Donovan's Reef (1963) - full transcript
'Guns' Donovan prefers carousing with his pals Doc Dedham and 'Boats' Gilhooley, until Dedham's high-society daughter Amelia shows up in their South Seas paradise.
Is that the island
of Haleakaloha?
Yep.
We ain't stopping, huh?
Nope.
You remember when
I signed on this bucket
you promised we'd be
at Haleakaloha by the seventh.
Well, this is the seventh.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, well,
what do you know?
Me, Boats Gilhooley,
6 hitches in Uncle Sam's navy,
and here I get
shanghaied, huh?
Ha ha ha ha.
Can you imagine what
they'll say at Pearl?
Yeah, when this news
gets to Diego, huh,
that'll be
a little bit funny, I'll bet.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah. Well, good thing
I got a sense of humor, huh?
Ha ha ha... ooh!
Permission to leave the ship.
Man overboard!
Hey, I'll bring you
before the mast!
I'll throw you in the brig,
you little mutineer!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Daddy!
Hi, Dad!
Dad! Ohh!
Hi, Pop!
Hi, Dad!
I caught a fish!
Me, too!
Sit down in the boat.
Ho ho!
Sister Angelique.
Sister Mary Margaret.
Doc.
Hi, sailor.
Sister Angelique, would you accept
some nice fish from a sinner?
Was that good or bad, sister?
Very good, Michael.
Thank you.
Hey, get back in that boat,
you little pirate!
You about ready
to take off, Doc?
I have a few calls
to make first.
Oh. How long you figure
to be gone?
Oh, a week, maybe 2.
Never can tell what's gonna
happen on the outer islands.
Right.
Look in on the kids
occasionally, will you?
Don't worry.
Don't I always?
All right, Sam, shove off.
To the Minister
of Foreign Affairs,
from the governor of
Haleakaloha, French Polynesia.
Subject...
transfer.
My dear cousin,
once again,
I appeal to you
to be rescued
from this wretched island.
If you could but see me living
under the most primitive conditions.
The food is deplorable.
The heat unbearable.
And the plumbing, uh...
Ha ha. The plumbing
defies description.
How can one bathe when
there's no hot water?
Uh... let's see, where was I?
Hot water, sir.
In conclusion,
my dear cousin,
I respectfully request
transfer to, uh,
uh...
Miami Beach?
Splendid. Miami Beach.
Or, uh, or possibly, uh...
uh, Hollywood, California.
Whoo-hoo!
Signed,
Marquis Andre DeLage,
Baron de Fienna,
officer
de legion d'honneur,
chevalier de marche,
so forth and so on.
Here we go.
Uncle Andy!
Mahalo, Sam.
Mahalo.
Hi, Uncle Andy!
Hi, Uncle Andy!
Hello, Andre.
How's the coffee
holding out?
Right over there.
Help yourself.
How was the fishing?
I caught one...
Luki.
That big.
Ha ha ha ha.
And to you,
my dear Guns,
a very, very
happy birthday.
Birthday?
Oh, Uncle Andy,
you spoiled our surprise.
And I baked
a birthday cake.
With 100 candles.
With 150.
Oh, thanks, thanks.
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha ha.
Birthday.
Yeah. Ha ha ha.
It's a real surprise.
Ha ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll have a nice party tonight,
and a big batch of lemon...
Ade.
Gilhooley?
Gilhooley.
Oh, Uncle Gun,
please don't fight.
Don't spoil our party.
You stay out of this!
Go on, Uncle Guns,
and knock his block off!
I'll knock both
his blocks off.
Come on, kids,
you're going home.
Good-bye, Uncle Andy.
Bye.
- Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley! Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley! Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley!
Come on, girls!
Come on!
Come on!
Oh, you lovely, lovely ladies!
Hey! Ohh!
Ohh!
Ah, the police.
Well, if it ain't
my old pal, Beau Geste.
Your passport, Gilhooley.
Naturally. And 2 bucks
landing fee, huh?
Ah, hi, Padre.
Uh, uh, uh, how's the roof
on the chapel holding up?
Gilhooley.
His first word
and I am disarmed.
Here I have come to demand
your deportation
and you ask about the roof.
Well, why not?
I paid for it, didn't I?
He gave the dough away,
as usual,
and the chapel still leaks,
as usual.
Even more, as usual.
But what could I do?
The hurricane had,
uh, swept Rorangi.
There was great need.
But what is a roof
against, uh, starvation?
Stop! Stop it!
Alley.
To the chapel with me.
Ah, now, wait, Padre.
You wouldn't want me to catch a cold
in a leaky chapel, would you?
Uncle Guns, you promised.
Oh, now, everything's gonna be
all right, Lelani, I swear.
Word of honor.
Now, you go on in there
and take the kids.
And practice the piano.
Get a good thick
frosting on that cake.
Luki! Sally!
Donovan!
Guns!
Where is he?
Gone fishing.
Hey, you got a new mirror.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, I figured it up once.
Counting all
the broken mirrors,
you and Donovan got
63 years of bad luck coming.
Hey, that's mine.
The monkeys have no tails
in Zamboanga.
That's busted.
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah!
That's still busted.
Come on!
Where does Donovan
keep his clothes?
Same place.
Why not? The lug owes me one.
It's my birthday.
Pick out a nice black one.
One you can
be buried in!
Tommy!
Ohh!
LaFleur! Oh, baby!
Oh, darling.
Gangway! Gangway!
Come on!
Yeah, I know.
Gilhooley.
Oh, you've come back
to marry me.
Oh, now, look, LaFleur,
you're the love of my life.
You're the only dame that
meant anything to me, but...
I know.
I already told you
I'd make a...
I got a wife in Hoboken.
And San Pedro,
and San Diego,
and Norfolk, Virginia.
That's right. You wouldn't want me
up on a bigamy charge, would you?
Pardon me, LaFleur.
Gilhooley, no trouble.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
My suit!
You wouldn't want me
to look like a bum, would you?
I'm your guest.
Ha ha.
22 years, huh, Boats?
Ha ha. Great.
Pals, huh?
No fights.
Guns, no fights?
22 years.
Tradition.
Legion.
Legend.
And the crowd.
Hey, monk, you...
Why don't you throw that guy
in the brig, in the hoosegow?
I'm off duty, Guns.
You're always
off duty... ohh!
Not the brandy,
you dope!
Sorry.
Watch his left, tiger,
watch his left!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, no!
Jeez!
Tommy!
Oh, shut up!
They went that way.
Doctor!
All right, come on,
knock it off!
Oh, knock it off, you two!
As you were!
Uhh!
Look at you. You're worse
than a couple of kids.
- But, Doc...
- Line up! As you were!
You're at attention,
Gilhooley.
Now, what started
this rhubarb?
The fact that you both happen
to be born on the same day?
Permission to speak.
Shoot.
What started it
was this knothead
tried to push a hootchy-kootchy
dancer off on me in Panama.
Ha ha ha ha.
Gilhooley!
Well, what's wrong with that?
Nothing, except
a marriage license
and a wedding ring through
my nose went with it.
Maybelle.
What?
Pearl Harbor, sir. A dame named
Maybelle. M-A-Y-B-E-L-L-E. 2 Ls.
I never knew anybody named
Maybelle in my whole life.
That's right.
Her name wasn't Maybelle.
All right, that's enough
from the both of you.
The simple and obvious fact is
that neither of you remembers
what started this ridiculous
annual birthday brawl.
It will come to me, sir.
I'm sure it will. All right,
come on, get out of there!
Both of you!
Cindy Lou?
Betty.
Jeez!
Oh, sugar pie!
Come on, now,
here we are, the 3 of us,
on one of the most
beautiful islands on Earth.
It's a fine day,
the birthday of 2 men
I've always been proud
to call my friends.
We've been through one war
together, bad and bloody days.
Now, let's put an end
to this fight.
LaFleur, break out the beer.
All right, now shake hands.
You know,
the doc's a great guy.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy... birthday!
Oh, Thomas!
Happy birthday
to youse both.
Continue.
Well, as usual, when there's
dirt to be done, you hire me.
Some simple,
honest matter,
you hire Pennyfeather,
Pennyfeather and Pennyfeather.
Now, the fact
of the matter is,
that with the death of
your great-aunt Priscilla,
this fellow out
in the South Seas,
this, uh,
Dr. William Dedham,
your father, Miss Dedham.
I have never
met my father.
His name is not
mentioned in the family.
Well, now,
be that as it may,
unless you find some way to
keep him from inheriting this stock,
you'll find yourself mentioning
his name, and quite often,
'cause he'll be the big he-bull
in that shipping company of yours.
I hope you ladies don't find
my language too colorful.
Now, there's a clause
in the will,
it's in a good many
of these Boston wills,
although civilized people don't put
such drivel in wills anymore,
but it says if anyone
can prove that the heir
is not of good
moral character,
according to
Boston standards,
he may be deprived
of his inheritance.
Well, now, if this
Dr. William Dedham
has been living on
some South Sea island
with those native girls,
well, what I mean is,
the man has probably behaved
in a way that wouldn't suit Boston.
Now if you can prove that,
you can cheat him out
of his stock and his money.
Anyone object to me
using the word ""cheat""?
We are waiting.
That is all. You'll have
my bill in the morning.
Bon voyage,
Miss Dedham.
Comments?
Great Uncle Sedley?
No comment...
with reservations.
Be pleased to take over.
Gentlemen,
you may go in now.
"" Miss Amelia Dedham, daughter
of Dr. Dedham, is arriving... E.T.A.
Estimated time of arrival.
1400. Signed,
Captain Martin, ship Araner. ""
Well, there it is,
gentlemen.
This is for you, the citizens
of the United States, to decide.
It is not my pigeon.
The question is, does Miss Dedham
know about her father?
You mean the kids?
Mmm.
Well, let her find out.
Ah, so you share my opinion
that she doesn't.
Well, I can't see Doc Dedham
hiding them in the jungle
like they were something
to be ashamed of.
Well, I don't know.
Now, if I was
in the Doc's shoes...
Oh, Gilhooley.
Look, the dame's
from Boston, remember.
Yes, and without warning, meeting
a father she's never even seen,
and being confronted
by 3 children.
His children by
some native woman.
