Dads (2019) - full transcript

[orderly] First time?

-[man] Yes. [laughs]-All right.

I've seen you somewhere before.

Yeah, I've been around.

-[orderly] How you doing?-[woman laughs]

Causing a lot of excitement tonight.

-Hi. Cheryl?-Yes.

-[Nurse] How you doing?-[Cheryl] Good. Thank you.

Ready to have your baby?

I hope so.

[baby crying]



-[doctor] Is it "Bryce"?-[man] Bryce. Bryce Dallas.

[doctor] Welcome to the world, Bryce.

-[man] Bryce.-[woman] Oh.

-Hi, Bryce.-Bryce.

[Bryce Dallas Howard] Dad?

-This is cool, right?-[Ron Howard] This is really cool.

-Are you taking a picture?-Yeah. Why not?

[Bryce laughs]

-Are you proud, Dad? Aw.-Absolutely. Always.

[Bryce laughs]

This is the payoff for being a dad.

-[Bryce] Okay. Yeah, Dads.-[man] Dads.

-Apparently you're one.-I am one. Mm-hmm.

Good. Good, good, good. Cool.



-So I'm gonna ask you about it.-Okay.

[Bryce] Finish this sentence:A father is...

Who knows?

If I'm the expert,this whole project is in terrible trouble.

So, please tell meyou've got better people coming in.

I remember that I have children.I know I have four of them.

Twenty-seven-year-old daughter named--[chuckles] And we're off to a bad start.

[Bryce] I can't believe this is youwith, like, a cold.

But I think my voice soundskind of more manly.

-Yeah, yeah, which is perfect.-Kind of a tough guy voice.

-Hi. Thanks for including me.-Are you kidding me?

-Can't believe you're doing this. So cool.-I am so excited.

[Bryce] Kenan, would you mindstepping back the tiniest bit?

-Yeah, dawg. I'm off the mark.-There we go.

How many people--How many dads are you interviewing?

My childhood, yes.

Um, West Philadelphia, born and raised.

On the playgroundis where I spent most of my days.

[chuckles]

I gotta follow Will Smith?Don't tell me that.

Oh, my God. Don't put that in my head.

[Bryce] If you could just stand naturally.

-Like that?-Yes.

That's my natural resting--Okay, we're on the same page creatively.

A father is-- Wow.

Should I know the answer to that,and it's weird if I don't?

[man laughs]

[Bryce] The role of the modern father,

-what dads are today...-Yeah.

-...is really not defined.-Totally.

It's a societal thing that dadsare kind of in the background.

The sooner that narrative changes,I think, the better.

My brother, who's the youngest of four,is about to have his first kid.

Oh, my God.

So, can I ask you questions?What made you wanna do this?

[Bryce] I wanna know moreabout what it takes to be a father

and celebrate all the great dadsout there.

I think being a father, todaymore than ever, it's a very fluid thing.

I'm not-- There are no rules.

It's all things at once.It's multiplicities.

Oh, my God.It's this magical, intimidating thing.

No, let's talk about everything so morepeople will do it and be better at it.

-[girls laughing]-Oh, my God.

[baby blows raspberry]

[man] ♪ Bedtime, bedtime, here we go... ♪

[Bryce] So, in the simplest terms,what is a father?

A hero?

[woman, indistinct]

That's just the first thing I'm gonna say,because I look up to my dad.

[boy laughing]

[man] Yeah, ah!

If I do it right,I should be a hero to them.

-[birds singing]-[motorcycle passing in distance]

[toy xylophone tinkling]

[Glen] How does it go?

[Glen and kids together]♪ Shoes, shoes, where are you? ♪

♪ Shoes, shoes, where are you? ♪

Dang it, I keep messing up.

♪ Just woke up and it's such a nice day ♪

♪ Shoes, shoes, where are you? ♪ [whoops]

[hip-hop] ♪ Shoes, shoes, where are you?Shoes... ♪

[Glen] The role of fatherhood has shiftedin a major way.

Because we went from providing,

being there for holidaysand, like, disciplining...

Anaya, can you clear the table, please?

-Get a cup, please.-Cup?

Yeah, get it.

...to being all the way involved.

And you kind of look like a dorkif you're not.

[hip-hop]♪ Clean up the toys, girls and boys ♪

♪ Put it away, don't take all day, yeah ♪

♪ Clean up the toys, girls and boys... ♪

I feel like being a fathermade me the man I am.

♪ Get the dishes off the tableGet the dishes off the table ♪

-Papa.-Thank you.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

[tempo increases]♪ Clean up the toys, girls and boys ♪

♪ Put it away, don't take all dayClean up, clean up ♪

Oh, look, there's a dish over there.

Good job, buddy.

My children taught me to beauthentic and be honest with myself.

What are we having for lunch?

Fatherhood has given mea whole new identity.

I used to work here.Started out foldin' shirts

and displaying stuffand helping out salesmen.

And thenI actually got my first sales job.

I had a hard time.

My wife, like, hated the factthat I didn't love my job.

I don't know why I said what I said...

but I said it.

What if you just stayed homewith the kids?

-[child crying]-I'm hiding in the kitchen

because the kidsaren't allowed in the kitchen.

-Is he there?-[crying]

[stammers] I definitelyunderestimated the situation.

[crying continues]

All hell broke loose.

[crying]

The poop blowouts.

Poop up the back. Poop in the hair.

Yeah, he pooped. [groans]

There's poop here. There's poop here.

You're just tired of smelling poop.

-Are you kidding me? Where is the powder?-I don't know.

What's that smell?

Smells like pee.

[screaming]

Okay, we're gonna be fine, everybody.

-Go in the potty, boy.-No.

-Yay!-No.

[screams]

I thought it was going to be easy.

Wipe my butt.

Papa, wipe my butt.

Wipe my butt.

I sucked.

[child screaming]

-I'm trying to figure out how to keep...-[screaming]

I knew I wanted to be a good father.

...my patience.

But I didn't know how.

And I really hadn't had enough experiencewith stay-at-home moms

or knew any stay-at-home dads at all,so I was kind of like,

man, I felt like I was an impostor.

I just remember cryingin this bathroom right here.

And you hear the kidsbanging on the door, "Papa!"

It was like, "Yo, I don't knowif I'm gonna make it through this

if I don't get some typeof encouragement."

Like, really.

At first, I would just pull the camera outand start talking to the camera.

Then, instead of pointing the camerato myself, I'm gonna point it to my kids.

These are my children,the chocolate babies.

-Say "Hi." Hi.-Hi.

Say "Hi."

And I wanna show, like,what I'm experiencing as a father.

-You freaking kidding me, yo?-[whining]

-I'm stupid for leaving this out.-'Kay.

-But you shouldn't have touched this.-'Kay.

-And you know that.-'Kay.

Yo, I swear, man, you can't even writesome of the stuff I go through.

I left the bags there.Riah goes into the bag.

I was checking on Theo. He's on the potty.

-Hi.-And Uriah does this.

He could have tooka lot of different things,

but he decided to take the eggs.

-Not cool, bro. All bad.-All bad?

-All bad.-All bad?

-Horrible. Yeah.-Horrible?

Now I gotta give you a bath.

-Does anyone feel sorry for me?-No.

You said no?

So I started to sharemy rough experiences.

[shouting, grunting]

I found a lot of people who felt like me.

[laughing]

I got encouraged,and then I just kept making videos.

[karate yell]

[screams]

To be honest with you, I wasn't a fan ofthe whole putting our family out there.

-How long has Theo been holding his poop?-Three days.

Come over here.

-Why-- Are you recording me?-Yeah, I'm recording you.

Walk here with me. Turn the corner.

[dramatic chord plays]

[Glen laughing] Don't hit!

