Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986) - full transcript

** [ "Once In A Lifetime"
by The Talking Heads ]

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
LIVING IN A SHOTGUN SHACK *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN
ANOTHER PART OF THE WORLD *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF

* BEHIND THE WHEEL OF
A LARGE AUTOMOBILE *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
IN A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE *

* WITH A BEAUTIFUL WIFE
YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF *

* WELL, HOW DID
I GET HERE *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *



* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
HOW DO I WORK THIS *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
WHERE IS THAT LARGE
AUTOMOBILE *

* YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF
THIS IS NOT MY
BEAUTIFUL HOUSE *

* YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF
THIS IS NOT MY
BEAUTIFUL WIFE *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS

* TIME ISN'T HOLDING US

* TIME ISN'T AFTER US



* TIME ISN'T HOLDING US

* TIME ISN'T OWNING US

* TIME ISN'T HOLDING US

* TIME ISN'T AFTER US

* TIME ISN'T HOLDING US

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME *

[ Alarm Buzzing ]

OH, SHUT UP, YOU PUTZ.

HI, DAD.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHY
I'M BEING SO SILENT LATELY.

IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL,
BUT I FEEL IT'S VERY HARD
TO EXPRESS MYSELF IN WORDS.

HERE'S A TAPE WHICH EXPRESSES
MY STATE OF MIND RIGHT NOW.

[ Laughing,
Shrieking ]

[ Laughing,
Screaming ]

**

MY SON, THE FILMMAKER.

I GOTTA CALL
THE SPRINKLER MAN NOW. JEEZ.

[ Belching ]
AH, THERE WE ARE.

MR. WHITEMAN, WHAT
A NICE NEW HOME SUIT.

CARMEN, limpie las --

HOW DO YOU SAY
"CANDELABRAS" ?
Candelabras.

BARBARA, SHE SPEAKS ENGLISH.
I KNOW THAT BUT, THE NEXT
TIME WE GO TO MEXICO,

I INTEND TO BE PREPARED
FOR ANY emergenCIA.
EmerGENcia.

WHERE'S JENNY ?
EmerGENcia.
SHE'S ASLEEP.

Vaya al marcardo--
Mercado.

FAMILY, SCENE ONE, TAKE ONE.
PREPARING THE FEAST,
MY FATHER, DAVE WHITEMAN.

- GET OUT, MAX.
- HOW DO YOU THINK STEVEN
SPIELBERG GOT STARTED ?

- HOW DO YOU FEEL
THIS THANKSGIVING ?
- I'LL TELL YOU HOW I FEEL.

I FEEL LIKE MY SON SHOULD
STOP ACTING RIDICULOUS...

ON THIS DAY
WHEN WE SHOULD ALL
BE GIVING THANKS.

- AND GUILTY.
- YEAH, WE SHOULD ALL BE
FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY.

- PEOPLE ARE STARVING
IN THE WORLD.
- GUILT IS USELESS.

YOUR SWAMI
TELL YOU THAT ?
MY YOGI, RANBIR.

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

ISN'T THIS A HOLIDAY ?
IT'S THE CATERER
WITH THE TURKEY.

ARRIVAL OF THE BIRD.
Carmen, la porta, por favor.

WHY DOESN'T HE USE
THE SERVANTS' ENTRANCE ?

¿ Por qué no usa
la puerta de atrás ?
LET'S GO.

AH, THE SISTER, THE PRINCESS,
BACK HOME FROM SARAH LAWRENCE.

MORNING. I'M GOING TO
THE BEACH. IF STACEY CALLS,

TELL HER THAT
I LEFT ALREADY.

- NO BREAKFAST ?
- I'LL GET SOMETHING
DOWN THERE. BYE, DAD.

BYE, MAX.

ALL I DO IS WAVE TO HER.
SHE'S NOTHING BUT A BLUR
WITH A NICE SMELL.

AL, AL, IS THE BIRD BIG ENOUGH ?
MY FATHER LOVES WHITE MEAT.

YOUR BIRD'S BIGGER THAN
MEL BROOKS' BIRD, AND HE'S
GOT 15 PEOPLE COMING, MR. W.

- IS HE NICE, MEL BROOKS ?
- VERY SWEET MAN.
[ Growling ]

GET THE DOOR. COME ON,
GET THE DOOR. LET'S GO.

[ Whining ]
COME ON, KEROUAC,
LET JERRY SLEEP.

HELLO.
YOU LOOK HUNGRY, HUH ?

YEAH, YOU WANT
WHAT I'VE GOT HERE ?
YEAH, ISN'T THAT GOOD ?

HEY. HEY,
ARE YOU LOST ?

YOU DON'T HAVE
A COLLAR ON, HUH ?

YEAH, YOU WANNA
COME HOME WITH ME ?

MY HUSBAND'S GONNA KILL ME.
COME ON. COME ON.

YEAH, COME ON.
THAT'S RIGHT.

[ Man #1 ]
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
THIS IS OUR MOBILE HOME PARK.

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT 500 UNITS.
JENNY, YOU WANT SOME MORE MEAT ?

I ATE AT
THE BEACH, DADDY.

[ Man #2 ]
WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE LIVE
IN THOSE TRAILER PARKS ?

WE GOT NICE RETIRED PEOPLE
LIKE MEL AND SADIE...

AND PEOPLE WHO ARE
SICK AND TIRED OF
THE RAT RACE.

MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE
INTO ONE OF MY PARKS.
COULD YOU HOLD THE PHOTO UP ?

STOP IT, MAX.
YOU CAN WALK ON THE FIRE,
ON THE COALS, NO QUESTION.

YOGI, CAN YOU TEACH
MY DAUGHTER TO EAT ?

THAT'S A DEEPLY NEUROTIC
STATEMENT, DAD, REALLY.

Carmen, las cranberries,
por favor.

THERE'S NO MORE WHITE MEAT.
I TOLD YOU I LOVE WHITE MEAT.

THE POOCH ATE
THE WHITE MEAT.

BARBARA, NEXT YEAR
I'M USING ANOTHER CATERER.

MAKE SURE YOU GIVE ME
THE RECEIPTS.

SIDNEY, I WOULD LIKE TO
TRY AND WALK ON HOT COALS.
IS THAT A TAX DEDUCTION, YOGI ?

YES.
IT IS ? THEN WALK ON
HOT COALS; I DON'T CARE.

HOW'S YOUR FAMILY, CARMEN ?
NOT SO VERY GOOD,
SENORA WALTZBURG.

MY BROTHER, HE'S
TRYING TO COME UP
HERE TO FIND A JOB.

- WHAT DOES HE DO ?
- HE CUTS SUGAR CANE
IN THE FIELDS.

NOT MUCH CALL FOR THAT
IN LOS ANGELES.

WHO ASKED YOU ?

- MATISSE, STOP THAT.
- NEUROTIC DOG SCENE, TAKE ONE.

-YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S NEUROTIC.
-WE'RE TAKING HIM TO
A DOG PSYCHIATRIST.

FATHER AND SON
SCENE, TAKE ONE.
MAX, I THINK
IT'S ABOUT TIME...

THAT YOU STARTED LEARNING THE
HANGER BUSINESS, STOP WASTING
TIME WITH THE CAMERA.

- I DON'T LIKE HANGERS.
- YOU DON'T LIKE HANGERS ?

IT'S HANGERS THAT
CLOTHE AND FEED YOU !

IT'S HANGERS THAT PAY FOR
THE fir cooked CAMERA,
FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD.

MAX, TALK TO ME MAN TO MAN.

WHAT'S TROUBLING YOU ?
WHAT IS IT ?

PERHAPS WE SHOULD ALL
MEDITATE FOR A MOMENT.

* HMMM-MMMM

** [ All Humming ]

KEROUAC ?

KEROUAC ?

KEROUAC !

DID YOU SEE
A LITTLE TAN DOG ?

KEROUAC.

KEROUAC !

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Barking ]

ANYBODY SEEN MY DOG ?
IT'S A LITTLE TAN DOG.
I LOST MY LITTLE DOG.

NO !
NO.
NO !

I LOST MY LITTLE
TAN DOG.

KEROUAC !
HAS SOMEBODY GOT HIM ?

EXCUSE ME.
WHO'S GOT MY DOG ?

EXCUSE ME, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
NO ! I LOST MY GODDAMN DOG.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
LEAVE THE RESTAURANT.

SECURITY IS --
KEROUAC !

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, JERRY ?
I LOST MY DOG.
I'M LOOKIN' FOR MY DOG.

HE LOST HIS DOG.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I THINK YOU OUGHT TO STOP
RUNNIN' AROUND HERE
HARASSING PEOPLE.

MY DOG WAS STOLEN.
I THINK IT WAS DOGNAPPING.
I UNDERSTAND.

WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWNTOWN
AND TAKE A BATH ?
SCREW YOU. I'M A CITIZEN.

JUST RELAX NOW.
I UNDERSTAND.
COME ON.

I'M A CITIZEN.
OKAY.
OKAY.

- I WISH YOU COULD STAY
A LITTLE LONGER.
- I'LL BE BACK AT CHRISTMAS.

MAYBE JIM WILL
COME HOME WITH ME.

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO MEET HIM.
IT SEEMS REAL SERIOUS.

IT'S HARD TO FIND SOMEONE
AS NICE AS YOU, DAD.

WHAT DOES HE DO,
THIS JIM GUY ?

HE'S ROAD MANAGER
FOR A ROCK GROUP.
HOPE HE'S NOT A DRUG ADDICT.

HE SMOKES SOME GRASS
AND DOES A LITTLE COCAINE,

BUT I ASSURE YOU
HE'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME
THAT YOU DON'T DO DRUGS.
DAD, STOP THIS INQUISITION.

I'M 19 YEARS OLD.
OKAY, OKAY.
I'M YOUR FATHER.

WHY DOES MOTHER KEEP
FALLING FOR ALL THESE
GURUS AND CHARLATANS ?

IT'S SO '60s.
[ Laughing ]

HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT ?

YOU HAVEN'T
SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT THE CAR.
IT'S NICE.

NICE.

IT'S NOT TOO, UH,
TOO BEVERLY HILLS ?

DAD, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY
ANYTHING. YOU WORK VERY,
VERY HARD FOR YOUR MONEY.

WELL, I GUESS I FEEL,
YOU KNOW, A LITTLE GUILTY.
GUILT SUCKS.

YEAH.
KISS.
BYE.

MAYBE THEY'LL GIVE HER
A GOOD MEAL ON THE PLANE.

** [ Classical Music ]

** [ Classical Music ]

I'M VERY WORRIED
ABOUT JENNY.
WHY ?

I THINK SHE'S AN ANOREXIC.
ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T SNACK
ALL DAY IS ANOREXIC TO YOU.

COULDN'T SHE GO TO SCHOOL
IN CALIFORNIA ?

THERE ARE VERY GOOD
SCHOOLS IN CALIFORNIA.
SHE JUST WANTED A CHANGE.

WHO'S THIS JIM GUY ?
I'M SURE HE'S VERY NICE.

THINK THEY'RE HAVING
SEX ALREADY ?
DAVE, DON'T GET YOURSELF UPSET.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

IT'S A NEW AGE
FOR WOMEN, HONEY.
BARBARA... BARBARA.

DO YOU KNOW MORE
THAN YOU'RE SAYING ?
I HOPE
SHE IS HAVING SEX.

IT'S TIME.

YOU'VE GOT GREAT
SHOULDERS, BARB.
MUST BE THE MOON.

COME ON, I'M FEELING
VERY SEXY. WHO CARES
WHAT THE REASON IS.

I'M VERY DEPRESSED.
COME ON.

COME ON, MY LITTLE BABY.
IT'S TOO MUCH MEDITATING.
OH, NO. HONEY --

I THINK IT'S AN ALLERGY.
IN FACT, I'M CONVINCED OF IT.
SO IS RANBIR.

HONEY, PLEASE.
MAYBE YOU'RE
ALLERGIC TO ME.

