Down by Law (1986) - full transcript

DJ Zack and pimp Jack end up in prison for being too laid-back to avoid being framed for crimes they didn't commit. They end up sharing a cell with eccentric Italian optimist Roberto, whose limited command of the English language is both entertaining and infuriating. More useful to them is the fact that Roberto knows an escape route.

''Edna Million in a drop-dead suit''

''Dutch pink
on a downtown train''

''Two-dollar pistol
but the gun won't shoot''

''I'm in the corner
on the pouring rain''

''Sixteen men
on a deadman's chest''

''And I've been drinking
from a broken cup''

''Two pairs of pants
and a mohair vest''

''I'm full of bourbon
I can't stand up''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Schiffer broke a bottle
on Morgan's head''

''And I've been stepping
on the devil's tail''

''Across the stripes
of a full moon's head''

''And through the bars
of a Cuban jail''

''Bloody fingers
on a purple knife''

''A flamingo drinking
from a cocktail glass''

''I'm on the lawn
with someone else's wife''

''Admire the view
from up on top of the mast''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

Julie, what are you doing here?

Just watching
the light changing.

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''House is on fire
and your children are alone''


''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
and your children are alone''

You sleepin', baby?

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Yellow sheets
on a Hong Kong bed''

''Stazybo horn
and a Slingerland ride''

''To the carnival
is what she said''

''A hundred dollars
makes it dark inside''

''Edna Million
in a drop-dead suit''

''Dutch pink
on a downtown train''

''Two-dollar pistol
but the gun won't shoot''

''I'm in the corner
on the pouring rain''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

''Hey, little bird
Fly away home''

''Your house is on fire
Your children are alone''

Only 'cause you don't...

'cause you don't
take care of me.

Or want me.

Or want to make
any kind of commitment to me.

I'm finished with you, Zack.

I'm completely finished with you.

Why don't you just go find yourself
some other little girl to be your pet?

That shouldn't be
difficult for you.

I've had it with you
and your fuckin' stupid radio shows.

This is really fuckin' boring!

Okay. Okay.

We're not gonna
talk about that right now.

Look at you, Zack.
Look what you're doing to yourself.

You're digging your own grave.

Why can't you just
stay at one station a while?

Why do you always gotta go
fuck up your own future, huh?

What are you so afraid of, Zack?

Yeah, well, that's right, Laurette.
We can't live in the present forever.


Okay, look, um,

Maybe you should just go back
to New York or Detroit or Baltimore.

You said you liked it there, remember?

Go back to one of them stations
where you used to work...

and ask them to give you
a second chance.

There's nothing wrong
with asking somebody for somethin'.

Why is that always
so fuckin' hard for you?

You're a good D.J., Zack.

All you got to do is learn
to jerk people off a little.

That's all they really want,
you know.

Well, I never jerk people off,
and you fuckin' know it, Laurette.

Okay. Okay, fine. Forget it.

I'm not talkin' to you
anymore, Zack. Okay?

I'm not talkin' to you anymore...

because you don't want
to fuckin' be here.

And I'm not gonna let you
play with me anymore!

I hate you.
You're so damn stubborn and stupid.

And I hate you.
I hate you.

And I'm an idiot
for being with you.

You got me embarrassed
on my own time.

You got no fuckin' future,
Zack, especially not with me.

Not the shoes.
Not the shoes.

- Not the shoes.
- No?

Come on, hit me, motherfucker!
Hit me! Hit me!

I guess it's over
between us, Laurette.

You know, Jack, we could
get some money together.

Except you always blowin' it.

You know, gamblin',
gettin' high, showin' off.

I have to have fun,
you know, baby?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You always makin'
big, big plans for tomorrow.

You wanna know why?

'Cause you always fuckin' up today.

Look at what happened to that white girl
Julie that you started out with.

She is a mess now.

All the girls you got
are so messed up, except me.

I could tell you a lot of things about
yourself you never even thought about.

Never even entered
your hatchet-shaped head.

But, you know,
you never can be too sure.

My mama used to say that
America is a big meltin' pot.

Because she used to say
when you bring it to a boil,

all the scum rises to the top.

So maybe there's hope
for you yet, Jack.

You listenin' to me?

Shit. You don't understand
any kind of people.

Maybe that's your problem.
You sure don't understand women at all.

And a pimp is at least
supposed to understand women.

If you was a good pimp, you would have
hit me by now or done somethin'.

But I can just lay here
and talk forever...

and you won't hear
a single word,

like you don't even speak English.

Lost inside all them plans you got.

But I know about you, Jack.


You sure can talk, can't you, baby?

- Yes?
- Hey, Jack. It's me, Gig.

Ah, what do you want?
Man, I don't owe you anything.

Man, I got something I know
you gonna be interested in, Jack.

I doubt that very much.

- You busy?
- Yes.

- I just want to come up
and talk to you, Jack.
- Uh-huh.

