Death by VHS (2013) - full transcript

You told me to come back Wednesday.
Well,

it's Wednesday.

Did you get your hands on it, Man?
Yes,

I found it, Man.

I'm sure you are first man
after all you show life in

your asses.

Okay then, $50 a day and ten
bucks for six days.

They say it's like a drug,
a drug you watch.

Yes. Okay, follow me.

This shit make you trip balls
or what man?

So the story goes, Man.



Now get going, hit that highway.
I've got a dude

coming soon for his daily

pick of a weed and if he sees
you two here he's likely to go

out and join the rehab.

Now get going.

What the hell happened with
the fucking

thing?

It looks like it went through
some kind of a war.

It looks like somebody took a
shit on it.

Pick a number Babe - 28, 70, 19, 36.
That

One.

36 it is Kitten,
guess my number is here.

I wonder how many of these
scenes were made.

Ingrid?



Yes. Ms. Mary.
I can't go on that blind date

you

set me up with, Ingrid.
Look at me, I'm a freak, hideous,

it will

never work out.
Will you stop with the pity party.

Just be yourself,
it's what's inside that counts anyway.

Andy's going to be here any minute.
No, Ingrid,

I can't go through with it.

Guys always make fun of me.
They call me names like

She Freak

and monster face.
I mean why should this guy be any

different.

But he will be different,
you never know,

have faith.

If you feel beautiful, you'll look

beautiful so give it a shot.
You can do it, I know you can.

I wish it was that simple, Ingrid.
Maybe some

other time.

Why does everything have to
be such a tragedy with

you, Mary?

You're never going to find
Mr. Right if all you do all day is

sit around and stare

at your fucking feet.
Oh my God, do you think I like

feeling this way and looking like this?
You have no idea

what it's like, you're normal.

Go away asshole.
Fine, I'm leaving.

You're probably an ugly bitch anyway.

So what are you doing today?
Honestly, I think

I'm just going to

stay home and sleep all day.
I mean what's the point of doing

anything?

I can't go anywhere without
being called a freak.

All of this doom and gloom
life is what you make

it.

I made you some tea.
I know you're trying to make me

feel better.
At least somebody in this world still

cares about me.
Mary, I love you, and I just want

to see you be happy.

Who is it?
Hi, I have a delivery here

Mary Cooper.
Oh my God, my beauty supplies have

arrived.

I can't let him see me like this.
Could you please sign

for it for me?

Mary, this has got to stop.
Go to the door and get

your package.

Hello?
Coming. Come in.

How are you doing?
I've got this delivery

here for you.

So you've got to sign here if
you could,

there you go.

Thanks a lot.

Have a great day.

What did you get?
What's in the box?

This is the beauty elixir
I ordered online.

Beauty elixir?

That sounds like some pretty weird shit.
Where did you hear

about it?

I read about it on the internet.
It's supposed to be

over a hundred years

old and it's really supposed to work.
Give it to

me.

Drink deep this ancient meed
and with these words you must

heed for beauty

and grace forever more.
Drink the life of sweet amor.

Honestly Mary this is some
pretty fucked up shit.

Where did it come from?

House of Secrets
Black Magic Supplies and Spells.

Oh stop worrying, Ingrid,
I'm not going to die

or anything, all right?

You know what?
I live in the real world, Mary.

I need to take a shower and
I need to get ready for work and

if you want to fuck

around with your black magic
and your witchcraft and your

spells that's your

business, okay?

Hey Mary, I'm home,
come talk to me.

Whoa, Mary is that you?

Yes, it's me.
Look at me, Ingrid, I'm beautiful.

How?
The potion, it works.

I can't believe this.
Mary you're beautiful.

Hey, can I set you up with a
total hotty now? Ingrid,

you can set me up with

a million hotties.
I've got a lifetime to catch up on.

Well girlfriend,
it's your lucky day, I know just

the guy to call.

Hi, come in.
Hi there, how are you?

Well these are for you.

I just don't know if Ingrid
told you but I'm actually her

friend, Tony.

Your name's Mary, right?

Yes it is. How do you do?

So are we going out somewhere?
Yes, of course.

Actually I have reservations
at this Italian restaurant

down the street.

