Das sündige Bett (1973) Movie Script

(static sizzling)

(soft music)

(upbeat music)

- Well,

I imagine you have

no complaints.

- I guess it wasn't

bad for a quickie,

but sometimes a girl

wants a little romance.

- Oh, now all of a

sudden it's a big deal.

Okay, next time I'll get

a couple a dozen roses

and hire a gypsy orchestra.

- You don't understand.

In the old days a

woman was revered.

There was elegance.

The charmed and witted gentlemen

lured the lady to his bed.

Now it's strip and screw,

and that mattress

has no elegance.

I will not have a handful of

springs up my bottom anymore.

You always take me to

the best restaurants.

Well in sex it's just

as important to get

the best setting.

A bed, a bed you'll see,

it'll work miracles.

(laughing)

- Sure only we put a lot

of miles on this mattress

with pretty good results.

- A beautiful picture

deserves a beautiful frame.

I see myself sinking deep

into a bed of feathers

at the instant of pleasure.

Sailing away on a big cloud.

We get a bed?

- No.

- Then I won't do it anymore.

- Now you listen,

about this bed,

the only people who buy beds

aren't making it too good.

(hums in agreement)

What, you trying to make

me think something's wrong

with the way I ball you?

- I gotta thing about a big bed.

It's crazy I guess, but only

without it I won't do it.

- You mean if I

don't buy you a--

- [Girl] No more fun and games

until we get a

nice big, sexy bed.

- Okay.

- A bed, we're getting a bed.

Come on we're buying a bed.

You'll ball me on a real bed.

(laughing)

A bed.

Wait that's an antique shop.

- Look if we're

going to have a bed,

we'll have a real one

with some character,

not some plastic junk.

- Right.

Hey we'll get a bed with

a long noble history,

and a distinguished mattress.

A bed where

generations of lovers

have had their happiest moments.

Think of it,

we'll all be together

on that marvelous bed.

- [Man] Anybody here?

- Over there.

A bed please.

- We had one, only it fell apart

when we tried a rather

athletic position.

Anyway we've got to

have a bed by tonight.

- It's urgent.

- Just about everybody

who comes in wants a bed.

How'd you like to

buy some glasses?

- Are you outta your mind.

He who sleeps on

glasses sleeps alone.

(laughing)

- The beds are in there.

You can't miss them.

- Thanks.

- Come on.

This place is fantastic.

Like going back in time.

- Let's try over there.

- [Girl] Here is some, oh

they're all single beds.

Who needs that?

- [Boy] Yeah who

wants to sleep alone?

- [Bed] Well a

couple of customers.

Oh, youngsters.

They won't be interested

in an old relic like me.

At my age I'm ready

for the junk pile,

that's what they'll say.

- There's more over there.

I don't see any good ones.

- Neither do I.

- [Girl] Let's take a look.

- [Bed] Generations

of loyal service,

and now, cast aside, forgotten.

Hey you two.

Look me over.

Bounce on me.

Over here.

Look at me.

Solid as a brick house.

I could tell you stories.

And what stories,

of battle and conquest.

Beautiful ladies.

Fallen on my field of honor.

- George look.

Close your eyes.

When you open them

you'll see our bed.

- Where?

- There.

- Oh.

- How about that?

And just look how

big and roomy it is.

- Great yeah I'm happy it

comes up to your expectations.

I hope I can come up

with what it costs.

- A bed like this

needs a real home.

Most new bedrooms are so little.

It isn't easy, you can't fit

a bed like this into a corner.

No you've gotta respect

a bed like this.

Now what do you say?

- How much does it cost?

- 400.

Plus delivery.

- 400, you must be crazy.

For this fugitive

from the city dump?

400 for this relic?

- Oh if you like, we'll get

rid of it for you mister,

and it won't cost you a thing.

- [Girl] Sure is it a deal?

- Sorry, but that's rock bottom.

(playful music)

(laughing)

- Well now we're a trio.

You, me, and the bed.

- Look, everyone's

admiring our bed.

- Hey this is where

it's all happening.

- [Bed] These wonderful

children spent

every cent they had on me.

Ah, that's something

I'll never forget.

Push my friends, push.

Tonight you will

rest as never before.

(laughing)

- Hey wait.

- What are you doing?

- We must launch and christen

our bed just like a ship.

- I don't know what to call it.

Sand man, how's that?

- Oh no, that's silly.

Softly, that's what

I'll christen him.

May you sail out onto oceans

of passion and pleasure,

that pass by the

icebergs of anger.

Don't you ever sail in

waters of indifference.

- And bed no matter how rough,

you mustn't sink

into a storm of sex.

Ship don't give up.

(laughing)

- Hey, let's compare their beds.

Come on.

Come on!

- Yeah okay.

- [Bed] It's certainly true.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

On the very day that I am

rescued from that mausoleum

and set on a new career,

here I am right back

where I started.

Yes that's the store

where I was first sold,

way back in 1908.

Oh those good old days.

Then people had time for living.

Courtship and

conquest were a game,

effected to an art.

- I think it's remarkable.

A Japanese at the Cafe Apollo.

How international

we're becoming.

- Shall we meet tonight?

- No tonight I dine

with my fiance.

- Romance?

- No, business.

Their fortune for my title.

- Marriage is it?

- Not quite yet.

First a financial

arrangement, then we'll see.

Now excuse me I am awaited.

