Damned River (1989) Movie Script

[THUNDER]

[BIRD CRIES]

[SPEAKING BANTU LANGUAGE]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

HEY, MUSCLE MAN,

HOW ABOUT A HAND?

SHE'S TALKING

TO YOU, JER.

YEAH, RIGHT.

BE RIGHT THERE,

BABE.

EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU

FOR WHITE WATER EXPEDITIONS?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELCOME TO ZIMBABWE.

I'M MAVUSO.

LET ME GIVE YOU

A HAND.

OH, SURE. THANKS.

THE CAR'S THIS WAY.

FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MADAM.

WELCOME TO

VICTORIA FALLS HOTEL.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

ONCE YOU'VE FRESHENED UP,

WE'LL TAKE YOU

TO SEE THE FALLS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

ANYTHING SO BEAUTIFUL?

YES.

"THY TEMPLE

IS THE FACE OF DAY,

"EARTH, OCEAN, HEAVEN

THY BOUNDLESS THRONE."

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

LORD BYRON.

WHO'S HE,

SOME ROCK STAR?

YOU KNOW BYRON?

CERTAINLY.

OH, MAN,

26 HOURS ON A PLANE,

TWO DAYS ON A TRAIN,

AND NOW I GOT TO WAKE UP

AT THE CRACK OF DAWN?

WHAT IS THIS,

VACATION OR DEATH CAMP?

LAST NIGHT YOU THOUGHT

IT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER

THE 25 KAMIKAZES?

[SPEAKING

BANTU LANGUAGE]

MISSED AGAIN.

GOOD MORNING.

BRIGHT AND SHINING, I SEE.

THIS IS RAY, YOUR GUIDE.

HI.

ANNE.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HI, RAY.

I'M CARL.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

JERRY LANCE.

HA HA HA!

EXCUSE ME.

IT'S $220.20.

220, HUH?

WHAT THE HELL

DO YOU WANT?

YOU'RE PUSHING

YOUR LUCK, RAY.

KEEP IT UP, AND I'LL

MAKE YOU WISH

YOU HAD NEVER GOT

OUT OF KINSHASA.

RAY!

THERE ARE SOME ELEPHANTS

RIGHT OVER THERE.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

WHERE?

UP AHEAD THERE.

A BABY ONE, YEAH.

THAT WOULD SLOW THINGS DOWN

ON THE FREEWAY.

HA HA HA!

THIS IS AMAZING.

I WAS EXPECTING

FOUR MEN.

YEAH, WELL, A FRIEND OF OURS

WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMING,

BUT HE HAD TO DROP OUT

AT THE LAST MINUTE.

ANNE'S A FRIEND

OF MINE.

SHE'S RAFTED

BACK IN THE STATES.

A FRIEND OF YOURS?

YOU GUYS ARE

LIVING TOGETHER.

OUR TOOTHBRUSHES

ARE LIVING TOGETHER.

THIS RIVER CAN

BE PRETTY TOUGH.

DO YOU THINK

YOU CAN HANDLE IT?

HEY, I CAN HANDLE

ANYTHING THESE GUYS

CAN HANDLE.

[SINGING IN BANTU LANGUAGE]

HEY, IT'S

THE ROCK 'N' ROLL CARAVAN.

[SPEAKING BANTU LANGUAGE]

CHECK THAT DUDE OUT.

YOU TALK ABOUT FULL DRAG.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

A RAFTER WAS KILLED

ON THE RIVER.

KILLED?

THE VILLAGERS

BELIEVE THE RIVER

IS A LIVING THING,

SO THEY MUST SOOTHE

ITS AGITATED SOUL.

DOUBT IT DOES ANY GOOD.

THE RIVER'S STILL

A BITCH AND A HALF.

I'M GOING TO

GET A PICTURE.

LOOK AT THOSE TITS.

[HORN HONKS]

COME ON, LET'S GO.

THE BIG CROCODILES

ONLY GET FED

ONCE A MONTH.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'VE GOT TO EAT

FIVE TIMES A DAY,

OR ELSE MY STOMACH

STARTS TO DIGEST ITSELF.

HEY! HEY!

THE CROCS

DOWN THE RIVER

SOMETIMES GO

AS LONG AS A YEAR

BETWEEN MEALS.

ON THE RIVER?

NOT WHERE

WE'RE GOING.

SURE. BY THEN

THEY'RE REAL HUNGRY.

[SINGING

IN BANTU LANGUAGE]

[LAUGHTER]

[SPEAKING

BANTU LANGUAGE]

WHAT IS IT?

[SPEAKING

BANTU LANGUAGE]

NYAME-NYAME.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER.

WHAT--

SHE'S TALKING ABOUT

THE SMOKE THAT THUNDERS,

MOSI-OA-TUNYA.

THAT'S WHAT WE CALL

THE RIVER.

OH. WHAT'S SHE SAY

ABOUT IT?

SHE SAYS

THERE'S A DANGER.

I SUPPOSE SHE'S AFRAID

BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN.

OH, WELL, I'LL BE FINE.

NO. THANK YOU. I'LL BE FINE.

KEEP YOUR LIFE JACKETS

BUCKLED AT ALL TIMES

WHILE YOU'RE IN THE RAFT.

NOW,

SHOULD SOMEONE FALL IN--

SOMEBODY USUALLY DOES--

ROLL ONTO YOUR BACK

AND POINT YOUR FEET DOWNSTREAM.

THE THREE OF US HAVE RUN

QUITE A FEW RIVERS

BACK IN THE STATES.

HE'S THE ONLY BEGINNER.

NOW, IF THE RAFT DOES FLIP,

STAY WITH IT

AND TRY TO CLIMB ON TOP.

IF YOU DO GET SEPARATED

FROM THE RAFT,

SWIM TO SHORE

AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

THERE'S CROCODILES OUT HERE

IN THE POOLS BETWEEN THE RAPIDS,

AND THEY CAN GET

PRETTY NASTY.

ONCE YOU GET TO SHORE,

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

WE'RE GOING TO BE PASSING

THROUGH SOME VERY WILD COUNTRY,

UNFRIENDLY AT TIMES,

AND YOUR BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL

IS RIGHT HERE ON THE RIVER.

SURVIVAL? WHAT THE HELL

IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

RELAX, MAN.

IT'S JUST THE RAP,

LIKE DISNEYLAND,

YOU KNOW?

NOW, I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW

MY INSTRUCTIONS AT ALL TIMES,

OTHERWISE,

SERIOUS TROUBLE CAN RESULT.

YOU KNOW, COULD I

INTERJECT SOMETHING HERE?

I'M NOT TOO HIP

TO SERIOUS TROUBLE.

SERIOUS PARTYING,

ABSOLUTELY.

SERIOUS TROUBLE,

I DON'T THINK SO.

HOW MANY

CLASS-FIVE RAPIDS

WE GOING TO HIT?

CLASS-FIVE?

YEAH.

WELL, ON THIS RIVER,

THAT CLASS-FIVE SHIT

DOESN'T COUNT.

YOU EITHER MAKE IT

OR YOU DON'T.

THAT'S ALL

THERE IS TO IT.

AND YOUR CLIENTS

USUALLY MAKE IT,

RIGHT, RAYMOND?

LET'S LOAD UP.

