

'cause then he started trying
to find out where I was buried.

That's when they came up
with the cremation idea.

When I found out that, I...

I-I died, emotionally.

Because of Billy,

I've dedicated my life
to entertaining children.

I can't wait till you learn
how to dress yourself.


Okay. Now, you notice
it's not just the hand.

It's the head moving, too.

Do you want to try
putting her on your knee?

We are in Osaka, Japan.

I'm here to share what I do

with the Japanese
ventriloquists here.

Well, we're gonna talk a little
bit about manipulation

and moving of the arms here.


So, we've got that.

Maybe we've got a little --

a little scratch there
or a little fixing of the hair.

Dan horn's amazing.
His manipulation is impeccable.

He's the best ventriloquist I've
ever seen manipulate a puppet.

And when I go
to pick him up...


I'm gonna plop him down.

If the puppet has no movement,
it has no life.

It's got to have
some movement.

But it's got to be
lifelike movement.

Think of the movement
as coming from your wrist,

and everything else is going to
move around that movement,

as if there was
a string here.

It's not just this.

It's this.

A lot of what I'm seeing is just
very puppety-like movement

because nobody is giving any
kind of fluidity to the puppet.

They're not --
they're not grasping

that it's supposed to have
weight and mass.

You are very lovely.

I'm only recently being
introduced to what

the Japanese culture dictates
for their ventriloquists.

Somebody told me,
"oh, you hit your puppet.

You never hit your puppet."

Well, I don't --
I don't go around going,

"well, somebody said
I can't hit the puppet,

so I'm not gonna
hit the puppet."

It's foreign to me to think
that the people here

don't have
that kind of freedom

and to not have the freedom
to say, "oh, yeah?"


I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You can't hit the puppet!

Yeah, I don't
have to listen to you.

Domo arigato.

Mwah! Mwah!

I'm having a wonderful time.

But I have to go right back
to work on the ships.

The thing with the ships is,

if you're not doing the work,
they're gonna get somebody else.

I was thinking that,
if you came on in San Pedro,

then you could at least
go down as far as mazatlã¡n,

which is where I get off
and switch ships.

Yeah, I know,
that's what I thought,

but I thought it was worth
at least --

well, I know.

I just thought it was
at least worth asking

if maybe there was some way
to make it work.

I really miss seeing my wife.

That's the real price
you're paying

when you're doing
this kind of a job,

and it's really difficult.

Check, one, two.

"No business like show business" comes up,

and the announcer says,

"and now, all grown up
and back in corsicana,

it's Terry Fator!"

Well, we are so excited
to have Terry here tonight

because he's
"hometown boy makes good."

We are very proud of corsicana.

We are known as the fruitcake
capital of the world.

We sold out both shows
in the first day.

We sold over 1,200 tickets.

We had people waiting in line
at 4:00 A.M. in the rain.

Thanks. It's so good to see you,
Sarah. Oh, my god.

So many of these people here
in corsicana know Terry.

They remember seeing him onstage
here 20 and 25 years ago,

or they know his family.

It was very, very nice.

Thank you. Thank you.
Good to see you.


We didn't have a lot of money growing up,

and so we were constantly
getting evicted.

All of a sudden, you've only
been here for a few months,

but the next thing you know,

you're all packing up
and you're moving again.

And so I was very lonely
as a kid.

I started magic
when I was eight,

and I got really good at it.

I could shuffle one-handed,
you know, both hands,

and I was able to conjure coins
and all kinds of things.

And one day, my dad just --
he came in,

and he said,
"you're practicing too much.

You're obsessed with this."

And he took all my magic stuff
and threw it away

and said, "you're not allowed
to do magic any more."

And so, when I started doing
ventriloquism at 10,

I was just absolutely determined

that my father
would never see me practice.

So that's why I would practice

when I was doing
janitorial work --

because my dad would
drop us off at a building,

and I would sit there,
and we would work for hours,

and I would sit there
and practice and sing songs

without moving my lips.

♪ La la la la
la la la la la la la ♪

Mr. Terry Fator!

Thank you so much for coming
tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

You see,
I am a ventriloquist.

Get out of here.

I did not know
you did that.

Well, I do --

Do some for me.

You want me to do
some ventriloquism?

Right now?

In front of all
the people?

What -- you're putting me
on the spot.

What do you want me to do?
I want you to say,

"Peter Piper picked a peck
of pickled peppers,"

and don't move your lips.