DAVE, YOU'RE SUCH A NUDGE.

BARBARA.

YOU HAPPY ?

I'M CONTENT.
SOMETIMES I WONDER.

DAVE, I'M CHANGING.

THAT CAUSES STRESS.
YOU SHOULD TAKE
A COUPLE OF TYLENOL.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO DIGNIFY
THAT WITH A RESPONSE.

I'M VERY WORRIED ABOUT MAX.
HE SEEMS VERY CONFUSED.

I SAW HIM IN
A TUTU TONIGHT.

DAVE ?

DAVE, THAT WAS THE CHERRY
ON THE CAKE OF MY DAY.

THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
GOOD NIGHT, BARB.

DOG'S SUPPOSED TO BE
LOYAL, GODDAMN IT. WHERE
THE HELL'S YOUR LOYALTY ?

YOU'RE A MUTT. YOU'RE AN
UNGRATEFUL MUTT OF A MONGREL,
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH.
YOU WAIT 'TIL I GET
MY HANDS ON YA.

SON-OF-A --
[ Barking ]

KEROUAC ?

[ Snarling ]

GO FOR IT, PUTZ.

[ Barking ]

[ Muffled Spanish
TV Broadcast ]

OH, MR. WHITEMAN. OH.

YOU HAVE TO CALL ME DAVE.
OH, DAVE.

OH, I KNEW YOU
WOULD COME TONIGHT.

[ Moaning ]
[ Barking ]

OH, MR. WHITEMAN.

SHUT UP,
YOU PUTZ YOU.

I HATE THAT DOG
SO MUCH.
[ Alarm Ringing ]

OH, TROUBLE AT
THE WHITEMAN HOUSE.

[ Sirens Wailing ]

[ Gasping ]

GODDAMN ALARM.
COPS ARE GONNA COME.
OH, I HAVE NO GREEN CARD.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS PRONTO.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF
THE FOURTH KIND, TAKE ONE.

MY HOUSE ! MY HOUSE !
MY HOUSE ! NO PROBLEM.

IT'S OKAY. NO ROBBERY.
DON'T WORRY. IT'S OKAY.
THERE'S NO ROBBERY.

WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AROUND
ANYWAY. YOU NEVER KNOW.
FINE. NO PROBLEM.

SORRY, MR. WHITEMAN.
LANCE, WHY DO THESE THINGS
KEEP HAPPENING ?

COULD BE A CHANGE
IN HUMIDITY,
OR SOME ANIMAL.

I'M GOING TO NEED
AN ALARM FOR THE ALARM.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF THEM GUNS !

I'M ORVIS GOODNIGHT !

A RECORD PRODUCER,
YOU UNDERSTAND ?

I LIVE RIGHT ACROSS
THE STREET FROM THIS PLACE,
BUT I DON'T GET...

THIS KIND OF SERVICE,
NO, SIR.

TWO WEEKS AGO, A THIEF
TRIED TO BREAK IN MY HOUSE.

CALLED THE POLICE.
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY.

IT TOOK 20 MINUTES FOR
THE POLICEMEN TO ARRIVE.

ONE LITTLE CAR.
NO DOG. NO CHOPPER.

I KNOW WHY I DON'T
GET THE PROTECTION
I'M SUPPOSED TO GET.

BECAUSE I'M BLACK. BLACK !
I'M A BLACK MAN !

AIN'T NO BLACK MAN SUPPOSED
TO LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS.

LET ONE BLACK MAN STOP
TO TIE HIS SHOES...

OR SCRATCH HIS BEHIND
ON RODEO DRIVE;

THE SWAT TEAM WOULD
PARACHUTE DOWN OVER MY BROTHERS.

I SPENT $3.6 MILLION...

FOR THAT PILE OF STUCCO
YOU SEE OVER THERE.

I WANT THE SAME PROTECTION,
THE SAME PROTECTION,

THAT YOU GIVE OLD
DAVID WHITEMAN OVER THERE.

AND I'M BRINGIN' IN
MO' BROTHERS.

MO' BROTHERS !
WHOO-WOO !

I'M GONNA SUE YOU,
WHITEMAN.
MATISSE !

MATISSE !
THIS DOG IS A KILLER DOG.
HE'S GONNA KILL SOMEBODY.

MAX, STOP IT. COME IN, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SORRY, MR. WHITEMAN.
TAKE CARE OF IT AS SOON AS YOU
CAN. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

GET THAT HELICOPTER
OUT OF HERE, PLEASE !

KEROUAC ?
[ Dog Barking ]

KEROUAC ?

[ Barking ]

** [ Droning ]
Bueno.

Bueno, Jesus.

NO. NO, NO.
Muy bueno, Jesus.

I'LL COME DOWN
IN A COUPLE OF DAYS SO THAT
I CAN WISH ALL THE hombres --

BARBARA, HOW DO YOU SAY
"HAPPY NEW YEAR" IN SPANISH?
Feliz año.

Feliz años, okay ?

** [ Droning ]
YEAH, sí.
NO, NO, NO.

JUST ME AND MY,
UH, esposa --

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
BARBARA, IS THAT
THE NEW POOL MAN ?

** [ Droning Mantra ]
HEY.

HEY. HEY !

CALL 911 ! CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !
CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !
CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !
CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !
OH, MY GOD !

OH, MY GOD !
OH, MR. WHITEMAN !
WHAT'S HAPPENING ?

OH, MY GOD.
[ Indistinct Shouting ]

DOWN HERE, DAVE.
COME HERE !

i Ay, Dios mío !

OVER HERE, DAVE.
I GOT HIM.
COME HERE, COME HERE.

I GOT HIM,
I GOT HIM.
OH, MY GOD.

[ Shouting ]
HOLD HIM ! HE'S GOT
ROCKS IN HIS POCKETS.

HELLO ?
Operadora. Operadora !

OH, MY GOD.
I CALLED 911.

[ Groaning ]
Shouting ] [ Barking ]

WHAT THE HELL ?
C.P.R.
C.P.R.

DON'T, DAVE. YOU'LL CATCH
AIDS OR PLAGUE OR HERPES !

OH, MY GOD !

HE LIVES.
HE LIVES !

CARMEN, GET SOME BLANKETS.
GET SOME BRANDY, QUICK.

QUICK ! QUICK !
GET HIM OVER TO
THE CHAISE LOUNGE.

COME ON, GET HIM OVER.
THERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT, HOLD HIM.
THERE WE GO.

THE DOG KILLED SOMEBODY.
I TOLD YOU.

OKAY, HERE.
DRINK THIS, DRINK THIS.

UGH. CHRIST, YOU GOT
ANY COURVOISIER ?
HE MUST BE IN SHOCK.

HOW LONG WAS HE
IN THE WATER ?
NOT VERY LONG.
I GAVE HIM C.P.R.

HE SAVED HIM.
WOULD YOU CHECK MY HUSBAND ? HE
HAD HIS LIPS ON THIS MAN'S LIPS.

GOOD WORK.
THANK YOU.
YOU FEELING ANY BETTER ?

WHAT GIVES, amigo ?
YOU ALMOST DROWNED.

I KNOW THAT.
NOBODY DROWNS
IN MY BACKYARD.

IF I'D HAVE KNOWN THAT,
I'D HAVE GONE
SOMEWHERE ELSE.

HOW DID HE GET IN ?
I DIDN'T HEAR THE ALARM.
I DON'T KNOW.

I'M GOING TO CHECK
THE WATER FOR BACTERIA.

I KNEW THAT LIFESAVING
CLASS WOULD COME IN HANDY.
I KNEW IT. LOOK AT THAT.

HE'S DRUNK AND DISGUSTING.
HE'S A HUMAN BEING.
WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF CHARITY ?

I VOLUNTEER
THREE DAYS A WEEK
AT THE FREE CLINIC.

I AM SHOCKED AT YOU, BARBARA.
THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD
GO YOU OR I.

NO, DEAR, NOT ME.
I WOULD NEVER SINK SO LOW.
I'D KILL MYSELF FIRST.

I HAVE AEROBICS
IN 50 MINUTES.

I HAVE LUNCH
AT NEIMAN-MARCUS.
GO. WHO'S STOPPING YOU ?

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

[ Barbara ] ARE YOU
SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ?
[ Dave ] I'M FINE.

YOU ARE A HERO,
YOU KNOW.

I'M JUST A SCAREDY-CAT.
MAYBE THE POLICE COULD TAKE
HIM TO THE RESCUE MISSION.

IT'S OKAY.
GO TO LUNCH.
THANKS.

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE HIM WITH
ME ? I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS A LOT.

SEE YA.

SHUT UP.
SHUT UP, YOU PUTZ !

YOU THINK YOU
CAN GET UP ?

YEAH.
OKAY, CARMEN,
GIVE ME A HAND.

MATISSE, GET DOWN,
YOU ROTTEN -- COME ON.

THERE WE GO.
THAT'S IT.

SO, WHAT'S
YOUR NAME ?
ESTHER WILLIAMS.

[ Laughing ]

MY NAME'S
DAVE WHITEMAN.

JERRY M. BASKIN.
WHAT DOES
THE "M" STAND FOR ?

THIS YOUR PLACE ?
YEAH, YEAH.

WHAT, ARE YOU
A GANGSTER ?
NO, I MAKE HANGERS.

HERE, PUT THIS ON.
CARMEN, GIVE ME A HAND.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THESE WET THINGS OFF ?

I DON'T LIKE THIS.
YOU GOT A TERRY CLOTH ?

THAT IS
A BRAND-NEW ROBE.

BROOKS BROTHERS.
I USED TO SHOP THERE.

CARMEN, TAKE SOME OF THESE WET
THINGS INTO THE WASHER, OKAY ?
DAVE.

DON'T THROW
THAT STUFF OUT.
MR. WHITEMAN !

CARMEN, oigame, por favor.
PLEASE, IN THE WASHER. COME ON.

HELP HIM, UH --

[ Groaning ]
i Ay, Dios mío !

YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU OUT ?
OKAY. ALL RIGHT, THEN.

YEAH. WHOA, WHOA !

[ Dave ]
GET A GRIP ON THERE.

AH !
CARMEN ?

GIVE ME THE ROBE.
YEAH, YEAH.

THANK YOU.
YEAH. CARMEN ?
CARMEN, CARMEN.

WANT SOMETHIN'
TO EAT ?
WHAT YOU GOT ?

UH, TURKEY.
YOU KNOW, ALL THE STUFF THAT'S
LEFT OVER FROM THANKSGIVING.

GOT ANY WHITE MEAT ?
[ Chuckling ]

CATERER REALLY
STINKS, YOU KNOW ?

WHO MADE
THIS DRESSING ?
MY MOTHER.

TOO MUCH ONION.
YOU COULD AT LEAST
SAY THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT ?
FOR THE FOOD.

THANKS.
FOR, FOR, FOR
SAVING YOUR LIFE.

ARE MY CLOTHES DRY ?
SOON.

YOU CAN KEEP THE ROBE.
YOU MIGHT ASK ME
TO THANK YOU AGAIN.

YOU'RE PRETTY TOUGH,
HUH ? CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION, JERRY ?

HOW DID YOU GET --
I DON'T WANT TO USE
THE WORD "LOW," BUT...

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?
I MEAN, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY
A VERY INTELLIGENT GUY.

I WAS PRETTY ACTIVE
POLITICALLY IN THE '60s.
SOLD SOME DRAFT CARDS.

THEY NAILED ME FOR COUNTERFEIT
GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS.

THEY GIVE ME 45 YEARS
AND A $75,000 FINE.

SUSPENDED IT; PUT ME UNDER
THE YOUTH CORRECTION ACT.

I WAS A FELON. SO FUCK IT,
I GOT INTO ACTING.

SHOW BUSINESS. HUH.

THERE WAS THIS GIRL
IN THE CLASS. SHE SPLIT.

[ Sighs ] SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SHE WAS ONE IN A MILLION.

