Don't Tell Her (2016) - full transcript

So? Look. What do you think
of our centrepieces?

- It's not bad.
- Not bad? That's it? Not bad?

The harmony of the whites,
the shades of green,

the mix of the classic and
the exotic.

Yes, it's nice, but you know,
I'd be happy with three daisies in a vase.

- Are you serious?
- Yes! And do you know what we could do?

Little trailers with sausages,
compote, fries, of course.

For dessert, waffles.
How do you call that cocktail I love?

- Sangria! That would be insane!
- OK...

So that would be some wedding...

sangria, sausages and daisies.



OK, I have to hurry.
I have lots of patients this morning.

What? Is it your dad again?
Hey, hello, I'm still here!

I thought we could have
a bit of romance.

- We've just made love.
- No, YOU have just made love.

I felt I was getting fast food when
I was dreaming of a gourmet meal.

Without wanting to be pushy,

take your things and
go home.

I'd like to get ready and
call my father in peace.

I don't need your help. It's kind but
I'll manage on my own. Really!

But...

Why are you being so stubborn?

Numbers are my thing, not yours.
I'll sort it in 2 minutes.

David, you're my husband,
my child's father, my travel agent,

my mother's handyman.
You can't be my accountant too!



- But...
- Stop!

- See you tonight at my mother's.
- Tonight.

Don't you want to meet a man?

Your husband is able to enjoy life
for 12 days of every fortnight.

He doesn't go out.
He's been depressed for 6 months.

He was probably depressed
the first month.

You're depriving your kids of
a good father

giving your husband
time to have an affair.

That's all.

- Can I make a call?
- Of course...

Hello, Patrick? It's me.
I've changed my mind.

You can keep the kids.

Well, cancel your weekend and
come and get them tonight.

- Yes, that felt good.
- Well done.

DON'T TELL HER

Cousins, check that out.
Not bad, hey?

He can't even be 20.

True, but they're maybe
less stupid at that age.

Remember, I've had them all.

The guy who split the bill
down to the cent.

One who liked a quick treat but
no sex before marriage.

The worst one cried as
you reminded him of his ex.

No! The worst one
called her mom when...

Stop! Enough! It's depressing!

What's depressing is that
no-one comes close to Papouli.

My dad's so amazing.

All OK otherwise?

Plenty of action in your bed?

No, actually, not at all.

Maxime hasn't touched me since...
Oh shit!

He hasn't touched me since...

He's worried about the wedding.

Is it normal? Abnormal? I don't know...

Yes! Of course it's normal.

But I don't feel like it
anymore either.

- Laura, Jonathan's here.
- Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

Oh my angels! I've missed you!

You OK? Come on, let's go.
Head to the car!

I'll get your things.

What about the divorce settlement?

Claire's in a hurry to take your name?

I don't like the idea of divorce.

I feel like I'll be labelled
a failure and it worries me.

For a quick divorce,
irreconcilable differences, or you wait.

OK then. I'll wait.

- Is that everything?
- Yes.

Bye girls! Love you.

- Me too. Love you mum.
- Love you.

What were you talking about?

You look upset.

- Nothing special. The kids.
- Don't let him manipulate you.

You have to make a fresh start, babe!

I hate shared custody.

I hate them spending a week
with that bitch Claire.

And that bastard Jonathan!

Yes.

Are you looking for something?

Your libido.

It's in the bathroom,
beside my false teeth.

OK. But don't forget to
pack it for our honeymoon.

Of course!

- Love you
- Love you more.

- Love you even more.
- Love you most!

Hey!

There's my friend Laura.

Laura! Laura! Wait!

- Let me explain.
- That you're a first rate prick?

- I've just seen you.
- Don't tell YaŽl. I beg you.

- Do you know each other?
- Yes. This is YaŽl's fiancť.

YaŽl, your little cousin?

You said you were involved,
not engaged.

- I tried to tell you.
- With telepathy?

- And in Morse Code with YaŽl?
- That's gross!

Please don't tell YaŽl.
I love her. I...

It was just a one-off experience
with Stťphane.

- It doesn't count!
- Three times in the same night counts.

I hope the idea of two-timing them both
hasn't even crossed your mind.

I forgot to say goodbye.

I need to see you. It's super urgent!

- I can't right now Laura.
- Why not?

- Because I'm at a tricky stage.
- What are you doing?

- Nymphoplasty.
- What?

Reduction of the vaginal lips.

So what's so urgent?

We should have known.

The proposal after 6 months,
breakfast in bed.

The chivalry.
It's obvious, that's his feminine side.

What a low-life!

It's more complicated than that.

- Maxime is gay?
- You eavesdrop now?

Yes.

- So, what do we do?
- We cut his dick!

- We tell YaŽl everything.
- No way!

Can you imagine?
"YaŽl, darling, you're so unlucky.

"Orphaned at 11,
Ben left you and

"now, bad luck,
your perfect fiancť prefers men".

At home we say:
"if you like banana, don't eat papaya".

- Totally!
- Babette!

This is a private conversation
so close the door, please.

Babette, out!

Out.

We should give
this wedding a chance.

If we tell her, no wedding.
But, if we don't tell her...

- If we don't tell her what?
- Explain.

Option 1: Maxime leaves Stťphane,

marries YaŽl, forgets his affair.

They have kids, all goes well.
We were right.

- Totally.
- What's option 2?

Maxime leaves Stťphane, marries YaŽl but
leaves her afterwards.

- Then we should have told her.
- We say we've just found out he's gay.

What?

Yes... of course!

Option 3: We tell Maxime to be
so bitchy that YaŽl leaves him.

YaŽl wouldn't leave Darth Vader.

There's also the shit option.

Maxime marries YaŽl and
stays with Stťphane.

So we tell her to stop her
marrying a queer.

We need to know.
Do we tell her or not?

Let's vote on it!

Don't tell her!

Don't tell her.

We're worried.
Are you OK darling?

Coming Aunt Vivi.

You said that 15 minutes ago.

Come out, YaŽl, enough of the suspense.
We know you'll look beautiful.

Just let me have a little look.

No, Aunt Vivi,
it's a surprise.

OK, if your dress is red, I'll faint.

