Dead Fred (2019) - full transcript

When three women go to stay with their long-time gal pal, they get more than they bargained for when they discover their friend's missing husband is still in the house even though he's been supposedly "missing" for 4 years.

Mum!

Mum!

Mum!

Merry, what's wrong?

Shh.

We have to be very quiet.

Why are we whispering,

Then?

Is it Fred?

I'll tell you in the

car, I promise.

But right now, we have

to be very, very quiet.

Shittity, shite.

Doing great, Mum.

Merry, you found your

father, didn't you?

What?

We haven't time now, let's

just go.

You're not going

anywhere!

Open this door, right

now, Missy!

Just please let us go!

George, what on earth's

going on?

Aunt Becca, thank

goodness you're here.

I think she's rabid or

something.

You should call someone.

You're outnumbered

Meredith.

Open the door.

They're all crazy,

surely you can see.

Can't argue with you

there.

So you must understand

Aunt Becca.

Mother needs the constant

care a rest home can give her.

So that's why you

sneaked in and took Julie.

I see, and it had nothing

to do with

you wanting her out so

you could sell the house?

Can you lean back a minute

so I can say hello to Julie?

I haven't seen her in

months.

Ooh.. Why am I getting

out?

I need to give Meredith a

driving lesson.

She's about to be 17.

Don't worry Julie,

Meredith's remembered

she's got something else

to do.

You act like you're her

family, but you're not.

You're all crazy, and I

won't stop

until I get my mother out

of here.

And into a care home

full of strangers.

When did you plant all

this?

About um um

About oh four hundred

years ago, I think.

It's astounding.

These flowers.

They look great.

Look over here, this is

my favorite one!

Yeah?

That's called a rose it's

pink.

Oh, beautiful!

Beautiful.

I like that one

What are those? Those are

stunning.

That's, that's, that's

sunflower.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

It's like a sunset flower,

isn't it?

Yeah, well here's

another one, look.

Oh look at that's very

dainty.

It's like, it's got arms.

A little person!

Ooh, plan on impressing

the sheep?

What?

Getting angry much,

these days?

You and Miles fighting?

Oh, there's nothing left

to fight about.

How long's our rabid

friend been here?

Arrived late yesterday.

She's on Julie duty today.

What, it's that bad?

Yes!

Meredith is quite

determined to get Julie

into a home somewhere so

she can sell up.

You saw what she pulled

this morning!

Let her try that again.

Just let her try!

Ooh, I'll give that one

to Fred.

I prefer vegetables to

flowers,

at least you can eat

vegetables.

Or herbs, some sweet

smelling sage!

Julie!

Son of a bitch!

Shit, shit, shit.

Julie!

I don't think it'd be

cruel

to put a cow bell on the

old girl.

Julie!

We're having rosemary

the chicken

for dinner tonight,

darling.

I hope you don't get home late,

for more reasons than one,

if you get my meaning.

You know how the autumn

air makes you frisky!

Julie! Are you

down here?

Oh,

There you are.

Give me a heart attack,

why don't you?

Come on, let's go get

washed for dinner.

I told Fred we were

having chicken.

I hope he's not late.

I have a feeling he

might be.

Come on.

He's never home anymore.

I know, there you go.

There you go.

Come on.

Mind your step.

OK

Becca!

Julie!

Oh I see you've got some

gray coming in.

I told you 40 would be a

life-changer, didn't I?

Don't get big-headed

Rebecca, you don't look 40.

Thanks, neither do you!

Oh, still a goody

two-shoes?

Still a drunken sot?

Hey, look, we're all

together, just as we planned!

Let's enjoy it.

Yes ma'am, I love you.

Ugh, Sissy, why didn't

you tell us?

I told you she spits.

Yeah, but ehh.

Get over it, and be

glad you're not the one

having to empty her pockets,

unless you'd like the job!

How's your love life,

Sissy?

Here's the story: woman

dates a man.

Man has a grown daughter.

Turns out grown daughter was

a former student of mine.

Not a fan.

Man dumps woman, the end.

Men are such dicks.

Still having a dry

spell?

By choice, by God...

So...

Becca.

Becca, how are Miles

and...

Damon?

Well, their law firm's

doing very well!

And Miles is slaving

over a new hot secretary!

God, he's a shit-heel,

isn't he?

George.

Oh come on, Sissy, I've

always had a potty mouth,

it's a hard habit to

break.

What are you, a nun?

Now I forgot what I was

going to say.

My mother always said

getting older is shit.

We're not old silly.

Haven't you heard?

30 is meant to be the new

40.

Well, here's to that!

You should have gone

with her.

To the bathroom, are you

kidding me?

Okay, if she has an accident,

you're cleaning it up.

You are amazing, Sissy.

Julie? Julie?

Okay Julie, hand it over.

Let's see what you've got

there.

Please don't let it be a

turd,

please don't let it be a

turd,

anything but a turd, so

help me God.

What the f...

It's Rosemary's chick!

Rosemary's chick.

You're confused because we had

rosemary chicken for supper.

No, we ate Rosemary,

this is her chick!

So when you said

"rosemary chicken,"

you meant Rosemary the

chicken?

The one you killed!

The one I killed, the

one you told me to kill!

No, I was only

introducing her to you!

She kept escaping from

Jake's place

because she got a crush on

my cockerel.

Your cockerel, rooster.

So Rosemary wasn't even

your chicken?

We cooked and killed

your neighbor's chicken?

This chick belonged to

Rosemary and Rosemary belongs,

belonged to Jake your

neighbor.

