Daddy and Them (2001) - full transcript

When an uncle is charged with murder, the event reverberates throughout a poor Arkansas family, including a struggling musician and his wife, her mother, her sister, and his father.

[ Kids Laughing,
Shouting ]

[ Woman Screams ]

Come on !

Come here !

No ! I'm gonna do it !
I swear I will !

Let me go !
Stop it !

Stop it !

Stop it !
I'm telling you !

Give me that !
Ow ! Ow.

Give it to-- Ow !
Drop it !

You're gonna cut
both of us !
What do you care ?

You said you was gonna
kill yourself anyway.

Stop it. Ow !
Give it to me !

Give me that glass of piece !
It's dangerous !

It's a piece of glass.
You said glass of piece.

Well, give it to me.
I don't care what I said.
Ow !

Come on.
And get up.

Quit actin' silly.
Ow !

If I can cut that thing
right off your arm,

then I might have
a reason to live.

You're the one that told me
to get it covered up.

Talk to that dopehead
that done it.

He's the one that told me
it was artistic
to do it that way--

pointy, not blocky.

Well, it's still a rose.

Crossed out name or not,
24 hours a day a rose.

And to top it off, you got
that feather or whatever
down by your crotch.

I know it's just
a cover-up job that's
hidin' your true feelings.

What if I had your brother's
name tattooed by my deal ?

A sex reminder every time
you went to fool with me.

That's how I live every day
of my life, rain or shine.

Honey, a rose
is just a symbol...

that represents a flower
called a rose.

And you ought to be damn proud
that I covered her name up
with a feather that way,

'cause I done it for you
out of love.

Bullshit !

I stayed on your ass
is the only reason
you fixed any of it.

And the only reason you got
that one that means "God"...

is to take my attention
off of her
being all over you !

I didn't necessarily say
it meant "God." That one guy
in there said it meant "God."

The other guy said
it was a weed whacker on
a Communist flag or somethin'.

And they don't even
believe in God... or Jesus.

Honey, I just picked it off
a picture on the wall...

'cause it called out
to me cosmic.

And you know
I'd put your name on me
anytime, anywhere.

I don't want it !
You think I wanna be
just like her ?

Thanks, and no thanks.

Thanks, and no thanks !
Thanks, and no thanks !
Thanks, and no thanks !

Communists don't believe
in God or Jesus ?


I heard they're short
on toilet paper too.

How do you know that ?

That guy I used to work with,
the one I told you about,

till this tractor run over him
and killed him ?


He told me.

I'll be dogged.

I didn't know about that.

Come on, baby.
Let's go in the house.


Hey, look.

Does my belly look flat
as it did yesterday ?

Of course it does.
Are you sure ?
Because it feels bloated.

Sugar, it's not.
Come on.

You'll have to promise me
that you won't leave me
if I get fat.

[ Kids Shouting ]

Hand me them candy corn,
will you, sugar ?

Sure, baby.
Thank you, baby.

Honey, it ain't
that I don't wanna
go see your mama.

It's that we can't afford
to go to Nashville and back.
I done told you that.

It takes gas money
to go places.

You don't wanna go see my mama
'cause you hate her.
I bet if Rose wanted--

Oh, come on.
Don't start that shit
with me again.

Well, what if I used to
fuck your brother ?
You wouldn't like that a bit.

I didn't used
to fuck your sister.
She was my girlfriend.

- We didn't fuck.
- You didn't fuck her ?

Of course I fucked her !
She's my girlfriend !

You know what I mean
by that.

All your mama's gonna do
is talk about
your damn old boyfriends.

Here we go.
How great they were.

I'm sick and tired of
hearin' them damn stories.

I've heard 'em a hundred times.
And they were idiots,
every one of 'em !

Oh, so I'm such a dumb-ass,
I went with idiots
all the time ?

- Hey, you said it, honey.
- You like to hurt
my feelings, don't you ?

Okay, you're not a dumb-ass.
I'm sorry.

But they were
fuckin' idiots.

Every last one of 'em
was little-dicked idiots !

Muscle men, half of 'em,
which I know you like.

Fuck every one of 'em !

- You hate my whole family,
don't you ?
- I love your family.

Does that mean
I have to love yours ?

Honey, you're gonna
have to quit actin' like
you're gonna kill yourself.

It's embarrassin'.

You know the neighbours
talk about us, don't you ?
You fucked my sister !

You was 13 years old !

Did you want me
to get thrown in jail ?

I couldn't fuck you,
could I ? Back then ?
[ Telephone Ringing ]

It's on the washer.
Where's my brush ?
[ Ringing Continues ]

Hello ?

You're shittin' me.

Is J.C. livin' there now ?
[ Clears Throat ]

Okay. All right.

We'll call you at 12:00.

[ Replaces Receiver ]
Who was it ?

Honey, it was my daddy.

Uncle Hazel's
been thrown in jail
for armed robbery.

What ?

We're gonna have to go
to Little Rock.
His bail's pretty high.

Uncle Hazel ?

Well, what's he doin'
committin' a crime
like armed robbery ?

I don't know, honey.

[ Claude ]
Can you slice that bologna
a little thinner ?

You know how Ruby is
about thin meat for sandwiches.

Well, it's pretty thin.

Hey, Dewey,
is bologna pretty lean ?

I think so.
I mean,
fat content-wise ?

Oh, it's good, it's good.

[ Sighs ]

What do you say we just
put it on ticket, Dewey ?

[ Clears Throat ]
Well, now, Claude,

you-your bill's pretty darn high
right now as it is,

and you ain't paid so much
as a nickel on it
as long as I can remember.

Now if you'd, you know,
just pay a little somethin'
on it every month,

so it looked like
you're tryin'...

is all.

That's easy
for you to say.

You're self-employed.

You don't have to work
for the county for
five and a quarter an hour.

I have to feed a woman
that acts like...

there ain't gonna be
no more food
and is skinny as a rail.

I don't get it.
She ordered
a goddam C.O.D. elephant.

A ceramic elephant.

Her signature was right
on it. You don't know
what it's like, man.

Claude, you oughtn't take
the Lord's name in vain...

when you're talkin' to
a deacon of the church, now.

You've just went to pot
ever since your folks moved
up Little Rock.

Your daddy paid his bills.
I tell you what, then.

You just keep your damn
thick-ass bologna.

No-No-- Claude.
There you go.
Keep it.

Keep it !
I don't give a shit !

You just sit here
in your air-conditioned store...

while I cut weeds
and fill potholes.

And your church
can kiss my ass.

The only reason
y'all go to church is
to show off new clothes.

Don't think I don't know
about stuff like that.

And you don't give a shit
about Jesus.

Jesus was a carpenter.
He was like me.

He worked for a livin',
buildin' chairs.

[ Clears Throat ]

Are you still
an alcoholic, Claude ?

Can you slice me
another pound of bologna ?

She'll have my ass
if I don't bring it home.
We're goin' on a trip.

How come she's gotta
come down here at all ? Ain't
her people locked up in jail.

Honey, the whole family's
gonna be there.

Now, your daddy and them
is my family, and vice versa.

Other words,
Mama and Rose is your family.

My folks should be involved
in any big-time situations.

In other words,
a crisis situation.

But how come we have
to wait for her to come
all the way from Nashville...

to ride 81 miles ?

Why don't she just go to
Little Rock ? We'll done
be there and meet her.

Honey, it's what she wants.
She ain't gettin' any younger.

- You know all she'll talk about
is your damn ex-boyfriends.
- Here we go.

-Who wants to listen to that
shit in their right mind ?
-You hate her, plain and simple.

It ain't gonna take her
no hour anyway.
She's flyin' on an airplane.

Flyin' on an airplane ?

Now, see there ?
She can afford to fly
down here on an airplane.

We can't even afford
some damn bologna...

and candy... dreams
or whatever they are.
Candy corn.

Wait a minute.
We ain't got no airport.


In Little Rock.

Well, yeah, in Little Rock.
That's my point.

