Daffy Duck's Movie: Fantastic Island (1983) Movie Script

Look, boss.

De plane! De plane!

Coconut salad.

Puree of coconut.

Coconut soup.

Mixed coconut.

And prime coconut roast.

Hey, boss, you forgot something.

You forgetting the dessert.

Oh, I hate coconuts!

I can't stand coconuts!

We've been on this island

for months.

There's nothing on it

but a coconut tree.

I'll go nuts if I'm on

this place another minute!

Hey, boss.

It's a minute already.

It is? Wow!

Ooh ho ho ho!

Ooh hee hee hee!

Hoo hoo! Hoo hoo hoo!

Hoo! Hoo hoo hoo! Hoo!

Look, Daffy.

Two sheeps.

Two sheeps!

We are saved!

Two sheeps?

Goody! Goody! Goody!

Now we can have lamb chops.

Oh, boy! Leg of lamb!

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

No, it's sheeps!

It's sheeps!

Like on the water.

Sheeps!

We're saved!

Ship ahoy!

Iarriba, arriba!

Hey, sheeps! Here we are!

Here we are!

Ee-ha! Ee-ha!

Ships ahoy there!

Over here!

Look! Over here

on the beach.

Ship ahoy!

Surrender!

Ahoy there!

Surrender, rabbit!

I've got you outnumbered

one to one!

Surrender? Never heard

of the word.

You'll have to try

to take the ship.

Now, he should

know better than that.

Blast you, rabbit!

Two can play that game.

Look this way, on the beach!

Ahoy! Ahoy!

What's the matter with you guys…

you blind?

This way!

Ahoy there!

Come on, you guys,

stop horsing around

and rescue us!

Prepare to defend

yourself, rabbit,

'cause I'm a-boarding your ship.

Charge!

Retreat!

S-e-s!

That's s-o-s, you jerk.

O.k., s-o-s,

whatever.

S-o-s! S-o-s!

Avast, you bad-tempered,

snaggle-toothed varmint!

Get on deck

and load this Cannon!

Arrghh!

Cut out the army talk.

We're in the Navy.

Set her down.

Set her down here.

Ooh!

I'll shiver his timbers,

and I'll batten his hatch

and keelhaul his scuppers.

Now, you long-eared critter,

I'm a-gonna make you pay…

Oh, no!

You doggone idiot galoot!

You'll blow the ship

to smithereenies.

And if you does that once more,

I ain't a-going after it.

Oh, no!

Hey, look, boss.

One ship, she blow his top.

It's the fallout!

Scram!

Hey!

Oof! Ooh!

Watch yourself.

You're liable to get squashed.

Holy frijoles.

You squashed, boss?

Methinks I've found a map.

It's a treasure map.

Oh, dame fortune slugged me.

I'm rich!

Mmm…

I'm wealthy!

Hoo hee!

Hoo hoo hoo!

I'm fabulously well heeled.

Hoo hoo hoo!

I'm comfortably well off.

Hoo hoo! Ha ha!

No more coconuts.

Mrs. Mallard's little

boy is now a rich duck.

Ho ho! Hoo!

I'll make a wonderful

capitalist.

Oh, boy.

Boss, we going to find treasure?

We'll find that treasure

if you've got to dig up

this whole island.

Let's get started.

How come I always get stuck

on the end of the shovel

with no gold on it?

Rackin'-frackin' rabbit.

I'd like to stretch him

on a rackin'-brackin'-

frackin' rack.

Row faster,

you snaggle-toothed varmint,

or I'll batten down

your barnacles.

Slow down, you swab!

You're going to capsize us!

Slow down! Slow down!

Slow down!

Arrgh.

Ptooey! Ptooey! Ptooey!

Ohh, just for that,

I'm a-gonna slice your hawser.

Arrgh.

Great thunderation!

My treasure map's gone!

Some sneakin' swab's run

off with my treasure map.

Ooh, I'll keelhaul

the swab that done it.

Oh, what be this?

Aha!

Looks like the one who's done

it is wearing black feathers.

Come on, you mangy wharf rat.

I got me a clue.

Let's see, now.

This map says turn left

at the swamp.

I don't see any swamp.

Perhaps this sign will help.

"Danger…

"Quick… sand…

Swamp"!

Well, don't just stand there.

Turn left!

There's feather-bearing

critters in thar.

Now, get in there

and see if those critters

are wearing black feathers.

Oh, you stupid swab.

There ain't

a black feather among them,

and you may lay to that.

I keeps telling you,

cut out that army talk.

We're in the Navy.

According to this map,

the treasure's got to be buried

somewhere among these rocks.

These rocks?

You can't miss it.