I'LL TAKE THAT

AS A YES.

WAIT A MINUTE. I WANT TO

GET A SHOT BEFORE WE GO.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND.

COME ON.

COME ON, LUKE,

QUIT POWER-LOUNGING.

OK. MAVUSO,

OVER THERE.

COME ON.

RAY, YOU'RE

IN THIS, TOO.

NO, I DON'T GO

FOR THAT STUFF.

COME ON, RAY,

WE GOT TO GET A SHOT

OF OUR FEARLESS GUIDE

FOR POSTERITY.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT,

EVERYBODY.

COME ON.

COME ON. QUICK!

HURRY UP. HURRY UP.

OK. EVERYBODY SAY "SEX."

[CLICK]

OH, RAY, YOU MOVED.

NOW I'VE GOT TO

DO IT AGAIN.

WHAT DO YOU SEE,

AN ANIMAL?

A COUPLE OF THEM.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I GOT A JOB TO DO.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS

TOO MANY TIMES, RAY.

I'VE BEEN REAL PATIENT WITH YOU,

BUT THAT'S OVER NOW.

GREAT. THEN MAYBE

I WON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT

YOUR UGLY ASS ANYMORE.

I DON'T THINK

I LIKE THIS.

THIS IS A GREAT WAY

TO START A VACATION.

A THRILL A MINUTE.

DON'T PUSH ME.

I DON'T WANT TO

HAVE TO GET TOUGH.

YOU DON'T SCARE ME,

VON HOENIGEN.

YOU NEVER DID,

AND YOU NEVER WILL.

TAKE IT EASY, RAY.

THIS ISN'T HELPING ANYTHING.

SHUT UP. LET ME

TAKE CARE OF THIS.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

YOU SAID--

I KNOW. I CHANGED

MY MIND, OK?

THEN YOU FIND YOURSELF

ANOTHER MAN.

I'M SORRY.

I WON'T BE JOINING YOU.

ENJOY THE RIDE.

HOW COME?

I WON'T BE

NEEDING HIM ANYWAY.

ONCE WE'RE ON THE RIVER,

IT'LL ALL BE FORGOTTEN,

WON'T IT?

WHO WERE

THOSE GUYS?

THEY'RE NOBODIES.

YOU KNOW,

I'D WORRY ABOUT

LEAVING YOUR TRUCK THERE

IF I WERE YOU.

YOU AIN'T ME.

HA HA!

WELL, WE'RE

ON OUR WAY, GUYS.

SAY GOOD-BYE

TO CIVILIZATION.

SEVEN DAYS

WITH NO MTV?

THERE'S THE LAST

TRAIL OUT.

120 MILES

TILL THE NEXT ONE.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT

THIS FIRST RAPID.

WE CALL IT LUCKY SEVEN.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOT SO LUCKY.

FIRST WE DRIFT DOWN

TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS QUARTER

WITH THE BACK END

OF THE BOAT TOWARDS ZIMBABWE.

WE'RE GOING TO SWIVEL AROUND AND

BACK IN BEHIND INDICATOR ROCK,

PULLING BACK TOWARDS ZAMBIA.

WE'RE GOING TO SHOOT DOWN TO

THE MIDDLE OF THE GREEN HIGHWAY.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BIG BURST

OF WATER COMING IN ON US.

WHOA!

YEAH!

WHOA!

WOO!

THAT'S LUCKY SEVEN!

WOO!

ALL RIGHT!

YEAH! WOO!

THAT MAKES

THE COLORADO

LOOK LIKE A CREEK.

HA HA HA!

LOOK, A PETROGLYPH.

OH.

THAT'S NYAME-NYAME,

ZAMBEZI RIVER GUIDE,

HAND-CARVED

BY THE MATABELE TRIBE

HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.

WHAT WAS THAT?

ZAM DOLLAR

FOR THE RIVER GUIDE.

WHEN THEY BUILT

THE KARIBA DAM,

LOCALS SAY IT SEPARATED

NYAME-NYAME FROM HIS WIFE.

HE'S BUSTED THE DAM

TWO TIMES SO FAR.

IT PAYS TO BE

ON HIS GOOD SIDE.

HOW ROMANTIC. HE FEELS

SUCH PASSION FOR HIS WIFE.

YEAH, IF YOU BELIEVE

THAT KIND OF SHIT.

HA HA HA!

"WHERE'ER WE TREAD

'TIS HAUNTED, HOLY GROUND;

"NO EARTH OF THINE

IS LOST IN VULGAR MOULD,

"BUT ONE VAST REALM OF

WONDER SPREADS AROUND,

AND ALL THE MUSE'S TALES

SEEM TRULY TOLD..."

NERD POLICE!

YOU ARE BUSTED!

WE'RE TOO FAR AWAY.

CAN WE GO BACK?

I'D RATHER NOT.

WHY NOT?

GHOST RIDER'S

RIGHT AHEAD UP HERE.

WHY CAN'T WE GO BACK?

IT'LL JUST TAKE

A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

I'LL TELL YOU WHY NOT.

BECAUSE THE INSCRUTABLE

DUDE OF THE WILDERNESS

SAYS WE CAN'T.

HA HA HA HA!

WOO!

WHOA!

WOO! YEAH!

GET OVER! GET OVER!

GET OFF ME!

KEEP ROWING.

GET OFF ON THE ROCKS

AND PULL US IN.

YOU DAMN FOOL.

WHAT THE HELL ARE

YOU TRYING TO DO?

I'M SORRY, RAY.

I'M SORRY.

I GOT A MIND

TO THRASH YOU AND SMEAR

YOUR FAT FUCKING ASS

ALL OVER THIS RIVER

LIKE JELLO.

HEY, CALM DOWN, RAY.

HE JUST LOST HIS BALANCE.

THAT'S ALL.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DON'T YOU GET IT?

WE ALMOST GOT WASTED

BACK THERE.

YEAH? WELL, THERE'S WAYS

OF DEALING WITH IT

WITHOUT FLYING

OFF THE HANDLE.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL

IN THIS TOGETHER.

LOOK, I'M SORRY, RAY.

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

I'M JUST CLUMSY.

THAT'S ALL.

HEY, IT WAS JUST

A MISTAKE, RAY.

THAT TEMPER OF YOURS IS

A HELL OF A LOT MORE DANGEROUS

THAN ANYTHING HE DID.

WELL, I GOT HIS

ATTENTION, DIDN'T I?

THIS IS LIKE

SLAVE LABOR, CARL.

I FEEL LIKE

I'M ON A CHAIN GANG.

THIS IS WORK,

JERRY, REMEMBER?

THAT THING YOU'RE

SUPPOSED TO DO

FOR THE REST

OF YOUR LIFE.

AND WHAT IS THIS STUFF

ABOUT KICKING MY FAT ASS

ALL OVER THE RIVER

LIKE JELLO?

THIS GUY IS LUCKY

WE NEED HIM.

OTHERWISE, I WOULD

KICK HIS BUTT.

WHEN YOU GET DONE

KICKING HIS BUTT,

PUT THESE IN

THE OTHER SIDE FOR ME,

WILL YOU?

OH, NOW YOU, TOO.

GREAT. IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ABOUT WHAT?

RAY BACK THERE

IN THE RAPIDS.

