Danger: Diabolik (1968) - full transcript

In psychedelic swinging 60s style, the dreaded thief (and killer) Diabolik wreaks havoc on a generic European country for his own financial gain and amusement. He shares an extravagant underground lair (and a giant bed of money) with his curvaceous, superficial girlfriend...who uses her awesome powers of wig-wearing to help Diabolik kill innocent people and steal billions from the government. Nonetheless, Diabolik is the "hero" of the film because he must face off against bumbling cops and revenge-seeking mafiosos.

All right, how we doing?

The last bag.

All plain paper. Very clever.

l wonder how security would feel

if they knew they were guarding
wastepaper instead of $10 million?

Well, seems to be it.

We're ready.

lt's the largest single shipment
of dollars ever made

at 6 in the morning.

- lf you'll please sign here, inspector.
- Right.

l've never seen such precautions
just to reach the port.

The whole underworld worries me
less than a single man.


Excuse me.
They're waiting for you, inspector.

Good luck.

That makes it exactly
10 million dollars.

All right, you can take that away.



Just splendid.

And dignified too.

- They're meant to be diplomats?
- They're our best men.

You're a diplomat.

Look sophisticated.

You're a man of the world,
polished, witty, bored.

What's that?

Here, put it in your hat.

And these.

Right, let's go.

This is aerial surveillance ship
number one.

Now over port zone.

Nothing suspicious.
Repeat, nothing suspicious.

Embarkation to proceed
as scheduled. Over.

Right. Over and out.

What the...?

What's going on?

- lnspector, what happened?
- l don't know.

For God's sake,
get back to the Rolls-Royce.

- Beg your pardon, inspector.
- l'm so sorry, inspector.


- Where's the Rolls?
- lt disappeared.

What are you talking about?

We turned around, inspector,
and it was gone, just like that.

lnspector, look!

This is helicopter one to coast patrol.
Helicopter one to coast patrol.

Attention. Attention. Jaguar spotted,
turned off main highway,

- heading for coast district.
- Okay. Roger. Let's go.


Be quick.

Yes. Yes, sir.

''Yes, sir''?
Don't try to ''Yes, sir'' me, sir.

- You either.
- Yes, sir.

What am l going to say
to the prime minister? ''Yes, sir''?

Yes, sir.

No, sir.

l am going to have to come up
with some brilliant idea.

Otherwise, he's going to find
a new minister of the interior,

and the next man may not have
the same understanding

of police methods as l have.

Can you grasp that?

- No, sir.
- Preposterous to think

that one man can make a fool
of the entire police force.

We're a laughingstock
in the world press,

and our own newspapers
are screaming for action.

And that is precisely
what l intend giving them:

Vigorous, clear-sighted action.

Now, firstly, it is obvious
to the logical and well-trained mind

that the first thing
that Diabolik is going to do

is to get those dollars
out of the country.

Logical suggestion, sir.

- Thank you.
- But, l'm afraid, quite useless.


Diabolik will handle the 10 million
dollars, but in some quite different way.

What ''quite some different way''?

A way no mind but his could imagine.


Ladies and gentlemen,

and especially the ladies
and gentlemen of the press

who are with me here
in this television studio,

this conference has been arranged
with the express purpose

of enabling me to pass on to you
some extremely heartening news.

Your government, ever vigilant,
determined to stamp out,

to crush the current crime wave,

has restored the death penalty.

As a temporary measure, of course.

Faced with this extreme form
of punishment,

the socially sick elements
of our society...

...by that, l mean criminals...

Are you referring to Diabolik?


l assure you that this individual,
whose very name

reveals his antagonism to the
established values of our society,

will soon be brought to justice.

This criminal paranoid
seems to have dedicated himself

to a one-man fight
against our society.

This black mark, this manifestation
of exaggerated delinquency

has exceeded the boundaries
of rational behavior

within and without the legal structure
that is the very basis of our freedom

and way of life.

He also seems to derive
a great deal of pleasure

from making fun
of our entire police force.

