Dis-moi que tu m'aimes (1974) - full transcript

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

Actually,

the most important thing
is that you adore,

that you idolize Lucien Dorgeval's
beauty products.

That needs to come through.

See, Carla, that's not bad.

Bertrand! Your wife is on the phone!

Bertrand!

-Yes?
-I did the media plans for the week.

If you're unsure,
show them to Richard.

-It needs to go out tonight.
-OK.



Hello?

I'm sorry to bother you
but I need to speak with you!

Maybe you should ask him yourself.

Charlotte doesn't want to bother him
but can't decide for herself.

Tell Charlotte I said to buck up

and put Richard on for her. Love you.

Love you too.

Transmit the 722 memo
to the photo studio.

-No, please!
-Ah, yes. Come on.

-Hey, Richard!
-It's not working.

-Your wife is on the line.
-What now?

Better Charlotte tell you herself.

-Not again!
-No, Richard!

-What?
-Are you kidding!



The kids?

Hello, Charlotte?

Hi, darling, just briefly.

I can't remember if it's you
or Meme who's allergic to green.

What? Allergic! To what?

To the color green.

Victoire proposed a nice green
for the kitchen ceiling.

It'll be great
with our white cupboards.

-That's what you're bothering me for?
-I didn't want to bother you!

-I don't give a damn about it!
-So green is OK?

I don't give a damn, I said!

Just don't get carried away.
White is still the most economical.

I have other things to think about!

If I understood correctly,
green is off the table.

Maybe Richard's right.

-White is classic!
-Very well!

Mr. Roland!

-The ceiling will be white.
-Very well, ma'am.

I know what you're thinking,
but why upset him?

It's not that important, after all.

If you stood up to him once in a
while, he'd respect you more.

Yesterday morning, the sink light
on the sixth floor was on.

When you leave at night,
please shut off all the lights!

Electricity isn't free!

Si Señor!

So much waste!

-You're still here?
-I wanted to finish your report.

That's nice of you.

We're going down.

-Bye!
-Bye!

Goodbye.

Oh, Charlotte!

She's going to kill me
with this painting thing.

Marital problems and kids' cavities.

I couldn't care less!

-Do what I do, let her work.
-Never!

Maybe I'm old fashioned
but a wife should stay home.

When they're busy cooking,
sure, they're a bother,

but when they start working,

right away they get a big head.

Victoire doesn't have a big head.

Let's just say, your wife isn't...

a gentle woman!

Sure, she has personality,
but she's very feminine.

Given the choice, I'll take mine.

Then why are you complaining?

Marie, I already told you to get out
of the bath. It's dinnertime!

She got her hair wet again.
Marie, get out!

No!

Richard!
Marie won't get out of her bath!

Papa is going to give you
a good spanking.

Would you keep it down,
for Chrissake!

See, Papa's not happy.

Dry yourself off
and put on your pajamas.

It's dinnertime.

Oh, no, not now! Put that away!

Charlotte gets on my nerves!

She used to be so full of life!

Now she lets her husband
treat her like a doormat!

Are you listening to me?

Of course, honey!

Richard isn't the right man for her.

I know he's sacred for you.

But he's not that great for his wife.

He's the stereotypical macho type
who in reality is weak,

since he gets all his strength from
the sadistic way he treats his wife.

He forces her to make herself small
so that he can treat her worse!

-See what I'm saying?
-Completely.

-What did I just say?
-What?

-What did I just say?
-You were talking about Richard.

-You never listen!
-I love your body! Come here.

Let go!
I'm telling you something important!

I thought a lot about it.
The only thing

-you care about is sex!
-I want you!

Sex isn't the only thing!

If this is how you're going to act,
I'm going on strike.

Strike! No mess tonight!

Mess will be held every day!
It's a question of principles!

Here's the sexist male!
I forbid you to touch me!

You can't have me until you earn it,
with a new attitude!

I'm going to rape you,
you dirty bitch!

-I'm going to rape you!
-Your true face comes out!

-Show me you're stronger!
-I am stronger!

-You're going to put out, dirty slut!
-No!

Leo! Leo! Help!

Bite him!

-Down!
-Bite him, Leo, go on!

-Down, I said down!

No!

Victoire, come here!

Don't touch me!

Don't touch me!

Go, Leo!

Come here!

Ah!

Here you go!

No!

Just wait and see!

Victoire, open the door!

Leave me alone!

For the last time: open the door!

No!

Perfect... Take this!

Down!

Lucien!

Lucien!

Victoire and Bertrand got in a spat.
Victoire isn't coming.

-Oh, too bad!
-Would your wife play?

-Go ask her.
-OK.

Hey, Bertrand

isn't supposed to know that we know.

So if he says anything, the official
version is that she's sick.

-OK!
-That's much better.

To a trot, please!

Sit up!

Chin up!

Smile, please!

Ms. Dorgeval, I said the fat
of the thigh at the front!

Yes!

The fat of the thigh!

The fat of the thigh!

Yes, I get it!

Hey, Pascaline!

Control your horses, for God's sake!
Turn around!

Fall in line!

Excuse me, I just need a word
with Ms. Dorgeval.

Your husband wants to know
if you'll play. Victoire can't.

