Dead Fred (2019) - full transcript

Mum!

Mum!

Mum!

Merry, what's wrong?

Shh.

We have to be very quiet.

Why are we whispering,
Then?

Is it Fred?

I'll tell you in the
car, I promise.

But right now, we have
to be very, very quiet.

Shittity, shite.

Doing great, Mum.

Merry, you found your
father, didn't you?

What?

We haven't time now, let's
just go.

You're not going
anywhere!

Open this door, right
now, Missy!

Just please let us go!

George, what on earth's
going on?

Aunt Becca, thank
goodness you're here.

I think she's rabid or
something.

You should call someone.

You're outnumbered
Meredith.

Open the door.

They're all crazy,
surely you can see.

Can't argue with you
there.

So you must understand
Aunt Becca.

Mother needs the constant
care a rest home can give her.

So that's why you
sneaked in and took Julie.

I see, and it had nothing
to do with

you wanting her out so
you could sell the house?

Can you lean back a minute
so I can say hello to Julie?

I haven't seen her in
months.

Ooh.. Why am I getting
out?

I need to give Meredith a
driving lesson.

She's about to be 17.

Don't worry Julie,
Meredith's remembered

she's got something else
to do.

You act like you're her
family, but you're not.

You're all crazy, and I
won't stop

until I get my mother out
of here.

And into a care home
full of strangers.

When did you plant all
this?

About um um

About oh four hundred
years ago, I think.

It's astounding.

These flowers.

They look great.

Look over here, this is
my favorite one!

Yeah?

That's called a rose it's
pink.

Oh, beautiful!
Beautiful.

I like that one

What are those? Those are
stunning.

That's, that's, that's
sunflower.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

It's like a sunset flower,
isn't it?

Yeah, well here's
another one, look.

Oh look at that's very
dainty.

It's like, it's got arms.

A little person!

Ooh, plan on impressing
the sheep?

What?

Getting angry much,
these days?

You and Miles fighting?

Oh, there's nothing left
to fight about.

How long's our rabid
friend been here?

Arrived late yesterday.

She's on Julie duty today.

What, it's that bad?

Yes!

Meredith is quite
determined to get Julie

into a home somewhere so
she can sell up.

You saw what she pulled
this morning!

Let her try that again.

Just let her try!

Ooh, I'll give that one
to Fred.

I prefer vegetables to
flowers,

at least you can eat
vegetables.

Or herbs, some sweet
smelling sage!

Julie!

Son of a bitch!

Shit, shit, shit.

Julie!

I don't think it'd be
cruel

to put a cow bell on the
old girl.

Julie!

We're having rosemary
the chicken

for dinner tonight,
darling.

I hope you don't get home late,
for more reasons than one,

if you get my meaning.

You know how the autumn
air makes you frisky!

Julie! Are you
down here?

Oh,

There you are.

Give me a heart attack,
why don't you?

Come on, let's go get
washed for dinner.

I told Fred we were
having chicken.

I hope he's not late.

I have a feeling he
might be.

Come on.

He's never home anymore.

I know, there you go.

There you go.

Come on.

Mind your step.

OK

Becca!

Julie!

Oh I see you've got some
gray coming in.

I told you 40 would be a
life-changer, didn't I?

Don't get big-headed
Rebecca, you don't look 40.

Thanks, neither do you!

Oh, still a goody
two-shoes?

Still a drunken sot?

Hey, look, we're all
together, just as we planned!

Let's enjoy it.

Yes ma'am, I love you.

Ugh, Sissy, why didn't
you tell us?

I told you she spits.

Yeah, but ehh.

Get over it, and be
glad you're not the one

having to empty her pockets,
unless you'd like the job!

How's your love life,
Sissy?

Here's the story: woman
dates a man.

Man has a grown daughter.

Turns out grown daughter was
a former student of mine.

Not a fan.

Man dumps woman, the end.

Men are such dicks.

Still having a dry
spell?

By choice, by God...

So...

Becca.

Becca, how are Miles
and...

Damon?

Well, their law firm's
doing very well!

And Miles is slaving
over a new hot secretary!

God, he's a shit-heel,
isn't he?

George.

Oh come on, Sissy, I've
always had a potty mouth,

it's a hard habit to
break.

What are you, a nun?

Now I forgot what I was
going to say.

My mother always said
getting older is shit.

We're not old silly.

Haven't you heard?

30 is meant to be the new
40.

Well, here's to that!

You should have gone
with her.

To the bathroom, are you
kidding me?

Okay, if she has an accident,
you're cleaning it up.

You are amazing, Sissy.

Julie? Julie?

Okay Julie, hand it over.

Let's see what you've got
there.

Please don't let it be a
turd,

please don't let it be a
turd,

anything but a turd, so
help me God.

What the f...

It's Rosemary's chick!

Rosemary's chick.

You're confused because we had
rosemary chicken for supper.

No, we ate Rosemary,
this is her chick!

So when you said
"rosemary chicken,"

you meant Rosemary the
chicken?

The one you killed!

The one I killed, the
one you told me to kill!

No, I was only
introducing her to you!

She kept escaping from
Jake's place

because she got a crush on
my cockerel.

Your cockerel, rooster.

So Rosemary wasn't even
your chicken?

We cooked and killed
your neighbor's chicken?

This chick belonged to
Rosemary and Rosemary belongs,

belonged to Jake your
neighbor.

Oh my God.

I've died and gone to the
nuthouse.

