Dark Figures (2020) - full transcript

Mia, text Hanna and let her know
we are here, please.

Already done!

Hey, everyone! I just arrived
at my bestie Hanna's house,

I'm so excited to tell you guys
all about this trip!

Wait, why are you guys
recording this?

We don't have to document
anything before we get there...

Followers need their click-bait.

No, not you. I know you're like
Insta-Royalty or something stupid like that.

I'm talking about these dopes.

We have to document everything.

Professor Daus says we get extra credit if
we do a presentation on the entire journey,



not just the site itself.

You want that extra credit,
right?

- I'll take it.
- All right!

Our findings may someday shape
the course of human history!

Don't roll your
eyes at me, Berry. This is legit!

Hi, Professor Daus, I can't
wait to get you all alone

for that extra credit
assignment!

I'm not editing that out!

Ah, shit, I gotta pee.

All right! Hey, dude. Hurry up.

We want to make our first
camping spot before night.

- Okay, it will take two seconds!
- All right.

What's wrong with his bladder?

Oh, God!



- Hey, Brad.
- Hey.

How you doin'? I mean, I'm good.
I'm great actually.

I'm really excited, you know, to
go sleep in the ruins or whatever.

It'll be, uh, scary!

- Oh, she's ready.
- Look at these two.

- Love is in the air!
- Is that what I smell?

Nope, I just farted.

Oh, my God!

Are you, are you filming me?

Yeah, sorry.
Can I take a piss real quick?

Yeah, of course.
You know where it is.

Thanks... I'll go...
I'll go... hey!

- I'm going to go this way.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.

What the hell is Hanna doing?

Looks like she's
waiting on him to take a piss.

Hanna!
Just leave him the keys!

On today's episode of
Camping with Brad, proper hydration.

Now proper hydration is essential
when going on long excursions.

The color of your urine
is really what you'll...

- Hey, Brad?
- Yo!

I'm leaving the keys in the door for you,
so just lock it when you come out please.

Okay?

- No problemo!
- Thanks.

Now this, this is not the color
you want to see.

Oh, my God. Let's go.

Where should I put my backpack?

Ah, you have to hold it
in your lap. Sorry.

- Hanna, what up, what up?
- Hey, girl!

Tight fit, guys!

Sorry, I wasn't able
to get my uncle's SUV

so we're stuck
in Berry's clown car.

We can switch who says shotgun
if you need more leg room.

Or you guys can just get out
and walk if you prefer.

No, I'm good, actually, Mia,

if you want me to sit in the
middle, I'm totally fine with that.

No! I have to make sure Brad
doesn't try anything with you!

Sorry!

What if I want him to?

All right, what did I miss?

- Did you lock the door?
- Yep!

Okay, can I snag my keys back
from you?

Oh, I just left them
in the door...

I'm not falling for that, Brad.
Just give me the keys!

Prank'd ya!

- Alright, you guys ready to roll?
- Yeah!

- Berry, I'm trying to record!
- Well, it's bumpy!

Let's get this party started
right!

Wow, that really
didn't take long, huh?

Not in the car, man, I
really don't want to get pulled over.

Oh, my gosh,
you guys are such squares.

He's just rolling a joint,
calm down.

- Says the virgin!
- Hey!

- Oh!
- Okay, it's okay, It's okay.

Haters gonna hate.

Hatters gonna hate? Wow!

- That's a good line!
- Yeah, haters gonna hate!

Oh, it's a great line!

Jay, Jay what do you got there,
buddy? Is that a, uh, treasure map?

Yes, this is a treasure map.

Yeah, is that our
backpacking route?

Jay, is this your first time
hiking?

That's so cute!

I have a trail app we can use.

Yeah, why don't we just
use our phones, Jay?

No! Did you guys get
the email I sent?

All the reviews say there is
no cell service on this trail, at all!

- What?
- Damn

- Sorry, Social media will have to wait.
- No!

I'll just have to be very thorough
then. Jason... Record me!

- Who's Jason?
- I'll just use my phone!

Use my phone, it's live!

Hey, lovelies! I'm here with my
besties Hanna, Jay, and Berry...

oh, and Brads here too...

Nice.

We are hiking to a
Native American village.

Legend says that the village
was destroyed by a timeless evil.

The white man!

We're gonna be off the grid
and it's going to be so exciting!

It's a couple days hike in so
I brought plenty of provisions

including but not limited to
solar powered phone chargers...

- I'll take that.
- ...so we can document the whole experience.

- Also, we have a...
- A shit ton of weed!

Bye, everyone!

Thanks, Brad, now everyone is
going to think I'm a pothead!

What's wrong with that?

- There's worse things...
- They'll think I'm like you,

that's what's wrong with that!

Potheads are usually thought
of as like generally nice people...