"Therefore, I Clifford brown,

"the mayor of the city
of corsicana,

"do hereby proclaim
Thursday, January 24,

"as Terry Fator day in corsicana
and encourage all fans

and friends to participate
in this event."

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Unbelievable. Wow.

My goodness gracious.

Well, it was a lot of fun,
and I did see a lot of family,

but I didn't see my dad.

He didn't --
I didn't really expect to,

but he did not show up,

Good afternoon, and welcome to the mirage.

Well, today I'm here to announce
that we are continuing

the tradition
of great entertainment

with the signing of Terry Fator.

I'm overwhelmed
and so incredibly happy.

It's been a goal of mine to play
in Vegas for a long, long time,

and, of course, to get my start
at the Hilton and then come here

is just beyond
my wildest dreams.

can you get Terry a pen?

Oh, my.

Terry, just sit here, and Scott
and I will be on each side here.


It didn't register, you know?
You just --

you read this in the paper.
You don't --

it happens
to other people.

This doesn't happen
to me.

This happens to the guy
you read about.

This is
a pretty cool office, huh?

It's kind of nice.

Any more?

And he's got his own
parking spot...

Is that it?
And then, like, later, I went,

"Oh, my gosh!
I just signed with the mirage!"

Our next guest has so much talent,

after struggling for years,

he has just signed the biggest
deal in Las Vegas history.

Say hello to Terry Fator.

Well, I'm very excited.

This is where I meet
with my comedy writer,

which is pretty wild
to have a comedy writer.

I've always wanted one.

And now I have one.

We'll do a lot more of this

I've been writing for Terry
since the beginning of the year.

They wanted to get the show
funnier as fast as they could.

And after 20, 30 years
of putting a show together,

now he's got a year to make it
go from a really good show

to a perfect show.

You got to have some people
help you.

Winston losing his --
all the money --

I mean, bad choices --
huge laugh.

Wait a second.

You won $1 million?


If you're a millionaire,
why didn't you retire?

Why are you still working?

I made some bad choices.

You know what makes
the bad choices so good

is because the turtle's head
goes down.

You know,
"I made some bad choices."

And everybody's
made bad choices.

Like what?

Well, I gambled half of it
out there in the casino.

He should say,
"they comped my room,"

just like he says,
"I made some bad choices."

You gambled half a million
dollars in the casino?

but they comped my room.

I think that's cute.
Melinda even
added on to that.

She said, you know,
how about we comped the room,

"and I got a free buffet"?

A free buffet --
I think that's really cute.

And I got a free buffet.

The team comes up with some
fantastic ideas,

and Terry, because he's been an
entertainer for so many years,

puts his own little twist
on everything.

So, what did you do
with the other half a million?

I spent it
at the turtle ranch.

When I first came to work with them,

I thought the show
was about a six.

Now I think it's an eight.

I think in a couple more months,
it's gonna be a nine.

Then it's gonna take a year
to go from 9 to 10

because that's really hard.

I would love to move on to do cruises.

That's what --
I do want to do that.


I would so love to, like,
lay on a ship and do nothing

and sip nada coladas

And do shows and just...

Yeah, I think
I would like it a lot.

Hey, hey.
There she is.

Come on in.
It's good to see you.

You too.
How's everything?

All right, come on in,
and we'll get started.

We got a long day
ahead of us.

We do.

I'm excited to finally be here.

May I take your coat?
Yes, thank you.

I don't think it'll fit,
but I'll grow into it.

My sister and I are going
on a cruise in June.

What I would suggest doing
is let's see if we can

get this ready over
the next couple of months.

And when you get on the cruise,
talk to the cruise director,

tell him
you'd have some time.

And treat it as an audition.

And when it's over, say,
"well, what did you think?

"Honestly, I'm ready to do this,
and I'm available.

What can you do for me?"

The one number-one, main,
biggest, primo thing

that we're gonna work on
is material...

...because that's
the key to the act.
That is.

Bertha --
let's talk about her.

I got a real problem
with Bertha.
Oh, no.

I think you didn't
go quite far enough.

Do you like
Bertha's voice?

Um, here's the thing --
she's the beauty queen,

and that she doesn't know
what all the fuss about you

is about --
she's the beauty.

Right now,
Kimberly is simply playing her

as a country girl
from wherever,

and that's funny, but it's not
nearly as funny as it could be.

