Daddy Day Camp (2007) - full transcript

Got some.

- Dad peed in his pants.

- Get used to it, son.

When I'm old,

you'll have to change my diaper.

Another year over. I can't believe it.

I can't believe our sons are seven.

In a couple years,

they'll be starting a band

growing their hair long

stealing your Suburban to go on tour.

Charlie, we have ourselves a situation.

Okay, I'll be a minute.

Phil. Phil.

Rare. Good. See?

Save room for cake.

Never mind that on the cake.

- Hey, Mom.

- Hey, slow down.

It was the end of Summer Olympiad

between us and our rival camp.

The final event: The relay race.

Coming down the stretch,

I was flying like the wind.

You were sweating sheets of rain.

You could barely move in a straight line.

- I was still in the lead.

- Whatever.

And then I hand the baton off to Charlie,

he drops it, we lose the whole thing.

Then Lance Warner flew

right past you to the finish line.

That's when I hated that

snot-nosed little brat.

He's the reason

why I didn't have a good time.

So honey, why is Ben going on and on

about going off to camp?

The permission slip's been

on the fridge for three weeks,

and he really wants to go,

and I think he should.

Well, Phil and I have talked,

the boys aren't going.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, they're not going.

All those snakes and spiders and wedgies.

Look, just because you had

a bad experience as a kid at camp

doesn't mean our son will have one too

What are you talking about,

bad experience?

Come on, I was there.

You were scarred for life.

I'm laying on the ground,

staring up at my father,

and he's just standing there

with a look of disapproval.

Just over some stupid camp game.

I will not allow my son to ever let

anything like that happen to him.

He will know that I love

and support him no matter what.

Good. Then you can love

and support him going to camp.

You didn't hear what I just said?

Yes, I did, and he's not you,

and you definitely are not your father.

Oh, and you're driving them.

There it is. Camp Canola.

Whoa, you don't want to

go to rival Canola.

But that's where everyone goes.

No, if you want to go to camp,

you want to go to Driftwood.

Yeah, Camp Canola's some rundown shack

on a piece of swamp land.

At least, it used to be.

- Cool.

- Awesome.

It's a lake. I don't remember a lake.

Well, this ain't nothing.

Wait till you see

where you guys are going.

Camp Driftwood.

What the heck?

Yeah, well, you're crazy, Morty.

That's the best offer

you're ever going to get

for this craphole.

I'm doing you a favor, butthead.

You're crazy, Morty.

- Are you folks lost?

- No, we're here to check out the camp.

You want to bring your kids here?

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

Hey, good luck with that.

Okay, kids, come on.

Didn't you hear? Camp's closed.

- Yes.

- Yes.

What happened?

This place used to be the best.

Well, now seems

like everybody wants newer, better

properly licensed and bonded.

They want Camp Canola down the road.

You guys went to Driftwood?

Yeah, we were here when we were kids.

Then you know. This place really used

to be something special.

And Canola was a dump.

Then some rich family bought it

eventually turned it over

to that mutant son of theirs.

What's going to happen to Driftwood?

Well, soon I'm going to have no choice,

but to sell it to Canola.

It's a pity. Because all he wants

to do is bulldoze over it.

Can you believe it?

That kid has been a pain in my heinie

since he won the '77 Olympiad.

I just hate to give that jerk

Lance Warner the satisfaction.

Warner? Lance Warner?

He's the one who wants to

buy this camp and tear it down?

Our camp?

You bought a what?

It's not the whole camp, it's just

a partnership with the original owner.

I know the day care center

has been successful

but you've already spent a lot of

our savings fixing up this house

to accommodate more kids.

Sweetie, the Daddy Day Care brand

means a lot in this town.

Re-purposing that brand into summer

is just smart business.

Since when do you know how to run a camp?

That's just it.

I'm not going to run the camp.

Uncle Morty is going to run the camp.

Phil and I are just going to help out.

That way I can spend as much time

with Ben as possible.

But you hate the outdoors.

Yes, but I hate Lance Warner more.

There's no way my son's going to his camp.

Can you please just send him to Canola?

That's where all his friends are.

No. No way.

Listen, my father sent me to camp

and it didn't go so great. Okay?

Maybe I can give Ben

the positive experience I never had.

Well, just promise me you'll let this

Uncle Morty do the real outdoorsy stuff.

I don't want to have to send

a search party

to come rescue your lost butt

in the woods.

Come on, Sally, now,

don't play hard to get.

Oh, you little tease.

Oh, you... I've got you.

It's another beautiful

woodchuck day, baby.

Hey, that's great.

You remember the old cheer.

I can't thank you guys enough.

I mean, you saved the old place.

Yeah, well, with your help,

I can't wait to show that Lance Warner

how to run a good

old-fashioned summer camp.

Swell. I'll see you guys in September.

Say what, now?

Uncle Morty?

Excuse me. Uncle Morty, you can't leave.

You're supposed to be overseeing

the camp. We're partners.

I've been watching over this camp

for 30 years.

It's time I took a vacation, partner.

Don't worry.