-Did you get it, babe?-Yeah, I got it!

Ew! Don't put that in my face.Stop it! Stop!

-[Yvette laughing]-Babe, don't play with me.

He really just wanted peopleto get the authentic experience

of what it meant to bea stay-at-home parent.

[clears throat]

[dryer plays tone, starts]

[sniffs] Mm...

[hip-hop plays]

[Glen] Yo, shout-out to L-FRESH The LION,you know?

This has been another episodeof Beleaf in Fatherhood.

This whole dad-vlogging lifestyle,

I don't knowif this has ever been a thing.

But I'm loving it.

-[babbling]-Good morning, anyone.

Does anyone have any questions...

-I do.-...for the chocolate babies?

They're gonna ask you questions.

"Um, are you a stay-at-home dad?"Yes, I am. Technically, I work from home.

It forced me to realizethe power of transparency.

All right. So, boom.

As a stay-at-home dad,it really doesn't help if we're private.

I love your hair.

Dad, how you love my hair?

-Just like it is, buddy.-Yeah.

I like you just how you are.I love your chocolate skin.

I think we need more fathersexposing their lives

and opening their windows andallowing us to see the heart of a father.

-Anaya.-'Naya.

Ya. Ya. What letter is ya, ya?

U?

Not U. It sounds like U'cause U is uh, uh.

Sounds just like this letter...

I was a terrible stay-at-home fatherat first.

But I got good at it.

-[timer rings]-[Glen gasps]

-Bacon!-Go me!

-Bacon. Okay, let's go.-Go.

Let's go. Let's go.All right. Come on. Okay.

I am the man in their life,so I have to be excellent.

Still hot, gotta blow it.Let me see you blow it.

Very good.

-Mm.-Ah!

[Yvette]To go from being married to somebody

who doesn't want to talk about their job

to somebody who is nowwalking in their calling,

it's just like, "What the heck?"

Like, it's a complete transformation.I'll try not to cry.

Don't put it all in your mouth.Ah. Smaller bites, please.

[cereal rattles in dish]

Now I understand a lot of stay-at-homemoms who have working husbands,

like, "Don't ask me what I did today."

You know what I'm saying? You haveno idea what I've been through. It's hard.

-Papa.-Yeah.

-Cheerios.-You want Cheerios too?

-Yes.-All right.

-Are you ready to say your prayers?-No! [chuckles]

-[Anaya screams]-[Glen snickering]

Your kid doesn't carewho the president is.

Your kid cares that you pay attention.

You are the center of that child's world.You're Dad.

-Good night, baby.-[Anaya] Good night.

-Good night, buddies.-[boy 1] Good night.

-[boy 2] Good night.-Good night. I'm gonna close the door now.

-Bye.-[Anaya] Daddy.

[Glen] Bye. Bye.

-[Anaya] Daddy!-No.

-Daddy!-Nope.

-Daddy!-Bye.

[Bryce] There's this saying,that you're the best parent you'll ever be

before you have kids.

Oh, because everything is theoretical?

It's all in theory.Like, "When I become a parent..."

[woman chuckles]

What does that mean?

-[chuckling] We're pregnant.-[shouting] Oh, my God!

I do remember my first reactionwhen my wife told me she was pregnant.

I remember thinking, "Wow, it worked."

It's almost like when you grow tomatoesin your yard,

like, "Hey, look at that. I got tomatoes."

[woman]There is a bun in the oven. Take it out.

Pregnancy tests. [laughs]

-Thank you very much.-[woman] No, babe, look at them.

-What?-The tests. [chuckles]

David and I decided that a familywould be important to us,

and we thought about maybe adopting.

Um, but we thought, "Why don't we trythe surrogacy process to see?"

First we tried the old-fashioned way,

and I just could not--I could not get him pregnant.

-Is this you?-[woman chuckling] Yes.

-Are you joking?-No.

[woman]Do you understand "bun in the oven"?

What is that? [gasps]

[woman laughing]Explaining to you what it does mean.

Oh!

Come here. Come here. Oh, babe!

[man laughing, crying]

-[woman] Oh, babe.-All right.

It's suddenly the most important thingyou'll ever do in your life,

and you have no preparationfor it in any way.

And... it's really scary.

-[man shouting] I'm leaving!-[woman laughing]

-God, no!-[laughter continues]

[man] What the...

Please.

What, you got--You got that from a joke store?

-[woman] Did I get it from a where?-Did you get it from a joke store?

-Did you get it from a joke store?-No.

-Oh, Lord, my chest. Goddamn, my chest.-[woman laughing]

Babe, we old. We can't be doing it.

-I'm not doing it no more.-[laughter continues]

I'm done. I'm sleeping with long johns onfrom now on.

-Baby, what we gonna do?-What you mean "What we gonna do?"

We're gonna do the same thing we didfor the last three.

Oh, baby, just-- Oh, Lord, diapers.

[woman] Really?

-We gonna be all right.-We gonna be all right.

-You gonna be all right?-We gonna be all right.

-You all right?-[sighs]

[Bryce] What advice would you give tosomeone who's about to become a father?

I just tell them,"This will change your life

and be the most meaningful thingthat happens to you in your life.

And that's all I'm gonna say to you."

And then I try to throw one of thosesmoke things down so I can disappear.

But I'm a terrible magician,

so the smoke clears,and then they see me walk away.

And the drama's lost.

All right. Let's figure this out.

Assembly not required. All right.

[Reed] Growing up, I always saw myselfas someone who wanted to have kids.

"Do not remove."

God, I need to read directions.

-But...-Oh, my God.

...to be honest, like, I'm just nervous'cause I want everything to go okay.

But this could fling the baby,couldn't it?

That seems like a problem to me.

Just as a quick question,"Is this normal?"

No.

Uh-oh. Mm.

They don't want you doing that.

-Yeah. Do it the other way.-They want the curved part on the floor.

[Reed]The due date's about one month away,

so I think I'm gonna be nervous about ituntil the baby comes out

and the baby's okay, and Ashley's okay.

And then I won't be nervousabout it anymore.

Then I'll just be nervous aboutbreaking the baby once we have the baby.

-All right.-[metal clatters]

[laughing]

[Reed] Why is that not working?

I had just gotten a picture-in-picture TV.Remember those?

You could have the little pictureof another channel.

And it was a thousand-page manual.

So I sit my thousand-page manual down,I'm going through,

and I hear Jada say, "Oh, shit."

And I was, "What, babe? What?"

I was like, "Oh." [groans]

Um, "You sure?"

[laughs]

-[woman groans]-[babies cry]

When there are babies being born,[stammers] I'm just nervous.

-[baby crying]-[woman] Oh.

"Dad, hold her leg," and I was like,"Snap, it's happening here. No curtain.

You're telling me not to look.Okay, cool. So, I'll just hold this leg."

"You're doing a great job."

[groans]

But make no mistake about it,she's Batman, and you're not even Robin.

You're, like,one of the tires on the Batmobile.

In between contractions, to distract me,

she would give me these weird huntsto go on. You know what I mean?

Can you go find me two applestied together with an electrical cord?

I'm like, "Got it."

[Bryce] Are there any classesthat you guys have taken or anything?

Yeah, yeah, we took, uh,like, a seven-hour class

all about, like, parentsthat are first-time parents.

And they showed you videos, andthey showed you all sorts of stuff, um...

And, uh, to be honest, like, you know,

Mom made us all watch our birth videos,so I was already traumatized. Um...

[Bryce] Yeah, no,can you just talk a little bit

about the birth videos that we havein our family, and that tradition?

Oh, yeah. Well, first of all,the premise is nice.

"We want you to see what we were likewhen we were pregnant with you,"

which is so sweet.

So they do some interviews.