(bell chiming)

I go into battle.

- And you'll be victorious.

- No please don't

make another scene.

Von Verdenfelts is a

very fine gentlemen

from the tip of his

mustache down to his toes.

I'm able to bring a genuine

aristocrat into our family

and what's her

reaction, hopeless.

- Don't be angry

with her Tristan.

- Here is Von Verdenfelts.

- [Lady] Underneath

she's still a clutz.

- He's quite ghastly, if he

kissed me I should faint.

- In that case you'd

better close your eyes

and think of something else.

- Ah there you are,

good day to you sir.

- I had thought you

had already arrived.

- I propose we look

at beds straight away.

Now come along, we

shall pick a bed

that is sure to

guarantee success.

- Oh thank you.

- A truly solemn occasion,

the choosing of a nuptial bed.

- Truly an extraordinary bed.

The quality and the

workmanship attain

a rare degree of perfection.

I think I may say,

it's a piece that any man

would like to possess.

I think, it's the

most beautiful one

that I have ever seen.

You may look high and

low and find no better,

and I would guarantee your

complete satisfaction.

Can one ask more of a bed?

- [Bed] I was young

and inexperienced.

Oh let's be honest,

I was a virgin,

and so was poor Iris.

The thought of that

pompous tin soldier,

Lieutenant Von Verdenfelds

inaugurating us

sent shivers up and

down my springs.

The young salesman seemed an

infinitely better candidate,

and I could tell that

Iris felt the same way.

My slats were a quiver

with anticipation.

Here was one bed that wasn't

going to lie down on the job.

- All right, enough

of these fancy words.

They're probably all true

but I am interested in

whether it pleases Iris?

- As to pleasing the young lady,

you have my guarantee of that.

For her this bed will be

a frame for masterpieces.

- Never mind the honeyed words.

My daughter is taken.

She's about to marry

Lieutenant Von Verdenfelds.

You're wasting your time my lad,

now come along I'll

pay whatever you ask.

- Yes sir.

- [Tristan] I'm waiting

my young friend,

let's settle the bill.

- Why am I marrying

the daughter?

It's her mother I desire.

- Tonight Alfred has a reunion

with his old colleagues.

- There we are,

it's all arranged.

I would be delighted to

ask you to dinner tonight,

but I can't.

I'm meeting some old colleagues.

Yes a nobleman in my family.

How's that for moving

up in the world.

- I know all about

those soldiers.

- I'll bet you do.

I'm right as a river.

- That's all right,

the silly gold break,

that awful cold sore.

(laughing)

Always so stiff except

where it counts.

- The nation's future

is in the Army's hands.

The Army is the only

way to progress.

- Oh yes go on.

When you speak of politics,

it excites me so, there's

no telling what I'd do.

You must go on.

- The anarchists that

band of agitators.

The Army will teach

them a lesson.

- Oh go on.

- Its patriotism

and its blind obedience,

which harbor breasts

nourishing the fatherland.

- Well said.

(playful music)

(giggling)

- Taking time out.

If you're not busy

you could find--

- I am busy.

- If your client is gone...

- He's gone below.

- What's that?

The young lady

dropped her broach.

- Yes sir.

Sorry sir.

- Natural mistake.

Now what is this

about your clients?

Is it true you have

people waiting for you?

They come in do

they when I'm gone.

- What is this tone?

If you're not happy go home

to your wife and question her.

- Ha, with all this politics

my head is swimming.

- I feel inspired.

We mustn't waste

a single moment.

- Well I mean my daughter,

any second she might come in.

Oh what are you doing?

- She would never barge

into her mother's bedroom.

You brought the girl

up well disciplined.

- Oh you say the nicest things.

I don't know how I

shall resist you.

My husband doesn't know

anything of tenderness.

But you...

(gasping)

- We're closing.

- It's a glorious bed.

- Yes, it's the best there is.

- You think that Von Velderfelts

is the right individual to

initiate me on a bed like this?

- Well you're marrying

that individual.

- That's no answer.

You find it shocking that

I wish to speak of such

an intimate subject?

- You can of course,

only it's one subject...

I must close up

now, it's very late.

- But a little while ago,

when we looked at each other

from all that I could

gather you were interested.

- Yes well, I was I admit.

- Since it's my own

bed, I'll try it out.

- Yes only I'm afraid

that we're closing.

- Nevertheless Father's

paid for it, I own it.

- Miss where are you going?

- To get undressed.

I don't wear anything to bed.

(giggling)

- I don't know what to say?

- Then don't say anything.

- Oh good Lord.

(romantic music)

You're enchanting.

- You really think so?

- Yes I mean it.

- I like you too.

- That's splendid.

- Well I'm waiting.

You undress.

- I'm new at this.

- Well let's not worry.

Everybody says it's easy.

Now we'll find out.

- Giddy up horsey, giddy up.

Go ahead horsey, faster.

Little faster, I've got a horse.

(laughing)

Wait, wait.

Attention.

Present arms.

Right shoulder arms.

Now stand at ease.

A soldier who wants

to stay at attention.

Who's eager to get to the front.

What regiment is he in?

Heavy artillery.

(clock chiming)

Well, ready, aim, fire.

Oh gGorge, I think I'm

going outta my head

to give my daughter

a guy, like this.

(romantic music)

(gasping breaths)

(soft moaning)

(heavy breathing)

- A bed that is fit for a king.