No, Mom, you won't.
It's YaŽl and you always forgive her.

Wow!

So beautiful!

Do you like it Aunt Vivi?

You're wearing your mother's veil.

- She means "too many boobs".
- Your parents would love it.

A bit more lace to hide your breasts
might be nice, no?

Mum, she looks gorgeous!

- You're right.
- That must be Maxime.

- She looks amazing.
- Gorgeous.

Is everything OK?
What's happened?

"Hi, I'm back for a few weeks.

- "Congrats on the wedding. Coffee? Ben."
- Ben Rozen?

Of course Ben Rozen.
Not Ben from Ben&Jerry's.

This might be the time
for an explanation.

She's right, darling.

If it doesn't suit you,
you cut his balls off.

He's had 8 years.
He can go to hell.

And you won't go and see him either?
Promise?

- Of course not.
- Promise.

- Don't worry.
- Fuck, it's Ben!

- Another text from Ben?
- No.

- Sure you don't want to talk about it?
- No, it's OK.

- See you later at Aunt Vivi's?
- Yes.

Max is here.

- OK, see you later sweetie.
- Bye.

Hi, Anouch.

Don't look like that, it's not serious.

- No?
- It doesn't change anything.

It doesn't?
Do you want to talk about it?

There's nothing to say.
Case closed.

- That's it?
- Really, I don't care.

- Are you joking...?
- No, a text won't ruin my life.

What are you talking about?

What are you?

Well... your day, your...

You looked sad and
I thought your manager had...

That's so sweet.
No, I'm fine.

OK.

So what's this text?
Why are you sulking?

Just a change of plan that irritated me.
But I'm not sulking.

- You're sulking.
- No. But you look odd.

- Really?
- Yes, you do.

- I'm fine.
- Really?

Hi, David.

Hi, Maxime.
How are things?

How are you?
Was a customer trying your Easter eggs?

- It happened once.
- Did you add some cocoa butter?

- Enough!
- Or a bit of ganache?

- Stop!
- Talking about his new chocolates?

I'll leave you to it.

Girls, I didn't tell Maxime about Ben

- as he's a bit nervous.
- Is he?

- Don't tell him.
- OK.

- OK?
- OK.

Come on! Enough talking.
To the table. Who's going to help?

- I'll help, Aunt Vivi.
- Me too.

Violette's meatballs are best!

David, can you check my extractor hood?
It's not working.

Mom, David is a mathematician.
He's not a electrician repairman.

I know that.
And my hood? After dinner, OK?

- You have an amazing husband, Eve.
- Thank you!

- You see. She's right.
- Take him as an example.

So how's the Internet dating, Anouch?

It's not too difficult finding
a man your age?

Not at al! Why?
Are you interested?

Maxime?

A couple of balls?

Do you want a bit of baguette, too?

Do you know who I met at lunchtime?

Stťphane.

- Your gay friend. What a sweetie.
- Yes!

Helpful, polite, witty.

Stťphane is the bit of chocolate
at the bottom of a Cornetto.

- Really?
- Stťphane's amazing.

- Where has he been?
- I think his fiancť just left him.

- Oh shit! Poor thing.
- Really?

- Rice anyone?
- Wine here.

- No, thanks.
- Want some?

Shit!

There's a problem at the factory.
I have to go back.

- I'll come with you, if you want.
- No, don't be silly, I...

You're getting up early tomorrow.
Don't worry, I...

- I'll be quick. See you soon.
- OK.

It won't work. I like women.

I'm getting married.

Hi.

I'm not staying.

I just wanted to say that
I can't see you anymore.

It won't work between us.
It's impossible.

And I'm marrying YaŽl.

Come in.

No, no.

MY DECLARATION: I DREAM ABOUT YOU. BEN.

- Hi, darling.
- Hi, Mom.

I brought you this.

Thanks. That's kind of you.

Your girls aren't here?

No. They've already gone to the park.

Did you want to
come running with us?

Well, if you really insist...

I'm joking.
I'm going running with a friend.

Is everything OK
between YaŽl and Maxime?

Yes!

- I'm off.
- You're not wearing that jacket?

- Why not?
- Well, there are limits, aren't there?

Hey, I'm meeting a Polish colleague,
not going to a fashion show.

You look like a real hobo, David.

Yes, dear. Newsflash: I am a hobo.

Alright! I'll wear a different one.

- Don't change for me, that's silly.
- Why is it?

Because you should do it
for yourself, not me.

But Eve, making you happy
makes me happy.

You're getting on my nerves.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Are you OK?

Yes.

But I'm obviously not OK at all.

Sorry. Sorry David, I...

I'm sorry, I...
Did you see what I just did to you?

I mean...

I can't take your kindness,
your worrying,

the way you need me,
I can't take it anymore.

I think I need to leave if
I want to keep loving you.

You mean you're leaving...

because I've loved you
too much for 20 years.

Right? Is that what you're saying?

No, it's just...

But David...

Can't we talk about it?

I think he's going to leave her.

Wake up, Stťphane honey.

He's going to marry YaŽl. He loves her.

Do you really think
he'll be gay for life?

Every night, he creates centrepieces.

Maybe. But it's me he's fucking.

He wants a wife, kids, a house, a dog.

He also wants a man, hairs and sweat.

I don't want to hurt you but
you're just an affair.

A bit of fun before the wedding,
that's all.

I'm in love!

Since when do you fall in love
in a week?

Yes, no chance of that for you.

Thank God! Anyone rational
doesn't fall in love in 30 seconds.

Well I'm emotional.
I only needed a second.

Whatever.

Just get ready to suffer.

I hate you! Cuckold!

- Queer.
- Bitch!

You know I love you.

Me too.

- Hello!
- Hello.

I'm Doctor Bergman.
We're removing a spot from your arm.

- Then we'll analyze it, OK?
- Yes.

- Well you seem really healthy
- I am. I'm 80, you know.

- Is that your fiancť?
- No.

It's a long story.

I've got more than enough time.

His name is Ben.
We met in Congo.

I'd gone as a volunteer for the summer.
He was an architect for an NGO.

It was love at first sight.

Yes.

We were together 3 years.
I thought he was my soulmate.