Dale here will show you the ropes.

- He's the best counselor I got.

- No, Morty, wait. You can't leave.

Morty wait! Come back!

What was that about?

This is my first day.

Charles Hinton?

- I'm Charlie.

- I'm from FMJ Bank.

No doubt your uncle Morty

informed you of the conserver liens

- that we have against your property.

- Informed?

He just took his little fishy up the road.

As the business has no clients

and therefore no discernible

means of income

I'm afraid the bank will have no choice

but to foreclose on the property.

- Foreclose?

- Foreclose?

Let me ask you something.

What if this camp could show

discernible means of income?

Continue.

We have run the Daddy Day Care Center

successfully for the past several years.

Allow us to use the hard-earned trust

that name brings

to build in a new clientele.

I suppose I could recommend to the bank

that we extend the length of the debt

for about a month.

Assuming, of course,

that you can maintain the camp

and a client base of at least 30 children.

We'll have it in tip top shape in no time.

Yeah, you got a methane problem,

all right.

You're going to have to have

that baby pumped.

Oh, crap.

Yeah, you said it. It's going to need

a whole new septic tank

new plumbing, the works.

Cost you about 14.

- Hundred?

- Thousand.

You know what?

We'll buy the kids gas masks.

It's your party pally,

but that methane is dangerous.

You boys best be careful.

- Phil.

- What? That wasn't me.

Okay, here's your lunch, sweetie.

It's a sugar-free, wheat-free,

gluten-free, tofu nugget.

You have your Sidekick with text,

GPS locator in case you get lost

and waterproof sunscreen,

in case it gets sunny

- while it's still raining.

- Mother, it's day camp.

I'll be seven miles away.

And home before dinner.

Did you take your Xanax?

I don't want to go to camp in the rain.

I want to stay home

watching nudie flicks on cable.

Look, the brochure said there

would be sun. Please behave yourself.

And for the love of God,

try not to make anyone bleed.

Take your Dramamine now

before you get on the bus

and then later if you ride a horse

or anything that bounces, rocks

or gently sways back and forth.

- What about my Pepto?

- Save that for lunch.

And your Beano, in case you have a snack.

It's another beautiful woodchuck day.

Robert, promise you'll put those games

away and try to be social this summer.

Die, alien scum, die.

Carl, please don't let the other kids

tease your brother.

What am I? Dr. Phil?

I've got nothing to work with here.

Archibald Lawrence Mapleton?

Call me, Mullet. Business up front,

party in the back, baby.

Juliette Stone?

Present.

Holy Hogwarts.

Ow! Watch the merchandise, dude.

- I still got it, huh?

- I can't hear! My ears!

Okay, this is it. Time to give them

a summer they'll never forget.

They won't forget that.

Nature walkers, lotion up.

Okay, Robin Hoods, gather around.

Everybody take a bow.

There you go.

There's enough for everyone. There you go.

Hey, Romeo.

If you like her, go in that group.

No. That's okay.

I've only got to kill one more Orc.

Right. Kill your Orc, you dork.

Dad, I want to be in the group with Max.

I'm older than these babies.

I should be in that group.

I didn't sign up to be with no skirts.

They got cooties.

There's no such thing as cooties.

It's simply a term used to express

age-appropriate discomfort

of those not of our gender.

Stop arguing.

You wanted to accommodate children

of all ages.

Well, at this point,

we can't be too picky.

Okay!

Look, here we have grass.

Some grass and a big rock.

How many more to go?

Well, everybody gather round. Get in here.

Can anyone tell me

what kind of tree this is?

An oak?

Yeah. Sure. Okay.

Look over here, some berries,

maybe a strawberry thing.

I wouldn't eat them, though. Watch out.

Poison ivy. Poison ivy.

Keep moving, slowly, behind the bush.

Come on, slowly. Don't touch it.

Careful, careful. Okay.

That would be a leaf.

Ready. Aim.

Wait. There's a bunny.

We can't shoot with a bunny in the field.

But he's way off to the side.

You'll never hit that bunny.

Yes, we can. That's good eating.

No, it's not.

Wait. All right, kids, hang on. Back up.

So the rebel Borg rogue vessel

circles around Barkon IV

loops over the Enterprise and doubles back

through the space nebula.

We passed this tree twice already.

Because it's a very important tree

and I wanted to emphasize it.

We're not lost.

- Alligator.

- Calm down. Stop. Calm down.

Stop.

We don't have alligators

on the nature hike.

It's not that good a camp.

See, kids?

Everything's going to be just fine.

Air varmint.

I appreciate that you kids

are such quick learners,

but these knots are not supposed

to be used for evil.

See? Just a big, dumb empty log.

Bees. Scatter.

Now put two thumbs up.

You guys, two, three,

or four of you are out

because I didn't say, "Simon says."

All right, Simon Says.

Ben. Hey, Ben.

Simon says, "Wave at Daddy."

Good concentration, son.

You know, because I'm not Simon.

Good job, Dale.

Oh, no, so many of you are out right now,

I can't even count how many.

- Can I help you?