A native woman?
We know who she was.
Oh, my dear Michael,
of course. Manulani.
We all loved her.
Native woman.
But how can this girl help reaching
all the wrong conclusions?
Hey, I got an idea.
You know how I am when
it comes to broads, huh?
So I meet her on the beach
and I invite her up here.
And then what?
Then I slip her a mickey.
Oh, come on!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen,
I shall explain on the way.
On the way where?
To the house of Dr. Dedham,
naturally.
Well, you know
these wily Chinese.
Well, you were a big...
Now, shipmate!
Polonaise.
Ta da da
da da da da.
Hi, Uncle Guns.
Hi, Uncle Guns.
Hi.
Hi. Padre.
Michel.
Sounds great, Lelani.
I'd like to talk to you.
Sure.
2 and 2 is 4,
4 and 4 is 8.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
You and the kids must move in
with me and pretend you're mine.
But, Uncle Guns,
I don't understand.
First you tell me I have
a sister coming from America,
and then you say
we are to leave our home.
Only until your father returns.
But, Uncle Guns,
wouldn't it be proper
for me and my brother
and sister to welcome her here...
in the absence
of my father?
The child is right.
What you proposed is monstrous!
I hate this as much
as you do, Padre.
But I'd cut my right arm
off for the doc.
For a few days,
mon pere.
Let's put it this way, Padre.
Remember when we was
clobbering nips here
in that delaying action?
It's the same principle,
only this time
we're fighting for the doc.
We're trying to buy him
a little time so...
Oh.
He can tell her
in his own way.
I understand.
It's because
I'm not white.
Lelani!
Lelani!
It's gonna be all right.
Don't worry.Just...
just trust me, hear?
It's gonna be all right.
Let go of your
starboard anchor!
Come on, look lively,
blast your eyes!
Step to it!
Ahoy, Mike!
Back water.
Go now.
I don't see your father here,
Miss Dedham.
My father's not expecting me.
He doesn't know
I'm coming.
I'm sorry. I took the liberty
of sending him a radio.
Thank you very much,
Captain.
Ahem.
Excuse me, miss.
Skipper, hi!
Have you
a Miss Amelia Dedham
from Boston aboard?
Aloha!
Name is Donovan.
Welcome to Haleakaloha.
Your father is
on the low islands.
We'll see you ashore.
Thank you,
Mr. McDonough.
The name is Donovan!
You'll have to take it
careful, Miss Dedham...
Captain, I am quite capable
of leaving a ship.
All right, ease your duff
onto that rail now.
Uh, sit on the rail and
swing your legs outboard.
Limbs.
Now, take it easy, ma'am.
Take it easy.
All right, Sam.
Watch these swells.
Watch it, Sam.
A little more starboard.
Easy now.
All right, Sam.
All right.
Give me your hand.
Hard a-port.
Hey! I meant stern!
Stupid!
I don't need your help.
All right, this is no place
to argue. Get in.
Aah!
Of all the stupid,
imbecilic oafs!
I read you
loud and clear.
Thank you, Mr. whatever
your name is.
Will you please
take me ashore?
Oh, my bag!
Kioki!
Thank you.
Will you please
take me ashore?
All right, Sam,
head for the beach.
Um, uh, Mr. Eu, I do not believe
this is the proper time
to meet the very wealthy
and marriageable
Miss Dedham.
Get in.
Hey, the dame's all wet.
And so are you.
Well, this gentleman is
from Massachusetts, also.
One of the Gilhooleys
from Fall River.
Fascinating!
Ain't I met you
someplace before?
Pango-pango?
Hong Kong, huh?
I have not had the pleasure
of meeting you in Hong Kong,
nor Fall River.
Will you please drive on?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you, ma'am.
Uh, how much did you
say she was worth,
according to, uh,
Dun & Bradstreet?
$ 18 million.
18? Well. Always
my lucky number.
Wait here.
Show legs, please.
Very pretty, very pretty.
Mike Donovan,
you've got a lot of nerve.
Wrap up in this
until you're dry.
Then here's a dress.
No, thanks.
No sale.
Will you please
take me to a hotel?
You'll sleep at your father's place
or on the beach.
My father lives here?
Sure. Any complaints?
What is that building?
It's your father's hospital.
He built it.
If you're interested.
Miss Dedham, this is
Yoshi and Koshi.
Oh, Missy-san.
Irashamase.
You better get
out of those wet clothes.
Here. Take her in
and give her a hot bath.
I am quite capable of giving
instructions to servants.
I am quite sure you are,
Miss Dedham.
I'll go down to the beach
and get your... bags.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Hey, there!
Hey!
Whoa, son. It looks like we're
going to have to face the music.
Uh, I'm sorry if we
woke you up, but, uh,
well, I know this is
going to sound fishy,
but the kid here forgot
his Stan Musial cap.
His what?
My cap. The one
Stan the Man sent me.
Said he couldn't sleep
without it.
Hi.
- Oh, hi, Luki.
- Hello, Luki.
Hi, Koshi. Hi, Yoshi.
Bet you've never seen me up
this late before, did you?
Pipe down.
Is this child your son?
Oh, uh, yeah.
He's, uh, this is, uh, Luke.
But everyone
calls me Luki.
And I have 2 sisters.
And I bet you they don't even
know I'm out, huh, Uncle Guns?
I mean, Papa Guns?
What about your mother?
Mother?
She's dead.
Oh, golly, I wish I was
sleeping in my own bed.
It's high time
you were in bed.
It's really none
of my business, Mr., uh...
Donovan.
Well, you should be
ashamed of yourself,
taking a child out
in a storm like this.
Me taking him out
in a storm like this?
I've been chasing him
all over the island.
Luki, how would you like
to spend the night here?
Oh, boy. In a real bed
instead of a hard old cot
he makes me sl... me sleep on.
What do you got
to complain about?
I'm sleeping in a hammock.
You fresh kid,
I ought to belt you.
Really, Mr. Donovan,
must you bully everyone?
Yoshi, please take him
up to the big room.
Good night, Uncle Guns.
Sleep tight.
That I intend to do.
Good and tight.
Mr. Donovan,
why don't you go home?
Or go to that saloon
of yours.
You know, if you're
typical of all fathers,
I suddenly realize
how grateful I am
never to have seen
my own. Good night.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Mademoiselle Dedham.
Well, and what
are you doing here?
I slept here last night,
and I can come back
any time I want, right, Amelia?
Right.
Ah, may I have the honor
to present myself.
I am the Marquis DeLage,
governor of this
island paradise,
which finds in you
its fairest flower.
Hot dog!
Well, it's...
It was my intent
to greet you personally
upon your arrival yesterday,
but, alas,
the duties of office.
- Why that's...
- But here I am, such as I am.
To place myself and my automobile,
uh, and you will observe,
it's an American
automobile. 1 (44.
Uh, complete with driver
at your service, Mr. Eu.
Amherst, '52.
Mr. Eu.
If I may venture
a suggestion,
a scenic drive?
A chilled aperitif?
I have a picnic basket.
I'd be delighted to...
Well, that's very kind of you,
Your Excellency,
but I have promised
to take Luki home this morning.
Knock if off,
Uncle Andy!
Quit trying to horn in
on my date.
Luki, your manners,
remember?
Perhaps Your Excellency
would be so kind
as to drive us
to Luki's father's?
Ah, the history of my life...
To reach towards the rose,
only to be pierced by its thorn.
18 million bucks.
Morning, Padre.
Morning, monsieur.
- Good morning, Padre.
- Captain.
That was a marvelous sermon
this morning, Father.
La boite a jukes.
La jukes box, there is no music?
I think it's busted, Father.
Busted? But I don't understand.
Le Chinois de...
Oh, I wouldn't know anything
about those things, Father.
I think it's busted.
- Busted, huh? No music?
- Busted.
Hey, Amelia, let's have
another date sometime?
Why, sure. But right now,
you've got to get to school.
Ah, piano lessons.
Sorry, miss.
But Mr. Donovan don't allow
no ladies in this joint.
Oh, really?
Well, that's quite
all right, Sergeant.
I promise I won't
start any, uh, rhubarbs.
Now hear this.
Now hear this. Mayday.
Mayday.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning.
My apologies, Mr. Donovan.
Really, no women?
You're very welcome,
Miss Dedham.
Actually, I came here
on business.
Well, won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Captain, I should like
to charter the Araner
for however long it takes
for me to find my father
and then take me back
to Honolulu.
Ahem, well, as to that...
The Araner
is not for charter.
She has too much draft
for the low islands.
Reefs and coralheads.
Thank you, Mr. Donovan.
I was speaking
to the sailing master.
Captain,
it should only be...
But I own the Araner.
And the Inishmoor
and the Inishfree
and several others.
You might say
that we are rivals,
competitors in the shipping
business. Cigarette?
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Do you smoke?
Yes, I smoke.
Well, then perhaps, uh...
Rain check?
Mr. Donovan,
I was quite rude last night.
Please accept
my humble apologies.
I also was rather
abrupt. Pax?
Pax.
I was tired
and frightened...
And wet.
Very wet. To come halfway around
the world only to be told that...
Well, I wouldn't worry about
your father, Miss Dedham.
He'll be back shortly.
He wouldn't want to miss
Christmas with...
His patients and the hospital.
On the house, huh?
Oh, uh, how was my boy Luki?
How did he behave?
Oh, he was charming.
Entertaining.
Oh, and very educational.
I learned all about Mr. Musial's
batting average and, uh,
runs batted in,
and then he fell asleep
in my arms.
As Shakespeare said...
Quite.
Dérangé,
out of order and so forth.
Explanation?
Slot machine. It was shipped
in here 6 years ago... busted.
It is still busted.
Well, why...
I do not attempt
to explore
the depths of the oriental mind,
Miss Dedham.
Perhaps your Ivy League
chaperone here
could explain to my clients again
that it is busted.
That's reasonable, Mr. Eu?
I will try to explain it to them
in their barbarian tongue.
Carriage trade.
Lunch. The kids.
My, uh, children.
Chopin.
Mozart, perhaps?
Oh, Joe College.
2 years. Football.
Broken ankle.
Navy.
Miss Dedham...
I'd like to have you
meet the family.
Thank you.