He's funny, intelligent.

Eight years ago, he had to go
to Argentina to build a bridge.

I was still studying so
I couldn't go with him.

On Monday, 28 March at 10:00 p.m.,

he said "I love you" and
hung up, like usual.

The next day he left
a message on my answerphone

which said:

"I want you to be happy.
Not with me. I've met someone".

That was it?

No, I called him hundreds of times but
he never picked up.

I spent eight years getting over him.

Do you want to lie down, doctor?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

There've been lots of guys but
no-one special,

until I met Maxime.

Maxime, he's so...

He asked me to marry him
and I accepted.

I thought I was over Ben but...

a few days ago he sent me a message.

He wants to meet up to talk but
I haven't answered.

It turns out I'm not cured at all.

Hi Babette, I'm on my way.
I'm trying to park.

- I'll be there in a minute.
- OK.

What, today's double parking day?
I don't believe it!

Yes, that's it, steal my right of way.
I'll just sit here.

Right, this one's mine.

- Are you out of your mind?
- I'm so sorry. I didn't see you.

- Are you joking?
- Listen, I really need that space.

- Can I ask why?
- Absolutely.

I'm really hairy.

I have an appointment in 2 minutes
for a bikini line wax.

If I'm not there on time, they won't
see me and my life will be ruined.

Come on!
I'm sure you're a gentleman.

- Go for it!
- Thank you.

- Any updates?
- Mr. Delplancke called 4 times.

Oh, I hate him!

- Call him back.
- Yes!

- Yes.
- Your client is there.

You really made fun of me.
At least I know you're cunning.

Laura Brunel.
I do what I can.

Follow me.

Yes, I'm a spoilt child.

But if anyone else tells me I'm lucky,
I'll scream.

Yes, David is fantastic!
He has been for 20 years.

It's just that I want to push him off
his white horse. Hup!

Mrs. Brunel, I think you're having
a mid-life crisis.

Totally! I never had any teenage crisis.

And I never had baby blues or
panic attacks. Never!

I didn't even have acne.
So I'm entitled to a mid-life crisis.

Even though I'm not 40 yet.

Fuck, I'm such a bitch.

You're more than a lover.

- You're my medic-lover.
- I'm not going to cure you.

What else can I tell you?

I have a consultancy practice.

We're trying to find ways
to preserve some endangered fish.

So you're a fish consultant?

Put like that it sounds less cool.

And as I have to
confess all to my lawyer,

I'm chaotic, stubborn and impatient.

- Your turn.
- My turn to what?

- To tell me your faults.
- I'm perfect.

That's a huge fault.

- What does your husband think?
- Same as you. We're separated.

Separated separated or
separated not separated?

He's a charming liar.
He slept with my best friend.

So separated separated, yes.

- Are you always so confident?
- It's a front.

Inside, I'm shaking like a leaf.

I'd like to have dinner with you and
with your hairs, of course.

We're touched by your invitation,

my hairs and me, but it's a no.

To summarize,
you earn a good living,

you want an amicable divorce and
you plan to pay 3000 euros in alimony

to your wife, who left you.

Why not?

I don't do dinner
with clients, Mr. Grťgoire.

- You're fired.
- Listen,

I'm going to be frank with you.

I think you're generous with
your wife because you still love her

or you have lots of things
to blame yourself for.

Either way,
I'm not interested.

- Goodbye, Ms Brunel.
- Goodbye, Mr. Grťgoire.

That's fine. Think about it.

No comment.

David? What are you doing?
I've been waiting 10 minutes for you.

Oh shit, no... Listen, I'm sorry...

I'm in the middle of a meeting,
so I...

No, I can't get away,
that's what I'm saying.

It's how it is.

I'm really sorry.

I completely forgot.

Give the girls my love.

OK. See you tonight then. Bye.

Bye, bye.

OPERATION EVE:
MAKE HER JEALOUS

Here we go.
UNAVAILABILITY

I think you're ready.

HALL, CLOTHES, HOTEL...
RESULT: SHE COMES BACK

From your mouth to God's ears.

David says he's sorry.
He had to stay at work.

Again?

Do you fuck sometimes?

Life isn't just about a hole, Anouch.

Two holes, babe.
Sometimes even three.

- So classy, Anouch.
- I'm going to find a glass of champagne.

- I'll come too.
- Get me one?

Bring the bottle.

- Is everything OK with David?
- Yes.

What am I doing here?

This time, I'm not coming in.

OK.

Just a minute but... to talk...

And is Maxime still busy
with his new ganache?

I guess so.
He's always at the chocolate factory...

He comes home late.
It's not great.

I should have taken on other shifts.
Are you listening to me?

- What are you doing?
- That guy's giving me the eye.

OK, fine, I'll leave you to it.
I understand.

Good luck!

Excuse me.

It's my lucky day. Daniel Kantarian.

Good lead-in. Anouch Arsalian.
Your fly is open.

- Sorry.
- It's fine.

It just would have been a bit quick.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Hello? Papouli? Yes.

Can I call you back?
I'm a bit busy.

- OK. Love you batchig.
- Papouli.

MAMOUCH

Your father wouldn't be a widower?

I warn you I have no sense of humour
where my father's concerned.

I'll take note, Anouch Arsalian.

A large donor has just arrived.
I should say hello.

I manage the neurological
diseases department.

I'm sorry. I'll be 10 minutes.
See you afterwards.

Abandoned for a wallet.

Go on!

Back already?

He can wait.

- I'm wearing some.
- Some what?

Panties. I've got them on.

- Are you always as...?
- Funny? Yes.

Could we have dinner
one evening this week?

Or lunch?

Less risky?

It's faster, in case you're an idiot.

I really have to work.

I'll go.
Could I have your number?

Nine, two, four, six,
eight, two, six, seven, four.

Is that a new provider?

It's "you have all the numbers
but in the wrong order".

Good luck.

Guess who's just met a charming guy.

- What a week!
- What do you mean?

- Actually, nothing.
- Have you met someone?

A new client: Alain Grťgoire.

- He tried seducing me. But anyway.
- Alain Grťgoire. Do you like him?

No, I was just saying.
So who's your victim?

OK. Stand up discreetly.