No, find someone else.

-I don't feel like playing golf.
-I'll come!

-Well, get a move on, then.
-Do you mind if I go?

No, go, if you want to play golf.

-I don't not want to.
-Go get changed, we're waiting!

I'll be there right away.

If I'm playing with Charlotte,
give me a handicap,

-because Charlotte, uh...
-Oh, shut up

and stop whining!

-Hi, Lucien, how are you?
-Good, thanks!

Hello!

Come on, Charlotte!

Let's go! Don't go kissing
everyone on the course!

The wager's pretty high.
Don't be tense!

OK!

Shoulders down,
keep your left arm straight,

bend at the knees,
keep your head down.

-I know!
-Then go on!

Oh, damn!

That doesn't count,
that was a practice shot!

Of course!

Be careful!

I'm sorry, but

I couldn't ask my wife to come play,
she had a high fever.

She's not the kind of woman to stay
in bed usually,

-but this was bad.
-Of course!

Hello!

-Sorry, I'm late!
-No problem!

Victoire's here, go get your bag!

Hey, honey!

Are you feeling better?

The teams are back together!

Lucien and I
versus Victoire and Bertrand.

It's your turn,
we've all played already.

You made me look like an idiot,
I told them you were sick!

Move back, you're in my way.

-What do I do?
-Get on your horse!

-But the lesson is over!
-You can pull my bag!

You don't have a caddie!
Should I call one?

She could use the walk, right, honey?

-Here!
-Thanks.

Nice shot!

I don't want your compliments!

You're not going to carry Richard's
bag for three miles!

It's not too heavy!

-Honey, I shot four!
-OK!

Nice shot, Lucien!
Keep it up and we're sure to win!

Too bad, sweet cheeks!

Too bad!

This is too much,
who does she think I am?

Ah, the bitch!

What's up?

Just wait!

Do something!

Stay here, we can't see!

-But, it's--
-Oh, shut up, Charlotte!

-He's--
-Yep!

Oh!

Slut!

My respects.

Nice weather, isn't it?

-All in all I'd rather carry the bag.
-Shut up!

You scoundrel.

Don't be so dramatic,
he's your husband after all!

Exactly! He'll pay for this!

I can see why you want to live here
year-round!

The pool and all...

And the golf course
right at your feet!

Of course, we have kids.

-There's school.
-Of course!

Lucien!

I asked Mr. Tabard to join us!

Wonderful idea!
Hello, Tabard!

Let's go to the bar,
I'm dying of thirst!

-You should call Victoire!
-Ha, no!

You know women, a nice word
and everything is okay again.

-It's you I should have married!
-You're silly!

Yes, just bam, bam, like that!

Two animals going at it
on the fifth hole!

Well, of course, with the Danes...

Ah, the fifth hole?

At some point Ms. Danois
lost her ball under the...

under the pines, and her husband
helped her find it.

Maybe she tripped and he grabbed her.

Richard, I'm off.

Ah!

In a hurry to make up with the wife?

-No, idiot, I want to avoid traffic.
-Yeah, right!

-It's true!
-Give her a little kiss for me.

-Look!
-What?

Oh, damn!

Lady Chatterley, my man. The knight
has replaced the stableman.

Hello, boys!

You're not leaving?

No, no, Lucien, come here!

-I just had one!
-You're going to have another!

Forty thousand spectators at the
arena came to see the Brazilian duo

against the stars from St. Etienne!

Hello?

Who? Ah, Bernard!

What?

No way!

We're about to sit down to eat,
there's soufflé and casserole.

Who is it?

It's Bertrand. Victoire put him out.

-What?
-He's coming for dinner.

Then I have to go change!

-We can't talk here.
-Why?

That'd be better. See you soon.

-We're going to a restaurant.
-I could have changed!

With the kids and this kind of thing,
it's better just us men.

Then we can't
play cards with the kids!

You can play with Mom, right?
You'll have a great time!

-Papa has to go out.
-When are you coming home?

How should I know? I have to get his
spirits up. Don't wait up for me.

The soufflé is delicious! Bye, honey!

-Be good, kids!
-Bye, Papa!

Excuse me.

You, stay here!

You, wait for me, me come back!

Her, Danish! Him,

good friend of mine!

You, drink here,
me come back right away.

Him, big factory.
We maybe advertise him.

-He come office.
-Stop it already!

Excuse me.

This is my associate,
Richard le Royer. Albert Durieux.

-Happy to meet you!
-He bought the Paimpolaise group!

This is Christina, a young Danish
woman on vacation in Paris!

-Hello!
-I'll be right back.

Don't let him take her.

No, don't worry.

Want a drink?

Drink? Whisky, champagne, vodka?

Did I wake you up?

No, I was starting to worry!

That's what I figured.

I'm in a bistro near Pont Neuf.

Can you turn down the jukebox,
I can't hear a thing!

This noise is just awful.

No, I'm really worried
about Bertrand!

-He's really depressed.
-Why don't you bring him home?

No, he wants to go for a walk.
He says it helps.

-When will you be back?
-What?

When will you be back?

I don't know,
we could be out all night.

You must be exhausted, darling.

I should go, I can't leave him alone
for too long.

Go to sleep!