♪ Sorry that I ain't been
The best friend ♪

♪ Sorry for the mess
For the broken string ♪

♪ I'm sorry about everything

♪ Sorry that I'm all
Full up of fears ♪

♪ Sorry for the endless
Stream of tears ♪

♪ Sorry that I'm drinkin'
Sorry that I'm smokin' ♪

♪ Sorry that I feel like
Life's a joke and ♪

♪ Sorry that there's six
More weeks till Spring ♪

♪ I'm sorry about everything

♪ And sorry that I don't
Dance enough ♪

♪ That I'm scared to move
I'm all locked up ♪

♪ But, oh, my God
Would you look at her ♪

Whoa!

It's beautiful out here!

♪ Sorry that the sun
Set seems so dull ♪

♪ Sorry that I'm so damned
Bored with it all ♪

♪ Sorry for the bland
Incessant drone ♪

♪ Sorry that I didn't
Pick up the phone ♪

♪ Sorry that I just
Let it sit... ♪

♪ Left me behind...

Sleeping Beauty!

I'm totally gonna post this
and tag her ass.

Keep a lookout for
mile marker 78. That's our turn.

Alright.

We just passed 77 so...
Yeah I think...

There is it, 78!

Oh, my gosh!
This is so exciting!

- Yes!
- Here we go!

Oh, yes. Wow.

- Oh, my gosh!
- Beautiful!

Who's ready for an adventure!

- Let's go do stuff outside!
- Ah, yes.

Beautiful!

- Alright, one for Jay.
- Thank you.

- One for Brad.
- Alright, Muscles, cool out.

Mia, what is that for?

It's just for police
and Park Rangers and stuff.

If we aren't back by the date,
they'll hopefully...

Come looking for us.

What you mean hopefully?
That's their job, right?

Yes. If we aren't back,
they'll come looking for us. No doubt.

And we will be back because we have
the original Lewis and Clark map with us.

Laugh it up now.

You'll be happy we have this
when your phone loses service!

Trust me.

Thank you, sir.

- Wow.
- What?

- We're not in the car anymore!
- Mm-Hm.

Thank You.

- Jay?
- Thank you.

You're gonna need to
light it again, my man.

- Get up in there.
- Yeah.

No thanks.
I'm not putting that in my body!

Your body is your temple.
You should respect it.

Yes, my body is a temple...

To the God of weed!
Weed. Weed. Weed.

- Hey, guys, check this out!
- Yeah?

Hanna.

Told you!

Service, no service,
service, no service

That's creepy,
I don't like that.

- Are you done screwing around with it?
- Yeah.

- Let's go do some hiking activities!
- Let's do it.

I guess that would
just be hiking right?

- Yes.
- Probably.

What, uh, what's
going on there, Hanna?

- It's not working.
- It's definitely not working.

Everyone, she's in trouble!

Help!

Get going!

I believe in you!

Dismount.

Okay.

Nope, nope.

The thing about it is...
you gotta respect the rock.

- You got it.
- You gotta respect it.

Exactly. Don't, don't.

- Or stoners rock in Brad's case.
- I totally respect that.

- You won't be able to!
- Look at him! Spiderman!

Oh, well, I could do it...
that way I could do it...

So how does that make you feel?

He did... he cheat... He did
it a cheat... a cheating way.

- Yeah? Okay, sure.
- I did.

So I could do it that way.

If it was that way,
I could do it.

Okay.

You should try...
I mean...

Alright, alright, scoot over.

Moral support is up here.

I'm going to show off
my gymnastic skills.

- Wait, what's over there?
- No, no, no.

- Look at that!
- Oh, my gosh! You made it!

- Hey, that's one way.
- I told you.

Take care of that.

Not in this shorts.

- You need a hand? Of course not!
- I'll be fine.

I'm not sure how they mate.

You see that?
It's moving!

He's coiling up.
Let's go.

Yeah, we should
take a step back.

Hey, Brad. Brad.
Hey, Brad, how was your poop?

Well, good thing
I had that dollar bill.

Wow!

Hey, what do you think, guys?

- How'd I do?
- Nice!

- Don't trip, Jay!
- Yeah.

- Wow!
- This is nice.

Boo!

Try not to fall off, Brad.

Yeah, wouldn't
want you to fall...

Please don't fall.

- You should jump.
- Eh, if I fall I fall.

- That's a terrible attitude to have.
- It's the will of nature!

Ah, this man's been
smoking J's all the way up here.

It helped me float.

Alright, everyone,
say "what's up, Professor Daus!"

- What's up, Professor Daus!
- Really? Really?

- That's all you got in ya?
- Don't fail me!

We're floating,
we're flying, Professor Daus!

No marijuana was harmed
in the making of this production.

- Nicely done!
- Okay, Jay, your turn!