- Where is he?
- Twelve o'clock. Daniel Kantarian.

Not bad! Are you going to
hook up with him tonight?

No, he's different.
I'll take things slowly.

So how long before you leave this one?

- And he's Armenian.
- Oh, like Papouli.

- OK, stop, thank you!
- It's sweet!

- He's looking at you.
- No.

He is. But don't turn around.

- What's wrong?
- I don't feel well. I'll call you.

But, YaŽl...

Sorry, sir.

- But...
- What's wrong with her?

THAT is what's wrong.

- Fuck, it's Ben.
- Fuck, it's Ben.

Fuck, it's Ben.
What shall we do?

We do nothing. We promised.

- Ben...
- Anouch, please.

Hi.

- YaŽl's just left.
- Oh!

That's a shame...

I missed you.

You too, prick.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm here for work.

OK. So what shall we do?

Talk about old times?
Pretend nothing happened?

Or shall I explain?

- Explain.
- No, get lost.

- No, he's staying. Yes!
- I said no.

I really missed you.

OK,

I'll let you confer.

- Did you get him to come?
- Me?

- Are you out crazy?
- It wasn't me.

For someone who doesn't care,

- she seemed really upset.
- For sure.

OK, I'm sick of this. Let's go.

- I'm not wasting my time here.
- YaŽl's gone.

Did you have a good time?

Anouch met a guy.

So? He'll be just one more.

You should have come.

- The girls were disappointed.
- Really?

And come what for?

To play out
the comedy of the perfect couple?

I don't see the appeal.

I've been thinking about what you said.

And I agree with you.

I think you really need to leave, Eve.

No, but I was just saying that.
We have to talk about it.

We need to plan,
for Lisa and everything.

No. No.
There's no need to plan anything.

We don't mention it to her.

We'll manage to pick her up
without bumping into each other.

I've packed you a case.

I took the liberty of
booking you a hotel room

very close to here.

Have a good evening.

Are you alright?
Come on, David...

David?

I don't like men.

You've known me years,
you know I like women, don't you?

But, I don't know, I...

It was unreal.
His look, his voice, his smell.

I was never attracted to
a man before Stťphane!

He sat down in front of me
on the Thalys.

We looked at each other the whole time.

And when I was leaving
I left my jacket on the seat.

He called me back.
He gave me my jacket.

And I don't know what happened.

It was like an...

explosion...

He kissed me.

So what's the problem?
You tried something you didn't like.

You get married and forget it.
Yes?

- Yes, absolutely.
- Or...

you've tried something you like and

- don't want to get married, yes?
- Absolutely.

No, no! I want to get married.
I love Stťphane.

YaŽl.

Yes, YaŽl.

You said Stťphane.

Yes, and...

Have you ever had
a dick in your mouth?

- We're not talking about me.
- And in the...

No.

So you can't understand.
You really can't.

And I don't understand anything.

No, seriously!
I... I don't like men!

We're researching him!

It's for professional reasons.
Do you need something?

There's a deluxe cupcake
who wants to see you.

This one?

That one.

Hi.

I didn't tell him to come in.

I don't know who he is.

Ben, tell her I didn't know it was you
after so long.

Babette, out.

Out.

- I came to ask you to lunch.
- I don't think so.

You think you can just waltz back in?

Why not?
That's what real friends do.

We used to be friends.
You know nothing about me now.

I know about Jonathan and
that bitch Claire.

And remember,
I always said I didn't like her.

She tried seducing me.

I made a mistake.
I'll explain.

Do you have time?

Yes! Let's call the cousins!

- I messed up.
- Messed up, you mean cheated?

I slept with a colleague.
I was drunk. An American.

She got pregnant and then,

she gave birth and
left the baby with me.

And so I decided to leave YaŽl.

Wow, you messed up badly!

I moved to New York so my daughter
would be close to her mother.

Great idea, as they only
see each other twice a year...

Her name's Nina,
she's almost eight and...

She's fantastic.

We thought you were immature
and ran away for no reason.

I left her to take on the whole
responsability for my own shit.

Why didn't you tell YaŽl?
She might have forgiven you.

I thought she'd be better off
making a life with a good guy.

- Even if she had to hate me.
- Bingo, you win:

- she hates you.
- No!

Wait.

In all this time you never
met anyone else?

No, nothing serious but...

It might seem strange to you but...

even now, I'm sure she's
the only woman for me.

You came back to tell her?

Just as she's about to get married.

Laura, I've been miserable
for eight years.

Naively, I thought she might
have coffee with me.

- OK and what are you hoping to achieve?
- To try to convince her to listen to me.

That won't be easy.

Just a second.

Come in, honey.

I'd like to introduce you to
my daughter, Nina.

Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, Nina.

Do you recognize them,
from the photo at home?

Yes.

- Will you help me?
- Yes, we'll help you.

Babette.

OK, I'll let you vote.

- Shall we go, angel?
- Bye.

Bye.

I've heard crazy stories
but that's just crap.

- I don't agree.
- Let me explain.

He fell in love with a girl and
had a kid.

It didn't work out, he calls on YaŽl.
That's the story.

Give him a chance,
for once?

Enough of this shit!

YaŽl leaves Maxime and goes back to Ben
because he's the man for her.

Are you crazy?

It's mine.

Hello?

Yes! You took your time.

I called 56 women,
42 men and 10 kids before

I asked your secretary.

You cheat! Not good!

But I'm feeling generous.

Tomorrow 12:30 pm, the hospital.
Bye.

I'm going to make him my thing,
he won't be able to live without me.

- I like him already.
- Don't get too excited, Anouch.

- You're living in the clouds.
- Not at all.

I just have a great feeling.

- Bye.
- Bye.

That must hurt?

Do all boys do this
to go and see a girl?

- I love you. I've always loved you.
- Daddy?

Nettles aren't a good idea.

In school, Tom jumped off
the slide for me,

he broke both legs and
I didn't fall in love with him.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Come on, let's go.
- OK.

Why don't you just
tell her you love her?

At times we want to say something and
we can't so we find another way.

Yes, but nettles aren't the best idea.

Well I'm doing the best I can.

Hi.

Listen, I...

