Dikkenek (2006) - full transcript

What's wrong now?
The great love?

Could you not start with a small love?
No, the big one straightaway!

You know, Stef, before the end of the week
I'll find you a chick.

And you'll just have to bend down.
That, you can do it yourself.

I know all of your tricks.
No, thanks. No, no, thanks.

It's true that last time was not...

I admit, it's true...

we came across a nutcase.
A hopeless clinical case.

But, you know, I'll tell you one thing, Stef...

We will perhaps not set
the bar too high, right?

Although, having it off with a minger
is not that simple.



Mingers are dreadfully distrustful. You know?
The mingers.

We'll start with a plain Jane.

Before the end of the week
you'll meet the love of your life!

Dikkenek : big dickhead, boaster,
big mouth,

Mr or Miss Know-it-all.

Yeah, Monique, it's me. Do me a favor.

Cancel this appointment with the
two morons from the TV school.

I don't have the time for that.

I'm not interested with this kind
of assholes.

- Which school?
- IAD.

IAD? Totally unknown. Never heard
about it.

Well, it's for this so-called final year work?

How long will that last? 7, 8 minutes?

Let's start.



You don't say 'action'? Ho, brat!
Ho!

I'll introduce myself in two words.
I am Claudy Focan...

semi-professional photographer... No, cut. Cut!

Actually, I said that because
I was looking your lens.

This is digital, right? 35 mm.

In fact, I am a photographer of ...
I take charming photos.

But it's a little bit beside the point.
We'll start over?

In two words, I'm Claudy Focan.
Mr. Focan.

I'm the slaughterhouse of Anderlecht's
Director and sales marketing manager.

This is the sales hall.

When the animals arrive, they are 150
in a lorry.

Why 150? Like that they do not stumble
during the transportation.

When they are there. It's not complicated
They follow the white line.

And we lead them unavoidably - two by two -
to the slaughter zone.

Perhaps it's not the funniest part... although...

And we never had to shoot 2 times,
if you know what I mean.

This is my little weakness.

Once the beast is dead, it goes...
Well, we move it because it can't walk anymore.

Listen, brat, you're pissing me off
with your micro.

You shoved it in my face over there!
It's enough now? It's the only thing you have to do!

Sorry, I'm irritable here. I know.
It's not all your fault.

But it seems I got the IAD's two clowns.
The bottom of the basket.

And the Fricadelle,
how do you do that?

I was coming to the point.
There's a time and a place for everything.

You're not going to tell me,
what I have to tell.

So, a Fricadelle how is it done?
Concretely, there's two things you should know.

On a 700 kg beast, there is 350 kg

that are considered as matters or leftovers
unsuitable for consumption.

In a butcher shop, you will never see nostrils...

a scrotum, an anus or intestines, for example.

What do you think we do with the intestines?

The bowels are not more than digested grass.

Also commonly called 'shit', for your information.

What do we do? We scrape the whole thing.
We put everything in a big basin - we call it a "pool"

Then we add products. What is it?
Tranquillisers, antibiotics, colourants...

Well,, that's our little cooking.
The "Belgian cooking", like we say.

Once this matter look like meat again.

We thread it into entrails...

and it is send to chip stands, shops...

as fricadelle and merguez.

How is it going, Polish?

Gimme a large pack of chips with sauce, please.

What sauce?

I dunno me. Dallas sauce, but put
the sauce to one side.

And three meatballs with that.

Omar! The sauce to one side or on the chips?

On the meatballs! And take me 6,7 Fricadelle too!

- Seven Fricadelles with that ...
- 10 beers, please! 10 Vedett.

He feels so comfortable this one!
Are you blind or what?

I was ordering Bicky.
You're playing with your life, you!

Sorry, sorry.
I thought you...

What's your problem son of a bitch?
Come on!

- Calm down now.
- A Problem, Aziz?

The guy comes easy, doesn't apologise and
overtake me!

You're polite or not polite, you?

- Stop.
- Loser!

Are you not on a school trip, you?

I knew it was you. With your old
rapper's accent! Hip-hop!

And that habit you have, spitting
everywhere like a lama.

It's excessively annoying.
Hey, Stef.

- You know each other?
- Yeah. He's my friend.

And you speak to him differently.
Say you're sorry, now!

- Sorry...
- A beer?

- No, I don't drink beer.
- What is that?

Fricadelles. You want some?

You know what's in it?
I've seen a reportage about it.

- Anyway, there's no pork in it.
- Pork? Certainly not.

But give that to a dog
and he won't eat it.

There is a stain.

Can I ask you something?
Don't take it the wrong way.

What do you want to do for
the start of the school year?

Because we were wondering with Baudouin.

When we see your results...

Because university is nice, but you must
study a little bit.

You can not keep on failing every year.
It's failure on failure.

But partying, sleeping late...

There's no difficulty. It's the honorary distinction.

Ok, I didn't go to university.

Anyway, if I'm unemployed today
it's not my fault.

I asked nothing at 17. Nothing!

I wanted to be an attorney, not have snot monkeys
with the other jerk!

I wanted to be a great psychologist.

Help people... be helpful, Doctors Without Borders,
and all that shit.

And all of this because of an alcoholic night.

And when your parents died,
my life changed as well.

Just on the day of the funeral I had to become
mother. All of a sudden!

Listen, baby, don't take it the
wrong way

but I always treated you like
you were my own daughter.

- I don't want you to be led astray.
- Listen, auntie...

I also thought.

You're like my mother,
I care about you.

And the more I think about it,
the more I think...

