D.E.B.S. (2004) - full transcript

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

This test does not measure
a student's aptitude

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

at reading, writing
and arithmetic.

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

It measures a student's
innate ability

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

to lie, cheat, fight and kill.

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

Those who score well

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.



are recruited into a secret
paramilitary academy.

There is a secret test
hidden within the SAT.

Some call them seductresses.

Some call them spies.

Some call them seductresses.

Fools call them innocent.

Some call them seductresses.

They call themselves D.E.B.S.

Some call them seductresses.

♪ As far as I can tell ♪

Some call them seductresses.

♪ It doesn't matter
Who you are ♪

Some call them seductresses.

♪ If you can believe ♪



♪ There's something
Worth fighting for ♪

♪ If you can believe ♪

♪ The color of an eye ♪

♪ The glory of a sudden view ♪

♪ The color of an eye ♪

♪ The baby in your arms ♪

♪ The smile
He always shoots at you ♪

♪ The baby in your arms ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

♪ Make it right
Make it right ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

♪ Make it right
Make it right ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

♪ Make it right
Make it right ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

♪ Kaboom ♪

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Attention, D.E.B.S.!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Attention! Emergency alert!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

That means report right now!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Right this second!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

You have no time
to sleep, ladies!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Go, go, go, go!
And I mean now, ladies!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Dominique.

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

The world might be destroyed
while you're napping!

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

Come on, Dominique.
Phipps is freaking out.

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

I need you guys up!
Five minutes.

Good morning, D.E.B.S.

And no boys allowed upstairs.

Out.

What?

Out.

Let's go! I want everybody up!

Out.

Janet. Five minutes.
Have you seen my gun?

Out.

Move it, move it, move it!
Everybody in the house!

Out.

What did I do with it?

Out.

Out.

D.E.B.S. Max here.

Out.

Amy, it's for you.

Hello.

Amy, it's for you.

No. No! I'm not...

Amy, it's for you.

I'm not talking
about this anymore.

Amy, it's for you.

Get out.

Amy, it's for you.

And take your clothes with you.
I don't do laundry.

Amy, it's for you.

Come on. Let's go!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Amy, it's for you.

Move it, move it, move it!
I don't have all day, D.E.B.S.

Amy, it's for you.

I do not have all day!

Amy, it's for you.

Amy, it's for you.

Ten!

Amy, it's for you.

Bobby, seriously,
it's not a good time.

Amy, it's for you.

Nine. Eight.

Amy, it's for you.

When? When is a good time?

Amy, it's for you.

Stop calling.

Amy, it's for you.

Amy!
Five.

Amy, it's for you.

I'm coming.
Four. Three.

Amy, it's for you.

After all we've
been through together?

Amy, it's for you.

Two, one.
Goodbye, Bobby.

Amy, it's for you.

I broke up with Bobby.

What?

I broke up with Bobby.

Oh, my God! Why?

He was just so boring.

He's an ass.

Ouais.

What?
Oui.

I like him.
I think he's sweet.

I'm just not in love.
What?

I said I want to be in love!

I'm just not in love.
What?

Why are you yelling?

I'm just not in love.
What?

I'm just not in love.
What?

Hi, Amy.

Hey, Mr. P.

Don't call me that.

Hey, Mr. P.

Hey, Mr. P.

Hey, Mr. P.

What's up, Mr. P?

Hey, Mr. P.

Bonjour, Mr. P.

Hey, Mr. P.

Hey, um, can I get
a farmer's daughter short stack

Hey, Mr. P.

And bacon, well done.

Hey, Mr. P.

Tofu, scrambled, peach smoothie,
non-dairy.

Hey, Mr. P.

Cheeseburger, extra pickles.

Hey, Mr. P.

Coffee, black.

Hey, Mr. P.

We have a special guest with us
this morning.

Ms. Petrie.

We have a special guest with us
this morning.

Ms. Petrie?

We have a special guest with us
this morning.

She never comes down here!

We have a special guest with us
this morning.

Ladies.

Ms. Petrie,
I just wanted to say

Ladies.

What a pleasure it is
to finally meet you.

Ladies.

No time for pleasantries.

Ladies.

Phipps, a matter of some urgency
has come to my attention.

Ladies.

Lucy Diamond
is back in the States.

Ladies.

Oh, my God.

Ladies.

- Oh, shit.
- You're kidding.

Ladies.

I'm writing my thesis on her.

Ladies.

I expect to be kept
in the loop on this one.

Ladies.

Ladies.

Let's show some hustle.

Ladies.

Ladies.

Wow.

I can't believe she's back.

Wow.

Who's Lucy Diamond?

Wow.

Lucy Diamond.

Wow.

She's the last surviving member

Wow.

Of the Reynolds crime syndicate.

Wow.

Her family did battle
with the Schaffers

Wow.

In a vicious blood feud
that lasted a decade.

Wow.

After her father's death,

Wow.

She inherited the keys
to his kingdom:

Wow.

Illegal arms-running,
smuggling, gambling,

Wow.

And her specialty,
diamond theft.

Wow.

She's protected by
a loyal band of mercenaries,

Wow.

Led by this man...

Wow.

Scud.

Wow.

It is believed

Wow.

Lucy Diamond was behind the plot

Wow.

To sink Australia in '99.

Wow.

Three attempts have been made
to apprehend her.

Wow.

All failed.

Wow.

In 2003 she went underground,

Wow.

Has not been seen
or heard from since.

Wow.

Yikes.

Wow.

That's not even the bad part.

Wow.

What's the bad part?

Wow.

No one has ever fought her...

Wow.

And lived to tell about it.

Oh.

And lived to tell about it.

Peach smoothie,

and lived to tell about it.

Farmer's daughter,

and lived to tell about it.

Tofu, scramble,

and lived to tell about it.

And cheeseburger.

And lived to tell about it.

Coffee.

And lived to tell about it.

So, um, why do you think
she's back in town?

And lived to tell about it.

Our Intel suggests

and lived to tell about it.

She's in town
to meet this woman.

And lived to tell about it.

Ninotchka Kaprova.

And lived to tell about it.

Ex-KGB, now freelance assassin.

And lived to tell about it.

They're scheduled
to meet tonight, 2000 hours.

And lived to tell about it.

Find out what Lucy is up to.
Strictly surveillance.

And lived to tell about it.

Do not try
to apprehend her yourselves.

And lived to tell about it.

Max, you're in charge.

And lived to tell about it.

Amy, you're second.

And lived to tell about it.

And, D.E.B.S., be careful.

And lived to tell about it.

What does a reclusive
criminal mastermind want

with a Russian trained killer?

What does a reclusive
criminal mastermind want

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Where'd you find her?
Zeda tipped us.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Said she's available.
She's in from Prague.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Relocating stateside.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Assassin?

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Check.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Where's the meet?

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Les Deux Amours.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Trendy, yet discreet.

Your scheduled meet, 2000 hours.

Cancel it.

Why?

Cancel it.

It's all set up.

Cancel it.

I don't do blind dates.

Cancel it.

Yeah, well,
it's not a blind date

Cancel it.

If you know
what they look like, okay?

Cancel it.

Just tell her I'm not coming.

Cancel it.

Say I came down with something.

Cancel it.

Come on, Lucy,
it's been two years.

Cancel it.

You have to get out there.

Cancel it.

I am out there.

Cancel it.

I went out with that drummer,

Cancel it.

The girl from the band
that talked really loud.

Cancel it.

You didn't go out with her.
We all went out together.

Cancel it.

Then you lied and said
you had food poisoning,

Cancel it.

And you went home early.

Cancel it.

Yeah, well,
she talked really loud,

Cancel it.