- Felix.

Simon Says. A classic.

I was just showing the kids here

where the go-cart track will be layed out

once you and your merry team of idiots

run your camp into the ground.

First of all, it's not for sale.

Yeah, well, from what I heard,

that may not be up to you.

Yeah, a little something

called foreclosure.

Ax coming down.

Do you see all those kids

running around down there?

Does that look like

a business in trouble to you?

It's only day one, buddy boy.

Because once all those kids see

how much fun we're having at Camp Canola

they'll be jumping ship like harbor rats.

And to make matters worse

you will never be able

to beat the Chief in the Olympiad.

That's him. He's the Chief.

And you poop in your shorts.

Nice son you got there, Lance.

He ain't my kid. I hate kids.

First of all, there ain't going to be

any Olympiad. And secondly

I only care about building these kids up,

not tearing them down

with some futile attempt at competition.

That's pathetic.

You won't last a month.

Yeah. Thirty-one days. Or 30.

Except for February, which stands alone.

All right, let's go.

Dang, he looks familiar.

All right, Camp Canola.

Let's head out.

Wait. Oh, good Lord.

Watch and learn.

- Mullet. Come on.

- Hurry up.

I want candy.

Dale, make sure you count them twice.

Everybody on the... Hey, no fighting.

On the bus. Get on the bus.

Oh, I'm tired.

Oh, thank God.

See? This is exactly

where I thought we'd come out.

You all get down to the bus.

It'll be leaving any second.

I've got to drop the kids off at the pool.

We have a pool?

No.

This is the worst camp ever.

Thanks for coming.

No, no, Max. All right, no, Max, Max.

Okay, off the bus. Everybody off the bus.

Yes, off the bus. Okay. Okay. Relax.

What's wrong with him?

He was born with no sense of smell.

What's his problem?

- Mayhoffer's going to blow.

- What?

Phil, we got a situation here.

I need help. Backup!

I repeat, backup for...

All right.

Code blue. Code blue, Phil.

- What else could go wrong?

- No, please...

I think we're going to need

more toilet paper.

Baby,

it's just not your area of expertise.

You need someone with a little

bit more experience in the outdoors.

Someone like your father.

You're going to call Grandpa?

No. Mommy's just making a joke.

I don't need Buck.

Kids all over town are bathing

in tomato juice, thanks to you.

It was one lousy skunk

and a harmless methane explosion.

Your father's a military man.

You told me yourself Buck knows

everything about the outdoors.

Roughing it, managing troops,

survival skills.

Yeah, and he realizes it

through anger, shaming, and criticism.

Here, baby, sponge yourself.

Look, I know that you two have had

your problems.

Problems? No.

I mean, nothing I ever did was good

enough for him,

including sports, school, and work.

But other than that?

Look, I think he could help, and

I know Ben would be thrilled to see him.

I think it's time you give him a chance.

Look, baby, this is my thing, okay?

I'll handle it.

Now, Phil and I, we got special

camp consultants coming tomorrow.

It's a fresh start and a new day.

Consultants?

Yes.

- It's all right here in our Idea Binders.

- That's for you.

You just trust us.

- Syl. Come to me.

- I'm right here.

Be with me, think with me.

We could have this entire area carpeted.

Shag carpet.

Like a child, a universe grows.

That was a waste of time.

Hey, don't worry.

When those 35 kids get off that bus

we're going to show them adventure,

Charlie and Phil style.

Okay. See, Phil, it's all we needed.

A new day, fresh start.

Way to go, Dad.

What?

That's all we got. Most of the

other parents are demanding a full refund.

Let's go this way, guys.

We only got seven kids left, Phil.

There's no other way

we're going to cover all these bills.

We can't afford to hire consultants

much less make the foreclosure payment.

I mean we can't even

afford to give refunds

because that money went

right back into repairs.

Charlie, you're going to have

to swallow your pride

and get a man in here

who can help run this camp.

Historically,

the art of using troops is this:

When ten to the enemy's one,

surround them with tanks.

At five times the strength,

you attack with air strikes.

NAPOLEON: all maneuvers were on horseback.

SALADIN: camels...

Colonel here.

Just a sec.

Civilians, you're dismissed.

That's better. How can I help you?

No, no. No, the time is fine.

You don't say?

And that's how you treat

an acute poison ivy breakout.

I'd like to apologize to you guys

for letting you play

in what I thought was clover.

And Jack, I wouldn't go number two

for a few weeks if I were you.

I think you used that "clover"

for toilet paper.

Now, if you'd all just sign these waivers

acknowledging you've been briefed

on safety...

- Here you go. Okay.

- Excuse me.

With the exception of emancipated minors

I don't believe

that a personal injury waiver

with confidentiality clause,

executed by a child

is a legally binding document, Uncle Phil.

It's a raid.

Camp Canola!

Get the flag.

So I can use the second mortgage

on the house

to pay off the bills for the camp?

Great. No, Mr. Thompson,

I don't need you to come out here.

No, business is fine. It's just...

You know, we have such a full house.

Can I call you back?

