Dog Days (2001) - full transcript
In a suburb of Vienna during some hot summer days: A teacher who is in bondage to a sleazy pimp, a very importunate hitchhiker, a private detective on the run for some car vandals, a couple with a serious marriage problem and an old man, whose wife died long before on the search for some sexual entertainment live their lives while their lifelines cross from time to time.
Are you finished taking a piss?
Yes.
Do you have a problem? Sick of life?
No problems.
She's mine, and I'm the only one
who looks at her, just me!
You don't look at her,
you don't touch her. Got that?
Yeah?
What do you want from me?
Fuck off, asshole!
-What's this about?
You want to fuck my girl?
Break it up!
Get lost!
What's your problem? Get lost!
You want me to mess up your face too?
Get lost!
You're telling me to get lost?
-Just go!
Keep cool! He's leaving!
I don't care what you say.
Fuck off!
What do you want?
Listen, why don't you just go home?
Mario, please let's go!
I want this guy, okay?
Go to hell, you piece of shit.
You're dead. Your ass is mine.
Stay out it!
Tell him to get his ass over here!
I'll get you, I swear. You're dead.
Have you gone crazy, Mario?
Mario!
Enough!
Stop! Get off of me.
Go away.
Get lost.
What's wrong?
-You think I'm stupid?
What?
-What do you think you're doing?
What's wrong with you?
-Think I'm stupid or what?
What's the matter Mario?
-Huh? Answer my question!
Answer my question.
I said answer me!
What do you mean, no?
You really think I'm stupid, huh?
Is that what you think?
Tell me!
Are you going to answer me?
Are you going to answer me?
Hands off. Are you going to answer?
Are you?
You know what you are?
A filthy, stinking, rotten whore.
Do you think I'd fuck a whore?
You think so?
Claudia!
Is that what you think?
Let go, Mario.
Is that what you think?
Get lost!
DOG DAYS
Hey, stop it!
You drive me crazy with your arguing.
If you don't stop, I'll report you
for disturbing the peace.
Remember, I was your secretary,
and you were married then, too.
I'm not as stupid as you think.
What did you buy, huh?
What did you get?
Ask my wife, I don't know.
That' a frankfurter you got there,
you know what they put in it?
Sodium nitrite, ascorbic acid,
anti-oxidation agents,
di-, tri-, and poly-sulfates...
that's what they put in them.
That's what's in them.
You know the 10 best grocery stores?
Merkur, Spar, Billa, Hofer,
Schlecker, Meindl,
Adeg, Mondo, Lîwa, Pam Pam.
Did you know that?
Can you name them, too?
Can you give me a lift?
Can I have a ride?
Where are you going?
Can I have a ride?
Why not? Can't I come along?
Do you know the 10 most popular pets?
Cat, dog, mouse...
-1. Cats, 2. Dogs, 3. Birds,
4. Aquarium fish, 5. Hamsters,
6. Guinea pigs,
7. Mice, 8. Rabbits, 9. Rats,
10. Turtles.
You eat lots of marshmallows?
You like the white or black ones best?
If I get a craving, I'll eat both.
So what do you eat?
I can eat frankfurters by the kilo.
On a good day,
like when I used to...
How many pairs do you eat?
What? Sausage pairs?
Now I eat two,
but I used to eat ten on a good day.
Ten frankfurters?
You're so fat, it's unhealthy.
It could kill you.
She's a chatterbox, worse than me.
You're also pretty fat, you know.
-'Cause I'm not too lazy to eat.
It's unhealthy to eat so much,
you'll get a heart attack.
Oh, be quiet.
As long as I feel no pain,
I can eat what I want.
And once there's pain,
you have to stop anyway.
Spareribs with honey,
pork chops, steaks.
Try the new Kottnyi seasoning mix.
Where would I be without Kottnyi?
Do you wake up with a hard-on?
Do you?
Don't talk like that.
Do you still have sex?
That's a company secret.
Are you too old?
Can you still do it?
I can, I still can.
Earlobes, you have such big earlobes.
And you have such a big tongue!
These sweltering dog days
just won't let up.
We've got more subtropical air
headed for Austria.
If you're sensitive to the weather,
look forward to headaches...
Good afternoon.
Oh, God,
his hair is everywhere.
Do the sink, please.
The Austrians have obviously
practiced and are playing well today.
The traffic update for Lower Austria:
The present heat wave
has caused asphalt damage ...
leading to numerous problems
on highways and other major roads.
The police requests all drivers
to drive carefully. More delays...
Are you Mr. Walter?
My name's Hruby, I'm a technician
for alarm systems engineering.
We are offering consulting on new
security systems in your neighborhood.
I'd like to tell you about
the different options.
I see you've gotten a start
with a video surveillance camera,
for observation and all, great.
But I don't see
an alarm system anywhere.
Nowadays we have technology
that's affordable and effective.
Radio controlled devices
or a direct link to the police ...
will let you rest at ease at night.
I assume you have no alarm system?
No, but a good, mean watchdog.
He's the best, all I need.
-May I say this:
A dog may be man's best friend,
but man is not dog's best friend.
A dog needs protection too,
believe me.
My dog is enough.
He's mean, doesn't trust anyone.
What if something happens to the dog?
Things can happen to people, too.
Come Girlie, get in here.
Come.
You bought everything on the list?
I see the laundry is already done.
The sheets, too?
-They're in there now.
But use the old soap please,
the new one is bad for my skin.
I still had some of the old soap left.
Again! They cheated me again!
The crooks!
Go ahead and weigh it, you'll see.
Check it yourself,
I used a good scale.
A calibrated gram scale.
I don't understand it.
They save a little on each one.
Multiply that by 100 packages...
Here you have thousands of them.
I'm sure this is an exception.
That's what you say,
but I have to come back like now.
I'm sweating
and I get upset each time.
This is all unnecessary
and should be avoided ...
if you want to keep your
regular customers happy.
You're absolutely right.
-How about giving me the money ...
for all the gas I burn to get here.
How about 2 cans of dog food?
That won't even cover a liter of gas.
A beauty of a car. A real beauty.
BMW convertible, right?
A beauty. What's your name?
Norbert.
-Where're you going? Can I come along?
I'm only going to the supermarket.
Can I have ride in your convertible?
That's the melody. You got it already?
The words aren't hard either.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
Ha ha ha ha Haka!
So, now you know the words?
-You'll have to sing it again.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
Now you sing it.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
And then you go:
Ha ha ha ha Haka...
Furnishes your kitchen
in just 9 days, measured to perfection.
It's the beginning, not the end?
No, it's the end.
Can I listen to a tape?
Sure. What is on it? Is it good?
Yes, it's got my favorite song.
It's a great tape.
-Then let's hear it.
Here, it's on here.
How do you put it in?
My song's on here.
I hope it's the right side.
Where do you turn it on?
Is this the song?
Pretty. You're a romantic, huh?
Totally, huh?
The mood is perfect, fine weather,
sun, what more could one want?
Monja...
Well, come on in.
It's me, your mother.
I'm just calling to tell you I feel lousy.
My heart hurts,
I feel like I'm suffocating,
the heat, I can hardly stand it.
I can't sleep.
And I don't know
if I took enough medicine,
I just don't remember.
My feet ache and they're real swollen.
When are you going to call me?
Hey baby.
Hi there, my favorite tush.
About tonight, that sounds fine.
I'll be there. This evening is ours.
Just the two of us.
Get yourself prettied up.
Alright. See ya. I love you.
Mr. Theodorakis?
The security man?
-That's right, exactly.
The bathroom.
Ah, there's a skylight,
that shouldn't be a problem.
Nice, very nice.
And this?
A closet.
No windows, right?
The room you share with your wife?
I once shared with my ex-wife.
Now it's just my room.
The window's over here.
Let me just check how high we are.
Another window here.
Your wife's bedroom?
-My ex-wife's chapel, yes.
Yes well, to each his own.
Here we've got one window
and one skylight.
One window.
One skylight.
The children's bedroom, how nice.
Here we have one window.
Adorable.
My God, what a cute child.
How old is your little girl?
She's not here.
Oh... not here.
She's at her grandma's?
No, she's just not here.
I understand.
Is everyone in your profession
so nosy?
There's no way around it.
To sell security,
I need to know the situation.
I need to give each client
exactly what he needs.
Fine. Let's continue.
What's your name?
And yours?
Where are you from?
Is it a real leather bag?
-No, it's plastic.
It's plastic? Looks like leather.
It's a good imitation.
It's pretty, a pretty bag you have.
Did you take anything out of my bag?
Why don't you wear them?
It's sunny, you have to wear them.