You have to book a month in
advance over there.

A month... Really?

Yes, actually 20 minutes,
we've got to get

going.

I actually met a guy down there,
he actually owes me a

favor.

He had a cancellation so he
did me a favor so come on,

let's go.

Come on. Shit.

What's wrong?
The fucking car won't start,

I don't know what's wrong.
Come on.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Ingrid, you are Mary's roommate?
Now have you

seen or notice anything

strange about Mary recently?
Detective, please,

you've got to

help me find her. I love her.

Mary is my best friend.
I'm really worried about her.

Ma'am, just answer the question...
Have you seen

or noticed

anything strange about her?
Well there's this

beauty potion.

Beauty potion?
Yes, Mary ordered this

bizarre

beauty potion online on some
witchcraft magic shop site.

The odd thing is it actually worked.
What do you

mean it worked?

I mean it changed her,
it made her beautiful.

Back up, I'm a little bit lost.
You're saying

she's beautiful now?

Look, Mary is... She's disfigured.
She drank this

potion and it changed her,

it made her beautiful.
Look, shouldn't you and your team be

going around trying to find her,
CSI shit, I don't know,

something...

Ma'am we're doing everything
we can.

Now if you hear or see her give me a call.
Okay.

And do you have a place to
stay tonight?

Yes, I'm staying with my brother.

Hello?
Ingrid, Detective Lou from homicide.

Hi, Detective.
Have you heard

anything about

Mary yet?
No, no I haven't.

I haven't seen Mary but I'm
afraid every night...

Yes, I'm afraid but all we
can do...

I'm really worried about her.
If you

hear anything just give

us a call, okay?
Yes, okay, you'll be the first

one I call.

Hello?
Ingrid, it's me, Mary.

Mary is that you?
Please help me.

Are you okay? Where are you?
Come to me,

Ingrid, please, come to me.

I'll be right down, hold on,
stay right there.

Mary? Mary?

Mary?

Mary?

Mary?

Mary, there you are,
I've been looking all over for you.

Are you okay?
Is everything all right?

Your face?
What about it?

Did the potion wear off?
Not exactly.

Do you remember what the note
said on the bottle? Drink deep

this ancient meed and with

these words you must heed for
beauty and grace forever more.

Drink the life of sweet amor.
You smell pretty sweet.

Mary, what are you doing?
Mary.

Let's watch another one, Babe.

Do you feel weird?

Let's just watch another one, please,

just one more.

This is John Tester at KLXA,
the radio

station, news broadcast.

This is going to sound
absolutely incredible. You

have to believe me, stay inside if

you are... I can hear them...
Stay inside, if you're inside

please do not go out.

They're eating people.

Eating people and then
I know this is going

to sound insane...

I can't believe I'm saying this myself...
But they're... Oh God...

The dead have come back

to life, I swear to God the
dead have come to life and

they are eating us.

I am the only one here,
I am John Tester at the

radio station.

I am the only one left.

It's gone. It's gone.

It was absolutely horrible.
I don't even know if anyone else

is out there.

I don't know if anyone can hear me.
I don't know how far

this has gone but

you have to believe me.
The dead are eating the living.

It sounds incredible.
It sounds like

some horrible movie but

I swear to God.
They're getting closer.

I can hear them right outside
the door.

If anyone can hear me this is
John Tester, I'm at the radio

Mom, is Santa Claus coming to
our house

tonight?

Can he bring us presents?
Son, can you

stop being

a retard for just a minute.
It's Christmas, duh?

Bitch, leave him alone.
He's probably like this

because you spoke

too much crap when you were pregnant.
Don't worry, Santa

got you.

Yes, why don't you listen to
your father and

be a good little boy

and sit there and shut up
while we wait for the bus.

Short bus.
I remember, son, Santa only

brings presents to good kids
so no peeking at your presents

at all.

I'll have to lock you in your
room like I did last year.

Mom, Dad, when is the bus
going to get here?

I hope it gets here soon,
I need a beer.

Look asshole,
it will get here when it

gets here.

It's bad enough we spent all
day at the food bank so

I could feed your worthless asses.

Have you been a bad young man
this year, Boy?

