Drive (1997) - full transcript
A prototype enhanced human, on the run from Chinese-hired hit men, hooks up with a dread-locked bystander, and the two of them elude their pursuers narrowly each time.
♪
What the hell
are you doing here?
You've got a problem
with a stowaway.
What do you mean?
Right on time.
Call off the search
in Hong Kong.
Toby wong just hit frisco.
♪ Baby I love you ♪
♪ He wonders how
can he keep her ♪
♪ As much in love as he is ♪
Sounds like this
early morning drink
is turning into
a career for you, Malik.
Yeah, but the pay sucks, Joey.
So do the tips, my friend.
So do the tips.
Here, a solid
breakfast is important.
♪ Love something fine ♪
♪ She loves him so ♪
Help you?
Beer.
You know, the only reason
I open up so early
is to keep your out-of-work ass
off the streets,
and now I have customers.
Well, why don't you
tell your customers
about the importance of a good
breakfast and leave me alone?
Let me write, okay, please, Joe?
Like I said, my time is coming.
You look out that door.
Look out there.
What do you see? My time.
Right out that door.
And I'm gonna take you with me cause
you can sing a little bit, right?
And I'm gonna take you with me cause
you can sing a little bit, right?
Just like
Johnny fucking cash, baby.
Johnny fucking cash.
That's all I need.
Hey, you look like
a music lover.
Check it out.
Hit song right there.
Take the back. Right.
Shoot his legs.
Okay, okay.
Shit, shit, shit.
Put the gun down, or he's dead.
Come on, man. Let's talk
this out, like gentlemen.
This is between you and me.
Like gentlemen, please.
Shut up.
Put the gun down.
Put it down.
He's running out of time.
We'll pick this up later.
Freeze!
I've got a wife,
and a family, and kids.
Thank god you're here!
You move any closer
and I'll kill him.
Kill me? What are you
talking-- shut up!
Back off.
Hey, just be cool, man.
Just let him go.
We don't want to see
anybody else get hurt.
You just put the gun down.
You follow me, he dies.
You follow me, he dies.
Oh, my god.
Come on, let's go.
We are going.
This ain't the Batmobile, man.
You want me to throw a rod?
It's an old car.
Just drive.
Look out!
Look out!
Oh, my paint. Baby, I'm sorry.
Your paint?
You're gonna get us killed.
Easy, easy.
Did I scare you? I'm sorry.
Did I put your life in danger?
Shit.
Shit is right.
I'm not the bad guy, okay?
What?
Just relax and drive.
Just relax and drive.
Relax?
Relax and drive with a gun pointed at me.
What did I do?
I'm not going to hurt you.
Just keep driving. Okay.
Oh, hey, man,
anything you say goes.
You're the boss, Mr. gunman.
You're the boss.
You're the boss, man.
Hey, easy, easy, cousin.
Easy cousin. I'm just
going for my cigarettes.
Cigarettes, see? Too fine cigs.
Cigarettes, cousin. You smoke?
Those things will kill you.
Those things will kill you.
Don't smoke in the car.
I'm sorry.
You don't want me to smoke?
In my car?
Can I open a window and smoke?
Oh, this is fucking beautiful.
This is fucking--
You know what? You're right.
I'm going to quit.
I don't know who died
and left you surgeon general,
but you're absolutely right.
I'm going to quit.
Tell me something.
Tell me one thing.
Who long do I have
to put up with this shit?
Where are we going?
Los Angeles.
Los Angeles? Are you out
of your fucking mind?
Excuse me, yosemite Sam.
Wong. Toby wong.
Hey hey, Malik Brody. Pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you.
Do me a favor, man. Find some
other brother with a better car,
kidnap him, and make him
put the miles on his car.
I can't do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm sorry but you
don't have a choice.
All right. That's typical.
That is so typical.
You know, you just
fresh off the boat,
kidnap the first
brother you see,
and force him
to be your chauffeur.
And force him
to be your chauffeur.
You don't look like miss Daisy.
I should be driving you
no fucking--
Shut up.
In English.
In English.
Vic Madison for Mr. la...
One moment.
What's that, Walter?
Pancreatic cancer?
Mr. Madison.
Judging by your expression,
you have unfortunate
news to convey.
Oh, I got to hand
it to you, Mr. lau,
no one pulls the wool
over your eyes.
You haven't recovered
our property?
Nope. I'm disappointed.
No shit.
No shit.
Your arrogance never
ceases to amaze me.
I don't know about
arrogance, Mr. lau,
but I do know I enjoy my work,
and the object you've lost
is about to supply me
with a sizeable
amount of pleasure.
If you knew that you
would be held responsible
if the competition
acquired this object--
Now, Mr. lau, I have been
a faithful employee,
and you know that.
Even as we speak,
action is taking place
to recover your object.
There's no need for threats.
To recover your object.
There's no need for threats.
Of course not.
The leung corporation.
Have a nice day.
Sayonara, shithead.
Must be nice being married
to the boss' daughter.
Walter, you've just saved the
life of the president's son.
Would you turn that shit off?
Must be a routine d-u-i stop.
In the middle of the day?
Don't do anything stupid.
Howdy. Sir?
Howdy. Sir?
Can I see your license,
your registration,
and proof of insurance, please?
Yes, you may, officer.
Yes you may.
I got that right here.
There you go,
there you go, there you go.
Can I have your name, sir?
Samuel Hong.
Can you step
out of the car, please?
Me? Yes. Yes, sir,
I would be glad to.
Freeze, asshole!
Hey, what?
Get your hands out of the
window where I can see them,
nice and slow.
Out of the window. Yeah, yeah.
Open the door.
I know the routine, okay?
So, let's not go
too rough on me.
Get out, right up
against the car.
Turn around, get your
hands behind your head.
Wait. Shut up!
Wait. Shut up!
I'm not the one, he's the one.
I'm the kidnappee,
he's the kidnapper.
You're under arrest.
Under arrest?
I'm a fucking hostage, man,
what are you talking about?
This motherfucker
shot 30 people in a bar.
Tell them. Say something,
motherfucker. Say something.
Hey, knock it off. Tell them how
you just shot 30 people in a bar.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be held against you.
That's enough.
That's enough. Let's go.
What about that
big ass gun he got?
Yeah, put him face down like
they do the brothers in watts.
Yeah, put him face down like
they do the brothers in watts.
♪
Uh-oh.
Hey man, I thought we were
going to the police station?
♪
♪
End of the road.
Geez, what happened?
They cut the funding
geez, what happened?
They cut the funding
for the highway patrol
or something?
Got special instructions.
Nothing personal.
I knew these guys
weren't real cops, man.
They're real cops. Real dirty.
Oh, you better
slow your role, big fella.
This is the original five
fingers of death right here.
Aren't they all?
♪
I've got a funny feeling
we're going to see
some familiar faces.
We're going to see
some familiar faces.
Funny feel-- your definition
of funny and mine
must be completely different because
I don't see a damn thing funny.
Mr. wong.
Face to face again.
You have become one festering
boil on my ass, turbo-drive.
Hi, excuse me? Hey, man. I don't
know you, and you don't know me,
hi, excuse me? Hey, man. I don't
know you, and you don't know me,
and I don't know what you want,
and I really don't give a damn.
I got a mission to get home and
catch videos-- hey, Bob Marley,
quit your wailing.
This gravel pit puts me in mind
of that little trip we took
to Kentucky a few years back.
Was that when
we took out the governor?
Uh-uh, that was new Mexico.
Kentucky was
the vp of psychoplasmics.
You remember
that roast chicken we ate?
Hot damn that was good.
Them little garlic taters.
Them little garlic taters.
Just shoot us, Madison.
Don't bore us to death.
No, oh, oh.
Madison, just shoot him, okay?
I enjoy chicken
as much as the next man.
Man after my own heart.
Yeah. Hey, you ever been
to popeye's chicken?
Popeye's?