I think that's --

no, I don't want to hear what
you have to say anymore.

Get out of here.

I mean, oh, my gosh,

changing a character
after using it for so long --

it's like renaming your kid

and giving your kid
a new personality

and getting used to it.

I mean,
it's like they're my kids.

You can't be on a cruise ship
and have kids.

I mean, I still worry.

I mean...
You do?


Now, if you're
on cruise ships,

what if someone throws you off
or does something?

See? Now I'm gonna
worry about that.

Mom worries.

I mean,
but I don't know if --

I don't know if you should quit
your job and do it or --

you'd have to,
wouldn't you?

And then what if
it didn't work out?

It's the end of the season now,

and it's been
about seven months.

There has been some un--

I-I just recently did learn

that my wife and I
are going to be splitting up.

And so that's --

and a lot of it has to do

with the fact that
I'm away from home so much.

So, after 25 years of marriage,

she's decided that she just

doesn't want to be alone

Well, I would do it differently
if I could,

but I don't know
how to do anything else.

This is the only thing
that I have done

and the only thing
I'm trained to do.

I-i...don't know
what else to do.

We've mostly been doing this
all by e-mails,

and -- which is very strange.

It's very impersonal, but
it's also, I think, been good

in the fact
that we haven't been able

to let our emotions speak freely
and say hurtful things.

I'm thinking that I really
would like to go somewhere

and just get a really,
really strong Margarita.

All right.


So, what do you got
going on tonight?

I'm so hungry.

I got the key.

Two hours of sleep.

So, I'm here on the cruise
with my sister, Laurie.

Oh, wow, it's tiny.

We got the cheapest room

and our beds are very small.

This was a ton of work
to bring it all on here.

So, she has her crown.

She's now a diva.

I hated
being in the bag.

I ain't got no body.

I know. We'll change that
in a little bit.

Oh, good.

I got a whole new outfit made.

She had a breast reduction
right here, yeah.

Everything is, like,
kind of new on her,

and now I can just totally look
at her and see desmerelda.

I don't even see Bertha.

I do a different voice
with her now.

Get me a real diamond,

We'll see about that.


Hi. Great. Great.

You too.

So, I just went
to the information desk,

and they paged Jimmy,
the cruise director,

to see if I could meet with him

and talk to him
about performing.

Would it be possible
to talk in person?

We're set.
I got a meeting.

Hey, it's a first step,
step number one.

Hi. Are you Jimmy?

I am. Hi.
Nice to meet you.

I just asked him.
I said, "I do this.

I'm a professional

I'd like to break into
the cruise-ship industry."

And first
he said "no" right away.

He said the vice president is
on the cruise and they just --

everything is
perfectly timed out

and they just don't have
any room for it.

And I said,
"just a 10-minute opening."

And he's like, "well, let me
check and get back to you."

So, he's gonna put a letter
under my door.




Aah! Aah!

"Due to the nature
of this particular cruise,

I am unable to allow you
to perform." Hmm.

"There is just no room
in the schedule that allows it."

Oh, really?

"Many apologies, and we hope you
enjoy your cruise vacation."

It's got to be the fact that
there's 2,400 people on here

and they don't know you
from any other passenger,

even though Tony knows you.

I mean, I offered to do
an audition today.

I mean, they don't understand
how much I want to perform.

They obviously don't,

or they would have given me
five minutes.


Tony, the hotel director --
is he available?

I don't think so, no.

He would be
on the other side.
He'd be over there?

Over at the other offices.
Okay. Thank you.

This is stressful.

Very stressful.

Well, good luck.

This has been my dream.

I mean, it would be five minutes
in the show,

but it would mean
the world to me.

Even if I -- even at the end
of the show, if you say,

"hey, if you'd
like to stick around,

we have a passenger that wants
to debut a 5-minute thing --"

yeah. We can't do it.
We cannot.

Is there any way I could
talk to the vice president

and just explain to him,
like, I'm a passenger,

this has been my dream?

Here's somebody
just gave me $50.

Another one just -- I can't
believe -- it was $100.

Now this one --

$200 from one of my
ventriloquist friends.

And then others sent me $10,
$25, which --

every little bit helps.

Totally astonished.

Totally amazed.

They're my real family.

I think it's really wonderful

that she has this ventriloquist
family all over.

I think Wilma is very blessed
to have them,

and I think they're very blessed
to have Wilma.