Even when you were
right next to her.

Cancel it.

Look, I know what
you're trying to do.

Cancel it.

You're trying to drown yourself

Cancel it.

In your little schemes
to destroy the world,

Cancel it.

But you need to
get over it already, okay?

Cancel it.

You were dumped.
I was not dumped.

Cancel it.

Oh, you were dumped hard.

Cancel it.

And that sucks.

Cancel it.

And you took your time off

Cancel it.

To go to Antarctica or whatever.

Cancel it.

Reykjavik.
It's in Iceland.

Cancel it.

But now it's time to
get back in the game, Lucy.

Cancel it.

You've got a date tonight with
a beautiful Russian assassin,

Cancel it.

And you're gonna show up.

Cancel it.

Lucy.

Cancel it.

Fine.

Cancel it.

Okay, I'll go.
I'll be there.

Cancel it.

Just promise me you'll be open.

Cancel it.

Open to what?

Cancel it.

Open to love.

Cancel it.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Ms. Petrie is
handpicking girls

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

For the International Bureau.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

I'm gonna see if
I can get an interview.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Think Mr. Phipps would let me
take time off after endgame?

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

What are you talking about?

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

I don't know. There's this
art school in Barcelona.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Art school?

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Amy, you're the perfect score.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

You could have your choice

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Of any assignment you want
after endgame.

Hey, look. Look.
Check this out.

Who's your best friend?

You are my best friend.

Who's your best friend?

And what did I say to you
the very first day of academy?

Who's your best friend?

"That's my bunk, bitch."

Who's your best friend?

Okay, after I said that.

"D.E.B.S. stick together."

Okay, after I said that.

Exactly.

Okay, after I said that.

We've been through
four years of hell,

Okay, after I said that.

And now we're top squad, right?

Okay, after I said that.

We're just getting
to the good stuff.

Okay, after I said that.

So you're not gonna ruin it all

by going to art school.

So you're not gonna ruin it all

Am I right?

So you're not gonna ruin it all

Yes. You are always right.

So you're not gonna ruin it all

You need to put it here.

Don't be an idiot for once.

You need to put it here.

You need to speak
English or French.

You need to put it here.

Fringlish is not a language.

You need to put it here.

You need to put it here.

D.E.B.S.
Janet speaking. Over.

You need to put it here.

Janet, put her on.

You need to put it here.

It's Bobby.

You need to put it here.

I don't wanna talk to him.

You need to put it here.

She doesn't want
to talk to you. Over.

You need to put it here.

Bullshit!
I need to talk to her.

You need to put it here.

Copy that.

You need to put it here.

He really needs to see you.

You need to put it here.

He should not call her.
It is embarrassing.

You need to put it here.

Bobby, I told you, it's over.

You need to put it here.

Over.

You need to put it here.

We've gotta talk.

You need to put it here.

I'm serious. No.

You need to put it here.

Amy, we need to talk.

Jesus, Bobby,
what are you doing here?

Amy, we need to talk.

You think you guys are the
only ones on to Lucy Diamond?

Amy, we need to talk.

Everyone's here:
The Feds, the CIA.

Amy, we need to talk.

Can't believe it.

Amy, we need to talk.

This is supposed to be
our stakeout.

Amy, we need to talk.

Always sticking their heads
in our business.

Amy, we need to talk.

It's unbelievable.

Amy, we need to talk.

Could you guys excuse us
for a minute?

Amy, we need to talk.

Why do you have to be

such a jerk about everything?

Why do you have to be

When my girlfriend
breaks up with me for no reason

Why do you have to be

after eight months,

Why do you have to be

excuse me if I'm
a little hostile.

Why do you have to be

It's not for no reason.
Then give me one.

Why do you have to be

I just want more.

Why do you have to be

More what?
I don't know.

Why do you have to be

What are they saying?

Why do you have to be

I'm not gonna spy on them.

Why do you have to be

You are a spy, dipshit.

Why do you have to be

Is there somebody else?
No.

Why do you have to be

Because if there's
somebody else, I swear to God...

Why do you have to be

Look, I just...

Why do you have to be

Speak.

Why do you have to be

I'm not in love with you.

Why do you have to be

Well.

I guess nobody's good enough

Well.

For Little Miss Perfect Score.

Well.

Shut up!

Well.

Oh, yeah, you'll be back.

You can do this.

Why is it I can
hold the whole world hostage,

You can do this.

I'm scared of going on
one stupid blind date?

You can do this.

Because... love is
harder than crime.

You can do this.

Okay, now, knock 'em dead.

You can do this.

But not really.

Sure.

But not really.

Are you okay?

Hey, she's arrived.

Are you okay?

Okay, we've got visual.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I, um... I got lost.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

It is no problem.
I was early.

I have that sweater.
What?

It is no problem.
I was early.

I have the sweater
she's wearing, but in taupe.

It is no problem.
I was early.

Really?
Where did you get it?

It is no problem.
I was early.

Target.
No way.

It is no problem.
I was early.

Silence!

It is no problem.
I was early.

Um, I'll have the, uh...
The Cobb.

It is no problem.
I was early.

And some wine.

It is no problem.
I was early.

Do you...?
Do you want wine?

It is no problem.
I was early.

Vodka.

It is no problem.
I was early.

Vodka. Please.

It is no problem.
I was early.

Wow. Lucy Diamond, she's...

What?
Real.

I never thought
I'd see her in person.

What?
Real.

Yeah.
They also have it in teal.

What?
Real.

So you're an assassin?

Da.

So you're an assassin?

How does that work?

Hmm. It's mostly
freelance.

How does that work?

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Sometimes maim.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Maiming's more.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

What are they saying?

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

They are talking about killing

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

And how to kill and who to kill.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Oh, God.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

But I do it just to pay bills.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Really?

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Mostly...

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

I want to be dancer.

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

So you basically, what,
you kill, like, whoever?

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

What are you doing?

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

My dad got that bracelet
when he graduated Quantico.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Greatest dance instructor
in Russia,

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

But I can't afford to pay,
so he say,

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

"My wife is cheating on me.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

You kill her lover,
I give you free lessons."

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Fine, okay.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

First man was goat farmer,
so I use goat shears.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Second man, he likes chickens,

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

So I took six chickens
and put him through...

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

What's wrong?

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Oh, you know,
I just... I...

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

I'm feeling really ill.
It's my stomach. I, um...

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

I think I have food poisoning.
Are you blowing me?

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

What?
Off.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Are you blowing me off?
No, no, no.

Oh, yeah. Can I have
my bracelet back?

Let's do this.

Was it something I said?

No. No. Look, I just...

Was it something I said?

I just got back into town,
you know? And... And...

Was it something I said?

And I just got out
of this relationship...

Was it something I said?

I'm not asking for relationship!

Was it something I said?

It's not you. You seem
really, really nice. It's me.

Baby... I can change.

Guys.
Ah!

I'm just not interested.

Guys.
Ah!

Guys.
Ah!

Then only you will die alone.

Guys.
Ah!

Amy, Janet, head Lucy off
by the kitchen.

Me and Dom are gonna take
the back.

Amy, Janet, head Lucy off
by the kitchen.

Mr. Phipps ordered us
not to engage her.

Amy, Janet, head Lucy off
by the kitchen.

Janet...

Amy, Janet, head Lucy off
by the kitchen.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

Me.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

Oh. Why?

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

I haven't earned my stripes.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

Oh, would that be
this thing here?

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

And why is that?

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

You need to give me
a recommendation.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

I don't see why you just...
Zip!

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

Not what I asked.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

I need to show courage

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

In the face of
unspeakable danger.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

Exactly.

Who here isn't gonna graduate?

