Dan Turner, Hollywood Detective (1990) - full transcript

♪♪[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

DAN: Even in Hollywood,

a town as wide open
as a B-girl's arms,

there were still a few things
that were supposed to be
against the law.

And high stakes gambling
was one of them.

But that didn't stop
the high rollers
and the would-be's

from pouring in every night
to the back room
of the Limelight Club,

a ritzy dive that offered
Las Vegas action

right here in the land
of fruits and nuts.

Want to try this now?



Come on, come on, come on.

Oh.

Hey, Criqui,

how many time are these same
numbers gonna show up?

DAN: Pedro Criqui
was the joint's owner.

He was a schizophrenic
little guy,

half Spanish and half French,

who'd been in more hot water
than a used tea bag.

Hey, Turner.

How's Hollywood's favorite
private dick?

Not bad, Pedro.

Who's the weasel
with Maizie Murdock?

I'm ready.

Deadbeat.



Always complaining,
always broke.

He says I give him
loaded dice,
that son of a bitch.

It looks like your dice
aren't the only things
loaded tonight.

Dan.

Oh, you big lug.

Where you been
hiding yourself?

Oh, well, here and there.
How about you, hon?

I've been pining away.

You'd have helped by
giving my phone a jingle.

Oh, it looks like
you've already got
a boyfriend.

He can't take
your place, Dan.

Nobody can take your place.Hey, Maizie.

It's just...What do you say we get out
of this sleazy joint?

I'm tired of playing
with funny dice.

You'd better scram.

Come on, Junior.

We better leave
before Criqui has a fit.

So long, handsome.

I'll be waiting by my phone.

Keep your powder dry,
sweetheart.

Funny dice.

I'll give him funny dice.
See who I gotta deal with?

Deadbeats, drunks.

DAN: Yeah, and cops.

CRIQUI: Cops?

Oh, shoot.
What do they want
from me this time?

Take a gander.

Gentlemen, how nice of you
to drop in on a night
like this.

Criqui,
you're breaking the rules.

That makes my boss mad...This is a busy night.

Do you have to be here now?...maybe close
your place down.

DAN: For me, it was just
a harmless night out
in Tinseltown.

Or so I thought.

As it turned out, I should've
stayed home with my radio

and a bottle of VAT 69
for company.

CRIQUI: ...a lot of nice
people having harmless fun.

I don't care
if it's harmless fun.

The captain's
getting pressure.Yeah, yeah.

You got roulette tables
over there, Criqui.
I see them.

CRIQUI: Oh, come on. Come on.And the boss knows about it.

You better
cut this crap out.

Turner?Hello, Cromwell.

Dan, please,
you gotta help me.

I do, huh? How come?

My God, the police.

Come on. You're a director,
not a star. Nobody cares...

No, no, no,
that's-- that's not it.

There's a girl.

There's always a girl, Roy.

Please, you don't understand.

I get caught with this girl,
my life is over.

You got to get her
out of here.Hold it.

Who is she?Over here.

Hurry. Please?

Sure.

What're pals for?

Dan,

she's in here.

Holy mackerel, Roy.
You really are a pal.

This is Dan Turner
and you can trust him.

Roy...He'll get you out of here.

Goodbye, darling.Roy...

I'm sorry.
It has to be this way.

Aren't you Vala Duvalle?

That's right.

So what?

So I've seen a couple
of your pictures.

You're not bad.

Hmm, thanks.

You're not so bad yourself.

Aren't you
Bernie Ballantyne's squeeze,

the head of the studio?

Yeah, I guess
you could say that.

Brother, I think I've
just been sucker punched.

This is a raid!
Everybody stay put!

Well, how about it,
handsome?

You gonna save my reputation?

I'll try.

MAN: Hey, what's going on?

Wonder how long it's been
since Pedro's had this joint
fumigated?

CROWD: Fire, fire!

DAN: We got fire, folks.

[ALL CLAMORING]

WOMAN: Come on!

Well, well, Dan Turner,

Hollywood detective.

Hiya, Dave.

I thought
that burning ashcan
had your name on it.

Can't blame a guy for trying.
We're chums.

Yes, I guessed that part.

What's a real live
movie star doing
with a cheapie like him?

Well, even movie stars
get lonesome, Dave.

You know,

you could do me
a favor right now.

Sorry, ace.
I'm fresh out of favors.

I got a job to do.

Sorry, beautiful.

I tried.

Okay, folks.
Fire drill's over.

DAN: I felt bad for that doll,

but Donaldson
didn't bend the rules.

We were caught,
and like a sap

I thought
that was the end of it.

Tough luck,
but if you're a right guy,

sometimes you take the lumps.

DAN: A few months
went by and sometimes

I even stopped thinking
about Vala Duvalle.

Her husband,
Bernie Ballantyne,

head of Paravox Studios,
had been a steady client
but that was history.

And I didn't see
a single nickel

from Paravox
in all that time.

Somehow Roy Cromwell
forgot to send me
a thank you card,

but maybe he was busy.

That's okay.

I was pretty busy myself.

Now, hon,
you just ankle back

to your bungalow,
pour yourself a nice
soothing drink and relax.

And if I haven't found
your cat by tomorrow,

I'm not the guy I think I am.

Well, now,
Roy Cromwell.

The magician who turns
his pals into chumps.

Turner, I want to explain.

There's nothing to explain.

Sometimes a guy just has to
take some lumps for a pal.
That's life.

Yeah, I know.

I haven't been
much of a pal lately.

We had some laughs.

You got me some work,

now you lost me some.
I guess we're square.

It's not your problem

that I'm poison
over at Paravox lately.

Yeah, you see,
it is my problem, Dan.

I feel like such a heel.

And I...

Well, it's just...

It's Vala.

She's quite a looker.

It's more than that.

I just can't stop myself
with her.

Why, hell, you've seen her.

Isn't she worth the risk?

Well, I wouldn't know.

I just got to
hold hands with her

and now Bernie Ballantyne
doesn't like me anymore.

You got it all wrong, Turner.

Bernie really wants
to bury the hatchet.

Yeah, right about here.

No.

I tried to put in
a good word for you

and, uh, he's...

He's got a job for you.

Quit ribbing.
I'm not in the mood.

Does, uh, this

look like a rib?