I'm wearing these. I decide that.
This one's real leather though, huh?
I told you it's plastic.
This one? The wallet's plastic too?
Leave it closed, I don't like that!
You have lots of cards in here.
Please close my purse now!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Where are your manners?
I'm going to throw you out right now.
Are you always so grumpy?
-No. But people normally ...
don't go through my bag.
I don't go through yours, after all.
What pretty hair. Pretty hair.
Have you closed my purse now?
But you're not a good driver, huh?
You don't drive very well.
Who says?
It's so bumpy.
Got it?
You have to get out.
How old are you? You're old, huh?
Anna, get out please.
Do you still get your period?
Anna, get out!
Do you still have sex?
Do you still have a boyfriend?
You don't, huh? You're too old.
Will you get out now!
Here you've got something...
A sore muscle, neuralgia, hm?
Here you are.
I'd like to ask a favor.
You've been smoking again. I smell it.
No, you smell something else.
Have you ever caught me smoking?
-No, I haven't,
but I can smell it.
Who knows what you're smelling?
Don't forget my money.
I haven't.
Have it all ready for you. Here you go.
Now I'd like to ask you a favor.
I'd like you to stay here tonight.
I can't today, unfortunately.
I've already made plans.
With a man?
That's none of your business.
No, I really can't today,
but how about if I come tomorrow?
Sure, that wouldn't be bad either.
You can make us a nice meal,
a nice pork roast, with dumplings,
maybe some sauerkraut,
some tasty gravy.
The ten sexiest TV show hosts?
No. 1. Marie Christine Guiliani,
7. Lizzi Engstler,
8. Karin Resetaris,
9. Ingrid Thurnher,
10. Hannelore Veith.
Did you know them?
Need a break
'Cause your boss is mad?
He always is, so you must
have a snack, a Fruchtikus.
'Cause afternoons
Are twice as bad.
D'Arbo Fruchtikus,
a between-meal fruity plus.
You watch a lot of TV, right?
-Shopping never was much fun ...
till I spied it:
Fruchtikus, it's the one!
D'Arbo Fruchtikus!
A between-meal fruity plus.
Stop talking or you'll be walking!
You reach for banana-pear,
and soon you find that you don't care.
D'Arbo Fruchtikus,
a between-meal fruity must.
You know the 10 best supermarkets?
-I don't want to know.
Merkur, Spar, Billa, Hofer,
Schlecker, Meindl, Adeg, Mondo,
Lîwa, Pam Pam.
Can you be quiet a few minutes!
Unbelievable!
What's all this stuff
you have in your bag?
There you go again!
What kind of pen is this?
-None of your business! Put it back!
Okay, I've had it with you moron.
She's a pain in the neck, man!
You know
the 10 most common diseases?
1. Allergies, 2. Migraine,
3. Gastritis, 4. Arthritis,
5. Diabetes, 6. Asthma,
7. Heart disease,
8. Cancer, 9. Liver cirrhosis,
10. Stroke.
Do you have any of them?
If you keep on like this, a stroke.
You have that one, huh?
You're absolutely impossible.
Can't you just sit there
and be quiet?
That can't be too hard.
Hey, leave the bag alone!
You know the 10 most used pills?
-Put it down right now!
I've had it. Out with you this minute!
Get out! Out with you!
I'll dump water on you.
8. Renault Twingo, 9. VW Lupo...
Get out and get lost, fucking moron!
What a pain in the ass!
Scratched here on the side.
I can't believe it.
And it's black too. I'm speechless.
Just look at this.
It's terrible.
Looks like Modern Art.
Probably a screwdriver.
If he had at least signed his name.
I can imagine who it was.
Now we can do something good.
Not like last time.
Wait a second,
last time was all right.
Not my fault he didn't do anything.
You should have been more patient.
It's a scandal. Now it's hit us.
-Yes, it's terrible.
Every month they destroy a car,
but only the new ones.
They don't touch the old ones.
On both sides.
It must have been a gang.
It's not as if someone
would go along and then stop.
One on the left, one on the right.
If we catch them...
They deserve it. It would be good ...
to wring their necks...
We must catch them.
We can't just sit and wait for them,
can we?
I don't make money on those cases,
I'm doing it mainly for the prestige.
Since we're alone,
I'm going to be open with you.
I feel you're making a fool of me.
I hired you...
How do you mean?
-lt cost money, didn't it?
Now I'm hiring you again, more money.
Let me say it like this:
If nothing happens this time,
I'm turning it over to a lawyer.
Or I'll take a hammer
and smash that car to pieces,
and probably someone's head too.
Let me do my work.
Hello, Hruby speaking.
Please Honey, not again!
I'm on some parking lot,
in the middle of changing clothes.
I'm sweaty, that's why.
Stupid question.
Why do you think
I always take an extra shirt?
No, today's impossible.
I won't be able to get home today.
Same as last time.
I have to work all night.
I'm getting the equipment now.
Ya.. ya.. what?
Yasou.
I'm going to sing you
a Greek drinking song.
That's it?
Come on, let's go inside.
Really? It's so nice out here.
Honey, with me it's nice indoors, too.
Let's go.
Oh how good I feel at night,
When the bells ring at last light.
Ding-dong.
Oh how good I feel at night,
When the bells ring at last light.
Hop, hop, hop,
Horsy goes gallop.
Through the fields
And through the woods...
Hop, hop, hop,
Horsy goes gallop.
Hop, hop, hop...
Are you a princess? A real princess?
No, unfortunately not.
Not a princess.
My family had a title, though.
Von Kroneck.
But titles of nobility
were abolished in Austria in 1918.
Now they're just normal last names.
After all, we're about
to enter the 21st century.
But you used to be a real princess?
No, but I would have had
a position at court.
As it is, I get by.
Do you go to church? Do you?
Of course.
I always go to church, too.
I know some hymns.
They often sing Holy God,
We Praise Thy Name in church.
You know that one?
Holy God we praise Thy name,
Lord of all we bow before Thee;
All on Earth Thy scepter claim,
All in heav'n above adore Thee;
Infinite Thy vast domain,
Everlasting is Thy reign.
Do you like church?
Yes, very much.
I like to sing, and it's so nice there.
I'm not going to church any more
because it all lasts so long.
You can do what you want.
We have freedom of religion.
I like the Virgin Mary
and the baby Jesus. I like them.
I've got a statuette at home
and Lordes water ...
from Our Lady of Lordes.
Have you ever been to Lourdes?
And you can unscrew her head,
and the Lordes water is inside.
It's pronounced Lourdes.
Have you been there?
There's holy water there.
I know.
But people who go to Lourdes
are mostly sick.
You're sick already? You're a bit old.
You've got weird teeth.
-I'm not that old.
Weird teeth.
Nothing unusual. Everyone has teeth.
But yours are kind of weird.
And we can change too.
Do you ever leak a little?
Because often old women wet their
pants and have to use diapers.
I told you I'm only 50.
Often they pee in their pants,
and then they have to wear diapers.
They can't help it.
-Oh dear, that's sad.
They pee in their pants. Do you?
-I don't like conversations like this.
They're not interesting at all.
You don't do that too?
My goodness,
I'm a well-groomed young woman.
You know Star of the Sea?
I sing it a lot at home.
Star of the Sea I praise thee
Oh help me, Mary.
Sweet Mother of God
Oh help me, Mary.
My favorite little piece of ass!
Yes, my horny little nympho.
Chef-surprise:
batter-fried calamari rings.
Oh yes, my little cunt,
you've been waiting for me, hm?
You naughty little girl.
A vagina lick-toris.
You wild little thing...
Your juices are dripping
into your stockings.
They're about to slip,
you're dripping wet...
As soon as you smell my little friend,
you go crazy with anticipation.
Pussy's meowing now,
it knows what's about to come.
And here comes Edward Scissorhands.
Freddy Krueger.
What? Are you crazy?
What do you mean,
Ow, you idiot.
How dare you?
Who's he?
-That's Lucky.
How do you do, I'm Lucky.
Didn't you hear? I'm Lucky.
Can't you shake his hand?
Be good and shake hands.
Hello. Name's Lucky, Ma'am.
How can you humiliate me so?
You're humiliating yourself!
What an asshole.
Listen, let's play a drinking game.
You say a word, I repeat your word ...
and say another one.
Then she repeats both of our words
and says a new one...
And we keep going like that.
And if you make a mistake,
you have to drink a shot of vodka.
Two words that make sense?
No, one.
You start.
Go...
Go shit...
Exactly. That's what I meant.
Shut the fuck up.
I can't shut the fuck up.
You go shit!
Wrong!
Go shit, you...
If at all.