You may find Father Cluzeot
somewhat of a bully.
Hi, Amelia.
Hi.
Father Cluzeot,
I want you to meet
Miss Dedham.
How do you do,
Father?
Enchanté.
And this is
my oldest girl Lelani.
Lelani.
You play beautifully.
Thank you.
Uh, this is my other girl.
Well, you're a little doll.
So, what's your name?
Sarah, but they call me Sally.
Sarah.
My name's Amelia, Sarah,
but nobody ever
called me Sally.
No?
Father, it's, uh, Wednesday.
Water skiing.
No.
You promised Lelani
could go water skiing today.
Water skiing?
May I come along?
Water skiing is a very
dangerous sport, Miss Dedham.
Particularly in these waters.
Well...
I don't think...
Perhaps you could teach me.
Oh, Papa Gun,
please let her come along.
OK.
No! Lesson is lesson.
- I'll start the lesson. One hour.
- OK, Miss Dedham.
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
Sonney les matines.
Sonney les matines.
Ding dang dong.
Ding dang dong.
Hit it!
Stop it! Stop it!
You monsters!
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
Good morning.
I would like
a, uh, bathing costume.
Very pretty.
- Bikini. Number one. Bikini.
- Very pretty.
Bikini!
I think that's a little little.
Boston,
Massachusetts...
Pretty.
Very.
Good morning, Miss, uh...
LaFleur.
What a beautiful gown.
Are you contemplating,
uh, matrimony?
What young girl of my age
doesn't contemplate matrimony?
How true.
Very proper.
Very pretty.
And pants.
Yes.
Look in glass?
Thank you.
Thank you, but, um,
I don't think this is quite...
Baby, right up your alley.
You know,
I believe you're right.
Holy Moses!
Amelia Dedham.
Ravissante, Amelia.
Ravissante.
Thank you, Andre.
Well, let's go,
Miss Bunker Hill.
Breed's Hill.
All right, let's go.
By the way, uh,
have you dispatched that
application for transfer yet?
Miami Beach. Yes, sir.
Cancel it.
Well, she made it.
Faster!
Let's go!
Faster! Faster!
Faster, huh?
All right, we'll give her something
to write home to Boston about.
Oh, no, Uncle Guns, oh, no!
No, Uncle Guns, no!
Gee, Miss Dedham,
I'm sorry.
Oh, ho, ho. That's quite
all right, Mr. Donovan.
Fun?
Funny.
You mad?
Mad?
The Araner's shoving off
tomorrow morning,
so I'll have to go
check her out.
So you two take the boat.
I'm going to swim in.
I'll race you in.
You'll race me?
Yes.
Let's go.
Ready?
Let's, uh...
Let's go.
One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
four to go.
Hey!
Go, Amelia, go! Go!
Go, go, go!
Go, Amelia!
Go!
Thank you.
You're out of condition,
Mr. Donovan.
Match?
Oh, gee.
I'm sorry, Mr. Donovan.
That's quite all right,
Miss Dedham.
Pax?
Pax.
Ahh.
Oh, that's a pretty one.
Last year,
we had it bigger.
All right. Come on,
let's get it tied on aft.
Here, let me help.
No. Stan the Man
and I can get it.
Can't we, Stan?
Ah.
Tie it off.
No more grannies now.
Mahalo nui loa.
Why, Lelani,
that was lovely.
What do the words mean?
I was thanking the goddess
of the canyon for our tree.
Goddess?
Do you believe in gods
and goddesses?
Well, I believe in
the one God, as we all do,
but I respect the beliefs
and customs of my people.
Uncle Guns.
And I tell you
it is a granny.
The monument.
"" Princess Manulani,
"" Commander William...
"" Dedham...
"" Michael Patrick Donovan...
Thomas Al-oy-si-us
Gilhooley. ""
Thomas Aloysius Gilhooley.
Does this mean
there was actual fighting
on this island?
Well, those gold stars don't
stand for good behavior.
Well, tell me.
There's not much to tell.
We got blown off our can...
That's a destroyer...
Ended up here
on the island.
There was a big
Jap base down there.
So, we hid out back here
in the hills,
down in those caves.
Tossed a few monkey wrenches
into their machinery,
threw them
a few spitballs.
It's hard to believe
that war has ever been
within a thousand miles
of a place
as peaceful as this.
Yeah, well, frangipani
and flame-throwers
don't seem
to go together,
but that's
the way it was.
Hey!
We'd better get back
down the hill.
But... hey.
Ohh!
But who is the princess?
We'd better
get under way.
It's a long drive back.
All right, kids,
into the jeep.
Up you go.
How is this thing?
On here solid?
Jingle bells,
jingle bells.
Jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun
it is to ride.
In a one-horse
open sleigh...
You are late.
Nobody listens to me.
Well, Father,
we had to get a tree.
What would Christmas be
without a Christmas tree?
It's a long ways
up that valley.
Say, I've got
a wonderful idea.
How would you like to spend
Christmas at my house?
You mean that'd be better
than putting a Christmas tree
up in a saloon.
No...
Well, naturally,
you'll want to spend Christmas
with your father.
Thank you, Amelia.
I think it would
be very nice
to spend Christmas
at your father's house.
Well, that settles that.
Father.
Not that way.
That's a saloon.
The gate.
Michael,
who was Manulani?
Manulani?
She was
the granddaughter
of the last hereditary prince
of these islands.
What happened to her?
She died in childbirth.
I'm goin'
to California.
When I come back,
we'll be married.
What do you want me
to bring ya?
And this
is what she said.
A hat with a crooked crown.
Silver buckles
for my shoes.
A boa with feathers.
A scarlet petticoat.
And a short, tight dress.
Well?
I have the pleasure
to inform Your Excellency
that your worst fears
have been realized.
I knew he was
up to something.
Indubitably.
In a canoe.
Canoe?
A canoe?
But I have a plan.
Oh!
Bravo, bravo.
What's the matter
with you guys?
Are you trying
to crab my act?
My apologies,
mademoiselle.
Sit down, please.
Oh, boy. A drink
for mademoiselle.
Champagne.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
My voice.
A slug of gin,
if you please.
Of course, you know
your work permit has
expired 13 months ago.
Yes, and your
tourist permit...
Well, it's a shame.
But we have a plan
of Mr. Donovan's house.
Here is his back room.
You're telling me.
Come on, Sally.
Oh!
Oh, those children.
Yeah, those kids.
It's the same thing
every night.
You know,
Michael Donovan,
you're quite a... a fella.
Well, you know,
Amelia Dedham...
you're quite a gal.
Cigarette?
What's the matter?
I had the strangest feeling
that you were going
to kiss me.
What?
Well, I have been
kissed before.
Ah!
I...
I...
I thought I'd...
been kissed before.
I wonder if those kids
are really asleep.
I...
I'll sit this one out.
I'll walk you home.
No. I'll, uh...
I'll walk this off.
Good night, Michael.
Oh, the monkeys
have no tails in Zamboanga.
Oh, the monkeys
have no tails...
Have you a light,
Michael?
It's a gag, Mike!
That chinaman...
That Mr. Eu!
It's all a gag!
Aah!
Oh!
Oh!
You idiot.
A hammock.
SOS. Go.
Let's have it.
"" Doc, Mayday.
Your Boston dotter here. ""
Dotter. D-O-T-T-E-R.
That's right. 2 Ts.
""Insert name of..."
Her name's Amelia,
you dope.
How would I know?
I ain't shacking up with her.
Boston... daughter...
Amelia... here.
"" Your... kids...
"" living... at... my house.
"" Supposed to be mine.
"" Mayday, Doc.
"" Watch your step.
Guns. ""
He's reading.
His kids?!
Dr. Dedham...
I presume.
Amelia.
Father.
Oh, Doctor-san.
Yoshi, Koshi.
Uh, bath ready, Doctor.
How did it go?
Fine.
I'm no brain surgeon,
but she's gonna
be all right.
I'm glad.
Do you like it?
Very much.
I invited some children
over for Christmas,
3 of the sweetest kids
in the world.
Little half-castes.
Mr. Donovan's...
You know them.
Yes, I...
I know them.
Look.
Generator's working.
Do you mind?
No.
No, not at all.
I'll go shave and
get cleaned up, huh?
I'll have tea ready.
Good.
Thank you, Yoshi.
Thank you.
No cream, thank you.
It isn't cream.
Rum.
Shh.
Aunt Sarah and
Grand Uncle Sedley
might hear.
That's right.
I'd forgotten.
The Dedhams, Amelia,
have never traded in rum.
We refer to it as
""West Indies goods.""
To Aunt Sarah,
Grand Uncle Sedley,
and West Indies goods.
Skoal!
Slainte!
Since when have you
been acquiring Irish?
Oh.
Guns Donovan.
How do you know
it isn't Mr. Gilhooley?
Gilhooley?!
No.
I'd just like you to know
that I've signed
all my shares over to you.
No. I'd rather
you kept them.
Why?
Perhaps admiration...
for my father.
Thanks.
Amelia, I couldn't care less
about the Dedham
shipping company.
The very mention of it
gives me cold chills.
I guess that's true
of Boston, too.
I remember
how happy I was
when I heard I was the father
of a fine baby girl.
That was early in the war.
The months went on,
the years,
the letters got
fewer and fewer,
then none at all.
Well, you know
that mother was...
I didn't know that.
And no one
bothered to write.
And then
we were torpedoed.
A lot of the men
were killed.
A few of us managed
to get to a raft.
10 days later,
we made it here.
The sensible thing
would have been
to give ourselves up,
but the people hid us,
fed us, nursed us...
Some even died for us...
We owed them
something for that.
They didn't have
a doctor on the island,
and... God knows they
certainly needed one.
I didn't know
about your mother
until 5 months
after it happened.
When I was discharged
at Pearl Harbor,
I...well, I just
couldn't bring myself
to go back to Boston.
I wasn't needed there,
but I was desperately
needed here.
I know I failed in
my responsibility to you,
but there were
children here, too.
Children that I had
brought into the world
who might die
if I wasn't around.
I understand all that
well enough, but...
why couldn't I
have gone back,
even for a visit?
There must have been
other doctors
who could have
taken your place.
That's very true,
but you see,
by that time, I...
