Dreaming Hollywood (2021) - full transcript

The San Racine
Valley, in Southern California.

About a 50-minute hike
from the streets of Hollywood.

A community made possible
by a system of cooperation

between its residents,
its police...

and its criminals.

And it's where dreams
come to die.

The following docu-drama is based
on the tape recorded journal entries

of Raymond Balfi,

and how the valley
was turned upside down

once he went after a dream of his own.

Our story begins
on a day like any other.



A representative of
the criminal element arrives

at the RV of Tiny Slotnik for
a standard day of collections.

And to discuss
a recent drop in sales.

And whether or not it is linked
to the rise of a competing faction

let by a mysterious insurgent,

only known as... Arnie.

The product is too good.

The product has
made many people rich.

But now the system's
breaking down.

Because the staff
have become lazy assholes.

The other problem is...

When the staff
starts using the product.

Which makes me
wonder about your friend here.

'Cause this motherfucker...



...has got to be the worst
drug dealer I've ever seen.

Is he retarded, or an idiot?
Tell him what I said...

- No. He's just naturally the way he is.
- So?

What happened with the money
we expect every week?

Busy, I guess. You know,
you get busy,

and you don't have
all the time to...

- To do... What?
- I'm writing a screenplay.

- I'm writing a movie screenplay.
- He writes screenplays.

You know, like,
for the movies.

Seriously?

Anything I would know?
Anything with Meryl Streep?

Everybody out here thinks

they're an artist or a writer.

But unless
it has Meryl Streep...

You know who else was great?

Oh.

- Barbara Streisand.
- Barbara Streisand.

Oh, that voice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you understand?

Do you understand?

- Do you understand?
- Si!

Okay, just checking.

That was an emissary
to Mr. Aquanikkio.

Who?

God damn it, Ray!

How many times do I have
to tell you his name?

Rudy Aquanikkio!
Get your head out of your ass.

Hey, Tiny. I finished
my screenplay script.

Wanna hear my plea?

- Do you wanna hear my plea?
- "Pitch!"

It's called a "pitch."

And, no, I don't.

This is what
you're supposed to focus on.

Now, get your act together
or you'll get us both killed.

Our story continues
on a day like any other.

A select group of policemen standby a nearby crime scene...

...earning their second income.

An income provided by the criminal element.

Soon they will respond to a call

about a crime that they know
has already been committed.

Is it about a woman?

What?

The call.
Is it about a woman?

- No.
- Is it drugs?

Is the call about drugs?

No.

Don't worry about it, she'll call.
And maybe she'll bring drugs.

It should be unlocked.

♪ I'm the king of the night
Rockin' on down the road

♪ You can live your fantasy

♪ Rock that body
To the early light

♪ King of the night
Rockin' on down the road

♪ You can live your fantasy

♪ Rock that body
To the early light ♪

Did you find something?

Step in the blood.
It helps contaminate the scene.

You wanted the higher pay rate,
that's what you gotta do. Okay?

Goddamn, look at that.

It's like Rudy's
gone full cartel.

The rooms are clear.

Hey, Perry,
come on, look at this.

I'm fine over here.

All right, look, we got
a lot of sweeping to do.

We look for
tire tracks, footprints,

whatever...

Duque!

Everybody goes through this, okay?
You'll be fine.

Don't worry about it.

It's pretty easy.
I think we got everything.

I called for backup
20 minutes ago.

Man, I hope I never
have to call 911.

Here, I, uh, thought
you might like this...

It's your drug screen.

I'm tight with the boys in the
lab, and they thought, uh,

I should be the one
to give it to you.

I can't read
that shit right now.

Says you're clean.

- See? I told you.
- No drugs.

It also says you're pregnant.

Congratulations.

I hope she calls.

Hey, Doctor!

- Delgado.
- I just wanna let you know that, uh,

the baby is shitting
something awful tonight.

Could be the colic.
He'll be crying... a lot.

Maybe you could give me
something to, you know...

help me sleep.

- Supply's low. Sorry.
- Bullshit.

It's Monday. A Monday which
lands after the grace period.

- I dropped it off...
- On the tenth, you dropped it off

- Grace period ends on the tenth.
- After 2:00 p.m.

Banks close. Banks charge.

So, why don't you pay the
standard late fee to, you know,

help me sleep.

Shit.

Yo. You hear about Maureen?

She done a softball team.

The bench... everyone.

The umpire
might've gotten some too.

That... that team actually
got their ass kicked.

But, nobody struck out
that night, I tell ya.

Wow, thank you, doctor.

Say, what's with all the...

And the movie is called...

The Dog's Meow.

And it's about a dog
who wears a cat suit,

so he can go undercover
as a cat.

And then go back and tells
the dogs what they do.

But then, after a while,
he starts to like the cats.

And the the cats and the dogs
become friends,

and then they end up sleeping and living together.

Ray Balfi, in his earliest
tape recorded journal entries,

he swore that he would
never go back to jail.

And instead,
would devote himself to the arts.

So, he decided to break in.

By tackling what he believed to be the
lowest and easiest medium to break into.

The art of screenwriting.

To improve as a writer,

Ray made an effort to invite
more diversity into his life.

So, he joined
a variety of workshops.

Ray felt encouraged
as he was often invited back.

I hope you enjoy
my cool characters.

Boogie, the dog.

Groovy, the senior citizen dog.

And Pussy Maureen.

I hope you like cartoons
as much as I do.

Sincerely...

97, 98, 99, 100.

Anything you do a hundred
times, is bound to pay off.

Something good
is gonna come from this.

Today, I will get the script
copies made. One hundred of them.

The studios will pay, like,
$10 million for a good screenplay script.

So I have to protect it
at all times.

I should see that $10 million
in about four, six weeks.

I bet Delgado sold the
stuff I gave him last night.

Won't have to put up
with much more of this.

Wow. $10 million.

I will be able to afford
a better place soon.

Yeah.

I spent a lot of time
thinking about my life.

That money might help me
get away from here, but...

to be truly happy,

I gotta take something with me.

♪ Momma always told me not to

♪ Look to the sky

♪ 'Cause the eyes
Will fill and well up

♪ With the rain

♪ Reading all the pages
With headlines

♪ Now facing down

♪ Happy eyes rain to the floor
From all the pain ♪

Excuse me.

Wonder what my baby's thinking.

Excuse me.

- Is baby thinking about me?
- Sir!

Hey, baby can wait?

Welcome to CopyCopy. Home for all
your copying and shipping needs.

It's where we love to copy.

It's where
we love to copy.

I'd like a hundred copies
made of this.

Sent to these locations.

What else you got
in your satchel?

Just the scripts.

Bullshit.

You know,
we gladly give discounts.

- Look at me.
- Hm?

Come on.

I was hoping I could copy it myself.

It's my movie screenplay.

It's a cartoon.

I was hoping I could copy it myself.

I'm gonna be a millionaire.

I am very disappointed
in you, Raymond.

Imagine how I felt
when I check up on you

and I find you've been
dealing on the side?

Don't worry how I know.

Parole officer
just knows these things.

- I'm gonna stop. I'm working...
- Ah, hell.

I guess Rudy's
got a hold on you too, huh?

- Rudy Aqua...
- Yeah.

Damn bastard.

Cops are either
too afraid to fight him,

or they're
on the take themselves.

He's going down, though.

I'm gonna overlook this, Ray.

But promise me,
you'll keep this low-key.

Small dollars, small sales.

You understand me?

Do you understand me?

Yes, sir.

Good.

Come, walk me out.

Say, Ray.
You know what I do when I'm...

dealing with these knuckleheads
out on the street?

- No.
- Keep a set of one-liners.

In case somebody
gets in my face.

Like, if someone starts bitching at
me, I tell 'em,

"Well, Looks like you're up the
shitty creek, buddy."

