DWB: Dating While Black (2018) - full transcript

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Oh yeah

* I found, I found

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Mm yeah

* On way

* You and me, we
got it special *



* On way

* Something good it
makes ourselves glow *

* I've been waiting
all day long *

* For you to come home baby

- So baby, did you
like the movie?

I mean, I thought
it was pretty good.

- It was okay.

- Yeah, but dinner
was cool though right?

- Salmon was dry but overall
it was filling, I guess.

- Well hey you know, I mean,
money's tight these days.

I'm still trying to
keep you happy though.

- Yeah well, keep trying.

I don't know why you're
taking this route anyway.

Just look, turn down
this street right here.



Right here.
- No.

- Right here.

- Felicia, you know the police.

They be all up and
down that street now,

even at this time of night.

- Look just do it.

God, you never listen to me.

I don't, just drive the way
I tell you to drive alright?

- Okay, but you know
the last thing I need

is another ticket these days.

Okay, it's dark but
the coast seems clear.

- Of course it's clear.

What?

What I do?

Yeah,
what did you do, Eric?

You always doing
something wrong.

1393,
is there a message?

- Both hands on
the steering wheel.

- Alright.

Just on a date
with my girl, man.

Did I do something wrong?

- I'll ask the questions.

Now, do you know why
I pulled you over?

- Wasn't 'cause I
was speeding, was I?

- Was he?

No.

- Well, it couldn't
be 'cause I'm riding

with a white woman 'cause
she's only half white.

- License, registration,
proof of insurance please.

- Alright well I gotta take my
hands off the steering wheel.

- Slowly.

- Knew I shouldn't
have let you drive.

- It'll probably
just be a warning.

I'll be right back.

- Yo, I just, there's always
policemen on this street.

I know that.

- I knew I shouldn't
have let you drive.

- I'm sure he'll let me off
with a warning, you know.

- I need you to sign this.

- Sign?

What?

I don't even know what I did.

Have a nice day.

- Well what's the
charge, genius?

- Impeding the flow of traffic?

What traffic?

I'm a victim of DWB.

- Well, you just had to
go mess up the night,

didn't you Pointdexter?

- Mess up the night?

Wait a minute.

I'm the one who got pulled
over for driving too slow.

You know what?

I don't usually
pull the race card,

but I don't see
no probable cause

for that cop to be stopping me.

- Oh, let me stop
you right there.

The probable cause
is that you're always

too cautious and conservative,

and we both know
you can't afford

a ticket right now,
Mister Unemployed.

- Well damn.

Why you gotta kick
me when I'm down?

I mean, so what?

I got laid off.

They were cutting back
on jobs, you know.

It's a sign of the times.

Not my performance.
- Yeah.

That was a month ago, Eric.

- Well I'm interviewing.

I mean, I am pretty
positive some things

are gonna pan out, too.

You know I mean, the
economy is turning around

and change is gonna come.

- You're right, Eric.

I think it's time for a change.

- That's what I'm talking 'bout.

Now see I was
thinking redecorating.

You know, reinventing myself.

Changing some paintings.

We gon' get it nice and
grown and sexy in here, huh.

I mean, we both
getting older, right?

- You know, Eric, that's
not exactly the type

of change I was talking about.

- Oh.

- Yeah, we're both
getting older,

and I think it's time
that I cash in my chips

on something a bit more substantial before it's too late.

I'm knocking loudly on
the door of 30, Eric.

- I didn't know you
were into gambling.

I mean, I just didn't know.

You never really told me.

What's your game?

Poker?

Blackjack?

- Yeah, Eric, I've gambled
a whole two years on you

and I need to fold
before it's too late.

- You know they say
black folks supposed

to stick together
in times like these?

That's what they say.

* Kumbaya my Lord

* Kumbaya

Come on.

* Kumbaya my Lord

* Kumbaya

Sing with me.

Come on, it feels good.

- Eric.

* Kumbaya

- Eric.

You just don't get
it, do you darling?

I gotta go.

- What?

Claire wouldn't have
walked out on Cliff.

- Honey, Cliff was paid.

- You know, sometimes I
wish I was born Jewish.

- Eric Brown?

He is I and I am him.

- Slim with no titled brim.

Mr. Cohen, the hiring
manager, is ready for you.

- Great.

- Well please follow me.

- Alright.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Have a seat.

Oh yeah.

Eric Brown.

- Rob Cohen.

So, what was your impression?

- Oh, this is a great company.

I know that.

I did a lot of research.

I don't
mean about the company.

I mean, we'll get
around to that.

- Oh.

- I mean about Kim.

- Kim, Kim?

Oh, she's nice.

Yeah, very pleasant.

- No, come on, bro.

You know what I'm talking about.

I know.

You're just here for the job.

I just wanna let you know though

that if I hire you, you can't.

You know.

- No, sir, no.

No.

Believe me.

My focus is so far from that.

I don't even advocate, you
know, workplace romance.

- Mhmm.

Yes.

- Anyway, so do
you have a resume?

- Yes, yes.

Here you go.

- Well Eric, you're
already ahead of the game.

Most candidates who
walk through that door

don't even bring a copy
of their resume with 'em.

- Well I like to be prepared.

- Good.

- Yeah girl, he didn't
even call me back.

I wonder why.

Ooh, let me call you back.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Who are you here to see?

- I'm here for an
interview with Mr. Cohen.

- Oh, just as I thought.

Just have a seat and we'll
be right with you shortly.

- Oh thank you, ma'am.

- Alex.

- Eric.

Hey man.

- Hey, hey.

Don't tell me you're here for
the account executive's job.

- Ah, think you just told you.

- Oh wow.

Well hopefully one of us get it.

- There you go.

- Yeah, okay.

Cool cool.

- So, you holding up okay?

- Brother, I got no
other choice, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

We should hang out sometime.

Maybe go get a
drink or something.

You still got my cell number?

- Yeah, yeah.

It's on the old employee
contact list, right?

- There you go.

- Okay, cool.

Well, good luck I guess.

Alright man.

- Take care.

- Alright.

Is that my L7 relative?

- What up, cuz?

- Aye, shh.

Quit talking like
that over here, nigga.

That's blasphemy.

You'll fuck around and get
your noodles knocked off, man.

- Oh shit.

I forgot where I was.

Man, I'm sorry.

- Man, what you doing
over here anyway?

- I had a job interview
around the corner

so I had to get my sugar fix.

You want one?

- Hell yeah.

Give me some of them
motherfuckers, nigga.

Good looking.

Job interview?

- Yeah.

- Nigga, you always keep a job.

Nigga, you out of work?

- Yeah, man.

I mean, the company
downsized and I got laid off.

- Man, that's the
same shit my old slave

told me three years ago.

Fuck it.

Nigga like me just pimp my
unemployment for like 18 months.

When that shit ran out, your
boy started supplementing

his income with, you know,
various business ventures.

You know you tie niggas
know what I'm talking 'bout.

- Yeah.

- Fuck a recession, you feel me?

- Yeah, I know.

- You gon' be alright though.

You got that college degree.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

You gon' be straight
man but in the meantime,

if you need a little short
term loan or something,

you know you can holla at me.

I'm kinda like the hood lender.

You feel me?

- Dontae, you a loan shark, too?

- Call it what you want, nigga,

but if you need that
bread fuck with me.

I'ma give you the
family discount.

You know what I'm saying?

Half off the interest rates.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Yeah.

- I fucks with you my nigga.

- Alright okay.

- Fuck with me, man.

- Alright well, I'll take
that into consideration.

- For sure, nigga.

Aye and what happened
to that bad bitch

you was fucking with?

The little light
skinned something, man.