I got a real nobleman

for my little girl

and I didn't mind paying for it.

- If you're equally

generous with me,

you won't refuse to

give me a big present.

- How'd you like to go by

and take a look at that bed?

- I wouldn't mind.

Only my time is money.

(romantic music)

(gasping moans)

(uptempo music)

(cries of ecstasy)

- [Peter] My Father always

said I should satisfy

the customers.

- I'm perfectly a

satisfied customer.

Now what will your father say?

- My dear old dad would say,

"My son the

reputation of the firm

"rests in your capabilities."

- Your capabilities rest on

you being firm I would say.

- Oh listen, when

you've seen one bed,

you've seen them all.

- Ah there it is in there.

What idiot drew the curtains.

- It's not worth it.

- Oh yes it is, you just wait.

You're in for a surprise.

Come on I'll boost you up.

I'll lift you up.

(romantic music)

Wasn't it worth it?

- Oh yes, you told

I'd be surprised.

- [Tristan] What's your opinion?

- I believe I rarely

seen a bed used so well.

- What's that?

What do you see?

- I shall try to

describe just what I see.

Two young lovers

are upon the bed.

- They're just dummies.

- No, no they're wriggling.

- [Tristan] They're

wriggling on my bed?

- Oh boy are they balling.

- They're balling?

You're teasing, they

can't be balling.

- On my goodness.

I never imagined it'd

be fun in that position.

Oh my he's quite a stud.

- In the bed of my daughter.

Outrageous.

How are they doing now?

- Oh it's absolutely

fascinating.

I never saw a bed

bounce like that.

Higher I can't see anything.

- Peter, there's somebody

watching us at the window.

- Good Lord.

- He's making love to her.

Higher, higher.

- Maybe it's a night watchman.

- [Female] Oh quickly let

me down, they're coming.

- So they're coming.

- We're not putting

on a free show.

- Well hello there.

- Papa?

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

- [Tristan] Iris.

Iris, come here this instant.

- [Female] No, she

was doing very well.

- What's the meaning of this?

I never would have imagined

my daughter would betray me

before my very eyes.

- [Bed] My first scandal.

This double deflowering

I shall always cherish.

The poor father was

apoplectic with rage.

The two lovers

remained motionless

in the face of the storm.

I had carried them

to a distant planet

where his anger

could not penetrate.

- [Tristan] And what have

you to say for yourself

you miserable cur.

- I would like to--

- You already have.

- Request your daughters

hand of marriage.

- [Tristan] Her hand, when

you've had all the rest.

- Help, help, this

man is assaulting me.

He even pinched my derriere.

(gasping)

- Good God.

That was all--

- Sorry sir, we're closed.

- It's Iris.

Sir I fail to understand.

Very strange all this.

- Just a minor misunderstanding.

I'll explain everything.

- [Bed] As luck would have it,

this chance encounter

of the Lieutenant,

the father, the daughter,

and the young salesman,

all gathered here around me,

was to have a profound

influence on all their lives.

And on mine too.

- Under the circumstances

I'm obliged to inform you

that the engagement

is now broken.

- But what about her dowry?

- Dowry?

I shall keep your paltry

sum as partial indebtedly

for my honor.

- Your honor.

- Come I shall befriend you.

I can hardly leave such a

charming lady in this inequity.

- Just a moment, one

moment to attend to.

- Please go ahead.

(gentle music)

- Yes?

- Goodbye.

- May I?

- So much trouble I went to

trying to get my

daughter a husband.

- [Iris] But you don't have

to get me a husband, Papa.

- And why not?

- Because I've got one.

Peter Hadrick.

- Hadrick?

The furniture people?

Two large stores?

- The son.

- Only son.

(chuckling)

- Then you'll inherit

the whole pearl.

- [Bed] And that's how Iris

and I lost our innocence

and her papa became

a grandfather.

And as the story books say,

we lived happily ever after,

all except me.

(laughing)

- Over here, come on.

(both coaxing bed out together)

(speaking foreign language)

- [Bed] Whoa, slow

down my friends.

Not so fast.

- I can't wait.

- I can't either.

Hey let's stop a minute huh.

- Hey you,

move it up a little will you.

- Right away sir.

- Driver, please advance.

- Yes milady, at your order.

Motor may station vehicles

only where they will

not be a hindrance

to other motorists

or pedestrians.

I quote paragraph 10 of

the motor vehicle code.

- Does the code say

anything about kissing?

- [Bed] These two lovebirds

bring back memories.

Oh the kisses I've

been witness to.

There isn't much in the art

of love that I haven't seen.

I remember what happened when

I left Iris and her husband

after being a member

of their family

for so many years.

Times changed,

and I found myself in

service quite different

from the quiet family

life I had known.

(speaking foreign language)

(piano music)

(cheering)

(clapping)

- Really fantastic,

really put together.

- [Man] There she is.

Lucy you were sensational.

- Really superb Lucy.

You've got a way of

really putting over a song

that can't be topped.

- [Man] That you do.

- All that counts in

life is being happy.

Champagne here, Rene.

(merry music)

- You're making a mistake

coming to a place like this,

I warn you.

You won't like the

things you see.

You'll be shocked.

- Maybe it's true but

I wanna see what it is

that makes my husband come here.

- There's only one reason

he'd come to this place,

but you know that already.

It's true the ladies

here do a good job.

