Death's Wearing High Heels (2009) - full transcript
Jaime and Bertucho decide to sneak in a college party. With the aid of a book: "The Art of Hypnosis", they plan to hypnotize every girl in the party, in order to get off with them. However, things will not turn out to be as they have planned.
English subtitles by:
TANIA BARÓN - ENRIQUE CORRALES
VÍCTOR GONZÁLEZ FRAILE
CAROL MONTALVO - ALBERTO PAZ - SARA RODRÍGUEZ
Supervised by
ENRIQUE CORRALES
“When someone who is really looking for something finally finds it, it is not chance that bestows it upon him, but rather he himself. It is his own wishes and needs that drive him towards it.”
Hermann Hesse - Swiss writer
“There are only two truly important things in life. Sex is one and I don’t remember the other one…”
Woody Allen - Director & Screenwriter
FOURTH COMMANDMENT
Host by
Welcome all,
to the night of mystery.
Tonight we will talk
about a relic…
a diamond in the rough…
a myth… that was a part of our society for a long time.
It is nothing more and nothing less...
than a book.
"The Art of Hypnosis".
Many historians have attributed the book
Many historians have attributed the book to different ages...
and peoples.
Sumerians,
Egyptians,
Athenians,
Franks,
Huns,
Others,
and Spartans.
This… is nothing but…
total bullshit.
Its true author
was an Ukrainian migrant.
From a forgotten hamlet.
In 1882 he settled in Switzerland.
Where he would study the secrets… of the human mind.
However,
it would not be until his long stay in France…
when he wrote one of the basic foundations to understand the developmentthat he would write one of the key foundations for the development
of history.
As in, capital H history.
“At long last I’ve finished my work!”
“I need proof of my work’s power…”
"MARTINE!"
“Yes, M’lord?”
“From now on…”
“... your mind will become…”
“...that of a rabbit!”
“They’re gonna shit bricks!”
It wouldn’t be until 1891 that he managed to publish his book in London.
Under the pseudonym of Donald Dennis
Donald Dennis Hall.
At the age of 33, the young author disappeared without a trace.
Quite unlike his book.
Which ended up going through some of the most influential hands in 20th century history:
William Randolph Hearst,
Al Capone,
and even…
Walt Disney.
In the late 1930s,
the book was taken from the hands of a famous archaeologist.
It ended up in the power of Joseph Goebbels.
This meant that…
during World War II…
the book had the worst owner imaginable.
The Fuhrer!
After Hitler’s death in 1945,
the book was returned to the Allies.
Throughout the 1950s, it was a object of secret study.
We have obtained previously unseen footage,
unknown to human eyes for nearly 60 years…
This is recording?
(Cameraman)
Yeah!
This is the experiment…
ACTIVATE AUDIO TRACK:
D.D.H. 51, Take 1.
The subject’s ready for the experiment we’re about to perform…
from “The Art of Hypnosis” by Donald Dennis Hall.
The subject is in a trance at the moment…
- Hans?
- Ja?
Is everything in order?
(Dr. Hans)
Ja, ja.
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Where did you get the subject?
Is memento from Poland.
(Dr. Robertson)
Excuse me… Mr. Wilkinson?
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Robertson?
I’ve taken the liberty of reading some fragments of the book…
it mentions that the author used to run his experiments on women.
(Dr. Robertson)
Couldn’t it be…?
Robertson.
Have you seen any women at all, in the last three years, in Area 51?
Truth be told… no.
Right. Well then, shall we go on?
Ah well, let’s… commence the experiment.
Hmmm… all clear.
Good.
OK, Robertson! The book!
Ah… yes, here, sorry.
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Goddamn interns.
Anyway.
Let’s see…
Everything ready, Jimmy?
- Yep!
- Right.
From this moment onwards, you shall only heed and obey my orders!
Your mind has changed! Now you are…!
Rat!
Professor, a giant rat! It’s eating all of the supplies, I’m thinking it’s carnivorous actually!
What’s going on, what- what!?
Shoo! Away from me, vermin!
Let’s get the hell out of here!
- (Dr. Wilkinson) No!
- (Dr. Robertson) Don’t leave me in this place!
I think we’re going to need... more rat poison.
During the 1960s and 70s, the book vanished.
But…
we think we can get the picture of how that went.
Peace and love, man!
The next mention we have is...
of its strange role...
in the February 23th coup attempt.
Several sources outright state
that before Lt. Col. Tejero’s failed coup attempt against the Spanish Congress,
a German copy of the book ended up in the hands of the coup members.
A translation of the book was commissioned with the goal of hypnotizing the members of the chamber,
and therefore carry out the coup with overwhelming efficiency.
However, that mission didn’t turn out as they expected.
A majority believe someone from that ‘particular group’
made a fatal mistake in the translation.
One that luckily doomed any chances of success for the attempt.
February 23, 1981
OK there, c’mon.
Let’s go.
Hey.
We listening to Tejero.
They been hypo… whatever yet or what?
[Coup Members]
- Whaddaya mean hippo, wha…?
- What the fuck have you done!?
[Coup Member #1]
What have you done!?
[Coup Member #2]
Who’s translated that piece of shit of a book!?
Lemme see if I haven’t translated the book wrong…
A moment, please.
Hitler…
he’s French.
Yes.
[Coup Member #2]
What are you saying!? Bloody guy’s Norwegian, dammit!
[Coup Member #1]
Just how is he Norwegian!? He’s from Upper Carabanchel, born and raised!
[Coup Member #2]
You done fucked up, you buggers!
- We’re going, we’re going…
- [Coup Member #1] Lemme… I used to go there all the time as a kid… he used to give me candy when…
We’re fucked, huh?
I… I think I’m bailing out to Argentina.
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are unknown.
This one, it’s just a prop.
[BROKEN OBJECT SOUND]
But many think
[GUN LOADING SOUND]
it lies...
[GUN SHOT]
Is that my camera?
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are unknown.
Many believe it lost.
But who knows?
Who could be the current owner of…
“The Art of Hypnosis”?
A DAVID DÍAZ FILM
DEATH'S WEARING HIGH HEELS
May 2008
Oh... Let’s party, party, party!
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Come in, come in.
Okay, okay…
C’mon, tell me all about it.
Ok...
so where do I begin… uh…
uh… I’ve got good news and bad news.
Ok, tell me the good ones.
Ok, I know the time.
Yay!
The place...
Yay!
Also who’s going.
All of the girls?
Uh… yeah.
Holy shit dude, you’re awesome!
I love you, you’re fucking brilliant.
Man…
Man, now you can tell me anything, I couldn’t care less…
For real?
Anything!
We can’t go.
WHAT!?
Hey, I tried my best, huh!?
So tell me, what the fuck has happened!?
This.
Well that’s all I know. Hope it’ll be of any use.
Thanks Sandra!
Huge favor you’ve just done me, you can’t imagine.
So then you don’t mind my boyfriend coming, do you?
Lil’ Oscar?
C’mon, of course he’ll want me there!
He’s always going on about how it isn’t a party without me. Besides, he and I, we’ve always been together, everywhere.
Ever since kindergarten, elementary, the restroom…
Shit, how’s he not gonna want me to come?
He’s right behind me isn’t he?
What a nice day we’re having, huh?
LIL' OSCAR
Lil’ Oscar?
Lil’ Oscar?
It’s a diminutive…
I've heard something about a party...
Uh… yeah…
You’re not thinking of going, are you?
Why not?
- That a threat?
- No, no, no.
Look kid, if I see you around there…
I’m cutting your balls off.