-How you talk!
-You should hear me in bed!

Do you like stories?

Maybe we can go out sometime.
What's your name?

-Geri.
-Geri! What's your number?

Ah look, it's Richard!

Your wife isn't here?

Of course, it's Sunday.
Someone has to watch the kids.

Listen, I'm here because of you.

-Me?
-Yes!

-I'm always there for my friends.
-Ah, Bertrand is here?

Gilbert! Don't you remember Richard
le Royer! My husband's colleague.

-No!
-Sure!

We met at Drefus's,
don't you remember?

Ah, right!

-I'll be right back with a drink.
-OK.

Isn't she classy?

You're telling me!

She's wonderfully talented.
She did great things

with my new offices.

-Have you known her long?
-Yes, for a while now.

Gilbert!

Veronique!

-And Bertrand!
-Here you are. Here's your glass!

-Where?
-There.

-Do you want to leave?
-No, why?

Isn't it awkward?

Victoire knows him up and down
and was never interested in him.

Maybe, but other women seem to be.

Oh, well, thanks a lot!

That's not what I meant.

-What's that?
-What?

That!

-That's your new fiancée's mother!
-Oh, no!

Yes, yes. Richard...

No.

Can I borrow him a moment?

Come dance!

-Hello!
-Oh, you're here!

-Hello!
-A friend of mine.

You didn't mention
your husband was coming.

I must have forgotten.

Dancing!

-You don't want her?
-I don't dance.

-Really?
-Really.

-Let's change it up!
-Are you crazy?

Asshole!

Excuse me, I just need a word
with my wife.

Before you leave, let me know when
I can get Leon tomorrow.

-What?
-You're not keeping my dog, are you?

I'll never give up Leon!

-We'll see!
-I've already seen.

I want that dog, hear me?
He's mine, I bought him!

You gave him to me! Leon was a gift.

Of course.

I bought Leon for me, that's it!

-How dare you!
-Enough with the dog!

That dog is mine!

-It's mine!
-Of course.

I'm sorry, Victoire,
but Leon is Bertrand's.

-Of course!
-I was there when you bought him.

He was never a gift.

You hypocrite!

You think it's fun
to get hit in the face?

Plus, your industrialist
hit on my girl.

-Give me another!
-Richard!

Richard! Dance, dance!

No more dancing! It's over!

Please, Gilbert, I'm really
tired of music.

Gilbert!

Yes?

Do you like dogs?

I love dogs.

I have two Dobermans in the country
and a German shepherd.

But you don't take care of them?

You're not with them all the time.

You don't feed them,
care for them when they're sick?

I do!

I wanted a child
but I couldn't have one.

I'm sure it was Bertrand's fault.

He never wanted to get tests done
because he would have had to...

Anyway.

When I got that dog he must have been
a month old.

-So cute!
-He's so beautiful, so smart!

Bertrand gave him to me for
my birthday four years ago.

It was a birthday present,
I swear.

A Picard Shepherd is no dog
for a woman.

It's a man's dog, right?

Well?

Listen, just get over the dog.

Pretend it got run over.

-What's wrong with you?
-Stop it!

-You're going to push me in!
-Do you hate dogs, or what?

-No, I love dogs!
-No!

-If you loved them, you'd have one!
-I have two kids already!

I wanted kids too.

-Victoire can't have them.
-I thought it was you!

Where'd you get that from?
I'm completely fine!

Your wife always told Charlotte

that you should get
your sperm tested.

My sperm is at least as fertile
as yours!

Anyway, it's not my problem anymore.

What was I saying?

-I don't know, I'm exhausted.
-Right, right!

I was talking about Leon.

No way!

Leon!

I'm here, honey.

Hello?

-It's you!
-Finally!

I've called ten times.

I don't want to get involved

but I think you were
a little too hard on your husband.

Richard called me and told me
he's completely depressed.

Oh, Charlotte! The depressed man in
question was in a club with Richard!

I saw them myself.

-Bertrand didn't look one bit sad.
-In a nightclub!

-And he told me that...
-Listen, Charlotte, don't get carried

away, I'm not sure I saw him.

-I saw Bertrand and--
-Don't try to cover for yourself.

It's him. Bye.

Oh, it's you! You scared me.

You're up already?

-I didn't go to sleep.
-You should have!

My legs are killing me.

Bertrand wouldn't shut up
about his damn dog.

I couldn't stand it.

He couldn't care less about Victoire.

He just wants the dog!

He's crazy about dogs.

I just listened for hours.

I know that he liked his dog,

but talking about it all night!

Be a doll and run me a bath!

And rub my legs first,
I think that would help.

It's so nice to be home!

What's wrong?

You don't believe me?

Go ask Bertrand yourself!

He'll tell you we walked
along the Seine.

Before or after the club?

Oh, that bitch! Victoire, right?

I should have known!

Women!

Of course she mentioned
the tall blonde!

-Of course!
-Well!

An untouchable dumb blonde
I had to dance with all night!

Why?

Because she was the wife of a client!

Ms. Durieux! Durieux canning.

They're giving us a huge
advertising budget.

You think I was having fun
dancing with her?

You were dancing with Ms. Durieux so
Bertrand could talk to her husband!