Now you have to drink a shot of vodka.
Yes sir, a shot-o-vodka.
Lucky, if you were as tall
as you are stupid,
you could drink out
of a skyscraper's rain-gutter.
She made a mistake! She has to drink.
Pour the vodka and shut up.
She's got to drink a shot of vodka.
Sit down and shut up.
Make her drink a shot of vodka.
Sit down and shut up.
She has to drink a shot of vodka!
Teddy bear, calm down.
Don't get all worked up.
She said it wrong.
Are we playing by the rules,
or aren't we?
Let's start over:
Wickerl, you say a word.
I repeat the word ...
and say another word on top of it.
She says your word, my word,
and another word on top of that.
You say your word, my word, her word,
and another one.
I say your word, my word, her word,
your word, and another word.
I start.
I...
Gaius Julius Caesar.
Come on, Wickerl:
I...
...shit.
-Yes!
I go...
Are you going to go shit now ...
so we can have a drink in peace?
Wrong, Wickerl. Drink!
Because you have to say ...
the two words: go shit.
You have to repeat mine, too.
OK, now we're playing right.
If you make a mistake,
you drink.
I...
I go...
I go...
Come on, say something.
Come on.
I go...
...shit.
That's all I can think of
when I look at you two sorry creatures.
You have to say I go shit,
not just shit.
Don't you get it? Are you that dense?
Say: I go shit.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
...if...
If nothing better comes along.
He's so stupid.
Don't you get it, or is it too hard?
It's a stupid game.
I don't feel like playing this
dumb game any more.
I don't feel like ...
playing this any more.
Listen! I told you I'd probably
be gone all night.
How should I know?
I'm observing the lot ...
where they scratched the cars.
I really hope I catch him this time.
Otherwise it's another wasted night.
I know, I know.
No, I haven't forgotten.
I don't forget things.
Don't worry.
Look, it's late.
Go to bed and sleep.
And stop bothering me at work.
Okay then, go to sleep, bye.
Disgusting.
Tell him he can't do that.
With us anything goes.
Please stop it, Wickerl.
Drink.
-I can't drink that.
I said: Drink!
I can't...
I already feel sick.
Then we'll have
a group vomiting session.
Stop it!
Stop the shit, and do it quick!
Come on, sing something for me.
No.
I told you to sing for me now!
I don't feel like it!
You're a boring, joyless creature.
Start singing and you'll feel like it.
I don't feel like singing that's all.
-You won't when you're dead.
But till you stop breathing,
you're going to sing for me.
I told you to sing, damn it!
Sing!
Sing or bleed!
Come on, sing, let's hear it. Sing!
Oh Love has brightly colored wings,
A bird so fine is hard to seize.
Keep going.
Come on, let's hear it!
Come on, let's have
a little more feeling, asshole.
Like the Negro bitches...
With baskets on their heads ...
of bananas, oranges, pineapples...
La Cucaracha...
La Cucaracha...
Come on, let's hear it.
We want to hear La Cucaracha.
Now!
Or we'll smash your teeth in.
Oh Love has brightly colored wings...
Are you deaf? La Cucaracha!
Man, are you lame.
Bonjour I'amour...
You're such a drag.
Are you crazy, spitting in my face?
You stinking toilet bowl,
you useless bitch!
Come here, you need some mouthwash.
Bon appetit, you bitch.
We'll wash your hair while we're at it.
The phone!
Thanks.
Wait, just a second.
You look awful. Are you crying?
No.
Can I get the phone first?
My phone call?
Can't you come down?
Your room is a terrible mess.
It's a nightmare.
I don't know what to do any more.
And you never eat a thing.
But you'll hurry up, right?
Okay?
Yes?
You look good today.
How do you think I'm doing?
It's hot, I'm sweating,
I spent the whole night
sitting in the car,
and all for nothing.
And just now I got a call from a client.
The guy even threatened me!
I gotta think of something.
I'm up against a wall here.
How are the things at home?
Did you check on the painters
the way I told you?
No, come on.
Go down and check on them ...
or they'll just make a mess.
And don't forget,
have a peppermint first.
You're slurring your words again.
You don't have to tell me,
I know what's going on.
Can I listen to a tape, can l, huh?
I have a real nice tape here.
It's got my favorite song on it.
It's on here, on this side right here.
How does your one work?
Let me see.
Monja...
It's not loud enough.
Let's not argue about music.
I'll let you play this and that's it.
I don't know
why I keep giving you rides.
I really don't understand it...
You can't hear the words.
Monja...
He stuck his tongue out at me.
All my thoughts,
my whole life too ...
I give to you ...
because I love you.
Just you,
Monja.
Do you know
the most popular sex positions?
Missionary 44%,
Woman on top 33%, Doggie-style 30%,
On your side 25%, Sitting 11%,
Standing 11%, no, it's 8%.
The sauce didn't have much flavor.
With roast pork the sauce
has to be nice and tasty.
Not too greasy, but flavorful.
So it wasn't enough...?
No, it's not that.
I can't chew the crust.
It's got a slip too, be careful.
Yes, I see it. They all have one.
She was particular,
didn't want it to be see-through.
A modest one, huh?
Yes, she was plenty modest.
But she didn't hide anything.
That one's pretty, it looks very nice.
A cute little dress.
Yes.
Let me see how it fits.
-Aren't you rushing things a bit?
Well, I have to check and see, right?
We see with our eyes.
You have to feel to know if it fits.
So you like it?
-I'd say it fits.
It looks nice.
I like it too.
Try the one that used to be
my wife's favorite dress.
Which one?
This one?
Cold. Cold.
Cold.
Very cold.
Getting warmer.
Cold.
What now, cold or warm?
Cold.
Cold.
Ice cold.
Getting lukewarm now.
You hid it quite well.
Lukewarm.
Getting warmer?
Getting even warmer.
Then I'm on the right track.
Yes, you are.
Lukewarm.
Getting warmer.
Even warmer.
Now it's getting hot.
Now it's very hot.
Oh, I've got it.
I've got it!
Well, I have something to celebrate.
Today would have been our
50th anniversary for my wife and me.
That's why I told you ...
to put on my late wife's dress ...
and show me you deserve it.
Do you at least like me in it?
Hi, is Wickerl here?
No.
Can I come in for a minute, please?
I forgot my key last night.
I can't get in the apartment.
I just wanted to say that
I'm awfully sorry about yesterday.
I won't make a big apology out of it.
I can't undo what happened, but...
It just happened,
but I'm not this way normally, really.
I want... This may sound stupid,
and I don't want
to sound cynical either, but ...
there hasn't been a woman
in the last 3 years ...
that I had so many feelings
for as for you yesterday.
Even if it was the wrong kind,
or too heavy, or whatever...
But I also enjoyed it some of the time,
I have to admit.
That was heavy. Nothing like this ...
ever happened to me before, you know.
And somehow I liked it in a way ...
to see how some people ...
can act toward other people.
That's why I ...
encouraged him at times.
Yes, I egged him on.
Anyway, now I'm really sorry.
As I said,
because of the sins of all women,
you probably had to take
a lot of shit yesterday.
I was never very lucky with the girls.
It was always painful.
At first it hurts when you fall in love,
then it hurts
when you fall out of love again,
and you don't know where you stand ...
or whether she likes you
or if you like her.
Then it hurts when you break up,
and then afterwards you realize
you really liked her a lot after all...
Love sucks.
Every woman I ever had just hurt me,
every single one.
The last one managed
to make me hate ...all women.
She's got my son locked up
like a hostage, you know?
He's defenseless,
and she's hurting him ...
just like she hurt me.
She doesn't understand that.
I'm not even allowed to see him.
Last time I saw him was 2 years ago.
I'd really like to be there for him and...
I would teach him things and...
She's hurting him like she hurt me.
He can't defend himself...
I'm sorry I'm burdening you with all this.
But what I wanted to say is just
that I'm sorry about yesterday.
No, I don't want that.
No, please...
No, I don't want that.
Wickerl doesn't have to know.
No, no. Don't you tell him anything.
I won't say anything.
No, don't, I don't want that.
Please stop it.
Do you want me to stab him?
If you want, I'll kill him.
I'm not kidding.
Just give me the word
and I'll get rid of him,
then he won't bother you any more.
My towel.
Her towel.
Come on.
Get up.
Get up.
Get up!
Go to the refrigerator.
You already know where it is, hm?
The refrigerator with my beer.
There it is.
Open it.
Open the refrigerator.
Now take a beer.
Take a beer!
Close the refrigerator.
Very good. Now open the beer.
Open it.
Very good.
No, no, for you. Take a drink.
Take a drink!
Okay. Very good.