- A good job.

- You name it.

Over the years there is

nothing I haven't seen here.

You've been here very long?

- Too damn long I'd say,

but now there's

no way out for me.

Me with a husband in jail

and three good for nothing

kids that can't find work.

Times are hard, and I'm too

old now to find another job

so I stay here.

It turns my stomach some nights.

It was another dead

one last night.

- Really?

- Oh he was really

dead all right,

and you think anybody

around here cared?

- I think you're exaggerating.

- [Lady] I think you've

got too much imagination.

- [Maid] This place

is like quick sand.

The more you try to get

out the deeper you sink.

- Thanks for the warning.

Where's the singers

dressing room?

- Go straight down the corridor

next to the garbage cans.

(laughing)

- And you want to

do it together?

- Yeah that's right.

- But up on the

stage on the bed.

- Oh, do the naughty bed?

- You bet.

- Well I don't say no,

and I don't say yes.

(mumbling)

- If it works out,

what do you say to Florence?

- Ran into an old friend.

- I hope she won't ask.

- If she does I'll

introduce you.

(laughing)

- What are you doing in here?

- I have a business

transaction to discuss.

- [Lucy} What kind of business?

- Replacing you on

the stage tonight.

- Are you sure that's

what you'd like.

- Yes, especially when the

client who bought champagne

is involved.

- Charles Burnbank.

(laughing)

He isn't much to

get excited about.

- I'm quite aware of that,

we've been married long enough.

Over eight years.

- I don't like getting

involved in marital squabbles.

- Please don't be angry,

but be fair he pays you well.

He can pay me too.

- You would actually

make him pay?

- Why not, I do a good job.

- Oh that's perverse.

And besides there's

somethings you ought to know.

Don't believe it's

easy to do a good job.

First have you

got what it takes?

- Oh yes.

Is this good enough for giving

a good time to the clients?

- You need nerve too.

- You name it and I'll do it.

- All right.

(dramatic music)

(gasping breathing)

If you knew how I despised them.

- They're waiting.

- They can wait.

(heavy breathing)

(moaning)

- Oh it was wonderful.

- The one thing men lack

is tenderness.

- Women lack one thing as well.

- Nobody's perfect.

- I need a box.

- I don't understand.

- A box of safes.

- A what?

- Rubbers lady.

- Well then you should've

said so in the first place.

You think I'm a mind reader?

Here they'll cost

you two dollars.

- Isn't that kinda high?

- Well that's right.

- They're supposed to

cost only 50 cents.

- It's too much you say,

well all right as a

special offer you get this.

- I'm not interested.

- You intellectualist.

- The money?

- What do we do about the money?

- I'll give you double the

money that my husband does.

- All right.

If that's what you wish.

- Everything is ready.

The bed and me.

Ready for first act.

I leave it to decide

which of you will begin.

(laughing)

- I'll go first, I mean,

unless you'd rather?

- Go right ahead.

It's perfectly all right.

- Good.

- Well, the men

are itching to go.

Sure you can manage it?

- What do you think?

Am I all right?

I wouldn't want him

to be disappointed.

- Don't worry about a thing.

You'll do just fine.

- What if I'm recognized?

- You won't, it'll

be quite dark.

(shushing)

If one of you gentlemen

would like to begin.

- Oh yes.

In here?

Oh Lucy.

You're beautiful.

(moaning)

(gasping)

(playful music)

Oh Lucy.

(heavy breathing)

(gasping)

Oh Lucy, Lucy.

Oh man oh man.

That was something.

- You really got

your moneys worth eh?

- She's a lot like my wife.

Naturally she's much better.

Oh my God this stuff.

Why don't you go in

and get the real thing.

Go on, don't keep

the lady waiting.

Go on.

- Yes.

(happy moaning)

Lucy?

(heavy breathing)

(moaning)

(merry music)

- [Bed] Apparently the

lady failed to notice,

that although the second

dance was like the first,

her partner had changed.

- Well, was it good?

- Lucy but,

who's in the bed then?

- Come I'll show you who it is.

- I don't understand.

I thought you were

in bed with me.

- Come along, you will see.

- [Charles] Oh if it's not

you, who the hell is it?

- Sit down.

(merry music)

- [Charles] My God, Florence.

- Well did we surprise you?

- Really I mean.

- We call this little number

turn about is fair play,

or what's sauce for the goose

is sauce for the gander.

There is no pint

introducing you.

You know each other.

- It's a scandal, I protest.

(laughing)

- What's so terrible

really I ask you.

Your wife and best friend

are in bed together.

Now what is wrong in that?

It's the sort of thing

that friends outta

do for one another.

- A woman of your kind

could never understand.

- [Man] See here you can't

speak to Lucy like that.

- [Bed] A very

nasty scene ensued,

and marked the end of

my theatrical career.

Too bad, I might have

played Cleopatra's barge.

But no.

I was destined

for better things.

- Can you tell me how to

get to the post office?

- The post office?

- Yes.

- Nothing easier.

If you please sir.

After you.

- Oh thank you.

- There we are.

- Hey sonny, you got a

bed there, not a taxi.

- Don't be ridiculous.

If this were a bed it wouldn't

be waiting at a taxi stand.

Why I'm going to be traveling

in real style today.

Driver if you're ready.

- Yes sir.

- Here we go.

(laughing)

(upbeat music)

Well here we are.

