Dumb and Dumber (1994) - full transcript

Harry and Lloyd are two good friends who happen to be really stupid. The duo set out on a cross country trip from Providence to Aspen, Colorado to return a briefcase full of money to its rightful owner, a beautiful woman named Mary Swanson. After a trip of one mishap after another, the duo eventually make it to Aspen. But the two soon realize that Mary and her briefcase are the least of their problems.

Excuse me.

Could you tell me how to get

to the medical school?

I'm supposed to be doing a lecture

in about 20 minutes,

and my driver's

a bit lost.

You go straight ahead,

and, uh, you make a left

over the bridge.

That's a lovely accent

you have.

- New Jersey?

- Austria.

Austria! Ha ha!

Well, then...

G'day, mate.

Let's put another

shrimp on the barbie.

Let's not.

Oh.

Now, who's got

the wiener schnitzel?

Beautiful.

There you go, Dolf.

There you go, buddy.

Yeah.

Let's see.

Next, we got

roast beef au jus.

Who's got

the roast beef au jus?

Stella, beautiful.

Bon appetit, Stella.

Oui oui, yeah.

Walk away.

Go on. Go on.

Last but not least...

foot-long!

Who's got the foot-long?

There you...

very funny, rascal.

Very funny.

In your dreams.

Harry, why haven't you

dropped those dogs off at the show yet?

Uh, sir, I didn't

want to send them

to a performance

on an empty stomach, sir.

- Get a move on it!

- Yes, sir.

Mutt cutts.

10-4.

Whew.

Suck me sideways.

Hello.

How are you?

Uh-uh-uh... uh...

uh-uh-uh...

I'll be out

in one minute.

Ow.

Why are you going

to the airport?

Flying somewhere?

How'd you guess?

I saw your luggage.

Then when I noticed

the airline ticket,

I put two and two

together.

So where're you headed?

Aspen.

Mmm... California.

Beautiful.

Name's Christmas,

Lloyd Christmas.

I'm Mary Swanson.

This isn't my real job,

you know.

- No?

- Nope, my friend Harry and I

are saving up our money

to open our own pet store.

That's nice.

- I got worms.

- I beg your pardon?

That's what we're going to call it...

I Got Worms.

We're going to specialize

in selling worm farms,

you know,

like ant farms.

What's the matter?

A little tense

about the flight?

Something like that.

There's really nothing

to worry about, Mary.

Statistically,

they say you're more likely

to get killed

on the way to the airport,

you know, like in a head-on crash

or flying off a cliff

or getting trapped

under a gas truck...

That's the worst.

I have this cousin...

well, I had this cousin.

Lloyd, could you keep

your eyes on the road, please?

Oh. Yeah.

Good thinking.

Can't be too careful.

A lot of bad drivers

out there.

Hey, watch it!

Okay, gang,

you know the rules...

no humping, no pushing,

no sniffing heinies.

Where have you been? My dogs were

supposed to be here 40 minutes ago!

Now I hardly have any time

to primp them.

Don't worry about a thing,

Mrs. Neugy-burger.

- Neugeboren!

- Neug-neug-neug...

- Boren!

- Boren.

These pooches aren't going to

need any primping.

You know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because I bathed them

and I clipped them myself.

And I stand by

my performance.

You know,

on second thought,

you might just want to run

a comb through 'em.

The white zone is for the immediate

The white zone is for the immediate

loading and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Oh no, Mary.

I couldn't possibly

accept that,

not after all

we've been through.

Thank you, Lloyd.

- Uh, good luck with your worms.

- Yeah.

Hey.

How about a hug?

The white zone

is for the immediate

loading and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

Oh.

I hate goodbyes.

Oh.

Uh, Lloyd...

Shh!

Just go.

Be strong.

Mr. Dan Mitchell,

please pick up

the white courtesy phone.

Mr. Dan Mitchell, please pick up

the white courtesy phone...

She's gonna leave the briefcase

near the escalator.

- You make the pickup.

- Piece of cake.

ugh!

Hi!

Passenger Maura Tadge,

please pick up

the white courtesy phone.

You have a message.

Passenger Maura Tadge.

Agh! Mary!

There's our payday.

She left it.

Let's go.

Excuse me!

Coming through!

Move it or lose it,

sister!

Hey!

Eenie...

meenie... minie...

mo!

Hold that plane!

Sir, you can't

go in there!

It's okay!

I'm a limo driver!

Agh!

Whew...

Hi, Lloyd.

Hi, Harry.

- How was your day?

- Not bad.

Fell off

the jetway again.

Who the hell you figure

this guy's

working for, anyway?

I don't know.

We sure as hell

better find out.

The ulcer?

I'll live.

- So you got fired again, huh?

- Oh, yeah.

They always freak out when you leave

the scene of an accident, you know?

Yeah, well,

I lost my job too.

Man! You are

one pathetic loser.

No offense.

No. None taken.

Ha ha ha!

You know what really

chaffs my ass, though?

I spent my life's savings

turning my van

into a dog.

Hi, Petey!

The alarm alone

cost me 200.

Hey!

Chicks love it.

It's a shaggin' wagon.

What's with

the briefcase?

It's a love memento.

The most beautiful

woman alive,

I drove her

to the airport.

Sparks flew,

emotions ran high.

She actually

talked to me, man.

Get outta here.

Oh, yeah yeah.

Tractor beam...

Sucked me right in.

Anyway...

She left this

in the terminal

and flew to Aspen

and out of my life.

What's in it?

Man... I would

have to be a lowlife

to go rootin' around in somebody else's

private property.

- Is it locked?

- Yeah, really well.

There's two of them.

One of them's got a gun.

Did you pay

the gas bill?

Hey...

Do you realize what you've done?

I'm sorry.

I say we bail.

Okay.

Briefcase ain't here.

They must have

taken it with them.

Well, he's got to

come home sometime.

Maybe we should

trash the place,

send him

a little message.

I don't think he's going to get

that message, Joe.

I mean, the guy's got worms

in his living room.

Well.

Oh, I got

a better idea.

"I thought I taw

a puddy cat.

I did. I did."

I can't believe

we drove around all day

and there's not

a single job in this town.

There is nothing,

nada, zip!

Yeah, unless you want

to work 40 hours a week.

Pfft!

Here. I'm going to

go to the store.

Okay, just get

the bare essentials.

This is the last

of our dough.

Hey. What do I

look like?

