Daddy or Mommy (2015) - full transcript

Florence and Vincent Leroy are successful in business, marriage and children. Today, it's their divorce they want to succeed in. But when they both receive the promotion they've always dreamed of, their life together turns into a nightmare.

Leave me alone.

What are you doing? You come?

Wait, I'm working.

I also work! I too have exams.

- Oh! - What oh? Come on!

I work my ass off in a restaurant to pay for your education

to be a doctor!

- Come on, it's the new year! - You suck!

You see that? Confiscated!

Give me that!

You won't have it! you're too slow, fool!


- Excuse me. - That's not ok!



- Flo, give me this computer! - No.

No! Ouch!

No, Florence, stop your bullshit!

My bottle!

Drop it off!


You're a fool.

5, 4,

3, 2,

1 Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, dumbass.

You kidding?

- He knows. - She gives birth to twins,

and the girl does not calm down, she's on painkillers.

She was in complete panic and couldn't manage...

She was crying, she was in tears and I was afraid of fainting or

spasm sob. I try to calm her down.

She gives birth, I present her babies,

and I said: "They are beautiful, calm down, everything is fine."

She stands up

and said, "I do not know

"Who is the father!"

But no.

But yes!

I don't know the father of the 2nd one!

Yes! I don't know who's the father of the 2nd.

- So ... - That's good.

It is rotten your story. Sounds like one of Paul's stories.


There you go!

In your face.

- This is no joke! - It is true!

This is an effect of painkillers.

She was on oxygen.

It is a set.

When told well, it's a good one, but there...

- Here. - Sorry.

I'd like a decaf.

Well, no, Florence.

A cigarette.

Paul, coffee?

Yeah, nice, yeah.

You'll tell me for Greece.

If you want the house in Paros, must pay a deposit.

Yeah. Yeah, I... but...

It may be difficult for this summer.

You don't have holidays?

- No that's not it. - You scared me.

On divorce.

- What? - Vincent and I we're breaking up.

You're dumb!


I laugh because you laugh, but if it's true.

Yes Yes. We decided. We didn't speak about it because...

a whole lot of reasons, but it's a decision we have taken ...

Here. But okay, we agree.

It was decided last year, we realized that ...

- During the holidays. - Yes.

We managed go on holiday together.

- The children were at mom's. - Yeah, and ...

- We realized that ... - We felt that ...

- We had become friends. - Yeah.

I don't understand.

How to say?

We get on very well.

- We still have many affinities. - Yeah.

- We don't argue anymore. - No, that!

- It is true! - Yes.

- You miss it. - Yes.


we don't want to become as those couples ...

Couples who pretend to speak to each other,

- to listen... - Nothing happens.

- They're roommates. - Who make love

- once every ... - Once a month.

- No. - You see the kind.

Yeah, I ...

- prefer the Beatles to the Stones. - It is true!

Here! We don't want it to be too much.


Finally here, what! This is joyful! It's not serious.

- It's life. - It's life.

How do the children take it?

- Well, look ... - Uh ... As well as possible.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- They're pretty ... - Amazing.

- They are ... - They are great.

They are great, but they are...


This is a lesson because even in separation,

in divorce,

you're classy. - Yeah.

It would almost makes you want to divorce.

- Ciao. - Go home safely.

- Yeah, thank you. - Good night.

Good night.

See you!

Be careful.



Now, gotta tell the children.

I'm sorry I forgot.

It will be fine.

Don't worry!

It will be fine.

I feel guilty.

I don't like when you put your feet on the dashboard.

Good evening, Elodie!

Good evening.

- I'm going to bed. - Yes.

Thanks for staying so late. Leave it, I'll do it.


Thank you. By the way, I can't pick Julien at chess tomorrow.


I won't come Thursday.

OK, and Friday?

Either. Or every other day too.

What is happening?

They are your children.

What's wrong?

Well I think I hate them.

She's stupid.

- What a mess. - We'll get there.

Yes, how?

My Europe boss arrives tomorrow and you you're on call.

Henri will replace me

- I'll go get Julien. - Sorry.

I'm stressed. I am annoying?

No, you're super annoying.

When do we tell them?

Tomorrow evening?

Do not worry.

It will be alright.

I can't turn it off with my foot.


- Good night. - Good night.

Get up, love, it's time.

