Def Comedy Jam 25 (2017) - full transcript

[hip-hop music playing]

[narrator] The '80s and '90s

were a storm of politics,

pop culture, sports,

and a new, groundbreaking genre of music

called hip-hop.

Hip-hop was the sounding board,

revealing the hard-hitting issues

that faced black America.

Steve Young reports

on a new kind of cocaine, called crack.

[reporter] Health officials said

there has been a dramatic rise in AIDS

in the black and Hispanic communities.

Young America...

hold your head high now.

We can win.

[narrator] In a time desperately in need

of comic relief,

stand-up comedy exploded.

But many underground black comedians

had yet to make the same breakthrough

as hip-hop musicians.

Noticing a void,

Russell Simmons partnered

with comedy director Stan Lathan,

and together, they built a team

to discover and develop new

and edgy comedic voices

that harnessed the same raw energy

of hip-hop.

Then on July 1, 1992,

Def Comedy Jam hit the airwaves.

[Kid Capri] Tonight, Def Comedy Jam 25.

Starring Bill Bellamy,

Cedric the Entertainer,

Deon Cole, Dave Chappelle,

Melanie Comarcho,

Mike Epps, Adele Givens, Eddie Griffin,

Tiffany Haddish, Kevin Hart, Steve Harvey,

D.L. Hughley, Ice Cube, Martin Lawrence,

Tracy Morgan, Trevor Noah, Craig Robinson,

Chris Rock, Tony Rock,

JB Smoove, Joe Torry,

Sheryl Underwood

and Katt Williams.

Welcome to the stage, Steve Harvey,

Sheryl Underwood,

Cedric the Entertainer

and Dave Chappelle!

Yeah!

Get up on your motherfucking feet!

- Yeah! Yes!

- What up?

- Yes!

- This room is legendary already, man.

- Already!

- Oh, it's crazy out there, man.

All right, everybody, sit down

and get ready

for some public school reading.

[laughing]

Def Comedy Jam 25.

It's good to see so many funny people

together in one room,

all wondering the same thing:

Is Katt Williams gonna show up?

[Sheryl] Yes!

Yes!

Oh, he's right there.

There he is.

I didn't know he was right there.

I would not have said that

if I'd seen you right there.

[Sheryl] Yeah!

I'm not used to quiet,

introspective Katt Williams.

No.

[Steve]

But let me ask you this:

When have you ever seen

this many heavy hitters

all together at the same time

in the same room?

- Yes.

- Right.

And let me tell you something.

Y'all look good, too, man.

Yeah, you do. Y'all look good.

So, tonight, if nothing else,

black lifestyles matter.

- That's right!

- Nice.

Yeah.

And, Steve, we are here

to celebrate 25 years

of a comedy institution.

And I would like to announce

that I will be starring as Tracy Morgan

in The Tracy Morgan Story.

I have the weight,

and if I just take off this wig,

you'll go,

"That bitch looks just like Tracy Morgan."

No, I was gonna do

The Cedric the Entertainer Story,

but I haven't lost enough weight

to be Cedric.

I did, motherfuckers. Shit.

From 1992 to 1997, Def Comedy Jam

was the watercooler show

that you had to see.

Def Jam was responsible

for more stolen cable

than any other television show.

That's right, that's right.

Real talk, real talk.

Oh, it's my turn.

I thought these motherfuckers

didn't think I could read.

Shit, I've been up here, too.

Now, for some of you millennials

who might be asking,

- "What the hell is Def Comedy Jam?"

- What?

That's why we hate

you little motherfuckers.

- Y'all don't know shit.

- That's right.

That's right. That's right.

We got emojis, too. How about this one?

No subject matter was off limits.

That's what a comic would feel

as he pushed the envelope.

Push the envelope? Shit.

We pushed, licked, stamped

and mailed that bitch!

- Should I have said that "motherfucker"?

- No, you got it.

- Should we have added more profanity?

- No, "mail that bitch" was good.

Pushed, licked, stamped,

sucked that motherfucker? Half off.

Rumble, young man! Rumble.

Do that shit.

Um...

I'm the host of Little Big Shots.

[Sheryl] Oh, damn. Oh, damn.

He went mainstream on us.

Y'all ain't gonna sit over here

and mess my money up. Unh-unh.

No, no.

Won't be having me out here

cussing and shit.

- Hi, CBS!

- I got plenty of checks coming in now.

Unh-unh.

- ABC, CBS.

- Cuss on your own...

You ain't gonna be on CBS. Yeah.

My ass is gonna have a job

when we get through with this here.

Sitting up here, MF-ing and all this here.

Shit, I'm nervous as hell right now.

Oh, man.

Y'all know how hard I've been trying

to get here.

25 years ago, Russell Simmons

and Stan Lathan had a vision

to bring urban comedy to the mainstream.

- Yes!

- Yeah.

- Because people like Shuckey Duckey...

- Quack, quack!

- And Hamburger...

- Hamburger!

Had something

that the world needed to hear.

What the fuck was it, Steve?

I'm just...

I don't know what the fuck

it could've been.

You don't have to comment on everything.

You said I was gonna be your hype man!

There's a teleprompter.

Some of this shit got to go.

I didn't mean to say that.

I didn't mean to say that.

Little Big Shots. Little Big Shots.

- Come on.

- It's my turn.

That's right.

[laughing]

The day after they signed the deal,

they officially explained to HBO

that "urban" meant "Negro."

What?!

And their vision of urban comedy was born,

and then chitlins fell from the sky.

High blood pressure!

The blackest thing they did was to hire

an Italian black guy from the Bronx.

- Fuhgeddaboudit!

- The legendary Kid Capri!

- You up here, Capri!

- Yeah! Kid Capri!

You couldn't come out on stage

unless Kid said your name.

- All right, wait, let me get serious.

- Get serious.

So, Russell Simmons and Stan Lathan

saw comedians like Robin Harris

at the Comedy Act Theater here in LA.

- Yes.

- Yeah, man.

And then there was the whole

Uptown Comedy Club circuit in Harlem.

And they realized

there was nothing like that on television.

It was like early hip-hop.

It was like a secret

that only black people knew about.

Then Russell and Stan,

they added a major Hollywood manager:

Sandy Wernick. Sandy, what up, man?

- [Dave] Sandy Wernick in the building.

- Oh, yeah.

They had to go enlist this man,

because they both looked around

and they was like, "We're trying

to get this on TV, but we're black."

We're gonna need a Jewish guy."

[Steve] Yeah.

And they enlisted a man

with an incredible eye for talent:

- Eye!

- Bob Sumner, man!

[Cedric] Bob Sumner.

Shout out Bob Sumner, man.

Bob went around...

Wait. I would be remiss

if I didn't point out

that Bob passed on me

the first three times he saw me.

- [Sheryl] Wait a minute, Ced.

- That's right, Bob.

- Wait a minute. He passed on me, too.

- No!

- That's what I'm trying to say.

- He passed on me, too.

Bob would be like, "You know,

the third time I met Halle Berry",

I realized she was kind of cute."

On a serious note,

we owe a huge debt of gratitude

- to those men at that table right there.

- Absolutely.

A lot of stars were born

because of those men's vision right there.

[Sheryl] That's right.

I love you guys. Thank you so much

for what you did for us

and for our genre.

- Thank you, guys.

- Thank you very much. Thank y'all.

Let's get this show rolling,

ladies and gentlemen.

Right now, it is my pleasure

to bring to the stage

the one and only Tracy Morgan.

[Sheryl] Yeah! Yeah!

- [Cedric] You already out here.

- [Sheryl laughing]

Yo.

Yeah!

What up, what up, what up?!

Holler at me!

Oh, man.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Y'all know the journey I just came off,

and I miss y'all.