But this is my favorite.

I tell 'em, "You see this ring?

It's ruby-red, diamond studded.

Shines from a mile away."

"But you just let me
know if you ever want a closer look."

And...
and then, they get all...

fucked up, like,
they don't know what to do.

Oh, shit.

Aw, jeez.

Hey, Smitty,
I finished my movie screenplay.

Mm-hm.

- I'm gonna be a millionaire.
- That's wonderful, Ray.

I read this article on the guy
that wrote Howard the Duck.

- I heard he made a ton of money on...
- Hey, listen.

I gotta go.

Ray...

I don't get a chance
to say this often.

But I almost
consider you like a son.

Make me proud!

Like I was saying,
I finished my movie...

Oh, and Ray, next time?

Hide the satchels.

That's how I knew.

Any mail for me?

I'm
waiting for the studio to write me back.

It's my screenplay.

What do you mean, you're quitting?
Is this about that screenplay?

Ray, how do you think
I got to L.A.?

I moved here
right after I saw Goodfellas.

The movie?

No, the barbershop quartet...
Of course, the fucking movie.

- I had a killer script.
- Well, what happened?

Hollywood bullshit politics,
you know.

It's a shame too,
'cause it was a beautiful story

about an ugly chick who screws her
way to the top of her sorority.

- It sounds pretty cool.
- Yeah.

But everything
works out for a reason.

I mean, look at me now.

God damn it, motherfuck...
Stupid dogs. Ugh.

My script's cool too.

It's about a dog
that goes undercover...

Ray, you know how many writers end
up shaving foam off of coffee cups

'cause they're too stupid
to realize their scripts suck?

You could end up at a coffee-house, Ray.
Or worse.

Do you know Mr. Telleger?

Hm. Let me introduce you.

Hey, Mr. Telleger.

I'm not buying.

I just want you to meet Ray.

- He's a screenwriter.
- So?

Maybe you could
give him some advice?

I can't.
I'm working on a project.

Oh, yeah?
Could you tell us what it is?

I'm developing a font
to convey sarcasm.

Don't people
use quotation marks for that?

- Fuck the quotation marks!
- Okay. Catch you later, Tel.

Come on.

- He's a writer, too?
- He was one of the busiest.

And then, one year,
he decided to do a pet project,

called Darling Ricochet.
Did shit.

And before he could quit,
the town already fired him.

The key to self-acceptance
is finding your center.

I'm at peace and totally
connected with my surroundings.

God damn it, motherfucking shit!

My script doesn't suck.

Look, you don't wanna help me, Ray? Fine.

I can do this myself.

I got it made out here.

Wanna know why?
'Cause I'm handicapped.

Best thing
that ever happened to me.

Nobody messes with a handicapped guy.
It's code.

My script's gonna make
millions of dollars.

Just do
your job, Ray.

You're lucky I don't tell
the big boss about you.

What do you mean?
Rudy Okonukio?

♪ Brooklyn niggas hold it down
Bronx niggas hold it down

♪ Queens niggas hold it down

♪ Uptown niggas hold it down

♪ Half a brick on a block
Let it float around

♪ Give me couple of weeks
We gonna rule the town

♪ Now they got the shit
taped off Numbers scraped off

He's here... but he's not.

♪ I was breaking fools Fuck
being broke I was making moves ♪

Shawnathan!

You look fantastic.

Ah, you too.

So, I asked for The Man,
they bring me the boss.

It's like saying,
"You're the second in command."

- Or like a...
- Like a vice president.

Exactly! Please, have a seat.

So, tell me, what cross shall
we bear for you today?

Well, Rudy,
things are going... well.

We have a few films in motion.

Of course, the product
is moving well.

- But The Man and I have a few concerns.
- Tell me.

What are these... these sacks?

The satchels.

Whatever.

Safe and hermetic
transportation of product.

With separate compartments
for cash and weapons.

They can be couriered
by bicycle, foot.

And they make great identifiers for the
cops who know the one golden rule...

You don't fuck
with the satchels.

All right, but this here
is a camera case.

That's a bowling ball bag.

And of course, we have the ever-present...
Spiderman backpack.

Yeah, but look, put a piece
of duct tape on it with an "X".

- No, we put a "O".
- An "X".

We put a "O" on the damn bag.

- Look, yesterday we said fucking "O"... No.
- "X". Fucking "X".

- Do you see?
- Fuck you.

Got it all under control.

"Rudy, I don't think

we're going to be
doing that today."

Who the fuck
does he think he is?

Fuck. Fuck!

Like most meetings
with Shawnathan, this one ended

with Rudy yelling "Fuck"
and swinging a bat.

It was bad enough that he was
grilled over the satchels.

But then he fell
under heavy criticism

over his handling
of the "Arnie" situation.

What's this guy, "Arnie"?
That's his name, right?

Dude's a myth.

Why have you been
cleaning house, then?

Going around, chopping up all
your dealers looking for him.

Just keep fucking up, Rudy.

'Cause when you go down,
we'll gladly deal with him.

Say hi to Charlotte.

Charlotte.
Once one of Rudy's preeminent party girls.

But she had left him
to work in the hills

- with Shawnathan and The Man.
- What?

Rudy would often call to
lure her back with lame offers, like...

second-rate web channel
entertainment reporter jobs.

She would graciously thank him
and end the conversation with...

Ah, I wish I could hold you.

- Fuck! Fuck!
- Whoa, whoa!

But like
most savage beasts,

Rudy was tamed
by the power of music.

Or rather by performing music.

- Yeah, Rudy, play a song!
- Yeah, come on, Rudy.

His cohort Brandon
would often hand him a guitar

to get him to calm down.

Rudy was often encouraged
to sing his break-out single,

Go, or Do You Really Have to
Leave, in parentheses,

which played
on heavy rotation on NPR

from March 1998
until the end of March 1998.

♪ Do you really
have To leave so soon?

♪ I was just about
To paint the moon

♪ Like sunshine

♪ Just so you'd believe

♪ The sun shines

♪ All night long
For you and me

♪ Do you really have... ♪

Thanks. You were right.
The guitar helped.

A new car? $5,000.

A new house? $50,000.

A comfortable bed, shopping,
a chance to go around the world.

To cool places
like Orange County,

TJ, Orlando.

Every dream will come true.

Once the studios buy my script,
I'll have everything I need.

A little for myself,
and the rest for...

- Maureen?
- Ray?

- What are you doing, silly?
- Taking out the trash.

Well, where have you been?

I've been... busy.

Oh, yeah. Monday was the other day, wasn't it?

Well, would you actually try
to sell the product this time?

That way you can afford
to see me.

Okay. I will.

Just wait till you see
what I've done with the place.

I had to hide all my
personal stuff though.

'Cause some jerk
stole my picture.

My prom picture.

Well, I gotta go, but come see me.

Bye.

I don't need much. Something good
is definitely gonna come from this.

I'll be able to afford
a better place soon.

And all I have to do
is stay out of trouble.

Ray Balfi,
would you come with us, please?

Hello. Duque.

Back at the police
station, Detective Duque sulks

- over his pregnant girlfriend having left him.
- Are you okay?

Duque had spent the
prior night fighting with Tammy.

She was leaving him
to raise the child on her own.

Duque had longed
for the love of a child.

His decision to work for Rudy
Aquanikkio was the last straw.

Bye.

Wait.

Perry, you ever get
this messed up over a woman?

Man, you know me.
I got 99 bitches, and not a problem one.

What you got is 99 corndogs.
That's what you got.

- Whatever. I'm taking a nap.
- Hm.

- We got that thing.
- Take Duque.

What do you say, Duque?

Feel like doing your civic duty?

We got a real loser
downstairs in interrogation.

Sit down.

All right. Let's see what we...
Mr. Raymond Balfi.

I am concerned detective...

And this is concerned detective...

