Dadnapped (2009) - full transcript
Melissa has a bad case of sibling rivalry, only her competition is a fictional character in her father's best-selling novel about a teenage super spy. When her father is "dadnapped" by a group of overzealous fans, it's up to Melissa to help him by tapping her inner superhero.
♪ I used to hear
a voice that said ♪
♪ "trouble's coming,
better stay in bed" ♪
♪ then I even
tried to run away ♪
♪ 'cause I didn't
even know my own strength ♪
♪ I was shocked,
no, I couldn't believe ♪
♪ my world rocked,
it was news to me ♪
♪ when I looked
in the mirror today ♪
♪ I looked back
and I heard me say ♪
♪ I got to own it,
breathe it ♪
♪ live it
like I mean it ♪
♪ there's a hero in me,
it's all I want to be ♪
♪ someone to rely on,
looks good on TV ♪
♪ save the day,
it's part of the routine ♪
♪ outta my way,
this is a job for ♪
♪ the hero in me,
it's all I want to be ♪
♪ someone to rely on,
looks good on TV ♪
♪ save the day,
it's part of the routine ♪
♪ outta my way,
this is a job for me ♪
♪ there's a hero
in me, yeah ♪
♪ there's a hero
in me ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh-oh-oh. ♪
And our next
book report is from...
Jeffrey Zimmer.
Hey, well,
my report is on Neal Morris's
new Tripp zoome book
"freeze-dried dreams."
All right.
Please tell me
this is a joke.
Is this kind
of a joke, Mr. Zimmer?
"Freeze-dried dreams" isn't due out until tomorrow.
I know, but my dad
is friends with this guy
who works
at this paper factory
where they make the paper
that goes in the books,
so here it is.
Well, read on
Mr. Zimmer.
Read on.
It all started
at Thor industries.
Tina was frozen
with fear
as the ruthless
rudolpho
had her in his clutches
once again.
It appeared
as if her only hope...
Agent Tripp zoome...
Was nowhere to be found.
Hey, rudolpho,
is it me,
or did you actually get uglier?
Tripp zoome.
Somehow I knew
you'd show up.
Cool evil dude
device...
Evil dude.
This isn't over,
Tripp zoome!
This isn't over
by a long shot.
Once again, my man t.
Zoome motos to safety
and a humongous bash
at his girlfriend's house
while her parents
are away for the weekend.
Wow.
Bravo, an insightful
and rousing analysis
of what I can only
anticipate will be
another modern
literary masterpiece
from Neal Morris,
who, of course,
is the father of our very own Melissa Morris.
Tripp rules!
Don't forget, read at least
one book over the break.
Enjoy your vacation.
Just when I forget how much you annoy me,
you show up again.
Like the book
jacket says,
I am unstoppable.
More like unbearable.
Just had to write
another one, huh, dad?
That's right, zoomers,
it's here...
The very latest
in the Tripp zoome series.
And let me be clear,
it's Tripp-tastic!
Oh, brother.
What?
I love that line.
You would.
It's all about you.
Who you talking to?
Uh... nobody.
I'm just really
excited about tomorrow.
I just can't
stop talking about it.
I'm happy
for you, honey.
I know you've been looking forward to this camping trip
for a long,
long time.
Oh yeah,
dad's just been busy with writing
and the Tripp zoome
parades
and that new
ice cream flavor...
"Triple zoome crunch."
Hmm, it wasn't
that bad actually.
You sure it's okay
that I'm going?
Sweetheart,
he and i
may be divorced,
but he's your father.
I want you to spend as much time as you can with him.
Okay.
Thanks, mom.
- Neal?
- Yes. What do you think?
To be honest,
i voted for the kevlar cloaking tuxedo,
but they think this'll sell more books,
so who am I?
Hey.
This is autographed...
So you have it.
Thank you.
Come on.
Come on.
So did you hear?
Tripp's last book
sold over
200,000 copies.
Could you imagine
what this thing's gonna do?
Through the roof.
- What?
- Melissa, your daughter?
You might want
to ask how she is.
I know how she is.
She's totally psyched
to be going away
with her father.
Exactly.
Which is why you have to do everything humanly possible
to make this the best
father-daughter trip ever.
Suzie, come on,
you're talking to me.
Neal Morris.
Yeah, so don't
mess it up.
Hey, dad.
Hey, sweetheart.
You don't have to do this.
You know that, right?
What father wouldn't want to go away
on vacation with his own daughter?
I am 150 % yours.
- Okay.
- Aww.
Yeah, right.
Promise me, Melissa,
this is gonna be one week
you'll never forget.
I gotta be honest,
i wasn't sure you were gonna come through on this.
Melissa, when have I not come through for you?
Whatever.
I'm just really excited
about this camping trip.
I bought extra
bug spray,
and a travel addition
of "word wham!"
And my new boots.
"Word wham!" Huh?
What?
I know that look.
The camping, hiking,
river rafting thing?
We might need to think just a teeny little switch on that.
You can't make
a switch.
We made plans.
I bought boots.
No, of course we're gonna go camping.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
After we make
a quick pit stop
at the Mercury
zoome convention.
- Dad, no.
- Mel, these are my grassroots fans.
The real zoomers.
I may never get a chance to meet them.
All I have to do
is show up,
judge a contest,
and then it's you and me
and all the mosquitoes
we can SWAT.
- Just the two of us?
- Just the two of us.
I think he means
three.
Wake up, honey.
We're here.
Welcome to paradise.
This is good.
These are my people.
I think that's
the hotel there.
- One night, right?
- Yeah, one night.
I promise.