YOU'VE
SEEN HER.
WHO ?

- LINDA EVANS.
- TV LINDA EVANS ?

"DYNASTY" ?
NO, IT WAS
BEFORE "DYNASTY."

CAN I GET SOME MORE
CRANBERRY SAUCE ?
NO, I'LL GET IT.

IT WAS BETWEEN "THE BIG
VALLEY" AND "DYNASTY."
YOU KNOW, THAT PERIOD.

ANYWAY, WE BROKE UP.
CARMEN ?

I WAS IN BAD SHAPE
FOR ABOUT A YEAR.

BUT THAT DIDN'T DO IT, REALLY.
I USED TO DRINK A LOT.

I DID A LOT OF DRUGS.
THANK YOU.

THEN MY SISTER,
MY LITTLE SISTER,
DIED OF LEUKEMIA.

WE WERE REAL CLOSE
BECAUSE WE WERE ORPHANS
SO YOUNG TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHAT DID IT.

SO I LOST, UH,
I LOST MY, UH...

...INCENTIVE, SO I
DIDN'T CARE ABOUT MYSELF,

SO I LEARNED TO SURVIVE
ON THE STREET, YOU KNOW ?

- SORRY.
- YEAH, YEAH.
I GOTTA GO.

WHERE YOU
GONNA GO ?
I DON'T KNOW. ¿ Quién sabe ?

HEY. HEY, HEY, JERRY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA PULL...

THAT SWIMMING POOL STUNT
AGAIN, ARE YOU ?

MIND IF I TAKE ONE
OF THESE GRAPEFRUIT ?
DON'T WANT SCURVY.

NO, NO, NO.
GO AHEAD.

[ Barking ]

HEY, HEY. ALL RIGHT,
JUST A MINUTE.

LOOK, LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN TO ME. LOOK.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE
UNTIL YOU STRAIGHTEN OUT.
NO IFs, NO ANDs, NO BUTs.

YOU'RE GONNA SLEEP
RIGHT THERE IN THAT CABANA.

CABANA ?
YEAH. ALL RIGHT,
COME ON, HELP OUT HERE.

NO IFs, NO ANDs, NO BUTs.
GIVE ME A HAND. COME ON.

LET'S GO OVER HERE.
RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S IT.
THERE WE GO.

[ Matisse Barking ]

**

* ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW
PUT DOWN THE TOP *

* CRANK UP THE BEACH BOYS, BABY
DON'T LET THE MUSIC STOP *

* WE GONNA RIDE IT 'TIL WE
JUST CAN'T RIDE IT NO MO' **

HELLO, DARLING.
HI.

CAN I GIVE YOU A HAND ?
BETTY FORD CLINIC
WOULDN'T TAKE A DOG.

DID THE POOL MAN COME ?
NO, BUT THE SPRINKLERS
ARE GOING CRAZY.

THAT WAS A VERY
BRAVE THING YOU DID.
I TOLD ALL THE GIRLS.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE POOR GUY ?
HE'S IN THE HOT TUB.

HE'S STILL HERE ? WHAT'S
THE EMERGENCY NUMBER ? 911 ?

BARBARA, I INVITED HIM TO
STAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

HE IS NOT STAYING
IN MY HOUSE.
HE'S IN THE CABANA.

I'M CALLING SIDNEY.
YOU NEED IMMEDIATE TREATMENT.

YOU'RE OVERREACTING TO THIS
A LITTLE, DON'T YOU THINK ?

YOU DON'T KNOW THIS MAN.
HE'S A BUM, A DERELICT.

HIS SISTER DIED OF LEUKEMIA.
I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HIM.

HE COULD STEAL
EVERYTHING...
HIS NAME IS JERRY.

AND THEN MURDER US
IN OUR BEDS !
BARBARA, MATISSE LOVES HIM.

LOOK.
THAT SHOULD BE A CLUE RIGHT
THERE. MATISSE LOVES NO ONE.

LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

OKAY, STAY. WALK.
OKAY, GOOD BOY.

GOOD BOY.
HE'S GONNA GIVE
THAT DOG FLEAS.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?

AND IT'LL BE
YOUR FAULT.
COME ON, LOOK AT
THAT. BARBARA.

* IF YOU NEED A CAR OR TRUCK
GO SEE CAL *

* IF YOU WANNA SAVE A BUCK
GO SEE CAL *

* IF YOU WANT A BRAND-NEW DODGE
IN YOUR DRIVEWAY OR GARAGE *

* GO SEE CAL
GO SEE CAL
GO SEE CAL *

* IF YOU'RE A LITTLE SHORT
OF CASH, GO SEE CAL *

* TROUBLE'S OVER IN A FLASH
GO SEE CAL *

[ Speaking Spanish ]

- [ Bogart ] WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
- [ Huston ] EITHER BUMP HIM OFF
OR MAKE HIM A PARTNER.

[ Bogart and Max ]
FRED C. DOBBS AIN'T A GUY
LIKES TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

DO THE MUG IN, I SAY.
GOIN' SOUTH, ISN'T HE ?

LET HIM HAVE IT !

YOU GOT ANY
LOW-CAL ROOT BEER ?
JESUS CHRIST, YOU SCARED ME !

I CAN'T SLEEP
IN THAT BED.
WHY NOT ?
IS IT TOO HARD ?

NO, IT'S TOO SOFT.
I'M USED TO SIDEWALKS.

I'LL MAKE YOU A BAGEL AND
YOU CAN TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM.

I CAN'T EAT IT
IN THAT ROOM.
WHY NOT ?

I HAVEN'T HAD A ROOM
TO EAT IN IN THREE YEARS.

YOU'LL LIKE THIS.
IT'S ONE OF MY SPECIALTIES.
ALL RIGHT.

IT'S THE ONIONS AND
THE TOMATOES THAT
DOES THE TRICK.
OH.

I HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THESE
SINCE MY BROOKLYN DAYS.
ARE YOU FROM BROOKLYN ?

FLATBUSH AVE.
NO KIDDING.

YEAH.
HUH. I GREW UP
AROUND EBBETS FIELD.

YEAH ? OH, I LOVED BASEBALL
BACK IN THOSE DAYS.
OH, YEAH.

YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER
DUKE SNIDER ?

OH.
HE WAS MY IDOL.

ROY CAMPANELLA.
YEAH.

CARL ERSKINE.
THERE WAS A TOUGH COOKIE.
TOUGH GUY, YEAH.

HEY, YOU REMEMBER
RALPH BRANCA ?
OH.

THE RIGHT-HANDED PITCHER ?
REMEMBER HIM ?
YEAH.

AND BOBBY THOMSON
THAT TIME ?

PETE REISER ? REMEMBER ?
HE RAN INTO CENTER FIELD ?

TOUGH DAY.
'57 SEASON,
DRYSDALE WON US...

SEVENTEEN GAMES.
SEVENTEEN GAMES.

SEVENTEEN GAMES. WHOA.
YEAH, THAT WAS AMAZING.

AFTER A YEAR,
THEY MOVED THE TEAM.
YEAH.

WHEW. I WAS THAT BIG.

[ Sighs ]
I CRIED.

HOW ABOUT THAT
LOW-CAL ROOT BEER ?
LOW-CAL.

RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT.

HEY, JERRY.
HMM ?

YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT GOING STRAIGHT ?
YOU KNOW, GETTIN' A JOB ?

I TRIED IT.
I PLAYED THE GAME; I LOST.

YOU GET TIRED OF PLAYING
A LOSING GAME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

ALL YOU NEED IS A LITTLE
LUCK, BUDDY. LOOK AT ME.

I'M SERIOUS. LOOK AT ME.
I WAS SELLING LINGERIE...

FROM THE BACK SEAT
OF MY FATHER'S OLDSMOBILE.

LOOK, YOU GOTTA BE
IN THE RIGHT PLACE
AT THE RIGHT TIME.

YOU UNDERSTAND ? I WENT
INTO A BAR IN NEW JERSEY.

I STRUCK UP
A CONVERSATION
WITH A GUY.

HE'S PUTTING UP
A STRING OF MOTELS.

SO I BORROWED SOME MONEY
FROM MY UNCLE MAURIE.

DO YOU THINK I KNEW I WAS GOING
TO BE IN THE HANGER BUSINESS ?
THE REST IS HISTORY.

WHAT IS THIS,
AN ALL-NIGHT DINER ?
HI, BARB.

YOU EATING AGAIN, DAVE ?
WELL, IT'S YOUR COLON.

AND DON'T DROP FOOD ON THE FLOOR
AND MAKE A MESS FOR ME TO CLEAN.

[ Carmen ]
I THOUGHT I HEARD A RAT.

MAYBE THAT'S
WHAT I HEARD.
LOT OF RATS IN
BEVERLY HILLS.

RATS ARE EVERYWHERE.
YEAH.

DAVE, I THINK I'D LIKE
TO TALK TO JERRY ALONE.

SURE, BARB.

WELL, COME, JERRY.

I MISSED YOU.

SIT. ANYWHERE.

JERRY, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE
TO YOU FOR HOW I'VE BEHAVED.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW,
I'VE OBJECTED TO
YOUR PRESENCE HERE.

FRANKLY,
YOUR APPEARANCE
SCARES ME. I --

THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY THREATENING
ABOUT YOU.

UM, I REALIZE THAT THIS IS
COMPLETELY SUPERFICIAL, AND
THAT UNDERNEATH ALL THAT...

YOU ARE UNDOUBTEDLY
A WONDERFUL PERSON...

WITH WONDERFUL
HUMAN QUALITIES.

I'M TRYING SO HARD TO
OVERCOME MY MIDDLE-CLASS
PREJUDICES. YOU KNOW,

MY YOGI, MY GURU, MY GUIDE,
RANBIR, ALWAYS SAYS...

THAT WE ARE ALL PART
OF THE SAME ONENESS,

THE SAME UNIVERSAL
ELECTRIC TIDE; WE FLOW
INTO AND OUT OF EVERYTHING.

SO, AS A HUMAN BEING, I --

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
I RESPECT YOU. I DO.

AND I, I HOPE
YOU UNDERSTAND ME.

* WHOMP BOMP-A-LOO-MAU
BA-LOMP-BOMP-BOMP *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI... *

Sí, sí, Jesus.
No problema.

I JUST WANT TO BE SURE
YOUR PEOPLE KNOW ALL
ABOUT THE BONUSES.

OKAY. Sí, adiós.

* I GOT A GIRL
NAMED SUE *
YOUR FIRST RIDE
IN A ROLLS ?

WHAT ?
YOUR FIRST RIDE
IN A ROLLS ROYCE ?

I HAD ONE IN LONDON.
* SHE'S THE GAL
THAT I LOVE BEST *

YOU LIVED
IN LONDON ?
GRADUATE SCHOOL.

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *
WHAT KIND OF HANGERS YOU MAKE ?

* TUTTI FRUTTI AU RUTTI
HERE, CHECK IT OUT.
THERE WE GO.

* TUTTI FRUTTI AU RUTTI
TUTTI FRUTTI AU RUTTI *

"CONGRATULATIONS TO
MR. DAVE WHITEMAN,
PRESIDENT OF DAV-BAR.

"THIS GOLD HANGER HONORS YOUR
SALE OF ONE MILLION HANGERS...

TO THE HOLIDAY INN."
THAT BABY REVOLUTIONIZED
THE BUSINESS.

SEE, YOU GOT A MAGNETIC
LOCK. WE MAKE THAT BABY
AT MY PLANT IN TIJUANA.

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *
GOOD MORNING, DAVE.

MORNING, ORVIS.
* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* BOMP-BOP-A-LOO-MAU
OWWW ! *

** [ Saxophone ]

* HEY, TUTTI FRUTTI
DAVID, HOW NICE
TO SEE YOU.

- MAURICE, THIS IS JERRY.
- THE GENTLEMAN YOU SPOKE OF ?

INDEED.
YOU HAVE THE LOOK OF
THE VAGABOND, MONSIEUR.