There's a big black "x"

marking the spot.

I find him.

Ee-ha! Ee-ha!

Iarriba, arriba!

Iandale, andale!

I don't see no cross, boss,

only a beat-up old well.

The last thing

in the world I need

is a stupid well.

I'm not thirsty, I'm hungry.

Me, too, boss.

I wish I had some cheese.

I am the

spirit of the wishing well.

I do my best to please.

The wish you made I Grant you,

so here's a hunk of cheese.

Hey, that spirit from the well…

He give pretty good service.

Stand aside, rodent.

Let me at that well.

Listen, well.

If you can whomp up

cheese for a mouse,

surely you can turn

me into a superduck

so I can fly off

this stupid island.

Your fondest wish,

your fondest dream,

I'll make you superduck supreme.

This strange being

from another planet is…

Faster than a bullet…

More powerful than

a speeding locomotive…

Able to leap

the tallest buildings.

Heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Disguised as cluck Trent,

a mild-mannered reporter

on a metropolitan newspaper,

stupor duck fights

an endless battle

against the forces of…

Evil.

You call that superduck?

You made me a stupid duck.

Patience is a virtue.

Patience brings good luck.

It is seldom found in humans

and never in a duck.

Hee hee hoo ha ha!

You cannot stop me,

Mr. Newspaper editor.

I blow up everything!

Boom! Powee!

Zap! Kaboom!

All over country…

Buildings, Bridges,

power plants, trains, ships!

Everywhere,

ruin and destruction!

Then I, aardvark ratnick,

will be supreme!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Blow up buildings?

Bridges?

Sink ships?

Say, I believe this

aardvark ratnick fellow

is in league with

the forces of evil.

This looks like a job

for stupor duck.

Now to the broom closet

to change

from the guise of a

mild-mannered newspaper reporter

to that of stupor duck.

Whoops.

Wrong costume.

And I, aardvark ratnick,

will rule the world!

Hoo ha ha ha ha!

I don't know why I…

Watch these corny soap operas.

Where is he?

Where's the cowardly little sneak?

Aha! Escaped

out the window, eh?

Stand aside!

This is a job for stupor duck!

Wouldn't you think they

could find some other place

to put a building?

That building down there!

It's blowing up!

Ah!

The evil work

of aardvark ratnick.

This is a job for…

Stupor duck!

Ta-da!

Oh, no thanks are

necessary, my good man.

I was just doing my duty.

Then the lights went out

all over the world.

You call yourself

a wishing well?

There, in the ocean.

A ship's sinking.

Thank goodness I'm in time

to show aardvark ratnick

he's no match for…

Ahh… stupor duck!

All right, ratnick.

Let's see you try that again.

Fire one.

One away, sir.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

Ooh-hoo ooh-hoo!

Mother.

That ratnick's

a slippery one, all right.

But not quite slippery enough.

Aha!

Planting dynamite

at the base

of that railroad trestle.

The work of that rat ratnick,

or I don't know my rats.

This is a job for…

Ahh… stupor duck!

I'll just relieve you of that,

if you don't mind.

Shucks. I almost

had him that time.

But just let him

make one false move,

and I'll…

This is a job for…

You know who.

All right, ratnick,

you better make

your first shot a good one,

'cause I'm coming down there

and shove that oversized Cannon

cracker right down your throat!

Up there in the sky!

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

It's stupor duck!

Aah!

Yaah!

Stupid well.

Ouch! Ow!

Ooh! Ooh!

Listen, you at the bottom

of the well.

As long as this island

is my last resort,

make it a nice resort.

Your uncouth words

have reached my ears.

I reluctantly comply.

This shabby little island

I shall transmogrify.

Look, boss,

a mackerel is happening.

You mean a miracle.

Sí.

Holy frijole!

Look at this.

It's all here,

just like I wished it.

Even better!

There must be a way

for a duck to make a buck

in a place like this.

Hey, you got a new suit.

A zoot suit.

Your suit looks nice, too.

Who's your tailor?

By George, I've got it!

When word of this

wishing well gets around,

people will pour in to

have their wishes come true

at 500 bucks a wish.

Here. Get rid

of this map.

Now that we've found the

treasure, who needs it anymore?

Hearken closely to these words.

This secret I must tell.

Only he who owns the map

is possessor of the well.

Get your filthy hands off that

map, you little sneak.

It's mine, do you hear?

Mine! Mine! Mine!

And so is the whole island!

Hey, what you going to

call this place, boss?

What else but…

Daffy duck's fantastic island!

Look, boss!

De plane! De plane!

Where? Over there?

Sí.

I see.

There it is… the first of many.

Shall we hasten to the

dock and greet our guests?