- Is that him?
- It's him!
That's Neal Morris!
Welcome to my world.
Hi, how are ya?
Yikes.
How Tripp-tastic
is this?
Zoomers incoming!
Yeah,
real fun.
- Morris?
- Yes.
Neal Morris.
Merv kilbo, big fan.
Big fan.
Wow. This is like,
crazy, man.
Welcome to the little
slice of heaven...
- My hotel.
- Thank you very much.
We've got you
in the presidential suite.
It's top notch.
Nothing but the best
for you.
The royal treatment.
Let me take care
of your bags for you.
Hey, Neal,
sign my skull.
Be right back.
- Don't mess this up for me.
- Of course I won't.
You'll probably do that
all on your own.
All right.
Just right there in the middle? Okay.
"Neal Morris."
- Awesome.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
The package has arrived.
Good work, shel.
Close it down
and return to the roost.
Oh, and Sheldon?
Yeah?
Lose the fake voice.
It's creepy.
Why you always got
to bust me, wheeze?
Eyes on the prize,
Sheldon.
We're winning
this contest.
- Got me?
- Yeah, I got you.
Double "word wham!"
Bonus word score.
Okay, so here we are.
Merv kilbo's finest.
The presidential suite.
So, do you
love it?
What's not to love?
Welcome home, Neal.
Welcome home.
Lava lamp.
Cool.
Come on, let's go!
In your third book,
"zip, zoome, zilcho"
Tripp finds his way
out of the scum cave
using the flashlight he rewired into a laser, right?
- Actually...
- Hello, drop any brain cells lately?
It was his battery-operated
toothbrush.
He used it
as a diamond drill.
- Laser.
- Drill.
- Laser.
- Drill.
- Laser.
- Drill.
You guys just excuse me,
I'll be right back.
You...
You're him.
In the flesh.
Who should i
make it out to?
Just sign it to me...
Not the word "me," but my name.
Not "my name,"
but my name... skunk.
Just sign it
to skunk.
"To skunk,
Neal Morris."
There you go.
- Floss.
- Floss.
Maurice.
Maurice, look!
He signed it.
Would you stop jumping around
like a baby gorilla?
We are not here
to get autographs.
Go!
Go, go, go.
Git!
Git!
Come on, let's go.
Move.
Okay, okay,
I'm going.
Surrounded by oddballs,
each more desperate
and with less a hold
on reality than the next.
Whoa!
Big whoa,
little lady.
Pretty incredible rig,
isn't it?
Made it myself straight from the plot of "the Tripp of time."
Just like Tripp.
And you did this
because...?
Because of the contest,
newbie.
Whoever proves
to be zoome enough
wins the prize.
"Zoome enough?"
Oh, yeah.
Whoever can show they know the most about Tripp zoome
wins the ultimate
fan prize...
The chance to become
a character in my next book.
And the opportunity to read it before it's published.
Which would be
so amazingly incredible.
Yes, it would.
I worship
at your feet, Neal.
No need.
"Another brush
with danger!"
The catch phrase.
Floss!
And on that note,
good night.
Good night.
I see you.
Hey, dad,
what do you think
about Grisham lodge
for dinner tonight?
They have this restaurant where you can sit behind a waterfall.
Wow, that's
a cool location.
That could come in handy
for my next book.
Tripp battles piranha
behind a waterfall
with toxic sludge.
Hmm?
What?
Honey, I'm a writer.
I'm always on the prowl
for new material.
Tripp demands it.
You act like Tripp zoome
is real, dad.
He is real to me.
He has to be.
Forget it.
Tell you what...
Why don't you pack,
I go pick out
a contest winner,
we jump in the car,
we're on the road by noon.
- You mean it?
- I mean it.
- Perfect.
- Okay.
Yes, yes, well, well,
big daddy himself,
the king...
Mr.
Neal Morris will determine which of you crazy cats
Is truly zoome enough!
Floss! Floss!
I want
you guys to know
that I'm not going
anywhere.
I'm staying right here
with you.
Time for our
next superfan,
Bobby-o
from Cincinnati.
Come on up, buddy.
What's the matter,
plans not working out?
You got something to say,
say it to the wall.
That is so much better.
Ow, watch where
you're going, nimrod.
Nimrod?
Very mature.
Although it does score you nine points in "word wham!"
I always use
the "triple word wham!" Tile,
so you do the math,
Einstein.
You're a whammer?
Regional wins,
two years in a row.
Very impressive.
Thanks.
It's all about the vowels.
Oh yeah,
vowel power.
Uh, I'd love to stay
and compare
strategies with you,
but business calls.
Business?
Whatever.
Nice.
You get her digits?
I was going to, but...
I cannot believe
we're related.
Okay, whatever.
I'll be in the Van.
Whatever.
By connecting
the hairbrush...
To the clock radio,
I'm able to recreate
Tripp's first official
- Tripp trap scrambler.
- Oh!
This is cool.
Whoa!
Molar to canine.
Distractor
is loaded and ready to go.
Copy that, molar.
Phase two
standing by.
Good work, shel.
Transport standing by.
On my signal.
And...
Go, go, go.
Roger that.
I found 9136 mentions
of dentists,
oral care
and/or dental equipment.
16,088 occurrences
of the word "floss."
Do you smell something?
Said the fat man with the nose of doom upon his grin.
That's good.
How's camping?
It's great... fresh air,
beautiful trees.
And traffic?
He did it again, didn't he?
Yeah, he did.
Calm down, everyone.
I'm sure it's just
a ventilation problem.
- Mr. Morris, sir.
- Yeah.