I hope you enjoyed your ride.

- Yes indeed.

- At your service.

- What do I owe you?

- Oh you've nothing to pay.

- If you're satisfied

that's enough.

- Meeting you two has

made my whole day.

- Goodbye.

- So long.

- A rolling bed is

something customers notice.

I don't have one.

Only if I could use yours

it might help business.

- No I don't think a

rolling bed would work.

- You gotta use

whatever you can,

when you're selling

stale merchandise.

- But you're not

stale merchandise.

- I may not have been once,

but I've been on

the market too long.

(laughing)

- [Bed] You see life is just

a series of coincidences.

Meeting Eva today like this.

I knew her a long time ago.

And you should

have seen her then.

Ah Eva.

The little queen bee in her hive

as fiery as her morning coffee.

There was also Carla.

Miss Curlers they called her.

And Alure, who bathed

little but powdered much.

Geida,

the tigress with steel claws.

And the guiding

spirit of the house,

the Valkyrie of prostitution,

The Madam.

And last but not least,

the faithful witness

and chronicler of a

million intimacies,

your humble servant,

or in this case

an undercover agent so to speak.

While Madam Schindler's house

was a veritable secret service.

One day...

- Allow me to present Mister,

what was your name again?

- Uldaman.

- Mister Uldaman and I

would like to be alone.

- The girls may stay.

Unlike you I have

no secrets Madam.

- Haven't you?

- Ladies and Madam,

we are well aware of

what goes on here.

- We're world famous.

Everyone knows that.

- Don't talk back.

We have been patient with you,

but now.

- But now the furor wants us

in case the enemy

makes a frontal attack.

- The furor doesn't

find that funny.

If you do not cooperate,

these ladies will--

- What?

- Will--

- Yes?

- [Schindler] They

will be redeployed.

- They're gonna put

us in a battalion.

Whores for Hitler.

And our mission is

keeping the Air force up.

- [Schindler] We are also

aware of the sensitivity

of your area.

Diplomats come here and go.

- Ah you are intelligent.

- As of now you are

working for us Madam.

I am putting in

listening equipment.

They can all whisper,

but I will be listening.

(phone ringing)

Operation Redlight.

(speaking foreign language)

Yeah, everything is ready.

Yeah we will soon get results.

I'm certain.

The furor will

congratulate us on this.

Yeah I'll stay here.

Yeah.

We'll get the Iron

Cross for this one.

(laughing)

(gasping)

(moaning)

(playful music)

- You're a handsome guy.

- Oh the gentleman's

glass is empty.

That isn't very nice.

Don't do that again.

- Wouldn't you like

to join the party?

- Now you know I never do that.

Look at all these

charming girls.

- But you're the most

beautiful girl here.

- I'm very flattered.

You diplomats know

how to talk to women.

My days past but my girls

know all my secrets.

- [Man] Century at 54.2.

Domestic 56.2.

Gas industries--

- [Woman] Do you have

to read the paper?

- [Man] Well the stock market

is going up and

down erratically.

- So are you.

Oh boy.

There.

Let's really go.

- Go where?

- All the way.

- Oh these English men.

(gasping)

Come on.

- Yes it's rising

several points.

- [Eva] I'll settle

for just one point.

- [Man] Oh I say.

I say I believe I

might just manage it.

- Good show.

- I say, I say.

- [Eva] You say what?

- I say,

tally ho!

Oh damn.

- He who laughs

last laughs best.

- All right then.

- You liked it?

- Might I have a cup of tea?

(moaning)

(heavy breathing)

- She likes it.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- You won't learn any

military secrets here.

- So I tell her

husband I caught a spy.

- Good evening darling, how

nice to see you here tonight.

My dear,

you have a long night ahead.

Basillio the hot blooded

Spanish gentleman's

joining us tonight.

I want you to take

good care of him.

All right he'll be

here in an hour.

- [Eva] But why always me?

- Boring, always the same thing.

(gasping breathing)

(moaning)

- You're beautiful.

The German girls.

Fantastic.

Oh again, again.

Ready yes.

I've never had it so good.

Oh shit.

So pretty.

Beauty.

Oh it's good.

Yes.

Oh you're beautiful.

- My dear friend how

nice of you to visit us.

It's always such a pleasure

to welcome you here.

As always you'll

have me little Eva.

- Like always.

For you, little Eva.

(soft music)

- You're orders

are to be issued.

Everyone here will be affected.

They concern a matter close

to the heart of our furor.

Should I tell you about them?

- Oh yes, please.

(whistling)

- We will clean house.

We shall remove from

the fatherland all

except the master race.

The Aryan is the

only true German.

- What's an Aryan?

- One with highest moral fiber.

Pure in mind and body.

- Hail,

Hitler.

(playful flute music)

- We shall create a

new race in the world.

We'll create

a race of true Nordics.

Blonde hair, blue eyes.

Beautiful legs.

All of use are master race.

Far superior, more intelligent,

and ready to take our

civilization in hand.

- Thank you for the warning.

Our secret service is

indebted to you Madam.

- What is it Uldaman.

- Let me in there.

- Oh no.

I'm afraid you can't.

- There's a secret agent.

- So, all the more reason

to keep him secret.

- I have to get in.

Open the door.

- Who's that?

- We're being spied on.

There's the microphone see.

- Who planted the microphone?

- Well rumor has it you did.

You outsmarted yourself.

