Don't Fuck in the Woods 2 (2018) - full transcript
(dramatic, theme music)
[Man] Tainted Productions.
(dramatic, theme music)
(rattling film reel)
(foreboding, theme music)
(dramatic, distorted music)
(woman screaming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(creature growls)
(woman screaming)
(eerie, ominous music)
(labored breathing)
(woman shrieking)
(eerie, ominous music)
(creature growling)
(woman shrieking)
No. (Sobbing)
(eerie, ominous music)
(creature shrieks)
(woman gurgling)
(upbeat, energetic, rock music)
(woman gasping)
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
(foot thunks) (dramatic,
suspenseful music)
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
- Mother fucker.
(gentle, eerie music)
(boots thump) (scrape)
(phone ringing)
Gil.
[Walter] Hey there.
Hey Walter.
[Walter] How ya
hanging in there?
Well just walking the grounds.
Jesus Christ, Walter,
how'd you keep this
place open for so long?
I'm seeing like six or
seven code violations.
The damn cabins
are falling apart.
[Walter] Well friend,
that's why we have you there.
I need that campsite up
and running within a week.
And given your
current situation,
I didn't figure some hard
work and fresh air would hurt.
That wasn't me
complaining, Walter.
[Walter] I know, Gil, I know.
Walter, this nurse and
these kids, they know about...
[Walter] They know
that you're a handyman
and that's all
they need to know.
Walter...
[Walter] They don't
need to know anything else
other than you and Miss
Hemsgrove are in charge.
So they're showing up today?
[Walter] They should be
there within the next few hours,
Gil, just do me a favor.
What?
[Walter] They're barely
old enough to drink,
so be patient with 'em.
- Great.
- You'll be fine.
Listen, I'm gonna jump off here,
I just wanted to check
in and make sure
everything was
going okay for ya.
Thanks Walter.
[Walter] Don't mention it.
I'll call you
tomorrow to check in.
Have a good one.
You too.
(gentle, dramatic music)
Shit.
(insects singing)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(gravel crackling)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(gravel crackling)
[Woman] Excuse
me, we're a little lost.
Uh... (women giggle)
Yeah, where you tryin' to find?
Uh, Brook Haven Metro Park?
Uh, (chuckles) it's
um, five miles that way.
(women giggle)
- Thank you.
- Oh.
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(upbeat, energetic, rock music)
(hammer thumping)
(energetic, rock music)
(doors clatter)
My friends, we have arrived.
(woman talking
quietly) (door clatters)
[Charlie] Perfect setting
for several days of food,
booze and debauchery.
We can talk about
the first two, but,
let's take it easy
on the latter.
Well hello Mr. Tall
Drink of Water.
Who is you?
I believe that
would be Mr. Gil.
He's in charge of the
construction program.
[Tasha] Is that a
first or a last name?
Why don't you
guys get settled in?
I'm gonna go talk with him.
Um, and just to be clear,
there is plenty of
room in my bunk
for you two fine-ass women.
Her loss, I guess that just
leaves you, Hannah Montana.
Yeah, I'd rather sleep on
salty, glass-covered pavement.
(gravel crackling)
[Vanessa] Hello.
[Gil] Hey.
[Vanessa] Vanessa
Hemsgrove, I'll be your acting...
Nurse, yeah, Walter told me.
And you must be Gillum Ross?
Just Gil.
Well Walter's had
nothing but great things
to say about you, Gil.
[Gil] Likewise.
Um, just thought I'd
come introduce myself
since we're gonna be working
together the next few days.
Well, I don't wanna disturb you.
Uh, just be careful
out there, all right?
What do you mean?
Oh, I haven't walked
the rest of the grounds yet,
so I've already found some
hazards, so there'll be others.
Just be careful, and if you
find a hazard, come to me.
Understood.
And, it would be kind of bad
if something happened
to our site nurse, right?
No, we wouldn't want
that now, would we?
Someone's liable to get
a band aid on an ankle, so.
Duly noted.
(door rattles)
Welcome to the
Pine Hilton, boys.
[Charlie] (chuckles) No.
Did you get a side of
tetanus shot with this cabin?
(insects singing)
(door squeaks)
(switch clicks)
(door squeaks)
(bags rustling)
(zipper buzzes)
(door clatters)
(chuckles) Daddy's home.
Ew, dude, get
the fuck outta here.
What, you know you want me in.
Bye Charlie.
So, what are you
ladies up to today?
Uh, we're probably
gonna lay out.
[Courtney] Yep.
I think I'm gonna go
see what Mason's up to.
Obvious much?
What?
Mason is a hunter.
(laughs) Mason doesn't hunt.
Jesus fucking Christ,
guys like Mason
like the unobtainable.
They like the
thrill of the chase.
Okay.
Okay, so he's a lion, and
you're a fucking elephant.
I'm not fat.
For fuck sake, Mason
takes one look at you
and he knows he can have you
because, like an
elephant, you're just there,
and fucking obvious.
Mason wants a gazelle that he
can chase down and tear apart.
(sighs) Well,
(claps hands) I'm gonna
go get some work done.
You girls have a good day.
(door rattles)
(quiet, ominous music)
(engine humming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(keys clink) (rattle)
[Driver] Well, this
could just have to do.
Well, right to life, right?
[Driver] Yeah.
(doors clatter)
(woman sighs)
(leaves crackling)
Well I'm sure we'll
find some great spots
to take some photo shots.
Yes, I think so.
(leaves crackling)
(quiet, ominous music)
(upbeat, rock music)
(hammer thunking)
(Courtney chuckles)
- That was really rude.
That's not what I meant,
she took it the wrong way.
(hammer thunking)
(upbeat, rock music)
What are you
looking at my girls for?
(upbeat, rock music)
(hand smacks ass)
(men horse playing)
(upbeat, rock music)
(insects singing)
[Woman] Harper.
I'm gonna find you.
(insects singing)
(quiet, dramatic music)
Oh, I see what game
we're playing now, huh.
(ominous, rhythmic
music) (insects singing)
[Blond] You found me.
[Nicole] What do I win?
You might just win me.
(giggles) I like that.
Oh, I like that.
Oh. (Giggles)
(blond sighs)
(blond giggles)
(rhythmic, upbeat music)
(Nicole moans)
[Miley] It says here
that 65% of all people
have sex while they're camping.
You get service out here?
Yeah.
Bullshit, there's no way.
Why?
Because it's a proven fact
that once people get away
from the fuss of civilization,
they let their primal
side come out.
This number's gotta be higher.
How much higher?
95%, at least.
Eh, I highly doubt it.
Why, I mean, think about it,
campfire, peace and quiet,
nobody around for miles,
primal instincts kick in, baby.
(men chuckle)
- Well,
you obviously don't
understand how pussy works.
(rhythmic, upbeat music)
(Nicole moaning quietly)
Yeah, not to mention it'd
be, like, super uncomfortable.
I mean, scraped knees, elbows,
branches and
rocks under you, eh.
You need to shut that shit down.
It just means you're not
doing it right, Courtney.
Always be on top.
- That's right.
- Good point.
That's right, always be on top.
And by the way, they make
stereotypes about this thing
in horror movies and stuff,
and there's gotta be a
reason for that, right?
Yeah. (Courtney laughs)
Yeah, and girls just love it
when you stick it up their
ass, just like in porn, too.
- No.
- Really?
- No.
- Really.
No, I was being fascist.
Facetious.
(chuckles) Whatever.
(upbeat, rhythmic music)
(accelerated breathing)
(Nicole gasps)
(sighs) Hey Charlie,
grab me that bottle of SPF.
Today, preferably.
Whoa, hey tiger.
(men mutter)
Don't miss my shoulders.
I mean, don't get
me wrong, though,
if I was walking
through the woods
and that Gil guy showed up...
That guy?
He's like 40!
Not to mention, he's as bald
as Tasha's stabbing cabin.
(laughs) Okay, I really
like bald guys and he's older,
which means he doesn't
have to be trained as much.
Amen to that. (Grunts)
Just right in there, bro',
just right, (pops tongue)
Yeah bro', get in there.
(Nicole gasping)
(upbeat, rhythmic music)
You like that, baby?
(Nicole gasping)
Nicole, Nicole!
(foot thunks)
(Nicole gasping)
(laughs) Charlie's got mahogany.
(men laughing)
- What?
(laughs) Dude, it
was like 10 seconds.
It's human nature, it's primal.
(group laughing)
[Tasha] You underwhelm me.
Oh. (Laughs)
What the fuck am I
supposed to do with this?
[Tasha] Prove to us you're
not a two-pump chump.
[Charlie] Come the fuck on.
How about you and I
take a walk over there?
Mm, walk huh?
- Mm hmm.
- Mmm, is that all?
Oh no, I'm pretty sure we
can figure other things to do.
- Mm, oh yeah?
- Oh yeah.
(insects singing)
What's happening, hot stuff?
I thought you guys went
to lay out or something?
We were, but
Charlie got religion
while putting sunscreen on me.
What?
I can't reach my back.
Uh huh.
It's not what you think.
Oh sure.
You know what, I don't
think you're as immune
to the rigors of careless
sex after all, Nurse Betty.
Contrary to popular belief,
there are more important
things to talk about than just sex.
Really, like what?
Like fixing this cabin.
And Mr. Gil is doing a great
job adhering to all the rules
and I think we should
follow his example.
(engine humming)
(hammer thumping)
(birds chirping)
(insects singing)
(door clatters)
Well,
looks pretty nice.
I like it out here.
This is nice,
real nice.
Help you with something?
[Officer] Got a nice
setup out here, huh?
It's all right.
(chuckles) All right?
Yeah, I'll say it's all right.
Jesus, wide, open space,
freedom to go about your day,
I bet you get a nice workout
out here too, don't ya?
[Gil] Sure.
Sure.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Oh, and the poon
walking around here,
holy Mary mother of fuck.
Bet you're just in Heaven
out here, aren't you?
Come on, Gil, you can't tell me
the thought hasn't
crossed your mind.
After five years, I would've
thought you would have
worn one of these fur burgers
as a flesh condom by now.
Are you kidding?
Look at him, he would
wanna bitch any one of us
if given the opportunity.
You can see it in his eyes.
I seriously doubt that.
Well, we'll see about that.
(chuckles) Gil is
way too old for you.
So was my therapist.
God.
Uh, five oh is here.