Think whatever you want!

I heard about the dog all night,
I don't have time for Durieux now!

I've had enough! I want to sleep!

Some people have to work!

What do you think I do all day?

I get up at seven
to make everyone breakfast!

I bring the kids to school,
I buy groceries, I cook and clean!

Do you know how many hours of work
that is? How much money you save?

I don't want to know!

Or rather, I do know:
I know where the money comes from.

Another one of these worthless
investigations about women

from those feminist rags. To hear it
told, you don't have a spare minute!

But the feminist press is doing fine

judging by all the crap you buy!

So you must have time!

I'm not criticizing you!

You keep the house well.

You're an excellent homemaker
and a wonderful mother!

A sad sack, that's what I've become!

But it's over!

-I'm going to work!
-You don't know how to do anything!

Don't worry!

You're too old to be a model!

I have other, better plans.

A burlesque dancer, perhaps?

I thought about it. But no.

What about our children?
Who will look after them?

Don't worry about them.
My mom will be happy to come stay.

Great, I see you've
thought it all out.

Is that it? Can I go take my bath?

Yes, that's all for now!

But I'd like to know,
out of curiosity,

who you danced with tonight?

With a stunning Dane on vacation.

-Are you happy now?
-Quite!

But after your bath,

please clean the tub because I won't!

What is it?

Oh, you shouldn't have!

The bakery is just next-door.
It's not good to skip breakfast.

What would I do without you,
Jacqueline?

Do you want to dictate your letters,
or should I organize things first?

Could you clean this up?

-Ask Marie Jeanne to come help.
-She's not in yet!

-Then call Mr. Le Royer's secretary.
-She's not in yet either!

And she's usually...

From now on these women
need to be here on time!

You'll see!

-Are you going on vacation?
-No, old man!

I've been kicked out!

You too? Well then! What happened?

Your bitch of a wife
didn't have anything better

to do than tell mine that she saw me
with you at the club.

-Really, that's not like her!
-You can excuse her.

Charlotte isn't very realistic.

-You didn't kick her out, though?
-Are you kidding!

When I realized things
were turning sour,

I cleared out. I give her a week
to realize how much she needs me!

Are you moving in here?

Yes, with my comrade!

SAMURAI
THE COLOGNE FOR THE VIRILE MAN

Stop, stop!

Don't move!

What if we took out the sword?

Without the sword, it's nothing!

Try kneeling.

What?

-Yes, like that!
-OK.

With your feet

splayed out a little.

About to attack.

-Like this?
-Yes.

But that's going to ruin
the silhouette.

We'll do a low-angle shot.

Oh, great, under the chin.

-You'll look up!
-So I look arrogant!

Don't forget: my brand image

is that Lucien Dorgeval is nice!

Listen, Lucien, you have to know
what you want!

Richard and I were never too hot
on the whole samurai idea.

But we're doing it,
so please play the part!

If you knew how bored I've been
in my marriage!

Lucien was dull when he was 30.

Do like us, honey, take a vacation!

You only live once, right?

Don't listen to her.
Don't make such an important decision

-on a whim!
-That's what you said to me!

-I'm doing just fine.
-Your husband is a brute but

Dorgeval is so nice.

He's not funny, sure, but next
to our husbands, he's a saint!

Unfortunately that's the case.
According to her,

he's got no... fire!

How was it in the beginning?

Zero. It was always zero.

I didn't realize it because I had
no experience, you know?

It was only after things began
with Charles that I realized.

-This is the first time you cheated?
-Yes.

-Did you cheat on Richard?
-No.

In that regard,
Richard and I were always happy.

With Bertrand, too, I should say.

I lost so much time!

I was raised by nuns,
so I didn't have many chances.

I heard I was cold.

-And you weren't?
-No!

Apparently I'm pretty good!

This man is wonderful.

But other than his skills in bed,
what does he do?

He works, he's an educator.

How did you meet?

-Golfing!
-What does he teach?

Sports.

Grade La Fesse! I'm sure it's him!

-Grade La Fesse?
-He's the new riding instructor!

Is he your superman?

I've never seen him.

Get in!

No, come here!

Lout! Thug!

He stole my dog!

He doesn't know
what food to give him!

He'll give him canned food!

Canned food for Leon? He only eats
ground beef with rice and carrots!

Leon!

No!

Come on.

Only once everything is set up.

I just spoke with your husband.

I hope you told him we're suing him
if he doesn't return the dog!

I think it's in your best interests
to accept his offer.

What offer?

Equal custody of the dog.

Each of you will be able to enjoy

time with him, like with a child.

I was ready to give him
visitation rights.

-It wasn't worth stealing my dog!
-He thinks he has the upper hand.

He won! How classy!

I have to share my own dog!

I suppose I'll have to thank him!

No, calm down!

-When does he bring him?
-In a few days.

And then you'll switch over
each week.

Will he bring him?
Or do I have to go get him?

A secretary will bring him.

-Will there be color ads?
-Yes, and a TV commercial.

The concept is great,
it fits just right.

Great job.

I'll set up a lunch soon with the
client to show them this.

Stephanie will take care of this,
I'm going home.

It's ready!

-Do you have the address?
-Yes.