I can't thank them enough
for their generosity.

But it shows how tight our
ventriloquist family really is.

I will see many of them
at the convention this summer,

and I'm going to thank each
and every one of them,

maybe even give them a hug.

I won't kiss them, in case their
wives are around.

I'm ready to go.
And I'll start doing this.

This means it's almost done

because I'm trying
to get people to cheer.

Tonight is my very, very first
show as the real headliner

at the mirage,
and tonight is the real deal.

So, it actually starts.

It's been about a year now

since I said that the show
was at a 6 on a 1-10 scale.

It's at a 10 now.

I am so grateful
that I get to be here.

You just don't know
what it means to me.

You will never --
nobody will ever understand.

Come on! Come on!

That's what
I'm talking about.

So, people wonder -- what do I
do before I'm ready for my show?

Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together!

Terry Fator!

When he was 14,

he would talk
about headlining in Vegas,

and tonight is the culmination
of everything

that he ever dreamed about.

♪ At la-a-a-st

♪ My love has come along

I think, you know, he kind of
felt at times like maybe,

you know, he had passed
his prime because he's 42.

But, you know, I always felt --
and I think he knew this, too --

Terry's talent is timeless.

What he does --
there's no age on it.

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah

♪ At la-a-st

♪ The skies above are blue

it was -- it meant a lot.

Um...that was one
of the most exciting things

and one of the most awesome
things for me as a mom.

♪ ...Night I looked at you

Thank you.

So much has happened
this year, and I --

there's one thing, though,
that I cannot wait for,

and that is the convention.

This year, I actually get to go.

♪ Pull the string,
and I'll wink at you ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

♪ I'll do funny things
if you want me to ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

how are you?

Our convention's a lot
like a family reunion.

We have people who have been
coming year after year.

So good to see you.

It's so fun to come back
'cause you see a lot of people

that you've known
over the years.

This is Mr. T. Rex.

I put the beard on, the jewelry,

and he pities the fool
that doesn't watch him.

♪ I'm yours
to have and to hold ♪

♪ Darling, you have,
you have so much soul ♪

♪ I'm your puppet

♪ Yeah, yeah

hi, everybody.
Did you fix the camera?

I think he's incredible,
and last year,

when he won
"America's Got Talent," I mean,

the vent community
was overwhelmingly happy.

I just think that has all
made a huge impact on audiences,

and that has created
a new excitement about --

in fact, new audiences
like this ventriloquism thing.

"This is really cool.
What is this?"

I haven't seen any
ventriloquists really before.

I just knew the ones in Sweden
and Terry Fator.


Thank you, Terry.

It's really nice
meeting you, finally.

Is this the new Julius?

Yeah, I'm Julius.

How you doing, Julius?
I'm a singer.

I have been saved
by my ventriloquist family.

I actually now have enough money

that I can actually save
the house from the sheriff.

Now, there's just no way
I can thank them,

but that's how solid
of a family we are.

Hey, hey.
What's up?

Hey, Tom!

How are you?

How are you?

It's good to see you.

There's this person
named Robin Cahill,

and she's kind of
the talent scout.

So, we're gonna have you
perform here,

and Robin's gonna watch
and say, "gee," you know,

"here's some
undiscovered talent."

All I need you to do
is one thing.

You got to sign up
on the open-Mike thing.

That's what she's gonna --

'cause she wants to see you in
an audience with other people.


Is this the order
that we perform in?

I don't know, ma'am.

So, without any further
ado, ladies and gentlemen,

the enchantress of song,
the mistress of melody,

miss desmerelda divine.

Thank you.
Thank you.

You're lovely.
You're too kind.

How you doing?

Oh, my gosh, I've followed
your career forever,

for many, many, many years.

I have followed yours
as long as I knew you.

Nobody knew me until...

Back in April, I was torn about
whether I should, you know,

jump ship and head home

and try to see if there was
something that I could do

to salvage my marriage.

But my wife
didn't want me to do that.

She wanted me
to stay on the ship.

As sad as it is,
I'm a performer, so this --

I made -- I made the only choice
I could make,

and that is to be who I am.

I saw you in Las Vegas,
and I just -- and I just,

I went up and met you after
the show and talked to you.

This was like two
or three years ago.
Oh, okay.

And I told my wife,
"my gosh,

this is one of the best puppet
manipulators on the planet."