Sí, let's do that.

Iarriba, arriba!

Iandale pronto!

As the host of fantastic island,

let me be the first to extend

the hand of hospitality

and bid you…

Sheesh!

$500 for a penny, folks,

and cheap at the price.

Yes, sir, ladies and gents,

500 big ones

will get you a single,

solitary penny.

Plunk it into the well

and watch your fondest

dreams come true.

My boss,

he plenty smart in the cabeza.

You bet.

Don't shove, folks.

There's enough pennies for everybody.

Have your 500 bucks in

your hands to save time.

How many, lady?

Oh, hee hee hee!

Just one, please.

The 500 first, lady.

Oh, dearie me.

Of course.

I'm so absent-minded.

There you are, sister.

Oh, my gracious.

I'm all of a Twitter.

Hello, well.

Hi.

Go ahead. Toss your

stupid penny in the well

and make a stupid wish.

Well… here goes.

I guess I've always wanted

to minister to the sufferings

of humanity.

I wish I was a nurse.

Your wish shall be granted.

Gaze into me and see.

The next time

that you see yourself,

a nurse is what you'll be.

Oh, dear.

I'm so impatient

to get to my first patient.

I tawt…

I taw…

A puttytat.

Great day in the morning!

Instead of one,

it looks like I'm going

to get three.

Bad old puttytat.

Good morning!

And how are my patients today?

And how's the doggie's

limb this morning?

Ooh! Ooh!

Ohh… still tender, eh?

Well, maybe that will teach you

to stop chasing the pussycat.

And how's the…

Pussyfoot today?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Still sensitive?

Maybe now you'll leave

that little birdie alone.

I hope this teaches

both of you a lesson.

Oh, the poor little tweety bird.

Let's make you a little

more comfortable.

Now, you be good boys

and get some rest.

Uh-oh. I don't

like the look

in that puttytat's eyes.

Ahh, shut up!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

What's going on in there?

My, I must be hearing things.

Didn't I tell you to shut up?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

My, my. You must be

in terrible pain.

We'll get you back into bed

and give you something

to make you sleep.

Ooh!

There, now.

It'll be more quiet here.

Those pills will put you

to sleep in a few minutes.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Where did that puttytat go?

He nowhere around.

I better peek in

and see how little

tweety bird is doing.

Aah!

Bad old puttytat.

O.k., buster,

you asked for it.

Ooh hoo hoo!

Ow! Ooh! Ah!

Ah! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ooh! Ah!

You two at it again?

I'll just have to

strap you both in bed.

Now stop sulking.

Why don't you get a hobby

like the pussycat?

When you two decide to behave,

I'll unstrap you.

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

I've got good news, boys.

Your x-rays show

nothing is wrong with you,

and you're dismissed.

Isn't that wonderful?

Gee, it feels good

to be out again.

Uh-oh.

Que sera sera.

You simply must stop

playing in the street.

You're running out of legs.

There you are, sir.

I'm gonna wish a certain rooster

into a lot of creative trouble…

Trouble, that is.

I say, wishin' well,

you listening?

I hear you.

State your wish.

Drop in your penny or go fish.

Here it is.

There's this rooster I

wants to put the kibosh on.

Little fella… he's took

over my chicken yard,

cornered the market on hens,

and made my life…

I say, made my life…

He gave me a complex…

Inferior, that is.

You want to drop that penny?

I don't wish the boy

any permanent harm.

I just want the cockiness…

I say, the cockiness

knocked out of him.

I am here to Grant your wish,

the spirit of the well.

I will knock the cockiness

out of that little cockerel.

If that's who I think it is,

there's a certain banty rooster

that's gonna get booted

over the horizon.

Get out and stay out!

Man, you're the sickest.

Like, adios, my friend.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Chicksville!

Let's see if these chicks

dig the beat.

♪ Gee whiz willikins golly gee ♪

♪ I love a girl ♪

♪ And she loves me ♪

Like, uh, clue me

the door, chicky.

Ooh hee hee hee hee hee!

How about that?

The pad's patrolled.

With a real jazzy plan,

I can, uh, like,

storm the gates.

Dig this getup, man.

It's the most.

Sick, man. Sick.

What in the name of Jesse James

do you suppose that is?

Well, what do you know?

A tiny foundling rooster.

Why, he's as small

as the little end

of nothing sharpened.

Da da daddy-o.

How about that?

The little tyke

thinks I'm his daddy.

I always…

I say, I always did want a son.

Now I got one.

Crazy, man.

Yoo-hoo!

I say, yoo-hoo!

Where are you, Sonny boy?

Oh, Sonny boy!

Uh-oh. Fake it.

The fuzz.

