D.C. Cab (1983) - full transcript

[Woman]
Is anybody out there?

[Rattling]

[Creaking]

[Woman]
Is there anybody out there?

[Grunting]

- [Gasps]
- [Clattering]

- Oh, shit!
- [Tires Screeching]

[Panicked Gasping]

[Growling]

[Tires Screeching]

[Panting]



[Chuckles]
[Tires Squealing]

[Growls]

- [Wheezes]
- [Gasps]

[Yelling, Howling]

He's mine!
He's mine! He's mine!

- Time out, fool!
- [Coughs]

[Coughing
Continues]
I lost my roller.

Oh, shit.
Well, come on, y'all!
Help me find my roller!

Else my hair ain't
gonna come out right.

Suckers!
Catch me, motherfuckers!
[Masked Drivers Yelling]

[Cackling]

[Engine Revs]
[Tires Screeching]

[Drivers Yelling]

♪ [Vocalizing To
Mission Impossible Theme]



♪ [All Vocalizing]

Is anybody out there?
♪ [Men Singing "Mission:
Impossible Theme"]

Is anybody out there?

♪ [Blaring]
Watch it, child!
[Howling]

♪ [Singing Continues]

♪ ["Mission: Impossible
Theme" Continues]

I'm sorry, sir.
All of our cabs seem to be
busy right now.

♪ [Rock]

[Chorus]
♪ D.C. ♪

[Man]
♪ On the street
Under pressure ♪

♪ The city ain't just mean ♪
Hey! Hey, D.C. Cab!

D.C. Cab, hey!
♪ They cannot stand
against the odds ♪

♪ You can feel the heat ♪

[Chattering]
♪ It's make it or break it ♪

♪ Try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never
Keep your dream alive ♪

[Tires Screeching]

My cab ain't no motel!
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself!

You're
a pitiful specimen
of manhood!

And why ain't you
off the street
and get a decent job?

'Cause I need the bread!
Then, get a job
at the bakery!

♪ D.C. ♪

♪ I wanna be somebody
be a contender ♪

♪ Gotta reach for the sky ♪

♪ If you want it
fight for it ♪

♪ Or kiss it good-bye ♪

♪ It's make it or break it
Try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never
Keep your dream alive... ♪

♪ Around the clock... ♪

Hey!
[Man Making Guttural
Vocalizations]

Hey, hey!
Can you tell me where I can
find D.C. Cab Company?

Down there?
Uh-uh-uh.

Can you take me?
Uh-uh-uh-uh...

I'll pay ya!
Uh-uh!

♪ [Vocalizing Continues]

[Man Yelling]
Hey, mayday! Hey, hey! Mayday!
[People Shouting]

[Banging Noise]
♪ D.C. ♪

♪ It's make it or break it
Got to try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never
Keep your dream alive ♪

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street♪
[Driver] Yeah,
I'll be back in a second.

Hey, how ya doin'?
Look, I gotta be real quick.

I got a very nervous
passenger in here.
[Passenger Shouting]

Yeah, I'll be with ya
in a second. Hold yer kazoo.
[Shouting Continues]

Okay, that's my thing.
Continue on.

I don't know what I'm doin'.
I'm wastin' my time.
Nobody lives there anyway.

It's a goddamn Amityville
Horror in there! It's an evil
house that runs the world!

You know, on the news
they always say,

"The White House said this.
The White House said that."
They're not kidding.

The house talks
Nobody lives there.

All right.
All right.
Hey, hey!

Get outta here!
Hey! Hey!

♪ D.C. ♪

[Chattering]

♪ It's make it or break it
Got to try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never ♪
Hey,
get out of here!

♪ Keep your dream alive ♪
[Arguing,
Indistinct]

[Chattering]

♪ On the street
under pressure ♪

Bye, baby.
Thanks.
Any time, Miss...

Taxi!
Oh, shoot!

Taxi!
♪ It's make it
or break it ♪

♪ Try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never
Keep your dream alive ♪

Thank you.
♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ [Continues]

Watergate Hotel, please.

Where to, baby?
Nowhere with you!

Tough to be a man, baby.