I asked him if I could
bring it to you myself.

[WHISTLING]CROMWELL: Hmm-mmm.

Yeah,
that's just the retainer.

You'll get more.
Plus expenses.

Hey,

pals again?

Sure.

Who does he want iced?

Huh?

Iced,

cooled,

rendered defunct.

A whole lot of people
have been killed

for a whole lot less.Huh, yeah.

Uh, you know,
Bernie's available

to discuss this job now
if you'd like to see him.

See him?

For this kind of dough,
I'd dance with him till dawn.

Great. Now I'd better
get back to the lot.

Bernie's
really got me hopping.
Hey, you want a ride?

No thanks,
but I'll tail you over.

DAN: It didn't
really make sense

that Bernie Ballantyne
had suddenly forgiven me

but I wasn't about to look
a gift horse in the choppers.

Maybe if business
hadn't been so slow,

I would've thought
a little harder about
the size of the check.

He lost me about
halfway to Culver City,
but that was okay.

I didn't need anybody
to guide me

to Bernie Ballantyne's
private sanctum.

Oh, hello there, Mr. Turner.

Haven't seen you around
for a spell.

Yeah, and the last time
you sent me away.

Uh, you know I had to,
Mr. Turner.

Direct orders from...I know where they
came from, Jesse.

Get any new orders lately?

You betcha. I'm supposed
to send you right on through.

Thanks, Jesse.
It's good to be back.

Nice to have you back,
Sherlock.

DAN: The Paravox bigwigs
had a layout of offices

in the main
executive building

just inside
the entrance gates.

Bernie Ballantyne
was the biggest wig of all.

He liked to keep an eye
on everybody.

He could do that just fine.

His office took up
most of the ground floor.

[PHONE RINGING]Good morning, Mr. Turner.

Hello, doll.

Miss me?

Sure, hon.
Glad you're back.

Me, I didn't mind
keeping an eye
on his secretaries.

Ballantyne knew how to pick
swell looking dames

and it sure didn't
hurt my feelings any
to be seeing them again.

Well, Doris,
you're still doing

the same amount of work,
I see.

[PHONE RINGING]

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

Well, Daisy,

a girl could die
of overexposure like that.

[CRYING]

VALA: Oh.

Mr. Turner, isn't it?

That's right.

I haven't seen you
since that little blind date

Roy Cromwell set up.

Please, don't talk
about Roy and me.
Bernie might hear.

I guess that would
be disaster, huh?

You know it would.

For Roy and for me as well.

Then you shouldn't
play with fire.
Roy Cromwell's dynamite.

Especially for a Jane who's

someone else's property.

Bernie doesn't know.

And he won't, either,
unless somebody tells him.

But I feel sure

that you're not
the kind of man

that would do
such an ugly thing.

Are you, Mr. Turner?

Of course not.

I knew you wouldn't.

Unless it paid
really big dividends.

You lousy...

DAN: Sometimes you forget,

dames can take you seriously
when you crack wise.

I should've told her
I didn't mean anything,

but she ankled the room
before I had a chance.

Come in.

Bernie was the meanest man
in Hollywood.

He had enough power
to stay that way

and make you like it.

Have a seat, Mr. Turner.

No thanks. I'll stand.

[SCOFFS]
You can't afford a grudge.

And anyway, I always
have reasons for what I do.

What are they now?

You want the job or not?

I paid the paper
not to run these
pictures of the raid.

You keep them as a reminder.

I always get what I want,
Turner.

And I always keep it

till I'm done with it.

Thanks. I'll, uh,

take these home
and press them in my Bible.

Pictures like that
make me look bad.

Do you understand?

Well, I don't know.
I've never been married.

Yeah, well,
Vala told me how you two

just happened to meet
at a dull party,

how she talked you into
taking her to the Limelight,
et cetera, et cetera.

Frankly, I don't care.

Sure.

You're really a very
sentimental guy, aren't you?

I need discretion.

My image is tied up in Vala.

I just saw her outside.

She's crying.

Yeah, well, that's why
I wanted to hire you.

Well, I'm all ears.

I just found out Vala's taking

large sums of money
out of her bank account
and I don't know why.

I mean, I give her
everything that she needs.

As long as she plays
by the rules.

She's not keeping
someone on the side, is she?

Guess not.

Well,
when people act worried

and draw
big dough from the bank,

it could spell shakedown,

but you don't need any cheap
flatfoot to tell you that.

Anything in her past

someone might've raked up?

No. No, no, no. She's clean.

Believe me, if she wasn't,
I'd know it.

I'll bet you would.

Uh, she, uh, denied
being in any kind of
trouble at all.

And she just ran
out of here crying.

Jeez, I hate it
when she cries,
you know.

It--It causes wrinkles.

Look, Turner,

Vala's getting ready
to go away tomorrow

for a few weeks up north
to shoot a new picture for us.

I'll be there myself
for a while,

but, well,
I'd like you to go, too,

and keep an eye on things.

See where the money's going.

Did you get the check?

Oh, yeah.

I keep it right here
next to my heart.

Oh, good, 'cause
there's a lot more
where that came from.

I'll pay you $500 a week
plus unlimited expenses.

What do you say?

They got Scotch up north?

Hmm?

Scotch up north?
I like that, Turner.

Yeah, that's good.
Scotch up north.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

DAN: By 9:00 that night,
I was rolling north
on the Silver Meteor,

a couple bottles of VAT 69
in my valise

just in case
they didn't have Scotch.

I'd asked Bernie Ballantyne

for a jalopy
and a rented apartment.

Someplace where
I wouldn't be noticed.

I guess he got me
just what I wanted.

Bernie must've done the same
for his snuggle bunny,
Vala Duvalle.

He'd rented her a swanky place
in the snooty part of town.

Sort of a garlic grower's
Taj Mahal.

I sat in my car and watched
Vala's palace for a good
five hours,

but it didn't
do anything suspicious.

And just when I was ready
to call it a night
and grab some chow,

Vala came out
and climbed into a car
about a half block long.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

The car started,

slid by me,

purring like a big cat.

It was just possible
she was meeting
the blackmailer

or dropping him some dough,

so I figured I should
earn my keep and follow her.

But she pulled
a fast one on me,

and just went on to work.

