Dadnapped (2009) - full transcript

Melissa has a bad case of sibling rivalry, only her competition is a fictional character in her father's best-selling novel about a teenage super spy. When her father is "dadnapped" by a group of overzealous fans, it's up to Melissa to help him by tapping her inner superhero.

♪ I used to hear

a voice that said ♪

♪ "trouble's coming,

better stay in bed" ♪

♪ then I even

tried to run away ♪

♪ 'cause I didn't

even know my own strength ♪

♪ I was shocked,

no, I couldn't believe ♪

♪ my world rocked,

it was news to me ♪

♪ when I looked

in the mirror today ♪

♪ I looked back

and I heard me say ♪

♪ I got to own it,

breathe it ♪

♪ live it

like I mean it ♪

♪ there's a hero in me,

it's all I want to be ♪

♪ someone to rely on,

looks good on TV ♪

♪ save the day,

it's part of the routine ♪

♪ outta my way,

this is a job for ♪

♪ the hero in me,

it's all I want to be ♪

♪ someone to rely on,

looks good on TV ♪

♪ save the day,

it's part of the routine ♪

♪ outta my way,

this is a job for me ♪

♪ there's a hero

in me, yeah ♪

♪ there's a hero

in me ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh-oh-oh. ♪

And our next

book report is from...

Jeffrey Zimmer.

Hey, well,

my report is on Neal Morris's

new Tripp zoome book

"freeze-dried dreams."

All right.

Please tell me

this is a joke.

Is this kind

of a joke, Mr. Zimmer?

"Freeze-dried dreams" isn't due out until tomorrow.

I know, but my dad

is friends with this guy

who works

at this paper factory

where they make the paper

that goes in the books,

so here it is.

Well, read on

Mr. Zimmer.

Read on.

It all started

at Thor industries.

Tina was frozen

with fear

as the ruthless

rudolpho

had her in his clutches

once again.

It appeared

as if her only hope...

Agent Tripp zoome...

Was nowhere to be found.

Hey, rudolpho,

is it me,

or did you actually get uglier?

Tripp zoome.

Somehow I knew

you'd show up.

Cool evil dude

device...

Evil dude.

This isn't over,

Tripp zoome!

This isn't over

by a long shot.

Once again, my man t.

Zoome motos to safety

and a humongous bash

at his girlfriend's house

while her parents

are away for the weekend.

Wow.

Bravo, an insightful

and rousing analysis

of what I can only

anticipate will be

another modern

literary masterpiece

from Neal Morris,

who, of course,

is the father of our very own Melissa Morris.

Tripp rules!

Don't forget, read at least

one book over the break.

Enjoy your vacation.

Just when I forget how much you annoy me,

you show up again.

Like the book

jacket says,

I am unstoppable.

More like unbearable.

Just had to write

another one, huh, dad?

That's right, zoomers,

it's here...

The very latest

in the Tripp zoome series.

And let me be clear,

it's Tripp-tastic!

Oh, brother.

What?

I love that line.

You would.

It's all about you.

Who you talking to?

Uh... nobody.

I'm just really

excited about tomorrow.

I just can't

stop talking about it.

I'm happy

for you, honey.

I know you've been looking forward to this camping trip

for a long,

long time.

Oh yeah,

dad's just been busy with writing

and the Tripp zoome

parades

and that new

ice cream flavor...

"Triple zoome crunch."

Hmm, it wasn't

that bad actually.

You sure it's okay

that I'm going?

Sweetheart,

he and i

may be divorced,

but he's your father.

I want you to spend as much time as you can with him.

Okay.

Thanks, mom.

- Neal?

- Yes. What do you think?

To be honest,

i voted for the kevlar cloaking tuxedo,

but they think this'll sell more books,

so who am I?

Hey.

This is autographed...

So you have it.

Thank you.

Come on.

Come on.

So did you hear?

Tripp's last book

sold over

200,000 copies.

Could you imagine

what this thing's gonna do?

Through the roof.

- What?

- Melissa, your daughter?

You might want

to ask how she is.

I know how she is.

She's totally psyched

to be going away

with her father.

Exactly.

Which is why you have to do everything humanly possible

to make this the best

father-daughter trip ever.

Suzie, come on,

you're talking to me.

Neal Morris.

Yeah, so don't

mess it up.

Hey, dad.

Hey, sweetheart.

You don't have to do this.

You know that, right?

What father wouldn't want to go away

on vacation with his own daughter?

I am 150 % yours.

- Okay.

- Aww.

Yeah, right.

Promise me, Melissa,

this is gonna be one week

you'll never forget.

I gotta be honest,

i wasn't sure you were gonna come through on this.

Melissa, when have I not come through for you?

Whatever.

I'm just really excited

about this camping trip.

I bought extra

bug spray,

and a travel addition

of "word wham!"

And my new boots.

"Word wham!" Huh?

What?

I know that look.

The camping, hiking,

river rafting thing?

We might need to think just a teeny little switch on that.

You can't make

a switch.

We made plans.

I bought boots.

No, of course we're gonna go camping.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

After we make

a quick pit stop

at the Mercury

zoome convention.

- Dad, no.

- Mel, these are my grassroots fans.

The real zoomers.

I may never get a chance to meet them.

All I have to do

is show up,

judge a contest,

and then it's you and me

and all the mosquitoes

we can SWAT.

- Just the two of us?

- Just the two of us.

I think he means

three.

Wake up, honey.

We're here.

Welcome to paradise.

This is good.

These are my people.

I think that's

the hotel there.

- One night, right?

- Yeah, one night.

I promise.

- Is that him?