- Come on.
- No, brah.

Oh, come on!

Hey, guys, check out
the beautiful views!

- Hey, babes, come here.
- Hey.

- Say hi.
- Hey!

- Having a blast with my pretty lady.
- So much fun!

The views are almost
as beautiful as we are.

- Almost.
- Almost, not quite.

Almost.

- 'Merica!
- Hut-hut!

Really?

What's up, what's up,
what is up?

You want to pick up that bottle?

Nature will clean it up, bro.

It's not bio-degradable.

Who are you guys PETA?

PETA protects animals...

Whatever. If want to
pick up the bottle, pick it up.

Or you can pick it up.

- Or you can make me pick it up.
- I can.

Okay, guys, stop it.
Gosh, it's just one bottle.

Okay! There we go!

Now it's picked up.
It's really not a big deal.

Gosh, there's so much
testosterone around here...

Yeah, okay guys, sorry, are
you guys coming from the ruins?

Yeah.
They were lame though.

Cool,
that's where we're heading.

If I was you, I'd turn around
and go home 'cause they suck.

Or better yet, why don't the
three of you guys head home

and leave these two
fine-ass ladies with us!

- Oh, my God!
- What the fuck?

Hey, you assholes
are going to pay for that!

And our alpha male here got
punched in the nose defending my honor.

You alright?

You should see the other guys.

They were such wimps.

Hey, we got to keep moving,
guys.

Anybody else think we've
gone far enough for today?

Nah, we got like about three more
miles till we reach our first camp,

so... chop, chop.

Seriously, dude?

Here we go.

Slow down!

Thanks for helping, Jay.
I appreciate it.

No problem.

Oh, my God!
He's so cute!

- Mia!
- Look at him!

Mia, come check this out!

Oh, it's a tortoise!
I love tortoises!

He chillin'. Is he alive?

Oh, my gosh! He's
so cute. Look at him hiding.

Just walk around him,
maybe we should make sure

he's out of the way of wherever
everyone's walking.

So along our route, we have our camping
location here indicated by this circle.

Our final destination is another
day's hike indicated here by this X.

The plan is to camp in the ruins
for a night

and then hike the same way
back to the camping location.

You see this here?

This is the mountain's face,
so, guys...

we've reached our first
camping spot!

Dude, it looks exactly the same as
the spot we wanted to stop at before.

Yeah. Oh, wait,
no it doesn't at all.

Berry, go sit on a cactus,
all right.

- Words hurt, words hurt, man, words hurt.
- That was aggressive, I'm sorry.

It's not about the location,
it's about how far we've gone.

Thank you, Mia. We divided
the distance by how many days.

Besides maybe if you weren't filling
your lungs with smoke all the time,

- it'd be a little easier.
- Ah, gee, thanks, mom.

Alright, I vote the women
stay here, clean it up,

get the tents up,
all that good stuff,

while the men go find firewood.

Oh, that's not sexist at all...

- Maybe kill a squirrel. Who knows?
- What?

- I don't know.
- We're in the desert...

- A desert squirrel.
- Oh.

Sexist.

Welcome to Camping with Brad.

On today's episode, the males have
been sent from camp to gather timber.

The females stay behind
to build shelter

and presumably prepare their
bodies for the rough intercourse

that's likely to occur when the beastly
males return and need sexual release.

Dude, what the hell? Eww.

Oh, what's this?
A rare sight.

The alpha is
marking his territory!

Enemies, approach
at your own peril.

I can't go with you watching me.

- Though his penis is small...
- What the hell are you doing?

...his muscles
have made him alpha!

Ah! The alpha is charging!

- Hey, boo Berry?
- Hmm?

- Whatcha doing?
- Starting a fire.

- Are ya?
- Well, it's gonna start.

Berry, I'm pretty sure you
need some kindling or something.

Uh, I know how to start
a fire, Hanna, thank you though!

Apparently not.

Okay.
Well, I'm just saying.

You can't just put a lighter straight
to wood because it's not gonna catch.

This is how the
cavemen did it, okay?

You know what, Hanna, why
don't you start the fire then?

Okay, sure.
Just hold my phone for me.

Could I get the lighter?

Thanks, and does anybody have
any kindling?

- I have some newspaper in my backpack we can use.
- Perfect.

So why do you have newspaper?

To start fires.

Oh, cool!

Thanks for letting me know that ten
minutes ago when I tried to start the fire!

You said you knew
what you were doing...

Plus, it was fun
watching you struggle.

- God, I hate you.
- No you don't.

- Thank you.
- Get it done!

Could you, uh,
pass me the funnies?

Ha, ha, ha. You're so funny.

I know, that's where
I get all my material.

Burning coupons?
Come on now.

Yeah.

Yeah, you showed me!

- It'll light!
- It'll get there!