Did somebody order bacon?
[Vanessa] I have no idea.
Ah, there he is.
What's wrong, push your button?
No sir.
No sir?
That's really good.
See, it'd a been a
shame if you timed out
to go right back in,
assaulting an officer of the law.
Know what I mean?
Is there something I
can help you with, officer?
And you are?
[Vanessa] Vanessa Hemsgrove,
the nurse here at the camp.
Mrs. Hemsgrove.
Miss.
Ah Miss, well, no
need to be alarmed,
just taking up my
friend, Gil here,
standard procedure to
keep tabs on ex-cons.
Wait, so this guy's an ex-con?
They can't be around
girls and such, right?
Depends on what
they were locked up for.
Mr. Gil's doing a find job.
(laughs) Mr. Gil.
That's cute.
You're interrupting
Mr. Gil's job,
so if there was something,
someone you'd
like to speak with...
No no no, that's not necessary.
(door clatters)
You behave yourself, Gil,
I don't wanna get
any phone calls
from any of these fine ladies,
saying that you've misbehaved.
We clear?
Crystal.
Well that's good.
All righty, you folks
have a great day.
We'll see you soon, Mr. Gil.
[Vanessa] Don't you
got something to do?
Tsk tsk tsk, naughty boy.
[Vanessa] Go.
(mutters) We got stuff to, do.
(knife patters)
(liquid burbles)
(quiet, ominous
music) (insects singing)
(lighter clicking)
(flames crackling)
- Hey.
- Hey.
(chair rattles)
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
There she is.
[Vanessa] Yeah yeah,
so what's the skinny?
The skinny, people
still say shit like that?
Yes, just 'cause
I'm a little older
doesn't mean I don't
still know the hip lingo.
(group giggles)
- Yeah, the hip lingo, okay.
No uh,
we were actually just
discussing our ex-con handyman.
Listen, I get you guys
may be a little confused
or on edge, but trust me,
you literally have
nothing to worry about.
Why, just 'cause the
boss-man said it's cool?
Yeah, that makes me
feel so much better.
Things like this is normal.
Sometimes when
people's been in the system,
they need a little
assistance on a job and Mr.,
I mean, he's been
staying to himself.
Just leave him alone.
All I know is people like that
have a lot of pent up
aggression and shit.
Oh yeah, and how many
ex-con men do you know?
That's what I thought.
And you too, weren't
you just saying
you were into his
sexy, working man vibe,
literally a few hours ago?
(clears throat)
Yeah, you were.
That was before they knew
he got locked up, though.
I think it just makes it sexier.
Always a sucker for
the bad boys, huh Tasha?
Lay off Gil already,
he's keeping to himself,
we don't need you all
making it a little bit awkward.
I still wanna know
what he was locked up for.
My bet's drugs.
I think he got caught running.
Nah, he looks like a
breaking and entering guy.
(Gil whistles)
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ, creep much?
Miley.
What?
I just came to
check out the fire.
(quiet, dramatic music)
So come on, Gil, what'd
you get locked up for?
[Vanessa] That's
none of your business.
Well, about five years ago,
friend of mine,
came, asked for help,
he got in with some bad
people, owed a lot of money.
What's a lot?
About 500.
(chuckles) $500,
that's not a lot.
$500,000.
- Fuck.
- Damn.
So what happened?
Well, he came to me, had
a plan about scrapping cars
to make money
to pay the debt off.
Doesn't sound like you'd
make that much money.
I mean, not $500,000.
Well it wouldn't, but if you
can make cars disappear,
it would.
Cars that belong
to very bad people.
And so that's what we did,
we made cars disappear.
Wait a second, you're
telling me you ran a chop shop?
We did.
And the money
flowed in like a flood.
He was able to pay off his debt.
Should a stopped though.
We didn't.
We got greedy.
So how'd you get caught?
Eh, it seems we weren't
as close as I thought we were.
Cops got wind of the
operation, brought him in,
basically offered him a deal
which would pin the
whole thing on me.
So he sold you out.
Damn dude, that is cold blooded.
Yeah, he uh,
basically got probation
and I got 10 years,
sentenced to state prison,
Lebanon State Prison,
served five, got out
on good behavior.
(chuckles non-humorously) Fuck.
To Gil.
The unluckiest car-killer alive.
(glasses clinking)
Hey, where are you
two headed off to,
the party's just
getting started.
Eh, we're gonna
take a little stroll
and make a little
party of our own.
Now guys, stay
close, take a flashlight.
But if we're too close,
you'll hear us. (Giggles)
Try to keep some
reservations about yourselves.
Yeah, and uh, watch out
for snakes and Poison Ivy,
and um, herpes.
(groups laughs)
- Fuck you, douche schnakal.
Hey, if that's an offer, I
am down for a love sandwich.
Courtney, you can
be the roast beef.
Oh. (Laughs)
(group laughing)
Fuck off.
Roast beef? (Laughs)
I know you love
roast beef, dude.
Listen, roast beef,
(laughs) wait here,
count to 10, and then follow
the trail and come find me.
Why?
'Cause I have
a surprise for you.
What kind of surprise?
It's gonna be a big surprise,
it's gonna blow your mind.
Okay. (Laughs)
So you're in to bad boys?
I could be a bad boy.
(insects singing)
(fire crackling)
Where you headed off to?
Anywhere you're
not. (Hands slap legs)
(fire crackling)
(insects singing)
Tah dah!
[Courtney] (giggles) What?
Yeah?
You wanna get in the tent
or you wanna mull it over?
[Courtney] Oh
my God. (Laughs)
Get in. (Zipper buzzing)
(mutters) (grunts)
Yeah see, look.
I brought a bag of toys.
- Oh.
And bug-free.
All right, so I
admit, I like the tent,
but explain this.
- What?
Oh this.
- Yeah.
Oh, you know how
cosplay is my kink.
- Uh huh.
- Yeah,
you remember the
thing with the fairies?
- Mm hmm.
- Shh,
let's not talk about that,
it was a dark time for us.
But this, like look,
we're out in the woods,
it's like an 80's movie
with the hockey masks
and the stabbings
and things like that,
and I'm like the unruly
camper and you're like
the hot, sexy, camp counselor
that I'm just tryin' to fuck.
Yeah.
(chuckles) Don't they
usually die in those movies?
Yeah, but we're just
gonna do the sex part.
(laughs) That's when they die.
Yeah, but we're just
gonna do the sex part.
[Courtney] Oh my God.
Oh, or, I could
be a bounty hunter.
[Courtney] Okay,
now we're talkin'.
You're under arrest.
You have the right
to remain naked,
you take that off
and I'll take this off,
'cause I have that right too.
It's equal rights around here.
You have the right,
give me this, goddamn it.
Just take that off, fuckin',
(clothing clatters) (laughs)
Anything you say can and
will be held against my body.
Your dick smuggling
days are over!
You will take these off and
you are going downtown,
gimme, gimme 'em.
You know, if you
ask me, that's just rude.
I mean, we're all here,
having a good time, right,
having fun, and they
just get up and walk off.
Come on!
(door rattles)
(Mason whistles)
I didn't think you got the hint.
Oh, I got it.
You got it, huh?
Yeah.
Wanna see it?
(rhythmic, sassy music)
[Mason] Oh fuck.
(rhythmic, sassy music)
Well uh, I guess it's just
you and me, kitten whiskers.
(Miley chuckles quietly)
No Charlie.
It's just you, boo.
I'm crashing.
(fire crackling)
I think I'm in love.
[Will] Playing hard
to get, that's fine.
[Courtney] Yeah.
Get over here, criminals.
All right, so, woop, you
like these underwear,
you criminal,
that's right, you do.
Get out of here.
Here.
Here we are.
- Oh.
There we go.
(Courtney breathing heavy)
(quiet, dramatic music)
There you go.
Gotta like that,
you're the best camp
counselor I've ever had.
Too bad I had to arrest you.
(grunting) Ye haw, come on!
Oh now, mm mm, we
did cowboys last time.
Okay, sorry sorry sorry.
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha groaning)
(upbeat, rock music)
(door clatters)
(upbeat, rock music)
So uh, I'm like super
tired, I mean it's like,
what time, like 2:00?
10:30.
(exhales) Really?
Shit.
Tell you what, man, in the
shed, underneath the mattress.
Okay.
So, what are you doing here?
You know my story, what's yours?
Not much of a story to tell.
Oh, I don't believe
that for a second.
What makes you say that?
Well because Walter
told me a little bit about you.
Graduated St. Johns in a
DSNC with para-anesthesiology.
Impressive.
Just because I'm a simple guy
doesn't mean I'm a stupid
one, Miss Hemsgrove.
Ah, I knew you'd
like this mullet ride.
(Courtney mutters)
- Ah, I know,
that's what mullets do,
they're magical. (Grunts)
(Courtney giggles)
(Will grunting)
All right, okay.
All right, you criminal,
'bout ready to take you in.
- Yeah?
- Oh yeah.
Okay. (Grunts)
Okay, oh okay. (Grunts)
(laughs) Oh, that's
mullet magic, baby.
Oh. (Exhaling)
[Courtney] Shit.
Did you like that?
[Courtney] Yeah. (Mutters)
You gotta pee?
Well don't do it here.
(Courtney laughs) (mutters)
Do you think I could
grow a mullet on my pubes?
(zipper buzzes)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(creature squishing)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(magazines clap)
(Charlie exhales)
God fuckin' bless you, Gil.
(laughs) Girl.
(door clatters)
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha groaning)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(creature squishes)
(quiet, dramatic music)
So, why after all of that,
would you be wasting
your skills as a nurse here?
Seems like, to me, you're
running from something.
Or someone.
(upbeat, rock music)
(stool screeches)
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha grunting)
Let's just say,
when you're in a
relationship with your boss,
it casts a dark shadow over
someone with a career like mine
and when said boss fails to
let you know that he's married,
yeah.
Then you just move locations,
you don't take the
cheapest paying job,
watching a bunch of kids.
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
What the fuck
is that? (Shrieking)
Yeah, they seem a little
rough around the edges at times,
but they're really good kids.
Well, to us, society's misfits.
(bottles clink)
(Vanessa chuckles)
(gentle, quiet music)
(birds chirping)
(gentle, quiet music)
(clomping footsteps)
(door clatters)
[Mason] Good
morning, sweet cheeks.