- It's him!

That's Neal Morris!

Welcome to my world.

Hi, how are ya?

Yikes.

How Tripp-tastic

is this?

Zoomers incoming!

Yeah,

real fun.

- Morris?

- Yes.

Neal Morris.

Merv kilbo, big fan.

Big fan.

Wow. This is like,

crazy, man.

Welcome to the little

slice of heaven...

- My hotel.

- Thank you very much.

We've got you

in the presidential suite.

It's top notch.

Nothing but the best

for you.

The royal treatment.

Let me take care

of your bags for you.

Hey, Neal,

sign my skull.

Be right back.

- Don't mess this up for me.

- Of course I won't.

You'll probably do that

all on your own.

All right.

Just right there in the middle? Okay.

"Neal Morris."

- Awesome.

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

The package has arrived.

Good work, shel.

Close it down

and return to the roost.

Oh, and Sheldon?

Yeah?

Lose the fake voice.

It's creepy.

Why you always got

to bust me, wheeze?

Eyes on the prize,

Sheldon.

We're winning

this contest.

- Got me?

- Yeah, I got you.

Double "word wham!"

Bonus word score.

Okay, so here we are.

Merv kilbo's finest.

The presidential suite.

So, do you

love it?

What's not to love?

Welcome home, Neal.

Welcome home.

Lava lamp.

Cool.

Come on, let's go!

In your third book,

"zip, zoome, zilcho"

Tripp finds his way

out of the scum cave

using the flashlight he rewired into a laser, right?

- Actually...

- Hello, drop any brain cells lately?

It was his battery-operated

toothbrush.

He used it

as a diamond drill.

- Laser.

- Drill.

- Laser.

- Drill.

- Laser.

- Drill.

You guys just excuse me,

I'll be right back.

You...

You're him.

In the flesh.

Who should i

make it out to?

Just sign it to me...

Not the word "me," but my name.

Not "my name,"

but my name... skunk.

Just sign it

to skunk.

"To skunk,

Neal Morris."

There you go.

- Floss.

- Floss.

Maurice.

Maurice, look!

He signed it.

Would you stop jumping around

like a baby gorilla?

We are not here

to get autographs.

Go!

Go, go, go.

Git!

Git!

Come on, let's go.

Move.

Okay, okay,

I'm going.

Surrounded by oddballs,

each more desperate

and with less a hold

on reality than the next.

Whoa!

Big whoa,

little lady.

Pretty incredible rig,

isn't it?

Made it myself straight from the plot of "the Tripp of time."

Just like Tripp.

And you did this

because...?

Because of the contest,

newbie.

Whoever proves

to be zoome enough

wins the prize.

"Zoome enough?"

Oh, yeah.

Whoever can show they know the most about Tripp zoome

wins the ultimate

fan prize...

The chance to become

a character in my next book.

And the opportunity to read it before it's published.

Which would be

so amazingly incredible.

Yes, it would.

I worship

at your feet, Neal.

No need.

"Another brush

with danger!"

The catch phrase.

Floss!

And on that note,

good night.

Good night.

I see you.

Hey, dad,

what do you think

about Grisham lodge

for dinner tonight?

They have this restaurant where you can sit behind a waterfall.

Wow, that's

a cool location.

That could come in handy

for my next book.

Tripp battles piranha

behind a waterfall

with toxic sludge.

Hmm?

What?

Honey, I'm a writer.

I'm always on the prowl

for new material.

Tripp demands it.

You act like Tripp zoome

is real, dad.

He is real to me.

He has to be.

Forget it.

Tell you what...

Why don't you pack,

I go pick out

a contest winner,

we jump in the car,

we're on the road by noon.

- You mean it?

- I mean it.

- Perfect.

- Okay.

Yes, yes, well, well,

big daddy himself,

the king...

Mr.

Neal Morris will determine which of you crazy cats

Is truly zoome enough!

Floss! Floss!

I want

you guys to know

that I'm not going

anywhere.

I'm staying right here

with you.

Time for our

next superfan,

Bobby-o

from Cincinnati.

Come on up, buddy.

What's the matter,

plans not working out?

You got something to say,

say it to the wall.

That is so much better.

Ow, watch where

you're going, nimrod.

Nimrod?

Very mature.

Although it does score you nine points in "word wham!"

I always use

the "triple word wham!" Tile,

so you do the math,

Einstein.

You're a whammer?

Regional wins,

two years in a row.

Very impressive.

Thanks.

It's all about the vowels.

Oh yeah,

vowel power.

Uh, I'd love to stay

and compare

strategies with you,

but business calls.

Business?

Whatever.

Nice.

You get her digits?

I was going to, but...

I cannot believe

we're related.

Okay, whatever.

I'll be in the Van.

Whatever.

By connecting

the hairbrush...

To the clock radio,

I'm able to recreate

Tripp's first official

- Tripp trap scrambler.

- Oh!

This is cool.

Whoa!

Molar to canine.

Distractor

is loaded and ready to go.

Copy that, molar.

Phase two

standing by.

Good work, shel.

Transport standing by.

On my signal.

And...

Go, go, go.

Roger that.

I found 9136 mentions

of dentists,

oral care

and/or dental equipment.

16,088 occurrences

of the word "floss."

Do you smell something?

Said the fat man with the nose of doom upon his grin.

That's good.

How's camping?

It's great... fresh air,

beautiful trees.

And traffic?

He did it again, didn't he?

Yeah, he did.

Calm down, everyone.

I'm sure it's just

a ventilation problem.

- Mr. Morris, sir.

- Yeah.

A moment of your time.