What the heck is going on here?

Open your ear-holes, dweebers.

"We, the mighty troops of Fort Canola,

have braved hill and dale

so that we may find

who are the greatest warriors

in the land."

No. No. No way.

You are way out of line, Lance.

Behold!

This spear of honor

garnished with the flame of truth.

Now, I challenge ye

to the XLV Annual Intercamp Olympiad.

That's the 37th Olympiad to you,

pea brain.

Forty-fifth.

I told you before, there isn't going

to be any competition.

Well, then let the onslaught continue.

Now's your chance. Go say something.

Do you like World of Warcraft?

World of what?

I'm a Level 40 Blood Elf Druid.

I have absolutely no idea

what you're talking about.

Goodbye.

I like causing destruction,

not cleaning up after it.

Is that why you threw a paint grenade

at your own campmate during a raid?

What can I say? War is hell, skunk-boy.

Fight. Fight. Fight.

- Fight. Fight. Fight.

- Fight. Fight. Fight.

Cut it out. Stop it. Stop fighting.

A-ten-hut.

I see this unit's morale is flagging.

There is only one solution for that.

All of those who are my grandson,

front and center.

- Come here, you little peanut.

- Grandpa Buck.

Do you remember this maneuver?

Sneak attack at tickle point.

Everyone, this is my father,

Colonel Buck Hinton.

- Reporting for duty, corporal.

- Please don't call me that.

All right, then, private.

Gentlemen. Ladies.

What I just witnessed was a mutiny.

Among campers, that is unacceptable

from this point forward.

Now,

front and center. Double time.

I'll make you soldiers

if it's the last thing I do.

No, wait a minute. There is no mutiny.

Everything is under control.

This is not why I called you.

- Why the misconduct, soldier?

- We got raided by Camp Canola.

- Yeah.

- Sneak attack, huh?

Well, I'm sorry, private.

We should be planning a counterattack.

Meet force with force.

I say we hit them at nightfall.

- Yeah.

- No. No.

Driftwood Day Camp.

I say we hit them at five,

when the sun's in their eyes.

Yeah.

Okay, guys.

Guys, can you excuse us for a minute?

This is not a boot camp. All right?

We're not looking for Colonel Hinton,

war games consultant.

We're looking for Colonel Hinton,

experienced team builder

slash King of the Outdoors.

I mean we're not trying to turn these kids

into Marines.

What's wrong with being a Marine?

Maybe if you had enlisted

you would know how to

work yourself out of a jam

instead of calling in reinforcements.

Okay. Listen. Yes, I do appreciate

your coming.

Yes, we do need your help.

But we don't want to get into this thing

with Camp Canola.

- No war games?

- No.

Hand-to-hand combat?

- Guerrilla warfare?

- No war.

No war. Just help us

run Driftwood, all right?

Can you follow those orders, Dad?

That's colonel to you, private.

Line up.

G.I. Joe is turning brown

Someone made a funny sound

G.I. Joe is turning black

Somebody pooped in his backpack

G.I. Joe is turning red

Someone farted on his head

G.I. Joe is turning green

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

The samurai warrior meditates

to blend mind and body into harmony.

Come here. Come to me.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, old man, what's with the seance

in the middle of our off-road track?

What? Get them out of here!

Get your kids out of here!

Get them out of here!

Somebody's going to get hurt!

Relax, General Depends.

Shouldn't you be

at some bingo game or something?

I-27. G-13.

All right, boys. Let's move them out.

- B-7.

- G-40.

- O-49.

- That tears it.

Rules of engagement

been overruled.

There's the objective.

Anyone unclear on their role?

No, sir.

- Anyone want to go home?

- No, sir.

Operation Moon Pie is a go.

It's right up here.

You know, I've never been up here.

Help. Help. Come on, y'all.

Give me a lift. Come on, please.

Go, go.

Where is it? Where is it?

I know that loser from somewhere.

Where is it?

Jackpot.

Charlie Hinton.

Can I help you?

- Hi, my name's Becca.

- I'm Juliette.

And we've come to offer you

the Driftwood Olive Branch of Peace.

In exchange for our friendship

all we ask is that you return our flag.

Did big bad Charlie send

his little bitty girls

to do his bidding for him, huh?

Let's put it this way:

Either you give it back

or we take it.

You and what army, Petunia?

You had to ask.

Ask what?

What the?

Get him.

You're messing with Lance Warner.

Stuck.

Yes.

Hey, Warner.

- Yes.

- That's my boy.

Sound the alarm. Red alert.

We're under attack.

This is not a drill, people.

Everyone to your stations!

Security's been breached!

The perimeter's been compromised!

Lock the gates! Call my dad!

Hey, Dale, you seen Buck?

He's supposed to be back

with the kids an hour ago.

I wouldn't sweat it.

Your dad's like

the most responsible guy I ever met.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Get back here, you little rodents.

Come on. Come on.

No! No, no, no. Give me my pants back.

Well, here's your diaper.

Clean yourself off.

Move out.

Let go. Get back here, you cowards.