Now you're just teasing me.
Rough night?
Oh, I was just
being a lion tamer.
(chair clatters)
What's up her ass?
Miss Hemsgrove.
[Vanessa] Mr. Gil.
Missing somebody?
You know, I've not seen
Will or Court this morning.
That's funny, I didn't hear
'em come in last night either.
You apparently wouldn't
have heard shit after all this...
(Charlie slams table)
Anyways, he didn't sneak
into your guy's bunk last night,
did he?
(sighs) I told
them to stay close.
I'm sure they're fine.
I'll go look for
them in a minute.
I'm sure they just uh,
passed out after their walk.
Anyone of you know how much
a fully grown brown bear weighs?
About 500 pounds. (Sighs)
[Vanessa] Please
tell me you're joking.
Nope.
But do I think
something happened?
Not really.
But it's something that needs
to be on all of your minds
if you decide to trek
out into the woods alone.
Well uh, I'll make
sure to keep that in mind,
but do we, by chance have, like,
a rifle on site, or
something, just in case?
Forgot, ex-con.
Tell you what, Chuck,
why don't you use
your winning personality
if you run into wildlife?
It should be a solid deterrent.
By the way, you
smell like Mason's dick.
Oh, better than smelling
like loneliness and depression.
(women chuckle)
(Vanessa mutters)
(door clatters)
(woman screaming)
(chairs clatter)
[Woman] Help me,
help me! (Screaming)
Help me!
- Hey, hey, whoa whoa whoa!
- Let go of me!
Easy, easy. (Woman screaming)
(dramatic, ominous music)
Yes!
- Let me go!
- Chill! (Grunts)
You don't understand,
it's out there!
My friends, they're all...
(Gil groaning)
- Jesus Gil,
are you okay?
- God.
- Come help me.
Get him up.
(Gil grunting)
Somebody get her up and
let's get her to the med-bed.
(groaning) Who
the fuck is this bitch?
[Mason] You're taking
grandpa, I'll carry her.
(gentle, dramatic
music) (birds chirping)
(men grunt)
[Gil] Jesus. (Grunts)
(gentle, ominous music)
(lighter clicks) (gentle,
ominous music)
Will!
Will, where are you?
(Mason grunts)
(labored breathing)
(quiet, ominous music)
She's so bloody.
Laceration on her forehead,
laceration on left thigh.
(Vanessa sighs)
You okay?
[Vanessa] Yeah, just
a little unexpected is all.
Are you okay?
[Miley] I'll be fine.
What the hell happened to her?
(gentle, ominous music)
Courtney!
Will!
Was that roast beef
an all-night buffet?
(gentle, ominous music)
She's stable for now.
Let's check back
on her in a few hours.
A few hours?
What the fuck did
you hit her with?
[Vanessa] A sedative.
Okay, so what do we do now?
[Gil] I think it's
time to make that call.
[Miley] Agreed.
Tash, can you go
and get the sat. Phone?
You two, I want everyone
back at this camp before sunset,
no more wandering around.
Go get Charlie, look
for Will and Courtney,
bring 'em back here
to the nurse's station.
(Vanessa sighs)
(gentle, ominous music)
What the fuck?
(rustling leaves)
(gentle, ominous music)
Jesus fucking Christ.
(leaves rustling)
(zipper buzzes)
Oh shit.
I guess we're doing this.
You all right?
I don't know, just
something's not right.
Other than the obvious?
Maybe I'm being paranoid,
but (chuckles non-humorously)
She comes running
out of nowhere,
damn near ferrel,
talking about something
being out in the woods. (Sighs)
We're about 50 miles away
from the nearest civilization,
it's not really painting a...
Gil, you might wanna
come look at this.
What now?
Clean up, you look like shit.
I'll figure out what's going on.
(quiet, foreboding music)
Oh shit. (quiet,
foreboding music)
What the fuck?
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Charlie screaming)
(quiet, eerie music)
(insects singing)
You okay?
Yeah, my ankle
still hurts a bit.
Let me see.
(gentle, quiet music)
Oh yeah, definitely a sprain.
(Miley grunts)
Sorry.
Um, you're fine.
You think you could get
my shoulders instead?
I just feel so tense.
Yeah, sure.
(gentle, quiet music)
(Miley groans)
You don't feel that tense.
Let me ask you something.
Go for it.
Why Tasha?
What?
You and Tasha, I don't get it.
Miles, it's not like we're...
There's nothing
special about her
and there's nothing that
she can do that I can't.
Or better.
(gentle, quiet music)
Miles look, there's just
nothing here between you and I.
I mean...
There could be.
(gentle, quiet music)
[Mason] (sighs) No, Miley,
we are in two different leagues.
You need a good guy
and I am not a good guy.
Maybe I don't want a good guy.
[Mason] And I don't want you.
I'm sorry.
Fine, have fun with your
cum guzzling gutter slut!
What did you do now?
(gentle, foreboding music)
(door clatters) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(door rattles) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(grass rustling) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(shrieks) Where the fuck am I?
- Stay down.
- Who the fuck are you?
[Vanessa] I'm Nurse
Vanessa Hemsgrove.
You're at Pine Hills Camp.
(fist thumps)
- Ow! (Grunts)
Gil, give her some space.
[Gil] Bitch, would
you stop hitting me?
[Woman] What
did you hit me with?
A sedative.
The effects have
not worn off yet.
I promise, no one's
gonna hurt you.
[Mason] What happened?
[Gil] Bitch just went
in with a hair trigger.
- Sorry.
- Jesus.
[Vanessa] Can you
tell me your name?
Jane.
[Gil] Oh, I swear to God,
if you say your
last name is Doe...
Fuck off.
[Vanessa] What are
you doing out here, Jane?
We were on vacation.
My friends and I were camping.
Something,
something attacked us.
There's something in the woods.
Whoa whoa whoa, sit.
What kind of something?
I don't know, some
animal, a monster.
What the hell are you
talking about, what monster?
It hunted us down.
It killed my friends.
It killed,
Alex.
[Vanessa] I need to know
exactly what happened,
are there others out there?
They're dead, they're all dead.
[Vanessa] Gil, we've
gotta call somebody.
Where's the sat. Phone?
Smashed.
I don't know how...
- What?
It's a no go.
[Vanessa] Oh my God,
Will, Courtney, Charlie?
Nobody's come back yet.
God, what is going on?
[Gil] Hell if I know.
There are people missing.
She shows up, talking
about her friends
are being killed
by some monster?
[Gil] I really don't think
she's the most reliable source
of information
right now, Vanessa.
[Vanessa] Even so, I have
three counselors missing
and after what I've
seen the past few hours...
[Gil] What are you
talking about now?
Come look at this.
(quiet, foreboding music)
The fuck is that?
I don't know, but it
came out of Jane's leg.
She's sick, contagious?
I don't know.
(Gil snaps fingers)
No bullshit, what
is that all over you?
Pick a friend.
Let's hear about
this monster of yours.
(Miley crying)
(distant popping)
Tasha?
Just go away, okay?
You were right, (crying)
I'm not a gazelle, I'm just
a fucking elephant. (Crying)
(ominous, foreboding
music) Tasha?
(Miley screaming)
(dramatic, menacing music)
That's the last
thing I remember.
I woke up, heard some
not-too-friendly shit in the woods,
stumbled up on you
people, and here we are.
(chuckles) No, I call
bullshit, it's gotta be bullshit.
But you said you killed
the thing, though, right?
[Jane] As far as I know.
There wasn't much left.
Gil?
I'll start the car.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what?
You don't actually believe
this horseshit, do you?
Listen, Abercrombie, you
wanna hang around here,
be my guest.
What about the others,
we're just gonna fuckin'
take off and leave 'em?
Mason's right, Gil, I'm not
leaving those kids out there.
We gotta go find them.
So we go out there
and risk something
happening to all of us?
I am with Gil, I say we
hightail it the fuck outta here.
And what if it was you?
If I was stupid enough
to go out there alone,
I'd expect you to spill
one for your homey
and get the fuck outta dodge.
Bitch.
Hey, don't sit
there and act like
you'd be all heroic for me
if I was the one out there.
You can't go out there.
If there are more of those
out there, believe me,
your friends are
more than likely dead.
Well, (sighs) I'm
not gonna sit here
and listen to this
horseshit anymore.
There are no goddamn
monsters out here
and I'm not gonna bolt all
because some crack whore
decided she was
gonna run into camp
and tell us all
about her friends
that got killed by some Gil-man.
(door clatters)
Actually, they
were ripped apart.
Vanessa.
Gil, please.
Goddamn it, all right, fine,
Vanessa and I will
go look for the others,
you guys stay here in
case they come back.
Nice try, handsome,
but I'm not staying here.
Didn't you just say it was
smarter not to go out there?
(chuckles, unamused)
And I still stand by that.
However, I'd be more
comfortable with you out there
than stuck here.
[Vanessa] Where's Miley?
Last I saw her, she was
headed towards the bathhouse.
Can you please go get her?
The last thing we need is
to be separated right now.
I'm gonna go get
some more supplies
in case anybody else gets hurt.
I don't think a
bandaid's gonna cure
what's more than
likely happened to them.
Our thoughts stay
positive, please.
Stay with her.
I guess I'm gonna
get flashlights.
(door clatters)
(chair creaks)
Sorry about the
whole crack whore jab.
(door rattles)
(quiet, foreboding music)
(towel dispenser rumbling)
(water hissing) (quiet,
foreboding music)
(Jane crying) (quiet,
foreboding music)
(zipper buzzes)
(items rusting)
(gasps) Jesus, Will, where
the hell have you guys been?
(quiet, foreboding music)
Will?
Oh my God.
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa screaming)
(dramatic, menacing music)
Oh no, please, no!
(dramatic, menacing music)
(will growls)
(Vanessa screaming)
Oh my God, oh my God.
(Vanessa screams)
(Will grunting)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa yells)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa screams)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(men grunting) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(gasps) Oh my God.
(gasps) Holy shit.
Oh my God, what is
happening? (Crying)
Miley. (Door clatters)
Miley?
What the fuck!?
Vanessa!
(eerie, distorted music)
(door clatters)
Jesus fucking
Christ. (Grunts)
[Gil] Yeah, he's dead.
Oh no shit, I couldn't
tell from the scissors
sticking out of his
fucking head. (Sighs)
[Vanessa] Whatever
happened to Will
has happened to
the others out there.