The amusement park
was about to close
for the season,

but Paravox had leased
the whole shebang

just to shoot
some action scenes

and filled it with extras
to make the place look busy.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

[SCREAMING]

Will you watch this for me?Oh, sure.

All right, now, all right.

Miss Duvalle is here.
Let's rehearse.

Well...

DAN:
Roy Cromwell was directing

and I wondered if that's why
Ballantyne wanted me there.

Did he suspect Cromwell
was grazing in his pasture?

Now, Vala,
here's the setup.

Harvey's in a car up there.

You're standing in line.
You see him,

you like him, you run
to the front of the line

just as his car takes off.

Then, you jump in the car
just behind his

and it follows him. Simple.

All right, all right!
Let's do a run-through!

Your marks.

DAN: Cromwell had
a rep for rehearsing

every scene a dozen times
before shooting a frame,

so I figured I had time
to wander around a little.

All right,

last time through
if we get it right!

All right, places.

Now, ready?

DAN: According to
the screwy scenario,

Vala was going to meet
her leading man

for the first time
on one of the rides.

Falling in love
while descending an incline

at 70 miles per hour.

Personally,
I thought the story smelled,

but then
I'm just a private snoop.

Not a critic.

There were extras
all over the midway

playing the sucker games
with each other.

There's a little kid
in all of us

just waiting to get out
and if the free midway

won't bring it out of you,
maybe you're already dead.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

But one concession stand
looked like

a little more fun
than all the others.

The shooting gallery.

The reason it interested me
was the bleached blonde cutie

who was taking
the regular carny's place.

I guess you could say
me and Maizie were history,

but the look she gave me
at the Limelight

sure wasn't old news.

Okay, come on, everybody.

Step right up. Let's go.

Hit the Nazi and win a bear.

Sorry, sweetheart.

I'm fresh out of nickels.

Oh, Dan.
Talk about a big prize.

What're you doing
way out here in the sticks?

Last time I heard,
you were still the
Hollywood detective.

Well, this is a Hollywood
movie, isn't it?

Besides, I could ask you
the same question.

Oh, Cromwell promised me
a week on this one,

so it's worth a few days
of driving up Route One.

We've got a room
in the Motor Court
out on the highway.

We?

You mean that monkey
you were with
at the Limelight?

Yeah, but he doesn't have
his brand on me or anything.

Maybe you and I could
see about restarting
that tingle?

Why did we ever split up,
Maizie?

Somehow, I just
can't seem to remember.

I don't know.

I never figured it out myself.

You know, I've always
carried a torch for you, Dan.

Miss Murdock!

We are trying to rehearse
a crowd scene.

We are not visiting
with our old boyfriends!

Sorry.

Listen,
I'll see you later, huh?

You bet.

CROMWELL: Hey, Turner,

as long as you're here,

how about filling in
as an extra?

You know, take a few shots,
eh, hotshot?

Why not?

Great. It could open up
a whole new career for you.

Yeah. As a movie cowboy.

All right, everybody,
last time through!

Are you ready, Miss Duvalle?

Yes, Roy.

All right, everybody,
last time through
if we get it right.

Places!

[SIGHING]

Ready? And...

Action!

[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]

Cut!

What do you think?

It stinks.

You're not giving me
enough bang for my bucks.

And I want some more leaves
on the trees over there.

Okay, okay, let me cut.

All right, cut!

All right,
five minutes, everybody.

Miss Duvalle to makeup,
please.

And be sure to get your nails
touched up, darling.

Dan.

Will you just...When you get Vala in a shot,

I want it to be the best.Bernie,
I need more artistic freedom.

You know what? You had
more artistic freedom

when you were selling
women's shoes.

I have no authority
with the cast.

Every time I do something...As a matter of fact,
you did better

selling women's shoes
than you did
directing pictures.

Would you keep it down?
Nobody knows
I used to sell...

Will you keep it down?
Come on.

Oh, what the hell
is that now?

What is it?
What's going on?

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

What's going on here now,
Turner?

Maizie's dead.

She's been shot.

Shot?

Somebody's idea
of a bad joke.

Come on, sister,
we're wasting time. Get up.

Come on, sister, get...

These guns
are supposed to be
loaded with blanks.

Yeah,

but this one wasn't.

Where did it come from?

It's mine.

Bernie, what happened?
Somebody said...

VALA: Oh.

Dan,

why'd you do it?

I didn't do it, Roy.

You know I didn't.Of course not.

[STAMMERING]
Bernie, I know it looks bad,
but Dan would never...

Bernie, Bernie,
I'm sure Mr. Turner
couldn't possibly

have done something like this.BERNIE: Hey, hey, hey,
what is this?

Somebody call the police.
Help!

All right, that's it.
Everybody grow roots.

Well, damn it, Dan.
Everybody knew
about you and Maizie.

Old lovers' quarrel?

Hold it! Police!

Oh, good, Officers.
This is Dan Turner.

He's the killer.

Drop it! Quick!

Drop it, Turner.
Get your hands up
where I can see them.

Sure, boys.

I can explain this.

You just shut up, Turner.

Never mind your malarkey,
just keep your hands
real high.

You're making a mistake,
boys.

Sounds like he's
resisting arrest, Ned.Yeah.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Hey. There he is.
Let's go! Come on.

DAN: You're in trouble, pal.
The director said "action."

OFFICER: Halt!
You're under arrest!
Where is he?

Come on.

Well, go on, go on.

I'll wait here.

I'll nab him when
he comes down. Go on!

Ride inspector.

Ride inspector.

Police! Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Turner!

Police! You're under arrest!

Swell ride, huh?

I'm happy.

You happy?

Good.

[CLEARING THROAT]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMING]

First movie?

Oh.

My first, too.

Good fun, huh?

Pardon me. This is my stop.

[GROANS]

[GUN FIRING]

All right, Turner.
Stay right where you are

and move toward me slow.

OFFICER: Hey, I'm coming!

Get up! Keep going!

Halt! Police, halt!

Will you get out of there?
Come on!

Go on! Go on!

Come on, folks, follow me!

Hey, hold it, mister!
Where's your ticket?

You can't get on
without a ticket!

NED: Go on!Would you shut up, Ned?

Grove City police!
Get out of the way!

Look out!
Get out of the way!

Kid, I got to
get on that ride.