-So, I've gained four pounds.-At this point, you're about six inches.

[Reed] Mom flashes her belly,"Oh, she's pregnant."

You know, the cat's running around.It's just Mom and Dad talking about it.

And then they decidedthat it was appropriate

to have, like, a two feet from exit,like, birthing video.

[woman] Push, push, push, push, push!

[Lamaze breathing]

-[Howard] Here we go.-[woman] Come on, Cheryl.

[baby crying]

You know, I'll let everyone judge on that,

but for me, I don't thinkwe're gonna do that. [chuckles]

So that's maybe a traitthat we're not carrying on.

-[Ashley laughs]-[Reed] Um...

[Ashley]It's good quality family time right there.

[Bryce] Do you remember the first timeyou held your baby?

Yeah.

It was just, like, love at first sight.Like, for real, for real, for real.

They're just so little.Everything's so mini and tiny.

I remember holding her for the first timeand going, "I don't wanna break this.

Can someone else hold this?"

[Bryce] But you did it ultimately.

Yeah, by the end,I'm easy, I'm one hand. Yeah.

[stammers]I would hold it like the Heisman Trophy.

I was walking around with my baby, yeah,like I wasn't even holding a baby.

I'm a dad. You know what I mean?

I felt like I was on duty, like a soldier.It was like, "I am a dad."

[woman] Let's go home.

I remember driving home from the hospital

and just feeling like everybodywas an asshole driving.

Like, "Relax, y'all."

It was the first momentthat the full weight of his life

was my responsibility.

I remembered us taking Neve,my daughter, into the apartment.

And it is the way you watch peoplecarrying a bomb that hasn't gone off.

You're just hyper aware.

There's a bird six miles over that way,but it's headed this way.

What if it tries to take her?

When we left, it was just the two of us.

Now, this dude lives here... forever.

So, we're walking through the door,and I see all of my stuff

all over the floorfrom my picture-in-picture TV.

And it dawned on me, and I looked down,

and I was like,"There's a thousand-page manual

for a picture-in-picture television

and they sent us homewith a baby and nothing."

I was like,"Something's really wrong here, baby."

-[chuckles]-[child screams]

[babies crying]

[gagging]

[mimics airplane]

Ahhh!

I had my daughter, Katie. She was aboutten months old, something like that.

I'm just kind of holding her over my head,and I was smiling.

I had my mouth wide open,and she had her mouth wide open.

And then she vomited in a forceful column.

I guess they call it projectile vomiting.

Directly into-- Like, it hit my uvula.

It just went right into my throat,and of course, your reaction is

to throw this person, you know,as far away from you as possible.

But I didn't. I held onto her.

And I justspit as much of it as I could out.

That's when I realized I was a dad.[chuckles]

Every time her body touched the crib...

[snarls]

...it was like a monster movie.

I would hold her, with bad posture,which led to disk issues later.

So I would hold her like this for so long.

Oh, my God. I could fall asleepliterally right now

from sleep deprivation.

-[woman] Get up.-[baby whining]

[Apatow] Y-You do have weeks and weeksof just no sleep, and you get crazy.

-[woman] He's crying.-[baby crying]

[Apatow] It can break you.

-[woman] He's crying, babe.-[crying continues]

[woman] Where's he at?

-Where's he at?-Please. Please.

[woman] He's right there crying,and he thinks he's holding him.

So much of our youth is"Me, me, me, me, me, me.

Gotta go. Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta."

But then when you bringa kid into the world,

and you realize "That's my daughter,"

your shoulders dropin this very profound way.

"Oh, right. Now it's about her." You know?

"It's not about me. It's about her."

It's this incredible...

realization that you're notthe most important person in the world.

[Bryce] As a parent, the thingthat you always are most scared of...

-Yeah.-...when you have a kid, is you say,

what's the one thingthat you want your kid to be?

Healthy. Yes, of course.

I-I wasn't at all worriedthat there would be anything wrong.

When my son Billy was born, I hadthree kids that were perfectly healthy.

Our kids were born premature,

and we didn't knowwhat was going to happen.

I-It's one of those things where,uh, that changes everything.

You know, you're only as happyas your family is.

And so, you're very vulnerable.

Well, this is Daddy.

You're about to be here in a little bit.We couldn't wait for you to come.

You took your happy-ass time.

Happy-ass time. Two days late.

But you better come out today. Today.

When you're expecting a child,

the parents, they always prepare forthe baby shower, the gender reveal,

they're decorating the rooms and they'repicking out names and stuff like that.

Everything is always happy.They never prepare for the what-ifs.

Mama say you're two days late.

But my thing is,you don't rush perfection.

You're going to be a perfect child.And we love you to death.

-[woman chuckling]-Daddy's signing out.

[monitor beeping]

I remember bells and whistleson the monitor started going off.

The next thing you know,like, a SWAT team came in.

"We cannot wait.He needs emergency surgery right now."

They told us he gota congenital heart defect.

He had two holes in his heart.

It didn't resonate with me, like,what actually was going on.

Like, what are you telling me?

[woman] Yeah.

[Selby] The first time I saw himout of the surgery room...

I broke down cryingbecause it didn't look like my child.

[monitor beeping]

And he was like a lifeless doll.

I just knew at that time, man,like, I will forever be his protector.

There's no doubt in my mindthat I will ever leave this child.

-[crying]-[woman] I'm sorry.

This is the first surgery we did wherewe just alleviated the obstruction

inside the heartbefore the pulmonary valve.

But he still had moreobstruction at the valve.

-[Selby] Oh, my man, my man, my man.-[gasping, sobbing]

Let it out. Daddy's here. Daddy's here.

[man, indistinct]

[Selby] The first three years,it really, really was a lot.

That's my little homie's pump right there.

Hook him up every night for ten hours.

My son had home nurses for three years,every day of the week.

He had a physical therapisttwo times a week.

And he was on, like,eight, nine medicines.

Okay, we made it. About to head outto the doctor's appointment.

He used to haveto see three doctors a month

for almost, like, a year and a half.

-Daddy!-[nurse] Okay.

[Selby] It was a long,long, long rocky process

because at that time, I didn't have a car.

All right, hold my hand.

I had to hop cabs and busses and stuff.

And some of his appointmentswere way in Washington, DC.

I would literally have to leavesix o'clock in the morning

just to be there 30 minutes early.

[coughing]

Yeah, it was a rough night last night.

I had to take off work today.Make sure, you know, RJ's okay.

I remember one time he got sick.Like, a small little cold.

He dropped a pound.

It took almost a whole yearto get that pound back.

Ninety-eight point seven. Okay, baby.You go back to sleep, okay?

Aw, I'm sorry.

It was like, I'm a first-time father.

Back and forth I was going tothe hospital. The follow-ups. The visits.

-[woman] There. You're doing great.-[Selby] Whoa. You feel it?

-All done, Daddy.-Almost.

[woman] Almost.

[Selby] Oh! Big bubble.

See your heart? Okay.

I had to work overtime.

My boss allowed me to leaveas much time as I needed and stuff.

But, you know, I wasn't reallygetting compensated for it if I leave.

I get a little bit of vacation time.And I burnt all that out.

I'm heading to work.

Work the graveyard shift, what they say.

You know, from 11:00 at nighttill 7:00 in the morning.

Then 8:00 till 4:00, I go to school.

Three hours after that,I pick my son up from the babysitter's

and do our daily activities.

It was just a lot last year.

We're trying to balance, you know,

whether I'm going to pay the rent,or the light bill, or my car bill.

Last year my cargot repossessed three times.

It's another stress on top of stress.

My son never saw that.And he never felt that, or whatever.

'Cause every day he wake up,his daddy's there.

You know, it's all fun and games.