- Open at once.

- They were only obeying

your orders master.

- There you are.

- Where is the spy?

(exciting music)

You idiot, what

are you doing here?

- Sir I couldn't.

- Get out of here.

- I assure you.

- Get out.

- No, no, no, no everyone

don't stand here.

Go to your rooms please.

- You haven't got

the brains of a pig.

You are a pig.

You will be punished for this.

If any microphones

are to be installed

I'm the one who will decide.

- I thought--

- Thinking is something

you must never do.

The furor does our

thinking for us.

And the furor my friend,

doesn't need your help.

- Only this place is

a very sensitive area.

- That is evident.

And if you think I need

any of your information

you're mistaken.

I suppose you think I'm

here to enjoy myself?

- Oh that's the very last

thing I'd have thought.

- There are some secrets

that no one must hear.

Do I make myself clear?

- Hail Hitler.

(speaking foreign language)

Hail Hitler.

- Hail my ass.

Excuse me but he did insist.

- It's all right.

Hail Hitler.

- Don't you want your shoes?

(playful music)

- [George] Think

they'll be any room?

- We'll never get it in.

- [George] I should

have reserved seats.

I told you so.

- Chivalry is dead.

Hey what's the difference

between an old bed

and a young man?

- I don't know.

- In a young man

hope springs eternal,

in an old bed

springs are internal.

- And are the springs

a young man's fancy?

- I don't think that's the

springs they're talking about.

- Oh that's what you think.

I'll show you.

- How about Paris

on the springs?

- Spring like the tiger.

- Down tiger, take it easy.

We're almost home now.

- Okay.

(laughing)

- [Bed] Too bad.

I thought the occasion

was about to spring up.

It would've been my first

time in the open air.

Not to be.

The fickle finger of fate.

- What about this place?

- I'm exhausted, by

the time we get home.

I don't think I'll

have any energy left.

- Do you mean it?

- If you want, this is a moment.

- Right.

Emergency.

The first rule, strike

while the iron's hot.

- And is the iron hot?

- You'll find out.

(romantic music)

(heavy breathing)

- [Bed] Here my friends.

Here I am.

Ready, willing, and able,

and all alone.

Oh well, memories.

I knew this building when

it wasn't a pile of rubble.

Though in a way the whole

country had fallen to bits.

In those days doing my

job was no bed of roses.

- [Woman] Well here comes

our hero of the home front.

- He's got everything

he owns stored away,

nice and safe.

His wife is in Switzerland.

Very handy being in the party.

- As far as I'm

concerned, he's a bastard.

Who else would bring down

this bed down to the cellar?

Hey what's the latest on when

we're going to win the war?

- I don't consider

that a laughing matter.

- In the party you

don't laugh much.

- You better watch

your step madam.

- Hail Hitler.

- Forget it.

- [Bed] Yes, it was

the beginning of the

end for the Nazis.

Though I didn't like that

disagreeable individual.

I suppose it is thanks to him

that I survived in a safe place.

(muffled chatter)

- Get that bed outta here.

Our troops are

living in trenches

and you make the bomb

shelter into a bordello.

- Is that right?

If they gave the Iron

Cross to loudmouths

I would recommend

you to the furor.

(low drum booming)

- For once why don't they

go and bomb Nuremberg.

- Yeah and what do you

think the people over there

are saying right now?

- [Maria] It's too quiet.

I'm worried.

- When the bombing starts

you can begin worrying.

- I hate these raids.

No one knows when the

next one will come.

Just between us I'd

rather not know.

- I just can't sit here.

- Maria.

- No it's Gisella.

- Sorry.

- You were dreaming.

- What about your

husband, any news?

- He's getting

transferred to the front.

His whole unit is going.

- Would you like to sit down?

(distant rumbling)

Scared?

- Yes.

- Me too.

- It's getting

farther away I think.

- It isn't over yet.

- Sit here awaiting

the next bomb.

- Hoping it's the last.

- I'm fed up with this crying.

I must ask you to keep your

children under control.

You are all responsible

for your children.

Teach them discipline

and loyalty to our furor.

- Listen, would it hinder

the war effort irrefutably

if you went and sat down?

- Some of us still might

like to serve the country.

- A splendid idea.

You should be up at the front.

Perhaps he'll disappear

if we ignore him.

(knocking)

- What was that?

- Since you're our protector,

why don't you go and inspect.

(crying)

It's very likely a

detailed Russian officer,

I'm wondering could you

tell us where Hitler lives.

Now don't worry, all those

bombs will go away soon.

It's Singer.

- Have you got a pass?

- Misses Singer.

- Oh Mister Singer.

- Gisella, Carl's here.

- Carl?

- Yes dear he just came in.

- I'm so happy for you.

- I must see your pass.

- Oh come on relax.

Martha how are you?

- Regulations state that you

must have an official pass

other wise you're under arrest.

- Oh can't somebody shut

his mouth for Pete's sake?

I don't wanna hit him.

- Now listen here hero,

you are going to sit

down and shut up.

You understand?

Now you just meditate

about your precious furor.

- Carl, how in the

world did you get here?

- They gave us a two hour leave.

I'm sorry I have to get

back to my unit by midnight.

- Weren't you out in the

middle of all that bombing?

- Oh there's nothing

going on there.

They're flying off to the west.

Oh God you look great.

(laughing)

Tell me, are you all right?