Look like Maria Carey, man.

Me, John John, George, P.

Everybody wanted
to fuck that bitch.

We was looking at her.

You brought her to the barbecue.

Niggas was on that bitch.

I wanted to slam that bitch.

- Well, we broke up, man.

- Oh you broke up with her?

- Yeah.

- Aw shit, that's cool.

You might as well
gon' let your boy take

that for a test drive.

Slide your nigga
that number, man.

Slide me that number, man.

Ain't no fun if blood
can't have none.

You love her, don't you?

I'm just playing with you.

I'm just messing with you.

I'm just messing
with you, my nigga.

Come on, man.

It's me.

It's me.

- I'm tripping.

I know you playing.

Okay.

- I'ma go in here
and get this milk

'cause this bitch gon'
start blowing me up

and I don't feel like hearing.

I gotta be in before the
street lights come on.

- I got you, okay.

- But look here.

I got big love for you, E.

- Aye, I love you, too.

- Ever since we was little, man,

we was little tiny niggas.

You know what I'm saying?

I got love for you, man.

If you need that bread,
if you need some kush,

if you need some work
put in on your behalf.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Like you need a nigga laid down.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Columbian neck tie.

Nigga come through the
ski mask way with the AR.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Nigga got silence and shit.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Really just do niggas bad.

Glocks, whatever.

Come up to your job.

Oh you ain't got no job.

- I'm cool.

- But when you get a job if you
need me to, I come up there.

- Yeah nah I'm good.

I'm good, D.

For sure.

Holla at me.

- Thanks though.

Alright.

- Tell Auntie Jackie
I said what's up.

Okay.

- Aye, you know I do that
plumbing too, my nigga.

- Cool, D.

- For sure.

- What took yo ass so long?

- You didn't go stop
off and get some dong

from one of your ratty
ass clients, did you?

- Man, you always gotta
say some stupid shit, man.

I stopped and hollered
at my cousin Eric, man.

That nigga was at the store.

- That bougie ass negro
in this neighborhood?

Yeah right.

- Man, that's what I'm saying.

Nigga say he was just pushing
through real quick though

on the way back from a little
job interview or something.

- Oh really?

Then maybe you can learn
something from him.

- Oh, you upwardly
mobile motherfucker.

It's funny but some
kinda way the bills

stay getting paid 'round
this motherfucker.

You ain't never
seen no red notice.

- I guess.

- I guess.

And I guess you
ain't got no problem

smoking my
motherfucking good shit.

Girl you better stay
out my stash, man.

That's my good shit, man.

- And if I don't?

- Let me hit something.

You should let me hit something.

- Sorry bruh.

You gotta get your own.

- Aint' that a bitch.

- Sure is.

I'm just playing.

Here babe.

- You better act
right 'round this.

- Whatever fool.

- Shit.

- Hurry up.

Shit.

Blow that shit out.

- Look, look, check this out.

You know what?

Speaking of blowing,
I had seen this video

on the internet earlier
where it looked like

a little two fisted
flute technique.

Didn't you tell me
you played something?

What you played in high school?

- Are you kidding me?

- I'm just saying.

Just gon' hook me up.

Let's take it to the
bathroom for a minute.

Nigga, you crazy,

but I guess since I'm
in a good mood you know.

I might could hook you up.

- Yeah and after that you
can hook up that cornbread

with that milk I
just brought back.

Get yo ass up and
cook something.

Hurry up.

- I guess, for sure.

But could you pass me
that blunt back though?

Pass these nuts.

- So Kim, tell me a little
more about yourself.

- What else is
there to know, Gary?

- How 'bout what else do
you like to do besides eat?

- Well, let's see.

I like to travel and shop.

- Shop.

Okay, is that it?

- Yup, pretty much.

- Excuse me.

Yes.

- Yes, how can I help you?

- Yes, I like to order
something to go, please.

- Let me get you
the desert menu.

- Oh no.

I'd like to order the
jambalaya with extra shrimp

and a side of
macaroni and cheese.

- Would you like some
cornbread with that?

It's $1.50 extra.

- Yeah, that sounds good.

Three of those.

Four, four.

- Can I get anything
for you, sir?

- No, thank you.

Just the check, please.

Damn, Kim.

So you've obviously come
out very hungry tonight.

You planning on having a late
night snack or something?

- No, lunch for tomorrow.

- Lunch?

Okay.

- Here you go.

So where we going next?

Movies?

Show?

- Damn.

We going half on this?

We going whole on you.

- How 'bout hole up in you.

- Everything okay, baby?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna go home now.

- You don't have to go.

You can stay the
night if you want.

- That's okay.

- What's wrong?

- This situation
is what's wrong.

- What do you mean?

- I can't go on just
being a booty call.

- What are you talking about?

- Alex, you know exactly
what I'm talking about.

You've only taken me out twice

since the first time we met.

- Well you know, money's
a little tight these days.

- It doesn't have to be much.

An occasional movie night.

A walk on the beach.

Something.

Why haven't I met any
of your friends yet?

- I don't have many friends.

- Liar, liar, liar.

Alex, I'm done.

I'm more than a piece of ass
and I'm done settling for less.

Goodnight Alex.

- Well, guess a new spot on
the roster just opened up.

Damn.

I gotta clean my bathroom
every time a woman comes over.

Look at this.

They act like they can't never
come in the damn bathroom

without leaving their DNA.

Shit.

Lipstick on the tissue paper.

A player's work is never done.

Hey man,
you know what sucks?

Neither of us got that
job we interviewed for.

Yeah, that
would've been nice

to work under that chick Kim.

You feel me?

Oh yeah.

Ah yes, she was cute in a
mature kinda way, you know.

Man you know, I hope we
at least get a callback

from one of those
employers in there.

I must've put in 20
resumes this time.

- I don't know 'bout these
ole job fairs anyway.

Sometimes they can
be a waste of time,

but I appreciate you putting
me on though, you know.

- Oh yeah, no problem man.

No problem.

I mean, one can only hope
for so much, you know yeah.

Like three months severance
pay and unemployment,

that's only gonna take
you so far, right?

- Three months?

- Yeah.

- You got three months?

- Yeah, didn't you?

- Nah, they only gave me two.

Rat bastards.

- Damn.

Well I'm sure it's because
you know I probably

worked there a little
bit before you.

Yeah, that's what it was.

- Say you still seeing that
little light skinned honey dip

you brought to the
Christmas party last year?

- Nah man, we broke up recently.

- Dang.

Ooh, that was a bad broad there.

- Yeah thanks.

- It's for the best anyway.

Relationships too expensive.

- Dating ain't any cheaper.

- You kidding me?

- Nah, I mean.

- Let me tell you something.

You need to get
back out there more.

- Ah man, come on.

- I mean I can tell
you all hurt up inside.

Could see it coming
out of your pores.

- What?

Really?

- Yeah, you need to date more.

See new booty will
dry those tears.

Get out there and
date and the first key

to dating is to be creative.

You see creativity will help you

supplement excessive spending.

Now unemployed or not, we never
wanna waste time or money.

- So how do I do that, man?

I mean, be creative?

- Well, you start
by talking to every

fine woman that you see.

- Aw man.

- Then you have little
icebreaker dates.

Starbucks, beaches, parks,

and any other local
cost or free shit.

See you never
wanna get caught up

spending $50 or $60 on some date

that's not gonna lead
to you hitting it.

Trust me.

- Damn, Alex.

I never knew you was
such a lady killer.

- Unfortunately we can't write
bad dates off on our taxes.

We gotta make sure we get
the most bang for our buck.

- Yeah, I got you.

- And you smoke out any
girls that's not putting out.