And I just provideas much as I can for him.

Where's RJ? Where's RJ?

Hmm. Marco Polo.

He's not in here. Where is he at?

Where's he at? It's RJ.

[RJ squealing]

-Now you're going---Put me down!

He just brings somethingout of me that-- I don't know what it is.

I work 12 hours. I'm tired.

As soon as I come through that door,he embrace me.

I love you a lot. [kisses]

All the excuses are out the door.

You know, all you know is,Daddy left, Daddy came back. Let's play.

Daddy's home. So what you wanna do?

-Go outside.-Okay.

[woman] I couldn't ask fora better partner in raising a son.

Like, our situation, we're not together.

Um, we never were.We've always been really good friends.

And as cliché as it sounds, it works.

You okay, man?

We decided that you don't have to,in our minds,

have to be a couple or marriedto be great parents.

[using two different voices]So, you wanna play football? Yes.

With me and RJ? Yes.Well, no. You're not playing...

[Chantay] It's to the point, like,my friends tell me

they wish that they hadmy situation, pretty much.

And I love that. [chuckles]

-Push it in.-[Selby] I gotta stand. Okay.

[RJ] Now...

But as you can see,he's still up and at it.

Like, this is not for show.This is Robert all of the time.

When Chantay first told methat she was pregnant,

like, I love this womanthrough the thick and thin.

But when she told me she was pregnant,it just changed the mood in me.

And for some reason,I don't know what it was.

And I guessI was more scared than anything.

So I told her that,you know, I didn't want my son.

And I stopped talking to her.

That was, like, two monthsI can never get back.

Because, like, we talked every day.

[Chantay]At first, he wasn't happy at all.

But he turned around for the better.

It shouldn't have took methis long to apologize.

And I asked her. I said,"If you ever find it in your heart

to forgive me and give me a second chance,you will never regret it."

-Me and Dad are going outside.-Okay.

-I love you, Mommy.-I love you too. Go ahead.

[Chantay] I think people can change.

I-I know people can change,because I've seen it.

You know, um, I witnessed it.

She said that I made up.

She said, "You made up forthe two months that you were absent."

But, to me, I feel likeI've never made up for it.

[stammers] Hmm.

Give me a second.

Set, hut.

Ohhh!

To me, people are like, "You'rean awesome dad. You're a great dad."

But I'm like, "You did not knowI didn't want my child."

All you see is what you see now.I'm very, very present.

[RJ] I'm almost there.

But I had my faults and guilt.

To me, I--[stammers] It's room to be better.

My dad barely could read or write.But he always was there when I need him.

Never shied away fromhis responsibility or duties.

That's just something that I look up tobecause, like I say, he never had nothing.

But he always gave something.

To me, he has degrees.He is the president.

You know, he's the first man on the moon.

So, to me, he's everything.

What's up, yo? [laughing]

My son, one day, told methat he wanted to be like me.

And I looked dead in his eyes,I'm like, "You're never gonna be like me.

I don't want you to be like me.

I'm doing everything in my body to moldand shape you to be better than me."

-[Selby] Yay! Happy birthday, son.-Thank you, Daddy.

My son is so smart and so full of life.

The goal thatI'm looking forward to is long life.

And hope that I could live long enoughto see my son have a family.

And see what type of man he'll be.

-Daddy.-Yes, RJ.

I love you all of my fixed heart.

Oh, you do? Aw, thank you. Thank you.

-Oh, wow. Ooh.-Daddy?

-Are you okay?-Yeah, I'm crying. Oh, wow.

-[Bryce] So, finish this sentence.-Yeah.

[Bryce] A father is...

I will say what it meant to me,what my father is for me.

Um...

A father is my compass.

[film projector whirring]

[Harris] My dad had a very strong senseof his own moral guide

of what is right and what is wrong.

He was a good dad. Stern, but good.

My dad is hard to describe.

He wasn't a big advice giver.

He didn't cook or, you know, do homeworkwith us or any of those things.

'Cause he was at work all day.

But the weekendswere when Dad would shine.

He's... He's a good guy.

He's not dead or anything.[chuckling] I just get choked up.

I grew up, like a lotof children of immigrants,

where the defining principlethat defined our generation was sacrifice.

[O'Brien] My father, he worked a lot.

And, uh, it's funny'cause now I work a lot.

-[woman] Mm. Have a good day.-[man] Okay.

[woman chuckles]

I left my wife 24 hoursafter she gave birth to my daughter

to go make television.

And even talking about it now,I feel really guilty.

When I think about it,I had this very kind of old-fashioned job.

Well, I've gotta gointo Rockefeller Center and do the show.

The big show for the people.

I probably made that happen in some way

where I, consciously or unconsciously,

made myself the dadthat was from television.

Well, I had the baby.

Gotta go. Time to go to work.

[Kimmel] It is programmed into methat you need to go to work.

And that's a big part of your jobas a dad. I know it's old-fashioned.

I think a big part of the fatherhoodnarrative is still a very old narrative

of the father goes into the wilderness

and hews a life,and finds supplies and kills an elk.

But actually your kid wants you there.

You know, it may be that one personreally has to work 75 hours a week.

And maybe that'sthe best thing for the family.

And if there's an agreement,then make it a strategy.

But don't make it an escape hatch.

[birds chirping]

[in Portuguese] Good morning.

[child murmurs]

[in English] It's hard for us,I mean boys in Brazil,

to know how to parent.

[playful noises]

You know, society always says,

"Leave it with Mom.Dad will do everything wrong."

[in Portuguese] Another bite.

A big one.

[in English]It's bad to have this concept in your head

because you really thinkthat you can't do it.

[boy, in Portuguese]Papa, I want to help you.

But you are helping me.

[Thiago, in English] I have this struggleto balance my father role

and my worker role.

And it's, I mean, I just drinka lot of coffee to balance that.

I mean... [laughs]

[in Portuguese] Thank you, son.

It's great, thanks.You make a great coffee.

[in English] When I became a dad,wow, I changed a lot.

[in Portuguese]Usually women change with maternity.

The birth, the pregnancy,he was always with me.

So the changes that I went through,he also went through.

You can see the transformationin his face.

[in English] It was tough, becauseI became a father without having a father.

At that point, I realizedthat I just didn't know what to do.

I had no clue about it.

I started reading everythingthat is parenting-related.

But once you start to understandhow you're gonna raise that child,

you need to go back to work.

And it cuts offall the emotion that you have.

[in Portuguese] I think it's absurd

that fathers onlyhave five days of paternity leave.

[in English]Why do we need paternity leave?

Not only because we need to learnhow to raise a child,

but we have a mother who is in postpartum.

He needs to support the mother a lot.

[child off-screen crying]

[Annie, in Portuguese] It is truethe baby depends more on the mother...

exclusively in the first three months.

But who takes care of the mother?

Who will be next to her duringthis reconstruction process?

[in English] How can he support the motherif, after five days, you know,

of paternity leave,

he needs to go back to workto get, you know, the bills paid?

[in Portuguese]Come this way.

Take your hand off, son.

Come this way! Dante gets in first.

[Thiago, in English]I'm a mechanical engineer for a living.

It's a regular eight-hour day,8:00 to 5:00.

[in Portuguese]Let's go to school now, guys!?

Yes!

Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo-hoo!-[chuckles]

[in English] The dads out there,they don't think like me.

[Annie, in Portuguese] People tell meso much about the helping father.

"Wow, what a nice father,your husband, he helps so much."

No. It's not help.

Help is my neighbor that looks after themfor a few minutes...

while I put the clothes to dry...

This is help.

The father doesn't help.

He creates together. He is a caretaker.

Calm down. Let go of Maya's hand.

Calm down and breathe.