A moment of your time.
I think I can explain.
Okay.
Hey. Hey.
Where is that kid
going with our guy?
Okay. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I need to get through.
Just move it!
I don't know why you thought
this trip would be different.
You never know, Deb.
Something might pop up
and change everything,
right?
Whatever you say, Mel.
Just call me
when you get back, okay?
Tell you dad "floss" for me.
Sure, whatever.
So you thought this trip
would be different, huh?
- You are thick.
- It already is different.
As soon as he's
done in there.
You mean as soon
as he's done with me.
For someone who knows
how to save the world,
you really are
a jerk.
Any minute now
he walks out that door
and it's my vacation,
not yours.
Dad?
The tear-jerker.
- And it works?
- Yeah.
A 16-gallon
dust vac.
The juice extractor and an eight-horsepower wood chipper.
I gotta meet the fans
who put this baby together.
I think that can
be arranged.
Oh, yeah?
Mr. Zoome,
i presume.
Stop it, guys.
Spin him, spin him,
spin him!
Hey, ow,
that hurts!
Hey! They're stealing
my writer. Maurice.
Quit your crying, skunk.
We'll get him,
okay?
But we need
some wheels...
Just like those.
Calm down,
it's gonna be okay.
- Everything is under control.
- Dad!
No one goes in until the fumes clear out.
- But my dad, he's inside.
- No, he isn't.
Hcl fumes.
It's onions.
Totally zoome-tastic.
"'If one chopped onion makes my mom cry when she's making lasagna,"
think what 1000 chopped onions will do to a roomful of scum agents.'
"He smiled,
his perfect teeth a-glitter."
Big deal.
So some geek had way too much time on his hands.
- Where is my father?
- All we know is,
whoever did this knows his way around a Tripp trap!
Hey.
Where are the tapes
to that camera?
I want to check 'em out.
Are you kidding me?
A bunch
of kids took him?
Why couldn't he
still be a dentist?
Central station.
Your call is being recorded.
Hi, yes, I'd like
to report a missing person...
No, he's not missing,
he was taken.
Who are we actually
talking about here?
My father,
his name's Neal Morris.
He was taken by a bunch of kids...
like total freak out losers.
Okay, okay,
calm down, honey.
Are you talking
about the same Neal Morris
down at the merc hotel,
that zoome fan thing?
Yes, yes, exactly.
Okay, 'cause I've
been getting a lot
of crazy calls
from that place today.
Like spies
and robots
and double agents.
We got a lot of work
down at the police station.
So you got to stop
bothering me.
Hello?! I'm trying
to report a crime here.
Okay, look.
Here's the procedure.
You wait 48 hours.
If he doesn't turn up then,
come down to the station
and fill out a report.
Okay, that's the system.
The system
is stupid.
What? Why are you
looking at me like that?
I'm just surprised.
Surprised?
At what?
You. You get this
big shot at being me.
- You don't take it.
- Are you kidding me?
First of all,
i don't want to be you.
I would hate
to be you.
In fact,
i hate you.
Wow, kinda harsh,
don't ya think?
Don't you have a super villain to wrap in dental floss or something?
Nope, I'm all yours.
It looks like you're gonna be needing me too.
'Cause we both know you're not zoome
enough to get Neal back on your own.
Hey, this is
the real world.
In the real world,
15-year-olds don't save their fathers
from freaky fan guys.
You know what?
You're right.
100 %.
I guess that's why your father writes about me...
Not you.
He adjusts the disguise...
A colander
of deception.
What? Every writer knows
it's the power of the words.
Do you even know what a colander is, skunk?
Do you?
Because I don't.
But I can still tell you
there is no such thing
as a "colander
of deception."
Now... careful.
We got to time this
just right.
Is this zoome enough
for you, Neal?
What's going on here?
What is that smell?
The cords are soaked
in menthol rub.
The more you squirm,
the more you burn.
The vapo-wrist wrap.
"Tripp's last trip,"
page 89.
Ah, this is
kind of amazing.
And painful. Ow.
Come on, kids,
get me out of this.
Kids?
We ain't kids.
We're your
worst nightmare.
- Stuff him!
- Dirty sweatsock.
You wrote it,
we do it.
Hey.
- Who's Melissa?
- That's my daughter.
Let me just tell her
that I'm okay.
Come on, guys.
In "Tripp of no return"
even evil professor nix
got to do that.
Okay.
- Hello.
- Dad?
Melissa, honey,
you okay?
I can't believe you did this.
It's so typical.
What?
I didn't do anything.
Everything's not always
my fault, you know.
Floss, floss, floss!
Okay, here's the deal.
Your dad is fine.
Soon as he agrees to our one demand,
he's home free.
Why don't you run along and play with the other kiddies at the hotel?
And with whom
am I speaking, please?
Why does that matter?
So I can use your name in a complete sentence, nimrod.
Nimrod.
Real mature.
Wait a minute...
I know that voice.
"Word wham!" Guy,
it's you!
You're Neal's
daughter?
I guess vocabulary genes
skipped a generation, huh?
Excuse me, may I say something?
- No!
Look, I don't know what twisted dream you think you're fulfilling,
but you're totally ruining
my vacation,
and that's not okay!
Feisty.
I like it.
Okay, just tell me
where you are
and I'll come
get my dad.
Tell you?
Hmm...
I don't think so.
Pine mist
or lilac spring?
Floss.
Pine scent
or lilac?
So what's the plan?
Mr.
Kilbo, does this town have a car wash?
Yes. Why?
No, no, bro,
there.
No, no, no,
there.
No, no, no...
There. Hold on.
