Dinner for One (1963) - full transcript
The sketch presents the 90th birthday of elderly upper-class Englishwoman Miss Sophie, who hosts a celebration dinner every year for her friends Mr Pommeroy, Mr Winterbottom, Sir Toby, and Admiral von Schneider. (The plot has nothing to do with New Year's Eve. There is a "Happy new year" toast, but this is purely a reference to Miss Sophie's birthday.) The problem is that due to Miss Sophie's considerable age, she has outlived all of her friends, and so her equally aged manservant James makes his way around the table, impersonating each of the guests in turn. Miss Sophie decides on appropriate drinks to accompany the menu: Mulligatawny soup (Miss Sophie orders dry sherry), North Sea haddock (with white wine), chicken (with champagne), and fruit for dessert (with port) served by James, who finds himself raising (and emptying) his glass four times per course. That takes its toll, increasingly noticeable in James's growing difficulty in pouring the drinks, telling wine glasses from vases of flowers, and refraining from bursting into song. Even before the alcohol begins to exert its influence, he keeps tripping up on the head of a tiger skin lying on the floor between the dinner table and the buffet, although on one occasion he surprises himself by avoiding it.
Dear audience, ladies and gentlemen.
We are located on the
country estate of Miss Sophie.
For privacy reasons, the first name
of this ancient race is not reported.
Miss Sophie has invited her four
best friends to a birthday dinner.
And this is the seating arrangement.
Miss Sophie will sit over there,
here will be Sir Toby,
here Admiral von Schneider,
There Mr. Pommeroy
and over there Mr. Winterbottom.
But there is a little difficulty:
Miss Sophie is not the youngest lady.
Today she celebrates her 90th birthday...
and she outlived her best friends
a long time ago.
She has buried her last
friend 25 years ago.
Nevertheless, Miss Sophie would not
renounce her birthday dinner.
And because the gentlemen, for understandable
reasons, cannot personally attend the dinner,
they'll be represented by
Miss Sophie's butler James.
All the years that worked well
and it will work again today.
The procedure for this dinner
has not changed for years.
James will keep asking:
"Same procedure as last year?"
In german: "Die gleiche Prozedur
wie im letzten Jahr?"
And Miss Sophie will reply:
"Same procedure as every year."
In german: "Die gleiche Prozedur
wie in jedem Jahr."
With an emphasis on "every year".
The ongoing conversation
between Miss Sophie and
her butler James is
rather not interesting.
So you won't have a hard time to follow the
dialog of the most unusual birthday dinner,
that has ever existed.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I hope you'll enjoy this dinner.
And here is James...
- Good evening, Miss Sophie, good evening.
- Good evening, James.
You're looking very well
this evening, Miss Sophie.
Well, I am feeling very much better.
Thank you, James.
- Good, good, good.
- Well...
I must say that everything
looks very nice.
Thank you very much,
Miss Sophie, thank you.
- Is everybody here?
- Indeed, they are, yes, yes.
They're all here for your
anniversary, Miss Sophie.
- All five places laid out?
- All laid out as usual.
- Sir Toby?
- Sir Toby, yes, is...
- sitting here this year, Miss Sophie.
- Admiral von Schneider?
Admiral von Schneider
is sitting here, Miss Sophie.
- Mr. Pommeroy?
- Mr. Pommeroy...
- I put round here for you.
- And my very dear friend...
- Mr. Winterbottom?
- On your right,
- as you requested, Miss Sophie.
- Thank you, James.
- You may now serve the soup.
- The soup.
Thank you very much,
Miss Sophie, thank you.
They're all waiting for you.
And not some...
Little drop of mulligatawny soup,
Miss Sophie.
I'm particularly
fond of Mulligatawny soup, James.
Yes, I know you are, Miss Sophie.
I think we'll have
sherry with the soup.
Sherry with the soup, yes.
Oh, by the way: The same procedure
as last year, Miss Sophie?
The same procedure
as every year, James.
"The same procedure as every
year, James." Yes, yes.
- Is that a dry sherry, James?
- Yes, very dry sherry, Miss Sophie.
Very dry. Straight out of the
cellar this morning, Miss Sophie.
- Sir Toby!
- Cheerio, Miss Sophie!
- Admiral von Schneider!
- Must I say it this year, Miss Sophie?
- Just to please me, James.
- Just to please you. Very good, yes.
Skol!
- Mr. Pommeroy?
- Happy New Year, Sophie!
And dear Mr. Winterbottom.
Well, here we are again, old loveliest
to men. They love the pleasure...
You may now serve the fish.
Fish. Very good, Miss Sophie.
Did you enjoy the soup?
- Delicious, James.
- Thank you, Miss Sophie. Glad you enjoyed it.
Little bit of North Sea haddock,
Miss Sophie.
I think we'll have
white wine with the fish.
White wine with the fish?
The same procedure
as last year, Miss Sophie?
The same procedure
as every year, James.
Yes.
- Sir Toby!
- Cheerio, Sophie, me gal!
- Admiral von Schneider!
- Oh, must I, Miss Sophie?
James, please.
Skål!
Mr. Pommeroy?
Happy New Year, Sophie gal.
Mr. Winterbottom!
Well, here we are again, old love.
Here's to me and thee...
By gum... You looking
younger than ever, love.
Younger than ever!
- Please, serve the chicken.
- Ya...
- That looks a very fine bird.
- That's a lovely chu... chucken...
I think we'll have champagne
with the bird.
Champagne, ya...
Sssssa... same procedure
as last year, Miss Sophie?
Same procedure
as every year, James.
Sophie, me gal!
- Admiral von Schneider!
- Must I, Miss Sophie?
James?
Skål!
- Mr. Pommeroy?
- Happy New Year, Sophie...
Mr. Winterbottom.
It's one of the nicest little woman...
One of the nicest little woman...
that's ever... that's ever breathed.
Ever breathed.
Ever breathed.
I now declare this bazaar opened.
Soup up!
Would you like some fruit?
- I think we'll have port with the fruit.
- Oh, no!
Sssa... ssa... same
procedure as...
- How?
- Sssaam proced as llllll...
The same procedure
as every year, James.
- Sir Toby!
- ♪ Sugar in the morning... ♪
- Admiral von Schneider!
- Skål!
- Mr. Pommoroy?
- I'm... Sorry, Madam, sorry.
Mr. Winterbottom!
Huuuhhh, I'll kill that cat toni...
Well, James, it's been
really a wonderful party!
Well, it's been most enjoyable.
And I think I'll retire.
- Are you going to bed?
- Yes.
Sit down, I'll give you
a hand up, Madam.
- As I was saying, I think I'll retire.
- Ya, ya, ya, ya...
Oh, by the way, the same
procedure as last year, Miss Sophie?
The same procedure
as every year, James!
Well...
I'll do my very best!