I think I can explain.

Okay.

Hey. Hey.

Where is that kid

going with our guy?

Okay. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I need to get through.

Just move it!

I don't know why you thought

this trip would be different.

You never know, Deb.

Something might pop up

and change everything,

right?

Whatever you say, Mel.

Just call me

when you get back, okay?

Tell you dad "floss" for me.

Sure, whatever.

So you thought this trip

would be different, huh?

- You are thick.

- It already is different.

As soon as he's

done in there.

You mean as soon

as he's done with me.

For someone who knows

how to save the world,

you really are

a jerk.

Any minute now

he walks out that door

and it's my vacation,

not yours.

Dad?

The tear-jerker.

- And it works?

- Yeah.

A 16-gallon

dust vac.

The juice extractor and an eight-horsepower wood chipper.

I gotta meet the fans

who put this baby together.

I think that can

be arranged.

Oh, yeah?

Mr. Zoome,

i presume.

Stop it, guys.

Spin him, spin him,

spin him!

Hey, ow,

that hurts!

Hey! They're stealing

my writer. Maurice.

Quit your crying, skunk.

We'll get him,

okay?

But we need

some wheels...

Just like those.

Calm down,

it's gonna be okay.

- Everything is under control.

- Dad!

No one goes in until the fumes clear out.

- But my dad, he's inside.

- No, he isn't.

Hcl fumes.

It's onions.

Totally zoome-tastic.

"'If one chopped onion makes my mom cry when she's making lasagna,"

think what 1000 chopped onions will do to a roomful of scum agents.'

"He smiled,

his perfect teeth a-glitter."

Big deal.

So some geek had way too much time on his hands.

- Where is my father?

- All we know is,

whoever did this knows his way around a Tripp trap!

Hey.

Where are the tapes

to that camera?

I want to check 'em out.

Are you kidding me?

A bunch

of kids took him?

Why couldn't he

still be a dentist?

Central station.

Your call is being recorded.

Hi, yes, I'd like

to report a missing person...

No, he's not missing,

he was taken.

Who are we actually

talking about here?

My father,

his name's Neal Morris.

He was taken by a bunch of kids...

like total freak out losers.

Okay, okay,

calm down, honey.

Are you talking

about the same Neal Morris

down at the merc hotel,

that zoome fan thing?

Yes, yes, exactly.

Okay, 'cause I've

been getting a lot

of crazy calls

from that place today.

Like spies

and robots

and double agents.

We got a lot of work

down at the police station.

So you got to stop

bothering me.

Hello?! I'm trying

to report a crime here.

Okay, look.

Here's the procedure.

You wait 48 hours.

If he doesn't turn up then,

come down to the station

and fill out a report.

Okay, that's the system.

The system

is stupid.

What? Why are you

looking at me like that?

I'm just surprised.

Surprised?

At what?

You. You get this

big shot at being me.

- You don't take it.

- Are you kidding me?

First of all,

i don't want to be you.

I would hate

to be you.

In fact,

i hate you.

Wow, kinda harsh,

don't ya think?

Don't you have a super villain to wrap in dental floss or something?

Nope, I'm all yours.

It looks like you're gonna be needing me too.

'Cause we both know you're not zoome

enough to get Neal back on your own.

Hey, this is

the real world.

In the real world,

15-year-olds don't save their fathers

from freaky fan guys.

You know what?

You're right.

100 %.

I guess that's why your father writes about me...

Not you.

He adjusts the disguise...

A colander

of deception.

What? Every writer knows

it's the power of the words.

Do you even know what a colander is, skunk?

Do you?

Because I don't.

But I can still tell you

there is no such thing

as a "colander

of deception."

Now... careful.

We got to time this

just right.

Is this zoome enough

for you, Neal?

What's going on here?

What is that smell?

The cords are soaked

in menthol rub.

The more you squirm,

the more you burn.

The vapo-wrist wrap.

"Tripp's last trip,"

page 89.

Ah, this is

kind of amazing.

And painful. Ow.

Come on, kids,

get me out of this.

Kids?

We ain't kids.

We're your

worst nightmare.

- Stuff him!

- Dirty sweatsock.

You wrote it,

we do it.

Hey.

- Who's Melissa?

- That's my daughter.

Let me just tell her

that I'm okay.

Come on, guys.

In "Tripp of no return"

even evil professor nix

got to do that.

Okay.

- Hello.

- Dad?

Melissa, honey,

you okay?

I can't believe you did this.

It's so typical.

What?

I didn't do anything.

Everything's not always

my fault, you know.

Floss, floss, floss!

Okay, here's the deal.

Your dad is fine.

Soon as he agrees to our one demand,

he's home free.

Why don't you run along and play with the other kiddies at the hotel?

And with whom

am I speaking, please?

Why does that matter?

So I can use your name in a complete sentence, nimrod.

Nimrod.

Real mature.

Wait a minute...

I know that voice.

"Word wham!" Guy,

it's you!

You're Neal's

daughter?

I guess vocabulary genes

skipped a generation, huh?

Excuse me, may I say something?

- No!

Look, I don't know what twisted dream you think you're fulfilling,

but you're totally ruining

my vacation,

and that's not okay!

Feisty.

I like it.

Okay, just tell me

where you are

and I'll come

get my dad.

Tell you?

Hmm...

I don't think so.

Pine mist

or lilac spring?

Floss.

Pine scent

or lilac?

So what's the plan?

Mr.

Kilbo, does this town have a car wash?

Yes. Why?

No, no, bro,

there.

No, no, no,

there.

No, no, no...

There. Hold on.

Right there.

You see?