So this is why you're
always down here,

because you're hiding
Rosemary's baby!

Yes, yes!

Fred's been taking care of
her.

Fred has?

So um, is Fred down
here with us right now?

Of course he is.

Right, I think we'd
better go upstairs,

and you can bring the
chicken back to Jake

and explain what happened
to Rosemary.

Rosemary who?

Oh for the love of God.

Did I do something wrong,
George, are you cross with me?

No, I know, sweetie.

Bye, Fred.

I'll visit again soon.

Mrs. Haney

Georgeann, but my
friends call me George!

Pleased to meet you

Give me the chicken.

Oh, not that damn fox
again.

Has it got Rosemary this
time?

Is that her chick?

Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't
much left of her when we we,

when he finished his meal.

Damned fox, Rosemary
were a double yolker!

At least we've got her
chick,

maybe she'll turn out
to be a double yolker!

We ate Rosemary for
dinner!

No we didn't, we ate
a completely different

chicken for dinner.

It was not!

I'm so sorry for your
loss, Mr. Bruno.

I'm sorry about
Rosemary.

If it's any consolation,
she were very tasty.

I love you, you know?

I love you too, you're
my bestested friend.

I'll look after you, you
know.

Will you?

Yeah, you've only got to
stay with me,

and then it will be all
right.

Yeah.

Don't you worry, share
my apple

for always and always.

All I am saying it's
really creepy

She keeps talking about Fred
and going down to the cellar.

Hallucinations are
normal with Alzheimer's.

They usually get worse at
night.

But I found her down
there twice today.

Which reminds me, I think
I left the light on.

I'd better meet you in the
conservatory.

I'll make some tea.

Booze for me.

Tea.

Booze!

Leave the mothering to
Sissy.

I think she's missing her
teaching.

So don't want to know what
that is.

Fred?

If you've come back and
you're hiding,

because you're afraid I'm
going to kick your ass,

you are absolutely wrong.

I'm going to cut off your
dick

and then I'm going to kick
your ass.

Oh that's what it is,
of course, chicken shit.

Why is this old thing
still working?

Go on, before Julie
wakes up!

I'm going, I'm going,
don't push!

Sissy! Becca!

Get the fuck down here!

Holy cow, holy cow, holy
fucking cow!

What is it?

Stop scaring the crap out
of us.

Holy cow, holy shit,
holy freaking shit, shit, shit,

I don't believe it,
somebody pinch me.

You girls are not going
to believe what's in here.

What, what is it?

What, where?

You wouldn't believe me
if I told you,

go see for yourself.

Go see what, what are we
looking at?

Open the freezer.

It's Fred!

I'd recognize those
whiskers anywhere.

Yes, Fred is dead.

Not a deserter, dead.

Yes, definitely dead.

And frozen.

Frozen.

Let's get out of here.

- Right behind you.
- Behind you.

Drink responsibly.

Give us one.

Jesus, so Fred disappeared
three or four years ago?

Do you think he's been
down there all this time?

That's a very good
question, Becca.

What do you suppose
happened to him?

Isn't it obvious?

Julie put him there!

No, Julie...

I'd like to agree with
you, Rebecca,

but there's no way that
Fred's been down there

all that time without
Julie knowing.

Meredith. What, do you
think she's in on this?

No, she's too much of a
daddy's girl.

She was accidentally
locked in the cellar

when she was little,
and she's been scared of it ever since.

Ah, that's convenient
for Julie.

If Julie did kill Fred,
I'm sure she had her reasons.

He couldn't keep his hands
to himself.

Yeah, that's a good
reason to kill a man.

No, you're preaching to
the converted.

I had to box his ears on
a number of occasions.

Let's get some sleep and
tackle this in the morning.

You can go to sleep
after that?

Oh, come on Sissy, at
our age,

sleep is a necessity, not
a luxury.

We can't do anything
tonight anyway.

Yeah, Fred's not going
anywhere.

What was that?

Julie?

After what happened with
Meredith,

Sissy sleeps with one eye
open.

Julie wouldn't have got
past her.

Oh God you're beautiful.

I'll call the police.

No! We've got the
popsicle in the freezer!

Oh yes, God, what are
you going to do?

No, no, George, we're old
women.

Speak for yourself,
anyway, there's three of us.

Come on!

Did you hear something
downstairs?

Why do you think we're huddled
in the hallway, fire drill?

Is it coming from the
dining room?

Here, you lead the way.

Why do I have to go
first?

Because you're the
bravest.

Yeah, invisible
testicles.

- Right.
- We're right behind you.

If it's a burglar,
he's not a very good one.

You are unbelievable,
missy!

Yeah, what if we'd had a
gun,

we might have blown
your freaking heads off!

We're terribly sorry...

Don't you apologize!

This is my mum's house,
we have more right to be here than...

Oh no you don't,
Meredith Sue.

If you've lost your
mother's living will,

I can give you another
copy.

I just want to...

I want to talk to my
mother!

See her, make sure she's
okay with... everything.

She's not okay with
everything, Merry.

Obviously she didn't want
you

to see her disintegrate
like this.

Or maybe she knew you'd
try to stick her in a home

somewhere so you could
sell up.

Scott, do something!

Yeah, Scott, why don't
you do something?

I just want to talk to
my mother!

Why, damn it?

Because I think she knows
what happened to my dad.

Shame on you, Scott
Barrett!

What did you think you were
doing, scaring us like that?

We really...

Oh, shut up.

I'll be back with my
lawyer.

Whatever.