Oh my God.

I've died and gone to the

nuthouse.

So this is why you're

always down here,

because you're hiding

Rosemary's baby!

Yes, yes!

Fred's been taking care of

her.

Fred has?

So um, is Fred down

here with us right now?

Of course he is.

Right, I think we'd

better go upstairs,

and you can bring the

chicken back to Jake

and explain what happened

to Rosemary.

Rosemary who?

Oh for the love of God.

Did I do something wrong,

George, are you cross with me?

No, I know, sweetie.

Bye, Fred.

I'll visit again soon.

Mrs. Haney

Georgeann, but my

friends call me George!

Pleased to meet you

Give me the chicken.

Oh, not that damn fox

again.

Has it got Rosemary this

time?

Is that her chick?

Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't

much left of her when we we,

when he finished his meal.

Damned fox, Rosemary

were a double yolker!

At least we've got her

chick,

maybe she'll turn out

to be a double yolker!

We ate Rosemary for

dinner!

No we didn't, we ate

a completely different

chicken for dinner.

It was not!

I'm so sorry for your

loss, Mr. Bruno.

I'm sorry about

Rosemary.

If it's any consolation,

she were very tasty.

I love you, you know?

I love you too, you're

my bestested friend.

I'll look after you, you

know.

Will you?

Yeah, you've only got to

stay with me,

and then it will be all

right.

Yeah.

Don't you worry, share

my apple

for always and always.

All I am saying it's

really creepy

She keeps talking about Fred

and going down to the cellar.

Hallucinations are

normal with Alzheimer's.

They usually get worse at

night.

But I found her down

there twice today.

Which reminds me, I think

I left the light on.

I'd better meet you in the

conservatory.

I'll make some tea.

Booze for me.

Tea.

Booze!

Leave the mothering to

Sissy.

I think she's missing her

teaching.

So don't want to know what

that is.

Fred?

If you've come back and

you're hiding,

because you're afraid I'm

going to kick your ass,

you are absolutely wrong.

I'm going to cut off your

dick

and then I'm going to kick

your ass.

Oh that's what it is,

of course, chicken shit.

Why is this old thing

still working?

Go on, before Julie

wakes up!

I'm going, I'm going,

don't push!

Sissy! Becca!

Get the fuck down here!

Holy cow, holy cow, holy

fucking cow!

What is it?

Stop scaring the crap out

of us.

Holy cow, holy shit,

holy freaking shit, shit, shit,

I don't believe it,

somebody pinch me.

You girls are not going

to believe what's in here.

What, what is it?

What, where?

You wouldn't believe me

if I told you,

go see for yourself.

Go see what, what are we

looking at?

Open the freezer.

It's Fred!

I'd recognize those

whiskers anywhere.

Yes, Fred is dead.

Not a deserter, dead.

Yes, definitely dead.

And frozen.

Frozen.

Let's get out of here.

- Right behind you.

- Behind you.

Drink responsibly.

Give us one.

Jesus, so Fred disappeared

three or four years ago?

Do you think he's been

down there all this time?

That's a very good

question, Becca.

What do you suppose

happened to him?

Isn't it obvious?

Julie put him there!

No, Julie...

I'd like to agree with

you, Rebecca,

but there's no way that

Fred's been down there

all that time without

Julie knowing.

Meredith. What, do you

think she's in on this?

No, she's too much of a

daddy's girl.

She was accidentally

locked in the cellar

when she was little,

and she's been scared of it ever since.

Ah, that's convenient

for Julie.

If Julie did kill Fred,

I'm sure she had her reasons.

He couldn't keep his hands

to himself.

Yeah, that's a good

reason to kill a man.

No, you're preaching to

the converted.

I had to box his ears on

a number of occasions.

Let's get some sleep and

tackle this in the morning.

You can go to sleep

after that?

Oh, come on Sissy, at

our age,

sleep is a necessity, not

a luxury.

We can't do anything

tonight anyway.

Yeah, Fred's not going

anywhere.

What was that?

Julie?

After what happened with

Meredith,

Sissy sleeps with one eye

open.

Julie wouldn't have got

past her.

Oh God you're beautiful.

I'll call the police.

No! We've got the

popsicle in the freezer!

Oh yes, God, what are

you going to do?

No, no, George, we're old

women.

Speak for yourself,

anyway, there's three of us.

Come on!

Did you hear something

downstairs?

Why do you think we're huddled

in the hallway, fire drill?

Is it coming from the

dining room?

Here, you lead the way.

Why do I have to go

first?

Because you're the

bravest.

Yeah, invisible

testicles.

- Right.

- We're right behind you.

If it's a burglar,

he's not a very good one.

You are unbelievable,

missy!

Yeah, what if we'd had a

gun,

we might have blown

your freaking heads off!

We're terribly sorry...

Don't you apologize!

This is my mum's house,

we have more right to be here than...

Oh no you don't,

Meredith Sue.

If you've lost your

mother's living will,

I can give you another

copy.

I just want to...

I want to talk to my

mother!

See her, make sure she's

okay with... everything.

She's not okay with

everything, Merry.

Obviously she didn't want

you

to see her disintegrate

like this.

Or maybe she knew you'd

try to stick her in a home

somewhere so you could

sell up.

Scott, do something!

Yeah, Scott, why don't

you do something?

I just want to talk to

my mother!

Why, damn it?

Because I think she knows

what happened to my dad.

Shame on you, Scott

Barrett!