There we go!

One giant leap for feminism.

Thanks, Brad.

That's pretty embarrassing,
Berry.

- So that's how it's done.
- Yeah, okay.

Now you know!

So did you guys know that hot
dogs can legally be 30% hair?

- Wow!
- Yeah.

Did you know that 47% of
statistics are made up on the spot?

Wait, is that true?

- Oh, my God!
- Mia! Seriously?

It's very, very true.

Do you believe anything
that Brad says? Like ever?

- No.
- Whoa, Whoa!

Someday I'm going to say
something really important

and you're all gonna regret
not listening to me.

- Uh, huh, sure. Sure, someday, someday.
- Someday!

- I'll wait for that day to come.
- Oh! Whatcha got there, Berry?

A little... a little less
drinky, drink than before...

- You guys want some?
- Yeah!

Yes, yes, yes

I'm tired of sharing my weed
with you fools.

- Oh, that's still going to happen.
- Right!

Jay.

- Whoa!
- Gosh!

What the hell is this?
Gasoline?

Damn, rocket fuel?

It's moonshine!

Aren't you in college?

Yeah but I only drink the
good stuff, not this jailhouse shit!

- Jay, that is the good stuff, man.
- Seriously!

- It burns in a good way!
- The best stuff.

Burns so good.

You want to get drunk,
that's the stuff that you need.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, my God!

The map! Shit!

Shit!

What the hell, Brad.
That was really stupid!

Sorry, guys. Just a goof.

I don't know why the map
was on the ground anyway...

Damn!

Jay, it's fine.
Everything's fine.

Relax, man.
Any of us could have done that.

Yeah, you almost did
when you coughed it up!

But I didn't do it
on purpose like a little moron!

I said I was sorry,
what do you want from me?

I want you to think before you
do stupid shit like spit fire at people!

You're not a damn
fire breather, Brad!

Okay,
I didn't spit it at people.

Guys, can we just
calm down, okay, just stop it.

Everything is fine.
We're all okay. Chill.

I guess
it could have been worse.

Here.

Sorry, Brad,
I just freaked out a little.

It's cool.

Back at ya!

- Son of a bitch.
- Karmas a bitch!

You guys all suck!

No more fire breathing!

Hi, little guy!

- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
- So fuzzy!

Holy shit!
Look at those eyes!

Oh, my God.
It's so creepy!

It's fine though.

- Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Where'd it go?
- Oh, no!

- Alright, say it, Jay.
- Chubby bunny!

- You are drunker than a skunk!
- Jay, you are a hoot, man!

Pass that shit, Boo!

- That man cannot hold his liquor.
- I'm burning wieners!

You're good at that, aren't you?

Yes, I'm very good at that.

This is fun but, we shoulda...

We could... we, uh, we coulda
went to bed but we...

We should... we haven't yet?

- Here here!
- Yeah?

I don't know what you just said?

I don't know...

Bed time! Bed time.

Who do you think you are?
You're not our dad!

We can go to bed
when we want to!

You ain't my momma
and you ain't my daddy!

Oh! Grumpy Berry!

R.E.S.

Move your feet!
R.E.S.P.E.C.

- Find out what it means to me!
- The alpha, everyone.

Give him a round of applause!

Look what happened
to my marshmallow.

- It went limp.
- I don't know what happened!

Because you don't know
how to roast marshmallows...

Okay, Mr. Expert
marshmallow cooker...

I... I won the
marshmallow competition of 2012!

Okay.

I think I'm going to
go to bed too.

- Ah! Boo!
- Boo on you!

- Here, that's for you.
- Thank you.

- Oh! I dropped it!
- Loser.

Oh, no!
I've got plenty more.

Peace out!

No, no, no Jay!
Jay, Jay, Jay, that way!

- That way!
- Boys with the boys.

- I thought you had it, my man.
- Goodnight boys!

You coming, Brad?

- Goodnight. Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Brad.

Whoa! Don't fall!

You coming, Brad?

Actually, Berry, will you
toss me my sleeping bag?

Yeah!

Get over there, you fool.

I'm going to sleep
under the stars tonight.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- I'm never. I'm never scared!

- Help this man to bed.
- Kobe!

Thank you. Whoa!

This is coming with me!

I don't think you need
any more but you do you.

Jay, I swear to God
if you piss the bed...

That's why
I'm sleeping out here.

I was asleep and I heard
some rustling in the bushes...

I have a knife just in case.

Oh, shit! I have a knife!

That's not a knife,
this is a knife!

- Hanna, you scared the shit out of me!
- Shhh, shh, shh.

There room for one more
in there?

I mean, super not...
but we can try.

- It's so beautiful here.
- Totally.

- I'm really glad you came.
- Me too.

Oh.

Your face is so fuzzy.