Not in the morning.

- Mum. - Yes?

- I have no breasts. - What?

- I have no breasts! - You're 12 years old, sweetheart.

- But Corinne wears 95B. - She repeated a school year.

Will I have your breasts?

I dunno. We talk tonight, I have to go.

If I don't have my periods at 13, I kill myself.

Okay. Have a good day darling.


What's this?


It transforms itself?

- This is the hamster SVT. - Oh!

You keep it?

Yes, you mind?

No, I don't know...

I must...

Oh! Watch out!

I'm sorry.

See you tonight sweetie, I love you.

Yeah! See you tonight.

get up Mathias, it is 7am.

Uh ... Yeah right, OK ...

I'm off. Remember Julien's snack for his workshop.

His summons is in his satchel.

Also write a check to Mathias for the canteen,

and one for Emma for the dentist.

She has an appointment at 17:15. My social security card

is in the hall. And if you can, also gotta do some shopping.

The list is on the fridge.

Well, good day!


When did her waters break?

- Move. - Shut up.

It's been 20 minutes that you're breaking my balls.

Kids, be nice.

- He won't move. - Be nice.

Shut up!

Have you checked the cervix?

Speak... I was talking to the children.

You're a pain.

Hush! Come on!

But damn!


I'm not talking to you.

Stop Please. Not you, Sabine.


Call Mathias... The anesthesiologist

to start the NIBP.

I remind you, I can not.

Well hey! Hey! Not cool!

You can't set an example?

They don't teach you


at martial art?

That's not one.

Shut up. And then stand still there.

I don't want to be seen

in that car.

- Go on. - Shotgun.

Stop it. Damn it's been 3 hours!

You go home directly.

You go directly

we need to speak to you.

No problem, that's what taxis are for.

Just buy me a scooter! Bye.

Go ahead.

No, drive.

Mr. Coutine, hello. It was me on the phone.

- Okay. - Welcome to the wind farm

of Upper Normandy. Florence Leroy.

- Hello. - Miss.


She is already married? You're what? 20?

-16! - Humor,

I just love it! You have no children?

Not at my age!

Very funny! You come?

Funny, the little Leroy girl.

I go first.

- No, don't stay in my legs. - Sorry?

This is an inspection. I want freedom of movement. Are you coming?

Is it me or he's stupid?

It's not you.

The cervix is at 9, upside "ope", it won't be long.

You wanted to see me?

Henry, I have a problem:

There's Julien's chess tournament this afternoon.

No, I have choir on Wednesday.

Great, thank you.

Not Wednesday!

You are 50, nobody will know the difference. Prepare me a set.

We relax, everything will be fine.

It is you who asked to leave for Haiti with MSF?

- Yes. - I'm on the waiting list.

- They told me about you. - Okay. Good luck.

- Marion. - Marion. See you soon.

See you soon!

No, I'm at chess. He did what?

That can't be true! Already twice this year!

He'll get fired. I have to go, Kiss.

You won?

No, I stole it.

Are you leaving?

- Yes. - The children you don't have?

I'm sorry, it's an emergency.

If you have a question, call me.

Yes, I'll ring you.

That reassures me.

It's intolerable.

I will pay the dry cleaning for Mr Rassamian.

I am so...

Sincerely sorry you were hit by this plain yoghurt.


I have not thrown it at him!

No, you threw, I received it.

- Mr. Rassamian does not see the difference. - I was aiming Leo.

However, you regret having stained

his wool jacket.


You regret having stained his linen jacket

with a fruit yogurt.

You regret.


Oh! He regrets!

He regrets.

You destroyed his jacket.

Red fruits, that stains a lot!

- It's not acid! - Yeah.

I had to leave during an inspection, what do I look like?

I haven't called you. I go to Leo's.

No, Dad and I need to talk to you.

About what?


So dad will take an apartment next to Mom's.

So you will have two houses: Dad's and Mom's.

It's OK.


But you smile a lot.

I'm not going to be in a huff.

No. Let's be positive, but I ...

- I'd like to add some seriousness. - Positive

and serious at the same time? Well, easy.

You ask me to tell you, I tell you.

Yes, children, it's serious ...

For gravity.

Dad and Mom are getting a divorce.

- I hate when you do that. - Why?

I don't like it.