You okay, George?

Do you need some water?

Whiskey, I need whiskey.

Don't we all.

We can't let Meredith
find out about Fred.

No, you're right, we
can't, Sissy.

Julie could go to prison.

Meredith would love
that.

Prison's cheaper than a
care home.

We need to be careful,
though,

I don't think Julie remembers
what happened to Fred.

Until we find out what happened,
what to do with the body?

Well how are we going to
do that if we can't ask her?

Let's take a look.

Are you out of your
mind?

This isn't an episode
of Miss Marple, George.

Well maybe not, but
we've all seen

enough television to
know what to look for.

Let's get him out and
examine him.

Are you insane?

Well have you got a
better idea?

If his skull's crushed in,
or he's got a knife in his back,

we know what we're dealing
with.

Murder, we'll be dealing
with murder.

Which would make us
accessories to murder.

So you'd rather call the
police.

Do you know how scared
Julie would be?

Do you know how confused
she'd be?

If they started grilling
her for details?

Oh they wouldn't do
that, she's not well.

Of course they would,

until it could be proved
that she's mentally unsound.

I don't know about you two,
but I'm not going to sit around

and wait for Meredith to
get exactly what she wants.

Where are you going?

I'm going to try and
figure out a way

to get Fred out of the
freezer by myself!

I hope you'll be happy
when

they cart our dear friend
away kicking spitting

And screaming.

Are you awake?

Sissy and I talked about
it,

of course we'll help you
examine Fred.

We just had to get our
heads around it, that's all.

I mean, it's quite possible
that Fred had a heart attack

or an accident or
something, right?

And if it turns out Julie
did kill him, well...

Well, we'll cross that
bridge when we come to it.

Okay, good.

I'm glad because I was
beginning to wonder

how I was going to get
that frozen son of a bitch

out of the freezer by
myself.

Sweet dreams, darling.

Morning!

Here we are darling.

I wonder where the
chickens are.

Look, there they are, up
there.

That's it

Oh lovely

Hope they have lots of
eggs this morning

Yes we could have some
for breakfast

Oh that's a good idea

I will go and check

Yeah

The cancer's back.

Gee, what gave it away?

You're smoking pot, and
cigarettes,

and you said you'd never
smoke again,

unless the cancer came
back.

Aren't you super sharp
this morning.

I'm so sorry, George.

Is that why you're all
here, because of the cancer?

I don't want the others
to know yet.

But why not?

We all love you.

Because we've got
something else on right now,

and they don't need any
distractions.

Do you know what I'm
talking about?

Of course I do.

You didn't think you could
hide

something like that from
me, did you?

- You do, you know about the...
- The surprise party!

I knew all about it,
even before Fred told me.

Oh, but don't be angry
with him,

he could never keep a
secret, could you Fred?

A surprise party, huh?

It's okay, I promise to
act surprised.

Come on, Fred, Meredith's
making pancakes,

and you know what a mess she
makes if she gets distracted.

Oh you too, George,

I imagine you've got a
bad case of the munchies.

The last thing we need
is Fred's DNA all over us.

When we finish, we'll burn
these.

Did you have to give
me one that was so...

Girly?

You are a woman, George!

Unless there's something
you're not telling us!

I'm sure there's something
you're not telling us,

but I don't think it's anything
to do with a sex change.

Very astute Sherlock,

but I think we'd better
concentrate on the matter at hand.

We're up to our knobbly knees
in Fred and Julie's doo doo.

Right, who's going to
open the freezer?

Maybe I should just go and
check on Julie.

Julie is fine.

She's going to have at
least a two-hour rest,

and anyway, I've locked
her in for her own safety.

The head end's going to
be the heaviest,

so why don't you two take that
end, and I'll take the feet.

Okay, after three: one,
two, three!

I'll go first.

Torch.

He smells of fish.

Better than dead flesh,
I can tell you that.

There's nothing on the
head.

Me next.

Eager beaver!

There's something there!

I can't work out what it
is,

but it looks like there's
something in his trousers.

It's his dick.

The morticians call it
"angel lust."

Oh I don't know, George,
it looks too big to be a willy.

He never was a looker,

he must have had something
on the side.

Why don't you undo his
pants and take a look.

You don't have to,
Sissy.

I do, I can, I will.

Sissy snapped off Fred's
dick!

Oh fuck, no fuck!

Lunchtime!

Ooh!

Shepherd's pie?

It's cold!

You missed supper.

I'm not hungry.

It's not like you to get
so upset

over a little teasing.

Oh I'm sorry I was such an
ass.

I usually leave that to
George.

Oh, come on, forgive us.

If it's any consolation,
George thinks she has found

something suspicious and
thinks it might be buckshot.

Oh, what on earth's the
matter?

What is it, tell me!

It's my fault Fred's
dead!

Here, drink your tea,
we've got all the time in the world.

Speak for yourself.

Now Sissy, tell George
what you told me,

and nobody's going to blame
you for something Julie did,

so get that out of your
head.

I know why Julie killed
Fred.

I told her I saw Fred with
his assistant.

So Fred was screwing
around on Julie, I mean,

so what's so big about
that?

I felt terrible telling
her,

but this time I just
couldn't keep silent.

And you were right to
tell her!

You couldn't have known
that Julie would kill Fred.

I mean, I didn't kill Miles
when I caught him cheating.

Well you should have,
he made a play for me ten years ago,

at that New Year's Eve
party you guys had.

Well why didn't you tell
me?