No, I've been a good boy.
My mom's always mad

at me and Dad's

always drunk.
Hey, get the fuck out of

here, will you?
If you see Santa Claus

tonight you better run for
your lives, Pussy.

Look the bus is going to be
here any

minute, get your passes ready.

That boy's lucky it's
Christmas or

I'd kick his ass.

The bus is going to be here
in 10

seconds, get your shit together.

Hey, you stupid retard, you're
going to help me put this shit

away since your

father's out getting drunk.
Seriously, I can't take this

anymore.

He's a useless dependent
sucking us dry.

For Christ's sake we're just
going to give you up for

adoption.

Goddamnit, he's peeking
through his presents again.

Put your presents down.

Don't you remember what
happens to

bad little boys on Christmas?

Santa's going to take all
your presents

and give them to good little
boys and girls.

You rotten little brat,
go to your room!

(Inaudible)
No,

Forget about Santa,

I have to think about what
I'm going to do with your

worthless ass.

Come on,

Let's go to your room.

Frank, that's it, I can't take
it anymore. You know the older

he gets the more money

causes and we're already gone
on freaking food stamps

already and all you do is drink.

I think it's best if we just
give him up for adoption.

You need to get your ass out
of the bar and get back home

so we can take care of this.

We need to get rid of this,

I hate Daddy.
I hate Mommy and Daddy.

Son, I just had a long talk
with your

father on the phone.

Yes, I know, I heard.
You are going to send

me away because you

don't love me anymore because
I'm retarded.

It's not because you're

retarded, it's because we
don't love you anymore.

Whatever, I hate you. Go away.

I hate you Mom and Dad.
My wish for you for Christmas is

to go away.

Mom, you ruined everything.
I wish Santa Claus would come.

I wish you were dead.

Oh my God,
what did you do to my husband.

It's too late for that now
(inaudible) to

grant the wishes of special children

especially the ones with evil
parents (inaudible).

No, no, no, please.

(Inaudible)

for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy
will never bother you again.

It's Mommy. Hi Mommy.

Thank you, Santa.

I feel like I want to fucking puke.

So where is that asshole anyway?

I don't know.

He left a few hours ago.

He never tells me where he's going.

Jenny, I know it's none of my
business but if Paul's

starting to hit

you, it's time he goes.
It's only been a few times,

only when he's drinking.
Which is all the time

now.

I know.
(Inaudible)

chair I can defend myself.
I think he's home.

You should go.
Okay.

I'll come by in my lunch hour
again tomorrow. I have to look

into something but I could

also be here to help the situation.
Stacy, you

can't say anything.

I won't. I'll see you tomorrow.

It's a good thing that bitch left.
I would have

tossed her out.

You know she's the only
friend I've got left.

You've pissed off all the others.
It's me who pays

the bills around

here, all right.
I do... We've been living off my

disability check for three months now.
When are you going

to get a job.

Don't start on that shit again.

So now you're saying I can't
even talk to you.

Not if it's something I don't
want to hear.

You know, Paul,
if you're not happy here you

should consider leaving.

Look, I told you before the
only way anyone's leaving

around here is in

a body bag.

And that's it...
He hit me in the head and walked off.

We haven't spoken since.
How long has Paul been

hitting you?

I don't know.
It's been getting a lot worse lately.

Well I know it's the right
thing to do.

About what?
About this.

What is it?
You know the lab I work for does

a lot of experimental drugs.

It's not even on the market yet.
It's for people who are

paralyzed who can

walk for a short period of time.
What did you have

to do to get this?

Don't ask.
It should last up to 24 hours but it

takes about six hours before
you start to feel the results.

That's enough time to get away
from him.

Take it now.

By seven o'clock tonight you
should be able to stand and

function normally.

How can I thank you?
Just get away from that

asshole

and don't tell anyone where you got it.
I've got to go.

Good luck.

What? You can't say hi to me
when I come in?

Hi.
Fucking look at me when I'm talking

to you.

I'm not going to get into
this shit again, Paul.

Things are going to change
around here a lot sooner than

you think.

Don't fucking back talk me.
Paul go fuck

yourself.

Jenny? Jenny?

Jenny?

Fuck. Fuck.

Oh my God, I'm dying, Jack,
but I can't stop.