Take another one out.
Get one out for me.
Open it.
Thanks.
Very good.
Cheers.
I can't stay.
My family is waiting,
my wife is waiting at home.
OK, what was that all about?
Huh?
What's this shit you're pulling again?
I thought we had cleared up
this shit last time.
What is this?
You spent an hour talking to that
blond asshole of an ex-boyfriend.
Answer me!
What's this shit again?
You think I'm stupid?
Listen, do you think I'm stupid?
You made me watch you
with that idiot for an hour.
Don't you hear what I'm saying?
I really believed you weren't like
the rest of them, I really did.
But you're just like
every other bitch I ever met.
Every relationship, every woman
screwed me over from the start.
I'm telling you: Every one.
Do you hear me?
Every single one.
Did you get that? Did you?
I don't hear you.
When I met you,
I thought you were different
from the rest, special.
But you're just like the rest of them.
Listen to me.
You're just like all the other bitches.
Only shit, only bitches,
that's all I ever got.
Each relationship was nothing but shit.
Every single one.
Can you imagine that?
Yeah?
I just don't know how to...
You have no idea.
No idea at all.
You want to hear my story?
Shall I tell you my story?
What it's like to keep falling
on your nose?
The last one, Anita, was just great,
cheated on me left and right...
She let every asshole
with a dick go at her.
Or the next one, Doris,
she was just like you.
She thought she could do
what she wanted, was always late...
You kept me waiting there like a fool.
You, Miss Lower Austria,
show up 10 minutes late.
Please explain that to me instead
of just sitting there.
I'm starting to think you don't care.
Don't you care?
What?
What's wrong with you?
You want to go home?
What's wrong with you?
Get out!
Come here!
Get out!
What's wrong with you?
What do you think
I'm going to do to you?
What do you expect me to do with you?
What do you think
I'm going to do to you?
Enough. Get lost! Get lost!
Fuck off! Just fuck off! Right now.
You're a fucking asshole...
Can I have a ride?
Ah, the crazy girl.
Can I have a ride again, can I?
Yes, get in.
Are you going to throw me out again?
Wait, I need to concentrate.
You won't kick me out again?
No, no, we're going for a ride.
It's hot in here. Real hot.
Want to know how hot...
Yes, tell me.
Jesus, she's got a thermometer.
-lt's 34o C in here. 34o C.
Don't you have doors at home?
It's dirty down there.
Is this your house?
Did you build it? Is it yours?
Do you own it?
-Come, let's have a look.
Look how dirty it is here in front.
Come on inside.
Look. Come.
A nice door you have here.
Wait till you see this one.
Come along.
A great house you got here.
You've got lots of naked women here.
Do you know all these naked ladies,
do you?
You got a new TV too. Is it a new TV?
Do you know the
new Plasma television sets? 1. Philipps 42BF
2. Grundig Planatron 2,
3. Panasonic TC,
4. Sony PF...
A nice kitchen you've got here too.
Come with me.
Come, I'll show you something.
Do you have ice in there?
Come with me.
What's down there, is it the basement?
I'll show you, come on.
A big basement, there's lots of room.
What's this you have in here?
You have a bed in here.
You have a bed in here.
Is this the bedroom?
And the wardrobes?
-We don't need any.
Didn't you buy any?
Come here. Look how soft.
Yeah, it sure is a great bed.
Lie down. You can rest a while.
Expensive?
Did it cost a lot, the bed?
Did you pay a lot?
She's in there.
What? It was you?
You're the monster
who goes around ruining cars?
Listen when I'm talking to you!
Why did you ruin my car? Why?
Look, I'm doing the talking, you idiot!
You belong in the psychiatric ward!
Why did you ruin my car?
Can you hear me, Mr. Schiel?
Hello, this is Hruby.
Don't get all hysterical,
just wait a second.
Like I promised, I have the guilty one.
I'm here, what's going on?
Come on in.
So you're the slut who ruined my car.
Not quite right in the head, you moron?
You'll see what you get for that.
Why are you taking your pants off?
I don't like it when you're naked!
Put them back on!
Let's talk to each other.
Hey.
Talk to me.
Let me talk to you!
Hey, you!
Speak to me for once, damn it!
Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women,
And blessed
Is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners now
And at the hour of our death, Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Well done.
Well done, just like in the Orient.
Is Wickerl here?
What do you want?
Is he here?
What's wrong?
What's up?
Nothing new.
And?
Have you apologized yet?
Apologize for what?
For everything.
Lucky, put that away.
Time for some serious apologizing.
I want to hear a big apology.
Put that away!
It's payback time.
Where did you get the gun?
Tell him to apologize to you.
Tell him to apologize for all ...
he's done to you in the last 2 years.
Tell him now!
Apologize for all ...
you've done to me in the last 2 years.
Okay, I apologize ...
for all I've done to you
in the last 2 years.
Was that so hard?
Do you feel better at least?
Calm down now and sit down.
Now tell him to get down on his knees.
We can talk about it.
Who do you think I'm doing this for?!
Lucky, put down the gun.
Tell him I'll blow his brains out,
I swear I will. I'll blow him away.
Tell him to get down on his knees!
Come on, be sensible, Lucky.
What good is all this?
Calm down, come sit down.
Do you want stains on your sofa?
Tell him to kneel down.
Not like that, damn it!
Say: Get down on your knees
and sing La Cucaracha !
Get down on your knees
and sing La Cucaracha.
Well?
Tell him now.
Tell him he's a dirty bastard
and he has to sing La Cucaracha.
Say it!
Say: Sing La Cucaracha,
you bastard, you.
Come on, say it!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard, you.
No good. Say it again:
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you.
Say it again,
but really mean it!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you.
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you!
That's what I said.
Tell him: Sing La Cucaracha!
Sing La Cucaracha.
I'll blow you away in a minute!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard!
Well?
Didn't you hear?
Of course I heard.
Tell him to play the guitar too.
I can't play the guitar.
Play the guitar too.
Now tell him he did a good job.
Say: Good little piggy,
you sang nicely.
Run your fingers through his hair.
Good little piggy, you sang nicely.
Now slap him in the face.
Slap him in the face.
And say: Naughty bear.
Naughty bear.
Again.
Naughty bear.
Again.
Naughty bear!
You don't need to hit so hard,
you'll hurt him.
A few more slaps:
Naughty bear, naughty bear, naughty bear.
Bad piggy.
And slap him.
Naughty piggy.
Bad, bad Wicky.
Bad, bad Wicky.
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky.
Bad, bad Wicky.
You have a limpy dicky.
You have a limpy dicky!
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky.
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky!
Slap his face at the same time!
That was pretty good.
Not bad.
Now make him turn around.
Make him kneel on the chair
and pull down his pants.
Kneel on the chair
and pull down your pants.
Tell him to do it!
Pull down your pants and ...
kneel on the chair.
You'll pay for this.
I'll blow your brains
all over this apartment, I swear.
Does that feel good, huh?
Happy birthday into your new life.
From now on you fight back.
If anyone does anything to you,
you fight back.
Happy birthday.
And now tell him ...
to sing La Cucaracha.
No, make him sing the national anthem.
Please sing the national anthem.
I don't remember the words.
Land of mountains,
Land on the river...
Bloody Patriot.
Come on, sing!
Tell him to sing!
Wickerl, sing!
Land of mountains,
Land on the river,
Land of fields,
Land of cathedrals,
Not you!
Land of hammers,
with a future bright.
Land of hammers,
with a future bright.
Native home of many great sons...
Native home
of many great sons
A people with a gift for beauty...
A people with a gift for beauty
Oh, famed ...
Austria.
Oh, famed Austria.
Good job.
Girlie!
Girlie!
Girlie, what's the matter?
What's wrong with my Girlie?
What is it, Girlie?
Is something wrong?
They must have poisoned her.
Take the flashlight so I can see.
This old dog is heavy.
Can you manage?
Heavy, huh?
Put out the cigarette on his hand.
Are you crazy?
You keep your mouth shut.
He's sick.
Come on, do it.
Don't make me angry.
Seriously, don't make me angry.
Put it out on his hand.
Go on!
Want me to blow him away,
you really want that?
That feel good?
Harder. Grind it in there real good!
I did!
Another one.
Do it again.
Good? Does that feel good?
Is that good, huh?
That's how it works.
I love you so much.
Please forgive me.
What do you mean you love him so?
I love you so much!
Why the hell am I doing this?
Why did I come back here?
Why am I even helping you?
You're the perfect couple.
Tell me, lady, why do I come back ...
and try to help you?
Do you really love him?
Tell me!
You love... him?
Yes.
He forced me to.