Cripes!

Excuse me,

little old lady.

Uh, do you have

change for a dollar?

Change?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't.

Oh... well, uh,

could you do me a favor

and watch my stuff here

while I go

break a dollar?

- Of course.

- Thanks.

Hey. I guess

they're right.

Senior citizens,

although slow and dangerous

behind the wheel,

can still serve

a purpose.

I'll be right back.

Don't you go dying on me!

- Ugh!

- Where's the booze?

I got robbed

by a sweet old lady

on a motorized cart.

I didn't even

see it coming.

Oh...

- Harry?

- No...

- No...

- Harry. Come on, Harry.

Cheer up.

It gets worse, Lloyd.

My parakeet Petey...

- Yeah?

...he's dead.

Aw...

Oh, man.

I'm sorry, Harry.

What happened?

His head fell off.

His head fell off?

Yeah, he was pretty old.

Ugh!

That's it.

I've had it

with this dump!

We got no food.

We got no jobs.

Our pets' heads are falling off!

Okay, just calm down!

What the hell are we

doing here, Harry?

We gotta get

out of this town!

Yeah? And go where?

Where are we gonna go?

I'll tell you where,

someplace warm...

a place where the beer

flows like wine,

where beautiful women

instinctively flock

like the salmon

of Capistrano.

I'm talking about

a little place called...

Aspen.

I don't know, Lloyd.

The French are assholes.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

I know what you're up to, mister.

Yeah! You just

wanna go to Aspen

and find that girl

who lost her briefcase,

and you need me

to drive you there!

- Right? Am I right?

- Yeah. So?

- Am I right? Am I right?

- Yeah! So?

So I wanna go someplace

where we know somebody

who can plug us into

the social pipeline.

No! No no no!

No, Lloyd!

No! I say we stay here,

we hunt for jobs,

and we keep saving our money

for the worm store!

I don't know about you,

but I am getting

sick and tired

of-of running

from creditors!

You know what I'm sick

and tired of, Harry?

I'm sick and tired of having to

eke my way through life.

I'm sick and tired

of being a nobody.

But most of all...

I'm sick and tired

of having nobody.

Okay, Lloyd.

Aspen it is.

You'd better not

be foolin'.

Okay okay,

just let it out.

Have a good cry.

Come on.

Okay.

Okay, that's enough.

Lloyd,

what are you doing?

It feels like you're running

at an incredible rate, Harry.

Would you quit it?

We're not even through Connecticut yet,

and already

you're annoying me.

- Sorry.

- Jeez.

- We're really doing it, aren't we?

- Yeah.

Hey, where'd

you get those?

I bought them

when we filled up.

Well...

We're supposed to talk

about all

expenditures, Lloyd.

We're on a very

tight budget.

This didn't come out

of our travel fund.

Oh.

No, I was able to raise

25 extra bucks

before we left.

Where did you get

25 extra bucks?

I sold some stuff

to Billy in 4C.

The blind kid?

Yeah!

Yeah.

What did you

sell him, Lloyd?

Stuff.

- What kind of stuff?

- I don't know.

A few baseball cards,

a sack of marbles...

Petey.

Petey?

You sold my dead bird

to a blind kid?

Lloyd, that-that...

what are you...

Petey didn't even

have a head!

Harry,

I took care of it.

Pretty bird.

Yeah. Can you say,

"pretty bird"?

Pretty bird.

Yes, pretty bird.

Pretty bird.

Polly want a cracker?

Those rat bastards.

They're rubbing it

right in our faces.

Man, Andre'll have

a goddamn hemorrhage

if we don't get

that briefcase back.

They must have been

following us for weeks.

- Why you say?

- "Gas Man."

How the hell do

they know that I got gas?

They gotta be pros.

Don't worry.

We're going to get that money back.

And I'll tell you

something else,

they ain't never

getting to Aspen.

I'm going to see to that.

They got The Monkees.

They were a major influence

on The Beatles.

Yeah, I know.

Excuse me, Flo?

Flo, like the TV show.

Uh... what is

the "soup du jour"?

It's the soup of the day.

Mm-hmm...

That sounds good.

I'll have that.

Anything else

before I leave the area?

No... yeah...

yes yes,

my soda's flat.

It doesn't have

any bubbles.

Happy now?

Feels good to mingle

with these laid-back country folk,

don't it, Harr?

I like it a lot.

- Uh-oh.

- What? What's the matter?

You spilled the salt,

that's what's the matter.

Spilling the salt

is very bad luck.

We're driving

across the country.

The last thing we need

is bad luck.

Quick. Toss some salt

over your right shoulder.

Uh-oh, too little

too late, Harry.

Who's the dead man

that hit me with the salt shaker?

Well... uh...

it was a terrible

mistake, sir.

Please, believe me.

I would never do anything

to offend a man

of your size.

Kick his ass,

Sea Bass!

You gonna eat that?

What? That?

No... yes... no.

Well... no,

it crossed my mind.

Yeah.

Still want it?

Nah, you go ahead.

You really

wimped out, man.

What are you talking about,

wimped out?

Well-well, did you...

the guy hawked on my burger!

Hey, wait a second.

I think I just...

Yeah...

I just had an idea.

Follow me.

Whew.

Excuse me. Guys?

What the hell

do you want?

Uh... I just want

to apologize

for that uh...

unpleasant scene

a little earlier.

My friend Harry and I

would, uh...

like to buy

you guys a...

round of beers...

just to bury

the hatchet.

Make it

four boilermakers.

Whatever you want, sir.

I'll have the waitress

bring it over immediately.

Lloyd, what are you doing?

We can't afford

to buy them drinks.

Um... excuse me.

Sea Bass and the fellas

offered to pick up our check.

They said just put it

on their tab.

They're very nice.

Sea Bass said that?

Well, if uh...

that guy at the table

over there is Sea Bass.

Ah! Uh.

All right,

if that's what he wants.

Put these

on there too, okay?

You got it.

I'm gonna kill

those sons of bitches!

That was genius, Lloyd,

sheer genius!

I mean, where did you come up

with a scam like that?

- Saw it in a movie once.

- That was incredible!

So what happened?

So the guy tricks some sucker

into picking up his tab,

then gets away with it scot-free?

No, in the movie, they catch up to him

a half-mile down the road

and slit his throat.

It was a good one!

Wow.

- Harry?

- What?

I know this isn't

the best time, but...

- when you get a chance to pull over...