What did you think you were

doing, scaring us like that?

We really...

Oh, shut up.

I'll be back with my

lawyer.

Whatever.

You okay, George?

Do you need some water?

Whiskey, I need whiskey.

Don't we all.

We can't let Meredith

find out about Fred.

No, you're right, we

can't, Sissy.

Julie could go to prison.

Meredith would love

that.

Prison's cheaper than a

care home.

We need to be careful,

though,

I don't think Julie remembers

what happened to Fred.

Until we find out what happened,

what to do with the body?

Well how are we going to

do that if we can't ask her?

Let's take a look.

Are you out of your

mind?

This isn't an episode

of Miss Marple, George.

Well maybe not, but

we've all seen

enough television to

know what to look for.

Let's get him out and

examine him.

Are you insane?

Well have you got a

better idea?

If his skull's crushed in,

or he's got a knife in his back,

we know what we're dealing

with.

Murder, we'll be dealing

with murder.

Which would make us

accessories to murder.

So you'd rather call the

police.

Do you know how scared

Julie would be?

Do you know how confused

she'd be?

If they started grilling

her for details?

Oh they wouldn't do

that, she's not well.

Of course they would,

until it could be proved

that she's mentally unsound.

I don't know about you two,

but I'm not going to sit around

and wait for Meredith to

get exactly what she wants.

Where are you going?

I'm going to try and

figure out a way

to get Fred out of the

freezer by myself!

I hope you'll be happy

when

they cart our dear friend

away kicking spitting

And screaming.

Are you awake?

Sissy and I talked about

it,

of course we'll help you

examine Fred.

We just had to get our

heads around it, that's all.

I mean, it's quite possible

that Fred had a heart attack

or an accident or

something, right?

And if it turns out Julie

did kill him, well...

Well, we'll cross that

bridge when we come to it.

Okay, good.

I'm glad because I was

beginning to wonder

how I was going to get

that frozen son of a bitch

out of the freezer by

myself.

Sweet dreams, darling.

Morning!

Here we are darling.

I wonder where the

chickens are.

Look, there they are, up

there.

That's it

Oh lovely

Hope they have lots of

eggs this morning

Yes we could have some

for breakfast

Oh that's a good idea

I will go and check

Yeah

The cancer's back.

Gee, what gave it away?

You're smoking pot, and

cigarettes,

and you said you'd never

smoke again,

unless the cancer came

back.

Aren't you super sharp

this morning.

I'm so sorry, George.

Is that why you're all

here, because of the cancer?

I don't want the others

to know yet.

But why not?

We all love you.

Because we've got

something else on right now,

and they don't need any

distractions.

Do you know what I'm

talking about?

Of course I do.

You didn't think you could

hide

something like that from

me, did you?

- You do, you know about the...

- The surprise party!

I knew all about it,

even before Fred told me.

Oh, but don't be angry

with him,

he could never keep a

secret, could you Fred?

A surprise party, huh?

It's okay, I promise to

act surprised.

Come on, Fred, Meredith's

making pancakes,

and you know what a mess she

makes if she gets distracted.

Oh you too, George,

I imagine you've got a

bad case of the munchies.

The last thing we need

is Fred's DNA all over us.

When we finish, we'll burn

these.

Did you have to give

me one that was so...

Girly?

You are a woman, George!

Unless there's something

you're not telling us!

I'm sure there's something

you're not telling us,

but I don't think it's anything

to do with a sex change.

Very astute Sherlock,

but I think we'd better

concentrate on the matter at hand.

We're up to our knobbly knees

in Fred and Julie's doo doo.

Right, who's going to

open the freezer?

Maybe I should just go and

check on Julie.

Julie is fine.

She's going to have at

least a two-hour rest,

and anyway, I've locked

her in for her own safety.

The head end's going to

be the heaviest,

so why don't you two take that

end, and I'll take the feet.

Okay, after three: one,

two, three!

I'll go first.

Torch.

He smells of fish.

Better than dead flesh,

I can tell you that.

There's nothing on the

head.

Me next.

Eager beaver!

There's something there!

I can't work out what it

is,

but it looks like there's

something in his trousers.

It's his dick.

The morticians call it

"angel lust."

Oh I don't know, George,

it looks too big to be a willy.

He never was a looker,

he must have had something

on the side.

Why don't you undo his

pants and take a look.

You don't have to,

Sissy.

I do, I can, I will.

Sissy snapped off Fred's

dick!

Oh fuck, no fuck!

Lunchtime!

Ooh!

Shepherd's pie?

It's cold!

You missed supper.

I'm not hungry.

It's not like you to get

so upset

over a little teasing.

Oh I'm sorry I was such an

ass.

I usually leave that to

George.

Oh, come on, forgive us.

If it's any consolation,

George thinks she has found

something suspicious and

thinks it might be buckshot.

Oh, what on earth's the

matter?

What is it, tell me!

It's my fault Fred's

dead!

Here, drink your tea,

we've got all the time in the world.

Speak for yourself.

Now Sissy, tell George

what you told me,

and nobody's going to blame

you for something Julie did,

so get that out of your

head.

I know why Julie killed

Fred.

I told her I saw Fred with

his assistant.

So Fred was screwing

around on Julie, I mean,

so what's so big about

that?

I felt terrible telling

her,

but this time I just

couldn't keep silent.

And you were right to

tell her!

You couldn't have known

that Julie would kill Fred.

I mean, I didn't kill Miles

when I caught him cheating.