Yeah. Real spicy, spicy recipe.
Extra spicy?
It'll flip your wig, cousin.
You don't say? Yeah.
Kill this guy.
Ow!
Ow! Move!
What did you do?
What--
Let's go.
Goddamn fuckers.
Will you wait a minute? My arm.
Would you make up your mind?
Just follow me.
Look, sport-shoes, kill the big
guy, not the little guy.
You remember sesame street?
You remember that?
That whole big little
thing was explained
pretty damn well, wasn't it?
Yeah. Shoot the big guy in the
head, little guy in the leg.
Yeah. Shoot the big guy in the
head, little guy in the leg.
Are you with me on this?
Yeah.
Wait, wait.
Shoot him.
Come on, Madison. Shoot me.
Do it.
Do it.
You ain't so bad.
Look out!
Let's go.
Bucket, come on.
What'd you want to bucket for?
Where you going?
We're going down.
What? I ain't going down there.
We're going.
It's suicide. Can we talk about it?
Tell me on the way down.
Goddamn.
My back. Oh.
Man, I hope those asshole
cops didn't take my car
or it's going to be
a real short trip.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on.
My side, my side, my side.
Come on.
My side, my side, my side.
Goddamn it,
you messed my suit up.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck me, man.
How did I get involved in--
How did I get involved in this?
Are you okay?
Okay? Okay?
I'm in one piece,
motherfucker, but okay
is something I ain't
been since we met.
It's time for you to download
some information to me, man.
Tell me something. Why are
those guys trying to kill me
more than they're
trying to kill you?
Huh?
They're not supposed to kill me.
I'm too valuable to them.
I'm too valuable to them.
Valuable? Oh, yeah, you're about a
penny a pound as far as I'm concerned.
If you so fucking precious,
why did you kidnap me?
Why did you get me
involved in this?
I know I'm good
looking, but damn.
This is like shit on Malik week.
I really don't think it's
a good time to stop the car.
If we could just keep driving
a little-- you don't think?
Think back, dumb ass.
They took your gun,
so I'm not afraid anymore.
So I'm not afraid anymore.
Unless you plan to slit
my throat with a paper napkin,
which is all we got,
you better start talking.
I want to know
why we're being chased,
and you better tell me before
the wild motherfuckers
catch up with us.
Have you ever heard
the term bio-engine?
Yeah, that sounds like beaver
cleaver saying fire engine.
No, it's high-tech slang.
It means
biological energy module.
I have one in my chest.
Really?
Wow, that's a pretty
amazing coincidence, Toby,
wow, that's a pretty
amazing coincidence, Toby,
because I have one in my ass.
Yeah. I have a little brown one
in my ass.
Come on man,
I want to know the truth.
We ain't got time to bullshit.
I used to work for
the government in Hong Kong.
After the red Chinese
took over in '97,
they put one
of these things in me.
A prototype.
I'm here because I heard that
there's a corporation in L.A.,
I'm here because I heard that
there's a corporation in L.A.,
con tech, that wants
to buy the implant.
All I have to do is get down
there, deliver it to them,
and they will pay me five
million dollars for it.
Five million dollars?
And, of course, the red Chinese
don't want you to sell it.
Tell me something,
does everybody live happily
ever after at the end
of this fairy tale?
Look, I'll make you a deal.
Please, monty hall, no deals.
No, no, listen.
All you do is,
you help me get to L.A.,
all you do is,
you help me get to L.A.,
I'll give you half the money.
What do you say?
I say, we go to my house,
we get a hack--
Half the money like two million,
five hundred thousand dollars,
half the money?
It's not enough?
No. No?
I mean, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, no--
Hey, would you cut it out?
Don't do that bugs bunny
stuff with me, all right?
Just, no, we're not--
No. Absolutely not.
I can't.
I can't.
You don't expect me to believe
this fire engine--
Bio-engine. Biological energy
module. It makes me go fast.
Bio-engine, fire-engine,
whatever.
This is your house?
Not exactly.
Look, I've only been
a barfly since I lost my job,
look, I've only been
a barfly since I lost my job,
and my wife,
and my house.
Yeah, look at that.
That super-scientifical
hard stuff, it ain't so bad.
It'll cut.
What the hell
are you doing here?
Uh, well--
What the hell is going on?
Take it easy, Karen.
I can explain.
This guy here, he kidnapped me,
but now he's going to let me go.
Oh, my god. Are you
in trouble with the law?
No. I'm not.
I'm good, but, uh,
but he's on some other shit.
They going to fry his ass,
you don't want to know.
Why aren't you at work?
Why aren't you at work?
I had to meet a deadline.
I was at work all night.
All night? So wait a minute, that
means you left Bria with the asshole?
His name is Steve. How many times do
I have to tell you? Oh, I'm sorry.
The asshole part is silent. You
know what, that's a real nice
kmart family portrait old Steve
paid for, that's a nice portrait.
But it ain't his family.
At least he's a grown up.
He's a fucking cheeseburger.
He works for a living.
He's a cheeseburger.
A cheeseburger?
Yes, a nasty, fat,
coagulating around your heart,
not good for you cheeseburger. And you know
what? I don't think you like this Steve guy
as much as you pretend to.
You know why?
As much as you pretend to.
You know why?
Why? Because you didn't hit me
when I called him a cheeseburger.
And the only nice thing you can
say about him is he's a grownup?
That's better than being
an aimless, irresponsible fool.
That's right, a fool.
Look, I can't have
you around here.
I just want you
to saw your handcuffs off,
do whatever you got to do,
and leave.
Karen...
Please.
I hate this Steve guy.
Me, too.
God. Thank you,
but that shit I did not need.
Once I get you
to the bus station, man,
I'm dropping you off and I'm
finding me a new favorite bar.
I don't need this. She leaves
my kid with that asshole.
God, what is this, man?
I can't understand.
Women make me sick.
I can't understand.
Women make me sick.
Oh, man. Leaves my kid
with the asshole, man.
How long have you been divorced?
What?
I think she still loves you.
Oh, you do? I do.
I think...
I think you should
go catch your bus.
I think you should
go catch your bus.
Come on, man. Give me one.
For old time's sake.
Don't hurt me, now.
Ah, you hit so hard,
you bad ass.
Take care of yourself, man.
Man, oh man, oh man, oh man.
She still loves you.
She still loves you.
And I love you, man
stay fruity, man.
Don't twist any ankles.
Don't pull any groins.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no. He's going
to have to handle them.
I can't do three. I can't.
No, I can't.
♪
♪
Come on!
Don't look all confused.
Come on!
Don't look all confused.
Shit, she might love me
a little bit more
with 2.5 million dollars
in my pocket. Hold on.
♪
♪
Mr. lau, Mr. chow is here.
Sir.
How was your trip?
I...Excuse me?
A long, miserable flight,
made short and pleasant
by new technology.
By new technology.
Yes, sir.
A very pleasant flight.
A pleasant flight?
You failed to capture Toby wong,
and yet you had a pleasant trip?
That is not what I meant, sir.
A leung corporation
advanced model.
What Toby wong could have been.
Again, new technology,
capable of turning a long,
miserable death
into a short,
not quite pleasant one.
Prepare a group of our finest.
You're going hunting.
Hey, man?
Hey, man. Talk to me.
Tell me about China.
Is there a lot of kung-fu
shit going on over there?
What? What do you mean?
I mean, is it like,
guys running up to each other
on the street, talking about,
"hmm, your kung-fu
is pretty useless
"as well as obsolete.
You insult me.
You bastard.
Prepare to die. Hmm."
You bastard.
Prepare to die. Hmm."
No, not a whole lot, no.
Really?
You know, I would've thought...
A lot of people have some sort
of martial arts training,
but you don't see much chop chop
going on in restaurants or anything.
Hmm. That's funny. The image
that Americans have of China
is that it's a country full of
people with little tiny feet,
and they run around and kick the
shit out of each other every day.