What do you do
for a living, there, uh, Ray?

County labor pool.

What do you do on the side?

I'm in the industry.

Does your industry job include
selling product for Tiny Slotnik?

To uh, uh...

veterans, poor minorities, kids.

- I don't sell to kids.
- But you do sell to someone, right?

Then tell me about Arnie.

- Who?
- Arnie.

Come on, Balfi. He's the biggest
name on the street right now.

Is he tall, short, Latino,
Black, white, what?

I know Tiny.

And this guy, Rudy Aqua...

Rudy Aqua, Aqua...
Whatever, okay?

We don't care about him.
Tell me everything you know about Arnie.

- Can I go?
- Oh, you're not going anywhere.

- I didn't do anything.
- Yeah, we're gonna hold you for 72 hours.

You can't hold me.
I didn't do anything.

Why would I let a piece of shit
like you back out on the street

- to sell product to kids?
- Because I didn't do anything.

I don't sell to fucking...

Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Feel that one, Ray? Huh?
Did you feel that?

You better tell me what I wanna
know about Arnie right now.

My partner here,
he's getting sort of pissed.

Looks like
you're up shitty creek.

Oh! Whoa! Ray, Ray.

Ah, come on.

That's it, that's it.
That's enough. Ah, shit.

I'm very disappointed
in you, Ray.

Fuck. Fucking...

Fuck.

- Rudy, this is a bad idea.
- Shut up.

And let me see.

What happened?

We got word on some
dude shakin' down the dealers.

We found him.
There was a chase.

We ended up in the canyon.

Big shootout.

He got shot in the neck.

Is it that Arnie bitch?

Didn't get a chance
to... to ask, but...

he had satchels with him.

Smitty needs to know.

Son of a bitch needs to know.

That's my Frankie boy
in there.

Rudy, this is Steve.

You open this gate.

Open it now or I swear I will
scream up and down this block.

Rudy?

Charlotte?

What are you doing?

Just... waiting out here
for some hospitality

and maybe a smile from
a beautiful woman.

Maybe you could give me both.

Do you promise to stay calm?

For you? Yes.

I'm going to buzz you in,

but Urkel and the Crocodile Dundee
motherfucker have to stay outside.

Hey! What the hell
room is this?

The room...

is a room.

Up against the wall, please.

I hope you don't mind,
Mr. Aquanikkio.

Turn.

Excuse me,
I'll give that to him.

Hey, buddy.

Can you fix me a drink?

I'll be all right.

Rudy's here.

Charlotte let him in, I didn't.

I told him not to come,
but he doesn't listen to me.

He doesn't listen to anyone.

You know, I told you
not to trust that idiot.

But you don't listen
to me either, you just...

sit here listening
to your fucking Kenny G

and wearing your gay boy
sandals and you never fucking...

Um...

Just... just forget about
what I said.

I am under a lot of pressure
and... and you know me, I...

I speak before I think.

Just go back. Go...
go back and rewind.

♪ I couldn't stand the pain

♪ From the cold of missing you
And years of pouring rain ♪

Say, baby,

what do you call this?

California Zinfandel.

California Zinfandel.

I like it.

So, are you any better off
just because you're in here?

I have an important position.

Lots of responsibilities.

So you lick stamps.

Check his playlists.

Beats working for you.

You're nothing but furniture.

How'd you like to come back
and be the queen?

Instead of the throne.

Rule in hell.

I'm talking about
no more tricks.

I'll get you that
entertainment reporter job.

The one that Shawnathan
didn't tell you about.

Give him a break.
The guy's ambitious.

I know that
he wants to take my place.

And I know that he wants
to take The Man's place.

Laugh out very loud.
He's not quite there yet.

Is that why you haven't
fucked him yet?

How do you know I haven't?

What about The Man?

You know that
I would kill for you?

Kill? Not die?

Laugh out very loud.

We're not quite there yet.

Oh, hey, buddy,

we were just chatting
about you.

Say, what's wrong
with your eye?

The Man will see you now.

Later, I'm sure.

♪ And you can stay anyway

♪ And we can go... ♪

You're drunk. You're high.

And it's winter in your nose.

- So nice of you to drop by.
- Thought I'd deliver this personally.

Thought I'd see where all
my hard work has been going.

There's been a lot of sacrifice
for this operation.

Lots of people going down.

Going down for you.

You know what people say
about guys like you?

With houses like these
up in the hills.

They say, "What kind of
an asshole lives in a house

against a mountain held up
by two sticks."

Guys like you live so high up
that you don't even know

how things work
down on the ground.

But maybe one day
the ground shifts

and all this will come
crumbling down.

All the way to Franklin Avenue.

Rudy.

Even though you may dress
like a pimp,

you're still very much a whore.

Learn to live below
the line, Rudy.

It's all about to go down now.

It's one thing to go to the
other side of the hill, Rudy.

It's another to stand on top

of the hill and beat your chest.

People disappear
around this guy all the time.

No sign, no trace.

He provided some bankroll.

Trustfund punk.
We put all this together.

Yeah, and he can take it away
just like that.

I've been in this valley
too long.

Who am I if I can't get out
of the 818?

Who are you?

You got all the money you need.

You get fucked
anytime you want.

We got the most efficient
system in these streets.

Our product is in every party
in this town.

You wanna mess all that up
by getting us killed.

You think I'm fucking around
with you?

I do believe...

it's time for you to catch up.

It is of the utmost importance that we control
the influences that enter this house.

Do we now understand this?
Charlotte, darling...

go through these.

See what you can do with this.

Shawnathan, check it out.

Look, pal, okay?
I'm trying to apologize to you.

All right, here.
I got something for you.

That ain't gonna work. Here.

There you go.

Coupon, 10% off your
dry cleaning.

But use it soon.

Strength in the community,
right?

One together.

Asshole.

See you later.

I'm not sure
that I love you.

Not enough to raise this baby.

I know you're mad.
This is about Rudy.

- Have you ever heard...
- Duque agreed to sit quietly and be lectured.

Tammy began recalling
an incident involving Rudy

and her good friend Sheeky.

An incident that Duque
was hoping to forget.

Sheeky was a popular socialite,

and a skilled dancer
and percussionist.

Rudy presented some hot moves
and asked her to dance.

She said yes.

They danced.

They talked.

Everything seemed
to be going well

right up until the moment that
Rudy asked Sheeky for a blowjob,

Rudy then offered her $100.

Sheeky then told him that if his
cock came anywhere near her mouth,

she would snap her teeth
together like a pitbull

and spit it to the floor
for him to cry over.

Rudy then came back with,

"Look, it's not like
I'm offering you 20..."

Later on, they slipped
something into her drink.

She woke up with
all of her teeth gone,

yanked from her mouth
as she slept.

And under her pillow,
there was $20.

With his imagination
being his most powerful weapon,

the question now echoed,

"What was Rudy
capable of next?"

Rudy was once a baby.

He was once full of promise.
Don't you get it?

Tammy went on about the
importance of nurture over everything

and how they could very easily
raise a Rudy of their own

if they weren't careful.

So, Duque would have to change
and do something extraordinary

to earn the right
to raise this baby.

If not, then he would have to find
someone else to pee in a cup for him.

I will not bring another
monster into this world.

We would like
to thank you

for your submission
of The Dog's Meow,

about a dog who goes undercover as
a cat and ends up liking the cats.

Although we found the story to
be engaging and cute at times,

it is unfortunately not
what we're looking for.

One studio
did not like it.

But I bet every movie
is rejected at least once.

I bet I get rejected
at least five more times.

Something good
can still happen.

Welcome to Scotty Wolfman's
Community Center.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Todd Glassman.

Come on, everybody, stand up.

This is why you came
here tonight.

- Everybody, look.
- You came to see Todd Glassman.