- Yeah?

- I gotta pee.

- What, are you crazy?

I'm not pulling over now.

But I gotta go!

What am I supposed to do?

Well-well, whiz in one of the empty beer

bottles in the back.

They're on the floor.

Just get one of...

- Jeez, Lloyd!

- Quit moving around!

Huh! What...

Shit!

- Watch the seat! Watch the seat!

- Okay!

All right!

Ahh...

Ahh...

- Uh-oh.

- What? What's wrong?

The bottle's almost full

and I'm still going.

- So stop going.

- I can't stop going once I've started.

It stings.

Quick! Get me

another bottle.

- What?

- Come on.

Hurry hurry hurry

hurry hurry hurry!

Come on! Come on!

Okay okay, here

here here. Hold it!

- Hold that.

- Jesus.

Hold that one.

Hurry.

I'm pinching it.

What are you,

a camel?

Pull over!

- Huh?

- Pull over!

No, it's a cardigan,

but thanks for noticing.

Yeah.

Killer boots, man!

Pull your vehicle

to the side of the road!

License and registration,

please.

You fellas were going a little fast back

there, wouldn't you say?

You, uh...

you fellas been doing

a bit of boozing,

have you?

Sucking back on Grandpa's

old cough medicine?

No. Oh no, sir.

- No no no.

- No, huh-uh.

Yeah, well,

what's that?

- That's nothing, sir.

- Yeah, nothing.

Yeah well, you aware that

it's against the law

to have an open

alcohol container

here in the State

of Pennsylvania?

Come on,

give me that booze,

you little pumpkin-pie-

haircutted freak!

Come on!

Sir, no, I- I...

No, sir, don't.

Don't drink...

You'd keep

your mouth shut

if you knew what was

good for you, buddy.

Tic Tac, sir?

Get the hell

outta here!

How could they not

have gotten the ransom?

It just doesn't

make sense.

I left the money exactly where they

instructed me to.

Oh, it makes

perfect sense, Mary.

We should have called

the authorities

the minute we knew

that Bobby was kidnapped.

Now, Helen, we've been

through this already.

- Mr. Andre.

- Nicholas.

- Karl.

- Nick Nick Nick.

Any word yet, sir?

No, nothing yet,

Nicholas.

I've been giving this

a lot of thought.

Maybe we should cancel

the preservation benefit

this weekend.

It would be so easy

to reschedule it.

No, I don't think we should do anything

out of the ordinary.

Yeah, she's right. It's imperative that we

carry on as usual...

- Okay.

...especially you, Mary.

What am I

supposed to do,

just go about my life

like everything is fine?

That's exactly

what you should do.

Yes, go skiing, go to parties,

act normally, you know.

Yeah, don't you see,

honey?

We can't let on

that anything's wrong.

If the press or the authorities

get wind of this,

the kidnappers

may panic.

Mm. I mean,

you never know

what they might

do to him then.

So he says,

"Do you love me?"

And she says, "No, but that's

a real nice ski mask."

Hey, man,

what's that?

Whoo!

Ahh...

eh?

Aah!

Aah!

Oh! Oh!

Whoa!

You want me

to drive?

No, I'm cool.

Yeah!

Get her!

Ohh.

This is the life...

cold beer, a hot tub

and paper-thin walls.

There's only one thing that could make this

moment any better.

What's that?

If you had a nice set

of knockers.

That's two things, Lloyd.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing you're not

stacked, Harry,

or I'd be banging you

right now.

I'd show you what

a real man can do.

Split you like an

old piece of firewood.

You'd probably like it too,

you big homo.

Shut up.

Don't tell me

to shut up, woman.

I don't know, Lloyd.

You know,

this place doesn't

really do it for me.

It brings back

a lot of memories.

Pour quoi?

It was a few years ago.

What happened, Harry?

Some little filly break your heart?

No, it was a girl.

- Oh.

- Fraida Felcher.

Yeah, we stayed in a place

just like this.

Wasn't this classy,

but, you know, nice.

Felcher?

From Cranston?

Yeah.

You know her?

Oh, yeah!

I mean,

I remember you...

talking about her.

We had the most incredibly

romantic time.

I thought we were gonna be

together forever,

and then about a week later,

right out of the blue,

she sends me

a John Deere letter.

- She give you any reason?

- Yeah, I called her up.

She gave me

a bunch of crap

about me not listening to her

enough or something.

I don't know.

I wasn't really paying attention.

But the thing

that hurt the most

is I think she was

seeing another guy.

Never did

find out who.

Mr. Andre, guess who

we just happened upon?

- Yeah.

I had plans.

- Things I wanted to do.

- Yeah.

This is where it all ends...

at a phone booth.

Yeah. The boys are holed up

in a little love-nest

for the night.

I think they're

a little bit strange.

What the hell are

these guys up to?

I mean, is it possible

that they could be feds?

Highly unlikely

from what I've seen.

Sir, did you

ever hear

of the concept

of other people?

Um... me being that

for the phone,

sir.

Oh, you turned

your back on me.

Ho ho ho!

He got me mad. I almost like it.

You and Shay were

supposed to grab that bag

- so we could end this shit!

- Here's your drink, baby.

Do you know the damage

I could do to you?

Hold on a minute.

Hmm.

But that's not

your problem.

You didn't know.

Get off

the phone.

Get off the pho...

I'm sorry, Mr. Andre.

You were saying?

Look, Mental,

these jokers have got a lot of money

and it belongs to me!

Now, I want to know who they are

and what they're doing with it!

Hey hey hey, I told you already.

I'm on it.

- All right?

- Good.

According to the map,

According to the map,

we've only gone

about four inches.

You know,

I don't think

we have enough

gas money.

Relax. We have

more than enough.

I think

you're wrong, Lloyd.

How much

you wanna bet?

I don't bet.

What do you mean,

you don't bet?

I mean I don't bet.

I don't gamble.

Pussy pussy pussy!

- I never have, and I never will.

- Yeah, right!

I'll bet you 20 bucks

I can get you gambling

- before the end of the day.

- No way.

- I'll give you 3-to-1 odds.

- Nope.

- 5-to-1?

- Nope.

- 10-to-1?

- You're on.

I'm going

to get you.

- Huh-uh.

- Oh, yeah.

I don't know how,

but I'm going to get you.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Nuh-uh.

Come on, Joe.

Let me do them.

Let me do

both of them.