Well you should have,

he made a play for me ten years ago,

at that New Year's Eve

party you guys had.

Well why didn't you tell

me?

I'd have left the fat

bastard

when I still had some lead

in my pencil.

So, what's next?

Becca tells me you think

Fred was shot.

Looks like buckshot to

me.

Right in the old kidney.

Probably bled out.

We need, well somebody

needs to find out

if it was definitely

buckshot.

I'm not 100% certain and

we can't afford not to be.

And we need to find the

weapon.

Shotgun.

I don't remember seeing

Fred with a shotgun.

What if we can't find one?

Okay, I will do the gory

digging out

of the aforesaid buckshot

if you two turkeys find the

shotgun that nobody remembers.

It's just like Charlie's

Angels, isn't it?

Fred's still too frozen,

he should be all right by

the morning.

Impressive, where'd you

find it?

On top of the cabinet

in the laundry room!

A process of elimination,

we literally looked everywhere.

Yes, we did.

Well, I'm going to go

make sure

the doors and windows are

locked,

and then I am going to hit the sack.

I don't want to be late

for my date with Fred in

the morning.

Shark!

We'll have him for

lunch.

Oh yeah

- Come on.

- That's a good idea.

You're nothing but a

lifeless, useless popsicle.

You can't talk, you can't

hear, you can't.

Oh, you're just thawing,

aren't you, you freaking

whore-monger?

This is all your fault,

you got what you deserved,

you useless piece of shit.

Lucky I didn't know about

it,

or you wouldn't have had a

dick for Sissy to snap off!

How did that feel, by the

way?

Okay, here goes nothing,

Tom cat.

Uh-oh.

I'll take Julie away.

Merry!

Damon, I didn't know

you were coming down!

Hi mum.

Why didn't you call and

let me know?

Well actually, mum,

I'm, I'm here on business.

- Oh?

- Yes.

What kind of business?

It isn't personal?

What's not personal?

Mum, I'm, I've actually

agreed,

I've agreed to represent

Meredith.

You what?

Now look, this isn't about

you, it's about aunt Sissy,

and it's about Meredith's

right to see her.

That's right, Aunt

Becca,

this is between me and

Sissy.

It has nothing to do with

you.

Nothing, nothing to do

with me?

Are you out of your mind,

Damon?

We should press charges

against you two

for breaking and entering.

That's right, we caught

them climbing in

through a window in the

middle of the night.

And it may have been Sissy

who Julie granted power of

attorney,

but we are all committed to

following Julie's wishes.

Look can we just talk

about this?

You can talk, they can

leave.

Mum.

Don't call me "mum"

right now.

Nothing personal, of

course.

Oh, I've got to show the

girls.

My knees, son of a bitch.

No, George, George,

George, George,

We have got unwanted

company see.

Oh that's great, George,

you found the buckshot!

Now we don't have to worry

when

we're having Sissy's delicious

venison stew tonight.

Yes, I'm just so glad

my grandfather taught

me how to dress a deer.

You know how to dress a

deer?

Well, I'm not picking buckshot

out of a dead body, am I?

As a matter of fact, if

you don't mind waiting,

I could go slice you off a

little bit

of rump steak that you

can cook for yourself.

Mum, mum! Mum!

Can you hear me?

What's wrong with her?

Well she's fainted.

Did you upset her?

What are you doing with

these two stooges anyway?

Don't! You, You're not

going anywhere.

Do not set foot on this

property again!

Now move your fat asses.

I don't have a fat ass,

do I?

Your best feature!

Go!

George, put the knife

down!

I love you Damon, I've

always loved you.

But I think you'd better

go too.

Mum, mum, are you all

right?

Are you ok

You scared the freaking

hell out of me,

did you forget to breathe

again?

She did the same thing in 1969,

Beatles Shindig in London.

The one on the rooftops,

where they played?

Yeah!

I remember that story,

it's where you all met for

the first time, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah!

Are you still going

to represent Meredith?

I've given my word, Mum.

Then George is right,

you should leave.

Well.

You threatened Meredith and

Scott with a bloody knife!

Yeah.

- It isn't over yet.

- No.

- We have to hide Fred.

- Yeah.

Leave it to me, I've got a

great idea.

Why is Damon doing this?

I mean, I know he and

Meredith

were close when they were

children, but...

Listen, how can we ever know

what goes on in a man's mind?

- Can you get the door?

- Yeah.

Freezing out here.

Not as freezing as it is

in there.

I hope Fred gets home

in time to light the fire.

So how long are you

staying, Becca?

As long as I'm needed,

Julie.

Miles and I are getting a

divorce.

Oh my Lord, Becca.

Why didn't you tell me?

What happened?

He's been cheating on

me.

I should have left a long

time ago.

I'm so, so sorry.

It can happen to anyone.

I'm afraid if I found Fred

cheating on me,

I think I'd make him very,

very sorry.

The things I've sacrificed

for that man.

The things I've done for

him.

All right?

I love you.

I love you too.

- Ooh, cake.

- Yes, cake.

Do you want another one?

Um yes please

You know Merry,

she'll probably spin some crazy yarn about

how one of us chased her

away, wielding a bloody knife.

Meredith always did have

an overactive imagination.

She gets it from Fred!

I just hope to God this

whole thing

doesn't blow up in our

faces.

I don't think God can

help us this time.

Seriously?

I'm going to do the

washing up.

It's Georgeann's turn!

There's someone coming!

It's Lucille Varice, I know

her, she's a health worker.

Oh, she's nice.