Tres, tres chic. SIT DOWN.
WHAT I WAS THINKING
OF, MAURICE,

WAS THAT YOU OUGHT TO JUST,
YOU KNOW, CLEAN HIM UP.

* ...AU RUTTI
TUTTI FRUTTI AU RUTTI *

* WHOO !
TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* TUTTI FRUTTI
AU RUTTI *

* A-WOMP-BOMP-A-LOO-MAU
BA-LOMP-BOMP-A-LOO-MAU
BA-LOMP-BAM-BOOM **

** [ Mariachi Music ]

**

[ Dave ]
500,000 HANGERS A DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,
500,000 HANGERS A DAY ?
AT FOUR CENTS A HANGER ?

AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY SALESMEN ?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?
THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART.

HEY, BOBBY.
GOOD TO SEE YA. YEAH, THIS
IS WHERE DAV-BAR STARTED.

A LOT OF HANGERS.
HEY, RAYMONDO.

RIGHT NOW,
WE'RE NEGOTIATING
WITH THE CHINESE.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A VERY BIG PARTY
NEW YEAR'S EVE...

FOR THE MINISTER
OF TRADE, MR. CHAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT COULD MEAN ?
850 MILLION CHINESE ?

200 MILLION HANGERS
EVERY YEAR, MINIMUM.

THE CHINESE ARE
VERY NEAT PEOPLE.
YEAH, YOU
HARDLY EVER SEE A CHINESE BUM.

YOU WANT A JOB, JER ?
YOU GIVE ME THE WORD,

I'LL GIVE YOU
A JOB TOMORROW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY ?

START YOU ON THE LINE, GET
YOUR FEET WET IN SHIPPING.
NOT REALLY MY LINE, DAVE.

YOU KILL ME, I SWEAR.

WE GOT A GOOD
HEALTH PLAN. JUST PUT
IN COMPREHENSIVE DENTAL.

Alesio, Alesio.
¿ Comó está ?
SHOW HIM YOUR TEETH.

SEE ? YOU GOTTA WORRY
ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT, JER.

CAN WE GRAB
SOME LUNCH ?
SURE, SURE.

WHEN YOUR TEETH GO --
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER BOTTLE
OF BEAUJOLAIS, MR. WHITEMAN ?

UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MR., UH, MR. BASKIN ?

NO. COULD USE ANOTHER
PIECE OF CHICKEN, THOUGH.

DIDN'T I SEE YOU AT THE
CANNES FILM FESTIVAL ?
PROBABLY.

YOU WERE WITH SUSAN SARANDON.
SOMETHING TO DO WITH NICARAGUA.

ARE YOU A SANDINISTA ?
NO, NO.

WAIT, I KNOW. YOU'RE
SANDY KINNEY'S BOYFRIEND.

YOU'RE A WRITER.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
JERRY BASKIN.

THAT'S RIGHT.
OH, ROXANNE... PHILOBOSIAN.
HOW DO YOU DO ?

DAVE WHITEMAN.
HI.

I'M OVER AT MGM NOW.
CALL ME IF YOU GET
ANY STORY IDEAS.

WE'RE REALLY LOOKING.
OH...

HERE'S MY CARD.

OH, SAY HELLO
TO SANDY FOR ME.
BYE, DAVE.

SO YOU'RE A WRITER ?

AL. AL !

HEY, AL. AL !
COME HERE.

YEAH, COME HERE.
COME HERE.

AL... AL, IT'S ME, JERRY.

JERRY ! ALL RIGHT !

CAN AL JOIN US ?
OH, SURE, SURE.

HE'S A HUMAN BEING,
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.
WHY DON'T YOU --

YOU SURE IT'S OKAY ?
YEAH, COME
RIGHT ON AROUND.

[ Dave ]
YAMATO, COULD WE HAVE ANOTHER
CHAIR ? THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU
SO MUCH.
SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE.

DAVE WHITEMAN.
HEY, BROTHER. AL.

NICE TO MEET YOU.
MAN, YOU SURE
LOOK DIFFERENT.

IT'S THE HAIR
AND THE BEARD.
I HARDLY RECOGNIZED YOU.

I THOUGHT I WAS
HEARING VOICES.

WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO EAT ?
NO, THANK YOU.

ARE YOU EXPECTING
ANY MORE IN YOUR
PARTY, MR. WHITEMAN ?

NO, NO, HERE, YAMATO.
HERE, JUST TAKE IT.

TAKE IT.
TAKE IT.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME WINE ?
NO, THIS IS ONE OF
MY NON-DRINKING DAYS.

AL WAS DOWN
AT THE MISSION WITH ME.

YOU REMEMBER RED TURNER ?
YOU KNOW, REDHEAD CAT
WITH THE GLASSES.

OH, YEAH.
HE GOT MUGGED
REAL BAD, MAN.

HE DOWN IN
THE COUNTY HOSPITAL.
RED WAS PRETTY OLD, AL.

THEY MAKE A VERY GOOD
CLUB SANDWICH HERE --

YOU'RE SITTIN' PRETTY.

GODDAMN.
LOOKIN' GOOD, BABY.
YEAH. I GOT TO GO.

UH, YOU DON'T MIND
ME SAYING SO, JER,

SOME OF THESE GUYS ON THE STREET
SEEM A LITTLE CRAZY.

AH, MATISSE.
WHAT A LOVELY DOG YOU ARE.
SUCH A PRETTY DOG.

AND SUCH PRETTY
EYES YOU HAVE.
WHAT A LOVELY DOG.

I HEAR YOU'RE NOT
EATING, MATISSE.

DR. VON ZIMMER HAS
SOME FOOD FOR YOU.
HERE YOU ARE.

OH, MATISSE.

YOU'RE VERY ANGRY,
AREN'T YOU ?

[ Door Closing ]

SHH.
WHAT ?
OH, ARE YOU EVER ANGRY.

THE DOG BITE THE COLORED GUY ?
HA ! MATISSE HASN'T
EATEN IN THREE DAYS.

[ Laughing ]
WE GOT AN ANOREXIC DOG.

YOU'VE GOT A DISTURBED DOG.
SOMETHING'S BOTHERING MATISSE.

MATISSE IS
VERY ANGRY.
THE DOG IS A LOSER.

WHAT A WAY TO TALK
ABOUT A BEAUTIFUL
DOG LIKE THIS.

WHAT A WAY TO TALK.
HE'S JUST DISTURBED
AND ANGRY.

HAS THERE BEEN SOMETHING
NEW IN THE HOUSEHOLD ?
SOME NEW LIVING ARRANGEMENT ?

- WE HAVE A HOUSE GUEST.
- HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING ?

[ Dave ]
HE'S STAYING AS
LONG AS HE LIKES.

IF THE DOGGIE DOESN'T LIKE IT,
THEN THE DOGGIE CAN FIND
NEW ARRANGEMENTS.

OH, WELL, THE HOSTILITY
IN YOUR VOICE, YOU KNOW,
AFFECTS ANIMALS.

AND THE DOG
PICKS UP ON IT.

WHAT THIS DOG NEEDS
IS LOVE AND REASSURANCE.

AND HE NEEDS LOVE AND
REASSURANCE FROM YOU.
MM-HMM.

HE'S THE ONE THAT HAS
THE PROBLEM, WITH YOU.
UH-HUH.

YOU MUST CARESS THIS DOG,
AND HOLD HIM, HUG HIM,
GIVE HIM SOME AFFECTION.

PARDON ME ?
DAVE.
YOU MUST GO OVER
AND CARESS --

THE DOG IS RUNNING
THE WHOLE HOUSE.
HOLD THIS DOG.

THIS DOG NEEDS REASSURANCE,
LOVE, ATTENTION FROM YOU.
OKAY, OKAY.

I LIKE YOU.
I MEAN REAL AFFECTION,
NOT PSEUDO, BUT DEEP AFFECTION.

YOU'RE NICE.
I LIKE YOU.
GIVE THE DOG A HUG.

HE NEEDS REASSURANCE.
HE NEEDS TO BE HELD.

HE NEEDS TO
BE TOUCHED.
[ Whimpering ]

COME GIVE HIM A HUG.
GIVE ME
A BREAK HERE !

WELL, GET WITH IT.
NICE DOG.

NICE DOG, ALL RIGHT ?
YOU'RE A VERY NICE DOG.

WHEN YOUR GUEST LEAVES,
MATISSE WILL BE VORACIOUS.

HE'LL BE OKAY.
I WOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT THAT.

BUT HE HAS OTHER PROBLEMS.
I BELIEVE HE SUFFERS
FROM NIPPLE ANXIETY.

PROBABLY CAME FROM
A NINE-DOG LITTER.
NOW, ABOUT MY FEE --

[ Jerry ]
LISTEN TO THIS, MATISSE.

"IF YOUR DOG HAS A FIT,
HE RUNS AROUND AIMLESSLY,
BARKING HYSTERICALLY,

"STARRY-EYED,
FOAMING AT THE MOUTH,
COMPLETELY BEYOND CONTROL...

"'TIL HE FINALLY COLLAPSES,
EXHAUSTED, OFTEN DEFECATING
AND URINATING.

"HE BECOMES STIFF
AND STARRY-EYED,

"CLAMPING HIS JAWS,
FOAMING AT THE MOUTH, STAGGERS
AND FALLS ON HIS BACKSIDE,

"WITH HIS LEGS PUMPING
CONVULSIVELY IN THE AIR.

THE FIT IS NOT A DISEASE,
BUT A SIGN THAT SOMETHING
IS WRONG" ? BULLSHIT.

[ Barking ]

MATISSE ! HE'S JUST
TRYING TO SAY HELLO.

HELLO.
THANK YOU.

- ARE YOU IRANIAN ?
- YES, BUT WE LIVE HERE
NOW, IN BEVERLY HILLS.

ME TOO.
MY NAME IS JERRY.

I AM AMIR.

- YOU WANT AN APPLE, AMIR ?
- OH, THANK YOU, JERRY.

HERE, CATCH.

[ Barking ]
MATISSE ! STOP THAT,
OR I'LL CALL DR. VON ZIMMER.

I WAS LISTENIN' TO
WHAT THAT PSYCHIATRIST
SAID ABOUT YOUR DOG.

DR. VON ZIMMER SEEMS TO
THINK YOU'RE THE PROBLEM.

COULD BE.
MATISSE IS
A PICKY EATER.

I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING,
BOUGHT EVERY KIND OF
DOG FOOD THERE IS.

WHERE DO YOU
KEEP IT ?
IN THE CUPBOARD
BY THE FRIDGE.

OH, MIGHTY DOG
CORNED BEEF.

THERE. YOU SEE YOUR DOG,
THIS DOG, THINKS IT'S HUMAN.

THERE ARE NO DOGS
AROUND TO TEACH IT,

SO IT'S GOT NO DOG FRIENDS
AND NO DOG FAMILY,
NOTHIN' TO RELATE TO.

SO IT THINKS HUMAN.
WANTS TO EAT WHAT YOU'RE EATING.
NOT THAT STUFF YOU EAT.

TASTE'S IMPORTANT.
YOU GOT A BOWL ?

YES. CERTAINLY.

MIGHTY DOG'S GOOD, BUT THAT
GOURMET PUP YOU GOT, THAT'S
WAY, WAY TOO SALTY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ?
THIS IS NUTRITIOUS.

IT'S GOT ALL YOUR
MINERALS, VITAMINS,
ALL YOUR REQUIREMENTS.

MANY A DAY
I WISHED I HAD A PLATE
OF PUPPY CHOW TO MUNCH ON.

PEOPLE TREAT THEIR DOGS
BETTER THAN HUMANS.

THAT'S ONE-THIRD MIGHTY DOG,
ONE-THIRD KAL KAN WITH LIVER,

AND YOU USE PUPPY CHOW TO
ADD TEXTURE, CRUNCHINESS.

HE PUT THE BOWL ON THE FLOOR,
PUT HIS NOSE IN IT AND ATE IT...