Litteraly.
That clear? That clear!? That clear!?
Aw, I love it when he plays tough!
Isn’t he a cutie?
Playing tough, huh?
Hold a sec, Oscar!
End of the line!
I’m tired of being told where to go and where not.
I’m going to that party!
Besides,
who’s going to stop me?
You and what army?
Shit.
Just that?
I can handle that ‘n more.
That’s right, call in reinforcements!
Meet you in half an hour.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
After him!
And remember, you were warned!
I’m so sorry, Jaime! When he gets like that there’s...
no way of stopping him… OK then,
see you in class, huh?
XOXO.
By the way, you seem to have landed on something uh…
Shit!
And that’s what really stung about it all…
Jaime...
do you know what’s a fucking ‘dead Saturday’?
When you and I are left without a plan on a Saturday?
Do you know how long have I been without getting any?
Uh… no.
Enough to track it with a fucking calendar!
I planned to fuck my loneliness into oblivion this Saturday!
And neither Oscar or any other boyfriend in that party’s gonna keep me from it!
Hold it right there, I’ve had my tough Saturdays too!
You forget that time you left me alone in that party with that bottle of viagra!
Par-tay!
Holy shit!
Dude, what’s up!?
Where are the girls?
THEY HAVEN’T COME!!
But what is it you want me to do!?
I don’t care! Beg, steal, kill, kidnap…
but find a way of getting us into that party!
Hey! I think I’ve got it!
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing lending it to you…
A- and… why wouldn’t you?
Because I know you very well, Jaime.
C’mon Dani, I’ll look after it as if it were my own.
Uh, that’s not the reason I said that.
Jaime, we only want to advise you to be cautious.
What this book can do is very real.
C’mon guys!
Look, I believe in all of the bullshit that shows up in “Fourth Commandment” as much as the next guy…
See how I was right…?
But from there, Dani, to you being…
Do you know about hypnosis?
You fall asleep… little by little…
That guy who started that thing at school… with that one sentence…
You shall only wish to give me…
The beatdown of a lifetime!
The beatdown of a lifetime!
The beatdown of a lifetime!!
The beatdown of a lifetime!
[PUNCHES / JAIME SCREAMS]
Silvia...
Silvia! Wake up!
What’s up…? And Jaime!?
Oh my god!
Are you alright?
Yes...
as a matter of fact…
this gives an idea of what I’m planning to do at the party…
ow, ow, ow…
This is a very difficult situation for me.
I was hoping not to have to do it again, but…
you’re the only one who can ease my pain.
Don’t know…
I hope you’ll be able to raise my spirits a bit.
This is the pits…
(Jaime)
Bertucho are you there?
Yes. What’s up?
(Jaime)
Just one thing.
Abel still going to the party?
Yeah, why?
Because we’re going with him.
THE ART OF HYPNOSIS
SATURDAY NIGHT
Coast’s clear.
(Bertucho)
You hurt?
No, no, no.
(Bertucho)
C’mon silly, you got hurt.
Get down already, for fuck’s sake!
(Bertucho)
Down? You know what, you’re the downer here!
Shit Bertucho, get down!
(Bertucho)
The things one must do…
- Right.
- Fuck, someone’s coming!
Jesus!
What’s up guys…
[UNZIP PANTS / LEAKING SOUND]
[LEAKING STOPS]
See you, guys…
I’m not saying a thing…
There’s the girls!
This is gonna be something to remember.
Yeah, right. Just like that time you confessed to the girl with that song, right, you sissy?
“You should already know
I’ll always love you"
Yes, yes, yes.
"It’s you I want to kiss
With all of my love”
And now for the body solo...
Why don’t they shoot him already?
“You’re my little plushy doll!”
Die.
Yeah...
like that time you broke up with your girlfriend too, right?
Bertuchín…
‘Sup, love?
I’ve got something for you...
Ah yes? What is it?
Whatcha got for me?
DON’T YOU...
...EVER...
...FUCKING...
...CALL ME...
...AGAIN!
Is that clear?
Oh, was it her who broke up with you?
Argh… you son of a bitch… don’t remind me…
Stings, doesn’t it?
C’mon, let’s go…
Yeah…
One by one.
- Ok, I’ll go first...
- No, I’m first.
Ow, my neck!
Make way, make way, make way!
C’mon, get in!
I'm stuck, damn it!
Wait, wait...
Argh, cramp! Cramp!
Cramp?
No, no, no! No!
Fork! In butthole! Butthole fork!
ss-forking! Aw!
Get the fuck down, man!
No, don’t jump, don’t.
No, no, no...
No, no...
Hello.
C’mon! Dudes,
you’re a fucking circus troupe.
You’re an embarrassment to your country, for fuck’s sake.
What’s up, who’s there?
Nah, no problem.
She really loves this actor so she’s not even blinking.
So nothing to worry about.
Let’s go.
Clear.
Time to fuck, time to fuck!
Hold it!
Time to fuck, time to fuck…!
“Fucktime” comes later.
Gentlemen...
the Presidential Suite.
What about Lil' Oscar, where’s he?
He ended up sitting his lazy ass at home getting stoned or...
playing video games, dunno.
You’ve gotta be shitting me!
We sneak into the fucking party, Mission: Impossible-style!
And that loser stays home!?
And how the fuck was I supposed to know, huh!?
I dunno, I don’t give a shit either way! All of his friends are there anyway.
All his gang is there!
They’ve all sent each other your picture, Jaime, over fucking Bluetooth…
so you know how it is. So…
Son of a bitch!
Then I could as well have come alone!
No, you numbnuts, it’s all the same! You also show up in the picture!
Ah, I remember that picture!
C’mon, you clowns…
please step into the fucking suite.
Hey, cool.
C'me on.
let’s see the dough, guys. Cough up…
c’mon.
C’mon, pay up, pay up, pay up…
Me?
No, my grandma.
What? You only brought this?
You son of a bitch, you knew I was gonna bring more…
Don't laugh.
C’mon now. Done?
25 bucks, very well,
a pleasure doing business with you.
You guys are such a pain in the ass.
Last time, you bastard!
Why 25 bucks, when it was a piece of cake!
Look dude, this party’s a fucking drag.
With these 25 bucks
I can head to GOA and have a fucking blast, you know.
There you are, guys. Pain in the ass,
I tell you again! See ya.
Ok, on to business.
C'me on!
25 bucks...
Right, on to business. Quick check.
MP3 and headphones.
Yep.
My Bible.
What Bible?
The hypnosis book…
Ah, now you’re calling it a Bible?
Here.
Thanks.
Have you baptised it, now that you’re at it?
And finally, a PSP.
Dude, drawing a fucking list for three things…
What I don’t understand is the PSP.
What’s it gonna be for?
To keep you there, huddled in a corner without bothering me.
Besides, I’ve loaded up Resident Evil for you.
I’m still one paragraph from finishing.
You haven’t fucking read it yet!?
It’s just 6 pages!
And they’re the crucial ones!
Besides, I need all of my concentration, what I’m gonna do tonight won’t be easy.
Won’t be easy?
Jaime, what you’re planning is impossible.
Nothing is impossible...
Lil’ Oscar and the gang,
they think good ol’ Jaime...
isn’t coming to the party?
And what about the girls?
Am I not good enough for them?
I’m gonna ruin their shit!
I’m gonna hypnotize each and every one of the girls!
They shall fall in thrall to…!
Dude you’re gonna poke out my eye with the camera!
Take it easy!
Where did I…? Ah yeah.