No one messes with Lance Warner,

you hear me?

No one.

G.I. Joe is turning red

Someone farted on his head

G.I. Joe is turning pink

Someone puked in the kitchen sink

G.I. Joe is turning white

The zippers on his pants are really tight

G.I. Joe is turning blue

There are peanuts in his poo

Company, halt.

Where have you guys been?

Your nature hike was supposed

to be back an hour ago.

Present colors.

- You didn't?

- Yes, sir.

Robert, what happened to your head?

It's just a battle wound.

Dale, go get the first-aid kit.

You take these kids off our premises

without permission slips

and bring them back like this?

Affirmative.

See, this is exactly the thing

I was afraid of.

We restored our honor, Dad.

- It was just...

- Hey!

Hey! Hey!

What kind of insane militant

nut factory you running here, huh?

Huh, Charlie Hinton?

Driftwood Class of '77.

- That's right, I know who you are.

- Listen, Lance.

I'm really sorry about this.

As a matter of fact,

my father and I were just about

to have a discussion about it...

This is your father?

Oh, this is classic. Oh, sure.

The chicken's come home to roost, huh?

Now I know why you don't want

to compete in the Olympiad.

You're afraid of getting

your butt kicked again

in front of Lieutenant Prune Juice.

Colonel.

Oh, Colonel. Sorry.

Look, Lance, I'm just trying to teach

these kids about sportsmanship.

No, the only thing you can teach

these kids is how to lose.

Or have you forgotten?

"Daddy. Look at me.

I'm a failure."

You know why my parents bought

Camp Canola for me?

No, why?

Because that summer

when I kicked your butt,

that was the best moment of my life.

And now, every day when I wake up,

I get to live that dream.

And it is fantastic.

Peaked when you were 11, did you, Lance?

See, I get it, Charlie.

You don't want your kid

to end up a loser like you.

Like father, like son.

Oh, sure. No, that's cool. You walk away.

Yeah, because refusing to compete

just proves to the community

which camp they should send their kids to.

Mine.

Adios!

What I'd really like to do

is kick your butt.

Being as we're trying to set

a good example here, mister

you got yourself an Olympiad.

Yeah!

Fantastic.

Yes!

Yeah.

Good, good job.

Now the great Julius Caesar once said...

You were way out of line

with what you did today.

If we do this thing,

we do it my way. You got it?

- Affirmative.

- Good.

Now. What do you think we should do?

A sleepover?

I thought the whole purpose of

the day camp

was sending the kids home

at the end of the day.

Hey, it was your idea to get

my father involved.

According to Buck,

the best way to build team unity

is to put the kids in a new situation

where they have to work together

to overcome stuff.

Well, I think someone wants

to impress his own father.

Listen, this Olympiad is going to

be good for business.

Once those Canola parents see

how well our kids work together,

we might drum up new customers.

Honey, if you think parents

are going to switch camps

based on who wins some silly events...

- Mrs. Hinton?

- Yes?

Mrs. Hinton?

I'm Edward Thompson from the bank.

Hey, I...

Yes, I'm aware of who you are,

but what are you doing in my house?

Is that real Tiffany crystal?

It is standard procedure to do

a pre-inventory prior to the foreclosure.

But the first installment is not due

until next week.

True. But with only six campers,

- it is mathematically impossible for...

- Actually, there's seven campers.

- What's going on?

- Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.

We overextended ourselves with the camp.

And now strange men are touching

the furniture

messing with my mama's vase

and that Mr. Thompson's threatening

to take my house away.

Okay, okay.

- I know what I've got to do.

- What?

- I'll sell the camp.

- Listen to me.

If you believe by winning this Olympiad,

that more kids will come to the camp,

then you go kick some Lance Warner butt.

Come on. Come on, soldier.

Yes.

Ben! Hey!

Can You Tie Them in a Knot?

Can You Tie Them in a Bow?

Come on, son. Do your ears hang low...

- I know the song.

- Well, what?

You don't like being

in the support vehicle with your old man

instead of out there with poison ivy,

rocks and whatnot? Bugs.

It's supposed to be a hike.

I look like a goober.

What?

Okay. You're right.

Oh, look at her.

She even puts on bug spray like an angel.

You're pathetic. Go walk with her.

Get your groove on, dude.

What makes you such an expert?

You're only six.

I know I'm not going to spend

my best years buried in video games.

Shut up. Don't make...

Here, buddy.

Stop it. Stop it.

Hey, Billy? What's going on?

Nothing.

No wet willies to dish out?

Maybe you could switch over

to the purple nurple.

No, I already gave one to Mayhoffer.

It's just, I don't like sleepovers.

That's all.

And why is that?

Come on, Billy, you can always trust

a fat guy. I'm not going to tell anybody.

Cross my heart, hope to diet.

- I sometimes wet the bed.

- What?

I sometimes wet the bed.

Oh...

You know what?

I had the same problem

till I was darn near ten.

Really? What did you do at sleepovers?

An excellent question, my young friend.

I think you'll be intrigued by the answer.

Get that equipment off the ground.