I love you so much. I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Oh God!
People are so cruel.
Yes.
Do you have a problem? Sick of life?
No problems.
She's mine, and I'm the only one
who looks at her, just me!
You don't look at her,
you don't touch her. Got that?
Yeah?
What do you want from me?
Fuck off, asshole!
-What's this about?
You want to fuck my girl?
Break it up!
Get lost!
What's your problem? Get lost!
You want me to mess up your face too?
Get lost!
You're telling me to get lost?
-Just go!
Keep cool! He's leaving!
I don't care what you say.
Fuck off!
What do you want?
Listen, why don't you just go home?
Mario, please let's go!
I want this guy, okay?
Go to hell, you piece of shit.
You're dead. Your ass is mine.
Stay out it!
Tell him to get his ass over here!
I'll get you, I swear. You're dead.
Have you gone crazy, Mario?
Mario!
Enough!
Stop! Get off of me.
Go away.
Get lost.
What's wrong?
-You think I'm stupid?
What?
-What do you think you're doing?
What's wrong with you?
-Think I'm stupid or what?
What's the matter Mario?
-Huh? Answer my question!
Answer my question.
I said answer me!
What do you mean, no?
You really think I'm stupid, huh?
Is that what you think?
Tell me!
Are you going to answer me?
Are you going to answer me?
Hands off. Are you going to answer?
Are you?
You know what you are?
A filthy, stinking, rotten whore.
Do you think I'd fuck a whore?
You think so?
Claudia!
Is that what you think?
Let go, Mario.
Is that what you think?
Get lost!
DOG DAYS
Hey, stop it!
You drive me crazy with your arguing.
If you don't stop, I'll report you
for disturbing the peace.
Remember, I was your secretary,
and you were married then, too.
I'm not as stupid as you think.
What did you buy, huh?
What did you get?
Ask my wife, I don't know.
That' a frankfurter you got there,
you know what they put in it?
Sodium nitrite, ascorbic acid,
anti-oxidation agents,
di-, tri-, and poly-sulfates...
that's what they put in them.
That's what's in them.
You know the 10 best grocery stores?
Merkur, Spar, Billa, Hofer,
Schlecker, Meindl,
Adeg, Mondo, Lîwa, Pam Pam.
Did you know that?
Can you name them, too?
Can you give me a lift?
Can I have a ride?
Where are you going?
Can I have a ride?
Why not? Can't I come along?
Do you know the 10 most popular pets?
Cat, dog, mouse...
-1. Cats, 2. Dogs, 3. Birds,
4. Aquarium fish, 5. Hamsters,
6. Guinea pigs,
7. Mice, 8. Rabbits, 9. Rats,
10. Turtles.
You eat lots of marshmallows?
You like the white or black ones best?
If I get a craving, I'll eat both.
So what do you eat?
I can eat frankfurters by the kilo.
On a good day,
like when I used to...
How many pairs do you eat?
What? Sausage pairs?
Now I eat two,
but I used to eat ten on a good day.
Ten frankfurters?
You're so fat, it's unhealthy.
It could kill you.
She's a chatterbox, worse than me.
You're also pretty fat, you know.
-'Cause I'm not too lazy to eat.
It's unhealthy to eat so much,
you'll get a heart attack.
Oh, be quiet.
As long as I feel no pain,
I can eat what I want.
And once there's pain,
you have to stop anyway.
Spareribs with honey,
pork chops, steaks.
Try the new Kottnyi seasoning mix.
Where would I be without Kottnyi?
Do you wake up with a hard-on?
Do you?
Don't talk like that.
Do you still have sex?
That's a company secret.
Are you too old?
Can you still do it?
I can, I still can.
Earlobes, you have such big earlobes.
And you have such a big tongue!
These sweltering dog days
just won't let up.
We've got more subtropical air
headed for Austria.
If you're sensitive to the weather,
look forward to headaches...
Good afternoon.
Oh, God,
his hair is everywhere.
Do the sink, please.
The Austrians have obviously
practiced and are playing well today.
The traffic update for Lower Austria:
The present heat wave
has caused asphalt damage ...
leading to numerous problems
on highways and other major roads.
The police requests all drivers
to drive carefully. More delays...
Are you Mr. Walter?
My name's Hruby, I'm a technician
for alarm systems engineering.
We are offering consulting on new
security systems in your neighborhood.
I'd like to tell you about
the different options.
I see you've gotten a start
with a video surveillance camera,
for observation and all, great.
But I don't see
an alarm system anywhere.
Nowadays we have technology
that's affordable and effective.
Radio controlled devices
or a direct link to the police ...
will let you rest at ease at night.
I assume you have no alarm system?
No, but a good, mean watchdog.
He's the best, all I need.
-May I say this:
A dog may be man's best friend,
but man is not dog's best friend.
A dog needs protection too,
believe me.
My dog is enough.
He's mean, doesn't trust anyone.
What if something happens to the dog?
Things can happen to people, too.
Come Girlie, get in here.
Come.
You bought everything on the list?
I see the laundry is already done.
The sheets, too?
-They're in there now.
But use the old soap please,
the new one is bad for my skin.
I still had some of the old soap left.
Again! They cheated me again!
The crooks!
Go ahead and weigh it, you'll see.
Check it yourself,
I used a good scale.
A calibrated gram scale.
I don't understand it.
They save a little on each one.
Multiply that by 100 packages...
Here you have thousands of them.
I'm sure this is an exception.
That's what you say,
but I have to come back like now.
I'm sweating
and I get upset each time.
This is all unnecessary
and should be avoided ...
if you want to keep your
regular customers happy.
You're absolutely right.
-How about giving me the money ...
for all the gas I burn to get here.
How about 2 cans of dog food?
That won't even cover a liter of gas.
A beauty of a car. A real beauty.
BMW convertible, right?
A beauty. What's your name?
Norbert.
-Where're you going? Can I come along?
I'm only going to the supermarket.
Can I have ride in your convertible?
That's the melody. You got it already?
The words aren't hard either.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
Ha ha ha ha Haka!
So, now you know the words?
-You'll have to sing it again.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
Now you sing it.
Oh Haka furnishes your kitchen,
in just 9 days,
measured to perfection.
Hurrah.
And then you go:
Ha ha ha ha Haka...
Furnishes your kitchen
in just 9 days, measured to perfection.
It's the beginning, not the end?
No, it's the end.
Can I listen to a tape?
Sure. What is on it? Is it good?
Yes, it's got my favorite song.
It's a great tape.
-Then let's hear it.
Here, it's on here.
How do you put it in?
My song's on here.
I hope it's the right side.
Where do you turn it on?
Is this the song?
Pretty. You're a romantic, huh?
Totally, huh?
The mood is perfect, fine weather,
sun, what more could one want?
Monja...
Well, come on in.
It's me, your mother.
I'm just calling to tell you I feel lousy.
My heart hurts,
I feel like I'm suffocating,
the heat, I can hardly stand it.
I can't sleep.
And I don't know
if I took enough medicine,
I just don't remember.
My feet ache and they're real swollen.
When are you going to call me?
Hey baby.
Hi there, my favorite tush.
About tonight, that sounds fine.
I'll be there. This evening is ours.
Just the two of us.
Get yourself prettied up.
Alright. See ya. I love you.
Mr. Theodorakis?
The security man?
-That's right, exactly.
The bathroom.
Ah, there's a skylight,
that shouldn't be a problem.
Nice, very nice.
And this?
A closet.
No windows, right?
The room you share with your wife?
I once shared with my ex-wife.
Now it's just my room.
The window's over here.
Let me just check how high we are.
Another window here.
Your wife's bedroom?
-My ex-wife's chapel, yes.
Yes well, to each his own.
Here we've got one window
and one skylight.
One window.
One skylight.
The children's bedroom, how nice.
Here we have one window.
Adorable.
My God, what a cute child.
How old is your little girl?
She's not here.
Oh... not here.
She's at her grandma's?
No, she's just not here.
I understand.
Is everyone in your profession
so nosy?
There's no way around it.
To sell security,
I need to know the situation.
I need to give each client
exactly what he needs.
Fine. Let's continue.
What's your name?
And yours?
Where are you from?
Is it a real leather bag?
-No, it's plastic.
It's plastic? Looks like leather.
It's a good imitation.
It's pretty, a pretty bag you have.
Did you take anything out of my bag?
Why don't you wear them?
It's sunny, you have to wear them.
I'm wearing these. I decide that.
This one's real leather though, huh?
I told you it's plastic.
This one? The wallet's plastic too?
Leave it closed, I don't like that!
You have lots of cards in here.
Please close my purse now!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Where are your manners?