LIKE IT WAS PATE
FROM MAXIM'S OF PARIS.
DIDN'T I TELL YOU ?

WHAT ?
HE HAS A KIND
OF WISDOM.

OH, PLEASE.
I STILL DON'T
TRUST THE GUY.

OH, I GAVE HIM THE
BURGLAR ALARM CODE.
WHY DIDN'T
YOU GIVE HIM A CREDIT CARD ?

CARMEN TOLD ME IT WOULD BE
EASIER FOR HER TO SHOP...

IF YOU GAVE HER
HER OWN MASTERCHARGE.
REALLY ?

MAYBE JERRY AND CARMEN WILL
INVITE US OVER FOR DINNER.

DOES THE CONCEPT "SCHMUCK"
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU, DAVE ?
[ Laughing ]

GOOD NIGHT, BARB.

[ Johnny Carson ]
YES, I DO. I HAVE
SPARES HERE.

SOMEBODY COOKED
MY CHICKEN.

** [ Blues ]

- HEY, JERRY, HOW YA DOIN' ?
- YEAH, GOT MY PACKET ?

YEAH, PACKET.
CHECKIN' IN
FOR A WHILE ?
NO, NO.

DO I HAVE ANY MAIL ?
YEAH, YOU GOT
BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB.

YOU LOOK
PRETTY SHARP.
HEY, THANKS FOR HOLDING THIS.

YOU HEAR ABOUT
RED TURNER ?
NO.

HE CAUGHT A CAB.
RED WAS PRETTY OLD.

- SEVENTY-NINE.
- YEAH. COME ON.

GOOD MORNING.
SIGN DOWN THERE
AT THE BOTTOM.

YOU GOT A LICENSE ?
YEAH.

YOU DRIVE.
WHERE TO ?

I DON'T KNOW. SOME DAYS,
YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE OFF.
YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT THE BEACH.
I GOT SOME FRIENDS DOWN THERE.

THE BEACH ? WHO'S
GONNA RUN MY BUSINESS ?

WHO'S GONNA PAY MY BILLS ?
YOU GOTTA BE
KIDDIN' ME.

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO RUN MY BUSINESS ?

YOU GOT ENOUGH MONEY
TO LAST TEN LIFETIMES.
MAYBE I OUGHT TO BE A BUM.

YOU KNOW ? NO MORE HANGERS,
NO MORE RESPONSIBILITIES.

YOU WOULDN'T LAST
A HALF-HOUR.
THINK SO ?

HIT THE BEACH, BUDDY.
PRONTO.

SO, IT'S LIKE
THE '60s.

TOM TOM !
JERRY, DAMN.
LOOK AT YOU, MAN.

YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN
YUPPIE OR SOMETHIN'.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUDDY.

THIS IS MY FRIEND DAVE.
HEY, YOU WANT A DRINK,
WHITE MAN ? THERE YOU GO.

HOW'D HE KNOW
MY NAME ?
LOOK HERE.

THIS IS MY BUDDY,
BIG ED, AND PEACHES.
BIG ED ? HI, PEACHES.

ON THE GUITAR IS
MY FRIEND PATRICK.
PATRICK, HOW ARE YOU ?

THIS IS MY LADY,
DOROTHY.
DOROTHY, HOW
DO YOU DO ?

I DO FINE.
HOW DO YOU DO ?
VERY GOOD.

DRINK UP.
MAN, JERRY.
YEAH, YEAH.

[ Choking Laugh ]
ALL RIGHT.

TOM TOM, HUH ?
THAT YOUR REAL NAME ?

HELL, NO, MY REAL
AND TRUE NAME IS
DANIEL WHITEFEATHER.

WHITEFEATHER.
THAT'S A VERY
BEAUTIFUL NAME.

YEAH, BEAUTIFUL.
MY INDIAN NAME
IS NANATATCHE.

NANATATCHETA.
YEAH, IT MEANS...

HE WHO LOST HIS
AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD
AND DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

RIGHT ! YEAH !
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

YOU LIKE THAT ONE, HUH ?
YEAH.

DRINK UP, MAN.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. SHIT.

AW HELL.

ONE MORE TIME !

* WE ARE THE BUMS
EVERYBODY SING.

* WE ARE THE HOMELESS

[ Phone Ringing ]

HELLO ?
HELLO.

AW, DAVE, ARE
YOU ALL RIGHT ?
YEAH.

I CALLED THE POLICE, YOUR
PARENTS. I CALLED SIDNEY.
I'M OKAY.

I'M AT THE BEACH WITH JERRY, AND
I'VE DECIDED TO SPEND THE NIGHT.

DAVE, ARE YOU DRUNK ?

I'M OKAY. THERE'S
NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT.

I'M AT THE BEACH
WITH JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS,

PATRICK AND TOM TOM
AND ED AND, AND DOROTHY.

- DOROTHY WHO ?
- I'LL SEE YOU mañana, BARBARA.

I KNEW THAT BUM
WAS TROUBLE.

[ Jerry ] HEY, DAVE.
[ Dave ] YEAH.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN
DIDDLIN' CARMEN ?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ?

[ Jerry ] IT'S OKAY BY ME.
SHE'S A HOT LITTLE NUMBER.
[ Dave Laughing ]

BARB'S A HANDSOME WOMAN TOO.
HEY, YOU KNOW HOW LONG
I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO BARBARA ?

NO.
FOREVER.

[ Jerry Laughing ]

YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED ?
TWICE.

YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU GET
STUCK IN THE HORSE LATITUDES
NOW AND THEN ?
YEAH.

DEAD CALM
IN THE WATER ?
YEAH.

YOU NEED SOMETHIN'
TO, YOU KNOW --
YOU NEEDA LITTLE HOT
SOMETHIN'.

YEAH, SPICE IT UP
A LITTLE.

BARBARA OUGHT TO HAVE
A FLING TOO. I'M SERIOUS.
IT WOULD DO HER GOOD.

GET HER STARTED
AGAIN, YOU KNOW ?
YEAH.

I LOVE HER, YOU KNOW.

I BELIEVE YOU.
I BELIEVE YOU, DAVE.

TELL ME SOMETHING.
YEAH.

YOU REALLY
BEEN MARRIED TWICE ?
NAH.

[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]

I WAS JUST
KIDDIN' YA.
I KNEW IT.

YOU REALLY AN ACTOR ?
"WHAT A PIECE OF
WORK IS MAN.

"HOW NOBLE IN REASON,

"HOW INFINITE IN FACULTY.

"IN FORM AND MOVING,
HOW EXPRESS AND ADMIRABLE.

"IN ACTION,
HOW LIKE AN ANGEL.

"IN APPREHENSION,
HOW LIKE A GOD.

"THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD,
THE PARAGON OF ANIMALS.

"YET TO ME,

WHAT IS THIS
QUINTESSENCE OF DUST ?"

* I WISH THEY ALL
COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS *

* WISH THEY ALL
COULD BE CALIFORNIA *

* I WISH THEY ALL
COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS *

I WILL NEVER, EVER
FORGIVE YOU !

THIS DISGUSTING DERELICT
IS RESPONSIBLE.
BARBARA...

I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SOME
POOR, OPPRESSED HUMAN BEINGS.
YOU STINK !

THEY LIVE LIKE ANIMALS, BUT THEY
HAVE GREAT CAPACITY FOR JOY.
I WAS PANIC-STRICKEN.

I ATE GARBAGE LAST NIGHT,
BARBARA, AND I LOVED IT.

GREAT ! YOU CAN HAVE
GARBAGE FOR DINNER
TONIGHT TOO !

I LEARNED TO BEG.
A TOTAL STRANGER
GAVE ME 50¢.

PUT IT RIGHT
IN MY HAND.
I THINK I'LL
TAKE A SHOWER...

AND GRAB SOME BREAKFAST.
YOU ARE PUSHING ME
TO MY LIMITS, BOTH OF YOU.

SHOWER IN THE CABANA.

YOU WANT TO HIT
THE BEACH, amigo ?

[ Radio Psychologist ]
WALTER, THAT'S A DIFFICULT
PROBLEM, INCEST.

WE'LL TRY TO HELP YOU.
WE'LL GIVE YOU SOME
NUMBERS TO REFER TO.

YOU GET SOME FURTHER HELP.
LET'S TAKE ONE MORE CALL
BEFORE THE HOUR'S UP. HELLO ?

MY NAME IS DAWN, AND
I LIVE IN TOLUCA LAKE.
I'M 26 YEARS OLD.

WE HAVE DAWN
FROM TOLUCA LAKE.
HELLO, DAWN.

DR. GRANT,
I'M A NERVOUS WRECK.

MY HUSBAND HAS BROUGHT
A BUM HOME TO LIVE WITH US.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION.

IS THIS
A DISPLACED PERSON ?

[ Barbara ]
YEAH, IT'S A STREET
PERSON. A VAGRANT.

AND HE LIVES WITH YOU ?
YES, HE LIVES
IN MY HOUSE,

IN THE CABANA
OUT BY THE POOL.

THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND
LIKE A REAL PROBLEM,
AT LEAST FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

IS YOUR HUSBAND
A HAPPY MAN, DAWN ?
NOT LATELY.

IT'S POSSIBLE, DAWN,
THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS LIVING
A VICARIOUSLY FREER LIFE...

THROUGH THE PRESENCE
OF THIS DISPLACED PERSON
HE'S BROUGHT HOME.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT ?
WELL, LET'S NOT TALK...

ABOUT HIM RIGHT --
FOR NOW.

HOW'S YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH HIM, YOUR SEX LIFE ?

- WHAT SEX LIFE ?
- WELL, I SEE WE NEED
TO TALK A LITTLE MORE.

LET'S TAKE A BREAK
FOR A COMMERCIAL.

ANOTHER HEADACHE ?

IT'S CHRONIC.

WHERE'D YOU
LEARN THAT ?
AT AN ASHRAM
IN OREGON.

- YOU WERE IN AN ASHRAM ?
- YEP.

MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU
WITH YOUR HEADACHE.

I DOUBT IT.

MAYBE.

HELLO, DR. GRANT ?
HELLO ?

MY NAME IS BOB, I'M 27,
AND I'M NO LONGER
ATTRACTED TO MY WIFE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU FELT
THIS WAY, BOB ?
ABOUT 9h YEARS.

WAS IT EVER ANY GOOD ?
NO, IT WAS GREAT, FABULOUS.
IT WAS MY WHOLE LIFE.

WHAT CHANGED ?
I DON'T KNOW. SHE STARTED
DECORATING THE HOUSE.

SHE'S ALWAYS IN
A CLASS SOMEWHERE.
[ Crash ]

WHAT --
YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH !

HEY, MR. ROLLS ROYCE,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
TO MY CAR ?

ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON ?
SIR, MAY I SEE YOUR DRIVER'S
LICENSE, PLEASE ?

UH, YEAH, YEAH.
WHO, WHO, WHO HIT WHO ?

MAY I SEE YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE ?
UH-HUH !

I'M JUST TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHO I'M MAD AT.
I, I, I'M NOT --

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU
TO STEP OUT OF THE CAR.
YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

DID I HIT YOU
OR DID YOU --
[ Driver Shouting ]

LISTEN...

IN THE ASHRAM,
WE LEARNED SOME
MASSAGE TECHNIQUES.

SPECIFICALLY BALINESE MASSAGE.
NOW, IT'S VERY POWERFUL,

AND IT'S VERY EFFECTIVE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M A LITTLE TENSE.

A LITTLE TENSE.
I'D SAY YOU'RE RIGID.
I'M ANGRY AT YOU,

AND I'M ANGRY AT DAVE
FOR GOING OFF WITH YOU.
UH-HUH, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE,

BUT YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN
TO RELEASE YOUR ANGER.
JUST LET IT GO.

I HAD ACUPRESSURE,
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S THE WRONG KARMA.

SEE, HEADACHES ARE MOSTLY
RELATED TO THE BUILDUP
OF TENSION AND ANXIETY.