Isn't that sweet?
They're bringing you flowers.
That's welcome.
Of course, you know that.
Why did they do that?
Why don't they come
right on up?
I'll go get them.
Amelia.
Yes?
"" Well, the time has come,
the walrus said,
to speak of many things. ""
Of sailing ships
and sealing wax?
Cabbages and kings.
I'd been here about...
Well, horse-and-buggy time.
Good old Doc Dedham.
Excuse me, dear.
Vite, Docteur.
C'est une césarienne.
Une pauvre
petite chinoise de 16 ans.
Merci. Merci, ma mére.
It's an emergency.
I understood.
May I help?
All right.
Come on.
Help me scrub up.
Peace on the Earth.
Goodwill to men.
From heaven's
all-gracious king.
The world
in solemn stillness lay.
To hear the angels sing.
Mes chers enfants,
bon et joyeux Noel.
Merry Christmas.
Mele kalikimaka.
Mele kalikimaka.
My children,
once again we've come
to that holy time
of the year,
time for giving,
for loving,
and for remembering.
Tonight, we have much
to be grateful for,
all of us,
and I perhaps most of all.
Because, as you see,
our chapel has, at long last,
an organ.
A magnificent organ,
a gift of Miss Amelia Dedham.
Mademoiselle, I...
I weep for joy.
Forgive me.
Monsieur le gouverneur,
je ne peux pas continuer.
Je vous en pris.
"" A gift of $ 150
"" for the repair
of the chapel roof
donated by Messrs.
Donovan and Gilhooley... "".
Non. Non. Uh...
continuey.
Has been crossed out.
The poor are still with us.
Uh, before we proceed
with the pageant
that Mother Gabrielle
has prepared for us,
I should also like to say
that the Royal
Australian Navy
has again sent
a corvette to do honor
to the hereditary princess
of our island paradise.
I would like to thank
our brave and noble allies
in the name of
the republic of France.
We thank the governor.
Continuey.
Lelani.
Mademoiselle LaFleur.
Uh...
"" and thus it came to pass
"" that the child was born
"" in the city of David
called Bethlehem.
And behold, a star
appeared in the heavens. ""
Hi, Amelia.
Horse and buggy?
Will you see that
Amelia gets home?
Affirm-affirmative.
"" And then from the east
"" came three wise men.
"" Three kings
"" bearing gifts,
"" to gaze upon the child
"" and to kneel before him
in adoration.
The king of... "".
Polynesia.
Poka ma ha'o.
Malu hia.
Ma lama lama.
""The emperor of China.""
Ka ma kua.
Hine aloha.
""The king of...""
The king of
the United States of America.
Me ka.
Malua hia lani.
Silent night.
Holy night.
All is calm.
All is bright.
Round yon virgin.
Steady on, lads. Steady.
Sing out.
Mother and child.
Holy infant.
So tender and mild...
Shine amerido gozaimase.
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Ohh! Oh!
Bonjour!
Bon Noel,
Mademoiselle Amelia.
Father Cluzeot.
Huh?
I want the truth.
Ha ha ha ha!
The truth!
Who doesn't seek the truth?
All of us.
All men everywhere.
Father.
All through the ages.
You know very well
what truth I mean.
I? Comment que
je pourais vous mentir?
Il y a quarante
ans que c'est...
The Navy Cross.
3 Purple Hearts.
No, no, no, no. No.
Not there.
Here, where it is inquired,
""situation de famille. ""
Observe what he writes.
""Celibataire. ""
Celibataire.
A bachelor.
Donovan is
an unmarried man.
Well, there is
our Mike Donovan.
3 children
and not one marriage.
Oh, I do not say
he is the first man
to put the cart
before the horse,
but, uh, 3 carts
and no horse? Huh?
Unforgivable.
When I think
how he has deceived you,
preying upon
your sympathies,
pretending to be
the finest of fathers,
I... I could tear my beard out
by the roots.
And it's such
a beautiful beard.
Yes, isn't it?
Oh, you'd be amazed if
I told you how many women...
Uh, well,
that is not important.
Tell me, chere Amelie,
hasn't this revelation
changed your, uh...
your, uh, affections
towards Donovan?
Indeed it has.
And for reasons
you would never suspect.
Hey, hey, hey!
The place
is out of bounds.
Quiet, now.
You're all going
to the garden parties.
What about the beer?
Ah, there's lots
of drinks there.
There's orangeade
and lemonade...
And papaya-ade.
Iced tea.
- Iced tea?!
- Iced tea?!
All right.
Now shove off
like the nice little
gentlemen you are. Go on.
Go on.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Oh, no, no, no!
Hey, let's have
some service here!
How about some beer, huh?
Get a move on!
Hey, hey, barman, how about
a couple of bottles of beer?
That's right, come on,
let's have some beer.
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me.
And he sang
as he watched.
And he waited
till his billy boiled.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me.
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me...
All right,
the joint's closed.
Why don't you Limeys
shove off?
Limeys?
I distinctly heard him say that...
Limeys.
Limeys, he said.
I beg your pardon, sir.
Did I understand you
to say ""Limeys""?
I heard him.
Me, too.
Gilhooley, where the hell
is my suit?
Stay out of this, little man.
You might get hurt.
You guys, uh,
looking for trouble?
Tipperary born and bred
Limeys.
Monk, you're not gonna let
3 guys gang up on one guy
even if it is Gilhooley.
I seen it done.
3 against 2.
Me?
It's the holidays.
Christmas.
Have a drink.
I will, then.
On the house.
Look, we're noble allies.
Coral Seas...
We were with you.
He's got a point.
Yeah. A definite point.
Ah, my apologies
to you, sir,
and a Merry Christmas.
Yes, and a Happy New Year
to us all!
Festus!
My little brother.
Festus... we're having
a sporting event.
Turn your hat around.
You are now a Yank.
3 against...
Hey, Guns!
Ha ha ha ha!
Festus!
Festus! Festus!
Oh, shut up.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha! There...
Gilhooley!
Festus, you're a Yank!
Festus!
Festus!
Ooh! Hey!
Let's have a beer.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry
about your piano.
Don't worry about
the piano.
It's the holidays.
What's a piano
amongst friends?
Ah, that's
a good one, eh?
Peace on Earth
and goodwill to men.
Peace on Earth,
goodwill to men.
Hey! Free beer!
Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
I told you Limeys
to get out of here.
What's...
Why ain't you at
the garden party, you heathen?
Come on, break it up!
Aw, knock it off, fellas.
It's a holiday.
Peace on Earth.
That'll get you a fat lip.
Free beer!
Hey, hey, hey!
Quit it!
What are you doing?
What are you...
Who started it?
I did, sir.
Respectfully.
See you on the mat
in the morning.
Aye, sir.
Mr. McCuddy.
Carry on.
Left... turn!
Quick... march!
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me...
Gilhooley!
Pardon me, Padre.
Is this, uh, yours?
Non, non.
C'est la boite á jukes.
La jukes box.
Music.
Comme ca.
Regardez. Voila.
Music.
Mmm...
Ah. Charming.
Lisette,
Joanne,
Annelle,
Kalua, Nani, Lani.
I am like a father...
I am like a father
to them all.
Mm-hmm.
Put your hat on,
you brat!
Ah, shut up!
Andre.
Has anyone
ever told you
you're the biggest louse
in the world?
Heredity.
My family
was always known
as the biggest louses...
Lice.
Lice?
On the loire.
Ah.
Pardon.
Protocol.
Sorry I'm late.
Twins?
Tonsils.
Dr. Dedham.
Your Highness.
Uh... and a visitor
to our island paradise, uh...
Your sister Amelia.
Sally.
Amelia.
Mmm!
Sweet.
Well, brother of mine,
what are you
so unhappy about?
My pants are too tight!
Look.
Oh...
Thank you.
The Kennedys
will be furious.
As for the Donovans...
Oh, that man!
Oh, mademoiselle, look.
A miracle.
A new roof
for the chapel.
I'm very happy
for you, Father.
Miss LaFleur,
merry Christmas.
Oh, thanks, honey.
And I think this will
amuse you, Mr. Gilhooley.
And Mr. Donovan?
He's dressing
for the garden party.
Hey, what's all
the rush about?
Mr. Donovan,
of all the selfish, stupid,
evil, poisonous people.
Who?
You.
Me?
Yes, you.
Well, that's a fine
how do you do
on Christmas day.
Exactly.
And just how do you think
those children feel,
driven out of
their own home
as if their own father
is ashamed of them?
Well, you've got
this thing
a little twisted,
haven't you?
Oh, no, I have not.
You were the one
we were worried about.
We didn't know whether some
old maid had come out here...
Old maid?!
Yes! You went around
with your nose turned up at
everybody and everything until...
I made a human being
out of you.
You made a human being
out of me.
Yes, I made
a human being...
May I ask how?
Let go of me!
Ohh! Oh!
That's how.
Oh, you!
Old maid!
Oh, Miss Dedham...
You're quite welcome.
Tommy.
Now you've got to
marry me.
Sure, baby.
Sure, sure.
Toot toot!
Toot toot!
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez...
Oh! Sacre nom de...
Amelia, aren't you going to
say good-bye to Uncle Guns?
Mr. Donovan.
No, I am not.
No guts, huh?
Amelia.
Not again.
Michael!
Michael Donovan, I...
Did you hurt your... self?
You know I'm leaving
for home today.
So I heard.
Michael, if what
you said is true,
and if I marry you,
I don't want our children
growing up
knowing that
their father is a...
saloonkeeper.
I gave it to him
for a wedding present.
Pax?
Pax.
A marriage
made in heaven.
Amelia, if I were
to consent to marry you,
if you were to consent...
And if we were to be
blessed with children,
and if the first
should be a boy,
he will be called
Francis X. Donovan
after my father.
He will be called
Sedley Atterbury Dedham
after my great uncle.
Sedley Atterbury...
That's a hell of a name
for a Donovan!
Michael.
We'll call him William
after my father.
After the doc?
That's swell.
I'll call him Bill.
Pax?
Pax.
Amelia, you have
a mean Irish temper,
but I love it.
From now on,
I wear the Pax
in the family.
Ohh!
Aah!
Stop!
Aah!
Ohh!