You wouldn't even have

to worry about it.

Just shut up!

Now, we don't even know

who the hell they are.

You don't kill people

you don't know.

That's a rule.

Now, I want you

to get up here,

lie down

on the front seat.

When they pick me up,

you follow us. You got that?

Keep your shirt on.

I gotta squeeze a lemon.

Hey, hey, hey.

Here they come.

Stay down, stay down!

Say, uh, are you guys

going to Davenport?

My car died, and I'm late

for a luncheon.

We usually don't

pick up hitchhikers,

but I'm going to go with my instinct

on this one.

Saddle up, partner.

You're it.

- You're it.

- You're it! Quitsies!

Anti-quitsies.

You're it. Quitsies. No anti-quitsies.

- No startsies.

- You can't do that.

- Can too.

- Cannot. Stamped it.

Can too. Double-stamped it.

No erasies.

Cannot. Triple-stamped it.

No erasies.

You can't triple-stamp

a double-stamp!

You can't triple-stamp

a double-stamp, Lloyd!

You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp.

Lloyd! Lloyd!

Guys! Enough!

Hey, you wanna hear the most annoying

sound in the world?

Guys! Guys! Guys!

Fellas,

you think we could

listen to the radio

or something?

Radio?

Who needs a radio?

Ready, Harry?

Hey, Lloyd, look! There's some people

who want a ride too.

Pick 'em up!

You want an atomic

pepper, Mr. Mentaliano?

Nah, you guys

go ahead.

I'll do it

if you will, Lloyd.

Okay.

You go first.

No, huh-uh, no,

you go first.

- No, you go first.

- No, you go first.

- No, you go first.

- I always go first!

Why don't you guys

both stop acting

like a couple

of pussies

and go at

the same time, huh?

- That sounds like a dare, Harry.

- It's a double-dare.

Yeah, okay,

you're on.

Mmm!

- Huh. It's not so bad.

- Uh-huh.

Yeah. It's more

tingly than hot.

Yeah.

Agh!

Uh, if you fellas

would excuse me,

I've got to use

the phone.

Enjoy your meal,

guys.

Here, Lloyd,

this helps!

Here here.

It...

it works good.

Ugh!

Yeah, it's Mental.

I'm just sitting down

- to a nice meal with our boys.

- Well, how nice for you.

Don't forget that your bread plate

is on the left!

Look, I can't have these guys

running around Aspen.

Don't worry. They ain't gonna be

runnin' around nowhere

after I dump a little rat poison

in their Shirley Temple.

- Good good.

- Okay, that's good.

Here he comes.

Here he comes.

Feeling better,

girls?

Yes, much better.

Thank you for asking.

So why are you going

to Aspen? Vacation?

Why don't you eat up

and we'll tell you?

It just doesn't seem like

you packed much.

All I saw was one bag

and that briefcase.

Well, no no, the briefcase

isn't even ours.

Some lady left it

at the airport.

We're just bringing

it back to her.

How's your burger?

You mean, you don't

even know her?

I mean,

talk about being in the wrong place

at the wrong time.

Are you okay, man?

It was just a goof.

Oh, my ulcer!

Quick!

My pills!

Maybe somebody should

call an ambulance.

Look, uh,

you get the pills.

Don't worry.

I know CPR.

I'll get

the pills.

Out with the bad air,

in with the good.

- Out with the bad air...

- Get off!

Ugh!

Agh, don't!

Don't don't!

Back back!

This is a lot easier

if you just lay back.

- Here.

- He's resisting me!

Here.

Here we go, here we go.

Pills!

- There you go! There you go.

- Pills are good!

- Take 'em down.

- Pills are good!

- Drink 'em down.

There you go.

- There you go, big guy.

- That's better!

You want some ketchup

and mustard?

That helped us.

Son of a bitch!

Check, please.

I can't

believe it.

Life's a fragile

thing, Harr.

One minute you're

chewing on a burger,

the next minute

you're dead meat.

But he blamed me.

You heard him.

Those were

his last words.

Not if you count

the gurgling sound.

- You mean he was poisoned?

- No doubt about it.

We found these

next to the body.

- Sir.

- Yeah?

Waitress says he came in with

a couple of younger guys.

Now they're the ones who called the

ambulance, and then they hit the road.

- Get any idea where they were going?

- We just received a report

that they were seen headed west on l-80

towards Colorado.

Did you get a make

on the vehicle?

Uh, yes, sir.

They're driving

an '84... sheepdog.

Skis, huh?

That's right.

Great.

They yours?

Uh-huh.

Both of 'em?

Yeah.

Cool.

Um, excuse me,

but you're, uh...

you're spraying

everywhere.

Oh!

Oh, man, you gotta be shitting me.

If it ain't

my old friend!

And right on time.

That's a lot of luggage

for a little vacation.

- I'm moving to Aspen.

- Oh.

I've got to get away from my boyfriend.

He's such a klutz.

Plus, my astrologer told me that

I really should stay away

from accident-prone guys,

so, you know.

Oh, well,

you know, I...

Here. It's a little loose.

You might want to...

- Mm. Thank you.

- Oh, no. Hey, no, allow me.

I've got

a thing of...

here.

Got 'em right here. Right here.

Thank you.

Sure. You know, I'm heading up

to Aspen myself.

Maybe we could,

you know, meet up,

have some hot chocolate

or something.

Sure, why not?

You seem harmless.

I'm going to

give you my number.

- Let me find a pen though.

- Great!

- Let's see.

- That's... ah!

- I know I have one in here somewhere.

- Look, why don't you

just tell it to me?

I got a really good memory.

- Well, the number's 555...

- 555.

905... wait a minute.

That's my old number.

That is so weird how

your mind just goes blank.

For God's sakes, just

give me the damn number!

Okay, look, uh, you gonna get pushy,

forget about it.

Find a happy place.

Find a happy place.

Find a happy place.

I'll show you

a happy place.

Here's your happy place.

Move those cars!

Move it! Move it!

Go around, man.

Go around.

More flags over here!

All right,

any sign of them yet?

No, sir, but we're

expecting them shortly.

A motorist saw a pooch about 30 miles

back headed this way.

Look, I told you what happened, okay?

So just drop it.

Yeah, okay. Sure thing, Lloyd.

Sure thing.

I promise not

to mention another word

about you being

in a bathroom

with a 6'4" trucker

with his pants down.

Hey, look.

We're almost in Colorado.