Right there.
You see?
Yeah.
The girl.
You know, you gotta
admire her enthusiasm.
You just had to get the hot wax,
didn't you?
It coats
and protects.
All right,
drive around back.
We'll pull
a "toss and wash."
Right.
This is the place?
You sure?
Yeah.
This is the only car wash for miles.
You mind if I make
a quick call, kiddo?
Want to make sure
the merc hasn't been
taken over
by evil aliens.
Those zoome kids
are pretty weird.
Yeah, go ahead,
I'm gonna take a look around.
Yeah, it's me.
I'm at the car wash.
The car w...
don't ask.
What am I doing?
My car!
- Hit the brakes!
- Which one's the brake?!
It's in the middle!
Found the brake.
Great.
"'Word wham!'
Made easy!"
Oh, it's due today.
Gimme, gimme,
gimme.
What's that girl
got to do with all this?
What's it matter?
Long as she takes us to her father.
What?!
Your nose is
smaller in the picture.
Way smaller.
Thank you.
Sorta.
You know that book
is due today.
So?
So you have to pay fine
every day it's late.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, right.
Of course.
What, are all these books overdue?
Yeah.
You gotta keep up.
We're losing 'em.
I am driving as fast
as I can.
Said his brother,
with an off-key head.
That makes
no sense!
All right, guys,
listen,
this has been great,
and you're as zoome as they come.
But there are
other fans waiting for me.
It's not really
fair to them, is it?
All right, Neal.
Okay, we'll
make you a deal.
If you show us
the book-splat Tripp trap...
- Then we'll let you go.
- Yeah.
Setting the splat trap
is as delicate
as wisdom tooth surgery.
Sure you don't want me to come in with you?
I can handle this.
We'll be right out.
Cool.
How does it feel?
Exhilarating, huh?
I think the word
is traumatizing.
You poor little baby.
Why don't you go
soak in a bubble bath,
let me handle
the dirty work?
- Dream on.
- Hey!
Just get him,
grab him and go.
Thanks.
All right.
It's go time.
Whoa, hold on,
little brother.
Let's do this right.
Huh?
All right,
very gently.
No sudden movements.
There you go.
Nice.
Get him,
grab him and go.
You set it
on any shelf,
holding it tightly.
The next unsuspecting
librarian
gets a Tripp-tastic
surprise.
Oh!
This is just perfect.
Melissa, you found me.
Found you?
I thought I was saving you.
But apparently you and the nerd patrol are doing just fine.
We are having
a blast.
I gotta tell you,
these kids are great.
And total,
100 % fans.
- Yeah!
- Yeah we are!
This is Sheldon.
He gets that same
gum irritation you do.
This spitfire's Andre
and his big brother wheeze.
Think you guys
have met.
- Wheeze?
- Wheeze.
Listen, i think we got off on the wrong foot here.
Ya think?
Okay, I know you're new
to the whole zoome world,
but can you maybe
just lighten up?
Your dad is just trying
to have some fun with us.
Really?
Well, wheeze,
the thing is,
he's supposed to be having fun with me!
- You smell nice.
- I do?
- Thanks, it's my gloss.
- Mmm.
- What is that, cherry?
- No, watermelon.
Cherry makes
my lips swell.
- Understandable.
- Dad, we're leaving now!
I have to get
this stuff off my face!
Sorry, guys,
gotta go.
- See ya.
- Call me.
- Floss.
- Later.
Honey, I'm sorry.
They took me.
- It was just a game.
- A game?
It's kinda funny
if you think about it.
All right,
maybe funny is the wrong word.
You just don't get it.
- Well, then tell me.
- Dad,
I've been thinking about this vacation ever since school started.
I packed my suitcase
weeks ago,
and then unpacked it and repacked it like five times
'cause I wanted
everything to be perfect...
Just me and my dad,
finally spending
some quality time together.
That's what I wanted too.
I still do want that.
That's all great until
you-know-who
comes along
and ruins everything.
You-know-who?
Tripp? Honey,
he's a fictional
character.
No, dad, Peter Pan is
a fictional character.
Tripp zoome is
a pain in my butt.
- Freeze! Police!
- Freeze!
Excuse us, officers,
we're having a little moment here.
Moment's over,
writer guy.
All right, officer skunk,
grab him.
Officer skunk?
I love your books.
Wait a minute,
i know you guys from the hotel.
- You're not real cops.
- Okay. Huh?!
See the badge?
What's it say?
I don't know,
i don't have my glasses.
- What's this?
- A stapler.
A stapler, yeah.
Okay, cuff him.
What?
- Oh no, you don't.
- No, no, not you...
- Melissa!
- What? I just got you back. I'm not losing you again.
That was supposed to be
my wrist.
- You snooze, you lose.
- Okay, all right. Cell phones.
Is this it?
Come on, let's go.
- Let's go.
- Guys, one abduction a day, that's my limit.
Shut your trap
and keep moving.
Guys, you should
come see this.
This is what I call
no esta bueno.
Let's go, guys.
Something's really wrong.
Hurry,
they're getting away!
Hey, fellas,
I think there's been some sort of mistake here.
Yeah, ain't that
always the case?
Don't lose 'em,
wheeze.
Quit riding me.
I'm driving the best i can, dude.
Central station.
Your call is being recorded.
Hello, police?
Neal Morris has been stolen.
Listen, kid,
you can't be tying up the phone lines like this
with these pranks calls.
It's against the law.
This is no prank.
Two goons took him for real.
Okay, look,
i got at 1:25
he was
supposedly snatched.