Well, what do you know?

Asleep in the henhouse.

Might as well let him sleep.

Hey, what's that?

You all right, son?

I keep hearing

the most terrifying

sounds in there.

Hmm.

Aha!

Next.

Man, you're a weirdo chick.

Look, boy.

I think there's some

pictures you ought to see.

Crazy, man.

Ca-razy.

Now, let me know when I come to

something that interests you.

Yahoo!

Wild!

Ha! Just like

I thought…

He's wacky over females.

Hey, wait a minute, boy.

Don't bother with that cluck.

How'd ya like

to meet a real doll?

Wild, man.

Real wild.

O.k. You stand

in that circle,

and I'll send her the message.

Uh-oh.

Looks like one of that

silly dog's booby traps.

Hey, boy.

Here she comes now.

Ain't she a angel?

Like, uh, link us, man.

Link us.

Then I pronounce you

husband and, uh…

Wife, uh…

Or something.

But I'm a rooster!

Don't let it bug ya, man.

We can't all be perfect.

I say, I've been hornswoggled.

That jibbery-talkin' rooster

never got his comeuppance.

I wants my money back.

Yes, sir!

We're here to please.

Here's your penny, sir.

I'm no sucker.

Hmm.

Somehow I think I've been

hornswoggled again.

Excuse moi, monsieur.

Is this the line for

the wishing of the well?

I can't breathe!

One penny, please.

I wish to make a wish

into the well.

Of course, sir.

Here.

Monsieur well,

I wish to make the wish

for a mademoiselle

whose beauty shall be so pure

as to rival

all the beautiful art

in le louvre.

That'll be one penny, please.

I Grant your wish to meet a girl

of beauty unsurpassed

which, when compared

with works of art,

will leave the louvre

outclassed.

♪ Le tweet ♪

♪ Le tweet tweet ♪

♪ Le… ♪

Le purrr.

♪ Qu'il c'est bon, c'est bon ♪

Hey.

Pennies from heaven.

How impetuous can you get?

Look, darling,

perhaps I am old-fashioned,

but, uh, shouldn't we

be introduced first?

Eh, I am pepe le pew.

This is my first affair,

so please be kind.

I am shy, but, uh…

I am willing.

I am playing it too cool, no?

Where are you,

my little Mona Lisa?

I am looking to find you.

I don't know why,

but I don't really go

for this modern sculpture.

Where are you,

my little object of art?

I am going to collect you.

Le pant.

Guess who?

Le screeech!

Don't move, darling.

I want to remember you

just as you are.

Aw, shucks.

You moved.

Ah, a trysting place for us.

You clever, you.

And very safe, eh, pigeon?

Look, my little odorlisque,

I have given up art for you.

I am willing to settle down

and be a traveling salesman.

I can tell you chaps one thing…

It's not always easy

to hold this smile.

Mmm, my cherry blossom,

how I love the taste

of your lips.

Gather lipstick while you may

is what I always say.

Aha! Look at that…

A bunch of thievin' crows.

You just know one of them

varmints has stolen my map.

♪ Oh, the cow kicked Nellie ♪

♪ In the belly in the barn ♪

♪ Didn't do her any good ♪

♪ Didn't do her any harm ♪

♪ Ia-Dee do-Dee do-Dee-do ♪

♪ Didn't do her any good ♪

♪ Didn't do her any harm ♪

All right, you mangy

feather merchants,

you're my prisoners,

so cough up that map.

Hey, look at that.

What in tarnation we got here?

Get on your feet, hombre.

I'm a-gonna search you.

I always say a man's got to do

what a man's got to do.

Uh, take over.

Nope. They don't match.

Come on, devil.

We got to keep lookin'.

Great… day…

In the mornin'.

Hey!

Ain't you even gonna apologize?

Hi, dog.

What's your wish?

My buddy here

wishes to be brave

and strong like me.

If that's his wish

and yours alike,

I'll make Chester

brave and strong

like spike.

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

You want I should dig up

some bones for ya?

Anything you say, spike,

'cause you and me is pals.

Hey, spike.

You wanna play ball?

Want to play ball?

Huh, spike?

You wanna, huh?

You wanna?

Nah.

Nah. You wouldn't

like that,

would you, spike?

Spike, how about

we chase cars, huh?

That sound like fun?

Nah.

Nah. That wouldn't

be no fun.

How about beatin' up a cat?

Would you like that, spike?

Huh, spike?

Cat? You know

where is it a cat?

Yeah, sure, spike.

Sure, sure.

I know where is it a cat.

Oh, boy! We're

going to have fun

beating up a cat, ain't we?

