Dead Heading (2018) - full transcript

- A very good morning,

ladies and gentlemen,

I trust you've had a

restful night's sleep.

The local time is eight a.m.,

we are an hour and a half

from London Heathrow.

We'll be passing the cabin

serving breakfast shortly, thank you.

- Thank you.

- What?

It was an accident.

- Oh, that's okay then.

Accidents do happen, sir.

Accident my ass.

- Morning, can I get you a coffee?

- Yes, please.

- My home brew.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

- Oh, bless, poor thing.

We'll be there in a couple

of hours. Hang in there.

Mel, have you got that bag?

We'll pop it in here.

I'll give you those.

I'll be back in a few moments

to take any used ones, okay?

- Blimey, that poor girl's

been blowing like a volcano.

- Oh, yeah.

Not a lot of breakfast being

eaten at her end of the plane.

Poor thing.

- Flight attendants,

20 minutes until landing, please.

- Oh my goodness sir,

I am so sorry.

Are you okay?

- You smashed me nose.

- Must have been an accident.

Touch me again, and it won't be.

- Flight

attendants prepare for landing.

- Oh, we're landing now, sir.

We'll get that nose seen to when we

get to the terminal, okay?

Is your seat belt on?

There's a good chap.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the captain has signaled

that we are now in our final descent.

The seat belt sign is now illuminated,

the toilets are now out of use.

Please make sure that your seat backs

and tray tables are in their full,

upright position and

the arm rests are down.

Make sure the seat belt

is securely fastened,

and any carry on luggage is

stowed underneath the seat

in front of you, or in the overhead bins.

Please turn off all electronic devices

until we are safely parked at the gate.

Thank you.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to London Heathrow

where the local time is 9:30 a.m.

and the temperature is 19 degrees celsius.

On behalf of the captain and cabin crew,

we hope you've had a

relaxing flight with us.

It's been a pleasure to look

after you during this flight,

and we hope to be of

service to you again soon.

Please do have a safe on with journey,

and a very pleasant day.

Thank you, and a very good morning.

- So, Anna, what are your

plans for this evening?

I was wondering if you wanted to come out

for a few drinks with the rest of us?

- No, I think I'll just

lay low, get some sleep.

I've been turned around

more than usual this week,

and I've got a new dog

that barks all night,

so really tired.

- I was hoping we'd get that drink

you promised me a few months ago.

- Sorry, Steve.

I guess I can't drink

with other men anymore.

- Wow, when did that happen?

- Last month, whirlwind romance.

When you know it's right,

you've just got to dive in.

- Well, he's a lucky guy.

Just imagine what could have happened

if we'd had that drink together earlier.

- You're right Steve, I can only imagine.

- I'll leave you to rest. Text you later.

Dodged a bullet there, again.

Well played.

- Morning, Anna Lawson checking in please.

- Anna Lawson?

Can I check, how are you

spelling that please?

- Your kidding, right?

Anna A-N-N-A, Lawson L-A-W-S-O-N.

- I'm so sorry Ms. Lawson,

but we don't have a booking for you.

- I've just got off a seven

hour flight with no sleep,

my third this week and you're telling me

that my name isn't in your stupid machine?

- I'm sure we can sort this out.

I'll organize a room for you now.

- That would be a great idea, wouldn't it?

- Are you okay, Anna?

- Steve!

- Happy to say your booking

has been authorized.

Here's your room key.

- That was easy.

Thank you.

Have a great night Steve.

- And you.

Hi.

- Can I help you sir?

- I'm sorry, she's very tired.

- That perfectly understandable Sir.

Thank you.

- Mind you, I'd better be

on that machine of yours.

- Awesome.

Another bland hotel room.

Not too bad.

Ah, fuck!

Stupid bitch.

Simon!

- Hello darling.

- Hey gorgeous.

- How'd the flight go?

- Ugh, the usual.

Had a girl vomit on descent,

and the hot water boiler broke again.

- Oh

no, so no coffee and tea!

I bet that went down well.

- We managed.

We used the one in first class,

but, I had to keep walking

around loads to refill it.

Very annoying.

- Oh poor baby.

You're in the hotel now are you?

- Yeah.

It's okay.

Just had a nice bath.

Plan on getting lots of sleep.

- Yeah, good idea.

You have been working long shifts, babe.

- Yeah, but I'll be back in

48 hours and you can take me

on that picnic you

promised me on the hill.

How's Barney?

I miss him too.

- Well, apart from

the barking all night he's cool.