Then at 2:32
i got three calls
from the supermarket
saying he was in a Van
and he was tied up with what they described as dental floss.
- Mint flavored.
- Listen, kid,
enough with the fun and games.
We're very busy down at the station.
Goodbye.
We're not kids!
- Looks like it's up to us.
- Let's do it.
Chalk this one up
for creepy.
No, make that
creepy times two.
- You live here?
- The city's stupid enough to pump electric in.
Why shouldn't we?
Wow, really cozy.
Shh.
Whatever it is
you're after,
I'm sure we can work this out in a safe and peaceful manner.
- Really? You're sure?
- Really. Yeah.
Sure you're just not hoping,
maybe praying,
that we can?
Skunk, hurry it up.
Our guests are getting antsy.
Just a minute!
"There's no
turning back now," he said
as he stood on the line
between good...
And Iowa.
- I'm scared.
- Don't worry.
It's gonna be okay,
i promise.
That my friend,
is entirely up to you.
I don't know
about this, wheeze.
This is way
out of our league.
Yeah, and you guys returned
all those zoome books.
- That was really smart.
- Hey!
- They were overdue.
- Everybody chill.
We don't need the books.
We know every page
of every novel
inside and out.
There's a trip zoome
solution to this,
we just haven't
figured it out yet.
Lady and gentleman...
It's snack time.
Oh, that's good.
- That is good.
- The part I love best
is there's no meat
whatsoever in these things.
What do you guys want?
- You want money?
- Come on, it always comes back to that.
- Money, money, money.
- Listen, whatever you're planning,
we won't go along with it.
So go ahead.
Send his publisher a ransom note.
See if we care.
- Not helping.
- Okay.
Don't worry
about us, kid.
We always get
what we want.
That is one thing
we are very good at.
Okay.
Here we go.
Huh?
Look at this.
Huh?
"Lights out Lenny"?
- It's a working title.
- My brother,
he has a gift.
Please tell me
it's not cooking.
- A creative gift.
- Okay, touchy.
Of course,
my writing's not as good as yours is...
But that's
why you're here.
Okay?
Keep him from making
the same mistakes I made.
Maurice stole
an elephant.
- Huh?
- It's true.
I did the crime,
then I did the time.
But look,
my baby brother here,
he's clean.
With a little
outside help,
there's no stopping
this guy.
So you took me
to read your brother's book?
No, not read. To fix.
Fix my brother's book.
- My brother needs...
- A brain, scarecrow?
You are really
starting to irritate me.
You really don't
want to do that.
Look, my brother needs
a real writer
to finish the book.
Guys, look,
in the best of environments...
Even with the best writers...
This could take weeks.
Months, even.
Months, years.
I really don't care.
Because the way
that I see it,
until you fix the book,
you're not leaving.
What? Stuck here
in this stinkhole?
Consider it incentive,
sweetheart.
Daddy writes fast,
Princess goes home.
Chapter one.
"The sky was dark
and the air was cold,"
and the man held
the gun so tight
"his fingers felt
like cheese."
- Cheddar.
- Oh, boy.
Wait, "we're gaining
on 'em, Vic."
"Oh, boy, look at
that car go."
"Faster, faster.
They're coming after us."
"If he doesn't watch,
he's gonna wreck that car."
Oh God.
This is so bad
my eyes actually hurt.
How do you fix something
this broken?
Every problem is just
a doorway to a solution.
That's what you write
for Tripp, anyway.
I've read the books, dad.
I just don't get
dressed up like agent x309
and go to zoome-cons
every other weekend.
- What?
- Nothing.
It's just that x309
is a 250-pound Chinese guy,
so I think you'd
look kinda funny.
Sorry.
Hey, you know what
we need?
- A distraction.
- No, no, no way.
Dad, we have
to get out of here.
In case you haven't noticed,
those two guys, they're kinda wacko.
Which is exactly why
i don't want to risk your neck
on some silly plan.
Silly?
We're back to that,
are we?
How could I possibly
have an idea
worthy of the amazing
Tripp zoome?
Melissa, that's not...
- It all comes down to this, dad.
You care more
about Tripp zoome
than you do
about your own daughter.
Now that...
That is ridiculous.
- It is?
- Yeah.
Then how come you've never written about me, huh?
How come I'm not a character in one of your books?
You...
Sweetheart,
characters are...
They're dynamic.
They're larger
than life.
They're capable
of extraordinary things.
Tripp has three
advanced degrees.
He's got an encyclopedic
knowledge of science.
- He speaks 10 languages.
- Okay.
Then what are my interests, dad, huh?
What do I like?
Do you realize you missed
every one of my dance recitals?
I wanted to be there.
I really did.
How about the time I won the middle school creative writing award?
You won a writing contest?
That's great.
Two years
in a row, dad.
Just own it, dad.
Tripp comes first.
I...
No, forget it.
I'm sorry
i brought it up.
Cops. Mo, mo,
what do we do?
We get out while we still can.
Grab 'em!
Let's go.
Fast.
You know, skunk,
you don't have to do this.
That's easy for you to say.
Last time I checked,
you were a best-selling author.
I'm... It doesn't matter what I am.
Ow!
That's my brother!
Now move it!
Move it!
"Stake out fake out."
Simple, yet effective.
You're gonna be doing
your work on the road.
You too, funny girl.
Get in.
Andre, hit it again.
You got it.
Track number seven.
Sorry, my bad.
Sounds like
hundreds of 'em.
- And they have animals.
- Get in the truck.
I got it.
So, Neal,
what do you think
about my book?
Yeah, well,
what you wrote so far
is kind of...
- Cut to the chase.