No message for your wife?

No, just give her the dog
and come back.

Very well!

Oh, Leon, my darling, darling dog!

You're so handsome!

-Hello, Jacqueline!
-Hello!

-It's nice to see you!
-Indeed!

-Has he lost some weight?
-Oh, no.

-He's eating well.
-Yes?

-What do I do with these?
-Careful!

Put it here, it's fragile.
Sorry, work has been crazy.

Luckily I'm spending the weekend
in Normandy.

We'll have some time off,
huh, my love?

Well then, I have to get back.

No message for your husband?

No, nothing special.

See you Friday.

I'll come back for Leon

-as discussed.
-OK!

-Bye!
-Bye, Jacqueline!

Oh, my love!
You're the handsomest!

What now?

I have to be going!

-Lucien, wait!
-I can't keep doing this!

When I love a woman
I want all of her!

-I'm getting out of here.
-Take me with you!

If you come with me,
you're starting over. I'm not rich.

You'll have to work and cook.

-Get up a five in the morning!
-I'm a morning person.

I live in the sticks,
there's no bathroom, just well water,

-and it's ice cold!
-It's great for your skin!

I'm hard to live with.

I'm authoritative, temperamental,
I love all the way!

I'm lazy, frivolous, spoiled,

and when I'm with you, I feel alive!

You're just a dope.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

If we go off together,
it'll be the dumbest thing ever!

-Come here!
What?

-Pascaline ran off with him!
-No way!

What's with these women?
They've all gone mad!

"I love Charles Tabard
and I'm leaving.

"Now I know what a man is,
a real one," underlined twice!

"But I don't blame you. -Pascaline."

She dumps him like a piece of trash,

-but she doesn't blame him!
-She put in a pill for Lucien.

Talk about a mission.

What do we tell him first,
about his wife, or the horseman?

Let me talk first.

Let's not let it go on for hours...
I have dinner plans!

-Plans?
-I've got my eye on someone.

The girl from management?

Tonight is about Lucien.

-Let's invite him to dinner!
-Not another crappy evening!

I'm starting to wonder
why I moved out!

A glass for you!

Here you go.

Go on, Lucien!

Go on!

-I've never seen him like this.
-He's a new man!

Your wife doesn't know how to party!

You must get tired of her!

Let's have a nice night.

She doesn't seem right for you.

-You're crazy!
-Me?

Admit it, you're not happy with her.

I'm not very happy,
but I'm not unhappy either.

Look at him!

As soon as we bring up Pascaline
all your energy goes away.

-How long have you been married?
-Fifteen years!

That's a long time!

I bet you don't sleep with her
anymore.

Did Pascaline tell you that?

No, it's just the impression we got.

Listen, let me tell you a secret.

I never thought she was very sexy.

-Why are you still with her?
-Out of habit.

-Lucien?
-What's up?

What if Pascaline had a lover?

-Hypothetically.
-How would you feel?

I never thought about it
but I think I wouldn't care.

But hold on.

It can't be a friend of mine.
If it was you or Richard,

I'd be very disappointed.

No, what are you talking about?
Are you joking?

You have something to tell me,
don't you?

Here's how it is.

It's your stableman.

Ha ha, no, I knew you'd get in wrong.

My stableman?

Forgive me, Lucien! Hey, that hurts!

Listen, guys, I don't follow.
Is this a joke, or what?

-Lady Chatterley.
-Let's stay on track.

I'm sure he gets it.

-Lady Chatterley!
-Yes!

-It's his stable boy!
-Yes!

Pascaline...

-It's...
-My butler!

No, come on, Lucien,
think more... brute!

Lucien, it's...

It's on the tip of my tongue.
It's Tabard, the riding instructor!

Bravo, Lucien!

Pascaline ran off
with your stableman.

Lucien, do you understand?

Lucien, tell us you understood.

Pascaline ran off with my stableman.

I heard you!

So they ran off together, huh?

Stablemen are replaceable,
and so is a wife!

Let's have a drink!

Don't let yourself get down!

The party goes on!

Come on!

What's wrong, Lucien?

Do you have a handkerchief?

It's nothing, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm fine, I swear, I don't know why
I'm crying!

I'm not sad!

And!

Ah, the bastard!

Oh, you bastard!

Did you see?

Richard, you know it's noon?

Shut the door!

-The meeting is at 12.30 p.m.!
-Not so loud!

My head is killing me!

Tonight we're going to bed early.
We'll eat in.

You say that every morning
but it's the same every night.

I don't know what I ate last night
but it's still with me.

-You look great!
-Don't smoke in here!

Not in the flowers, man!

These damn restaurants!

Go home to your little wife, then!

I will go back,
I never said otherwise.

Want to know what she does?

-I know!
-Yeah?

I didn't tell you
because it's not interesting.

She took a part-time job as a typist.

She makes a mistake every word;
it must be great.

Come on, do something good.

Give her a call!

No, the man can never stoop down.

-It's you!
-I came myself, Jacqueline was busy.

I have friends over.

There's Leon!

What a handsome boy!

-Was he good?
-Very good!

That's good.

I'll go get his leash.

OK.

Can I make a call?

-Of course. It's in my room.
-OK.

-Here you go.
-Thanks.