Three, two, one...
Holy shit, Brad, a giant penis!

You son of a bitch!

Hmm, tasty.

Hanna, Mia, you girls up yet?

- Girls?
- Yes!

- Are you up?
- We're up. We'll be out in a minute, okay?

Mmm, okay...

Ah, tornado!

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! Berry!

Okay.

- Did I get it all?
- No.

Hey, sorry, about the map, man.

- You're all good, bro, it's cool.
- Alright.

Let's check that
urine color, ladies and gents!

Gonna get that hangover pee
probably not gonna look great...

Hey, Berry, can you
help me out for a sec?

What's up, dude?

All right, so
I got this all worked out.

If we go like two extra miles, we can
go around the burnt portion of the map.

Wow!
What a beautiful place.

Oh, Berry and Jay nerding out over
a map instead of enjoying the view.

Alright.

Oh, wait a minute... Ugh!

What is that?

Ah, damnit! Gross!

Why do I touch things?
Don't touch things!

I mean I'm cool with it but
it's not like that section of the map

is any more dangerous
because we burnt it,

it's still there so just stick
to the original route, man.

I mean, we won't know
where we are going so...

We'll be alright, dude, it's...

It'll be fine,
it's still the same thing.

Good morning, Vietnam!

- Morning!
- Morning, ladies!

Let me help you girls out
with that.

Um, I think we're good
over here. Thanks, Brad.

Alright, fine,
interviews then...

So... crazy night last night.
Huh?

Oh, my gosh, I was so drunk.

I can't believe
I'm not hungover.

Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure
I blacked out for a little bit so...

Seriously?
You don't remember anything?

I mean, I remember some things.
It's just a little fuzzy.

What's on your fingers?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think it's like bird shit
or something? It's gross.

Brad, why the hell do you have
bird shit on your fingers?

That is an incredibly
personal question, Hanna!

Stop it!

You enjoying the view
back there?

Shut up.

All right, guys. We are now
entering the burnt portion of the map.

Just watch where you're going. If
we get lost, we'll have to double back.

Are you actually
worried we're gonna get lost?

The horror!

Jay, relax dude,
we're not gonna get lost.

Alright, guys, look we are here
and we're going there.

Oh, that's like
perfectly straight!

We still need to pay attention.

Dude, chill.
It's gonna be fine.

I'm... I'm chill but I want to be
prepared in case we do get lost.

Okay, crazy man.

Scanning... Scanning...
Scanning...

Rock. Stick. Bush.

This spot is now memorized, forever
burned into the crystal palace of my mind.

Come on, Robot Brad says
it's cool.

If Robot Brad says it's cool,
it must be cool.

So cool. Loser.

Rock. Cactus. Oh! Orange
flower! I will never forget this spot.

...I just don't like it
very much.

Jay, what's up, man?

What does it look like?
A damn fork!

I have no memory of this place.

What?
We ain't never been here before!

Jay, it's from...
never mind, dude. Sorry.

I thought you said
it was just a straight shot.

Neither of these go straight.

Yeah, and one of them
got to bend back up so.

So let's just pick a direction.

- If it's wrong, we'll just turn around.
- Yeah.

- Cool.
- No. No, no, no.

We camp here.

- The sun's almost going down...
- What?

Dude, the Sun isn't going down
for another couple hours, okay?

And we're supposed to camp
at the ruins, so...

We're so close, we might as well
just keep going!

And what if we go the wrong way?

We should camp before the fork.

I just... I just thought
you might feel safer that way.

Dude, you sound
like a crazy person.

Let's just pick a direction.

If it's wrong, we'll just turn
around. What's the big deal?

Fine!

I don't know why it's crazy to want to
know where you're going but whatever!

Jay, relax dude,
alright, just... which way?

I don't know.
That's why I had a damn map!

Shit! Okay, Berry, you pick.

Me? Hell no!

Brads' the one who burned the
map... he should have to pick!

Oh, so then I get blamed for burning
the map and picking the wrong direction?

- Yes.
- No thanks.

Okay, guys, calm down.
Everybody get into a circle.

- Nice spin!
- Oh, shit!

You guys have to kiss!

Alright, if you insist.

Okay, Mia, you get to choose.
Which way are we going?

Alright, screw it.
Let's just go left!

- Left it is.
- After you.

Hey, guys, so this is day two.

Sorry this isn't live but
there's like no service up here,

so I'll have to post this all
after I get back

but I guess if you're watching,
this means that I'm home, so cray!

Hi, future Mia!

So this is like the only time
I've been in back.

These guys are great but they are
nowhere near as experienced as I am

in the matters
of the great outdoors. Guys?

This isn't funny! Guys?

Guys, stop it!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
They made me do it.

How do you do that again?

- You just like, flick it or something?
- Wait, where is one?