She'll be flyin'
into Little Rock. It's
the only place to fly into.

She'll done be there.

Honey, she's got somethin'
she wants to talk to us about
on the ride up there.

She's gonna get a taxicab
in Little Rock
to bring her out here.

Then she's gonna ride
up to Little Rock with us
so she can talk to us.

See ?
Want some candy corn ?

- That rash I get.
- Oh, yeah.

Y'all are wired different,
you and your mama.

There's something off about you.
Your common sense is off.

Hey, baby, will you--

Will you rub my foot,
while we're waitin' for Mama
and them, with Jergens ?

Mama and them who ?

Mama and them, Rose.
Rose is comin' too.

She is ?

Don't act so damn happy
just 'cause you fucked her.

You're a sacrilegious person,
you know that ?

I've explained
and explained to you.

If it's your girlfriend,
you don't call it fuckin'.
Now, don't call it fuckin'.

You're hurtin' my foot.

So you don't mind ridin'
up to Little Rock all the way
in the car with me and Rose ?

She is my sister,
and I love her !

I just don't like it
that you fucked her !

And I call it fucking,
'cause that's what you did !

Look what you did.

You wanna play
some cards or dominoes ?

You know me and dominoes.

I sure do, baby.

Y'all go to church
today, honey ?
It's Saturday, Mom.

What are you gonna do
about work, Claude ?
What do you mean ?

Well, what kind of work
are you doing now, Claude ?
You switch around so much.

How come Uncle Hazel
would rob a liquor store ?

Ruby says that you are doin'
some kind of forestry work ?

It wasn't a liquor store,
was it, honey ?

I'm cuttin' weeds for
the county. No, honey, it was
one of them quick-stop marts.

How come he married
a psychiatrist, reckon ?
I thought it was a foot doctor.

- Mm-mmm. A psychiatrist.
- She's from England
or something, I believe.

What's the difference
between a psychiatrist
and a psychologist ?

Well, one of 'em
can give you dope
and the other one can't.

That's what I heard.
Downers and uppers.

Claude, if you hadn't left
poor Rose,

you'd be with her right now
ridin' to Little Rock.

Don't her hairdo look good ?

I left him.
He didn't leave me.

That ain't the way
you told it before.

in the name of God,
please give me
some peace about that.

It was ten years ago.
Poor thing's had ulcers
ever since.

Hello ! I'm here !
I happen to be his wife, Mama !

Ain't you got any manners ?
I didn't mean
anything by it, honey.

I was just braggin'
on your sister's hair.

Would've gotten
the colour part done too,
except I had to buy these shoes.

What do you think, Claude ?

Looks good. What's that ?
Some kind of little strawberries
or somethin' on it ?

Ruby, who was that boy...

that you thought
got you pregnant at camp--

Goddam it !

I am sick of that shit.
Ain't you got somethin' else
better to talk about ?

It turned out
she wasn't pregnant anyhow.

Shit !

[ Ice Clattering ]

[ Pounding Icebox ]

Y'all can have it.

I'm just gonna
get out of here,

and y'all can drive
to Daddy and them's...

or go to Nashville,
whatever you wanna do.

I'm gonna go to the bus station
at Arkadelphia and just go
on a bus the rest of the way.

Ain't you gonna
go after him ?

Not when he's like that.
It won't do no good.

Gets them dead eyes.
You can't talk to him.

If he was mine,
I'd go get him.

You kiss my ass.
You gonna drive
or you want me to ?

If I don't go on a diet
and lose my rear end,
I'm gonna kill myself.

[ Insects Buzzing ]

- [ Rock Hits Car ]
- [ Tyres Screeching ]

[ Grunting ]

Oh, shit.

Figured you'd be in here
this time of night.

- You and her have a fight ?
- Yeah.

- Need a ride ?
- Yeah.

[ Snoring ]

How's it goin', Al ?

Who is that ?

That's that psychologist
Hazel married.


I wondered
what she looked like.

I guess that's it, then.

Yeah, well,
I'm gonna go to bed.

Well, some of y'all
wake me up to eat
in the mornin'.

She looks kind of English,
don't she ?


Ruby's in there in my room
if you're lookin' for her.

How are you gettin' along,
Alvin ?

Oh, I stay nervous
just about all the time.

Yeah, me too.

[ Snoring ]

Hi, sugar.

Hey, baby.

How come everybody else
is asleep and you're not ?

Do you like this colour
fingernail polish ?

I can't hardly see it,
can you ?

You know, I feel as good
as I've felt in a long time.

That's good, honey.

Boy, Hazel's wife
sure looks English,
don't she ?

I took a bath
and washed my hair.

I like to sit
with an open window
with my hair wet,

fiddle around with little things
like fingernail polish.

It's like a little hobby,
you know ?

I like to be clean,
don't you ?

Oh, yeah, sure.
Well, you gotta be clean.


I like to be up when
there ain't nobody else up.

Feels like
the whole world's asleep.

Can't nothin' get you
or bother you, you know ?

Well, it seems to me
that's when everything
can get you.

That's when folks
get knocked in the head...

and shot and cut up
and everything-- at night.

But I don't wanna think about
things like that right now.

So if you're gonna keep talkin'
about it, you're gonna have
to sleep on the couch.

I don't think so.
Besides that, that
Englishwoman's on the couch.

Oh, yeah.

Ain't you gonna ask me
how I've been ?

Well, I thought maybe
you'd ask me how I'd been.

Well, I've had a belly
full of gas all day.
That's how I've been.

Oh. Yeah.

Boy, you got
a pretty foot, honey.

Thank you, baby.

You don't reckon
we can find someplace
to fuck around here...

where there ain't
nobody layin', do you ?

Well, it's a nice night
out tonight.

There's about
six or eight car hoods
in the front yard.

You're so fond of that.
Yeah, I am.

Plus, I just love
the way you look
in the light of the moon.

This ain't the time of the month
when it's easier for you to have
a little old baby, is it ?

No, I don't think so.

Would you still love me
if I was gonna have a baby...

and got to be
a big fat lady ?

Of course I would, baby.

I wouldn't care
what you looked like.

You're my baby.

Plus, it'd be like that
famous quotation, you know:

"There'd be more than
twice of you to love."

I believe Ben Franklin
or one of 'em said it.

Some of them bunch that
signed the Constitution.

I never heard that.

How you been, honey ?

Fine. You ?

It's been a long day.

[ Snoring Continues ]

- Claude.
- Oh, yeah.
Well, I guess.

Mama made that little-bitty
sausage for breakfast.
Y'all better come on.

It's funny you to bring up meat
right off the bat that way.

I was havin' a dream
that there was a recall
on some meat somewhere.

I believe
it must've been California.
Everybody was blonde-headed.

It might've been Switzerland
or one of them places then.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

But the sun was out.

Well, it probably
was California then.

Or Florida.


we'll be in in a minute.
[ Jewel ]
Oh, boy.

I slept so good
in that bed last night.

Well, I know one thing.
You slept on most of it.

You didn't leave me
but two foot to sleep on.

How'd you sleep
last night, O.T. ?

Not worth a shit 'cause
of all that racket outside.

Don't think I didn't know
you took little Rose to bed
on top of my car.

Well, Daddy,
what'd you expect me to do ?
We had a full house.

Why don't you try to keep
your horse in the barn
for a couple of nights...

till your Uncle Hazel gets out
from under all them charges
he's up against.

That ain't no kind of respect.

So you know, O.T.,
that was me...

makin' love to my husband.

He quit Rose
quite a while back.

Why don't you
correct somebody for once ?

Oh, Claude was just sayin'
last night--

Isn't Rose pretty ?

Goddam you, Mama.

Claude was just sayin'
last night, Julia,

that you sure look English.

I was, and you do.

You just look English.
Don't she ? She looks English.
You do. She looks English.

How come none of us
was invited to you and
Hazel's wedding, Julia ?