This is dumb.

Why do we have to walk so far?

Far? Halt.

Now you listen up, hippie-hair.

How are you going to compete

against Camp Canola tomorrow morning

with that kind of attitude?

We have 12 events staring at us

dead in the eye.

We have got to toughen up.

When I was your age, I used to march

six miles into the woods

just to be able to spend the night alone

in a tree. Focus on a goal.

- Nuh-uh.

- Nuh-uh!

I used to put rocks in my backpack

just to get stronger.

That's how you grow up to be a man.

Ain't that right, Ben?

All right. Let's head out.

Forward, march.

Hep, hep, hep.

Hey, Ben. What are you doing there, son?

Nothing.

I'm so full.

I'm fuller than you.

No one's as full as me.

But now I've got room for dessert.

Who want S' mores?

- I do!

- Yes!

Anything I can help you with?

Can't find the chocolate

or the marshmallows.

What are you talking about?

They're in my bag.

Who wants chocolate?

What are we going to roast?

I met a woman named Juanita

who eats masquitas

Down the Bogalusa Highway late last night

I took her dancing in the stars

her hair was shining

Nice job, Hinton.

Your dad is such a schwing.

I've got to roast something

with a pit in it.

Shut up. I don't like it

any more than you do.

It's not my fault.

Dude, trust me.

A star-filled sky,

the warm glow of a fire...

She'll be like Silly Putty in your hands.

What makes you such an expert?

Look, you know how grownups

are always saying

they wish they knew then

what they know now?

- Yeah.

- Well, I know.

How are we ever going to beat Canola

with little runts like you on our team?

Yeah. What you going to do, tiny?

Bang your pan until they surrender?

I think I burned my banana.

-Hey, Juanita who eats masquitas

-Hey, Juanita who eats masquitas

-Laughs like a hyena

-Laughs like a hyena

- Hello.

- Hey.

Um, how are you doing this fine evening?

Pretty good. Never roasted

a pear before, but it smells good.

Yes, smells are good,

and you, too, smell, Juliette.

I mean, things smell...

I mean, good, you smell.

Sorry, it must have been

from the hike, because...

No, no, I mean...

- It's a nice night.

- Yeah.

Starry skies, a warm fire.

Good food.

Idiot.

Laugh like a hyena, and I call her mine

Great place you got there.

What's the mortgage like?

What are you doing?

Sleeping in a hollowed-out log

or something?

It's called camping, private.

You should try it.

Yes, right.

Jack, I think that banana is about

as cooked as it's going to get there.

It's so slimy.

No, it's roasting.

It's supposed to bring out the flavor.

Try it. You'll like it, I promise.

Good, right?

No!

I'm done with that.

That's nasty.

You feel better?

Sure you're going to need that, son?

Good Lord's filling the sky

with a million nightlights.

Just for you.

Don't know why you got your panties

in a wad tonight, Mayhoffer.

We're all getting butt spackled

tomorrow anyways.

What are you talking about?

You don't seriously think we can beat

those rich Canola kids?

Yeah, they're going to cream us.

Cream? Cream is for coffee.

Okay. Listen up, troops.

It's come to my attention some of you

don't believe we can win tomorrow.

Okay.

Maybe they have fancy equipment.

Gold-plated toilet paper.

But we got something those snotty-nosed

silver-spoon brats will never have.

- Do you want to know what that is?

- Lice?

Driftwood spirit.

I didn't think you guys had it,

but the way you pulled yourselves

together today

made me prouder

than any platoon I've ever led.

- We couldn't have done it without you.

- Nonsense.

You couldn't have done it without this.

Because it's Driftwood Camp spirit

that links us all together

and makes it all possible.

You're not just a bunch of kids

that came together in camp.

You're a team. Team.

- Team.

- Team.

- We're a team.

- Team.

- Team, team, team!

- Team, team, team!

And listen, team.

Tomorrow, you're going to take

those lobster-eating...

Yeah!

- Those Humvee-driving...

- Yeah!

Canola cretins and you're going to

throw them in the dumper.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

You don't think you're setting them up

for a pretty big letdown?

Well, in order to win the battle,

one must first believe

in the success of the mission.

It's been a long time

since you've been in battle.

A minor technicality.

Hey, have you guys seen Ben?

I can't find him.

- Ben?

- Ben?

- Ben!

- Ben?

Ben?

- Ben!

- Are you in there?

- Ben!

- Ben?

Where are you?

- Ben.

- Come out.

- Where are you?

- Ben!

Guys, I found him.

Ben.

Ben, get down from there.

What are you doing?

Get down from there. Where you been, man?

We been looking all over for you.

Listen, don't ever scare me

like that again, you hear me?

I'm okay. I just wanted to be

like Grandpa, that's all.

So you wandered off in the woods by

yourself? You know how dangerous that is?

Grandpa said it's what made him tough,

so I thought it'd do the same for me.

What?

All right, guys, listen up. Listen to me.

Let me tell you a little something

about being tough, okay?

Being tough doesn't necessarily

make you a hero.