I wanna do exactly like you.

- What? What are you trying to say?
- Doing nothing.

Like you. Finally, it's that the
goal in life, huh?

Succeed in doing nothing.

Come on! Follow me!

Cindy? It's always the same.

Ho, fat ass, you can't read?

It's forbidden to eat in museums!

I hope this visit will ruin your appetite, brat!

Hello. The small envelope.

Please. Welcome to the road accident's Museum.

Never forget the seatbelt!

A small 'click' is better than a big
"clack"!

Well, children?

Who wants to play dead?

Who has been in a car accident?

You?

You?

You? Nobody?

It will happen later then.

At 18 you start to drink...

and you want to impress your friends...

and bang, it's the accident guaranteed
coming back from Louvain-la-Neuve.

You, Charlotte, you know what a windshield is?

If you look more like Captain Harlock than Candy...

It's because your mom plays flute.

Nice fence, huh?

The guy in question had 137 fractures.

137 fractures, it's much, huh?
Not to say, impressive!

Come, come look!

Come closer, it does not bite!

You want to sit on the bike, you?
I feel it!

You don't want to? It doesn't matter. Go ahead!
Next attraction!

The teacher is dead!

Now we'll observe a minute's silence...

for all those people behind me.

That's it!

It's billing and cooing in here.
Is this is a porno theatre?

What? Come a little closer.

What is this dud?

The story of two girls looking for
their sexual identity.

Sexual identity? It doesn't mean anything!
Or someone has to explain to me!

It's terribly slow, uh? Everytime I go to the
cinema, I fall asleep.

Big boobs, a round belly,
fat thighs...

It's different. Different from the magazines, uh?

I bet my life it's gonna be about
the butt-hole!

The sexual identity!

What's his problem? Have we met?

Fabienne?

How I know you it's you?
Your name was on the screen.

- Excuse me!
- You are silly.

- You don't wanna go out to take your call?
- Shut up! I'm talking.

No, I wasn't talking to you. It's a moron.
Yeah, a spastic.

- You go out to take your call or you turn off your phone.
- What? Huh?

Buy cotton buds! He asked you for the second
and last time to go out to call your bitch.

You want to fight, huh?
Come, jerk.

- I'm waiting! Come on!
- This guy is totally crazy!

You keep standing in the cinema, you?
Sit!

And look ahead!

See that, ma'am?

How he talked to me!
Do I call in cinema?

Yes, Fabienne? No, it's nothing.
An idiot!

This guy is doing it on purpose!

No, I wasn't talking to you!
You never understand, you're really stupid!

- Stop!
- The first one is a lesson, dickhead!

The 2nd is for the principle. And the 3rd,
because things always come in threes.

- Who is this?
- JC speaking.

Hey... JC, right?

What are you doing on August 15?

I'm going to celebrate my 18th
birthday...

I'm going to organise a party in Zoute.

It's gonna be nice. The whole
Belgium is invited.

Who is that cuckoo? She's also been rocked too close
to the wall?

Here. Compliments of the baby manager.

Another one?
That one must be painful!

What I like in this club is
that palace-like way...

Like Pretty Woman. This little...

Didn't sleep well?

All good, Dominique?

Oh, yeah, last time, when you let
the Albanians came in...

You shouldn't let that in. It has to
remain our place, you understand?

I haven't told you because it
was crowded, but...

Not bad, huh?
The dance floor is over there.

All good, Dom? You sleep here?

- Here is the most handsome!
- Daisy! I had not seen you...

Any news?

A beer, please. I'm so thirsty I'm dying.
I'm so sweaty.

- So?
- Well... It's not easy.

No... currently I... struggle.

A daily struggle.

I swear. So far... I take it right
in the kisser.

The universal law of series,
as they say.

Huge problems with rabies,
dioxin ...

Always the same things again come
but it's...

- Talking about old sows, how is it?
- He is always so mean with me!

- More a witticism than anything else.
- How is it going with your bird?

You know, Daisy, I'm not a fool.

If I'm always in pleasant company...

it's for my money,
and not for my odour.

And it hurts to know that.

I am perhaps the only one in Belgium
to know, but...

Her name is Natacha, right?

Wow, do you hear that? Michael Jackson!
I like that!

The only white person who makes music
like blacks.

You can say whatever you want...

I like him! I like him so much!

In two words: above him there's
nobody, below him there is no one either!

Carmelo, turn up the volume! I'm
the only one dancing.

It's my gun you're looking?

Dangerous, that. A semi-automatic Czech
gun, light plastic, 17 shots.

It can stop a moving school bus.
Maybe even a plane!

Never tried, but I consider.

Firearms are my passion
since I'm a kiddo!

There's no explanation. Some people
are into dolls, some others...

- Can we?
- What brought you here?

I was assaulted in the cinema
by 2 guys.

They almost stabbed me.
They had no knife, but still...

but they struck my back, ripped my jacket
and stole my brand new phone!

Fortunately I know judo, so I could
handle the situation more or less...

And how did you guys look like?
Something like this here?

No.

- Or like this?
- No.

So this? They looked the same.
More or less...

You need to make an effort, old sport.
Otherwise I can't help you!

It was this guy there.
This kind of guy.

What, him? He did it?

Why?

For fun?

It will let Natacha have her
wicked way with you. Believe me.

Which one? This one?

Make no mistake! I poured a huge dose
in it.

I was looking for you. I thought
you had left.

Here... Cheers!

I was in the cinema with a young girl...

And then it seemed my mobile phone
have rung.