- I wanna prove to you
I'm on your side, man.
- Uh-huh.

- Don't you got just
five minutes to talk?
- No, I don't.

- Come on, Jack.
- Just come up and make it short,
all right?

- I'm on my way up.
- Yeah.

Fatso's on his way up here.

Cover up the merchandise.

Just take this, in case he's gotten
any smarter lately, all right?

Hi, Jack. Where you at?

Hi, babe.

She nice.

Jack, I know how you feel about me...

after what happened
down in Jefferson Parish...

with that spy boy,
and I don't blame you one bit.

But you too serious.

You gotta let
the past be the past, Jack.

I come here tonight
to settle us up.

Now how you gonna be
doin' that, fathead?

By doin' you a favor, a really big favor.
I'm as serious as cancer.

Man, whatever this is,
I know it's bullshit.

Jack, I have been tryin' to find a way
to straighten us out,

and I finally come up with it.

Please, let bygones be bygones.

Man, I can see why you might
wanna be on my good side.

You wanna do me a favor 'cause you know...
you know I'm gonna be big...

- and you wanna be in on it.
- All right, it's no secret.

I know where you're headed.

But just hear me out,
see my little gift,

- and then if you're not interested,
let me know.
- What's the gift?

Oh, man, you gonna die.

I have got a piece of chicken you ain't
even gonna believe is from this planet.

- No, that I might believe.
- Oh, Jack, be serious, man.

This girl is 19.
A beautiful white girl.

A Cajun goddess, man.
A Cajun goddess.

I got her up at
the Belle Chasse Hotel right now.

And she's waiting there
for you, Jack.

My gift to you. The most beautifulest
gift that I could possibly give you.

I mean, I can't believe you think
I'm gonna fall for this.

Hey, go over there, check it out.

If I'm crazy or lyin',
you don't lose nothin'.

Matter of fact, I just wanted
to give you first shot at her,

before she all used up,
because she is gorgeous, man.

Then why don't you want her, man?

Why don't you give her
to one of your so-called real friends,

one of those assholes
down on Decatur Street, huh?

Because I've been trying
to make us be friends again.

Can't you just accept that?

All right. And I suppose
you haven't even touched her, right?

All right, I'll go look
at your martian goddess.

But I'm telling you something.
If you're foolin' with me,

if you're wastin' my time, if anythin',
I'm gonna fuck you up.

I guarantee it.

Jack, nobody's gonna regret anythin',
especially not you.

In fact, you're gonna
thank me for this.

You're gonna remember me
for the rest of your life for this.

Yeah? Okay.

- You makin' any money, baby?
- Ain't nothin' happenin'.

- Pretty thing like you? Why not?
- I don't know.

- All right. Check you out later.
- All right, Jack.

- Hey, L.C. What's happenin'?
- Hey, Jack. Good to see you.

Out kinda early this evenin', huh?

- Yeah. I got some things to check out.
- How's the ladies treatin' you?

- Ow.
- Well, you know, Jack, how that goes.

If you get enough of it,
do like a crawfish. Back on out of it.

- I'll see you, L.C.
- All right. Take care, Jack.

- Hey, Julie. How's it goin'?
- All right.

Hang in there now.

I heard you're lookin'
for someone to take care of you.

Now what you want is someone
who's gonna treat you like a lady.

I don't know if you've been on the streets
here or not, but they can be very serious.

These guys...

I mean, chances are you're gonna find
somebody who's gonna get you strung out...

'cause he's strung out,
and then he's gonna own you.

Some guy's gonna cut you,
and hurt you.

With me, you're gonna be makin' money.
You're gonna have jewelry.

Whatever you want. Check it out.
I got the right connects.

My thing is organized.

You work with me,
I'm gonna take care of you.

Don't shoot me! Don't...

- Where you at, Jack?
- Mandino, what are you doin'?

Man, I'm here with my girlfriend.

This is ridiculous, man.
What are you tryin' to pull on me?


Jack, Jack.
You're a sick son of a bitch.

- Is that your girlfriend?
- Man, you know I'm not
into this kinda... Ow!

Get this son of a bitch out of here.
Get this pervert out of here!


Okay, Rich.

I'll take care of the kid.

It's okay, darlin'.
Everything's all right.

It's all over now.

Look, we're just gonna...
we're gonna sit here for a little while,

and then you're gonna...
you're gonna come with me.

Now, I don't want you
to worry about anything, understand?

Don't worry about a thing,
because I'm gonna take care of you.

''And she said''

''Well, where you were''

''Oh, baby, don't go slow''

''Take me now''

''Oh, she don't know''

Is a sad and beautiful world.


Yeah, it's a sad
and beautiful world, pal.

That's a good one.

''Yeah, yeah''

Ah, buzz off, pal.

Thank you.
Buzz offa to you too.

No, buzz off.

- Ah, buzz off. Ah, buzz off.
- Buzz off.