Yeah.

The girl.

You know, you gotta

admire her enthusiasm.

You just had to get the hot wax,

didn't you?

It coats

and protects.

All right,

drive around back.

We'll pull

a "toss and wash."

Right.

This is the place?

You sure?

Yeah.

This is the only car wash for miles.

You mind if I make

a quick call, kiddo?

Want to make sure

the merc hasn't been

taken over

by evil aliens.

Those zoome kids

are pretty weird.

Yeah, go ahead,

I'm gonna take a look around.

Yeah, it's me.

I'm at the car wash.

The car w...

don't ask.

What am I doing?

My car!

- Hit the brakes!

- Which one's the brake?!

It's in the middle!

Found the brake.

Great.

"'Word wham!'

Made easy!"

Oh, it's due today.

Gimme, gimme,

gimme.

What's that girl

got to do with all this?

What's it matter?

Long as she takes us to her father.

What?!

Your nose is

smaller in the picture.

Way smaller.

Thank you.

Sorta.

You know that book

is due today.

So?

So you have to pay fine

every day it's late.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, right.

Of course.

What, are all these books overdue?

Yeah.

You gotta keep up.

We're losing 'em.

I am driving as fast

as I can.

Said his brother,

with an off-key head.

That makes

no sense!

All right, guys,

listen,

this has been great,

and you're as zoome as they come.

But there are

other fans waiting for me.

It's not really

fair to them, is it?

All right, Neal.

Okay, we'll

make you a deal.

If you show us

the book-splat Tripp trap...

- Then we'll let you go.

- Yeah.

Setting the splat trap

is as delicate

as wisdom tooth surgery.

Sure you don't want me to come in with you?

I can handle this.

We'll be right out.

Cool.

How does it feel?

Exhilarating, huh?

I think the word

is traumatizing.

You poor little baby.

Why don't you go

soak in a bubble bath,

let me handle

the dirty work?

- Dream on.

- Hey!

Just get him,

grab him and go.

Thanks.

All right.

It's go time.

Whoa, hold on,

little brother.

Let's do this right.

Huh?

All right,

very gently.

No sudden movements.

There you go.

Nice.

Get him,

grab him and go.

You set it

on any shelf,

holding it tightly.

The next unsuspecting

librarian

gets a Tripp-tastic

surprise.

Oh!

This is just perfect.

Melissa, you found me.

Found you?

I thought I was saving you.

But apparently you and the nerd patrol are doing just fine.

We are having

a blast.

I gotta tell you,

these kids are great.

And total,

100 % fans.

- Yeah!

- Yeah we are!

This is Sheldon.

He gets that same

gum irritation you do.

This spitfire's Andre

and his big brother wheeze.

Think you guys

have met.

- Wheeze?

- Wheeze.

Listen, i think we got off on the wrong foot here.

Ya think?

Okay, I know you're new

to the whole zoome world,

but can you maybe

just lighten up?

Your dad is just trying

to have some fun with us.

Really?

Well, wheeze,

the thing is,

he's supposed to be having fun with me!

- You smell nice.

- I do?

- Thanks, it's my gloss.

- Mmm.

- What is that, cherry?

- No, watermelon.

Cherry makes

my lips swell.

- Understandable.

- Dad, we're leaving now!

I have to get

this stuff off my face!

Sorry, guys,

gotta go.

- See ya.

- Call me.

- Floss.

- Later.

Honey, I'm sorry.

They took me.

- It was just a game.

- A game?

It's kinda funny

if you think about it.

All right,

maybe funny is the wrong word.

You just don't get it.

- Well, then tell me.

- Dad,

I've been thinking about this vacation ever since school started.

I packed my suitcase

weeks ago,

and then unpacked it and repacked it like five times

'cause I wanted

everything to be perfect...

Just me and my dad,

finally spending

some quality time together.

That's what I wanted too.

I still do want that.

That's all great until

you-know-who

comes along

and ruins everything.

You-know-who?

Tripp? Honey,

he's a fictional

character.

No, dad, Peter Pan is

a fictional character.

Tripp zoome is

a pain in my butt.

- Freeze! Police!

- Freeze!

Excuse us, officers,

we're having a little moment here.

Moment's over,

writer guy.

All right, officer skunk,

grab him.

Officer skunk?

I love your books.

Wait a minute,

i know you guys from the hotel.

- You're not real cops.

- Okay. Huh?!

See the badge?

What's it say?

I don't know,

i don't have my glasses.

- What's this?

- A stapler.

A stapler, yeah.

Okay, cuff him.

What?

- Oh no, you don't.

- No, no, not you...

- Melissa!

- What? I just got you back. I'm not losing you again.

That was supposed to be

my wrist.

- You snooze, you lose.

- Okay, all right. Cell phones.

Is this it?

Come on, let's go.

- Let's go.

- Guys, one abduction a day, that's my limit.

Shut your trap

and keep moving.

Guys, you should

come see this.

This is what I call

no esta bueno.

Let's go, guys.

Something's really wrong.

Hurry,

they're getting away!

Hey, fellas,

I think there's been some sort of mistake here.

Yeah, ain't that

always the case?

Don't lose 'em,

wheeze.

Quit riding me.

I'm driving the best i can, dude.

Central station.

Your call is being recorded.

Hello, police?

Neal Morris has been stolen.

Listen, kid,

you can't be tying up the phone lines like this

with these pranks calls.

It's against the law.

This is no prank.

Two goons took him for real.

Okay, look,

i got at 1:25

he was

supposedly snatched.

Then at 2:32

i got three calls

from the supermarket

saying he was in a Van

and he was tied up with what they described as dental floss.