I’ll hypnotize them, one after another.
They shall fall by my hand…
slaves to our will.
Who do you think you are? Van Damme?
The powers of the mind, according to that book…
are limitless.
What’s gonna be limitless on your ass is those girls’ boyfriends, if they catch you.
If, they catch US.
What a relief, thought you’d forgotten about me.
Just…
look at it… it’s…
I can just see it!
Hey.
Don’t forget about me, hey!
How could you even think of that?
Ok dude I’m losing it,
just do your thing with the PSP.
So these guys, they aren’t back yet?
- Those guys?
- Not a chance!
They haven’t returned from their so-called, “secret mission” yet.
C’mon!
They’re gonna kill your ass!
Yeah, that’s it!
C’mon, one more to go, one more to go!
Boom, headshot!
- Ah for fuck’s sake!
- B-but you can’t do that to me! But why?
Got you there, yeah, yeah!
Let’s see the money! Let’s see the money!
There, there! What’s this? This is a pittance, isn’t it?
It’s not enough, not nearly enough! C’mon, c’mon!
Hey, spread the wealth, won’t you?
C’mon, spread, spread!
Svans...
I’m never trusting you again.
Not my fault!
THIS GAME'S A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
Yeah, whole lot of “shaise”.
“Secret”...
Gal, if I had been you I wouldn’t have come at all.
Besides, they’ve holed themselves up in that room and they’re not coming out.
Seems they’re gonna be like that for at least one more hour.
I’m raiding the kitchen.
I don’t care, let them stay there.
I’m having a shitload of fun.
Especially with the guitarist we’ve got there in the corner...
(singing)
I can't get no...
(singing)
satisfaction
(singing)
and I try
(singing)
and I try, and I try
(singing)
I can't get no...
Overwhelming evidence that guys don’t have a clue how to have fun.
I completely agree.
Wait a sec, ok?
Want anything to drink?
Sure…
lemon vodka.
I’ll be right back.
Alright, Eva…
I’d like for you and I to hang out some other day… would you like that?
Yes, yes, of course.
Ok.
Ok then, so… I’m leaving, yeah.
Sure, sure, see you then.
Uh, one sec, wait.
I’m gonna get my jacket, you mind going with me?
- We’re leaving together then?
- Yes.
- Fine.
- Fine? You want to, then?
- Yes.
- Ok, let’s go.
Sorry to intrude…?
“Vamos”, let’s go.
Come on.
Come in, come in.
How are you… Eva?
I’m fine…
Do you know the name that has been given to these walls…
this room?
Uh... back... room?
Wrong.
It’s the "FUCK-tory".
You get it?
Yes…
It's showtime...
And now…
your minds belong to me!
At the count of three, you will fall in a deep slumber!
Three!
Two!
One!
Now!
Aw yeah!
There! There! There’s where I wanted to get!
Oh yes!
Fuckin’ A!
And now…
...you will all...
...turn into…!
Motherfucking zombies!
I swear, it’s always the same shit, always the same…
What?
Have I said anything wrong…?
No shit?
Love…?
What’s up… you having second thoughts?
There, there, let’s go!
Scram!
Have you seen that shit!?
Motherfucking fuck, I almost had it!
God! God!
Almost had it!
Hey, hey…
Get it together!
Can I come in?
Fuck you forever!
It’s all your fault!
My fault! Look, no fucking way!
Who was it that uttered that “motherfucking zombies” sentence then!?
Ah… so who was it that said to bring a PSP so I wouldn’t bother?
So who’s the dimwit who’s always getting killed playing “Resident Evil”!?
And who’s the loser who’s got to use hypnosis to score and doesn’t go up front about it like a man, huh!?
What’s up!?
The females, dude?
That way, man, that way…
I’m sticking to you.
- (Jaime) No, stay!
- Hi mom! Mom!
(Jaime)
Don’t speak to the camera!
The fuck are they gonna do, if they’re just shitty zombies?
They’re hypnotized girls who believe themselves zombies, it’s a whole different deal!
Holy shit, a conga!
I don’t give a shit, dude.
Do you even know what’ll happen if we get in there?
No, I don’t!
They’ll eat us alive and they won’t even leave a scrap of flesh in our bones!
Then let’s get it on, dude!
I’m not about to be devoured by a horde of hot girls in high heels!
Well I’m so going to!
Do whatever you want but I’m leaving this place right this way!
I’m not gonna listen to you a second more. C’mon, grab my jacket and let’s go.
Since when do you have a jacket?
Holy shit!
Help! She’s too horny for me!
Oh god someone help!
No more jacket for you!
OK, so as I was saying, two things.
We are both at fault, whatever.
What’s important now is…
every man...
to himself.
(Jaime)
Sorry sorry sorry.
My bad, my bad, it’s all my fault.
Don’t mind me, I’m not here.
I’m getting the fuck out of here right now!
(JAIME)
Aw!
Fuckin’ hell.
Well, whatever, Gabriel said he was losing his head over her, right?
Wait wait…
What am I getting so scared about? You’re just shitty zombies!
I can just run anytime…
Now, now’s not the time.
Shit! No! No, God no! You’re gonna kill me!
Don’t kill me please, let me live!
No, silly! Hahah, poor zombie.
C’mon, little one! Aaaah, she’s gonna get me! She’s gonna get me!
C´mon, hold dad´s hands…
Mom…
yeah, gonna be late because this girl’s taking forever.
Yeah.
Macaroni, thanks.
I think I’m…
doubling your bet.
Shit!
Are you cheating?
Me? I’m not wearing sleeves!
Don´t lie to me!
I’m not wearing sleeves, dude!
Help…!
...me!
I think this one’s out…
another 15.
I’m calling ‘em!
Fuck, it’s Jaime!
You're kidding!
(Svans)
Son of a bitch!
No, he’s outside. Gonna look for him.
Shit!
You fucking bast…!
Holy shit!
Hey!
Not a step…
...none...
of you three!
Where were you?
I don’t know what’s worse, castration by cutting or biting!
You’re gonna bite it!
That was a good one!
No!
Hey sweethearts!
Guys, the hotties are coming!
Damn!
They’re horny as hell!
[ALL BOYS SCREAMS]
(Guy)
God!
(Guy)
Fuck!
(Svans)
DON’T BIT ME!
(Svans)
SHIT!
(Guy 2)
GOD!
I did it!
I’m saved!
What the fuck are you doing here?
(Lil'Oscar)
What, what are you saying?
ACTIVATE SUBTITLES
FRENCH
(Lil'Oscar)
Speak English, for fuck’s sake!
“I just thought you weren’t gonna come.”
Nothing, just dropping by.
Now you’ll see what I gonna do with you!
What are you saying?
(Lil'Oscar)
Huh?
Sorry girls, it’s just… I’m busy now.
Well, ok, it’s ok.
C’mon! I’m here.
All yours!
[LIL'OSCAR SCREAMS]
[GIRLS BURPS]
So...
What a sweet guy, huh?
That’s nice, real nice!
Grose.... grose....
(Jaime)
Wait!
That's better!
Come here!
Do you like it?
You like Mr. Handy, huh…?
Nice, huh? Nice?
Catch it!
That was cool.
Another goof, just another goof!
‘Goof’ is a term for a mistake in a film scene’s continuity.
They happen in many films, especially Tom Cruise ones.
If in doubt, consult with your nearest cinephile.
Shit!
Time!
I’m done...
this is the end…
God, I’ve gotta give it to you.
Your plan to fuck Jaime over turned out... flawless
What now? What else?