Buzz off. Buzz off.
Is, uh, is a sad and beautiful world.

Buzz off. Buzz... off.

Good evening.
Buzz off to everybody.

Oh, thank you. Buzz off to you too.
Oh, uh, it's a pleasure.

Thank you.

''Oh, lady, now, now''

''It's a sad and beautiful world''

''It's a sad and beautiful world''

''It is a sad and beautiful world, yeah''

''It's a sad and beautiful world''

''It's a sad and beautiful world''


''To the end''

''She's just
She's just a shadow, baby''

Zack. My man.

What the fuck you doin'
out here in the garbage?

Just leave me alone, Preston.

I'm in a bad mood.

Well, I'm just the man
you've been lookin' for.

In fact, I been lookin' for you.

- That's a bad sign.
- Now, Zack, baby.

I got somethin' real good for you.

An hour's work
for a whole lot of scratch.

- I ain't interested, man.
- Man, you are in a bad mood.

You ain't even let me
propose this shit to you.

Just listen to me
for one minute, will you?

One minute of your, uh,
valuable time.

Just fuck off, Preston.

All I want to do
is pay you a grand...

in exchange for a single hour
of your very, very valuable time.

Now this ain't no breaking and entering
or small-time chump change.

No delivery of controlled substances.
None of that stuff.

This is just to drive a car
from one part of town to the other, alone.

That's it.

Well, what kind of car
would that be, Preston?

That would be a very nice car.

A very nice, very expensive
imported car...

which just happens to be
between owners at the present time.

Oh, I see.
Just in between owners.

Look, all you got to do, man,
is drive the car across town,

park it, leave it.

And, look, I'm gonna
give you half up front and half later.

The whole thing's over in an hour.

Very safe, very clean.

And believe me, I could get
a million guys to do this for me.

Well, then, why don't you
do it yourself?

I'm offering a grand so I don't have
to answer stupid questions like that.

Well, I might consider a grand up front.

Then I might think about it.

Jesus Christ.

Zack, you are in a nasty mood.

Now, just to make you
cheer up a little bit,

- I'll give you 750 in front, okay?
- Shit.

All right, all right,
Mr. Almighty Hot Shit.

Look, I'm gonna do you this favor.

Oh, man. A Jaguar, huh?

Look, man, I'm gonna
give you the whole thing, up front.

And you gonna owe me one.

Zack, you can buy yourself
20 girls for all of that.

Yeah, sure, man.

''Then she said what''

''I just want to know''

''Shoop, shoop''

''Shoop, shoop''



''Take it slow''

All right, baby. You got it.

How you doin', baby?

All right. Shit.

Well, I ain't goin' back to Detroit,
and that's for damn sure.


You can bet your ass I'm a good D.J.


WAKR. Just check it out.

Oh, we're comin' up on the midnight hour
here on the Lee Baby Simms Show.


Well, it's a Tuesday night.
Gimme a call down here at the station.

Our lines are open. Let the Lee Baby
know that you still love him.


I'm gonna be sending
this one out to, uh...

out to you, Laurette.

''I was all right''

''For a while''

''I could smile
I could smile''

You in the Jag. Pull it over.

Son of a bitch.

Out of the car, asshole. Out!

Get your ass out of there.


- Was I goin' a little too fast?
- Hands up on the hood, jackass! Move!

- Move!
- Spread 'em out.

Come on, get a little
goosey-goosey goin' here.

- What are you lookin' at?
- Your ugly face.

- Hook him up.
- Oh, hook him up.

Hook him good.
Twist it a little bit.

Watch it, rookie.

- I ain't done nothin'.
- Get your ass back. Get your ass back.

I don't care if you done nothin'.
Let's see what we got here.

- It's my car.
- It's your ass.

- Shit. What are you lookin' at, dogface?
- Shut up.

- Maybe we get a little
lagniappe in the trunk.
- Oh, yeah?

You got nothin' on me.

- He's the one, Herb.
- It's all wrong, man.

Put the smart-ass in the car.

- In the car. No, asshole!
- Come on!

- You set me up! You set me up!
- Come on!

- In the car, asshole!
- You motherfucker!

You set me up!

You son of a bitch!

- Hey, baby.
- Yeah, right.

In here.

Excuse me.
Now can I get a light for my cigarette?

- Didn't I give you
a match this morning?
- That was five, six hours ago.

- I'll be back in a couple of hours.
- Man, come on.


I need a light here!

I can't believe this.

Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard!
Guard! Guard! Guard!

What am I doin' in here?

Can't you see?

You are not
the only innocent asshole in here.

I was set up too.

Just like you.

Just like you.

Man, I am not just like you,
whatever you say.

I don't even want to deal with you.
You got it, man?

As far as I'm concerned,
you don't even exist. Not at all.

Got it?

Well, you don't exist either.

The walls don't exist.

The floor doesn't exist.

This prison's not here.
These bunks aren't here.