[breathes deeply]

[in English] There's one thingthat I learned from the first day

of being a dad,

is that you need to learnto trust your instincts, okay?

We know how to do this.

[Annie, in Portuguese]He found a new voice.

[in Portuguese] Hello, hello, hello.

He started a podcast with two friends.

[Thiago speaking Portuguese]

[in Portuguese] It is nice to see...

Even though we didn'thave affectionate fathers,

we can still createa place of love for our kids.

I decided to use this tactic...

"If you leave the toys there,I will throw them out!"

Here is the problem:

You're expecting your daughterto follow your instructions

without explaining it to her.

And there is fear, too.

Do you get it?

I get it.

[in English]And that's so good to see this movement

starting to arise here in Brazil.

After my first boy was born,I started writing a blog

and documenting those early yearsof experience with my boys.

And then there was a commentin the blog posts saying something like,

oh, uh,

"I was wondering if it's our time now."

And I was like, "What is this guy saying?"

I mentioned that to Annie.

And then she was like, "Oh, my God.It's your father. He found you."

We spent 18 yearswithout seeing each other.

It's, like, a whole lifewithout my father.

It feels like I started writing a blogjust to be able to meet my father again

and to build a whole new story with him.

He was, like, shaking and crying.

[voice cracking]He will hug my son. And we started crying.

It was so good to havemy boys having a grandfather.

Man, that-- God, that is good, man.That is so good.

Oh, boy. What a gift.

You're gonna think I'm making this up,but I'm absolutely not.

On the way over here,driving here, on the freeway,

I'm flipping through the different radiochannels, and then I hit Harry Chapin's,

♪ The cat's in the cradleAnd the silver spoon ♪

All about the dad that, like, "I don'thave time now, son, but later on."

And I think all of us dadsthink about that.

We all think about, um,"Am I there enough?"

Sometimes I think,"Am I there too much compared to my dad?

Do you also wanna give them their spaceand let them grow?"

So, it's complicated.

I just think it's changing very quickly,generation to generation,

what your job is as a parent.

[crying]

[indistinct]

From the beginning,my wife and I were like a team,

and we're just partners in it.

Changing the diapers, sterilizingthe milk bottles, all these things.

Like, we were justinvolved with everything.

And thank God I was there.

And I have friends who will be like,

"Yeah, you don't really needto do much for the first year.

Then they kind of wake up a little bit,and you bond.

But in the beginning, it's all the woman."

Which couldn't be more wrong.

You're doing a good job.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart, so much.Daddy's trying.

Am I doing too much? Am I not beingman enough by being this involved?

But, like, I like gettingmy babies into clean diapers.

Show them perseverance. She's going.

[Fallon]This is a new dad that's been invented.

I'm taking them to school every day.

And parent-teacher conferences.And things that--

I'm at everything.I feel like I'm kind of going to school.

If my dad had come to schoolin the middle of the day and I saw him,

I'd have shit my pants.

'Cause it would mean either somebody diedor I was in incredible trouble.

Now, I'm not saying that that was better.

I'm not a believer in"those were the good old days."

But there's definitelybeen a pendulum swing.

[man, in Japanese] I used to bragabout working 150 hours of overtime.

[male passenger on train, indistinct]

Because this was the norm.

A man that doesn't workis a dropout of society.

I was diagnosedwith an autoimmune disease.

[electronic chime]

[loudspeaker: female voice, indistinct]

It was constant pain.

It made it impossiblefor me to go to work.

[liquid being whisked]

Breakfast has a fixed image as"a mom's work."

You don't often see a man standingin the kitchen in the morning.

In my household, I cook,so this is our standard.

Hi, good morning.

Good morning.

Put down Mom's cell phone.Put the book back.

Put the book back.

Oh!

Book! Put the book back.

-[child mumbles]-[repeats request]

You must not use the book like that.

Put it away.

[Sakuma speaks Japanese]

-Dad.-Yup.

Look there.

What?

There.

-[boy laughs]-[woman murmurs]

Eat, Yu.

[woman speaks to Yu]

[Sakuma]After quitting work 20 years ago...

I asked my wife for a divorce.

Because of the illness,

she would be stuckhaving to take care of me.

And I couldn't stand the thought of that.

I was actuallythinking of committing suicide.

I clearly remember my wife'sexact words...

"Please continue living for me."

[Yu chuckles, speaks to dad]

[Sakuma] Get ready!

[groaning]

[Yu giggling]

[chuckles]

It looks like you are having fun,

but could I give you disappointing news?

No!

Your shirt is on backwards.

My wife told me, "I will go and work...

[speaking Japanese]

And you stay home."

I have taken over the role of...

the house husband.

[in English] Okay, let's go.

-[laughs]-[Yu speaks Japanese]

[Sakuma speaks Japanese]

[Sakuma continues speaking]

The reason I dyed my hair...

To put it simply...

you won't find any Japanese businessmen

with bleached hair.

If you dye your hair,you can't go back to work.

And that's why I dyed my hair blonde.

I showed my wife, and she said...

"Oh, looks good on you,looks good on you."

After going through periodic checkups,

my doctor said, "Your illness is gone.What would you like to do?"

-[Sakuma makes playful sounds]-[Yu giggles]

The question that came to me...

"Can I have children?"

[singing together]

[Sakuma chuckles]

[playing rock paper scissors]

My wife adamantly said...

"We're not having kids,we don't need them."

I went on a two-year mission toconvince my wife.

Other than pregnancy,birth and breastfeeding...

a man can do everything else.

After hearing that,my wife finally agreed and said...

"Okay, I will give birth for you."

[singing to himself]

[chattering, laughing]

-[man] Ohhh!-[laughter]

[Sakuma]Today I'm in Akihabara for a meeting of...

the "Secret Society,Friends of House Husbands."

[man] I came here to talk about varioushousehold matters.

[Sakuma] Really there's nothing secretabout it. We're open.

But in Japan, if you say somethingis "secret," it's cool.

[man] My neighbor was saying that theywere able to take paid leave recently.

I think that people have at leastbecome aware of us.

The house husband is stillin the minority.

I think the attitudeis starting to change,

where it's okay not to torment yourselfover being different.

[Sakuma cooing]

When I first decidedto become a stay-at-home husband,

I felt like a failure.

I never used to smile this much.

I was a different man.

I always had a sulky look.

Always making a face like this.

[giggling, smacking lips]

That part I think I really changed.

I've become cheerful.

[Sakuma] Mm.

Becoming a father

was the first time I cried tears of joy.

I want to thank him for being born.

Mm.

Feeling thankful... yes.

[sniffles]

[Sakuma, indistinct]

[chuckles]

[whispering]

[murmurs, chuckles]

[phone rings]

[line clicks]

-[Howard] Hello.-[Cheryl] Honey?

-[Howard] Hi, dear.-[Cheryl] Hi, honey. How you doing?

-[Howard] Just fine.-[Cheryl] That's good.

Well, I went to the doctor.

And... there's two kids in there, honey.

-Oh, my God.-[Cheryl laughs]

-This is fantastic.-[laughter continues]

When Cheryl became pregnant with twins,I really had to step up.

-[Howard] Okay.-[woman] Okay, what is it?

-Two girls.-[laughing]

Both real healthy.

-[woman] And Cheryl's doing fine?-[Howard] Cheryl's great.

-Two sisters.-[woman] You have two sisters.

-[Howard] Yep. Two sisters for you.-[man] You hear that, Bryce?

[woman] We're gonna see your sisters.

[Howard] And I honestly rememberdoing more cooking, more caretaking.

-Blow.-[blows nose]

[child] Whee!

[Howard] Really looking after Cheryl.

I remember sort of thinking to myself,

"Wow. I've really beena kid up until now."

For the first time,I really feel like a man.