No problem.

And even then once
you do get 'em in bed,

then you wanna make sure
that you never spend

more than $40 on a date?

Anything more is ridiculous.

- Okay.

No, I mean thanks for
the information, man.

- Yeah, no problem.

Brother, it's war out there.

- War?

- Say, I feel like
getting a bite.

You wanna get something to eat?

- Yeah.

Nah I'm hungry.

Yeah, let's do it.

- Yeah, let's go.

There's a spot up there.

- Okay.

War.

It's war, brother.

So what are
you gonna be doing

on your free weekend?

- Girl, I'm just happy
to be child free.

I think I might just relax.

- No hot dates on the books?

- With kids, dating is hard.

The caliber of men that I
like just don't want a woman

with two kids in the
twilight of her life.

On that note, I shall sip.

- Deborah, you are way too hard
on yourself, girl, for real.

- Ask me would I
trade places with you.

Wait a minute.
- Alright.

- Ask me after about
two more of these

and I'll give you
an honest answer.

Girl, I don't
think you'd wanna trade places

with my $32,000 a year
making ass anyway.

- On that note, I shall drink.

- Remember my boss is a Jew.

- What about your
dating prospects?

- Oh I've been dating a lot
but see my primary purpose

for dating right now is
to supplement my income.

What?

- Oh, now hold on.

I got my dude that
I'm cool with.

We're not committed or anything,

but we get together when I need

to give me a little
peace, you know.

Now the rest of the guys,
that's where I get my free meals

and my entertainment off of.

- Don't you think that's
kind of scandalous?

- Not at all.

Chile, I ain't forcing none
of these guys to take me out.

If they gon' ask me, then
shoot I'ma take a free date.

It's kinda fun actually.

- Oh, I supposed you can do that

sort of thing when
you're single.

- Well, think
about it like this.

If I'm going out at
least three times a week,

how much you think I'm saving
on my grocery bill, girl?

Shoot now you know
how hard it is

for a sister these days.

- I see your point
but what do you do

when they wanna get some?

- That's when they get cut off.

- At least you're dating.

Most of the men I go out with,

once they find out I have two
kids, they don't call anymore,

but I can't say that I blame 'em

because if they really
got it going on,

why would they wanna be
bothered with my baggage?

- Girl, now you got
this nice house,

you got a good
job and your kids.

All you really need
is a decent brother

to come and service your
account from time to time.

- I suppose you're right.

- I've done the marriage thing.

Now it's time for
it to be about me.

- Yes.

That's right.

You see, the
Promenade is the perfect place

to troll for broads.

- Now are we only
looking for black women?

- Nah, nah.

See you talk to every
fine woman you see.

Black women, white women,
Asian women, Latino women.

- Hey.

- The goal is to conquer all
four corners of the earth.

- Yeah.

- Ooh, I'd like to hit that.

- Now see man, I only
dated black women

so I wouldn't know what
to say to the others.

- You say the same
things to others

as you say to black women.

See the good thing is the
others generally turn you down

with more dignity and
tact and less attitude.

Oh, take note.

Take note.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hey, how you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

- Good, nice colors.

Yeah, we match.

- Yeah and maybe meant to be.

Maybe.

- I know you shopping
and everything.

I just wanted to
introduce myself.

Hi, my name's Alex.

- Hi, Alex.

I'm Kate.

Nice to meet you.

- As in Jackson right?

- That's right.

- My favorite
angel of Charlie's.

- I'm impressed.

You have a nice smile.

- Well thank you.

- I'm really sorry
but I gotta go.

My parking meter's
gonna run out.

- Oh yeah yeah.

They don't play out here.

- No, but we can keep in
contact if you'd like to.

If you can save
my number quickly.

- Absolutely.

- It's 213-545-7777.

Got it.

- Call me.

- Alright, Kate.

- Nah.

Nah man, come on.

Tell me you didn't
get the number.

- Then I would be lying
to you, my friend.

- Aw man.

- You see, everyone gets turned
down, but the great ones,

they never expect
to be turned down.

- Ah.

Hope it happens to me soon.

- Ah, in due time.

In due time.

But for now, let's
see what's happening

with these sisters out here.

- Yeah.

- This episode might be
a bit more predictable.

Let's go.

- Alright.

Oh, here's one.

Here's one, here's
one, here's one.

- Yeah?

Be confident,
be confident.

_ I got you.

- Hey, excuse me.

How you doing?

My name is Eric.

I was...

A nice dog you got there.

Oh, oh.

Check this out, man.

Check this.

Yeah, yeah, I like this.

Hey, how you doing?

- I'm cool.

- Hey, can I talk
to you for a minute?

- Sure, but you'll
be wasting your time.

- Very, very uncalled for
but it proves my theory.

- Yeah, well we're gonna
meet a cool sister.

I'm confident about that.

- Oh yeah, they're out here.

Just few and far in-between.

I mean they say the same
thing about us, too, you know.

- But at least we
give them the chance

to find out that we
ain't about shit.

- Yeah, you got a point.

What about Christian women?

- What about them?

They have sex, too.

- I know that.

I'm just saying, you know.

Maybe they might
be nicer, you know.

Easier to approach.

- Yeah, maybe.

I mean, some of
the biggest freaks

I know are Christian women.

I do need to get
back in the church.

Yeah, let me let that
thought marinate.

- Yeah, you let that
marinate like steak.

- Lil' Pimpin'.

What's happening, man?

- What's happening, boy?

- You know how it is.

Me and my girl need
us a little something

to get us by that's all.

- Okay, hold on dog.

You know I got you.

Oh okay.

- Trina, go in the bedroom
and put on some clothes

or something 'til I finish.

- Alright, for sure.

- You know Lil' Pimpin'
thirsty as fuck.

I don't want him
looking at you and shit.

My nigga.

My nigga.

- Come on in.

- Let's go.

- What's happening?

- Oh not much, man.

I see you got your nice
little Superfly hookup.

- Man, you already know, man.

My dude.

I am Superfly, nigga.

- Okay.

You already know.

- You've always had
that style about you.

- Yeah man so you know.

So what it do, man?

What can I do for you?

- I just need a double of
that C list and we good.

That's all.

- Aw man, you
ain't said nothing.

Let me gone to my stash.

- Okay.

Do your thing big homie.

- Here you go.

Some of the finest we got, baby.

Blow your motherfucking mind.

- My man.

Let's go.

There you go.

Good looking, big homie.

- Yes, sir.

You speaking my language, pimp.

- Yeah, I can smell it.

- Rain, sleet, snow.

Shit, you know where to go.

Fuck with me man.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

- What's up, man?

You straight?

What's up with you?

- I'm good, I'm good.

What's up?

- Aye, you know I got some of
them new Niagara, my nigga.

- The ni who?

- Niagara nigga, you know.

Make your girl
have the waterfall.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Same blue pill, bigger effect.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

- I'm trying to follow you.

- Lil' Pimpin', come on man.

The shit will have your shit
harder than Chinese arithmetic.

Man, I'm serious.

Them motherfuckers be hard.

Nah.

- You be on concrete
status all night.

- I'm good, homeboy.

I'm good what I got
just right here.

I'm good.

- Look man, this
shit is dope, man.

I'm trying to get you
on these motherfuckers.

Check this out.

If you don't believe
me, I'ma go 'head

and throw you a
couple of 'em, man,

just so you can try
out on me, my nigga.

- Try out on who?

- Come on.

- I'm fucking with you.

I'm fucking with you, big homie.

- You know what I'm
talking about, nigga.

- I'm fucking with you.

- Take these
motherfuckers though.

Nigga, your girl
gon' thank me, man.