You...
of Haleakaloha?
Yep.
We ain't stopping, huh?
Nope.
You remember when
I signed on this bucket
you promised we'd be
at Haleakaloha by the seventh.
Well, this is the seventh.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, well,
what do you know?
Me, Boats Gilhooley,
6 hitches in Uncle Sam's navy,
and here I get
shanghaied, huh?
Ha ha ha ha.
Can you imagine what
they'll say at Pearl?
Yeah, when this news
gets to Diego, huh,
that'll be
a little bit funny, I'll bet.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah. Well, good thing
I got a sense of humor, huh?
Ha ha ha... ooh!
Permission to leave the ship.
Man overboard!
Hey, I'll bring you
before the mast!
I'll throw you in the brig,
you little mutineer!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Daddy!
Hi, Dad!
Dad! Ohh!
Hi, Pop!
Hi, Dad!
I caught a fish!
Me, too!
Sit down in the boat.
Ho ho!
Sister Angelique.
Sister Mary Margaret.
Doc.
Hi, sailor.
Sister Angelique, would you accept
some nice fish from a sinner?
Was that good or bad, sister?
Very good, Michael.
Thank you.
Hey, get back in that boat,
you little pirate!
You about ready
to take off, Doc?
I have a few calls
to make first.
Oh. How long you figure
to be gone?
Oh, a week, maybe 2.
Never can tell what's gonna
happen on the outer islands.
Right.
Look in on the kids
occasionally, will you?
Don't worry.
Don't I always?
All right, Sam, shove off.
To the Minister
of Foreign Affairs,
from the governor of
Haleakaloha, French Polynesia.
Subject...
transfer.
My dear cousin,
once again,
I appeal to you
to be rescued
from this wretched island.
If you could but see me living
under the most primitive conditions.
The food is deplorable.
The heat unbearable.
And the plumbing, uh...
Ha ha. The plumbing
defies description.
How can one bathe when
there's no hot water?
Uh... let's see, where was I?
Hot water, sir.
In conclusion,
my dear cousin,
I respectfully request
transfer to, uh,
uh...
Miami Beach?
Splendid. Miami Beach.
Or, uh, or possibly, uh...
uh, Hollywood, California.
Whoo-hoo!
Signed,
Marquis Andre DeLage,
Baron de Fienna,
officer
de legion d'honneur,
chevalier de marche,
so forth and so on.
Here we go.
Uncle Andy!
Mahalo, Sam.
Mahalo.
Hi, Uncle Andy!
Hi, Uncle Andy!
Hello, Andre.
How's the coffee
holding out?
Right over there.
Help yourself.
How was the fishing?
I caught one...
Luki.
That big.
Ha ha ha ha.
And to you,
my dear Guns,
a very, very
happy birthday.
Birthday?
Oh, Uncle Andy,
you spoiled our surprise.
And I baked
a birthday cake.
With 100 candles.
With 150.
Oh, thanks, thanks.
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha ha.
Birthday.
Yeah. Ha ha ha.
It's a real surprise.
Ha ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll have a nice party tonight,
and a big batch of lemon...
Ade.
Gilhooley?
Gilhooley.
Oh, Uncle Gun,
please don't fight.
Don't spoil our party.
You stay out of this!
Go on, Uncle Guns,
and knock his block off!
I'll knock both
his blocks off.
Come on, kids,
you're going home.
Good-bye, Uncle Andy.
Bye.
- Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley! Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley! Gilhooley!
- Gilhooley!
Come on, girls!
Come on!
Come on!
Oh, you lovely, lovely ladies!
Hey! Ohh!
Ohh!
Ah, the police.
Well, if it ain't
my old pal, Beau Geste.
Your passport, Gilhooley.
Naturally. And 2 bucks
landing fee, huh?
Ah, hi, Padre.
Uh, uh, uh, how's the roof
on the chapel holding up?
Gilhooley.
His first word
and I am disarmed.
Here I have come to demand
your deportation
and you ask about the roof.
Well, why not?
I paid for it, didn't I?
He gave the dough away,
as usual,
and the chapel still leaks,
as usual.
Even more, as usual.
But what could I do?
The hurricane had,
uh, swept Rorangi.
There was great need.
But what is a roof
against, uh, starvation?
Stop! Stop it!
Alley.
To the chapel with me.
Ah, now, wait, Padre.
You wouldn't want me to catch a cold
in a leaky chapel, would you?
Uncle Guns, you promised.
Oh, now, everything's gonna be
all right, Lelani, I swear.
Word of honor.
Now, you go on in there
and take the kids.
And practice the piano.
Get a good thick
frosting on that cake.
Luki! Sally!
Donovan!
Guns!
Where is he?
Gone fishing.
Hey, you got a new mirror.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, I figured it up once.
Counting all
the broken mirrors,
you and Donovan got
63 years of bad luck coming.
Hey, that's mine.
The monkeys have no tails
in Zamboanga.
That's busted.
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
In Zamboanga...
Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah!
That's still busted.
Come on!
Where does Donovan
keep his clothes?
Same place.
Why not? The lug owes me one.
It's my birthday.
Pick out a nice black one.
One you can
be buried in!
Tommy!
Ohh!
LaFleur! Oh, baby!
Oh, darling.
Gangway! Gangway!
Come on!
Yeah, I know.
Gilhooley.
Oh, you've come back
to marry me.
Oh, now, look, LaFleur,
you're the love of my life.
You're the only dame that
meant anything to me, but...
I know.
I already told you
I'd make a...
I got a wife in Hoboken.
And San Pedro,
and San Diego,
and Norfolk, Virginia.
That's right. You wouldn't want me
up on a bigamy charge, would you?
Pardon me, LaFleur.
Gilhooley, no trouble.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
My suit!
You wouldn't want me
to look like a bum, would you?
I'm your guest.
Ha ha.
22 years, huh, Boats?
Ha ha. Great.
Pals, huh?
No fights.
Guns, no fights?
22 years.
Tradition.
Legion.
Legend.
And the crowd.
Hey, monk, you...
Why don't you throw that guy
in the brig, in the hoosegow?
I'm off duty, Guns.
You're always
off duty... ohh!
Not the brandy,
you dope!
Sorry.
Watch his left, tiger,
watch his left!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, no!
Jeez!
Tommy!
Oh, shut up!
They went that way.
Doctor!
All right, come on,
knock it off!
Oh, knock it off, you two!
As you were!
Uhh!
Look at you. You're worse
than a couple of kids.
- But, Doc...
- Line up! As you were!
You're at attention,
Gilhooley.
Now, what started
this rhubarb?
The fact that you both happen
to be born on the same day?
Permission to speak.
Shoot.
What started it
was this knothead
tried to push a hootchy-kootchy
dancer off on me in Panama.
Ha ha ha ha.
Gilhooley!
Well, what's wrong with that?
Nothing, except
a marriage license
and a wedding ring through
my nose went with it.
Maybelle.
What?
Pearl Harbor, sir. A dame named
Maybelle. M-A-Y-B-E-L-L-E. 2 Ls.
I never knew anybody named
Maybelle in my whole life.
That's right.
Her name wasn't Maybelle.
All right, that's enough
from the both of you.
The simple and obvious fact is
that neither of you remembers
what started this ridiculous
annual birthday brawl.
It will come to me, sir.
I'm sure it will. All right,
come on, get out of there!
Both of you!
Cindy Lou?
Betty.
Jeez!
Oh, sugar pie!
Come on, now,
here we are, the 3 of us,
on one of the most
beautiful islands on Earth.
It's a fine day,
the birthday of 2 men
I've always been proud
to call my friends.
We've been through one war
together, bad and bloody days.
Now, let's put an end
to this fight.
LaFleur, break out the beer.
All right, now shake hands.
You know,
the doc's a great guy.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy... birthday!
Oh, Thomas!
Happy birthday
to youse both.
Continue.
Well, as usual, when there's
dirt to be done, you hire me.
Some simple,
honest matter,
you hire Pennyfeather,
Pennyfeather and Pennyfeather.
Now, the fact
of the matter is,
that with the death of
your great-aunt Priscilla,
this fellow out
in the South Seas,
this, uh,
Dr. William Dedham,
your father, Miss Dedham.
I have never
met my father.
His name is not
mentioned in the family.
Well, now,
be that as it may,
unless you find some way to
keep him from inheriting this stock,
you'll find yourself mentioning
his name, and quite often,
'cause he'll be the big he-bull
in that shipping company of yours.
I hope you ladies don't find
my language too colorful.
Now, there's a clause
in the will,
it's in a good many
of these Boston wills,
although civilized people don't put
such drivel in wills anymore,
but it says if anyone
can prove that the heir
is not of good
moral character,
according to
Boston standards,
he may be deprived
of his inheritance.
Well, now, if this
Dr. William Dedham
has been living on
some South Sea island
with those native girls,
well, what I mean is,
the man has probably behaved
in a way that wouldn't suit Boston.
Now if you can prove that,
you can cheat him out
of his stock and his money.
Anyone object to me
using the word ""cheat""?
We are waiting.
That is all. You'll have
my bill in the morning.
Bon voyage,
Miss Dedham.
Comments?
Great Uncle Sedley?
No comment...
with reservations.
Be pleased to take over.
Gentlemen,
you may go in now.
"" Miss Amelia Dedham, daughter
of Dr. Dedham, is arriving... E.T.A.
Estimated time of arrival.
1400. Signed,
Captain Martin, ship Araner. ""
Well, there it is,
gentlemen.
This is for you, the citizens
of the United States, to decide.
It is not my pigeon.
The question is, does Miss Dedham
know about her father?
You mean the kids?
Mmm.
Well, let her find out.
Ah, so you share my opinion
that she doesn't.
Well, I can't see Doc Dedham
hiding them in the jungle
like they were something
to be ashamed of.
Well, I don't know.
Now, if I was
in the Doc's shoes...
Oh, Gilhooley.
Look, the dame's
from Boston, remember.
Yes, and without warning, meeting
a father she's never even seen,
and being confronted
by 3 children.
His children by
some native woman.
A native woman?
We know who she was.
Oh, my dear Michael,
of course. Manulani.
We all loved her.
Native woman.
But how can this girl help reaching
all the wrong conclusions?