The bars aren't here.

None of this is really here.

None of this is really here at all.

What's the matter with you, man?

What's goin' on inside there?

You haven't said nothin'
in three days.

Man, you gotta say somethin'.
Just say somethin'.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you.

Okay, fuck you.
That's fine.

You piss me off, you know that?

Man, you know what I'm gonna do
when I get out of here?

When I get out of here,

there's gonna be a white limousine.

It's gonna come and pick me up.

It's gonna be a Lincoln.

I'm gonna step inside...

and inside it's bigger than you could
possibly imagine it from the outside.

And there's gonna be beautiful girls
in there, four of 'em,

and they're all gonna be naked.

And one of 'em's gonna
offer me some coke.

But I'm gonna just say no.

I'm gonna just be enjoying
the luxury of the car and the girls.

And the door's gonna close,

and it's just gonna go ''click.''

And there's gonna be
music playin'.

It's like music
I never heard before.

And then the car's gonna start up,

and it's gonna drive slowly
towards the city, very slowly.

It's gonna be beautiful, man.


- You're such an asshole.
- What?

- You're an asshole.
- Yeah, why am I an asshole, huh?

Why am I an asshole?

'Cause you imagine
all this insane shit...

like you were...
Bebe Rebozo or something.

Who's Bebe Rebozo?

Zack, who's Bebe Rebozo?

What'd you do on the outside?

You were a garbage man, right?

I wasn't no garbage man.

Well, what'd you do then?

- I was a D.J.
- What?

- I was a D.J.
- A music D.J.?

- Yeah.
- Nah, man. I don't believe it. Really?

What station? I listen to the radio.
I must have heard you.

Shit. WYLD.

- Lee Baby Simms.
- You're Lee Baby Simms?

- No.
- Yeah.

- You heard of me?
- Nope.

Fuck you.

Ah, I can't believe it.
I got a D.J. in here with me?

I think that's unbelievable, man.

Why don't you do, like,
a little, you know...

a thing, you know, a talk?

I don't feel like it.

Come on, man.
Do, you know, do the weather or something.

Man, what's it like outside?
Why don't you tell me that?

- Cold.
- What else? Come on,
tell me some stuff, you know?

Go ahead, do the thing.
Come on. Go.

All right. Okay.

All right.

Let's see, um,


''Well, we got about 12 below
the big red line.

''Slick icy road conditions
out there tonight, Bob. You betcha.

''All you holiday travelers beware.

''Looks like we got about a four-car
pileup out there on the airline highway.

''I'm gonna switch over
to our mobile unit now.

Chip, what does it look like out there to you.''
It was that type of thing.

- Come on, do some more. That was cool.
- Weather and bullshit.

- Do some more. Come on.
- Nah.

Do some more.

All right, okay.

Let's see.

All right. Uh...

Uh... okay.

''Well, we got about 10:43...
coming up on 10:43
here in the Crescent City.

''We're goin' around
and around with the big sound
from the big town right here on WYLD.

''You got the Lee Baby.
You got the Lee Baby Simms Show.

''Right now, we're gonna
talk to Jack Romano.

''We got him right here
in the studio with us.

''He's working over there
at Tipitina's tonight.

''I'm gonna be down there.
I'm gonna be down there checkin' him out.

''You come on down.
You tell 'em the Lee Baby sent you.

''Right now, we're gonna hear
a little more music.

''I wanna send this one out
to all our friends out in the ninth ward.

''Little Lyle,
all those Wild Dogs out there...

''Lone Wolf, Nashville Kid, Nadine,

''Dwight, Tyrone
and the Golden Boys.

''Let's hear a little somethin'
from Earl King, New Orleans' own.

Little somethin' called
'Trick Bag.'


Man, what is wrong with you?

It's like pulling teeth tryin' to get you
to talk, and you're a fuckin' D.J.

What is wrong with you anyways?

Hey, cut it out.

Stop it!

Man, don't you know you're makin' time
go slower? Cut it out.

Why... Ow!

- Kick his fuckin' ass!
- Come on!

- Kick that motherfucker's ass!
- You fucker! I'm gonna fuck you up!

Hey, we got a fight startin' up!

Come on!

Get in there, huh?

He don't even speak no English.

Homicidal son of a bitch
says he's Italian.

And why don't you take a flying fuck?

If looks can kill, I am dead now.

I ''ham'' Roberto.

Roberto. Call me Bob.
The same.

No good here... for me.

Is, uh... Is...

Is, uh...

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Not enough room to swing a cat.

Cat. The animal.

- Excuse me, Jack...
- Zack!

Zack. I have the ''hicc-outs.''
Do you have some cigarette?


- No!
- No. I understand.

Thank you.

Do you have, uh, Zack, some cigarette?

I'm Jack.
Get it straight.

Yes. Got it straight.

But do you have some cigarette?

Cigarettes won't help with hiccups.
Not in this country.