- Awful? I think the word is "awful."
But salvageable, really.
I think there's a lot
of good ideas that work.
They're just surrounded
by terrible ideas that don't.
I admit, the exploding
elephant is different.
But, back me up
on this, dad,
your dialog is
inconsistent.
It takes the reader
out of the story.
It's way too,
"bang, bang, tough guy."
Yeah, you know what?
She's right.
No one really
talks like this.
- And the plot is...
- There is no plot.
Just kinda have
to work through this thing.
What'd I tell you, skunk?
This is the start
of a whole new life
for you.
Now we can
get down to business.
All right,
you two, start fixing.
What,
write the book here?
- Like this?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just like this.
You got a problem?
No problem.
Look forward to the challenge.
♪ My main man Tripp
gonna give 'em all the slip ♪
♪ with the dental floss,
he gonna show 'em who's boss ♪
What?
♪ I said, my main man,
my main man zoome ♪
♪ yeah, he makes
the ladies swoon. ♪
Okay, the first thing
i suggest is
reestablish your open.
Your first sentence really needs to grab the reader.
- Yours just...
- Doesn't.
- Whoa.
- Stupid road!
Oh, great.
We're being followed.
It's those brats
in the Van.
Really?
All right,
let's see what they got.
Guys, are we speeding up
or are they slowing down?
Ah, scary looking
freaky dude!
What are you doing?
- Hey!
- Toss them!
- Whoa!
- It's the attack of the killer pants!
Whooo!
Now we're talking!
If there's one scratch
on my ride,
it's gonna get ugly.
Wheeze!
We got 'em.
Great, we're stuck.
So what did
you think, Neal?
- Was I zoome enough?
- Those are just kids!
You guys are way
outta line here.
- Dad.
- Yeah, dad, shut your mouth
before you say something
you'll wish you hadn't.
Now what?
Ah, we're almost
outta gas?
Next time,
we grab a hybrid.
When you find a station,
i have to go to the bathroom.
Not my problem.
Guys, come on,
be reasonable.
It's okay, mo.
I'll go with her.
What?!
I mean, I'll stand
by the door.
Whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?
What?
I'm cold.
- Fine.
- Hey, ow!
Easy on the elbow.
I might want to play
tennis someday.
You don't like me,
do you?
Like you?
Think like a writer, skunk.
You're the bad guy.
Maybe I'm the confused,
likeable bad guy,
did you ever
think about that?
Hurry it up
in there.
You wish.
Maybe next time
you'll think twice
about serving
10-year-old hot dogs!
Can you back away
from the door?
I can't... you know.
Oh, oh, right.
Sorry.
I'd kill for a comb.
I don't know,
i think you're holding up pretty good.
What is with you,
showing up, ruining my life?
I didn't sign up
for this.
You don't get it,
do you?
- Get what?
- I'm in your head
because you
keep me there.
Come on.
Did you ever
think of that?
That's ridiculous.
You think you know
everything
and always have
to shove it in my face
like I'm some child who can't figure out anything for herself.
Which is crazy,
'cause if you're
in my head,
then I am
thinking like you.
We had to leave.
It was out of our hands.
I know that.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I swiped you
some beef jerky.
Eat up.
- Whoa!
- Sorry, I just...
Forget it.
Let's just get this show on the road.
I'm hot now.
Come on.
Where are we going?
The only way
we can go.
Oh, this stuff's
disgusting.
- Maybe.
- Ohh!
But it's dinner.
So if I were you,
I'd shut up and chew.
And make his book
better.
Guys, this is nuts.
My dad needs a real place to write.
One that doesn't
have potholes.
Why don't you just take us
back to the hotel?
At least they have
a computer there.
No, no, I'm fine.
These conditions are great.
Guess what?
Kid genius is actually right.
This is not working out.
We're going back
to the hotel.
They've been here.
The bathroom!
It's a page from
"zoome time, boom time."
She circled the word
"presidential."
How do you know
it's from her?
Watermelon flavored
lip gloss.
Okay, everyone think.
What's this mean?
Presidential...
President.
Pickles,
dill pickles.
They took her
to a pickle farm!
No.
- Presidential suite.
- Huh?
They're staying
in the presidential suite!
I heard them
when they checked in.
Come on!
Yeah, well,
guess it could be that.
All right,
everybody out. Let's go.
I never thought I'd be glad to see this place again.
Me either.
No one here cares what you think, daddy-o.
Just what you write.
"Freeze-dried dreams"?
More like warmed-over
nightmares.
Wait a minute,
you're working with them?
Don't get crazy.
They work for me.
But before,
you helped me.
Oh, you were so good
at finding your pop.
- Don't you touch...
- Hey.
You helped me tell them
right where to go.
Take 'em upstairs
to my pad.
- Our room would be better.
- Get that book finished.
I have to go back
to work.
- Let's go.
- Hey.
Easy there.
Wow.
Retro creepy.
Okay, come on.
Move it.
There you go.
All right.
You are going
to be very safe here.
It should give you enough time to finish the book.
I just don't get it.
Why is merv making you do this?
He's not making us.
He's helping us.
He's gonna get my book
published, like Neal.
Wow, usually
i just deliver the pizza.
Never delivered
customers before.
First time
for everything.
By the way,
the pizza is slamming.
Best crust in town.
So who wants some tunes?
Thanks, hon.
The merv?
Looks like little merv's got big ideas.
So do you.
Nice edit on this character stuff.
Thanks.
I didn't know
you drank coffee.
It's mostly milk.
Mom's orders.
- Oh.
- Okay, okay.