And what, exactly, is that?
Eh, yeah we're
still working on it.
It attaches itself to the host
and causes severe mutation.
(sighs) Fuck.
However, without
the host being active,
the parasite can't thrive.
And there's no
way to save the host?
With this severe of a
mutation, I don't think so.
So what happens to the parasite?
(dramatic, menacing
music) (parasite screeching)
(Tasha exhales)
(parasite squishing)
(distant hissing)
Whoa, they did not like that.
[Mason] Oh my God!
(eerie, distorted music)
Get the window!
Hey!
(Mason grunts)
(hyperventilating)
What the fuck's wrong with them?
What was that?
I don't know, and at
this point, I don't care.
Just help me.
[Vanessa] Gil,
this isn't normal.
[Gil] I don't think that
constitutes as normal, tonight.
Look at this.
[Gil] What am I looking for?
His heart, he
was still changing.
It's filled with puncture
wounds and holes.
Whatever that thing was
was filling him full of
hormones and adrenaline.
That's what the fuck
that as throwing me around
like a rag doll.
Yeah, but there's
more to it than that.
What do you mean?
Well think about
it for a second,
(sighs) what's the heart do?
Pumps blood.
It was feeding oxygen
and blood into his body.
- Okay.
- Well,
what was that
thing gunning toward
when it come out of his mouth?
[Gil] Tasha?
What about me?
It also feeds blood into
certain areas of the body.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, which is how it spreads,
it takes over the entire
reproductive system,
pumps an excessive
amount of adrenaline,
hormones into the body,
overpowers it's prey
and infects them.
Ew.
So what you're saying
is this thing has a source,
like a patient zero?
I don't know.
That's about all
I got at this point.
Shh.
Listen.
(engine humming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(door clatters)
(quiet, ominous
music) (insects singing)
Bowman!
Fuck, I gotta go
get him. (Slaps wall)
You can't go out there.
Not gonna let him fuckin' die.
(quiet, ominous music)
(bag rustles)
(officer chuckles)
This outta put you
away for a couple years.
[Vanessa] Eh, just be safe.
Yeah, there's (mutters)
(door clattering)
(quiet, ominous music)
Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Get your hands up, Gil.
Bowman, calm down.
Get your hands up,
you fucking convict.
Bowman, you gotta
listen to me, man,
calm down, there's some
fucked up shit happening tonight...
I don't wanna hear it.
What the fuck are you doing?
You're fucking
planting evidence?
I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I figure some asshole
like you got it coming,
you never fucking learn.
Now get your
fuckin' ass over here,
put your hands on the table now.
Don't have time for this...
[Officer] Put your goddamn
hands on the table, Gil!
- Shit has went down...
- Put your goddamn,
fucking hands on the fucking
table, you son of a bitch.
(men arguing) (fist thumps)
(Gil grunts) Fuck huh?
Your fucking mouth, goddamn it.
I've had enough
of your shit, Gil.
You're making a
fucking mistake, man...
Keep walking to
the door, asshole,
walk to the fucking door.
- Goddamn it.
(officer muttering)
Fucking dip-shit,
Mayberry ass, mother fucker.
[Officer] Shut your fucking
pie hole, keep walking.
(officer muttering)
Oh no, why is he taking him?
Uh, we have to go explain.
[Officer] How do you
feel now, tough guy, huh...
[Gil] Fuck you, Bowman.
[Officer] Piece of shit.
- Just fuckin'...
- Shut your fuckin' mouth!
(Gil grunts)
[Gil] Oh, you are so
making a fucking mistake.
[Officer] Oh, am I really?
Am I really making a mistake?
(Gil grunts) Huh?
You're going to jail, creep.
Huh, you wanna fuck
around, you've gotta...
[Tasha] Stop, it's not...
Everybody calm the
fuck down, goddamn it.
(cuffs click)
(group chattering)
[Tasha] Do you know
what's happening right now?
[Officer] What's
happening right now?
Shut the fuck up.
(dramatic, ominous music)
- The fuck?
- Oh shit.
(dramatic, menacing
music) (officer screaming)
Oh fuck!
(door clatters)
[Jane] Let me in!
You spineless prick!
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Gil muttering fearfully)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Jane whistles)
(pair grunting) (dramatic,
menacing music)
Are you okay?
Keys keys keys!
(dramatic, ominous music)
(Gil grunts)
Go go go go go go, go go go.
(dramatic, ominous music)
(gun snaps) (dramatic,
ominous music)
(eerie, menacing music)
(group panicking)
(eerie, menacing music)
What are they doing?
Why did they stop?
I don't know.
Shit.
Damn it.
They were everywhere.
Five years in the pen,
the closest thing to
getting laid I'm gonna get
is tongue fucked to death
these goddamn things.
Hey, my offer still stands,
but if you get us
out of here alive,
I'm throwing anal in the deal.
Goddamn killer sex sauce!
(group panicking)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(creature growling)
Shit! (Gun blasts)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(clamoring footsteps)
Oh come on.
(creature shrieks) Oh shit!
Oh. (Grunting)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Gil screaming)
(creature gurgling)
(gun snaps)
(creature gurgling)
(saw buzzing) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(Gil screams)
(saw buzzing) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(labored breathing)
(dramatic, menacing music)
Hey hey, come on, kid, wake up.
Come on.
[Jane] Fuck.
Oh fuck. (Grunts)
You okay?
Yeah.
I think I, I told you something
was way fuckin' bad, still.
Duly noted. (Grunting)
(quiet, dramatic
music) (insects singing)
It's after Tash, we've
gotta go after it. (Grunts)
How do you even
know she's still alive?
(distant screaming)
Call it a hunch. (Grunts)
Is there anything
useful in there?
(sighs) We'll
see. (Grunting)
That work?
Yeah.
Vacation's over.
Time to get to work.
(quiet, ominous music)
Hey whoa whoa whoa.
(quiet, ominous music)
What the fuck is that?
Hold this.
(ax thumping)
(labored breathing)
(gentle, ominous music)
(distant hissing)
They're coming. (Mutters)
(ominous, menacing music)
Fuck, Jesus fucking
Christ. (Grunting)
No, stop. (Grunts)
Let me go. (Grunts)
(Tasha screams)
Is anal still worth it?
[Gil] Yeah.
(flashlight clicks)
(sighs) Pussy.
(quiet, menacing music)
(Tasha gagging)
(quiet, menacing music)
[Gil] Hey, what's that?
(gentle, menacing music)
[Jane] That's dynamite.
(sighs) It's better
than a wrench.
(flashlight clicks)
(gentle, menacing music)
What the fuck?
(gentle, menacing music)
Jane.
She's still breathing.
(gentle, menacing music)
What the fuck is going on?
What's wrong with her?
Who is that?
What's with the
bitch on the wall?
That's Meg.
And this is Alex. (Crying)
She is,
(clears throat)
was my girlfriend.
(crying) Alex, come on,
wake up, please don't go.
Please don't
leave me. (Crying)
(eerie, somber music)
(crying) Alex, come on.
Come on!
We just wanted to get
away for the weekend.
Please don't, I'm sorry.
I love you.
(eerie, somber
music) (Jane crying)
Whoa. (Saw buzzing)
(saw buzzing)
(labored breathing)
(creature hisses)
(menacing, ominous music)
(Jane screams)
(menacing, ominous music)
(Gil grunting) (menacing,
ominous music)
(metal clanking)
(saw buzzing)
(menacing, ominous
music) (Gil grunting)
[Jane] Gil, come on.
(energetic, dramatic music)
(fire hissing) (energetic,
dramatic music)
(explosion blasts)
(fire roaring)
(insects singing)
(quiet, somber music)
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
Tash. (Labored breathing)
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
Come on, come on, kid.
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
(insects singing)
(somber, foreboding music)
(creature muttering)
(squishing)
(creature muttering)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(labored breathing)
(insects singing)
Fuck.
(energetic, upbeat, rock music)
[Man] (mutters)
Uh, 53E, take one.
(clapperboard snaps)
(men chattering over each other)
[Will] Let's take one again,
you have the right to
remain without clothes.
Well fuck, there goes the wig.
(group laughs)
500,000.
[Man] Actually,
reset from the top.
[Man] Goddamn, you're
ruining my boner, T.J.
[Man] Hold on,
I wanna rest on this for
just a little bit longer, okay?
[Man] He's going
limp, dude, come on.
[Man] Action.
(men laughing)
[Man] That's what
you get, that's Karma.
[Jane] I went to
slam into the door
and I just wasn't...
(group laughing)
[Man] Good thing you didn't
have, like, those scissors.
[Man] Yeah, don't
run with scissors.
[Man] Can he stay
there and we use that?
(Will muttering)
[Will] You like this
mullet, yeah you do.
Oh. (Muttering)
(pair laughing)
Shit, Jesus, Gil are you okay?
[Gil] Oh fucking bitch,
got my leg (grunting)
Who is that?
[Man] Is your dick out of place?
[Woman] Oh my God.
(Gil grunts)
That was my line. (Laughs)
Someone as knowledgeable
and handy as you are,
I'm sure you know exactly
what to do with those hands.
Don't you?
(people laughing) (muttering)
That was, (grunts) (laughs)
(quiet, ominous
music) (fire crackling)
(beer gurgles)
[Mason] Blew your
load a little early, didn't ya?
Yeah. (Men laugh)
(quiet, ominous music)
(Gil grunting)
[Gil] Oh shit!
[Vanessa] Gil, are you okay?
Charlie's got mahogany.
[Mason] (laughs) Dude,
it was like 10 seconds.
(laughs) Can't help
it, it's human nature.
(people muttering) (laughing)
I couldn't get it.
(group laughing) I'm trying.
(door thumps)
- Let me in!
(men laughing)
It flew right in
my eye. (Laughs)
Now Charlie, don't
be a sore loser, Charlie.
Sorry Charlie.
That hurt.
[Will] (grunts) Was
that good for you?
My butt hole hurts. (Laughs)
(pair laughing)
(quiet, foreboding music)
(birds chirping)
(door rattles) (squeaks)
(birds chirping)
(dramatic, booming music)
Where are they?
Jane?
(dramatic, menacing music)
(dramatic, theme music)
[Man] Tainted Productions.