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Itching powder?
- No... nettles.

Doctor Bergman isn't coming back?

Could you apply a bit of cream or
something, so I...

Yes, yes.

YaŽl says this isn't a millionth
of what she's suffered because of you.

Have a good day.

Excu...

Hello?

I'm not in the mood.

}MY DECLARATION:
GO TO MY PARENTS' GARDEN. BEN

MY DECLARATION

Oh, shit.

I STILL DREAM OF YOU. BEN

- Can I help?
- No. Thank you.

Get down from there, Miss.
Defacing public property. Papers.

I'm replying to a message not
defacing public property.

Well if he doesn't get it now...

Your Honour, I've presented
the facts of the case to you.

A woman left by
an indifferent husband and

who at 48,
finds herself alone and ressourceless.

You will understand that
in these harsh circumstances,

my client is asking that he be required
to pay alimony of 2000 euros a month.

- The prosecution rests. Thank you.
- Thank you. Ms Brunel, you may plead.

Ms Brunel?

My patience has limits.

Ms Brunel, are you mocking me?

Are you going to plead?

OK, I'll count to three: 1, 2...

Thank you, Your Honor.

35 seconds.

You needed 35 seconds
to find me despicable.

My client has suffered this attitude
from her wife for almost 10 years.

Faced with a woman
who only thought of herself,

didn't work and only spoke to him
to ask for money,

my client eventually
lost patience and left her.

It took me 35 seconds
to irritate you.

My client took 10 years to ask you
for a divorce.

I rest my case.

I therefore ask you, with conviction,

not to sentence him to pay the alimony
which is unfairly claimed.

- The defense rests. Thank you.
- May I respond?

No, Counsel, the case is closed.

You will have a judgment within a month.

- Goodbye?
- Goodbye.

You were amazing.

It's a front.

Inside I'm shaking like a leaf.

- You get stage fright?
- Why are you here?

I came to ask you to lunch.

Thank you, but no.

I gave you my parking space.
That's worth lunch.

I'm busy.
I have an emergency.

It's more urgent than eating with me?

I know a great Italian place.

Is it a habit to ask
personal questions?

Is it a habit to avoid answers?

So, goodbye Mr. Grťgoire.

You intrigue me Ms Brunel.
That's a compliment.

You too, Mr. Grťgoire.

I'll see you get
your documents finalized.

Could I have my hand back?

Bye.

I hate being alone in my little bedroom.

I'm unhappy.
I miss David and Lisa.

Fuck. When he's here,
I don't want him, when he's not, I do.

David's been very strange
since I left.

He ignores me.
I don't think he cares.

No, he does care.

- He does?
- He's maybe just a bit...

A bit happy he's got
his freedom back but

- if you want, I'll call him tonight...
- No!

- I'm just joking.
- You're so stupid.

It's David.

- Hello?
- Eve, it's me. Sorry to bother you.

Could you bring me my briefcase?
I forgot it.

Yes.

I'm at the university,
in the Einstein lecture room.

- OK, I'll grab it and bring it over.
- Thanks.

No problem.
Bye honey. See you soon.

- Bye.
- You're great.

- Bye, sir.
- See you next Tuesday.

Bye, sir.

- Eve's watching us.
- Of course! That's the plan.

Come closer if you want
to make her jealous.

- Yes.
- Closer!

If she doesn't flip out,
I'll become a nun.

Stop it.

Do you mind if I masturbate
while you're working?

- No, go ahead.
- OK.

So, call me. It's on vibrate.
You can join in.

Hello? Yes, darling, it's me.

Just to check your mobile is
vibrating OK in your panties.

You seem a bit horny at the minute and
I'm worried.

I'm not horny, it's just
we haven't done anything for days.

- You're a mystery.
- No, I'm not a mystery.

I work all the time. You know it all.

That's not true. Confess, I'm all ears.

Really?

I slept with...

You're best friend, your babysitter,
your cousin?

I slept with Violette.

Idiot.

- She did things to me...
- Stop.

- She's an animal, Violette.
- Not funny.

- Contrary to appearances...
- Stop.

That's really pretty. Very elegant.

Elegant.

Yes.

He sends me hot texts!
It's going to be mind-blowing!

No, wait.
It's always amazing at the start.

It's later on things go downhill.
That's how it works.

You're right.

I'll make him take a series of tests.

If he passes, he's the one.
If not, he's a jerk.

- I guess so... Coffee?
- Yes!

Eve? Coffee?

Are you asking for David's permission?

Sorry girls. I can't right now.

- See you tonight at Mom's?
- OK.

Is Dad coming to eat with us
at grandma's tonight?

Yes, sweetie.
Why wouldn't he?

I notice we don't eat together anymore.

No! With Dad's symposium and
my winter collection at the shop,

we're very busy at the moment and
it's hard to manage.

Back to normal soon,
don't worry.

You're never together at home anymore.

We are, sweetheart. It's OK.

- There's nothing to worry about.
- Come on!

- We need to go.
- You look great, Dad.

- Thanks, angel.
- She's right.

- Come on!
- Dad's right. Grandma's waiting for us.

- Just two minutes.
- No, now. Put your shoes on.

A kiss.

That's it.

I renewed your car insurance.

You're the perfect husband.

You smell of perfume.

We're separated.

Aren't we?

Come on! Your mother hates waiting.

My nerves are shot.

- Should I cancel lunch with Daniel?
- No, you're scared. That's all.

Yes, maybe a bit.

What's wrong with you?
You don't look happy.

- Your head of department again?
- Yes.

- And maybe Ben a bit too.
- Maybe a bit, yes.

Look who's here!

It's fine, don't worry.
Debriefing tonight?

- Do I look OK?
- Perfect.

- Wish me good luck.
- Good luck.

Come on!

You look beautiful.

- You don't look bad either.
- Shall we go?

This is my mother.

Mamouch, this is Anouch Arsalian.

- Lovely to meet you.
- Likewise.

Sorry.

NICE DAY! PAPOULI.

I'm really confused.
I have to go.

A patient is about to give birth.
I'm so sorry.

Bye, Daniel. I'll call you?

What do you think of her?

Delightful.

I've shown you all our silicones...