I know, but you need a ticket.
Where's your ticket?

You like cotton candy, kid?Yeah, I love it.

Here. Have yourself a ball.

Hey, mister,
there ain't no ticket here.

You can't get on
without a ticket.
Where's your ticket?

Go on, hurry up. Go on!

Where's your ticket?
You need a ticket.

I don't need a ticket.
I'm the police.

I don't care
about your rules.There's no way I can...

We got a man on
there right now...

BOY: Listen, I know that.
Now, look, Officer...

[SCREAMING]And another thing...

Ned,
would you put that thing away
before you hurt someone.

Listen, I want on the ride,
I'm the law,

and I want
these rides stopped.
Do you understand?

Get him, boy, get him!

He didn't have his ticket.Shut up!

Good fun, huh?

What do you wanna ride next?

Get him! Get him!

He's crazy.

Get out of my way!

Go on! Go on!

I've been working three years

and they both got on
without their tickets...Will you shut up?

You know,
if you don't sit down,

that little guy's
gonna stop this thing
and throw us both off.

There he is.NED: Go on!

There he is.

I can see him.
I can see him.

The one without the ticket.Will you shut up?

What happened?

Where'd he go? He's gone.

Where'd he go?

Oh, well, he didn't
have a ticket, anyway.

BOY: Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey. You're gonna
have to fill out a report.

You actually
got on that ride
without a ticket.

Ned, give me your gun.

Oh, boy!

Well,
I hope you're satisfied.

You lost him.

DAN: So now I was on the lam.

I couldn't go back
and get my Hertz jalopy.

And it was a big risk
just going back
to my rented digs,

but it was a risk
I had to take.

I had to have a heater
to replace the one

I dropped back at the park.

And a good shot of VAT 69
wouldn't hurt either.

I figured it would take
the cops a few more hours

before the coin dropped
and they came looking
for me here.

I was almost right
about that last part.

Welcome home, wise guy.

Well, hello, Dave.

Nice to see you.
Make yourself right at home.

What brings you up north?

My vacation.

I'm on a fishing trip.

Well, there're damn few
trout in here lately, Dave.

You know me, Turner.
I'm a curious guy.

So naturally,
when I hear my good pal
is wanted for murder,

I drop the rod and reel

and motor into town
to hear the details
first hand.

The cops here
are glad to have

a homicide detective
working with them.

How about a jolt?

I'm on duty.

Well, I won't rat on you.

It'll be our little secret.

By the way,

I'll have mine straight.

No mickey.

That's not a bad idea.

I wish I'd thought of it.

So,

why'd you do it?

I didn't.Who did?

I don't know.

Yet.

Was it your gun?

Yep.

But I didn't shoot it,
at Maizie or anyone else.

Then who did?

You already
asked me that once.

I told you before.
I don't know.

Yet.

You must have
somebody in mind.

Sure.
I got three somebodies.
Cromwell and Ballantyne...

Yeah, uh-huh.

They accuse you,
so you accuse them.

Clever.

I've got good reasons.

Who's the third somebody?

I don't know.

Yet.

Cute.

I like that.

Cromwell jobbed me
to stay around.

He could've slipped around
and gotten my gun,

leaving me for the fall guy.

Of course, nobody saw him
do that, did they?

And what about motive?

Why would
Paravox's top director
want to kill a bit player?

From what I understand,
he barely knew her.

[CHUCKLING]
But you...

Yeah, I know.

And how about
your other suspect?

Ballantyne?

Well, as far as I know,
he had an opportunity, too.

And he had good motive
to frame me,

he thought I was playing
patty cake with his girl,

Vala Duvalle.

DAVE: Did you?

I wish I had.

Then I wouldn't mind
taking this fall.

[SIGHING]

Interesting.

That it?

Yep.

Okay, then.

Let's go.

You mean, you're gonna
turn me over to the cops?

I am a cop, remember?But Dave...

Yeah, I know I'm a real heel.
It runs in my family.

I once pinched
my own grandmother
for robbing a blind man,

so stick your flippers
in these rippers
and be quick about it.

[GUN FIRING]

[BABY CRYING]

MAN: Hey,
what's going on out there?

[DOG BARKING]

DAN: Whoever fired
those shots was long gone.

Somehow I wasn't surprised.

About the only luck
I'd had so far

was that nobody
had stolen my Scotch.

Dave and I had been through
plenty together.

We'd had our differences,
but I was fond
of the big gazzbo.

Besides, if he croaked,
I'd probably be accused
of creaming him.

But maybe we both
had caught a lucky break.

It looked like the lead pill
had only grazed his head
which meant he wasn't dead.

He was out cold for a while,

but he was alive.

Operator, get me the police.

Police.

DAN: Hello, this is
Lieutenant Donaldson
of the Los Angeles Police.

Yes, sir?

I've got Dan Turner,
the gumshoe

who's wanted for homicide.

Well, that's good.
Good news.

Some of the boys
are mighty peeved
at him around here.

That's what I figure.
So, cancel the pickup order,

I got a feeling he's gonna
resist arrest all the way in.

You poke him one for me,
okay?

I'll do that. So long.

DAN: I figured that should
keep the cops off my back
for a while.

But I still had to move fast.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[BABY CRYING]

Mr. Turner?

Yeah.Well,
I hope you weren't asleep.

[STAMMERING]
It's Mr. Badger.
I manage the apartments.

Oh.

Sure.

Uh, what brings you out
at this hour, Mr. Badger?

A couple of my tenants just
got me up a few minutes ago.

They said they heard gunfire.

Of course,
it could've just have been

a truck backfiring.

[LAUGHING]
You know how people are.

I didn't hear a peep, chum.
It's a nice quiet place
you run here.

Not like Hollywood, I bet.Oh.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Exactly what do you do
with the film, Mr. Turner?

I don't believe
you're an actor.

At least,
I've never seen you
and I see a lot of pictures.

Well...

You must be a producer,
right?

That's right, I am.
And you know what?

There're filming
a very exciting sequence

over at the
amusement park tonight.

Really?
Is Vala Duvalle in it?

You bet.
And from what I've seen,

she's wearing a thin negligee
that leaves very little
to the imagination.

Holy smoke!How'd you like to see that?

Yes, I would.
Certainly. Of course.