Hey, I got an idea.
You know how I am when
it comes to broads, huh?
So I meet her on the beach
and I invite her up here.
And then what?
Then I slip her a mickey.
Oh, come on!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen,
I shall explain on the way.
On the way where?
To the house of Dr. Dedham,
naturally.
Well, you know
these wily Chinese.
Well, you were a big...
Now, shipmate!
Polonaise.
Ta da da
da da da da.
Hi, Uncle Guns.
Hi, Uncle Guns.
Hi.
Hi. Padre.
Michel.
Sounds great, Lelani.
I'd like to talk to you.
Sure.
2 and 2 is 4,
4 and 4 is 8.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
You and the kids must move in
with me and pretend you're mine.
But, Uncle Guns,
I don't understand.
First you tell me I have
a sister coming from America,
and then you say
we are to leave our home.
Only until your father returns.
But, Uncle Guns,
wouldn't it be proper
for me and my brother
and sister to welcome her here...
in the absence
of my father?
The child is right.
What you proposed is monstrous!
I hate this as much
as you do, Padre.
But I'd cut my right arm
off for the doc.
For a few days,
mon pere.
Let's put it this way, Padre.
Remember when we was
clobbering nips here
in that delaying action?
It's the same principle,
only this time
we're fighting for the doc.
We're trying to buy him
a little time so...
Oh.
He can tell her
in his own way.
I understand.
It's because
I'm not white.
Lelani!
Lelani!
It's gonna be all right.
Don't worry.Just...
just trust me, hear?
It's gonna be all right.
Let go of your
starboard anchor!
Come on, look lively,
blast your eyes!
Step to it!
Ahoy, Mike!
Back water.
Go now.
I don't see your father here,
Miss Dedham.
My father's not expecting me.
He doesn't know
I'm coming.
I'm sorry. I took the liberty
of sending him a radio.
Thank you very much,
Captain.
Ahem.
Excuse me, miss.
Skipper, hi!
Have you
a Miss Amelia Dedham
from Boston aboard?
Aloha!
Name is Donovan.
Welcome to Haleakaloha.
Your father is
on the low islands.
We'll see you ashore.
Thank you,
Mr. McDonough.
The name is Donovan!
You'll have to take it
careful, Miss Dedham...
Captain, I am quite capable
of leaving a ship.
All right, ease your duff
onto that rail now.
Uh, sit on the rail and
swing your legs outboard.
Limbs.
Now, take it easy, ma'am.
Take it easy.
All right, Sam.
Watch these swells.
Watch it, Sam.
A little more starboard.
Easy now.
All right, Sam.
All right.
Give me your hand.
Hard a-port.
Hey! I meant stern!
Stupid!
I don't need your help.
All right, this is no place
to argue. Get in.
Aah!
Of all the stupid,
imbecilic oafs!
I read you
loud and clear.
Thank you, Mr. whatever
your name is.
Will you please
take me ashore?
Oh, my bag!
Kioki!
Thank you.
Will you please
take me ashore?
All right, Sam,
head for the beach.
Um, uh, Mr. Eu, I do not believe
this is the proper time
to meet the very wealthy
and marriageable
Miss Dedham.
Get in.
Hey, the dame's all wet.
And so are you.
Well, this gentleman is
from Massachusetts, also.
One of the Gilhooleys
from Fall River.
Fascinating!
Ain't I met you
someplace before?
Pango-pango?
Hong Kong, huh?
I have not had the pleasure
of meeting you in Hong Kong,
nor Fall River.
Will you please drive on?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you, ma'am.
Uh, how much did you
say she was worth,
according to, uh,
Dun & Bradstreet?
$ 18 million.
18? Well. Always
my lucky number.
Wait here.
Show legs, please.
Very pretty, very pretty.
Mike Donovan,
you've got a lot of nerve.
Wrap up in this
until you're dry.
Then here's a dress.
No, thanks.
No sale.
Will you please
take me to a hotel?
You'll sleep at your father's place
or on the beach.
My father lives here?
Sure. Any complaints?
What is that building?
It's your father's hospital.
He built it.
If you're interested.
Miss Dedham, this is
Yoshi and Koshi.
Oh, Missy-san.
Irashamase.
You better get
out of those wet clothes.
Here. Take her in
and give her a hot bath.
I am quite capable of giving
instructions to servants.
I am quite sure you are,
Miss Dedham.
I'll go down to the beach
and get your... bags.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Hey, there!
Hey!
Whoa, son. It looks like we're
going to have to face the music.
Uh, I'm sorry if we
woke you up, but, uh,
well, I know this is
going to sound fishy,
but the kid here forgot
his Stan Musial cap.
His what?
My cap. The one
Stan the Man sent me.
Said he couldn't sleep
without it.
Hi.
- Oh, hi, Luki.
- Hello, Luki.
Hi, Koshi. Hi, Yoshi.
Bet you've never seen me up
this late before, did you?
Pipe down.
Is this child your son?
Oh, uh, yeah.
He's, uh, this is, uh, Luke.
But everyone
calls me Luki.
And I have 2 sisters.
And I bet you they don't even
know I'm out, huh, Uncle Guns?
I mean, Papa Guns?
What about your mother?
Mother?
She's dead.
Oh, golly, I wish I was
sleeping in my own bed.
It's high time
you were in bed.
It's really none
of my business, Mr., uh...
Donovan.
Well, you should be
ashamed of yourself,
taking a child out
in a storm like this.
Me taking him out
in a storm like this?
I've been chasing him
all over the island.
Luki, how would you like
to spend the night here?
Oh, boy. In a real bed
instead of a hard old cot
he makes me sl... me sleep on.
What do you got
to complain about?
I'm sleeping in a hammock.
You fresh kid,
I ought to belt you.
Really, Mr. Donovan,
must you bully everyone?
Yoshi, please take him
up to the big room.
Good night, Uncle Guns.
Sleep tight.
That I intend to do.
Good and tight.
Mr. Donovan,
why don't you go home?
Or go to that saloon
of yours.
You know, if you're
typical of all fathers,
I suddenly realize
how grateful I am
never to have seen
my own. Good night.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, Mademoiselle Dedham.
Well, and what
are you doing here?
I slept here last night,
and I can come back
any time I want, right, Amelia?
Right.
Ah, may I have the honor
to present myself.
I am the Marquis DeLage,
governor of this
island paradise,
which finds in you
its fairest flower.
Hot dog!
Well, it's...
It was my intent
to greet you personally
upon your arrival yesterday,
but, alas,
the duties of office.
- Why that's...
- But here I am, such as I am.
To place myself and my automobile,
uh, and you will observe,
it's an American
automobile. 1 (44.
Uh, complete with driver
at your service, Mr. Eu.
Amherst, '52.
Mr. Eu.
If I may venture
a suggestion,
a scenic drive?
A chilled aperitif?
I have a picnic basket.
I'd be delighted to...
Well, that's very kind of you,
Your Excellency,
but I have promised
to take Luki home this morning.
Knock if off,
Uncle Andy!
Quit trying to horn in
on my date.
Luki, your manners,
remember?
Perhaps Your Excellency
would be so kind
as to drive us
to Luki's father's?
Ah, the history of my life...
To reach towards the rose,
only to be pierced by its thorn.
18 million bucks.
Morning, Padre.
Morning, monsieur.
- Good morning, Padre.
- Captain.
That was a marvelous sermon
this morning, Father.
La boite a jukes.
La jukes box, there is no music?
I think it's busted, Father.
Busted? But I don't understand.
Le Chinois de...
Oh, I wouldn't know anything
about those things, Father.
I think it's busted.
- Busted, huh? No music?
- Busted.
Hey, Amelia, let's have
another date sometime?
Why, sure. But right now,
you've got to get to school.
Ah, piano lessons.
Sorry, miss.
But Mr. Donovan don't allow
no ladies in this joint.
Oh, really?
Well, that's quite
all right, Sergeant.
I promise I won't
start any, uh, rhubarbs.
Now hear this.
Now hear this. Mayday.
Mayday.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning.
My apologies, Mr. Donovan.
Really, no women?
You're very welcome,
Miss Dedham.
Actually, I came here
on business.
Well, won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Captain, I should like
to charter the Araner
for however long it takes
for me to find my father
and then take me back
to Honolulu.
Ahem, well, as to that...
The Araner
is not for charter.
She has too much draft
for the low islands.
Reefs and coralheads.
Thank you, Mr. Donovan.
I was speaking
to the sailing master.
Captain,
it should only be...
But I own the Araner.
And the Inishmoor
and the Inishfree
and several others.
You might say
that we are rivals,
competitors in the shipping
business. Cigarette?
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Do you smoke?
Yes, I smoke.
Well, then perhaps, uh...
Rain check?
Mr. Donovan,
I was quite rude last night.
Please accept
my humble apologies.
I also was rather
abrupt. Pax?
Pax.
I was tired
and frightened...
And wet.
Very wet. To come halfway around
the world only to be told that...
Well, I wouldn't worry about
your father, Miss Dedham.
He'll be back shortly.
He wouldn't want to miss
Christmas with...
His patients and the hospital.
On the house, huh?
Oh, uh, how was my boy Luki?
How did he behave?
Oh, he was charming.
Entertaining.
Oh, and very educational.
I learned all about Mr. Musial's
batting average and, uh,
runs batted in,
and then he fell asleep
in my arms.
As Shakespeare said...
Quite.
Dérangé,
out of order and so forth.
Explanation?
Slot machine. It was shipped
in here 6 years ago... busted.
It is still busted.
Well, why...
I do not attempt
to explore
the depths of the oriental mind,
Miss Dedham.
Perhaps your Ivy League
chaperone here
could explain to my clients again
that it is busted.
That's reasonable, Mr. Eu?
I will try to explain it to them
in their barbarian tongue.
Carriage trade.
Lunch. The kids.
My, uh, children.
Chopin.
Mozart, perhaps?
Oh, Joe College.
2 years. Football.
Broken ankle.
Navy.
Miss Dedham...
I'd like to have you
meet the family.
Thank you.
You may find Father Cluzeot
somewhat of a bully.
Hi, Amelia.
Hi.
Father Cluzeot,
I want you to meet
Miss Dedham.