I really feel like I'm doinga man's work in my family.

[Cheryl] Can you give Daddy one?Go kiss Daddy.

I love being a dad for infants.It was so gratifying.

Toddlers, a little hectic...

a little exhausting.

But unbelievable through to about 12.

-[Howard] No video?-You're embarrassing me.

-[blows trombone]-[Howard] The greatest.

Reliving your own childhoodin a fabulous way.

[Howard] Thank you.

Cuddles, books, reading books, helpingwith a little bit of homework, coloring.

Let's go on a vacation.Oh, here's Disneyland.

Wow. All of it. Wonderful.

And then they get shitty.

-I don't care! I'm fine!-I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

-[screaming]-Stop it!

-[man] Ow.-Mom, you're ruining my life!

It gets really intense in teenage years.

-[sobbing]-[woman] Okay.

And they have more feelingsthan you knew human beings could have.

[man]You'd be a very good actress, Summer.

I don't know if I'm cryingor if I'm laughing.

[man] Here's my daughterhaving a temper tantrum

because I won't give her her phone.

[girl] Give me my phone.

Give me my phone!

Let's accept that no father is perfect.

-Foot on the brake.-Yeah, foot on the brake. Yeah.

[tires screech]

Get away from the tree.

Watch. Lady with a dog.

Slow down. You're in a corner.

Wow. You've got no idea.

-[gasps]-[tires screech]

We're all making this up as we go.There's no school for this.

[crying]

It's love and limits.

Love them, and then there are timeswhere I have to say "No."

[speaks Japanese]

[speaks Japanese]

[both speaking Japanese]

[man shouting]

[speaks Japanese]

[crying, screaming]

Very early on, our daughter,when she was just a baby, I told my wife,

"Keep in mind, no matter what we do,she's going to go to therapy one day,

and she's going to complain about us."

-Morgan missed the bus.-Oh, my God. What are you doing?

-So Dad is taking her to school.-Stop.

And I'm gonna walk her into school,and this is gonna be great.

-No, you're not. Stop. Don't.-So we're gonna record the experience.

Don't.

My subscribers are gonna love this.

-No. You don't have subscribers.-Oh, I do.

Back door. Back door.

-Let's go, kid.-No.

[Morgan, indistinct]

[man] Love you.

Bye.

Life is good.

I give them a lot of rope,

that I normally thoughtI would definitely be, like,

a helicopter parent or a tiger dad.

If not a tiger dad,like a honey badger dad. Some animal.

I don't thinkmy kids have ever been punished.

They think they have.

They're like, "You're so hard on me."

I'm like, "Have you everbeen grounded in your whole life?"

"No."

"Have you everhad anything taken away from you?"

"No."

Like, they don't even knowhow I've completely given up.

"I'll tell you why. Because I said so,and because it's my house."

I remember hearing that and thinking,"What a dick move, Dad."

And now I'm saying it, to my son.

We had a thing called"the circle of safety."

The circle of safety was, you couldsay anything, and there's no punishment.

So, we got to the point that our kids gotso comfortable with the circle of safety,

they said everything.

And by the time Willow was 15,

I started tapping outof circles of safety.

No, Dad. I don't wanna talk about...

-[dad] Huh?-No. Seriously.

-Your body is changing.-No, Dad. Oh, my God.

-Your body is changing.-Dad, be quiet.

[laughing]I just want you to be able to talk to me.

I am able to talk to you.Just, I don't wanna talk to you right now.

-You're gonna have sexual relations.-Oh, my God, Dad. Stop it.

-If you're gonna---Mom gave me a book

that said about everything.

-Well, I'm just saying.-I didn't like that.

-I know, Dad. Oh, my God.-You can talk--

-You can talk to me about it.-Just be quiet. [chuckles]

One of the thingsthat Jada and I stumbled onto

and agreed on really earlyin our parenting, is that we don't know.

And if you just start with,"you don't know,"

it's so much easierto develop a relationship with your kids,

'cause they know you don't know.

We got into a really comfortable placeof saying, you know,

"This is a tough one. Help me out here.

What do you think you need to evolve

and becomethe greatest version of yourself?

Help me. I don't know right now."

You just begin to learn thatpart of being a dad is handling shit.

You know? And coping with it,even if it's not pretty.

Even if you're not that good at it.

Lean into the jobof helping to raise these kids,

because everything helps.

[rooster crows]

-[birds singing]-[rooster crows again]

-[man whistling]-[liquid being whisked]

[man] We're getting there.

-We're getting there.-[boy, indistinct]

[man] Yeah. You ready?Hold on. Let me check the biscuits.

Oh. Did I burn the biscuits?

That's a lot of sugar for your coffee.

-[man 2] Okay. I think that's enough.-[man 1 chuckles]

You gonna wake up today?

I mean, you literallyhave just been sleeping for 14 hours.

-[boy] You okay?-Get out of your sister's room.

-[door closes]-She's been sleeping for 14 hours.

Oh, my God.

She will if you let her.

[man 1] I promised herthat I would make sausage gravy for her.

At the point that I knew I wanted tobe a father, I was about six years old.

Seriously.

Do you want biscuits and sausage gravy?

Do you want Daddy to make it for you?

Are you gonna make it yourself?

Wow. Shock.

Hang on.I'll pour a little bit more into it.

[man 2] At one time, I was approachedby a lesbian couple about being a donor.

I said, "Okay. Well, if I was to do that,

what would my involvement bewith the child?"

And they said, "Well, you wouldn'thave any involvement at all."

And I said to them,"Then I could never do it."

I mean, if I knew thatthere was a child of mine out there...

I would wanna be a part of their life.

So, I guess that's how I knowI wanted to be a father.

So we decided to be foster parents.And we were gonna foster to adopt.

[Reece] I rememberwhen we were being asked about, like,

the number of kids to be in our home,I was thinking one.

Maybe two, because,you know, we had the discussion.

We would not separate siblings.

[Rob] We went from no kids to four kidsin less than six months.

[Reece] Three boys and one girl.

[Rob]That's how we became a family of six.

And three of them in diapers.

Everybody thought we were insane.We were just crazy.

But, I mean,I guess it took a little bit of that

just to accept the situationand do the best we could.

I don't want to see youplaying on it at all

unless you let your sister play.

That's your choice. Okay? Hey, hey, hey.

-There's choices for your actions.-[Makai] Damn.

[Rob] If you want to let your sister play,that's awesome.

If not, then you're not playingfor the rest of the day.

Nobody gave a manual how to be a parent,so, you know what, we do the hit and miss.

[Reece] More like pick your battle.[chuckles]

He's being so mean to me.

[Rob] But I don't think that he--

Your brother doesn't think it's necessaryfor you to have male friends yet.

[boy] You can have male friendswith benefits, not--

-[Reece] What? What?-[boy] Yeah, benefits.

Not a boyfriend.

-[Reece laughing] What?-What are benefits?

-[girl] What the...-[Reece] What?

I think you all needto think about your schoolwork

and not think aboutboyfriends and girlfriends.

-I don't have schoolwork.-[girl laughs]

-[dog barking]-[Rob] Okay, Amaya. We gotta go.

Put your shoes on, babe.

[Rob] Reece came home from work one day,because we both worked

and the kids all wentto day care and after school,

and he says,"I want to be a stay-at-home dad."

And I said, "Okay."

I said, "We have to change our budget.

You know?'Cause we're used to two incomes.

But we're gonna make it work."

And at that time I had two jobs,but it just made sense.

A dad can be the stay-at-home parent,and it's not looked at as being weak.

And I felt thatI wanted to be home to be there for them.

We get this quite often,"Who's the mom? Who's the dad?"

I mean,people literally ask us that question.