So quit your whining

and follow my orders.

So quit your whining

Let's go!

Okay. I'll check the parking
lot. You go that way.

Stay in communication range.
But Mr...

Okay. I'll check the parking
lot. You go that way.

Uh! You can do this, Janet.

Okay. I'll check the parking
lot. You go that way.

Janet! Are you there?

Janet! Are you there?

Uh!

Oh, my God.

Uh!

I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Uh!

Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.

You're Lucy Diamond.
You're a D.E.B.

You have the right
to remain silent.

You're Lucy Diamond.
You're a D.E.B.

You're reading me my rights?

You're Lucy Diamond.
You're a D.E.B.

Anything you say can

You're Lucy Diamond.
You're a D.E.B.

and will be used against you.

You're Lucy Diamond.
You're a D.E.B.

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

I am really not up
for dying today.

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

Me neither.

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

So I was thinking that, uh...

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

Why don't you put your gun down?

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

Why don't you put your gun down?

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

You're the criminal,
and I'm the cop,

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

So I think I'm technically
more trustworthy.

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

I was minding my own business
on some stupid blind date

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

When you guys started
to rain shit all over me.

Okay, here's the thing.
Yeah?

Wait.

You were on a blind date?
Whatever.

Wait.

With that Russian girl?

What?

With that Russian girl?

Nothing.

With that Russian girl?

I just... I didn't know
you were a...

With that Russian girl?

Why would you know?
Wow.

With that Russian girl?

That really torpedoes my thesis.

Your thesis?

That really torpedoes my thesis.

I'm writing a term paper on you.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

You're kidding me.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

No, it's for Capes and Capers:

That really torpedoes my thesis.

Gender Reconstruction
and the Criminal Mastermind.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

It's a really popular class.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

Oh, come on.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

But it's hard because

That really torpedoes my thesis.

There's only anecdotal
evidence about you.

That really torpedoes my thesis.

I mean...

nobody's actually
ever spoken to you.

I mean...

Until now.

I mean...

Right.

Until now.

Right.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

Oh.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

Amy.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

Bradshaw.
D.E.B.S. Sector 1.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

Lucy Diamond.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

It's really nice to meet you.

I'm sorry.
I didn't get your name.

You're still, you know,
under arrest.

Am I?

You're still, you know,
under arrest.

Amy!

You're still, you know,
under arrest.

Or you could just let me go.

I really couldn't.
Come on.

Haven't you ever done anything
you're not supposed to?

I really couldn't.
Come on.

Amy, where are you?

I'm over here.

Amy, where are you?

Son of a bitch!

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

We couldn't reach you.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

Well, what happened?

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

She was here.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

Lucy Diamond was here.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

That's impossible.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

If she was here,
you'd be dead right now.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

You guys...

Sweet Jesus.

Do you know what this means?

You are the only one ever
to fight Lucy Diamond

and live to tell about it.

You are the only one ever
to fight Lucy Diamond

What a disaster!

I am so sorry.

What a disaster!

Leave it to the D.E.B.S.,
you're in town a week,

What a disaster!

And they're all over you,
grabbing...

What a disaster!

What?

Really, what?

I met somebody.

Really, what?

Really, what?

I knew it. Okay.

It was weird,
the thing about the dance,

I knew it. Okay.

But I had a feeling
you and Ninotchka were...

I knew it. Okay.

No, no, no. Scud,
Ninotchka was a train wreck.

I knew it. Okay.

I'm not following you.

I knew it. Okay.

Okay, first of all,

I knew it. Okay.

Swear to me you are not
gonna freak out about this.

I knew it. Okay.

Freak out about what?
You know, sometimes...

I knew it. Okay.

Oh, my God! Who is it?

I knew it. Okay.

Okay, what do you know
about an Amy Bradshaw?

I knew it. Okay.

Amy Bradshaw. The girl
from the smuggling op.

I knew it. Okay.

No.

I knew it. Okay.

No.

I knew it. Okay.

Oh, my God.

Amy Bradshaw?

Blond hair.

Plaid skirt.

She's a D.E.B.

Plaid skirt.

Okay, not only
is she a D.E.B.,

Plaid skirt.

She is the D.E.B.

Plaid skirt.

She is the perfect score.

Plaid skirt.

What is that supposed to mean?

Plaid skirt.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

to get a perfect score in
the secret test in the SAT.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

Give me the keys, Scud.
Are you listening to me?

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

Perfect score means perfect spy.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

She is their pride and joy,

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

she is literally
their poster child.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

Yes, well, their poster child
doesn't know it yet,

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

but she is into me.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

You can't be serious.

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

Would you say you're
back on the horse?

Amy Bradshaw is
the only person ever

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Back.

Where are you going?

♪ I'm on another planet
With you ♪

Where are you going?

♪ With you ♪

Where are you going?

Yes! It's great!

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

♪ Another planet ♪

Where are you going?

♪ Who's holding you down? ♪

Where are you going?

♪ Another planet ♪

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

You stay here.

Lucy, I beg of you...

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ We move like cagey tigers ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ Oh, we couldn't get
Closer than this ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ The way we walk
The way we talk ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ The way we stalk
The way we kiss ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ We slip through the streets
While everyone sleeps ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ Getting bigger and sleeker
And wider and brighter ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ We bite and scratch
And scream all night ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ Let's go and throw
All the songs we know ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ Into the sea, you and me ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ All the years
And no one heard ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ I'll show you in spring
It's a treacherous thing ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ "We missed you"
Hissed the lovecats ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ "We missed you"
Hissed the lovecats ♪

All right, D.E.B.S.
Show me what you're made of.

♪ We're so wonderfully
Wonderfully ♪

♪ Wonderfully
Wonderfully pretty ♪

♪ We're so wonderfully
Wonderfully ♪

Amy.

♪ We're so wonderfully
Wonderfully ♪

Oh, my God!

♪ We're so wonderfully
Wonderfully ♪

Jesus!

Okay, just hold on.

Jesus!

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.
Why?

What are you doing here?

Well, I was thinking about what
you said about, um, your paper.

What are you doing here?

My thesis?

Uh-huh, and look,
I think it's stupid

My thesis?

For you to do
all this outdated research

My thesis?

When you could just come
straight to the source.

My thesis?

You?

My thesis?

Come out with me.
I'll let you ask me anything.

My thesis?

I can't go out with you.
Why not?

Like, a zillion reasons.

I can't go out with you.
Why not?

Well, now you have
to come out with me.

Janet, what are you doing?

I don't know who that is,
but he ruined my sweater!

Janet, what are you doing?

I don't know who
you think you are.

Janet, what are you doing?

Janet, what are you doing?

Did you go to Dalton?

Yeah.

Did you go to Dalton?

Where are you taking us?

Where do you want to go?

Where are you taking us?

Home!

Where are you taking us?

What are you doing?

Come on.

Look, these tunnels
go on for miles,

so you guys could be lost
in there for days, even weeks.

Look, these tunnels
go on for miles,

Okay. Suit yourselves.

I have to pee.

Want a beer?

No.

Want a beer?

Come on.

Want a beer?

Sit down.

So how long you been a D.E.B.?

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

Look, I don't know what
you expect to accomplish

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

By bringing me out here.

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

Would you lighten up?

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

I know there are
a shit load of questions

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

You're just dying to ask me.

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

Come on, tell me
about your thesis.

You're gonna have to
talk to me sooner or later.

It's stupid.

Well, try me.

It's stupid.

Um...

It's stupid.

I guess my central hypothesis

It's stupid.

Is that as a woman operating
in a male-dominated field

It's stupid.

You often need
to over compensate

It's stupid.

By being exponentially
more ruthless and diabolical

It's stupid.