- Mint flavored.

- Listen, kid,

enough with the fun and games.

We're very busy down at the station.

Goodbye.

We're not kids!

- Looks like it's up to us.

- Let's do it.

Chalk this one up

for creepy.

No, make that

creepy times two.

- You live here?

- The city's stupid enough to pump electric in.

Why shouldn't we?

Wow, really cozy.

Shh.

Whatever it is

you're after,

I'm sure we can work this out in a safe and peaceful manner.

- Really? You're sure?

- Really. Yeah.

Sure you're just not hoping,

maybe praying,

that we can?

Skunk, hurry it up.

Our guests are getting antsy.

Just a minute!

"There's no

turning back now," he said

as he stood on the line

between good...

And Iowa.

- I'm scared.

- Don't worry.

It's gonna be okay,

i promise.

That my friend,

is entirely up to you.

I don't know

about this, wheeze.

This is way

out of our league.

Yeah, and you guys returned

all those zoome books.

- That was really smart.

- Hey!

- They were overdue.

- Everybody chill.

We don't need the books.

We know every page

of every novel

inside and out.

There's a trip zoome

solution to this,

we just haven't

figured it out yet.

Lady and gentleman...

It's snack time.

Oh, that's good.

- That is good.

- The part I love best

is there's no meat

whatsoever in these things.

What do you guys want?

- You want money?

- Come on, it always comes back to that.

- Money, money, money.

- Listen, whatever you're planning,

we won't go along with it.

So go ahead.

Send his publisher a ransom note.

See if we care.

- Not helping.

- Okay.

Don't worry

about us, kid.

We always get

what we want.

That is one thing

we are very good at.

Okay.

Here we go.

Huh?

Look at this.

Huh?

"Lights out Lenny"?

- It's a working title.

- My brother,

he has a gift.

Please tell me

it's not cooking.

- A creative gift.

- Okay, touchy.

Of course,

my writing's not as good as yours is...

But that's

why you're here.

Okay?

Keep him from making

the same mistakes I made.

Maurice stole

an elephant.

- Huh?

- It's true.

I did the crime,

then I did the time.

But look,

my baby brother here,

he's clean.

With a little

outside help,

there's no stopping

this guy.

So you took me

to read your brother's book?

No, not read. To fix.

Fix my brother's book.

- My brother needs...

- A brain, scarecrow?

You are really

starting to irritate me.

You really don't

want to do that.

Look, my brother needs

a real writer

to finish the book.

Guys, look,

in the best of environments...

Even with the best writers...

This could take weeks.

Months, even.

Months, years.

I really don't care.

Because the way

that I see it,

until you fix the book,

you're not leaving.

What? Stuck here

in this stinkhole?

Consider it incentive,

sweetheart.

Daddy writes fast,

Princess goes home.

Chapter one.

"The sky was dark

and the air was cold,"

and the man held

the gun so tight

"his fingers felt

like cheese."

- Cheddar.

- Oh, boy.

Wait, "we're gaining

on 'em, Vic."

"Oh, boy, look at

that car go."

"Faster, faster.

They're coming after us."

"If he doesn't watch,

he's gonna wreck that car."

Oh God.

This is so bad

my eyes actually hurt.

How do you fix something

this broken?

Every problem is just

a doorway to a solution.

That's what you write

for Tripp, anyway.

I've read the books, dad.

I just don't get

dressed up like agent x309

and go to zoome-cons

every other weekend.

- What?

- Nothing.

It's just that x309

is a 250-pound Chinese guy,

so I think you'd

look kinda funny.

Sorry.

Hey, you know what

we need?

- A distraction.

- No, no, no way.

Dad, we have

to get out of here.

In case you haven't noticed,

those two guys, they're kinda wacko.

Which is exactly why

i don't want to risk your neck

on some silly plan.

Silly?

We're back to that,

are we?

How could I possibly

have an idea

worthy of the amazing

Tripp zoome?

Melissa, that's not...

- It all comes down to this, dad.

You care more

about Tripp zoome

than you do

about your own daughter.

Now that...

That is ridiculous.

- It is?

- Yeah.

Then how come you've never written about me, huh?

How come I'm not a character in one of your books?

You...

Sweetheart,

characters are...

They're dynamic.

They're larger

than life.

They're capable

of extraordinary things.

Tripp has three

advanced degrees.

He's got an encyclopedic

knowledge of science.

- He speaks 10 languages.

- Okay.

Then what are my interests, dad, huh?

What do I like?

Do you realize you missed

every one of my dance recitals?

I wanted to be there.

I really did.

How about the time I won the middle school creative writing award?

You won a writing contest?

That's great.

Two years

in a row, dad.

Just own it, dad.

Tripp comes first.

I...

No, forget it.

I'm sorry

i brought it up.

Cops. Mo, mo,

what do we do?

We get out while we still can.

Grab 'em!

Let's go.

Fast.

You know, skunk,

you don't have to do this.

That's easy for you to say.

Last time I checked,

you were a best-selling author.

I'm... It doesn't matter what I am.

Ow!

That's my brother!

Now move it!

Move it!

"Stake out fake out."

Simple, yet effective.

You're gonna be doing

your work on the road.

You too, funny girl.

Get in.

Andre, hit it again.

You got it.

Track number seven.

Sorry, my bad.

Sounds like

hundreds of 'em.

- And they have animals.

- Get in the truck.

I got it.

So, Neal,

what do you think

about my book?

Yeah, well,

what you wrote so far

is kind of...

- Cut to the chase.

- Awful? I think the word is "awful."