I miss y'all full hard, and I'm here,

and we're having a good time.

Wait a minute. Something's missing.

Something ain't right.

Something is missing.

We've been having all this,

but something's missing, boo.

Something ain't right.

Martin!

Martin Lawrence. 25 years ago...

Check this out. Bust it.

25 years ago, I was a young, hungry comic

trying to find my way in this game, man.

And dude came out of nowhere and said,

"Come eat at my table."

Just like you with your artists, Puff.

He did that with me. He's my OG.

He will always be my OG.

I love you. That ain't gonna never stop.

Word is born. Word is born.

Thank you!

Me and my family thank you

for giving me an opportunity, Martin.

I love you so much.

That's word life.

You know what I'm saying?

I seen him...

I was sitting right up there, I seen him.

Me and my brother Jim went to the show.

The first show I seen him, I looked at him

and something came over me.

I knew what I wanted to do 'cause of you,

with my life.

He was funny. He used to blow it up.

He used to fuck that audience up.

Yo, take a look at this shit right here.

- [crowd cheering]

- [hip-hop music playing]

[audience] Go, Martin! Go, Martin!

Go, Martin! Go, Martin!

Go, Martin! Go, Martin!

Do white stewardesses choose

who they want to say bye-bye to?

It could be like four white people,

and then you're the fifth.

And they go, "Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

All right, bye-bye, now. Bye-bye."

How you doin'?

That's a lot of hair weave, you know.

There's a bald horse in Central Park.

You ever bone a girl so good,

she looked back at your ass...

I mean, with confusion?

Like, "Who are you?"

You're hitting it, bam, bam.

She turns around like this.

Now...

is it me...

or is it hotter than a motherfucker

in here?

Is it? I guess it's me.

Let me wipe off.

Thank you!

[Kid Capri] Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome Martin Lawrence!

Man. How y'all doin'?

Wow, wow, wow. It's just...

Y'all looking good.

So many beautiful people here tonight.

[woman] Whoo!

Good, good. Back to you, baby. Ow!

Ugly people got it hard. Ugly people.

About 25 years ago,

Russell Simmons and Stan Lathan

hired a young, raw kid

who used to think he could be a boxer.

But I had to get out that game

after I kept getting my eyes swole.

But they asked me to become the host

of what would become the hottest

stand-up comedy show in history:

Def Comedy Jam.

So, I'm paying tribute to you guys

for what you've done for me

and all of us that's come out here

and did our thing on this stage.

I thank you, and I also thank all of you,

the audience, the fans,

that supported the show over the years

and helped us to last as long as we last.

So, I thank y'all so much. God bless.

I mean, it was amazing.

The music was hot, the audience.

It was kind of like a place

you wanted to be.

You had Showtime at the Apollo,

it was really good,

but there was something raw

about Def Comedy Jam.

It felt really New York.

That's the other thing

about the Def Jam.

You know,

everything on TV feels Hollywood.

Even Saturday Night Live

feels like Hollywood, you know?

"Live from New York,

we're in Hollywood!"

No. But there's something

about the Def Jam

that felt grimy and New York-ish.

Def Comedy Jam introduced comics

you would've never seen otherwise.

I mean, Bernie Mac's

like the Satchel Paige of stand-up.

You know what I mean?

He was killing it for years.

Nobody puts him on TV.

Def Comedy Jam puts him on TV,

and he's, you know,

a mega-star basically two years after.

Chris Tucker.

Sheryl Underwood:

The dirtiest comedian

that ever walked the earth.

I don't know if there's anybody I'd want

to follow less than Sheryl Underwood.

It's a toss-up between her and Bernie.

I remember getting an offer

to host Def Comedy Jam

after Martin left.

And I thought about it, I really did.

I really thought about it.

I watched some Def Comedy Jams...

And saw how good Martin was...

Again, before I made my decision.

I was like, "I'm not following this guy.

This guy is amazing."

Martin Lawrence is one

of the most underrated hosts.

I wish they'd let him host the Oscars

or something or the Emmys

or the Grammys or something.

He's such a good host.

I just want to say happy 25th anniversary

to the Def Comedy Jam,

one of the greatest comedy shows

of all time.

And I salute Martin Lawrence,

the greatest host of all time.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the stage

Miss Tiffany Haddish!

What up? She ready!

Okay, some of you sadiddy,

stuck-up folks out there better recognize.

Y'all know what Def Comedy Jam did

for us.

It gave us a platform.

It was an opportunity

for a completely uninhibited female comic

to say whatever she had to say

without giving a fuck, okay?

Let's be honest. That's where you want

uninhibited people to be:

On TV. Not at your job, okay?

Can you imagine me working

in the cubicle next to you every morning,

like, "She ready! Uhh!"

You trying to type up your monthly reports

in your cubicle,

and I'm flat-ironing my hair in mine.

Making a Worldstar video

in the break room.

Smelling up the whole office

warming up the catfish in the microwave.

You know, FaceTiming my mama,

talking about the dumb motherfuckers

I work with.

Ha ha!

Hitting on your son

when it's Bring Your Kids to Work Day.

Like, "Look at your son. He cute!"

You're gonna be fine when you grow up,

little boy.

"You like grown-ups?"

[laughing]

Sorry.

Or what about on Casual Friday,

I show up with no panties on and no bra,

like, "What's up, everybody?"

It's Casual Friday.

It's cold in here, huh?

"My nipples."

Y'all don't want to work with that shit.

Y'all don't want that at your job.

Y'all want that on Def Comedy Jam.

That's why I'm here to give

a respectful shout-out from...

For real, though,

I'm here to give a respectful shout-out

for letting a sister like me...

Somebody who used to sneak

into my friends' houses late at night...

'cause they had cable.

I didn't have that shit.

And I used to watch it and be like,

"I want to do that one day."

So, thank you, guys,

for giving me the opportunity

and letting me do it.

Thank you, Def Comedy Jam. Peace.

What's going on, everybody?

It's JB Smoove.

A physical comedian

is specifically a comic

who utilizes every inch of his body

to get a laugh.

Every damn inch.

And as you can see

from my long and lean frame,

I'm the perfect prototype

to do physical comedy. Come on.

Fucking bowling ball again.

[indistinct chatter]

Ahh.

Ohh!

Nigga... fshhhh!

Nigga...

[shouting]

[Kid Capri] Welcome to the stage,

my man, D.L. Hughley!

That's very nice.

When Def Comedy Jam was on

in the '90s,

it was the stuff that was going on

back then:

Police brutality, riots

and a strange election with

a crazy billionaire running for president.

Shit, that's now.

You knew damn well that the minute

a white woman blamed a black man

for kidnapping her kids,

somebody on Def Jam was gonna talk

about it.

Black men do not kidnap kids.

Some of us won't even see

them little motherfuckers, so...

The bottom line in the '90s:

Def Jam comedians

broke down the news

for people right before they went

to the club.

So we made sure they were informed

before they got to the club

and got pregnant.

Check this out.

[newscaster] The motorist, a black male,

brutally beaten and kicked

by Los Angeles police officers,

a beating that continued even as the man

appeared to offer no resistance.

Only white folks were shocked

when they saw that tape.

Police whupping black folks

in the black community ain't new shit.

When I saw that,

I thought it was a new Timex commercial.

I didn't know what the fuck it was.

But that's all right,

'cause the brother getting paid.

He's getting a million dollars

for every blow. $56 million.

[audience cheers and applauds]

I'm looking to get fucked up.

I'm doing 300 miles an hour

in a Volkswagen,

yelling out the window,

"Fuck the police!"

Fuck all you badge-carrying motherfuckers!

Come over here, whup my ass,

give me my cash!