What do you say

we change seats?

I've been driving

for nine straight hours.

I don't have the energy

to start a new state.

Why should I do you

any favors?

I'll let you kiss me.

I swear...

I'm gonna...

I will take your...

I'm... I swear to God

I'm gonna take your...

- Aw, come on...

- Don't touch me.

Oh, okay.

I'm done.

Okay, enough.

Hey, guys.

Whoa, Big Gulps, huh?

All right.

Well, see you later.

Hey, Harry,

I got some beef jerk...

Some people just weren't cut out

for life on the road.

Hey!

I was wondering when

you were gonna get up.

Ha!

Well, how long

have I been out?

I'd say

a good five hours.

Huh! I expected

the Rocky Mountains

to be a little

rockier than this.

I was thinking

the same thing.

That John Denver's

full of shit, man.

I'm only human, Harry!

Anybody can

make a mistake.

Come on,

stop being a baby!

So we backtracked

a tad!

A tad?!

A tad, Lloyd?

You drove almost

1/6 of the way

across the country

in the wrong direction!

Now we don't have enough money

to get to Aspen!

We don't have enough

money to get home!

We don't have enough

money to eat!

We don't have enough

money to sleep!

Well, it's not gonna

do us any good

to sit here

whining about it.

We're in a hole.

We're just going to have to

dig ourselves out.

Okay, all right.

You're right.

You're absolutely

right, Lloyd.

Oh, well, pardon me,

Mr. Perfect!

I guess I forgot

that you never,

ever make a mistake!

Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Wait up!

Got room for one more

if you still want to go to Aspen.

Where did you

find that?

Some kid

back in town.

Traded the van for it

straight up.

I can get 70 miles

to the gallon on this hog.

You know, Lloyd,

just when I think

you couldn't possibly

be any dumber,

you go and do

something like this...

and totally

redeem yourself!

Ha ha!

- Still wanna go to Aspen?

- Oh, yeah!

- Okay, let's go, buddy!

- Super!

- Lloyd, no! West! Go west, Lloyd!

- Oh! Oh, yeah.

I've got to...

I've got to stop

to go to

the bathroom.

Just go, man.

Oh!

That sure is warm.

We're there.

Got a little nippy

going through

the pass back there.

Isn't this incredible?

- What more could two single guys want?

- How about some food?

I swallowed a big June bug

when we were driving.

I'm not

really hungry.

Well, I'm starving.

Ho... Jeez, look at

the butt on that.

Yeah.

He must work out.

Hey! Why don't we get busy

and deliver

the briefcase to Mary?

If I know her as well

as I think I do

she'll invite us right in

for tea and strumpets.

Good plan.

Where does she live?

I don't know.

What's her last name?

I'll look it up.

Uh...

You know, I don't

really recall.

Starts with an "S."

S-swim, Swamie,

S-slippy, Slappy,

Slimin, Solmon,

Simin, Sal,

Swenson, Swanson?

Maybe it's on

the briefcase.

Oh, yeah!

It's right here.

Samsonite!

I was way off.

I knew it started

with an "S" though.

I'm not seeing

it here, Lloyd.

She must be unlisted.

Great.

So what are we

supposed to do now?

I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore.

They're-they're-

they're numb.

Ooh. Maybe you should

wear these extra gloves.

My hands are starting

to get sweaty.

Extra gloves?

You've had this pair

of extra gloves

this whole time?

Yeah. We're in

the Rockies.

I'm going to kill you.

- What?

- I'm gonna kill you!

- I'm gonna kill you, Lloyd!

- Calm down!

Right now,

I'm gonna kill you!

Harry, you got that crazy look

in your eye!

I know what I'm going to do.

- What are you doing?

- I'm going to do something

I should have done

a long time ago.

Don't do anything

foolish, Harry!

What? Foolish?

This isn't foolish!

I'm going to toss

this damn curse

right into

that damn pond!

Aah!

- I'm going to do it!

- No, Harry!

Harry!

Your hands

are freezing!

Aah! Ugh!

Harry, look!

Look! Look!

Okay, here's the plan:

We borrow a few bucks...

just a small loan from the briefcase

- and we find some reasonable lodgings.

- Good plan.

And we'll keep track of all the money

we spend with IOUs.

We'll be meticulous,

right down to the last penny.

- Whatever we borrow, we pay back.

- Absolutely.

- We're good for it.

- Our word is our bond.

This is

the Hotel Danbury

Presidential Suite,

gentlemen,

normally reserved

for royalty,

visiting dignitaries,

illustrious stars

of stage and screen.

We have shortly coming the Emperor

and Empress of Japan,

and of course, Princess Charles and Di

when they were together

used to frequent

the hotel constantly.

We'll take it!

There you go.

- There you go.

- Thank you, sir.

- There you go.

- Thank you, sir.

- There you go.

- Thank you, sir.

There you go.

Hi.

Rain brought them to him.

My mother was Sarah Carver.

Although at the time, he wasn't sure

he wanted to accept the gift.

Nick, do you think he'll let us stay?

No, this place is ugly, anyway.

You and me,

we're a family.

I promise never to give you away.

And no one's

ever going to break us apart.

At Pacific Bell, we believe

that's pretty special.

- Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh?

- Yeah.

- Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh?

- Yeah.

- What's on next?

- I don't know.

Let me look it up.

Ah!

Lloyd, you okay?

Harry, it's Mary!

It's who?

Mary with

the briefcase.

Mary Swanson.

Swanson!

- Wool hast anool...

- "Host annual."

- Host anewl... annual...

- Annual.

"Annual meeting of..."

t-t-t-heh...

t-he... t-he...

- The.

- Oh.

- "The Inter..."

- Yeah. It's a big one.

"International Preservation Society

tomorrow night."

Well, come on,

Cinderella.

We've got to get you

ready for the ball!

Thanks, Barn.

There you go.

Thank you, sir.

Okay okay okay.

- Ha!

- Cripes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Agh!

- Time out!

- Okay.

Excuse me. Gentlemen, this is

a $500-a-plate dinner.

- Good night.

- Oh, 500... oh, okay. No problem.

Here. Put us down for...

put us down for four.

In case we

want seconds.

Jesus Christ.

It's them.

- Them who?

- Them,

the guys who

whacked Mental.

Can't you just

feel it, Harry?

This is our

big chance, man.

All we gotta do

is show a little class,

a little sophistication,

and we're in like

a dirty shirt.