But salvageable, really.

I think there's a lot

of good ideas that work.

They're just surrounded

by terrible ideas that don't.

I admit, the exploding

elephant is different.

But, back me up

on this, dad,

your dialog is

inconsistent.

It takes the reader

out of the story.

It's way too,

"bang, bang, tough guy."

Yeah, you know what?

She's right.

No one really

talks like this.

- And the plot is...

- There is no plot.

Just kinda have

to work through this thing.

What'd I tell you, skunk?

This is the start

of a whole new life

for you.

Now we can

get down to business.

All right,

you two, start fixing.

What,

write the book here?

- Like this?

- Yeah, yeah.

Just like this.

You got a problem?

No problem.

Look forward to the challenge.

♪ My main man Tripp

gonna give 'em all the slip ♪

♪ with the dental floss,

he gonna show 'em who's boss ♪

What?

♪ I said, my main man,

my main man zoome ♪

♪ yeah, he makes

the ladies swoon. ♪

Okay, the first thing

i suggest is

reestablish your open.

Your first sentence really needs to grab the reader.

- Yours just...

- Doesn't.

- Whoa.

- Stupid road!

Oh, great.

We're being followed.

It's those brats

in the Van.

Really?

All right,

let's see what they got.

Guys, are we speeding up

or are they slowing down?

Ah, scary looking

freaky dude!

What are you doing?

- Hey!

- Toss them!

- Whoa!

- It's the attack of the killer pants!

Whooo!

Now we're talking!

If there's one scratch

on my ride,

it's gonna get ugly.

Wheeze!

We got 'em.

Great, we're stuck.

So what did

you think, Neal?

- Was I zoome enough?

- Those are just kids!

You guys are way

outta line here.

- Dad.

- Yeah, dad, shut your mouth

before you say something

you'll wish you hadn't.

Now what?

Ah, we're almost

outta gas?

Next time,

we grab a hybrid.

When you find a station,

i have to go to the bathroom.

Not my problem.

Guys, come on,

be reasonable.

It's okay, mo.

I'll go with her.

What?!

I mean, I'll stand

by the door.

Whoa, whoa,

what are you doing?

What?

I'm cold.

- Fine.

- Hey, ow!

Easy on the elbow.

I might want to play

tennis someday.

You don't like me,

do you?

Like you?

Think like a writer, skunk.

You're the bad guy.

Maybe I'm the confused,

likeable bad guy,

did you ever

think about that?

Hurry it up

in there.

You wish.

Maybe next time

you'll think twice

about serving

10-year-old hot dogs!

Can you back away

from the door?

I can't... you know.

Oh, oh, right.

Sorry.

I'd kill for a comb.

I don't know,

i think you're holding up pretty good.

What is with you,

showing up, ruining my life?

I didn't sign up

for this.

You don't get it,

do you?

- Get what?

- I'm in your head

because you

keep me there.

Come on.

Did you ever

think of that?

That's ridiculous.

You think you know

everything

and always have

to shove it in my face

like I'm some child who can't figure out anything for herself.

Which is crazy,

'cause if you're

in my head,

then I am

thinking like you.

We had to leave.

It was out of our hands.

I know that.

Okay.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I swiped you

some beef jerky.

Eat up.

- Whoa!

- Sorry, I just...

Forget it.

Let's just get this show on the road.

I'm hot now.

Come on.

Where are we going?

The only way

we can go.

Oh, this stuff's

disgusting.

- Maybe.

- Ohh!

But it's dinner.

So if I were you,

I'd shut up and chew.

And make his book

better.

Guys, this is nuts.

My dad needs a real place to write.

One that doesn't

have potholes.

Why don't you just take us

back to the hotel?

At least they have

a computer there.

No, no, I'm fine.

These conditions are great.

Guess what?

Kid genius is actually right.

This is not working out.

We're going back

to the hotel.

They've been here.

The bathroom!

It's a page from

"zoome time, boom time."

She circled the word

"presidential."

How do you know

it's from her?

Watermelon flavored

lip gloss.

Okay, everyone think.

What's this mean?

Presidential...

President.

Pickles,

dill pickles.

They took her

to a pickle farm!

No.

- Presidential suite.

- Huh?

They're staying

in the presidential suite!

I heard them

when they checked in.

Come on!

Yeah, well,

guess it could be that.

All right,

everybody out. Let's go.

I never thought I'd be glad to see this place again.

Me either.

No one here cares what you think, daddy-o.

Just what you write.

"Freeze-dried dreams"?

More like warmed-over

nightmares.

Wait a minute,

you're working with them?

Don't get crazy.

They work for me.

But before,

you helped me.

Oh, you were so good

at finding your pop.

- Don't you touch...

- Hey.

You helped me tell them

right where to go.

Take 'em upstairs

to my pad.

- Our room would be better.

- Get that book finished.

I have to go back

to work.

- Let's go.

- Hey.

Easy there.

Wow.

Retro creepy.

Okay, come on.

Move it.

There you go.

All right.

You are going

to be very safe here.

It should give you enough time to finish the book.

I just don't get it.

Why is merv making you do this?

He's not making us.

He's helping us.

He's gonna get my book

published, like Neal.

Wow, usually

i just deliver the pizza.

Never delivered

customers before.

First time

for everything.

By the way,

the pizza is slamming.

Best crust in town.

So who wants some tunes?

Thanks, hon.

The merv?

Looks like little merv's got big ideas.

So do you.

Nice edit on this character stuff.

Thanks.

I didn't know

you drank coffee.

It's mostly milk.

Mom's orders.

- Oh.