NOW...
OW !

GOOD. COME ON,
NOW LIE DOWN, LIE DOWN.

NO.
NO, COME ON NOW,
LIE DOWN.

LIE DOWN.
LIE DOWN.

NOW LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO LEARN
TO RELEASE YOUR ANXIETY
AND YOUR TENSION.

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME
TO RELEASE MY ANXIETY.
I UNDERSTAND.

FIRST, I'M GOING
TO USE MY AURA.

I'M AFRAID.
NO, DON'T BE AFRAID.
DON'T BE AFRAID.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO BREATHE WITH ME.
NOW, YOU READY ? BREATHE IN.

OUT.
[ Exhale ]
OH...

GOOD.
IN. OUT.
[ Moaning ]

OH, GOOD.
IN. OUT.
[ Deep Sigh ]

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
[ Contented Sigh ]

ALL RIGHT,
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD, GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, NOW...

OKAY, GIVE ME
THIS LEG.

JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
THAT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU READY ?
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.

[ Shrieking ]

GOOD, GOOD.
THAT'S YOUR BODY
LETTING UP.

I THINK I SEE YOUR AURA.

YOU HAVE
NICE SKIN.
THANK YOU.

OH, GOD.
I'M SO RELAXED.

ALL RIGHT, READY ?

[ Groaning ]

[ Wailing ]

[ Crying ]

SOMETHING STRANGE
IS HAPPENING TO ME.

I'M SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
OH, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S JUST YOUR BODY
LETTING IT ALL GO.
NOW JUST LET IT GO.

LET IT GO.
JUST LET IT GO.

JERRY, INVADE ME.
JANGLE ME.

I NEED IT, PLEASE !

DON'T STOP.
DON'T DENY ME.

[ Crying,
Moaning ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

WHOO-WEE. MY LORD.

[ Screaming ]

MY GOD !

[ Wailing ]

La 'illah ha, illa Allah !

HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA TAKE ?
I GOT HIT HERE -- OY.

I JUST TAKE 'EM IN, SIR.

I HAVEN'T HAD AN ORGASM
LIKE THAT IN 9h YEARS.

I NEVER THOUGHT
I WAS CAPABLE OF THIS.

I'M ASHAMED
OF MYSELF. I AM.

GLAD AND ASHAMED.
EXHAUSTED...

AND EXHILARATED
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

JUST AS I WAS REPELLED
AND ATTRACTED TO YOU
AT THE SAME TIME.

YIN/YANG.
YOU UNDERSTAND ?
IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

DAVE LOST INTEREST IN ME,
AND I LOST INTEREST IN SEX.

I WENT SHOPPING
FOR GRATIFICATION.

BUT THAT'S LIKE SEX
WITHOUT A CLIMAX,
YOU KNOW ?

GOD, I'M SO LOOSE.
[ Deep Sigh ]

ALL THE MEDITATION,
ALL THE YOGA, NEVER
GOT ME TO THIS PLACE.

YOU KNOW,

I'M WELL AWARE
OF WHAT'S GOING ON
BETWEEN DAVE AND CARMEN.

I THOUGHT HIS CONFIDENCE NEEDED
BUILDING, AND I THOUGHT SHE
COULD INVIGORATE HIM FOR ME.

BUT ALL THAT TIME,
I WAS DENYING MYSELF.
WHAT POWER, WHAT HATE,

BUILDING UP INSIDE OF ME
LIKE A VOLCANO, AND YOU
UNLEASHED IT.

YOU. OH, JERRY,

I'M SO GLAD TO BE BACK
IN THE REAL WORLD AGAIN.

POOR DAVE.
HE'S A PASSIONATE,
SWEET MAN.

YOU FOUND MY G-SPOT,
BUT THIS WAS A ONE-TIME
TRIP TO THE MOON.

IT HAPPENED, AND THERE'S
NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

BUT NO MATTER HOW
FANTASTIC IT WAS,

WE CAN NEVER REPEAT
THIS ADVENTURE.
I AGREE.

* SEE THE PYRAMIDS
ALONG THE NILE *

* WATCH THE SUNRISE
FROM A TROPIC ISLE *

* JUST REMEMBER, DARLING,
ALL THE WHILE *

* YOU BELONG TO ME

* SEE THE MARKETPLACE
IN OLD ALGIERS *

* SEND ME PHOTOGRAPHS
AND SOUVENIRS *

* BUT REMEMBER
WHEN A DREAM APPEARS *

* YOU BELONG TO ME *

** [ Hard Rock ]

I THINK YOU SHOULD
GO WITH SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE ORANGE.

MM-MM. THERE GOES
THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

SIR, THANK YOU FOR
SPEAKING TO MY SON AMIR.

HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS,
AND HE'S VERY LONELY
HERE IN BEVERLY HILLS.

PERHAPS YOU COULD COME OVER
FOR A COKE AND BACKGAMMON
SOMETIME.

ANYTIME.
THANK YOU.

[ Speaking Farsi ]

[ Door Closing ]
HI, HONEY.

OY, WHAT A DAY.

COP CAR SMASHED ME
FROM BEHIND.

THEN THE IRANIAN NEXT DOOR
JUST GAVE JERRY $500...

FOR TALKING
TO HIS SON.
OH, HONEY, YOU
LOOK SO TIRED.

CAN I FIX YOU
A DRINK ?

I KNOW THAT'S JUST
AN AFTERNOON SHOPPING
AT NEIMAN-MARCUS TO YOU,

BUT TO SOME PEOPLE,
IT'S STILL A LOT OF MONEY.
LET'S SEE NOW.

AHEM.
RUM...

TONIC WATER, AND
A SLICE OF LIME,
RIGHT ?
THANK YOU.

SORRY I YELLED.
I'M A LITTLE TENSE.
OH, THAT'S OKAY, HONEY.

GUESS WHAT ?

THE MAN FROM THE CITY
OF BEVERLY HILLS
CAME IN TODAY,

AND HE TOLD ME
THAT WE HAVE RATS.

GREAT BIG ONES.
WHITE ONES.
NORWEGIAN RATS.

IT'S AN EPIDEMIC.

[ Laughing ]

OH, HONEY, MAYBE
THEY'RE JUST LOOKING
FOR SOME HERRING.

BARBARA ?
WHAT ?

I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T
GOING TO DRINK ANYMORE.

WELL, DAVE,
YEAH, IT'S TRUE.

I AM A VEGETARIAN.

BUT I HEAR THAT
VODKA COMES...

FROM A POTATO.

OH, HONEY.
OH, I'M SO
CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

LET'S GO UPSTAIRS
RIGHT NOW...

AND MAKE LOVE LIKE
WE'VE NEVER MADE LOVE BEFORE.

[ Silently ]
OH, DARLING, I
MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

[ Muffled ]

OH ! OH !
...A HUNDRED TIMES.

RIGHT NOW.
BARBARA...

OOH, YOU'RE THE BEST.
COME ON. WHOO !

[ Carmen ]
OH, JERRY !

[ Laughing ]

OH, I LOVE
THAT, JERRY.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Banging ]

[ Loud Whirring ]

JERRY.
DAVE.

YEAH.
DID YOU JUST
DIDDLE CARMEN ?

YES, DAVE, I DID.
WHY ?

SHE ASKED ME
TO FIX HER TV.

THE MALE CABLE HOLDER
HAD COME OFF THE CABLE,

SO I REINSERTED IT IN
THE FEMALE RECEPTACLE.
SHE CLIMBED ALL OVER ME.

YOU ARE SUCH A
BASTARD !
JERRY, BRING ME
A TAB, PLEASE.

GET HER THE TAB.
OH, YEAH.

I DON'T WANT YOU
DIDDLING MY MAID AGAIN.
[ Jerry ] THEN TAKE HER THE TAB.

[ Dave ]
YOU TAKE HER THE TAB.
[ Jerry ] YOU TAKE IT.

[ Dave ]
WILL YOU GROW UP ?

GO ON UP. GOOD.
[ Dave On Phone,
Indistinct ]

OKAY, HIND LEG.

ALL RIGHT, READY ?
GREAT !

ALL RIGHT, MATISSE !

HEY, DAVE !
DAVE !

MATISSE JUST DID
A HALF-GAINER.

MEXICANS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.
THERE'S GOING TO BE A STRIKE.
NO.

NOW THE CHINESE ARE
GETTING COLD FEET.

THAT COULD KILL US.
ARE THEY COMING
FOR NEW YEAR'S ?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
GOOD BOY. GOOD DOG.

THAT WAS GREAT
LAST NIGHT, HONEY.

[ Matisse Barking ]
YEAH.

THE DOG IS DRIVING ME
CRAZY, JERRY.
ARE YOU SURE IT ISN'T ME, DAVE ?

I'M NOT SURE OF
ANYTHING ANYMORE.
WELL, I AM.

I'VE WORN OUT MY WELCOME.

I'D JUST LIKE TO SEE YOU
USE YOUR TALENTS.
MY TALENT IS SURVIVAL.

I COULD STILL MAKE YOU
A MANAGER OF ONE OF MY
TRAILER PARKS.

NEAR THE OCEAN, CLEAN AIR.
WHAT DO YOU SAY ?
HEY !

LISTEN, DAVE --
HERE YOU GO, amigo.

UH, AT THOSE TRAILER PARKS,
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING.

THEIR SEPTIC TANK IS BACKED UP;
THEIR TRAILER'S OFF THE BLOCKS
AND ROLLING DOWN THE HILLS.

I COULDN'T DEAL WITH
THAT RESPONSIBILITY.
I COULD PUT YOU ON THE LINE...

AT THE HANGER FACTORY.
I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO GO.

AH, YOU CAN STAY.

THROUGH
THE HOLIDAYS.
YOU'RE THE BOSS, DAVE.

HEY, JERRY.
AH, MAX. HI.

HEY, UH, THANKS.
FOR WHAT ?

WELL, THAT WAS QUITE
A MOMENT FOR ME
WHEN YOU SAW ME.

YOU GOTTA BE
WHAT YOU GOTTA BE.

I'M NOT SURE
WHAT I'M GONNA BE.
AH.

WELL, YOU CAN'T HIDE
FOREVER, MAX.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

WELL, MY FATHER --
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT'S YOUR
FATHER GOT TO DO WITH THIS ?

YOUR FATHER IS TOLERANT.

LOOK AT ME. LOOK
WHAT HE DID FOR ME.

I SEND HIM TAPES.

BESIDES, IF I BROUGHT
MY FRIENDS HOME, AND
MY PARENTS SAW THEM,

THEY WOULD PROBABLY
FREAK OUT ON ME.
NO, WRONG, MAX. WRONG.

YOUR PARENTS HAVE BEEN AROUND.
I'D TRY TALKIN' TO 'EM.

TALK TO THEM.
THAT'S RIGHT.

JUST GO UP AND SAY,
"HELLO, MOM AND DAD --"
NO, REAL.

REAL. YEAH, REAL.

YOU MEAN JUST GO UP THERE
AND TALK TO THEM.
THAT'S RIGHT.

OKAY. THANKS.

RIGHT. I THINK YOU CAN GO
WITH MORE ORANGE TOO.

YEAH.

MM.
[ Grunts ]

MM.
[ Grunts ]

OH ! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY
THE LAST TIME I'LL ASK
FOR THIS, JERRY. I SWEAR.

YEAH. OKAY.
[ Moans ]

UH, MR. WHITEMAN.
I GOT TO TELL YOU...

SOMETHING IS KILLING
THE AZALEAS AND BEGONIAS
IN THE BACKYARD.

KILLED ONE HYDRANGEA TOO.

AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE DOG PEEING ON THEM,

BUT THE DAMAGE IS
TOO BIG FOR MATISSE.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK
IT'S ME AND MY BOY.
RICHARD, RICHARD,

WE BOTH KNOW
WHO IT IS.

YOU KNOW, DAVE,
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
COULD USE A VACATION.