Than your established
male counterparts.

It's stupid.

I am not more ruthless.

It's stupid.

I think an argument
could be made that you are,

It's stupid.

I.e. we're here.

It's stupid.

That's interesting.

It's stupid.

Continue.

And I think that these
psychological forces combine

Continue.

To create a kind of
emotional void

Continue.

In which you're incapable
of loving or being loved.

Continue.

See, that is so not true.

Continue.

What?
I'm open to love. I am!

Continue.

I'm sorry.
It's... It's just a theory.

Continue.

Yeah, well, what the hell
do you know about it anyway?

Continue.

Nothing.

Continue.

I just broke up with my
boyfriend, like, five hours ago.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Thanks.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Why did you break up with him?

I don't know,
it just, it wasn't...

Why did you break up with him?

I think love should be
irresistible, like a drug.

Why did you break up with him?

You know, I think
when it happens

Why did you break up with him?

You should just not be able
to help yourself.

Why did you break up with him?

I just... I wanted... more.

Why did you break up with him?

Babbling.

No. You're not at all.

Babbling.

This is so weird. I...

Babbling.

Why aren't you killing me?

Babbling.

Not into that.

Babbling.

But you killed those
agents in Antarctica.

Babbling.

Oh, they died of
frostbite or something.

Babbling.

I never even met 'em.

Babbling.

And those ATF guys in Peru?

Babbling.

Ebola.

Babbling.

You're so not what I expected.

Well, I think
that's a good thing.

You're so not what I expected.

So, what's up with Ninotchka?

Oh, God, you're such
a head case. Jesus Christ!

So, what's up with Ninotchka?

Where do you meet
somebody like that?

So, what's up with Ninotchka?

So, what's up with Ninotchka?

Yes!

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but your friend appears
to be hitting on my friend.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

You're not wrong.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

Yeah, but my friend's
not into that.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

So Bobby's just, like,
all over me,

and I just... I just feel like
he doesn't get me, you know?

So Bobby's just, like,
all over me,

Do you ever feel like that?
Like nobody understands you?

So Bobby's just, like,
all over me,

Yes, all the time.

So Bobby's just, like,
all over me,

I am really glad I met you.

I'm really glad I met you too.

I am really glad I met you.

I should go.

Okay.

I should go.

Am I gonna see you again?

Do you wanna see me again?

Am I gonna see you again?

I mean, I'm breaking,
like, eight federal statutes

being here with you right now.

I mean, I'm breaking,
like, eight federal statutes

Yes, I know.

I mean, I'm breaking,
like, eight federal statutes

I can get kicked out
of the D.E.B.S. for this.

I mean, I'm breaking,
like, eight federal statutes

For what?

Oh, my God!
She almost kissed you.

And you almost let her!

Oh, my God!
She almost kissed you.

You owe me 50 bucks.

Amy.
Take me home.

You owe me 50 bucks.

It's okay.
Take me home.

You owe me 50 bucks.

Amy.
What?

Well, when can I see you again?
You can't.

Amy.
What?

Come on.

Amy.
What?

I'm serious.
We cannot do this again.

Amy.
What?

Amy.

Amy.
What?

I have to go.

I'm gonna come find you.

I have to go.

What just happened?

Nothing happened.

What just happened?

She was totally
going to kiss you.

What just happened?

You're so into her.

What just happened?

I am not!

What just happened?

You violated a prime directive.

What just happened?

Plus, hello, it's a girl.

What just happened?

You're so busted.

What just happened?

No, I'm not.

What just happened?

You violated the section codes
as much as me.

What just happened?

D.E.B.S. Code Section 1,
Article 2.

What just happened?

"D.E.B.S. will not consort with
any known enemy of the state,

What just happened?

Under penalty of treason."

What just happened?

I was not consorting.

What just happened?

You exchanged emails with Scud.

What just happened?

But that's not the same.

What just happened?

And remember the time
you got drunk

What just happened?

And nearly got the chancellor
of Bulgaria killed?

What just happened?

That wasn't my fault.

What just happened?

And remember how
I covered for you?

What just happened?

I never told anybody.
But it...

What just happened?

If Max found about that,

What just happened?

You would never ever

What just happened?

Get your stripes
and never graduate.

What just happened?

I can't believe you.

What just happened?

Not a word. Nothing happened.

What just happened?

Where have you been?

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

I was really upset about Bobby.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Yeah, Bobby.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Oh, yeah.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

I forgot, I'm sorry.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Are you okay?

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Good.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

You know what? I can't stop
thinking about Lucy Diamond.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

You too?

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Yeah, I feel like she's playing

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Some type of sick game
of cat and mouse with us.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Mmm.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

I don't know.

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Hey, but you guys
be careful, okay?

Um, I couldn't sleep,
so I took a walk.

Goodnight.

Yeah. Be careful.

Oh, my God, is it true?

Did you really fight
Lucy Diamond?

Oh, my God, is it true?

I heard that you
cut off her hand.

Oh, my God, is it true?

Does she still have her hand?

Oh, my God, is it true?

Yes, she still has
both of her hands.

Oh, my God, is it true?

God.

Oh, my God, is it true?

Everybody's talking about it.

Oh, my God, is it true?

About what?

Oh, my God, is it true?

How you met Lucy Diamond
and lived to tell about it.

Oh, my God, is it true?

They're calling you a hero,
when, really, you're a slut.

Oh, my God, is it true?

Shut up.
A gay slut.

Oh, my God, is it true?

I'm not gay!

Oh, my God, is it true?

Ms. Petrie
wants to see you.

Oh, my God, is it true?

What? Janet!

Oh, my God, is it true?

What's going on?

Madam Petrie.

What's going on?

She's coming down.

What's going on?

Here? Why?
She never comes here.

What's going on?

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Who are you?

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Max Brewer.

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Well, Max Brewer, my time is
precious. You're wasting it.

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Where's the girl?

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Bradshaw comma Amy?

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

Ah.

Ms. Petrie, I would
just like to say...

You.

Excellent. Well, come over here.

Right there.

Excellent. Sit.

Jill.

First...

Amy.
Amy.

First...

Let me just say
how delighted I am to meet you.

First...

When I heard that one of
our own girls had actually

First...

engaged Lucy Diamond
and lived to tell the tale...

First...

I mean, Fred, over at
Central Intelligence,

First...

nearly peed his pants,
he was so jealous.

First...

This stunt is really going to
put the academy on the map.

First...

Lisa from Interpol called
to extend her congratulations.

First...

I'll bet.

First...

This is just too much fun!

First...

Now, Alice...

First...

Amy.
Amy.

First...

We are going to need
a description of the encounter.

First...

The encounter?

First...

Everything that happened,

First...

no matter how small
or seemingly irrelevant.

First...

Why?

First...

To develop a profile.

First...

Of course, nobody's ever been

First...

this close to
Lucy Diamond before.

First...

You, for all
intents and purposes,

First...

are our leading expert.

First...

Oh, I don't think
I'm an expert at all.

First...

You underestimate yourself.

First...

First...

I took the liberty

First...

of accessing your private files.

First...

What?

First...

"It's a Man's World.

First...

"Lucy Diamond and the Psychology
of Cultural Criminality.

First...

Oh, God.
"Lucy Diamond

First...

"is at once
a narcissistic sociopath

First...

"and a victimized girl-child,

First...

"eternally searching for
the love of her father.

First...

"Her crimes could be viewed
as a desperate cry for help.

First...

The more she steals, the deeper
her feeling of emptiness."

First...

Annie...

Amy.
Amy.

Annie...

I think you identify
with Lucy Diamond.

Annie...

I think she sees your pathos.

Annie...