Here I am!
There’s nothing else! C’mon!
GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT!
What the fuck’s happened?
What’s up?
I’m feeling all weird…
Hey, I’m feeling like I’ve stuffed my face.
I think...
I’ve got something between my teeth…
A DEAD GUY!
(Bertucho)
But where are you going? Don’t just leave me in the middle of it!
AW!
That’s it.
It’s all the same to me anyway!
I’ve even had time to copy your phone’s contact list.
Man, that felt just right!
How about you, Charlie?
[UNZIP HIS PANTS]
That again.
[UNZIP HIS PANTS]
Oh my god!
Shining as usual.
Now this is the Charlie I used to know.
Oh!
God!
Fuck...
Well, it’s not like I knew anyone…
(God)
And next time…
I’ll be zapping your balls!
Smells toasty! I like that!
THE GRIM REAPER
Let’s see what we can find…
Ah!
Don’t tell me! The Statue of Liberty!
I know, I’ll help you.
Toast, but not too burnt please! This one is overdone!
What, lacking some spark in your life?
Well… I see I’m gonna have to bust my ass…
[HEART BEATING]
This ain’t fair!
Lucky bastard!
Ouch...
Ouch...
(Bertucho)
Jaime?
Jaime?
Jaime?
(Bertucho)
Holy shit Jaime, am I glad to see you alive!
Anyway dude, back on track!
The place’s a fucking mess, dude! This is hell on earth!
And that Eva… I’ve done the whole book on her!
Up there, down there,
in the middle, from the sides…
I... I knew this was gonna be my night, man.
What about you?
What are you doing, man…?
Fu...
Man!
For chrissakes, that felt good!
Fuck, man! What was that? Pass me another, Pikachu!
Let’s get outta this mess before we get blamed for it…
Oh god.
(singing)
It's been a hard day's night,
(singing)
and I'd been working like a dog
ONE WEEK LATER
Hi Celia.
Hi, Jaime…
What,
you doing anything today?
No, just buying the newspaper and bread.
Good for you.
One thing…
Huh...
Want me to give you a ride?
Jaime, you don’t have a car. You’ve got a bike.
So what?
I can ride real hard all the same…
Jaime, you and I have nothing to do!
You better stay there, and I here, ok?
[UNPLUGGED SOUND]
[PLUGGED SOUND]
She’s actually... got the hots for me.
Aw!
Fucking jolts!
(Celia)
Jaime…
darling.
I’m sorry, I don’t even know what came over me, what was I thinking…
will you forgive me, please?
Excuse me…?
Will you forgive me now?
Bertucho?
No, I’m Elsa Pataky, I want you to sign your autograph on my breasts…
Hey, I’m… not going.
Basically because I’d be late.
Real late…
so don’t wait for me.
Ah, and save my number already, you bastard.
OK uh… you know,
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
With real, crazy, benefits…
THE END
THE END?
(Letter Voice)
“MESSAGES THAT ENUNCIATE” presents a letter from your cousin Jaime:
Hi Bertucho!
How’s it hanging?
Head on over to your bedroom, I’ve left a little something there for you.
Little like your weenie, get it? Because it’s so little.
Hahaha, sorry, I just had to crack the joke.
I bet it’s gonna be the fucking towel, like every year…
Holy shit…!
(Letter Voice)
This is a present in return for all of the times we’ve had together.
To activate it, you have to utter the sentence:
“JAIME IS GOD”.
Motherfucker!
(Letter Voice)
Hey, watch your language!
“Jaime is God”...
(Letter Voice)
Speak clearer, please.
“JAIME IS GOD”, fucking hell!
(Letter Voice)
No need to fuck Hell.
[ACTIVATION SOUND]
Hi Bertucho.
have you been a really bad boy?
You can’t even imagine…
Then...
I’m gonna have to be really, really bad with you…
you little bastard.
OH, MY, GOD!
Wait a sec, gonna rub one off imaginarily!
Done.
Are you ready for your punishment...?
If it means I’ve gotta stay in this room with you,
I don’t mind at all.
Then move your ass over there!
Yes, ma’am!
C’mon, c’mon…
come here… you sugarpuss!
[DESACTIVATION SOUND]
What’s going on?
Has she broken down?
Has she broken down?
(Letter Voice)
No, it’s not broken, you numbnuts.
I knew beforehand you’d say "sugarpuss", so I’ve set it up as a second password.
What?!
(Letter Voice)
Didn’t you say you like women wild in bed?
Well, there you go. She thinks she’s a Cephalopoidis papadopoulus.
How…!?
(Letter Voice)
No, I don’t know what that is, either.
I heard of it in National Geographic and it sounded pretty awful.
This is for the hell you made me go through on that Saturday.
XOXO that´s all folks... Kthxbye!
Son of a bitch.
Hey wait a minute…
what am I getting scared for?
You’re just a… a…
(Letter Voice)
Cephalopoidis papadopoulus.
Excellent, thank you very much.
I can just run like hell anytime.
[BITTING SOUNDS AND SCREAMS]
Ah! Oh! Oh, God!
No, not that, that´s mine!
[BROKEN OBJETS]
I need it! I need it...!
Stop! Stop!
[MORE BROKEN OBJETS AND PUNCHES]
Argh, my leg! My leg! Stop it!
[ANIMAL ROARS / BERTUCHO SCREAMING]
Jaime! YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIIITCH!
Directed and Edited by
Original Idea and Screenplay by
"The Prologue": Written by
Executive Producers
Directors of Photography
Soundtrack by
With the Special Collaboration of
Visual Effects created by
Assistant Directors
DEATH'S WEARING HIGH HEELS
Dude…
Dude…!
Holy crap, they’re all dead!
Whoa dude, this ain’t fair.
CAST
(in order of appareance)
Wait…!
Sorry.
I'd write blah, blah...
Who do you think you are, Van Damme?
You think you’re Van Damme?
That little noise…
- I did not invent the PSP!
- I didn’t, either!
- Over there! Over there!
- Where's the females, dude?
Come on, that way!
No!
What’s going on? What’d I say?
Besides, what are they gonna do to us, if they’re just…?
Cut! Rewind!
I’m never trusting you again…
Dude, I’ve forgotten my line.
Listen, is this the war?
Crap, it keeps falling off.
I swear I’m never going hungry again!
Because I can’t say it, and no means no!
Because everything’s gone to shit and the world’s the worst!
- Cris, please!
- I’m having a blast here!
A carnivorous rat! I’ve found it there just now, it’s eating all of the breakfast supplies!
Hey! Don't move...
...no one…
of you three…!
Shit!
Again, dude!?
No?
Catch it!
- What are you doing?
- Nothing, just chilling out. You?
- Do you study or work?
- I’m working right now.
Another take.
Now a close-up.
Now what…?
SOUNDTRACK
(in order of appearance)
SPECIAL THANKS
AND SPECIAL THANKS TO THE BAND "CHEAP TRICK"
WHO GIVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO CREATE THIS MOVIE.
THIS MOVIE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF:
SHOT ENTIRELY IN MADRID
THIS WORK IS REGISTERED IN THE REGISTER OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF THE COMMUNITY OF MADRID.
ALL CHARACTERS APPEARING IN THIS STORY ARE FICTITIOUS. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE REALITY IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
(JAIME'S VOICE)
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are once again unknown…
many, still, believe it lost…
...but who knows...
...who could be the current owner of…
“The Art of Hypnosis”?