He loves his new bed,

not sure next door's cat likes him though.

- Oh, well, he'll learn

to stay away I'm sure.

- Look,

you get some deserved rest.

I'll chat later.

I love you so much.

- I love you too, cant

wait to hold you again.

- Oh, me too.

Barney's no substitute.

His breath smells.

Take care, hugs.

- Hugs back, speak soon.

- Love you.

- Love you.

No way.

Mm.

Simon.

Just get some sleep.

Wow, all afternoon.

Club sandwich, pizza,

chicken Tikka Masala.

Yuck!

Restaurant time.

Popular place.

- Yes, it is a tad quiet

tonight, table for one?

- Yeah, if you can squeeze me in?

- I'll try my best.

Would you like to follow me?

Can I get you anything to drink?

- Ah, red wine?

- We have a great Shiraz.

- Perfect.

- Large or small?

- Definitely a large.

Thanks.

- Are you ready to order?

- Yeah, I'll have the medium rare

filet steak with peppercorn sauce.

- With chips or potatoes?

- Chips.

Thanks.

Chips.

- Can I get you another drink?

I tell you what, should we

just give you the bottle?

On the house.

- That's very nice of

you, thank you very much.

- Enjoy.

- Thanks.

- Is everything alright for you?

- Oh yeah, it's great.

- Would you like the desert menu?

- No, thanks, I'm full up.

I think I'll just chill at the bar.

- Right.

- Hi, I'm Paul, I noticed you--

- Did you?

Did you notice me, Paul?

And now that your friends

have you all the way over here

on your own, what's the plan, Paul?

The plan?

Well, I don't really--

- You don't?

Surely you have a plan to seduce me.

So what is it?

Are you funny?

A great conversationalist?

Widely traveled?

Rich?

Awesome in bed?

Come on now, Paul, don't leave me hanging.

What is it?

Let's hear it.

- I just thought you were

pretty, so I wanted to say hi.

- Here's what's gonna happen, Paul.

I'm gonna laugh at one of your jokes,

and play with my hair in a flirty way,

and now you're gonna turn to your friends,

give a thumbs up, smile.

Oh, come on now, Paul.

This is your big moment.

You're getting the girl.

I'm so hot for you, Paul.

There.

Now you look like a big man

to your friends, don't you?

Honestly, you're too young for me, Paul.

But how about exchanging that

glass of wine for a kiss?

- Yes.

Yes, please.

- Seeing as you're so polite.

Mm.

Not bad, Paul.

You'll make someone very happy one day.

Now trot off back to your friends

and don't bug me anymore, okay?

Paul?

My wine?

- Thank you.

- Okay, tell them I'm taken.

- Hey, how did you do that?

- I don't know, I don't

know, but well, she's taken.

- Oh, well, next time.

- Why not?

- Good evening.

- Good evening to you.

- What would you like?

- Shiraz please.

- And make it a large.

I'm on a large, so I...

- Okay.

Make it a large.

That's very nice of you.

- I kind of got the impression

that we're both a bit lost tonight,

especially if our books

are our only company,

and there's something

really wrong with that,

so I don't know.

- You're right, it's almost sad.

I'm Anna.

- I'm John, it's nice

to meet a fellow saddo.

- Saddo?

I said almost sad.

- Well, can I just say,

I watched you take that

young guy apart earlier.

Very skillfully done, by the way.

I'm really impressed, but now

I'm totally terrified of you.

- Oh, you saw that?

I just get fed up with

young guys seeing me

as an easy target, so

sometimes I fight back.

I see it as sport.

They're pretty, but there's

nothing there that interests me.

You on the other hand are at least

in my demographic of intrigue.

- Your demographic?

- So you like older guys?

Okay, well am I safe?

- So John, reading in

hotel bars says to me

that you're in them a lot.

- Well, if the truth be told, yes.

I spend three days a week traveling,

and I see a lot of faceless hotels.

Incredibly boring, but I do have a very

exciting meeting tomorrow

in this very hotel.

I'm actually at a conference, shh.

- Ah, that is exciting.

You have to love a good conference.

What do you do?

- I work in the world of travel safety.

Well, I basically make

sure that people don't die,

or don't get injured,

so I spend a lot of time making

sure they get home safely.

- Your in the car industry?

- No, I wish.

No, I'm in the incredibly sexy world

of traffic management software.

I told you it was sexy.

I basically make sure

the traffic lights work.

- Oh, well, without traffic

lights, there would be--

- Anarchy, chaos, death, destruction

in all corners of the world.