I'd have left the fat
bastard

when I still had some lead
in my pencil.

So, what's next?

Becca tells me you think
Fred was shot.

Looks like buckshot to
me.

Right in the old kidney.

Probably bled out.

We need, well somebody
needs to find out

if it was definitely
buckshot.

I'm not 100% certain and
we can't afford not to be.

And we need to find the
weapon.

Shotgun.

I don't remember seeing
Fred with a shotgun.

What if we can't find one?

Okay, I will do the gory
digging out

of the aforesaid buckshot

if you two turkeys find the
shotgun that nobody remembers.

It's just like Charlie's
Angels, isn't it?

Fred's still too frozen,

he should be all right by
the morning.

Impressive, where'd you
find it?

On top of the cabinet
in the laundry room!

A process of elimination,
we literally looked everywhere.

Yes, we did.

Well, I'm going to go
make sure

the doors and windows are
locked,

and then I am going to hit the sack.
I don't want to be late

for my date with Fred in
the morning.

Shark!

We'll have him for
lunch.

Oh yeah

- Come on.
- That's a good idea.

You're nothing but a
lifeless, useless popsicle.

You can't talk, you can't
hear, you can't.

Oh, you're just thawing,

aren't you, you freaking
whore-monger?

This is all your fault,
you got what you deserved,

you useless piece of shit.

Lucky I didn't know about
it,

or you wouldn't have had a
dick for Sissy to snap off!

How did that feel, by the
way?

Okay, here goes nothing,
Tom cat.

Uh-oh.

I'll take Julie away.

Merry!

Damon, I didn't know
you were coming down!

Hi mum.

Why didn't you call and
let me know?

Well actually, mum,
I'm, I'm here on business.

- Oh?
- Yes.

What kind of business?

It isn't personal?

What's not personal?

Mum, I'm, I've actually
agreed,

I've agreed to represent
Meredith.

You what?

Now look, this isn't about
you, it's about aunt Sissy,

and it's about Meredith's
right to see her.

That's right, Aunt
Becca,

this is between me and
Sissy.

It has nothing to do with
you.

Nothing, nothing to do
with me?

Are you out of your mind,
Damon?

We should press charges
against you two

for breaking and entering.

That's right, we caught
them climbing in

through a window in the
middle of the night.

And it may have been Sissy

who Julie granted power of
attorney,

but we are all committed to
following Julie's wishes.

Look can we just talk
about this?

You can talk, they can
leave.

Mum.

Don't call me "mum"
right now.

Nothing personal, of
course.

Oh, I've got to show the
girls.

My knees, son of a bitch.

No, George, George,
George, George,

We have got unwanted
company see.

Oh that's great, George,
you found the buckshot!

Now we don't have to worry
when

we're having Sissy's delicious
venison stew tonight.

Yes, I'm just so glad

my grandfather taught
me how to dress a deer.

You know how to dress a
deer?

Well, I'm not picking buckshot
out of a dead body, am I?

As a matter of fact, if
you don't mind waiting,

I could go slice you off a
little bit

of rump steak that you
can cook for yourself.

Mum, mum! Mum!

Can you hear me?

What's wrong with her?

Well she's fainted.

Did you upset her?

What are you doing with
these two stooges anyway?

Don't! You, You're not
going anywhere.

Do not set foot on this
property again!

Now move your fat asses.

I don't have a fat ass,
do I?

Your best feature!

Go!

George, put the knife
down!

I love you Damon, I've
always loved you.

But I think you'd better
go too.

Mum, mum, are you all
right?

Are you ok

You scared the freaking
hell out of me,

did you forget to breathe
again?

She did the same thing in 1969,
Beatles Shindig in London.

The one on the rooftops,
where they played?

Yeah!

I remember that story,

it's where you all met for
the first time, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah!

Are you still going
to represent Meredith?

I've given my word, Mum.

Then George is right,
you should leave.

Well.

You threatened Meredith and
Scott with a bloody knife!

Yeah.

- It isn't over yet.
- No.

- We have to hide Fred.
- Yeah.

Leave it to me, I've got a
great idea.

Why is Damon doing this?

I mean, I know he and
Meredith

were close when they were
children, but...

Listen, how can we ever know
what goes on in a man's mind?

- Can you get the door?
- Yeah.

Freezing out here.

Not as freezing as it is
in there.

I hope Fred gets home
in time to light the fire.

So how long are you
staying, Becca?

As long as I'm needed,
Julie.

Miles and I are getting a
divorce.

Oh my Lord, Becca.

Why didn't you tell me?

What happened?

He's been cheating on
me.

I should have left a long
time ago.

I'm so, so sorry.

It can happen to anyone.

I'm afraid if I found Fred
cheating on me,

I think I'd make him very,
very sorry.

The things I've sacrificed
for that man.

The things I've done for
him.

All right?

I love you.

I love you too.

- Ooh, cake.
- Yes, cake.

Do you want another one?

Um yes please

You know Merry,
she'll probably spin some crazy yarn about

how one of us chased her
away, wielding a bloody knife.

Meredith always did have
an overactive imagination.

She gets it from Fred!

I just hope to God this
whole thing

doesn't blow up in our
faces.

I don't think God can
help us this time.

Seriously?

I'm going to do the
washing up.

It's Georgeann's turn!

There's someone coming!

It's Lucille Varice, I know
her, she's a health worker.

Oh, she's nice.

Oh well let's just
roll out the red carpet

all the way to the cellar.

George, we need Julie to
forget about the cellar!