- I want to get one on camera.
- So you put your finger like this...

- Are you ready?
- Get it!

- You go like that.
- Jeez.

- Oh! You got two!
- You gotta flick it.

- Wait, I got two?
- Yeah.

I'm struggling.

Struggle bus over here?

Struggle bus!

Hey, this should have
bent up by now, right, guys?

Yeah, sorry guys.
I think I picked the wrong way.

This is why I never go to Vegas.

This is exactly why I wanted to hike
around the burnt portion of the map.

Okay, well, that's really
helpful. Thanks, Jay!

Okay, let's head back
to that fork now!

Jay, it's too late to
head back tonight, dude.

Why don't we just
make camp here?

We'll wake up, we'll hike back, and we'll be
at the ruins like in two hours, all right?

Girls, can you set the tents and
the men will go gather the firewood?

Sorry, Jay.

- Sounds good.
- Yep.

No, no, no, no, no, guys, we're
supposed to sleep at the ruins!

- And we will be there tomorrow. Feel free to take a nap.
- Yes, during the day though!

That's like the whole reason
why I came, you know?

To sleep at the ruins!

Yeah, I mean, me too.

- Maybe we should head back to the fork?
- Yes!

No! It's almost dark.

There's no way I'm hiking
in the dark. That's cray-cray.

We shouldn't split up either,
guys. That's cray-cray, too.

No we shouldn't. Fine.

But I want to go on record as
saying I'm against camping here.

I'm against camping here!

Noted.

Hanna?

I'm still down, no idea
where I'm going but I'm down.

Yeah, none of us know where we're going
because you burnt a hole in the damn map!

- God.
- Dear God. I said sorry. What do you want from me?

Okay. Just stop it, guys.
We'll just stay here, okay?

Ugh. Geez.

All right. Cool. Everyone's
happy. Let's go find some firewood.

Oh, look, some firewood!

There's no firewood.
I'm going to scare the chickas. Shh.

Having a good time?

Oh, yeah,
I'm just having a blast.

These ruins are like super cool
so, thanks for the invite.

Don't be a bitch, Hanna.

You're not the only one
disappointed.

So... something may or may not
have happened

with Brad last night...

Why are you so cryptic?

Did you? You slut!

How was it? How was it?
You don't have to tell me.

You don't have to tell me but...

- How was it? Was he big? Ew, ew, ew! Sorry!
- No, no, no.

We did not have sex, okay. We
just made out a little bit, you know?

- Boo!
- I know, trust me I know.

I mean, I want to.

I kind of just want to get it over with
at this point, just hop on his wood.

His dingle... whatever... um...

Yeah he just wanted to talk and I
mean we wouldn't have even made out

if I wasn't the one
who kissed him first, so.

His "dingle"? I call bullshit!

I swear, I'm serious.
We didn't have sex.

Brad would not turn you down,
you just got scared!

♪ Brad and Hanna
Sittin' in a tree ♪

- Berry! What the hell?
- ♪ K.I.S.S.I.N.G!

Dude!

♪ Gatherin' timber 'cause
My alpha-male told me To do so! ♪

Whoa, what is that?

Weird.

Whoa!

Sick! What?

It's like an ancient totem pole
or something?

Oh, my God!

Professor Daus, if you don't give
us extra credit for this, I call bullshit.

It's like hieroglyphics...

Wow! Creepy.

This is so cool!

Wait... That looks like blood!

Oh, shit, oh, shit! Buddy.

Bro, are you okay? Are you okay?

Oh, my God. I think he's dead!
Guys! Guys!

Eww, Brad? Why?

That's exactly what I thought.

Are you going to let him
take your V-card?

- Leave her alone! Guys!
- Oh, my God.

I'm just teasing.

I'm not, this is
really embarrassing for you!

Guys! Guys!

Brad?

Brad?

Where are you, man?

Oh, my God! Brad!
Brad! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

What happened!

We have to go!

We're not just going to
leave him here!

Hanna, we have to. Mia.

No. No.

Hanna, move!
Jay, hold him down.

Hold him down!

One, two...

Girls, look away, look away!

Three!

We gotta get him up, we gotta
get him up, we gotta get him up.

Pick him up. Pick him up.
Pick him up!

Help me, Jay. Help me. Help me.
Come on! Get him up, get him up!

Let's go, okay?

Mia, get Hanna up.
Get her up. We have to go!

Let's go! Let's go!

What happened?
Who would do this?

You think it was those two guys?

We're not safe here.

What about Brad?

We can't carry him
up there, all right?

We'll come back for him.
We will come back for him.

We shouldn't hike out at night.
It's too dangerous at night!

It's dangerous either way, Mia,
okay?

No, no, no we stay here tonight!

Berry, you and me we keep watch
and then you girls get some sleep.