Oh well let's just

roll out the red carpet

all the way to the cellar.

George, we need Julie to

forget about the cellar!

Okay, all right,

you know the bitch, open the door.

She's not a bitch!

No she isn't!

Okay, why don't you sue

me!

Hello, I'm... Rebecca,

Sissy!

I'm just checking I

have the right address.

Is this where Mrs. Julie

Haney lives?

Yes, it is, it is, come

on in!

How are you Lucille?

Let me take your coat.

How are your children?

Oh fine, fine, yes, two

at school.

I guess I'm just a little

confused.

I'd bet you are.

Didn't Meredith fill you

in when she phoned you?

Sissy, I'm not at liberty

to give you any information,

even if I did have any.

Don't worry about Sissy.

Until a few days ago, she

was Julie's sole carer,

she's very protective.

Hi, I'm Georgeann,

I'm the other old bird that's helping

Rebecca and Sissy torment

and torture poor Julie.

The one with a knife.

George!

Don't mind her, she's a

bit of a joker.

Do sit down.

No, I'd rather get

straight to the point.

I'm following up a report,

a possible case

of abuse to the elderly

disabled.

Where is Mrs. Haney?

Oh she's the one over there

cracking the pistachios.

And when she's not

cracking the pistachios,

she cracking us up, aren't

you?

As for the abuse, she's

the one

that leaves the little brown

parcels in the bathroom.

George!

I'm sorry, but this

whole thing

is such a freaking waste

of time.

Freaking?

Please ignore her, we

do.

Julie?

Should I, do I know you?

No, I don't believe

we've met.

I'm Lucille.

Are you here about Fred,

have you found him?

Her husband deserted her

four years ago,

poor thing, she still

expects him

to come waltzing in the

door.

Oh, I didn't know,

that's very sad.

And poor Meredith, she

still can't accept the fact

that her father doesn't

want any contact with them.

Oh I see, I mean, you

don't say!

Well I do say, and I

think that's the reason

she's so hell bent on

causing trouble,

because she blames her

mum!

Right, well I really

must get to work,

and make sure you have a

safe,

clean environment, Mrs.

Haney.

If you need anything,

just let one of us know.

Well I'll just go and

have a proper look around,

if you don't mind.

Look out,

George!

Don't think those won't

bite, because they will!

Julie, there are no

squirrels,

what you're seeing isn't

real!

It's not funny, George,

she really sees squirrels.

I'm sorry, I'm only

laughing to stop from crying.

Open the door and let

them out!

There you go Julie,

you scared the little

critters right out the door,

now be a sweetie and give

Sissy the bowl.

Oh, I think in all the

excitement,

Julie's had an accident.

Can you take her to the

bathroom?

Hell no, anything,

anything but that!

Julie sometimes thinks she

sees things that aren't here.

Today she's seeing

squirrels.

Oh, I see, well everything

seems to be in its place.

I'll just have a little

chat with Mrs. Haney,

and then that should

wrap things up for now.

George was just about to

take...

Take her to the cellar.

Bet you didn't think about

that.

Well, and by the time we

get back,

you'll have Julie all cleaned

up for the little chit chat.

Georgeann.

Well what?

Lucille doesn't want to

see the cellar,

it's dark and dank and

creepy down there.

But otherwise she'll feel

that she's missed something,

you know, a torture

chamber, a meth lab.

George.

Come on, come on,

otherwise she can't honestly say

that she's looked in

every nook and cranny.

No skeletons in the cupboard,

no body in the freezer.

I'll go first so I can

turn on the light.

Watch your step!

She's mad.

What are you doing?

You see, nothing but a

dark, dank cellar, filled with

a collection of creepy

dolls and petrified peaches.

And this, is where we put

Julie when she gets too wild.

A couple of minutes in here

and she's scared straight.

George, please!

Oh Rebecca, Lucille

didn't just

pop out of a pumpkin

patch.

Why, she couldn't imagine

in her wildest dreams

that someone would actually

bring somebody down here and

open the freezer if there were

a real dead body in there!

Doesn't she, I mean,

here, let me show you!

What is that?

Now, now, ladies, now,

now, it's just a doll.

A dead-looking big doll.

Probably put there by one

of Julie's grandchildren.

I mean, I would never have

opened the freezer if I had known

there was a dead-looking

baby doll in there,

I mean, it kind of freaked

me out myself.

I'd like to get back upstairs

now, and if you don't mind,

Georgeann, I don't care for

your brand of dark humor.

She didn't see...

She saw everything she

needed to see,

and now we're just heading

up.

Now that would have been

bad.

Lucille wait.

Shite.

Can this day get any

worse?

I'll get her dressing

gown.

I'll just get my coat.

I'll get it!

No, I'll get it,

you have done enough today

George

I'll see her out,

I'm just nipping out for a smoke.

Please do.

And don't hurry back.

Thanks Rebecca, you're

being so sweet!

The pond, are you sure?

Julie always said it was

really deep.

We can weigh him down with

bricks.

And then that's the last

we see of...

Shit, do you want to

waylay?

I thought you ladies

might like some milk,

straight from the cow!

Oh, lovely!

It's still warm!

She's been giving me this

note since I was a boy.

Thank you so much.

I will lift!

Thank you much,

toodle-oo!

No, no, we haven't

been able to catch up.

Come on in.

Fred's been wanting to

talk to you about the sheep.

Where's George going?

She, she fancied a swim

in the pond.

Oh, she'd better be

careful, it's very deep.

There's a shark in there!