Well, we just had
a quick ceremony
down at the courthouse...

with witnesses,
not a proper religious ceremony.

Your parents were there.
[ Woman ]
Well, we just figured...

we'd be invited, you know,
being family and all.

I'm a massage therapist and
a health and fitness nut,
you know.

Max here,
he works for the Gazette.

Gazette Democrat now.
He's from Chicago.

I'm really sorry.
We just did it
rather suddenly, you know.

We just kind of got
our feelings hurt.

I mean, God, Hazel
is my uncle, after all.

I mean, he was always sayin'
how pretty and how sexy
he thought I was.

Well, not in the gross way.

[ Claude ]
Speakin' of gross, Billy,

this woman is from England.

Do you want her to think
all Americans are whiny-assed
little shits like you ?

- Is that what you want ?
- [ Claps ]

[ Chittering ]
* [ Pop ]

Reckon we can stop at
Pizza Boy after church ?

I have to go see Uncle Hazel
in jail after church.

Sure like me some pizza.

[ O.T. ]
Well, let's see, I guess--

I guess maybe
we'd better take two cars.

We're not Methodists.
Me and the girls,
we can stay here.

And we'll meet up
after church with ya.
Ruby can drive their car.

And you just go on
and you just take Alvin
and your mama and daddy.

- That's four of ya.
- And Bill and Max in theirs.
That works out.

Just go.
Now, that's not right,
little Rose.

You need to go to church
with Claude.

A woman needs to be
in church with her husband.

I just wish everybody'd
get on the same page.

[ Man ]
Thank you, Jesus.

We'd like to keep
the Montgomery family
in our prayers...

as O.T.'s brother, Hazel,

was incarcerated recently...


I believe it was burglary,
wasn't it, O.T. ?

- Armed robbery.
- Armed robbery, then.

You don't have to tell
the whole town, Daddy.

Brother Rush, would you
strike something up for us ?

Then you tell him
to get hisself back out there
and fix it.

Well-- Little--
[ Telephone Ringing ]

How'd he like to have his
ass whooped ? Tell him that.
[ Metal Detector Beeping ]

Y'all stay off
my hind end back there.

I'm goin' as fast
as I can.
[ Beeping ]

Ain't nothin' for me
to whoop a plumber's ass,
I guarantee ya.

[ Beeping Continues ]
Well, at least this is
a clean jail.

I guarantee you--
Bring him back out there.

We'll have a squared-off place
for him. I'll just take care
of him right then and there.

Hey, listen--
Hey, y'all,

you can't just
walk through here like that,
pretty as you please.

Get back over here.
I got to check you out.

Hey, y'all.
[ All Chattering ]

Here's your wife.
[ Chuckling ]

Uh, Hazel,
are you gettin' along
all right in here ?

Yeah, it's all right.
Can you--
Can you sleep pretty good ?

Yeah, all right.
Yeah ?

That's a hell of a thing
to watch a big brother
and a baby brother...

talkin' to one another
on the jailhouse phone.

Huh ?
I said,

it's a hell of a thing
to see a big brother
and a baby brother...

talkin' to one another
on a jailhouse phone.

I'm sorry that
everything's greasy.

Take a towel or somethin'
and wipe it off.

Somethin' about a jail
gets me kind of horny,

even in the movies.

What do you mean ?

You mean because
there's men in here ?
No, baby.

You mean 'cause
there's men in here,

and they're built up
and they're muscle men,
and you like that.

I do not.
That's exactly what you're
talking about, isn't it ?

So I guess I'd better
get built up more...
[ Sighs ]

to keep you from runnin' off
with a goddam criminal.

Claude and little Rose...

drove all the way
from Arkadelphia--

One of these days
I'm gonna do it, Claude.
You watch and see.

Honey, you know Daddy's senile.
He knows damn well
we don't live in Arkadelphia.

Honey ?

Good morning.


They usually don't come in
on a Sunday.

Welcome, everyone.

Come on in.
Here we go. Hi.
Come on in.

Hi. I'm Lawrence Boen.
This is my wife, Elaine.

I'm actually a partner.

In the firm.
I'm not just
his partner in life.

Yes, that's right.
We're Mr-- We're
Mr Montgomery's attorneys.

Yes, and they would know that.

Sure they would.
[ Chuckles ]

Uh, obviously, Julie and I
have gotten to know
one another quite well...

as this thing, you know,
has gone on.

And I assume that, uh,
that the rest of us--
I've gotten to know Julia too...

get acquainted
as time goes on.
because there are two of us.

You see, we--
we just had brunch,

Lawrence and I.

Okay, well,
I thought that, uh,

we'd get started by just
getting to know one another...

and letting you know
where we are thus far--

Lawrence, perhaps...
they might like
to sit down first.

Uh, you see,
Lawrence is from Chicago.

So sometimes his manners
slip a little.
[ Chuckling ]

I'm Canadian.
Enough said.

Please, sit down.

Go on
and have a seat.

[ All Chattering ]

Why don't you sit
in the middle ?
This seat, sir.

That's fine right there.
It's very comfortable.

Are you going to sit down ?
Jewel, you sit over here.

Okay. What about
his wife Julia ?

Well, she's been here before.
No, I'm fine.

It's perfectly all right.
I love your hat.

I'm not very comfy.

Thank you.

I'd like to start by, uh,
just saying that...

we have started
formulating our case.

I'm actually
the head of the firm.

I brought Lawrence in
when we married.

You see,
when my father moved
to Little Rock from Toronto--

Elaine, I don't think
they wanna hear about
all that right now.

[ Clears Throat ]
As a--
Oh. Okay, Mr Whatever.

Let's just cut
to the brass tacks, shall we ?

Attempted murder.

It's a very serious charge,
and I'm afraid it looks very bad
for Mr Hazel Montgomery.

It also looks like a basically
open-and-shut case
for the prosecution.

Well, I'm actually
quite sure--

70-- 70 percent sure--
that we can have this
reduced to assault.

Oh, bullshit !
Oh, be straight
with these people, Lawrence.

I mean, my God,
look how many of them there are.

Attempted murder ?

Well, I thought
it was armed robbery.

That's what y'all said.

I sugarcoated it.

Because of the nature
of my work
as a psychologist,

I thought it would be
a great, um,

marital aid, so to speak,
for Hazel to learn more
about what I do.

[ Laughing ]
Marital aid ?

- What ?
- Marital aid.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]
Oh. Marital--

Okay. Sure.

What does that have
to do with ? Are y'all
makin' fun of marriage ?

Well, hell, no, honey.

We're not makin' fun
of marriage.

We're talkin' about
a marital aid.

- It's just a little old plug
with a string on it.
- [ Laughing ]

That's all right.

Yes, it was indeed very helpful
in understanding what
we each deal with every day.

And Hazel--
[ Sighs ]

Do you know he really started
to feel some real self-worth ?

He was helping people, you know,
and not just "selling wood,"
as he put it.

Claude, you sold
a little wood, hadn't you ?

[ Rose Laughing ]
In my time.

Well, then this fellow
Tommy Christian started calling.

Actually, you gave it away,
didn't you ?

[ Laughing Continues ]

Goddam you, Claude.
Can't you give me one night...

where you don't drive me crazy
and break my heart ?

Well, don't
give me shit about it.
Talk to your sister there.

Tommy was very disturbed.

And he started talking
to Hazel incessantly
about thoughts of suicide.

Hazel practically
became his therapist.

A Russian
that wrote Lolita.

He took that word
and split it in two...

to where it came out
"the rapist."

[ Julia ]
But what happened is,
Hazel made the mistake...

of meeting Tommy in person.

Tommy became obsessed
with Hazel, started calling him
in the middle of the night.

All the time.
At home, at work,
always threatening suicide.

Hazel couldn't stand
the son of a bitch.

He was about to drive him crazy,
so he went over there and tried
to kill him with a doorstop.

Yes, well,
that's the short version.

- Around here that's better.
- Hazel maintains his innocence,

and I believe him.