♪ I am a centaur
You my one night feeling

♪ I'm jumping and I'm kicking
Like Milli and Vanilli

♪ Got boobs on my pee-pee
Go pee-pee-di-bap

No one's getting up there now.

♪ One night shacked up

- Why?
- Because Einstein, that's Glassman.

♪ He's a centaur
He's a centaur

- Who?
- Todd Glassman.

Used to be Mr. Jim
from that TV show.

"Don't be late for Mr. Jim's."

He was that teacher that used to help
all the students out with their problems.

♪ I'm a centaur, baby

♪ From the waist up
He's a human

♪ From the waist down
He's a horse ♪

Thank you.
You're beautiful.

You're beautiful. All of you,
thanks for coming tonight.

Uh, autograph's
$5 from me, 250...

His fans are legal now.
So he comes here and he hooks up.

Oh, look at this,
look at this.

- Oh, you're beautiful.
- Hey, stop it.

- Hey, no, no.
- To the VIP, everybody.

He's in the industry?

Ray, don't.

- Don't what?
- Okay. This is you.

Todd Glassman.

You.

Glassman.

You.

Glassman.

I need a beer.

Let's hear it for the
lovely, intelligent Stephanie.

♪ I dreamt of a garden

♪ With a stone that had my name

♪ Telling me it won't be long

Hey.

You're Tom Telleger.

Do I owe you money?

- No.
- Do you owe me money?

Stop staring.

You're a writer.

I'm an alcoholic.

I beg for change.

And every now and then,
I vomit without warning.

And sometimes I write.

I'm a writer, too.

Garo.

Scotch, neat.

That's neat again.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just... I'm just
waiting to hear back from the studio.

One of them is gonna buy
my script.

Garo, get him one too.

♪ I want to play in LA ♪

Putz.

Don't shoot it,
sip it like a man.

Stuff's expensive.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

That's it.

So, what's your name?

I'm Ray Balfi.

And you wrote a screenplay.

Yeah, it's... it's a cartoon.

Quite smart.

- Really?
- You get the kids, you trap their parents.

Marketing. Why else would
we be doing this shit?

Well, well, well.

How you doing, Tell?

Hold on one second.

Damn, you're still here.

Ladies, this gorgeous
hunk of man meat here.

This is Tom Telleger.

He was too good to write
for television.

Shit television.

And he forgot to bargain for the
residuals for all the movies he made.

- All that money.
- Stupid.

That's got to hurt.

And now he sits here.
He's angry, he's bitter.

Jealous of anyone
who's had any success.

We have a word for that,
don't we, ladies? Huh?

We call that a hater.

Hater, hater.

Hey, back off.

- Hater.
- That's the man that wrote The Darling Ricochet.

Well, this is cute. What did we do?
Interrupt a tinder date, Tell?

Or is this the rarest of things on
the planet since unicorns? Is this...

Is this an actual fan of yours?

Darling, my blue balls.

- That movie was pig vomit.
- You're a dick.

Did I tell you he was
beautiful or what, girls?

Vesuvius with halitosis.

Hey, Tell, guess what?

I'm going to head out
to my condo in Palmdale.

I'm gonna T-bone
these two broads.

You're going to stay here
and make small talk with...

with your fan

and marinate in the words of the
immortal Dalai Lama who said...

"It suck to be you."

Ladies, we're outta here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You all right?

Hey.

You saw Darling Ricochet?

Yeah.

It's one of my favorite movies.

Hey, I'm sorry about that guy,
he's a total jerk.

Yeah.

He is a jerk.

What we could use
is a good asshole whisperer.

That... that's from
Darling Ricochet.

Uh, right.

Awesome.

Hey, um, I was wondering

since you're a writer
and you know,

I'm a writer, I was wondering
if maybe you can help me

- get my screenplay...
- You didn't see it.

Darling Ricochet.

You never saw it.

Not all of it.

But, hey, like I was saying,
you have a lot of experience.

I could trust you. I... I would
really love you to read my screenplay.

Hey, get that shit
away from me.

All right?

I just thought...

Sorry.

Thanks for the drink.

The Dog's Meow
continued to be rejected.

Ray's journal entries
remained hopeful

and he excused the studios
for their stupidity.

And said that it was probably
because he wasn't political.

To add to his frustration,

he was informed that
his parole officer

and confidant, Smitty,
had gone missing.

And was replaced with
the ever caring, ever capable

Gavin Addison.

You are going to kick
15% up to me

every week.

You're about to do
the right thing.

I can tell.

Ray knew of only one thing
that would help him feel better.

I can...

No, no.

I must have had
a better month than I thought.

♪ I'm not quite known

♪ As lucky with the ladies

♪ But I know what I feel

♪ Is something true

♪ Give me one more chance

♪ To tell you that I love you

♪ And I hope that you feel

♪ It too ♪

Yeah. Let's go.

You bitch.

Bitch.

♪ Babies, I want babies

♪ What more can I say

♪ I want a baby for my birthday

♪ And another one in May

♪ Read, feed, treat them well

♪ Teach them wrong from right

♪ I wanna wake up
When they cry out loud

♪ And rock 'em all through
The night ♪

That was good.

High five.

You got a problem?

You got a problem?

Dude, you got a problem?

Rudy A., motherfucker.

Aquanikkio, motherfucker.

Rudy A., bitch.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Damn it! Ray,
get in here already.

I brought you flowers.

You've got
to be kidding me.

I made some extra money
this month.

You mean you actually
sold drugs this month?

I made enough for tomorrow too.

Oh, well,
what shall we press today?

Three-four-three.

I don't think
you're ready for 343.

I'm gonna put these flowers
down over here.

And when I get back
to this spot right here,

I want you to press number 343.

Three-four-three it is.

I don't care what you
gotta do to see me,

as long as you make it.

It's not about your body today.

I always feel...

Shh, shh. Try not
to speak, honey.

That should shut you up.

Don't blast off on me, baby,
you got work to do.

So, who else have you been
making love to?

Nobody to spend your cash on,
I know that.

'Cause I'm your
little Smurfette.

Your Betty Rubble.

What else you want me to be?

Black? Latina?

Or maybe you like it when I talk
in stereotypical Asian girl voice.

Huh?

No, you want me.

You want me to just be Maureen.

Quick, do me in that sweet,
special, sexy way that you do.

Take me, Ray.

Take me.

Take me, Ray.

♪ I'm your madame
You're my prostitute

Listen to this next part,
I sound like Fergie.

♪ And if you're not sure
What to do ♪

How come you never wanna
cuddle afterwards?

Did you put a ring
on my finger?

What about the clitoris?

What about it?

Ever want me to go down there
for you?

Well, darling, surprise me

one of these days.

You never go down there for me.

Hey, you don't pay
for it or ask.

Well, how about, like,
an even trade or something?

You said you would listen
to my demo.

I heard you did
a whole softball team.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

We're friends. We can talk.

Yeah, talk about the weather.

I pay you to do
whatever I want.

What you paid me for,
we've already done.

Paid you for a full half hour
and I got...

26 minutes left.

Listen, you want to get
in my business, you bring cash.

You want to get
in my business,

then you've got
to bring something extra.

So you got some truth serum,
Sugar Ray?

All the craziness lately,
all the bodies and the death.

All so we can just lay here
and enjoy this product.

Not me.

Oh, that's right.

Good boy.

It's all terrible, do you know another
kid on this block's dad went missing?

They say that it's 'cause
of that Arnie guy

everyone's talking about.

At least they still have
their mother.

How do you know
they got their mom?

- My mom was nice to me.
- Ray.

Like when the doctors
told her I was dyslexic.

She would talk backwards to me.

What...

Okay. My point is that
we are so lucky

to be able to lay here
and enjoy this the way we can.

People are dying for us.

So, let's...

pay this product
the respect it deserves.

Let's get fucked up.

Not me.