Well, I'll pop back

later, maybe, all right?

Bye!

Fred!

Where have you gone?

Ooh, fish fingers for tea,

oh lovely!

Okay, so, we've traveled

back in time to senior school?

Or is it infant school,

because that's how you two

are acting.

I'm sorry.

I'm very, very sorry I

scared you both.

I should have told you that

I decided to move Fred.

How could you possibly

think that

I would put a real baby in

the freezer?

Do I seem that crazy to

you?

It was a doll.

It was a doll baby, okay?

It served its purpose,

now let's forget it.

Elena.

Who's Elena, Julie?

It's Meredith's

favorite of all her dolls,

after she got rid of her

baby,

she couldn't stand to have

it in her room.

She doesn't know what

she's talking about.

Julie, what are you

saying?

Are you saying that

Meredith got pregnant

when she was still young

enough to play with dolls?

How can you take her

seriously?

Shut up, George.

Yeah, shut up, do you

think we're both stupid?

Apparently you and Julie

are the only ones

in on this old secret.

No, no, Damon knew, and

Fred.

Fred was so mad with

Damon.

Well what's Damon got to

do with it?

Oh stop taking it out on

her.

Oh dear, you didn't

know.

Didn't know, didn't know

what, Julie?

Leave her alone!

Shut up, Georgeann!

What has Damon got to do

with Meredith being pregnant?

Oh for heaven's sake,

Rebecca,

what did you think they

were up to all that time?

Discussing the weather?

George!

Maybe you should be quiet!

Maybe you should kiss my

ass!

You see, you're

upsetting Becca!

Well maybe she should

kiss my ass too!

Be quiet!

Becca, you're upsetting

Julie!

I think I need to talk

to Damon.

Hey.

Sorry, didn't mean to

scare you.

Didn't mean to...

Stop, stop, stop, I was

just worried about you, Becca.

You and Julie should

have told me the instant

that you two knew about

it, I had a right to know!

Maybe...

- No, no "maybe,"

- You would have tried to...

that was my grandchild.

You would have tried to

talk Meredith

out of having an abortion.

Well, admit it, you would

have made Damon and Meredith

feel like shit for not

wanting to keep it.

I don't know what I

would have done,

but I deserved to know.

This was not about you,

and what your parents made you do.

You were 17, Merry was 13.

Maybe I could have

helped.

You had a job in an

office already,

Merry was in high school.

I should never have trusted

Julie to keep an eye on them.

Bullshit.

You never thought for a second

that the kids were at it.

Blind and stupid.

What are you going to say

to Damon?

Well I'm sorry, but I

now know

why he feels he owes

Meredith something.

Then I'm going to tell him

that Meredith

is playing on his guilt to

get back at us!

You go girl,

it's time Meredith left Damon alone.

Becca, how lovely to see

you again!

I hear you've moved in with

Julie to help look after her?

Oh yes, yes, we all did,

Sissy and Georgeann, too.

I um, I don't like to

gossip, but

I've heard Meredith is in a

bit of a spin about it all.

Oh really, I hadn't heard,

I can't think why she would be.

Is Damon in?

Oh my goodness, look at

the time,

maybe you should come back

tomorrow,

we don't like to encourage

late visitors.

Well it's hardly late,

and I'm hardly a visitor,

Betty, I'm his mother!

What room is he in?

What room, or do I have

to start banging on doors?

No, no, he's in the

mimosa room,

it's the first on the left

just past the daffodil room.

Yes, I know, it's the

one

I lost my virginity in,

with your father.

Who is it?

It's your mother!

Mum?

What are you doing up so

late?

It's been a long time

since I've had a curfew.

Although I hear I

should've given you one

during your misspent

youth.

Ah, mum, great,

wonderful,

look can we talk about

this another time?

Why, afraid that your

lady friend might hear

how you got a 13-year-old

girl pregnant

and never saw fit to share

this

with your loving, devoted

mother?

Mum, please!

Don't ask me about this

now, please!

Fine, I just want to say

one more thing.

You were a child too.

You do not owe Meredith

for the rest of your life.

Butt floss.

How can anyone find this

sexy?

Spill it, the suspense

is killing me.

There was someone else

in the room with him.

Who?

I don't know,

she wouldn't come out of the bathroom.

I think I'll just wait

here and see for myself.

I feel like a proud

parent.

Oh go fuck yourself George,

and give me a cigarette.

Two shockers in one

single sentence,

I don't know if my heart

will stand it!

You're not the only one

who can keep a secret.

Thanks.

Those foxes are real

trouble!

Yes they are.

Well they're all

organic.

Oh thank you so much,

Mr. Bruno.

Oh call me Jake,

we're all neighbors now.

I'd better be getting

back to Julie.

Isn't it time to milk the

cows?

Toodle-oo!

Great copper you'd make!

Holy Moses!

Holy shit, what do you

make of that?

Get your hands off me.

You and Damon!

Does Scott know?

This isn't any of your

business.

You're not my real aunt.

Is that the best you can

come up with?

Damon is my son, and

you're using his guilt

to manipulate him.

Shame on you!

Now,

right.

Here's what you're going

to do

if you don't want Scott

to find out about this:

you're going to stop

causing trouble,

and you're going to give

up the idea

that you can change

Julie's living will.

Are we clear, Meredith?

Clear as a bell.

Good, then I look forward

to not seeing you again.

I think that was worth it

just to see you at a loss

for words.

Bitch.

Well it takes one to

know one!

We won't ask George,

she'll cheat.