I could go into why,
but, um, perhaps another time.

We could all use some rest,
I'm sure.

Could I ask you a question ?

Like, a businesslike question
about your psychology
business you got ?

Certainly, Claude, yes.

Now, are you the one
that can give out dope
or the one that can't ?

So which one of you
used it on who ?

What ?
The plug deal !

[ Monkey Chittering ]
* [ Pop ]

Mama, please quit playin'
that monkey.

[ Chittering Continues ]
* [ Continues ]

Claude Montgomery,
political science.


Listen, I don't know.
I could explain it
to you better, maybe.

Listen, y'all stay off
them cars tonight.

I wanna get me some sleep.

I don't think you gotta
worry about it, Daddy.

I mean, Ruby's
mad as hell at me tonight.

What's that got
to do with anything ?

Well, I-I-I tell you
the truth,

I'm just--
I'm just wore plumb out.

Rose looks like
she's mended up a little.

She ain't finally carryin' me
a little grandbaby, is she ?

I wouldn't have a clue
what Rose is carryin'.

Well, good night.
Y'all say a little prayer
for Hazel.

Yeah, we will.
I had an awful dream
about him...

gettin' cornholed
down at the jailhouse...

by a gang of white guys.

Hey, sweetheart.
How ya doin' ?

Yeah, that's right.

I don't know.
Whatever you wanna do.

See there ?

[ Snoring ]

What do you say, puddin' ?
What you doin', playin' ?

You better start talkin'.
I want it all.

Don't you let
another minute go by
without telling me...

every little nasty-ass
bit of it.

It's my right to know
what I'm dealin' with here.

'Cause if you used
that contraption on her,
whatever it is,

tuggin' in and out of my sister
or you tuggin' in and out of
her, I have the right to know.

You mean her tuggin'
in and out of me.

You said me tuggin' it out of
her, and then you started to say
me tuggin' it out of her again.

You know what I mean,
you son of a bitch.
Just start talkin' !

I wanna know where I stand,
fantasizin' and all.

'Cause if you like that shit--
doodads, little
diddle sticks and stuff--

I swear to God
I'll go to the hardware store
tomorrow mornin'...

and buy a carload of shit
to run in and out of us that
will cripple us both for life !

Honey, I'm always
straight with you.

I mean, you know,
maybe it hurts,
but I don't bullshit ya.

I'll tell you everything.
I'll tell you
every little detail...

about everything
you wanna know.

You know that.
Every little detail.
I bet you'd like that.

You like talkin' about it
and killin' me.

What are you talkin' about ?
You told me to tell you.

I thought you wanted
to know everything.
What about you ?

God knows what you've done.
You probably just lie about it.
Oh, here we go.

Am I the best ?
God knows.
Who the hell would know ?

You've probably been out
with guys before that just--
Oh !

Don't even say it to me.
Don't tell me.

You talk about killin' somebody.
Oh, you could kill me,
and you know it.

- I've told you a million times
you are the best.
- But you're lyin' about it.

It always turns into your shit !
I'm the one we're talkin'
about now !

My feelin's are hurt !
Can we talk about me now ?

It's not you ! Now,
what the hell happened with that
thing ? What exactly is it ?

It's just a toy.
It's just a little
old bitty toy.

And it was a million years ago,
honey, back when me and Rose
here was two consentin' adults.

You keep your voice down !
You want her to hear us ?
Add that to injury.

Listen, sweetheart, a--

a man's got a past.
[ Sighs ]

I wish it wasn't that way,
but, you know, that's the way
the world goes around.

Yeah. Well,
a woman's got a past too,

and you keep bent out of shape
about it all the time.

- I do not !
- Oh, my God.
[ Chuckling ]

Ruby, do you remember
that time...

that you run off
with that Efford boy ?
Oh, God.

And y'all didn't show back up
for three days, and it turned
out y'all was in jail...

for, um, stealin'
a whole bunch of Pet milk...

and, what, frozen pizzas ?

Popovers, Mama.
Yes, that's right.

It was popovers.

Why'd you wait so long
to call me ?

I had the most
awful nightmare about that--

that you and this boy
was takin' poison
instead of stayin' in jail,

like Romeo and Juliet
and them done.

[ Ruby ]
It's okay, Mama.

[ Claude's Voice ]
You was in jail
for three days with a guy.

Just go back to sleep.
You never told me that.

You was in jail
for three days with a guy.
You never told me that.

Yeah, three days.

I'm gonna go outside
and pray for
Uncle Hazel right now.

He needs our prayers.

He's laid up in that jailhouse
probably gettin' cornholed
as we speak.

Now, there's you
some tuggin' in and out.

[ Gunshot ]

You see that ?
Now, look at you.

I always did say
one thing you can do is shoot.

Now just do the same thing
and get me a grandson.

Little girl, aren't you
proud of your husband ?

Which one of us
are you talkin' about ?

- See that, Jewel ?
- Good shootin', O.T.

Yeah, there may be snow
on the roof, but there's
still fire in the fireplace.

Or whatever that deal is
that they say.
[ Laughs ]

I'm sure there is.

can I shoot your gun ?
[ Gunshot ]

In a minute.
I'm usin' it now.

[ Sarcastically ]
Claude, can I shoot
your gun ?

What's wrong with you,
Miss Priss ?
Ooh !

- Can't you ever just have fun ?
- Elbe, what in the world
are you doin' ?

I'm over here shootin',
and Jewel and...

one of the girls
is watchin'.

I just got it in me
to pick something pretty.

what are you doin' ?

Kiss my ass !

Well, I don't know
what them lawyers want,

but out of all of this
they ought to find
somethin' they like.

We got the list.
We know what to do.
Let's go.

[ Man ]
* A lone cowpoke went ridin'
one dark and windy day *

* Upon a ridge he rested
as he went upon his way *

* And all at once, a mighty
of red-eyed cows he saw *

* Comin' through
the ragged sky *

* And up the cloudy draw

* Yippee yi-ya

* Yippee yi-yo

* Ghost riders in the sky




* The riders looked on by 'im
he heard one call his name *

* If you wanna save
your soul from hell
a-riding on this range *

* Then cowboy
change your way today
or with us you will ride *

* Trying to catch
the devil's herd *

* Across these endless skies

* Yippee yi-ya

* Yippee yi-yo

* Ghost riders in the sky

* Yippee yi-ya

* Yippee yi-yo

[ O.T ]
Problem is, everything
Elbe cooked is raw...

and everything
Billy there cooked is burnt.

I should've knew better than
to let them try
to barbecue anything.

But I got foot trouble.

Is Hazel goin'
to the pen ?

Well, if he would agree
to plead guilty
to a lesser charge,

maybe we could work
something out.

However, he insists
on pleading not guilty.

I thought that's good,
isn't it ?

It's real good
if you're not guilty.

Mr Montgomery's
our client, Elaine.

We don't represent people
that we feel are guilty.

I know that, Lawrence.

But I also know
when a case looks tough.

I mean,
they have an eyewitness.

Don't forget, I've been around
a little longer than you.

Nobody's arguing
with that, sweetheart.

Look, do I have to remind you
again and again and again--

No, you don't have to remind me
every time you get a fuckin'
hot flash, okay ?

How much more fuckin' often
could that be ? Huh ?

I mean, what are you
reminding me of after all ?

Your daddy's rich
and he bought you a career.

I don't know
how fuckin' impressive
you think that is.

Go to hell.

Don't you think
the important thing
right now...

You know, I think
I finally realised...
is Hazel's defence ?

the cuteness...

wears off really fast.

And besides,
with a 30-year-old,

you think you would expect more
than a four-minute erection.

I mean,
it is the point, isn't it ?

So you just take your
mail-order law degree...

and you shove it
up your ass.

'Cause it's over.

[ Coughing ]

I, um, think maybe
we're not the best attorneys
for Mr Montgomery.

Well, Claude,
are you happy now ?

Hazel ain't got
no fuckin' lawyers.