Wait! We tell you to turn off
your phone before the movie.

And there's an other warning
after the adverts.

We won't turn on the light every
5 minutes to tell you to turn it off?

- It was off!
- True or not?

- Yes or no? Am I right?
- Yes!

When I go to the cinema with
my wife...

First, bad seats, people playing with
their phone,...

people talking... Because when the movie
starts, the concert starts too.

Anyway, I'll call my friend who
work in SABAM.

He's not a singer! Are you listening?

I got it! Let's say he looks like it.

I'll make an identikit.

I'm not bad, but I don't draw like Tin-tin.

Tin-tin is a character.

Just what I said. I don't
draw like Tin-tin.

- How did he look like?
- He was... small...

- The face! The shape of the face...
- Boney...

Long, greasy hair in the neck.
And a moustache.

With a big nose!

A big conk! And he smelled booze!
You could smell it in the whole cinema.

Where do I find a Mercedes coupe?

Yeah, I know it's a best
seller in Africa.

It's excessively annoying, your last
minute orders!

Stef, I'm on the phone!

My BMW is ready? What? Because
I'm always good to do you a favour.

Damn, check that!

Fuck! Goddammit!

- JC, look!
- Damn! What a wad of bills!

Move, asshole!

Yeah, it's me. Greg!
Damn, I got a big problem!

- You are not dead, it's the most important.
- My mobile has been stolen.

And your SIM card? You have
to cancel it?

It's impossible! It's something I found
on a website. Not to pay.

Please, Fabienne, come pick me up!

You're on your own. Take the bus!

This is a phone booth, for your information!
You don't have a mobile?

- Two seconds.
- Wanker!

Thirty seconds is it possible?

No, a huge dick.
Well, you understood?

- I really need you to pick me up!
- Where are you?

You are on Poulertte Place,
not on the Croisette!

I'll hang up. The guy's face is
slightly red.

I'll hit him with a Japanese forearm
blow in his face!

Bye.

Chef! Whether you come out or I
get you out! You have to decide.

- Come on, Come on!
- Get out or I get you out.

Chef! You're pissing me off, brat!

You wanna fuck with me, boy?

I fuck you, brat! Dickhead!

Your glasses, tosser! Maybe you'll
see things more clearly next time!

Mum, Claudy speaking.

I have been "carjacked".

I have been "carjacked". The car
has been stolen.

No, I could do nothing, I tried to run
after but what

do you wanna do? No.

With my leather jacket inside.
With the 70,000 bucks in...

No, I am really sickened! No...

Your glasses, mum?
No, in the glove compartment, uh!

The glove compartment remained in the car.
No...

Say, can you come where... we
use to play snooker with dad?

Go to the cafe with a
big 'Duvel' sign!

Right now, quickly, because...

I wanna leave this city! It's driving
me crazy! All this violence!

Really nice, your office!

For God's sake!

Good morning, madam.

What a heat, huh?

I'm wet.

I have the head in the asshole...
But it's gonna be fine, huh?

I woke up late too.

Sometimes we need to ease off on the pressure.

We can't always live like a
saucepan on the stove.

Say, Stef ... I have a small question.

It's about my niece, Natacha.

Currently it's not going well.

A small post-adolescence crisis.

You know whom I'm talking about?

A cutie who is always walking around,
looking for her panties.

Never met.

You want a drink?

We don't have to be formal?
Would you like something to drink?

Yeah, I'd like to.

Alcohol? Soft?

If you have a small can.
A Vedett would be great

Soft is not your thing, huh?

Not really, no...

What is this thing?

No, Aziz. Watch it! Scratches everywhere!

Put yourself in my place! Who would buy that?
A curly-haired like you?

Okay, 50 for two.

- Take it or leave it.
- You still have croco jacket?

Croco is not trendy anymore.
Snake is trendy.

But not as much as the leather.
Want a leather jacket?

Move. Hey, Marco?

When you're done, gimme the jacket
on the back seat.

Take the jacket on the back seat.

Don't hurry up, y'know.

You got highlights?

- It's a failure.
- It's really read though.

I think I'll cut.
But the other likes long hair.

I leave you. You can get by with
your cowhide.

Look that, brat. A nice leather jacket.

- You sure it's fashion? You have more like that?
- It's not H&M in here, Aziz.

You also want a fitting room?

It's too big. You're trying to trick me?

- What did you say?
- No, that came naturally...

- I knew it.
- Excuse me.

- No, it's not too big!
- I look good?

It's the new trend, Aziz.
All the girls are gonna succumb to your charm.

Damn, man, your jacket smells like shit!

- It's the leather.
- On my mother's head. It smells like a pig.

Clean it, what do you want me to say!

Okay! The 2 mobiles for the jacket.
Agreed?

- You want a Playstation?
- I have one.

I want that bike.

It should cost 400, but I
let him to you for 350.

It's an Eddy Merckx.
It's not a shitty one.

- For real?
- Of course.

Hey, viking! I'll pay you tomorrow!
See you, JC.

Say, you know that there's a chick
with cocker-eyes in your trunk?

- For the car? Can you pay me now?
- Okay. But you take your spare wheel.

Hi, I'm JC.

You OK?

I didn't know you were driving
in a Kinder!

Can I have two beers?

Oh! Don't drink everything, fatty!

Look his damn face!

He looks like his father, he's ugly.

We tried to place him but it didn't work.
The beers!

It's like junk mail, it's always coming back.
I can't get him put down.

Sorry, I had not seen you.

Gimme a beer too, please.