[newscaster] The issue was not

whether Lorena Bobbit did

what her husband claimed she did.

The facts about the act were evident.

She cut his dick off...

[clicks tongue]

Drove down the highway...

[clicks tongue]

And threw it out the window.

Car 111, we want you to proceed down

on the freeway.

See if you can't locate a dick.

She obviously got 20/20 vision.

She found the little thing.

It was very difficult to find.

[newscaster]

The Los Angeles Police Department

is actively searching for Mr. Simpson.

You know who the real victim is? Ike.

Ike Turner.

'Cause Ike was king of the woman-beaters

till OJ took his title.

Don't nobody give a fuck about OJ

and all of that punk-ass shit.

Niggas just want to know:

When is the next riot?

Fuck that.

[woman] We, the jury, find the defendant,

Orenthal James Simpson,

not guilty of the crime of murder.

I want Johnnie Cochran in my corner.

He was like a magician.

He said, "If it don't fit, you must..."

[audience] Acquit.

"...acquit."

[cheers and applause]

I actually heard white people say

that they were so upset

and angry with the verdict

that they couldn't sleep.

Well, you know, black people

have had insomnia for 400 years.

Every prison is filled with niggas,

just overcrowded with niggas.

One motherfucker gets away: "Hey!"

We gotta take a look

at the justice system!

"It's not working!"

[Kid Capri] Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together

for Mr. Bill Bellamy!

What's up, everybody? How y'all feelin'?

Def Comedy Jam was ahead of its time.

We cracked jokes every Friday night

that were so damn hot,

you were telling them in church on Sunday,

and they were repeated that whole week.

We wasn't tweeting, wasn't retweeting.

We was just repeating.

[chuckles]

We didn't film the comic during the show.

We watched the show back in the day.

We didn't text the person across the room.

You got your ass up and went over there

and spoke to somebody.

We're talking old-school shit,

you feel me?

[chuckles]

If you asked somebody,

"Are you on the Vine yet?"

your answer would be, "No, bro,

I'm stuck in traffic like a motherfucker",

still on Sunset."

"Emoji" was just a lazy-ass,

country way to say "Emma Jean."

But back then, the thought of

a thousand niggas following you

would scare the fuck out of everybody

in this room.

But at the same time,

social media would've been the best thing

to ever happen for Def Jam.

Think about it.

We would've had all kinds of hashtags.

Think about that. They would've been

springing up all over the place.

I probably would've had

the most famous hashtag in the world.

None of y'all knew how to get booty

two in the morning till I came on.

You know what I'm saying?

[laughs]

If anybody in here back in the day needed

to call a chick up at two in the morning,

you made a what?

- [all] Booty call.

- Yes, you did.

Right now, we're gonna see

some more iconic moments

that were created

on that Def Comedy Jam stage,

and they definitely would've broke

the Internet. Check it out.

Now, are y'all ready...

for the next comedian?

[crowd] Yeah. Is he funny?

- What's up?

- How you doin'?

Watch out there, now!

If you know what I know,

all the ladies in the house say, "Hello!"

[crowd] Hello!

Hamburger!

Is that or is that not a booty call?

Can you help me?

She's such a fucking lady!

Pissed off, man!

He's so crazy.

Shuckey Duckey, quack, quack.

Along with Martin Lawrence,

there's one other person you associate

with Def Comedy Jam,

and that name is Adele Givens.

She's made more appearances

on Def Comedy Jam

than any other comedian.

So let's give her

a Def Comedy Jam intro.

Kid Capri, if you please.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the stage

the queen of Def Comedy Jam,

Miss Adele Givens!

What's up?

Damn!

Def Comedy Jam 25!

This is awesome!

And I know, when y'all looking at me,

I know exactly what you're thinking.

I know what you're thinking.

"She is such a fucking lady."

[cheers and applause]

I am so glad and honored

to be a part of this.

And this is what's making me feel so good,

that we look so good.

So many of my peers from 25 years ago,

we look so goddamn good.

And we're old-school now.

So, I know how the fuck we feel.

We're sleepy, ain't we, motherfucker?

Something about that old-school,

when you get in that double-E zone.

When I say "double-E,"

I mean shit that happened

with a double-E in it.

Like sometimes

you're walking down the street,

minding your business,

thinking you're cute,

and out of nowhere, your knees say,

"Hey, bitch, I'm gonna bend."

"I'm gonna take a knee right here, bitch."

That's the double-E zone.

'Cause you always got a double-E issue

with your body.

If it ain't your knee,

it's your teeth, ain't it?

How do your teeth get brand-new

in your 40s?

And why do dentists think

they're a fucking mechanic?

You know how you take your car

for one thing,

then they tell you

some other shit's going on?

That's how the dentists do.

I go there, I had a toothache.

This shit ain't even real.

It's a half a tooth in my head.

I come in there, I tell that bitch,

"My teeth hurt."

She said, "I'll have to get X-rays."

The tooth's over here.

This bitch was getting X-rays over here.

I said, "Hey, bitch,

why are you on this side?"

She said, "I think I see a cavity."

I said, "Well,

close your goddamn eyes, bitch",

"'cause that ain't your goddamn business

over there."

And what is it about the dentists,

they want to be a hero to your teeth?

You go in there

and your teeth kicking your ass.

It's like, "Hey,

this motherfucker killing me. Get it out."

This bitch said, "I can save the tooth."

"From who, bitch?

I'm the victim in this situation."

Pull the tooth, save the bitch.

That's my motto. I live by that.

I'm living that double-E life.

But I tell you what:

If it ain't your teeth

and if it ain't your knee,

another double-E we experience...

You laugh too hard and you pee.

Sometimes...

Don't be a little bitch.

Some of you got a wet right now.

Don't be no whole lot.

Just enough to make you smell

like R. Kelly's girlfriend.

Just a little sample.

[sniffs]

But I tell y'all what.

There's one double-E

we be looking for, don't we?

When you get old-school, it's a double-E

that you used to run from,

you used to hide from,

but now when you see that bitch,

you know you love it, don't you?

You know the double-E.

Sleep.

Oh, some of you motherfuckers want

to nap right now.

You ever take a nap that lasts so long,

you gotta get up and get ready for bed?

That ever happened to you?

You're like, "Oh, shit!"

It's almost my bedtime!

Why y'all ain't wake me up?

"Y'all know I don't like

to be late for bed."

But I gotta say this.

Some late nights was made special

and beautiful

from these three gentlemen right here.

I want to say,

from the bottom of my heart,

thank y'all,

'cause y'all made it possible

for the world to see

what a fucking lady looks like.

[cheers and applause]

Thank y'all.

I personally love to talk comedy.

Why? Because I'm a student of comedy.

You can't be a student of comedy

and not be a student of Def Comedy Jam.

I remember the first time

I got a chance to do Def Jam.

Should I curse? Should I not curse?

What should I talk about?

Should I make stuff up?

Do I have a high voice onstage,

or do I not have a high voice?

What should I sound like?

What do I do? Should I go out there

and be like, "Motherfuckers!"

Or should I be like, "Yeah, niggas!"

What do I say? I don't know.

But I was like,

"I don't talk like either one of those.

So why can't I just come out

and be myself and say, "What up?"

I remember I had

a lime-green linen shirt on,

some blue jeans and Air Force 1's.

This lime-green shirt

is gonna fucking kill 'em.

It's about to pop.

They're gonna see this shirt and go,

"Ooh, who's that?"

And I remember sitting on a stool

for the majority of my show

because I wanted to show

how comfortable I was

in a place where so many people

got nervous.

Because the bad thing about Def Jam:

If you didn't bring it,

they'd boo your ass up off that stage.

So, I reverse-mind-tricked them.

I'm not gonna stand up

and look like the small guy that's scared

and be all over the place.