I'm just so impressed
with your work.

Even when I'm unhappy
as an entertainer,

I'm still happy
as an entertainer.

I -- even when I don't want to
go out onstage, I'm tired,

I'm -- whatever's going on --
when you're out onstage,

I'm really happy
with what I'm doing.

I love what I'm doing.

So, what else
did you do for fun?

In the casino,
I made 500 bucks.

Oh, that's great.
What was your strategy?

Start with $1,000 and lose half!

Coming up next, we have a 14-year-old.

He likes coming to conventions,
meeting all of his friends,

and going to
the vent haven museum.

Please welcome to the stage
Dylan Burdette!

I felt like I was just
gonna pass out.

I mean, I felt like
my knees were shaking.

I mean, I could feel my face
getting hot.

That was not
a good sound.

He's getting taller.

It's finally-- you know,
he's finally getting there,

to where he's not gonna be a--

I was afraid he was gonna be,
like, a midget or something.

To have my mom there in the audience

was kind of embarrassing
but also kind of funny

at the same time.

She always says I don't
listen to her enough...

Or something like that,
I don't know.

I guess I --

Dylan met a couple
girls a couple weeks ago,

and they showed up
for his act today.

I didn't think they'd actually
want to come, so...

He was really good.

I thought
it was really funny

when he started, like,
flirting with the girls.

Kimberly -- oh, yeah,
that's right.

You sold me
this fine outfit.

Yes, you did.

It looks good.

I guess having a dummy might
make me a ladies' man.

I don't know.

Dylan. All right.

I'm just very excited
to meet you,

and I'm so glad
I got to see you perform.

I liked your routine.

It was very clever,
very creative,

and I'm excited to see what
you do in the future.

I think
you're gonna be okay.
Yeah, me too.

Everyone here is a lot
like family to me,

so a lot of people
were congratulating me,

and it was pretty fun.

I don't know if I'm ready
to go pro yet or not,

but I'm just hoping maybe
one day I'll be world-famous

like Terry Fator.

So, you look great.
You look really good.

Thank you.
Think you're ready?

Yeah. Like, I just heard that
Robin Cahill's here.

They're one of the biggest

cruise-line agencies
around, so...

And I hope it goes well. I'll
be out there pulling for you.

Thanks, Dan.
I appreciate it.

Oh. Well, good luck.
Oh, oh, wait.

I'm not supposed
to say that, am I?

No, don't say,
"break a leg."

This is my puppet.

Oh! Oh!

Very good body.

Style is very nice.

He's checking me out.

She does 500 shows a year
throughout the United States,

and this is the 501st one.

Here she is --
Kimberly Yeager.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the star of the stage,
screen, television,

and supermarket grand openings,
the enchantress of song,

the mistress of melody,
miss desmerelda divine.

Oh, that's terrible!

You just can't find
good help these days.

First message.

I dated George and Ben.

Clooney and Affleck?


Washington and Franklin!

So, what did you think?

Well, I guess it was okay,
I guess.

You guess?

So, uh, we got like
two or three minutes.

We'll go debrief and talk
about it and go over it.

We can do that?
Yeah, yeah, okay.

You ready for the bad news?

I didn't want to tell you
this beforehand.

She didn't show up.
Yeah, but you know what?

Now, seeing it --

now we're gonna be able
to watch that video

and tweak a few things, tighten
a couple of things up,

and make it
that much better.

I think a couple more times of
doing it in front of a crowd,

and you'll start getting
that feeling.

That's the feeling I got.

Yeah, me too.
Like, I felt that way, too.

I'm almost glad she didn't
see it because that was really

your first time running
in front of an audience,

and that's never when you want
the agents to see you.

Okay. Well, thanks.
Thanks for the advice.

I appreciate it.
I really do.
I'm glad I was here.

So -- yeah, me too.
Thanks, Dan.

We'll see you later.

That's all.

Okay, Wendy, now,

how would you like me
to do your hair today?

Well, I'd like to get it
dyed because it's too light.

We're gonna put a cape
on Wilma

so she doesn't
get all hairy, too.

Okay, we're gonna swing you
around a little bit.

I like this!

Did you? Good.

So, what kind of show
do you do, Wendy?

Oh, right now
I'm getting ready

to get married
to my fiancã©, Fred.

That's really nice.

How long have you
gone with Fred?

Three years.

Three years.

We haven't even had sex.