I don't know what to do. I can't. I won't invent words.

I can't find the words. We can't tell them today.

In addition, Juju has a math test tomorrow, it'll disrupt.

Very bad idea. We can't tell them.

We must.

We must tell them.

We waited too long, we must tell them.

You must be wondering why we have gathered you this evening.

Emma, ​listen to us, please.

So we gathered you tonight

because with mom, we want to talk to you.

With Dad, we want ...

Well, we want to talk to you

about something important...

Emma, ​​can you listen?

I'm listening!


No texting.

It's Snapchat.

You're not listening.

- I don't listen with my fingers. - Well, let go.


No, no violence here.

You say nothing to this idiot.

No insults.

If we wanted to see you tonight ... Emma, ​​listen.

- Emma! - What?

Judith says she will take pills

because her parents are getting a divorce.

I try to help

while you're pissing me off.

You are too selfish.



What did you want to say?

Well uh ... We ... We ...

Elodie is leaving.

There, she resigned.

Good riddance to that bitch.

Speaking of the staff,

Maria isn't doing anything.


At least we... We didn't fall apart.

A concern?

- No. - No.

- Well... - You don't want to divorce anymore?

A problem with

the compensatory allowance?

- No. - The House?

Sharing actions?

You do not want

shared custody?

- Yes. - Yes, actually.

Well then, what's going on?

- You tell him yourself. - Well ...

It's best if it's a man.

Why? What's the link?

We wanted to know if you would come to our home for dinner.

Listen, it's quite unusual.

Yes, why not?

- Ah! - Oh, super!

- Thank you so much. - Thank you.

I would like a copy of the deed

of the House.

- When? - For lunch.

We will wait until the divorce is granted and we'll see.

- No, we prefer before. - Well, before.

It's better.

This weekend, for example?

We will do a barbecue, if the weather is good. Otherwise, we will do fish.

And for dessert, we leave you

alone with the children. - Here.

You have not yet announced to the children?



But Martine...

I can call you Martine?

I'm an obstetrician. When there is a terrible news

Down syndrome, a congenital malformation, and such,

I will not let the father announce it to his wife.

I do it.


The look of the pro on the events,

the right distance, you know?

- Not well, not. - Really?

Which part don't you...

- Damn, damn. - Civil servant!

Come on!

I push, let's go.

Come on!

- Stronger. - Go ahead, you're right there.

That's what it is! Very unpleasant!

- This is my first baby! - Shit!

Excuse me, let's go, I push.

I push.

The children are getting dressed?

- What? - They're getting dressed?

- Yes. - You could have some sleep?

A little ... It was quite a complicated shift, but...

Really? Why?

Because ... There were cases that were a little ...

It was not easy ... Did you sleep well?

Yeah great, cool. Ok, I'll go.

- OKAY. - Have a good day.

- Hi! You're already here? - Hi, yes.

- And Coutine? - Yes, yes, too.

It was nice with Bertrand?

It was boring and he can't cook.

Bertrand is Bertrand. Not tasty and not funny!

Come, I'll buy you a coffee.

- Flo, I must tell you something. - I'm listening.

- I'll be promoted. - Ah Super!

What position?

- Chief. - Chief of what?

10 days I bear your sexist jokes! Where is the problem?

No problem.

- No problem? - No.

- Are you kinding me. - No.

- You will not remove me from the direction? - Yes.

And why?

- You held on deadlines? - At day close.

- Respected budget? - Yes.

No strike?

Not a single day.

And accident?

We agree.

On what?

To say that you did a great job.

It's a waste to stay here. I need you to Denmark.

- At Østerild? - Yes quite.

They can't manage. Without you, they will never be finished before Christmas.

What? You're not pregnant yet?

Well, you scared me. See you soon.


distort exams ... Leroy!

I had Paris, you leave for Haiti on September 1.

It is true? I am delighted, sir, thank you.

- We talk soon. - OKAY.

Redo everything for him.

I print it for you. Excuse me.

Hello? Yeah wait, hold on for 2 seconds?

- See you in 3 weeks? Thank you. - Goodbye doctor.

- Did you get my message? - I take it all away.

I must speak to you.

Me too. How do we do? I go to you?

OK see you!

You're the one who should go.

No, why me? Why should you give up?

Because I wasn't expecting it. It's a surprise.