That's the same image
we have of America,
that's the same image
we have of America,
except you guys have big feet,
and you kick the shit out
of each other less gracefully.
I can see that.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man, what next?
Hey, I think we blew a hose.
We're going to have
to make a stop.
A little town coming up,
we can get a motel room.
You can sleep, I'll fix the car.
I thought we decided
on the safe approach?
Toby, safe or not,
if I don't stop and fix it,
we won't get a mile
down the road.
♪
Hey, man.
Toby? Rise and shine.
We're here, man.
Rise and shine, partner.
Come on, we're here, man.
Come on, we're here, man.
Hi, oh, man am I glad
to see you guys, wow.
Yeah, wow.
Tell me, how you doing?
Oh, man. This thing
is a real piece of shit.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to offend you, there,
I've just never seen anything
that looks quite this bad
that still runs.
That sounds real bad.
Actually--
Do you need a room?
Actually--
Do you need a room?
Please, please tell me
that you need a room. Please.
You want a room?
Yeah, we need a room.
So, what shall
we make that, a double?
Oh, yeah. He's a blanket hog.
Uh, I know all about that.
My boyfriend's
a real blanket hog.
Ex-boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
Ex-citing.
My much too trusting parents
took off on business,
and they left me
in charge of this place.
The only problem is that there
are no guests in the motel
and the remodeling
guys won't be back
for at least another three days.
Let me see...
You all right, kid?
You look wiped out.
The implant
screws up my metabolism.
Keeps the adrenaline pumping.
You get high,
but you crash hard.
Dig it.
Dig it.
I think this should be the biggest
party opportunity of my young life
and nobody to share it with.
Oh, that's rough.
Look, do we have
any forms to fill out?
'Cause my man needs
to get a little rest.
You're in luck, magilla gorilla.
I am offering you
the deliverance party
weekend special.
Oh, what does
that include, exactly?
Exactly. Lots of sleep, I hope.
No, it exactly includes
free room and board.
No, it exactly includes
free room and board.
No, shit? Yep.
Who's gonna know? Yeah.
But you owe me.
I owe you what?
Entertainment,
chocolate boy wonder.
Show off.
Just trying to stay awake.
Is the second floor okay?
We've got double beds,
free cable TV
with the naked channel,
and complimentary shampoo.
Oh, also, my dad has this huge
garage right next door
if you guys want to use it
to fix up your car.
If you guys want to use it
to fix up your car.
Oh, yeah, that would be great.
Thank you. You're welcome. Bye.
Hey? Listen,
be careful going up the stairs
'cause we're going through
some renovations.
All right.
Hey.
Huh?
Nothing.
Yeah.
Bye. Bye, bye.
Bye. Bye, bye.
We've gotta bring Tony wong in.
He's trying to make me look bad.
He's always tried
to make me look bad,
even before he got
wound up with that turbo-drive.
I knew he'd be trouble.
He's good.
Yeah, damn right he's good.
Son of a bitch could eat flower
and shit cupcakes.
Don't talk about cupcakes.
I am going to carve him up.
I am going to carve him up.
Right on time.
Good.
Good, a little touch-up paint,
bang out some of those dents,
bang out some of those dents,
and we're on the road.
How's it going?
This is a terrible habit
you have, child.
♪
Just working on my car.
Just working on my car.
These old challengers
are super cool.
What's this? A '73?
That's exactly what it is.
A '73.
Make-out cars to the Max.
I bet you that backseat could
tell some old war stories, huh?
Probably isn't the--
Yes, it's a hell
of a garage you got here.
It's my old man's.
He used to be a hot-rodder
back in the old days,
now he just customizes
other people's cars.
Now he just customizes
other people's cars.
Says it keeps him young.
Man, I can dig it.
You're into cars? Hmm?
Oh, uh,
I dabble a little bit.
Hey, wait, do you
want to see something
that is just really great?
No. No, no, no. I'm not--
Oh, no, come on.
You're going to love this.
Wait. Come on.
Wait. Come on.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.
It's fabulous.
Oh, god.
It's my dad's.
This is a classic.
It is totally custom.
It's got a rebuilt,
special edition
428 hemy, v8 supercharged,
trip four-speed auto end.
Trip four-speed auto end.
Enough fuel injection for a 747.
This is the shit.
I knew that you'd like it.
How do you know
so much about cars?
God, I love them.
There is nothing
like a mean go-getter.
You know what they say,
you can tell what a man's like
by the kind
of car that he drives.
We're closing in.
Yeah. Good hot day
for a killing.
Toby?
Good lord!
It's an uncharted asteroid
belt swirling through space
like a cosmic food processor.
Like a cosmic food processor.
Ship's computer
calculates our survival
at seventy billion
and twelve to one.
We've been hit!
System malfunction, Walter.
Code reads at eight percent.
She can't hold on much longer.
Toby?
Toby, Toby.
Toby, Toby, Toby.
Lock 'em and jock 'em,
gentlemen.
Just touch the little
bastard with one of these,
he'll be about as tough
as a jelly full of pudding.
Do me one small favor, fellas.
When you're shooting at the
chump he's traveling with,
keep your eyes on the firearms.
Mr. wong has a tendency
to take them away
and use them on their owners.
So, without any further ado,
so, without any further ado,
you three, go around back.
You guys, take the garage.
Conte, the hedgehog, and myself
will go in the front.
Rock and roll, boys.
Hey, we can have a fun day.
Time to get up now.
Hey.
Hello?
Who says violence
is not the answer?
Ow. Shit.
The story of my life.
Out of that bed
and on your feet.
Out of the cool and in the heat.
Take the first floor. Sir.
Madison, do you copy?
I read you.
We found the car.
Good. Stay sharp.
Roger.
Roger.
Yo, yo, man.
He hit that man right here
and blam,
he took off over there.
Some party weekend this is.
You saw him go
into that building over there?
Shit!
Where's Malik?
He was working on the car.
He was working on the car.
Can you get this to him?
You can bank on it, sweetcakes.
Oh, okay.
Malik.
Fuck!
Say goodnight, Stacey.
Shit.
It's Gracie, dork-stick.
What the fuck are you doing?
Hey, good-looking.
You need a hand?
You need a hand?
No. I'll take that, though.
Keep your head down.
I got you covered.
You got me covered.
Okay.
Oh, come on.
What the fuck is this?
Are you out of your mind?
Okay.
Never mind. Come on, come on.
♪
It's Bob Marley. He just
capped Van beeber and O'neal.
Man, you got bigger problems
heading your way.
♪
♪
Whoa.
Look out!
You guys okay?
We're doing our thing, man.
They're coming. You hide in the back.
I'll take care of them.
They're coming. You hide in the back.
I'll take care of them.
Good plan. Come on.
Come and get it.
Take him down.
Oh, wow.
What?
He's fantastic.
Go Toby, go Toby, go Toby.
Go Toby, go Toby, go Toby.
Stick your head
between your legs
and kiss your ass goodbye,
turbo-drive.
Jesus shit-howdy.
Now that's eating pavement.
They're destroying my motel.
Stay here.
Hey, wait, Toby.
Fuck that. I ain't
staying here. Come on.
I got the front.
I got the front.
Toby, come on.
Oh, shit. What a shot.
Boo-ya, baby.
Give me some, kid. Yes.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
What took you so long?
What the hell were you doing while
I was getting my ass kicked?
I was catching up on an episode
of Walter, the Einstein frog.
What do you think I was doing?
Oh, really?
You were catching up--
That is one really smart frog.
What?
What?
What's so funny?
♪
I'm a magnet today.
Bye.
Ow!
Okay, boys, we are all set.
It's called
the Apollo 14 bar and grill,
and it's about
an hour up the freeway.
And it's about
an hour up the freeway.
Sprad is gonna loan us his car.
He's my ex-boyfriend.
Time out, okay?
What's this "we"?
We? You're not going anywhere.
Oh, hello. Remember me?