HE'S A STRANGE GUY.

I GUESS IT GOES

WITH THE TERRITORY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

CHOOSING

TO LIVE OUT HERE,

APART FROM SOCIETY.

IMAGINE WHAT HE'D DO

IF SOMEBODY REAR-ENDED HIM

ON THE FREEWAY.

I'M NOT SO SURE

HE ISN'T RIGHT, THOUGH.

ABOUT WHAT?

THINK OF ALL THE HASSLES

WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

I'LL BET YOU

HE DOESN'T EVEN FILE

AN INCOME TAX RETURN.

RAY WOULD MAKE

AN INTERESTING CHARACTER

IN ONE OF YOUR BOOKS.

YEAH, HE WOULD.

EARTHY AND POWERFUL.

KIND OF

AN ANIMALISTIC

MAGNETISM

LIKE, UH, BUTEAU

IN ZOLA'S LA TERRE.

YEAH.

WHAT WERE YOU GUYS

TALKING ABOUT

UP THERE, ANYWAY?

WHO?

YOU AND LUKE.

NOTHING.

WE WERE JUST TALKING.

HEY, KIDS,

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

LOBSTER THERMIDOR.

HMM.

OH, MY GOD.

CROCODILE.

WHAT?

CROCODILE!

OH, JERRY!

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHAT A BOZO.

UH! UH!

SEE? HE DOES THIS SHIT

ALL THE TIME.

[YELLING]

DID YOU READ

THIS THING?

UH-UH.

LISTEN TO THIS.

"AFTER A THRILLING DAY

"ON THE WILD AND UNTAMED

ZAMBEZI RIVER,

"YOU'LL SETTLE DOWN IN FRONT

OF A BLAZING CAMPFIRE.

"FOLLOWING A HEARTY--"

THANK YOU--

"AND DELICIOUS MEAL,

"AND AN EVENING

OF GOOD COMPANIONSHIP"?

THAT'S GOT TO

BE A MISPRINT.

"YOU'LL BE READY

FOR A RESTFUL SLEEP

"BENEATH THE MYRIAD OF STARS

THAT TWINKLE ABOVE

ONE OF THE LARGEST AREAS OF

UNTRACKED WILDERNESS IN AFRICA."

DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

IN THERE ABOUT A COLD

CASE OF BREWSKIS

AND A COUPLE

OF FRENCH STEWARDESSES,

DOES IT?

YOU KNOW, RAY,

I ENVY YOU THIS LIFE,

OUT IN THE OPEN,

BREATHING CLEAN AIR,

PLENTY OF EXERCISE.

WOULDN'T BE HARD

TO GIVE UP THE LAW

FOR SOMETHING

LIKE THIS.

YEAH?

WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

MY CAREER.

I GOT RESPONSIBILITIES.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

GOT YOUR LIFE

ALL MAPPED OUT,

DO YOU?

NO, NOT REALLY.

TOO MANY THINGS I'M INTERESTED

IN JUST TO NARROW IT DOWN.

CAN'T MAKE UP

YOUR MIND?

WELL, I'VE GOT

A DEGREE IN OCEANOGRAPHY,

BUT I REALLY LIKE

PHOTOJOURNALISM,

AND I LIKE ANTHROPOLOGY,

PRIMITIVE ART.

THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS.

[JERRY]

HEY, THIS IS

PRETTY GOOD CHOWSKI.

YOU'RE

A GOOD CHEF, RAY.

OF COURSE,

THAT'S COMING FROM A GUY

WHO THINKS YOU FIND VELVEETA

IN THE GOURMET SECTION

OF A SUPERMARKET.

DON'T YOU?

NO.

A LAWYER, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT RUNNING

SOMEBODY OUT OF BUSINESS?

WELL, I'D NEED A LITTLE

MORE INFORMATION.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE WHO YOU WANT TO

PUT OUT OF BUSINESS.

IT'S NOT ME.

IT'S THIS OTHER GUY.

SON OF A BITCH IS TRYING

TO RUN ME OFF THE RIVER.

HOW ABOUT

THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES?

CAN'T THEY HELP YOU OUT?

NO, HE'S GOT

TOO MANY FRIENDS.

I WAS THE FIRST MAN

ON THIS RIVER.

NOW THEY'RE TRYING

TO TAKE MY BUSINESS.

DON'T SEEM RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW

THIS COUNTRY'S

BUSINESS LAWS,

BUT UNLESS HE'S

GOT SOME SORT OF

EXCLUSIVE LICENSE

TO OPERATE

ON THE RIVER,

ANY INTERFERENCE

FROM HIM

COULD LEAVE HIM OPEN

TO LITIGATION.

IN OTHER WORDS, RAY,

YOU CAN SUE HIS ASS.

SO YOU'RE SAYING

I NEED A JUDGE

TO TELL ME WHO'S RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT

THE LEGAL SYSTEM'S FOR.

I ALREADY KNOW

WHO'S RIGHT.

HEY, THIS FOOD'S

REAL GOOD, RAY.

YEAH,

INTERESTING FLAVOR.

WHAT IS THIS MEAT?

I RECOGNIZE THIS.

IT'S A POTATO.

NO, SERIOUSLY,

WHAT IS THIS MEAT?

LET ME GUESS.

GAZELLE? KUDU?

HIPPO.

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN.

YEAH?

IT'S CROC.

CROCODILE. FLAT DOG.

HMM.

WELL, IT'S GOOD, RAY.

I CAN'T DENY THAT.

BUT I THINK TOMORROW

WE COULD ALL GO FOR

A NICE T-BONE STEAK

WITH SAUTEED MUSHROOMS.

YEAH. BAKED POTATO ACTION.

SOME SOUR CREAM.

YEAH. SOME PRAWNS, MAN.

PRAWNS.

SHH, SHH, SHH,

SHH, SHH.

MUST BE AN ANIMAL.

IF IT'S ANYTHING

BIGGER THAN A COCKROACH,

I'M DEFINITELY

OUT OF MY ELEMENT.

THE BROCHURE SAYS BABOONS,

WILDEBEEST, IMPALA...

GOD, I'D LOVE

TO SEE A LION.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

ON TV.

NO. ANIMALS

WON'T ATTACK YOU

UNLESS THEY'RE PROVOKED

OR HUNGRY.

HEY, DIDN'T THAT GUY

AT THE HOTEL

SAY THAT SOMEBODY

SAW A WHOLE PRIDE

OF THEM AROUND HERE?

YEAH.

NO SHIT?

NO. THEY

MAULED SOME GUY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

YEAH, LIKE

THREE DAYS AGO.

THERE WAS NOTHING

LEFT OF HIM.

YEAH, JUST HIS

GREEN SWEAT SHIRT.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

THAT IS NOT FUNNY.

THAT YOU, RAY?

MORE STEW?

JESUS!

NO, THANKS.

NO. ME NEITHER.

NO, I'M FINE.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT DID YOU SEE

OUT THERE?

WELL, WHATEVER'S OUT

THERE'S GOT TROUBLE

IF IT TRIES MESSING

WITH OLD RIVER RAT RAY.

RIVER RAT RAY.

[MEN LAUGHING]

HI, HONEY.

HI.

SORRY. UH, JUST

A LITTLE MALE BONDING.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

SURE. NO PROBLEM.