I want to accept, but ...

How they will take your refusal?

Coutine is not the little misogynist chief kind, he will understand.

Next year, it will offer me something else.

You think?

I hope.

You studied medicine to do humanitarian.

It would not make sense to stop you from doing it.

It's a divorce gift.

I don't know what to say.

I'm lucky to have you.

It's nice to say that, for example.

I'll go.

Visits are until?

6, I think.


I will not bother, I forgot my keys.

Florence, this is Marion.


I am the ... The wifr, no ... The former, no.

What am I?

His future ex-wife!

Nice to meet you Madam.

Not madam ... Uh ... Not anymore. Well.

- I call the judge for what we said. - Yes.

And well ... I guess

you come home late?

- Well ... - So we won't wait for you

for dinner.

Oh no.

I'm not going to roast, since we're four.

Really? I dunno. I do not understand very well.


Yes. Fried gnocchis. They like it,


See you soon.

Huh? See you soon. At home ... See you later.

Ms. Leroy called me to tell me that because of a departure abroad,

you want to change

shared custody.

We totally agree,

that the exclusion of these 7 months when the guard will be exclusive,

custody will be shared 50-50.

- Yes. - I thought I heard 7 months.

It's not that?

It is.

It will last 5 months maximum 6.

You would go 5 months?

- Yes. - No.

No, I'm the one leaving.

For Denmark?

I don't understand.

Who leaves, then?


Who wants custody?

- She. - Him.

What is happening?

I accepted my contract in Denmark.

You have not told me.

You did it?

Warned of what? What's the link? We were already separated.

Talk about a humanitarian trip ...

I'll be your maid while you fuck her in Tahiti.


It's the same.

This is not the same.

He fucks a nurse.

Her name is Marion,

she's lovely...

you must also

open the legs

Of the staff?

Poor girl.

I divorce.

- Me too. - We are here for that.

- Good! - Yes!

It's been one year! The divorce will be pronounced in 3 weeks.

Either you agree or the children will decide.


But no, that's not possible.

- We can not do that. - It's horrible.

It's despicable. Who do you think we are?

You have to wonder why we brought you together.

Emma, ​​stop with your thing.

In your face.

Shut up.

So we brought you together,

Dad and I,

because we have always told you everything,

we have always been true.

It is true.

We have never lied. Never hidden anything.


- I dunno. - It has nothing to do with it.

- Nothing? - Is there a link?

So we brought you together tonight to tell you,

to announce ...

Just that...

Elodie is back?

- No. - Cool.

We're getting a divorce.

- Sorry? - Divorce.

Who's "we"?

Me, her, your father, your mother. We both.

Mom and Dad, it's over!

It's a joke.

We wouldn't mess with that.

Can't believe it.

It's horrible.

Yeah, I understand. Said like that, it ...

It must be unsettling, but ...

You think you are able to tell the difference between

the loving couple and the couple ... parenting.

Ah yes!

The couple in love ...

And we'll always be a family united by love,

even if it is not under the same roof.

Can't believe it.

And with regard to custody, rather than tearing up,

we think it's better that you decide that.

It is you who will choose to live

- at mom's. - Or at Dad's.

- Or at Dad's. - Or at Dad's!

I am going to throw up.

Can't believe it.


When what?

When are we to decide?

We have time.

Yes, it's not ... We will talk, we will ...

- We take our time. - No hurry.


In two days?

You see, we have time, eh?

Good night. You not staying 3 hours at the computer.



I come to bed.


You want me to sleep where?

Where you want, do not care!

- We need to talk. - Good night!

I should have warned her.

Stop feeling guilty. You didn't cheat on her, you are not together anymore.

The body must exults.

Why are you blowing?

I need the air.

No, but the body must exults.

And I remain faithful.

I need to go now, see you later. What do you want to drink?

A Bourgueil.

A little dry.

Hey, what's wrong with you? Julien, you're 9.

I already have many things to forget.

It's cool, you have prepared breakfast.

I will go more serene.

Huh? Yeah. Do not get carried away, you there are not yet in Stockholm.

That's in Sweden.

Perhaps. Still, you have not won yet.

Nice winner's face.

Don't be late, Emma's DST is this morning.

You look great in crumbs!


Come on, everybody up!

Get up!

Get up, everyone rises.