[ Man ]
The County Superior Court
is now in session.

The Honourable
Mr Dorn presiding.
All rise.

All down.

[ O.T. ]
Yeah, I got in
a lot of trouble in France.

I did most of my fightin'
in Belgium, military-wise,

but I kicked up my heels
in France a time or two.

What war did you lose
your legs in ?

I ain't old enough
to be in no war,
except the Gulf.

Oh, that wasn't no war.
Just a bunch of
missile shootin'.

My ex-wife
shot me in the back.

Didn't even shoot 'em by hand.
They used computers.

One of 'em
was broadcasted on the news
from up and under a bed.

They say a lot of 'em
over there got poisoned
with somethin'.

I guess nobody told 'em
a bed wouldn't stop
a nuclear rocket.


Shot you just like that ?

Drunk a half a bottle of
Uncle Somethin' or another's
bourbon, then shot me.

I ain't heard
from her since.


That middle boy of mine's
a crack shot with a rifle.

All right,
will the defendant please rise ?

Mr Montgomery,
do you understand...

the nature of the charges
against you, sir ?

[ Hazel ] To tell you
the truth, Judge, I don't
understand any of this mess.

Say "Your Honour."
Huh ?

Not "Judge."
"Your Honour."

Well, Your Honour,
I didn't do anything
to get myself here...

that you wouldn't have done
or anybody else...

who had to go through
what I went through with
that little shit right there.

Oh, my God !
You head-knockin',

redneck son of a bitch !
All-All-- All right !
[ Pounding Gavel ]

You are crazy as a loon !
And, Judge, let me
tell you somethin' !

- You don't know the devil that
this man turns into !
- All right !

Your Honour !
That's what they told me to say.

All right, I have order,
both of ya, right now !
Do you understand ?

We understand the charges,
Your Honour.
No, we don't.

- Yes, we do.
- You're damn right you do !

-You hit me in the head with
a doorstop made of solid iron !
-Kiss my ass !

What you doin' here ?

Oh, my baby brother
is being arraigned
on some serious charges.

He didn't do it, though.
There's somethin' off somewhere.
He's a good boy.

Married an Englishwoman.

I didn't even know
she was mad at me.

She ain't spoke two words to me
since Teddy turned three...

six months ago
or somethin'.

Well, see there ?
Children. That's somethin'.

J.C. is screwin' everything
that ain't nailed down, and
ain't come up with no babies.

I think he uses
them darn "condrums."

And Alvin, he's got his nose
in a dag-burned book
all the time.

And Claude, for all his
"carhood" and God knows what all
with that little girl,

must be shootin' blanks,
or she's got female troubles.

Them your boys ?

a whole lot easier...

to live with than real kids
is what I heard.

My boys is all I got.

Teddy and Jack, three and four,
over at their granddaddy
and grandmama's house.

Well, see there ?

Ain't you goin' in
to watch your brother ?

I can't watch.

He lost his lawyers.

They had a "May and December"

They give him
a government lawyer
who seems nervous and ignorant.

All right,
we're gonna try this again.
Mr Montgomery,

how do you plead, sir ?
Not guilty.

Not guilty ?
Not guilty !

All right, sir, let--
[ Stammering ]

- Mr Caldwell, can you get
control of your client ?
- In cold blood !

- A nut the size
of a damn loon !
- You lie like a rug !

[ Pounding Gavel ]
Order ! Order !
All of ya ! Everybody !

- I'll kill you,
you psychotic little bastard !
- [ Shouting, Indistinct ]

- [ All Yelling, Shouting ]
- Order ! Order !

You in court ?

My cousin Russell,
all over 38 dollars.

He was a hyperactive child
and still is, I guess.

Folks is messed up
these days.

Life's easier, and folks
is more messed up.


Must be awful not to have
the use of your legs.
Yeah, it is.

At least I can hug my boys.

I was thinkin' the other day
about somebody bein' paralysed
all the way up,

turnin' their wheelchair
with blowin' in a straw.

Imagine that.

Not even bein' able
to shake a man's hand.

But your kids.

Imagine that.

Just havin' to sit there
and stare at 'em.

They wouldn't understand.
[ Billy ]
Daddy !

You're never gonna
believe this !

What ?

A man from the newspaper
wants to take our picture.

Lauren Walsh. I know him.
Good guy and good shooter.

[ Together ]


Well, how come
to make that court date
so far away that way ?

I mean,
why don't they just do it
and get it over with ?

Oh, courts are notorious
for that.

Supposedly they
have a backlog of cases.

Suppose it's true ?
[ O.T. ]
That boy back there...

got his legs shot out
from under him
by his crazy wife.

[ Jewel ]
Y'all gonna be takin' us
to the airport after a while.

Okay, Ruby ?
[ Ruby ]
That'd make you happy.

[ Claude ]
They can stay the rest of
the year if they want to.

You'd like that,
wouldn't you ?
My God !

Ruby, there's the bags.

Goodness gracious, girl !

You got a rear end
just like your mama.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh. See there ?

That's it. That's it.
I'm either gonna kill myself
or get dumped by you...

for some tight-ass
insurance woman or somethin'.

Real estate woman.
Let's go !
I didn't say it.

Here, honey, I'm gonna
put it back here.

You sure do make good ham hock.
[ Rose ]
Come see us sometime.

ain't that far away.

You know, I miss seeing
your sorry ass.

[ Claude ]
Well, I miss you too.

[ Rose ]
Well, you take care of her,
okay ? I really love her,

even though we got
our problems and stuff.

I love her too.
And I'm sorry if I was the cause
of any of your problems.

Well, no, that's
just family, you know.

It'll all work out.
We'll come see y'all.
Yeah. Okay.

Okay. You look
real good, Claude.

Oh, my God !
I give up, you sorry bastard !
You sorry bastard !

Why don't you just
throw her down on the couch
in front of everybody !

Goddam you !
Get it over with,
why don't you, Claude !

Go on in the house
and beat off !

Hon, that's nasty talk.
Ruby, come on, honey.

You know that boy
Gerald Plummer ?

He's workin'
down at the airport now
on airplanes.

Cheer up.
We might see him.
Great. That's just great.

Yeah, tell her that,
why don't you.
That's all we need here.

Honey, why don't you go see
Gerald Plummer at the airport
and watch him fix airplanes.

- Would you like to do that ?
- I never touched him.
I never touched him !

Well, he must've had leprosy !
God ! I give up !

- [ Rose ]
I wasn't doin' nothin'.
- Don't you start with me !

[ All Yelling, Shouting ]

Rose, you stay out of it !
You stay out of it, Rose !

- Go away !
- [ Shouting Continues ]

If you didn't start this shit,
it wouldn't happen anyway.

- Get in the fuckin' car.
- You watch to see if
I don't go to a nightclub !

Oh, good !
Maybe you can meet
somebody pretty !

You get in that car--
Get in and shut your mouth !
Get in that damn car now !

[ Car Engine Starts ]

[ Car Departing ]

How come y'all
be cryin' like that, Mama ?

Sometimes, it just gets
cluttered up in my head, hon,

and I--
and it causes me to cry.


I don't know how come
her to be cryin' though.

Can I see that book ?

Can I see that book ?

That's a psychology book.

You mind if I read it ?

Of course not.

My God, J.C.
You look like a cat burglar.

I heard the whole thing, bud.
Let's go to a nightclub.

[ Claude's Voice ] I'm not
sure what it is. I'm not sure
what it is I'm supposed to do.

I wish you could help me.

[ Ruby ]
Oh, my God.

[ Wailing Siren
Approaching ]

[ Door Opening ]

[ Ruby ]
What a horrible night
for somebody.

God bless 'em.

[ Man Speaking Over
Police Radio, Indistinct ]

[ E.M.S. Technician ] Sir,
you've been in a wreck. You
need to be real still, okay ?

All right.
All right. Don't look around.
You know where you're at ?

You know what happened ?
I don't know exactly
where I'm at.