You've got some dangerous
union symbiosis going on.

Annie...

What's that movie with Jodie

Annie...

and the little dog falls
in the well with the lotion?

Annie...

Silence of the Lambs.

Annie...

You're the lamb, Amy.

Annie...

We can use that
to our advantage.

Annie...

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

What?

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

Comment?

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

You are hereby promoted
to squad captain.

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

No.

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

Is there a problem?

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

Um...

I'm putting you in charge
of this investigation.

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

Miss...?
Brewer.

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

Brewer.

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

There is a killer on the loose.

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

There is no time for egos.

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

This is not the Girl Scouts,
this is espionage!

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am
the captain of this squad.

We have a chance
to do something here.

You have a chance
to do something.

Don't let us down.

Ready your troops.

Head out at 1400.

Ready your troops.

That's all.

Max!

Max.

Max.
What?

Max.

I didn't mean for this
to happen, I swear to God.

Max.

I don't even wanna be captain.

Max.

That's just it.
You don't even want it.

Max.

We always fall at your feet,

Max.

The whole school
kisses your ass,

Max.

And Mrs. Petrie
makes you squad captain.

Max.

You'd be just as happy drawing
in your stupid little book.

Max.

I just don't understand
why you have to take away

Max.

The only thing
I have going for me.

Max.

Oh, Max, just...

Max.

Whatever.

It's fine.

Whatever.

Just promise me one thing.

What?

Just promise me one thing.

You catch the bitch.

You catch the bitch.

Lucy Diamond is on the move!

You catch the bitch.

Robbery in progress! Code 99!

You catch the bitch.

♪ Don't wanna go
To the mall ♪

♪ Don't wanna go
To the movies ♪

♪ I think we've done it all ♪

♪ Just take me
To the back seat ♪

The bank employees
are being held hostage.

Lucy and her cohorts
are still inside.

Apprehend the suspect,
recover the money.

The bank is coming up
on your left.

D.E.B.S., be careful.

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

♪ I don't wanna get low ♪

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

D.E.B.S.
spotted en route. ETA two minutes.

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

Copy.

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

♪ Honey, please
Just take me to the back seat ♪

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

♪ Just take me
To the back seat ♪

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

D.E.B.S. en route, two minutes.

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

Do I look okay?

♪ You don't wanna get high ♪

This is retarded.

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

♪ Don't try to take me home ♪

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

♪ This won't happen again ♪

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

♪ Just take me
To the back seat ♪

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

Bradshaw?

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

What?

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

The plan?

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

Oh, okay. Formation
Alpha Kappa Gamma.

♪ Don't wanna be your friend ♪

Let's do this!

♪ Take me to the back seat ♪

Let's do this!

♪ Just take me
To the back seat ♪

Let's do this!

♪ Where no one else can see
I know you're into me ♪

Let's do this!

♪ Just take me
To the back seat ♪

Let's do this!

♪ And get ready for me
Honey, please ♪

Let's do this!

What was that?

She's here.

She's watching us.

She's here.

Jesus.

She's here.

Come here.

I can't.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Oh!

Come here.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Let's go.

What are you doing?

We'll be right back.

Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on.

What?

It's a trap.

What?

Whatever.

What?

Wait!

What?

Why are you giving me
such a hard time?

What?

Fantastic. This is great.

What?

If you're gonna do the job,
do the job right.

What?

Creepy shadows, no bad guys,
enclosed space. Trap.

What?

You think I can't handle it?

No, I know that
you can't handle it.

You think I can't handle it?

And you know what?

You think I can't handle it?

I don't care if you are
the perfect score.

You think I can't handle it?

Perfect whore.

You think I can't handle it?

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

if it was tattooed
on your forehead.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

Guys.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

This is stupid.
We are going to die.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

No, it's okay.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

As your senior officer,

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

I order you to secure
the vault, soldier.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

You order me?

You heard me.

You order me?

Fine.

See, that wasn't so hard.

I think you guys owe me an ap...

See, that wasn't so hard.

Ahhhhh!

See, that wasn't so hard.

Trap.

Trap.

What are you doing here?

I just... I wanted
to apologize for last night.

What are you doing here?

I was... I was out of line.

What are you doing here?

You have to release them.
Who?

What are you doing here?

The hostages.

And put back the money.

The hostages.

This thing has gotten
way out of hand.

The hostages.

Damn it. Damn it!

Please don't smoke.

Please?

Oh, my God,
tell her not to smoke.

There's not enough oxygen.

Oh, my God,
tell her not to smoke.

Soon we're gonna run out of air,

Oh, my God,
tell her not to smoke.

And we're all gonna be
all faint on the floor,

Oh, my God,
tell her not to smoke.

And the air that's gonna be left
is gonna be toxic.

Oh, my God,
tell her not to smoke.

This is bullshit.

This is bullshit.

This cannot get any worse.

This is bullshit.

Trap.

Don't you understand?
I can't be here.

Trap.

Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to stress you out.

Trap.

I'm not stressed out!

Trap.

Oh, no.

Trap.

No!

Trap.

I'm such a freak.

Trap.

You must think I am a freak.
I don't.

Trap.

I'm sorry I wigged out
last night.

Trap.

It's okay.

Trap.

I don't want you
to get the wrong idea.

Trap.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, I really like you.
Right.

Yeah, okay.

But I don't, "like" like you.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

That's why I brought you here,
so we could,

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

You know, sort of
clear the air between us.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

It's really sweet of you
to go to all this trouble

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

To shoot and all.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

But my friends are gonna
wonder where I am.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

No, they're not.
Why?

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

No reason.

Yeah, yeah, I gathered.

Lucy!

Going to be squashed,
be squashed!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Going to be squashed,
be squashed!

Oh, my God. Lucy!
Come on.

Going to be squashed,
be squashed!

It's not like they're
gonna die or anything.

Going to be squashed,
be squashed!

Going to be squashed,
be squashed!

Let them out. I'm serious.

Okay. Jesus. Booby trap
deactivated. Happy?

Let them out. I'm serious.

Let them out. I'm serious.

That wasn't funny.

It was kind of funny.

That wasn't funny.

I can't.

I gotta go.

No, no, I'll go.

I gotta go.

Look, I understand

this whole thing isn't
gonna work out between us

Look, I understand

because, obviously,

Look, I understand

I misinterpreted
the whole situation.

Look, I understand

But...

Look, I understand

I just want you to know

that last night was the most
alive I've felt in a while.

I just want you to know

So I guess I'll see you around
same... Bat-time or whatever.

I just want you to know

Come with me.

Come on.
What do you have to lose?

Everything.

Oh, my gosh.
Lucy Diamond has Amy.

You guys, she's been kidnapped.

Oh, my gosh.
Lucy Diamond has Amy.

A D.E.B. is down.

We will spare no expense.

A D.E.B. is down.

We will leave no rock unturned.

A D.E.B. is down.

We will not rest

A D.E.B. is down.

Until we see
that she comes back safely.

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Please don't let me
Hit the ground ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Tonight I think
I'll walk alone ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ I'll find my soul... ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

No, no!

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Please don't let me
Hit the ground ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Tonight I think
I'll walk alone ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ I'll find my soul
As I go home ♪

A D.E.B. is down.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Please don't let me
Hit the ground ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Tonight I think
I'll walk alone ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ I'll find my soul
As I go home... ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Une D.E.B. est prise...

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Eine D.E.B.
ist gefangen worden.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Cayó una D.E.B.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Please don't let me
Hit the ground ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Tonight I think
I'll walk alone... ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Amy, where are you?

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

I know you're out
playing hooky with Lucy,

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

but they have the whole school
looking for you.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Bobby, everybody.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Call me.