[Horn Honking]
[Chattering, Indistinct]

[Honking Continues]
Can't you hear me?

Move!
What the hell
are you doin'?

[Honking Continues]
What are you two doin'?
Get back in the cab!

[Shouting,
Indistinct]

[Truck Driver
Cries Out]

He looks good
up there,
doesn't he?

Good mornin', baby!
[Cackles]

[Huffs]
Come on.
Come on.

Come on.
Thank you, baby.
[Cackling]

♪ Don't ever say never
Keep your dream alive ♪

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street
down the block ♪

♪ Around the clock, yeah
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ The dreams you hear
with the streets that talk ♪

♪ Around the clock, yeah
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street
down the block ♪

♪ Around the clock,
yeah, we're gonna rock ♪

God.

Don't let your dick
run your life.

- Huh?
- You heard me.

I said,
♪ Don't let your dick
run your life ♪

That's Mr. Rhythm's
good advice.

Saved your ass.
Only cost you a quarter.

Oh.

Can you, uh... Can you
tell me where I can find,
uh, Harold Oswell?

- Harold Oswell?
- [Disgusted Sigh]

If you're
a process server,
he ain't here.

I'm Albert.
Albert Hockenberry.

What,
Deke's boy?

[Chuckles]
This one?

No, this one.
[Laughs]

Goldarn!
Oh, geez!

[Ringing]
You know, Myrna, I'm really
getting sick of this.

Every time I go out,
I get robbed by the same guy
in a ski mask.

Could someone
get the phone?
[Ringing Continues]

Say hello
to Ophelia.
Hi.

And this is Miss Floyd,
our dispatcher.
And this is Baba.

I quit, Harold.
And, uh,

this is my wife,
Myrna.

- Myrna, you remember
Deke Hockenberry from 'Nam?
- Mmm?

This is
his little kid, Albert.

He just hitchhiked up here
from Locust Grove, Georgia.

- Pleased to meet you,
Mrs. Oswell.
- How do you do?

Ow! Hey, hey, baby.
Where's my wheels?

There's women all over D.C.
waiting for me!
Okay, come on.

Excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, I'm sorry.

Uhh!

Myrna, you know
the only thing wrong
with oral sex?

[Chuckling]
Huh?

The view!
[Cackles]

Oh, shit.
"The view."

Hey, uh, I sent you
a letter sayin' I was comin'.
Didn't you get it?

Must've got in
with the bills.

♪ [Stereo: Rock]

Tyrone!

- Where you think you're going?
- I'm goin' to work, babe.

Not before I get my lease money
for the last two weeks.

I got it right here, Harold!
You know I'm always
take care of you.

I always take care
of your money. Here.

You know that, man.

And the 20 you owe me,
brother.
Damn.

- Here!
- And the 10 you owe me
for the baseball pool.

Bloodsuckers!
[Cackling]

[Harold] Where'd you get
all this money, Tyrone?
Where do you think the money!

I've been workin'
drivin' this cab all day.

- Uh-oh!
- You. Come here.

Well, well, well, Mr. Bravo,
our friendly hack inspector.

What it is! Run it down!
What's happenin', fly?

What you buggin' me
about now?

A short trip to the airport,
which you are not licensed
to make anyway...

a trip that should've
cost 12 bucks,

and you charged
Mr. and Mrs. Tomatsu...

$195?

They had
a lot of luggage!

You know, Harold,
this company's a disgrace
to the hack bureau.

I ought to close
you down right now!
Yeah, yeah. All right.

Don't worry about it,
Mr. Bravo.
What is he, crazy?

I got the money.
No harm done.
Here it is, folks.

Don't listen to him!
I got $195 right here.
No, no.

You're gonna press charges,
aren't you?

No.
No, I don't think so.

All right. They're not gonna
press changes, but I'm still
gonna try and close you, Harold!

[Harold]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.

And you, I'm gonna
have your hack license!
What are you, crazy?

Hey, man.
We're working hard,
doin' the best we can.

And all you wanna do
is close us down.
Where's a cat like you at?

If you had any education,
you'd know that you don't end
a sentence with a preposition.