You have the conn, Mr. Sulu.

Softball team was from some

accounting firm or law firm.

Froman, Stapp and Garcia.

Each time one of them finished,
I could hear them laughing and high fiving

outside of the car.

Why is it always about
the conquest with you guys?

That's why so many of you
are no good at it.

But you know,

even with what I went
through that day,

I remember a time when
I had to do much worse.

And nobody paid me
a dime for it.

Don't you realize what it took
for me just to get here?

It's a role, darling.

Just like in the movies.

Do you know Rudy Aquanikkio?

Yes.

Does he come see you?

You work for him, don't you?

You better talk fast 'cause
this shit is really kicking in.

I wrote a movie screenplay.

It's really good.

And nobody wants it
just yet but...

I sent out 100 copies
and everything you do

100 times,
it's bound to pay off.

Well, you and I aren't quite up to
that number, but you let me know.

Hey, little Raymond.

How you doing, buddy?

I've been thinking about you.

I went all over looking
for something for you

'cause you've been
such a good boy.

Here.

What do you think?

I even cut two holes in it
for eyes so you can see.

You like it?

There.

There, that's better.

So, now the world doesn't

have to see
how fucking ugly you are.

Go out to the shed and
get me some duct tape.

Just in case
you decide to talk.

What the hell's taking so long?

Can't you find it?

I'm gonna come over there,

and if I find that duct tape,

I'm gonna fuck you up so bad

they're gonna have to put
your whole body in a bag!

Motherfucker!

Another Saturday night.

And we're under a tree.

Again!

Say, how can there be
more than one fruit in a tree?

Yes, may I help you?

We want to start a dance!

At the gymnasium.

What do you
say, can we do that?

Sounds swell.

Just fill out these forms.

Yeah.

Ray.

Tiny?

Dude, I need you.

Meet me at my spot.

What's wrong?

Did you hear about
those body parts

they found in the canyon?

No.

Coyotes ripped
some guy apart.

Coyotes never attack
grown men.

Species adapt, I guess.

Did something happen
to you?

Why wouldn't
something happen to me?

I mean, I'm handicapped.

Hello?

Tiny?

That's what you wear? I wanted
something more presentable.

I was told it wasn't
that kind of business.

And your name is Tina?

Maureen.

You don't have
a sexier handle than that?

Oh, like Joy? Peaches?

Joy. Peaches.

Delilah. Dakota.

- Honey. Baby. Mookie. Tweaker.
- Aurora. Diamond.

Sweetie, Sugar, Ginger.
What the fuck, Maureen?

You got a stupid name.
No makeup, no titties.

But there is something
about you.

She's the one with
the place over on Burnett.

Oh, yeah.

What's your secret over there?

Um, I don't know.

I guess I have
an artistic approach to it.

It's more of a ritual.

I mean, if a guy
just wanted a simple blowjob,

I'd just send him to you.

I mean, to your place. Here.

Tell me
about this guy Arnie.

Never met him.

Maybe he's one of your Johns.

It's not my style
to kiss and tell.

It's kinda like
client-hoe confidentiality.

I'll tell you what.

Next time a guy screams
"I am Arnie" during a climax,

I will be sure to let you know.

Damn, this bitch doesn't
give a fuck about anything.

I'm an artist too.
I call this my Christmas Room.

No kidding.

There's joy year 'round
and there are always gifts.

I wasn't gonna
open this today, but...

This is from someone who owed
me, and didn't deliver.

You know, at some point,

I will find someone
that you do give a fuck about.

Maybe I'll bust
the John's head open

while he's on top of you.

You'd have trouble getting
business after that, wouldn't you?

Just a whore.
Wherever you are.

I can always reach you, baby.

Don't worry.

I've got more.

And although
an intriguing concept,

we feel it's lacking in story
and character development.

Talented in parts, but would
benefit from further development.

But could do
with a second rewrite.

Or third. Or fourth.

Kind of interesting,
but, uh, no.

Next time,
please use proper structure.

Next time,
use proper structure.

We appreciate
the effort, mate.

Uh, unfortunately,
it's not what we're looking for...

Not quite
what we're looking for.

It's not
what anyone's looking for.

We encourage the
submission of compelling stories.

Unfortunately, this is not
one of them.

You write like a kid.

I mean, seriously,
what the fuck?

Do you even know
what a screenplay is?

Yeah, you know what,
I just wasted two of my fucking hours

that I'm never gonna
get back.

You suck.

Maybe if you weren't
such a fuck-up,

maybe if you hadn't watched
your father beat your mother

so many times.

The jails, the hospitals.

Then, maybe you wouldn't
have been such a fuck-up.

But, then again,
you would've been a fuck-up anyway.

Buh-bye.

Ninety-seven, 98, 99.

Maureen.

Maureen.

Ray? Ray, what
are you doing here?

I wanna see you.

But I don't wanna
see you.

Is there someone in there?

No! Go away, Ray!

I don't feel right.

- I... I don't have product.
- Go!

I just need to see you. Please.

Who cares,
just get the hell away!

I'd never liked you.
You're stupid, you're boozy.

You don't even know how to fuck!

Get the fuck away,
you're nothing!

I never want to see you again.
Get the fuck out!

Hey!

Got a letter.

Coming December 24th,

the animation event
of the year, The Dog's Meow.

The story of a dog
who goes undercover as a cat.

With the cast
of your favorite stars,

Annie Bluke,
Michelle Hasselkesser,

Todd Glassman, Chilly Stevens,
DJ Mess.

Are you team woof...

...or team meow?

Come join the fun,
The Dog's Meow.

Special screening
this December 24th.

Two o'clock in the morning.
Three goddamn hours.

Right! Right!

Because you can't
take a fucking decongestant.

So what the fuck
else were you gonna do, huh?

Not collect rent
from these deadbeats?

Oh, so now,
maybe you're thinking,

I should've stayed
in the movie business!

Ha!

Maybe you like trapping me
in this house

so I don't leave you
for some hot ass.

Do not piss me off, mister.

Do you have any idea
how long it took me

to get this fucking baby
to calm down?

Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry.

Oh, sweetie.
I'm sorry.

Your breath smells
surprisingly fresh, dear.

Did you switch to menthol?

Ha-ha.

Oh, by the way, congratulations
on that last film you produced.

I heard it made thousands.

What the fuck!

No,
how am I gonna get it back to sleep!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Can I help you?

Is this AZ Studios?

You read well!

Where is everyone?

I don't know.
What time's your appointment?

I don't have an appoint...

I know you don't have
an appointment. You know why?

'Cause it's four o'clock
in the fucking morning.

Everything all right, Cameron?

Everything's cool.

Just haven't sprayed
for assholes this morning.

You talk pretty big, don't you?

Ooh!

What's your name, dickhead?

My name is Ray Balfi,
the writer of The Dog's Meow.

You listen to me, Mr. Dickhead.

You're about to write
your last will and testament,

'cause I'm about to
mess your ass up.

I'll kill you.
I'll rip your fucking head off.

But I won't kill you fast. Nah.

Cameron Merriweather
likes to play with his food.

And when I'm through with you,

I'll drop your body
at the feet of the mother

that never bothered
to raise you.

And your head,
I'll keep that for myself.

And every night
before I go to bed,

I'll dance in front
of your face

wearing nothing but a smile
and a glass cock ring.

Mm-hm.

In other words, don't bring

the ghetto out of me.

You hear me?

Don't you ever bring the ghetto
out of Cameron Merriweather.

You hear me. dickhead?

Don't you ever,

ever bring the ghetto
out of Cameron Merriweather.

You hear me?

Don't you ever,

ever bring the ghetto
out of Cameron Merriweather.

You hear me, dickhead?

Don't you ever.

The movie that you wrote
is premiering December 24th!

Get the fuck out of here!

That's amazing!

I'm done today.