I'm going to throw you out right now.
Are you always so grumpy?
-No. But people normally ...
don't go through my bag.
I don't go through yours, after all.
What pretty hair. Pretty hair.
Have you closed my purse now?
But you're not a good driver, huh?
You don't drive very well.
Who says?
It's so bumpy.
Got it?
You have to get out.
How old are you? You're old, huh?
Anna, get out please.
Do you still get your period?
Anna, get out!
Do you still have sex?
Do you still have a boyfriend?
You don't, huh? You're too old.
Will you get out now!
Here you've got something...
A sore muscle, neuralgia, hm?
Here you are.
I'd like to ask a favor.
You've been smoking again. I smell it.
No, you smell something else.
Have you ever caught me smoking?
-No, I haven't,
but I can smell it.
Who knows what you're smelling?
Don't forget my money.
I haven't.
Have it all ready for you. Here you go.
Now I'd like to ask you a favor.
I'd like you to stay here tonight.
I can't today, unfortunately.
I've already made plans.
With a man?
That's none of your business.
No, I really can't today,
but how about if I come tomorrow?
Sure, that wouldn't be bad either.
You can make us a nice meal,
a nice pork roast, with dumplings,
maybe some sauerkraut,
some tasty gravy.
The ten sexiest TV show hosts?
No. 1. Marie Christine Guiliani,
7. Lizzi Engstler,
8. Karin Resetaris,
9. Ingrid Thurnher,
10. Hannelore Veith.
Did you know them?
Need a break
'Cause your boss is mad?
He always is, so you must
have a snack, a Fruchtikus.
'Cause afternoons
Are twice as bad.
D'Arbo Fruchtikus,
a between-meal fruity plus.
You watch a lot of TV, right?
-Shopping never was much fun ...
till I spied it:
Fruchtikus, it's the one!
D'Arbo Fruchtikus!
A between-meal fruity plus.
Stop talking or you'll be walking!
You reach for banana-pear,
and soon you find that you don't care.
D'Arbo Fruchtikus,
a between-meal fruity must.
You know the 10 best supermarkets?
-I don't want to know.
Merkur, Spar, Billa, Hofer,
Schlecker, Meindl, Adeg, Mondo,
Lîwa, Pam Pam.
Can you be quiet a few minutes!
Unbelievable!
What's all this stuff
you have in your bag?
There you go again!
What kind of pen is this?
-None of your business! Put it back!
Okay, I've had it with you moron.
She's a pain in the neck, man!
You know
the 10 most common diseases?
1. Allergies, 2. Migraine,
3. Gastritis, 4. Arthritis,
5. Diabetes, 6. Asthma,
7. Heart disease,
8. Cancer, 9. Liver cirrhosis,
10. Stroke.
Do you have any of them?
If you keep on like this, a stroke.
You have that one, huh?
You're absolutely impossible.
Can't you just sit there
and be quiet?
That can't be too hard.
Hey, leave the bag alone!
You know the 10 most used pills?
-Put it down right now!
I've had it. Out with you this minute!
Get out! Out with you!
I'll dump water on you.
8. Renault Twingo, 9. VW Lupo...
Get out and get lost, fucking moron!
What a pain in the ass!
Scratched here on the side.
I can't believe it.
And it's black too. I'm speechless.
Just look at this.
It's terrible.
Looks like Modern Art.
Probably a screwdriver.
If he had at least signed his name.
I can imagine who it was.
Now we can do something good.
Not like last time.
Wait a second,
last time was all right.
Not my fault he didn't do anything.
You should have been more patient.
It's a scandal. Now it's hit us.
-Yes, it's terrible.
Every month they destroy a car,
but only the new ones.
They don't touch the old ones.
On both sides.
It must have been a gang.
It's not as if someone
would go along and then stop.
One on the left, one on the right.
If we catch them...
They deserve it. It would be good ...
to wring their necks...
We must catch them.
We can't just sit and wait for them,
can we?
I don't make money on those cases,
I'm doing it mainly for the prestige.
Since we're alone,
I'm going to be open with you.
I feel you're making a fool of me.
I hired you...
How do you mean?
-lt cost money, didn't it?
Now I'm hiring you again, more money.
Let me say it like this:
If nothing happens this time,
I'm turning it over to a lawyer.
Or I'll take a hammer
and smash that car to pieces,
and probably someone's head too.
Let me do my work.
Hello, Hruby speaking.
Please Honey, not again!
I'm on some parking lot,
in the middle of changing clothes.
I'm sweaty, that's why.
Stupid question.
Why do you think
I always take an extra shirt?
No, today's impossible.
I won't be able to get home today.
Same as last time.
I have to work all night.
I'm getting the equipment now.
Ya.. ya.. what?
Yasou.
I'm going to sing you
a Greek drinking song.
That's it?
Come on, let's go inside.
Really? It's so nice out here.
Honey, with me it's nice indoors, too.
Let's go.
Oh how good I feel at night,
When the bells ring at last light.
Ding-dong.
Oh how good I feel at night,
When the bells ring at last light.
Hop, hop, hop,
Horsy goes gallop.
Through the fields
And through the woods...
Hop, hop, hop,
Horsy goes gallop.
Hop, hop, hop...
Are you a princess? A real princess?
No, unfortunately not.
Not a princess.
My family had a title, though.
Von Kroneck.
But titles of nobility
were abolished in Austria in 1918.
Now they're just normal last names.
After all, we're about
to enter the 21st century.
But you used to be a real princess?
No, but I would have had
a position at court.
As it is, I get by.
Do you go to church? Do you?
Of course.
I always go to church, too.
I know some hymns.
They often sing Holy God,
We Praise Thy Name in church.
You know that one?
Holy God we praise Thy name,
Lord of all we bow before Thee;
All on Earth Thy scepter claim,
All in heav'n above adore Thee;
Infinite Thy vast domain,
Everlasting is Thy reign.
Do you like church?
Yes, very much.
I like to sing, and it's so nice there.
I'm not going to church any more
because it all lasts so long.
You can do what you want.
We have freedom of religion.
I like the Virgin Mary
and the baby Jesus. I like them.
I've got a statuette at home
and Lordes water ...
from Our Lady of Lordes.
Have you ever been to Lourdes?
And you can unscrew her head,
and the Lordes water is inside.
It's pronounced Lourdes.
Have you been there?
There's holy water there.
I know.
But people who go to Lourdes
are mostly sick.
You're sick already? You're a bit old.
You've got weird teeth.
-I'm not that old.
Weird teeth.
Nothing unusual. Everyone has teeth.
But yours are kind of weird.
And we can change too.
Do you ever leak a little?
Because often old women wet their
pants and have to use diapers.
I told you I'm only 50.
Often they pee in their pants,
and then they have to wear diapers.
They can't help it.
-Oh dear, that's sad.
They pee in their pants. Do you?
-I don't like conversations like this.
They're not interesting at all.
You don't do that too?
My goodness,
I'm a well-groomed young woman.
You know Star of the Sea?
I sing it a lot at home.
Star of the Sea I praise thee
Oh help me, Mary.
Sweet Mother of God
Oh help me, Mary.
My favorite little piece of ass!
Yes, my horny little nympho.
Chef-surprise:
batter-fried calamari rings.
Oh yes, my little cunt,
you've been waiting for me, hm?
You naughty little girl.
A vagina lick-toris.
You wild little thing...
Your juices are dripping
into your stockings.
They're about to slip,
you're dripping wet...
As soon as you smell my little friend,
you go crazy with anticipation.
Pussy's meowing now,
it knows what's about to come.
And here comes Edward Scissorhands.
Freddy Krueger.
What? Are you crazy?
What do you mean,
Ow, you idiot.
How dare you?
Who's he?
-That's Lucky.
How do you do, I'm Lucky.
Didn't you hear? I'm Lucky.
Can't you shake his hand?
Be good and shake hands.
Hello. Name's Lucky, Ma'am.
How can you humiliate me so?
You're humiliating yourself!
What an asshole.
Listen, let's play a drinking game.
You say a word, I repeat your word ...
and say another one.
Then she repeats both of our words
and says a new one...
And we keep going like that.
And if you make a mistake,
you have to drink a shot of vodka.
Two words that make sense?
No, one.
You start.
Go...
Go shit...
Exactly. That's what I meant.
Shut the fuck up.
I can't shut the fuck up.
You go shit!
Wrong!
Go shit, you...
If at all.
Now you have to drink a shot of vodka.
Yes sir, a shot-o-vodka.
Lucky, if you were as tall
as you are stupid,
you could drink out
of a skyscraper's rain-gutter.
She made a mistake! She has to drink.