- Well, to traffic management software,

saving us all from certain disaster.

- So you know about my

incredibly sexy life.

Tell me about you.

What do you do?

- I'm in the business

of pandering to people.

I try to stop children crying

so it doesn't wind everyone else up,

and generally all the

time everyone around me

is fed up and can't wait

to get away from me.

- Wait, you sound exactly like

my old high school teacher.

I knew I recognized you.

I knew it.

- Close, feels like it sometimes.

I'm airline cabin crew.

- Oh, I never would have gotten

that from your description.

So I take it you're not in love

with your job right now or?

- It's okay.

I think I've just been doing it too long.

Now I just see sick bags, and

people stuffing their faces,

and trying to get a bit

drunk to pass the time.

- Well how about a toast, to sick bags,

to annoying passengers, and children,

crazy children, annoying children,

to the unsung heroes of

the sky, air hostesses.

- Ah, now technically these

days we're all cabin crew.

Less sexist apparently.

- Okay, let me rephrase.

To possibly,

the loveliest,

most charming,

cabin crew,

AKA air hostess, in the entire

world and that I've ever met.

That's not too sexist, is it?

Cheers.

- My round I believe.

Same again?

Sexy?

I mean, sexist.

- Why not?

I'm only gonna be falling

asleep in the conference anyway.

Ah.

You know, they say you can tell a lot

about someone by the books they read.

- Well, I love this book.

I take it everywhere with me.

It's a story of passion,

jealousy, the inner monster

the need to know that you're

the only person for someone.

- Sounds good.

Makes mine sound really sad.

- Go on, what is it?

- Nah.

- I showed you mine,

it's time to see yours.

- It's the Bible.

I know it's the age old

story of good versus evil,

and how we should all live our lives,

but I just thought, give it a go.

- Are you religious?

- Me?

No.

No, I just ahh,

I just saw it in the room and I thought,

why not?

Give it a go, give it a read.

- And what do you think?

- What do I think?

I think, in all honestly,

there is something we

can all learn from it.

- Your making this up aren't you?

- Yes.

- It's a book about cars isn't it?

- Well, I'm trying to upgrade my rep car,

and that was the best start.

You are an amazing woman.

Tell me.

Do you think this could be anything?

Anything?

- Newly off the market.

I'm sorry to say.

- Why I not see that?

Well, okay.

Cliche moment.

He's a lucky guy, he is.

- Is there a significant

other in your life?

- There was, but until recently, she...

Well, we were gonna do the

whole marriage and kids thing,

but then, I wasn't ready.

And she left.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

- No, don't be.

I mean, that's the way things go, right?

- Unfortunately, I have to go,

I've got more whiny passengers

and screaming kids tomorrow,

and I'll probably have a hangover on top.

- Of course, makes sense, makes sense.

- Well, you have saved me

from the dullest night ever.

I haven't laughed that much for ages.

- It was a pleasure.

- Maybe in a different life.

- Another life it is.

Okay.

- That is a lot of pennies.

Have a lovely evening, John.

I hope we bump into each other again soon.

- Take care.

Fuck it.

Let's celebrate.

Champagne.

Bring one bottle, two

glasses, you're joining me.

- I may have over done it, a lot

What would your husband think?

Fuck off Angela!

A stranger.

Very exciting.

John.

Oh my god.

Bless him.

Oh.

Men.

No way.

John.

Hello.

- Hello.

Sorry, I didn't mean

to wake you, I just...

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

- What's up?

- Nothing, I was just...

I was kind of feeling kind

of lonely, and I thought

that maybe you would be

too, and I brought this.

I thought you'd fancy a nightcap.

- Nightcap?

- Mm-hm.

- Didn't we have loads of

drink only a few hours ago?

- So we did.

This was a bad idea.

Ah, so, thank you for a good night, but,

I'm gonna go.

Thanks for cheering me up.

Groan

Yawn

Gasp

Cries

Gasp

Sick in toilet

Heavy breathing

Sniff

Gentle crying

Crying

Moans of pain

Sobbing

Cries

sobbing

Cries

Heavy cries

Crying building

Heavy sobbing

Cries

Heavy Crying

- Oh god, no.

Please god, not again!

Heavy Crying and sobbing

- Emergency,

which service do you require?

- Police please.

Shit.

Hello?

- Hello,

this is the emergency services.

A call was made from this mobile number

asking for the police.

It was cut off suddenly.

I'm calling back to make

sure everything is okay.

- I'm so sorry, it was my daughter

playing up with her friend.