Emma get up it's 10 to 8, quick!

We are late.

Yes, indeed, move it.

Honey, can you male Julien's breakfast? I need to take a shower.


When Mom is gone, you will be the lady of the house.

You will help me with the dishes, the laundry, the shopping ...

To cook. You'll see your girlfriends less,

but we'll get through it.


Hurry up.

I'm not fooling myself!

He's nice, but it will be a complete mess with your father.

Mayo hamburgers, Xbox competitions, more mayo...

Smoking weed watching porn.

And the dipoma: "It's okay, you will get it next time."

I can't let that happen. Oh! A cauliflower!


I can go alone, it's only 30m away.

I wanted to spend time with you before you go away to live with your mother.

Do you think we will choose Mom?

We can't fight against nature.

Babies instinctively go to their mother's breast.

Animals, it's worse if you take its baby away from a wolf,

she lets herself die, do you realize?

Imagine your mom that ... No!

I prefer not to think about it.


Dad crafted

an urn with a small slit like this.

And mom did newsletters.

- Pink for mom and blue for dad. - We are not stupid,

- we can read. - Of course!

This is to facilitate the counting: you are 3 anyway.

And there are envelopes

since the vote is secret. I take one,

I put the newsletter "mom" ...

- Or Dad. - Or Dad.

In the envelope and I vote.


It's funny!

If you win, I will not make a fuss.

Well me neither.

When you say "if you win", that is if they choose you?

No, if they choose you.

- So if I lose. - What?

If they choose me, I lose.

You can't say "if I win, I lose."

If they choose me, I lose. "If you win" is "if you lose."

We're saying the same thing.

Its good!

- What does it mean? - Mom told me

to live with you.

You said that?

- I ... - Yes!

Dad told me you were going to kill yourself.

You said that?

Huh? No!


Yes, you said it.

No divorce.

We chose: we want you to stay together.

Wait 10 years.

Yes, it flies at your age.

Are you happy?

You lost?

We lost!

If you want, we lost!

They must choose, it's not complicated!

Yes, they overdo it.

How do we do? What do we do?

You do what you want, I'm going to the hospital.

You there are going now?

- I'm on duty. - Yes?

You'r changing clothes? Stay naked, it's faster.

With her, I take my time.


You too.

Come eat!

Oh shit!

Sorry, it's home.



Speak more quietly, I don't understand.

What happened?

I dunno. It was after dinner,

it took them like a sudden gastroenteritis.

First Emma, then Mathias and now Julien is not feeling well.

So baby, what now?

Wait, let me check something.


- What did they eat? - What?

They ate what?

They ate food.

They ate food?

Yes, they ate ...


some, some, some, some ...

- Seafood? - Not at all.

How do you call this?


Small pasta.





Can you come?


- What have you put in it? - Sauce.


- It's bubbling! - Huh?

Taste it.

- No thanks. - Taste it.

I'm not hungry.

- Come on, you didn't do that? - It was an accident.

You did it?

I rinsed after.

- You poisoned them? - Not on purpose.

All so they choose me?

- Are you kidding me. - Take me for a fool.

- For a moment I was ... - You're sick, my poor girl!

"You" make me sick.

You'll heal.

- I don't want to see your face. - Really?

- Tired of seeing your face. - Are you?

- I can't anymore! - That's good!

- Me too! - Well that's it!

We're both fed up, good.

With the children, we will do one day for you, one day for me.

- Very well! - That's perfect!

You start! And now!

- Why me? - I said it first.

I don't care! Goodbye!

Good night! Happy New Year!

- It's okay? - Yeah.

Come. We'll leave you.


Where are the children?

With Henry.

I wanted us to speak on neutral ground.


Go on, I'm listening.

Well, we screwed up.

Besides, I screwed up, so you screwed up too, that's it...

And I think we can stop.

We have to behave

normally, as adults.

So it's up to you.

What do you mean?

As usual! You decide when we argue,

when reconciled, when we need to become adults.


I'm not under your command, as your workers.

Rebellion? Your slut gives you wings?

Slut! That's not you, so vulgar.

It'm not the one fucking the nurse!

I'm not leaving for her, I'm leaving because of you.

I go to Denmark.

Wait, the children choose.

- You want war? - It's you.

- Ah, that's for sure! - So you want war.