It is rather late but I...

This is the best time to see
how movies are made.

Now, you rush right down there
and tell them

the producer said
you could watch.

And they'll
probably give you
a chair right up front.

About this close
to Vala Duvalle.

Thank you, Mr. Turner.
Thank you so much.

If there's ever anything
I can do for you, just...

[STAMMERING]
It's Badger.

[CHUCKLING]
Just like the animal.

[LAUGHING]
Oh. Like the animal.

That's a hot one,
Mr. Badger. So long.

[SIGHING]

Operator.

Get me the Limelight Club
in Hollywood.

♪♪[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello? DAN: Pedro?

Who is this?

This is Dan Turner.
I need some information,
tout de suite.

So?

It's about Maizie Murdock.
She was in your joint
the night of the raid.

She had some geek with her,
pasty complexion,

accused you
of loading the bones.

Roger Wilson, a small timer.

I threw him out
on his derriere.

He a regular?

No, he came in
with the Murdock girl.

She sort of likes him.

He's a little gambler, okay?

He loses his shirt,
a very small shirt,
and he goes home.

What about Roy Cromwell?

How often did he bring
Vala Duvalle to your place?

Two, three,
maybe six times.

[CHUCKLING]

He's a real snake eye shooter.

He couldn't make a point
with a sharp pencil.

Does he bet big?

Oh, when he bets big,
he bets big.

When he loses,
he loses his trousers.

Lose many pair lately?

A few more like him

and I could sell this joint
and retire in Acapulco.

[LAUGHING]

How about Vala Duvalle?
She play the tables?

A little. All right,
she just comes here
to be with him, I think.

They use that
private room a lot?

Just once.
That--That night
you were here.

Thanks, Pedro.
That's a help.

Au revoirand adios.

No. Call me anytime I'm busy.

Can you believe this guy?

DAN: Now, I had something
to sink my bridgework into.

If Wilson saw
the Duvalle chick

going into that room
with Roy Cromwell,

it was a gilt-edged
invitation to blackmail.

That's all right, Dave.

Don't get up.

[DOOR OPENS]

I wasn't any closer
to cracking this job,

but I had a big hunch
where to look next.

There was someone else
I was looking for.

A jealous little punk
who'd been with Maizie
the night of the raid.

Whenever someone gets croaked,
there's a motive.

Find the motive and your job
gets a whole lot easier.

This time I was pretty sure
if I found the blackmailer,

I'd have the killer, too.

You the hombre
that called for the cab?

That's me, sister.

Well, I'm it.

Hop in.

Holy mackerel.

DAN: Wait here, sweetheart.

Oh, another damn copper.

I might as well forget about
getting any sleep tonight.

[SIGHING]

How come cops
are always so ugly?

Except you, maybe.

I'm sorry, beautiful.
We're just doing our job.

No thanks. I'm on duty.

Where did...Where did
the little tart live?

Right down there in room 39.

With a fellow she said
was her husband.

[LAUGHING]
Oh, sure.

He's her husband.

I'm Mae West.

Thanks.

I appreciate it.

Hey,
you got any more questions,

my room's right here.

Thanks, doll-face, but,

but I got to get back
to headquarters.

So long.

Well,

so long.

MAN: Hello, thank you.

I keep playing like this,
I get myself a new tie.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

MAN: Here we go, hello...

MAN: Oh, my goodness.
You know,
this is a very...

DAN: There were voices
coming from inside
Maizie's room.

Loud ones. I didn't want
to stumble into any cops,

so I took a peek
through the curtains.

Oh, would you look at this?
My goodness, you know,
you get a whole new suit.

One of the crap shooters
was Roger Wilson,
no surprise there,

but what was he doing playing
dice with Maizie barely cold?

Raising money
for her funeral?

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Oh, what do you want?Police.

I'd like to ask you
a few questions

about your relationship
with Maizie Murdock.

You guys ever get tired?
I'm so sick of cops.

Maybe we're sick of you, too.

At least
we're trying to find out
who cooled your chick.

How many times do I got
to say the same thing
to you guys?

How about one more?

You know, I'm beginning
to think you're gonna
be uncooperative.

I wonder how cooperative
you'd be if I'd haul you
downtown.

Good choice.

Now, let's talk
about Maizie Murdock.

We was gonna be married.

Uh-huh.

Don't I know you?

I don't think so.

I checked your record
back in LA.

You and Maizie were involved
in a gambling raid back there
a few weeks ago.

I shoot craps once in a while.
So what?

So who else was there?

Lots of people were there.
All the swells go there.

Yeah, you'd fit right in.

Was Vala Duvalle there
the night of the raid?

I don't know. Maybe.
Why?

You know about
the private rooms?

[LAUGHING]

Everybody knows
about Pedro Criqui's
private rooms, mister.

You ever see Vala Duvalle
going in or coming out
of those rooms?

What does this got to do
with Maizie?

I'm conducting
a murder investigation,
mister.

Answer my questions.

You see Vala going in
or coming out of those rooms?

No.

DAN: You know,
I hated to admit it,

but I believed
the little creep.

He wasn't smart enough
to playact this one.

All right, Junior.

That's it, I guess.

Thanks for your help.

And don't leave town.

You ain't no copper.

All this talk about
the Limelight Club

and now I remember
where I saw you.

Yeah, this is the Hollywood
private dick.

The radio station says
this is the guy
that killed Maizie.

Sonny,
you're buying yourself
a whole lot of trouble.

Yeah? Hey guys,
come over here.

You wanna try that on me?

ROGER: Yeah, why don't
we kill the son of a...

We got him.
Wilson, you call the coppers.

Tell 'em...
Tell 'em we got their killer.

[SPITTING]

But he's beat up real bad.

[GROANING]

[THUDDING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

Cops. I want cops.

DAN: Come back here,
you weasel.

I told 'em to keep it down
in there.

[ALL GROANING]

Get up. Get up.

ROGER: Cops.

I'll see you later, doll-face.

ROGER: Hey!Oh, oh!

♪♪[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]

Well, you know
where you wanna go yet?

No. Just keep driving.

I got some high-octane
thinking to do.

It's your money, mister.

Say, I don't suppose
you'd like to tune that
into some Goodman or Basie.

Who?