Pour the vodka and shut up.
She's got to drink a shot of vodka.
Sit down and shut up.
Make her drink a shot of vodka.
Sit down and shut up.
She has to drink a shot of vodka!
Teddy bear, calm down.
Don't get all worked up.
She said it wrong.
Are we playing by the rules,
or aren't we?
Let's start over:
Wickerl, you say a word.
I repeat the word ...
and say another word on top of it.
She says your word, my word,
and another word on top of that.
You say your word, my word, her word,
and another one.
I say your word, my word, her word,
your word, and another word.
I start.
I...
Gaius Julius Caesar.
Come on, Wickerl:
I...
...shit.
-Yes!
I go...
Are you going to go shit now ...
so we can have a drink in peace?
Wrong, Wickerl. Drink!
Because you have to say ...
the two words: go shit.
You have to repeat mine, too.
OK, now we're playing right.
If you make a mistake,
you drink.
I...
I go...
I go...
Come on, say something.
Come on.
I go...
...shit.
That's all I can think of
when I look at you two sorry creatures.
You have to say I go shit,
not just shit.
Don't you get it? Are you that dense?
Say: I go shit.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
I go shit. From the look of you,
you have to go shit too.
...if...
If nothing better comes along.
He's so stupid.
Don't you get it, or is it too hard?
It's a stupid game.
I don't feel like playing this
dumb game any more.
I don't feel like ...
playing this any more.
Listen! I told you I'd probably
be gone all night.
How should I know?
I'm observing the lot ...
where they scratched the cars.
I really hope I catch him this time.
Otherwise it's another wasted night.
I know, I know.
No, I haven't forgotten.
I don't forget things.
Don't worry.
Look, it's late.
Go to bed and sleep.
And stop bothering me at work.
Okay then, go to sleep, bye.
Disgusting.
Tell him he can't do that.
With us anything goes.
Please stop it, Wickerl.
Drink.
-I can't drink that.
I said: Drink!
I can't...
I already feel sick.
Then we'll have
a group vomiting session.
Stop it!
Stop the shit, and do it quick!
Come on, sing something for me.
No.
I told you to sing for me now!
I don't feel like it!
You're a boring, joyless creature.
Start singing and you'll feel like it.
I don't feel like singing that's all.
-You won't when you're dead.
But till you stop breathing,
you're going to sing for me.
I told you to sing, damn it!
Sing!
Sing or bleed!
Come on, sing, let's hear it. Sing!
Oh Love has brightly colored wings,
A bird so fine is hard to seize.
Keep going.
Come on, let's hear it!
Come on, let's have
a little more feeling, asshole.
Like the Negro bitches...
With baskets on their heads ...
of bananas, oranges, pineapples...
La Cucaracha...
La Cucaracha...
Come on, let's hear it.
We want to hear La Cucaracha.
Now!
Or we'll smash your teeth in.
Oh Love has brightly colored wings...
Are you deaf? La Cucaracha!
Man, are you lame.
Bonjour I'amour...
You're such a drag.
Are you crazy, spitting in my face?
You stinking toilet bowl,
you useless bitch!
Come here, you need some mouthwash.
Bon appetit, you bitch.
We'll wash your hair while we're at it.
The phone!
Thanks.
Wait, just a second.
You look awful. Are you crying?
No.
Can I get the phone first?
My phone call?
Can't you come down?
Your room is a terrible mess.
It's a nightmare.
I don't know what to do any more.
And you never eat a thing.
But you'll hurry up, right?
Okay?
Yes?
You look good today.
How do you think I'm doing?
It's hot, I'm sweating,
I spent the whole night
sitting in the car,
and all for nothing.
And just now I got a call from a client.
The guy even threatened me!
I gotta think of something.
I'm up against a wall here.
How are the things at home?
Did you check on the painters
the way I told you?
No, come on.
Go down and check on them ...
or they'll just make a mess.
And don't forget,
have a peppermint first.
You're slurring your words again.
You don't have to tell me,
I know what's going on.
Can I listen to a tape, can l, huh?
I have a real nice tape here.
It's got my favorite song on it.
It's on here, on this side right here.
How does your one work?
Let me see.
Monja...
It's not loud enough.
Let's not argue about music.
I'll let you play this and that's it.
I don't know
why I keep giving you rides.
I really don't understand it...
You can't hear the words.
Monja...
He stuck his tongue out at me.
All my thoughts,
my whole life too ...
I give to you ...
because I love you.
Just you,
Monja.
Do you know
the most popular sex positions?
Missionary 44%,
Woman on top 33%, Doggie-style 30%,
On your side 25%, Sitting 11%,
Standing 11%, no, it's 8%.
The sauce didn't have much flavor.
With roast pork the sauce
has to be nice and tasty.
Not too greasy, but flavorful.
So it wasn't enough...?
No, it's not that.
I can't chew the crust.
It's got a slip too, be careful.
Yes, I see it. They all have one.
She was particular,
didn't want it to be see-through.
A modest one, huh?
Yes, she was plenty modest.
But she didn't hide anything.
That one's pretty, it looks very nice.
A cute little dress.
Yes.
Let me see how it fits.
-Aren't you rushing things a bit?
Well, I have to check and see, right?
We see with our eyes.
You have to feel to know if it fits.
So you like it?
-I'd say it fits.
It looks nice.
I like it too.
Try the one that used to be
my wife's favorite dress.
Which one?
This one?
Cold. Cold.
Cold.
Very cold.
Getting warmer.
Cold.
What now, cold or warm?
Cold.
Cold.
Ice cold.
Getting lukewarm now.
You hid it quite well.
Lukewarm.
Getting warmer?
Getting even warmer.
Then I'm on the right track.
Yes, you are.
Lukewarm.
Getting warmer.
Even warmer.
Now it's getting hot.
Now it's very hot.
Oh, I've got it.
I've got it!
Well, I have something to celebrate.
Today would have been our
50th anniversary for my wife and me.
That's why I told you ...
to put on my late wife's dress ...
and show me you deserve it.
Do you at least like me in it?
Hi, is Wickerl here?
No.
Can I come in for a minute, please?
I forgot my key last night.
I can't get in the apartment.
I just wanted to say that
I'm awfully sorry about yesterday.
I won't make a big apology out of it.
I can't undo what happened, but...
It just happened,
but I'm not this way normally, really.
I want... This may sound stupid,
and I don't want
to sound cynical either, but ...
there hasn't been a woman
in the last 3 years ...
that I had so many feelings
for as for you yesterday.
Even if it was the wrong kind,
or too heavy, or whatever...
But I also enjoyed it some of the time,
I have to admit.
That was heavy. Nothing like this ...
ever happened to me before, you know.
And somehow I liked it in a way ...
to see how some people ...
can act toward other people.
That's why I ...
encouraged him at times.
Yes, I egged him on.
Anyway, now I'm really sorry.
As I said,
because of the sins of all women,
you probably had to take
a lot of shit yesterday.
I was never very lucky with the girls.
It was always painful.
At first it hurts when you fall in love,
then it hurts
when you fall out of love again,
and you don't know where you stand ...
or whether she likes you
or if you like her.
Then it hurts when you break up,
and then afterwards you realize
you really liked her a lot after all...
Love sucks.
Every woman I ever had just hurt me,
every single one.
The last one managed
to make me hate ...all women.
She's got my son locked up
like a hostage, you know?
He's defenseless,
and she's hurting him ...
just like she hurt me.
She doesn't understand that.
I'm not even allowed to see him.
Last time I saw him was 2 years ago.
I'd really like to be there for him and...
I would teach him things and...
She's hurting him like she hurt me.
He can't defend himself...
I'm sorry I'm burdening you with all this.
But what I wanted to say is just
that I'm sorry about yesterday.
No, I don't want that.
No, please...
No, I don't want that.
Wickerl doesn't have to know.
No, no. Don't you tell him anything.
I won't say anything.
No, don't, I don't want that.
Please stop it.
Do you want me to stab him?
If you want, I'll kill him.
I'm not kidding.
Just give me the word
and I'll get rid of him,
then he won't bother you any more.
My towel.
Her towel.
Come on.
Get up.
Get up.
Get up!
Go to the refrigerator.
You already know where it is, hm?
The refrigerator with my beer.
There it is.
Open it.
Open the refrigerator.
Now take a beer.
Take a beer!
Close the refrigerator.
Very good. Now open the beer.
Open it.
Very good.
No, no, for you. Take a drink.
Take a drink!
Okay. Very good.
Take another one out.
Get one out for me.
Open it.
Thanks.
Very good.
Cheers.
I can't stay.
My family is waiting,
my wife is waiting at home.