The one who helped
you guys out back here?
It was tre cool, fool.
I was the ultimate badass bitch.
Yes, you were bad.
I was bad. Bad.
I was bad. Bad.
Bad.
But the badness
has to stop right here.
You can't come with us.
That is not fair.
You guys wrecked my motel.
You owe me.
Wait a minute. He might
have wrecked your motel,
but I'm going
to take care of it, okay?
You're not
coming with us, though.
Okay.
Okay.
Then you guys better come back
here, and I mean alive.
Good plan. Okay?
All right.
I must say, it has been
a pleasure meeting you.
You wild woman, you. I am.
Thank you, deliverance.
Hey.
Hey.
Bye, Toby.
Bye.
Hey, Malik?
I know I rock your uvula.
I don't know what a uvula is,
but you definitely put
some rocks in it, baby.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
You, too.
Bye. Bye.
You can see my face, right?
So, why don't you speak English
as soon as my ugly mug pops up,
or do I have to fly over there
and bitch slap you?
One moment.
Having a bad day, Mr. Madison?
Yeah, I'm having
a bad day, Mr. la...
Yeah, I'm having
a bad day, Mr. la...
Another failure.
I can't say it was unexpected.
Look, we ain't no goddamn lost
and found, lau. We're assassins,
so why can't we just
shoot the bastard,
stick an apple in his mouth,
roast him up for dinner,
and yank his freaking heart out?
'Cause frankly, I'm sick
and tired of having to--
Working for your money?
An advanced model
has been upgraded
and is already on its way
via the orient express.
What?
He will be arriving
in San Francisco shortly
he will be arriving
in San Francisco shortly
and will rendezvous with you.
You will work under his orders.
Now, you wait
just a god damn minute.
I'm not taking no orders
from no turbo-drive--
You will take orders,
Mr. Madison.
It's part
of your job description.
At any rate, we have no more
use for the prototype,
and you can yank his freaking
heart out if it pleases you.
Just bring it back to me
in one piece.
Trying to make it
up to me, Mr. lau?
Goodbye, Mr. Madison.
Goodbye, Mr. Madison.
The target is pinpointed
at a resort not far from here.
Report to the rendezvous point.
♪
Holy shit.
She said Apollo 14, right?
Yeah, my guess
would be it's the one
with the giant rocket ship
sticking out of it.
♪
Now, this is what
makes America great.
Now, this is what
makes America great.
Yeah, right. That's too bad.
Why don't we get our wheels
and get out of here, huh?
Hey, man. How you doing? Hey.
Is spam around? Spam?
Yeah, spam went to the cooler.
He'll be back in a minute.
Can I get you guys some drinks?
Yeah, give me two beers.
Iron moose.
Coming up.
♪ Yankee doodle went to town ♪
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm. I needed this.
You and me both.
So, tell me, how do you like the U.S.A.
so far, gunfire aside?
Good beer.
Fast cars.
♪
Lousy singers.
Let me see you get up there.
That's what I thought. You
better suck on that beer, buddy.
♪
Nice shoes.
Initializing boot sequence.
System ten.
Ten, nine, forty.
Engage optical drive.
Give me a status report
on our operative in California.
Give me a status report
on our operative in California.
His men are in position.
A storm is imminent.
Toby wong?
No.
This says different.
Excuse me? Can I get
two more beers right over...
Excuse me? Can I get
two more beers right over...
There.
Oh, shit.
See this?
What's going on?
Be cool.
I'm cool.
You be cool. I'm with him.
I was just showing
your friend here
how he's got a goddamn
tracking beacon
how he's got a goddamn
tracking beacon
built into his chest,
or had it never occurred
to you that the bad guys
always seem to know
where you are?
I thought about it.
Who the hell are you?
Name's cantwell.
I don't shake hands,
so don't wave one at me.
I'm from continental
technologies in Los Angeles.
Con tech? That's right.
We got sent out to haul
your valuable buttocks
into the shop.
Maybe this will
help convince you.
Maybe this will
help convince you.
Shh.
Hundred thousand bucks.
Call it a down payment. You'll
get the rest on delivery.
Down payment.
Eh, since we all buddy buddy,
can I sit down and--
Yes, thank you, thank you.
Here you go.
What are you doing?
You, young man,
are very twitchy.
You, young man,
are very twitchy.
This will burn out
that tracking beacon.
We don't want those
leung corporation scumbags
screwing up our guys'
night out, now do we?
All better.
Ooh, here comes the calvary.
Ooh, here comes the calvary.
Let's swing our dicks.
♪ Won't you go home,
Malik Brody ♪
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
♪ She's still in love
with you ♪ oh, no.
♪ You're too cool, Malik Brody ♪
♪ To let one mistake ♪
♪ Make you feel the way you do ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, oh ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, oh ♪
That's me he's singing about.
♪ ...with nothing
but a fine-tooth comb ♪
♪ You've been gone for a while ♪
♪ And now go back in style ♪
♪ Malik Brody,
won't you please go home? ♪
♪ Won't you go home,
Malik Brody? ♪
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
Why don't you go home?
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
Why don't you go home?
You go home.
Get out of here, my god.
♪ Still in love with you ♪
♪ You got a home and a wife ♪
♪ A beautiful child,
do what I like ♪
♪ ...being shot at,
you had some fights ♪
Oh, shit. Look out!
What do we do now?
Back to plan "a".
What's plan "a"?
Don't get shot.
Good plan.
Shit, I didn't even
get to finish my beer.
No holes?
No holes. So, our work
here is done, right?
Done.
Let's go, man.
Oh.
What's wrong?
It's time to come home, Toby.
I think you better go.
No, we can kick his ass.
He's the last one.
Come on, me and you.
I'm serious, Malik. You don't
want to fight this guy.
Fuck that. We'll kick his ass
and take his coat.
You see those glasses he got?
All right, no more playing.
Absolutely.
Time for you to get the
hell out of here. What?
Hey, get off that, man.
I told you I got your back.
Listen, Malik,
you have a wife and a daughter.
Now, go home.
Go!
Hey. It's my favorite
cheese-eating dick monkey.
You ain't so bad.
I ain't so bad.
You hit like a girl,
motherfucker. Let's go.
You think you're bad?
I know I'm bad. Let's go.
I'll show you something
big, long, and nasty.
What the fuck?
Time for a whipping, boy.
There's been a fluctuation
in the adrenaline level.
His body may be nearing
the point of exhaustion.
Boost the implants
on the advanced model.
Which ones?
Every one.
Atta boy. Let her buck.
I don't have to kill you.
You can return
with me to Hong Kong.
No.
No.
System overload.
You pulled a whip on me? Are
you out of your fucking mind?
Let me tell you something.
Don't you ever pull a whip
on a black man again.
On a black man again.
Total system failure.
We'll simply make more.
So, he wasn't so bad, was he?
Nah.
Come on.
We have a paycheck to collect.
Yeah, you got
an employee to pay.
You get a bonus.
Oh, I like that.
You get a bonus.
Oh, I like that.
Time to blow.
Time to blow?
Shit!
All right, tobe,
let's get going.
We got money to collect.
We got hotels to build.
And a wife and kid
to go home to.
Exactly. Yes.
Wife and kid. Yeah, man.
You know what, I'm gonna...
I'm going to do everything I
can to make it work this time.
Who is she kidding?
She can't live without me.
She's a lucky girl.
There you go. I think
I might have to pull out
there you go. I think
I might have to pull out
my tiger fists
on that cheeseburger, though.
I hate that guy.
Yeah, me, too.
And you can buy a new car, too.
I sure can.
You know what I like?
I like the '64 Chevy
Malibu convertible.
Why is that?
I saw it in a movie once.
I did. It figures.
A movie once.
A movie once.
Well, I think we've done
all the damage we can here.
Let's go blow something up
in L.A., man.
I'm right behind you.
We ain't got a car.
Let's just take
this blue Taurus here.