I'm gonna sit down for a little bit

and hit you with some cocky, cool shit

and make you go, "Ooh."

And then I'm gonna get up and punch you

in the face with these jokes.

And that's what I did.

One of the best sets I ever had was

on Def Comedy Jam.

I'm now able to say,

as Kevin Hart, the comedian,

that I performed on Def Comedy Jam.

Coming to the stage right now,

the king of impressions,

my man, Steve Harvey!

Heh.

I ain't never did impressions, Kid.

I ain't never acted like nothin'.

You said...

I ain't never did impressions, dawg.

Shit. But after they see me

around all this cussing,

I'm gonna have act like

my ass got a game show after this.

I know they're gonna take me off TV,

so I might as well go out with a bang.

Fuck it. Yeah.

[laughs]

Let me tell you something.

There was one impression

that popped up all the time on Def Jam.

It was one of the most repeated

impressions ever

in the history of Def Jam,

and it came from the legend himself,

the King of Pop,

the one and only Michael Jackson.

- Michael Jackson.

- Michael Jackson! Whoo!

- The King of Pop.

- [imitating Michael Jackson]

Ohh!

Ohh!

Imagine if Michael Jackson

was from the projects.

[pop music playing]

What if Michael Jackson was a pimp?

Him and Tito would be riding around

in a Cadillac and shit.

"Slow down, Tito."

Slow down, Tito! Damn!

Is that my ho over there sitting

on the curb?

Let me out.

Come here, girl!

I said come here, girl!

"Where my money? How much you got?"

"Mike, I'm sorry.

All I got is a $100 bill."

"Girl, you been out here all day,

and all you got is a $100 bill?"

Ohh!

[imitates slap]

"Keep it in the closet."

I think Michael's on crack.

I bet you Michael's at home like...

[inhales]

Ohh!

[inhales]

[inhales]

Ohh!

[Kid Capri] Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Def Jam stage,

Mr. Eddie Griffin!

Damn, I look like a crack addict

on that motherfucker. Heh!

Motherfucker looked like he needed

a couple of a sandwiches.

Russell, I wanted to thank you,

Stan Lathan and the whole Def Jam team.

You see all these niggas in here that used

to be broker than a motherfucker?

You gave us a platform,

'cause they wouldn't put us

on The Tonight Show back then.

We weren't getting on none

of them motherfucking talk shows.

But that first two years

was some magical shit

because all of us motherfuckers had been

doing this shit for about five years,

and nobody would put us on.

So, when that first crop came out,

nigga, we was ready.

I ain't gonna talk about some of them

motherfuckers that came after a nigga.

You gotta get some quality control.

You don't see them here

'cause shit didn't work out.

And thank God comedy knows how

to weed that shit out of there.

Because that Def Jam audience

will let your ass know:

"Nigga, McDonald's is hollering.

I think you need to flip a burger.

This shit ain't for you."

Ever since I did Def Jam,

that shit changed my life.

Martin came to me

in The Comedy Store

and said, "Nigga, you need to do Def Jam."

I'm like,

"I'm about to shoot my HBO special."

He said, "Don't nobody know who you is."

Do five minutes here,

motherfuckers will know you."

I said, "Damn, nigga."

"Heh! Why didn't I think of that shit?"

Right? So, thank you, Martin.

I appreciate that, brother.

And then, after I did the show...

The shit aired...

Every time I do a show

to this motherfucking day,

they keep on:

"Eddie! Do Michael Jackson!"

I'm gonna do Michael Jackson

one more motherfucking time.

All right, nigga, here it go. Shit.

Too soon? Too soon?

Too soon?

[Eddie laughs]

Get it? The nigga dead!

Fuck y'all motherfuckers.

Good night.

I got to put this here.

I love it when they give me

something hard and black to work with.

[crowd cheering]

Oh!

I forgot where the fuck I was!

When you're looking good

and you got it going on,

there's nothing wrong

with letting the brothers know

that you got it going on. Okay?

That's why when a man walk up to me,

talkin' about, "Baby..."

what your name is?"

Honey, I simply tell him, "Rent."

This brother come up to me,

talkin' about, "Mmm."

I can do things to your body

ain't no man ever done."

I said, "Like what?"

"I can make you come with my finger."

I said, "Well, shit... I can do that!"

If he got a dick like a hamster, he better

have a tongue like a rattlesnake.

Am I right?

I like them niggas where I can

pump them up and catch their ass. Pow!

Holler at ya, nigga!

Ha ha ha!

I'll tear his ass up! Pow! Pow!

[grunts]

Y'all don't even know what a Pap smear is.

I told my man,

"I'm going to get a Pap smear."

He's like, "Yeah, bring me one,

no mustard."

Y'all want to know: "Sheryl,

have you ever fucked a white man?"

Yes, I did. Once in my life.

But that's because the rent was due.

And that motherfucker was the landlord.

But now I own the building!

Oh, you want to get real nasty, huh?

You want some of this?

[thumping]

The foot-fucking right there.

That's good foot-fucking.

Be careful, 'cause I will dunk

on your motherfucking ass.

So give a big bitch some love!

[hip-hop music playing]

[Kid Capri] Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the stage

Tiffany Haddish, Melanie Comarcho,

Sheryl Underwood and Adele Givens, y'all!

Ha!

I look up to these women.

They paved the way for people like me.

We all did Def Comedy Jam.

But y'all did Def Comedy Jam!

- Yo, yo!

- Okay?

Now, Sheryl,

I want to ask you a question, okay?

Do you think it was harder for women

to get on Def Comedy Jam, to do it?

No harder than the men, because if you

couldn't get through the Peppermint,

- you wasn't getting on Def Comedy Jam.

- Woot woot!

If you couldn't make it

through the Peppermint Lounge...

I saw a lot of motherfuckers think

they was really funny

and get their face cracked

at the Peppermint.

You better ask somebody.

What's the Peppermint?

- The Peppermint Lounge in...

- New Jersey. No joke.

They would boo you from the outfit,

from the intro.

They would boo you...

You start your little jokey joke,

you thought you were

about to kill the game.

They was worse than

Showtime at the Apollo.

Way worse. Scary.

And Bill Bellamy was the damn host,

with his pretty ass,

so we thought we had a shot.

Sure enough.

Melanie, I want to ask you,

how did Def Comedy Jam change your life?

Oh, it's so amazing.

Bob Sumner put me on the tour

immediately following my first taping.

I toured with the Def Jam

for like, seven years,

and after that,

everybody started grabbing me.

I did Martin Lawrence for eight years,

I toured with Martin Lawrence.

Thank you, Martin, for the love.

Chris Tucker, Katt Williams,

everybody brought me.

I became the most toured comic in America.

So that's what Def Jam did for me.

She owns half of Hawthorne, y'all.

She owns half of Hawthorne.

When you talk about how

it changed your life,

Def Comedy Jam paid for my associate's,

my bachelor's, my master's degree.

And my abortion.

Ha ha! I'm just kidding.

That's a joke, it's a joke. Okay.

And I have three doctorates.

- Wow!

- That's right.

- Oh, yeah.

- You better ask somebody.

And I have a GED.

I'm a bad bitch, too.

- They paid for that, too, right?

- Right.

Well, Adele, I want to ask you,

where did you get this saying,

that you're such a fucking lady?

How did that come about?

I'll tell you exactly how it came about.

Because there's a double standard

in the world, as we know.

- Men can do shit that women can't do.

- Right.

I would be out doing my stand-up,

and then, when I get off, people...

Even women would come to me

and say, "You know, as a lady,

you can't get away with this."

And that expression was born.

I'm like, "How the fuck

I can't say 'suck a dick'"

but I can suck a dick?

How could that work out?"

My GED challenged that logic.