I'm dying of thirst.

And a cool one, if you have that!

- The same one?
- Yeah, the same one!

And gimme another glass.

This one tastes like soap.

I like foam, but
you should not exaggerate!

You think everyone's retarded?

Bring me its little sister.

- The same, so?
- I answered. The little sister.

Sure it's right on it? Sorry.

- I'll go.
- No. Stay.

Hopefully, my mouth wasn't open.

Is it the break or what?

You have the ice cubes! There's no more in the fridge.
What happened here?

I'm not talking to you.
Go play with your mower, you idiot!

Give me the ice!

Would you calm down? This guy did nothing.

You talkin' to me?

When you need money for shopping it's alright, uh?

- Go away!
- I'm gone!

No one ever taught you to eat with
your mouth closed?

I'm talking to you!

I'm like next to a working garbage truck!

Bitch.

It's excessively annoying to hear
someone eat chips for those who do not!

Understood?! Minimum education, uh?

A passage in the slaughter house and it's
gonna be quick.

Small cock...

With his big toy.

A small dick, like Baudouin.

I brought this.
There are a lot more.

Thank you. Very nice of you.
I was about to get out.

Coming, my little Dim.

Fuck!

Filthy sow!

Hey, Mom! Mom!

Goddamn it, always the same thing!

You don't kiss your mother?

I can't anymore, Mom ... It was crazy.

It took a second!

I'm only realising now what happened.

I couldn't do a thing!
I was despondent.

I don't have the words.

I can not... I'm worn out.

I want to go home, with my old slippers
and take some rest.

Don't look at me. I don't wanna explain the story
because I can't.

What a story. Alcoholism is really
the scourge of the century.

But the worst is that he was never
drunk. Never!

Me, 2 drinks and I kiss everyone.

It's not working with Baudouin for now.

- I can see that.
- What? That?

No, this is your wife.

Excuse me.

I have heard that she's...

not really your wife anymore.

She'll come back.

When she'll need money.

If it can help, Baudouin also
had an affair with an Asian chick.

But now... it's the past.

When she'll be back. Ask her for a test.

I'll use condoms.

I don't understand. She has everything.

We go 3 times per year on holiday,
we go to cinema...

Note that the cinema is to see people...

Because I have a Home Cinema.

More than 300 DVDs.

Soon 800, thanks to the Internet.

I like Cinema.
You have to go to cinema.

We go to cinema.

Say, it's not my business...

but be careful with alcohol.

You drink like a fish!

Six months ago I saw an advertisement.

It said : "Urgent.

Professional Photographer looking
for young girls."

So I met him and I asked if it was porn.

He : "No, no nudity.
it's art."

And he looked nice.

But I had to go to his home.

Can you wear that, please?

Claudy! Come quickly, I was looking
for you.

No, I'm shooting now.
With my model.

With who? Natacha?
Again that little whore!

Don't judge her. You don't even know her
and you judge her.

Balls or chips for dinner?

Or croquette. I'm busy, mom.
It doesn't matter.

- Is that not somewhat vulgar?
- Vulgar?

- You think it's vulgar?
- Yes.

There's something I don't understand.

I'll tell you something. The artistic part, it's me.
So, it's not your business.

If I ask to wear these shoes, there's a reason.

I work in black and white.
I must emphasise the colours.

Or it'll be dull. You don't know that.

It's not your job.

Take off your panties too.

Why, no?

But what the fuck are you doing here?

You come to a charming photo shoot
and you don't want to undress?

I didn't force you to come!

You chose to come. And now you pretend
you're ingenuous?

If it's like that, it's over.

Don't play with my balls!

- You're strained like a cramp.
- No, I'm not strained.

Yes, you are. If I tell you
you're strained, you are.

Don't say you're not then.

You just have to tell me : "Yes, Claudy,
I am strained. I am not at my ease."

You must let you come to me.

And I'll get you. Don't worry.

Why you only photograph naked
teenagers?

What's the matter? What
did you just say? Repeat!

Are you naked?

You try to make look live a pervert.

Don't mess with me! My work is
a pain in the ass.

This is for my pleasure, you understand?

I don't need that to make a living.

I have enough money. Everything is good.

Maybe it's your problem.

You are here for the bees and honey.

Maybe that's why you're stressed.

Badly fucked cunt.

Bend over now.

It's not hard, uh?

Yes, a little bit more.

I didn't ask the impossible.
Take off your panties.

Your panties.

You need a hand?

See? Spread your legs, now.

More. A bit more.

That's too much. Stay like that.

Don't move.

You OK?

Pretend you're in love with me.

More... A bit more...

A lil bit more. That's it.

Now I'll take the picture.

Don't move. I'll get the pony.

You are not easily scared.
What a story!

He is just too horny.

And it's not my fault
if that dick fell in love with me.

That's it.

If you need help...

you can always call me.

Thanks for everything.

Goodbye.

This chick knows how to
thank people.

I'll also take two apple pies.

- That?
- That there.

- These triangles.
- The samosa's.

Excuse me. I was wondering...

do you sell...

What's the name again?

... dope?

Five hundred.

Thank you.

- Everything good?
- Yes, and you?

I wanted to ask you something.

A friend of mine is going to
live to my place for a moment.

Because she has an affair of the heart.

I wanted to warn you that we
might be somewhat noisy.

Because she's wild?
Something like a tigress?

Whip, leather, latex, self propelled dildo?

I won't borrow you my King Kong, girls.

Don't worry. It's more like...

water bottle in the bag...

teacher...