Okay, all right,
you know the bitch, open the door.

She's not a bitch!

No she isn't!

Okay, why don't you sue
me!

Hello, I'm... Rebecca,
Sissy!

I'm just checking I
have the right address.

Is this where Mrs. Julie
Haney lives?

Yes, it is, it is, come
on in!

How are you Lucille?

Let me take your coat.

How are your children?

Oh fine, fine, yes, two
at school.

I guess I'm just a little
confused.

I'd bet you are.

Didn't Meredith fill you
in when she phoned you?

Sissy, I'm not at liberty
to give you any information,

even if I did have any.

Don't worry about Sissy.

Until a few days ago, she
was Julie's sole carer,

she's very protective.

Hi, I'm Georgeann,
I'm the other old bird that's helping

Rebecca and Sissy torment
and torture poor Julie.

The one with a knife.

George!

Don't mind her, she's a
bit of a joker.

Do sit down.

No, I'd rather get
straight to the point.

I'm following up a report,
a possible case

of abuse to the elderly
disabled.

Where is Mrs. Haney?

Oh she's the one over there
cracking the pistachios.

And when she's not
cracking the pistachios,

she cracking us up, aren't
you?

As for the abuse, she's
the one

that leaves the little brown
parcels in the bathroom.

George!

I'm sorry, but this
whole thing

is such a freaking waste
of time.

Freaking?

Please ignore her, we
do.

Julie?

Should I, do I know you?

No, I don't believe
we've met.

I'm Lucille.

Are you here about Fred,
have you found him?

Her husband deserted her
four years ago,

poor thing, she still
expects him

to come waltzing in the
door.

Oh, I didn't know,
that's very sad.

And poor Meredith, she
still can't accept the fact

that her father doesn't
want any contact with them.

Oh I see, I mean, you
don't say!

Well I do say, and I
think that's the reason

she's so hell bent on
causing trouble,

because she blames her
mum!

Right, well I really
must get to work,

and make sure you have a
safe,

clean environment, Mrs.
Haney.

If you need anything,
just let one of us know.

Well I'll just go and
have a proper look around,

if you don't mind.

Look out,
George!

Don't think those won't
bite, because they will!

Julie, there are no
squirrels,

what you're seeing isn't
real!

It's not funny, George,
she really sees squirrels.

I'm sorry, I'm only
laughing to stop from crying.

Open the door and let
them out!

There you go Julie,

you scared the little
critters right out the door,

now be a sweetie and give
Sissy the bowl.

Oh, I think in all the
excitement,

Julie's had an accident.

Can you take her to the
bathroom?

Hell no, anything,
anything but that!

Julie sometimes thinks she
sees things that aren't here.

Today she's seeing
squirrels.

Oh, I see, well everything
seems to be in its place.

I'll just have a little
chat with Mrs. Haney,

and then that should
wrap things up for now.

George was just about to
take...

Take her to the cellar.

Bet you didn't think about
that.

Well, and by the time we
get back,

you'll have Julie all cleaned
up for the little chit chat.

Georgeann.

Well what?

Lucille doesn't want to
see the cellar,

it's dark and dank and
creepy down there.

But otherwise she'll feel
that she's missed something,

you know, a torture
chamber, a meth lab.

George.

Come on, come on,
otherwise she can't honestly say

that she's looked in
every nook and cranny.

No skeletons in the cupboard,
no body in the freezer.

I'll go first so I can
turn on the light.

Watch your step!

She's mad.

What are you doing?

You see, nothing but a
dark, dank cellar, filled with

a collection of creepy
dolls and petrified peaches.

And this, is where we put
Julie when she gets too wild.

A couple of minutes in here
and she's scared straight.

George, please!

Oh Rebecca, Lucille
didn't just

pop out of a pumpkin
patch.

Why, she couldn't imagine
in her wildest dreams

that someone would actually
bring somebody down here and

open the freezer if there were
a real dead body in there!

Doesn't she, I mean,
here, let me show you!

What is that?

Now, now, ladies, now,
now, it's just a doll.

A dead-looking big doll.

Probably put there by one
of Julie's grandchildren.

I mean, I would never have
opened the freezer if I had known

there was a dead-looking
baby doll in there,

I mean, it kind of freaked
me out myself.

I'd like to get back upstairs
now, and if you don't mind,

Georgeann, I don't care for
your brand of dark humor.

She didn't see...

She saw everything she
needed to see,

and now we're just heading
up.

Now that would have been
bad.

Lucille wait.

Shite.

Can this day get any
worse?

I'll get her dressing
gown.

I'll just get my coat.

I'll get it!

No, I'll get it,

you have done enough today
George

I'll see her out,
I'm just nipping out for a smoke.

Please do.

And don't hurry back.

Thanks Rebecca, you're
being so sweet!

The pond, are you sure?

Julie always said it was
really deep.

We can weigh him down with
bricks.

And then that's the last
we see of...

Shit, do you want to
waylay?

I thought you ladies
might like some milk,

straight from the cow!

Oh, lovely!

It's still warm!

She's been giving me this
note since I was a boy.

Thank you so much.

I will lift!

Thank you much,
toodle-oo!

No, no, we haven't
been able to catch up.

Come on in.

Fred's been wanting to
talk to you about the sheep.

Where's George going?

She, she fancied a swim
in the pond.

Oh, she'd better be
careful, it's very deep.

There's a shark in there!

Well, I'll pop back
later, maybe, all right?

Bye!