SO, ARE YOU GLAD

YOU CAME?

OF COURSE.

ARE YOU GLAD I CAME?

YEAH. SURE I'M GLAD.

BUT YOU'D LIKE IT BETTER

IF IT WAS JUST THE BOYS.

NO! NO, NO, NO,

OF COURSE NOT.

GOOD NIGHT.

[SIGH]

GOD, IT'S AMAZING.

LOOKING UP AT THE STARS

AND SEEING THEIR CONSTELLATIONS

UPSIDE-DOWN LIKE THAT.

WE'RE IN AFRICA, BUDDY.

YOU KNOW, FOR TWO PEOPLE

THAT ARE HUMPING

LIKE YARD DOGS,

THEY'RE NOT MAKING

MUCH NOISE.

MAYBE THEY'RE

NOT HUMPING.

JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT CENTURY ARE YOU

LIVING IN, BUD?

YOU KNOW, JERRY,

SOMETIMES TWO PEOPLE

COULD HAVE SOME FORM

OF COMMUNICATION

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE

GENITALIA.

UH-HUH. YOU KNOW

WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT CARL IN THERE.

BWANA DICK.

THE GUY'S GOT A DICK

LIKE A HARLEY-DAVIDSON.

YOU GOT TO KICK IT

TO START IT!

SHH! THEY'RE

GOING TO HEAR YOU.

GOOD. MAYBE SHE'LL

COME OUT AND SERVICE US,

TOO, HUH?

JESUS, JERRY!

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE

ALL THE CLASS OF A BABOON.

AT LEAST

I'M NOT TURNING

INTO AN OLD MAID.

WHAT'S

GOTTEN INTO YOU, MAN?

IS THE PRESENCE

OF A FEMALE OUT HERE

IN THE WILDERNESS

STIRRING YOUR LOINS

WITH A LUST

YOU'RE

MISTAKING AS LOVE?

I'M GOING TO

TURN IN, BABE.

I THINK I'M GOING TO

SLEEP OUT HERE TONIGHT.

YEAH. WELL,

YOU WANT TO BE PREY

TO A LOWER LIFE FORM,

FINE.

ME, I AM GOING TO

OCCUPY A HIGHER NOTCH

IN THE FOOD CHAIN.

GOOD NIGHT, BUD.

GOOD NIGHT.

[AIR LEAKS OUT]

COME ON, GET UP!

GOOD MORNING!

LET'S GET UP!

MMM. OH!

UH, I TAKE MY EGGS

OVER EASY,

LOTS OF BACON

AND, UH,

IF YOU COULD JUST

PUT SOME VODKA

IN THE ORANGE JUICE, RAY,

IT WOULD BE GREAT.

GOT SOME CROC FRITTERS

THIS MORNING FOR YOU.

SOUNDS LIKE THE RIVER RAT'S

IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY.

CROC FRITTERS!

HOW REVOLTING!

WHERE YOU FROM, RAY?

FROM?

YEAH. WHAT'S

YOUR BACKGROUND?

HOW'S A GUY LIKE YOU

WIND UP OUT HERE?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH

OUT HERE?

NOTHING'S WRONG

WITH IT. IT'S GREAT.

I WAS JUST CURIOUS.

I'M FROM IDAHO.

I ENDED UP OUT HERE

BECAUSE IT'S ONE

OF THE LAST PLACES

A MAN CAN BE A MAN.

DO MORE KICKING OUT HERE

THAN GETTING KICKED.

WHAT ABOUT

YOUR FOLKS?

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

THEY STILL LIVE

IN IDAHO?

I GUESS SO,

IF THEY AIN'T DEAD YET.

INTERESTING DUDE.

AW, FUCK ME!

FUCK!

JESUS!

WHAT HAPPENED?

DEAD MEAT, MAN!

WHO DID IT?

THEY'RE FUCKING

DEAD MEAT, BOY!

CAN YOU FIX IT?

YEAH, I CAN FIX IT.

IT'LL TAKE

TWO FUCKING HOURS!

HEY, CARL,

HOW ABOUT LETTING

THE POWER RAFTER

HAVE A TURN, HUH?

SURE.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW WE'LL

MAKE SOME TIME.

YEAH, RIGHT.

YEAH!

HEY, HEY, HEY,

HEY.

HEY, CUT IT OUT,

WILL YOU, MAN?

SORRY, BUD.

IT'S JUST AN ACCIDENT.

JEEZ!

[SPLASH]

WILL YOU

CUT IT OUT?

LOOK, IF YOU WANT

THIS TRIP TO TAKE

TWO WEEKS,

JUST KEEP SCREWING

AROUND, ALL RIGHT?

I GUESS I MISSED

THE SMALL PRINT

ABOUT THIS BEING

A ROMAN SLAVE GALLEY.

YOU MISSED

MORE THAN THAT.

HEY, GUYS, MAYBE RAY

WANTS TO WATER SKI, HUH?

MAYBE RAY WANTS YOU

TO TAKE THIS RIVER

A LITTLE

MORE SERIOUS.

MAYBE RAY SHOULD LEARN

TO MELLOW OUT A LITTLE.

HEY, GUYS,

LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH

THAT ROCK IS OVER THERE.

SHH!

WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT IS IT?

SHUT UP!

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

WE'VE GOT TO, UH,

BE QUIET FOR THIS ROCK.

[COCKS RIFLE]

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A HIPPO.

A HIPPOPOTAMUS?

I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP.

NOW, IF IT'S A BULL

AND IT MISTAKES US

FOR ANOTHER HIPPO,

IT'S GOING TO DESTROY THE RAFT.

HOLY SHIT!

WHERE'S MY HIPPO REPELLENT?

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I GUESS WE GOT LUCKY.

KEEP ROWING.

HEY,

THAT'S AN A.K.-47.

SO?

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

PREVIOUS LINE OF WORK.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

WERE YOU A SOLDIER OF FORTUNE?

NO. I WAS JUST

A SOLDIER.

SOME OTHER GUY

MADE THE FORTUNE.

HEY, RAY,

WHEN'S THE NEXT PIT STOP?

KHAMI RUINS.

RUINS? OUT HERE?

YEAH. I READ

ABOUT THOSE.

NOBODY KNOWS

WHO BUILT THEM.

SOME ARCHAEOLOGISTS

THINK THAT THE REMAINS

ARE FROM THE OLDEST

CIVILIZATION IN AFRICA.

HOW FAR UP AHEAD

ARE THEY?

NOT FAR.

I HOPE SO, PAL,

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT READY

TO DROP A LOAD

IN THE BOTTOM

OF THIS BOAT.

WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!

SNAKES?

SHIT.

HA HA HA!

OK, OK! THIS IS FINE!

THIS IS FINE! THIS IS FINE!

OOOH! COME ON,

COME ON, COME ON!

AHHH!

OOH! HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

OH, GOD!

OH, SHIT!

GOD! GOD! GOD, OH GOD!

SHIT! OH!

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

OH, GOD! THERE IS

THIS FUCKING HUGE

GUY UP THERE

WITH A HUGE

FUCKING GUN!

HE'S LIKE 9 FEET TALL!

I'M NOT KIDDING!

HE'S LIKE

THE CHROME DOME

FREAK OF THE UNIVERSE!