Sometimes tough people grow up

to be arrogant, selfish and stubborn.

You guys just need to be yourselves.

And know that by being yourselves

you're going to be winners,

no matter what.

Even if we choke like you?

Especially if you choke like me.

Listen.

I want you guys to grow up

to be kind and caring,

and accepting of people.

Even if they make mistakes.

So, Ben, don't try to be so tough, okay?

Just try to be your best.

That's all that matters.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Okay.

Okay, my little Olympians,

time to rest up for the big day.

- Oh, come on.

- Come on.

Calling Buck, man, what was I thinking?

It's the only way he knows, Charlie.

If that means him jeopardizing any more

of these kids, he can just keep it.

I don't want Ben to grow up

to be anything like my father.

Let's go.

Shoot.

What the heck is... Oh, you nasty...

This is a mistake.

Wait for me.

Yes. It worked. I'm dry.

See? Told you, Billy.

You always fool the bed-wetting goblins

if you sleep in your day clothes.

Go play with the kids.

Oh, my neck. I'm so cold.

I feel like a human pincushion.

- Relax, Charlie. Look around.

- Oh, thank you.

Would you look at that?

They're running around,

having a good time.

Oh, Buck's going go on and on

about how he was right

and I'm way too overprotective.

I don't think Buck's going to going

on and on about anything.

I haven't seen him all morning.

Sign up for camp, please? Driftwood?

Hey, do you want to sign up? No?

Well, as you can tell, we've obviously

destroyed their camp

over the last couple years.

I'm thinking, once we kick

Driftwood's butt one more time...

This is where the new hardware goes.

What do you say? It's going to be great.

Oh! Hey, Chuck E. Cheese!

Getting a little nervous?

Let me give you the 411

on the day's events.

Okay.

The Olympiad starts.

Your team sucks. You lose.

The end.

Good luck, Lance.

I don't need luck.

Okay, I'll take it from here.

Forfeit! I forfeit!

- Have you seen Grandpa Buck?

- Colonel Buck has been gone a long time.

Guys, I'm sure he'll be here.

Okay, so just reach to the left.

Stretch.

No news yet on Buck.

Margaret's driving all over town.

But I did find this in your office.

"Charlie, Uncle Sam called

about another job

which is just as well, seeing

as things aren't working out here.

Your tough Colonel Buck."

- I'll keep looking.

- Okay.

Is that from Grandpa?

Yes. Yes, it is.

He's not coming back?

Well, no.

He's the one that showed us

how to do everything.

Yeah. We're going to get whupped.

I don't get whupped.

I do the whupping.

We're doomed. Doomed, I tell you.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. Alright?

Just because Buck got called away to serve

his country in the middle of the night

doesn't mean we take everything

he taught us and just let it go to waste.

- He deserted us.

- Without so much as a "see you."

No, no, no. He didn't.

It's here in the letter, listen.

"Dear Ben, Max, Juliette, Robert,

Carl, Jack, Becca, Billy, and Mullet:

Sorry to leave in the middle of the night

without even saying, 'See you'

but it's important that you don't panic.

The 103rd Airborne is staging

maneuvers tonight, and

let's just say they could learn a thing

or two about teamwork from you guys."

The 103rd was retired after World War II.

Tell you what? They're bringing it back.

- We can't do this without Buck.

- Yeah.

- Sure we can. You know what?

- What do we do?

He would've wanted it that way.

You know why? Because we're a family.

We'll pull each other up,

because that's what families do.

If family's so important,

why'd Grandpa Buck leave?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Why would he?

- Yeah.

- Going that well, huh?

- Best day of my life.

Well, Ben seems upset about Buck leaving.

Yeah.

You know why grandkids

and grandparents get along so well?

They're united by a common enemy.

Makes sense.

I'm just saying that maybe if you and Buck

could unite around each other's strengths,

Ben could have the best of both worlds.

Go get them, coach. For all of us.

Good news. Found this in Buck's cabin.

Don't worry. I'll watch after the kids.

You go make things right.

Thanks.

You missed your train.

I missed a train.

Haven't really decided

which one I'm getting on yet.

I thought you had

to be back for maneuvers.

That's true, but next year.

That's about as often

as they let a broke-down retiree

come out and play with the reservists.

"Retiree."

About the only action I get these days

is when college students are doing

research papers on military history.

So...

you abandoned your post this morning.

Good soldier knows

when he's in hostile territory.

You heard me last night, didn't you?

I guess I've had a few things

on my mind over the last...

30 years or so.

I didn't even know you felt that way.

Strange, getting older.

Easier remembering things

the way you wish they were.

I want you to know I'm proud

of the man you've become.

The way you make adjustments in the field

like opening a day care center

when you lost your job.

Me, I wouldn't be able to do that.

I've always needed more structure.

I'm far from perfect, believe me.

Far from it.

I know one thing though,

those kids are going to be crushed

unless your leathery old butt comes back.

Do you smell gasoline?

That's right.

Minor setback, people.

We'll get them in the next event.

Wrestling? Have you seen Max wrestle?