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

You know where she is?
Do you know where she is?

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

How about this?
You won't answer me?

♪ Up, down, turn around ♪

Amy, oh, my God,

if you don't come back,
I'm telling.

Amy, oh, my God,

I am telling your mother.

Amy, oh, my God,

I'm calling her
and telling her right now.

Amy, oh, my God,

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's
The last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's
The last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, I've never met anyone ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Quite like you before ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, I've never met anyone ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Quite like you before... ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

Seriously, Amy,

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

I'm sorry I left
such a mean message.

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

Just...

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

Please, come home.

♪ Oh, it's the last time ♪

So then this mysterious man
shows up at my high school

And hands me this letter

Which is, like,
"Congratulations,

You've just been accepted
into Jameson University."

And I'm like, "I didn't
apply to Jameson University."

Our government's
freaky that way.

Yeah.

So what does it measure,
this secret test in the SAT?

I don't know.

So what does it measure,
this secret test in the SAT?

You never asked?

No. It measures spy stuff.

You never asked?

What?

It's just weird
that you let this test decide

What?

What you're going to be

What?

And you don't even know
what it is.

What?

It doesn't decide
what I'm gonna be.

What?

It's an aptitude test.

What?

It measures aptitude, I guess.

What?

Okay.

What?

You should do
what you're good at.

What?

No, you should do what you love.

What?

I am doing what I love.

What?

Why are you psychoanalyzing me?
I'm not psychoanalyzing you.

What?

I mean, just because I'm not
some badass master criminal,

What?

Doesn't mean that
what I do is not important.

What?

I didn't say
it wasn't important.

What?

Do you love a life of crime?
Yeah, I do.

What?

So you get a kick
out of taking money

What?

From hard-working,
honest people.

What?

What is your problem?
I just...

What?

I don't think
you should be judging me.

What?

I'm not judging you.

What?

I'm not the one that got picked

What?

Out of a Gajillion people

What?

To be Miss Super-Duper, Crime-
Fighting, Goody-Two-Shoes.

What?

I've never been
perfect at anything.

Look...

I didn't wanna be a criminal.

Look...

I wanted to be a pirate.

Look...

Look...

Pirates are criminals.

Look...

Oh.

Look...

Whoops.

Look...

I... wanted to go to art school.

Look...

Art school?
In Barcelona.

Look...

You should go, you should do it.

Look...

Maybe.

Look...

After I make the world safe
from people like you.

Look...

I don't know
what the test saw in me.

Everybody thinks I am gonna
make this perfect spy

I don't know
what the test saw in me.

But me.

I don't know
what the test saw in me.

I guess I'm proving them
all wrong now.

I don't know
what the test saw in me.

Is that what
you're doing with me?

Sabotaging your spy career?

Is that what
you're doing with me?

I'm here because
I feel more like me

Is that what
you're doing with me?

When I'm with you

Is that what
you're doing with me?

Than I do when I'm with me.

Is that what
you're doing with me?

Look, let's just...

forget we're here, okay?

Look, let's just...

And let's just pretend
we're in Barcelona,

Look, let's just...

and you're in art school,

Look, let's just...

and I'm renting
sailboats to tourists.

Look, let's just...

And nobody is a superhero,
nobody is a villain,

Look, let's just...

we're just us.

Look, let's just...

Max here.
This better be really good.

Da, you are the D.E.B.S.?

Max here.
This better be really good.

Who is this?

Max here.
This better be really good.

I know where your friend is.

Max here.
This better be really good.

We've got a lead on Amy.

Max here.
This better be really good.

Let's go.

Max here.
This better be really good.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no...

Get your ass over here.

We got a lead on Amy.

And no boys upstairs
after curfew.

Out.

Pick up, pick up,

pick up, pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up...

Pick up, pick up,

Pick up, pick up,

Ow!
My God. I'm so sorry.

Did you snap my bra?

Ow!
My God. I'm so sorry.

No.
Yeah, you did.

Ow!
My God. I'm so sorry.

That hasn't happened to me
since sixth grade.

I was trying to be smooth.

That hasn't happened to me
since sixth grade.

That hasn't happened to me
since sixth grade.

Ow! You're dead.
What?

That hasn't happened to me
since sixth grade.

You did it first.
You're dead!

That hasn't happened to me
since sixth grade.

And bingo!
I am the god of Bingo.

And bingo!
I am the god of Bingo.

Breach.

And bingo!
I am the god of Bingo.

Bingo. Bingo. Bingo.

Bingo!

Bingo. Bingo. Bingo.

Bingo. Bingo. Bingo.

Say mercy. Come on. Say mercy.
No. No. No.

Do you give?
No.

Do you gi...?

Do you give?
No.

You love me?

Yes.

Oh! Ouch!

What... the hell?

I couldn't stop them.

What... the hell?

You look nice.

Thanks.

You look nice.

What?

You look nice.

What are you doing?

You look nice.

Um... nothing.

You look nice.

You look nice.

Let's go.

You look nice.

Sorry.

You look nice.

Oh, God.

It is not what you think.

I hope it was worth it.

You really should
check your messages.

Look, it'll be okay.

No, it won't.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

This is...
This is not happening.

Oh, this is a nightmare.

Ahem.

Are you kidding me?

We conduct a nationwide
manhunt for you,

Are you kidding me?

And you're boning the suspect?

Are you kidding me?

What did you think
this was, a joke?

Are you kidding me?

"Let's divert
federal resources and man hours

Are you kidding me?

So I can have my collegiate
lesbian fling in style."

Are you kidding me?

I was doing research.

Are you kidding me?

I'll bet.

Are you kidding me?

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Aiding and abetting.

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Oh-ho!

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

I'm going to be
the laughingstock

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Of the entire
intelligence community.

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

I am going to send you
so far away

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

That luxuries like
toilet paper and Diet Coke

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Will be as
a distant dream to you.

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Ms. Petrie.

Treason. Consorting
with the enemy.

Is somebody talking to me?

Because that would be extremely
ill-advised right now.

Is somebody talking to me?

Ms. Petrie,

Is somebody talking to me?

This infraction is
a considerable embarrassment

Is somebody talking to me?

To you and the Academy, right?

Is somebody talking to me?

Have I not been
speaking in English?

Is somebody talking to me?

Well, there is a way that
we can turn it all around.

Is somebody talking to me?

Explain.

Make Amy D.E.B. of the year
next week at endgame.

Nobody knows
what happened tonight but us.

What good would it do to send
Amy to Siberia? Nothing.

Nobody knows
what happened tonight but us.

Your pride and joy will be
disgraced, and for what?

Nobody knows
what happened tonight but us.

Exactly.

So here's what we're gonna do.

Exactly.

Tomorrow we're
gonna go to class,

Exactly.

And we're gonna report
that we rescued Amy from Lucy

Exactly.

Just in the nick of time.

Exactly.

And Amy is gonna act
traumatized but cool.

Exactly.

And she will go to endgame
on Saturday with Bobby.

Exactly.

And she'll give a speech
about how she battled Lucy

Exactly.

And lived to fight another day.

Exactly.

And you, Ms. Petrie,

will get another feather
in your cap.

And you, Ms. Petrie,

And we don't lose
a valued member of our team.

And you, Ms. Petrie,

But she's obviously in love
with our nemesis.

How can I make sure
she won't run off again?

But she's obviously in love
with our nemesis.

Well, let's ask her.

The Amy that I know...

wouldn't sell out
her friends and her country

The Amy that I know...

for some supervillain.

The Amy that I know...

The Amy that I know,

The Amy that I know...

she must have been
brainwashed or something.

The Amy that I know...

Maybe Lucy was doing
some type of experiments

The Amy that I know...

with mind control.