JERRY, WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I AM TALKING ABOUT

MARVIN HAGLER'S

UGLY BROTHER UP THERE

WHO JUST SCARED

THE SHIT OUT ME!

HEY, HEY!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

THE NAKED PREY?

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

THE NAKED PREY?

I WOULD NOT LAST

FIVE FUCKING MINUTES

RUNNING AROUND

BUCK NAKED

WITH THESE HOWLING

WARRIORS THROWING

SPEARS AT MY ASS!

AH, JESUS CHRIST!

I'LL TELL YOU.

THE FUN NEVER STOPS

AROUND HERE, DOES IT?

I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE GONE

TO RAGING WATERS.

AH, YOU'RE

HALLUCINATING.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS

BECOMING EXTREMELY UNFUN.

I HOPE RAY DOESN'T

SHOOT ANYBODY.

I HOPE NOBODY SHOOTS HIM.

I WONDER WHAT

WE'D DO DOWN HERE

IF SOMETHING HAPPENED

TO OUR GUIDE.

OH, YEAH. I GUESS

WE'D HAVE TO TAKE THE RAFT

AND HEAD DOWNRIVER

OURSELVES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,

JER?

WE WOULD BE IN DEEP SHIT,

YOU GUYS.

IT'S THEM GOD DAMN

TROUBLEMAKERS

WHO ARE IN DEEP SHIT.

I HOPE YOU FOLKS

WEREN'T THINKING OF

DOING NOTHING STUPID.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

DON'T YOU EVERY TRY

NOTHING ON ME,

YOU HEAR THAT?

BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD

ON THAT RIVER WITHOUT RAY.

UNDERSTAND ME? DEAD!

WE WEREN'T GOING TO

LEAVE YOU.

WE WERE JUST WONDERING

WHAT WE'D DO

IF SOMETHING HAPPENED

TO YOU, THAT'S ALL.

NOTHING'S GOING TO

HAPPEN TO ME,

BUT ONE DUMB MOVE,

ONE STUPID ROOKIE MOVE

FROM ANY OF YOU,

AND WE ALL

BOUGHT THE FARM.

YOU GOT THAT?

DO YOU MIND

REPEATING THAT?

YOU, SHUT UP.

I HEARD ENOUGH

OF YOUR DUMB CRACKS.

OH, RELAX. HE'S JUST

HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

YEAH? WELL,

THE FUN'S OVER.

NOW GET IN THE RAFT.

SON OF A BITCH!

WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

SOMETIMES A MAN

HAS TO TAKE THE LAW

INTO HIS OWN HANDS.

THAT'S JUST GREAT.

WHAT IF EVERYBODY

FELT THAT WAY?

WHERE WOULD WE BE?

ANNE, I DON'T THINK

THIS IS THE TIME

OR THE PLACE--

CARL, HE'S TALKING

ABOUT ANARCHY.

WHAT'S SO BAD

ABOUT ANARCHY?

YOU KNOW THE ONLY DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN GOVERNMENT AND PEOPLE?

THE GOVERNMENT'S GOT GUNS,

AND THEY'RE WILLING TO USE THEM.

THAT'S THE ONLY

GOD DAMN DIFFERENCE.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

OH, IS IT? WHAT'S

THE GOVERNMENT EVER DONE

FOR YOU THAT'S

SO WONDERFUL?

I DON'T

BELIEVE THIS.

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE

GOVERNMENT TO

MAINTAIN ORDER.

ANNE, COOL IT.

WELL, I'M THE GOVERNMENT

NOW, HONEYBUNCH.

NOW, I WANT YOU GUYS

TO ROW DOWNRIVER,

AND I'LL CATCH UP

WITH YOU LATER.

LOOK, RAY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST EXPLAIN

WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?

LOOK, DON'T WORRY

ABOUT IT.

I'M GOING TO GET

THESE FUCKING BASTARDS

BEFORE THEY GET US.

NOW, JUST START ROWING.

THERE'S GOT TO BE

SOME OTHER WAY

TO HANDLE THIS.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, MAN!

CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP

AND TAKE A GOD DAMN ORDER?

NOW, PLEASE,

JUST START ROWING.

CHRIST, ANNE!

I'D LIKE TO KNOW

WHERE YOU GET OFF

TRYING TO DEBATE POLITICS

WITH A GUY WHO'S LIKE

A WALKING ARSENAL.

I'M SORRY, CARL,

BUT WE'VE GOT TO STAND UP

FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE IN.

YEAH, WELL, THERE'S

A TIME AND A PLACE.

WHAT IS THIS "I'M

THE GOVERNMENT NOW"

BULLSHIT?

LOOK, DON'T YOU THINK

THERE'S A CHANCE

WE'RE JUST BLOWING

THIS THING

A LITTLE BIT

OUT OF PROPORTION?

[ANNE]

YEAH. FRANKLY, I THINK

HE'S JUST PUTTING ON

A BIG MACHO

HERO ACT FOR US.

WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,

HE PROBABLY RESENTS

THE HELL OUT OF US.

WE REPRESENT A WHOLE

WAY OF LIFE THAT'S

OUT OF HIS REACH.

HEY, GUYS,

THERE ARE SOME

MONSTER RAPIDS

UP AHEAD.

WHAT'S IT SAY?

THAT'S DEEP THROAT.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE

SOME BIG HOLES.

WAIT. THERE'S

A PORTAGE MARKED HERE.

I VOTE TO PORTAGE.

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

WHAT ABOUT RAY?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

DOING BACK THERE, JERRY?

I SAID LIFT.

I AM LIFTING,

GOD DAMN IT!

OH! UH!

YOU'RE GETTING RUSTY.

YOU'RE ON

THE WRONG SIDE, RAY.

YOU WERE ON THE WRONG

SIDE IN KINSHASA.

YOU'RE ON

THE WRONG SIDE NOW.

YOU'RE ALWAYS ON

THE WRONG FUCKING SIDE.

YOU THINK SO, DO YOU?

[GUNSHOT]

[BIRD CRIES]

WHAT IF THEY KILLED RAY?

OH, HOLY SHIT!

THEY DIDN'T SAY

ANYTHING ABOUT THIS

IN THE GOD DAMN

BROCHURE.

LISTEN. WE GOT TO DO

SOMETHING DECISIVE.

WE COULD BE NEXT.

I THINK WE SHOULD

GET DOWNRIVER

AS FAST AS WE CAN.

NO. WE'D BE SITTING DUCKS

ON THE RIVER.

HEY!

WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

TO STAY PUT.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU TOLD US TO HEAD

DOWNRIVER.

OH, YEAH?

WHAT HAPPENED?

GOT ME A TROPHY.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME

HE FUCKS WITH ME!

OH, MY GOD!

HEE HEE HEE!

JESUS CHRIST.

[RAYS CONTINUES TO LAUGH]

WRONG SIDE!

SHIT, MAN!

I WASN'T ON THE WRONG SIDE

IN KINSHASA.

I WAS ON THE RIGHT SIDE!

I WAS, MAN!

JUST BECAUSE ALL THE LOWLIFE

SCUM AND THE PARASITES

JUMPED TO THE OTHER SIDE ONCE

THE FUCKING GOING GOT ROUGH!

THAT MAKES ME WRONG?