Me, yes, uh, c-c-cigarette help me...

with the...
when I have the hicc-outs.

- Don't ask me again.
- Thank you.

Do you have, uh, mm...

Jack, do you have some fire?


- Excuse me, Jack, do... Zack!
- Zack!

- I'm Zack. He's Jack. I'm Zack.
- Zack.

Do you have some fire?

No. Matches aren't allowed here.

Do you understand?

Yes, I see.

I see.

Do you like Walt Whitman?

Yes, I like Walt Whitman very much.
''Leaves of Glass.''


Nothing. I said,
''Do you like Walt Whitman?''

- Walt Whitman?
- Yes. I like Walt Whitman very much.

Very good, the ''Leaves of Glass.''

''Leaves of Glass.''

Walt Whitman.

Walt Whitman.


What the hell are you doin'?

- Bob? Bob?
- Yes?

What the hell are you doin'?

I make ''hay'' window.

That's good, Bob.

Excuse me. Do you say in English,
''I look 'hat' the window,''

or do you say in English,
''I look 'hout' the window''?

Well, in this case, Bob, I'm afraid
you gotta say, ''I look at the window.''

So, uh, Za... Jack.
Jack, why-why are you put in this place?

I don't know, Bob. It was, like,
voodoo or something, you know?

I was framed. I'm completely
innocent. You understand?

- Yes. You are innocent man. I understand.
- Yeah.

And you, my friend, Zack,
why are you put in this prison?

I was set up, Bob.

- Just like Jack.
- Mm.

I ''ham'' an innocent man.

I see.
You too are an innocent man.

So, Bob,
for why are you in this prison put?

Me? I killed ''hay'' man.

You killed a man, huh?

What'd you do that for, Bob?

The guy didn't like Walt Whitman?

I never asked this man
if he liked Walt Whitman.

Come on, Bob.
Why'd you kill a man?

I, uh... We-We was, uh,
playing-a card.

No? Table. I have no money,
but I am a cheater.

- Yeah?
- Very good.

But I don't know...
I don't know why they...

they notice after a while
I-I-I-I am a cheater.

It's strange, really. I'm a good cheater.

They notice, and I run, run away,
and they run back me, yes.

In another room with the billiard,
pool... the pool, no?

There. And, uh, and, uh...

But I was very fast, very speedy.

And they for stop me,
take a ball... take ball... many ball.

Very ''closed.''
Ta! Ta! Ta!

And I... You...
You throw ball against me,

I throw ball against you, no?

I take one ball... a number eight.
Very good ball. Black ball.

Ta! Tum! Ta!

In the ground.
First stroke. Ha!

Dead. Very big man.

On the ground.
First stroke.

Is that true, Bob?
This is a true story?

- True story? Yeah, true story.
- Yeah.

True story.
Very true story.

On the ground, the first stroke.

You throw the ball against me?

I throw ball against you.

But I ''ham'' no criminal.
I ''ham'' a good egg.

I am a good egg. Jesus.

Yes. I ''ham'' a good egg.

Yes. We are.
We are a good egg.

- My friends.
- Get off.


Watch out for Bob. He may be cheating.

Is no joke.
Look where I am.

Is no funny.

- I have two pair. Two pair.
- What?

- What do you got?
- Nothing.

- Of course.
- Nothing.


- Heh. What is, ''Ahhh-ha?''
- Screaming.

Screaming. Ahhh.

Screaming? Screaming?
Ah, screaming.

Screaming. One moment.
I have screaming.

Eh, screaming.

Screaming. Ecco.

I scream-a, you scream-a,
we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

I scream-a, you scream-a,
we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

You understand?

I scream-a, you scream-a,
we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

I scream-a, you scream-a,
we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

I scream-a, you scream-a,
we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, we all scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream.

- Keep it down in here too.
- We all scream for ice cream.

- I scream,you scream...
- Put a lid on it.

- Put a lid on it.
- All right, quiet!

Kill the noise.
Let's go. Kill the noise.

Today, today in the yard,
I make a discovery. Very interesting.

And I think, uh, I think
a film I have seen in Italy.

An American film,
very good, lots of action.

''Hit'' was a prison film.

When, uh, with...

H-how do you say
in English, when, uh...

when the man go out
of the prison, running away?

- Escape. Escape.
- What? Escape.

Escape. Yes, escape.

Today in the yard,
I discover a way.

Bob, there's no way you could escape
from the yard. There's no way.

Forget it.

Yes. Yes.

Not from the yard.
To the yard.

If there was a way to get out of here,
we would know about it.

It's your turn.

Come on, Bob.
It's no time for a joke.

''Come on, Bob.
It's no time for a joke?''

But I am no joke.

I am very serious.

I am sure.

Here they come.

Okay, you two.

Time for your walk.

Not you, shorty.
It ain't your turn.

Come on. Let's go.

But I no go for four days!
I no go. I missed my turn.