(dramatic, theme music)
(rattling film reel)
(foreboding, theme music)
(dramatic, distorted music)
(woman screaming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(creature growls)
(woman screaming)
(eerie, ominous music)
(labored breathing)
(woman shrieking)
(eerie, ominous music)
(creature growling)
(woman shrieking)
No. (Sobbing)
(eerie, ominous music)
(creature shrieks)
(woman gurgling)
(upbeat, energetic, rock music)
(woman gasping)
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
(foot thunks) (dramatic,
suspenseful music)
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
- Mother fucker.
(gentle, eerie music)
(boots thump) (scrape)
(phone ringing)
Gil.
[Walter] Hey there.
Hey Walter.
[Walter] How ya
hanging in there?
Well just walking the grounds.
Jesus Christ, Walter,
how'd you keep this
place open for so long?
I'm seeing like six or
seven code violations.
The damn cabins
are falling apart.
[Walter] Well friend,
that's why we have you there.
I need that campsite up
and running within a week.
And given your
current situation,
I didn't figure some hard
work and fresh air would hurt.
That wasn't me
complaining, Walter.
[Walter] I know, Gil, I know.
Walter, this nurse and
these kids, they know about...
[Walter] They know
that you're a handyman
and that's all
they need to know.
Walter...
[Walter] They don't
need to know anything else
other than you and Miss
Hemsgrove are in charge.
So they're showing up today?
[Walter] They should be
there within the next few hours,
Gil, just do me a favor.
What?
[Walter] They're barely
old enough to drink,
so be patient with 'em.
- Great.
- You'll be fine.
Listen, I'm gonna jump off here,
I just wanted to check
in and make sure
everything was
going okay for ya.
Thanks Walter.
[Walter] Don't mention it.
I'll call you
tomorrow to check in.
Have a good one.
You too.
(gentle, dramatic music)
Shit.
(insects singing)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(gravel crackling)
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(gravel crackling)
[Woman] Excuse
me, we're a little lost.
Uh... (women giggle)
Yeah, where you tryin' to find?
Uh, Brook Haven Metro Park?
Uh, (chuckles) it's
um, five miles that way.
(women giggle)
- Thank you.
- Oh.
(gentle, dramatic music)
(hammer thumping)
(upbeat, energetic, rock music)
(hammer thumping)
(energetic, rock music)
(doors clatter)
My friends, we have arrived.
(woman talking
quietly) (door clatters)
[Charlie] Perfect setting
for several days of food,
booze and debauchery.
We can talk about
the first two, but,
let's take it easy
on the latter.
Well hello Mr. Tall
Drink of Water.
Who is you?
I believe that
would be Mr. Gil.
He's in charge of the
construction program.
[Tasha] Is that a
first or a last name?
Why don't you
guys get settled in?
I'm gonna go talk with him.
Um, and just to be clear,
there is plenty of
room in my bunk
for you two fine-ass women.
Her loss, I guess that just
leaves you, Hannah Montana.
Yeah, I'd rather sleep on
salty, glass-covered pavement.
(gravel crackling)
[Vanessa] Hello.
[Gil] Hey.
[Vanessa] Vanessa
Hemsgrove, I'll be your acting...
Nurse, yeah, Walter told me.
And you must be Gillum Ross?
Just Gil.
Well Walter's had
nothing but great things
to say about you, Gil.
[Gil] Likewise.
Um, just thought I'd
come introduce myself
since we're gonna be working
together the next few days.
Well, I don't wanna disturb you.
Uh, just be careful
out there, all right?
What do you mean?
Oh, I haven't walked
the rest of the grounds yet,
so I've already found some
hazards, so there'll be others.
Just be careful, and if you
find a hazard, come to me.
Understood.
And, it would be kind of bad
if something happened
to our site nurse, right?
No, we wouldn't want
that now, would we?
Someone's liable to get
a band aid on an ankle, so.
Duly noted.
(door rattles)
Welcome to the
Pine Hilton, boys.
[Charlie] (chuckles) No.
Did you get a side of
tetanus shot with this cabin?
(insects singing)
(door squeaks)
(switch clicks)
(door squeaks)
(bags rustling)
(zipper buzzes)
(door clatters)
(chuckles) Daddy's home.
Ew, dude, get
the fuck outta here.
What, you know you want me in.
Bye Charlie.
So, what are you
ladies up to today?
Uh, we're probably
gonna lay out.
[Courtney] Yep.
I think I'm gonna go
see what Mason's up to.
Obvious much?
What?
Mason is a hunter.
(laughs) Mason doesn't hunt.
Jesus fucking Christ,
guys like Mason
like the unobtainable.
They like the
thrill of the chase.
Okay.
Okay, so he's a lion, and
you're a fucking elephant.
I'm not fat.
For fuck sake, Mason
takes one look at you
and he knows he can have you
because, like an
elephant, you're just there,
and fucking obvious.
Mason wants a gazelle that he
can chase down and tear apart.
(sighs) Well,
(claps hands) I'm gonna
go get some work done.
You girls have a good day.
(door rattles)
(quiet, ominous music)
(engine humming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(keys clink) (rattle)
[Driver] Well, this
could just have to do.
Well, right to life, right?
[Driver] Yeah.
(doors clatter)
(woman sighs)
(leaves crackling)
Well I'm sure we'll
find some great spots
to take some photo shots.
Yes, I think so.
(leaves crackling)
(quiet, ominous music)
(upbeat, rock music)
(hammer thunking)
(Courtney chuckles)
- That was really rude.
That's not what I meant,
she took it the wrong way.
(hammer thunking)
(upbeat, rock music)
What are you
looking at my girls for?
(upbeat, rock music)
(hand smacks ass)
(men horse playing)
(upbeat, rock music)
(insects singing)
[Woman] Harper.
I'm gonna find you.
(insects singing)
(quiet, dramatic music)
Oh, I see what game
we're playing now, huh.
(ominous, rhythmic
music) (insects singing)
[Blond] You found me.
[Nicole] What do I win?
You might just win me.
(giggles) I like that.
Oh, I like that.
Oh. (Giggles)
(blond sighs)
(blond giggles)
(rhythmic, upbeat music)
(Nicole moans)
[Miley] It says here
that 65% of all people
have sex while they're camping.
You get service out here?
Yeah.
Bullshit, there's no way.
Why?
Because it's a proven fact
that once people get away
from the fuss of civilization,
they let their primal
side come out.
This number's gotta be higher.
How much higher?
95%, at least.
Eh, I highly doubt it.
Why, I mean, think about it,
campfire, peace and quiet,
nobody around for miles,
primal instincts kick in, baby.
(men chuckle)
- Well,
you obviously don't
understand how pussy works.
(rhythmic, upbeat music)
(Nicole moaning quietly)
Yeah, not to mention it'd
be, like, super uncomfortable.
I mean, scraped knees, elbows,
branches and
rocks under you, eh.
You need to shut that shit down.
It just means you're not
doing it right, Courtney.
Always be on top.
- That's right.
- Good point.
That's right, always be on top.
And by the way, they make
stereotypes about this thing
in horror movies and stuff,
and there's gotta be a
reason for that, right?
Yeah. (Courtney laughs)
Yeah, and girls just love it
when you stick it up their
ass, just like in porn, too.
- No.
- Really?
- No.
- Really.
No, I was being fascist.
Facetious.
(chuckles) Whatever.
(upbeat, rhythmic music)
(accelerated breathing)
(Nicole gasps)
(sighs) Hey Charlie,
grab me that bottle of SPF.
Today, preferably.
Whoa, hey tiger.
(men mutter)
Don't miss my shoulders.
I mean, don't get
me wrong, though,
if I was walking
through the woods
and that Gil guy showed up...
That guy?
He's like 40!
Not to mention, he's as bald
as Tasha's stabbing cabin.
(laughs) Okay, I really
like bald guys and he's older,
which means he doesn't
have to be trained as much.
Amen to that. (Grunts)
Just right in there, bro',
just right, (pops tongue)
Yeah bro', get in there.
(Nicole gasping)
(upbeat, rhythmic music)
You like that, baby?
(Nicole gasping)
Nicole, Nicole!
(foot thunks)
(Nicole gasping)
(laughs) Charlie's got mahogany.
(men laughing)
- What?
(laughs) Dude, it
was like 10 seconds.
It's human nature, it's primal.
(group laughing)
[Tasha] You underwhelm me.
Oh. (Laughs)
What the fuck am I
supposed to do with this?
[Tasha] Prove to us you're
not a two-pump chump.
[Charlie] Come the fuck on.
How about you and I
take a walk over there?
Mm, walk huh?
- Mm hmm.
- Mmm, is that all?
Oh no, I'm pretty sure we
can figure other things to do.
- Mm, oh yeah?
- Oh yeah.
(insects singing)
What's happening, hot stuff?
I thought you guys went
to lay out or something?
We were, but
Charlie got religion
while putting sunscreen on me.
What?
I can't reach my back.
Uh huh.
It's not what you think.
Oh sure.
You know what, I don't
think you're as immune
to the rigors of careless
sex after all, Nurse Betty.
Contrary to popular belief,
there are more important
things to talk about than just sex.
Really, like what?
Like fixing this cabin.
And Mr. Gil is doing a great
job adhering to all the rules
and I think we should
follow his example.
(engine humming)
(hammer thumping)
(birds chirping)
(insects singing)
(door clatters)
Well,
looks pretty nice.
I like it out here.
This is nice,
real nice.
Help you with something?
[Officer] Got a nice
setup out here, huh?
It's all right.
(chuckles) All right?
Yeah, I'll say it's all right.
Jesus, wide, open space,
freedom to go about your day,
I bet you get a nice workout
out here too, don't ya?
[Gil] Sure.
Sure.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Oh, and the poon
walking around here,
holy Mary mother of fuck.
Bet you're just in Heaven
out here, aren't you?
Come on, Gil, you can't tell me
the thought hasn't
crossed your mind.
After five years, I would've
thought you would have
worn one of these fur burgers
as a flesh condom by now.
Are you kidding?
Look at him, he would
wanna bitch any one of us
if given the opportunity.
You can see it in his eyes.
I seriously doubt that.
Well, we'll see about that.
(chuckles) Gil is
way too old for you.
So was my therapist.
God.
Uh, five oh is here.
Did somebody order bacon?
[Vanessa] I have no idea.
Ah, there he is.
What's wrong, push your button?
No sir.
No sir?
That's really good.