All right. We're gonna
get you to the hospital.
Be still. Don't move.

Stay right there.
[ Woman ]
Nancy, no.

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

[ E.M.S. Technician ] Well,
you may have internal injuries
we don't know about.

With the bleeding on your head,
you could've hit the steering
wheel or the windshield.

Don't move around.
Do you know how much
you had to drink tonight ?

Well, I had a 30-pack.
You'd have to tell how many's
left over there.
All right.

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Officer ] Hold up.
Oh, my God, it's--
[ Continues, Indistinct ]

- What are you doing ?
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
- [ Screams ]

[ Officer
Placating Ruby ]

[ Ruby Sobbing ]
[ E.M.S. Technician ] Do you
know who the president is ?

Huh ?
Yeah. Bill.

Okay. You know
where you're at ?

Now, come on.
[ Wailing ]

[ Gasping ]

Hey, sugar britches,
you just gettin' back
from the airport ?

[ Crying ]
Oh, baby.
Oh, my baby.

Oh, my baby. You mean,
you're not hurt too bad
or dead ?

You should've seen it.
We whacked the shit out
of that dually over there.

[ Chuckles ]
Big old cowboy's eyes
got as big as a pie plate.

I seen him
just before we hit him.
Man, oh, man.

You mean,
you're okay ?
They were all drunk.

There doesn't seem
to be anything at all wrong
with him except a bruise or two.

- Oh, God.
- See there ? We was drunk.

Thank God
y'all was drunk.

- Thank God.
- Oh, baby. I've got so much
apologisin' to do to God.

Oh, baby.
Honey. Honey, please.

let's never go nowhere
that we're apart, okay ?

Okay ? Okay.
Okay, honey.

If we can.
What's wrong, baby ?
I'm fine.

I just got knocked
around a little bit.
That's alright.

Honey, wh-- Wait a minute.
Where's J.C. ?

He's over there
in the truck.
He's stuck in there.

- They're trying
to prize him out.
- Is anything wrong with him ?

- Well, yeah.
He can't get out.
- But physical ?

He's fine.
He was the drunkest one
of 'em.

Anyhow, we're gonna
take him to the hospital
for observation.

We're gonna do chest X rays.
We're gonna check
for internal injuries.

And if you wanna follow us,
you can.

[ Woman Speaking Over
Police Radio, Indistinct ]
Well, who... that ?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
This is Tamara.

Tamara, this is my wife, Ruby.
Ever since we got here,
she's been so nice.

She just practically
saved my life, even though
there wasn't anything wrong.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Tamara is your name ?

You think it would be alright
if I talk to my husband for
a minute before you took him ?

I know you have to take him.
Just for one moment ? Private ?

One minute.

I'll see you
in a minute, Tammy.

She's so nice.

Did you have your shirt
and your britches undone
and open,

or was it Tammy
who did that for you,
honey ?

She done it, honey.
She had to check me.

You heard what she said--
internal injuries possible.

I bet you liked that.
Pretty-lookin' checker
you picked out for yourself.

Interesting you picked her,
isn't it ?
Shit, I didn't pick her out.

- She just come over here.
She's the ambulance driver.
- You didn't pick her out ?

One woman and a bunch of men,
and you didn't pick her ? Okay.
I didn't pick her out.

I can't even have a head-on
collision in peace. I could've
been tore to pieces here.

- Have fun at your nightclub ?
- Shit. We didn't get
to the nightclub.

We ain't but a mile from
the house. We was
headed that way,

and J.C. bent over to
pick up his Molly Hatchet tape,
and we been here ever since.

Is that right ?
Well, yeah, it's right.

Well, then,
let me ask you something...

if you're so smart,
Mr Nightclub, okay ?

'Cause you're busted.
How come the truck is pointed
towards the house, huh ?

You ever hear of a little thing
called female intuition ?

Well, yeah. It was pointed
in the other direction till
we hit that line dancer there.

-Did you ever hear
of centrifugal force ?
-Sorry your night got spoiled,

but it's so great,
'cause you're fine now,

Everything's okay. So as soon
as they prize Hugh Hefner
out of the truck,

you can go back
to your little nightclub
you missed in the first place.

[ J.C. ]
Hey, Ruby.
Hey, J.C.

They're tryin'
to prize me out.
Huh ?

They're tryin'
to prize me out.

I hadn't wanted
to get into this.

I wanted
to keep my opinions out
of the way of the family.

But in view of
what's happened tonight...

and in the light of hard times
ahead of us, with Hazel's trial,
I thought I should.

Frankly, I thought it would
be irresponsible of me not to
have this little talk with you.


I really love Hazel,

as unlikely a pair
as we are.

I mean, who's to say
how love comes about ?
Hmm ?

I've heard him
pour out his heart,

seen him cry,
laugh and play...

and get angry.

And the reason
he was drawn to me, I believe,

is because
he wanted someone stable
in his life,

some order,
some communication.

He's gotten to the point
where he can't stand
to be around you !

And he loves you all.
But for God's sake,

I mean,
think about it !

I should start
seeing you all regularly,
on a one-to-one basis.

I can't really do that--
That wouldn't be ethical--

but there are other people
like me you can talk to.

Haven't you noticed
you're fucked up,
totally fucked up ?

You're so negative !

You don't ever communicate
to each other, and you never
ever resolve anything.

Plus, you're all alcoholics.
You drink constantly,

and two of you
were nearly killed tonight
because of it.

- Killed ?
- J.C. Claude.

In a car crash tonight.

And they were drunk.

My husband can't stand
to be around his own family.

He didn't realise that,
poor love,

until somebody-- me--
pointed it out to him.

Help me. I mean,
why do you just sit there,
hmm ?

You're not going to die.
You're going to fade away.

Talk to each other,
not at each other.

Connect, connect,
connect !

You talk. You listen.
You respond.

You respond to the response.
You see, that's how it works.

You see,
you never ever connect.

- Do you drink ?
- Yes !

From time to time,
like normal people !

Now, if I'm not mistaken,
the English invented whisky.

I'm not an alcoholic !
I'm not like you people !

Well, I tried.

Yes, Julia, you tried.

Maybe I'll see you when
my husband comes up...

the supreme high judge.


[ Door Closes ]
Well, she got a bee
up her ass, don't she ?

Hmm. Yeah.

[ Groaning ]
My goodness.

[ Coughs ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshot ]

Watch this.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Monkey Chittering ]
* [ Pop ]

I'm sorry.
For what ?

hittin' you in the head
with that iron deal.

Well, that's how come me--
to come on over here.

Oh, that's old business.
Well, I lied.

Okay ?
And I need somebody
to talk about it.

All right.
Let's get away
from this music.

Here. Have a seat
on the steps over there.

Set yourself down.

[ Sighs ]

Now, I wouldn't blame you
if you wanted to kill me,
but it's been eatin' at me.

The truth, that is.

See, I've
been workin' on myself
a little bit at a time.

Well, I been seein' a therapist
and eatin' fresh fruits
and raw vegetables...

and all kinds of things,
and it ain't
helped me none,

other than the fact
that I'm regular and I don't
eat as many antacid tablets.

Anyhow, when I was
talkin' to your uncle
on the hot line--

See, I was drinkin',
which I've quit, other than
smokin' reefer--

which I do every now and then
with my next-door neighbour,
who's eat up with glaucoma.

Anyhow, I was just
bitchin' and complainin'
and moanin'...

and just blamin' everybody
for everything, and he was
just so nice to me...

that I--
well, I just kept it up.

And we became friends. And
I'm always shitty to my friends,
especially the nice ones.

You know how that is.

Oh, I guess I was just
bein' terrible to him.

I mean, to the point where I was
just huntin' him down just to
tell him how much I hated him...

for not
making my life right.

Anyhow-- Well,
I guess he became some
disgruntled office worker,

'cause he comes over
to the house and starts
screamin' and yellin'...

and just spillin' his guts
about how much I'm
ruinin' his life...

and how much I remind him
of his family.