Fred!

Where have you gone?

Ooh, fish fingers for tea,
oh lovely!

Okay, so, we've traveled
back in time to senior school?

Or is it infant school,

because that's how you two
are acting.

I'm sorry.

I'm very, very sorry I
scared you both.

I should have told you that
I decided to move Fred.

How could you possibly
think that

I would put a real baby in
the freezer?

Do I seem that crazy to
you?

It was a doll.

It was a doll baby, okay?

It served its purpose,
now let's forget it.

Elena.

Who's Elena, Julie?

It's Meredith's
favorite of all her dolls,

after she got rid of her
baby,

she couldn't stand to have
it in her room.

She doesn't know what
she's talking about.

Julie, what are you
saying?

Are you saying that
Meredith got pregnant

when she was still young
enough to play with dolls?

How can you take her
seriously?

Shut up, George.

Yeah, shut up, do you
think we're both stupid?

Apparently you and Julie
are the only ones

in on this old secret.

No, no, Damon knew, and
Fred.

Fred was so mad with
Damon.

Well what's Damon got to
do with it?

Oh stop taking it out on
her.

Oh dear, you didn't
know.

Didn't know, didn't know
what, Julie?

Leave her alone!

Shut up, Georgeann!

What has Damon got to do
with Meredith being pregnant?

Oh for heaven's sake,
Rebecca,

what did you think they
were up to all that time?

Discussing the weather?

George!

Maybe you should be quiet!

Maybe you should kiss my
ass!

You see, you're
upsetting Becca!

Well maybe she should
kiss my ass too!

Be quiet!

Becca, you're upsetting
Julie!

I think I need to talk
to Damon.

Hey.

Sorry, didn't mean to
scare you.

Didn't mean to...

Stop, stop, stop, I was
just worried about you, Becca.

You and Julie should
have told me the instant

that you two knew about
it, I had a right to know!

Maybe...

- No, no "maybe,"
- You would have tried to...

that was my grandchild.

You would have tried to
talk Meredith

out of having an abortion.

Well, admit it, you would
have made Damon and Meredith

feel like shit for not
wanting to keep it.

I don't know what I
would have done,

but I deserved to know.

This was not about you,
and what your parents made you do.

You were 17, Merry was 13.

Maybe I could have
helped.

You had a job in an
office already,

Merry was in high school.

I should never have trusted
Julie to keep an eye on them.

Bullshit.

You never thought for a second
that the kids were at it.

Blind and stupid.

What are you going to say
to Damon?

Well I'm sorry, but I
now know

why he feels he owes
Meredith something.

Then I'm going to tell him
that Meredith

is playing on his guilt to
get back at us!

You go girl,
it's time Meredith left Damon alone.

Becca, how lovely to see
you again!

I hear you've moved in with
Julie to help look after her?

Oh yes, yes, we all did,
Sissy and Georgeann, too.

I um, I don't like to
gossip, but

I've heard Meredith is in a
bit of a spin about it all.

Oh really, I hadn't heard,
I can't think why she would be.

Is Damon in?

Oh my goodness, look at
the time,

maybe you should come back
tomorrow,

we don't like to encourage
late visitors.

Well it's hardly late,
and I'm hardly a visitor,

Betty, I'm his mother!

What room is he in?

What room, or do I have
to start banging on doors?

No, no, he's in the
mimosa room,

it's the first on the left
just past the daffodil room.

Yes, I know, it's the
one

I lost my virginity in,
with your father.

Who is it?

It's your mother!

Mum?

What are you doing up so
late?

It's been a long time
since I've had a curfew.

Although I hear I
should've given you one

during your misspent
youth.

Ah, mum, great,
wonderful,

look can we talk about
this another time?

Why, afraid that your
lady friend might hear

how you got a 13-year-old
girl pregnant

and never saw fit to share
this

with your loving, devoted
mother?

Mum, please!

Don't ask me about this
now, please!

Fine, I just want to say
one more thing.

You were a child too.

You do not owe Meredith
for the rest of your life.

Butt floss.

How can anyone find this
sexy?

Spill it, the suspense
is killing me.

There was someone else
in the room with him.

Who?

I don't know,
she wouldn't come out of the bathroom.

I think I'll just wait
here and see for myself.

I feel like a proud
parent.

Oh go fuck yourself George,
and give me a cigarette.

Two shockers in one
single sentence,

I don't know if my heart
will stand it!

You're not the only one
who can keep a secret.

Thanks.

Those foxes are real
trouble!

Yes they are.

Well they're all
organic.

Oh thank you so much,
Mr. Bruno.

Oh call me Jake,
we're all neighbors now.

I'd better be getting
back to Julie.

Isn't it time to milk the
cows?

Toodle-oo!

Great copper you'd make!

Holy Moses!

Holy shit, what do you
make of that?

Get your hands off me.

You and Damon!

Does Scott know?

This isn't any of your
business.

You're not my real aunt.

Is that the best you can
come up with?

Damon is my son, and
you're using his guilt

to manipulate him.

Shame on you!

Now,

right.

Here's what you're going
to do

if you don't want Scott
to find out about this:

you're going to stop
causing trouble,

and you're going to give
up the idea

that you can change
Julie's living will.

Are we clear, Meredith?

Clear as a bell.

Good, then I look forward
to not seeing you again.

I think that was worth it

just to see you at a loss
for words.

Bitch.

Well it takes one to
know one!

We won't ask George,
she'll cheat.

Well we don't want her
playing.