I've told them both off.

- Did you explain to her

that if we waste time on hoax calls,

it can put other people at risk?

- I did.

She won't do it again.

She's very sorry, as am I.

- Okay.

I'm glad everything is resolved.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

And again sorry for the hassle.

Why do you keep doing this?

I'm sorry.

You didn't deserve that.

Jesus.

- House keeping.

- Oh god.

I'm just getting in the bath.

- Sorry to disturb.

Would you like me to change

your sheets and towels for you?

- That's very nice of

you, but I'm okay, thanks.

I've hardly used either.

- Okay, well then I'll come

back some other time then.

- Great.

I'm going to need those sheets.

Cry in pain

Ah!

Soap.

- Oi!

- Sorry, I ran out.

- Well, you can have a couple.

But you can't take all my stock, madame.

- Sorry I thought it was all free.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Jesus, be more careful.

You need to go now.

Shit, I need to keep on top of this.

I stink of bleach.

It's gonna be okay.

Where's the weapon?

Where the fuck is it?

No, no, no.

No need to clean thanks.

I said--

- It's me Angela.

- Ah Angela, hang on a mo.

- Hurry up.

- Jesus Angela what's the panic?

- At last, it's an emergency.

I'm bursting for a pee.

Too much coffee at lunch time.

- No don't go in there!

- Don't worry, babes, I'll hold my breath.

Oh my god I nearly didn't make it.

Ah, your a sweetheart, Anna.

So last night, mister perfect

turned out to be a dick.

Good kisser, but oh my god

he was so full of himself.

So I ditched him in one of the pubs.

The pilots were their usual

letchy self's trying it on

and Steve was constantly

talking about you,

is she happy with her new chap?

So, what have you been up to?

You caught up on your sleep, yet?

You can't hide in here all day, babes.

You're awfully quiet.

Babes, you look terrible, you look ill.

- My head hurts.

- You're burning up.

Better get some more rest,

see how you feel later.

Hm?

Please get better we really need you

on that flight if we can.

Wish I had your cleaners,

smells so clean here.

I can't even get a fresh

towel on my side of the hotel.

- Thank you Angela, what

would I do with you?

- Text if you want anything and keep warm.

Okay, and get room service if you need it.

- Thank you.

- Bye.

- Ah!

How we going to get rid of you?

How about like a dead goldfish?

Think.

How to get rid of this body.

We're gonna need more time.

Hi, Jason?

It's Anna Lawson cabin crew

on a layover in London.

Yeah, hi.

Over the last couple of days

I've been coming really ill.

I'm all heady and stuffed

up, you know, headaches,

shivers, the usual passed

on from a passenger.

Yeah, I know.

So, sorry Jason about that.

I just don't think I'm going to be able

to fly later with all

this pressure in my head.

I was just wondering if it's possible

to lay over another night?

You know, to try and shift it?

Angela Devaux is aware of

how under the weather I am.

Oh, thank you so much, Jason.

I owe you, you're the best.

Yeah, I will take plenty of medication

and get better for tomorrow.

Yeah.

Sorry.

So sorry.

Oh, Jason, could you express to the hotel

that I need to keep this room?

I just really don't feel up

to changing rooms right now.

Oh, you're a sweetheart.

Thank you, Jason.

I will definitely buy you that

drink when I'm next in town.

Okay, bye.

Bye, bye.

And the academy award for

best ill person impersonation

goes to..

Anna Lawson.

Idiot.

Hm.

Grilled cheese.

Can't risk it.

John.

Put the seat down John!

Gross.

You're not even named John?

Oh, you lying asshole.

Get a grip.

Make him disappear.

Like you were never here.

Oops.

I hope you backed up your

data, John, or whoever you are.

I'll pay you back, John.

Not.

Hey!

Who the hell are you?

- Alright, love.

What do you want?

- Maintenance, room below is

getting some horrible smells.

Probably overflow on your bath's blocked.

- You don't want to go in there.

- It'll only take a second love.

Oh Jesus.

What is this?

- It's a dead guy, love.

No one is coming.

No one can hear you.

No one cares.

- Maintenance, room below is

getting some horrible smells.

Probably overflow on your bath's blocked.

- You don't want to go in there!

- Oh, Jesus.

Hello, Paul speaking.

Oh, you're joking.

Yeah, I'll come straight down.

Yeah, alright.

Tools.

Sorry about this.

Power's tripped in the conference room.

I'll be back later.

- Hey stinky.

We know what's causing the

smell downstairs, don't we?

Angela.