- Here's to you Carl.

- Thanks.

- Here, here's a little

something for you.

Take this, good.

- What is it?

- Imitation sausage.

- Hello stranger.

- Oh hello Hans.

- I've been saving this Carl.

Come on let's drink it.

- Everybody fill your glasses.

If ever there was an

occasion to get plastered,

this is it.

(laughing)

(muffled chatter)

All the best to you Carl.

- 'Til midnight.

- All the best.

- Thanks.

- You'll be cozier in there.

- In there?

- [Bed] You can

call me sentimental,

but that night I did

everything I could

to make those two lovers happy.

They had only a couple of hours

and I vowed they would be hours

that neither would never forget.

- I'll see that

you're not disturbed.

(laughing)

- I'll tell you if my husband

came back just for one night

like Carl here, I'd

hide his trousers

and he'd never go back.

Hey where's our hero?

Don't sulk over there

all by yourself.

Even if he's a Nazi

he should join our party too.

Come on now.

- I'm sorry but I

get very nervous.

- Oh we're all feeling the same.

(merry music)

- Two hours.

- When will you be home?

- Tonight's all that matters.

(breathy moaning)

(upbeat music)

(breathy moaning)

(ragged breathing)

- How much I love you.

- That's something they

can't take away from us.

- No.

(upbeat music)

- Of all my treasures Princess,

you may choose one

upon your knees.

Your master will be generous.

Now Princess, make your choice.

- You have captured

all of me already

by giving me not

emeralds or diamonds,

but by giving me the

answer to a maidens prayer.

The princes of ancient China

could never give

me what you have.

This rare and delicate bed.

I am most fortunate

of all women.

There is but one thing.

- What is it?

- A mattress.

- Is that all.

Your wish shall be granted.

What about this one?

- I can hardly wait

to sleep on it.

- You will get a demonstration

of things you can do on it.

(laughing)

There's a legend

about this mattress.

Who sleeps upon it alone in

the light of the full moon

shall be haunted by the

spirits of maiden Oz.

- [Bed] Well, well

a new mattress.

New to the three of us anyway.

And for free.

I've known some who let their

budgets run away with them.

Always in debt to pay for

some fancy new gadget.

That high standard of

living can kill you.

- I'm back, hello.

More overtime again.

Next time he'll have me

typing with my feet as well.

Millions he's going to get.

All big deals.

And when I ask for a raise,

he says he's headed for the

poor house, I don't know.

- Wait 'til you taste this.

Made with champagne

and partridge eggs.

It's a recipe I

thought up myself.

I think it's okay.

Tell me honestly what you think.

- More stew.

- Not bad is it?

Look it's Hyrulian Monastery.

Only the best battery acid.

- Darling this beer, shouldn't

it be a little bit colder?

If we got a refrigerator

maybe it would be cold.

- Well surely it's far more

important to get furniture.

- All of our friends have

got plenty of furniture.

Why not us?

- Oh don't worry, I told

you everything will come.

Anyway, we're happy aren't we?

- Oh I guess so.

I'm just tired of poverty.

We can't go on like this.

- Something will

turn up all right.

(gentle music)

- Just an intimate

party for someone.

- His wife too?

- For her it's all

going to be very easy.

She's as stupid as she is ugly.

- Tell me have you any idea--

- He betrays her,

she betrays him,

and that's all that

should be needed.

Then you and I will

collect the fortune.

- You don't think that if

we waited a little longer--

- If ever it was the

right instant to invest

it's now.

And if we're successful

with our plan,

considering the location

of the property,

we'll probably realize

over a 400% profit margin.

- You're a business genius.

- Does that make up for the

fact that I'm not so competent

when it comes to

marriage darling?

To us.

- When are you

going to get smart.

This town's full of rich widows

looking for guys like you.

They reek of big money.

Money all ripe for plucking.

- Yeah so?

Why don't you pick up

some of that dough?

I'm telling you you're

just what they want.

Gold nuggets, pick 'em

up, it's a pleasure.

- Yeah but for whom?

- All right, what do you care.

Don't waste your chances of

getting it where it's at.

- Hello?

Any one here?

- Well go ahead, this is

your golden opportunity.

- Yeah.

May I help you?

Please come in.

- Lots of luck.

- Your director if you please.

- [Stefan] I'm so

sorry, he isn't here.

- Then I'll wait.

- There's no telling

when he'll get back.

It could be quite awhile.

- Do you make a commission?

When you sell one of those cars?

- Yes.

- Get one for me.

- [Stefan] Yes certainly.

- May we give it a test?

- Yes of course.

- Two Golden Crest.

That's my address.

- It's a pity but I'm afraid

I haven't got a

great deal of time.

I'm dining early tonight.

A very important official.

Oh the official can wait.

(sultry music)

Now let's get to serious things.

- Whatever you'd like.

- You're sweet.

Perhaps we can now

begin our preliminaries.

The first preliminary

will be a shower.

- Yeah.

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

Right now?

- [Bed] My new mistress was not

in the first blush of youth,

but she made me

blush all the same.

Mixing business with pleasure,

her assets remained intact.

She had a good head for figures.

And young men like Stefan

she considered a

good investment.

- It's not extortion, it's

just gentle persuasion.

It's very simple, you

just do it Senator.

Look I'm terribly sorry,

you'll have to be

more insistent.

The president has to

understand my position.

He's an intelligent man.