I've got a very good
hand.

I think I won!

You are a winner, you
are!

It's hopeless, you
won't get him with that.

I was thinking more of
lunch.

There we are.

Are you going to help?

Oh I don't know, I was
going to make

a nice paella or
something.

You take

you take a foot

OK

Oh, he's even heavier
now he's waterlogged.

Ah, there we go.

One, two, three.

Again, one, two, three.

Okay that'll do, that'll
do.

Oh, oh he smells.

Hey, he looks good in
blue.

How am I doing?

As much as I hate to say
this, George,

but I think it's my turn.

Oh it's Jake, get rid of
him Sissy!

God

Yoga in the woods, I'm
scared of snails.

No snails in there!

Oh thank you, it's a
long time since...

I wondered if you'd like
to go

for a drink one night, or
maybe a meal?

Thank you.

I'll put them in some
water.

Up dog, down dog.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Ah shit, I can't believe
we're digging

a bloody hole at my
sodding age.

I can't believe the reason
we're digging a sodding hole.

It's not very deep.

No it isn't.

Oh come on girls,
we're killing ourselves,

let's call it a day.

It's cold enough and he's
still frozen.

I'm going to hit the
Ibuprofen and the scotch.

We'll carry on tomorrow.

I'll get some bricks,

weigh him down in case the
foxes want to nibble at him.

Yeah, like the old west,

but instead of foxes, it
was coyotes and buffalo.

I suppose the dried
blood we found means

this isn't Fred's first
ride in the wheelbarrow.

Yeah, explains a lot.

Goodnight, Fred.

Oh shit, dogs, I hear
dogs.

Get dressed, George,

there's someone hammering
on the door!

Jake's banging on the
door!

And he's got a shotgun!

Where's Julie?

What?

Oh God!

Fred's been after that
little devil for years.

I've a good mind to get
my shotgun and join you!

Well what's all this
about?

That bloody fox again.

It's taken Rosemary's
baby chick this time.

Bugger wasn't content with
just killing Rosemary.

I followed it to the
property borderline there,

look, and I was just
asking Mrs. Haney here

if I could continue the
hunt.

As Julie's power of
attorney,

I'm afraid I can't allow
that Mr. Bruno.

Sissy, please!

Oh I'm so sorry, Jake,
obviously my friends

don't realize how long
we've been neighbors.

It's my fault, Mr. Bruno,
it's my cat I'm afraid.

I've left the bedroom
window open by mistake

and she slipped out.

But the minute we find
her,

we'll let you know so you
can continue your hunt.

It's just that she's
orange, you see,

so we wouldn't want you
to, you know.

We don't have a cat,

I'd know if there were a cat in the
house, I'd be all itchy.

Don't blame her Julie,
it's my fault.

I thought that if we kept
Marmalade in the bedroom,

it wouldn't be a problem
for you.

Why are you calling
Ginger Marmalade?

It's my cat.

Marmalade Ginger.

Ginger, end of.

Well, there you have it,
Mr. Bruno.

We'll look for the cat,

when she's back in the
house you can hunt your fox.

Bye!

I can't believe you two
just managed

to argue about a cat
that doesn't even exist!

I knew it, I knew there
wasn't a cat!

I'm not as crazy as I
thought.

Wait till I tell Fred.

- Somebody...
- Yeah.

Somebody, somebody
finished it.

Somebody else knows.

We're screwed.

The bloodstain's gone.

I don't want to sound
like a broken record,

but I need a drink, and a
joint as fat as Fred's finger.

You are disgusting,
and absolutely right.

I think I'll join you.

That's my girls

Whoever buried Fred
obviously wasn't planning

on going to the police.

It just doesn't make any
sense, I mean

I can't think who would
do it, except maybe Damon.

Damon wouldn't cover up
a murder, not even for her.

Oh Scot, what on earth
is he doing here?

And without Meredith?

I didn't think he could
take a piss without her.

He's seen us now, so
we can't ignore him.

Scott!

Sissy!

Might I have a word with
you and your friends?

Well?

Oh yeah, right.

Well the reason why I'm
here.

I came by earlier and I
found the wheelbarrow.

Julie had borrowed it last
spring, and I returned it.

You were trespassing.

Was I?

Oh and here was me
thinking I was

just being courteous by
not waking you lot up.

What do you want,
you sniveling little excuse for a toad?

Why just to be
compensated

for all my hard work, of
course?

Why it isn't easy burying
a goat the size of Gilbert.

Do you know how hard it is

to get bloodstains out of
a wheelbarrow?

Stop!

How much?

50 grand?

George, whack him one!

No, no, no, no!

He must be out of his
mind.

Right, that's it, you
have got 24 hours

to get me the money,

otherwise I'm going to the
police station.

One way or the other, my
cheap wife is going to pay!

I guess he knows about
Meredith and Damon.

Yep.

Knows what?

Catch Sissy up, Rebecca,

while I go and get some
ice for my hand.

Julie?

She's trying on clothes.

She thinks she's going to the
theater tonight with Fred.

I'm beginning to envy
her.

Yeah, me too.

So, what are we going to
do about Scot?

Well we can't give him
the money,

he'd be back for more
and it would never stop.

He's having nothing,
that disgusting little shit head.

Well, what's the
alternative?

Why do I always have to
come up with a solution?

Well because you veto
anything I suggest.

And you're better at it.

Whatever.

I'm surprised you two can't
come to the obvious conclusion.

We have to get rid of the
body, this time, for good.