And I have to remind themthat we're both dads,

but the one thing that we dois we both partner.

That's what parents should be doing.

See you in a little bit.

-[Reece] Love you.-Bye. Love you.

-[boy] An Apple Watch.-I am not buying you an Apple Watch.

-Why?-You can't even keep track of your phone.

Are you kidding me?

-Then can I have a drone?-No, I'm not buying you a drone.

-Hey, watch out.-Yeah. Daddy sees.

Good deer. There's a baby up there.

Um... Thanks for reminding me of that.

[Rob] Okay. Everybody get their boots on.We're going in the back.

[goats bleating]

[Rob] What up, guys?Are you finally glad we're here?

Oh. All day.

All day you've been gone.

[kids chattering, indistinct]

-[pig oinks]-[boy shrieks]

[Reece and Rob laughing]

[Rob] I had a motherwho had been married six times.

And out of six marriages,she gave birth to ten children.

[Rob and child, indistinct]

From the very earliest age... um...

I remember my fatherputting cigarettes out on my leg,

um, for his way of control.

By my 18th birthday, I became homeless.

-[goats bleating]-[Rob] It was rough.

I'm 53 years old this year.

I never escape that.

[Amaya, indistinct]

See, my kids havea very, very hard past as well.

[Reece]And the challenges and the difficulties

are thingsthat we can't really do a lot about.

[meows]

For instance, with Makai being diagnosedwith fetal alcohol syndrome,

they just weren't surewhether he was gonna ever speak.

[Rob] Makai, that's howyou rip your shirts. Stop. Stop.

But I was like,you know, you never say never,

and maybe he's just not hadsomebody take the time...

Oh, no, I'm not gonna carry you.

...to just show him that he can do it.

All right.

I came home from work one day

and Reece had been readingabout kids with fetal alcohol.

And he read about a girlwhose parents bought a farm,

and how it changed her.

Um, and I was like, "Oh, my gosh.What do you think we should do?"

And he said, "Here's five farms for sale."

And so, we literally bought a farm.

[goat grunts]

Where's her food bowl? She was--

-[pig grunting]-[Amaya, indistinct]

[boy] What? Where?

-[Amaya, indistinct]-[Rob] Amaya, they're right there.

[chicks chirping]

[Rob] The farm has trulyallowed Makai to feel safe.

Makai and I are thinkingmaybe we might get a llama next or...

-Yeah. I can open it.-Is it a llama or an alpaca?

-A llama.-A llama.

-We're looking at maybe getting a llama.-Alpacas spit.

[boy] You gotta go up there.

You didn't do a toe touch.

Yes, I did. That's a toe touch.

You're supposed to touch your toeswhen you do that.

[Reece] I'd say every single one of ourchildren have their own form of baggage

that they're having to deal with.

[Amaya murmurs, grunts]

[Rob]I will never forget when Reece came to me

and said, "We've got a problem."

He says, "I'm finding lots of foodin Amaya's room."

I said, "She's hoarding."

Amaya's been hungry, and she's scared,

because she's worriedthat she's not gonna be fed.

Watch the mud, bub.

My son Greyson, who is now 11,

his mother was 12when she gave birth to him.

[Greyson, indistinct]

[Rob] He came into the systemfor the very first time

with bleeding of the brainand shaken baby syndrome.

She was pregnantwith her second child at 14.

That's my son, Tristan.

[Rob] Oh, please don't, Tristan.

-He's gonna do a backflip.-[Reece laughing]

[Rob] Oh, you're so close!

-[child yells]-[Reece] They're hurting in their own way.

They just don't know what to doabout it...

or how to change that.

And so, as a dad,that's where you come in.

You've got to help them.

-You've got a mustache growing.-[Reece, indistinct]

See, I told you I got the mustache!

-I do.-[Greyson] What's that?

-Yeah, that's a pimple.-That's a mustache.

No, that's a pimple. That's a pimple.

-No.-That's a pimple.

-[shouting] Yeah! Yeah!-It's not a pimple.

-Don't hit him.-[Makai] Get out of my face.

[Rob] It's not a pimple.

I won the lottery.

I literally won the lottery.

I was a dad.

[Reece] Go!

[chuckles]

[kids yelling]

I have never wanted anything morethan to be married and have a family.

My childhood wasn'tthe picture-perfect childhood

that I thought it should be.

And I wanted to create thatfor my children.

I think children flourishwhen they know they're loved.

I think children flourishwhen they're as safe as they can be.

Um, and I think children flourishwhen good examples are set for them.

To the extent you can createthat environment for kids,

I think you're doing about all you can do.[chuckles]

Which is, you know,

uh, we all sort of thinkwe're gonna be able to do much, much more.

But I don't think any of itsupersedes that big three:

love, safety and an example to follow.

[Howard] Hang in, hang in, hang in.

[Reed] That was a really good shot.

Look at that.I just knocked you off, buddy.

Dad.

-[Howard, indistinct]-Yeah, I know I'm winning by a lot more.

[Reed] I remember,you know, Dad was a hard worker,

but there was never even a second of doubtof where the priorities were.

Yeah, my dad worked a lot.

But, you know,we were on set, hanging out,

and there's this one scene of Dadlooking at the camera.

He has Joce on this lap,Paige is looking over his head,

and I'm just hanging on his earor something.

If I wanted to see Dad, if I wantedto talk to Dad, Dad was there.

[Howard] Here's a picture of meand my dad. He was in the air force.

I sort of remember this whole place,just a tiny little bit.

You saw Dad helping me with the carson Grand Theft Auto, didn't you?

-[Bryce] I saw what? Right here.-See that picture? This picture.

[Cheryl] That's such a good one.

[Bryce] Dad, how old were you there?

I was still 22.

[Reed] Both my dad and my granddadwere really, really good dads.

God, they were always emotionally there.

These are the bootshe planned to become a movie star in.

And while he never quite did that,

he had to change the course of the family,in a powerful way.

I felt my father was somebodythat I admired

and wanted to emulate in many, many ways.

Especially the way he handled himselfthrough life.

[Bryce] So, Granddad.

-Good morning.-[Bryce chuckles] Good morning.

[Rance] A guy named Ron Howard.Ronnie, we called him Ronnie at that time,

was working on a show calledThe Andy Griffith Show.

And being his father,

I was there as guardian and supervisoron the Andy Griffith set.

And I have a vivid memoryof the whole operation.

There are no rules for pas and sons.

Uh, it's as simple as this.

Each mother or father raiseshis boy or girl, as the case may be,

the way that he thinks is best.

And I think it's best for youto get a quarter and work for it.

Do you understand what I mean?

-I think so.-Good.

I'm not gonna get the 75 cents.

All right.

[Rance] We were sitting around a tablehaving a reading of the script,

and since your dad, Ronnie,couldn't read at that time,

I sat in and read for him.

And after we read the script,

I stood up in front of the producersand the writers and the director

and I said,"The way you have Opie talking,"

that was the characteryour dad was playing, Opie,

"The way you have him talking,

with all of these smart aleck,wiseass things to say,

he's gonna get laughs,but it is very damaging

to any relationshipthat he might have with his father.

I mean, people may laugh at it,

but deep downthey're gonna resent the kid.

They're not gonna like him."

And I said, "I think you oughtto think about changing it,

so Opie is not such a brat."

And I remember Andy came up to me.

And he said, "Rance, uh..."

He says, "We've been talkingabout what you said over lunch."

And he says, "You're right."

He says,"We're gonna change that character,

and he's not gonna be brash,and he's not gonna be smart-assed."

He says, "We're gonna tryto build the relationship

between me, 'Andy,' and Opie.

Same kind of relationshipthat you have with Ronnie."

[Bryce] I remember you revealing to meonce that you were really worried

that you could never be as good a dadas your own father.