I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS MOVIE TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME, FROM THE IDEA'S CREATION TO THE MOVIE'S FINAL CUT. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU FOR BEING THERE EVERY TIME. - DAVID DÍAZ
TANIA BARÓN - ENRIQUE CORRALES
VÍCTOR GONZÁLEZ FRAILE
CAROL MONTALVO - ALBERTO PAZ - SARA RODRÍGUEZ
Supervised by
ENRIQUE CORRALES
“When someone who is really looking for something finally finds it, it is not chance that bestows it upon him, but rather he himself. It is his own wishes and needs that drive him towards it.”
Hermann Hesse - Swiss writer
“There are only two truly important things in life. Sex is one and I don’t remember the other one…”
Woody Allen - Director & Screenwriter
FOURTH COMMANDMENT
Host by
Welcome all,
to the night of mystery.
Tonight we will talk
about a relic…
a diamond in the rough…
a myth… that was a part of our society for a long time.
It is nothing more and nothing less...
than a book.
"The Art of Hypnosis".
Many historians have attributed the book
Many historians have attributed the book to different ages...
and peoples.
Sumerians,
Egyptians,
Athenians,
Franks,
Huns,
Others,
and Spartans.
This… is nothing but…
total bullshit.
Its true author
was an Ukrainian migrant.
From a forgotten hamlet.
In 1882 he settled in Switzerland.
Where he would study the secrets… of the human mind.
However,
it would not be until his long stay in France…
when he wrote one of the basic foundations to understand the developmentthat he would write one of the key foundations for the development
of history.
As in, capital H history.
“At long last I’ve finished my work!”
“I need proof of my work’s power…”
"MARTINE!"
“Yes, M’lord?”
“From now on…”
“... your mind will become…”
“...that of a rabbit!”
“They’re gonna shit bricks!”
It wouldn’t be until 1891 that he managed to publish his book in London.
Under the pseudonym of Donald Dennis
Donald Dennis Hall.
At the age of 33, the young author disappeared without a trace.
Quite unlike his book.
Which ended up going through some of the most influential hands in 20th century history:
William Randolph Hearst,
Al Capone,
and even…
Walt Disney.
In the late 1930s,
the book was taken from the hands of a famous archaeologist.
It ended up in the power of Joseph Goebbels.
This meant that…
during World War II…
the book had the worst owner imaginable.
The Fuhrer!
After Hitler’s death in 1945,
the book was returned to the Allies.
Throughout the 1950s, it was a object of secret study.
We have obtained previously unseen footage,
unknown to human eyes for nearly 60 years…
This is recording?
(Cameraman)
Yeah!
This is the experiment…
ACTIVATE AUDIO TRACK:
D.D.H. 51, Take 1.
The subject’s ready for the experiment we’re about to perform…
from “The Art of Hypnosis” by Donald Dennis Hall.
The subject is in a trance at the moment…
- Hans?
- Ja?
Is everything in order?
(Dr. Hans)
Ja, ja.
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Where did you get the subject?
Is memento from Poland.
(Dr. Robertson)
Excuse me… Mr. Wilkinson?
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Robertson?
I’ve taken the liberty of reading some fragments of the book…
it mentions that the author used to run his experiments on women.
(Dr. Robertson)
Couldn’t it be…?
Robertson.
Have you seen any women at all, in the last three years, in Area 51?
Truth be told… no.
Right. Well then, shall we go on?
Ah well, let’s… commence the experiment.
Hmmm… all clear.
Good.
OK, Robertson! The book!
Ah… yes, here, sorry.
(Dr. Wilkinson)
Goddamn interns.
Anyway.
Let’s see…
Everything ready, Jimmy?
- Yep!
- Right.
From this moment onwards, you shall only heed and obey my orders!
Your mind has changed! Now you are…!
Rat!
Professor, a giant rat! It’s eating all of the supplies, I’m thinking it’s carnivorous actually!
What’s going on, what- what!?
Shoo! Away from me, vermin!
Let’s get the hell out of here!
- (Dr. Wilkinson) No!
- (Dr. Robertson) Don’t leave me in this place!
I think we’re going to need... more rat poison.
During the 1960s and 70s, the book vanished.
But…
we think we can get the picture of how that went.
Peace and love, man!
The next mention we have is...
of its strange role...
in the February 23th coup attempt.
Several sources outright state
that before Lt. Col. Tejero’s failed coup attempt against the Spanish Congress,
a German copy of the book ended up in the hands of the coup members.
A translation of the book was commissioned with the goal of hypnotizing the members of the chamber,
and therefore carry out the coup with overwhelming efficiency.
However, that mission didn’t turn out as they expected.
A majority believe someone from that ‘particular group’
made a fatal mistake in the translation.
One that luckily doomed any chances of success for the attempt.
February 23, 1981
OK there, c’mon.
Let’s go.
Hey.
We listening to Tejero.
They been hypo… whatever yet or what?
[Coup Members]
- Whaddaya mean hippo, wha…?
- What the fuck have you done!?
[Coup Member #1]
What have you done!?
[Coup Member #2]
Who’s translated that piece of shit of a book!?
Lemme see if I haven’t translated the book wrong…
A moment, please.
Hitler…
he’s French.
Yes.
[Coup Member #2]
What are you saying!? Bloody guy’s Norwegian, dammit!
[Coup Member #1]
Just how is he Norwegian!? He’s from Upper Carabanchel, born and raised!
[Coup Member #2]
You done fucked up, you buggers!
- We’re going, we’re going…
- [Coup Member #1] Lemme… I used to go there all the time as a kid… he used to give me candy when…
We’re fucked, huh?
I… I think I’m bailing out to Argentina.
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are unknown.
This one, it’s just a prop.
[BROKEN OBJECT SOUND]
But many think
[GUN LOADING SOUND]
it lies...
[GUN SHOT]
Is that my camera?
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are unknown.
Many believe it lost.
But who knows?
Who could be the current owner of…
“The Art of Hypnosis”?
A DAVID DÍAZ FILM
DEATH'S WEARING HIGH HEELS
May 2008
Oh... Let’s party, party, party!
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Come in, come in.
Okay, okay…
C’mon, tell me all about it.
Ok...
so where do I begin… uh…
uh… I’ve got good news and bad news.
Ok, tell me the good ones.
Ok, I know the time.
Yay!
The place...
Yay!
Also who’s going.
All of the girls?
Uh… yeah.
Holy shit dude, you’re awesome!
I love you, you’re fucking brilliant.
Man…
Man, now you can tell me anything, I couldn’t care less…
For real?
Anything!
We can’t go.
WHAT!?
Hey, I tried my best, huh!?
So tell me, what the fuck has happened!?
This.
Well that’s all I know. Hope it’ll be of any use.
Thanks Sandra!
Huge favor you’ve just done me, you can’t imagine.
So then you don’t mind my boyfriend coming, do you?
Lil’ Oscar?
C’mon, of course he’ll want me there!
He’s always going on about how it isn’t a party without me. Besides, he and I, we’ve always been together, everywhere.
Ever since kindergarten, elementary, the restroom…
Shit, how’s he not gonna want me to come?
He’s right behind me isn’t he?
What a nice day we’re having, huh?
LIL' OSCAR
Lil’ Oscar?
Lil’ Oscar?
It’s a diminutive…
I've heard something about a party...
Uh… yeah…
You’re not thinking of going, are you?
Why not?
- That a threat?
- No, no, no.
Look kid, if I see you around there…
I’m cutting your balls off.
Litteraly.
That clear? That clear!? That clear!?
Aw, I love it when he plays tough!
Isn’t he a cutie?