I found out that...

Garo.

You get Wi-Fi here, don't you?

Uh... think so.

I mean, I'm not really
a computer guy.

The Dog's Meow. Is this you?

Says here it was written
by a guy named Kurt Buckwell.

It's mine!

What the fuck?

Somebody stole my script!

Same story. Same characters.
Same everything!

Then who's Kurt Buckwell?

I don't know.

Okay. Hear me out on this one.

Sometimes when someone comes up
with a very creative idea,

there's usually about a thousand
other people on the planet

that think
of the exact same thing.

No, no, no. Look.
No, no. Look, look.

See? It says, "By Ray Balfi."

Ray. Look at your title page.

Where does it say,
"By Ray Balfi?"

Please tell me
you protected this.

You mean with plastic?

Ray.

Kurt Buckwell.
That's a pseudonym. A fake name.

How do you know?

It just sounds like something

that a writer would
pull out of his ass.

AZ Studios. They're an upstart.

Word is that they're going under if
they don't have a hit project soon.

I mean,
look at him. What does he do?

"Oh, I have
loads of money,

so, why don't I just
start a studio?

I don't have to do
any of the fucking work."

I mean, he took credit
for Slippers and Socks.

Agent Elf.

He took credit
for The Duke of City County.

Well, Slippers and Socks
was okay...

He took credit
for The Fuzzy Amigos.

Oh, that one...

Fuzzy Amigos was brilliant!

Now, he's going to take
credit for this.

Man thinks
that nothing ever runs out.

And maybe his money never will.

But let's see what happens to him
when he runs out of credibility.

Okay.

The light will be bright green on this one.
And he'll make it too!

Because he's a fucking idiot,
he's stupid.

And he'll just take this
script, and be like,

- "Oh, my God, I'm gonna make it and it's gonna be a success."
- Shawn. Shawn.

Shawnathan!

This script is terrible!

Exactly.

And when this city
kicks him out of here,

then I'll be free to take
everything and everyone I know

and make my own.

What about me?

What?

You think I'd let you go back to some
gangster twat like Rudy.

I wish I could hold you.

You can.

Here's to Fuzzy Amigos 2.

I didn't even think anyone
wanted to even hear my story.

Yes.

Okay.

Tell me.

Boogie the Dog

hears the other dogs talk about
a plan to attack the cats.

The cats are too fast.
They're too smart.

So they came up with a plan where one of the
dogs would go undercover in a cat costume.

He'd see where they go
and what they do.

Ray, he wants the other dogs to like him.
So he says that he'll do it.

So he puts on the cat costume,

then he teaches himself

how to scratch furniture
and lick himself

the way that cats do.

He meets Pussy Maureen.

She tells him that maybe he only
thought that he hated the cats.

So he gets both sides to all
become friends with one another.

And Ray and Pussy Maureen
cuddle in the same doggie bed.

The end.

Hey, Ray. If that's what
your story is about,

then here's to you.

And who stole it?

In this town,
everyone is a suspect.

You'd have to go
to every single person

that ever read, looked at,
even touched your script.

But who are you gonna sue?

You can't prove you wrote it.

Fucking idiot.

Are you ever gonna write again?

I got no more
stories to tell.

You're wrong.

There are always stories
to tell.

Mm.

Hey.

Yo! I'm home.

Bitch!

Fuck this shit!

Huh? Yeah, you're fucking lazy.

You better fucking look for it.

♪ Macaroni, macaroni

♪ Macaroni, macaroni

♪ There's so much macaroni
That I like to eat

♪ It's cheesy and it's cheesy
And it can't be beat

♪ I open up my pantry...

I love you...

♪ Oh, there's so much macaroni

♪ I love macaroni time

♪ I've got macaroni on my mind

♪ There's never been a better
Place that I can find

♪ Like macaroni time ♪

What's going on in here?

You say it's a cartoon.

Yes, by your grace,
we have created a cartoon.

Like The Flintstones.

Like The Flintstones,
but with animals.

Well, The Flintstones
had animals.

Yes, but these
are modern animals.

Oh, I see.

They are dogs and cats,
and they sing and dance.

I was gonna say
it should have music.

Well, because you've guided
us so well through the years,

every dog and every cat
has a song.

Huh. Charlotte,
what do you think?

This will be the project
to propel us all.

Do you really think so?

You especially.

- So goddamn handsome.
- Agreed.

I love having the both of you
here with me.

It's like we're family.

Agreed.

♪ Embers to ashes inside
Is how

♪ We fly through the night

♪ Hoping to light
The lonely sky

♪ Trying to reach the stars

♪ That shine till tomorrow

♪ Only to burn
And then we die

♪ No more... ♪

Hey. Hey.

Hang in there, okay?

Everything is gonna be
all right.

We're gonna find the monster
that did this.

We're gonna work day and night.

Till guys like this, are...
Are put away.

We need to make this world
a better place.

So everyone feels safe.

I promise. You're gonna be able
to play with your friends...

Hold her there.

- Hang out...
- Kid's mom is here.

- Mommy!
- Hang out and, and...

Where the fuck do you get off
acting like a fucking crusader?

You let the powers that be do their
business. That's how you avoid a war.

- But there's already a war.
- Then pick a fucking side!

Where you goin'?

Got another idiot downstairs.

No ID. But he was nice enough
to give us this.

You were Mr. Jims, right?

I've done many roles since then
too, thank you very much.

Says here on your resume that you specialize
in playing the... the wacky neighbor?

The concerned dad.

Douche types.

Yeah, you see, I don't believe
the first two.

As for the latter, I'm sure
you're pretty convincing.

Well, here. For instance.

They found a piece-of-meat hipster
the other day over on Hayworth.

Turns out, he's trying to deal
in another man's district.

Which then turns out,
the stuff that he has,

we trace back to a little girl
in Encino

who then very quickly tells us
about you.

So the hipster's
my fault, right?

No. We were just looking for the next link.
Or are there no more?

This is just one big chain of
assholes with you at the end?

Bravo! And the award
for best dramatic...

Really, is this what you guys
do with my tax dollars?

Trust me,
they're put to good use.

- And you know that little girl in Encino?
- No.

Oh, yeah.
Turns out she's underaged.

She told us all about you
and about your place.

Do you guys have any idea
how many chicks I get?

Oh, please. Tell us.

I can't keep track of the
bitches in my house.

Yeah. Yeah.

Question is, was she underage
at the time she was at my house?

Are you fucking high right now?

Yes.

- Potts...
- Yeah.

See what you can do
with this piece of shit.

Do you want
my goddamn autograph, huh?

You like little girls?

I would never do
something like that.

Whoa, whoa. Back up, Kojak.

Maybe she saw me getting out of the pool.
Sometimes, I swim nude, I don't know.

Maybe... maybe she saw
something I posted.

It's nothing, really...

What's the matter, huh?

You know, this is just
a bullshit shakedown.

That girl never said
I touched her, you know that.

- You're just doing this to make a name for yourselves.
- And why would we do that, huh?

Because everybody
wants to fuck Mr. Jims!

I'm... I'm gonna...
I'm gonna cut down on partying.

I... I'm gonna start checking
IDs, ask for references, I...

Shut up, will you?

I'm laying off
that Arnie shit. No more.

Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What did you say?

I think he cuts it... Like, different.
Something... I don't know. It's...

You said Arnie. You met him?

Some guy gave me a great deal
on some really amazing shit.

Probably because
of my celebrity status.

But was his name Arnie?

I don't know! I don't know it.

They... they said Arnie
is taking over.

I didn't give a damn
what his name was.

Listen, can I go?

Mary, where did everybody go?

They got a lead
on that shooter.

So they just left.

Yep. Right after they saw
the security footage.

This is outside the accounting
firm of Froman, Stapp and Garcia.

He's got history.

Name's Balfi.