And that's when I told him
to kiss my ass. Well, see,
I shouldn't have done that.

'Cause then he comes
into the house. And he's angry.
And he starts screamin'...

and throwin' things around,
and I tried to stop him before
he got into my shoe closet.

You see, I'm a shoe nut. And
then he throws me off of him.
I go flyin' through the air,

and I hit my head
against that big old doorstop--

which they would've found out
ain't made out of iron anyhow
once we got into the courtroom.

Then my neighbour, the witness--
Well, he was high on pot and all
eat up with that glaucoma.

So I had him say
that he saw Hazel hit me.

Hazel can't stand y'all.

Not near one of ya.
He hates every single one of ya,
but he's too afraid to tell ya.

Now, I'm gonna go down,
and I'm gonna drop the charges
and tell the law I lied.

And all the good eatin'
in the world or therapy
or nothin' did one thing.

And my therapist told me to go
to a spa and get some rest,
and I did. I went,

and I got massaged
and I meditated.

I ate oat bran, and nothin'--
not one thing--
did one thing.

But then I got a facial. And I
don't mean a deep-cleansing,
but a relaxing facial.

And I fell asleep.
And I started to dream,
and I dreamed these boys,

they come along,
and they threatened
to cut me open,

fill my belly full
of saltwater and then
sew me back up...

if I didn't start
tellin' the truth
and acting grown-up.

So your uncle's
gonna be a free man,

even if I go to jail
for "abstraction"
of justice.

[ Sighing ] And,
oh, God, I just thought
you might wanna know.

I'm gonna go
buy you a record player,

so you can listen
to some different music.

Boy, that'd be something,
wouldn't it, hon ?

Daddy ?
Huh ? Oh, oh !
I ain't--

I ain't ready yet, Lord.
Please. I can't go now.
I ain't got no grandkids yet.

It's me. It's me,
Daddy. It's me.

Alvin, what in the shit
are you doing ?
You scared me half to death.

I was havin' a nightmare.
I got ganged up on
by a bunch of boys.

You might wanna
tell somebody about
those nightmares sometime.

If you'd talk
to Mama sometimes,

she might quit
playin' that damn monkey.

you're one of my boys
and everything,

but you are the oddest
poor son of a bitch there is.

* [ Stereo: "When Johnny
Comes Marching Home" ]
Ruby ?

Ruby ?

Oh, hey, Alvin.

Is something wrong,
hon ?

If Claude still
wanted to be with Rose
or anybody else for that matter,

he'd still be with her.

Your fear of losin' him
makes you want to blame him...

for stuff you don't do.

Lord knows he's
got his problems.

Y'all both want
to mess things up
before the other one does.

He told me one time...

you look like
an old-time movie star--

so pretty,
you're not even real to him.

Actually, he didn't tell me.
He told it to you.

I just heard it.

He talks to you
while you're sleepin'.

He's just crazy
about you.

'Night, Ruby.

- * [ Stereo: "When Johnny
Comes Marching Home" ]
- Goddam it.

What you doin', Alvin ?
Ain't you got somethin'
to read or somethin' ?

Brothers ain't supposed
to see brothers
on the shitter.

- I don't even let Ruby
watch me take a shit.
- Maybe you ought to sometime.

Claude ?

What, for God's sake,
Alvin ?

Ruby wouldn't hurt you
for anything in the world.
She's crazy about you.

Any man in the world
oughta be happy as hell...

to have somebody
care about them that much.

She's had a lot of boyfriends.
Women that's daddy's run off,

they do that sometimes.

They're lookin' for something.

She found it.
You're a lucky man.

Sure wished
I was built like you,
lean and everything.

Sometimes I think
Ruby'd be crazy about you if
you was as fat as a hog.

You think so ?

I don't think she's bluffin'.

Don't ever
let it be too late.

[ Sighs ]

[ Ruby's Voice ]
Wake up.

[ Claude's Voice ]
I'm awake.
No. Wake up.

[ Claude ]
So what am I supposed to do ?
Pick a colour and a number ?

[ Ruby ]
One or the other.

[ Claude ]
All right. I'll pick a yellow.

And one on the inside,
right ?


I'm so glad
you're eatin' cheese.

What are you
talkin' about ?

You know, you're supposed
to pick a word now, but I forgot
to write anything on the inside.


You know what I was
thinkin' about ?
Hmm ?

That one of these days
when we get rich, I'm gonna
build us a house.

I like our house.
I like our house, too, honey,

but this is gonna
be a special house.

I'm gonna build a tunnel
from the back door to plumb out
in the woods,

and at the end of the tunnel
there's gonna be a toilet.

That way, can't nobody
bust in on ya, ya know ?

And then
right next to it, there's
gonna be a little room...

with a weight machine in it
so I can keep my muscles good,
my belly flat.

'Cause if my belly ain't flatter
than all your ex-boyfriends',
you can't stay with me.

I'd have to leave you,

I gotta be better than them,
all of 'em, in every way.

You are.
I told you a million times.

But I mean in every way.

I hate them bastards, honey.
I hate 'em as bad
as you hate Rose.

- I don't hate Rose.
- Then quit eatin' my ass out
about her, honey.

- It ain't my fault.
I don't do nothin'.
- Why don't you tell her...

to leave you alone
and stop flirtin' with ya ?

And then
I don't have to do it.

If you don't love her
and you do love me,
then act like it.

It's embarrassin' to me.
You don't do nothin'
strong or hard enough.

I can't believe
you said that to me.

That's the very thing
that kills me, and you
just sat right there...

and looked me in the eye
and said that to me.

You wanna get one
of your ex-muscle men,
is that what you want ?

Then you can have all
the strong, hard shit you want.

You make me feel
like a gnat.

I don't mean
that kind of hard.
I don't mean fuckin'-wise.

Don't say that word when
we're talkin' about muscle men.

I mean, look me in the eyes
and tell me you want me,

not her
or the ambulance driver.

Make me feel safe
once and for all.

That's all I want.

You are the flattest belly
and the strongest
and the best.

And it ain't fair
for you to keep sayin'
you ain't gonna be with me.

You can't ever
say that again !

I ain't ever even been
with a muscle guy.

- I just let that on
to make you jealous.
- Jealous ?

To make me jealous ?
Yeah. I did.

You're funny as hell.
I don't even wanna
hear that shit.

I can't believe
you'd say that either.

[ Chuckles ]
Honey, I'm the most jealous
son of a bitch in the world.

I know.
My God.

I don't need any help. Don't be
doin' me no favours. Besides,
I've seen your pictures.

I've seen that one
big old guy, that Chuck,
or whatever his name is.

He was fat.

And I didn't
screw him anyway.

I didn't screw half of 'em
I told you about.

- Are you serious ?
- Yes, I am.

Just half ? I was kind
of hopin' it'd be less.

You know what I mean.
Not exact arithmetic.

Just a few.

- A few ? Like what ?
- It don't matter.
You're the strongest...

and the handsomest
and the most beautiful
and the funniest.

- But how about the biggest ?
- Yes, but it don't matter,
'cause I love you !

But I am, right ?

I ain't sayin' it again !
I said it for the last time !

[ Panting ]

What, honey ?

I don't care
how many muscles
anybody else has got...

or how pretty they are
or how rich they are
or how poor they are...

or how smart they are
or how ignorant they are
or-- They ain't you.

You see this ?
You see this ?

You see this ?
You see this ?

There ain't but one of
them things in the whole world,
and they're on you !

I don't want nothin'
or nobody in this whole world
but you !

You're the only one that thinks
about my old boyfriends--
not me !

And I don't lie to you,
so have some faith in me.

I love you,
and I'm good to you.

And that's all you get.
And that's all I want
from you.

That, and tell Rose to fuck off,
and maybe I'll stay
off your ass about her.

You are my friend.

Don't you know that ?

You're my friend.

I know that.

[ Crying Softly,
Sniffling ]

Alvin busted in on me
in the toilet tonight
while I was doin' lumber.