How's it going at the office?

-It's good, and you?
-I'm really busy.

-Just wait till you do your taxes!
-If we divorce it'll be worse!

-Then they really stick it to you.
-You have to remarry fast!

-It'll mostly be to have kids.
-Me too!

I went to see professor Hervé
about that.

You went to see Emile?

-That's funny!
-Why?

I went to see him, too!

You finally got the test!

-Yep!
-And so?

Everything's normal.

For me, too.
He just gave me a treatment to do.

-He didn't give me anything.
-What are you trying to prove?

-Nothing.
-Come on, think it through.

Well it wasn't--

There's no dial tone.

-Press the black button.
-OK.

I'll leave you with your friends,
then.

-Bye.
-Goodbye.

Come. Come, Leon.

Happiness is sliding

forever over water.

Take me, sailor!

You should live with me.
You'd be better off.

We're good at the office.

At least stay over tonight.
Tomorrow we'll go get some sun.

That's nice, but I have
a dentist appointment tomorrow.

Then you should stay, at least!

No, I can't leave Bertrand.

Don't worry about me!

Twenty-four seven with you!

Oh, he's mean!

George, Mr. le Royer will be staying
the night. Make up the guest room!

-Yes, sir.
-You'll see, you won't want to leave.

That's nice!

HAPPY SAINT'S DAY, RICHARD!

-I didn't know it was today!
-Yes, today is Saint Richard!

And that's not all!

I have a little surprise.

A little surprise.

Wow!

Am I imagining things?

-Is he switching sides?
-Switching sides?

The way he's dressed and all.

I'm wondering
if he might be a little gay.

Oh, no, not yet.

What's certain is that he's
fallen entirely in love with you.

-In love with me?
-You're quite charming!

Oh, come off it!

May he live long and happily!

These are all our wishes!

This is for you.

Open it!

Go on!

A Cartier watch!

No joke!

Do you like it?

Lucien, this is too much!

There's no way I can accept this.

At first I thought
about a motorcycle.

-A motorcycle?
-That'll be for your birthday.

You're crazy!
Lucien, you're off your head!

I don't have anyone to spoil anymore.

I don't know what the big deal is.

-Do you want some?
-No thanks, Lucien.

-Richard?
-No, thanks.

Don't you think he was right
to let his mustache grow out?

I think so.

Yes.

It divides your face nicely.
Turn that way.

And with your blue eyes,
it's very masculine.

Very masculine.

Well then.

I'll leave you two.

Good night, little Richard.

Good God!

I completely forget: I have a meeting
with the accountant at 8 a.m.!

Cancel it!

He lives in the country.
He doesn't have a phone.

Really?

You can just get up early tomorrow.
I'll wake you up.

I can't, Lucien. I have to
get all the documents together.

But Bertrand and I
will come out this weekend?

Of course!

But don't be upset about this
emergency. And, thank you

so much for the wonderful gift.
Give me a hug.

Who's driving?

-Me.
-Richard.

-Be careful! Goodbye!
-Goodbye, old man!

Thank you for the evening.

-Goodbye!
-Bye, Lucien.

We'll call you.

Of course!

Can you get that?
I'm going to get some water for Leon.

Hello?

Hey, you, it's me!

Ah, it's you!

Yes, very well.

Yes, Lucien, I was very careful.

What time do you have on your watch?
Mine says ten till.

Yes, ten till, like yours.
Yes, it works very well.

Okay then, goodbye, Lucien!

Unbelievable! He's worse than a dame!

-Of course, you're charming him!
-What?

I'm charming him?

-You gave him a hug!
-As a friend! He gave me a nice gift!

Right, and when he gives you
the motorcycle,

you'll jump right into bed with him.
You're acting like a whore!

Cut it out!

It's not me.

Richard!

Admit that you're confused.

Obviously!

This is the first time
a man has hit on me.

-What are you looking for?
-Chloe's number, to ask her out.

-After the way you dropped her?
-Fine, I'll call the Finnish girl.

No, her boyfriend will pick up again!

If it's so urgent,
call up a call girl!

Never! It goes against my principles.

If you're really looking for love,

Lucien's the only option.

Don't start with that again
or I'll give you a good smack!

What are you waiting for?

You answer.

If it's Lucien, I'm not here.

-I'm sleeping!
-Hello?

Don't be a dick.

Hello?

He hung up.

Let's go out.

-Let's go have a drink.
-Not tonight.

-Come on!
-No!

Fine, I'm going.

All I ask is that

you not put the music on so loud
when you come back.

-Richard!
-Yes?

Watch out for trannies!

Very funny!

Very, very funny!

Hello?

Charlotte?

Hello?

Hello?

-Yes, who is it?
-It's me!

I'd like to come see the kids

but I wanted to call first.

Yes, where are you?

The kids aren't here right now.

How's that?

They're with my mom. Tomorrow is
Wednesday; they don't have school.

Right. How's everything at home?

Just fine.

Great, great.

Say, there are some papers I need

for my taxes.

But maybe you're not alone?

-No, I am.
-OK, I'll be right over.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Come in!

It's too bad the kids aren't here.

If you had told me sooner,
I wouldn't have sent them away.

Sit down.