All you gon' need
is one though, man.

- Just one?

- I guarantee you, man.

You gon' change that bitch life.

If you take both of 'em, you
gon' end that bitch life.

You gon' put her in a coma,

blow her back out
or something man.

- Oh yeah but some of
the hoes I fuck with

need to be put in a coma.

- Yeah, I know.

You got some heavy
bitches, my nigga.

Hey.

- They don't smell.

Good looking, man.

Yeah good looking.

I'ma tear it to the
next level, man.

Take the game to the
whole nother level

with one of these, man.

You said one?

- All you need is one.

Your girl gon' be
walking bowlegged

and pigeon toes like mine.

Say what?

- Yeah.

Oh, so
that's why she jumped up

out the sofa okay.

This bitch walking
around like she constipated.

They call me Mister X-lax.

Oh stop it.

My man.

You know
what I'm talking about?

Better check that oil, pimp.

Good looking, homie.

Hey fuck
with me though.

You know what I'm saying?

On my next week, I'm supposed
to have some good, man.

You know my white boy from
Hermosa Beach got some ugh.

I'm with that, man.

I'll holla at you when
you get off that bracket.

- For sure, my nigga.

Trina.

- Oh, what you got
in your pocket?

Oh, that ain't nothing but
a little cheese.

- Wrong.

It's dinner.

- I thought you
was cooking though.

- I changed my mind.

- Oh like that?

- Yeah, I deserve it.

What?

- How you figure?

- 'Cause I feed you, I fuck you,

and I don't fuck with you
so two three equals four.

What?

- Whatever, man.

Check this out.

You gon' cook?

- You know what?

I think you just
getting too comfortable

'cause I moved in here
after a month of dating

and you got the coochie
on the first night

so you just slipping
now like you--

- Look, look, baby.

How long we been dating?

Trina, how long we
been dating, baby?

- What you mean?

We been fucking around for
what like three months now

and yes I said it fucking around

'cause we ain't
dated for shit, okay.

And if we gon' start dating,
we gotta start doing the things

that people that date do, okay.

- You know you always tripping

with your little black
woman neck and shit.

Baby, you know I take you to
the movies and shit but damn.

What the fuck a nigga gon'
spend all that bread for

when I get all the bootlegs
before they hit the theater.

- Dontae, a little effort.

That's all I'm asking.

A little effort.

Can you do that for me?

Is that too much to ask?

- Nah, nah.

For you, nah, nah,
nah, never, nah.

Nah, baby.

You know I got you.

- Yeah you got me but
you need to figure out

how to keep me okay.

- Trina, Trina, look, look.

For real, baby.

Don't be like that, man.

Come on.

What restaurant you wanna go to?

Where you wanna eat at?

Wherever you wanna go.

- For real?

- Yeah.

- Whatever place I wanna go to?

- That's what I said, baby.

- I wanna go to Hometown Buffet.

- Ooh, ooh, that's
what I'm talking 'bout.

They got them bomb
ass mashed potatoes.

- And it's rib Wednesday.

- Bernard, I just
wanted to let you know

that I was divided about
asking you over tonight

because I don't really know you.

It probably goes against
my better judgment,

but I guess you have to
live a little, right.

- I'm harmless.

- So you say.

I'm new to the dating
game, you know.

After being married
for six years,

I'm a little rusty
with all this stuff.

- Well, I'm here to help you
work out all of the kinks.

- Like I said on the phone,

there'll be no
hanky panky, mister.

- Alright, okay.

I'm cool with that.

- I'm serious.

We have to get to
know each first.

Plus, I have two
kids to worry about.

- And where are the
kids, by the way?

- They're with my
mother for the weekend.

- And you do trust
your mother, right?

- Of course.

- Then you don't have to
worry about the kids then.

- Look, you know
exactly what I mean,

so let's not even go there.

How 'bout some wine to break up

this monotonous conversation?

- Sure.

I hope you like red
because that's all I have.

- Red is fine.

- Well, unless you
wanna go to the store.

We can get something else.

- No, no, red will suffice.

- Okay, usually I
have white as well,

but I tend to buy more red

because sometimes I like to
have a drink after a meal.

My girl, Kim, she likes
Merlot as she calls it.

You probably don't even
drink wine, do you?

What do you like to drink
when you get your sip on?

Some of that yak?

Isn't it funny how so many
black men like Hennessy.

Black men ought to buy stock in

that company don't you think?

That wasn't funny, huh?

- Just pour the wine, please.

- Oh okay.

One for you.

And one for me.

How about a toast?

Here's to moving forward.

- Let's hope so.

- Stop it, silly.

- Deborah.

If it's your goal to
never be intimate with me,

then you're doing a
pretty damn good job

at accomplishing that.

- Why would I ever want that?

I love sex.

- Well right about now I don't.

- Oh.

Hey there.

- Hi, how are you?

- I'm good.

Come on in.

- I just wanted to
apologize for being late.

- That's mighty black of you.

I'm sorry?

- Nothing.

It's just a saying.

You know what I'm saying?

- No.

You have a really
nice place here.

- Why thank you, my dear.

- Hi, can I take your
coat and your purse?

Why sure.

How hospitable of you.

I don't usually go to the
guy's house on the first date.

- And that would be
mighty un-white of you.

I'm sorry?

- Nothing.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

- Can I get you
something to drink?

- Sure.

How 'bout a little
Henny and Coke?

- You're kidding, right?

- Oh no, absolutely not.

It's my top choice when
I wanna get my drank on.

- You've got to be joking.

Are you perpetuating
the stereotype

that all black men love Cognac?

- Oh heavens no.

I wouldn't make fun
of the black race.

I would never do that.

I just really like that drink.

- And how do you even
know that I have some?

- Well do you?

- Yes, I do but it's
not because I'm black.

It's because I just so
happened to like the drink.

Okay yeah.

Do you want that on
the rocks or straight?

- Straight please.

Got you.

- I just love your
African artwork.

- Thank you.

I'm glad to see that you are

so open-minded
about black culture.

- Oh it's second nature for me.

- Oh really?

Well, you know, you're
the first white girl

that I've ever hung with.

- You've got to be kidding.

- No, it's true.

Am I the first black guy
that you've ever hung with?

- Hell to the nah.

- Well, how many have
you hung out with before?

Two, three, maybe four?

- Alex, I've only
dated black guys.

- So you haven't even
seen your own kind naked?

Black man any.

What do you call this?

- Are you talking
about your dick?

- Real white women say cock.

- Oh, so I'm not
a real woman now?

- Oh no.

Well not the black
girl ghetto neck roll.

Do you say fellatio or head?

- Head.

- Do you swallow?

- Hell no.

- What's your credit score?

- 645.

- Oh no, oh no.

Kate, you got to go.

You got black girl
attitude and tendencies.

- Whoa, whoa.

What is going on?

I thought you liked me 'cause
I'm down with the brothers.

No.

Kate, you have messed up
my white girl fantasy.

You got to go.

Good evening.

No.

Oh my gosh.

- Man, I just can't believe
we're standing outside a church

waiting to pick up women, man.

- It was your idea
and I'm beginning

to think it was a good one.

See, it's like a
virtual nightclub

minus all of the pretentious
attention seeking women.

- Yeah it might've been
a good idea in theory,

but now we're actually doing,
man, I feel like I'm amongst

the bottomless
society or something.

Man, we could've at
least had the decency

to go inside and
fake it, you know.

Attend service or something.

We could've both used the
blessings I'll tell you that.

- If you want, we could
both bow our heads

and pray for beautiful,
Christian women

to fall into our laps.

- Ha ha ha.

Man, I'm serious.

Who knows?