- You will have it! - But I'm ready!

How tall are you?

I am ready.

You're going to have it, war! OKAY!

I should hope so.


What are you doing here?

I'm having a walk. I took the day off.

I don't care!

I also want to get the kids.

You are going to do what?

I dunno, I still hesitate.


Paintball is dangerous. Under 2m, it hurts.

Less than 1m, it hurts.

It is clear to everyone?

You're sick! It's less than 2m!



What, honey?

- Are you happy asshole? - Shut up.

- You who wanted to play paintball. - I didn't ask you anything.

It was paintball?

- To make us happy. - Failed!

Why the limp?

It's Dad.

What dad? He hurt you?

He hurt you on purpose?

I don't think so.

You don't think or you don't know?

I dunno.

Where's my computer?

And my presentation?

You shall open a book!

Where's the TV?

- You watch too much crap. - It's swollen.

- Preparing the trip? - Just missing sunscreen.

- He wins? - In 4 shots, he's check.

- Check? - checkmate.


Go on, my Julien, you're only hate!

Go on, fuck him!

Fuck that chink!


Tell him to turn it off or I kill her.

Oh yes, if you want, why not? Kill her, I don't care,

it's your day.

Fuck! What are you doing here?

I had a nightmare about your mother.

Damn, it's 4am now.

I'm sorry, but I really freaked out.

I workout at 8am, I beg you!

I can stay at least?

You suck. Stay away!

I was in a hotel in Dubai.

There, a dwarf took me into a corridor.

And then an old woman

pushes me. I fall on my back,

and there she sits astride me.

And in fact, rapes me somehow.

And then I realize

it's your mother.

But I...

Relax, it's okay.

No, it's not okay! I'm not fine!

I Divorce, it's war with the kids, I'm old.

- No, you're beautiful! - Oh yeah!

You want a woman with three children?

Well yeah.

You would desire her?

Look, yes, I think.

Uh thank you.

I wanted to. It's good. It did me good.

- Well, we're working! - Yes, yes, I see, yes.

This is Emma's...


Hello It's Me. I wanted to know...

It's me, it's mom. Tell me...

You're on my voice mail!

If you're cool, I'll call you. If you're not cool, no!

What is he doing?


Go ahead and enter.


How are you Mrs?

It looks good.


What are you doing?

Just pretend I was not there. Come.

Hurry up.


There, you'll see better.

So for this cesarean, Henry uses

the Misgav Ladach technique.

He makes an incision

which will be hidden by pubic hair.

It crosses the peritoneum, there...

He quietly reaches...

The uterus...

I don't feel great...

Well then! Hey!

It's okay? It's okay? Sensitive!

I know it's hard but don't let go. You should fight.

Vincent will not be nice.

Like the others,

he will want the house, the money and the children.

- You think? - Obviously!

When do you see the judge?


In a week.

One week! We really need you to wake up.

I feel the air!

No it's...

- Oh no, no, no! - Yes!

But no!

- What did you do? - It's good, it's modern.

Has to live afterwards.

- Your hair is heavy ... - It's short.

No, that energises, that's good.


You want me even it?

Think and tell me, I keep it.

Preparing the trip?

Only misses the chef's hat.

Very funny.


How are you, sweetheart? You had a good day?


You love Me?

What? Fuck!

What are you doing?

Come on, it's a yogurt! I've not thrown acid.


You saw what you did? Did you see? You're crazy!


Isn't your brother a little tense?

Feels good?

Yes, it's excellent.

- You're tense. - Really?

Yet all is well.

- Hi. - Hi, Simon.

I'll pick you up at 11pm

Okay? -11:30?

OK my angel.

Enjoy and have fun.

Thank you for the shirt.


It's funny,

I just saw Leah!


It's only 8:30!

Oh yes, it's on my watch. You don't introduce me? Flo.


- Simon. - Ah! It's you Simon ...

True, he's cute.

You're not staying.

Am I disturbing? Excuse me, you were...

Not at all!

I'll have a drink, I'm dying of thirst.

what we drink?


Oh vodka, super!

- What do you think about my daughter? - Great.

She is very hung up because she's afraid she will have my breasts.


It's okay?

What? Anyway, you are obsessed with appearances.

You boys, you always measure it. Who has the biggest.

What? You never measured it?

Is there a ruler? Who's got a ruler?