I GOT A CONDO IN HAWAII,
NAPILIKAI ON MAUI.

YOU CAN USE IT ANYTIME.

YOU AND YOUR WIFE,
BEAUTIFUL BEACH, GOLF.

YOU NAME IT.

THANKS.

SIDNEY, PEARL !
YOU HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.
IT'S ALL IN THE MIND.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.
LET'S GO. GO ! GO !

GO ! GO, PEARL,
GO, PEARL. GO, GO, GO, GO !

GO, GO, GO, GO !

ALL RIGHT !
YOU DID IT !
YOU DID IT !
YOU DID IT !

ALL RIGHT, BARBARA.
BARBARA, OVER THERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,
COME ON, BARBARA.
[ Indistinct Shouting ]

I'M GONNA
WET MY PANTS.
BARBARA, IT'S IN YOUR MIND.

NOW COME ON.
OKAY.

GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO.

GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO !

GET DAVE. DAVE !
OH, DAVE !

DAVE ! DAVE !

WHAT IS THIS ?
WHAT DID YOU DO ?

I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
BARBARA, PLEASE --

SOMEONE IS PISSING
ON MY HYDRANGEAS !

[ Screaming ]
GO, MATISSE !

[ Shouting ]

GO, GO, GO, GO !

GO, GO, GO, GO !
[ Cheering ]

JERRY'S URGED ME TO TRY
AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOU,

BUT TOO OFTEN IN
OUR RELATIONSHIP,
YOU HAVE SHOWN ONLY ANGER.

JERRY SAYS ANGER WILL
GET YOU NOWHERE.

HERE ARE SOME SAMPLES
OF YOUR ANGER.

- GET OUT OF HERE, MAX.
- GET OUT OF HERE, MAX !

IT'S HANGERS THAT
CLOTHE AND FEED YOU !

- YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
- GET OUT OF HERE, MAX !

- MAX !
- MAX ! GET AWAY ! GET AWAY !

I'M ON THE PHONE !
I'M ON THE PHONE !

P.S. I LOVE YOU.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY DOESN'T HE SHOW US
THE NICE SCENES ?

I THINK HE'S TRYING
TO REACH OUT TO US,
TO SAY SOMETHING TO US.

WHY DOESN'T HE TALK
TO DR. TONI GRANT ?

OY, LIFE ! OH, BOY !
HE LIKES JERRY MORE
THAN HE LIKES ME.

OH, NONSENSE.
TRUE. IT'S TRUE.

OH, HONEY,
RELAX, RELAX !

YOU FEELING SEXY
TONIGHT ?
[ Chuckle ]

NO.
OH. IT MIGHT
CALM YOU DOWN.

I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT TO DO ABOUT JERRY.
NOT TONIGHT.

TONIGHT I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU
AN AURA MASSAGE.

HE'S PISSING IN THE GARDEN.
HE'S RUINING ALL THE FLOWERS.

HE'S CLEANING OUT
ALL THE REFRIGERATORS.

WELL, HE HAS HELPED
MY HEADACHES.

I OFFERED HIM A JOB
THE OTHER DAY. HE SAID
IT WAS TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
THAT'S IT.
OW, OW, OW !

I GOTTA GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL
AFTER THE PARTY.

WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM
ALL OF A SUDDEN ?
HONEY !

YOU'VE DONE A WONDERFUL
THING FOR THIS MAN,

AND IN THE PROCESS,
YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME
A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON.

I THINK HE'S
DIDDLING CARMEN.
THAT BASTARD
HAS TO GO.

BARBARA, BARBARA,
THE TRANSPLANTS.
BARBARA, BARBARA !

OH ! OH, HONEY,
I'M SORRY.

I GOT SUCH A MIGRAINE.

I THOUGHT YOUR BOYFRIEND
WAS COMING HOME WITH YOU.

WHAT A WIMP HE
TURNED OUT TO BE, DAD.
A TOTAL DRUG ADDICT.

THIS IS THE JIM GUY.
YES.

TELL ME ABOUT THIS
JERRY. MOTHER SAYS
HE'S VERY GIFTED.

AH, HE'S OKAY.

SO YOU WANT TO STOP
AT THE DELI ?
NO.

YOU USED TO LOVE THAT.
I USED TO WALK YOU THERE --
I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.

OKAY, OKAY.
JERRY R. BASKIN,
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, JEN.

SO YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT DOESN'T EAT.

YOU'RE A LEGEND
IN YOUR OWN TIME,
MR. BASKIN.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M JUST A BUM.

YOU LOOK MORE LIKE
A MILLIONAIRE TO ME.
YOU SHOULD SEE THE WAY HE EATS.

COULD WE HAVE
SOME MUSIC, DAD ?
NO, THEY STOLE MY BLAUPUNKT.

I APOLOGIZED ABOUT
THAT RADIO.
I LOANED HIM THE CAR,

AND MY RADIO
WAS STOLEN.
IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

THEN WHOSE FAULT IS IT ?
I'D LIKE TO KNOW !

I THINK I'LL TRANSFER
TO VASSAR, MOM.

THEY HAVE THIS GREAT
EXCHANGE PROGRAM.

I CAN GO TO ITALY
IN MY JUNIOR YEAR.

I THINK EUROPE
WOULD BE GREAT FOR YOU.

SO, UM, WHAT'S WITH
THIS JERRY GUY ?
OH, HE'S OKAY.

SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
I DON'T TRUST.
WELL, HONEY, HE --

HE HAS A STRANGE WISDOM.

MOM, IS IT ALL RIGHT
IF I INVITE A COUPLE
OF FRIENDS TO OUR PARTY ?

SURE, HONEY.
WE COULD PLAY SOME MUSIC.
I'M FORMING A BAND.

YOU KNOW ANY
CHINESE SONGS ?

HOW MANY OF
THE CHINESE
ARE COMING ?

TEN. THEY TRAVEL IN GANGS.
OH. WELL,
WHAT ARE WE EATING ?

KOSHER, CHINESE,
AND MEXICAN.
I INVITED ORVIS AND HIS WIFE.

THAT'S OKAY, ISN'T IT ?
THAT'S GREAT, HONEY.

YOU MUST HAVE HAD A LOT
TO EAT ON THE PLANE.

I DON'T REMEMBER
TALKING TO YOU.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE STARVING.
KEEP YOUR BRILLIANT
INSIGHTS TO YOURSELF.

[ Barbara ]
WE DON'T TALK
ABOUT IT, JERRY.
OH, I SEE.

IT'S BETTER TO GET THINGS
OUT IN THE OPEN.
RIGHT.

SHUT UP, MAX.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE
A TROUBLEMAKER, MISTER.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST STAY OUT OF
FAMILY BUSINESS, OKAY ?

I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF YOU TOO, JER.
I APOLOGIZED ABOUT THE RADIO.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,
LOOK AT YOUR DAUGHTER.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE RADIO !

I'M OUT OF HERE.
NO !
NO !NO !

- DAVE, THIS CAN WAIT.
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

- WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
AFTER THE PARTY.
- YOU'RE THE BOSS, DAVE.

GIVE ME
A PIECE OF CAKE.

THANK YOU.

THERE YOU ARE,
MATISSE. YES.

[ Spanish Broadcast ]

[ Knocking ]
CARMEN, I CAN'T
GO ON LIKE THIS.

GET OUT.
NO, THIS IS KILLING ME.

YOU BETRAYED ME.
SHE'S MY WIFE.

I KNEW YOU
WOULD SAY THAT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

DON'T YOU LIKE ME ?
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
BUT NOW I SEE THE BIG PICTURE.

WHAT BIG PICTURE ?
YOU ARE THE IMPERIALIST.

YOU SEE ME LIKE
THE THIRD WORLD.
WHAT ?

OH, STRUGGLE IS
A GREAT TEACHER.
YOU SEE, I AM NOTHING.

I AM THE WORKER;
YOU ARE THE CAPITALIST.

THE ONLY WAY WE CHANGE THIS
IS REVOLUTION.
W-WAIT, NO, NO.

WE WERE HAVING FUN.
YES, DECADENT FUN.

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING
ALL THIS CRAP ON THE WALLS ?

DID YOU JOIN A COMMUNIST
DISCUSSION GROUP ?
MY FATHER WAS A COMMUNIST.

YOU'RE A TRAITOR TO YOUR CLASS.
WHERE ARE YOU
GETTING THIS STUFF ?

BOOKS.
BOOKS ?
WHAT BOOKS ?

THE BOOKS THAT
JERRY GAVE TO ME.

JERRY.

JERRY.

[ Chuckling ]

JERRY.

JERRY, JERRY,
JERRY, JERRY, JERRY.

JERRY.
YEAH, JERRY.

** [ Piano ]

DEBUSSY ?

YEAH.

YOU PLAY VERY WELL.

I PLAY FAIR. IT'S HARD TO FIND
PIANOS IN ALLEYS, YOU KNOW.

JUST ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR HIDDEN
TALENTS, HUH ?

YEAH.

WHEN I PLAYED THE CONCERT
CIRCUIT, I ALWAYS OPENED
WITH DEBUSSY.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M ON TO YOU, JERRY.

YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE
IN A SICK WAY.

YOU'RE CHARMING,
ICONOCLASTIC.
YOU'RE A SOCIOPATH.

I'M A PSYCH MAJOR, SO I KNOW
ALL ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

MY PARENTS,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

THEY ARE KIND, COMPASSIONATE,
TOTALLY NAIVE PEOPLE,

AND YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF THEIR KINDNESS AND
THEIR NAIVETE.

THAT'S DISGUSTING, IT'S IMMORAL,
AND I WON'T TOLERATE IT, OKAY ?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME,
JERRY ?

YOU CAN FIND A WAY TO LEAVE
QUIETLY AND GRACEFULLY,

OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND
ANOTHER WAY TO DEAL WITH YOU.

THE GAME IS OVER, JERRY,
AS OF TONIGHT.

**

HI.
BARBARA,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

GREAT TOUCH, BARBARA.
WAIT 'TIL YOU HEAR
THE FIREWORKS.

BARBARA, IT'S MR. CHAN.
DARLING, RELAX.
THAT'S THE CATERER.

I HOPE HE BROUGHT
ENOUGH ABALONE DELIGHT.
OH, OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

ORVIS ! HEY, HEY !
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING !

NICE TO SEE YOU.
MY WIFE, SONDRA.

SONDRA, PLEASURE.
THIS IS MY WIFE, BARBARA.
DR. AND MRS. WALTZBERG.

HELLO. HOW ARE YOU ?
WOULD LIKE
SOMETHING TO EAT ?

PLEASE,
COME WITH ME. WE'LL
GET YOU A LITTLE BITE.

INTRODUCE YOU TO
SOME OF OUR FRIENDS.
HOW ARE YOU ?

SIDNEY WAXMAN AND
HIS WIFE, PEARL.
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

[ Barbara ]
THESE ARE MY IN-LAWS.
SADIE AND MEL WHITEMAN.

THIS IS MY DECORATOR,
GERALDO.
HELLO.

Mucho gusto.
MY YOGA INSTRUCTOR,
BABA RANBIR.

NICE MEETING YOU.
MY DOG PSYCHIATRIST,

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
DR. VON ZIMMER.

OH, NICE MEETING
YOU, DOCTOR.

IS THAT HIS WIFE ?
SHE'S A WHITE GIRL.

THEY DON'T HAVE
ANY WHITE MEAT.
NOT WHITE MEAT, WHITE WIFE.

DAVE, THE CHINESE.
OH, OH, OH, OH !
EXCUSE ME.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE
TO GREET YOU.

I'M DAVE WHITEMAN.
I'M YOUR HOST. WELCOME
TO MY HOME, MINISTER CHAN.

SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
MINISTER DONG,

AND ALL THE OTHER MINISTERS,
AND, AND, AND MANAGERS.

[ Speaking Chinese ]
MINISTER CHAN SAID,

"IS IT ALL RIGHT
IF WE HANG AROUND ?"