OK, what was that all about?
Huh?
What's this shit you're pulling again?
I thought we had cleared up
this shit last time.
What is this?
You spent an hour talking to that
blond asshole of an ex-boyfriend.
Answer me!
What's this shit again?
You think I'm stupid?
Listen, do you think I'm stupid?
You made me watch you
with that idiot for an hour.
Don't you hear what I'm saying?
I really believed you weren't like
the rest of them, I really did.
But you're just like
every other bitch I ever met.
Every relationship, every woman
screwed me over from the start.
I'm telling you: Every one.
Do you hear me?
Every single one.
Did you get that? Did you?
I don't hear you.
When I met you,
I thought you were different
from the rest, special.
But you're just like the rest of them.
Listen to me.
You're just like all the other bitches.
Only shit, only bitches,
that's all I ever got.
Each relationship was nothing but shit.
Every single one.
Can you imagine that?
Yeah?
I just don't know how to...
You have no idea.
No idea at all.
You want to hear my story?
Shall I tell you my story?
What it's like to keep falling
on your nose?
The last one, Anita, was just great,
cheated on me left and right...
She let every asshole
with a dick go at her.
Or the next one, Doris,
she was just like you.
She thought she could do
what she wanted, was always late...
You kept me waiting there like a fool.
You, Miss Lower Austria,
show up 10 minutes late.
Please explain that to me instead
of just sitting there.
I'm starting to think you don't care.
Don't you care?
What?
What's wrong with you?
You want to go home?
What's wrong with you?
Get out!
Come here!
Get out!
What's wrong with you?
What do you think
I'm going to do to you?
What do you expect me to do with you?
What do you think
I'm going to do to you?
Enough. Get lost! Get lost!
Fuck off! Just fuck off! Right now.
You're a fucking asshole...
Can I have a ride?
Ah, the crazy girl.
Can I have a ride again, can I?
Yes, get in.
Are you going to throw me out again?
Wait, I need to concentrate.
You won't kick me out again?
No, no, we're going for a ride.
It's hot in here. Real hot.
Want to know how hot...
Yes, tell me.
Jesus, she's got a thermometer.
-lt's 34o C in here. 34o C.
Don't you have doors at home?
It's dirty down there.
Is this your house?
Did you build it? Is it yours?
Do you own it?
-Come, let's have a look.
Look how dirty it is here in front.
Come on inside.
Look. Come.
A nice door you have here.
Wait till you see this one.
Come along.
A great house you got here.
You've got lots of naked women here.
Do you know all these naked ladies,
do you?
You got a new TV too. Is it a new TV?
Do you know the
new Plasma television sets? 1. Philipps 42BF
2. Grundig Planatron 2,
3. Panasonic TC,
4. Sony PF...
A nice kitchen you've got here too.
Come with me.
Come, I'll show you something.
Do you have ice in there?
Come with me.
What's down there, is it the basement?
I'll show you, come on.
A big basement, there's lots of room.
What's this you have in here?
You have a bed in here.
You have a bed in here.
Is this the bedroom?
And the wardrobes?
-We don't need any.
Didn't you buy any?
Come here. Look how soft.
Yeah, it sure is a great bed.
Lie down. You can rest a while.
Expensive?
Did it cost a lot, the bed?
Did you pay a lot?
She's in there.
What? It was you?
You're the monster
who goes around ruining cars?
Listen when I'm talking to you!
Why did you ruin my car? Why?
Look, I'm doing the talking, you idiot!
You belong in the psychiatric ward!
Why did you ruin my car?
Can you hear me, Mr. Schiel?
Hello, this is Hruby.
Don't get all hysterical,
just wait a second.
Like I promised, I have the guilty one.
I'm here, what's going on?
Come on in.
So you're the slut who ruined my car.
Not quite right in the head, you moron?
You'll see what you get for that.
Why are you taking your pants off?
I don't like it when you're naked!
Put them back on!
Let's talk to each other.
Hey.
Talk to me.
Let me talk to you!
Hey, you!
Speak to me for once, damn it!
Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women,
And blessed
Is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners now
And at the hour of our death, Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace...
Well done.
Well done, just like in the Orient.
Is Wickerl here?
What do you want?
Is he here?
What's wrong?
What's up?
Nothing new.
And?
Have you apologized yet?
Apologize for what?
For everything.
Lucky, put that away.
Time for some serious apologizing.
I want to hear a big apology.
Put that away!
It's payback time.
Where did you get the gun?
Tell him to apologize to you.
Tell him to apologize for all ...
he's done to you in the last 2 years.
Tell him now!
Apologize for all ...
you've done to me in the last 2 years.
Okay, I apologize ...
for all I've done to you
in the last 2 years.
Was that so hard?
Do you feel better at least?
Calm down now and sit down.
Now tell him to get down on his knees.
We can talk about it.
Who do you think I'm doing this for?!
Lucky, put down the gun.
Tell him I'll blow his brains out,
I swear I will. I'll blow him away.
Tell him to get down on his knees!
Come on, be sensible, Lucky.
What good is all this?
Calm down, come sit down.
Do you want stains on your sofa?
Tell him to kneel down.
Not like that, damn it!
Say: Get down on your knees
and sing La Cucaracha !
Get down on your knees
and sing La Cucaracha.
Well?
Tell him now.
Tell him he's a dirty bastard
and he has to sing La Cucaracha.
Say it!
Say: Sing La Cucaracha,
you bastard, you.
Come on, say it!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard, you.
No good. Say it again:
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you.
Say it again,
but really mean it!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you.
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard you!
That's what I said.
Tell him: Sing La Cucaracha!
Sing La Cucaracha.
I'll blow you away in a minute!
Sing La Cucaracha, you bastard!
Well?
Didn't you hear?
Of course I heard.
Tell him to play the guitar too.
I can't play the guitar.
Play the guitar too.
Now tell him he did a good job.
Say: Good little piggy,
you sang nicely.
Run your fingers through his hair.
Good little piggy, you sang nicely.
Now slap him in the face.
Slap him in the face.
And say: Naughty bear.
Naughty bear.
Again.
Naughty bear.
Again.
Naughty bear!
You don't need to hit so hard,
you'll hurt him.
A few more slaps:
Naughty bear, naughty bear, naughty bear.
Bad piggy.
And slap him.
Naughty piggy.
Bad, bad Wicky.
Bad, bad Wicky.
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky.
Bad, bad Wicky.
You have a limpy dicky.
You have a limpy dicky!
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky.
Bad, bad Wicky,
you have a limpy dicky!
Slap his face at the same time!
That was pretty good.
Not bad.
Now make him turn around.
Make him kneel on the chair
and pull down his pants.
Kneel on the chair
and pull down your pants.
Tell him to do it!
Pull down your pants and ...
kneel on the chair.
You'll pay for this.
I'll blow your brains
all over this apartment, I swear.
Does that feel good, huh?
Happy birthday into your new life.
From now on you fight back.
If anyone does anything to you,
you fight back.
Happy birthday.
And now tell him ...
to sing La Cucaracha.
No, make him sing the national anthem.
Please sing the national anthem.
I don't remember the words.
Land of mountains,
Land on the river...
Bloody Patriot.
Come on, sing!
Tell him to sing!
Wickerl, sing!
Land of mountains,
Land on the river,
Land of fields,
Land of cathedrals,
Not you!
Land of hammers,
with a future bright.
Land of hammers,
with a future bright.
Native home of many great sons...
Native home
of many great sons
A people with a gift for beauty...
A people with a gift for beauty
Oh, famed ...
Austria.
Oh, famed Austria.
Good job.
Girlie!
Girlie!
Girlie, what's the matter?
What's wrong with my Girlie?
What is it, Girlie?
Is something wrong?
They must have poisoned her.
Take the flashlight so I can see.
This old dog is heavy.
Can you manage?
Heavy, huh?
Put out the cigarette on his hand.
Are you crazy?
You keep your mouth shut.
He's sick.
Come on, do it.
Don't make me angry.
Seriously, don't make me angry.
Put it out on his hand.
Go on!
Want me to blow him away,
you really want that?
That feel good?
Harder. Grind it in there real good!
I did!
Another one.
Do it again.
Good? Does that feel good?
Is that good, huh?
That's how it works.
I love you so much.
Please forgive me.
What do you mean you love him so?
I love you so much!
Why the hell am I doing this?
Why did I come back here?
Why am I even helping you?
You're the perfect couple.
Tell me, lady, why do I come back ...
and try to help you?
Do you really love him?
Tell me!
You love... him?
Yes.
He forced me to.
I love you so much. I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Oh God!
People are so cruel.