That's no problem, Lloyd.

We can be classy and sophistic...

oh, look at the funbags

on that hosehound.

I'd like to eat her liver with

some fava beans

and a nice

bottle of Chianti.

Come on, let's go get a couple bowls

of loudmouth soup.

Yeah.

Hey, bartender,

- two martinis, please.

- Yes, sir. Right away.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?

The Aspen

Preservation Society

is the world's

foremost defender

of 23 endangered

species,

and it is with

tremendous honor

that we're able to bring

Mr. Swanson forward

to introduce us

to the 24th. Everybody...

Karl.

Thank you, Nick.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you

the Icelandic snow owl.

These magnificent specimens

constitute one seventh

of the snow owl population

left on the planet.

And God willing,

with your help

and that of

the Society's,

these wonderful creatures

will flourish once more.

Thank you again

and enjoy your evening.

Can I have

some pistachios, please?

And another one

of those.

Lloyd, what are you doing?

Would you calm down?

I've never seen you

so nervous.

Keep an eye on 'em, Shay.

Keep a close eye.

I'm ready for

a commitment, Harry.

The first time

I set eyes on Mary Swanson,

I just got that old-fashioned

romantic feeling

where I'd do anything

to bone her.

That's a special

feeling, Lloyd.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Oh my,

there she is.

Wow! You weren't

kidding, Lloyd.

She's an angel!

Well, what are

you waiting for?

Get over there

and talk to her.

She's just going to think

I'm some kind of a psycho

when she finds out

how far I came just to see her!

You know what you have?!

Her briefcase!

She's gonna be

thrilled to see you.

Wait.

I have an idea.

Why don't you go over

and introduce yourself?

And that way,

you can build me up

so I won't have to

brag about myself later.

Tell her I'm rich

and, uh,

I'm good-looking

and, uh, I have

a rapist wit.

No, I don't know.

I don't think I could... no.

- Come on, please.

- No, I'm not...

- Please! Please!

- Okay okay okay. Stop.

What are you gonna do?

I'm going to

hang by the bar,

- put out the vibe.

- Okay.

Nice set of hooters

you got there.

- I beg your pardon?

- The owls, they're beautiful.

Oh.

Yeah.

Are you

a bird lover?

Me? Oh, no.

Well, I used to have a parakeet...

- Ah.

...but now my main area of expertise

is, uh, canines...

"dogs"

to the layperson.

- Thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

- I love dogs too.

- Oh.

- So how are you involved with them?

- Oh, you know,

I've trained them, bathed them,

clipped them.

- I've even bred them.

- Oh, really?

- Any unusual breeding?

- No.

Mostly just doggy-style.

One time,

we successfully mated

a bulldog

with a shih-tzu.

Really?

That's weird.

Yeah. We...

we called it a bullshit.

Oh, I'm... anyway,

the real reason

I came over here

was to...

I've got to introduce you

to a buddy of mine.

- I don't believe I've met your friend.

- Oh.

Well, actually, we haven't been

properly introduced.

- My name is Mary Swanson.

- Hi, Harry Dunne.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is my stepmother Helen.

Hi. Harry Dunne.

Pleasure to meet you both.

Mm-hmm. Well,

I saw you come in.

I was hoping I'd get

a chance to meet you.

- You were? Really?

- Yes! That tuxedo, it's fabulous!

Really. I love a man

with a sense of humor,

and so does Mary.

It's hysterical!

- Really?

- Oh, yes.

Oh. Anyway, um,

about my friend...

What are you doing tomorrow?

I believe that Mary

is looking for someone

to hit the slopes with.

She... what? Huh?

Helen, you're

embarrassing me.

Well, you are.

I mean, after all,

the snow's going to be gone

in a couple of weeks.

And, well, this may be

your last chance.

Poor thing, she never

gets a chance to get out.

Well, what do you say, Mr. Dunne?

Are you available?

Well, I don't know.

See, my friend...

Oh, forget your friend

for one day.

I think you kids'll have

a wonderful time. What do you say?

Well, you know,

I don't know, you know.

You know, the thing...

part of... sure.

What time?

Ahem...

How come you didn't

bring her over?

Relax.

You're golden.

- I got you a date with her tomorrow.

- Oh.

- What... I... this...

- Yeah.

- I love you, man.

- Okay okay.

- You're kissing me.

- I love you.

- I love you!

- You're kissing me. Lloyd!

This calls for

a little of the bubbly!

- You're going to be my best man, Harr.

- Oh, good.

- I promise.

- Thank you.

You have just

earned yourself a seat

at the head table, pal.

And we already got the tuxes.

Gracious sakes!

Good grief!

- Boy, this party really died.

Hey, maybe it was

a coincidence.

Hey, maybe it was a coincidence.

It was a message, Shay,

pure and simple.

I mean, we killed

their bird.

Now they killed

one of ours.

How could anybody

whack a bird with a cork?

These guys aren't

just anybody.

They're good.

Mary Christmas.

Mrs. Mary Christmas.

- Kinda catchy, huh, Harr?

- Yeah yeah, that sounds nice.

But, Lloyd, don't you think you might be

jumping the gun a little bit?

I mean, you know,

who knows?

You know, maybe,

once you get to know her

you'll find out

that she's not your type.

Hey!

Don't you ever

say that again!

She is the love

of my life!

The blood in my veins!

We belong together...

till the mountains

fall into the sea,

till the heavens

collide!

Or until I get sick of her

and need to move on.

- You hear me?!

- Okay okay okay okay. Just calm down.

Just calm down.

Okay.

Now...

let me

get this straight.

Lobby bar

in the lobby.

Yeah, and that's

what she said.

She'll meet you there

at 10:00 sharp.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Where're you going

in that get-up?

Oh. I... you know, I just thought,

you know,

when you'd be off making

your love connection

I'd be out trying my luck

on the slopes.

You mean you're gonna

go out in public

dressed in tights?

Oh no, these aren't

tights, Lloyd.

These are fashionable

Euro-trash ski trousers.

Pretty revealing.

Really?

Yeah, but it's

just a tiny lump.

No one'll notice.

You're right.

I can't go out dressed like this.

Hey!

Coming!

Hey!

Nice going, buddy!

Beautiful outfit,

sir.

There you go.

Hey.

How you doin'?

You're a little early.

We don't open

for about 45 minutes.

I'm meeting

someone here.

- Mind if I wait at the bar?