Huh.

Did you move the chairs?

Yes, I thought it was better
near the window.

-It's not bad.
-Have a seat.

-Do you want a whisky?
-Yes, please!

-What a nice watch!
-Yeah, well...

Wow, Cartier!

-You're buying Cartier watches now?
-No, they're too expensive.

Was it a gift?

Yes. Dorgeval gave it to me!

I won't ask.

I'm sure he wanted to thank me
for my advertising ideas.

And today is Saint Richard's day.

Well, it's a very nice watch.

Very nice watch.

What time does your very nice watch
have?

Oh no, I should be gone already!

-Where are you going?
-I'm meeting friends.

-At this hour?
-Yes!

-I'll drop you off.
-Didn't you need some papers?

-What papers?
-For your taxes.

Oh, right!

If you have a minute, fix
the dishwasher, it's broken. Ciao!

That's the best he could
come up with! A gift from Dorgeval!

He was lying!
It was written all over his face!

I don't know what I would have done
if I'd stayed!

-I could have torn out his eye!
-Calm down!

I can feel it!

-Richard met someone!
-You think so?

It feels like he's head over heels!

-Something super romantic, I'm sure!
-With him? I doubt it.

For a woman
to celebrate his saint's day!

Not even I get him something for it!

I can't let this happen.

I could have an affair too,
if I wanted!

-Of course, honey!
-Say, with Olivier!

Sure, I know he goes after everyone.

But he kept me on as secretary,

even with all the mistakes I make,
so he must find me attractive.

Certainly.

Do you think Richard would be jealous
if I had an affair with Olivier?

Surely!

-Hello?
-I'd like to speak with Charlotte.

No, but you mean...

-You mean Mrs. le Royer?
-Yes!

She's not here.

-Who's calling?
-I'm Mr. Olivier's secretary.

Mr. Olivier is surprised that
Ms. Charlotte hasn't arrived yet.

-Where is her meeting?
-Who's speaking?

This is Mr. le Royer,
Ms. Charlotte's husband.

Hello?

Hello?

Ah, yes, good evening, sir.

I'll call back later.

I'm sure my wife will call,

I can give her the message.

She was supposed to meet him
at a client's place.

A client?

At 11 p.m.? What's this all about?

Do you take me for a fool?

He hung up.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Damn!

Down!

Bertrand!

Hey!

Hey, excuse me.

I just wanted to ask...

Olivier!

Is he seeing my wife?

Why are you talking to me
about Olivier,

and at four in the morning?

Don't get upset.

I was just wondering.

Since your wife decorates his offices

and he hits on her...

What's this nonsense?

It's not nonsense!

-I know you too well!
-I'm not hiding anything!

You saw Victoire and Olivier
at a club, right?

No! If I saw your wife with someone,

I wouldn't tell you! I'm too classy!

Then why did you come wake me up
in the middle of the night?!

It's impossible to have a normal
conversation with you!

I can't believe your wife
put up with you for five years!

-Do I bring yours into it?
-Charlotte never complained!

We were perfectly happy!

You're the one who was always
fighting with Victoire!

But you get along well when it comes
to ruining your friends' marriages!

-What?
-You didn't want us to be happy!

You couldn't stand it!

What an idiot!

Ah, Pascaline! Excuse me, Jean Marc!

-Victoire!
-You didn't tell me you were here!

We're just here for the day!

Maniatis does me right.

You look great!

It's the country air, darling!

What a change from my past life,
let me tell you.

-You could have called!
-We don't have a phone!

-Are you happy?
-Very!

But it's hard, very hard,
raising livestock.

But I'm still crazy in love,
and that's more than worth it.

Oh, Charles is here.
I should go or he'll get angry.

-Bye, honey!
-Bye!

HAIR SALON
PEDICURE

I think you tensed up a bit
on the follow-through.

Your hips usually move so smoothly,
but they seemed...

Look, see? Watch what I do.

See?

-I mean...
-Listen, Lucien!

Here's my club, my bag and balls.
I'm going to go have a sandwich.

Hey, Bertrand!

I don't know what's up with Richard.
I feel like I'm bothering him.

When I came by the office yesterday,
he was awful!

Listen, Lucien.

Let me hit a few balls, OK?

Otherwise I'll play terribly.

A little far left, maybe.

Here you go!

What's wrong with you?

I've had enough of both of you!
Find another whipping boy!

-Hello Ms. Denois, it's been a while!
-Indeed!

Lucien! Are you going to play?

Surely!

Hello, Richard! How are you?

Have you seen Charlotte by chance?

She should be here soon
if you're supposed to meet.

What if we played together tomorrow?

Don't you think we should make up?

I like you, really!

Charlotte likes you too.

But you know her!

She's not coming for golf!

-You see what I mean.
-Yes.

You're mute,
but you're not an idiot, right?

Your wife is lovely!

She's adorable!

She's really
a great big sentimentalist!

Like Charlotte.

But be careful!

Women are fragile.

You have to make them feel secure.

If she starts doubting herself:

Does he still think about me?
Does he care about me?

That's the problem!

You want to sleep with her every
night. But is that enough?

Not at all, my boy! There are words!

The magic of words. "I love you!"