And how is Eveline?

She's sulking. She's in her sulk corner.

Because I smell alcohol when I
come back from work.

And cigarette.

"I have the feeling to lick an ashtray."

35 years and I have to hide to smoke.

And with her cocaine,
it's better?

I am cop, shit!

It's a topsy-turvy world. He wants to find
me a chick and he's fucking her.

Hey, D! Your pal is here.

- You are here?
- Yes, I am here.

Sorry, I had a setback.

I see.

- Say hello, Sabine.
- Hello, Sabine.

Wait for me in the restaurant.
Come on, my little cat.

You wanna play?
Where is the ball?

The ball is waiting for you... like me.

And now you wait for me, because I'm
beating the Brazil, see?

I'm not bothering you?

You're not cold? I'm freezing!

- You were quick. You came with a car?
- Yes. A douche's car.

There's four alarms on the key
to open it.

And it never stop talking. "Take that way.
Not this one."

But it's hard to find the reverse.

I can't believe he lend you his car.

I didn't ask.

Also, you should have seen how he
was.

"Nadine, I love you!
I promise. I won't go out anymore!"

"I'll quit drinking. I'm sorry."

Words, words...

He'll be mad.

What do you have in your bag?

Your attention : Room 1
your two favourite German bitches...

Greta and Cynthia...

accompanied by their shepherd... also
German!

Room 2. Jong meisje op zwart
long tisjen!

Is it rush hour or what?

Goddamn, look that cabin!

- Hey, you!
- Me?

You're doing nothing. Come here
with your mop.

I will give you work.

Did you see this cabin?
You think it's clean?

Do you think it's clean?

I'd like to feel comfortable in here.
I don't want to break a leg.

It's a real skating rink. Hurry up!
I have something else to do.

The cards... The cards!

Yes, excuse me.

That is 300.

With this one lubricant is needed.

Is that you, sir?

I'm not Arthur, but you can thank him.

Here, my treat.

I'm surprised I couldn't jizz with 50 euro.

Let's hope it will stick.

Hello, mister and misses.

Can I have change, please?

Coins for the parking meter.

She wasn't hot the girl in the microwave?

She was.

But romanticism was missing.

You don't have much time left
to find the woman of my life.

Because your promises...

Here is just to shoot your load.

Not a take away.

And listen, I kept an eye on you
inside.

It was a test. Now I'll get
the perfect match.

And forget that peepshow, goddammit!

In the food processing industry,
hygiene is no joke.

I mean the fines are
draconian.

So a worker has to have
full equipment

a small example will say more
than words.

Yesterday I came in the cutting room,...
2 times a day, always unexpected...

And Giovanni had not his hat on.

I fired him right away.

No need to talk like "yeah, but no,
I was looking for my keys." Not with me!

There is never anything on the fucking TV!

Baudouin, you will not believe me!
The bastard has already replaced her!

- Who you talkin about, bird?
- About Dimitri!

He has already replaced his wife!
And the new one is fit like a gymnast.

He is not gonna stay single
all his life, this jerk!

She'll empty his balls!

Baudouin, you are so classy.

I can't believe he's fucking
a random whore.

Wait!

He's spitting on her!

What violence!

But that madman is pulling her hair!

- Pull it, yeah.
- I'll never talk to him.

I knew it. It's the alcohol.

- The alcohol, Baudouin.
- You don't know what alcohol is, you?

He dropped her from the balcony.

She must be unconscious.

Damn, almost goal!

I am sure he beat her up as revenge
for Nadine.

- No one here?
- There is someone!

Mich! This guy took your seat.

There's no enough seats in here?
You had to pick mine!

There's another one here, and here.

You'll give back mine!
You should avoid...

I should avoid filthy racists like you!

- Say it again.
- Stop with your seat.

I didn't understand.
What's the matter, minger?

New year eve's head-butt wasn't enough?
Same price for the second one!

And a Duvel, please.

Say, joker?

You want a beer?

Your stupid husband is always
barking like a dachshund?

Take that in your face, Dikkenek!

Enjoy! My treat. Cheers.

- Nice song. What is it?
- That is Ghinzu.

- It's English.
- Heard it. Turn up the volume.

- The same?
- Yes, the same!

Your friend's gonna have fun!
He'll beat the shit out of him!

I know everybody doesn't like me.

But I wonder if I really care.

What now? Still sulking?

It's never right anyway.

Everytime I shoot, she's sulking.

It's not jealousy, but
it looks like it.

I won't stay there forever. Look that!

Claudy! This thing doesn't work!

Lose 20 Kg, you'll be able to climb it.

Claudy! Did you hear me?

I'm coming, dammit!

It's driving me crazy.

I told 20 times to turn on the engine.

There you go.

You know what time it is?

In two words, I am a photographer...

and I'm looking for models.

My number. If it interests you...

I'm interested.

Tiny ass. Well, that Flemings...

For once a hot Fleming!

They are so prude!

Well, well... let's see.

There are quite a few ads : "Roommate"

"babysitting", "room".

It looks better now.

I hope the fish'll take the bait.

- Miss?
- Is it well paid your stuff?

- Is it well paid?
- That depends on you, honey.

What does it mean a book on
the bound between animals and women?

It's exactly what it means.
It explains the bound...

between a woman and an animal.

It's not sexual photos?

Listen, if it interests you,
here is my number.

Otherwise, see ya next weekend!
What do you want?

Is it possible... for me?

Everything is possible. Everything is negotiable.
There is no price tag attached.