How do you do,
Father?
Enchanté.
And this is
my oldest girl Lelani.
Lelani.
You play beautifully.
Thank you.
Uh, this is my other girl.
Well, you're a little doll.
So, what's your name?
Sarah, but they call me Sally.
Sarah.
My name's Amelia, Sarah,
but nobody ever
called me Sally.
No?
Father, it's, uh, Wednesday.
Water skiing.
No.
You promised Lelani
could go water skiing today.
Water skiing?
May I come along?
Water skiing is a very
dangerous sport, Miss Dedham.
Particularly in these waters.
Well...
I don't think...
Perhaps you could teach me.
Oh, Papa Gun,
please let her come along.
OK.
No! Lesson is lesson.
- I'll start the lesson. One hour.
- OK, Miss Dedham.
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
Sonney les matines.
Sonney les matines.
Ding dang dong.
Ding dang dong.
Hit it!
Stop it! Stop it!
You monsters!
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
Good morning.
I would like
a, uh, bathing costume.
Very pretty.
- Bikini. Number one. Bikini.
- Very pretty.
Bikini!
I think that's a little little.
Boston,
Massachusetts...
Pretty.
Very.
Good morning, Miss, uh...
LaFleur.
What a beautiful gown.
Are you contemplating,
uh, matrimony?
What young girl of my age
doesn't contemplate matrimony?
How true.
Very proper.
Very pretty.
And pants.
Yes.
Look in glass?
Thank you.
Thank you, but, um,
I don't think this is quite...
Baby, right up your alley.
You know,
I believe you're right.
Holy Moses!
Amelia Dedham.
Ravissante, Amelia.
Ravissante.
Thank you, Andre.
Well, let's go,
Miss Bunker Hill.
Breed's Hill.
All right, let's go.
By the way, uh,
have you dispatched that
application for transfer yet?
Miami Beach. Yes, sir.
Cancel it.
Well, she made it.
Faster!
Let's go!
Faster! Faster!
Faster, huh?
All right, we'll give her something
to write home to Boston about.
Oh, no, Uncle Guns, oh, no!
No, Uncle Guns, no!
Gee, Miss Dedham,
I'm sorry.
Oh, ho, ho. That's quite
all right, Mr. Donovan.
Fun?
Funny.
You mad?
Mad?
The Araner's shoving off
tomorrow morning,
so I'll have to go
check her out.
So you two take the boat.
I'm going to swim in.
I'll race you in.
You'll race me?
Yes.
Let's go.
Ready?
Let's, uh...
Let's go.
One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
four to go.
Hey!
Go, Amelia, go! Go!
Go, go, go!
Go, Amelia!
Go!
Thank you.
You're out of condition,
Mr. Donovan.
Match?
Oh, gee.
I'm sorry, Mr. Donovan.
That's quite all right,
Miss Dedham.
Pax?
Pax.
Ahh.
Oh, that's a pretty one.
Last year,
we had it bigger.
All right. Come on,
let's get it tied on aft.
Here, let me help.
No. Stan the Man
and I can get it.
Can't we, Stan?
Ah.
Tie it off.
No more grannies now.
Mahalo nui loa.
Why, Lelani,
that was lovely.
What do the words mean?
I was thanking the goddess
of the canyon for our tree.
Goddess?
Do you believe in gods
and goddesses?
Well, I believe in
the one God, as we all do,
but I respect the beliefs
and customs of my people.
Uncle Guns.
And I tell you
it is a granny.
The monument.
"" Princess Manulani,
"" Commander William...
"" Dedham...
"" Michael Patrick Donovan...
Thomas Al-oy-si-us
Gilhooley. ""
Thomas Aloysius Gilhooley.
Does this mean
there was actual fighting
on this island?
Well, those gold stars don't
stand for good behavior.
Well, tell me.
There's not much to tell.
We got blown off our can...
That's a destroyer...
Ended up here
on the island.
There was a big
Jap base down there.
So, we hid out back here
in the hills,
down in those caves.
Tossed a few monkey wrenches
into their machinery,
threw them
a few spitballs.
It's hard to believe
that war has ever been
within a thousand miles
of a place
as peaceful as this.
Yeah, well, frangipani
and flame-throwers
don't seem
to go together,
but that's
the way it was.
Hey!
We'd better get back
down the hill.
But... hey.
Ohh!
But who is the princess?
We'd better
get under way.
It's a long drive back.
All right, kids,
into the jeep.
Up you go.
How is this thing?
On here solid?
Jingle bells,
jingle bells.
Jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun
it is to ride.
In a one-horse
open sleigh...
You are late.
Nobody listens to me.
Well, Father,
we had to get a tree.
What would Christmas be
without a Christmas tree?
It's a long ways
up that valley.
Say, I've got
a wonderful idea.
How would you like to spend
Christmas at my house?
You mean that'd be better
than putting a Christmas tree
up in a saloon.
No...
Well, naturally,
you'll want to spend Christmas
with your father.
Thank you, Amelia.
I think it would
be very nice
to spend Christmas
at your father's house.
Well, that settles that.
Father.
Not that way.
That's a saloon.
The gate.
Michael,
who was Manulani?
Manulani?
She was
the granddaughter
of the last hereditary prince
of these islands.
What happened to her?
She died in childbirth.
I'm goin'
to California.
When I come back,
we'll be married.
What do you want me
to bring ya?
And this
is what she said.
A hat with a crooked crown.
Silver buckles
for my shoes.
A boa with feathers.
A scarlet petticoat.
And a short, tight dress.
Well?
I have the pleasure
to inform Your Excellency
that your worst fears
have been realized.
I knew he was
up to something.
Indubitably.
In a canoe.
Canoe?
A canoe?
But I have a plan.
Oh!
Bravo, bravo.
What's the matter
with you guys?
Are you trying
to crab my act?
My apologies,
mademoiselle.
Sit down, please.
Oh, boy. A drink
for mademoiselle.
Champagne.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
My voice.
A slug of gin,
if you please.
Of course, you know
your work permit has
expired 13 months ago.
Yes, and your
tourist permit...
Well, it's a shame.
But we have a plan
of Mr. Donovan's house.
Here is his back room.
You're telling me.
Come on, Sally.
Oh!
Oh, those children.
Yeah, those kids.
It's the same thing
every night.
You know,
Michael Donovan,
you're quite a... a fella.
Well, you know,
Amelia Dedham...
you're quite a gal.
Cigarette?
What's the matter?
I had the strangest feeling
that you were going
to kiss me.
What?
Well, I have been
kissed before.
Ah!
I...
I...
I thought I'd...
been kissed before.
I wonder if those kids
are really asleep.
I...
I'll sit this one out.
I'll walk you home.
No. I'll, uh...
I'll walk this off.
Good night, Michael.
Oh, the monkeys
have no tails in Zamboanga.
Oh, the monkeys
have no tails...
Have you a light,
Michael?
It's a gag, Mike!
That chinaman...
That Mr. Eu!
It's all a gag!
Aah!
Oh!
Oh!
You idiot.
A hammock.
SOS. Go.
Let's have it.
"" Doc, Mayday.
Your Boston dotter here. ""
Dotter. D-O-T-T-E-R.
That's right. 2 Ts.
""Insert name of..."
Her name's Amelia,
you dope.
How would I know?
I ain't shacking up with her.
Boston... daughter...
Amelia... here.
"" Your... kids...
"" living... at... my house.
"" Supposed to be mine.
"" Mayday, Doc.
"" Watch your step.
Guns. ""
He's reading.
His kids?!
Dr. Dedham...
I presume.
Amelia.
Father.
Oh, Doctor-san.
Yoshi, Koshi.
Uh, bath ready, Doctor.
How did it go?
Fine.
I'm no brain surgeon,
but she's gonna
be all right.
I'm glad.
Do you like it?
Very much.
I invited some children
over for Christmas,
3 of the sweetest kids
in the world.
Little half-castes.
Mr. Donovan's...
You know them.
Yes, I...
I know them.
Look.
Generator's working.
Do you mind?
No.
No, not at all.
I'll go shave and
get cleaned up, huh?
I'll have tea ready.
Good.
Thank you, Yoshi.
Thank you.
No cream, thank you.
It isn't cream.
Rum.
Shh.
Aunt Sarah and
Grand Uncle Sedley
might hear.
That's right.
I'd forgotten.
The Dedhams, Amelia,
have never traded in rum.
We refer to it as
""West Indies goods.""
To Aunt Sarah,
Grand Uncle Sedley,
and West Indies goods.
Skoal!
Slainte!
Since when have you
been acquiring Irish?
Oh.
Guns Donovan.
How do you know
it isn't Mr. Gilhooley?
Gilhooley?!
No.
I'd just like you to know
that I've signed
all my shares over to you.
No. I'd rather
you kept them.
Why?
Perhaps admiration...
for my father.
Thanks.
Amelia, I couldn't care less
about the Dedham
shipping company.
The very mention of it
gives me cold chills.
I guess that's true
of Boston, too.
I remember
how happy I was
when I heard I was the father
of a fine baby girl.
That was early in the war.
The months went on,
the years,
the letters got
fewer and fewer,
then none at all.
Well, you know
that mother was...
I didn't know that.
And no one
bothered to write.
And then
we were torpedoed.
A lot of the men
were killed.
A few of us managed
to get to a raft.
10 days later,
we made it here.
The sensible thing
would have been
to give ourselves up,
but the people hid us,
fed us, nursed us...
Some even died for us...
We owed them
something for that.
They didn't have
a doctor on the island,
and... God knows they
certainly needed one.
I didn't know
about your mother
until 5 months
after it happened.
When I was discharged
at Pearl Harbor,
I...well, I just
couldn't bring myself
to go back to Boston.
I wasn't needed there,
but I was desperately
needed here.
I know I failed in
my responsibility to you,
but there were
children here, too.
Children that I had
brought into the world
who might die
if I wasn't around.
I understand all that
well enough, but...
why couldn't I
have gone back,
even for a visit?
There must have been
other doctors
who could have
taken your place.
That's very true,
but you see,
by that time, I...
Isn't that sweet?
They're bringing you flowers.
That's welcome.
Of course, you know that.
Why did they do that?
Why don't they come
right on up?
I'll go get them.