That part.

If I can suck a dick,

I'm gonna say something.

But I will tell you this.

What you see on this stage

and what you see on this audience,

what you see with Laura Hayes and Sommore

and all the women that came through...

- Robin Montague.

- So many. The names are long.

What you can see is,

if you put God first,

and you let the Lord order your steps,

you will make it. You will make it.

When you let the Lord order it, you don't

have to pay shipping and handling.

And you don't have to sleep with nobody

to get ahead.

That's true.

- And there you have it.

- I refuse!

- The fucking ladies of Def Comedy Jam!

- You heard that!

Stay woke.

Yo, what's up? This is the homey Ice Cube.

I want to say happy 25th anniversary

to Def Comedy Jam.

I get a lot of credit

for discovering people

with my Friday movies,

but I wouldn't have ever seen Chris Tucker

without Def Comedy Jam

or Bernie Mac.

Some of these guys

that I get credited for discovering,

I discovered them on Def Comedy Jam.

It's just been a great institution

for comedy.

TV star, singing star, movie star...

He's from the 312...

Who's at home on Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

Coming to the stage, my dude,

Craig Robinson, y'all!

Everybody say, "That's what we do."

[all] That's what we do!

During Def Comedy Jam's run,

literally hundreds of comedians

performed thousands of hours

of original comedy routines.

So, when it came to the overwhelming task

of wading through all that material

and selecting the clips

you're seeing here tonight,

they needed to come up

with an efficient system.

So...

some smart person developed this app.

[beeps]

Def Word Search app.

It is able to search any word or phrase

and immediately find every occurrence

of it on the show.

For instance...

Let's try something simple.

Def Word, search "yachting." "Yachting."

[computerized voice]

Searching "yachting."

I actually won a contest

to be on Def Comedy Jam...

[computerized voice]

Occurrences located.

Okay, let's hear.

Yachting!

All right.

I'm surprised there was one. Okay.

Uh, let me see. Something, um...

That was a little random.

Let's see something else.

Def Word, search "baby momma."

[computerized voice]

Searching "baby momma."

You know, the dominant/submissive

relationship is interesting...

[computerized voice] Occurrences located.

They found it.

- Baby momma.

- Baby momma.

- Baby momma.

- Baby momma.

I thought there would've been more.

One more and this time, what the hell,

we might as well go for it, right?

Def Word, search "muthafucka."

[computerized voice]

Searching "muthafucka."

You ever have a cousin

you were attracted to,

but not like in a...

[computerized voice] Occurrences located.

- Yo, muthafucka!

- Muthafucka.

- Muthafucka.

- Muthafucka.

- Muthafucka, thank you!

- Hey, muthafucka, what's up?

- Muthafuckin' money.

- Muthafuckin' car.

- Muthafuckin' house.

- Muthafuckin' job.

- Muthafuckin' neighborhood.

- Muthafuckin' hand, man!

- Muthafuckin' East Coast, son!

- Go ahead, muthafucka!

"H" to the muthafuckin' "A".

Well, say something, muthafucka!

- Muthafucka.

- Muthafucka.

You backward, trailer-park,

inbred muthafuckas!

Nigga, your nuts nicer than a muthafucka.

- This muthafucka.

- You patch-eyed muthafucka.

Muthafucka,

you gotta come better than that.

Oh, shit, muthafucka.

You got me hornier

than a muthafucka, nigga.

Muthafucka, where you goin'?

I'm goin' to fuck your mother.

I ain't your real mama, either,

muthafucka.

[computerized voice] Fuck, that was

a lot of muthafuckin' occurrences.

Wow.

I'm glad I didn't say "nig..."

Never mind. Anyway...

You get the point. Def Comedy Jam

was not for the squeamish.

We didn't hold back.

We brought it to you raw.

We spoke from the heart

and from the groin,

'cause that's what we do.

Women go to restaurants

and lose their goddamn mind, man.

They got to order

from that expensive side of the menu,

the side with the steak and the lobster

and the Dom Pérignon.

Guys like to give them

that little warning, too.

"Ooh, honey, you understand

that's the 'fucking' side of the menu."

You understand that.

"It's steak, lobster and dick.

It is a combination."

If a nigga really wanted to rape me,

what can I really do? Be honest.

If you get past my scuffle, that's it.

I gotta take one for the team.

That's all I got.

If you get past my scuffle...

"Hey, get the fuck off, nigga.

Hey, nigga!"

[grunts]

"Aah!"

Ladies, you gotta start taking

some responsibility

for your own miserable life.

If you're over 25 years old

and still walking around here,

talking about, "Niggas ain't shit,"

bitch, you need to grow the fuck up

with your irresponsible ass.

What you meant to say was

all the niggas you fuck with ain't shit.

That's right. You need to figure out

what it is about your pussy

that keeps attracting ain't-shit niggas.

Might be ain't-shit pussy.

[Kid Capri] Let's welcome to the stage,

my man, Cedric the Entertainer!

Yeah!

What a night.

Y'all having a great time tonight?

Good. No doubt, man.

You know what?

During this time of racism and exclusion,

Russell Simmons took a bold stand.

He looked around

and said TV needed diversity,

so he reached out to see

if there were any qualified white comics

that were out there.

And sure, there was some protest.

All the black comics was like,

"Hold up. Black comics only, Russell.

You going too damn fast, bro.

Slow down, you know?"

But Russell had a dream.

He said,

"One day, this nation will rise up"

and live out the true meaning

of his creed,

that we hold these truths

to be self-evident,

"that all comics are created equal,

as long as they speak English."

You know what I mean?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we found all of the white comics

that's ever been on Def Jam.

All of them, y'all.

There they go right there. Right there.

Honest John, Rich Vos. There they are.

Niggas all love 'em!

Shout out, man. Big up, man.

There they go,

the white comics of the Def Jam.

Coming this fall.

They would be the only motherfuckers

to get a show.

God damn it, I'm out of here.

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ Def Comedy Jam ♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

two performer/Def Comedy Jam hosts,

Mike Epps and Joe Torry!

What. What. What. What.

- What!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Hey, hey, hey!

[laughs]

You know how to do that shit?

Yeah, man,

that's some young kid shit right there.

[scatting]

You know, this audience right here,

this ain't...

- This ain't no real Def Jam audience.

- No.

We came in,

they had the real Def Jam audiences.

Motherfuckers out there got up and was...

What were they doing?

Falling all on the motherfucking floor.

Yeah.

Running across the room,

slapping each other.

Making a drink under their lap.

Niggas was sneaking Courvoisier

in the thing and everything.

- You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah.

They had a bunch of security.

Double security.

Muslims was there,

big dudes was there, the gorilla force.

They was dressed fucked up.

I don't know why you're here talking.

You had a cowboy hat on,

on Def Comedy Jam

with some baby powder on his chest.

This nigga out there looking like this.

Motherfucker, didn't you start

with some crimped cornrows, motherfucker?

Then you just came out...

Now you got a beard covering up your shit

'cause it ain't like it used to be.

Can't roll that shit up no more.

You know,

but we ain't gonna fuck with each other.

We got enough motherfuckers out here

we can fuck with.

- That's what we was about.

- We fucked with everybody.

There was some people out there

that wore fucked-up shit.

If you ain't have no jokes,

you could find some shit.

Like this motherfucker.

- God damn!

- This big motherfucker right here.

He played the spoons back in the day,

god damn it.

- You're too old for braces.

- Yes, he is.

And this nigga got

a pajama top on right here.

That's a pajama top. 'Cause I got

the pants to the motherfucker.

This nigga tried to sneak in

with a pajama top on.

He got on some Skechers

and a Target sweatshirt.

And there's a lot of ladies in here

wearing bodysuits,

- and they ain't got no body.