- Okay, okay.

How's this?

"The drive-in

snack bar"

was a sloppy room

filled with all sorts

of junky stuff...

"And stuff."

Not bad, not bad.

Remember what I told you,

when you first describe

a location...

Try and help the reader know more than what it looks like.

Imagine what

it feels like,

even smells like.

Okay, okay.

"The sparkling palace..."

"Smelled of gross,

dirty socks."

"And a short bald man

in need of a bath."

I heard that.

All right. Now that's

believable detail.

- Right, dad?

- That's really good, skunk.

Really.

You're pretty amazing,

you know that?

Thanks.

So are you.

Incoming!

We got him.

Oh, come on!

This is the merc.

How may I help you?

Get it signed

"to Karl jan Hansen,

friend, artist,

pizza man."

- You got it, my friend. Thanks again for the lift.

- Yeah.

Thank you

for the coupons.

Man, I can't wait

for two-for-one Tuesday.

No, that's not

an elephant, officer.

♪ Love is a burger

and fries ♪

♪ you're

the heartburn... ♪

remember,

good ideas get great

only if you don't

get hurt.

Do you even

hear how you sound?

Why do you always

talk in catch phrases?

Fans like it.

Yeah, just hope

the fans like my idea.

It is a good plan,

right?

Right, asking you

is the same as asking myself.

I already know

the answer.

It's another brush

with danger.

Floss.

That is such

a lousy catchphrase.

Yeah, I know.

Work on that,

will ya?

I told you

pickle farm.

What?

I'm just saying.

In the book,

Tripp breaths underwater

using straws

held together by rubber bands.

- No.

- Huh-uh.

No, that's not it.

But we know

she has the book.

What would she do?

She's Neal's daughter,

she's gotta be zoome enough.

Signal of strength.

- What?

- Tripp's signal of strength.

Remember? The big climax

from "zoome time, boom time."

After he gets stuck

in the whirlpool of plaque,

scum agents

take him prisoner.

Tripp creates a signal that leads the rebels to where he is.

- Oh, she's brilliant.

- Dude,

if you don't ask her out,

I will.

All we gotta do

is find the signal.

Let's get

some help.

Once again,

you fail to strike

even the slightest chord

of intelligent thought.

Tripp would never appear in a theater production of "Hamlet."

Shakespeare

gives him hives.

Folks!

Your grasp of my argument is as slippery

as the vegetable oil-soaked waterslide Tripp slid down

- to escape the zombies.

- Zoomers.

- No way.

- Way.

- Hello?

- Newbie.

- Flyboy.

- Zircon.

Thanks, bro.

Everybody, listen up.

Got some good news

and bad news.

They both lead

to the same place.

- Neal's in trouble.

- Big trouble.

- We're gonna save him.

- Floss!

Come on, Melissa.

Just What I Need...

Clever kids.

♪ You know I used

to hear a voice that said ♪

♪ "trouble's coming,

better stay in bed" ♪

♪ then I even

tried to run away ♪

♪ 'cause I didn't

even know my own strength ♪

♪ I was shocked,

no, I couldn't believe ♪

♪ my world rocked,

it was news to me ♪

♪ when I looked

in the mirror today ♪

♪ I looked back

and I heard me say ♪

♪ I got to own it,

breathe it ♪

♪ live it

like I mean it ♪

♪ there's a hero in me,

it's all I want to be ♪

♪ someone to rely on,

looks good on TV ♪

♪ save the day,

it's part of the routine ♪

♪ outta my way,

this is a job for ♪

♪ the hero in me,

it's all I want to be ♪

♪ someone to rely on,

looks good on TV ♪

♪ save the day,

it's part of the routine ♪

♪ outta my way,

this is a job for me ♪

♪ there's a hero

in me, yeah ♪

♪ there's a hero

in me ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh-oh-oh. ♪

A signal of strength?

From the uprising plot

in "zoome time, boom time"?

Dad, it's a good, solid idea.

It came from you.

I don't know.

You really think it'll work?

I don't know.

I still have to figure out how to send the signal.

Even Tripp says, "if you don't try,

you'll just wonder why."

You know who said that first,

don't you?

You did,

when you were eight.

It was so smart.

So innocent.

As soon as you

said it I knew,

"that's how

Tripp thinks."

Tripp?

- Wait, you're saying...

- Melissa, where do you think he comes from?

A writer is only as good

as his own experiences.

The ideas, the plots,

the characters...

That's where

they come from.

When you were born,

so was Tripp zoome.

I hear whispering.

I don't like

whispering.

So I'm in

your books?

Sweetheart,

you're everywhere.

You're in the plot,

you're in the humor,

you're the heart.

You're my heart.

You're the reason

i write, Melissa.

I'd give it all up tomorrow

if it meant losing you.

What's buzzin', cousin?

How's our book coming?

- It's coming.

- Good.

Thanks to that firestorm

brewing outside,

sooner is gonna be

much better than later

for all of us.

You know,

there's something i don't get.

Why do you care

what skunk writes?

What, are you

writing a book?

I'm kidding, it's...

I don't care

what skunk writes.

I care what

your father rewrites.

But my book,

you said...

I said a lot of things.

Did you actually think I gave a hoot about your writing?

Please, the back of that cereal box has a more interesting plot.

The whole plan

was I needed his writing

so I could sell the manuscript as a Neal Morris book.

The last

Neal Morris book.

Okay, now we have

a problem.

The last Neal Morris book means the last Tripp zoome book.

The last Tripp zoome book

means no more me...

Tripp zoome.

That is not okay.

We'll talk

about this later.