Liquid, plastic, gel, gum,

mastic, adhesive, grout.

We've done the full tour, Miss Anouch.

Absolutely.

Have we seen the galvanized paints?

- You can answer it.
- No, it's fine. Let's go.

We've done galvanized paints.

Wouldn't you rather try
the screws and nails?

Oh, yes. That's good, screws and nails.
That will relax me.

- Hello?
- You've been at the store for an hour!

- It's not that bad.
- Not that bad? Are you joking?

- His mother came on our first date.
- So he's like you.

The difference is you sleep first
then introduce Papouli.

He introduces his mamouli before sex.

It's getting better.
I've bought almost nothing.

Alain! We haven't done
the nails and screws.

Thanks for helping,
I thought today would never end.

The kids are asleep, they've eaten and
the dishes are done.

Thank you.

I'll need a new babysitter.

Employ me full-time.

- Claire will love that.
- It's almost over with her.

I won't pretend
that doesn't make me happy.

You know that.

What happened?

Incompatible temperaments.

That doesn't mean anything.

Come on, humor me.
Let's hear the juicy details.

I miss you all.

I miss you.

Will you think about it?

I'm a marshmallow,
sugar, a syrup

I'm a coulis
The white flesh of a coconut

I'm a sticky sweet
A snack after school

I'm a...

Marshmallow

A round square
Three quarters sugar at least

Careful, you'll catch a chill.

Shit, Max.

You should want to car wash me,
not talk about the weather.

You look gorgeous.

You've spoilt the moment.

Wait, YaŽl.

I'm in love with a man.

Yes? That's a big shit
given we're getting married...

I'm not messing around,
I've met someone.

I've met a man.
I'm in love with him.

I've wanted to tell you for ages but
I couldn't.

And... have you...?

So that's why we...

No, I don't know, but...

- You're the only woman for me, YaŽl.
- That's no excuse.

Do you understand
what you're telling me?

I feel betrayed, you fucker!
I trusted you. Shit!

Fuck off! Get your things and get out!

Shit!

Hi, it's YaŽl,
leave me a message.

Thanks. Goodbye.

YaŽl, it's me.

Call me, I beg you.
I need to explain.

I love you.

I want to get married.
Call me.

I'm not hurt. I'm angry
he didn't tell me but I'm not hurt.

He leaves messages, he wants to meet up.
He still wants to marry me.

What?

He cheated on you
before your wedding and with a guy!

- Why is it worse with a man?
- It's a double betrayal.

I don't agree.
It's a double betrayal with a woman.

With a man, it's not about you.

- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.

- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.

- What's wrong with you?
- Maxime... with a guy...

I can't believe it.

I never would have thought it.

Do you want me to tell Mom?

Don't tell her.
I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

Lucky you're not like me!
I'm such a fool I'd have married him

- to save face.
- You know what?

Leave Maxime and let's be lesbians.
No more guys, no more shit!

At least he cheated
before the wedding, not after.

We should thank him.
It saves you a divorce.

Girls, it's kind of you to come but...

I need some time alone
to think about things.

I'll call you, OK?

- I'll stay the night with you.
- No. It's OK.

- No, I will!
- No really. But it's kind of you.

Fuck, it's crazy!

I can't believe he dared tell her.

I think he's brave.

Well we agree on that. Let's call Ben.

When you get an idea...

Hello.

Your wife is pregnant and
you didn't say?

- Yes, by her colleague, Fred.
- Are you joking?

You're crazy about her.
You're crazy, full stop.

Do you talk to clients like this a lot?

You're right, you're just a client.

With my client's generosity, I assume

you will be happy to
sign these agreements.

Can I take a ballpoint?
I forgot the gold pen I just bought

with the huge maintenance
your client is paying me.

Sign here, Mr. Grťgoire.

Both of them.

Thank you.

Shall I see you out?

Mr. Grťgoire, I'll be back.

See you tonight.

You're just as he described.

He spoke to you about me?

It was love at first sight.

- Really?
- Yes.

He thinks you're more than
a sharp tongue and great legs.

You're wrong to pass up
a great guy like him.

Especially when you're separated.

Goodbye, Ms Brunel.

Goodbye, Mrs. Tressa.

Why are you nice to her?
She left you and

is pregnant by someone else.

Thanks for all your work, Ms Brunel.

Any other question?

No.

Maybe we could have lunch together?

To celebrate.

With pleasure.

But let's make it dinner.

I've told YaŽl everything.

I don't want to see you again.

You came just to tell me that?

Yes.

You're going to cheat on her, Maxime.

With everyone who comes along.

But not with me because I won't be here.

You won't even be able
to look YaŽl in the eyes.

You don't know me.

Maybe.

YaŽl is great. I wish you the best.

Did we arrange to meet?

Is your phone broken?

I don't think so.

OK.

I've planned it all.
I cook, you take a bath.

Now, upstairs.

Vitello alla saltimbocca.

I'll go and get the spaghetti.

If your mom was here,

would she cut your food up
or is it OK like that?

I like you.

Don't think you'll be
spending the night here.

Making love to you is...

like sampling the ŗ la carte menu
at a Michelin restaurant.

That's exactly how it is.

So you're the one.

You need to go,
I have lots of meetings.

No.

I'm staying.

We have to stop this.

I thought I could cheat on my husband
but it isn't working.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry for me but for yourself.

Yesterday, he was stressing you.

Now you're mad
he's with a 25-year-old.

That's not love.
That's pride.

You'll be back saying
he stresses you in 10 days.

Fuck! I know you're right but

I'm jealous and
suddenly I want him back.

This is your shrink talking,
not your lover.

Don't be rash. Think about things.

If you go home, you really love him,

you accept who he is and
you want to die at his side.

Isn't that a bit over the top?

He loves you.
You can't erase 20 years together.

I know you love him too.
So take your time.

You know where I am if you need me.

I'm going to fight.

90 euros.

Surprise!

Sushi and cake!

I'll just...

- Eve, Camille. Camille, Eve.
- His wife.

- His assistant.
- I know who you are.

Sorry, there's only enough for two.

No problem.
Enough for two, enough for three.

Men... No.

Two's company. Three's a crowd.