Playing tough, huh?
Hold a sec, Oscar!
End of the line!
I’m tired of being told where to go and where not.
I’m going to that party!
Besides,
who’s going to stop me?
You and what army?
Shit.
Just that?
I can handle that ‘n more.
That’s right, call in reinforcements!
Meet you in half an hour.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
After him!
And remember, you were warned!
I’m so sorry, Jaime! When he gets like that there’s...
no way of stopping him… OK then,
see you in class, huh?
XOXO.
By the way, you seem to have landed on something uh…
Shit!
And that’s what really stung about it all…
Jaime...
do you know what’s a fucking ‘dead Saturday’?
When you and I are left without a plan on a Saturday?
Do you know how long have I been without getting any?
Uh… no.
Enough to track it with a fucking calendar!
I planned to fuck my loneliness into oblivion this Saturday!
And neither Oscar or any other boyfriend in that party’s gonna keep me from it!
Hold it right there, I’ve had my tough Saturdays too!
You forget that time you left me alone in that party with that bottle of viagra!
Par-tay!
Holy shit!
Dude, what’s up!?
Where are the girls?
THEY HAVEN’T COME!!
But what is it you want me to do!?
I don’t care! Beg, steal, kill, kidnap…
but find a way of getting us into that party!
Hey! I think I’ve got it!
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing lending it to you…
A- and… why wouldn’t you?
Because I know you very well, Jaime.
C’mon Dani, I’ll look after it as if it were my own.
Uh, that’s not the reason I said that.
Jaime, we only want to advise you to be cautious.
What this book can do is very real.
C’mon guys!
Look, I believe in all of the bullshit that shows up in “Fourth Commandment” as much as the next guy…
See how I was right…?
But from there, Dani, to you being…
Do you know about hypnosis?
You fall asleep… little by little…
That guy who started that thing at school… with that one sentence…
You shall only wish to give me…
The beatdown of a lifetime!
The beatdown of a lifetime!
The beatdown of a lifetime!!
The beatdown of a lifetime!
[PUNCHES / JAIME SCREAMS]
Silvia...
Silvia! Wake up!
What’s up…? And Jaime!?
Oh my god!
Are you alright?
Yes...
as a matter of fact…
this gives an idea of what I’m planning to do at the party…
ow, ow, ow…
This is a very difficult situation for me.
I was hoping not to have to do it again, but…
you’re the only one who can ease my pain.
Don’t know…
I hope you’ll be able to raise my spirits a bit.
This is the pits…
(Jaime)
Bertucho are you there?
Yes. What’s up?
(Jaime)
Just one thing.
Abel still going to the party?
Yeah, why?
Because we’re going with him.
THE ART OF HYPNOSIS
SATURDAY NIGHT
Coast’s clear.
(Bertucho)
You hurt?
No, no, no.
(Bertucho)
C’mon silly, you got hurt.
Get down already, for fuck’s sake!
(Bertucho)
Down? You know what, you’re the downer here!
Shit Bertucho, get down!
(Bertucho)
The things one must do…
- Right.
- Fuck, someone’s coming!
Jesus!
What’s up guys…
[UNZIP PANTS / LEAKING SOUND]
[LEAKING STOPS]
See you, guys…
I’m not saying a thing…
There’s the girls!
This is gonna be something to remember.
Yeah, right. Just like that time you confessed to the girl with that song, right, you sissy?
“You should already know
I’ll always love you"
Yes, yes, yes.
"It’s you I want to kiss
With all of my love”
And now for the body solo...
Why don’t they shoot him already?
“You’re my little plushy doll!”
Die.
Yeah...
like that time you broke up with your girlfriend too, right?
Bertuchín…
‘Sup, love?
I’ve got something for you...
Ah yes? What is it?
Whatcha got for me?
DON’T YOU...
...EVER...
...FUCKING...
...CALL ME...
...AGAIN!
Is that clear?
Oh, was it her who broke up with you?
Argh… you son of a bitch… don’t remind me…
Stings, doesn’t it?
C’mon, let’s go…
Yeah…
One by one.
- Ok, I’ll go first...
- No, I’m first.
Ow, my neck!
Make way, make way, make way!
C’mon, get in!
I'm stuck, damn it!
Wait, wait...
Argh, cramp! Cramp!
Cramp?
No, no, no! No!
Fork! In butthole! Butthole fork!
ss-forking! Aw!
Get the fuck down, man!
No, don’t jump, don’t.
No, no, no...
No, no...
Hello.
C’mon! Dudes,
you’re a fucking circus troupe.
You’re an embarrassment to your country, for fuck’s sake.
What’s up, who’s there?
Nah, no problem.
She really loves this actor so she’s not even blinking.
So nothing to worry about.
Let’s go.
Clear.
Time to fuck, time to fuck!
Hold it!
Time to fuck, time to fuck…!
“Fucktime” comes later.
Gentlemen...
the Presidential Suite.
What about Lil' Oscar, where’s he?
He ended up sitting his lazy ass at home getting stoned or...
playing video games, dunno.
You’ve gotta be shitting me!
We sneak into the fucking party, Mission: Impossible-style!
And that loser stays home!?
And how the fuck was I supposed to know, huh!?
I dunno, I don’t give a shit either way! All of his friends are there anyway.
All his gang is there!
They’ve all sent each other your picture, Jaime, over fucking Bluetooth…
so you know how it is. So…
Son of a bitch!
Then I could as well have come alone!
No, you numbnuts, it’s all the same! You also show up in the picture!
Ah, I remember that picture!
C’mon, you clowns…
please step into the fucking suite.
Hey, cool.
C'me on.
let’s see the dough, guys. Cough up…
c’mon.
C’mon, pay up, pay up, pay up…
Me?
No, my grandma.
What? You only brought this?
You son of a bitch, you knew I was gonna bring more…
Don't laugh.
C’mon now. Done?
25 bucks, very well,
a pleasure doing business with you.
You guys are such a pain in the ass.
Last time, you bastard!
Why 25 bucks, when it was a piece of cake!
Look dude, this party’s a fucking drag.
With these 25 bucks
I can head to GOA and have a fucking blast, you know.
There you are, guys. Pain in the ass,
I tell you again! See ya.
Ok, on to business.
C'me on!
25 bucks...
Right, on to business. Quick check.
MP3 and headphones.
Yep.
My Bible.
What Bible?
The hypnosis book…
Ah, now you’re calling it a Bible?
Here.
Thanks.
Have you baptised it, now that you’re at it?
And finally, a PSP.
Dude, drawing a fucking list for three things…
What I don’t understand is the PSP.
What’s it gonna be for?
To keep you there, huddled in a corner without bothering me.
Besides, I’ve loaded up Resident Evil for you.
I’m still one paragraph from finishing.
You haven’t fucking read it yet!?
It’s just 6 pages!
And they’re the crucial ones!
Besides, I need all of my concentration, what I’m gonna do tonight won’t be easy.
Won’t be easy?
Jaime, what you’re planning is impossible.
Nothing is impossible...
Lil’ Oscar and the gang,
they think good ol’ Jaime...
isn’t coming to the party?
And what about the girls?
Am I not good enough for them?
I’m gonna ruin their shit!
I’m gonna hypnotize each and every one of the girls!
They shall fall in thrall to…!
Dude you’re gonna poke out my eye with the camera!
Take it easy!
Where did I…? Ah yeah.
I’ll hypnotize them, one after another.
They shall fall by my hand…
slaves to our will.
Who do you think you are? Van Damme?