♪ Charleston, Charleston ♪

♪ Made in Carolina ♪

♪ Some dance, some prance ♪

♪ I'll say ♪

♪ There's nothin' finer ♪

♪ than a Charleston ♪

♪ Charleston ♪

♪ Lord, how you can shuffle ♪

♪ Every step you do ♪

♪ leads to somethin' new ♪

♪ Man, I'm tellin' you, ♪

♪ it's a lot to do ♪

♪ Pop dance, swing dance ♪

♪ Moving back… ♪

Duh duh-uh duh

duh-huh guh g-guh

go-go-guh

duh duh duh-uh…

Dat's a dirty, underhanded trick

to do to you, spike.

I'll show that cat he

can't do that to my pal.

I'll take care

of that cat myself.

Go get 'im, spike!

Go get 'im!

Spike is my hero.

O.k. Come out, cat.

No use hidin'.

Aha!

Dere you are!

Gotcha, ya dirty cat.

Come out and take your medicine,

or I'll pull your

tail off by the roots.

Come on!

Why, you…

I see your cowardly yellow eyes.

I'm a-comin' in after ya.

C-cat…

Big… big c-c-cat.

C-c-cat…

B-b-big…

C-c-cat.

Big…

C-c-cat…

G-g-giant cat.

C-c… big, big…

C-c-c…

You're kiddin', spike?

You want I should

take care of the cat

for you, spike?

I'll give him a

one-two, right-left.

No, you don't.

I'll show that cat

a thing or two.

Atta boy, spike!

Let him have it!

A right, a left!

Spike?

Spike!

Say something.

Look, it's your pal Chester.

Please, spike.

Don't let him get me!

He's a killer!

Don't let him near me!

Get a hold of yourself!

That cat's not so tough.

I can take care of him myself.

Yeah? Well, go ahead

and get yourself killed.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Just a minute, cat!

Look, spike, here he is.

Let me take care of him

for ya, spike.

This is for beating up

my pal spike.

If I can lick him, you can.

You're big and strong,

and I'm puny.

I got a job to do.

O.k., cat,

on your feet!

Ha ha ha ha!

The pussycat's gonna scratch me.

Aw, go on, scratch me.

Go ahead, scratch me.

I dare ya to scratch me.

Spike! Spike!

You got to go back in there.

No! No!

He's a killer!

Nooo!

You and me is pals,

ain't we, Chester?

Yeah, Chester.

Ya want I should dig

up some bones for you?

Huh, Chester?

Huh, ches?

Nah.

Hey, Chester, you're my hero

'cause you're so strong.

Gee, are ya gonna

make another wish?

Are ya, huh?

Huh, pal?

Oh, good.

Here comes another

anxious customer.

I'd l-l-like to buy

one of them pennies

to make a w-wish, please.

There you are, sir…

A simple penny to make a wish.

Allow me to remove that

cumbersome bundle of money.

Hey, you're 50 cents short.

I'm b-b-broke,

but if this works,

it'll be worth it.

Hi, pal.

I've always w-w-wanted

to be a big-shot producer

so's I could discover new talent

and give them a break.

Discovering new talent

for the world to see,

a wondrous thing

for a producer to be.

I slayed 'em in Scranton.

♪ La-da-da Dee da ♪

♪ Ia da da da ♪

♪ Ia da da ♪

♪ I panicked 'em in peoria! ♪

♪ La da da ♪

♪ Ia da da ♪

♪ Ia da la-daah ♪

I killed 'em in cucamonga.

Thank you very much.

I may have a spot for you.

Next, please.

♪ Buk buk buk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Bu-uhk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Buk buk buk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Bu-uhk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Buk buk buk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Bu-uhk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Buk buk buk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Bu-uhk buk bu-uhk ♪

♪ Buk buk buk buk bu-uhk… ♪

So I laid an egg.

Wonder what's next.

I'm bingo.

I'm Frankie.

I'm al.

♪ Mammy, mammy ♪

♪ That's my mammy, ♪

♪ nobody else's ♪

♪ My mammy, I say ♪

Cut the hubbub, bub.

Let's get this thing

off the ground.

Roger, pops.

Take off.

Uh-1, uh-2, uh-3.

♪ When April showers ♪

♪ May come your way ♪

♪ They bring the flowers ♪

♪ That bloom in may ♪

♪ So if it's raining ♪

♪ Have no regrets ♪

♪ Because it isn't ♪

♪ raining rain, you know ♪

♪ It's raining violets ♪

♪ And when you see clouds ♪

♪ When you see clouds ♪

♪ upon a hill ♪

♪ Nah, you're not ♪

♪ lookin' at clouds ♪

♪ Nah, you're lookin' ♪

♪ at daffodils ♪

♪ So keep on lookin' ♪

♪ Keep lookin' ♪

♪ for the bluebird ♪

♪ And listening for his song ♪

♪ Whenever April showers ♪

♪ Come along ♪

Th-th-thank you.