Oh, okay!
So, where you at,
asshole?

Tyrone!
[Laughing]

[Tires Screeching]

[Tourists Gasping]
[Relieved Sigh]

[Laughing]

[Men Shouting
In Foreign Language]

[Bravo]
Calm down!
[Overlapping Shouting]

[Laughing,
Imitating Asian Language]

[Commotion Continues]

♪ [Reggae]

♪ Vietnam, Vietnam ♪

♪ Vietnam, Vietnam ♪

♪ Vietnam, Vietnam ♪

♪ Vietnam
Yesterday, I got a letter ♪
Go on. Put it on. It's yours.

♪ From my friend
fighting in Vietnam ♪

♪ And this is
what he had to say ♪

- ♪ Tell all my friends ♪
- [Laughter]

♪ That I'll be
coming home soon ♪
[Laughter Continues]

♪ [Continues]

Did you leave me a beer?

Sure, honey. I mean,
there-there's several in the...
in the... fridge.

Uh...

I'm sorry I didn't make it
to your dad's funeral.

Hey, funerals
are bullshit,
anyways.

I'll get
your bed made.

Hey! I can't believe
I'm here, huh?
[Harold] You are.

"Don't be like me,"
my old man used to say.

"Be like Harold.
Be your own boss."

He said you
were the only guy
who came home...

and made his big dreams
come true.

Well, not all of
my dreams came true.

[Door Slams]
Hey, you're gonna be
real comfortable here.

It... It...
It's better than it looks.
I-I've slept here myself.

A lot.

And if you get cold,

I got a, uh,
[Laughs]

another little war souvenir.

So, if you want
to start yourself
a cozy little fire...

[Laughs]

[Chuckles]
John's upstairs
to your left.

Hey, I... I got a few bucks
put away. I don't want to be
in the way here.

As long as you're in D.C.,
you're stayin' here
with Myrna and me.

I-I'm not just visitin'.

I'm here to break
into the business.

- What business?
- Cab business.

♪ One, two, cha-cha-cha
Three, four, cha-cha-cha ♪

[Tires Screeching]
[Horn Honking Out
"La Cucaracha"]

[Xavier]
Well, Albert, it's tough
to be a cabdriver, baby.

That's why I became
a gigolo, baby.
Gigolo?

Yeah, you know,
"Richard Hutton,"
"Lauren Gere."

You know,
"roll me in designer sheets..."
the American Gigolo.

Oh, okay.
Yeah!
See, I use my cab...

to meet rich women...
congressmen's wives,
senator's wives.

Hey, I find the right one,
and she keeps me in style.
Yeah?

And then
I give up drivin'. Because
it's tough to be a man, baby.

And, it's tougher
to be a cabdriver.

It's not easy
being a passenger,
either!

[Tires Screeching]
You see any cops?

Oh, if there were any,
we lost 'em.
[Laughs]

Thanks.
You got it, man.

You've got
a lovely figure, ma'am.
Thank you very much.

Albert, did you know
that D.C. is 75% nig,

black, colored,
whatever you're callin' 'em?

And you made a good move
gettin' in now, just like me.

'Cause,
like in the army...

Like nobody ever
goes in the army anymore,
except blacks.

Someday one nigger's
gonna wake up and say,

"We got the guns and
the mustard gas and the tanks.
We could run the army!"

And they're gonna take over
the whole country, and we'll
be in with them already.

We'll be token whites.
Think about it.

[Woman]
Venus Club,
and I'm late.

Ma'am, what?
Venus Club,
and I'm late.

Listen, boys.

I've got to work topless
in five minutes,

and I've got to get out
of this bra, so it doesn't
make any marks on my body.

So this ain't no show
for your boys.

[Dell]
Yes, ma'am.

Ma'am,
you're with two fine
Southern gentlemen.

Here we are.

Hey, where my fare?

Call the cops,
wise ass.

Your first stiff, Albert.
Happens all the damn time.

Go get the money
she owes us.

Go!

[Dancers Chattering]
I know!

Oh, excuse me.
What are you
doing here?

Steve, this guy
is trying to cop of feel.