He is certainly not going
to make a fool of me.

You want to resign?
l want to resign.

The minister wanted to resign.
They accepted his resignation.

But they won't take mine,

and l'm not going to take yours.

- But, chief...
- Remember that.

But if it's any sort of
consolation to you,

l've managed to get you
the special powers you wanted.

But how these special powers
are going to help you

get your hands on Diabolik,
l just don't know.

They might. lndirectly.

All right.

lf you've got a plan, go ahead,

and with every blessing.

But this time, remember,
we want results.

lnspector, weve discovered
a center for drug traffic.

lts one of Valmonts nightclubs.
We have it surrounded.

Police! The police!

lt's a raid! lt's a raid!

The club is surrounded.
You're all under arrest.

They've been inside for hours.

Such a waste of us.

lf you are not behind us, Valmont,

we'll withdraw from the syndicate.

l'm sorry to hear you say that, Frank.

Dead sorry.

What flowers
would you like me to order?

No, no, really.

What flowers?


You boys, you don't know
when to put your heads down.

We must wait for now.

We're outside
the three-mile limit, luckily.

Who's that? Must be Stud.

Now the stuff is gone, boss.

- When?
- Last night.

You say all the narcotics?

You see, Stud,
you've brought bad news.

Cut it out!

That's enough, Ginko.

Get lost.

Ginko. Yes?

- This is Valmont.
- Valmont?

How surprising to hear from you.

l'm calling you, inspector,
on behalf of law and order.


l would like us to make
a little bargain, inspector.

Really now, bargain with the police?

l've got a good job.

Since when do l make bargains
with your kind?

For once, we've got special powers.

Diabolik will manage
to lose you your job.

You can always apply to me.

You'll find yourself better off.

You'll be more
warmly dressed, and...

And your women, less.

l would be more concerned for
your comfort than mine, Valmont.

When we catch you, you wont get off
with a 30-year sentence. Not anymore.

You and your entourage
will go to prison for only three weeks.

But at the end of the three weeks,
youll hang by your necks.

A discomfort l wish to avoid.

l'll get you Diabolik alive
and you can arrest him.

You interest me, Valmont.

Perhaps we can do business
after all.

There's an old saying,

you should know about it:

''lt takes a thief to catch a thief.''

We have just concluded
an executive meeting of the syndicate.

We've taken a democratic vote.

Five in favor of my plan,

and three against it.

l change my vote.
Don't shoot! Please!

Please, don't shoot. Don't shoot!

Since you said ''please'',
l won't shoot.

Goodbye, Frank.

Oh, Ralph.


- Fresh air.
- Scram.

Now it's unanimous.


...with his new emergency powers,

Ginko's really
putting the heat on us.

lf we don't play ball with him,
we'll wind up behind bars.

So we play ball, but how?

Catch Diabolik for him.

We got the know-how
that the cops don't.

No one has ever laid eyes
on Diabolik, or his girl,

and stayed alive.

So what? We got connections.

We all know squealers.

lf all of us work together on this...

...tough luck, Diabolik!

- You've been asleep for 20 hours.
- Twenty hours?

- l slipped you a sleeping pill.
- Why?

When you're not planning,
l'm afraid you'll get restless.

l'd rather have you sleep.

Excuse me, dear,
l'm expecting something.

- What?
- Watch.

The Foreign Office today confirmed
the upcoming official visit

of the British Finance Minister,
Sir Harold Clark.

Sir Harold and his
charming wife, Lady Clark,

will arrive here
on Thursday, May the 5th.

May 5th?
lsn't the 6th your birthday?

What would you like me to give you?

There must be something
l haven't got.

A reception is planned in their honor
in the historic Saint Just Castle.

Lady Clark will wear
the famous Aksand necklace,

which is comprised of 11 emeralds,
the most perfect in the world.

Those emeralds.

- Get in, honey.
- Going very far?

Far as you want.

You got the time, baby?

Depends, handsome.
So far, l've turned down all offers.

Why? What's your price?