- They ain't got no body!

You're looking like a wrestler

in this motherfucker.

Hey.

My...

They walk up in this motherfucker

like this.

I seen one of them

put a skip on that motherfucker.

- Russell, we just want to say thank you.

- Thank you.

Look how many millionaires you made

in this room tonight.

Yes, you did.

And if it wasn't for you, Russell,

a lot of us would be in the penitentiary.

- You're damn right.

- Including you.

[laughing]

Def Jam 25!

[shouts]

Forest Whitaker in the house.

Rosie Perez in the house.

What's up, Rosie?

The Wu-Tang Clan, they're in the house.

LL Cool J.

Tisha Campbell.

Malcolm-Jamal Warner.

Lawrence Taylor!

And Ice-T, yeah!

Hey! Big Daddy Kane.

♪ Smooth operator ♪

Kid 'n Play, what's up?

Thank you for coming out.

Got my man over here, Flavor Flav.

Look at him.

Ain't nobody like Flavor Flav. Look.

All right, nigga, sit your ass down.

This is my show.

[Martin laughing]

Flav's so ugly, roaches do like this:

"Daddy!"

Wesley Snipes.

Bad chocolate motherfucker, ain't he?

Women can't leave your ass now, can they?

I bet in the day, they used to dog you.

"You ain't shit. Get your ass out of here.

You little black motherfucker.

Get the fuck out of here."

We got Salt-N-Pepa, y'all,

and Spinderella.

Spike Lee, what's up, man?

Spike put me in my first movie:

Do the Right Thing.

Motherfucker ain't employed me since.

No, but you know I don't want to be

in no more Spike Lee movies.

"Spike, why I ain't in your movie?"

"Fuck you."

[Martin laughs]

You're my sister. I love you. Come here.

What the fuck's up?

I know Big Bird is out of business,

but what the fuck is up?

[Kid Capri] Ladies and gentlemen,

please give it up

for the reigning king of controversy,

my dude, Katt Williams, y'all!

Good evening. Good evening. Uh...

legally, y'all know I'm not allowed

to make it to all the events, but...

it's certainly a pleasure for me

to be able to make this.

Def Jam represented for us,

so I gotta represent for them.

I'm very excited about it.

Uh...

plus, if you're watching the news,

you know about the stuff that's going on.

You know that, uh, Trump is in there,

and I was trying to figure it out.

I realized it's some

freaky white-boy shit.

You know, um...

the crazier it gets,

the more it turns them on.

You know that shit

where they tie the belt around their neck

and almost choke their dumb-ass self

to death just so they can come?

That's Trump in the White House for us.

Erotic asphyxiation.

We're just gonna keep fucking up

until we come on North Korea's back,

and that's gonna be the end of it.

Now, I know that a lot of y'all feel like

I go out of my way to find controversy.

That is not true.

Controversy waits in the bushes for me.

But Satan and all shady motherfuckers

are my enemy.

I don't run from the fight,

I'm not scared of consequences.

Because if you're scared of consequences,

then that breeds fear,

and fear means you're gonna stop.

And we can't ever afford to stop.

And Def Comedy Jam was fearless,

as we all should be.

God bless you.

[narrator]

From the moment it hit the airwaves,

Def Comedy Jam was mired in controversy.

Many people who were part

of the Civil Rights generation

couldn't stand the Def Comedy Jam.

They felt like this

was pulling black people back.

We're trying to move forward,

advance our civil rights agenda,

our national agenda,

and having niggas on camera

going, "Motherfucker"

and acting like they're fucking people

all the time

was not part of their agenda.

I know I got to do

a few proverbial "fuck you's"

to make some of y'all feel at home.

So... fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

And you fuck me.

These curse words...

We say them all the time.

They just add to our expression.

I know how to fuck. 'Cause you know what?

My legs be open so much,

my IUD picks up cable channels,

god damn it.

[Nelson] The Def Comedy Jam

had many female comedians on it.

The perception of so many of its critics

was that it was sexist and misogynistic.

Every lady in here, clap if you'll suck

a man's dick for $4 million.

[applause]

Now, you know what?

All y'all should be clapping,

because I know some of y'all

probably sucking dick for a Happy Meal.

The comedians were honest

in the way they expressed their art,

and people got uncomfortable,

but it was their truth that we were

expressing, as well as our own.

The thing that makes me most proud

of Def Comedy Jam

is that this platform got these people

to go up on stage in front of the world

and tell the truth

and get applauded for it.

If you understood it,

then it would ring a bell for you.

And if you didn't harbor hate

for these people,

you learned some sympathy

or some compassion

or just laughed with them.

[Kid Capri]

Here are D.L. Hughley and Dave Chappelle!

Now, a comedian has two jobs:

First and foremost, and most importantly,

they gotta make a lot of money.

They gotta do that.

And then they gotta be funny.

[laughing] All right, that's your...

That's your priorities.

But we're not here

to offend our audiences,

but we're not here

to protect their feelings, either.

Sometimes, when you're expressing

the thoughts of the minority,

you run the risk of being rejected

by the majority,

but that rejection should not be

the reason you stop.

It should be an inspiration

for you to continue,

unless your shit ain't funny,

in which case you should probably

just shut the fuck up. That's...

I wish you had said that

before my third season.

Now, freedom of speech means

you say what you want,

and you're willing to deal

with the consequences.

You could say whatever you wanted

to your mama,

as long as you were willing to get

the taste slapped out your mouth.

Ha ha!

And what Def Comedy Jam

was always willing to do

was to take the heat,

the criticism and the hate,

because that's just basically...

being black in America.

[hip-hop music playing]

That's it.

Wait, Stan, let me do that again.

That's just a weird line: "That's just

basically being black in America."

[vocalizing hip-hop music]

If we told them

what being black in America is,

would they believe us?

Oh, this is not for television.

This is just for us in the room.

I'll ask again more succinctly.

If we told them what it was,

would they believe us?

- [man] No!

- [woman] They wouldn't!

Fuck no, they wouldn't.

Nigga, there's a fucking white supremacist

starter kit at Target.

"Yeah, let me get some tiki torches,

some khaki pants and fucked-up haircut.

I got something going on next week."

It's real right now.

And have we seen it all before?

Yep!

So I'm gonna read that last line again.

And, Kid Capri, maybe...

Maybe a song that's a little less happy.

[vocalizing hip-hop music]

I'm fucking around, Stan.

I'm just busting your balls.

You can leave this in, too.

It's a reunion. I was drinking backstage.

All right, let me get my teleprompter...

You know why I was wearing glasses

all night?

Because my eyes cross when I read.

But here we go.

[exhales deeply]

[chuckling]

- We should be taping this shit right here.

- No, I'm serious.

When I went to high school...

Not in high school, in elementary school,

they'd make us all read out loud

in a circle.

Whenever it was my turn,

the other kids would be like...

[sighing]

Because it's...

So I've been nervous all night.

I'm not scared of the crowd.

It's just like, what do I gotta do?

Read?!

I read good as shit by myself.

If I could have complete silence

from the audience, please.

Hey, let me lead you in.

All these goddamn letters

is just coming at me, nigga.

They're just coming at me like...

- All right.

- Go ahead. I got them now.

I got them. I can say a lot of things

that I can't spell.

- [D.L.] All right.

- [sighs]

[both laugh]

I'm looking like I'm about to jump in.

Go ahead, D.L.

All right, freedom of speech means

you can say what you want

as long as you're willing to deal

with the consequences.

You could talk to your mama

any kind you want...

See? You got me fucked up now.

This shit is spreading like Ebola.

This fucking...

Look at the white people.

"We knew it."

- "You put those two darkies together!"

- "Give me that goddamn script!"