Are you shaved or not?
Have you friends or not?

They didn't miss you there!
Was it a horse or a sow?

You saw your face?

We can make a book on Halloween, if you want.

Dirty bastard!

Fix your face! Alien!

Lucky she left. She'd have got a stapler
shot in the mug.

My husband is used to this kind of story.

We already have something like that
in Palma de Mallorca.

I like Palma. I like Portugal.

That time was for a sun-bed.

But here he's been bleed dry like a pig.

And he has not begun, but the other.

I swear on my twins' life!

Hopefully my husband
was not armed.

Let's make an identikit.
And we'll start a search operation.

In short, the conventional procedure.

How did he look like?

Brown!

- Brown... dark?
- Yes, dark!

Dark brown? Say it directly.

- Well tanned.
- What a coincidence, huh?

I said nothing!

Damn. What now?

Is it the batteries?
You let the lights on?

I'm not that stupid to turn
on the lights by day.

I'll check.

It must be the engine.
Damn!

- The engine is not in the front?
- Of course not!

In sport cars, the engine is always in the back.

However, for this model it's perhaps
in the front.

So?

You will not believe me, but there is
no motor there.

I call a guy?

Fucking phone! Goddammit!

- JC?
- It's you!

- Not busy?
- It's crazy, I was just thinking of you.

Say...

You know mechanics and engines?

I can disassemble and assemble an engine
eyes closed.

And do the upkeep at the same time.

In any case, car is not your stuff, baby.

No... not really.

And... what are you doing this afternoon?

I got it. Someone already got me like that.

For a move.

Well, I'll be nice.
Where are you?

In Chasse Pierre.

Your job is not too hard?

If you wanna grab balls, you can
go to Rolland Garros. I know the big boss.

I must throw them back. Else
I can't mow.

Yeah... I'm reading a book on dismissal.

I'm only in Chapter 2
and I understood the whole thing.

The writer is Jean-Marie Messier.

He's stupid!
Really stupid!

Stop. You know what? You fucking suck.

You're fired.

Born idiot, and you'll die idiot!

You're pissing me off! Slackers!
Go away!

Wait, you forgot your shit!

Don't forget anything, jerk!

Move! I don't want to see you anymore.

Fucking loser. Fucking shitty asshole!

- Nadine.
- Jean-Claude. Nice to meet you.

- We can't find the engine.
- The engine. Right, yes.

Don't worry, I'm an expert.

What does your husband for a living?

You must be rich to buy that.

Usually it's here.

Maybe in the glove box.

Hot, huh?

And mosquitoes!

Where is Natacha?

What's up?

We can't find the engine.

You're not topless?

Wanna join us?

Don't be shy.

Who is the master?

Come on, pig!

My turn!

I've never done that before.

Don't touch my arm, because it hurts
with the sunburn.

Damn! I forgot!
My aunt is here!

Do something! You need to move!

If she sees you, you're dead. Then me and
her after.

No, no, no! She is here!

It's me!

Three hours on the motorway
for 10 km.

Because a camper van crashed in
front of us.

Nothing left. All dead. A real BBQ!

Sir! You need a mattress?

- Can we play this game?
- Stop. He could hurt himself.

He looks tough.
How long this jerk can last?

It smells workout centre. You need air.

I will.

One of these, I'll send you my Polish.

Wait, sweetie.

- You didn't drink them all?
- I don't swallow that.

That hurts, huh?

You know those weird girls there?

They are always together. Certainly lezzas.

We should take pillows.

Take the pouffe. Not the ugly green!

The one from Sahel... Israel. It's the same.

- The one you stole?
- The one YOU stole.

Every time I come here, they are there.
And always drinking white wine.

I can't handle lesbians.

Just to see them, that really bugs me.

They can do what they want in their home, no?

Wait! There's a naked guy!

He's looking for his underwear, like you.

- Nice!
- Sorry. I forgot my underwear.

Wait. Did we forget your birthday?

I'm a little scatterbrained lately.

Always pressure pressure pressure, thousand
things to do.

It's next month.

Great. We won't forget it like that!

Look that!

I already told you about Natacha's
friend?

She left her husband.

Come on, get up. Get up!

You need to move.
With your hangdog expression!

You should stop being a victim
all the time.

The sun rises with or without you!

And if you don't get up, it doesn't care.
No one cares!

Ok. I get up.

And take off that ugly underwear!

Don't think I'm a fool, Stef.

I'm no social assistant!

- Hi, ma'am. Can I sit?
- Sure.

I come for my note for the school.

Because, I've supposedly stolen a turn table the other day.

Right, yes! You are a bloody crook.

But you look honest, I like your mug.
I'll write your note.

But just today!

So, "I, the undersigned...

'I' with 'e',
feminine and plural...

If you go to school, you'd
know.

"Ie, the undersigned, Captain
Laurence Cochet...

declare on my honor...

... to have interrogated..."

Nice, uh?

"Mr Aziz Alami, the..."

When was that?

The 12th, I knew it. At 12 past 12, ah!

Thus it rhymes. Etcetera, etcetera!

We'll make it very formal.

Iglesias' son and a punk outside.
I don't know what to do.

- It's good. It's my mates.
- You have many friends!

You always need your gang?
You can't come alone sometimes?

He's an ass, but I like him.
Move.

- You look nice. What's going on?
- I met a girl.

Good. What's her name?

Fabienne. And she has a damn villa!

- You like her for the villa or what?
- Both.

But you give her gifts
and stuff?

- Dunno.
- You need to make her dream.