You know,
something that swings,

or at least doesn't sound
like hog calling.

♪♪[WESTERN SWING MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]

Well, how's that?

I don't know.
What is it?

Mister, that's Bob Wills,
the king of western swing.

Pardon my ignorance.

Of course, Bob, he's out
in Hollywood these days,
making cowboy pictures.

That's what I'd like to do.

I can sing and ride
and rodeo.

Uh-huh.

You know, I've been hoping
one of those movie people
would get in my cab.

And now, here you are.Huh?

Well, it ain't exactly
as if I could help hearing
the broadcast about you.

They described you to a T,
Mr. Turner.

So, how come
you aren't motoring me
straight to the hoosegow?

I ain't exactly a big fan
of the cops around here.

Can I take it then that
you don't intend to blow
the whistle on me?

Nah, you seem like
a nice enough guy.

Besides, a girl's
got to make a living.

You know, you seem like
the type that would treat
a working girl right.

And maybe even
slip her a few extra bucks
for that trip to Hollywood?

That'd be right friendly
of you.

How's this?

Hey, thanks, mister.

Just keep driving
and stay off the main street.

And turn that radio down
a notch.

I need to do some thinking.

DAN: I started thinking
about what had happened
since Maizie's murder.

Some of it made sense,
but I kept coming back
to one thing.

Who would kill Maizie? Why?

[SIGHING]

Hmm. I can just smell
the rubber burning up here.

How's that?

You're thinking so hard,
you're about ready to blow
a hole through your hat.

My daddy used to say,

"If you're working so hard,
you're doing something wrong."

Well, what would your daddy
say when things happened
that didn't make sense?

"Life ain't nothing
but an accident
waiting to happen."

Your daddy seems like
a smart man, angel.

The name's Cindy Lou,
mister.

Well, thanks, Cindy Lou.

DAN: An accident?
Had somebody been
trying for me all along?

Instead of looking
for Maizie's murderer,

maybe I should've been
looking for someone

who wanted to make
worm food out of me.

We passed a carload of cops
back there.

I think they looked in
when you lit that butt.

[SIREN WAILING]

Oh, sure as shooting.
Here they come.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

You wanna race them?

Do you think
it'll do any good?

It might.

Let's see.

Yahoo!

They're gaining on us.

Can't you goose
this bucket anymore?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Right along this time
in the morning,

the city's got a water truck
that hoses down the streets.

Oh. Well,
how's that gonna help?

Watch this.

Look at her go.

Whoops.

Whoops, what?

Yonder comes another.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Hey, hey!
You're under arrest.

Hang on.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SHOUTING]

Hey, would it be worth
another ten bucks for them
to hit the fireplug?

Sure, but I don't know
what you want
with all this money.

The way you drive,
you're never gonna make it
all the way to Hollywood.

Watch this.

Well, I'll be.

How'd you know
they'd do that?

Just practice.

I used to spin the tractor
in the hog waller.

[GROANING]

Those boys probably
needed a bath anyway.

Now, where do you wanna go,
Mr. Turner?

To the hospital.

The hospital? How come?

For the nervous breakdown
I'm having.

You don't need the hospital,
here's what you need.

Go on, try it.
You might even like it.

[SNIFFING]

Are you sure I'm supposed
to drink this?

[COUGHING]

Yipes.

Feeling better already?

What is this?

Garlic wine.
My daddy made it hisself.

Kind of grows on you,
don't it?

My gosh, I think you're right.

I guess I owe you for this,
too.

No,
that one's on the house.

But you do owe me
the 20 bucks on the fireplug.

Ten.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, did you ever meet
Gene Autry up in Hollywood?

DAN: I was getting
used to Cindy Lou's
style of driving,

but I couldn't stay
in her cab all night.

I put my gray cells
back to work on the killing.

If I'd been
the intended target
at the amusement park

and then again
at my rented igloo,

then instead of
solving Maizie's murder
and the attempt on Donaldson,

I only had to figure out
who would want me croaked.

You've gotten awful quiet.
That garlic wine get to you?

No, I was just thinking.

Yeah?Uh-huh.

About a guy who thought
I got close to his sweetie

and then paid me
to keep an eye on her.

Is this man stupid?

No, doll.
He's a very smart guy.
Why do you ask?

Because he sent the fox
to guard the henhouse.

Now, that doesn't sound
exactly smart to me.

So, maybe he had
something else in mind.

Sweetheart,
you just said a mouthful.

Keep that motor purring, doll.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Yes?

Miss Vala Duvalle, please.

Miss Duvalle has
long since retired.

Well, you just trot her
out of retirement.

I wanna speak to her.

Now, see here!

When you say that you say
"Now, see here, sir."

How long has it been
since you've had
a good poke in the trumpet?

Well, let go of me,
you common thug,
or I shall call the police.

[GRUNTING]

Jackson? Jackson?
What's wrong?
I heard noises.

Oh.

Hi, toots. Remember me?

Of course, I remember you.

Where's Ballantyne?

Bernie's upstairs.

Sorry, sister. You're lying
through your teeth.

If he was,
he'd be down here by now.

What do you want?

Some answers.

Let's have a few drinks,
okay?

I should call the police
right now.

Sure you should.
Why don't you?

Mr. Turner,
it's late and I have
an early call tomorrow.

Why don't we stop
fencing with each other?

Why don't you tell me
what you want?

Right now,

I'd just like to save
my own neck.

Well, I don't give a damn
about your neck.

Look, doll,
about the blackmail.

You bastard!

Hey, take it easy.

Or what? You'll shoot me?

The goose that lays
your golden egg?

Get out!
Get out, you bastard!

You got your money.
What more do you want?

I'd like to earn it.

And to do that,
I've got to get you
out of trouble.

What're you talking about?
What trouble?

The trouble Bernie talked
to you about in his office
a few days ago.

The trouble that had you
leaving there in tears.

The same trouble he hired me
to investigate.

You know, trouble.

I...

I didn't...
I--I thought...

Oh please,
help me, Mr. Turner.
I don't know who to turn to.

JACKSON: [CLEARING THROAT]
Miss Duvalle?

Shall I call the...

No, no, no.
Everything's all right.

Uh, I shouldn't need you
anymore tonight, Jackson.

Yes, ma'am.

Mind if I help myself?