Oh no, you're not saying
we've got to dig him up now?

Think of your triceps!

No more bingo wings.

I'm done in.

I've got just the thing.

George, I can't drink
coffee after midday,

it'll give me the jitters!

You think?

If I have a heart attack,
it's on you, George.

Here's to liquid courage,
and purple muscles!

I'm full of energy,
that's enough.

Did I miss something,
have we been dieting?

No, don't worry Julie,
we've been working in the garden.

Doing what?

Leaves, we've been
raking leaves.

Oh but the little Tomlin
boy always rakes my leaves.

He said he had too
much homework this year.

Oh well, well I'm sure
we'll find someone else.

I'll ask Fred, he'll know
what to do!

Don't worry Julie, it's
all done.

The only thing left to
do is to dump the b...

burnt leaves, dump the
burnt leaves.

Leaves, what leaves?

Don't worry, Julie, eat
your soup.

Monty
Mouse was bald.

No hair, no fur, not even
the teeniest

of whiskers to twitch.

Oh Fred, oh Fred.

What is wrong with you?

Stop it Fred, no!

Want me to hit you
again?

No!

Is that what you want?

Once and for all, I'll
come for you.

What time is sunset?

We've got about another
half hour.

Ooh, my heart's about to
explode.

Good, serve you right
for drinking the last tin.

Will you two stop
bickering?

Someone should be keeping
watch

to make sure that Scott
hasn't followed us.

I wish he had, I have a
bucket of nails

with his name on it.

I want to get something
off my chest.

Spit it out.

Well, there, there's
something I want to tell you

before Julie has a brain
fart and blurts it out

or before everything goes
tits up

and we end up in separate
jail cells.

Well?

Well I just want you to
know that

there's nowhere else
I'd rather be right now.

Oh yeah, with a dead
body in the back,

who wouldn't rather be
here, right, Becca?

What's the punchline?

The cancer's back.

No!

Yes. Did Julie tell you?

It was the booze and
fags,

and that humongous bag
of pot in your drawer.

Oh shit there's a car
coming!

What if they think we've
broken down?

Quick, Sissy, kiss
Rebecca!

What?

Just do it, God damnit,
and keep kissing her

until they've gone past,
it might be the cops!

If you didn't have
cancer, I'd hit you.

Yuck!

I think I'm going to pee
my pants!

I hope you do pee your
pants.

before another
car comes along.

Oh God, oh my God.

Remember, timing is
everything!

If we miss we have to go
and get him

and do it all over again.

That should be enough
incentive.

Hold up, here comes a
lorry!

Quick!

Get ready, go!

What happened, why
didn't you let go?

It would have been too
soon.

Anyone could see that,
Sissy.

Oh, it stinks!

You're telling me.

On my cue.

Right.

Get ready:

one!

Two!

Wait!

Three, go!

Wait, I almost forgot
something!

What?

Something I found on the
cellar floor

belonging to old Fred.

His dick.

Fred's dick, the one you
knocked off.

Okay, let's see how good I
am at this.

Hellfire and save the
matches!

Oh my God!

Let's get out of here!

Scott, what are you
doing here?

Money.

I'm sorry.

Julie, we're playing
gin rummy, not poker,

so put those peanuts back
in the bowl.

Scott you know it's bad
luck

to see the bride before
the wedding.

You should be getting
ready, so scoot.

Yes Scott, scoot.

There's nothing for you
here.

Are you lot out of your
minds?

Listen, if I don't have 50
grand by the time I leave here,

my next stop's going to
be the police station.

You tried to cover up a
murder.

Your accusations are
absurd!

We're just old ladies
trying to help our friend

make the most out of
what's left of her life.

What are you doing here
Scot, did Merry send you?

You should go and be
gone.

We may be old, but we're
not stupid.

It's extremely hard to
make a murder charge stick

when there's no body.

When there's no body.

You bitch!

Right, that's it, I'm
going to tell Meredith.

You won't get away with
this, she'll believe me!

Maybe, maybe not, you do
what you have to do Scot,

just like we did what we
had to do.

I never did like him,
my Merry's far too bright

for a thicko like Scott.

I totally agree.

Well he's gone,
and he won't be coming back any time soon.

Maybe even longer than
you think.

And where were you while
we had to deal with that...

Pompous ass!

Pompous ass, that's
quite right, Julie.

Just a minute, I have to
make a concerned citizen call.

George, what do you
mean?

Hello?

I'd like to report a
crime.

Well, I was walking my dog
and this strange man stopped

and asked me if I'd like
to buy some marijuana.

Yes, yes!

Well he had a whole bag
under the driver's seat,

well at least I think
that's what it was.

Well I'm just an old lady,

it might have been a bag
of parsley for all I know.

He's driving a dark blue
Estate, license number HJ64CWD.

Excuse me!

Yes, thank you very much,
bye bye!

George, you didn't!

I did, I most certainly
did!

And now it'll be the drug
dealer's word

against the four little
old ladies.

I can't believe you gave
up your stash.

Well not the whole thing,
I'm not that generous.

Oh life is good.

Do you think he'll tell
them, anyway?

I don't know.

But what I do know, is
that we now know

that if we stick together,
we'll get through anything.

We should all have an
old-fashioned sleepover

while Fred's out of town!

Oh that would be fun!

That's a wonderful idea,
Julie!

Sounds good to me!

And we can play spin the
bottle,

and Sissy and Rebecca
can practice kissing.

What is wrong
with you?

Your nuts