See, it'd a been a
shame if you timed out
to go right back in,
assaulting an officer of the law.
Know what I mean?
Is there something I
can help you with, officer?
And you are?
[Vanessa] Vanessa Hemsgrove,
the nurse here at the camp.
Mrs. Hemsgrove.
Miss.
Ah Miss, well, no
need to be alarmed,
just taking up my
friend, Gil here,
standard procedure to
keep tabs on ex-cons.
Wait, so this guy's an ex-con?
They can't be around
girls and such, right?
Depends on what
they were locked up for.
Mr. Gil's doing a find job.
(laughs) Mr. Gil.
That's cute.
You're interrupting
Mr. Gil's job,
so if there was something,
someone you'd
like to speak with...
No no no, that's not necessary.
(door clatters)
You behave yourself, Gil,
I don't wanna get
any phone calls
from any of these fine ladies,
saying that you've misbehaved.
We clear?
Crystal.
Well that's good.
All righty, you folks
have a great day.
We'll see you soon, Mr. Gil.
[Vanessa] Don't you
got something to do?
Tsk tsk tsk, naughty boy.
[Vanessa] Go.
(mutters) We got stuff to, do.
(knife patters)
(liquid burbles)
(quiet, ominous
music) (insects singing)
(lighter clicking)
(flames crackling)
- Hey.
- Hey.
(chair rattles)
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
There she is.
[Vanessa] Yeah yeah,
so what's the skinny?
The skinny, people
still say shit like that?
Yes, just 'cause
I'm a little older
doesn't mean I don't
still know the hip lingo.
(group giggles)
- Yeah, the hip lingo, okay.
No uh,
we were actually just
discussing our ex-con handyman.
Listen, I get you guys
may be a little confused
or on edge, but trust me,
you literally have
nothing to worry about.
Why, just 'cause the
boss-man said it's cool?
Yeah, that makes me
feel so much better.
Things like this is normal.
Sometimes when
people's been in the system,
they need a little
assistance on a job and Mr.,
I mean, he's been
staying to himself.
Just leave him alone.
All I know is people like that
have a lot of pent up
aggression and shit.
Oh yeah, and how many
ex-con men do you know?
That's what I thought.
And you too, weren't
you just saying
you were into his
sexy, working man vibe,
literally a few hours ago?
(clears throat)
Yeah, you were.
That was before they knew
he got locked up, though.
I think it just makes it sexier.
Always a sucker for
the bad boys, huh Tasha?
Lay off Gil already,
he's keeping to himself,
we don't need you all
making it a little bit awkward.
I still wanna know
what he was locked up for.
My bet's drugs.
I think he got caught running.
Nah, he looks like a
breaking and entering guy.
(Gil whistles)
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ, creep much?
Miley.
What?
I just came to
check out the fire.
(quiet, dramatic music)
So come on, Gil, what'd
you get locked up for?
[Vanessa] That's
none of your business.
Well, about five years ago,
friend of mine,
came, asked for help,
he got in with some bad
people, owed a lot of money.
What's a lot?
About 500.
(chuckles) $500,
that's not a lot.
$500,000.
- Fuck.
- Damn.
So what happened?
Well, he came to me, had
a plan about scrapping cars
to make money
to pay the debt off.
Doesn't sound like you'd
make that much money.
I mean, not $500,000.
Well it wouldn't, but if you
can make cars disappear,
it would.
Cars that belong
to very bad people.
And so that's what we did,
we made cars disappear.
Wait a second, you're
telling me you ran a chop shop?
We did.
And the money
flowed in like a flood.
He was able to pay off his debt.
Should a stopped though.
We didn't.
We got greedy.
So how'd you get caught?
Eh, it seems we weren't
as close as I thought we were.
Cops got wind of the
operation, brought him in,
basically offered him a deal
which would pin the
whole thing on me.
So he sold you out.
Damn dude, that is cold blooded.
Yeah, he uh,
basically got probation
and I got 10 years,
sentenced to state prison,
Lebanon State Prison,
served five, got out
on good behavior.
(chuckles non-humorously) Fuck.
To Gil.
The unluckiest car-killer alive.
(glasses clinking)
Hey, where are you
two headed off to,
the party's just
getting started.
Eh, we're gonna
take a little stroll
and make a little
party of our own.
Now guys, stay
close, take a flashlight.
But if we're too close,
you'll hear us. (Giggles)
Try to keep some
reservations about yourselves.
Yeah, and uh, watch out
for snakes and Poison Ivy,
and um, herpes.
(groups laughs)
- Fuck you, douche schnakal.
Hey, if that's an offer, I
am down for a love sandwich.
Courtney, you can
be the roast beef.
Oh. (Laughs)
(group laughing)
Fuck off.
Roast beef? (Laughs)
I know you love
roast beef, dude.
Listen, roast beef,
(laughs) wait here,
count to 10, and then follow
the trail and come find me.
Why?
'Cause I have
a surprise for you.
What kind of surprise?
It's gonna be a big surprise,
it's gonna blow your mind.
Okay. (Laughs)
So you're in to bad boys?
I could be a bad boy.
(insects singing)
(fire crackling)
Where you headed off to?
Anywhere you're
not. (Hands slap legs)
(fire crackling)
(insects singing)
Tah dah!
[Courtney] (giggles) What?
Yeah?
You wanna get in the tent
or you wanna mull it over?
[Courtney] Oh
my God. (Laughs)
Get in. (Zipper buzzing)
(mutters) (grunts)
Yeah see, look.
I brought a bag of toys.
- Oh.
And bug-free.
All right, so I
admit, I like the tent,
but explain this.
- What?
Oh this.
- Yeah.
Oh, you know how
cosplay is my kink.
- Uh huh.
- Yeah,
you remember the
thing with the fairies?
- Mm hmm.
- Shh,
let's not talk about that,
it was a dark time for us.
But this, like look,
we're out in the woods,
it's like an 80's movie
with the hockey masks
and the stabbings
and things like that,
and I'm like the unruly
camper and you're like
the hot, sexy, camp counselor
that I'm just tryin' to fuck.
Yeah.
(chuckles) Don't they
usually die in those movies?
Yeah, but we're just
gonna do the sex part.
(laughs) That's when they die.
Yeah, but we're just
gonna do the sex part.
[Courtney] Oh my God.
Oh, or, I could
be a bounty hunter.
[Courtney] Okay,
now we're talkin'.
You're under arrest.
You have the right
to remain naked,
you take that off
and I'll take this off,
'cause I have that right too.
It's equal rights around here.
You have the right,
give me this, goddamn it.
Just take that off, fuckin',
(clothing clatters) (laughs)
Anything you say can and
will be held against my body.
Your dick smuggling
days are over!
You will take these off and
you are going downtown,
gimme, gimme 'em.
You know, if you
ask me, that's just rude.
I mean, we're all here,
having a good time, right,
having fun, and they
just get up and walk off.
Come on!
(door rattles)
(Mason whistles)
I didn't think you got the hint.
Oh, I got it.
You got it, huh?
Yeah.
Wanna see it?
(rhythmic, sassy music)
[Mason] Oh fuck.
(rhythmic, sassy music)
Well uh, I guess it's just
you and me, kitten whiskers.
(Miley chuckles quietly)
No Charlie.
It's just you, boo.
I'm crashing.
(fire crackling)
I think I'm in love.
[Will] Playing hard
to get, that's fine.
[Courtney] Yeah.
Get over here, criminals.
All right, so, woop, you
like these underwear,
you criminal,
that's right, you do.
Get out of here.
Here.
Here we are.
- Oh.
There we go.
(Courtney breathing heavy)
(quiet, dramatic music)
There you go.
Gotta like that,
you're the best camp
counselor I've ever had.
Too bad I had to arrest you.
(grunting) Ye haw, come on!
Oh now, mm mm, we
did cowboys last time.
Okay, sorry sorry sorry.
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha groaning)
(upbeat, rock music)
(door clatters)
(upbeat, rock music)
So uh, I'm like super
tired, I mean it's like,
what time, like 2:00?
10:30.
(exhales) Really?
Shit.
Tell you what, man, in the
shed, underneath the mattress.
Okay.
So, what are you doing here?
You know my story, what's yours?
Not much of a story to tell.
Oh, I don't believe
that for a second.
What makes you say that?
Well because Walter
told me a little bit about you.
Graduated St. Johns in a
DSNC with para-anesthesiology.
Impressive.
Just because I'm a simple guy
doesn't mean I'm a stupid
one, Miss Hemsgrove.
Ah, I knew you'd
like this mullet ride.
(Courtney mutters)
- Ah, I know,
that's what mullets do,
they're magical. (Grunts)
(Courtney giggles)
(Will grunting)
All right, okay.
All right, you criminal,
'bout ready to take you in.
- Yeah?
- Oh yeah.
Okay. (Grunts)
Okay, oh okay. (Grunts)
(laughs) Oh, that's
mullet magic, baby.
Oh. (Exhaling)
[Courtney] Shit.
Did you like that?
[Courtney] Yeah. (Mutters)
You gotta pee?
Well don't do it here.
(Courtney laughs) (mutters)
Do you think I could
grow a mullet on my pubes?
(zipper buzzes)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(creature squishing)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(magazines clap)
(Charlie exhales)
God fuckin' bless you, Gil.
(laughs) Girl.
(door clatters)
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha groaning)
(quiet, dramatic music)
(creature squishes)
(quiet, dramatic music)
So, why after all of that,
would you be wasting
your skills as a nurse here?
Seems like, to me, you're
running from something.
Or someone.
(upbeat, rock music)
(stool screeches)
(upbeat, rock music)
(Tasha grunting)
Let's just say,
when you're in a
relationship with your boss,
it casts a dark shadow over
someone with a career like mine
and when said boss fails to
let you know that he's married,
yeah.
Then you just move locations,
you don't take the
cheapest paying job,
watching a bunch of kids.
(dramatic, suspenseful music)
What the fuck
is that? (Shrieking)
Yeah, they seem a little
rough around the edges at times,
but they're really good kids.
Well, to us, society's misfits.
(bottles clink)
(Vanessa chuckles)
(gentle, quiet music)
(birds chirping)
(gentle, quiet music)
(clomping footsteps)
(door clatters)
[Mason] Good
morning, sweet cheeks.
Now you're just teasing me.
Rough night?
Oh, I was just
being a lion tamer.