I know how to carjack. Do you?
Yeah, yeah.
♪
What the hell
are you doing here?
You've got a problem
with a stowaway.
What do you mean?
Right on time.
Call off the search
in Hong Kong.
Toby wong just hit frisco.
♪ Baby I love you ♪
♪ He wonders how
can he keep her ♪
♪ As much in love as he is ♪
Sounds like this
early morning drink
is turning into
a career for you, Malik.
Yeah, but the pay sucks, Joey.
So do the tips, my friend.
So do the tips.
Here, a solid
breakfast is important.
♪ Love something fine ♪
♪ She loves him so ♪
Help you?
Beer.
You know, the only reason
I open up so early
is to keep your out-of-work ass
off the streets,
and now I have customers.
Well, why don't you
tell your customers
about the importance of a good
breakfast and leave me alone?
Let me write, okay, please, Joe?
Like I said, my time is coming.
You look out that door.
Look out there.
What do you see? My time.
Right out that door.
And I'm gonna take you with me cause
you can sing a little bit, right?
And I'm gonna take you with me cause
you can sing a little bit, right?
Just like
Johnny fucking cash, baby.
Johnny fucking cash.
That's all I need.
Hey, you look like
a music lover.
Check it out.
Hit song right there.
Take the back. Right.
Shoot his legs.
Okay, okay.
Shit, shit, shit.
Put the gun down, or he's dead.
Come on, man. Let's talk
this out, like gentlemen.
This is between you and me.
Like gentlemen, please.
Shut up.
Put the gun down.
Put it down.
He's running out of time.
We'll pick this up later.
Freeze!
I've got a wife,
and a family, and kids.
Thank god you're here!
You move any closer
and I'll kill him.
Kill me? What are you
talking-- shut up!
Back off.
Hey, just be cool, man.
Just let him go.
We don't want to see
anybody else get hurt.
You just put the gun down.
You follow me, he dies.
You follow me, he dies.
Oh, my god.
Come on, let's go.
We are going.
This ain't the Batmobile, man.
You want me to throw a rod?
It's an old car.
Just drive.
Look out!
Look out!
Oh, my paint. Baby, I'm sorry.
Your paint?
You're gonna get us killed.
Easy, easy.
Did I scare you? I'm sorry.
Did I put your life in danger?
Shit.
Shit is right.
I'm not the bad guy, okay?
What?
Just relax and drive.
Just relax and drive.
Relax?
Relax and drive with a gun pointed at me.
What did I do?
I'm not going to hurt you.
Just keep driving. Okay.
Oh, hey, man,
anything you say goes.
You're the boss, Mr. gunman.
You're the boss.
You're the boss, man.
Hey, easy, easy, cousin.
Easy cousin. I'm just
going for my cigarettes.
Cigarettes, see? Too fine cigs.
Cigarettes, cousin. You smoke?
Those things will kill you.
Those things will kill you.
Don't smoke in the car.
I'm sorry.
You don't want me to smoke?
In my car?
Can I open a window and smoke?
Oh, this is fucking beautiful.
This is fucking--
You know what? You're right.
I'm going to quit.
I don't know who died
and left you surgeon general,
but you're absolutely right.
I'm going to quit.
Tell me something.
Tell me one thing.
Who long do I have
to put up with this shit?
Where are we going?
Los Angeles.
Los Angeles? Are you out
of your fucking mind?
Excuse me, yosemite Sam.
Wong. Toby wong.
Hey hey, Malik Brody. Pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you.
Do me a favor, man. Find some
other brother with a better car,
kidnap him, and make him
put the miles on his car.
I can't do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm sorry but you
don't have a choice.
All right. That's typical.
That is so typical.
You know, you just
fresh off the boat,
kidnap the first
brother you see,
and force him
to be your chauffeur.
And force him
to be your chauffeur.
You don't look like miss Daisy.
I should be driving you
no fucking--
Shut up.
In English.
In English.
Vic Madison for Mr. la...
One moment.
What's that, Walter?
Pancreatic cancer?
Mr. Madison.
Judging by your expression,
you have unfortunate
news to convey.
Oh, I got to hand
it to you, Mr. lau,
no one pulls the wool
over your eyes.
You haven't recovered
our property?
Nope. I'm disappointed.
No shit.
No shit.
Your arrogance never
ceases to amaze me.
I don't know about
arrogance, Mr. lau,
but I do know I enjoy my work,
and the object you've lost
is about to supply me
with a sizeable
amount of pleasure.
If you knew that you
would be held responsible
if the competition
acquired this object--
Now, Mr. lau, I have been
a faithful employee,
and you know that.
Even as we speak,
action is taking place
to recover your object.
There's no need for threats.
To recover your object.
There's no need for threats.
Of course not.
The leung corporation.
Have a nice day.
Sayonara, shithead.
Must be nice being married
to the boss' daughter.
Walter, you've just saved the
life of the president's son.
Would you turn that shit off?
Must be a routine d-u-i stop.
In the middle of the day?
Don't do anything stupid.
Howdy. Sir?
Howdy. Sir?
Can I see your license,
your registration,
and proof of insurance, please?
Yes, you may, officer.
Yes you may.
I got that right here.
There you go,
there you go, there you go.
Can I have your name, sir?
Samuel Hong.
Can you step
out of the car, please?
Me? Yes. Yes, sir,
I would be glad to.
Freeze, asshole!
Hey, what?
Get your hands out of the
window where I can see them,
nice and slow.
Out of the window. Yeah, yeah.
Open the door.
I know the routine, okay?
So, let's not go
too rough on me.
Get out, right up
against the car.
Turn around, get your
hands behind your head.
Wait. Shut up!
Wait. Shut up!
I'm not the one, he's the one.
I'm the kidnappee,
he's the kidnapper.
You're under arrest.
Under arrest?
I'm a fucking hostage, man,
what are you talking about?
This motherfucker
shot 30 people in a bar.
Tell them. Say something,
motherfucker. Say something.
Hey, knock it off. Tell them how
you just shot 30 people in a bar.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be held against you.
That's enough.
That's enough. Let's go.
What about that
big ass gun he got?
Yeah, put him face down like
they do the brothers in watts.
Yeah, put him face down like
they do the brothers in watts.
♪
Uh-oh.
Hey man, I thought we were
going to the police station?
♪
♪
End of the road.
Geez, what happened?
They cut the funding
geez, what happened?
They cut the funding
for the highway patrol
or something?
Got special instructions.
Nothing personal.
I knew these guys
weren't real cops, man.
They're real cops. Real dirty.
Oh, you better
slow your role, big fella.
This is the original five
fingers of death right here.
Aren't they all?
♪
I've got a funny feeling
we're going to see
some familiar faces.
We're going to see
some familiar faces.
Funny feel-- your definition
of funny and mine
must be completely different because
I don't see a damn thing funny.
Mr. wong.
Face to face again.
You have become one festering
boil on my ass, turbo-drive.
Hi, excuse me? Hey, man. I don't
know you, and you don't know me,
hi, excuse me? Hey, man. I don't
know you, and you don't know me,
and I don't know what you want,
and I really don't give a damn.
I got a mission to get home and
catch videos-- hey, Bob Marley,
quit your wailing.
This gravel pit puts me in mind
of that little trip we took
to Kentucky a few years back.
Was that when
we took out the governor?
Uh-uh, that was new Mexico.
Kentucky was
the vp of psychoplasmics.
You remember
that roast chicken we ate?
Hot damn that was good.
Them little garlic taters.
Them little garlic taters.
Just shoot us, Madison.
Don't bore us to death.
No, oh, oh.
Madison, just shoot him, okay?
I enjoy chicken
as much as the next man.
Man after my own heart.
Yeah. Hey, you ever been
to popeye's chicken?
Popeye's?
Yeah. Real spicy, spicy recipe.
Extra spicy?
It'll flip your wig, cousin.
You don't say? Yeah.