Really, no joke.
I ''ham'' a good egg.

I no go for four days.
Four days. I missed my turn.

All right, all right,
Leonardo Da Vinci. Come on.

Grazie, grazie.

We... We have escaped
like in the American movies.

Hey. Shh!

Yeah, man.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

We could actually make it.

We gotta cross the river.

It's our only chance
of losing the scent of the dogs.

Ah, yeah, yeah. This part I remember.

Shut up.

But I cannot swim.

Oh, man.


We gotta do it.
We gotta cross.

Maybe Mark Twain will come by
and pick you up in a steamboat.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.

My-My friends, wait!
No time for a joke. I cannot swim.

Jack and Zack, my friends.
I cannot swim!

Arregg the dogs! Arregg the dogs!
Don't shoot me, please.

Jack, my friend. Jack...

He sleeps.

I ain't going to sleep around here.

This whole place
is crawling with alligators.

Big ones.

Snakes of all kinds.
You got water moccasins,

copperheads, diamondbacks,
you name it, man.

There's all kinds
of shit out there.

I say we rest here for a while,
then we keep moving until daybreak.

How big the alligators are?

Uh, 12...

maybe 15 feet long.

Pretty near three times
your size, Bob.

Red ants.

They can eat an entire family
in a half an hour.

My family in half an hour?!

What's wrong, Bob?

I have lost my book of English.

All I ever knowed is there.

Come on, man.
You're lucky to even be here.

I am lucky to even be here.


Man, this looks a little too familiar.

I gotta get away
from you guys.

Yeah, that would be nice.

The only problem is
we don't know where the hell we are.

All right, look.

I say we hole up here
for the night...

and tomorrow
we leave in the boat.

Hey, man, who the fuck
put you in charge?

I put myself in charge,
because you can't keep it together.

Aw, man.

- The guy's a nut job.
- Fuck you.

My job?

I think we should go to Mississippi,
'cause that's the closest border.

I, I, I would like
to go to west, to Texas.

- No. No.
- A strange country I have seen
in many beautiful films.

That's insane. If we go to Mississippi,
we get caught, we could get a retrial.

If we go to Texas,
we get caught, we're fucked.

Who told you that?

My lawyer told me that
when I was gonna skip bond.

Your lawyer... bunch of bullshit.

Texas, ragazzi.
Very good in Texas.

Cool, man. You go to Texas.
You go to Mars, for all I care.

Just leave me alone, all right?

Look, we're all staying together
till we find out where the hell we are.

Right, Lieutenant.
Cool, cool. Yeah.

Hey, would you mind?

Go, scram. Move.

Zack, do you like Robert Frost?

Not this again.

A Road Less Traveled by Bob Frost.

He was a very cynical man.

Robert Frost, in Italian?

Yes. I have read only
your poets in Italian.

Bob Frost.

Bob Frost.

In Italian.

Be careful, Jack! Watch out the trees.

The trees, a lot of trees.

- Be careful.
- Come on, shift.

- Come on, shift!
- Look out! Another trees.

Watch out, I cannot swim.

Be careful!

Well, which way now?

Man, haven't we been here before?

Seems like we passed
this fork hours ago.

Man, it all looks the same to me.
I really can't tell.

We've been goin' around in circles, Jack.

Ragazzi! The boat! The boat!
The boat is finished.

- There's water in the boat.
- Bail! Bail!

- Go in the land! Go in the land!
- Move your leg.

- No!
- Move your leg.

Well, I don't know
which way to go now.

- What do you think, Jack?
- How the fuck should I know?

Yeah, well,
whatever you say, Jack.

Hey, where is he?

- What?
- Where's Bob?

I don't know, man.

He said something about food.

- Maybe the alligators got him.
- Hey, man, don't say that.

You know, we could
starve to death out here.

Aah, nah. This swamp can't
go on forever, man.

- We'll find something.
- Man, he's leading us the wrong way.

Who, Bob?

He ain't leading us.

Hey, man, you don't seem
to think I see what's going on.

You're leadin' us around in circles.
I'm not blind to this. You're fuckin' us up.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

That's right, man.
We're just gonna tire you out...

then we're going to
move in for the kill.

Then we're gonna have
Jack Romano for dinner.

Yeah, is that right,
you fuckin' idiot?

C'mon! C'mon.

C'mon, man.

Stop! Stop, my friends!
Stop the fight! Stop!

My friends, stop! Stop.

I have catched the rabbit... dinner.
For dinner.


Fuck, man. I'm goin' off by myself.
I'm better off alone. Fuck.

- S'all right with me, man.
- A rabbit. Very difficult to catch rabbit.

- Every man for himself.
- Zack! Jack!

I run half an hour for this rabbit...
very cunning rabbit.

Well, it's 46 degrees.

Slight breeze blowing
through some of our cypress trees...

that are blending in with
a lot of the smaller fir trees in the area.