I'm sorry, sugar.

I guess it's okay.
He's my brother.

He didn't mean no harm.
[ Mumbles ]

You know what
I've been thinkin' about
ever since I met Hazel's wife ?

What's that ?

About packin' up the car
and takin' you on a vacation
over to England and France.

We ain't never been
nowhere further than St Louis.

It's about time.

And that wasn't for you.

That was for the Cardinals.

I wanna do something for you
that girls like.

[ Exhaling ]

Something romantic.

Take you over there
and see all them castles...

where all your kings
and queens lived.

See all them places
where folks got their heads
cut off.

That kind of thing.

when you threaten
to kill yourself, it scares me,

'cause sometimes
I'm afraid that you're
really gonna do it.

I couldn't make it
without you.

I wouldn't even know
what to do.

Plus, every time
I'd be making out
with whoever I ended up with,

I'd just be thinking
about you.

'Course, I wouldn't
end up with anybody else

not ever.

I'd probably
become a preacher,

one of them kind
that "abstracts" from sex,
you know ?

[ Exhales Deeply ]

You look like an angel to me
when you're sleeping.

I love you so much.

You'll never know.

[ Claude's Voice ]
Mama. Mama, tell me
what to do.

* [ Country Instrumental ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Claude, Whispering ]
* [ Fades ]

[ Claude ]
I had the weirdest dream
last night, Daddy.

I dreamed you and Mama
was out in the backyard

Gettin' around pretty good,
too, to be as stove-up
as you are.

Whole bunch of us
was watchin' y'all.

Ruby wasn't even mad
at the ambulance driver.
Why not ?

Oh, and, you know,
I heard Chet Atkins play guitar,
too, but I didn't see him.

That was it ?

That was just it ?
There wasn't nothin'
chasin' you or nothin' ?

Not much of a nightmare.

I said it was a dream,
Daddy, not a nightmare.

I read to escape.

How come you started
talkin' so much lately ?

Sorry about your car,

It's all right.

I'm just glad
you didn't get hurt
any worse.

Besides that, I had a dream
somebody bought me a hot rod--
I believe it was Willie Nelson.

McGwire hit 70.
Y'all are going to have
to get a TV, you know it ?

I know.

I know.

All right.
I'll see y'all.
All right.

I'll see you.
Bye-bye. We'll
see y'all soon.

[ Chuckling ]

All right. Y'all
come see us sometime.
All right.

You come back.
Remember what I said.

I will, Daddy.

Hang on to that thing.
Hang on to what thing ?

That truck.
[ Chuckles ]
All right.

[ Engine Starts ]
We'll see you, then.

Bye, Mama.
See y'all soon.

You know, honey, we really
should get Mama and them
to come up and visit us.

You said "Mama and them."

You know, Alvin said
he was gonna start drinkin' pop
instead of beer, just like that.

Yeah. He told me that.
J.C.'s the one that needs
to start drinkin' pop.

That boy goes
through a whole bunch
of vehicles.

He gets uncoordinated
when he drinks,
you know.

Cross-eyed, just about.

Do you ever get tired
of things ?

Like what ?
Like the way you are.

Yeah. I even get tired
of the way you are.

Well, I meant both of us,
yeah. Everybody else too.

English are smart,
it seems like.

They even talk pretty
when they're mad.

When we had
that head-on collision,

I didn't really
see that cowboy's eyes
get big as plates.

just a old sayin'.

I seen you.

Just for a second.
Kind of like in my mind,
you know ?

What was I doin' ?
holdin' your hand out.

things seem magic,
know what I mean ?

I sure do, baby.

I had fun, too,
this week, you know, besides
all the horrible things.

It's kind of good
seein' everybody
in the same spot.

And we got that dream started
about us a honeymoon.

It's kind of like
that book they had us
read one time in school.

It started out sayin', "It was
the best time I ever had, and it
was the worst time I ever had."

I believe
it was by Dick somebody.
I'll be dogged.

Hey, boys !
Wait a minute ! Hey !
Come back ! Come here.


We forgot something, didn't we ?
What'd we forget ?

To tell us
we love you.
That's right.

I love you.
I love you.

I love you.
I love you.

[ Both ] I love you.
We said it at the same time,
didn't we ?

That's cool, huh ?

All right. Y'all's mama is
gonna pick you up this afternoon
after school, okay ?

Daddy's gotta go back to work.
Y'all go play. Be careful.


Don't throw any rocks
at anybody.

All right. Come here.
I know what you want.

You want a hug,
don't you ?

Have a good day.
See you girls later.

[ Ruby's Voice ]
You're so safe.
[ Claude's Voice ] I know that.

Miss Montgomery,
can we borrow y'all's hose ?

Sure, hon.

[ Sighing ]
What's goin' on,
honey ?

Little Ricky
borrowed the hose.

Huh ? What ?

Little Ricky
borrowed the hose.

sprayin' one another.

Good morning, baby.

[ Exhales, Groans ]

I had a dream that
we got a station wagon.

I had a dream
I stopped usin' protection.

Protection ?

You know, my deal.
My diaphragm.

I didn't know you used one
of them things, hon.

I thought I should.

- Don't they stop
babies from happenin' ?
- Of course. That's the point.

Right ?

So I've been puttin' up with
all that shit from Daddy all
these years about grandbabies,

and I've been shootin'
at a steel door ?

It just didn't seem
like it was okay to have one.

Now it seems okay.

Babies know when
they're supposed to get here.

That's what I think.

They sure do, honey.

There was a carload
of 'em in that dream.

How many of 'em ?
Two or three of 'em.

Will you look at me in the eyes
next time we do it ?

I sure will, baby.

I promise you.

It's gonna be okay,

It seems like there's
a lot more air today than
there usually is, don't it ?

Yeah. It does seem like it,
don't it ?

Some clouds comin' in.

Maybe there's a storm comin'.

Them ain't storm clouds.

[ Children Shrieking,
Distant ]

* [ Guitar ]

[ Man ]
* She don't
like her eggs all runny *

* She thinks crossin' her legs
is funny *

* She looks down her nose
at money *

* She gets it on
like the Easter bunny *

* She's my baby
I'm her honey *

* I'm never gonna
let her go *

[ Woman ]
* He ain't got laid
in a month of Sundays *

* Caught him once and he was
sniffin' my undies *

* He ain't too sharp
but he gets things done *

* Drinks his beer
like it's oxygen *

* He's my baby
and I'm his honey *

* Never gonna let him go

[ Both ]
* In spite of ourselves

* We'll end up
sittin' on a rainbow *

* Against all odds, honey
we're the big door prize *

* We're gonna spite

* Our noses right off
of our faces *

* There won't be nothin'
but big ol' hearts *

* Dancin' in our eyes

[ Man ]
* She thinks all my jokes
are corny *

* Convict movies
make her horny *

* She likes ketchup
on her scrambled eggs *

* Swears like a sailor
when she shaves her legs *

* She takes a lickin'
and keeps on tickin' *

* I'm never gonna let her go

[ Woman ]
* He's got more balls
than a big brass monkey *

* He's a whacked-out weirdo
and a Love Bug junkie *

* He's sly as a fox
crazy as a loon *

* Payday comes
and he's a-howlin'
at the moon *

* He's my baby
I don't mean maybe *

* Never gonna let him go

[ Both ]
* In spite of ourselves

* We'll end up
a-sittin' on a rainbow *

* Against all odds, honey
we're the big door prize *

* We're gonna spite

* Our noses right off
of our faces *

* There won't be nothin'
but big ol' hearts *

* Dancin' in our eyes

* In spite of ourselves

* We'll end up
a-sittin' on a rainbow *

* Against all odds

* Honey
we're the big door prize *

* We're gonna spite

* Our noses right off
of our faces *

* There won't be nothin'
but big old hearts *

* Dancin' in our eyes

* There won't be nothin'
but big ol' hearts *

* Dancin' in our eyes

[ Man ]
In spite of ourselves.