What's she want?

Hey Angela, you in departures?

Yeah, it's horrible, darling.

I still feel so rough.

Yeah.

Oh, I hope so.

So sick of this hotel room.

Mm-hm.

I know.

Yeah, I'll text you

when I'm on my way back.

Sure, of course.

Yeah, love you, bye, bye, bye.

Bye.

Bitch.

You ready?

You're a tough one.

I kind of thought you'd have

less fat on you, frankly.

Oh, where do you think your going?

Maintenance man.

Really?

What now?

Hello, who's there?

- Sorry to disturb, ma'am,

I'm Mr. Jenson the hotel manager.

I heard you may be

suffering from a nasty cold.

And we don't think you've

left the room for a while,

I hope you don't mind I took the liberty

of bringing you some supplies

whilst you convalesce.

Hotel's compliments of course.

Would you like me to bring it in for you?

- Oh, no, it's okay, thanks.

It's not nice in here.

- I understand fully.

Horrible things colds.

Nasty.

- Mm, thanks.

I cant tell you how much I need this.

- I am so glad.

I hope it brings to you a speedy recovery.

If you need anything at

all please call reception,

I will also have your room refreshed

at 12 to allow you to lie in.

Now please have a restful evening.

- Need to call Jason.

Hi Jason, it's Anna Lawson again.

Hi.

Yeah, I'm feeling so much better thanks,

my head has cleared up no end.

I'd really love to get

home tomorrow if possible.

Do you happen to know is there's

any dead head room on any of the flights?

A jump seat would be perfect.

Okay, cars coming at eight a.m.

Flight ABH91 10 a.m.

Fantastic.

Thanks, Jason.

Speak soon, bye.

It's too easy.

I'm coming home Simon.

Whoa, 30 minutes.

Blood gets everywhere.

Like he never existed.

Goodbye hotel room.

I wont miss you.

- Hold, please.

Thanks.

Reception?

Yeah.

I hope you don't mind, but

your perfume, its amazing.

- Really?

It's just air freshener and bleach.

- Okay.

Are you local this evening by any chance?

Maybe fancy grabbing a drink or?

- Umm, I'll probably be

over the Atlantic somewhere.

- Ah, okay.

Maybe I'll be lucky enough

to be on one of your planes.

- I'd like that.

- Okay.

Here, let me help you.

- Oh, it's fine.

You don't pack light do you?

- I do love shoes.

Thank you.

It's really nice to meet such

a handsome stranger so early in the day.

- You are spectacular, you know.

Do you think I could give you my card?

Then maybe next time you're in

London we could get together.

- Sure...

James.

I'll call you.

- I hope you do, uhhhh?

- Anna.

- Anna.

Yeah.

Please, call me.

- Come on, you.

Excuse me.

- Good morning, ma'am.

How can I help?

- Yeah, a simple thing.

I found this.

And I cant take it on the plane with me.

- Yeah, and even you would

struggle to get that on a plane.

- Thank you.

- Many thanks.

Have a lovely day.

- Thank you.

Morning, checking out please.

- Certainly, do you have your room key?

Did you have a relaxing stay?

- Yes.

Thankfully it's been very uneventful.

- Well, all payments have

been settled by the airline.

- Great.

Thanks very much.

Useless cabbies.

Morning Mr. And Mrs.?

- It's Whitehall.

- Good morning to you.

I just want to check we're

getting you on the right bus.

Where are you expecting to go today?

- We're going to Dover,

then tonight we're going

to Switzerland, and that

for a couple of days,

and then we're going to Germany this week.

- Perfect, sounds amazing.

Well, this is you, so if

you want to start boarding,

I'll make sure your luggage

gets on safely for you.

- Thanks very much, thank you.

- Have a lovely vacation.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Be careful, this bag is really heavy.

- Heavy?

- Lord knows what they packed in there.

- No problem.

- Okay.

- Alright, thanks.

- Good old London.

Finally.

- Here you go.

- Thanks, Beth.

- So, hows Barney?

- Oh, he's so cute.

He's so adorable.

I love him so much.

- He's so cute.

I'm so glad you're feeling better, Anna.

- Thanks, Beth.

- Is there anything

else I can get for you?

- Nope, I'll probably

just sleep all the way.

- Okay.

Well, I'll see you later, then.

- Flight attendants,

prepare for landing.

- Shh.

Go, go.

- Shit.

- FBI.

Are you Anna Lawson?

Put your hands on your head.

Stand, slowly and move towards me.

- Why do you keep doing this?