The powers of the mind, according to that book…
are limitless.
What’s gonna be limitless on your ass is those girls’ boyfriends, if they catch you.
If, they catch US.
What a relief, thought you’d forgotten about me.
Just…
look at it… it’s…
I can just see it!
Hey.
Don’t forget about me, hey!
How could you even think of that?
Ok dude I’m losing it,
just do your thing with the PSP.
So these guys, they aren’t back yet?
- Those guys?
- Not a chance!
They haven’t returned from their so-called, “secret mission” yet.
C’mon!
They’re gonna kill your ass!
Yeah, that’s it!
C’mon, one more to go, one more to go!
Boom, headshot!
- Ah for fuck’s sake!
- B-but you can’t do that to me! But why?
Got you there, yeah, yeah!
Let’s see the money! Let’s see the money!
There, there! What’s this? This is a pittance, isn’t it?
It’s not enough, not nearly enough! C’mon, c’mon!
Hey, spread the wealth, won’t you?
C’mon, spread, spread!
Svans...
I’m never trusting you again.
Not my fault!
THIS GAME'S A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
Yeah, whole lot of “shaise”.
“Secret”...
Gal, if I had been you I wouldn’t have come at all.
Besides, they’ve holed themselves up in that room and they’re not coming out.
Seems they’re gonna be like that for at least one more hour.
I’m raiding the kitchen.
I don’t care, let them stay there.
I’m having a shitload of fun.
Especially with the guitarist we’ve got there in the corner...
(singing)
I can't get no...
(singing)
satisfaction
(singing)
and I try
(singing)
and I try, and I try
(singing)
I can't get no...
Overwhelming evidence that guys don’t have a clue how to have fun.
I completely agree.
Wait a sec, ok?
Want anything to drink?
Sure…
lemon vodka.
I’ll be right back.
Alright, Eva…
I’d like for you and I to hang out some other day… would you like that?
Yes, yes, of course.
Ok.
Ok then, so… I’m leaving, yeah.
Sure, sure, see you then.
Uh, one sec, wait.
I’m gonna get my jacket, you mind going with me?
- We’re leaving together then?
- Yes.
- Fine.
- Fine? You want to, then?
- Yes.
- Ok, let’s go.
Sorry to intrude…?
“Vamos”, let’s go.
Come on.
Come in, come in.
How are you… Eva?
I’m fine…
Do you know the name that has been given to these walls…
this room?
Uh... back... room?
Wrong.
It’s the "FUCK-tory".
You get it?
Yes…
It's showtime...
And now…
your minds belong to me!
At the count of three, you will fall in a deep slumber!
Three!
Two!
One!
Now!
Aw yeah!
There! There! There’s where I wanted to get!
Oh yes!
Fuckin’ A!
And now…
...you will all...
...turn into…!
Motherfucking zombies!
I swear, it’s always the same shit, always the same…
What?
Have I said anything wrong…?
No shit?
Love…?
What’s up… you having second thoughts?
There, there, let’s go!
Scram!
Have you seen that shit!?
Motherfucking fuck, I almost had it!
God! God!
Almost had it!
Hey, hey…
Get it together!
Can I come in?
Fuck you forever!
It’s all your fault!
My fault! Look, no fucking way!
Who was it that uttered that “motherfucking zombies” sentence then!?
Ah… so who was it that said to bring a PSP so I wouldn’t bother?
So who’s the dimwit who’s always getting killed playing “Resident Evil”!?
And who’s the loser who’s got to use hypnosis to score and doesn’t go up front about it like a man, huh!?
What’s up!?
The females, dude?
That way, man, that way…
I’m sticking to you.
- (Jaime) No, stay!
- Hi mom! Mom!
(Jaime)
Don’t speak to the camera!
The fuck are they gonna do, if they’re just shitty zombies?
They’re hypnotized girls who believe themselves zombies, it’s a whole different deal!
Holy shit, a conga!
I don’t give a shit, dude.
Do you even know what’ll happen if we get in there?
No, I don’t!
They’ll eat us alive and they won’t even leave a scrap of flesh in our bones!
Then let’s get it on, dude!
I’m not about to be devoured by a horde of hot girls in high heels!
Well I’m so going to!
Do whatever you want but I’m leaving this place right this way!
I’m not gonna listen to you a second more. C’mon, grab my jacket and let’s go.
Since when do you have a jacket?
Holy shit!
Help! She’s too horny for me!
Oh god someone help!
No more jacket for you!
OK, so as I was saying, two things.
We are both at fault, whatever.
What’s important now is…
every man...
to himself.
(Jaime)
Sorry sorry sorry.
My bad, my bad, it’s all my fault.
Don’t mind me, I’m not here.
I’m getting the fuck out of here right now!
(JAIME)
Aw!
Fuckin’ hell.
Well, whatever, Gabriel said he was losing his head over her, right?
Wait wait…
What am I getting so scared about? You’re just shitty zombies!
I can just run anytime…
Now, now’s not the time.
Shit! No! No, God no! You’re gonna kill me!
Don’t kill me please, let me live!
No, silly! Hahah, poor zombie.
C’mon, little one! Aaaah, she’s gonna get me! She’s gonna get me!
C´mon, hold dad´s hands…
Mom…
yeah, gonna be late because this girl’s taking forever.
Yeah.
Macaroni, thanks.
I think I’m…
doubling your bet.
Shit!
Are you cheating?
Me? I’m not wearing sleeves!
Don´t lie to me!
I’m not wearing sleeves, dude!
Help…!
...me!
I think this one’s out…
another 15.
I’m calling ‘em!
Fuck, it’s Jaime!
You're kidding!
(Svans)
Son of a bitch!
No, he’s outside. Gonna look for him.
Shit!
You fucking bast…!
Holy shit!
Hey!
Not a step…
...none...
of you three!
Where were you?
I don’t know what’s worse, castration by cutting or biting!
You’re gonna bite it!
That was a good one!
No!
Hey sweethearts!
Guys, the hotties are coming!
Damn!
They’re horny as hell!
[ALL BOYS SCREAMS]
(Guy)
God!
(Guy)
Fuck!
(Svans)
DON’T BIT ME!
(Svans)
SHIT!
(Guy 2)
GOD!
I did it!
I’m saved!
What the fuck are you doing here?
(Lil'Oscar)
What, what are you saying?
ACTIVATE SUBTITLES
FRENCH
(Lil'Oscar)
Speak English, for fuck’s sake!
“I just thought you weren’t gonna come.”
Nothing, just dropping by.
Now you’ll see what I gonna do with you!
What are you saying?
(Lil'Oscar)
Huh?
Sorry girls, it’s just… I’m busy now.
Well, ok, it’s ok.
C’mon! I’m here.
All yours!
[LIL'OSCAR SCREAMS]
[GIRLS BURPS]
So...
What a sweet guy, huh?
That’s nice, real nice!
Grose.... grose....
(Jaime)
Wait!
That's better!
Come here!
Do you like it?
You like Mr. Handy, huh…?
Nice, huh? Nice?
Catch it!
That was cool.
Another goof, just another goof!
‘Goof’ is a term for a mistake in a film scene’s continuity.
They happen in many films, especially Tom Cruise ones.
If in doubt, consult with your nearest cinephile.
Shit!
Time!
I’m done...
this is the end…
God, I’ve gotta give it to you.
Your plan to fuck Jaime over turned out... flawless
What now? What else?
Here I am!
There’s nothing else! C’mon!
GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT!
What the fuck’s happened?
What’s up?