Punch up everything
you find on this guy.

So do you have any tattoos
or piercings?

You know what they say?

You can only get a hall pass
from Mr. Jim's.

- Actually me...
- Hey, Hamlet, come with me.

- Wait! I thought we were done.
- Come here.

Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, Kojak.
No, no, no.

Well, we did this.
Double jeopardy.

Double jeopardy!

No, this is bullshit.

No, you said I could go.

Is this the guy?
Is this Arnie?

No.

The dealer, the one who
gave you the stuff.

No, that's definitely not him.

That's him.

- Excuse me. Gavin Addison?
- Yes.

Detective Steven Duque.
We've met.

Oh! Yeah, sure.

So you're going on a trip?

Yeah, just a few days.

Kind of in a hurry, sir.
So if you don't mind.

It'll be quick.

There's someone in your caseload
that may be directly connected

to the recent shootings.

Ray Balfi.

Balfi...

Don't recall that name.

You say he's one of mine?

He used to belong to Smitty,
then he got transferred to you.

Damn Smitty.

Always pawning his work off.

There's a possibility
that this Ray Balfi

might also be responsible

for most of the homicides
in the last several months.

I'm thinking him for the Arnie
guy that we've been hearing about.

No, that's a joke.

There's no way
he could be Arnie.

I thought you said
you didn't know him.

I don't know him.

- I'm just saying...
- Put it down.

Put it down.

Step out of the car slowly.

It looks like you're going
on a trip.

Take... take it easy.

Come on, man.

You think I'm stupid enough to shoot
an officer in a station parking lot?

You think anyone
would care if you did?

No.

Don't you take money
like everyone else?

That's right.

I do.

Don't worry,
Rudy didn't send me.

Oh, so it's shakedown time,
right?

You're going
to get in the car,

you're going to leave
with the money.

One less shitty PO,
that's fine with me.

But I want some answers.

Why should I help you?

Because I got a bad actor that
can finger you as a dealer.

So start talking.

We've been robbing the
local dealers on the street.

- The small timers.
- You and Balfi?

- Me and Smitty.
- Smitty?

It's like this.

We intimidate them long enough,
they start working for us.

So Balfi's Arnie?

Will you get off
that Balfi shit?

I'm telling you,
the guy's an idiot.

We watched him
dry his bike in the rain.

You may be smarter
than you think.

I give him points
for tying his shoe.

That don't make him
Keyser Soze.

The way I see it is Smitty stumbled
upon Ray's plan along with you,

and then paid for it.

You took on Ray's case to cover
for him and split the money.

That's not possible.

- Why?
- Because Smitty was Arnie.

I worked for him.

Rudy figured his dealers
were working side deals with Arnie.

He was right.

He started sending some
of his thugs out to do,

you know, research.

They leaned on Tiny Slotnik
for information,

which led to Smitty.

And so Smitty hid the stash

in Balfi's apartment
right after he got put in jail.

But then he felt IA around
the corner too,

so he had to rush back.

Come on, you bastard!

Four or five?

He transferred half the
satchels to me and took off.

He got made by Rudy's boys
on the street.

They caught up to him
in the woods.

That's when he got shot.

Once I heard what they did
to Tiny,

I knew I had to leave too.

It was just a matter of time
before they caught up to me.

The bodies,
the coyotes, Smitty?

You got your answers now?

Yeah.

And so you don't want
anything else?

You're about to do
the wrong thing.

I can tell.

♪ If you suck my

♪ Then I'll eat your

♪ If you eat my

♪ Then I'm gonna suck your

♪ If you suck my

♪ Then I'll eat

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Some boy scout
just came by named Duque.

Duque.

Yeah, yeah. He just warned me about
some crazy dude shooting up the valley.

Someone named Balfi.

Yeah. What about that?

How about you get your lazy ass out
there and go find him, all right?

You think you earn your
paycheck by sitting around here?

Hey, hey.

Don't worry, okay?

I've got three uniforms over at
Balfi's place right now.

Man, splash some water
on your fucking face

and get the fuck
out there, okay?

And don't forget your partner.

What about Duque?

Man just told me
he's not a cop anymore.

I'm quitting the force.

The gangs, the guns,
the drugs, everything.

You said you wanted me
to contribute to the world.

And the best way for me to contribute
is to be the best father I can be.

It was not known exactly
when Tammy made up her mind.

It could have been years ago.

How lovely.

Or it could have been
the moment

when Duque held up
a wad of cash.

Bragging of how he got it off
of a crooked parole officer.

Who did you do that for?

Either way,
she decided to get out of it

the best way she knew how.

I love you.

No matter what you say or do,
that's not going to change.

What?

The baby's not yours.

What?

What?

Tammy?

Tammy?

Tammy. Tammy!

Man, he got me out here
like I'm some little nigga.

I'm a boss nigga. Shit.

Is that motherfuckin'
Wildabeast?

Yo! Wildabeast.

What the hell.

God, haven't see the dude
in a whole damn day.

He got a chick up in there
or somethin'? Oh, shit.

The surviving security
footage from December 24th showed

that Ray had stormed Rudy's
compound just before 10:00 a.m.

I'm Ray Balfi.

The writer of The Dog...

- He's down at the plant.
- I'm Ray Balfi.

The writer of The Dog's Meow.

Oh, man.

I don't know what that shit
means but it sounds cold.

Motherfucker, I don't know
who the hell you are, but...

Oh, shit.

Hey, man, you want some
baby aspirin?

Oh, shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We can't go in there blasting.

The tanks!

Ray would only have a
short window of time to reconcile

his issue with the gangsters.

The Dog's Meow would be
premiering later that afternoon.

Ray fortified himself
with product.

This room's going to fill up with
fire if you keep shooting that gun.

The gangsters tried
reasoning with him,

and they implored Ray

to follow the proper
gun safety procedures.

Did you hear what
the fuck I said?

Where's Waldo-looking-ass
motherfucker!

You're gonna make this motherfucking
whole place burn down, bitch.

Think about it, man.

Where is everybody?

We still have to dance.
We still have to dance!

We're last, now stick your asses
in the air or we'll die!

We can't die.

- Fuck him up.
- Get him good.

All felt lost for Ray.

You tapping out?
You tapping out?

But then the product
finally kicked in.

The local artists wrote songs
and painted murals

to commemorate this event.

To honor their fallen heroes.

And for Rudy...

It was rumored that
he fought valiantly.

♪ The heathen of the street

♪ There's a house made
For the beast

♪ And his legions will make you
Feel at home

♪ Is it something that's on
Your mind?

♪ Is it something you want
To tell me?

♪ The way you look me

♪ Someway you look me
In the eye

♪ Tell me he treats you well ♪

Fuck you!

The press would
eventually call this

"The Christmas
Factory Massacre."

They're shooting?

They're shooting?

- Oh, my God, they're...
- Fucking shooting!

Saints to ashes.

Charlotte, I thought
I'd lost you forever.

You think I'd go anywhere
without you?

We have to go.

No, wait.

♪ Do you really have to
Leave so soon?

♪ I was just about to
Paint the moon

♪ Like sunshine

♪ Just so you'd believe
The sun shines

♪ All night long for
You and me

♪ Do you really have to say

♪ Those tacky things
About me?

♪ I was really saying
Tactfully I'd set you free

♪ Like sunshine

♪ So you can light the world
Like sunshine

♪ For every boy and girl
Like you and me

♪ Was it something

♪ Was it something I said?

♪ Or
just those voices in your head

♪ Again

Wilson, Kim, Rodriguez.

What the hell?

Maybe they went back.

Or... maybe we're the only two
assholes standing around

this shit house waiting for
nothing to happen.

Back at Ray's building,

Detective Potts and Perry
coordinate their ambush.

Maybe we should calm down.

Yeah.

So who you like
in the playoffs?