Maybe if I join a
new church home,

my luck would turn around.

- I don't mean to rain on your
spiritual parade right now,

but we have to take our own
futures into our own hands.

That means both our
career aspirations

and our women aspirations.

- I just don't know if
this is where I need

to be channeling
my energy, Alex.

- How long ago did
that chick leave you?

- You got a point.

- Okay alright.

Get yourself together.

Here they come.

I am together.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Alright, I'ma leave
this one up to you.

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

- Hey, I was just
wondering if I could

talk to you for a second.

- Yeah, but make it quick.

My stomach is growling.

- Oh right.

Well, I'm Eric.

Nice to meet you.

- Tanya.

- It's a moving
service, wasn't it?

- Were you really in service?

- What?

- Yes, yes.

We were sitting in the back.

- Well, I was in the back, too.

- Well, it's a big church.

- Big church.

It's a big church.

Huge.

- I just find it surprising

that two apparently
single men as yourselves

would find the Pastor's service

on discouraging
pre-marital sex so moving,

and even more
surprising that you'd be

right outside the church
after such a message

trying to holler and
flirt with women.

- We're not trying to
holler and flirt at women.

No we're out here
searching for people

to fellowship with like
yourself, you know,

'cause we're starting
an abstinence group.

- Oh.

Is that right?

- What my friend means
is that he'd love

to get your phone number
and stay in contact.

Get a bite to eat.

Pray a little bit.

- No.

Thank you though.

I've already got
somebody for that.

Y'all a trip.

Have a blessed day.

- You too.

You too.

- Well that worked great.

What's next?

- Just gotta keep
punching like Ali.

- Punching?

Yeah.

Yeah well at least
you got the number

from that white girl.

What's up with that?

* Ooh yeah

* Yeah yeah yeah

* Oh oh oh

- So, what's up, Kim?

I mean, this is our
third date, you know.

- What do you mean what's up?

- Well, I mean you know we been

hanging out rather consistently.

You know what I mean?

I'm just trying to get an idea
of where this thing is going.

- Well it's going.

We'll continue to go out
and see what happens.

- Okay alright, that's cool
but you know I'm just saying.

I don't wanna be strung along

if this thing isn't
going anywhere, you know.

- No.

If you're asking about the nana,

then I'd have to say no no.

Let's just wait and
see what happens.

- Okay alright.

Alright, I mean
that's cool, you know,

but I mean I'm saying we haven't
any so much as kissed yet.

You know what I mean?

I mean, I just gotta
keep it 100 with you.

I'm the type of guy
that likes to know

where I stand with
someone I'm dating.

You know what I mean?

- Okay.

Well first of all,
Brian, we're not dating.

We're just hanging out.

And secondly, I mean
sometimes these things

just take time to develop.

You're not just gonna
fall in love over night.

Right?

- Right, right.

You right.

Yeah, you right.

You know it take a little time.

Take a little time fall in love.

You right, okay.

But I mean you know,
you do like the dinners,

the movies, and the concerts
and everything right?

- Yeah, they cool.

Oh okay, alright.

- We'll just continue to have
fun and see where it goes.

- Okay.

Okay.

- Alright, that's cool.

That's cool.

- Hey, I almost forgot.

I gotta get gas in the morning

and I don't have any cash on me

and my darn ATM card
just keeps acting up.

I just haven't had time
to go down to the bank

and get it checked out yet.

- Okay, alright.

So what do you need?

- Well, if you can loan me $20

until I can get
down to the bank,

you know I would
greatly appreciate it.

- Greatly appreciate.

Shoot, you ain't said
nothing but a thing.

Come on now.

I got you.

Come on now.

There you go right there.

Take that.

Girl you know what?

Gas expensive.

Went up another
15 cent last week.

Hold on.

Let me help you out there.

There you go right there.

- Oh, thank you, Brian.

You know I greatly
appreciate this.

I really do.

I gotta fix this
freaking ATM card

then I'll be real cool.

I promise.

- Come on girl.

It ain't no problem.

Aye.

* That's what friends are for

- Ooh, well you know what?

I gotta get going right now.

I got get up really early
for work in the morning.

- Okay, alright.

Wait hold on now.

Hold on.

I mean that's cool
and everything,

but you know before you go.

- Ooh.

We are not ready
for that just yet.

- But I thought--

- Brian.

Brian, now is not the time.

Now you just keep on spending,

I mean waiting and
you never know.

I gotta go now, sweetie.

- Never know.

Oh yeah, you never know.

I know something.

I know I'm 'bout
to tear that up.

That's what I know.

Shoot, you never know.

I know something.

She tripping.

You had second
thoughts, didn't you?

- Nope.

I almost forgot my
lunch for tomorrow.

Bye bye.

- Aw, she trying to
flirt with the food,

come get the lunch and
flirt with me thing.

That's what she doing.

Okay, alright.

I'ma flirt with you, too.

I know what she trying to do.

- What's up, boo?

- I'm just checking
out some jobs, baby.

Think it's time I got a
legitimate hustle, you know.

Nigga need his whip fixed.

Plus wanna be able to do some
more things for you, baby.

Aww, baby.

That's what's up.

That's what I'm talking 'bout.

- Yeah baby.

- So what's up?

What you get from
the 99 cent store?

Oh you know.

Just a few little things.

Cleaning items.

I thought I might hook
the house up a little bit.

You know, starting
with the bathroom

'cause you know
your aim is whack.

- Whack?

Hey, but I know just
how to hit your spot.

Bullseye every time.

- Speaking of that.

I bought these for you.

And I also got these for me.

Just to stay on point.

Dual
colored latex condoms.

Home pregnancy test.

Damn baby, I didn't
know they sold

all that shit at
the 99 cent store.

- Yes, they do and you know
you been slipping lately

so no more raw
dogging it for you.

- That's bullshit.

I know you better get your
ass down there to that clinic

and get some more of
them pills of yours.

- No, you better
get your ass down

to the Social Security
office and get you a jiz-zob

so you can get some
money to buy those pills.

They ain't free.

- Oh, you just got
all the answers, huh?

You a fool with it.

Come here, let me
tell you something.

What?

- Look, you trying to use these?

What you gon' buy them for?

You gotta see if they work.

- She paid.

I can't believe she paid.

I can't believe a woman
actually paid for a date.

Bernard,
you are crazy.

- Hey, it's hard
enough to get a woman

to pick up your phone
call let alone the tab.

- Well, it's the
least I could do

after that first
uncomfortable meeting we had.

- Yeah, it was
quite interesting.

Normally I would've
deleted you from my phone.

- I'm glad you showed
patience with me

because again, I am
re-acclimating myself

to the wonderful
world of dating.

- I understand that but I
don't think you understand

what a monumental
moment this is.

You know what?

I gotta call my mother.

- Okay, you can stop now.

I get it.

- But I really do appreciate
the gesture, Deborah, really.

- I take it you haven't had

that many successful
dates recently.

- Success for me
is getting a smile

and a thank you out of a woman.

You know dating for
me isn't a pastime

nor is it a recreational sport.

You know but you gotta do it.

Now marriage.

Marriage, that seems easy.

- This coming from
a man who has yet

to walk down that path.

Marriage has its benefits
but not guarantees.

You wake up everyday
to the same person.

You argue quite frequently.

You have sex less frequently.

And then you--

- Get a divorce?

- Yup, that's my story.

But don't let me
discourage you though.

- Sometimes you have
to throw it out there

and see what you get.

- Sometimes you'll come back
with the catch of your life

or just something you'll have
to throw back into the sea.

- Come on, let's
get out of here.

- Okay.

- Let's spend some
more of your money.

Okay.