Well we don't want her

playing.

I've got a very good

hand.

I think I won!

You are a winner, you

are!

It's hopeless, you

won't get him with that.

I was thinking more of

lunch.

There we are.

Are you going to help?

Oh I don't know, I was

going to make

a nice paella or

something.

You take

you take a foot

OK

Oh, he's even heavier

now he's waterlogged.

Ah, there we go.

One, two, three.

Again, one, two, three.

Okay that'll do, that'll

do.

Oh, oh he smells.

Hey, he looks good in

blue.

How am I doing?

As much as I hate to say

this, George,

but I think it's my turn.

Oh it's Jake, get rid of

him Sissy!

God

Yoga in the woods, I'm

scared of snails.

No snails in there!

Oh thank you, it's a

long time since...

I wondered if you'd like

to go

for a drink one night, or

maybe a meal?

Thank you.

I'll put them in some

water.

Up dog, down dog.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Ah shit, I can't believe

we're digging

a bloody hole at my

sodding age.

I can't believe the reason

we're digging a sodding hole.

It's not very deep.

No it isn't.

Oh come on girls,

we're killing ourselves,

let's call it a day.

It's cold enough and he's

still frozen.

I'm going to hit the

Ibuprofen and the scotch.

We'll carry on tomorrow.

I'll get some bricks,

weigh him down in case the

foxes want to nibble at him.

Yeah, like the old west,

but instead of foxes, it

was coyotes and buffalo.

I suppose the dried

blood we found means

this isn't Fred's first

ride in the wheelbarrow.

Yeah, explains a lot.

Goodnight, Fred.

Oh shit, dogs, I hear

dogs.

Get dressed, George,

there's someone hammering

on the door!

Jake's banging on the

door!

And he's got a shotgun!

Where's Julie?

What?

Oh God!

Fred's been after that

little devil for years.

I've a good mind to get

my shotgun and join you!

Well what's all this

about?

That bloody fox again.

It's taken Rosemary's

baby chick this time.

Bugger wasn't content with

just killing Rosemary.

I followed it to the

property borderline there,

look, and I was just

asking Mrs. Haney here

if I could continue the

hunt.

As Julie's power of

attorney,

I'm afraid I can't allow

that Mr. Bruno.

Sissy, please!

Oh I'm so sorry, Jake,

obviously my friends

don't realize how long

we've been neighbors.

It's my fault, Mr. Bruno,

it's my cat I'm afraid.

I've left the bedroom

window open by mistake

and she slipped out.

But the minute we find

her,

we'll let you know so you

can continue your hunt.

It's just that she's

orange, you see,

so we wouldn't want you

to, you know.

We don't have a cat,

I'd know if there were a cat in the

house, I'd be all itchy.

Don't blame her Julie,

it's my fault.

I thought that if we kept

Marmalade in the bedroom,

it wouldn't be a problem

for you.

Why are you calling

Ginger Marmalade?

It's my cat.

Marmalade Ginger.

Ginger, end of.

Well, there you have it,

Mr. Bruno.

We'll look for the cat,

when she's back in the

house you can hunt your fox.

Bye!

I can't believe you two

just managed

to argue about a cat

that doesn't even exist!

I knew it, I knew there

wasn't a cat!

I'm not as crazy as I

thought.

Wait till I tell Fred.

- Somebody...

- Yeah.

Somebody, somebody

finished it.

Somebody else knows.

We're screwed.

The bloodstain's gone.

I don't want to sound

like a broken record,

but I need a drink, and a

joint as fat as Fred's finger.

You are disgusting,

and absolutely right.

I think I'll join you.

That's my girls

Whoever buried Fred

obviously wasn't planning

on going to the police.

It just doesn't make any

sense, I mean

I can't think who would

do it, except maybe Damon.

Damon wouldn't cover up

a murder, not even for her.

Oh Scot, what on earth

is he doing here?

And without Meredith?

I didn't think he could

take a piss without her.

He's seen us now, so

we can't ignore him.

Scott!

Sissy!

Might I have a word with

you and your friends?

Well?

Oh yeah, right.

Well the reason why I'm

here.

I came by earlier and I

found the wheelbarrow.

Julie had borrowed it last

spring, and I returned it.

You were trespassing.

Was I?

Oh and here was me

thinking I was

just being courteous by

not waking you lot up.

What do you want,

you sniveling little excuse for a toad?

Why just to be

compensated

for all my hard work, of

course?

Why it isn't easy burying

a goat the size of Gilbert.

Do you know how hard it is

to get bloodstains out of

a wheelbarrow?

Stop!

How much?

50 grand?

George, whack him one!

No, no, no, no!

He must be out of his

mind.

Right, that's it, you

have got 24 hours

to get me the money,

otherwise I'm going to the

police station.

One way or the other, my

cheap wife is going to pay!

I guess he knows about

Meredith and Damon.

Yep.

Knows what?

Catch Sissy up, Rebecca,

while I go and get some

ice for my hand.

Julie?

She's trying on clothes.

She thinks she's going to the

theater tonight with Fred.

I'm beginning to envy

her.

Yeah, me too.

So, what are we going to

do about Scot?

Well we can't give him

the money,

he'd be back for more

and it would never stop.

He's having nothing,

that disgusting little shit head.

Well, what's the

alternative?

Why do I always have to

come up with a solution?

Well because you veto

anything I suggest.

And you're better at it.

Whatever.

I'm surprised you two can't

come to the obvious conclusion.

We have to get rid of the

body, this time, for good.