An emerald necklace.

You look worth it. Hop in.


Lady Clark's room is...

...is the highest window,
the one that's lit up.


l saw a truck delivering
some television equipment.

Closed-circuit TV.

Many police?

About 50 outside
and 30 inside dressed as waiters.

- And Ginko's the chef.
- l didn't see Ginko.

lf you didn't see him, he's there.

Anyone notice you?

Oh, one of the girls on the sidewalk
asked me a few questions.

She thought l was trying to
move in on her beat. A redhead.

You can't fool me. She was no pro.

l got suspicious right away.
lt was obvious.

l could see at first glance
that she was just putting it on.

- Remember what she looks like?
- Sure l do.

Who could forget
what she looked like?

The way she was decked out in red,
she looked like a cardinal.

She had good legs though.

Joe, call Tony.

l figured Diabolik would
make a play for those emeralds.

Who wouldn't? They're beautiful.

Dry up, stupid.

This might be our big chance.

lf you're right,
l'll take good care of you.

Want me to describe her?

Not to me. To Tony.

Tell him.

Well, look at that!

There's a funny-looking thing.
What is it?

l'm talking to you! What is it?

You'll see. Don't touch it.

Shape of face?

- Like this?
- No, that's too round.

- Longer.
- Right, let's go on. Her eyes?

That's her! Looks like real! That's her!


That's all for now.

Joe, show her out.

Tell that Vernier to come in.

l want to check him out on this.

Take a seat, doctor.

Try to help us.

We're looking for someone
who's of great importance to us.

Sit down. Sit- Sit down!

l may have a patient who might be
the woman you are looking for.

But as you know,
l operate undercover.

My patients don't like
indiscreet questions,

and so l might not know her name,
nor who she is.

lf it's the same woman,
then it's Diabolik's girl.

Dr. Vernier, we want
to contact Diabolik for a job

that ought to be interesting
both to him and us.


Look here.

Come on. Come on, come on.

You know her?

l'm sorry. l can't help you.

Listen, Vernier.

San Francisco dropped you
out of the medical register.

But if you're lying...

...l'll drop you out of
the human register!

Now, get out. Joe!

You dumbhead! You scared him!

He changed his tune the minute
he heard the name Diabolik.

Get 5,000 copies of this printed,
and circulate them.

She will not get away.

Thank you so much for inviting me.

My pleasure.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- The party was nice.
- Oh, yes, it was lovely.

- Boy, glad that's over.
- l hope it's not.

Why do you think l gave
the necklace all that publicity?

He'll never be able
to resist those emeralds.

Now we'll sit back
and wait to spring the trap.

Sir Harold. lf you don't mind,
l'd like to check your room again.

- Please do.
- How romantic.

lt makes me think l'm living
in the old days of Robin Hood.

When l return to London,
l will have such exciting things

- to tell to my friends.
- You will, indeed.

No danger on this side.
Slippery wall straight down.

A fly couldn't climb it.

Lady Clark, may l ask you to leave
your necklace on this table all night?

Part of our security arrangements.

Of course, inspector.
Anything you want.

Now, l wish you both good night.

- Good night.
- Good night to you.

Come, Harold.

How amusing they are.

- Terribly young.
- l know.

They're such
marvelously attractive men.

- l did look well, didn't l, dear?
- Yes, you did.

lt was a nice evening after all.
That inspector was sweet.

He never took his eyes off my
d?collet? once the entire evening.

- lt was your necklace, my dear.
- Dont be crude.

What are they doing now?

Talking. About you, actually.

Harold, don't forget to take
your mineral water.

- What's that?
- What is it?

Went blank!

Have you rearranged
my toy soldiers again?

Toy soldiers.
Thats all you think about.

Heres my general, under the bed.

lts much too late. Do put them away.
Youll play with them in the morning.

My necklace!

Oh, my beautiful emeralds.

There, there, my dear.

lt's Diabolik!

- l got him! l know l did!
- Let's go and see.

We've been had again.