WELL, WHO'S FUCKING

WRONG NOW, VON HOENIGEN?

HUH?

WE DIDN'T DO SO BAD

IN THAT WAR.

HELL, WE CAME IN SECOND.

RIGHT?

HEY, VON HOENIGEN!

CAME IN FUCKING SECOND,

AND THAT'S NOT SO

FUCKING BAD!

WHO'S RIGHT NOW,

VON HOENIGEN?

HA HA HA!

DON'T YOU GET IT?

COME ON, COME ON!

LET'S GET THIS SHIT UNLOADED.

HURRY UP, TUBBY.

[AIRPLANE]

HEY!

HEY! DOWN HERE!

HELP!

WHAT THE HELL

DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING?

I'M CALLING FOR HELP.

THEY COULD BE AFTER US.

I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

I JUST KILLED A MAN.

YOU GOT THAT?

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING

TO BE AFRAID OF.

YOU DID IT

IN SELF-DEFENSE.

YEAH, WHO'S

GOING TO BELIEVE ME?

THEY'LL BELIEVE ME.

I'M AN ATTORNEY.

WELL, I DON'T NEED YOU

TO SAVE MY ASS.

ARE YOU OK?

LET'S START UNPACKING.

HURRY UP!

LET'S MOVE IT!

Ok.

Ok, ok, ok.

I FEEL A LOT SAFER.

LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE.

"SEVEN GLORIOUS,

ACTION-PACKED DAYS

"ON THE MIGHTY ZAMBEZI.

"WITH YOUR OWN

HIGHLY SKILLED GUIDE

TO ENSURE YOUR SAFETY

AND ENJOYMENT."

JESUS.

WHAT DID WE GET

OURSELVES INTO?

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T WANT NO

GOD DAMN SECRETS. YOU HEAR ME?

DON'T WORRY.

I'M NOT WORRIED.

ANYBODY OUGHT TO WORRY,

IT'S YOU GUYS.

I'M OK.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHERE THE HELL

DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

DO YOU MIND?

WHOEVER PUT IT

IN YOUR HEAD

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE?

WHAT?

SELF-DEFENSE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.

YOU SAID

YOU'D SWEAR TO IT.

WELL, YEAH.

YEAH, OF COURSE.

I MEAN, IT WAS

SELF-DEFENSE, WASN'T IT?

HELL, NO.

IT WAS JUSTICE.

BUT YOU'RE A LAWYER.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW

NOTHING ABOUT THAT, WOULD YOU?

HMM.

LUKE, WHAT DO YOU THINK

WE SHOULD DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

WE HAVE TO GET

DOWNRIVER.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING,

CARL?

HMM?

I'M SCARED.

YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST,

WE GOT HIM OUTNUMBERED

THREE TO ONE.

YEAH. A LOT OF GOOD

THAT'S GOING TO DO US.

HE'S ARMED TO THE TEETH,

AND THE MOST LETHAL

WEAPON I'VE GOT

IS MY SWISS ARMY KNIFE.

AND JERRY'S CATCHING Zs

LIKE NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

LOOK, I'M GOING TO

GO SEE HOW ANNE IS.

ANNE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

SCREAM, ARE YOU?

HUH? THIS IS WHAT

YOU'VE BEEN WANTING

ALL ALONG, ISN'T IT?

I SEE YOU LOOKING

AT ME SMILING,

GIVING ME

THOSE PRETTY LITTLE EYES.

YEAH.

DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

OH, YEAH.

YEAH,

YOU ACT SO TOUGH.

YOU KNOW,

WHY DON'T YOU

JUST SHOW ME

WHAT YOU'VE GOT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

COME ON. YEAH.

YOU LIKE THAT?

COME ON, STUD.

GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT.

OH, YOU LIKE THAT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

DO WHATEVER

YOU WANT TO ME,

JUST CALM DOWN,

ALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE SO STRONG.

YOU'RE A REAL MAN.

OH, YEAH?

OH, A REAL MAN.

OH, GOOD.

YOU LIKE THAT?

OH, GO AHEAD.

GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEN WANTING THIS,

HAVEN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH.

OH, YES.

GO AHEAD.

OH, YES.

[MOANING]

YES.

OH,

MAKE ME WEEP.

OH, YEAH.

ANNE!

CARL! HELP ME!

YOU WANT ME

TO SHOW YOU HOW

TO FUCK YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

CARL! PLEASE!

HUH?

CARL!

I'LL SHOW YOU

HOW YOU FUCK HER!

PLEASE!

GO ON, MAN!

I FUCKING HOPE YOU DO.

CARL.

I FUCKING HOPE YOU DO.

NO!

HELP, PLEASE!

HELP ME.

AAH!

[GRUNTING]

FUCK! FUCK!

FUCK! YEAH!

OOOH!

SHHH! IT'S ME.

CARL AND ANNE

ARE OUT THERE,

AND SO IS RAY.

OH, LUKE, WHAT ARE

YOU TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK, COME ON!

WE GOT TO FIND OUT

WHAT'S HAPPENING

OUT THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

WHOOO!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

GAVE THAT LITTLE BITCH

THE RIDE OF HER LIFE!

WHAT?

STAY PUT.

GOING SOMEPLACE?

GO LIE DOWN.

GO ON.

PUT YOUR

HEAD DOWN.

YOU, TOO, FATTY.

AH, THAT'S GOOD.

GOOD BOYS.

ANNE...

I KNOW THERE'S

NOTHING...

SHIT! THE BITCH

WANTED IT.

SHE KEPT LOOKING

AT ME.

A MAN CAN ONLY TAKE

SO MUCH OF THAT

BEFORE HE DOES WHAT

HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO.

YOU KNOW?

WELL, GOOD NIGHT,

EVERYBODY.

YOU OK?

[CRYING]

Hey.

Hey, Luke.

You're up, man.

Ok.

All right.

LUKE.

HMM?

WAKE UP, BUDDY.

LUKE.

HMM.

OOH. HAS HE

GONE TO SLEEP YET?

NO.

WHERE IS HE?

HE'S DOWN

BY THE RIVER.

HOW DO YOU GET THIS MAP

OUT OF HERE?

Shh! Shh!

I AIN'T TAKING NO SHIT,

YOU HEAR?

[MACHINE GUN FIRES]

FROM NOW ON,

WHAT I SAY GOES.

FIRST THING

WE'RE GOING TO DO IS,

WE'RE GOING TO HIDE

ALL THE GEAR,

AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE UP

POSITIONS ALONG THE RIVERBANK.

ANYBODY SEES

OR HEARS ANYTHING...

YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT.

ANY QUESTIONS?

YES.

I THOUGHT WE WERE--

NO! YOU DON'T DO

NO THINKING!

YOU GOT THAT, LAWYER?

I'M THE ONE

DOING THE THINKING.

WHAT'S THE POINT

OF STAYING HERE?

I GOT TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

TO YOU FUCKING IDIOTS?

WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO WRITE IT

OUT IN LONGHAND, DO YOU? HUH?

GET YOUR

FUCKING ASSES IN GEAR!

LET'S FUCKING GO!

COME ON!

ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY?

RAY IS GOING TO WIG OUT

IF HE SEES US HERE TOGETHER.