Oh no, you're not saying

we've got to dig him up now?

Think of your triceps!

No more bingo wings.

I'm done in.

I've got just the thing.

George, I can't drink

coffee after midday,

it'll give me the jitters!

You think?

If I have a heart attack,

it's on you, George.

Here's to liquid courage,

and purple muscles!

I'm full of energy,

that's enough.

Did I miss something,

have we been dieting?

No, don't worry Julie,

we've been working in the garden.

Doing what?

Leaves, we've been

raking leaves.

Oh but the little Tomlin

boy always rakes my leaves.

He said he had too

much homework this year.

Oh well, well I'm sure

we'll find someone else.

I'll ask Fred, he'll know

what to do!

Don't worry Julie, it's

all done.

The only thing left to

do is to dump the b...

burnt leaves, dump the

burnt leaves.

Leaves, what leaves?

Don't worry, Julie, eat

your soup.

Monty

Mouse was bald.

No hair, no fur, not even

the teeniest

of whiskers to twitch.

Oh Fred, oh Fred.

What is wrong with you?

Stop it Fred, no!

Want me to hit you

again?

No!

Is that what you want?

Once and for all, I'll

come for you.

What time is sunset?

We've got about another

half hour.

Ooh, my heart's about to

explode.

Good, serve you right

for drinking the last tin.

Will you two stop

bickering?

Someone should be keeping

watch

to make sure that Scott

hasn't followed us.

I wish he had, I have a

bucket of nails

with his name on it.

I want to get something

off my chest.

Spit it out.

Well, there, there's

something I want to tell you

before Julie has a brain

fart and blurts it out

or before everything goes

tits up

and we end up in separate

jail cells.

Well?

Well I just want you to

know that

there's nowhere else

I'd rather be right now.

Oh yeah, with a dead

body in the back,

who wouldn't rather be

here, right, Becca?

What's the punchline?

The cancer's back.

No!

Yes. Did Julie tell you?

It was the booze and

fags,

and that humongous bag

of pot in your drawer.

Oh shit there's a car

coming!

What if they think we've

broken down?

Quick, Sissy, kiss

Rebecca!

What?

Just do it, God damnit,

and keep kissing her

until they've gone past,

it might be the cops!

If you didn't have

cancer, I'd hit you.

Yuck!

I think I'm going to pee

my pants!

I hope you do pee your

pants.

before another

car comes along.

Oh God, oh my God.

Remember, timing is

everything!

If we miss we have to go

and get him

and do it all over again.

That should be enough

incentive.

Hold up, here comes a

lorry!

Quick!

Get ready, go!

What happened, why

didn't you let go?

It would have been too

soon.

Anyone could see that,

Sissy.

Oh, it stinks!

You're telling me.

On my cue.

Right.

Get ready:

one!

Two!

Wait!

Three, go!

Wait, I almost forgot

something!

What?

Something I found on the

cellar floor

belonging to old Fred.

His dick.

Fred's dick, the one you

knocked off.

Okay, let's see how good I

am at this.

Hellfire and save the

matches!

Oh my God!

Let's get out of here!

Scott, what are you

doing here?

Money.

I'm sorry.

Julie, we're playing

gin rummy, not poker,

so put those peanuts back

in the bowl.

Scott you know it's bad

luck

to see the bride before

the wedding.

You should be getting

ready, so scoot.

Yes Scott, scoot.

There's nothing for you

here.

Are you lot out of your

minds?

Listen, if I don't have 50

grand by the time I leave here,

my next stop's going to

be the police station.

You tried to cover up a

murder.

Your accusations are

absurd!

We're just old ladies

trying to help our friend

make the most out of

what's left of her life.

What are you doing here

Scot, did Merry send you?

You should go and be

gone.

We may be old, but we're

not stupid.

It's extremely hard to

make a murder charge stick

when there's no body.

When there's no body.

You bitch!

Right, that's it, I'm

going to tell Meredith.

You won't get away with

this, she'll believe me!

Maybe, maybe not, you do

what you have to do Scot,

just like we did what we

had to do.

I never did like him,

my Merry's far too bright

for a thicko like Scott.

I totally agree.

Well he's gone,

and he won't be coming back any time soon.

Maybe even longer than

you think.

And where were you while

we had to deal with that...

Pompous ass!

Pompous ass, that's

quite right, Julie.

Just a minute, I have to

make a concerned citizen call.

George, what do you

mean?

Hello?

I'd like to report a

crime.

Well, I was walking my dog

and this strange man stopped

and asked me if I'd like

to buy some marijuana.

Yes, yes!

Well he had a whole bag

under the driver's seat,

well at least I think

that's what it was.

Well I'm just an old lady,

it might have been a bag

of parsley for all I know.

He's driving a dark blue

Estate, license number HJ64CWD.

Excuse me!

Yes, thank you very much,

bye bye!

George, you didn't!

I did, I most certainly

did!

And now it'll be the drug

dealer's word

against the four little

old ladies.

I can't believe you gave

up your stash.

Well not the whole thing,

I'm not that generous.

Oh life is good.

Do you think he'll tell

them, anyway?

I don't know.

But what I do know, is

that we now know

that if we stick together,

we'll get through anything.

We should all have an

old-fashioned sleepover

while Fred's out of town!

Oh that would be fun!

That's a wonderful idea,

Julie!

Sounds good to me!

And we can play spin the

bottle,

and Sissy and Rebecca

can practice kissing.

What is wrong

with you?

Your nuts