The Amy that I know...

Because the Amy that I know

The Amy that I know...

would never...

The Amy that I know...

ever betray us like that.

You didn't know
what you were doing, right?

Right.

And there's no way

Right.

That you're in love with her?

Right.

No, no way.

Right.

Good.

And you'll keep our secret?

Good.

Are you kidding?

Good.

No way I'm telling.

Good.

Perhaps we can chalk this up
to the indiscretions of youth.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

I'll remember this

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

When I review applications
for the International Bureau.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

Have Miss Bradshaw vetted

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

For any information she may have
on Lucy Diamond's whereabouts.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

She is to be placed on
round-the-clock lockdown,

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

Only out for missions and class.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

Be grateful you have friends
who care for you.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

Too bad it's more
than they can say for you.

I underestimated you, Brewer.
Good work.

Max...

No.

Max...

D.E.B.S. stick together.

Max...

But do not misunderstand me,
I do not forgive you.

Max...

Max.

You! I don't even
wanna look at you.

Max.

You let me go on this whole time

Max.

Believing that she
was in trouble.

Max.

You can forget about
that recommendation.

Max.

Well, you're not
as boring as I thought,

but you are not
as bright either.

Well, you're not
as boring as I thought,

Bobby...

Don't.

Bobby...

Janet,

I am so sorry.

Janet,

All I ever wanted
was to earn my stripes.

Janet,

Because I
believe in it, you know?

Janet,

I believe in what we do.

Janet,

And now...

Janet,

Where is Lucy now?

I don't know.

Where is Lucy now?

Are you gonna see her again?

Where is Lucy now?

♪ Don't get bummed ♪

Where is Lucy now?

♪ Don't sell out
Don't give in ♪

Where is Lucy now?

♪ Don't f... your best friend ♪

Where is Lucy now?

♪ If everything
Is just the way it should be ♪

Where is Lucy now?

♪ Why am I
Why am I still hungry? ♪

Where is Lucy now?

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

♪ Don't get high
Expand your mind ♪

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

♪ Don't keep in touch
Don't touch your soul ♪

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

♪ Don't get along
And be somebody else ♪

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

♪ When everything
Is bad as it can be... ♪

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

Hey.

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

Hey.

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

♪ As bad as it can be... ♪

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

So, uh, you and me
going to endgame together?

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

Yeah. I guess.

♪ Don't be shy
Don't shut your eyes ♪

I still love you.

I know you still love me too.

I still love you.

Yeah.

My dad got this
on a drug bust in Malaysia.

Listen.

I've been thinking.

That whole Lizzy thing...
it's kinda hot.

I've been thinking.

See you tonight, babe.

You did the right thing.

Hey.

How do you do that?

For a top-secret
installation,

How do you do that?

Your security
really is for shit.

How do you do that?

You can't be here.

How do you do that?

Oh, I know.

How do you do that?

You say you can't see me,

How do you do that?

And then I see you anyway.

How do you do that?

It's kinda
this little game we play.

How do you do that?

Get out.

How do you do that?

Look, is this
about your friends?

How do you do that?

Because if it is, I can just
talk to them, you know.

How do you do that?

We can work out some sort
of détente-type thing.

How do you do that?

I said get out.
I'm warning you.

How do you do that?

Amy.

How do you do that?

How do you do that?

You have to go now.

It's your stupid friends.

Why don't you just think
for yourself for a change?

It's your stupid friends.

She's gone.

Are you okay?

She's gone.

She's gone.

She's gone.

I thought you were different!

She's gone.

She's gone.

She thinks I'm bad news?

Oh, I'll give her bad news.

She thinks I'm bad news?

What are you doing?

Australia's toast.

What are you doing?

What's your beef
with the Australians?

What are you doing?

I don't like their attitude.

What are you doing?

Okay.

What are you doing?

Hey.

What are you doing?

Scud, I don't know how this
happened to me, but...

being bad doesn't
feel good anymore.

Scud, I don't know how this
happened to me, but...

Do you love her?

You're willing
to give up all this,

life of crime,
the whole nine yards?

You're willing
to give up all this,

Whatever it takes.

All right, then.

We're going in.

All right, then.

What?

All right, then.

We got to get her back.

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ A little something
To make me sweeter ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

In a remarkable twist,

♪ I try to discover ♪

large sums of stolen money

♪ I try to discover ♪

have been reappearing
in bank accounts.

♪ I try to discover ♪

Authorities have been trying
to determine

♪ I try to discover ♪

the location of
these wire transfers,

♪ I try to discover ♪

however, have been unsuccessful
at this time.

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ I'm so in love with you ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ I'll be forever blue ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ That you give me no reason ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ Why you're making me
Work so hard ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ That you give me no
That you give me no ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ That you give me no
That you give me no ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ Soul ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ I hear you calling ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ Give a little respect ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ Would you open
Your arms out to me? ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ We can make love, not war ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ And live at peace
With our hearts ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ I'm so in love with you ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

Police received a surprise
package this morning,

♪ And if I should falter ♪

a shipment of stolen paintings

♪ And if I should falter ♪

estimated to be worth
$15 million.

♪ And if I should falter ♪

Insider sources say that the
artwork was originally taken

♪ And if I should falter ♪

by notorious supervillain
Lucy Diamond.

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ Don't you tell me no ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ Soul ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ I hear you calling ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ Give a little respect ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ And if I should falter ♪

She's out there somewhere.

It's time for plan B.

There's a plan B?

It's time for plan B.

Getting ready for tonight?

Hey, Mr. P.

Getting ready for tonight?

Tell me, Amy,
how are you getting along?

Okay, I guess.

Tell me, Amy,
how are you getting along?

You know, Amy, I found out
that in this business,

Tell me, Amy,
how are you getting along?

There isn't much room for love.

Tell me, Amy,
how are you getting along?

Love requires trust,
and trust requires honesty.

Tell me, Amy,
how are you getting along?

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

Of course.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

I got a perfect score

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

On the secret test in the SAT.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

Yes, you did.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

But... what does
that test measure?

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

I'm sorry?

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

I mean, Dominique
is a sex addict.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

Janet, she has a couple
of shoplifting convictions.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

Max? Well, she's
borderline psychotic.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

But nothing in my past indicated
that I'd be good at being a spy.

Mr. P., can I ask you
a question?

So why did I get
a perfect score?

The test measures
your ability to lie.

You are a perfect liar.

Oh.

Don't get me wrong.

Oh.

Perfect liars
make perfect spies.

Oh.

The rest we can teach,

Oh.

But subterfuge,
that comes naturally.

Oh.

Look, have fun tonight.

Endgame only happens
once a year.

Look, have fun tonight.

Enjoy yourself.

Look, have fun tonight.

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ If you're ready or not ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Don't let
The temperature drop ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Don't stop, don't stop
Don't stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ The block is hot ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Can't seem to cool down ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Give it all you got ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Viva la fever ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

♪ Icicles drop... ♪

♪ Everybody get high ♪

Okay, what's the plan?

There's security here,
here and here.

Okay, what's the plan?

We'll infiltrate
through the rooftop

Okay, what's the plan?

And take out
this set of guards here,

Okay, what's the plan?

Go through these vents,
rappel down the elevator shaft,

Okay, what's the plan?

And then bungee-jump
down to the dance floor.

Okay, what's the plan?

Okay, check. What next?

Okay, what's the plan?

Uh...

Okay, what's the plan?

"Tell her
that you love her."

Scud, that's your plan?

"Tell her
that you love her."

That's not a plan!

"Tell her
that you love her."

War is easy.
Love is hard.

"Tell her
that you love her."

Okay, so how's this?