- So how's the job hunting?

- Oh, it's going well.

You know actually I
have some interviews

I'm pretty optimistic about.

- And the lady hunting?

- You know.

I ain't been doing
that lately, you know.

Think I'ma just
sit back, you know.

Just see how things happen.

How 'bout you?

- I gotta job interview this
week for a temp position

that could lead to
a permanent one.

Right now I'll take
anything that I can get.

This ballin' on a budget,
it ain't the business.

- I feel you there.

Yeah, my severance is
almost fully depleted.

- Hey, you ever notice how
the job hunting process

and dating parallel
each other so closely?

- Nah, I can't say I do.

- Yeah see, when you go
out on a job interview,

you submit your resume
and you're evaluated

based upon their criteria.

When you go out on a date,
you're evaluated based upon

your own personal
proverbial resume.

- Oh and you're both
generally selected

from a big pool of
applicants on both sides.

- Exactly.

- Yeah, you gotta
go through a bunch

of bullshit on both sides
in hopes of being selected.

- And the more interviews you
get, the better your chances.

Yeah.

- True but unfortunately
the employers

nor women seem to be
hiring niggas these days.

Alex.

- Case in point.

This fine Mexican
chick back here.

Now she's probably like most
of these Latin babes out here

that they would rather talk to

some shaved head chulo
with no ambition as opposed

to a universally handsome
brother like ourselves.

Full of potential.

- What?

I don't know about
that one, Alex.

Alex.

No?

- I don't think so.

- Well go and get
her number then.

- Who me?

- No, you.

Go over and there
and give it a try.

See how far you get.

- Well I mean, shoot why not?

I mean, sisters been
brutally rejecting me.

Let's see how the Mexicanas do.

Aye, aye, aye.

Alright, I'ma go.

Yo, yo.

My name is Eric.

- Hi, Eric.

I'm Marta.

Nice to meet you.

- Well good to meet you.

It looks like you're
reading a book there.

- I'm just studying.

I'm a nursing student actually.

- A student?

Oh, oh that's good.

That's good.

Yeah, nah that's pretty cool.

And you're studying
you said nursing?

Yeah okay 'cause you gotta
get A's to be the top nurse.

Gotta get A's.

- In the hospital.

Yeah.

I probably let you get
back to studying then.

It's nice to meet
you but maybe I can

call you sometime though.

- I'm sorry.

I have a boyfriend.

- Oh, don't be sorry.

Nah, that's good.

That's actually a good
thing 'cause I like

when you know when men and
women getting together.

You know, man and
woman coming together.

So right, how
civilizations are created.

Okay so, cool Marta.

Eric.

- You remember.

That's good.

So I think I'll like I
said I'll let you back

to being the top nurse.

- Bye.

Okay.

- So how'd it go?

- Good.

No, really, really good.

You know, she was feeling me.

She was really feeling me
but she had a boyfriend.

Yeah, what can you do?

- Well my friend,
rejection's a part of life.

Unfortunately, we seem
to almost always be

on the receiving end of it.

- Right, but you know,
she had a boyfriend.

So, I hardly call
that rejection.

- Are you happy?

I'm happy.

- Are you sure you're happy?

- Yes, I'm sure I'm happy.

Are you happy?

- I'm cool.

- What does that mean, I'm cool?

- It means I'm content.

I like some of the
guys I'm dating.

I mean most of 'em.

They all serve a purpose.

I can't just easily narrow
in on one man like you.

- Most men X themselves out.

Remember Ricky?

That guy I met at the gym

and then regretted
giving my number to?

- Vaguely.

- He called me asking
me to come through.

When I told him I had
the kids he said so what?

Put 'em to sleep.

And you know what I said?

What?

- Nothing.

I hung up on his ass.

Thank God for caller ID.

I just hope he gets the message

when I don't return
his phone calls.

- I mean girl, some men
just don't get it, right?

It's like, if you call
me two times or more

and I have not
called you back yet,

it means I'm not
interested in you.

- Is it still okay to
give out fake numbers

or did that play out in the 90s?

- Deborah, now you have to
do whatever you have to do

to shake off the undesirables.

- Why does dating have
to be so difficult?

- Was marriage
that more simpler?

Just take care of you alright?

- Seems selfish.

You know, Bernard and I
went out the other day.

- Oh really?

Now wait a second.

I thought you messed that up.

- He understood this
whole dating thing

is a major adjustment for me,

and as a good faith gesture
I paid for the date.

- You did what?

Okay, did you go
on a coffee date?

- No, we went to a show
and then lunch afterwards.

- Deborah, women don't
have to pay for dates

because we don't have to.

It's about supply and demand,

and men demand what we
have to supply them with.

And you know what that is.

And you gotta make
'em work for it.

- This is too difficult for me.

- Oh my goodness.

Paying for a date.

- Come on, pick up.

Pick up.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Alex, what's up man?

- Nothing much.

Just getting ready for my
big date coming through.

- Oh okay, okay.

Well you know, I'ma let
you get back to that,

but aye before I do, got
some good news for you, man.

About your boy.

- Shoot, I'm listening.

- Alright well you know.

Speaking of dates.

I met a cool girl, man.

A real cool girl.

Guess what?

- What's up?

- She black.

She black, man.

I mean, she beautiful,
cool, down to earth.

Real good personality.

Man, she act like she
got her own stuff.

- Cool.

- And man look, you'll
never believe it.

I got a second interview
for this job, man.

It's a real good one, too.

Pays more than the last one.

- Aye, that's tight, man.

Yeah, seems like you got things

moving in the right direction.

Looks like you really
doing your thing.

Well look, let me
know how it goes.

- Oh yeah, no doubt.

I will, I will.

You know, let me let you get
back to your business, man.

Handle yours.

And I'm just gonna get ready
for this big date tomorrow.

- Okay cool.

- Alright man.

- Yeah.

- What's happening, Alex?

- Bertha.

Hurry up, come on in.

Have a seat on the couch.

On the couch, Bertha.

Not in the kitchen.

- Oh okay, cool.

Wow, I've never seen your place
with the lights on before.

Looks fly.

- Oh yeah.

I just like to conserve energy.

No need in wasting energy
if we don't have to.

- Oh okay, well
I'm feeling that.

That's real with your cute
energy conscious self.

What you got the yak out?

But you ain't got no food
to go with this drink

'cause I'm working with an
empty stomach over here?

- You sure about that?

- Huh?

- It's 11 o'clock so.

- Yeah I guess you right.

It is kind of late
for me to be munching.

Speaking of late how come you
always invite me over so late?

- Well you know I'm working
the swing shift these days.

Two to 10 so.

- Oh okay.

Well, let me get my head
right before I hook you up.

You know how I do.

Ooh, I'm finna to get faded.

I might have to crash at
your place tonight if I do.

- I got a job.

Yes.

And I got a date.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I got a job.

Yes.

Yes.

So I guess it's safe to assume
you don't have a boyfriend.

Right?

I mean hey, you never
know these days.

Just let me know
if I talk too much.

I have a tendency to do that.

It's this nervous thing I got.

Yeah.

You ever been on a date
and you just dying inside

to know what the other
person's thinking?

Yeah.

And this whole dating process
can be a pretty painful thing.

Right?

You trying to figure out somebody's dislikes and their likes

and hoping that you don't
say the wrong thing.

I mean, I like bowling
and you like bowling.

I like Mexican food and
you like Mexican food.

You like the
missionary position.

I love the missionary position.

That was a joke.

I was just seeing if
you were still with me.

Oh God.

I hope I didn't say the wrong
thing and screw this up.

Did I?

Okay 'cause it's this dry
sense of humor I got, you know.