ONE OF US HAS GOT TO

MAKE A RUN FOR IT.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S A GOOD PLAN.

THERE'S GOT TO BE

1,000 PHONE BOOTHS

AROUND HERE, GUYS.

LOOK, THERE'S GOT TO BE A ROAD

OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

GOD DAMN IT!

WOULD YOU GET SERIOUS?

YOU DON'T WANT ME

TO GET SERIOUS, MAN,

'CAUSE IF

I GET SERIOUS,

I AM GOING TO

START SCREAMING.

AND IF I START

SCREAMING,

I AM NOT GOING TO

STOP FOR WEEKS.

WE GOT TO GO

FOR IT, JERRY.

IT'S OUR ONLY CHANCE.

WE FIGURE THAT

THE BEST TIME TO GO

IS TOMORROW MORNING

BEFORE DAYBREAK.

WE'LL DRAW STRAWS

TO SEE WHO GOES.

WELL, I'VE ALWAYS

BEEN LUCKY.

TWO OUT OF THREE,

IT'LL BE ONE

OF YOU GUYS, RIGHT?

NOPE.

SHIT!

AW!

ISN'T THIS PRETTY? HUH?

YOU SCUMBAGS

AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.

I THINK IT'S TIME

YOU LEARNED SOME HARD LESSONS.

OH!

OOH!

OHH.

OH, GOD, DON'T!

WHAT DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING, MAN?

DON'T YOU KNOW

WE'RE ON YOUR SIDE?

NOBODY'S EVER ON MY SIDE

BUT ME, ASSHOLE!

AND DON'T YOU EVER SHOW RAY

A CLENCHED FIST AGAIN.

YOU HEAR ME?

WHEN RAY SEES A CLENCHED FIST

AND IT AIN'T HIS OWN,

SOMEONE USUALLY DIES.

YOU GOT THAT, PERRY MASON?

YOU BASTARD! UHH!

UHH! UHH!

I LIKE YOUR SPUNK,

MISTER.

DON'T YOU KNOW

WHAT DEEP SHIT

YOU'RE GETTING

YOURSELF INTO?

I KNOW THE EXACT DEPTH

OF MY SHIT, PUNK.

HUAHH!

I LOVE WATCHING YOU SQUIRM,

YOU KNOW?

YOU SQUIRM BETTER THAN

YOUR LITTLE TWAT GIRLFRIEND.

NOW GET THE HELL

OUT OF HERE.

I DON'T WANT TO CATCH

THE THREE OF YOU TOGETHER AGAIN.

GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU TOO, YOU FAT FUCK!

GO ON!

GET OUT OF HERE!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[CHUCKLING]

♪ YOU DON'T FUCK

WITH THE RIVER RAT ♪

HEH HEH HEH.

HEY.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

ABOUT THAT TIME.

UHH!

WELL, THE FIRST

PHONE BOOTH I HIT,

I'LL DIAL 911.

THEY SAY THE AVERAGE

RESPONSE TIME

IS UNDER SEVEN MINUTES.

JER, I'M GOING.

WHAT?

MAKES MORE SENSE.

I GOT A BETTER CHANCE

OF MAKING IT.

WELL, I'D TRY TO

TALK YOU OUT OF IT,

BUT I CAN SEE YOU'VE

MADE UP YOUR MIND.

BESIDES,

I'D PROBABLY CRACK

UNDER THE PRESSURE

AND DIAL 922

BY MISTAKE.

LISTEN...

COULD YOU TELL HER...

WELL, JUST TELL HER.

SURE, PAL.

HEY, DON'T WORRY.

I'M GOING TO MAKE IT.

I KNOW YOU WILL.

SHIT.

MMM.

I KNOW WHAT

YOU'RE THINKING.

YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER

OR SOMETHING, DON'T YOU?

YOU THINK I'M A REAL

SON OF A BITCH.

WELL, I NEVER WANTED

ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN.

I NEVER WANTED TO

HURT ANYBODY.

I HAD TO.

THAT'S ALL.

I WAS KIND OF

FORCED INTO IT.

THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE,

MY LAST CHANCE TO MAKE

SOMETHING OF MYSELF,

AND THEY FUCKED ME.

THEY FUCKED ME!

I WAS THE FIRST ONE

ON THIS RIVER.

I WAS THE FIRST ONE

TO MAKE A GO OF IT,

AND NOW THEY'RE TRYING

TO GET RID OF ME.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE

TRYING TO DO.

THEY'RE TRYING

TO KILL ME.

FUCK.

SON OF A BITCH!

ANY OF YOU

FUCKING MOVE FROM HERE,

YOU'RE DEAD!

YOU HEAR THAT?

YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!

COME ON!

LET'S GO!

GO WHERE?

WHO KNOWS

HOW MUCH TIME WE HAVE?

WE'LL TAKE THE RAFT,

AND WE'LL HEAD DOWNRIVER.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S DOWN THERE!

WE'LL TAKE OUR CHANCES.

BUT, LUKE, WHAT IF CARL

COMES BACK AND FINDS WE'RE GONE?

HE'LL FIGURE

WE WENT DOWNRIVER.

LOOK, WE HAVE

NO OTHER CHOICE!

I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.

ANNE, THERE'S

NO CHANCE THAT HE'D

LEAVE A WEAPON BEHIND.

I WISH I'D KILLED

THAT BASTARD.

NO! WE'RE BETTER

THAN THAT.

ARE WE?

LET'S GO.

WAIT! HOLD ON!

UHH.

UHH!

STAY RIGHT.

OHH!

OH!

PULL OVER THERE!

PULL OVER

TO THE RIGHT!

SLOW DOWN!

JUST GET OVER THERE!

WE'RE GOING TO FLIP!

WHAT? WHAT?

OH!

AAH!

[GUNFIRE]

UHH!

[GUNFIRE]

[YELLING]

[COUGHING AND CHOKING]

A FLAT DOG'S

A DEAD DOG!

[GUNFIRE]

WHAT HAPPENED,

COUNSELOR?

OOH!

[CHUCKLING]

[COUGH]

HAH!

OHH!

NO! UHH!

ASSHOLE!

BASTARDS!

HEY! OVER HERE!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

TO STAY PUT.

YOU DISOBEYED

A DIRECT ORDER!

OH, WHAT DID YOU

EXPECT US TO DO,

JUST SIT THERE LIKE FOOLS?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT

I EXPECTED YOU TO DO,

SIT THERE LIKE THE DAMN FOOLS

THAT YOU ARE!

WE HAD TO LEAVE.

THOSE GUYS

WERE AFTER US.

WHAT?

NO, IT'S TRUE.

THOSE GUYS WE SAW BEFORE

COMING ACROSS THE RIVER,

THEY ALMOST SURPRISED US.

WHERE'S YOUR IDIOT FRIEND?

HE'S OUT THERE

IN THE RIVER SOMEWHERE.

SHIT!

[COUGH COUGH]

OH, NO!

[COUGHING]

JESUS!

OH!

OH, GOD! OH.

GET HIM OUT

OF THE WATER.

HE--HELP!

HE--

HELP!

Help...

please.

[GURGLING]

HOW MANY OF THEM

WERE THERE?

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

THEM PSYCHOPATHS

THAT WERE AFTER US.

HOW MANY OF THEM

DID YOU SEE?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS HARD TO TELL.