But we still talk better than Russell.

That's all the fuck I know.

We still do. I'm just...

Freedom of speech means

you can say what you want

as long as you're willing to deal

with the consequences.

- Consequences?!

- Yes.

This motherfucker here.

And repercussions.

All right, let's go back.

- My bad.

- No, keep doing it.

This is the best shit I've done all night.

I'm happy as fuck. This is great.

What's up, Flex?

Wait, let me give a shout-out

to Earthquake,

who's one of my favorite comics

in the fucking world. I love you.

Earthquake? Oh! What's up, Earthquake?

The champs are here. What's up?

Earthquake, help us read.

Don't be like that. Don't sit there.

Freedom of speech means...

Wait!

Hello, Bruce Bruce.

Oh, yes.

- And Alex Thomas, hello to you, too.

- Alex Thomas in the motherfucker.

- And Joe.

- Oh, and Rudy Rush.

New Yorkers in this motherfucker.

And you are the most conscious brother

in here.

I'm telling you, you make me proud.

You do.

- Hey, Jesse.

- Jesse, yeah.

Come up here and say something

that'll make white people feel terrible

for 20 minutes.

Yo!

Yeah?

Jesse, you bodied them on BET.

- Bodied them.

- We woke now.

If only white people watched BET, nigga,

they would've got an earful.

I know they do, Debra. I know they do.

- [D.L.] Oh. Ohh.

- [mutters]

All right, let's hurry up.

The bar is closing soon.

No, we're fine, man.

There's plenty of tape.

All right.

All right, here we go. For real.

I hate reading, I always have.

I hated Schoolhouse Rock.

I hated it all.

- I used to love Schoolhouse Rock.

- I never.

As a matter of fact, the only reason

I understand what's happening on the news

is because of Schoolhouse Rock.

♪ I'm just a bill ♪

♪ Yes, I'm only a bill ♪

♪ And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill ♪

That's it! That's all I know!

We actually know that better

than the black national anthem.

Ain't that fucked up?

♪ Lift every voice ♪

♪ And sing ♪

♪ Till earth and heaven ring ♪

♪ Ring with the harmonies ♪

This is the part where everybody hums.

- [humming]

- ♪ Of liberty ♪

[D.L. laughs]

♪ Let our rejoicing rise high ♪

- ♪ As the listening sky ♪

- I don't know this.

[crowd continues singing]

I'm not the singer. I know every word.

- Joe.

- [D.L.] Joe, don't be like that.

Joe, can't you sing something

that's not about pussy for once?!

[D.L.] Ohh!

♪ I don't want to be a player... ♪

I'm fucking around with you.

All right, all right.

"All the things your man won't do."

I say all this to say

I go to great lengths not to read

in public.

Here we go, D.L.

[D.L. sighs]

Hold up, hold up.

Where's the production manager?

Count us in.

Give us a three-two-one.

- [man on PA] Stand by.

- All right, standing by.

- And he really did it, too.

- They're gonna get us right.

[man on PA]

Five, three, one, seven, four.

I didn't know you went to public school,

too, motherfucker! Goddamn!

That sounded normal to me.

That's what's fucked up.

It was all odd numbers.

Five, seven, one.

Just say "one," motherfucker.

[man on PA] One, motherfucker.

[all laughing]

[microphone thumping]

All right, now.

Oh! Ohh!

You should've been on Def Jam. God damn.

Freedom of speech means

you can say what you want

as long as you're willing to deal

with the consequences.

Right.

Like, you can talk however you want to,

to your mama when you was a kid

as long as you were willing to get

the taste slapped out of your mouth.

Right. My mother didn't...

She didn't hit.

Anyway...

What Def Comedy Jam

was always willing to do

was take the heat,

the criticism and the hate.

Because basically,

that's just called being black in America.

[cheers and applause]

The first time I ever heard

of Def Comedy Jam

was when my cousin brought me

a VHS cassette of a compilation.

I think it was two or three episodes.

And he said, "You need to watch this."

The only stand-up I'd ever seen

until that point was Eddie Murphy.

And then Def Comedy Jam came

into my life,

and I was like, "This is the blackest,

craziest thing I've ever seen in my life,"

and it was amazing.

You can imagine living in a country

where you don't have access to free speech

and growing up in a world

where everything is censored,

and then all of a sudden,

one day you're exposed to everything,

and you think it's everything,

and then Bernie Mac comes onto the stage

and is like,

"I ain't scared

of you motherfuckers. Huh!"

And you're just like,

"Wait, what's going on here?"

It was fearless, and it was boundless,

and it was an injection

that completely changed how I,

and maybe many other comedians

in South Africa, saw stand-up comedy.

I'm not an American,

I didn't grow up as an American,

but I realized

that there was a common experience

that connected all of us as people.

I think one of the things

Def Comedy Jam exposed me to

was not the curse words,

but the creativity of how the curse words

were used, you know?

I always knew the word "shit."

I never knew the word "sheee-it."

It's different. It's not the same thing.

There was a flourish of language

that existed in Def Comedy Jam

that created a new form of expression

at times.

Like, "bitch" could mean

five different things.

I don't know if I ever knew "motherfucker"

before Def Comedy Jam.

And it was even "mother..."

It was "mu'fucka."

There was no "t-h."

It was just "mu'fucka."

"This mu'fucka right here. Sheee-it."

Def Comedy Jam would not be complete

without paying respects to those

who's gone too soon.

Parents, if your four-year-old child

can't talk,

but can do the Tootsee Roll...

your ass is ghetto.

Remember that shit, the don't-cry method?

Your mother whupping you,

you're going like this...

"Ohh. Heh heh. Heh. Ha."

Ohh! Heh. Mmm.

Ahh! Ha ha. Ooh.

♪ Every step I take ♪

♪ Every move I make ♪

♪ Every single day

Every time I pray ♪

♪ I'll be missing you ♪

I want a girl...

When she sucks my dick,

I want her to look

like an ugly motherfucker

playing dice.

♪ Thinking of the day ♪

♪ When you went away ♪

♪ What a life to take

What a bond to break ♪

♪ I'll be missing you ♪

I thought there ought to be a law

against two ugly people fucking.

You'll bring another ugly motherfucker

in the world.

"Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, you know I'm gonna be

giving it to you, girl."

And they go right to work.

[grunting]

You be like,

"Damn, go on with your ugly self."

But to be honest,

I don't have sex anymore.

I'm scared of AIDS.

I took the AIDS test.

I got a 65.

♪ Every single day

Every time I pray ♪

♪ I'll be missing you ♪

When you think Def Comedy Jam,

you think Martin,

- you think Adele,

- Yes.

- And you think Bernie Mac.

- Yeah, man.

Yeah, indeed.

[impersonating Bernie]

Bernie motherfuckin' Mac.

Come on.

Hold up one motherfuckin' minute.

To get some milk and cookies.

A legend right there, man.

Bernie was so confident in himself.

This motherfucker wore his face

on his pants

so that everybody knew who he was.

Oh, all his suits. He had his suits.

It was a cornucopia of colors.

He had colors they didn't even have

in the crayon box.

He was great. He always had

great little sayings that we always...

Bernie would walk up to you and go,

"You know I walk alone."

All of us are together, but I walk alone.

I'm on the 50-yard line,

but it's first and goal.

[laughing]

"It takes two to tango,

but four to Cabbage Patch."

You'd be like, "What, nigga?

That don't make no goddamn sense, Bernie."

Bernie... let me tell you,

before the show every night,

we smoked cigars.

And we used to exchange them.

Bernie would bring his favorite,

we'd switch cigars.

But you got a fine for smoking

in the arenas.

'Cause we were selling out

basketball arenas.

So, we would just pay the fine,

'cause we're gonna smoke the cigars.