I’m feeling all weird…
Hey, I’m feeling like I’ve stuffed my face.
I think...
I’ve got something between my teeth…
A DEAD GUY!
(Bertucho)
But where are you going? Don’t just leave me in the middle of it!
AW!
That’s it.
It’s all the same to me anyway!
I’ve even had time to copy your phone’s contact list.
Man, that felt just right!
How about you, Charlie?
[UNZIP HIS PANTS]
That again.
[UNZIP HIS PANTS]
Oh my god!
Shining as usual.
Now this is the Charlie I used to know.
Oh!
God!
Fuck...
Well, it’s not like I knew anyone…
(God)
And next time…
I’ll be zapping your balls!
Smells toasty! I like that!
THE GRIM REAPER
Let’s see what we can find…
Ah!
Don’t tell me! The Statue of Liberty!
I know, I’ll help you.
Toast, but not too burnt please! This one is overdone!
What, lacking some spark in your life?
Well… I see I’m gonna have to bust my ass…
[HEART BEATING]
This ain’t fair!
Lucky bastard!
Ouch...
Ouch...
(Bertucho)
Jaime?
Jaime?
Jaime?
(Bertucho)
Holy shit Jaime, am I glad to see you alive!
Anyway dude, back on track!
The place’s a fucking mess, dude! This is hell on earth!
And that Eva… I’ve done the whole book on her!
Up there, down there,
in the middle, from the sides…
I... I knew this was gonna be my night, man.
What about you?
What are you doing, man…?
Fu...
Man!
For chrissakes, that felt good!
Fuck, man! What was that? Pass me another, Pikachu!
Let’s get outta this mess before we get blamed for it…
Oh god.
(singing)
It's been a hard day's night,
(singing)
and I'd been working like a dog
ONE WEEK LATER
Hi Celia.
Hi, Jaime…
What,
you doing anything today?
No, just buying the newspaper and bread.
Good for you.
One thing…
Huh...
Want me to give you a ride?
Jaime, you don’t have a car. You’ve got a bike.
So what?
I can ride real hard all the same…
Jaime, you and I have nothing to do!
You better stay there, and I here, ok?
[UNPLUGGED SOUND]
[PLUGGED SOUND]
She’s actually... got the hots for me.
Aw!
Fucking jolts!
(Celia)
Jaime…
darling.
I’m sorry, I don’t even know what came over me, what was I thinking…
will you forgive me, please?
Excuse me…?
Will you forgive me now?
Bertucho?
No, I’m Elsa Pataky, I want you to sign your autograph on my breasts…
Hey, I’m… not going.
Basically because I’d be late.
Real late…
so don’t wait for me.
Ah, and save my number already, you bastard.
OK uh… you know,
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
With real, crazy, benefits…
THE END
THE END?
(Letter Voice)
“MESSAGES THAT ENUNCIATE” presents a letter from your cousin Jaime:
Hi Bertucho!
How’s it hanging?
Head on over to your bedroom, I’ve left a little something there for you.
Little like your weenie, get it? Because it’s so little.
Hahaha, sorry, I just had to crack the joke.
I bet it’s gonna be the fucking towel, like every year…
Holy shit…!
(Letter Voice)
This is a present in return for all of the times we’ve had together.
To activate it, you have to utter the sentence:
“JAIME IS GOD”.
Motherfucker!
(Letter Voice)
Hey, watch your language!
“Jaime is God”...
(Letter Voice)
Speak clearer, please.
“JAIME IS GOD”, fucking hell!
(Letter Voice)
No need to fuck Hell.
[ACTIVATION SOUND]
Hi Bertucho.
have you been a really bad boy?
You can’t even imagine…
Then...
I’m gonna have to be really, really bad with you…
you little bastard.
OH, MY, GOD!
Wait a sec, gonna rub one off imaginarily!
Done.
Are you ready for your punishment...?
If it means I’ve gotta stay in this room with you,
I don’t mind at all.
Then move your ass over there!
Yes, ma’am!
C’mon, c’mon…
come here… you sugarpuss!
[DESACTIVATION SOUND]
What’s going on?
Has she broken down?
Has she broken down?
(Letter Voice)
No, it’s not broken, you numbnuts.
I knew beforehand you’d say "sugarpuss", so I’ve set it up as a second password.
What?!
(Letter Voice)
Didn’t you say you like women wild in bed?
Well, there you go. She thinks she’s a Cephalopoidis papadopoulus.
How…!?
(Letter Voice)
No, I don’t know what that is, either.
I heard of it in National Geographic and it sounded pretty awful.
This is for the hell you made me go through on that Saturday.
XOXO that´s all folks... Kthxbye!
Son of a bitch.
Hey wait a minute…
what am I getting scared for?
You’re just a… a…
(Letter Voice)
Cephalopoidis papadopoulus.
Excellent, thank you very much.
I can just run like hell anytime.
[BITTING SOUNDS AND SCREAMS]
Ah! Oh! Oh, God!
No, not that, that´s mine!
[BROKEN OBJETS]
I need it! I need it...!
Stop! Stop!
[MORE BROKEN OBJETS AND PUNCHES]
Argh, my leg! My leg! Stop it!
[ANIMAL ROARS / BERTUCHO SCREAMING]
Jaime! YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIIITCH!
Directed and Edited by
Original Idea and Screenplay by
"The Prologue": Written by
Executive Producers
Directors of Photography
Soundtrack by
With the Special Collaboration of
Visual Effects created by
Assistant Directors
DEATH'S WEARING HIGH HEELS
Dude…
Dude…!
Holy crap, they’re all dead!
Whoa dude, this ain’t fair.
CAST
(in order of appareance)
Wait…!
Sorry.
I'd write blah, blah...
Who do you think you are, Van Damme?
You think you’re Van Damme?
That little noise…
- I did not invent the PSP!
- I didn’t, either!
- Over there! Over there!
- Where's the females, dude?
Come on, that way!
No!
What’s going on? What’d I say?
Besides, what are they gonna do to us, if they’re just…?
Cut! Rewind!
I’m never trusting you again…
Dude, I’ve forgotten my line.
Listen, is this the war?
Crap, it keeps falling off.
I swear I’m never going hungry again!
Because I can’t say it, and no means no!
Because everything’s gone to shit and the world’s the worst!
- Cris, please!
- I’m having a blast here!
A carnivorous rat! I’ve found it there just now, it’s eating all of the breakfast supplies!
Hey! Don't move...
...no one…
of you three…!
Shit!
Again, dude!?
No?
Catch it!
- What are you doing?
- Nothing, just chilling out. You?
- Do you study or work?
- I’m working right now.
Another take.
Now a close-up.
Now what…?
SOUNDTRACK
(in order of appearance)
SPECIAL THANKS
AND SPECIAL THANKS TO THE BAND "CHEAP TRICK"
WHO GIVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO CREATE THIS MOVIE.
THIS MOVIE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF:
SHOT ENTIRELY IN MADRID
THIS WORK IS REGISTERED IN THE REGISTER OF INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF THE COMMUNITY OF MADRID.
ALL CHARACTERS APPEARING IN THIS STORY ARE FICTITIOUS. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE REALITY IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
(JAIME'S VOICE)
Currently, the book’s whereabouts are once again unknown…
many, still, believe it lost…
...but who knows...
...who could be the current owner of…
“The Art of Hypnosis”?
I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS MOVIE TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME, FROM THE IDEA'S CREATION TO THE MOVIE'S FINAL CUT. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU FOR BEING THERE EVERY TIME. - DAVID DÍAZ