That's the idea.

Maybe I'll invite you.

I'm entertaining a young man.

He's superb only he's bashful.

I hope that he has.

Tomorrow?

Sure.

What did you say?

Monday, maybe I'd

better call you back.

- [Bed] As far as

she was concerned,

Stefan's stock was

rising to a new high.

(throaty moaning)

(heavy breathing)

- That the going rate?

- It's more.

(laughing)

- I don't want it.

- What then?

- This.

- What?

- The bed here.

- The bed?

- The bed.

- The bed?

- Yeah.

(discordant piano music)

- Where'd you get that?

- It's only a beginning,

it's gonna be a

real showplace here.

- [Bed] At first it

was a bit lonely here.

Four walls, the rug,

the chandelier, and me.

And then an armchair,

another one,

then a chest of drawers

and on and on they came

until I felt like a

king holding court.

Add two lovers and presto, I

was ready to work my own magic.

At last they were both happy.

- For the next hour or so I

don't want to be disturbed.

- I quite understand sir.

(low jazzy music)

- Well what a nice surprise.

Can I ask you an

indiscreet question?

You don't strike me as

the sort of girl who--

- Just lucky I guess.

Let's say I'm a

wicked woman, okay?

That's what I always

tell the gentlemen,

I might suggest the ones

who telephone a call girl

are really the immoral

ones, however let it go.

- You must admit a man

doesn't expect a girl--

- A girl like me?

- That's right.

- I found that men

are often put off

by a woman they

consider to be a lady.

I wonder why?

But one woman is like

another they say.

Should we get started?

I'd like to get home

before my husband does,

otherwise it's a big deal.

I hate lying to him.

- Married?

What the hell is this?

- I love my husband in fact.

- Then what the hell are

you doing in my room?

- Because I love him.

Drop it okay?

You'll never understand.

Anyway who cares?

You don't wanna talk.

There's much better

things to do.

(laughing)

- [Man] Who cares.

- [Misses Ollie] Yes?

- Misses Ollie?

- [Misses Ollie] Yes.

- There's your fridge.

(laughing)

- Who sent it

- Oh my darling who cares?

Maybe you won a beauty contest.

(upbeat music)

- Like a drink?

- Yes.

Where is our beautiful guest?

She's late.

- She's here.

She's in the shower.

- I'm looking forward

to meeting her.

- Here we are.

Do hurry up.

- Well,

competition?

- Don't worry.

- Where is he your Adonis?

- In the shower.

- Sounds absolutely--

- Would you like to see the new

we got, it's in the bedroom.

- Oh yes, certainly.

- Now's our chance, let's go.

It's upstairs.

- Hey you, hey you.

You mind sharing the soap?

- Just a second.

- Wait a minute.

No.

What are you doing here?

- Tony!

- Yeah.

- What are you doing...

- You're not...

- The bed.

- The refrigerator.

(shouting at once)

- No listen, I love you,

that's why I did it.

- Oh baby, it was to show

you how much I love you

that I did it.

- I wanted you to have

everything understand?

- I understand everything.

- You do understand.

(upbeat piano music)

Let's forget the whole thing.

- The whole thing.

We'll consider it didn't happen.

The whole thing is

dead and buried.

- [Tony] Yes.

- You must excuse me, I'm

going home with my husband.

- There's a place we have to go.

- For instance?

- Yes, for instance.

- We're going to bed.

- As the old saying goes,

early to bed, early to rise.

And the earlier the rise the

better we're going to like it.

Come on let's go to bed.

(moaning)

(heavy breathing)

- Why'd you put the

lights on darling?

- Well you're a beautiful sight.

- You're too much,

you know that?

Come.

- [Tony] Yes.

(gentle music)

(moaning and heavy breathing)

- How is it darling?

What were those other

women like, hmm?

- [Tony] Fantastic.

- Liar!

- [Tony] What about

those other men?

- [Misses Ollie] Fantastic.

- [Tony] Liar.

(laughing)

What is it?

- [Misses Ollie] I

wanna look at you.

(moaning and heavy breathing)

- [Bed] So their story

came to a perfect end.

As all love stories should.

What are these kids up to now?

Help.

- Pull it's attached!

- Okay.

(upbeat music)

There, watch out for the tree.

All right?

- Yeah I think so.

- Young man, now look here.

- Yes?

- That you have a

little girlfriend

is normal for one your age,

but when you start turning

this house into a cat house

then you're going too far.

- Oh come on, is it

really as bad as that?

I bet you brought yours

in just like this.

- No it's not the same

thing, this bed is old,

I'm certain it's been used

by who knows how many people.

Such a bed gives

you wicked ideas,

I won't have it in my

building and that's final!

- The bed's got to go,

it'll corrupt the neighbors.

(gentle music)

- Well.

There's a housing shortage,

only that's no reason to create

a disturbance in a public place.

I make my rounds every month,

you'd better be gone

when I get back.

(gentle music)

(moaning and heavy breathing)

(motors revving)

(laughing)

- Far out.

- Come on, fuck off will ya?

- [Woman] Yeah,

you're hanging us up.

- That's a heck

of a boner friend.

(gentle music)

- [Bed] And here's a happy

ending if ever there was one.

Next time, I'll bet

they put me in...

No, better not tell.

If there's one thing

I am, it's discreet.

(upbeat music)

Das sündige Bett (1973) - full transcript