- No. Come on in.

It's a beautiful day,

huh, Harry?

Yes yes, I've had a wonderful time

so far. Thank you.

God, it feels

so good to get up here.

I haven't been outside that much

in the last couple weeks.

Oh, yeah?

Why not?

Um, there's been

some family problems,

but I don't want

to bore you with those.

Thanks.

Oh, look. Frost.

Harry?

- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah,

I do this all the time.

Let's go to the top

this time.

- Hi, there.

- Ugh...

Say, kids,

you wouldn't

happen to have

a cup of warm water,

would you?

Yuck.

Excuse me.

Is it 10:00 A.M. Yet?

It's 1:00.

That's what I have too.

Thought maybe it was fast.

She's running late,

huh?

Just a couple hours.

You know girls.

When they're excited

about something,

everything has to

be perfect.

This one's on me.

Yippee.

Chablis, please.

Hello.

Bad day, huh?

Me too.

'Course everything's

been bad

since I broke up

with my boyfriend.

Oh my God.

My God! You poor guy.

Does it hurt?

I'm fine. I saved

a seat for you.

Oh no, listen. This is silly.

Let me help you.

No no no no no.

Yes. It'll only hurt for a moment,

like a Band-Aid.

- Come on, ready?

- No no no no. No.

Come on. Go.

Come on, come on.

Pfft.

What am...

I said to myself,

"Run, Beth.

Run for your life before this man

kills you both."

Then do you know

what the klutz did?

No, and I don't care!

I'm going to tell you, He came home

one night dead drunk

and decided he wanted

to fix the sink.

Couldn't believe him.

Anyway, enough about me.

Let's talk about you.

- How come you're here?

- Bartender!

Yeah?

You wouldn't happen to know

a Mary Swanson, would you?

Mary Swanson? Yeah.

She comes in here

all the time.

What's that

supposed to mean?

She has dinner.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Uh...

you know where

she lives?

Yeah, her family has the big place

up on Alpine Drive.

Alpine Drive?

Big place?

No way!

That's great!

We landed

on the moon!

I've gotta tell you,

today was just what I needed.

Thanks a lot, Harry.

Blell, blit blas...

it was my pleasure,

Mary.

So you'll pick me up

tonight at 7:45?

Well, no, I've got

a few things

to take care of first.

Why don't we make it

quarter to 8:00?

Stop it!

Okay 7:45.

Bye.

Doesn't make

any sense, Lloyd.

She told me

10:00 sharp!

Are you sure you went

to the right bar?

Oh, yeah. Yep.

I'm pretty sure.

Lobby bar.

Right in the lobby.

Ahh... well...

maybe she just had

a change of heart.

Oh, that pisses me off!

That pisses me right off!

I hate when women

do that, you know?

She wanted

to see you again!

She told me that!

And now no?

Now... wait a minute!

Wait!

She must have meant

10:00 at night.

Do you think?

Why would she have you meet her

at a bar at 10:00 in the morning?

I just figured she was

a raging alcoholic.

- Oh, that's th...

- And all this time,

I've been going through such pain

and personal anguish.

Such hell!

For nothing!

Oh, God.

That's funny.

Oh, that's good stuff.

Oh, boy.

Well, listen, looks like

you got your night planned,

so I'm just going to head out

and catch a flick.

Okay.

10:00 in the morning.

Hey, Harry,

old buddy, old pal!

Yeah?

Will you join me in a good-luck toast

before you head out?

Oh, sure thing. Whatever you think

will help your chances.

Yes, sirree.

You know why

I like you, Harry?

Because you're

a regular guy.

Yep, that's why I want you

to stay regular.

1/2 teaspoon for fast,

effective relief.

Mmm!

To my friend Harry...

the matchmaker.

Oh, get out of here.

I'm... I've...

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Hi, the door's open.

Come on upstairs.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi, make yourself

at home, okay?

I'm almost ready.

One minute?

- Okay, sounds good.

- Okay.

Harry, are you

in there?

Be right out!

I hope you're not using the toilet.

It's broken.

- Huh?

- The toilet doesn't flush.

No, I was

just shaving.

Shaving?

Yeah, I was running

a little late.

I thought this

would save some time.

Okay well, I'll be in the kitchen

whenever you're ready.

Oh, Jeez!

Tomorrow on

"A Current Affair,"

inside the home of the Menendez

brothers' attorney.

And next, we'll be

back in a minute

with the heartbreaking story

of the blind Rhode Island boy

who was duped into

buying a dead parakeet.

I just thought

he was real quiet.

Who are these

sick people?

- Hi!

- Hi.

Yes?

Remember me?

Uh... not really.

Providen...

Providence.

I drove you

to the airport last week.

Oh my God!

Uh... Lloyd, right?

You remembered

my name.

What are you doing

in Aspen?

I brought you

your briefcase.

You left it at the airport,

you big goof!

- You have my briefcase?

- Yeah.

Hey, I have it

at my hotel room.

You want to jump on the bike with me?

We can go get it

unless...

unless you're busy.

Oh, no no no!

No no!

- I don't wanna...

- You just wait right here.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Come on, flush,

you bastard!

Harry, what are

you doing in there?

I'm just... I'm cleaning my teeth!

I'm cleaning my teeth.

I'm gargling.

Just give me a minute, Mary.

I'll be right with you.

Harry, I'm sorry, but something

important's come up,

and I've got

to run out.

It's-it's sort of an emergency.

I'll explain later.

- But, Mary...

- I'm sorry. I've really got to go.

I promise we'll do this

again sometime.

Race you to the top.

- Come here.

- Agh!

Yeah! Ha ha!

I won!

Look familiar?

I don't believe it.

You really have it.

Of course, I have it.

When Lloyd Christmas

drives a woman to the airport,

he makes sure she gets

all her luggage.

- That's my whole philosophy.

- This is incredible.

You mean to say

you drove 2,000 miles

just for me?

Uh... I didn't really

have a lot to do.

And I know how

frustrating it can be

to lose a bag.

That is so sweet, Lloyd.

Look, Mary, I know this may

seem a little sudden,

but I've given it

a lot of thought.

You're the woman I've been waiting

for my whole life,

and I'm not ashamed

to admit it.

Please...

Let me finish.

I'm crazy about you.

I've never felt this way

about anybody.

Listen to me.

I feel like

a schoolboy again,

a schoolboy

who desperately wants

to make sweet

sweet love to you.