Give her pebbles gift, add a heart on it
and she is happy!

She'll think it's coming from the heart!

- She will believe me?
- Yes. You need to lie with women.

You gotta be nice,...

How long are you gonna stay here?

- You want a coffee?
- You don't have work?

Sure I want coffee!

Black... black. Of course it is not yellow!

- Can I have a coffee too?
- Hey! Oh!

Thanks, ma'am.

Don't come back too soon.

I like that brat.

Hello? Yes. With whom I have the honor?

Mrs Michiels? You should tell your name
because...

You are not my only client,
if I may express myself like that.

And a small customer.

You know, it's 15 to 6
everywhere in Belgium and...

we would like a piece of
weekend too.

If you had call 10 minutes earlier,
I could have done something.

Now the machines are cleaned...

and most of the staff
is gone.

To be honest, we are drinking a bevy.

Yes. One second.

Ludo, what do we have left?
Alive, I mean.

That little sick from this morning,
you still have it?

Mrs. Michiels, we'll do it this way :

I'll give you a dead and a living beasts.

I'll slaughter the living one on site.

and the dead is charged.

I'll wear civvies, so I do not load off!

And such a beast weighs 40 kg, so
do not come with a wimp.

Ok, Mrs. Michiels.

She's a fucking posh slut.

Some people think the whole world
turn around them.

But she will pay.

Because I don't charge VAT, but
it's included in the price.

Silly me! I send you a text
and you are next to me!

You're stupid? My mobile has been stolen!

Don't care. I don't need it.

Too many calls.
I had no private life anymore.

Think you're the only one
on the road, asshole?

Calm down! This guy can't jump
the car in front of him.

Shut up, will you? You know I don't
like you speak while I'm driving.

Move! I'm the king of the road.

Ready for your spanking, Stef?

You have your cup?
I shoot cannonball, dude!

Okay? Here it comes!

Fuck off!

That was an easy ball.

Not again that mobile phone!

First the yokel in the cinema.

Not in a gym! Turn that off,
you know it makes me aggressive!

A girl named Fabienne invites me to
the Zoute for her birthday.

I had completely forgotten, that cunt,
Fabienne.

We're gonna listen supermarket music,
remixed by huge faggots.

You don't wanna ask to your girl

to come with her friend? Nadine.

Listen, Stef. I'll do you a favor.

We'll go to the beach.

But first, I'll give you an advanced
dating lesson. Listen carefully!

From A to the G spot.

Don't try to be original.
Your face is more than enough.

Don't overdo it.
So listen up.

A : Be yourself!

Two: When you talk to her...

avoid to negotiate with her tits.

Three : It's a thing I tried.

- This is called "fall in the sus".
- What?

- Fall in the sus.
- Sus?

You pretend to have a malaise.

"You fall in the apples", in French.

Anyway, your head is only
a meter above the ground.

Your don't risk to suffer.

Okay, listen. If you can stop this one.

- What?
- You can do her.

That would surprise me. I am
in shape!

- Take care of this twat.
- Nice car.

Sports. Always hard to get out.

- Have you an ID, young man?
- Yes. Gimme a minute.

I know you! The interrogation...

No, I see a thousand like you everyday
so we don't know each other.

So you give me car's registration,
driver license,

insurance, tutti quanti.

- Never thought I had so much beers.
- Sir!

Hold your horses! Almost done!

Calm down! I'm badly parked?

Do you know how fast you drove?

No. But I never watch the speedometer.
200?

Probably 200.

That's it. And you'll pay 200.000 bucks.

What is it?

- Speeding.
- Go back inside.

Speeding?

Can I ask you where? Because
I always pay attention.

I keep an eye on you. Speeding? A mobile
speed camera?

- Fixed.
- A fixed?

A fixed speed camera?

I know that you are on bridges and all,
but at some point you, I can't see you.

If I see you, I immediately put on
my brakes. My neurons work.

I don't care. I know high places people.

Good for you.

How old are you?

Day D-1, but I bought... jut got my driver
license.

Then you'll practise now.

You'll drive. And Mr is gonna sit in
the dead seat.

- No, women behind a wheel...
- Shut up! Follow me to the police station.

Very good.

Better a good agreement than a bad
trial, as they say.

Indeed.

But get fleeced by a fuzz,
that's something else.

Thanks.

a bourgeois is like a pig.
The older...

Get your paws off of my seat, you!

Where should I park here?

I'll park here and block everything.

I'll move only if I want to.

Goddammit! You see where the dosh goes.

That is not a residence,
just a holiday centre.

Godammit...

Like in the movies.

You don't see me? Don't see me?

You're sulking?

Don't. If they're not 200,
you go back with me.

You're an extra.

As a precaution. For professionalism.

We are fat professionals. That's it
Come, come.

Don't do that. We have no style.

Come. Come, come now ...

There's no "Oink! Oink!". It's like that.

I'm still the boss.

Stay with me. I don't know where we have to go.

Goal!

Stay there, you!

Dirty snot monkeys!

Go back in your caravan,
dirty gypsy.

Who's the beach's king, huh?

In your face, bastard!

What a cute pig! It's a real one?

No, an electrical one.
Claudy Focan, pleased.

- Slaughterhouse of Anderlecht's Director.
- Fabienne Michiels.

I've been lost for 2 hours in this hood.

Your mom or your grandmother told me...

To come to a white house with a red roof.
But there's nothing else here.

- Is it a council estate?
- No.

I parked in front and watched the house.

Gray with a black roof. Repainted
last night maybe?