We must get word to all patrols.
lf he's escaping by car,

they'll stop him at the roadblocks.

Calling patrols nine and ten.
Repeat, patrols nine and ten.

Keep watch on the north coast. Over.

We can't make the hideout by land.

Patrol 11. Patrol 11 to inspector.
Black Jaguar in sight

and now under observation.

Vehicle now caught
between this unit

- and Unit 13.
- Don't worry.

All right. Give me a hand.

- Are you hurt?
- No, no. lt's nothing.

- We got him, inspector.
- Good work!

They'll never expect us
to double back.

We've done it again.

You are hurt.

Have Doc Vernier
look at that tomorrow.

- What will it be, ma'am?
- Fill it up, please.

- The tiger's in the tank, ma'am.
- Keep the change.

Thanks. Would you like a tail
for good luck?

Oh, no, thank you.
l'm not superstitious.

Here's your banana! Pig!

Hey, boss,
you shouldn't call me names.

Hello? Yes.

Hey, Ralph! Phone.

Hey, don't pay any attention to him.


A man.

- Who is it?
- lt's Rudy.

The girl you're after is at Vernier's.

Don't let her out of your sight.

Are you sure
no one followed you here?

- Why do you ask?
- Listen to me.

Don't come here again. Ever.

What are you trying to tell me?

You came here for medical advice.

l'm telling you this
for your health and mine.

- Nurse?
- Yes, doctor.

Take her along to the infrared room.

Now, just relax.

l'm going to give you
the infrared treatment.

Excuse me.
The fuse must have blown.

l told you l'd cross your name
off the human register.


lt's no good, Valmont.

He should have called by now.

Relax. We've got him in a box.

He's too far gone on the girl.

- ls she very beautiful?
- Yeah!

And too smart
to ask stupid questions.

Hold it.


Enterprise 1-2-4-6.

l saw your ad regarding white Jaguar.

What's your price?

Ten million dollars, plus...

- ...an emerald necklace.
- Right.

And don't try to pull
any funny stuff, huh?

l've got a couple of experts
at dealing with women here.

You might not find it easy
to recognize her afterwards.

l accept your conditions.

That's what l like to hear.


Meet me at Sibby's
at the Break-ln Airport.

Get me lnspector Ginko.

The money.

Check it.

lt all seems to be here.

- The necklace.
- When l've got Eva back.

No necklace, no Eva. That's the deal.

ls that the only deal you've got
going today, Valmont?

l don't have to talk.

l could kill you instead.

Go ahead. All you've got to do
is push that button.

Valmont, this is most unprofessional.

Were approaching
designated area, sir.

- Circle the target.
- Right.

That's where Eva is.

Ever jump before?

Don't. First, the necklace.

Hold it. l'll take it.


l almost forgot.

When l stumbled, l attached
a magnetic capsule to your plane.

Who cares? Pull the cord!

Pull the cord!

l know it's a trap, Valmont.

ls Eva down there or only Ginko?

Yes, yes.
She's there, in the cabin.

And Ginko.
ls Ginko down there too?

Yes, yes.

lt's a trap.
Valmont's made a deal with Ginko.

Are you all right?

Damn you, Ginko.

You hide back in the cabin.
l'll draw their fire.

lf they get me, you know what to do.


Run, or they get us both.

lnspector, we've got him this time.
He's surrounded.

l got you, Diabolik.

Come on out.

Valmont, don't play the hero.


Diabolik, give up.

- So this is the famous Diabolik.
- Yes, doctor.

- Get him ready.
- Yes, sir.


- ls he really dead, inspector?
- Yes.


Dr. Farrar is performing the autopsy.

Has the emerald necklace
been recovered?

The necklace, yes.
Not the emeralds.

- Do you think he swallowed them?
- No. His body's been x-rayed.

- lnspector, please.
- Do turn around, inspector.

Nurse, give me the Beta-3.

We'll ascertain the state of necrosis.

You don't look
very excited, inspector.

ln a strange way, l'm sorry.