How's this?
"The drive-in
snack bar"
was a sloppy room
filled with all sorts
of junky stuff...
"And stuff."
Not bad, not bad.
Remember what I told you,
when you first describe
a location...
Try and help the reader know more than what it looks like.
Imagine what
it feels like,
even smells like.
Okay, okay.
"The sparkling palace..."
"Smelled of gross,
dirty socks."
"And a short bald man
in need of a bath."
I heard that.
All right. Now that's
believable detail.
- Right, dad?
- That's really good, skunk.
Really.
You're pretty amazing,
you know that?
Thanks.
So are you.
Incoming!
We got him.
Oh, come on!
This is the merc.
How may I help you?
Get it signed
"to Karl jan Hansen,
friend, artist,
pizza man."
- You got it, my friend. Thanks again for the lift.
- Yeah.
Thank you
for the coupons.
Man, I can't wait
for two-for-one Tuesday.
No, that's not
an elephant, officer.
♪ Love is a burger
and fries ♪
♪ you're
the heartburn... ♪
remember,
good ideas get great
only if you don't
get hurt.
Do you even
hear how you sound?
Why do you always
talk in catch phrases?
Fans like it.
Yeah, just hope
the fans like my idea.
It is a good plan,
right?
Right, asking you
is the same as asking myself.
I already know
the answer.
It's another brush
with danger.
Floss.
That is such
a lousy catchphrase.
Yeah, I know.
Work on that,
will ya?
I told you
pickle farm.
What?
I'm just saying.
In the book,
Tripp breaths underwater
using straws
held together by rubber bands.
- No.
- Huh-uh.
No, that's not it.
But we know
she has the book.
What would she do?
She's Neal's daughter,
she's gotta be zoome enough.
Signal of strength.
- What?
- Tripp's signal of strength.
Remember? The big climax
from "zoome time, boom time."
After he gets stuck
in the whirlpool of plaque,
scum agents
take him prisoner.
Tripp creates a signal that leads the rebels to where he is.
- Oh, she's brilliant.
- Dude,
if you don't ask her out,
I will.
All we gotta do
is find the signal.
Let's get
some help.
Once again,
you fail to strike
even the slightest chord
of intelligent thought.
Tripp would never appear in a theater production of "Hamlet."
Shakespeare
gives him hives.
Folks!
Your grasp of my argument is as slippery
as the vegetable oil-soaked waterslide Tripp slid down
- to escape the zombies.
- Zoomers.
- No way.
- Way.
- Hello?
- Newbie.
- Flyboy.
- Zircon.
Thanks, bro.
Everybody, listen up.
Got some good news
and bad news.
They both lead
to the same place.
- Neal's in trouble.
- Big trouble.
- We're gonna save him.
- Floss!
Come on, Melissa.
Just What I Need...
Clever kids.
♪ You know I used
to hear a voice that said ♪
♪ "trouble's coming,
better stay in bed" ♪
♪ then I even
tried to run away ♪
♪ 'cause I didn't
even know my own strength ♪
♪ I was shocked,
no, I couldn't believe ♪
♪ my world rocked,
it was news to me ♪
♪ when I looked
in the mirror today ♪
♪ I looked back
and I heard me say ♪
♪ I got to own it,
breathe it ♪
♪ live it
like I mean it ♪
♪ there's a hero in me,
it's all I want to be ♪
♪ someone to rely on,
looks good on TV ♪
♪ save the day,
it's part of the routine ♪
♪ outta my way,
this is a job for ♪
♪ the hero in me,
it's all I want to be ♪
♪ someone to rely on,
looks good on TV ♪
♪ save the day,
it's part of the routine ♪
♪ outta my way,
this is a job for me ♪
♪ there's a hero
in me, yeah ♪
♪ there's a hero
in me ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh-oh-oh. ♪
A signal of strength?
From the uprising plot
in "zoome time, boom time"?
Dad, it's a good, solid idea.
It came from you.
I don't know.
You really think it'll work?
I don't know.
I still have to figure out how to send the signal.
Even Tripp says, "if you don't try,
you'll just wonder why."
You know who said that first,
don't you?
You did,
when you were eight.
It was so smart.
So innocent.
As soon as you
said it I knew,
"that's how
Tripp thinks."
Tripp?
- Wait, you're saying...
- Melissa, where do you think he comes from?
A writer is only as good
as his own experiences.
The ideas, the plots,
the characters...
That's where
they come from.
When you were born,
so was Tripp zoome.
I hear whispering.
I don't like
whispering.
So I'm in
your books?
Sweetheart,
you're everywhere.
You're in the plot,
you're in the humor,
you're the heart.
You're my heart.
You're the reason
i write, Melissa.
I'd give it all up tomorrow
if it meant losing you.
What's buzzin', cousin?
How's our book coming?
- It's coming.
- Good.
Thanks to that firestorm
brewing outside,
sooner is gonna be
much better than later
for all of us.
You know,
there's something i don't get.
Why do you care
what skunk writes?
What, are you
writing a book?
I'm kidding, it's...
I don't care
what skunk writes.
I care what
your father rewrites.
But my book,
you said...
I said a lot of things.
Did you actually think I gave a hoot about your writing?
Please, the back of that cereal box has a more interesting plot.
The whole plan
was I needed his writing
so I could sell the manuscript as a Neal Morris book.
The last
Neal Morris book.
Okay, now we have
a problem.
The last Neal Morris book means the last Tripp zoome book.
The last Tripp zoome book
means no more me...
Tripp zoome.
That is not okay.
We'll talk
about this later.