Kill this guy.
Ow!
Ow! Move!
What did you do?
What--
Let's go.
Goddamn fuckers.
Will you wait a minute? My arm.
Would you make up your mind?
Just follow me.
Look, sport-shoes, kill the big
guy, not the little guy.
You remember sesame street?
You remember that?
That whole big little
thing was explained
pretty damn well, wasn't it?
Yeah. Shoot the big guy in the
head, little guy in the leg.
Yeah. Shoot the big guy in the
head, little guy in the leg.
Are you with me on this?
Yeah.
Wait, wait.
Shoot him.
Come on, Madison. Shoot me.
Do it.
Do it.
You ain't so bad.
Look out!
Let's go.
Bucket, come on.
What'd you want to bucket for?
Where you going?
We're going down.
What? I ain't going down there.
We're going.
It's suicide. Can we talk about it?
Tell me on the way down.
Goddamn.
My back. Oh.
Man, I hope those asshole
cops didn't take my car
or it's going to be
a real short trip.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on.
My side, my side, my side.
Come on.
My side, my side, my side.
Goddamn it,
you messed my suit up.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck me, man.
How did I get involved in--
How did I get involved in this?
Are you okay?
Okay? Okay?
I'm in one piece,
motherfucker, but okay
is something I ain't
been since we met.
It's time for you to download
some information to me, man.
Tell me something. Why are
those guys trying to kill me
more than they're
trying to kill you?
Huh?
They're not supposed to kill me.
I'm too valuable to them.
I'm too valuable to them.
Valuable? Oh, yeah, you're about a
penny a pound as far as I'm concerned.
If you so fucking precious,
why did you kidnap me?
Why did you get me
involved in this?
I know I'm good
looking, but damn.
This is like shit on Malik week.
I really don't think it's
a good time to stop the car.
If we could just keep driving
a little-- you don't think?
Think back, dumb ass.
They took your gun,
so I'm not afraid anymore.
So I'm not afraid anymore.
Unless you plan to slit
my throat with a paper napkin,
which is all we got,
you better start talking.
I want to know
why we're being chased,
and you better tell me before
the wild motherfuckers
catch up with us.
Have you ever heard
the term bio-engine?
Yeah, that sounds like beaver
cleaver saying fire engine.
No, it's high-tech slang.
It means
biological energy module.
I have one in my chest.
Really?
Wow, that's a pretty
amazing coincidence, Toby,
wow, that's a pretty
amazing coincidence, Toby,
because I have one in my ass.
Yeah. I have a little brown one
in my ass.
Come on man,
I want to know the truth.
We ain't got time to bullshit.
I used to work for
the government in Hong Kong.
After the red Chinese
took over in '97,
they put one
of these things in me.
A prototype.
I'm here because I heard that
there's a corporation in L.A.,
I'm here because I heard that
there's a corporation in L.A.,
con tech, that wants
to buy the implant.
All I have to do is get down
there, deliver it to them,
and they will pay me five
million dollars for it.
Five million dollars?
And, of course, the red Chinese
don't want you to sell it.
Tell me something,
does everybody live happily
ever after at the end
of this fairy tale?
Look, I'll make you a deal.
Please, monty hall, no deals.
No, no, listen.
All you do is,
you help me get to L.A.,
all you do is,
you help me get to L.A.,
I'll give you half the money.
What do you say?
I say, we go to my house,
we get a hack--
Half the money like two million,
five hundred thousand dollars,
half the money?
It's not enough?
No. No?
I mean, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, no--
Hey, would you cut it out?
Don't do that bugs bunny
stuff with me, all right?
Just, no, we're not--
No. Absolutely not.
I can't.
I can't.
You don't expect me to believe
this fire engine--
Bio-engine. Biological energy
module. It makes me go fast.
Bio-engine, fire-engine,
whatever.
This is your house?
Not exactly.
Look, I've only been
a barfly since I lost my job,
look, I've only been
a barfly since I lost my job,
and my wife,
and my house.
Yeah, look at that.
That super-scientifical
hard stuff, it ain't so bad.
It'll cut.
What the hell
are you doing here?
Uh, well--
What the hell is going on?
Take it easy, Karen.
I can explain.
This guy here, he kidnapped me,
but now he's going to let me go.
Oh, my god. Are you
in trouble with the law?
No. I'm not.
I'm good, but, uh,
but he's on some other shit.
They going to fry his ass,
you don't want to know.
Why aren't you at work?
Why aren't you at work?
I had to meet a deadline.
I was at work all night.
All night? So wait a minute, that
means you left Bria with the asshole?
His name is Steve. How many times do
I have to tell you? Oh, I'm sorry.
The asshole part is silent. You
know what, that's a real nice
kmart family portrait old Steve
paid for, that's a nice portrait.
But it ain't his family.
At least he's a grown up.
He's a fucking cheeseburger.
He works for a living.
He's a cheeseburger.
A cheeseburger?
Yes, a nasty, fat,
coagulating around your heart,
not good for you cheeseburger. And you know
what? I don't think you like this Steve guy
as much as you pretend to.
You know why?
As much as you pretend to.
You know why?
Why? Because you didn't hit me
when I called him a cheeseburger.
And the only nice thing you can
say about him is he's a grownup?
That's better than being
an aimless, irresponsible fool.
That's right, a fool.
Look, I can't have
you around here.
I just want you
to saw your handcuffs off,
do whatever you got to do,
and leave.
Karen...
Please.
I hate this Steve guy.
Me, too.
God. Thank you,
but that shit I did not need.
Once I get you
to the bus station, man,
I'm dropping you off and I'm
finding me a new favorite bar.
I don't need this. She leaves
my kid with that asshole.
God, what is this, man?
I can't understand.
Women make me sick.
I can't understand.
Women make me sick.
Oh, man. Leaves my kid
with the asshole, man.
How long have you been divorced?
What?
I think she still loves you.
Oh, you do? I do.
I think...
I think you should
go catch your bus.
I think you should
go catch your bus.
Come on, man. Give me one.
For old time's sake.
Don't hurt me, now.
Ah, you hit so hard,
you bad ass.
Take care of yourself, man.
Man, oh man, oh man, oh man.
She still loves you.
She still loves you.
And I love you, man
stay fruity, man.
Don't twist any ankles.
Don't pull any groins.
Let's get out of here.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no. He's going
to have to handle them.
I can't do three. I can't.
No, I can't.
♪
♪
Come on!
Don't look all confused.
Come on!
Don't look all confused.
Shit, she might love me
a little bit more
with 2.5 million dollars
in my pocket. Hold on.
♪
♪
Mr. lau, Mr. chow is here.
Sir.
How was your trip?
I...Excuse me?
A long, miserable flight,
made short and pleasant
by new technology.
By new technology.
Yes, sir.
A very pleasant flight.
A pleasant flight?
You failed to capture Toby wong,
and yet you had a pleasant trip?
That is not what I meant, sir.
A leung corporation
advanced model.
What Toby wong could have been.
Again, new technology,
capable of turning a long,
miserable death
into a short,
not quite pleasant one.
Prepare a group of our finest.
You're going hunting.
Hey, man?
Hey, man. Talk to me.
Tell me about China.
Is there a lot of kung-fu
shit going on over there?
What? What do you mean?
I mean, is it like,
guys running up to each other
on the street, talking about,
"hmm, your kung-fu
is pretty useless
"as well as obsolete.
You insult me.
You bastard.
Prepare to die. Hmm."
You bastard.
Prepare to die. Hmm."
No, not a whole lot, no.
Really?
You know, I would've thought...
A lot of people have some sort
of martial arts training,
but you don't see much chop chop
going on in restaurants or anything.
Hmm. That's funny. The image
that Americans have of China
is that it's a country full of
people with little tiny feet,
and they run around and kick the
shit out of each other every day.
That's the same image
we have of America,
that's the same image
we have of America,
except you guys have big feet,
and you kick the shit out
of each other less gracefully.