Having your father start with skunk's verbal drool

was just a way to get you fools to do the dirty work.

Talk about your

dumb thug character.

I'm not writing

this book for you.

I think you will

big daddy.

Because until you do,

you won't see

your little Princess again.

Lock the girl

in the bathroom.

- Mo.

- We didn't sign up for this.

You signed up for something.

That alone is worth five years in jail.

For you Maurice,

and your little brother.

Now do it.

- Just come with me.

- No.

- Just come on.

- Come on. Here.

Sorry.

Now let's discuss

our little deadline,

okay, Neal?

I'll do what you want,

just don't hurt my daughter.

No signal in my sights yet, wheeze.

Don't worry,

she'll come through.

And then we strike.

Okay, think, Melissa.

What would Tripp do?

Come on.

Let's burn rubber, dad.

Collector's don't

actually care if it's any good,

just that it's you

who writes it.

You're pathetic,

you know that?

I'll keep that in mind...

In case I ever care.

Which I won't.

I really thought

i was doing right.

I just wanted

better for you.

Not this.

It's okay, mo.

You helped me

meet my hero.

He helped me write.

That's not so bad

in my book.

My book.

Barometric pressure

rising.

Wind... one knot

north-southeast.

Signal.

I see the signal!

Move, move, move!

Guys, I can't

see the signal.

I can't see

the signal.

A little help here,

please?

Floss! Floss!

Hey, guys!

Floss!

All right, everybody,

let's flush 'em out!

That way we control

where the flow goes.

You are so zoome enough.

Super sticky

cheese bombs ready?

Ready!

Aim!

Fire!

Your cavalry's here!

That's it.

Time to make tracks.

I'll take him.

You two grab little sis.

- Move it!

- Nail 'em!

Come on, come on.

What's the matter, merv?

Afraid?

Of a bunch of sun-deprived bookworms?

Please!

Eat grape juice,

loser.

Go, go, go!

Come on, this'll

never come out!

Was that really

necessary?

- Floss!

- Go get her!

Run!

You better hope

she doesn't mess this up.

You better hope.

You don't know my daughter.

All right, zoomers.

Let's seal off the streets.

No one gets

in our out. Move!

Floss!

It's you and me.

We're going in.

Slow down,

we won't hurt you.

Like I'm gonna wait

to find that out.

How about a little

slip-slap Tripp trap?

Whoa!

Ow.

Hey, guys.

Impressive.

- You got the clue.

- The signal of strength.

Nice.

So what do you think?

Waxed or mint?

Come on, merv.

Don't you think you're

in a little over

your head here?

No.

Once we get to my car,

we're home free.

Skunk, you're really not a bad writer.

I know, I'm just

a bad guy, right?

How about a confused,

likeable bad guy?

Come on, my dad.

Hand holding.

Finally.

Whoa.

Come on, guys,

throw me a bone here.

Tell me where they are.

Whoa!

Charge!

This is my last suit!

Make them stop!

I don't think

i can do that.

I don't get it!

Your plots are so trite!

Give it up, merv.

It's over.

There's nowhere

to go.

Huh.

Okay, calm down,

I think there's been

a little misunderstanding.

We gotta do something, Maurice.

I know, little brother.

- I know.

- I got it.

- What?

- Spin.

- What?

- Spin,

like your life

depended on it.

Wow, we're not so bad

after all.

Floss.

Whoo!

Yeah!

You sure

you're okay?

The best I've ever been,

sweetheart.

Just the best.

Ah, thank you.

Thank you.

First off, two big,

important announcements.

One, due to your amazingly Tripp-tastic efforts this morning,

everyone here will receive a free autographed copy of my next book.

That's right.

Thank you.

Second, there's a little

unfinished business

we have

to take care of...

The "zoome enough"

prize.

Knowing about something

is great.

But putting that knowledge

into action

requires a level

of commitment

that borders

on insanity.

So on that note,

please give it up

for my new friends

Andre...

Go on.

Floss! Floss!

Sheldon...

Whazzup Tripp fans?

And wheeze!

Thank you.

You know,

guys, my parents never got

why I was so into these books.

All I gotta say now

is reading rocks.

Good job.

You know,

all that's happened...

I couldn't have

done any of it without you.

But you did.

All of it,

actually.

I may be the who

your dad writes about,

but you,

you're the why.

Remember that.

We've got one more prize.

Without her,

none of us would be standing here today.

She is my inspiration.

She is the reason

i do what I do.

My daughter, Melissa.

Floss! Floss!

Chin up, mo.

Time is on our side,

even if nobody else is.

Skunk,

that makes sense.

And it was clever!

Dostoyevsky, he wrote some cool stuff in the slammer.

That's my brother.

He's a writer.

Okay, floss!

All right,

okay.

- Hey, Neal.

- Yes.

Are you sure you can't

stay another day?

Sorry to get

rescued and run,

but my daughter and i

have a vacation to salvage.

You ready?

I've always

been ready, dad.

Hang on, Melissa.

Um...

Here's my phone number.

In case...

In case you want to...

- Go out?

- Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, actually,

that'd be great.

Okay, but you just have to promise me one thing.

Anything.

Anything at all.

It's gotta be

a normal date.

Just you and me.

No guys in weird costumes,

no mentho

dental floss,

no police intervention.

I promise.

Yeah!

Floss! Floss!

Bombs ready,

aim!

Fire!

Ohh.

This is just perfect.

Incoming!

Oh, come on!

Eat grape juice,

loser.

Come on, this'll

never come out!

Found the brake.

This is my last suit!

Make them stop!

Merv kilbo

are on the case.Agtop