That's just it, I love you.

That's what they expect from us:
"I love you"!

It's not about shouting it all day
every day,

but now and then.

Every five or six years,
that's the right balance.

They think about that
in their little heads.

They're overjoyed.

-Bravo! You first.
-What?

Now's the time to move
from theory into practice.

Look.

What, you think I'll chicken out?

-Come and see!
-No!

Why?

-Don't you want to say hello?
-No, go ahead!

I'm going!

Hello, Charlotte!

-Ah, it's you!
-How are you?

-Just fine.
-Great.

Did you use the dishwasher?

Did it work?

Justine's teddy bear had jammed it.

It wasn't so complicated after all.

It was quite simple!

In fact...

Ah, Lucien!

Lucien, come on!

Victoire and Charlotte are here.
We're going to play all together.

You're in your swimsuit?

I'm never playing with you again.

Don't make that face!

If your wives are there too,
I'll just be in the way.

-No!
-I was always just a stand-in.

-Not at all!
-It's true!

Get dressed and meet us
at the first hole, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Danois!

I didn't know you played here!

Usually I play at Saint Cloud
but I'm here with a friend.

-Bertrand!
-Hey!

Maybe we could play all together?

No. I'm not playing.

There are people here
I don't want to see.

Listen, I might sound stupid,
but I'm going to take the risk.

I love you, Charlotte!

Ah, you're already here, Charlotte!

I'll be right there,
I'm getting a caddy!

Richard, it's not--

-Do you take me for a fool?!
-Let me explain!

Richard!

Richard!

-Richard!
-What's wrong, Charlotte?

You're hurt!

-Let me go!
-Let me look at it!

Don't count on me for the game!

Why did you bring Olivier?
Are you crazy?

You have to help me.

What?

-Do you want to play?
-No, I can't!

-This is all so upsetting!
-Oh, shush!

OK.

You have to tell Richard
you brought him!

You already ruined my relationship!

I could have played at Saint Cloud!

Charlotte calls me and insists...

Enough already!

I cancel my game,
I apologize to my friends...

Don't get so upset
over a game of golf!

There are more important things
in life!

I accept your invitation.

Very well, ladies.

I'll get out of your hair.

Women are fragile... yeah, right!

Victoire was obviously the one
who brought Olivier.

It was Charlotte!

I don't even know what to say.

-I'm ready!
-Get out of here!

What?

We're going back to Paris.

I knew it!

Your wives show up
and the problems begin!

-Find another partner!
-Not so easy on Sunday!

Then you won't play today
and too bad!

There are more important things
than golf!

I've had it up to here
with you changing your minds!

You take me for a fool!

Unbelievable!

It's insane!

It's a nice day, we set up a game
and then we don't play!

Insane!

I hate it when people cancel on me.

-You work like a dog all week.
-It'd be nice to relax on Sunday!

Get out of the stress of Paris.

-Actually, I live in the country.
-You're lucky!

Actually, since you don't have a
partner, we could...

-That's very kind of you. I'm at 8.
-I'm at 13.

What a nice blue!

That's nice of you.

I like your pink outfit, too.

Thanks!

Richard!

These are the men's rooms;
you can't go in.

I need to speak with my husband!

Bertrand!
It's just a misunderstanding!

They're hysterical!

Richard!

Richard!

What are you doing here?
Go back to your lover!

I didn't know she had a lover!

Olivier's not my lover!

Of course not but calm down.

You think he's mine!

-No!
-Yes!

You think I brought him!

Still, there are limits of civility!

Get off your high horse;
I was home when you called my wife!

-Me?
-Yes, you!

-I never!
-A client at 11 p.m., my ass!

Richard! I didn't bring him!

It was Victoire. I swear on our kids!

-Have you no shame?
-Who brought him? Someone's lying!

-We should ban women from golf.
-Absolutely!

I hire this girl for a job
and everyone

jumps down my throat.

What about you, breathing on my neck
every time you walk by!

Me, breathing? She's out of her mind!

Like in England:
Women over here, men over there.

I couldn't stand on a chair
without you staring at my legs!

Let's talk about your decoration!

Could it be more overdone!

How dare you insult my wife?!
She's very talented!

You were working for this man?
Did you get paid?

I'm coming for that check tomorrow!

Heartless womanizers
and cheaters,

always complaining and lying,

you're really all the same!

The same!

That's just what women are like,

turning everything into a fight.

We need to be loved!

To be loved!

Love - let's talk about that!

You want to have kids,

and make love once a week!

I don't see you as a robot!

I need to hear you say it!

I shelled out for a dishwasher!

Plus, you have to say, "I love you."

-I'm very sentimental!
-But when she scratches, it hurts!

The more it hurts,
the more I love you!

I love you!

-Better hear that than be deaf!
-You can be so annoying!

Check the price
of the dishwasher!

You touched his heart!

He'll never understand!

And all bets are off!

Admit that you love me!

-Yes!
-Obviously, I love you!

Fighting wears you out!

It's time that we made up!

Let's forget all our problems!

Come on, tell me that you love me!

-I love you!
-More tenderly!

-I love you!
-No, do it better!

I love you!

-I love you!
-That's better!

What about me?

Yes, we love you!

THE END