I can see that.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man, what next?
Hey, I think we blew a hose.
We're going to have
to make a stop.
A little town coming up,
we can get a motel room.
You can sleep, I'll fix the car.
I thought we decided
on the safe approach?
Toby, safe or not,
if I don't stop and fix it,
we won't get a mile
down the road.
♪
Hey, man.
Toby? Rise and shine.
We're here, man.
Rise and shine, partner.
Come on, we're here, man.
Come on, we're here, man.
Hi, oh, man am I glad
to see you guys, wow.
Yeah, wow.
Tell me, how you doing?
Oh, man. This thing
is a real piece of shit.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to offend you, there,
I've just never seen anything
that looks quite this bad
that still runs.
That sounds real bad.
Actually--
Do you need a room?
Actually--
Do you need a room?
Please, please tell me
that you need a room. Please.
You want a room?
Yeah, we need a room.
So, what shall
we make that, a double?
Oh, yeah. He's a blanket hog.
Uh, I know all about that.
My boyfriend's
a real blanket hog.
Ex-boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
Ex-citing.
My much too trusting parents
took off on business,
and they left me
in charge of this place.
The only problem is that there
are no guests in the motel
and the remodeling
guys won't be back
for at least another three days.
Let me see...
You all right, kid?
You look wiped out.
The implant
screws up my metabolism.
Keeps the adrenaline pumping.
You get high,
but you crash hard.
Dig it.
Dig it.
I think this should be the biggest
party opportunity of my young life
and nobody to share it with.
Oh, that's rough.
Look, do we have
any forms to fill out?
'Cause my man needs
to get a little rest.
You're in luck, magilla gorilla.
I am offering you
the deliverance party
weekend special.
Oh, what does
that include, exactly?
Exactly. Lots of sleep, I hope.
No, it exactly includes
free room and board.
No, it exactly includes
free room and board.
No, shit? Yep.
Who's gonna know? Yeah.
But you owe me.
I owe you what?
Entertainment,
chocolate boy wonder.
Show off.
Just trying to stay awake.
Is the second floor okay?
We've got double beds,
free cable TV
with the naked channel,
and complimentary shampoo.
Oh, also, my dad has this huge
garage right next door
if you guys want to use it
to fix up your car.
If you guys want to use it
to fix up your car.
Oh, yeah, that would be great.
Thank you. You're welcome. Bye.
Hey? Listen,
be careful going up the stairs
'cause we're going through
some renovations.
All right.
Hey.
Huh?
Nothing.
Yeah.
Bye. Bye, bye.
Bye. Bye, bye.
We've gotta bring Tony wong in.
He's trying to make me look bad.
He's always tried
to make me look bad,
even before he got
wound up with that turbo-drive.
I knew he'd be trouble.
He's good.
Yeah, damn right he's good.
Son of a bitch could eat flower
and shit cupcakes.
Don't talk about cupcakes.
I am going to carve him up.
I am going to carve him up.
Right on time.
Good.
Good, a little touch-up paint,
bang out some of those dents,
bang out some of those dents,
and we're on the road.
How's it going?
This is a terrible habit
you have, child.
♪
Just working on my car.
Just working on my car.
These old challengers
are super cool.
What's this? A '73?
That's exactly what it is.
A '73.
Make-out cars to the Max.
I bet you that backseat could
tell some old war stories, huh?
Probably isn't the--
Yes, it's a hell
of a garage you got here.
It's my old man's.
He used to be a hot-rodder
back in the old days,
now he just customizes
other people's cars.
Now he just customizes
other people's cars.
Says it keeps him young.
Man, I can dig it.
You're into cars? Hmm?
Oh, uh,
I dabble a little bit.
Hey, wait, do you
want to see something
that is just really great?
No. No, no, no. I'm not--
Oh, no, come on.
You're going to love this.
Wait. Come on.
Wait. Come on.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.
It's fabulous.
Oh, god.
It's my dad's.
This is a classic.
It is totally custom.
It's got a rebuilt,
special edition
428 hemy, v8 supercharged,
trip four-speed auto end.
Trip four-speed auto end.
Enough fuel injection for a 747.
This is the shit.
I knew that you'd like it.
How do you know
so much about cars?
God, I love them.
There is nothing
like a mean go-getter.
You know what they say,
you can tell what a man's like
by the kind
of car that he drives.
We're closing in.
Yeah. Good hot day
for a killing.
Toby?
Good lord!
It's an uncharted asteroid
belt swirling through space
like a cosmic food processor.
Like a cosmic food processor.
Ship's computer
calculates our survival
at seventy billion
and twelve to one.
We've been hit!
System malfunction, Walter.
Code reads at eight percent.
She can't hold on much longer.
Toby?
Toby, Toby.
Toby, Toby, Toby.
Lock 'em and jock 'em,
gentlemen.
Just touch the little
bastard with one of these,
he'll be about as tough
as a jelly full of pudding.
Do me one small favor, fellas.
When you're shooting at the
chump he's traveling with,
keep your eyes on the firearms.
Mr. wong has a tendency
to take them away
and use them on their owners.
So, without any further ado,
so, without any further ado,
you three, go around back.
You guys, take the garage.
Conte, the hedgehog, and myself
will go in the front.
Rock and roll, boys.
Hey, we can have a fun day.
Time to get up now.
Hey.
Hello?
Who says violence
is not the answer?
Ow. Shit.
The story of my life.
Out of that bed
and on your feet.
Out of the cool and in the heat.
Take the first floor. Sir.
Madison, do you copy?
I read you.
We found the car.
Good. Stay sharp.
Roger.
Roger.
Yo, yo, man.
He hit that man right here
and blam,
he took off over there.
Some party weekend this is.
You saw him go
into that building over there?
Shit!
Where's Malik?
He was working on the car.
He was working on the car.
Can you get this to him?
You can bank on it, sweetcakes.
Oh, okay.
Malik.
Fuck!
Say goodnight, Stacey.
Shit.
It's Gracie, dork-stick.
What the fuck are you doing?
Hey, good-looking.
You need a hand?
You need a hand?
No. I'll take that, though.
Keep your head down.
I got you covered.
You got me covered.
Okay.
Oh, come on.
What the fuck is this?
Are you out of your mind?
Okay.
Never mind. Come on, come on.
♪
It's Bob Marley. He just
capped Van beeber and O'neal.
Man, you got bigger problems
heading your way.
♪
♪
Whoa.
Look out!
You guys okay?
We're doing our thing, man.
They're coming. You hide in the back.
I'll take care of them.
They're coming. You hide in the back.
I'll take care of them.
Good plan. Come on.
Come and get it.
Take him down.
Oh, wow.
What?
He's fantastic.
Go Toby, go Toby, go Toby.
Go Toby, go Toby, go Toby.
Stick your head
between your legs
and kiss your ass goodbye,
turbo-drive.
Jesus shit-howdy.
Now that's eating pavement.
They're destroying my motel.
Stay here.
Hey, wait, Toby.
Fuck that. I ain't
staying here. Come on.
I got the front.
I got the front.
Toby, come on.
Oh, shit. What a shot.
Boo-ya, baby.
Give me some, kid. Yes.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
What took you so long?
What the hell were you doing while
I was getting my ass kicked?
I was catching up on an episode
of Walter, the Einstein frog.
What do you think I was doing?
Oh, really?
You were catching up--
That is one really smart frog.
What?
What?
What's so funny?
♪
I'm a magnet today.
Bye.
Ow!
Okay, boys, we are all set.
It's called
the Apollo 14 bar and grill,
and it's about
an hour up the freeway.
And it's about
an hour up the freeway.
Sprad is gonna loan us his car.
He's my ex-boyfriend.
Time out, okay?
What's this "we"?
We? You're not going anywhere.
Oh, hello. Remember me?
The one who helped
you guys out back here?
It was tre cool, fool.
I was the ultimate badass bitch.