- Stop! - Anyway,

it will not make you a good lover.

Emma's father has a beautiful penis, yet I divorce.

- You're crazy! - Oh!

We can't say anything!

It's my daughter.

I need to check if all is well.

Excuse me, sorry.

Hello? Not at all.

I love MILFs so much! I post it on Twitter.

Who are you?

Hey! My phone!

You're here? Hey! Hi, handsome.

- Come? - It's embarassing.

Just leave him alone.

I have all the parents' vodka to finish.

Bye-bye, Tahiti!

She's really mental!

I'm sorry, sweetie.

- I will never live with her. - Well ...

you can't say that, you don't know.

Yes, I promise.

If I did Krav Maga, I'd beat him up.

Where are you going?

You have to be indulgent with your mother. It is not easy:

work, be a good mother.

Do you know what said

Simone de Beauvoir, great feminist?

"One is not born woman,

"One becomes one."

Can we go?

Here, give it to the lady.

Same as the man, in the thong.

Hey! Not only yours.

- Ma'am ... - huh?

Your breasts are beautiful.


Hello, Guy.

Hello. You are pretty, actually.

- Actually? - More than usual.

- Ah! - Now you're good.

- Well. - See?


- See you later. - See you later.

Hello, everyone online.

Today, the father of Mathias would like a demonstration.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Please. - Okay.

It is a self-defense sport. You attack me and I will defend myself.

- I can do what I want? - Yes you can.


All that you want.


Are you nuts?

Let him go!

They're coming back to the radio.

Well, sweetie?

He defended me.

- They have not missed you. - Me neither.

- We can talk a minute? - If you want.

- You drink something? - Yes.

- See you soon. - Okay.

You've taken Emma in a whorehouse?

At strip club, don't exaggerate.

You broke my son's arm.

You've broken your daughter's my heart.

- How far do we go? - It depends on your motivation.

I'm going to win.

I hear like

a doubt in your voice?

You got a start,

I saw a spark in your eyes, for sure, but ...

You're fragile.


You need to reassure yourself.

- reassure me about what? - Your manhood.

What's wrong with my manhood?

Give up, Vincent.

In your dreams!

- I'll hurt you. - Yes?



Feel pain?

There were some left. Sorry, I don't like to waste.

Oh damn.

- File a complaint. - No, I need to find something.

- I hurt you? - Yes.

- Show me. - I have a medicine which heals everything.

It's not the moment.

You piss me off, actually.


Sorry? "Sweetheart"?

Because you invited me twice at the cafeteria, you can call me "sweetheart"?

Well, Marion, then.

You can't buy me with food.

Alright, bye!

Oh it's... Flo... Oh! Marion!

Hi, Vincent.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Yes with pleasure.

Good evening, Gisele!

You take her out every weekend?

Yes. The retirement home is not really joyful.

- Is she doing better? - Alzheimer's, rarely does better.

You stay here all you want,

but if you leave the marital home,

- you'll lose custody. - You think?

I am sure.

We will not stay at 40,000 watts.

Remind Dionnet to do his job!

You look fit.

Great, Vincent left.

- No? - He's not gonna come back.

- Happy for you. - Thank you.

The judge will slay him:

abandonment of the home, he can forget about shared custody.


- The departure of my father killed me. - They got divorced?

- I was 10 years old. - And your worst memory?

- From Divorce? - Yes.

- My mom's new boyfriend. - Why?

- An asshole... - Really?

- Very asshole? - Very.



Yeah, like that.

You see?

Oh dear! Have you suffered?

- Bye Dad. - Come on, Emma.

Come on, Julien.


- Hi. - Good evening.

- Hi, kitty. - Hi Mom.

What is this outfit?

It's for a dinner with a friend. I'll introduce him.


Emma, ​​Julien, Mathias.

- Hello sir. - Call me Guy.

Despite the look, they are very cute.

But their father was too permissive.

A lax kind?

Oh that! He voted François Hollande.

My God!

So, they didn't have a good example.


Ah! Look!

Yes. What they need is an example.

An example. An "ex-ample"!

We understand.

Brilliant? Like his mother.

Here, Guy.

Thank you, Florence.


I serve you?

Sit down,

this big idiot must be smart enough to hold a trowel.

You talking to me?