Oh, I thought I heard

you talking to someone.

Mary, I- I...

I desperately want to make love

to a schoolboy.

- Maybe I should be going.

- No no...

No, I... that's not

what I meant.

Um... what I

meant was, um...

God.

I-I like you, Mary.

I like you a lot.

I want to ask you a question

straight out, flat out,

and I want you to give me

an honest answer.

What do you think

the chances are

of a guy like you

and a girl like me...

ending up together?

Well, Lloyd,

that's difficult to say.

We really don't...

Hit me with it!

Just give it to me straight!

I came a long way

just to see you, Mary.

Just... the least you can do

is level with me.

What are my chances?

Not good.

You mean not good,

like one out of 100?

I'd say more like

one out of a million.

So you're telling me

there's a chance!

Yeah!

I read you.

Hi. We have plenty

of towels. Thanks.

Nicholas!

What are you doing here?

I've been looking

for you, Mary.

I have some news

about your husband.

Husband?!

Wait a minute!

What was all that

one-in-a-million talk?

Aren't you going to

invite me in?

Hey, Harry,

you never called!

What are you doing here?

Excuse me, gunman,

who are you?

Don't play dumb

with me, asshole!

I'm the rightful owner of that briefcase

you've been carrying around!

Oh. Well, then...

Nicholas, my family

trusted you.

Shut up!

Listen, Mr. Samsonite,

about the briefcase...

my friend Harry and I

have every intention

- of fully reimbursing you.

- What?

You open it up.

Open it up!

Go ahead, open it up.

Do what he says.

Hurry.

What is this?

What is this?

Where's all the money?

That's as good

as money, sir.

Those are IOUs.

Go ahead and add it up.

Every cent's

accounted for.

Look. See this?

That's a car.

275 thou.

Might want to hang on

to that one.

You're a dead man.

You're a dead man!

Lloyd, I'm home!

Look, we've got to have

a serious talk.

I got a confession

to make.

Oh, good.

You found her.

I'll leave

you two alone.

No. Stay.

Ugh!

Yes, I'd like a one-way ticket

to Amsterdam

departing as soon

as possible, please.

How do you guys

know each other?

We used to be

best friends.

Yeah, until he turned

into a backstabber.

Me a backstabber?

You got a lot of nerve.

You knew I was

crazy about her!

And you knew I was crazy

about Fraida Felcher,

and that didn't stop you, did it?

- What do you mean?

- What do you mean?

Don't deny it, Lloyd.

Fraida told me the whole sleazy story,

Mr. French Tickler.

Okay, what time does it...

what time does that leave?

Thank you...

wait a second.

Can I have

a vegetarian meal?

I guess we both learned

a little something

- about each other today, didn't we?

- Yeah, you said it, pal.

Maybe we're not as good of

friends as we thought we were.

I guess not.

I mean, if one beautiful girl

can rip us apart like this,

then maybe our friendship

isn't worth a damn.

Maybe we should

call it quits right now.

You just tell me

where to sign, bud.

Right on my ass

after you kiss it!

Kiss it?!

You kiss mine!

Both cheeks, both lips,

right here!

- Put it right...

- Shut up!

Now, which one of you losers

wants to get it first?

Over here...

I was the one that got you into

this whole mess.

Come on

and shoot me.

No! Wait! Wait.

No no, do me first.

I stole your girl, Lloyd.

I deserve it.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't...

- Yes, I do!

Yesterday was one of the greatest

days of my life.

Mary and I went skiing, we made

a snowman, she touched my leg.

Okay, kill him!

Oh! Oh, no!

You killed my best friend,

you bastard!

If it's any consolation,

you're about

to be reunited.

Harry!

You're alive!

And you're

a horrible shot.

Lucky me.

Police! Open up!

Nobody move!

Everybody freeze!

Get those hands up!

Not you, dummy!

Get the gun.

Special Officer

Beth Jordan, FBI.

Hey! Who?

But... huh?

Mr. Dunne,

thank you very much.

We couldn't have

done it without you.

We've been

following you guys

all the way

from Providence.

What's going on,

Harry?

Your name is Harry,

isn't it?

Yeah, she-she grabbed me down the lobby,

explained what was up.

Then they slapped

this bulletproof vest on me

and gave me a gun.

But what if he shot you

in the face?

What if he shot me

in the face?

That's a risk

we were willing to take.

How come I didn't

get a gun?

Did you

get a gun?

You were right,

Lloyd.

She was definitely

worth the trip.

Yeah. She's something,

ain't she, Harr?

I'm glad we were able

to help her out.

- Honey!

- Easy easy.

- You're okay.

- Okay, I'm just a little sore.

I'm sorry.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, baby, I missed

your loving.

Honey, there's someone

I want to introduce you to.

He's the kindest,

gentlest man I've ever met.

- Will you meet him?

- Sure.

He's got a gun!

Lloyd? Lloyd!

Huh?

I said this is

my husband Bobby.

- Oh. Hi, Bobby.

- Hi.

- I'm so happy for you.

- Thank you.

Thank you both

very much.

I owe you both

a debt of gratitude.

Thank you.

I can't believe

this, Lloyd.

First Mary dumps us,

then the cops take

our nest egg.

- Then our hog breaks down.

- Yeah!

When are we ever

gonna catch a break?

Hi, y'all.

Hi, guys! We're going

on a national bikini tour,

and we're looking for

two oil boys

who can grease us up

before each competition.

You are in luck!

There's a town about

three miles that way.

I'm sure you'll find

a couple guys there.

Okay. Thanks.

Bye!

Do you realize

what you've done?

- Hey!

- Lloyd!

Lloyd!

You'll have to

excuse my friend.

He's a little slow.

The town is

back that way.

Wow.

Two lucky guys

are gonna be driving around

with those girls

for the next

couple of months.

Yeah, don't worry.

We'll catch

our break too.

- Just gotta keep our eyes open.

- Yeah.

- You're it.

- You're it.

You're it.

Quitsies.

You're it. Anti-quitsies,

double-stamp.

You're it. Anti-quitsies,

triple-stamp.

- No erasies, none at all.

- You can't triple-stamp.

Yes, if you have a double-stamp,

of course you can.

You can't triple-stamp!

You can't if you

have a double-stamp!

You can't triple-stamp...

the rule!

You can't triple-stamp

a double-stamp, Lloyd!

Lloyd! Lloyd!