Oh, okay.


That's a little bit --
a lot of information.

Thanks, Wendy.

You're welcome.

To celebrate my house being
saved by my vent family,

we're gonna have a wedding
at the convention.

Dearly beloved, we've come together today,

in the presence of god,

to witness and bless
the joining together of this man

and this woman
in holy matrimony.

If any of you show just cause

why they may not
lawfully be married,

speak now, or else
forever hold your peace.

You better not!

The exchange
of wedding rings

has been removed
from this ceremony,

due to the fact that Fred
and Wendy's fingers

do not come apart.

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

Fred, you may now
kiss the bride.

That's right, you were telling
us about these characters.

This one is 107 years old.

That's 100?

Now, this is obviously
restored, right?

God, that looks great.

That's it.

I went over to the vent haven
museum for the very first time.

Where's Lisa? Lisa, can you
come up here for a second?

She took me on an amazing tour
of the vent haven museum.

I'm 43 years old.

It was the very first time
I'd ever had the pleasure.

First of all,
I wanted to tell you

that I'm donating the money
they're paying me to you guys,

but I'm also gonna donate
$10,000 to the...

So -- yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you so much!

You're so welcome.
Oh, my god!

Are you serious?

I'm serious, yeah, yeah.

That is such
a meaningful thing for us.

We operate on a limited budget,
and $10,000 --

we have to work
for that kind of money.

It's such a gift.

It is -- it is just a wonderful,
phenomenal thing for him to do.

I can't believe
that he is that generous.

It's awesome.

You want to say something?
What do you want to say?

I just want
all you people here

to know that
I love you very much.

Thank you, Winston.
Thanks for saying that.

You know, I couldn't have said
that better myself.

Go ahead.

I'm gonna do this song.

♪ I see trees of green

♪ Red roses, too

♪ And I think to myself

♪ What a wonderful world

Are you gonna do an impression?

I am gonna do an impression.

♪ I see skies...

There's a song

in Gilbert and Sullivan's
opera "ruddigore."

The Jester is singing about
what it takes

to be an entertainer.

And one of the lines is,

"though your wife ran away
with a soldier that day

and took with her
your trifle of money,

bless your heart --
they don't mind.

They're exceedingly kind.

They don't blame you,
as long as you're funny."

♪ I see skies of blue

♪ Clouds of white

♪ Bright blessed days

♪ Dark sacred nights

♪ And I think to myself

♪ What a wonderful world

♪ The colors
of the rainbow ♪

♪ So pretty in the sky

♪ Are also on the faces
of people going by ♪

♪ I see friends shaking hands ♪

♪ Saying, "How do you do?"

♪ They're really saying

♪ I love you

♪ I hear babies cry

♪ I watch them grow

♪ They'll learn much more
than I'll never know ♪

♪ I think to myself

- You finish it.
- Okay.

♪ What a wonderful world

♪ Oh, yes

Thank you.

Thank you very much!
Thank you!

Thank you!
Thank you so much!

♪ When nobody else
seems to understand ♪

♪ How happiness is found
in the palm of your hand ♪

♪ Can make you laugh

♪ Make you cry

♪ A little piece of wood
that's come to life ♪

♪ Brighten up your days
and lonely nights ♪

♪ When you've got

♪ A special friend
who speaks your mind ♪

♪ Anytime

♪ When you've got

♪ A special friend
by your side ♪

♪ For the ride

♪ People think we're weird

♪ You can think we're strange

♪ Think about the sun
on a cloudy day ♪

♪ Risking everything
just to see you smile ♪

♪ Spreading joy around
mile after mile ♪

♪ 'cause the world's a funny
place when you're dumbfounded ♪

♪ And you've got

♪ A special friend
who speaks your mind ♪

♪ Bah bah bah

♪ Anytime

♪ Bah ba-woo

♪ When you've got

♪ A special friend
by your side ♪

♪ Bah bah bah

♪ For the ride

♪ Bah ba-woo

♪ 'cause the world's a funny
place when you're dumfounded ♪

♪ And you've got

♪ A special friend
who speaks your mind ♪

♪ Bah bah bah

♪ Anytime

♪ Bah ba-woo

♪ La la la la la la

♪ La la la la la la la

When the show
"America's Got Talent" was on,

I stopped watching when
the last juggler got eliminated.

I'm hearing that a ventriloquist
won that, and good for them.