I was just leaving.
I've finished anyway.

- See you tomorrow.
- See you, Camille.

- Bye.
- Get lost or I'll hurt you.

- Goodbye.
- Bitch.

Wow, it's been a while.

So I still have a place at home?

- Almost.
- Almost is half of nothing.

Then nothing.

Let's eat. I'm hungry.

I'm so unhappy. I miss him so much.

Not just his...

Did I tell you we have the same tastes?
We like the same things...

We laugh at the same jokes.

I dream of YaŽl with a beard when
she's prettier without one.

I'm going crazy.

I'm a homo.
I love flower arranging.

I'm gay, aren't I?
Can't you see?

Yes, I can.

- What's happening?
- Don't worry.

It's a case of transferral...

I'm overwhelmed by
what you're telling me.

Break-ups are hard.

Yes.

Thank you.

Here...

Thank you.

Have you heard from Maxime or not?

I'm not answering.

- What? You're not?
- I'm sick of it!

- Did he text you?
- Seriously. Let's change subjects.

- No, we can't.
- You're a pain, Laura.

- Are we running or talking?
- Talking!

- You know he loves someone else?
- I haven't made my decision yet.

Daddy, Daddy!

- Hi, Ben!
- Hi!

- Are you OK?
- YaŽl?

This is my daughter, Nina.

- Hi, Nina.
- Your daughter?

- How old are you?
- Nearly 8.

YaŽl! Wait.

- It's not going to be easy.
- We'll get there.

- Wait, YaŽl.
- What, you tricked me? That's shit!

We've been running here for 15 years!
He didn't need us to find you.

Is it true?

OK, OK.

I told him we'd be here.

I want you to make the right decision.

About who? My gay fiancť or

Ben who left and
had a kid by someone else?

- With Ben it's more complicated.
- Go on. Explain. Just the essentials.

Don't marry Maxime.

Because you don't love him enough.

It can't be that bad
as you won't get divorced.

Think about it.

I don't think it's good
to manipulate my daughter.

No one's doing that.
She's volunteering.

She's right.
Do you want YaŽl back or not?

- Hello.
- Hello.

You're Ben's daughter.

- Why are you here?
- My dad is unhappy without you.

And it's my fault.

You'll melt her soft little heart.

YaŽl will say "Your fault?" and
you reply?

- Your fault?
- He left you because I was born.

And now he has a broken heart.

I saw on TV that
people with sick hearts die.

I don't want my dad to die.

- Will you help me?
- This child is awesome.

Of course, sweetie. We'll call Daddy.
We don't want you to be unhappy.

- YaŽl! YaŽl! It's YaŽl! Pick up.
- Yes! Yes!

Hello?

Scissors, paper, stone.

Oh, Nina honey.
If I wasn't so happy to see you...!

Thanks. Thanks for calling me and
waiting with Nina.

We won't bother you any longer.
Go on. Give YaŽl a kiss and we'll go.

Are you going to have dinner
with Daddy tonight, for his heart?

Nina, can you wait outside for me
a minute, please?

Yes. She's very cheeky.

So you had a baby with someone else
while I was waiting for you like a fool.

- Why didn't you say?
- I came back when she was 6 months old.

You were seeing a guy by then.
A banker, I think?

I felt like an idiot,
carrying a baby.

- Yes, I left again.
- He was a moron.

I should have married you.

Would that have stopped you
having a baby with someone else?

Would you have forgiven me?

I guess so.

Any other secret children?

I've never been to Venice.

I learned to dance like Patrick Swayze.
Well, almost.

And every night, for eight years,

I said goodnight to you
before I went to sleep.

I've never loved anyone like I love you.

Have dinner with me.

Please.

No, Ben.

- Didn't you say it was broken?
- It must have been fixed.

Why are you stopping?

Do you like it?

I'm just saying but
it's not quite straight?

You're such a troublemaker.

If you'd prefer a bimbo,
I'm not holding you back.

Listen up, beautiful.

I gave way to all your caprices,

I clean your shoes,
I have midnight phone calls,

I work my ass off and I've had enough.

You want to kick me out over a nail?

No.

You won't hold me back. I'm leaving.

It's OK.
You're not going out with Ryan Gosling.

- What time will you be home?
- Are you joking?

Where is this baby-sitter?

Wait...

- You be good, yes?
- Yes.

- Yes
- Yes.

Here's the fugu.
The chef is of course certified.

What does that mean?

The fugu is a poisonous fish.

Wrongly cooked,
you drop dead.

So you have to trust the chef.

You do the honors.

It's plain fish.

LET'S BE A FAMILY AGAIN FOR OUR GIRLS.

I LOVE YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONLY WOMAN FOR ME.

Why do you insist on wearing
those shoes if they hurt so much?

They don't hurt.

- No, they really don't.
- They don't hurt?

OK, they do.

Inside I'm a mess
so I need the outside to look amazing.

I hope you noticed, at least?

Yes. I noticed.

I can't.

I'm sorry.
I'm still married.

Separated separated.

He wants to come back.

Are you still in love with him?

I don't know.

Then try to find out.

- Jonathan?
- Laura?

What are you doing here?

Emma had stomach ache
so she called me.

- Is she OK?
- Yes, she's fine.

- Did you have a nice evening?
- Perfect yes.

Until I got your text.

What do you want?

I want to come back.

This is where I should be,
with you and the girls.

I want to be forgiven.

I want us to be together,
like before.

And I want to kiss you.

YaŽl?

YaŽl?

YaŽl?

What are you doing?

You're crazy,
you'll kill yourself!

I wanted to be like Richard Gere
in Pretty Woman.

- Where's the umbrella?
- I knew you were going to say that.

Well, now you're here...

you can come in
to leave through the door.

Ben, what's with all
the Prince Charming plans?

Do you really think what I want from you
are nettles or some stupid board?

I know you Ben.
I know all your faults.

I don't have that many.

Yes, you do.

Don't marry him.

Ben, you hurt me too much.

I need tranquility, trust.
That's not you.

Trust me.

- Trust me.
- Please, Ben, go.

Please.

Please.

I saw Ben again.

Ah...

And it made me realize that...

it's you I want.