I'll let you know

if anything comes up.

That's really not

high-class enough.

It's strictly for those silly

s-s-swooning bobbysoxers.

Boy, two-headed!

This ought to be

a sensational act!

Act, schmact.

I'm the janitor.

Heady is the name…

J. Fennon heady.

I'll show you

what I'm going to do.

I'll place this suitcase

upon the floor.

I'll open this suitcase,

seat myself

on this unique platform.

I'm going to manipulate this

lever and zoom into the air.

I'm going to soar up

to stratospheric heights

500 feet above sea level.

I'm going to take my

stance in a diving position

at the platform's edge…

Note the perfect form…

And I'm going to dive

into the air

not into a tank of water,

not into a bucket of water.

No, I'll tell you what

I'm going to dive into…

An ordinary drinking glass.

Observe.

Now, go ahead, sir.

Oh, a dog act, huh?

No. My card, sir.

Aw, who'd want to d… disc…

Give those guys a break?

Shee!

I think we found the varmint

done stole my map.

He must live in that

hotel over yonder.

Wait here.

I'm going to sneak over

to that there hotel.

Ow!

Ooh, ouch!

Ooh! Ouch!

Ouch, ohh!

Ouch!

Ooh!

Ouch!

It's no use, Sylvester.

My mind's made up.

I'm going to make my wish,

and that's final.

There you are, ma'am.

Happy wishing.

Suffering succotash!

I wish you'd reconsider.

Wishing well, oh, wishing well,

you I do entreat.

I wish our house

would resound to

the patter of little feet.

I hear your wish

and I obey.

The patter of little feet

you shall hear this day.

Lazy good-for-nothing.

♪ Oh, Sylvester ♪

Isn't it strange

we've never had a little

bundle from heaven?

Suffering succotash!

Don't start that

patter of little feet around

the house stuff again.

I'm busy.

Boo hoo hoo!

I work and I slave…

"And what thanks do I get?

I wish I was dead.

Boo hoo hoo!"

Every day it's the same thing.

Pitter patter of little feet.

Eh!

Oh, my aching head.

Let's face it.

I can't fly any further.

This place is as good as any.

What's the difference?

A baby's a baby.

It's the environment

that molds them.

Congrat…

Congra…

Congratulations, madam.

You're a mother.

Sylvester, look!

Look!

The stork was here

and left us a baby!

A baby?

Quick, quick, open it!

Oh, boy!

This makes me a father!

A mouse?

Mama!

Oh, he called me mama.

Isn't he cute?

Cute?

He's delicious.

Aah!

Sylvester, how could you?

After all, he's just a baby.

Even if he is a mouse,

he's ours.

Yours and mine?

You're a gambling woman.

What do you take,

heads or tails?

Aah!

You beast!

You cannibal!

How could you?

Mouse or no mouse,

he's your son.

A fine thing.

I've become the

father of a breakfast.

Hold still, you little rodent.

And after you're through,

take darling for a walk.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Daddy!

Hee hee!

Aw!

He called me daddy.

Cootchie cootchie cootchie coo!

And now daddy is going

to take his widdle man

for a walk.

Cootchie cootchie coo.

Good day, sir.

I represent the little giant

vacuum cleaner company

of walla walla, Washington.

Notice this machine

removes completely

all foreign particles

from the room.

You may not be ready

to purchase now,

but if you ever do,

remember the little

giant vacuum cleaner.

Cannibals.

I understand

you need a babysitter.

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho!

Ho, dancer, ho, prancer.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Ho ho ho!

A jolly yuletide.

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Ho ho ho!

A merry…

What a fuss they made

at the office.

I got to get the mouse

to his real parents.

Cheese!

Don't touch that!

Those darn cats!

Still at it.

I'll show them.

Boy!

Did that mouse grow!

Well, nothing like this

ever happened

on my side of the family.

Your mind

is such a simple thing,

your wish I can foretell.

You're wishing for a husband

and the ring of a wedding bell.

Yes.

Oh, if it isn't prissy.

Yes.

Oh, prissy,

you don't know how lucky you are

never to have had children.

They're such a trial.

Hee hee hee!

That always burns her up.

Hee hee hee!

You know, junior

scratched a little today

for the first time.

Wonderful!

He'll be crowing

next thing you know.

Don't touch my child!

What, the very idea!

The nerve of her!

Why doesn't she have

her own children?

Oh, my dear,

she'd never land a man.