Well, uh, which team
has the more white guys?

Neither.

Oh, well, there's
always next year.

Whoever this is,
let me know your 20.

What the hell is going on?

Goddamn!

Let me see
what the hell's going on.

Fuck!

I need a nap.

Kim?

Rodriguez?

Wilson!

Perry?

Perry, is that you?

Perry?

♪ That's where
I want them to be

♪ Here in my hideaway

♪ No one can take them
From me

♪ Now that I'm here to stay

♪ That's where
I want them to be

♪ Want them to be

♪ Want them to be

♪ That's where
I want them to be

♪ For you, my love

♪ Put it all away
For ever and ever

Why is it so dead around here?

♪ And we can live a life
Together and forever

♪ Just as long
As we're in love ♪

It's Duque.

Sit tight. I know
where Balfi is.

Potts?

Potts?

Perry?

Wilson?

Kim?

Rodriguez?

You know, I came by once.

You weren't here.

Where are you going?

To my premier.

To your what?

Look, I came by to tell you
that I was leaving town.

♪ That's where
I want them to be

♪ Here in my hideaway ♪

Oh, wow, this is your mom?

Poor thing.

Raising little Ray must have
been a full time job, huh?

- She looks like she's been...
- Why are you leaving?

I just want to get out of here.

I... I want to get high.

I want to find a shitty
job somewhere.

I want to make my music.

I don't deserve this anymore.

- And Rudy.
- Rudy?

Yeah, Rudy.
He's a fucking crazy man.

Scared the hell out of me.

I thought you didn't see him.

What's the matter with you?
Of course I've seen him.

You can't work unless
you meet the man.

When were you in my apartment?

I wasn't in your apartment.

I told you that.
I just stopped by.

- When?
- I don't remember.

Look, everybody just needs
to get out of here.

We should start on a new country
or on an island or something.

Do you want me to end up
looking like your mom?

You know, she may not have the
chance to do the right thing anymore.

But I do.

You know, she reminds me
a lot of me.

My mother wasn't a whore.

Fuck you!

Do you know what a guy
once paid me?

Two thousand dollars.

Have you ever made that much?

Let me tell you
why I did it, Ray,

because if someone
offers you $2,000,

you fuck that person.

Like you wouldn't do
the same thing?

You fucking hypocrite.

Isn't that how it works?

You buy a couple dinners.

Maybe a gift.

Just adds up to a dollar value,
you idiot!

So...

Ray, baby, let's face it,

adjusting for inflation,

your mother...

Don't!

Probably held out
for a lot less.

When did you see Rudy?

When did you give him
my script?

When did you give him
my script?

Come here.

No, no. Someone!

No. No.

No!

Please...

Stop...

Balfi.

Balfi.

Balfi.

Damn it.

I was doing MacBeth
before this, Joe!

Now this.

It's not worth my time.

What are you looking at?

Welcome to the cinematic event
of our young millennium.

The story of a dog
who goes undercover as a cat,

to report to other dogs,
what cats do.

But then the dogs and cats
become friends and end up

sleeping and living together.

All with some superb animation,
pretty songs,

and of course, it's all from
the amazing minds

at AZ Studios.

The Dog's Meow.

But one moment,
ladies and gentlemen,

distinguished members
of the industry,

distinguished members
of the media,

I would be remiss
if I did not say

that this film is down
to the artistry,

the vision, the leadership,
of just one man.

Sir, it would mean so
much if you spoke to the people.

It would be
an inspiration, sir.

Please. Just a few words.

Welcome to our
lovely extravaganza.

We've had a difficult year.

Cutbacks, many people
laid off from their jobs.

And... we lost our award
winning Kohaku koi pond.

But now...

with the success
of this movie...

I could get that koi pond back.

Roll it!

The Dog's Meow, everyone.

I can't wait to see you
burn in hell.

Move your cankles.

We are all proud
dogs, but we are bored

and we have nothing
to howl about.

Nothing to bark about.

- So we've designed a plan.
- To take over the cats.

Yeah, but who's going
to be stupid enough to...

- Hey.
- Hey.

- It's Boogie.
- What's a Boogie?

- It's a dog!
- You stay right there.

♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow
And we both sing

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow
And we both sing

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow
And we both sing ♪

♪ I dream of scratching
And licking myself

♪ And hair balls ♪

I'm gonna miss you too,
Pussy Maureen.

But now I have to bring all the
world's dogs and cats together,

so that we can stop the scourge
of environmental crime.

So long.

What the fuck?

What a fucking piece of shit.

It's not even a modest
piece...

Sir, maybe you should go home.

Go on, we'll catch up
with you later.

Sucked!

This is my idea!

This is my idea!

Hey, he's got a gun.

He's got a gun.

This is my idea!

Right now, you need to be
in the car.

Why are you here talking with me?
What the...

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Mr. Dickhead.

Oh!

Get the gun. Get him.

I'd rather
you stay.

You saved the neighborhood.

Now all the dogs
and cats are friends.

And in a bizarre bit
of entertainment news,

the Internet has been flooded
with requests for The Dog's Meow

after a connection was
discovered between

the film's creation
and last winter's holiday

shooting rampage involving
Raymond Carter Balfi.

Balfi sought revenge,
alleging that the screenplay

was, in his words,
"Stolen from him."

A commercial
and critical failure,

the movie found renewed interest
when AZ Studios released

excerpts from
Balfi's audio journal,

which chronicled his descent
into madness.

A docudrama based on
these events is in the works,

according to an AZ Studio
spokesperson.

Charlotte, darling...

clear the day for an emergency
production meeting.

Shawnathan has you for a two.

Shawnathan?

I can clear your two.

♪ If it ain't rough
It ain't me

♪ So don't hate me

♪ 'Cause lately
I've been talkin'

♪ 'Bout how I'm motherfuckin'
Ready MX is

♪ Demon with his own venom

♪ He'll get rappers and shoving
Fucking microphones in 'em

♪ Bitch niggas just tryna hate
So they gots to get it

♪ But be down
You just get bap, bap

- ♪ Fuckin' shots are with it
- ♪ Come on

♪ I beat the shit out of money
'Cause yo, that's all I knew

♪ Look at me go
Against the grain

♪ 'Cause that's all I do

♪ I say no more except
That ass'll be beat

♪ Bet y'all niggas
Feel the pressure

♪ Passing me on the street

♪ Got that bugged out
Smoked out

♪ And drugged out flow

♪ But yo, empty every slug out
Yo' ass hit the floor, and yo

♪ I can go like I'm gone
Word is bond

♪ When I pull up, damn it's on
Come on

♪ Niggas only know
Half the script

♪ I'm in the strip
With the twice

♪ But the chimps got grip
And I...

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ To get me where I'm goin'

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ To get me where I'm goin'

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ To get me where I'm goin'

♪ Goin'

♪ Keep holdin' on like
Simply Red

♪ If a motherfucker try it
Then a motherfucker dead

♪ Raw head with the face
Skeleton scoop

♪ Like the pelican

♪ Niggas is soft
Like gelatin

♪ Irrelevant
How many rhymes you got?

♪ You ain't got what I got

♪ X marks the spot

♪ I get high on your girl
When you was up North

♪ You remember me

♪ Runnin' up on that ass
With duck sauce

♪ I'm tryna hit the streets
And get heart

♪ With your dick hard

♪ Fuck around
Get your shit split apart

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ To get me where I'm goin'

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ To get me where I'm goin'

♪ I make moves to get me
Where I'm goin'

♪ She said, uh
Are you experienced?

♪ I said
Yeah, as a matter of fact

♪ I can be very magical

♪ Watch me pull a rabbit
Out your hat

♪ You know what I've been
Seein' blood

♪ Creepin' and runnin'
Through the grass

♪ And we been huntin'
For love

♪ And that's why
I want you back ♪