Gays are a girl's best friend, hey?

I didn't want to cheat on you.
It just happened.

I don't want to know.

With the others, I'm scared.
Not with you.

If you'd cheated with a woman,

I'd never have spoken to you again.

But weirdly, because it was a man...
I feel less betrayed.

I don't feel like it's me
or that I have a rival.

But...

Is it over, with this guy?

Yes, it's finished. It's over.

And if one day you like another guy,
will you tell me?

No, that won't happen.
It was because it was him.

But you still want to marry me?
A marriage of convenience?

No, of love.
I love you.

You'll never leave me? Never?

- You won't hurt me?
- Never! I'm not Ben.

Then I'm going to marry you, Max!

BIG MEETING. HOME LATE DARLING.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

YOUR MAN IS IN MY BED.

WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU... LAURA

I didn't want to wake you.
I think it's best if I leave.

It's a bit soon for the girls
to find us like this.

No. Stay.

The girls won't be up for hours.

Stay.

- Do you want to answer the door?
- With pleasure!

Time to be a husband again.

Why are you here?

Well, I... Wait!

- Where's Laura?
- The kids are asleep.

- I don't give a shit...
- I'll go...

You're going nowhere. I'll go.

I'll take you...

- Let me...
- Get off!

This is ridiculous!

Didn't Jonathan tell you?

In brief, things are over between you.

He loves me. We've fucked all night.
He wants to come back.

Is she fucking with me?

- No... Wait...
- You can keep him.

You're a slut and
I'll never forgive you.

But thanks.
Thanks for having freed me from him.

He fucks badly,
like the selfish bastard he is.

Yes, it was crap.

You really are made for each other.

You...

Fuck off!

- Fuck off!
- Yes, but...

Get out! Get out!

- I'm so stupid.
- Yes.

- Thanks, Babette.
- In my country we say:

"if you fall from a tree,
don't give up, climb higher".

Babette, you were born here.

Well, yes.
He's having lunch at the Louis X, V.

At the Louis the 15th.

You're right.

Thanks, Babette!

SORRY

I'M AN IDIOT

DO YOU FORGIVE ME?

PLEASE

WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER?

YOU DIRTY BASTARD

I know about you and that girl.

Ah...

Camille, is one of my assistants

and I'm her thesis supervisor.

No... You don't come home at night,

you dress up to go to work.
You smell of perfume.

It was a ruse to make you jealous.

The perfume, the new clothes too...

But why?

So you're sure you really love me and

you don't want to run away anymore
or make comparisons.

Are you going to leave me?

No, I've just found you again.

Why would I leave you?

Forgive me.

I want you, just you.

You're my life.

I know what we have
isn't perfect but...

it makes me so happy.

Me too.

- So good.
- It's good, hey?

Are you OK?

Yes, you?

Ah, I asked first so.

Then yes, I'm fine.

Stop this circus.

Are you still thinking about him?

I don't believe this is
about your ganaches...

We'll get through this.
We love each other, don't we?

My cousins won't stop going on
about me marrying a fag, but yes...

They did flip out
when they found out about Stťphane.

What, they knew?

They knew?

For how long?

- All three of us come out together, OK?
- OK.

1, 2, 3.

You look gorgeous.

We look like faded Haribo strawberries.

You certainly look like
three complete bitches!

How could you have hidden it from me?

From the start, you even knew
who with and you never told me!

- We wanted to tell you but...
- But what?

You decided I couldn't face the shock?

OK, we were wrong. We're sorry.
We didn't mean to hurt you.

I don't want to see you again.

I don't ever want to hear from
you bitches again!

Laura, we knew about Claire but
we didn't tell you.

I knew you knew.

But I don't think his affair
was any better than your fiancť's.

- How did you know?
- It doesn't matter.

It's easy to judge but
none of us is honest.

- I am.
- Are you joking?

Are you really in love with Maxime?

You played the radiant fiancťe so well
we wanted to save your marriage.

If you'd been more honest with us,
we'd have reacted differently.

That's a lie! And I didn't need you.

You said nothing because you think
I'm a fragile little thing.

Whose fault is that? If you lie,
don't be surprised at the outcome.

- Who are you talking about?
- About us.

Me, you, Anouch, YaŽl. Well,...

What did I hide from you?
What?

- You left your husband.
- What?

- You've left David?
- No, she came back.

- Why do you know and not us?
- It doesn't matter.

- I hate you!
- But...

Great.

And why did you leave David?

Oh, I'm so tired of you!

You know, my darling.
It's my fault too, what happened.

- Why, did you know?
- I didn't know but...

I didn't teach you well.

I raised you telling you that
you should only say nice things.

So you only say nice things,
but not necessarily the truth.

They did it because they love you.

OK, darling.
I'll leave you to think about it.

No, Aunt Vivi, don't go.

Please. Please.

}TWO MONTHS LATER

Wait. How do I look?

- Amazing.
- You too.

- Thank you.
- Love you.

- Love you more.
- No, love you most.

- Shall we go?
- Let me show you my maids of honor.

Well, go on. Go on!

I love you, you bunch of fools!

Oh, yes.

Please be seated.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Stťphane, Maxime,

I'm very happy to welcome you here
to celebrate your wedding.

Of course, you've shared
your story with me.

Stťphane said of you, Maxime:

"When I saw him, I was electrified."

While you, Maxime,
told me that:

"When I saw him,
I said to myself:

'Shit!'"

Let's get back to what we're here for:
your marriage.

Before I marry you, I have to

inform you of the rights and
obligations of a married couple.

Be aware that...

Hurt her and I'll make minced meat
with your balls, understood?

- Very clear.
- You must live together...

- Thanks for everything, Violette.
- be faithful, support each other.

Each will contribute to marriage costs
according to their means.

I will now ask you to stand
for the exchange of vows.

Stťphane Jonet,

do you accept Maxime Delcour
as your lawfully wedded husband?

I do!

Maxime Delcour,

do you accept Stťphane Jonet
as your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

I now declare you to be
legally married.

Admit it, you got Ben to come back.

- Why do you say that?
- Mom...

- Don't tell her.
- I promise.

FOR FLOFLO

Subtitles:
Babel Subtitling