She's too much of a d-r-i-p,

if you know what I mean.

Hey, Hazel.

Look who's going to

look for a husband.

Not prissy?

Oh, ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, ol'

square britches herself.

The poor old thing

couldn't catch a husband

with a bear trap.

Girls, here she comes.

Happy husband hunting, dearie.

Did you take something

to clunk him on the head?

Yes.

Aah!

Now, who's respon…

I say, who's responsible

for this unwarranted

attack on my person?

Aha!

'Course, you know

this means war.

Ahh!

Huh? Now, what

have we got here?

All right, sister, out with it.

Let's have it.

What, I say, what's the big idea

bashing me on the noggin

with a rolling pin?

Clunk enough people

and we'll have a

nation of lumpheads.

Now, hold on. That

was a joke, girl.

Lump heads…

Lumpheads.

Nothing to cry about.

Let's hear your side

of the story.

Well…

I know just what

you're going to say.

You're looking for a husband.

Yes.

You're going about it all wrong.

You don't bat them on the

bean with a rolling pin.

That's later.

Now, you take that

rooster yonder…

He's a fine bachelor rooster.

But, uh…

Uh-uh!

You're right!

He does look like a dog,

but he's a rooster, all right.

He just wears that dog suit

to keep lovesick

hens away from him.

Oh!

Now, here's how to get him.

Everybody, I say,

everybody knows

the way to a man's heart

is through his stomach.

Take this fine casaba

melon over to him.

Show him what you got,

but don't let him have it.

Tease him a little.

Make him chase you.

Is any of this filtering through

that little blue

bonnet of yours?

Yes.

Nice but sharp

as a sack of wet mice.

Psst!

For me?

This cluck's off her onion.

All right, salome.

Give papa the pretty melon.

Give me that casaba,

you peabrain!

Oh!

He's chasing me.

I'm wide, I say, I'm wide open!

Shoot me a lateral.

That's it.

That's the old

passing it, kiddo.

Your rooster, girlie.

I've hooked,

I say, I've hooked him.

It's up to you to land him.

Sooner or later,

she's bound to try to get

him out of that dog suit.

Then whoa, Nellie!

Hey, wait a minute.

What are you trying to do,

pull the skin off of me?

Yes.

Well, it won't work, girlie.

It's on too tight.

Now, what's this all about?

Well…

Look, chick, I got news for you.

What you want's a rooster,

not a dog, which I am.

Yes!

With that puss,

your only chance to get a rooster

is to trap one.

Here's how you go about

building a trap.

You get yourself

a couple of 2 x 4s.

Then you get a stepladder…

What in the, I say,

what in the world

is that hen up to now?

I don't know what you're doing

with that bowling ball, girlie,

but I'm not one to let

a lady do a man's job.

There you are, sister.

Have fun.

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Going on your honeymoon?

Yes.

Yes!

I say, yes!

I wonder what

them varmints is doing

round that old well?

I'll sashay down there

and find out.

Move aside!

Make way for a pirate.

Hey, varmint,

what in tarnation's going on here?

For 500 simoleons,

I'll give you a penny.

Drop it in the well

and make a wish.

Your wish will come true.

Fork over the cash.

You're holding up the line.

Fork over one of them pennies,

or I'll cut you off at the pass.

Yes, sir.

You talked me into it.

All right, you dumb well.

I've always wanted

to have a rich relative

who'd kicked the bucket

and left all his money to me,

so let's have it!

A very rich relative

in poor health

doth will to you

his entire wealth.

But, sire,

there is no more money.

Your uncle the king has

cut off your allowance.

You know the penalty

for not having

the books balanced.

Oh, no!

Not the nose

in the book penalty.

Yeah, the nose in the book.

We got to get some money!

Ooh! Well,

what do you want?

Good evening.

My company has selected you,

under no obligation,

to be the proud owner of

legal tender amounting to…

We don't want any!

£1 million!

A million pounds?

Well…

Come right in.

Welcome to the house of Sam.

"To make certain

this money be received

"by a worthy person

of mild temperament,

"the bearer of the document"…

That's me… "has been

authorized to deduct

"from the total amount

any sum he sees fit

whenever there's

any display of temper."

In short, whenever

you blow your top,

you blow some dough.

Get it?

Proceed.

Allow me to be your most humble

and mild-tempered host.

Oh, uh, Sam!

Pass the salt, please!

Salt?

Get it yourself!

Uh-oh. That'll cost

you about, uh…

Salt?

Why didn't you say so?

Here's your salt, bunny.

I hope you like it.

Oh, uh…

The pepper, please.

Pepper!

Oh, uh…

Yeah, hee hee.

The pepper.