He's right. I suck.

Yeah. And that Canola guy's

hairier than my grandmother's mole.

We're stewed.

Can't we just go home?

This is embarrassing.

No one's going anywhere

until we win this thing.

- Grandpa Buck.

- Yay.

Okay. Hands in, soldiers.

It's another beautiful woodchuck day.

I knew you'd come back, Grandpa.

We couldn't do this without you.

That's where you're wrong.

Your dad is the hero.

My dad?

Don't you realize he did

all of this just for you?

You're pretty lucky to have Charlie Hinton

as a father.

He's a better soldier than I'll ever be.

I could never run a camp like he can

or watch over you

and your mom like he does.

He may be a little overprotective,

but it's only because he loves you

so much.

- Colonel, we've got a problem.

- Yeah, dude.

What's the situation

on the ground, soldiers?

My calculations suggest

they've cheated in nearly every event.

Cheaters, huh?

Well,

the only way to beat cheaters

is by outsmarting them.

I've got an idea.

Okay. Okay, listen up.

First, we're going to need the skunk.

Here we go. Come on, good D, thattaway.

Thattaboy. There we go.

Ref, come on, man. I'm growing old.

Look, here he comes.

Ref. Substitution.

Good job, Robert. Good job.

Yeah, thattaway, purple.

There we go, yeah.

That's too bad, Driftwood.

That's tough luck.

Good hands, though, kid. Good hands.

We've got a sharpshooter.

We've got to do something.

Give me a balloon.

Billy? The water pump's over there.

No, I'm not filling it with water.

I've been holding this in all night.

You shouldn't pick on kids

smaller than you.

Yeah. Good catch. Good catch.

It's pee! It's pee! It's pee!

It's pee! Mom, it's pee!

Yes!

We're the tiebreaker.

We're going to get the tiebreaker.

It's another beautiful woodchuck day.

Suck it up. Let's go.

Jeez, embarrassing.

Okay, let's go get them.

Remember what we talked about.

We need this one. We need this one.

That look familiar, Charlie?

You lose this,

it's deja-vu all over again.

Yeah, well, I got my best athlete here,

waiting to change history.

Let's go, buddy, come on.

Ouch!

You okay?

I twisted my ankle when I fell.

I could shoot the arrow fine, but...

- But can you climb?

- I don't know. I don't think so.

You can forfeit, Charlie, if you like.

No, no, that's okay.

Who's our best climber?

Uh-oh.

- I can do it, Dad.

- All right. Come on, son.

You're going to race that kid.

That's going to be tough, huh?

- Yeah, real tough.

- Like father, like son, huh?

Don't listen to him. Come on.

All right. Come on, let's go.

- All right.

- Go get him.

Okay, Ben, listen to me.

Whatever you do

don't drop the baton, okay?

Ben.

Just enjoy it.

Okay, here it comes.

All right, focus. Here we go.

Come on, Ben.

Go get him.

- Go Ben!

- Go Ben!

- Come on. Get up there.

- Come on, Ben.

- Get them little legs going.

- Come on, Ben.

Go, Ben.

Come on, Ben.

It's okay. It's okay, son.

I told you, you're a loser,

just like your old man.

You're not a loser, Ben.

He greased the wall. He's cheating.

No, don't listen to her.

She's a compulsive liar.

And she steals.

- You cheated.

- You're a cheater. You're a cheater.

Canola cheats. He's cheating.

He's a cheater.

He's a cheater. Canola cheats.

He's a cheater!

Ben, no, no. Get down from there.

That's dangerous, Ben.

Ben. Wait, wait. Please, please, Ben.

Ben, get down from there.

No, no, that's dangerous.

Ben, that's dangerous.

Pounce, Bobby J. Here we go.

Up that wall.

Bobby J, go, go, go.

Go!

That's my baby. That is my...

That's my baby. Yeah!

Oh, whoa, hey, what? Hey.

All right, Bobby J, come here.

- Come here, buddy.

- I did it, Daddy.

- I know it, buddy.

- I love you, Dad.

I love you too, son.

I love you too, you crazy kid.

You call that Canola?

That was embarrassing.

What are you, a moron?

Moron? You're the moron.

Wall coming down.

That's for telling everyone

you're not my dad.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

Let's go tell my mom.

She's here to pick me up.

You were really great in the Egg Relay.

What'd I tell you?

Chicks love gold medalists.

Teach me everything you know.

Well, first you got a bird,

and then you got a bee.

Why?

Why?

Okay.

- Mr. Hinton?

- Hi.

All the parents are talking and

We think Camp Canola may not set

the best example for our children.

And so, if it's not too short of notice,

we all like our kids to come

to your camp as soon as possible.

Too short a notice? Don't be silly.

There's room enough for everyone.

Yeah, Dale and I can sign all

you guys up. Welcome.

I have a pen. Let me go first.

- It was really my son who did all this.

- Colonel?

Job well done.

Just call me Dad.

Hey, what do you say we go get the trophy?

- Yeah!

- Okay.

Subtitle translation by Ji-min Lee