Some people don't pick
up on it immediately.

I guess that's why I'm probably
relationship type of guy.

I mean 'cause of
moments like this.

I feel silly right
now, you know.

Should I?

So we're cool then?

So am I gonna get a second date?

Cool.

- I know this shirt little.

Maybe they'll give
me a bigger one

when I get off probation.

You look good, baby.

- What is that you over
there preparing, baby?

- Just a little something
before your first day at work.

You know.

- Is that what I think it is?

A little something.

- Is that what I think it is?

- Just a little something.

- The OG fried bologna.

Baby, is that that
processed meat?

That's the fuck I'm
talking about, baby.

Damn, if I had known it
was going down like that,

a nigga would've been got a job.

I ain't had one of
them motherfuckers

since I was a little kid.

Shit.

- I'm so proud of you, boo.

Get your orange juice
over there on the counter.

- For sure, baby.

Know you a trip
though, you know.

Even though a nigga got
this little part time job,

you know your boy still
gonna be out here grinding.

I'm talking about putting it
in every night, every day.

You know, just a little
62 ain't nothing, baby.

Niggas don't even get up
'til four o'clock anyways,

so I'm just gonna get
this legal paper in,

and at 2:05 every
motherfucking day,

I'm on the block
getting my cheese,

getting these pillows
out on they ass.

Baby, they want this kush.

Uh uh, you crazy.

Come get this sandwich.

- Shit, you ain't gotta
tell me twice, baby.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Damn, I
like you so much.

- Like?

- Shit.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Aye, on the real, baby.

- What?

- Trill shit.

You might be a keeper.

I mean, you keep
up the good work.

- Please, you already know.

This shit right here.

This shit right here, nigga.

This shit is the bam.

Okay, don't play.

- We'll see.

We'll check your
progress report out.

- Yo, I've been thinking, man.

I've been settling for less.

I mean, I got this temp job.

Got a bunch of regular
broads on my team.

I gotta step my game up.

- Yeah nah I know.

I mean, I was
feeling the same way.

Like I should be further
in life or something,

but then I got this job, man,
that I'm starting next week

and the girl that
I'm kicking with now.

Man, I'm feeling her.

Yeah you know, I feel like
things are back on track now.

You know?

- You know I like you, Eric.

You remind me of me.

The way I used to be.

Nice guy.

But nice guys, well
you know the rest.

The corporate America and
these broads out here,

they will chew you
up and spit you out

when they're done with you.

- Yeah I mean, I know
what you're saying.

I know, but I gotta be me, man.

- Being you ain't working, dog.

I mean, you dripping
with weak sauce.

I mean look at you, man.

- Whoa, what's wrong with me?

- Yo, you gotta start
thinking outside the box, man.

Come on, live a little bit.

Sack up.

You falling in love with a chick

you just met two weeks ago.

Come on.

Man, for real.

- Man you know, I mean.

That's what I want, I mean.

What's wrong with that?

I don't see what's wrong.

- You making my
allergies act up.

- Your allergies?

- Yeah 'cause I'm
allergic to relationships

and I'm damn sure allergic
to falling in love

with a girl I just
met two weeks ago.

Eric, for a man there's
absolutely nothing

to be gained by being
in a relationship.

Oh, I detect a little bit
of anxiety over there.

Oh, oh, oh.

Case I see you sweating all up

in the neck and chest area.

What's going on?

You feeling kind of
uneasy or something?

- Man, whatever man.

- Okay.

I'm a fair man.

I'm a fair guy.

How 'bout this?

Give me one good
reason for a man

to ever settle
down let alone now?

- Companionship.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

- That's the best reason
you can come up with?

Eric, I have a new companion
every night in my bed.

- Alex, I don't get you, man.

I mean.

Some woman hurt you, man?

Like, did somewhere
along the line

some lady just absolutely
do you wrong or something?

Is this where you get your
disdain for women from?

- No, I don't get hurt.

I brings the pain, dog.

- Oh.

- You see.

I brings the pain.

See, the last time a
woman came up to me.

Chick come up to me talking
'bout some sort of relationship,

she left out of my
crib with my size 13's

attached to her behind, yeah.

Chick named Allison.

Yeah.

Yeah, oh Allison.

She was alright but she's okay,

but I mean I just
kept her around

'cause she was a
beast in the bed.

I mean, ooh.

Yeah and she bought
me stuff, too.

Decorated half of my
apartment.

- Allison, huh?

Yeah.

- Yeah I mean,
that's a common name.

Yeah, so I mean.

She was pretty
cool though, right?

- Yeah, she was straight.

She was straight.

Just not relationship material.

Now if, if I ever settle
down, she gotta be a dime.

A ten piece, you feel me?

- Yeah.

Yeah, no, no.

No, man, no.

You know what, Alex man?

I ain't trying to knock your
style or nothing like that,

but I think I'm a one
woman at a time kinda dude.

That's just what makes me
comfortable, man really.

- Cool, cool.

But when your little
heart gets stepped on

by a stiletto heel,
don't come running to me.

Okay?

- Hope to God I don't have to.

Here you go.

- Appreciate it, man.

- Aye, you know what?

I was thinking about
having a little

get together at my house.

You know what I mean?

Like celebrate my ventures.

Got the new job.

Have some people come over.

What you think?

- I'm down with that.

I'll invite a few people
if you don't mind.

You know what I'm saying?

We'll make the most of it.

- Yeah, alright.

The more the merrier.

- Cool.

- Alright cool.

- You ready?

Oh, I can't
believe you said that.

Say the craziest
things sometimes.

- This is some good coffee.

- Oh yeah, I guess
we got a good batch.

I don't know.

- So this is one of
your favorite spots?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah nah, I'd say
this is my spot.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Why don't you bring
me back here sometime?

Quality date.

Good coffee, good conversation.

Of course good people.

- Well cheers.

Clink.

- I do that.

- Stop playing.

- I do.

I do that.

- No you don't.

- Yes, I do.

I say clink.

- Well you know.

Good minds think alike.

Great, great.

We're great.

- Great.

- Clink.

Good, good.

You know I really never thought

I'd be eating one
of these things.

- Why not?

- Well you know, I mean.

Buying hot dogs
from a corner cart

ain't necessarily the most
sanitary thing in the world.

You know?

- Ouch, mood killer.

- I'm just saying you
know the health department

probably don't go
around slinging licenses

to people selling meat products

on these small infested
streets of L.A., you know.

- Ouch, mood killer.

- I'm sorry.

- That's alright 'cause
this is way too good

to stop eating it now, right?

Try with the jalapenos.

Try the jalapenos.

- Ooh, that's hot.

- That's good, right.

Oh my God.

I love it down here.

- Oh, it's nice.

I like this.

- Yeah.

- It makes it feel like the
east coast a little bit.

- A little bit.

I like it.

It's good.

Come on.

Well, I guess my diet's
gone out the window today.

What you talking 'bout?

I thought we were
living a little.

- Point well taken.

Okay.

- You know, who
knew you could meet

such a sweetheart
at a gas station?

- Well I just say thank
God your gas cap was stuck.

Otherwise I never would
have approached you.

I was checking you out though.

Yeah?

Mhmm, yeah.

Yeah.

- Well you know there
is this homeless guy

I let pump my gas before that,

and he was a little
heavy on the twisting.

- Oh well thank you
Joe homeless guy.

Otherwise I never would have
met lady at pump number six.

- Thank you gentleman
at pump number seven.

Coffee, hot dogs, yogurt.

- What?

- I'm a cheap date.

- Oh no, no.

- Well wait.

You couldn't have spent
more than what $20.

- Actually $21 but
no more than $40.