Vegetation, well, I'd say off hand...

dates back to the Mesozoic period...

the Tigris-Euphrates River Valley,
the cradle of civilization.

Guy's a fuckin' asshole, man.

I'm fuckin' starvin' to death.

Man, my thing was cool, boy,
you know. I had my things goin', you know.

My last walk out was like,
''Hey, L.C., how you doin', man?''

Ohh... I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know
it was gonna be like that, man.

Jack, Zack?
Zack, Jack?


Why do you leave me alone?

There is a very good...
very good rabbit.

I know a very good way to cook it.

My-My mother teached me.
My mother, Isolina.

The name of my mother.
With rosemarino,

rosemarino, olive oil, garlic...

and other secrets of the Isolina.

We're waiting right now for a check
on our general barometric pressure.

Then it's back to more music
with the Lee Baby Simms Show.

Didn't I tell that creep,
''She's not fuckin' available.''


Shut up!

Before, she is very kind
with the rabbit.

She call the rabbit,
''Good rabbit''. I like this little rabbit.

The eyes of the ra... Ta!

Suddenly, the rabbit dead.

Very strange mother, my mother.
Very strange, yes.

My father, no. He's very strong,
but with the rabbit he is afraid.

My sister... I have one mother
and three sisters.

Bruna, Albertina, e Anna.

I had a picture of my mother
in my room,

smiling with the rabbit in her hand
and the other, so... Ha, ta.

Sometime I-I dream
of my mother that call me,

''Robertino, vieni qua.
Robertino, come on.''

''No, I don't want.''
''Come on. Come on.''

Ta! Una bota in my neck.
''I am not rabbit.'' ''Yes, you are.''

My mother...

very strange mother.

But I love my mother.

Isolina, and my father, Gigi,
and my sisters Bruna, Albertina, e Anna.

My family and my rabbit.

And I love...

to catch...

to dream...

What is?

What? Zack! Heh.
Jack! Jack and Zack!

I knew! Come on. Come on.

To eat the animal
I have catched.

The rabbit. I run half an hour
behind it. Very good.

Come on. Jack, come on.

Sit down.
I am glad.

Sit down, the fire.
Yes. Yes, taste it.

Yes, taste it.
Taste, Zack, taste. Eh?

Taste. In a moment.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah? Of course, I haven't
garlic, rosemarino...

very important... and olive oil,
but is good, eh?

- It's disgusting, Bob.
- Yes.

- Bob, it tastes like a tire.
- Yeah. I know, is very good.

The road.


Well, which way now, Jack?

Well, I say we go that way.

- I agree.
- Aye, aye, Lieutenant.

It's a mirage.

You think we're imagining this?

Well, if we are...

I could use some imaginary pie and coffee.

One of us should go in there alone,
in case the law is inside.

All right, Bob.

I want you to go in there first.
Make sure everything's safe.

If everything's all right,
you come back out and tell us.

- You understand me?
- I understand. I ''ham'' ready.

Okay. Hey, Bob,
we'll be right here.

- Right here waiting.
- Yes.

Jesus, he walked right in there
like an idiot.

Let's hide over here.


How long was I asleep?

Let's check it out,
I'm starving to death.

And I'm freezing, all right?

All right. Let's move slow.

Just look in the window.

- I'll be right behind you.
- Oh, thanks.

Holy Toledo.
Can you believe this?

He's from outer space.

Oh! My friends!

What the hell's goin' on here, Bob?

Come on. Come on. Is wonderful.

Look, eh, wine, food.
Come on. Come on.

Sit down, please.
Sit down here, Jack, Zack.

Sit down. Sit down.
Is wonderful, look.

My friends. I must tell us some news.

I ''ham'' in love.
This is Nicoletta.

- Hi. How you doing?
- Hello.

- Fine, thank you.
- Eat, please.

Thank you.


- She is from Italy too.
- Yes, I'm from Italy.

- Do you know, I am from Cesena?
- Cesena.

- You know Cesena?
- No. No?

And this place was given to me
as a present from my Uncle Luigi.

What happened to your Uncle Luigi?

He died.

You laugh. He died.

What was he like?

He was wonderful. Yes.

He won this place playing cards,
and he was afraid to lose it again,

so he gave me like a present.

But I didn't know
what to do with this.

And one day...

it was a very particular day...

like out of the blue,
my boyfriend left me.

- Aw.
- Yes. It was my birthday.

- Aw.
- Yes.

And Uncle Luigi died.

- Oh, no.
- All in the same day.

So in the same day, I left Italy
and I come to live here.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

And now I have falled
in love, at last.

I have finded my new home.

She has asked to me
if I stay here...

to live together with her
forever and ever.

- Like in a book for children.
- Yes.


Well, how did you learn
how to speak English?

Oh, yes. I speak pretty well,

but I know nothing
about English for restaurant.

Like food, good plate, nice dish...

these word I don't know.

Well, Bob should come in handy there.
He speaks good restaurant English.