Yes, you were bad.
I was bad. Bad.
I was bad. Bad.
Bad.
But the badness
has to stop right here.
You can't come with us.
That is not fair.
You guys wrecked my motel.
You owe me.
Wait a minute. He might
have wrecked your motel,
but I'm going
to take care of it, okay?
You're not
coming with us, though.
Okay.
Okay.
Then you guys better come back
here, and I mean alive.
Good plan. Okay?
All right.
I must say, it has been
a pleasure meeting you.
You wild woman, you. I am.
Thank you, deliverance.
Hey.
Hey.
Bye, Toby.
Bye.
Hey, Malik?
I know I rock your uvula.
I don't know what a uvula is,
but you definitely put
some rocks in it, baby.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
You, too.
Bye. Bye.
You can see my face, right?
So, why don't you speak English
as soon as my ugly mug pops up,
or do I have to fly over there
and bitch slap you?
One moment.
Having a bad day, Mr. Madison?
Yeah, I'm having
a bad day, Mr. la...
Yeah, I'm having
a bad day, Mr. la...
Another failure.
I can't say it was unexpected.
Look, we ain't no goddamn lost
and found, lau. We're assassins,
so why can't we just
shoot the bastard,
stick an apple in his mouth,
roast him up for dinner,
and yank his freaking heart out?
'Cause frankly, I'm sick
and tired of having to--
Working for your money?
An advanced model
has been upgraded
and is already on its way
via the orient express.
What?
He will be arriving
in San Francisco shortly
he will be arriving
in San Francisco shortly
and will rendezvous with you.
You will work under his orders.
Now, you wait
just a god damn minute.
I'm not taking no orders
from no turbo-drive--
You will take orders,
Mr. Madison.
It's part
of your job description.
At any rate, we have no more
use for the prototype,
and you can yank his freaking
heart out if it pleases you.
Just bring it back to me
in one piece.
Trying to make it
up to me, Mr. lau?
Goodbye, Mr. Madison.
Goodbye, Mr. Madison.
The target is pinpointed
at a resort not far from here.
Report to the rendezvous point.
♪
Holy shit.
She said Apollo 14, right?
Yeah, my guess
would be it's the one
with the giant rocket ship
sticking out of it.
♪
Now, this is what
makes America great.
Now, this is what
makes America great.
Yeah, right. That's too bad.
Why don't we get our wheels
and get out of here, huh?
Hey, man. How you doing? Hey.
Is spam around? Spam?
Yeah, spam went to the cooler.
He'll be back in a minute.
Can I get you guys some drinks?
Yeah, give me two beers.
Iron moose.
Coming up.
♪ Yankee doodle went to town ♪
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm. I needed this.
You and me both.
So, tell me, how do you like the U.S.A.
so far, gunfire aside?
Good beer.
Fast cars.
♪
Lousy singers.
Let me see you get up there.
That's what I thought. You
better suck on that beer, buddy.
♪
Nice shoes.
Initializing boot sequence.
System ten.
Ten, nine, forty.
Engage optical drive.
Give me a status report
on our operative in California.
Give me a status report
on our operative in California.
His men are in position.
A storm is imminent.
Toby wong?
No.
This says different.
Excuse me? Can I get
two more beers right over...
Excuse me? Can I get
two more beers right over...
There.
Oh, shit.
See this?
What's going on?
Be cool.
I'm cool.
You be cool. I'm with him.
I was just showing
your friend here
how he's got a goddamn
tracking beacon
how he's got a goddamn
tracking beacon
built into his chest,
or had it never occurred
to you that the bad guys
always seem to know
where you are?
I thought about it.
Who the hell are you?
Name's cantwell.
I don't shake hands,
so don't wave one at me.
I'm from continental
technologies in Los Angeles.
Con tech? That's right.
We got sent out to haul
your valuable buttocks
into the shop.
Maybe this will
help convince you.
Maybe this will
help convince you.
Shh.
Hundred thousand bucks.
Call it a down payment. You'll
get the rest on delivery.
Down payment.
Eh, since we all buddy buddy,
can I sit down and--
Yes, thank you, thank you.
Here you go.
What are you doing?
You, young man,
are very twitchy.
You, young man,
are very twitchy.
This will burn out
that tracking beacon.
We don't want those
leung corporation scumbags
screwing up our guys'
night out, now do we?
All better.
Ooh, here comes the calvary.
Ooh, here comes the calvary.
Let's swing our dicks.
♪ Won't you go home,
Malik Brody ♪
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
♪ She's still in love
with you ♪ oh, no.
♪ You're too cool, Malik Brody ♪
♪ To let one mistake ♪
♪ Make you feel the way you do ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, oh ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, oh ♪
That's me he's singing about.
♪ ...with nothing
but a fine-tooth comb ♪
♪ You've been gone for a while ♪
♪ And now go back in style ♪
♪ Malik Brody,
won't you please go home? ♪
♪ Won't you go home,
Malik Brody? ♪
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
Why don't you go home?
♪ Won't you go home? ♪
Why don't you go home?
You go home.
Get out of here, my god.
♪ Still in love with you ♪
♪ You got a home and a wife ♪
♪ A beautiful child,
do what I like ♪
♪ ...being shot at,
you had some fights ♪
Oh, shit. Look out!
What do we do now?
Back to plan "a".
What's plan "a"?
Don't get shot.
Good plan.
Shit, I didn't even
get to finish my beer.
No holes?
No holes. So, our work
here is done, right?
Done.
Let's go, man.
Oh.
What's wrong?
It's time to come home, Toby.
I think you better go.
No, we can kick his ass.
He's the last one.
Come on, me and you.
I'm serious, Malik. You don't
want to fight this guy.
Fuck that. We'll kick his ass
and take his coat.
You see those glasses he got?
All right, no more playing.
Absolutely.
Time for you to get the
hell out of here. What?
Hey, get off that, man.
I told you I got your back.
Listen, Malik,
you have a wife and a daughter.
Now, go home.
Go!
Hey. It's my favorite
cheese-eating dick monkey.
You ain't so bad.
I ain't so bad.
You hit like a girl,
motherfucker. Let's go.
You think you're bad?
I know I'm bad. Let's go.
I'll show you something
big, long, and nasty.
What the fuck?
Time for a whipping, boy.
There's been a fluctuation
in the adrenaline level.
His body may be nearing
the point of exhaustion.
Boost the implants
on the advanced model.
Which ones?
Every one.
Atta boy. Let her buck.
I don't have to kill you.
You can return
with me to Hong Kong.
No.
No.
System overload.
You pulled a whip on me? Are
you out of your fucking mind?
Let me tell you something.
Don't you ever pull a whip
on a black man again.
On a black man again.
Total system failure.
We'll simply make more.
So, he wasn't so bad, was he?
Nah.
Come on.
We have a paycheck to collect.
Yeah, you got
an employee to pay.
You get a bonus.
Oh, I like that.
You get a bonus.
Oh, I like that.
Time to blow.
Time to blow?
Shit!
All right, tobe,
let's get going.
We got money to collect.
We got hotels to build.
And a wife and kid
to go home to.
Exactly. Yes.
Wife and kid. Yeah, man.
You know what, I'm gonna...
I'm going to do everything I
can to make it work this time.
Who is she kidding?
She can't live without me.
She's a lucky girl.
There you go. I think
I might have to pull out
there you go. I think
I might have to pull out
my tiger fists
on that cheeseburger, though.
I hate that guy.
Yeah, me, too.
And you can buy a new car, too.
I sure can.
You know what I like?
I like the '64 Chevy
Malibu convertible.
Why is that?
I saw it in a movie once.
I did. It figures.
A movie once.
A movie once.
Well, I think we've done
all the damage we can here.
Let's go blow something up
in L.A., man.
I'm right behind you.
We ain't got a car.
Let's just take
this blue Taurus here.
I know how to carjack. Do you?
Yeah, yeah.
♪