(chair clatters)
What's up her ass?
Miss Hemsgrove.
[Vanessa] Mr. Gil.
Missing somebody?
You know, I've not seen
Will or Court this morning.
That's funny, I didn't hear
'em come in last night either.
You apparently wouldn't
have heard shit after all this...
(Charlie slams table)
Anyways, he didn't sneak
into your guy's bunk last night,
did he?
(sighs) I told
them to stay close.
I'm sure they're fine.
I'll go look for
them in a minute.
I'm sure they just uh,
passed out after their walk.
Anyone of you know how much
a fully grown brown bear weighs?
About 500 pounds. (Sighs)
[Vanessa] Please
tell me you're joking.
Nope.
But do I think
something happened?
Not really.
But it's something that needs
to be on all of your minds
if you decide to trek
out into the woods alone.
Well uh, I'll make
sure to keep that in mind,
but do we, by chance have, like,
a rifle on site, or
something, just in case?
Forgot, ex-con.
Tell you what, Chuck,
why don't you use
your winning personality
if you run into wildlife?
It should be a solid deterrent.
By the way, you
smell like Mason's dick.
Oh, better than smelling
like loneliness and depression.
(women chuckle)
(Vanessa mutters)
(door clatters)
(woman screaming)
(chairs clatter)
[Woman] Help me,
help me! (Screaming)
Help me!
- Hey, hey, whoa whoa whoa!
- Let go of me!
Easy, easy. (Woman screaming)
(dramatic, ominous music)
Yes!
- Let me go!
- Chill! (Grunts)
You don't understand,
it's out there!
My friends, they're all...
(Gil groaning)
- Jesus Gil,
are you okay?
- God.
- Come help me.
Get him up.
(Gil grunting)
Somebody get her up and
let's get her to the med-bed.
(groaning) Who
the fuck is this bitch?
[Mason] You're taking
grandpa, I'll carry her.
(gentle, dramatic
music) (birds chirping)
(men grunt)
[Gil] Jesus. (Grunts)
(gentle, ominous music)
(lighter clicks) (gentle,
ominous music)
Will!
Will, where are you?
(Mason grunts)
(labored breathing)
(quiet, ominous music)
She's so bloody.
Laceration on her forehead,
laceration on left thigh.
(Vanessa sighs)
You okay?
[Vanessa] Yeah, just
a little unexpected is all.
Are you okay?
[Miley] I'll be fine.
What the hell happened to her?
(gentle, ominous music)
Courtney!
Will!
Was that roast beef
an all-night buffet?
(gentle, ominous music)
She's stable for now.
Let's check back
on her in a few hours.
A few hours?
What the fuck did
you hit her with?
[Vanessa] A sedative.
Okay, so what do we do now?
[Gil] I think it's
time to make that call.
[Miley] Agreed.
Tash, can you go
and get the sat. Phone?
You two, I want everyone
back at this camp before sunset,
no more wandering around.
Go get Charlie, look
for Will and Courtney,
bring 'em back here
to the nurse's station.
(Vanessa sighs)
(gentle, ominous music)
What the fuck?
(rustling leaves)
(gentle, ominous music)
Jesus fucking Christ.
(leaves rustling)
(zipper buzzes)
Oh shit.
I guess we're doing this.
You all right?
I don't know, just
something's not right.
Other than the obvious?
Maybe I'm being paranoid,
but (chuckles non-humorously)
She comes running
out of nowhere,
damn near ferrel,
talking about something
being out in the woods. (Sighs)
We're about 50 miles away
from the nearest civilization,
it's not really painting a...
Gil, you might wanna
come look at this.
What now?
Clean up, you look like shit.
I'll figure out what's going on.
(quiet, foreboding music)
Oh shit. (quiet,
foreboding music)
What the fuck?
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Charlie screaming)
(quiet, eerie music)
(insects singing)
You okay?
Yeah, my ankle
still hurts a bit.
Let me see.
(gentle, quiet music)
Oh yeah, definitely a sprain.
(Miley grunts)
Sorry.
Um, you're fine.
You think you could get
my shoulders instead?
I just feel so tense.
Yeah, sure.
(gentle, quiet music)
(Miley groans)
You don't feel that tense.
Let me ask you something.
Go for it.
Why Tasha?
What?
You and Tasha, I don't get it.
Miles, it's not like we're...
There's nothing
special about her
and there's nothing that
she can do that I can't.
Or better.
(gentle, quiet music)
Miles look, there's just
nothing here between you and I.
I mean...
There could be.
(gentle, quiet music)
[Mason] (sighs) No, Miley,
we are in two different leagues.
You need a good guy
and I am not a good guy.
Maybe I don't want a good guy.
[Mason] And I don't want you.
I'm sorry.
Fine, have fun with your
cum guzzling gutter slut!
What did you do now?
(gentle, foreboding music)
(door clatters) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(door rattles) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(grass rustling) (gentle,
foreboding music)
(shrieks) Where the fuck am I?
- Stay down.
- Who the fuck are you?
[Vanessa] I'm Nurse
Vanessa Hemsgrove.
You're at Pine Hills Camp.
(fist thumps)
- Ow! (Grunts)
Gil, give her some space.
[Gil] Bitch, would
you stop hitting me?
[Woman] What
did you hit me with?
A sedative.
The effects have
not worn off yet.
I promise, no one's
gonna hurt you.
[Mason] What happened?
[Gil] Bitch just went
in with a hair trigger.
- Sorry.
- Jesus.
[Vanessa] Can you
tell me your name?
Jane.
[Gil] Oh, I swear to God,
if you say your
last name is Doe...
Fuck off.
[Vanessa] What are
you doing out here, Jane?
We were on vacation.
My friends and I were camping.
Something,
something attacked us.
There's something in the woods.
Whoa whoa whoa, sit.
What kind of something?
I don't know, some
animal, a monster.
What the hell are you
talking about, what monster?
It hunted us down.
It killed my friends.
It killed,
Alex.
[Vanessa] I need to know
exactly what happened,
are there others out there?
They're dead, they're all dead.
[Vanessa] Gil, we've
gotta call somebody.
Where's the sat. Phone?
Smashed.
I don't know how...
- What?
It's a no go.
[Vanessa] Oh my God,
Will, Courtney, Charlie?
Nobody's come back yet.
God, what is going on?
[Gil] Hell if I know.
There are people missing.
She shows up, talking
about her friends
are being killed
by some monster?
[Gil] I really don't think
she's the most reliable source
of information
right now, Vanessa.
[Vanessa] Even so, I have
three counselors missing
and after what I've
seen the past few hours...
[Gil] What are you
talking about now?
Come look at this.
(quiet, foreboding music)
The fuck is that?
I don't know, but it
came out of Jane's leg.
She's sick, contagious?
I don't know.
(Gil snaps fingers)
No bullshit, what
is that all over you?
Pick a friend.
Let's hear about
this monster of yours.
(Miley crying)
(distant popping)
Tasha?
Just go away, okay?
You were right, (crying)
I'm not a gazelle, I'm just
a fucking elephant. (Crying)
(ominous, foreboding
music) Tasha?
(Miley screaming)
(dramatic, menacing music)
That's the last
thing I remember.
I woke up, heard some
not-too-friendly shit in the woods,
stumbled up on you
people, and here we are.
(chuckles) No, I call
bullshit, it's gotta be bullshit.
But you said you killed
the thing, though, right?
[Jane] As far as I know.
There wasn't much left.
Gil?
I'll start the car.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa, what?
You don't actually believe
this horseshit, do you?
Listen, Abercrombie, you
wanna hang around here,
be my guest.
What about the others,
we're just gonna fuckin'
take off and leave 'em?
Mason's right, Gil, I'm not
leaving those kids out there.
We gotta go find them.
So we go out there
and risk something
happening to all of us?
I am with Gil, I say we
hightail it the fuck outta here.
And what if it was you?
If I was stupid enough
to go out there alone,
I'd expect you to spill
one for your homey
and get the fuck outta dodge.
Bitch.
Hey, don't sit
there and act like
you'd be all heroic for me
if I was the one out there.
You can't go out there.
If there are more of those
out there, believe me,
your friends are
more than likely dead.
Well, (sighs) I'm
not gonna sit here
and listen to this
horseshit anymore.
There are no goddamn
monsters out here
and I'm not gonna bolt all
because some crack whore
decided she was
gonna run into camp
and tell us all
about her friends
that got killed by some Gil-man.
(door clatters)
Actually, they
were ripped apart.
Vanessa.
Gil, please.
Goddamn it, all right, fine,
Vanessa and I will
go look for the others,
you guys stay here in
case they come back.
Nice try, handsome,
but I'm not staying here.
Didn't you just say it was
smarter not to go out there?
(chuckles, unamused)
And I still stand by that.
However, I'd be more
comfortable with you out there
than stuck here.
[Vanessa] Where's Miley?
Last I saw her, she was
headed towards the bathhouse.
Can you please go get her?
The last thing we need is
to be separated right now.
I'm gonna go get
some more supplies
in case anybody else gets hurt.
I don't think a
bandaid's gonna cure
what's more than
likely happened to them.
Our thoughts stay
positive, please.
Stay with her.
I guess I'm gonna
get flashlights.
(door clatters)
(chair creaks)
Sorry about the
whole crack whore jab.
(door rattles)
(quiet, foreboding music)
(towel dispenser rumbling)
(water hissing) (quiet,
foreboding music)
(Jane crying) (quiet,
foreboding music)
(zipper buzzes)
(items rusting)
(gasps) Jesus, Will, where
the hell have you guys been?
(quiet, foreboding music)
Will?
Oh my God.
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa screaming)
(dramatic, menacing music)
Oh no, please, no!
(dramatic, menacing music)
(will growls)
(Vanessa screaming)
Oh my God, oh my God.
(Vanessa screams)
(Will grunting)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa yells)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Vanessa screams)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(men grunting) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(gasps) Oh my God.
(gasps) Holy shit.
Oh my God, what is
happening? (Crying)
Miley. (Door clatters)
Miley?
What the fuck!?
Vanessa!
(eerie, distorted music)
(door clatters)
Jesus fucking
Christ. (Grunts)
[Gil] Yeah, he's dead.
Oh no shit, I couldn't
tell from the scissors
sticking out of his
fucking head. (Sighs)
[Vanessa] Whatever
happened to Will
has happened to
the others out there.