- Yes.
- Yes, my killer.

Well, that's just great, Bob.

Yeah, congratulations.
Do you know where we are?

- Louisiana.
- No, I know Louisiana, but...

Near the border of Texas.

Ah! You see?
Texas. I knew this, eh?

Texas... near.

- Well, I propose a toast.
- Yes, thank you.

To Bob and Nicoletta.

- Oh, my friends. Thank you.
- Thank you.

Ah, you look good
in my Uncle Luigi clothes.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Say, uh, you don't have a car
or anything, do you?

Car, no. But I will save to buy one
and learn to drive.

- I've only my bicycle.
- Ah.

But there's a man who brings things
I need from town once a week or so.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- More Uncle Luigi clothes.
- Yes.

Very sporty, Jack.

So, but you are sure
you must leave today?

Why we cannot stay here
for some times first?

It's too dangerous out there, Bob.

There's probably
an A.P.B. out on all of us.

Nah, I'm sure
we're gonna make it.

Well, we're gonna
have to keep going.

At least now we know where we are.

And where do you go now?

I'll probably head out west.
Out to Los Angeles.

And you, my friend, Jack?
Where do you go?

Well, if he's going to L.A.,
I'm gonna go east. You know what I mean?

Yes, I know what I mean.

Some music, yeah?

''Drip drop, drip drop
Drip drop, drip drop''

''It's raining so hard''

''Looks like it's gonna
rain all night''

''And this is the time
I love for you to hold me tight''

''But I guess
I'll have to accept''

''The fact that
you are not here''

''I wish tonight would hurry up
and end, my dear''

You're sure you must leave today?
I stay.

''This is the time I love
to be holding you tight''

''I guess I'll just
go crazy at night''

- ''It's raining so hard''
- ''Drip drop, drip drop''

- ''Drip that never ends''
- ''Drip drop, drip drop''

''All of the time
that you were here with me''

''Counting every drop
About to blow my top''

''I wish this rain
would hurry up and stop''

''I've got the blues so bad
I can hardly catch my breath''

''The harder it rains
the worse it gets''

''This is the time I love
to be holding you tight''

''I guess I'll just
go crazy at night''

''Drip drop, drip drop
Drip drop, drip drop''

''Drip drop''

If you follow this road,

you will come to a place
where it becomes two roads.

On the right will go east.
On the left will go west.

Eh, no.
On the right will go west.

Eh, no. I'm not sure.
Anyway there is a sign to tell you.

- It's all right. We'll figure it out.
- It's okay?

- Thanks for everything.
- Yeah. Thank you. Good-bye.

- Good-bye. And take care.
- Zack.

- Okay, Bob.
- I will.

- Good-bye, Bob.
- Jack.

- Be careful.
- Okay.

- Don't forget to write.
- Bye.

So long.

Wish you were here.

- I guess this is it.
- Yeah.

I don't see a sign around or anything.

Well, she said the one
to the right goes west.

She said she didn't know.

Look, man, don't matter to me.

You go whichever way you want, right?
And I'll go the other way.

- Yeah, right. All right.
- All right?

So, uh...

this is how you dressed
before you were in the joint, right?

Sort of garbage man on parade.

You, uh, plannin' on doin'
a little squirrel huntin', Jack?




Good luck with yourself... Zack.

''Well, ya play that Tarantella''

''All the hounds will start to roar''

''The boys all go to hell
and then the Cubans hit the floor''

''They drive along the pipeline
They tango till they're sore''

''They take apart their nightmares
and they leave 'em by the door''

''Let me fall out of the window
with confetti in my hair''

''Deal out jacks or better
on a blanket by the stairs''

''I'll tell you all my secrets
but I lie about my past''

''And send me off
to bed forevermore''

''Make sure they play
my theme song''

''I guess daisies
will have to do''

''just get me to New Orleans
and paint shadows on the pews''

''Turn the spit on that pig
and kick the drum and let me down''

''Put my clarinet beneath your bed
till I get back in town''

''Let me fall out of the window
with confetti in my hair''

''Deal out jacks or better
on a blanket by the stairs''

''I'll tell you all my secrets
but I lie about my past''

''So send me off
to bed forevermore''

''just make sure she's all in calico
and the color of a doll''

''Wave the flag on Cadillac day
and a skillet on the wall''

''Cut me a switch or hold your breath
till the sun goes down''

''Write my name on the hood
Send me off to another town''

''And just let me fall out of the window
with confetti in my hair''

''Deal out jacks or better
on a blanket by the stairs''

''I'll tell you all my secrets
but I lie about my past''

''Will ya send me off
to bed forever more''

''Fall out of the window
with confetti in my hair''

''Deal out jacks or better
on a blanket by the stairs''

''I'll tell you all my secrets
but I lie about my past''

''Send me off to bed forevermore''

''Send me off to bed forevermore''

''Send me off to bed forevermore''