Yeah. I was very worried about that.

Uh, yeah.

[chuckles] He was great.

I don't think I was. Um...

[voice cracking] Man, if you could bea good dad, that is a blessing

that you can pass on that is...beyond words.

And he... he really delivered.

[sighs]

[chattering]

[child] Stop!

The first one is slow breathing.

Then your transition is...[exhaling rapidly]

I'm not the one that has the problem.Your dad has a tendency to hyperventilate.

-[Cheryl, indistinct]-[girl] Can you please...

I just got the wordthat the doctors now said, "Any minute."

Mom's stomach is tightening upand starting to push the baby.

All right?

So, that hurts a littlewhen that's going on.

So, what she has to dois concentrate and breathe.

[Bryce] Did you know that Dad has saidthat his biggest worry

was that he was convincedhe would never be able

to be as good a father as his own father?

He was just always worried about that,

just 'cause he looked upto Granddad so much.

-He said that?-Yeah.

I'm really worriedthat I'm not gonna be as good a--

I look at Dad,and I'm always saying to myself,

I'm like, "Well, deep downI'm definitely not as good of a person."

Like, yeah,that's been absolutely my worry.

I think you're walkinginto a pretty good situation.

We sort of now know what we're doing.

And, uh, whereas before,I think we were really faking it.

I think in the last year or so,

we began to understand the systemand develop a program.

And you've got some terrific sisters.

And, you know, uh...

I hope it's good for you.I wanna make it good for you.

-[baby cries]-[Cheryl, indistinct]

[Howard] That's your baby brother.

That's Reed. Can you say "Reed"?

Hello.

[baby coos]

Little lady. Little lady.

-Yeah. There you go.-[suckling]

[Reed] It's the seventh week.

She's gotten so much bigger.

She eats so much milk.

-[grunts]-I know.

Ashley wakes up in the night and pumps,

and then I actually feed her,which I love.

She just chugged through the whole bottle.

And it's just beena really nice bonding thing.

Check this out. This is hilarious.

[chuckles] Stretch it out.

Stretch it out.

Little lady. Little lady. I know.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

You know, she's awesome.

And I'm convincedthat she knows me really well.

Just 'cause she won't remember thisdoesn't mean it doesn't stay with her,

-I believe.-[cooing]

And, if anything,it makes an impact on me.

Can I tell you the questionthat I struggle with the most?

And I don't know the answer to this.I'd love your answer,

or maybe we just leave it as a questionthat I posit for the audience.

Do I get to determine if I'm a good dad,

or is that ultimatelymy daughter's decision,

to determine if I was a good dad or not?

And...

That's terrifying,that idea of not knowing.

Is that weird? It's, like,the biggest struggle for me is,

"What is my Dad Rotten Tomatoes score?"

What am I?Am I Certified Fresh or am I not?

[Selby] Go.

Pedal, pedal, pedal.I'm about to let you go.

I'm about to let you go.I'm about to let you go.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go. Good job!

Very early on,I read a Deepak Chopra book.

And he said, "You should lookat your relationship with your kids

like they are a soul, and you're a soul,

and for a little while,you guide them a little bit.

And then they move on."

[Selby] Turn, turn, turn.

[Apatow] And it's not a being you possess.

[Selby] And stop.

[Apatow] It's someone you assist.

[Selby] Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about, baby.Three times.

One, two, three.

[Selby] Let's go.

[speaks Japanese]

[Fallon]Having a kid is the meaning of life.

It gives you a job.It gives you a purpose.

This is my purpose now. This is--

As soon as Winnie was born,I lost my name.

I'm not Jimmy Fallon anymore.I am Winnie's dad.

Like, a real father would take a bullet,or a flamethrower.

Like, whatever it isthat's coming at his kids, you know?

The real father puts them behindand takes it on the chest and on the chin.

Life doesn't have to be perfectto be wonderful.

Make it wonderful.We don't have to make our family perfect.

Just make it wonderful.

And that, I learned from my dad.

You get the tiniest windowand then it's gone.

It's just gone. [snaps]

So, just revel.

And revel hard.

I would saythere's nothing more remarkable

than seeing your kids evolve.

When we're sitting aroundhaving a meal together,

and having a real conversation,

that, I sometimes leave my bodyand think, "This is the stuff."

I think what ultimately adds upis what they see, what they witness.

All right, little lady. Let's do this.[chuckles]

The way you, as a father, live your life.

There you go, beautiful.

[Howard] What kind of example do you set?

Not everybody can make itto every game or any game.

Not everybody can sit thereand do homework with their kid,

because they might be carrying three jobs.

And this is something that, as a society,we have to acknowledge,

the importance of what a father means.

And then we have to also think abouttrying to create a society

that facilitates their doing their best.

Because, at his best, a father providesa kind of consistent sense of safety...

and therefore, possibility.

-[Glen] You see it?-[boy] Yes.

Good job.

A gardener understandshow to nurture the seeds

through good weather, through bad weather.

A gardener doesn't want that seedto become anything

other than what it isalready designed to become.

A gardener doesn't want the roseto turn into an oak tree.

[speaks Japanese]

A good gardener helps the seedbecome what it wants to become,

not what the gardener wants it to become.

Yeah. Good job.

A father is...

a master gardener.

I've talked to peoplethat are much cooler than me.

Patti Scialfa and Bruce Springsteen.

And I was just talking to Patti Scialfa,and she said,

"Oh, my God. Bruce will be at the table,and he'll tell some joke

and they'll be like, [groans]'You're such a nerd, Dad.'"

I was like, "What?

He's Bruce Springsteen.

I mean, the rest of us are...

He's Bruce Springsteen."

She's like, "Doesn't matter. He's Dad."

My kids, they think I'm corny.

I'm hot.

I'm like, just as a person.

They've madea horrible mistake in judgment.

[giggling]

All my daughter wants to do at eightis watch The Shining.

And I'm like...

"First of all, no.

Second of all,that's a great choice for a movie."

This is what dads look like now.

This is the new dad.

I am wearing a baby.

That's the new fashion.

If anything,much like me and my overacting,

just gotta rein it back sometimes.

Rein it back.

Some of the best times of our entire lives

are just quiet momentstrying to get our kid to poop.

And then they do.

And we cheer.

If you don't have your kidson your home screen, then you're faking.

Just so you know.

I'm a comedian that's doing all right.

My sister is a very successful attorneyin the Bay Area.

What I'm trying to say is,

hitting your children with sandalsdoes work.

[laughs]I know that's not the woke thing to say.

-But I'm just saying it is what it is.-[crew laughing]

When they grow upand you've got this funny adult.

If I didn't know them, if they weremy coworkers or something like that,

I would be like, "Oh, this kid's great."

It's, like, some kind ofgrow your own friends program.

Do I have a favorite dad joke?

I like the joke of, like,"What's a pirate's favorite letter?"

You'd think it would be R,but it be the C.

-[chuckles]-[crew chuckles]

-[Bryce] Thank you so, so much.-Thank you.

Better than Will Smith?

[laughs]

[Bryce] You've shared so much.

Yeah. No, that feels like we got it.I feel thoroughly purged and probed.

[Bryce laughs] Good. I did my job.

Well, Dad, I love you.

I love you too. Thanks, you know.

Well, "Thanks"? I didn't wanna be here.I cried on camera.

I don't know why I'm thanking you,but I'm proud of you.

-[Bryce laughing]-Very proud of you.

-Thank you. Thank you.-All right. Okay.

I love you. Okay. Okay.

[Bryce laughing]

[Rance] Oh, you're good.

-I love you, Granddad.-Love you, Bryce.

Thank you for doing this.

-Thank you.-Such fun.

[Bryce chuckles]