''Sorry'', inspector?

As though he'd become
part of my life.

l can't believe he's really dead.

We'll begin with a circular incision.


Krushan, doctor.

The Tibetan lamas have used it
for 3,000 years.

lt brings on a state of
suspended animation for 12 hours.

But if you're not given the antidote,
the apparent death becomes real.

How long's it been, Eva?

Eleven hours and 57 minutes.

l thought it would be too late.

There she comes now.

Nurse, what can you tell us?

The doctor will be available
in ten minutes for interviews.

- Can't you tell us something now?
- l'm sorry.

All l can tell you is that it will be...


Bye, now.

What? Diabolik got away?

Got away?

But that's impossible.
lt must be a joke.

He's dead. We all saw him dead.

And what about this?
His death certificate.

lt's no joke.

You saw him dead.

The coroner saw him dead.

The coroner certified his death.


...this is our friend
Valmont's certificate.

''Cause of death...

''...11 machine-gun shots.''

Eleven emeralds.

Eleven bullets.

To the morgue!

Valmont, yes. lt's all in order.

lf you'll just sign here,
here, here and here.

- Four times.
- Four times, yes.

He was basically a good boy.

Always sent money to Mama.

There, there. Buck up.

He'll soon be home at last.

He's in peace now.

Let's see whether he's ready yet.


Yes, he's ready.

Every time...

...l reflect on Man's insignificance...

l say-

Excuse me,
where is the doctor, please?

Excuse me. Where is the doctor?

- He's in shock.
- What?


Don't look.




Four, five, six.

Seven, eight, nine.

Happy birthday.

Oh, you shouldn't have done it.

With this new plan of action,
everyone will collaborate.

Even his mother will turn him in.

No, sir.

- What do you mean, ''No, sir''?
- l don't believe he has a mother, sir.


ln any case, l'll have no
negative thinking in my police force.

Sorry, sir. lt's a habit.

The former minister
always insisted that we...

My predecessor's policies
don't interest me.

l am minister now,
and l want this man caught!

There is my policy.

- Yes, sir.
- All you can say is ''Yes, sir''?

With this reward, the whole country
will be out to catch him.

- What if...?
- There are no ifs.

A million dollars wipes out ifs.

The reward has turned
public opinion against him.


- Well, what is it?
- Message for you, sir.

- lt was just delivered by hand.
- Thank you.

Excuse me.

l won't tolerate pessimism,
inspector. And...

Unheard of.

''ln view of the bad use
to which the government

has put the public money,

l shall take steps
to remove it from circulation.



lt's a joke. And we'll call his bluff!

Ladies and gentlemen,
our minister of finance.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the first opportunity
that l have had

of talking to you on the television

as your new minister of finance.

l shall speak frankly.

l shall not conceal from you the gravity
of the recent blows to our tax system,

upon which, of course,
the well-being of our entire society is...


Not only have many millions' worth of
tax receipts and currency and checks

gone up in flames,

but, far more tragically,
the tax information files

of virtually every taxpayer
in this nation...

...have been destroyed.

ln this appalling emergency,
l have taken upon...

...taken it upon myself
to appeal to the civic pride

of each and every one of you, whether
you are watching this program or not.

Let each come forward voluntarily
to pay the tax he thinks he owes.

What is this, the comedy hour?

l know that l shall not have
appealed to you in vain. l feel it.

lt is not a matter of only civic pride,

but is a matter of national pride.

l am perfectly certain that you
will not cold-shoulder me,

you will not turn your back on me,
because it would not be a matter

of turning your back on me,
but on your very country.

lnspector, we followed
your instructions to the letter.

Twenty tons of gold
melted into one big ingot.

Nobody in the world
could possibly steal it,

considering the weight.

You'd have to sweat
for two days to open that.

Of course, our gold reserves
certainly have dwindled recently.

Only since everyone stopped
paying taxes.

We have to sell the gold
to get hard currency.

Form the convoy.

Operation Gold Van.
Operation Gold Van.