BUSINESS JOKE.
GET IT ? HANGERS.
HANGERS.

CHARMING.

THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
THIS IS MY WIFE, BARBARA.
HOW DO YOU DO ?

[ Speaking Chinese ]
MOST BEAUTIFUL FLOWER
IN THE GARDEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WOULD THE MINISTER CARE
FOR SOME SHANGHAI PLUM WINE ?

TAB, WITH A SLICE OF LEMON,
PLEASE.

TAB.
TAB.

THEY ALL WANT TAB.
I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TAB.
MANY TABS.

THAT'S VERY -- OH,
HERE IS MY DAUGHTER, JENNY.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU,
MINISTER CHAN.

[ General Conversation ]

HO, HO, HO, HO !
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HERE YOU ARE.
THANK YOU, SANTA.
JERRY !

HO, HO, HO, HO !
PLEASE TELL MINISTER CHAN
THAT THIS MAN...

WAS EATING GARBAGE JUST
THREE SHORT WEEKS AGO.

HO, HO, HO, HO,
HO, HO, HO, HO.
OH, TABS !

TABS ALL AROUND.
MINISTER. YES.

THANK YOU.
OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
ARE YOU HAVING A HAPPY
NEW YEAR, SPIDER ?

WE'VE MADE A GOOD START,
HAVE WE NOT ? THINGS
ARE SO MUCH BETTER.

AND NEXT YEAR
WILL EVEN BE BETTER.

OKAY, EVERYBODY,
ORVIS GOODNIGHT IS
GOING TO PLAY FOR US,

AND THERE'S GOING TO BE
DANCING IN THE LIVING ROOM,
SO COME ON, LET'S GO.

**
WHAT DID SHE SAY ?
WE'RE GOING TO DANCE.

OH.

* OH, I'VE BEEN SEEKIN'

* OH, AND I'VE
BEEN SEARCHIN' *

* I'VE BEEN LOOKIN'

* I'VE BEEN SEARCHIN'

* I'VE BEEN SEEKIN '

* I'VE BEEN SEARCHIN'

* WHOO-WOO !

* OH, OH, OH, OH

* WHOA ! TRYIN' TO FIND

* I'M TRYIN'
TO FIND, HEY ! *

MORE POWER TO THE PEOPLE.
Viva la revolución.

I'M A MARXIST.
[ Translating ]

[ Speaking Chinese ]
RADICAL LEFTIST NONSENSE.

DON'T ARGUE IN
FRONT OF PEOPLE.
YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT ?

BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS.
I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT WEIGHT.

* GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMIN' *

* WHOO !
HEY ! *

HAVING A GOOD TIME ?
[ Indistinct ]

HI, DAD. I WOULD LIKE
TO INTRODUCE YOU TO
SOME OF MY FRIENDS.

THIS IS JILL,
AND THIS IS ALEXIS,

AND THERE'S MOSES,
AND THAT'S JORDAN,

AND THAT'S CRYSTAL.
THIS IS MY BAND.

DAD, I KNOW THAT
YOU'RE SHOCKED,

BUT DON'T SAY ANYTHING
UNTIL YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

UNTIL JERRY ENCOURAGED ME
TO FACE THE TRUTH,
I WAS IN TORMENT.

AND I REALIZE NOW
I JUST HAVE TO BE MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND.

'CAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAD.

[ Chuckles ]
I GOT LIPSTICK ON YOU.

OKAY, WE'RE GONNA SET UP.

* I'M TRYIN' TO FIND
PEACE OF MIND *
BYE.

* TRYIN' TO FIND
WHOO ! *

DADDY ? DON'T WORRY
ABOUT MAX, OKAY ?

THIS ANDROGYNOUS THING
THAT HE'S DOING IS ALL
PART OF GROWING UP.

REALLY. TEEN-AGERS
ARE UNDER A LOT OF
SEXUAL PRESSURE,

AND THIS RELIEVES IT,
I PROMISE YOU.
JENNY.

WHAT ?
JENNY.

DID I JUST SEE YOU
EAT SOMETHING ?
I WAS STARVING.

YOU'RE KIDDING !
THAT'S FABULOUS !
WHAT HAPPENED ?

DADDY, I'M IN LOVE.

I AM MADLY,
PASSIONATELY IN LOVE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.
THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
WHO IS IT ?

NOBODY WAS EVER
GOOD ENOUGH BEFORE,

BECAUSE I KEPT COMPARING
EVERYBODY TO YOU.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.

REALLY. I WAS SUCH A BITCH.
I MEAN, A TOTAL PRINCESS.

ONCE I LET GO OF MY ILLUSIONS
AND MY STUPID PRECONCEPTIONS --
COME ON, COME ON.

WHO IS IT ?
WHO IS IT ?

TELL ME
WHO IT IS.
JERRY.

JERRY.
JERRY WHO ?
OUR JERRY, DAD.

IT'S A MIRACLE.

DID YOU AND HE, UH --
IT WAS REALLY
A MIRACLE.

EXCUSE ME,
ONE SECOND.

YOU SON OF A --

YOU TOOK MY BABY !
YOU TOOK MY BABY !

[ Screaming ]

I'M GONNA KILL HIM !
HE TOOK MY BABY !

DAVE ! DAVE !
HE TOOK
MY BABY !

DAVE ! DAVE !
* I'M TRYIN' TO FIND

* I'M TRYIN'
TO FIND *
OH, MY GOD !

* WHOO !
TRYIN' TO FIND, YEAH *

* I'M TRYIN' TO FIND

* I'M TRYIN' TO FIND
PEACE OF MIND BUT
I DON'T SOMETIMES *

* TRYIN' TO FIND
YOU TOOK MY BABY !

I'LL KILL YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH !

CALL 911 !

[ Dave Shouting ]

DAVE ! DAVE !

* I'M TRYING TO FIND
PEACE OF MIND BUT
I CAN'T SOMETIMES *

* GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY
BEEN A LONG TIME COMIN' *

EXPLAIN TO THE MINISTER
THAT IN BEVERLY HILLS
ON NEW YEAR'S...

IT'S THE CUSTOM FOR PEOPLE TO
JUMP IN TO SHOW THEY'RE HAPPY.

* YEAH, WHOO !

- DAVE !
- OH, DAVID, HELP !
- CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !

CALL 911 !
CALL 911 !

[ Alarm Ringing ]
OH, TROUBLE
AT THE O.K. CORRAL.

PADDLE ! PADDLE !
* I'M TRYIN' TO FIND
PEACE OF MIND *

I'LL KILL YA !
I'LL, I'LL KILL YA !

* I BEEN LOOKIN'
I BEEN WONDERIN' *

CAN'T YOU
MAKE THEM STOP ?
WHAT HAPPENED ?

GET THAT CIGAR
AWAY FROM ME.

WHAT A FUCKING PARTY.

YOU BIT MY NECK.
WISE GUY.

YOU TRIED TO KILL ME.
I WAS PROVOKED.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAVED ME
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I LENT YOU A HAND,
AND YOU BIT IT.

I GAVE FOLKS
WHAT THEY WANTED.
REALLY ?

YEAH.
LINDA EVANS ?

I NEVER MET
THE LADY.
HM.

THE SISTER
WITH LEUKEMIA ?
I NEVER HAD A SISTER.

THE ASHRAM ?
I DROVE BY IT ONCE.

[ Carmen ]
THE BOOKS ?
THE POLITICAL BOOKS ?

PICKED 'EM UP
IN A SUPERMARKET.

- WHAT ABOUT US ?
- AW, JENNY,

c'est la vie.

YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE, JER.
YOU LIED.

WHAT DID YOU WANT
TO HEAR, DAVE ?

REAL HEARTBREAK ?
REAL SORROW ?
IT'S BORING.

HERE'S YOUR PANTS.

THAT'S MY UNDERWEAR TOO, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HERE'S THE MONEY
THE IRANIAN GUY
GAVE ME FOR HIS KID...

WHEN I GAVE HIM AN APPLE.

KEEP IT.
YOU GAVE HIM
THE APPLE.

IT WAS YOUR APPLE.
HERE'S YOUR CLOTHES.

AND YOU CAN KEEP
YOUR HANGER FACTORIES,

AND YOU CAN KEEP
YOUR CREDIT CARDS
AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

IT'S CALLED
COMMITMENT, amigo.
I DON'T NEED IT.

YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOU'RE FREE. YOU'RE
FREE TO EAT GARBAGE.

YEP, AND I CAN PISS
ANYWHERE I WANT TO.

YOU COULD HAVE PISSED
RIGHT HERE, JERRY.
DAVE, HE DID.

HE PISSED
ALL OVER THE JOINT.

WHERE YOU GOING ?
I'M REAL CURIOUS.
WHO KNOWS ?

[ Carmen ]
STAY. I'LL MAKE YOU
A NICE CAPPUCCINO.

NOW GO ON BACK,
MATISSE.

NO, JERRY, YOU TAKE HIM.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
HE LISTENS TO ANYWAY.

[ Barking ]

- DEPARTURE SCENE, TAKE ONE.
- I'LL NEVER EAT AGAIN.

[ Barking ]

COME ON, MATISSE.

IT'S OUR LUCKY DAY, amigo.
THERE'S LOTS OF PLACES
WE CAN GO:

'FRISCO, SANTA FE,
ENSENADA.

JERRY'S GONNA SHOW YOU
THE ROPES. I'LL SHOW YOU
THE BEST PARKS TO SLEEP IN,

BEACHES WHERE THE COCONUTS FLOP
INTO THE PALMS OF YOUR HANDS.

[ Laughing ]
WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN SCHEDULE.

WE DON'T OWE NOTHIN' TO NOBODY.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

WHAT'S WRONG, amigo ?
YOU HUNGRY ?

COME ON, JERRY'LL FIX US UP
SOME GOOD GRUB.

HERE. THERE OUGHT TO BE
GOOD GARBAGE IN HERE.

AH, LOOK AT THIS. PATE.

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.
ONLY THE BEST GOURMET CHOW
IN TOWN FOR US.

HERE, TAKE A BITE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

THIS IS GOOD STUFF.
THIS IS THE BEST GARBAGE
IN TOWN.

THIS IS PRIMO.

**

**

LET'S GO GRAB
A CUP OF CAPPUCCINO.

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
LIVING IN A SHOTGUN SHACK *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
IN ANOTHER PART OF THE WORLD *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
BEHIND THE WHEEL OF
A LARGE AUTOMOBILE *

* YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF
IN A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE *

* WITH A BEAUTIFUL WIFE

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
WELL, HOW DID I GET HERE *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
HOW DO I WORK THIS *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
WHERE IS THAT
LARGE AUTOMOBILE *

* YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF
THIS IS NOT MY
BEAUTIFUL HOUSE *

* YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF
THIS IS NOT
MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS
SAME AS IT EVER WAS *

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS
SAME AS IT EVER WAS *

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS
SAME AS IT EVER WAS *

* SAME AS IT EVER WAS
SAME AS IT EVER WAS *

**

**

* WHAT IS THIS OF
WHAT OF THE MOVEMENT *

* THERE IS WATER
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN *

* THE MOVE, THE WATER
NEVER THE WATER *

* THE MOVE, THE WATER
FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
INTO THE SILENT WATER *

* UNDER THE ROCKS AND STONES
THERE IS WATER UNDERGROUND *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
INTO THE SILENT WATER *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
WHAT IS THAT BEAUTIFUL HOUSE *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
WHERE DOES THAT HIGHWAY
LEAD TO *

* YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF
AM I RIGHT
AM I WRONG *

* YOU MAY SAY TO YOURSELF
MY GOD ! WHAT HAVE I DONE *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
LET THE WATER HOLD ME DOWN *

* LETTING THE DAYS GO BY
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
AFTER THE MONEY'S GONE *

* ONCE IN A LIFETIME
WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND *

* INTO THE POOL AGAIN
ONCE IN A LIFETIME **