Of course not.

All right.

Who's been blackmailing you?

I really don't know.

They send me letters
telling me where
to leave the money.

Then if I fail, they--
they've threatened to
tell about Roy and me.

Look, you have to believe me.

All right, kitten.

Maybe I'm a sap.

But I believe you.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Turner.

I've been so frightened,
but now...

Can you help me?

Sure, I can.

I've already eliminated
every suspect except one.

Roy Cromwell himself.

That's crazy.

Why would Roy need
to blackmail anyone?

Why, he's the highest
paid director on the lot
at Paravox.

Besides,
he'd never tell Bernie.

That'd be cutting
his own throat.

That's the beauty of it.
Who would ever suspect him?

And as for the money,
sure he makes big dough,

but he blows it all
on gambling.

No, no. That's too vile.

You're saying that

he made love to me

just so he could
blackmail me?

That's right.

I'm sorry, kitten.

You deserve better.

No, it's not possible.

It's unthinkable.

Who else knew you'd be
in Pedro's passion pit
that one evening?

Sure, it's Roy Cromwell.

He squired you around,
jockeyed you into position,

and then sent you
those blackmail notes.

There's no way
you'd ever suspect him.

Why, that...

You said it.

And on top of that,
he tried to pawn you off
on me that night at Pedro's.

And when those pictures
came out,

Bernie got plenty sore at me.
I guess he still is.

Bernie's not a forgiving man.

If he thinks he owes you,
he'll get you.

Believe me.
I found that out.

Sure.

That's why
he tried to frame me
for Maizie's murder.

Thanks for the powwow.
Where's Bernie now?

He's, uh, he has a hotel room
near the set.

I'm quite sure he's not alone.

He's never been
faithful to me.

Our marriage was just a matter
of public relations to him.

That's tough to figure.

A gorgeous doll like you.

Thank you.

I'm glad you think so.

I hope you don't think I'm...

I think you're fine.

Thank you, Dan.

May I call you Dan?

Angel, you kiss me
like that again,

you can call me Doris.

DAN: Not many guys
get a shot
at a real live goddess.

I wouldn't have been human
if I was able to say no
to Vala.

And I'm as human
as the next kink.

But sooner or later,
my mind had to get back
to business.

If Roy was the blackmailer,
it made sense

that he would try to kill me
to keep me from finding out.

Except I knew Roy
and while he had
a whole lot of faults,

he was a damn good shot
with a pistol.

Miss me twice
from close range?

Not Roy.
But who did that leave?

Who wanted me dead that bad?

Not just out of the way,
but dead.

I was beginning to think
there was only one answer
to that question.

And I didn't much like it.

I was pretty sure
I had the whole thing
solved now.

But before
I could be positive,

I had to get everyone on deck
for the big blow-off.

[DIALING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Was I gone that long?

Yes, sir, Mr. Turner.
You surely were.

You must've had
an awful lot of questions.

Well, I'm back now.
With some answers.

Uh-huh.
With lipstick on your ear?

Get in.

You know
how you make gunpowder?

No. I buy mine ready-made.

You pour in
all the ingredients
and you stir 'em up.

Oh, you've been stirring up
the ingredients, huh?

Yep. And now I'm about
to set a match to 'em.

You think you can find me
a telephone?

We're practically there.

A juke joint, huh?
Good idea.

It's a little past
closing time,

but I know
there's a phone in here.

♪♪[CLARANCE HUMMING]

[WATER SLOSHING]

Hey, Clarance,
okay to use your telephone?

Sure, hon.
Go right ahead.
You know where it's at.

Phone's over there.

This shouldn't take long.

♪♪[HUMMING]

Hello, is Roy Cromwell in?

Of course,
I know what time it is.

I'm his producer,
Bernie Ballantyne.

Well, you tell him
I'll be by a little later.

And daddy loves this one,

[RINGING]and I love this one,
oh, and I love...

I don't believe this.
Get that for me.
Will you, baby doll?

And I love this one.

Oh, and save that big one
for me.

Hello? Bernie? Turner here.

Oh, Turner, you got
a lot of guts calling me.

Keep your shirt on,
half-pint.

I know who's been putting
the squeeze on your girl.

Vala?

You know who's been
blackmailing Vala?

You bet.

It's your hired hand,
Roy Cromwell.

He needed a wad of scratch
for some gambling debts,

so he got her
in a compromising situation

and tried to blackmail her
for it.

What?

Don't worry. She's clean.
But it looks real bad.

Have you told this
to anybody else?

Not yet.

And here's something else
you can chew on.

I know who got my gun
back at the amusement park.

Your gun? You mean...

That's right.
That's just what I mean.

Goombye.

Get me the police.

DAN: I'd like to speak
to Lieutenant Donaldson
from Los Angeles.

Is he around?

You better believe it.

He got a bandage
on his head,

makes him
look like a swami.

Hey, Lieutenant?
It's for you.

This is Lieutenant Donaldson.

Hi, Dave. Guess who.

Turner.
Well, I'll be a...

Sure,
you probably already are one.

Listen, Dave, I've cracked
the Murdock killing.
I need you but quick.

Oh, yeah?
I'd just love to see you, pal.

I'd love to see you
in a nice, warm cell.

Cut the comedy, Dave.
I got the killer.

The same citizen
who nicked your noggin.

I'd love to stay
and chat longer,

but I'm on my way
to Cromwell's.

If you wanna
be in on the finish,
I suggest you meet me there.

So long.

OFFICER: He hung up before
I could trace the call,
Lieutenant.

One more stop, doll.
And that should wrap it up.

Then let's ramble.

[SIGHING]

You'd better scram now, hon.

Things could heat up
around here in a big hurry.

Okay, Mr. Turner.

Well, look,
if you're sure...

I'm sure.

Skedaddle on out of here
and thanks, baby.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

Been wanting to do that
all night, Mr. Turner.

Looks like every girl in town
has gotten in ahead of me.

Well, it was worth the wait.

Maybe I'll see you
out in Hollywood, huh?

Kiss like that
and you can count on it.

Listen, when you get
down to Hollywood,
you give me a call.

I'm in the book.

I'll take you
to the Brown Derby.

Lash La Rue eats there.

You make it a date,
Mr. Turner.

Goodbye.