Put another one in.
Oh God, we're going to die.

We're going to die watching
this evil shit.

Please, please help.
No more of that.

And now our feature program.

Please, please don't kill me,
I'll find you

some (inaudible).

Please.

Sheriff (inaudible).

It's Becket, Sir.

A woman died in the cornfield.
The coroner thinks it's an

accident but

won't know for sure until they
take the hatchet out of her

chest.

I see.

Well let me know if her
condition changes.

Oh, you scared me, Mary.
You just remember

that when I eat

chicken later.
That sounds like a good idea.

I want a fried egg sandwich.
I think I'll take mine

hard boiled.

Why would you say that?
Did you see the Easter Bunny?

He was here.
Jamie, the Easter Bunny doesn't

come out on Halloween.
Now go get into your costume.

Criselda, what are you doing here?

Sheriff (inaudible), I saw the Easter Bunny.

I'm sure you did...
And everyone else who's

celebrating this Pagan holiday.

Please, so you know?
No, (inaudible).

The Easter Bunny's going to be there?
Male

(Inaudible)

It's so weird going out in
public dressed like this.

But you look hot,
like a snake (inaudible)

I wish I had your confidence.

There are not many girls
I know who'd go out of the house

dressed as a chicken.

Chickens are sexy.

It looks like bee stings.
Bee

stings?

Look at the swollen areas of
the head.

You should call an exterminator.
How do

you explain the bloody

baseball bat?
It's a toy.

They were trying to get the bees,
they got themselves at

times.

Hey, can I get out of here?
My wife's going to dress up like

Kurtwood

Smith tonight and we're going
to re-enact the murder scene

from Robocop.

Your wife's a dead ringer for
Kurtwood Smith.

You go on. We'll bag these two.

I have a bad feeling.
Did you use that cream

I gave you?

My feeling is emotional.
Well then you

should go talk to the Vulcan.

It was the Easter Bunny.

You know the Leapers?

He knows you.
He would just pry open the door before

you can close it.
Watch for Jesus, he'll save you.

(Foreign language)

(Foreign language)

There are many people here,
My Lord.

Dogs bark when cars go by.
Yes but only

when children eat

their young.

You are wise, Ruth.
I will take you for my

bride but for now

we must be vigilant in our cause.
Ready the catapult.

But we do not have catapults.
We were told to

bring signs only.

Then tonight they will
witness the signs.

Jamie, this is the farmer.
He offered to harvest

my eggs.

Hello farmer.
Have you seen the Easter Bunny?

He was in the bathroom.
I think he needed to

take a pee.

We were going to sneak away
to the bedroom to take a

little hang.

Would you like to watch?
No, I'm going to be

busy hunting rabbis.

Don't you mean rabbits?

Yes, but if I find a rabbi
first I'll ask him to

help.

Goodbye Jamie and may your
search yield positive

results.

What's the matter?
Has your cow been knocked?

I have to go pee-pee.

I've warmed up the hay to
your liking.

Are you not properly
stimulated for coitus?

Thanks Babe.
So how's my party (inaudible)?

Thanks for the party, Tommy.

The Easter Bunny has exposed
himself as a killer.

The prophecy shall now be fulfilled.

It's my brother.

No, there's another.

I hope your dance card's not
full because

I'm about to join the shindig.

(Foreign language)

(Inaudible)

(Inaudible)

Yes, Man.
Man, help me.

Where are you at, my man?
Help me,

please.

You've got to take this thing
away from me.

Okay, calm the fuck down.

Give me your address.

Okay, (inaudible) got it.

So hang tight, man.
I can't stop, it's got me.

Today is not your lucky day, Man.

Hello.
Don't be playing the fucking games, Man.

Dumb ass junky mother fuckers.

Oh, what do we have here, Man?

Mexico City 2011...
It was a good year, Man.

Hello, we had an appointment,
I believe.

Did you get it?
You said I'd have the machine.

Yes man,
I know what I fucking said.

Chill out.

$350 a night, $25 a tape.

It's all there, Man.
Never trust

a man, right?

Trust is hard to find these days.

Well go on, beat it.
You look like a fed standing there.

Man, I've got your number if
you want some more.