Coming right up.

Put a room across…

Oh, Sam!

Oh, no.

How about the olives?

Aah…

That dirty pera-alta

bak-a-flappin'

filabustin' gloom-a-burtin…

Now, what was that

you were saying?

I like you, rabbit.

I heard you in there.

It'll cost you £300.

£300!

400.

Ooh!

Eh, I'm not sleepy.

I'll hang around a while.

Good night, Sam.

Nighty-night, bunny.

♪ I dream of Jeannie ♪

♪ She's a light brown hare ♪

♪ Ia te de da ♪

♪ Da da da de ta ta de ♪

Stop that music,

you crazy rockin' varmint rabbit!

Well, that should be worth £400.

Hee hee!

I was only kidding.

How about singing me to sleep

with that brahm's lullaby?

What do you say, Frankie boy?

Well, maybe.

♪ Da da da dum ♪

♪ Ta da da da da ♪

♪ Ta dum ta da ♪

Do you like it?

I like it.

♪ Ia da di do do do ♪

♪ Ia do di di ♪

Get out of there!

Hey, you splatter-spattin'

NASA-trapperall!

I heard you.

It's going to cost you £400.

Oh!

And 35 shillings.

Ooh!

Hey, doc,

what's that song you're playing?

I like it.

Dirty…

If this keeps up,

I won't have anything left.

I'll get rid of him.

It'll look like an accident.

Oh, Mr. Bunny!

There's someone

at the door for you.

Tell him to come back tomorrow.

I'll be here all day.

What?

Oh, no, you're not!

You're coming out right now!

Out, out, out!

O.k., Sam,

it's all yours.

Why, you…

Whew!

The alps have got nothing on

these stairs for climbing.

Oop!

I got it licked, rabbit.

I don't get mad

no more. Watch this.

See?

Ha ha ha!

I can take it.

I haven't the heart to tell him

he's used up all the money.

Ooh, I hates wishing Wells.

See here, my good fellow,

you're creating a

bottleneck in the line.

Oh, yeah?

Seaweed Sam don't take

that kind of talk

from no fancy pants!

Yikes!

You've unpanted me.

Feel a draft, varmint?

Ha ha ha!

Wretch.

Have you no couth?

Great horny-toads.

It fits.

So you're

the map-stealing varmint

who done run off

with my treasure map.

Well, you got three

seconds to cough it up

before I stunt your growth.

To have my weakness exposed

in front of all these people.

What if I am a coward?

At least I'm a live coward.

Take the map.

Now to find the treasure.

Let's see now…

"Walk 10 paces north, northeast.

1… 2…

3…

4, 5, 6, 7…

8, 9…

10.

Iarriba, arriba, arriba!

Iarriba! Iandele!

Ouch! Out, infidel.

Pollute not my wholesome well.

Iarriba, arriba, arriba!

Iarriba! Iandele!

Well, get out of my way!

I'll catch that rodent varmint.

The only two things

a pirate will run for

is money and public office.

Iarriba! Iandele!

Oops!

I got it!

Slow down,

you cantankerous cuss!

Let go of my map,

you duck-billed platypus!

Hey, boss,

watch out for the volcano!

Hot rocks!

You'll get hot foots!

Ow!

Aah!

Ooh!

Yeow!

Now look what you done,

you flea-brained varmint!

You ruined my map!

Map?

Only he who holds the map

is possessor of the well.

The island's changing

back to what it was!

Maybe that stupid well's got

one more wish left in it.

I suspect not.

How about just one

teensy-weensy wish?

Just one?

There are some wishes

in the well.

In truth, they number three.

Use these three wishes

wisely, friends,

for they are the last

there will be.

Did you hear that, fellas?

The well has

graciously consented

to give us three more wishes.

Isn't that swell?

Imarvelousomente!

You could wish

for E.T. To get home.

Three wishes.

That's one apiece.

Speedy can wish the first one,

me the second, Sam the third.

Listen. My stomach

she is grumbling.

I wish I had a big fat burrito.

I never saw a burrito that

looked so good like this.

How can you make

a stupid wish like that?

I wish that burrito would

stick on your dumb nose.

Frijole!

What are you doing?

Take him off quick!

I can't breathe

nothing but burrito!

Well, Sam,

there's only one thing to do.

Use that third wish to get

that burrito off his nose.

It's the only

humane thing to do.

Don't you think so, Sam?

Sam? Sam!

Too late, duck.

I already wished

for a pirate ship.

After I sinks

a certain pesky rabbit,

I'll come back and pick you up!

Ooh, you're despicable!

And now I

say, without the jokes…

Daffy Duck's Movie: Fantastic Island (1983) - full transcript