In your opinion? It's not the holidays.

Who is this guy?

Wait, repeat that.

Who are you?

We tu? We're friends?

In your bedroom.

Mom, say something.

- Come on! - Poor guy!

You stop playing with the bread.

We don't raise sparrows.

If you get together with him, I use drugs.

I'm thirsty tonight.

Thank you, Guy, for this delightful evening.

A last drink?

It was so strong, I wouldn't like to do any damage.

It will not hurt anything.

I am a woman of principle.

And I know you're a man of principle

who loves women principles.

Of course.

- Goodbye, Florence. - Goodbye Guy.

You don't tell me goodbye?

Thank you.

Must go.

For five rooms the price

is really interesting. It's a steal.

Double living room. All windows overlook the countryside.

And it's bright.

It is south everywhere.

Too bad.

Already, there is no elevator.

- Do sports. - Yes.

That's great!

It's beautiful. It's salmon? Apricot?

Apricot, I think.

It's perfect.

What's that smell?

The dump is opposite.

Ah, super!

But it is closed on weekends.


And the noise, what is it?

The youth center, opens on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

So it's either the noise or the smell.


Come on!

We're out of luck.

There, we arrived.

Welcome to my home.

Welcome to our house.

You come?

Here! How do you like it?

- Who's that? - That?

Your grandmother.

- I thought she was dead? - Yes, but she's better.

Hello Mom.

Mom, look who's here.

She's blocked.

So... Mathias, Julien,

and Emma, ​​your grandchildren.


I don't have enough money for the retirement home anymore.

Bedroom. Bunk beds.

Julian and Emma top. Mathias and Grandma, downstairs.


I'll have my birthday at mom's.

No problem.

- He will come? - I doubt it.

Welcome to the enchanted castle.

- It's okay? - Yes.

- Hi. - It was a costume party?

No. Come on!


Come on, Julian, is your party!

Welcome to the castle!

The great Tic-Tac villain ate all the Smarties.

But thanks to my wand, you'll be able

burst her belly! Ah!

Ah! So?

Who wants to free candy?

Nobody wants to free candy? My Doudou, come.


Who wants to free Smarties? Hey!

Wake up, it will not shit them by itself.

Boy, is there something to drink in this tavern?

Oh yeah, god.

It's a nightmare.

- Fairy of the house. - What are you doing here?

Well, darling, happy birthday.

What's this?

It is a stone grill.

Atmosphere, Tefal.

I hope you don't already have one.


Get out, it's not your day.

You think I'm gonna let you do?

What are you doing?

He has nothing to do there.

It's his son's birthday. You ruin everything!

Take that, Tinkerbell.

We will go to Dad.


No! Oh!

- I can't see her again. - Yes, but...

No, but then ... Oh!

Well I say, oh! So!


Don't talk like that to your mother!

But Dad ...

- There it is! - But!

- Hey! - You're meddling?

That's true!


Stop that!



- Well? - Hey!

- I'm not fine. - You're no good!

Let's go,

you are sick.

- I gave one more than you. - No!


No, not the computer!

You never dare.

But she's crazy!




- Miss. - Yes.

They were found.

- It's okay. - Where are they?

At the bus station.

Rest assured, your mom is with them. Come.

What mother?

I will explain.

You really are a sick man!

Crazy person! Completely stupid.

Come on, Mom, we go home.

Psychopath! He hurt you?

- With Dad we wanted to tell you that ... - That we're sorry.

- We're not mad. - We understand.

We would have done the same.

It made us react.

Now we go home.

And we move on.

We love you anyway.

We love you and we understand you.

You can talk, express yourself.

- Yes. - It is important.


There you have won.

Okay for divorce.

It was not so complicated finally.

Well, it's official, you are free.

Good thank you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

The Air France flight from Haiti will arrive door B.

Excuse me ma'am.


Ladies and gentlemen,
whe shall be landing shortly.

Please fasten

your seatbelt...

And your seat back is in

the upright position.

Thank you.


It's okay?

- It's okay? - You grew up.

It's okay?

- My big boy, okay? - Yes.

You missed me?

No not too much.


It was cool.

- Where's your mother? - She's coming.


- It's okay? - Yes and you?


- Is this a joke? - No...

It's a girl.

It's a girl? Okay.


For custody, how do we do?


I dunno.