YEAH, I HOPE THERE'S

A WHOLE BUNCH OF THEM, BOY.

BE A GOD DAMN PLEASURE

TAKING OUT THEM SCUMBAGS.

LISTEN. WE'VE GOT TO

GET CARL TO A DOCTOR.

HE'S DYING.

WE'RE NOT

GOING NOWHERE.

GOD DAMN IT!

HELP US GET HIM

INTO A RAFT!

WE GOT TO GET HIM

DOWNRIVER!

YOU ORDERING ME, SHIT?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

NO, I AM

NOT ORDERING YOU.

I'M BEGGING YOU.

PLEASE. WE'VE GOT TO

DO SOMETHING FOR HIM,

AND WE'VE

GOT TO DO IT FAST.

YOU WANT ME TO DO

SOMETHING FOR HIM?

OK...

I'LL DO

SOMETHING FOR HIM.

YOU'RE GOING TO

HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST.

OH, ARE YOU CRAZY, UH?

YOU'RE CRAZY!

YOU WANT TO DIE?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO DIE,

NOT IF I HAVE A CHOICE.

[CHUCKLES]

UGH!

OH!

UH!

OHH...

YOU FUCKING COWARD!

GUESS THIS IS

YOUR LUCKY DAY,

MR. LAW-AND-ORDER.

WE CAN USE THE EXTRA WEIGHT

IN THE RAFT.

GET HIM IN THERE.

WHAT ABOUT JERRY?

WE CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT HIM.

HEH HEH!

WHAT DID

YOU DO TO HIM?

I DIDN'T DO NOTHING TO HIM.

THE RIVER DONE IT.

NOW, COME ON.

GET MOVING!

OH, NO.

HEY!

WHAT'S WRONG NOW?

NOTHING'S WRONG.

I WAS JUST THINKING

MAYBE I SHOULD GET RID

OF YOU LOSERS

AND HEAD INLAND.

DEVIL'S ODDS

IS UP AHEAD HERE.

DEVIL'S ODDS?

BAD-ASS RAPIDS, BOY.

NO ONE'S EVER RUN THEM

AND LIVED.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--

"AIN'T NO WAY OF WINNING

WHEN YOU'RE GAMBLING

WITH THE DEVIL'S ODDS."

HEH HEH!

LOOK. MAYBE

WE CAN HELP YOU.

WE COULD SAY THAT

WE SAW THE WHOLE THING,

THAT IT WAS

THEIR FAULT.

YOU SEE WHAT A PIECE

OF SHIT YOU ARE?

WHAT?

YOU'D FUCKING LIE

TO SAVE YOUR ASS.

THAT'S NO WAY

FOR A MAN TO LIVE.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHAT GIVES YOU THE IDEA

YOU'RE ANY BETTER THAN US?

GUNS? KNIVES?

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD

OUT HERE, BITCH.

THERE AIN'T NO COPS.

THERE AIN'T

NO RICH BOYFRIENDS.

THERE AIN'T

NO CREDIT CARDS.

[MOANS MOCKINGLY]

[GUNSHOT]

GIVE IT UP, RAY.

WE HAVE FIVE ARMED MEN

HIDDEN IN THE ROCKS.

OK.

DON'T SHOOT.

I KNOW WHEN I'M BEAT.

I GIVE UP.

DROP THE AK.

OK.

ALL RIGHT?

KEEP IT COOL, RAY.

DON'T FUCK UP.

OK.

YOO!

TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE

IN THIS TOGETHER, BUDDY.

LET'S START RUNNING.

RUN? WHERE?

DOWN THE RIVER

BY THE SHORE.

NO! THEY'LL KILL HIM!

AW, WOULDN'T THAT

BE TOO BAD?

YOU RATHER HAVE

ME SHOOT HIM?

MOVE IT, MAN!

OK. AS SOON AS

I DO HIM,

YOU HEAD THAT WAY,

I'LL GO THIS WAY.

RAY. DON'T.

IT'S HIM OR US.

JUST DO WHAT I SAY,

AND DON'T GIVE ME

ANY SHIT ABOUT IT!

RUN! NOW!

JESUS CHRIST!

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]

UH!

OH, GOD. MAVUSO.

THEY'RE

TRYING TO KILL US.

NO.

IT'S RAY

THEY'RE AFTER.

BUT RAY SAID

THAT IT WAS THEM OR US.

NO. HE'S LYING,

LUKE.

RAY STARTED

ALL THIS.

HE WANTS THE RIVER

ALL TO HIMSELF.

[GUNFIRE]

WOO!

HOO HOO HOO

HOO HOO!

MAVUSO...

TAKE IT.

WHA--

TAKE IT, AND GO AWAY.

I'LL BE FINE.

BUT--

GO.

IT WON'T--COME ON.

IT WON'T BE LONG NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO

GET YOU SOME HELP.

OK?

I GUESS I--

I BLEW IT, DIDN'T I?

NO, YOU DIDN'T BLOW IT.

NO.

SORRY.

CARL?

CARL!

[FOOTSTEPS]

CARL, NO!

[CRYING]

OH, NO, LUKE!

OH, GOD!

OH, GOD.

No.

HEY, FOLKS.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HOW YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT, FUCKER.

NOW I'M THE GOVERNMENT.

DON'T SHOOT, MAN.

I'M UNARMED.

LOSE THE BELT.

LUKE, KILL HIM.

[CLANG]

KILL HIM.

NO!

WE'RE

NOT LIKE HIM.

NOW GET IN THE RAFT.

WE'RE HEADING DOWNRIVER.

MOVE IT!

WHO'S TRYING TO RUN WHO

OFF THE RIVER, HUH, RAY?

HUH? WHO STARTED

ALL THIS, RAY?

IT'S MY RIVER.

YOU LYING

SON OF A BITCH!

LUKE, LOOK AHEAD.

UH!

JESUS! DEVIL'S ODDS!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT THE HELL

YOU TRYING TO DO?

"IF THOU REGRETT'ST THY YOUTH,

WHY LIVE?

"SEEK OUT...

A SOLDIER'S GRAVE,

FOR THEE THE BEST..."

LUKE! KILL HIM!

"THEN LOOK AROUND..."

"AND THEN

CHOOSE THY GROUND..."

"AND TAKE THY REST."

KILL HIM!

TAKE THEE THY REST.

LUKE!

KILL HIM!

TAKE ME!

AH!

OH!

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING AND CHOKING]

UH!

LUKE! LUKE!

OH!

UH!

[COUGHING]

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I WENT RIGHT OVER

THE ROCKS.

WHEN WE FLIPPED

ON THE ROCKS,

I LOST HOLD OF CARL.

THEN I WENT UNDER.

DID YOU SEE HIM?

I SAW HIM

GET WASHED DOWN

BY A WHIRLPOOL.

WHERE'S RAY?

HE...HE HIT THE ROCKS

WORSE THAN I DID.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!

NO!

WE'LL DIE TOGETHER!

NO!

UH!

NOW WE'RE JUST LIKE YOU.

LUKE! ANNE!

I WAS AFRAID YOU'D LEAVE

BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE

TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

THANKS, MAVUSO.

I'M SO SORRY

ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS.

[WHISTLE]

Damned River (1989) - full transcript