And what, exactly, is that?
Eh, yeah we're
still working on it.
It attaches itself to the host
and causes severe mutation.
(sighs) Fuck.
However, without
the host being active,
the parasite can't thrive.
And there's no
way to save the host?
With this severe of a
mutation, I don't think so.
So what happens to the parasite?
(dramatic, menacing
music) (parasite screeching)
(Tasha exhales)
(parasite squishing)
(distant hissing)
Whoa, they did not like that.
[Mason] Oh my God!
(eerie, distorted music)
Get the window!
Hey!
(Mason grunts)
(hyperventilating)
What the fuck's wrong with them?
What was that?
I don't know, and at
this point, I don't care.
Just help me.
[Vanessa] Gil,
this isn't normal.
[Gil] I don't think that
constitutes as normal, tonight.
Look at this.
[Gil] What am I looking for?
His heart, he
was still changing.
It's filled with puncture
wounds and holes.
Whatever that thing was
was filling him full of
hormones and adrenaline.
That's what the fuck
that as throwing me around
like a rag doll.
Yeah, but there's
more to it than that.
What do you mean?
Well think about
it for a second,
(sighs) what's the heart do?
Pumps blood.
It was feeding oxygen
and blood into his body.
- Okay.
- Well,
what was that
thing gunning toward
when it come out of his mouth?
[Gil] Tasha?
What about me?
It also feeds blood into
certain areas of the body.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, which is how it spreads,
it takes over the entire
reproductive system,
pumps an excessive
amount of adrenaline,
hormones into the body,
overpowers it's prey
and infects them.
Ew.
So what you're saying
is this thing has a source,
like a patient zero?
I don't know.
That's about all
I got at this point.
Shh.
Listen.
(engine humming)
(quiet, ominous music)
(door clatters)
(quiet, ominous
music) (insects singing)
Bowman!
Fuck, I gotta go
get him. (Slaps wall)
You can't go out there.
Not gonna let him fuckin' die.
(quiet, ominous music)
(bag rustles)
(officer chuckles)
This outta put you
away for a couple years.
[Vanessa] Eh, just be safe.
Yeah, there's (mutters)
(door clattering)
(quiet, ominous music)
Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Get your hands up, Gil.
Bowman, calm down.
Get your hands up,
you fucking convict.
Bowman, you gotta
listen to me, man,
calm down, there's some
fucked up shit happening tonight...
I don't wanna hear it.
What the fuck are you doing?
You're fucking
planting evidence?
I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I figure some asshole
like you got it coming,
you never fucking learn.
Now get your
fuckin' ass over here,
put your hands on the table now.
Don't have time for this...
[Officer] Put your goddamn
hands on the table, Gil!
- Shit has went down...
- Put your goddamn,
fucking hands on the fucking
table, you son of a bitch.
(men arguing) (fist thumps)
(Gil grunts) Fuck huh?
Your fucking mouth, goddamn it.
I've had enough
of your shit, Gil.
You're making a
fucking mistake, man...
Keep walking to
the door, asshole,
walk to the fucking door.
- Goddamn it.
(officer muttering)
Fucking dip-shit,
Mayberry ass, mother fucker.
[Officer] Shut your fucking
pie hole, keep walking.
(officer muttering)
Oh no, why is he taking him?
Uh, we have to go explain.
[Officer] How do you
feel now, tough guy, huh...
[Gil] Fuck you, Bowman.
[Officer] Piece of shit.
- Just fuckin'...
- Shut your fuckin' mouth!
(Gil grunts)
[Gil] Oh, you are so
making a fucking mistake.
[Officer] Oh, am I really?
Am I really making a mistake?
(Gil grunts) Huh?
You're going to jail, creep.
Huh, you wanna fuck
around, you've gotta...
[Tasha] Stop, it's not...
Everybody calm the
fuck down, goddamn it.
(cuffs click)
(group chattering)
[Tasha] Do you know
what's happening right now?
[Officer] What's
happening right now?
Shut the fuck up.
(dramatic, ominous music)
- The fuck?
- Oh shit.
(dramatic, menacing
music) (officer screaming)
Oh fuck!
(door clatters)
[Jane] Let me in!
You spineless prick!
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Gil muttering fearfully)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Jane whistles)
(pair grunting) (dramatic,
menacing music)
Are you okay?
Keys keys keys!
(dramatic, ominous music)
(Gil grunts)
Go go go go go go, go go go.
(dramatic, ominous music)
(gun snaps) (dramatic,
ominous music)
(eerie, menacing music)
(group panicking)
(eerie, menacing music)
What are they doing?
Why did they stop?
I don't know.
Shit.
Damn it.
They were everywhere.
Five years in the pen,
the closest thing to
getting laid I'm gonna get
is tongue fucked to death
these goddamn things.
Hey, my offer still stands,
but if you get us
out of here alive,
I'm throwing anal in the deal.
Goddamn killer sex sauce!
(group panicking)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(creature growling)
Shit! (Gun blasts)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(clamoring footsteps)
Oh come on.
(creature shrieks) Oh shit!
Oh. (Grunting)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(Gil screaming)
(creature gurgling)
(gun snaps)
(creature gurgling)
(saw buzzing) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(Gil screams)
(saw buzzing) (dramatic,
menacing music)
(labored breathing)
(dramatic, menacing music)
Hey hey, come on, kid, wake up.
Come on.
[Jane] Fuck.
Oh fuck. (Grunts)
You okay?
Yeah.
I think I, I told you something
was way fuckin' bad, still.
Duly noted. (Grunting)
(quiet, dramatic
music) (insects singing)
It's after Tash, we've
gotta go after it. (Grunts)
How do you even
know she's still alive?
(distant screaming)
Call it a hunch. (Grunts)
Is there anything
useful in there?
(sighs) We'll
see. (Grunting)
That work?
Yeah.
Vacation's over.
Time to get to work.
(quiet, ominous music)
Hey whoa whoa whoa.
(quiet, ominous music)
What the fuck is that?
Hold this.
(ax thumping)
(labored breathing)
(gentle, ominous music)
(distant hissing)
They're coming. (Mutters)
(ominous, menacing music)
Fuck, Jesus fucking
Christ. (Grunting)
No, stop. (Grunts)
Let me go. (Grunts)
(Tasha screams)
Is anal still worth it?
[Gil] Yeah.
(flashlight clicks)
(sighs) Pussy.
(quiet, menacing music)
(Tasha gagging)
(quiet, menacing music)
[Gil] Hey, what's that?
(gentle, menacing music)
[Jane] That's dynamite.
(sighs) It's better
than a wrench.
(flashlight clicks)
(gentle, menacing music)
What the fuck?
(gentle, menacing music)
Jane.
She's still breathing.
(gentle, menacing music)
What the fuck is going on?
What's wrong with her?
Who is that?
What's with the
bitch on the wall?
That's Meg.
And this is Alex. (Crying)
She is,
(clears throat)
was my girlfriend.
(crying) Alex, come on,
wake up, please don't go.
Please don't
leave me. (Crying)
(eerie, somber music)
(crying) Alex, come on.
Come on!
We just wanted to get
away for the weekend.
Please don't, I'm sorry.
I love you.
(eerie, somber
music) (Jane crying)
Whoa. (Saw buzzing)
(saw buzzing)
(labored breathing)
(creature hisses)
(menacing, ominous music)
(Jane screams)
(menacing, ominous music)
(Gil grunting) (menacing,
ominous music)
(metal clanking)
(saw buzzing)
(menacing, ominous
music) (Gil grunting)
[Jane] Gil, come on.
(energetic, dramatic music)
(fire hissing) (energetic,
dramatic music)
(explosion blasts)
(fire roaring)
(insects singing)
(quiet, somber music)
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
Tash. (Labored breathing)
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
Come on, come on, kid.
(Gil grunting)
(quiet, somber music)
(insects singing)
(somber, foreboding music)
(creature muttering)
(squishing)
(creature muttering)
(dramatic, menacing music)
(labored breathing)
(insects singing)
Fuck.
(energetic, upbeat, rock music)
[Man] (mutters)
Uh, 53E, take one.
(clapperboard snaps)
(men chattering over each other)
[Will] Let's take one again,
you have the right to
remain without clothes.
Well fuck, there goes the wig.
(group laughs)
500,000.
[Man] Actually,
reset from the top.
[Man] Goddamn, you're
ruining my boner, T.J.
[Man] Hold on,
I wanna rest on this for
just a little bit longer, okay?
[Man] He's going
limp, dude, come on.
[Man] Action.
(men laughing)
[Man] That's what
you get, that's Karma.
[Jane] I went to
slam into the door
and I just wasn't...
(group laughing)
[Man] Good thing you didn't
have, like, those scissors.
[Man] Yeah, don't
run with scissors.
[Man] Can he stay
there and we use that?
(Will muttering)
[Will] You like this
mullet, yeah you do.
Oh. (Muttering)
(pair laughing)
Shit, Jesus, Gil are you okay?
[Gil] Oh fucking bitch,
got my leg (grunting)
Who is that?
[Man] Is your dick out of place?
[Woman] Oh my God.
(Gil grunts)
That was my line. (Laughs)
Someone as knowledgeable
and handy as you are,
I'm sure you know exactly
what to do with those hands.
Don't you?
(people laughing) (muttering)
That was, (grunts) (laughs)
(quiet, ominous
music) (fire crackling)
(beer gurgles)
[Mason] Blew your
load a little early, didn't ya?
Yeah. (Men laugh)
(quiet, ominous music)
(Gil grunting)
[Gil] Oh shit!
[Vanessa] Gil, are you okay?
Charlie's got mahogany.
[Mason] (laughs) Dude,
it was like 10 seconds.
(laughs) Can't help
it, it's human nature.
(people muttering) (laughing)
I couldn't get it.
(group laughing) I'm trying.
(door thumps)
- Let me in!
(men laughing)
It flew right in
my eye. (Laughs)
Now Charlie, don't
be a sore loser, Charlie.
Sorry Charlie.
That hurt.
[Will] (grunts) Was
that good for you?
My butt hole hurts. (Laughs)
(pair laughing)
(quiet, foreboding music)
(birds chirping)
(door rattles) (squeaks)
(birds chirping)
(dramatic, booming music)
Where are they?
Jane?
(dramatic, menacing music)
(dramatic, theme music)