This is lnspector Ginko speaking.

Can you read me? Over.

l hear you loud and clear. Over.

Were underway. l shall be calling you
at ten-minute intervals. Over and out.

Stay alert.

- Danek.
- Yes, sir?

- You go on up.
- Yes, sir.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Attention. Attention.
Operation Gold Van.

All patrols along specified route.

Train is underway. Red flash alert.

Report all suspicious movements
in vicinity of designated areas.

Arrest all persons loitering near
tracks as per special instructions.

Search all cars attempting
to approach security points.

Do you read me? Over.

Right, inspector.
Orders received at patrol eight.

Can l help you?

Oh, thanks. l could use a lift.

Sure. Get right in.

l ran out of gas.

Oh, l'm so tired.

lf you could just drop me
at a motel, huh?

l'll worry about the car
in the morning.

- Oh, my suitcase.
- l'll get it.

Happy to get it.

Oh, you're so nice.
But do be careful. lt's heavy.

Always try to help a lady...

...in distress.


Stop it! Stop!

Come in.
Am l getting through, inspector?

Ginko here. Ginko here.

What's happened?

What's the matter?
What's going on? l don't understand.

The light seems to flicker,
but it's barely moving. Look at that.

They're turning back.
Something's happened.

Call them. Call them again.

Headquarters calling
Operation Gold Van.

- Headquarters to Operation Gold Van.
- Ginko here. l receive you.

What's happened?
What's happening?

There's a wrecked truck
blocking the line.

Our men sighted black Jaguar.
Suspect Diabolik in vicinity.

He probably mined the entrance
to the tunnel.

However, l think
we're out of danger now.

We're backing out before...

Just as l thought. The tunnel's been
blocked by two explosions.

We're in the clear.

Danek's pursuing.

The train will have to be rerouted.

Wait. Three miles back,
there's the Arleville marshaling yard.

From there, take the unused line
that crosses the bay

on the Lawrence Bridge.

Perfect, Ginko, perfect.

Something's happened.

Headquarters to Operation Gold Van.
Headquarters to Operation Gold Van.

- Well?
- Nothing, inspector.

The gold's not there.
We searched everywhere.

Why, what do you mean
it's not there?

lt weighs 20 tons.

We'll put it right in here.


This laser gun can melt anything.

Except you, honey.

Nice that gold melts
at a lower temperature than steel.

lt's the only way we can get it.

Ginko here.


...we allowed you to take
all those extravagant measures

so that the gold would reach
its destination without fail.

And now what do l hear?

What am l to report to the minister?

What is he to tell to Parliament?

That we are a bunch
of helpless jackasses.

- Don't exaggerate.
- Exaggerate? Don't be funny!

Well, professor?

Yes. Yes. There are spots.

- Good. There are traces.
- Yes, of what?


As a precaution,
l had part of the container

holding the gold radioactivated.

Then there's a chance
of recovering it?

More than that. lf Diabolik has taken
the gold to his hideout,

there's a chance
of recovering everything.

Don't come near, honey.
Molten gold wouldn't suit your skin.

You be careful.

Don't worry.

With this suit, l could swim
through the center of the sun.

The alarm.

What does it mean?

Someone's broken in.

Run. l'll meet you in tunnel number 7.
They'll never find us there.

- Why aren't you coming now?
- l've got to open the locks.

- They'll drown like rats.
- l'll wait for you. l'm not going alone.

Eva, you'll not be alone while l live.

Now, go.


You're finished!

The exits are blocked!

- Congratulations, sir.
- Yes, yes. Quiet, please.

Over there. Over there. That's it.

Barbaric, displaying the body
of a fallen enemy.

The minister.
Besides, it's good publicity.

- Order this place to be cleared.
- Yes, sir.

Everybody out, please.

All right, gentlemen, this way.

Everybody out.

l love you.

l was expecting you, inspector.

l knew you wouldn't be able
to resist seeing him.


...give me a few seconds more.


Thank you, inspector.

You don't know how grateful l am.