Say, Nat, JC and you,
it's serious?

I mean... are you in love?

What you actually see in him?
He is not a playboy.

He is unpredictable, shy...

very sensitive. I know, you can't see
it, but ...

He still has a big mouth.

What's his job?
I don't understand.

He always has a lot of money,
and he doesn't work.

- Don't tell me he's a thief.
- No.

He takes the money where there is some.

Not just the money.
These bikes, for example.

Don't tell those are rented.

Not rented, but stolen, yes!

If you rent a bike, there is always
a yellow label

with a brand like "Ren? renting"
or "Carlos verhuur".

Nothing more than Eddy Merckx on!

Cheers! And relax now.

It's the only thing I do.

- What do you think about Stef?
- No more foursome, OK?

Nadine, I am talking about Stef and you.

He is sweet, but he is
not my type.

Nice pool. Should have taken my
swimsuit.

- Your friend combed with a planer?
- How is it?

Easy.

Hello! I wanna blow you.
This way.

Goddamn! What a waste!

And this guy put his paws on this ass.
I'm sick of it.

Very nice body. Show me.

Curious to see what's under the panties.

Money has been made to see things.

Think about it. I'm not left yet.

Not now, Greg! I have things to do!

I've also things to do.
And it is just a birthday.

Can you help him with the pig?

- What pig?
- The pig! Move!

- You'll take the pig?
- It seems.

You are thick like a brake cable.
The pig is heavier than you.

Where is the pig?

In the silica, in my car.
Yellow Silica.

On the left. The pig is in the trunk.

Thanks, chef.

I ordered a beer, not a Mozart.
That's only 10 cl.

Goddamn!

Damn, my mom will kill me!

Where do I put the pig?

Nadine is really cute.

I like her smell.

She smells a bit like a baby's neck.

I am a little stressed
for tonight.

Stop with your chemist's reasoning. You know
7 points like the back of your hand.

No, but seriously...

I can not...

Although, I don't know if it's gonna work...

I'm joking!

So you're Fabienne?

And it's your birthday?

Happy birthday, then.

- You should eat asparagus.
- Yeah?

You're stupid or what?

Sorry, but I don't like when
we touch my breasts.

It's just breasts!

Damn, I'm gush bleeding!

I am sick of it!

'Night. What do you do
up there?

I take a picture of the eclipse.
Apparently, we can see the stars.

I'll let you know that the moon
is behind you.

What aggressiveness, say!
Calm down, I did nothing wrong.

- I'm cool, brat.
- There was no touching.

What are you waiting for?

An other hick can get her.
We don't have the whole night.

If you want to reach the G spot,
you'll have to soak your swimsuit.

What do you think about Stef?

He's not my type.

Looks like he always has the flu.

If he talks, you hear only
the consonants.

Go!

I have to tell him everything!

Bottom's up!

I've never seen him without
a glass in his hand.

How is it?

Come here, you.

What is your name?
You know, you're hot, you.

Well, I'll find my...

man, who's flirting with a whore.

Stop it! What are you doing?

Ever seen you when you're drunk?

Beware, you'll fall in the water.

Damn! He did it!

What is he doing at the bottom of the pool?

What is she waiting?
Dive now!

I don't know him...

- Here it is.
- Is this your school?

See you then.

I had a very good night.

You don't want to kiss me?

What?

I wanted to know if you'd like to
kiss me, because...

because I really want to kiss you.

Me too.

Call me.

Listen, you've been assaulted
15 times in three weeks.

By a psychopath,
rich kids...

In short, a real national
relentlessness!

According to me, it's the moment
to reassess yourself.

Because everyone agree to say...

that's a little bit your fault.

So I'll give you a friend's
contact details.

He's psychologist. That is not a swear word.

I think he can help you.

His name is Dimitri. Winners.
Not like you.

I want my mommy!

Does anyone know what a scourge is?

No raised hands?

Does anyone notice something ?

Nobody?

Last week...

Everyone remembers
the museum tour.

In the road accident's museum.

Well, I want...

from the bottom of my heart...

Apologise.

Honestly!

Kids...

tell you how much...

I love you!

Because I...

I was not in my...

Let's say... normal.

I know it...

must have been terrible.

Especially for you, Candy...

Charlotte!

Because of that!

The dope!

Dope...

is a scourge!

I've never felt something so intense.

While we were making love, she was staring
at me with her large Labrador eyes.

I know! You can't teach an old
dog new tricks.

I think she's never been
fucked like that.

I'm not boasting about that.
She cried afterwards.

This is a classic, man!

After all the drug problems she lived...

and those threesomes.

You mean ... the gang-bang?

I am proud of you, Stef. Right
to the G spot.

- Don't forget to thank me!
- Thanks, JC!

You're welcome, mate.

Good.

You can buy a dog now.

I've spotted a house in the countryside.

You need nobody to move, uh?

You don't want children?

You want to eat rabbit tonight?

- Rabbit? It's so good!
- Yes, with carrots!

The problem is that we never
find the courage to kill them.

Say, JC, can you do it?

Sure. Just have to ask. My pleasure.
I don't have my cutter but it's fine.

I will skin the rabbit, but not the carrots.

The most important...

is to hit it hard on the head.

Without hesitation! Like that!

After you have to take off his pyjama...

and I can even make a hood
for your girl.

Sensitive souls, close your
eyes now.

Goodbye, rabbit!

It's not classy to let you
travel in my trunk.

If I was Robbie Williams,
I'd do it differently.

Believe me or not... Vanessa.