Having your father start with skunk's verbal drool
was just a way to get you fools to do the dirty work.
Talk about your
dumb thug character.
I'm not writing
this book for you.
I think you will
big daddy.
Because until you do,
you won't see
your little Princess again.
Lock the girl
in the bathroom.
- Mo.
- We didn't sign up for this.
You signed up for something.
That alone is worth five years in jail.
For you Maurice,
and your little brother.
Now do it.
- Just come with me.
- No.
- Just come on.
- Come on. Here.
Sorry.
Now let's discuss
our little deadline,
okay, Neal?
I'll do what you want,
just don't hurt my daughter.
No signal in my sights yet, wheeze.
Don't worry,
she'll come through.
And then we strike.
Okay, think, Melissa.
What would Tripp do?
Come on.
Let's burn rubber, dad.
Collector's don't
actually care if it's any good,
just that it's you
who writes it.
You're pathetic,
you know that?
I'll keep that in mind...
In case I ever care.
Which I won't.
I really thought
i was doing right.
I just wanted
better for you.
Not this.
It's okay, mo.
You helped me
meet my hero.
He helped me write.
That's not so bad
in my book.
My book.
Barometric pressure
rising.
Wind... one knot
north-southeast.
Signal.
I see the signal!
Move, move, move!
Guys, I can't
see the signal.
I can't see
the signal.
A little help here,
please?
Floss! Floss!
Hey, guys!
Floss!
All right, everybody,
let's flush 'em out!
That way we control
where the flow goes.
You are so zoome enough.
Super sticky
cheese bombs ready?
Ready!
Aim!
Fire!
Your cavalry's here!
That's it.
Time to make tracks.
I'll take him.
You two grab little sis.
- Move it!
- Nail 'em!
Come on, come on.
What's the matter, merv?
Afraid?
Of a bunch of sun-deprived bookworms?
Please!
Eat grape juice,
loser.
Go, go, go!
Come on, this'll
never come out!
Was that really
necessary?
- Floss!
- Go get her!
Run!
You better hope
she doesn't mess this up.
You better hope.
You don't know my daughter.
All right, zoomers.
Let's seal off the streets.
No one gets
in our out. Move!
Floss!
It's you and me.
We're going in.
Slow down,
we won't hurt you.
Like I'm gonna wait
to find that out.
How about a little
slip-slap Tripp trap?
Whoa!
Ow.
Hey, guys.
Impressive.
- You got the clue.
- The signal of strength.
Nice.
So what do you think?
Waxed or mint?
Come on, merv.
Don't you think you're
in a little over
your head here?
No.
Once we get to my car,
we're home free.
Skunk, you're really not a bad writer.
I know, I'm just
a bad guy, right?
How about a confused,
likeable bad guy?
Come on, my dad.
Hand holding.
Finally.
Whoa.
Come on, guys,
throw me a bone here.
Tell me where they are.
Whoa!
Charge!
This is my last suit!
Make them stop!
I don't think
i can do that.
I don't get it!
Your plots are so trite!
Give it up, merv.
It's over.
There's nowhere
to go.
Huh.
Okay, calm down,
I think there's been
a little misunderstanding.
We gotta do something, Maurice.
I know, little brother.
- I know.
- I got it.
- What?
- Spin.
- What?
- Spin,
like your life
depended on it.
Wow, we're not so bad
after all.
Floss.
Whoo!
Yeah!
You sure
you're okay?
The best I've ever been,
sweetheart.
Just the best.
Ah, thank you.
Thank you.
First off, two big,
important announcements.
One, due to your amazingly Tripp-tastic efforts this morning,
everyone here will receive a free autographed copy of my next book.
That's right.
Thank you.
Second, there's a little
unfinished business
we have
to take care of...
The "zoome enough"
prize.
Knowing about something
is great.
But putting that knowledge
into action
requires a level
of commitment
that borders
on insanity.
So on that note,
please give it up
for my new friends
Andre...
Go on.
Floss! Floss!
Sheldon...
Whazzup Tripp fans?
And wheeze!
Thank you.
You know,
guys, my parents never got
why I was so into these books.
All I gotta say now
is reading rocks.
Good job.
You know,
all that's happened...
I couldn't have
done any of it without you.
But you did.
All of it,
actually.
I may be the who
your dad writes about,
but you,
you're the why.
Remember that.
We've got one more prize.
Without her,
none of us would be standing here today.
She is my inspiration.
She is the reason
i do what I do.
My daughter, Melissa.
Floss! Floss!
Chin up, mo.
Time is on our side,
even if nobody else is.
Skunk,
that makes sense.
And it was clever!
Dostoyevsky, he wrote some cool stuff in the slammer.
That's my brother.
He's a writer.
Okay, floss!
All right,
okay.
- Hey, Neal.
- Yes.
Are you sure you can't
stay another day?
Sorry to get
rescued and run,
but my daughter and i
have a vacation to salvage.
You ready?
I've always
been ready, dad.
Hang on, Melissa.
Um...
Here's my phone number.
In case...
In case you want to...
- Go out?
- Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, actually,
that'd be great.
Okay, but you just have to promise me one thing.
Anything.
Anything at all.
It's gotta be
a normal date.
Just you and me.
No guys in weird costumes,
no mentho
dental floss,
no police intervention.
I promise.
Yeah!
Floss! Floss!
Bombs ready,
aim!
Fire!
Ohh.
This is just perfect.
Incoming!
Oh, come on!
Eat grape juice,
loser.
Come on, this'll
never come out!
Found the brake.
This is my last suit!
Make them stop!
Merv kilbo
are on the case.Agtop