But who's counting, right?

- You are.

- Yeah, but the
chemistry's great

and I'd say that's priceless.

- Indeed it is.

- Yeah.

Listen.

I got probably
less than two weeks

before I have to go back to work

and I'd really like
it if we could spend

maybe every other day
together until then.

If that's not asking too much.

- No, it may not be enough.

* Yeah

* Ooh

Honestly, I've
very proud of you, Eric.

Oh, well
thanks brother.

Hey, what's going on?

- I wanted to introduce
y'all to my friend, Alex.

Alex, this is Larry and Big Al.

- How you doing?

- These are my boys
from way, way back man.

- Way back, man,
we been kicking it.

Hey cuz, I'ma check
with y'all later, alright.

- Alright, man.

- Let's go check out
some other folks.

- Yeah, I'm wondering
where all the white women

and the cocaine girls
up in here, man.

Eric's a white
collared brother now,

so we need some of them
white collared party favors.

You know what I'm saying?

- Well, I'll take
the white girls

and you can keep that cocaine.

- Man, it was a joke, bruh.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

I knew that.

- You ain't know shit.

- Deborah.

- Hey.

Who's your friend?

- Bernard, Eric.

Eric, Bernard.

- Oh, it's good to
meet you, brother.

- Hi.

- Oh this is Alex.

- How you doing?

- By the way, my boss
hired a white boy.

- Ah.

- But congratulations
on the new job, Eric.

That's what's up.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- So how much is it paying?

- Oh, what Kim means
is that she's looking

to advance from her current job.

- Oh, oh yeah.

Well, let me get a little
more time under my belt

and then maybe build some
rapport with the key players

and I can see if there's
some openings for you.

- Aw, thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

- Don't forget your boy.

- Oh yeah, no doubt man.

Well, it's good
to meet you, man.

- Likewise, brother.

Y'all keep on
enjoying yourselves.

Thanks for coming.

Hey.

- Cool cats.

So Kim, you're
still single right?

- Oh no, no.

Not my type.

Why?

Too young?

- No, too broke.

- You are shameless.

- What?

- Now Connie and Jeanine.

Now with these two
you see right now

I'm still in the
friendship zone.

That's only because I brought
up the idea of a threesome.

I'm still trying though.

Now if you want, I can cancel.

Yeah, I mean pick one.

- I'm good, man.

You know.

- Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.

You're glowing and it's showing.

You're still thinking
about this wonderful girl

you've been ranting and
raving about I guess.

- Yeah well, I guess that's
why I'm so elated, man.

- But look, why don't
we just at least

meet these two beautiful,
beautiful young ladies?

And while you're still
officially singe, it can't hurt.

- Yeah well, I doubt
I'll change my mind, man.

This girl special.

- Come on.

Connie, Jeanine.

Connie.

- Hi.

- Hello.

What's up, beautiful?

- Thank you.

- And Jeanine.

This is the man of the hour.

My good friend, Eric.

- Nice to meet you, ladies.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice place you got here.

- Oh, it's something you know.

Whatever.

- Yeah, how long
have you been here?

- About two years now.

- Do you know if there's
any other vacancies

because we're
looking for a place?

- Yeah.

- Oh you're roommates?

- That's what I was
trying to tell you.

- Oh okay.

Well, I can talk to the
manager and see what he says.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Connie and Jeanine
are budding actresses.

- And bartenders by night.

Oh, dope personalities.

Yeah.

- Don't have to be a star,
baby, to be in my show.

Wow.

- Alex is a nut.

Yeah.

- See we like our guys
more tame and submissive.

- Oh, oh okay.

Well, oh shoot.

I'll get it.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, come here.

You smell so good.

Come on in, come on in.

You look nice.

- Thanks.

Everybody, everybody.

This is Allison.

- Hi.

- How you doing?

- Hi guys.

- Wow.

Wow.

Small world.

- Y'all know each other?

So this is who
you was so big on, huh?

I gotta tell you I was expecting
someone a little different.

- Eric, Alex and I used to date.

- Oh, is that what
you wanna call it?

Eric, you know how I get down.

Dog, I don't mean to burst your
bubble or anything like that

but I used to beat
it up savagely.

I'm talking I used
to go gorilla on it.

Just--

- I get the point, Alex.

- But she's cool though.

Yeah, yeah.

Very giving.

It's so funny that I'm
not really surprised.

You know, you guys
on the same level.

You know, low
self-esteem and all that.

Aw, did she try that trick on
you yet with the ice cubes?

- You know what?

You truly are one arrogant,
self centered son of a bitch.

One day you gon' find yourself
in life all alone, too.

Until that day, you
need to get out.

Get out?

- Yeah, get out.

- You gonna mess up our friendship over one mediocre chick?

- Dog, we not friends and
she's definitely not mediocre.

Now get out.

- Okay.

Excuse me, ladies.

- You used to date that guy?

That's so disgusting.

- This is way too
uncomfortable for me.

I gotta go.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- Party's over.

Go home.

- Hey.

- Allison.

Hey.

I didn't expect you back here.

- Well, I figured you guys
might still be partying

and I felt guilty about
running out that way.

- Oh.

I mean, everybody pretty much

left not too long after
you, after you walked out.

It was a pretty awkward moment.

- Look, I wanna
apologize to you.

- For what?

You didn't do anything.

- For my association
with my former associate.

I was vulnerable.

I hit a very low point back then

when I was dealing with him.

It was not me, you know.

- You know what?

Former and associate
are two good words

to probably describe my
relationship with him, too.

I mean, hey you know.

We met for a reason.

And I think I can move
on past it if you can.

- I'm way past it.

I just I look at it as killing
time until I met the person

that I really wanted
to spend my time with.

Hint hint.

- My thoughts exactly.

I mean, 'cause every woman
has a dog in her life

and our mutt is Alex.

- Alright well, let's
forget about the past

and move on into the future.

Cool?
- Cool.

Cool.

- Cool.

- Future it is.

I'll get that for you.

You know before we
move into the future,

I gotta ask you something.

- Okay.

- Could you help me
clean this place up?

Yeah.

Yes, I can.

Let go of that first.

Where are your trash bags?

- They're in the kitchen.

- Alright, I'll go.

- No, I'll get 'em.

We can get 'em together.

Come on.

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Oh yeah

* I found, I found

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Mm yeah

* On way

* You and me we got it special

* On way

* Something good
it makes us glow *

* On way

* I've been waiting
all day long *

* On way

* For you to come home baby

* Love on a two way street

* I can't wait

* It's gonna be on

* On way

* In love, you and
I will make a song *

* On way

* You sing lead, I'll
take the background *

* On way

* And baby I want you to rest

* While I try my
best to love you *

* Yeah

* I found love and
I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good

* I just can't describe it

* Love on a two way street

* It seems like every time
we get together it's magic *

* Love on a two way street

* Maybe it's lust but
I got to have it *

* On way

* It's like every time
you step into a room *

* On way

* The man on pause
makes me split jazz *

* On way

* Girl I admit I took you in

* On way

* You shouldn't
be so damn fine *

* So damn fine

* Some day

* We'll play, we'll
laugh, we'll cry *

* Some day

* We gonna have to face
the fact we'll fight *

* On way

* I'll be waiting
all night long *

* On way

* For you to come
home to me baby *

* Love on a two way street

* I found love and
I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good I just
can't describe it *

* Love on a two way street

* Seems like every time we
get together it's magic *

* Love on a two way street

* Maybe it's lust but
I got to have it *

* Love on a two way street

* I found love and
I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good

* I just can't describe it

* Love on a two way street

* Seems like every time we
get together it's magic *

* Love on a two