Amelia.
Yes?
"" Well, the time has come,
the walrus said,
to speak of many things. ""
Of sailing ships
and sealing wax?
Cabbages and kings.
I'd been here about...
Well, horse-and-buggy time.
Good old Doc Dedham.
Excuse me, dear.
Vite, Docteur.
C'est une césarienne.
Une pauvre
petite chinoise de 16 ans.
Merci. Merci, ma mére.
It's an emergency.
I understood.
May I help?
All right.
Come on.
Help me scrub up.
Peace on the Earth.
Goodwill to men.
From heaven's
all-gracious king.
The world
in solemn stillness lay.
To hear the angels sing.
Mes chers enfants,
bon et joyeux Noel.
Merry Christmas.
Mele kalikimaka.
Mele kalikimaka.
My children,
once again we've come
to that holy time
of the year,
time for giving,
for loving,
and for remembering.
Tonight, we have much
to be grateful for,
all of us,
and I perhaps most of all.
Because, as you see,
our chapel has, at long last,
an organ.
A magnificent organ,
a gift of Miss Amelia Dedham.
Mademoiselle, I...
I weep for joy.
Forgive me.
Monsieur le gouverneur,
je ne peux pas continuer.
Je vous en pris.
"" A gift of $ 150
"" for the repair
of the chapel roof
donated by Messrs.
Donovan and Gilhooley... "".
Non. Non. Uh...
continuey.
Has been crossed out.
The poor are still with us.
Uh, before we proceed
with the pageant
that Mother Gabrielle
has prepared for us,
I should also like to say
that the Royal
Australian Navy
has again sent
a corvette to do honor
to the hereditary princess
of our island paradise.
I would like to thank
our brave and noble allies
in the name of
the republic of France.
We thank the governor.
Continuey.
Lelani.
Mademoiselle LaFleur.
Uh...
"" and thus it came to pass
"" that the child was born
"" in the city of David
called Bethlehem.
And behold, a star
appeared in the heavens. ""
Hi, Amelia.
Horse and buggy?
Will you see that
Amelia gets home?
Affirm-affirmative.
"" And then from the east
"" came three wise men.
"" Three kings
"" bearing gifts,
"" to gaze upon the child
"" and to kneel before him
in adoration.
The king of... "".
Polynesia.
Poka ma ha'o.
Malu hia.
Ma lama lama.
""The emperor of China.""
Ka ma kua.
Hine aloha.
""The king of...""
The king of
the United States of America.
Me ka.
Malua hia lani.
Silent night.
Holy night.
All is calm.
All is bright.
Round yon virgin.
Steady on, lads. Steady.
Sing out.
Mother and child.
Holy infant.
So tender and mild...
Shine amerido gozaimase.
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Ohh! Oh!
Bonjour!
Bon Noel,
Mademoiselle Amelia.
Father Cluzeot.
Huh?
I want the truth.
Ha ha ha ha!
The truth!
Who doesn't seek the truth?
All of us.
All men everywhere.
Father.
All through the ages.
You know very well
what truth I mean.
I? Comment que
je pourais vous mentir?
Il y a quarante
ans que c'est...
The Navy Cross.
3 Purple Hearts.
No, no, no, no. No.
Not there.
Here, where it is inquired,
""situation de famille. ""
Observe what he writes.
""Celibataire. ""
Celibataire.
A bachelor.
Donovan is
an unmarried man.
Well, there is
our Mike Donovan.
3 children
and not one marriage.
Oh, I do not say
he is the first man
to put the cart
before the horse,
but, uh, 3 carts
and no horse? Huh?
Unforgivable.
When I think
how he has deceived you,
preying upon
your sympathies,
pretending to be
the finest of fathers,
I... I could tear my beard out
by the roots.
And it's such
a beautiful beard.
Yes, isn't it?
Oh, you'd be amazed if
I told you how many women...
Uh, well,
that is not important.
Tell me, chere Amelie,
hasn't this revelation
changed your, uh...
your, uh, affections
towards Donovan?
Indeed it has.
And for reasons
you would never suspect.
Hey, hey, hey!
The place
is out of bounds.
Quiet, now.
You're all going
to the garden parties.
What about the beer?
Ah, there's lots
of drinks there.
There's orangeade
and lemonade...
And papaya-ade.
Iced tea.
- Iced tea?!
- Iced tea?!
All right.
Now shove off
like the nice little
gentlemen you are. Go on.
Go on.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Oh, no, no, no!
Hey, let's have
some service here!
How about some beer, huh?
Get a move on!
Hey, hey, barman, how about
a couple of bottles of beer?
That's right, come on,
let's have some beer.
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me.
And he sang
as he watched.
And he waited
till his billy boiled.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me.
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me...
All right,
the joint's closed.
Why don't you Limeys
shove off?
Limeys?
I distinctly heard him say that...
Limeys.
Limeys, he said.
I beg your pardon, sir.
Did I understand you
to say ""Limeys""?
I heard him.
Me, too.
Gilhooley, where the hell
is my suit?
Stay out of this, little man.
You might get hurt.
You guys, uh,
looking for trouble?
Tipperary born and bred
Limeys.
Monk, you're not gonna let
3 guys gang up on one guy
even if it is Gilhooley.
I seen it done.
3 against 2.
Me?
It's the holidays.
Christmas.
Have a drink.
I will, then.
On the house.
Look, we're noble allies.
Coral Seas...
We were with you.
He's got a point.
Yeah. A definite point.
Ah, my apologies
to you, sir,
and a Merry Christmas.
Yes, and a Happy New Year
to us all!
Festus!
My little brother.
Festus... we're having
a sporting event.
Turn your hat around.
You are now a Yank.
3 against...
Hey, Guns!
Ha ha ha ha!
Festus!
Festus! Festus!
Oh, shut up.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha! There...
Gilhooley!
Festus, you're a Yank!
Festus!
Festus!
Ooh! Hey!
Let's have a beer.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry
about your piano.
Don't worry about
the piano.
It's the holidays.
What's a piano
amongst friends?
Ah, that's
a good one, eh?
Peace on Earth
and goodwill to men.
Peace on Earth,
goodwill to men.
Hey! Free beer!
Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
- Free beer!
I told you Limeys
to get out of here.
What's...
Why ain't you at
the garden party, you heathen?
Come on, break it up!
Aw, knock it off, fellas.
It's a holiday.
Peace on Earth.
That'll get you a fat lip.
Free beer!
Hey, hey, hey!
Quit it!
What are you doing?
What are you...
Who started it?
I did, sir.
Respectfully.
See you on the mat
in the morning.
Aye, sir.
Mr. McCuddy.
Carry on.
Left... turn!
Quick... march!
Waltzing Matilda.
Waltzing Matilda.
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me...
Gilhooley!
Pardon me, Padre.
Is this, uh, yours?
Non, non.
C'est la boite á jukes.
La jukes box.
Music.
Comme ca.
Regardez. Voila.
Music.
Mmm...
Ah. Charming.
Lisette,
Joanne,
Annelle,
Kalua, Nani, Lani.
I am like a father...
I am like a father
to them all.
Mm-hmm.
Put your hat on,
you brat!
Ah, shut up!
Andre.
Has anyone
ever told you
you're the biggest louse
in the world?
Heredity.
My family
was always known
as the biggest louses...
Lice.
Lice?
On the loire.
Ah.
Pardon.
Protocol.
Sorry I'm late.
Twins?
Tonsils.
Dr. Dedham.
Your Highness.
Uh... and a visitor
to our island paradise, uh...
Your sister Amelia.
Sally.
Amelia.
Mmm!
Sweet.
Well, brother of mine,
what are you
so unhappy about?
My pants are too tight!
Look.
Oh...
Thank you.
The Kennedys
will be furious.
As for the Donovans...
Oh, that man!
Oh, mademoiselle, look.
A miracle.
A new roof
for the chapel.
I'm very happy
for you, Father.
Miss LaFleur,
merry Christmas.
Oh, thanks, honey.
And I think this will
amuse you, Mr. Gilhooley.
And Mr. Donovan?
He's dressing
for the garden party.
Hey, what's all
the rush about?
Mr. Donovan,
of all the selfish, stupid,
evil, poisonous people.
Who?
You.
Me?
Yes, you.
Well, that's a fine
how do you do
on Christmas day.
Exactly.
And just how do you think
those children feel,
driven out of
their own home
as if their own father
is ashamed of them?
Well, you've got
this thing
a little twisted,
haven't you?
Oh, no, I have not.
You were the one
we were worried about.
We didn't know whether some
old maid had come out here...
Old maid?!
Yes! You went around
with your nose turned up at
everybody and everything until...
I made a human being
out of you.
You made a human being
out of me.
Yes, I made
a human being...
May I ask how?
Let go of me!
Ohh! Oh!
That's how.
Oh, you!
Old maid!
Oh, Miss Dedham...
You're quite welcome.
Tommy.
Now you've got to
marry me.
Sure, baby.
Sure, sure.
Toot toot!
Toot toot!
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez-vous?
Dormez-vous?
FrereJacques.
FrereJacques.
Dormez...
Oh! Sacre nom de...
Amelia, aren't you going to
say good-bye to Uncle Guns?
Mr. Donovan.
No, I am not.
No guts, huh?
Amelia.
Not again.
Michael!
Michael Donovan, I...
Did you hurt your... self?
You know I'm leaving
for home today.
So I heard.
Michael, if what
you said is true,
and if I marry you,
I don't want our children
growing up
knowing that
their father is a...
saloonkeeper.
I gave it to him
for a wedding present.
Pax?
Pax.
A marriage
made in heaven.
Amelia, if I were
to consent to marry you,
if you were to consent...
And if we were to be
blessed with children,
and if the first
should be a boy,
he will be called
Francis X. Donovan
after my father.
He will be called
Sedley Atterbury Dedham
after my great uncle.
Sedley Atterbury...
That's a hell of a name
for a Donovan!
Michael.
We'll call him William
after my father.
After the doc?
That's swell.
I'll call him Bill.
Pax?
Pax.
Amelia, you have
a mean Irish temper,
but I love it.
From now on,
I wear the Pax
in the family.
Ohh!
Aah!
Stop!
Aah!
Ohh!
You...