"My tour of duty
behind enemy lines

Okay, so how's this?

"Has taught me to remain
vigilant to my core values:

Okay, so how's this?

"Bravery, loyalty and justice.

Okay, so how's this?

And so it is a great honour
for me to accept this award..."

Okay, so how's this?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so how's this?

What if she really loves her?

I mean, what if Lucy
makes her happy?

If you were really
her best friend,

you'd probably let her go.

If you were really
her best friend,

You can't decide
matters of the heart.

It is madness to try.

You can't decide
matters of the heart.

It's time.

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

explaining our version
of what happened

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

and expressing your gratitude
at being nontenured.

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

And... I'm sorry that
we've been fighting.

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

It's just... I really want
what's best for you.

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

I know.

Okay, so I just wrote down
a couple of words

All right. Your speech.

Attention, D.E.B.S.!

Dudes!

Attention, D.E.B.S.!

Once in a blue moon,

an exceptional young lady
comes along

Once in a blue moon,

who truly exemplifies
what it means to be a D.E.B.

Once in a blue moon,

Discipline. Energy. Beauty.

Once in a blue moon,

Lucy Diamond's been spotted
infiltrating the...

Once in a blue moon,

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

Nobody gets in or out
without my say-so.

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

Game over, Diamond.

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

I have spent my life defending
this great country of ours,

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

And I have learned one thing:

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

That sometimes
it's not on the battlefield

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

Where true courage is shown.

Secure every entrance
to this place, every floor.

Amy Bradshaw survived
one of the worst tragedies

that could happen
to a young lady.

Amy Bradshaw survived
one of the worst tragedies

Kidnapped...

Amy Bradshaw survived
one of the worst tragedies

held hostage...

for seven terrible days.

Matthews here.

For seven terrible days.

We're not seeing her.

For seven terrible days.

Look again!

For seven terrible days.

What fears she may have known,

for seven terrible days.

None of us can fully appreciate.

For seven terrible days.

But she has agreed to tell us
part of what she learned

for seven terrible days.

On her journey.

For seven terrible days.

It gives me
great pleasure tonight

for seven terrible days.

To give our greatest honour,

for seven terrible days.

The Mary Jane,

for seven terrible days.

To our very own perfect score,

for seven terrible days.

Amy Bradshaw!

For seven terrible days.

Courage.

"Courage" is a big word.

I did not know
what courage meant to me

until I endured
seven agonizing days

I did not know
what courage meant to me

in... captivity...

I did not know
what courage meant to me

captured and held hostage
by a madwoman.

Report.

Captured and held hostage
by a madwoman.

We've got nothing here.

captured and held hostage
by a madwoman.

It was a routine mission
gone terribly wrong.

I was separated from my squad
and knocked unconscious.

I was separated from my squad
and knocked unconscious.

I awoke in the arms
of the enemy.

Just the sound

of my desperate thoughts
to keep me company.

Just the sound

If there is corruption
in this city,

Lucy Diamond is behind it.

If there is corruption
in this city,

If there is indecency
to be found,

she is the root.

If there is indecency
to be found,

If there is evil in this world,

If there is indecency
to be found,

its name is Lucy Diamond.

If there is indecency
to be found,

Um...

It's not until moments like this

when you are forced
to take stock of yourself

It's not until moments like this

that you see
what you are made of.

It's not until moments like this

It's not until moments like this

when you have to remember
what's right and true,

It's not until moments like this

because it's moments like this
when you discover...

It's not until moments like this

what it truly means
to be a D.E.B.

Which is why I can't accept
this award from you tonight.

Because the truth is,

Which is why I can't accept
this award from you tonight.

The time I spent
with Lucy Diamond

Which is why I can't accept
this award from you tonight.

Were the happiest days
of my life.

Which is why I can't accept
this award from you tonight.

And the only brave thing

I've done this whole time

And the only brave thing

is what I'm doing now.

And the only brave thing

So if you'll excuse me...

I have a date with the devil.

Oh, my God!

Was that in the speech?

Oh, my God!

No, that's not in the speech.

Oh, my God!

Son of a...

Hostile has escaped

and is on the run
heading towards sector 12.

Hostile has escaped

It's Lucy Diamond! She's here!

Everybody, run for your lives!

It's Lucy Diamond! She's here!

It's Lucy Diamond! She's here!

Let's do this.

Oh, shit.

We've gotta stop
meeting like this.

I'm so sorry. I didn't even
know what I was do...

We've gotta stop
meeting like this.

Get a room.

You are AWOL, soldier.

Max, please.

You are AWOL, soldier.

Freeze!
Scud!

You are AWOL, soldier.

Yeah?
Not helping!

You are AWOL, soldier.

My bad.

You are AWOL, soldier.

Can't you see

You are AWOL, soldier.

She's breaking up the D.E.B.S.?

You are AWOL, soldier.

What did I tell you
the first time I met you?

You are AWOL, soldier.

"High-protein diets
are overrated."

You are AWOL, soldier.

After that.

That we'd always be friends.

I meant it.

That we'd always be friends.

Max!

If you break her heart, I will
hunt you down and kill you.

Deal.

I'm counting on you
to keep her honest.

I will.

I'm counting on you
to keep her honest.

You guys better get going.

I never really liked you, but...

I'm sad to see you go.

I never really liked you, but...

So where are you going to?

I think, Barcelona.

So where are you going to?

I'll miss you.

So where are you going to?

Can I have your room?
Sure.

So where are you going to?

Rule the school.

I always do.

Rule the school.

There's a service exit that way.

Good luck.

There's a service exit that way.

And, Amy...!

Be careful.

Which way did they go?

They went that way.

Which way did they go?

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

My stripes?

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

Really?
Really.

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

Thank you!
You're welcome.

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

Okay, okay. That's enough,
that's enough.

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

Okay.

Don't say I never
gave you nothing.

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

Yes!

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

I didn't ask you anything yet.

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

Whatever it is, yes.

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

Awesome.

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

So I was wondering
if maybe you wanted...

♪ Thinking of you
Yeah, I'm thinking all day ♪

♪ Think of your kiss, kiss
Kiss, kiss, on my lips ♪

♪ Thinking of you
Yeah, I'm thinking all day ♪

♪ I'll remember this always ♪

♪ Thinking of you
Yeah, I'm thinking all day ♪

♪ Got the goofiest grin
Got a big smile on my face ♪

♪ Hey, you, let's get out
Out, out, of this place ♪

♪ Got the goofiest grin
Got a big smile on my face ♪

♪ Grab my hand, let's go ♪

♪ Got the goofiest grin
Got a big smile on my face ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ And I tell you I remember ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Breaking you out
Through your bedroom window ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Sneaking you into
My parents' house ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Staying out all night ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Into the morning
Into the morning ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Breaking you out
Through your bedroom window ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Sneaking you into
My parents' house ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Staying out all night ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Into the morning ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Until the sun comes up
And ruins it all ♪

♪ Say it's young love
At its best ♪

♪ Monday morning, first class
Ditch it ♪

♪ We'll hang out, out, out
In the parking lot ♪

♪ Monday morning, first class
Ditch it ♪

♪ Only the two of us ♪

♪ Monday morning, first class
Ditch it ♪

♪ When we get to the stars
Come up late and watch them ♪

♪ It looks just like
The one in your eye ♪

♪ When we get to the stars
Come up late and watch them ♪

♪ Grab my hand, let's go ♪

♪ Young love at its best ♪

♪ Grab my hand, let's go ♪

♪ And I tell you I remember ♪

♪ Grab my hand, let's go ♪

♪ Breaking you out
Through your bedroom window ♪

♪ Grab my hand, let's go ♪