So, we would send the money ahead.

Just: "Shit, here.

Five thousand, whatever you want."

'Cause we're smoking.

So, one time, we was in the locker room,

'cause we was playing somewhere,

big theater.

- It was Houston.

- Houston?

And the fire marshal came in and said,

"Hey, excuse me, excuse me.

You gotta put those cigars out.

There's no smoking in here."

I said, "Well, hey, man, we did...

We paid the fine."

"What do you mean, you've paid the fine?"

I said, "We just... we sent it in."

So, he said, "Listen to me."

Just one of you guys come over here.

I want to talk to you."

And he picked Bernie.

This white dude was over there,

and Bernie was talking to him

for two straight minutes.

You could see the dude's head

about to explode,

'cause he didn't know shit

Bernie was saying.

'Cause Bernie was just doing Bernie.

[muttering]

And the white dude, when he got through,

he just said,

"You guys just go ahead

and smoke your cigars. You'll be fine."

We was on tour for three years,

didn't understand one word he said,

so I know...

- But Bernie, for us, man...

- Yeah, man.

- Bernie was our king.

- For sure.

Bernie Mac was our favorite.

Bernie Mac meant something to us.

He was the one of us that we all sat

around the monitors to watch.

'Cause, you know,

Bernie closed this show.

And we'd watch each other,

but when Bernie went onstage,

it was different.

We went out there to see it.

We all were stand-ups,

but we was in love with Mac,

because Mac didn't just want

to make you laugh.

He tried to throw you into something

and then make you laugh at shit

you know you had no business laughing at.

Preachers, crippled people...

Bernie just started.

And he was vicious on that stage, man.

He was the greatest of all the kings here.

- This is the late, great Bernie Mac.

- Bernie Mac, y'all. Check him out.

[hip-hop music playing]

I ain't scared of you motherfuckers.

I'm gonna tell you something

straight off the motherfucking press.

I ain't coming from no foolishness.

And, New York, god damn it,

y'all women look good.

You're like a bacon and egg sandwich.

You look good.

Because I love sex. I love it.

Can't do shit no more.

And I'm blessed.

[cheering]

I'm big-boneded. I'm heavy-structured.

I'm hung low.

If I pulled my shit out,

this whole room would get dark.

Check it out!

[hip-hop music playing]

You don't understand.

I ain't scared of you motherfuckers.

Representing Chi-Town

like my man Bernie,

please welcome to the stage Deon Cole!

What's up? How y'all doing?

Everybody all right?

Give yourselves a round of applause.

Chicago in the building. Where y'all at?

Chicago, make some noise.

I just want to personally give a shout-out

to my man Bernie Mac,

- Adele Givens, Sheryl Underwood,

- [cheering]

George Willborn, Kenny Howell.

These are some great Chicago comedians.

Without them, I wouldn't be here as well.

So give it up for them.

I appreciate that.

Donald Trump said

he was the worst-treated president

in the history of presidents.

So, we're just gonna overlook

the four that got murdered.

And the black one.

From pants with your face on it,

to propeller hats,

to Martin Lawrence in his drawers,

Def Comedy Jam gave you

unforgettable moments.

The jokes we did on the show were classic.

And 25 years later, they are classics.

There's a lot of pressure being black,

ain't it? It's a hard job.

You can't get no relief nowhere.

I went home, tried to get a little relief.

Gonna watch sports. Sports channel.

Got it on. The man said,

"We bring to you America's favorite sport:

The America's Cup."

Now, who the hell

did they check with on this?

They said yachting

is America's number-one sport.

You don't ever see none of us yachting,

do you?

Unh-unh. After that first big boat ride,

we kind of lost our taste for sailing.

[chuckles]

It's fucked up, man. It ain't funny.

You can't even be a thief no more.

Everybody's a thief.

The other day, I robbed a store,

came back out,

a nigga done stole my car.

I'm at a bar, minding my business,

cooling out, just being cool, like I am.

Chillin'. Woman come to me,

this is actually the goddamn thing

she wanted to do.

She said, "Mac."

I said, "Yeah, that's my name."

She said, "Can I ask you a question?"

I said, "Yeah."

She says, "Does pussy taste

like pumpkin pie?"

Made me mad as hell. I said,

"Don't ask me no damn question like that.

I ain't never had no pumpkin pie."

Kick it!

[hip-hop music playing]

You ever trip out ordering Chinese food,

how long it takes them to say in Chinese

the same thing you just said?

You're like, "Let me get a small order

of shrimp fried rice."

That's it."

[Asian accent]

"Small order of shrimp fried?"

"Yeah, dawg, that's it."

[Asian accent] "Me order for you."

[shouting in mock Chinese]

[shouting continues]

"You want eggroll?"

"No, partner, I ain't got the time."

So, we jump in the car, and we rolling.

I got a thousand pounds riding with me,

god damn it.

We're slapping five over the seat

and shit.

Get to my baby sister's house,

and this nigga's just about to swing.

I go, "Oh, no, motherfucker.

Not today, god damn it. Fuck that."

I myself used to have

the most dangerous job in Washington, DC.

I used to deliver pizzas for Domino's.

They would rob me every day, man.

I had to get a gun, man!

How many Domino's pizza boys

have you seen carry a fucking gun?

I used to bust in people's apartments,

just: "Domino's! Freeze!"

Put the money on the floor, man!

Get on the floor! Don't move!

All right, I'm gonna get out of here

nice and slow, all right?

I don't want any trouble.

"One of you motherfuckers is gonna tip me."

There's the kind of motherfucker

hollering about blow jobs,

and he's wearing about a size four.

Little old feet.

So you know his dick's small.

I couldn't give him no blow job.

My big-ass lips, his little old dick.

It wouldn't work.

That'd be like trying to give a whale

a Tic Tac, motherfucker.

That shit wouldn't work.

It wouldn't work.

It wouldn't work.

For real. Am I lying?

Def Comedy Jam was the shit.

It was black, it was funny,

and it made a lot of people famous.

And it made a lot of people rich.

It made a lot of people household names,

and you know what I'm talking about.

Cedric the Entertainer, Kleenex.

It changed comedy forever.

It opened doors.

People talked shit about it,

then they looked like damn fools

years later.

Now, when you look around this room,

you see how ignorant it was to be a hater.

[woman] That's right.

All comedy roads today lead back

to Def Comedy Jam.

And I know that I can speak for everyone

on this stage

when I say I couldn't be prouder

to have been part of something

so groundbreaking.

Every comedian that touched the stage,

whether they made the final cut or not,

is part of this great legacy.

So, Stan and Russell and Bob and Sandy,

we are profoundly grateful

for what you made possible.

So, for one last time, maestro,

if you will.

Thank you.

I want to thank all of y'all

for coming out

and celebrating this wonderful evening

with us.

So, now I gotta hand it over

to the man who made it all possible:

Russell Simmons.

Thank you for coming out.

God bless you. Good night.

[hip-hop music playing]

Happy 25th anniversary, Def Jam.

Major shout-out to my guys Russell Simmons

and Stan Lathan.

Twenty-five years! God.

I'm sitting here trying to think, man.

You guys were old when it started.

Like, when it started,

y'all was old as shit.

And now... now we're talking

25 years after that.

So, I know y'all can't...

I know y'all can't hear me!

But I just want to say, man!

What y'all started is some

of the dopest shit ever!

So, Russell and Stan!

Hey!

This is... This is huge!

I love y'all!

I love y'all old asses!

Two of the coolest, oldest motherfuckers

in the business, man.

Y'all got walkers on me. All right?

I'm gonna put "Def Jam"

on the back of your chairs.

The wheelchairs!

I love you. Ha ha ha!

[children] Look, Daddy.