Are you crazy?

There's no way I'm going
to be able to sleep!

Should at least
get Hanna cleaned up.

Mia, can you please?

Hey, Hanna?

Let's get you cleaned up.

Jay, turn that thing off.

No, we need this shit
for evidence.

If someone comes and tries to kill us,
we need to be able to see who did this!

You're not hearing me, Jay.
Turn it off. We're not safe, okay?

We have to go
and we have to go right now.

We're not safe anywhere!

I just feel like during the day we
have a better shot of getting out of here!

At night, we can't see someone
coming and we might get lost!

What if it's more than
one person, huh?

I don't know, what if
it's not even human?

What if it's hill people
or some shit?

It's not gonna matter because
we're gonna be dead!

We're sitting ducks out here,
man!

Berry, we're all scared.
Keep your head on straight.

Keep my head on straight?

You remember Brad?

You remember our friend Brad?

Somebody stabbed him through the
neck with a fucking spear, okay?

What are you girls doing?

She's got blood all over her.

I can't wash her
inside the tent. Look away.

Mia, here. Use this.

♪ There is a house
In New Orleans ♪

♪ They call the Rising Sun

♪ And it's been the ruin
Of many a poor boy ♪

♪ And God I know I'm one!

♪ My mother was a tailor

♪ She sewed my new blue jeans

♪ My father was a gambling man

♪ Down in New Orleans

♪ Down, in New Orleans

Here, hold this for a sec.

I'll be back for you, okay?

Hey! There's the fork!

Hanna! Jay!

I just snapped out of some kind
of trance or something.

Something isn't right.

Guys!

Jay, where the hell are we, man?

I don't know, give me a second!

I don't know
where I am right now.

- I don't know what happened, I...
- Guys!

I think I just heard Mia.
Mia! Mia!

Mia!

Hanna!

Hanna!

Mia!

Mia, oh, my God.

Okay.

Hanna, what the hell happened?

Oh, my God, Mia, is she alive?

Yeah she is, but,
we need to get her out of here.

We can put her on here.

Jay, can you help me out please?

Guys, check this out!
Someone was here!

Footprints are going that way!

Hey, where you...
where you going?

I'm going to end this
right now, alright?

Berry, don't do that!

You don't know who
you're following!

Alright.

Jay, let's take a break, man.

We should be to our
first camp soon... I hope.

Hey, I'm gonna scout ahead.

Hanna, you're sure
you didn't see anyone else?

There was no one!

I... I heard her scream and then when I
came around the corner, she was out cold.

Guys!

This is impossible.

Hey, mom and dad.

So if you guys are
watching this, I...

I just want you guys to know
how much I love you.

You shouldn't make videos
like that. It's bad luck.

Just in case, you know?

Do you want to make one?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Hey, Mom, Dad, Lex,

I didn't tell you this but I went
on a hiking trip with some friends

and if you're watching this...

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Berry just...

Berry just killed,
just killed Jay.

I don't know,
I don't know what the...

I don't know what the hell
just happened.

I don't know what the hell
just happened.

How is this happening?

I just... I just ran... I just ran
for my life right now and I don't...

I don't think he followed me but
how could he, how could he do that?

Did he kill Brad too?
I don't know, I just don't know!

I think I'm...
I think I'm in some cave.

I don't... I don't know where...

and I don't know what to do!
God, God help me!

I just ran... I just ran!

Help! Help!

If... if you're watching this, there's
a man and he's painted all black.

He's out here!

- Hanna!
- Mia? Mia!

Who did this to you?

I don't know... I don't know,
some man, he's painted all black.

What the hell?
Hanna, Jay's dead!

I know, I know. No, no,
we need to get out of here!

We need to find Berry!

- Shit! You don't know.
- What?

- Berry... Berry's the one that killed Jay.
- What?

- No, he didn't, no!
- Yes! Yes, Mia, I watched it happen, okay?

I watched Berry stab Jay through
the chest with this damn spear, okay?

What the hell is happening,
Hanna?

I don't know, Mia. I don't know.
I don't know!

- Are you sure it was Berry?
- Yes! I even got a video of it on my phone!

- Okay, where is your phone?
- I... I don't know!

I dropped it when
I was attacked. I don't know!

Are you positive it wasn't Berry
who attacked you too?

Yes, I am 100% sure, Mia,
yes Berry killed Jay,

but the person that attacked me was
covered head to toe in black paint, okay?

Okay, okay.
Where did he attack you?

In a cave. I don't know.
I just ran. That doesn't matter!

- Well, we need to head back to camp.
- What?

No, no, no. We need to get back
to the car, Mia!

I don't know way, do you?
We need the map!

- What about Berry?
- He wasn't there when I woke up!

We need the map, Hanna!

I don't see him.