DAN: It wasn't too hard
to find the little shanty

that Paravox had rented
for Roy Cromwell.

It was almost as nice
as Vala Duvalle's digs,

but I didn't have
much time to admire it.

I had company.

Well, hi there, Dave.

DAVE: Put 'em where
I can see 'em, Turner.

Sure thing.

You must've burned rubber
getting over here.
You guys made good time.

Be careful how you handle
that thing, chum.

It could go off.

So, this is what
you shot me with.

Oh, come on, Dave.
You know that wasn't me.

You're gonna stand out here
and jaw at me all night

or can we go indoors
for the payoff?

This is the payoff,
smart guy.

Slip the bracelets on him.

Okay.

But don't blame me
when this case
blows up in your kisser.

The next kill
will be your fault.

What next kill?

Right here
in Cromwell's shanty.

I've sicced the killer on him.

And judging from the extra
chariot in the driveway,

Cromwell's got a visitor
right now.

I've done my part.
It's your picnic now, Dave.

All right. Come on,
but the handcuffs stay on.
Keep an eye out.

If anyone else shows up,
escort them inside.

Let's go.

Uh-uh.

It doesn't pay to advertise.

So how do you propose
to get in, smart guy?

Well, it's your collar, Dave,

but if I were you,
I'd try the doorknob.

Turner, if this is some
wild goose chase...

Come on.

CROMWELL: All right,
all right, I admit it.
I did it.

But try to understand.
I needed the money.

Can't you understand that?

I had to have the money.
I was in debt to loan sharks.

I'll make it up to you.
I will.

I'll get the money back.
I swear I will.

Just please,
put that gun down! No!

[GUN FIRING]No!

This is the police!
It's all over.

[GRUNTING]

DAVE: Get up.

Slowly.

You okay, Turner?

Nothing's broken.

VALA: You!

Yeah. Me, kitten.

Just in time to keep you
from icing someone else.

VALA: How did you know?

The Raven Red.

My nail polish?

What's this, uh,
nail polish malarkey?

In a minute, Dave.

You thought
I was the blackmailer,
didn't you?

At least, at first.

When I made that crack
in Ballantyne's office,

something about
getting paid dividends

for telling tales,
you took it for real.

You were already being
bled by somebody.

You figured it was me.

Well, don't stop now.

And the way
I figure it is,

when you came on location here
and saw that I trailed you,

you got plenty hot.

Hot enough to cream me,
only you missed.

And got Maizie Murdock
instead.

No. I--I didn't.

Sure you did.

And then you came
back to my place later
and tried again.

It's a good thing
you're just a lousy shot.

Depends on who you talk to,
Sherlock.

And that's about it.
Except for the nail polish.

I still don't understand.

Raven Red.
It's what made me
tumble to the whole thing.

It's hard to forget.

And I've been wearing
the same brand myself lately.

You're wearing
nail polish now, Turner?

When I called on you
a little while ago,

I was hoping to get
the goods on Bernie.

At the time, I had him
tabbed for the killer.

But then
I saw your nail polish
on the dressing table.

It's the same color
as the nail polish

that was on my gun
when Maizie got shot.

And you were just
coming back from makeup
with a fresh coat of powder,

lipstick,
and Raven Red nail polish.

A perfect match.

The company that makes it
does special custom jobs
for rich customers.

It's a rare color.
I bet they made this one
especially for you, doll.

Once I had that much,
the rest was easy.

I told you Cromwell
was the blackmailer,

although I wasn't quite sure
it was true at the time.

I figured
you'd haul over here

and try to cream him
like you did me,

only you missed and shot
Maizie Murdock instead.

I guess murder gets easier
each time you try.

I'm sorry, kitten.

And I mean that.

I could've gone for you
in a big way, Dan.

It would never work.

You'd always be wondering
how much I knew

and what I was gonna
do about it.

And I'd always be
waiting for you to try
just one more time.

OFFICER:
I told you to stay out!

BERNIE: I'll go
anywhere I want!

I rent this place.
Hey, watch the coat!

DAVE: Oh, let him go.

What the hell's going on
in here?

Vala, honey, baby, honey.

Oh, Bernie.

What's wrong?

Oh, honey, don't worry.
What's wrong?

Turner, what the hell's
going on here?

I'm sorry, Ballantyne,
but your girl's headed
for the slammer.

What're you saying to me?

Your fair-haired boy here
was blackmailing her,

and she couldn't take it.

She thought
I was the guilty party
and tried to kill me.

Only she missed and nailed
Maizie Murdock.

If you ask me,
it's all Cromwell's fault.

Dan, what're you saying?
I thought we were pals.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Cromwell,

I don't know any of this
what he's telling me,
but I do know one thing.

You don't work
for Paravox anymore.

Bernie, I can explain.And I'll tell you
another thing.

By the time
I get through with you,

you'll be lucky to get
a job selling popcorn.

[SCOFFING]
Blackmail,

my tuchus.

[GROANING]

[GASPING]

I can't believe this.
I just can't believe this.

You know,
I think he means it.

[GASPING]

DAN: He did mean it, too.

The very next day,
a new director
took over the picture.

Of course, it wasn't the same
without Vala Duvalle.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

That night Dave Donaldson
and I took a train back
where we belong.

Dave and I still
didn't see eye to eye
on a lot of things,

but we both knew what to do

when the drinks were
on Bernie Ballantyne.

Bernie had a lot
of favors called in
and the last I heard,

Roy Cromwell was parking
cars at a joint over
on the strip.

The Duvalle cutie,
on the other hand,
got lucky.

Ballantyne got her
the best lawyers
his lettuce could buy

and even though
the gossip journals
had her getting life,

the jury only sent her
away for 10 years

on an involuntary
manslaughter charge.

Even if she served
the whole 10 and a couple
dozen more on top of it,

I'd bet she'd still look great
when she got out.

Vala Duvalle, what a woman.

Still, sometimes it's funny
how things work out.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Well, now, I see Rufus
has found his way home.

I'm really kind of
busy now, doll.

All right, Dan Turner.
None of your monkeyshines.

No, ma'am.

Look, why don't you put
your jacket on?

There's a table waiting
at the Brown Derby
with our name on it.

Let 'em wait.

DAN: Yes, sir.
Sometimes it's funny
how things work out.