Shit, if he left with the map,
we're gonna be screwed out here!

We should look around
for it just in case.

- Let's move!
- Okay.

I found it! I found it!

Let's get the hell out of here!

Okay, I'm going to say goodbye
to Brad.

We can't come back here and
I'm never going to see him again.

- We have to go!
- Just give me a minute, okay?

- No. No, no, no, no.
- What?

I'm gonna kill him!

I buried both of them.

Don't take a step closer!

I didn't kill Jay, okay?
It wasn't me!

I watched it happen!

I can't explain
what happened, okay.

I had no control of my body. I don't know
what happened! You gotta believe me!

That's a bunch of bullshit,
Berry!

Mia, please! Just listen to me!

Mia!

What the hell is happening?

Mia, don't move!

Stay low! Mia, stay low!

Come over here. Zip it!

So we just got attacked
by our own shadows.

What the hell!

I got stabbed in the arm by that
damn spear and Hanna was...

Well, Hanna's shadow was
trying to kill Mia.

I know all this sounds nuts
but it's... it's all true.

This is insane!

The way I look at it,
we can just hike at night,

there's no shadows at night...
we'll hike then

- and stay in the tent during the day.
- What?

But... but what about
the shadow man?

The what, no...

That's what I'm saying,
no, no, sun, no shadows!

No! No. There's a shadow man,
a physical shadow man.

He's painted all black and he attacked
Hanna and tied her to that totem pole thing!

What the hell guys?

Why didn't you tell me
about this earlier?

We haven't exactly had time
for conversation right now, Berry!

Are you sure it's just one guy?

I mean, I don't... I don't know,
I think so...

but he knocked me out for all know
there could just be a bunch of them.

I don't know.

Guys, we can't stay here.

No shit, Berry!
We need to find a plan to...

if he comes back.

You mean when he comes back!

Why are you so sure
he'll come back?

I don't know why. I think he like
worships the shadows or something...

Why else would he be painted all
black and tie me to a totem pole?

He was sacrificing me.

You better run,
you son of a bitch!

- No, no, no, no! Shit, guys, he's getting away!
- Yeah!

No, he's gone, we won!

No, we need to get out of here!

Morning, dispatch. This is Lue
over here at the red beam trailhead.

That vehicle is still parked
over here.

Want me to go ahead and tow it?
Over.

How many
days it been there? Over.

I don't know... I'm gonna
say three or four at least? Over.

They leave any
notes or anything? Over.

Haven't checked for that. Just
assumed it was abandoned. Over.

Check for that please.

If there isn't one,
we'll get it towed. Over.

Copy that. Over.

Dispatch, this is Lue again.

It appears that they should have
been back by now,

I'm gonna go ahead and hike out
and see if I can find 'em.

Check back in in a couple hours.
Over.

Copy that, Lue. Over.

Over and out.

So we hiked all night
just like we planned.

We set up the tent
because the sun was coming up

but then... we ran into
this son of a bitch again.

- What is he doing?
- I don't know.

Leave us alone!
What do you want from us?

Leave us alone!
What do you want from us?

We didn't do anything!

Shit, guys, yes we did,
yes we did!

- What are you talking about?
- We took their spear,

their spear!
Here you can have it back!

- Girls! Get down get down!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

- I love you, Mia.
- I love you, too.

Wait, what are you... No! Hanna!

Oh, shit!

- Get out of the sun.
- Ma'am, are you alright?

Get out of the sun.
Get out of the sun.

Ma'am, what happened here?

Ma'am, are you okay?
Is he the only one with ya?

Get out of the sun!
Get out of the sun!

♪ There is a house
In New Orleans ♪

♪ They call the Rising Sun

♪ And it's been the ruin
Of many a poor boy ♪

♪ And God I know I'm one

♪ My mother was a tailor

♪ She sewed my new blue jeans

♪ And my father was
A gamblin' man ♪

♪ Down in New Orleans

♪ Now the only thing
A gambler needs ♪

♪ Is a suitcase and a trunk

♪ And the only time
He'll be satisfied ♪

♪ Is when he's all drunk

♪ Oh, mother
Tell your children ♪

♪ Not to do what I have done

♪ Spend your lives
In sin and misery ♪

♪ In the House
Of the Rising Sun ♪

♪ Well, I got one foot
On the platform ♪

♪ The other foot on the train

♪ I'm going back
To New Orleans ♪

♪ To wear that ball and chain

♪ Well, there is a house
In New Orleans ♪

♪ They call the Rising Sun

♪ And it's been the ruin
Of many a poor boy ♪

♪ God I know I'm one

You had the blood of five different
people on you including a park ranger!

And you want us to believe...
what was it again?

Shadows and hill people.

That's right, shadows
and hill people killed them?

I'm telling you the truth!

All right, let's start again!