♪ One more time around
the block ♪
Low-life.

♪ I feel ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna feel ya ♪

♪ Touchin' me once more ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ One more time
around the block ♪

♪ I'm gonna feel ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna steal ya ♪

♪ [Continues, Indistinct]
[Patrons Cheering]

[Triumphant Shouting]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[Hysterical Shouting]

He's got my money!
He's got my money!

Get your hands
off of me!

[Horns Honking]
[Man] Hey, your car's
goin' backwards, stupid!

[Buzzy]
Hey, Albert. When we
leave to open our gym,

don't let Harold stick you
with this piece of shit!

Hey, you're goin'
backwards!
Hey,
I know, all right!

My cab's broken!
It'll only go in reverse!

I'm bringin' it
to the shop!

Take it easy, huh?
Asshole!

We should just
leave the cab, guys.
Take it easy, Albert.

We've never been
in a car accident ever.
Never.

Yeah, but, uh,
our brother-in-law, Ralphie,
he was in one.

Listen to this.
Listen to this.

He's drivin' with his boss
next to him...
Uh-huh.

and out from nowhere
this truck smashes into him
doin' 70 miles an hour.

Raphie looks over at his boss
and what does he see?

He sees that his body
was cut in half.

His upper half of his body
was, like, impaled
onto the upholstery.

And the other half of his body
was, like, lyin' on the floor...

with the blood
and the guts
hangin' out of it.

But the half of him on the seat
is still fuckin' alive!
He was still conscious.

His heart's
hangin' out of him,
drainin' blood.

He looks down at himself
and he looks over to Ralphie,
and he says...

"Oh, my God!
I'm dead!"

[Buddy, Buzzy Yelling]

[Cackling]

♪ [Funk]

Albert, you got to know
your districts.

This is the worst,
right here.
Just look at this.

♪ I was workin' beyond
I cannot be outdone ♪

♪ I'm a winner ♪

Now, listen up!

How many times I got
to tell you kids to stay away
from this drug-dealin' pimp?

And you, slime, if it's
the last thing I do, I'm gonna
get these kids away from you!

- Hey, no you're not!
Get on outta here!
- Uncle Samson!

Oh, good to see ya!
Good to see ya!

Albert,
I want you to meet
my niece, Jolene.

Oh, hi. Hi.
Jolene,
this is Albert.

I'm teachin' him
to be a cabdriver.
Let's take you to school.

Yeah!

♪ Baby, you got to
be a world champion ♪

♪ I cannot be outdone
I'm a winner ♪

♪ I stay on the winnin' team
with the glitter
and the gleam ♪

♪ No beginner ♪

It's the car, Albert.
I can't keep 'em away
from the car.

Always wanted
to do something for the kids
in the neighborhood.

But I wound up
in this cab,

stuck like a turtle
in his shell.

Bein' a cabby
don't mean nothin'
in this world.

So, Albert find somethin'
to do with yourself.

Don't become
a turtle like me.

Okay. Well, if you want
to drive a cab, you're gonna
have to pass the test.

And, if you're gonna pass
the test, you're gonna have
to know the zones.

So, which zone is the...
Treasury Building in?

Ticktock.
Ticktock.
1-C.

2-D?
Ticktock,
ticktock.

- Ticktock, ticktock.
- 1-C.

Wrong! Arrgh!
2-D.

[Harold]
All right.
Which, uh...

Whi... Hey.
Hey,
how was the movie?

Albert, my mother
did not raise me
to be a maid!

How many times
do I have to tell you
to pick up your socks?

Sorry, Myrna.

Come on. Let's go.
Which zone is the...

the Watergate Hotel in?
3-A.

Ticktock, tocktick.
No one
left me a beer!

Harold, you know
that I can't sleep
unless I have a beer...

while I'm watching
Johnny Carson.

I'm, uh,
sorry, Myrna.
No, you're not.

If you were sorry
you wouldn't have done it
to begin with.

I'll go get us a six-pack.
No, I don't want
a beer now.

I'm gonna get you
a beer, Myrna.
I'll get the beer.

No, I will get the beer!
I will get in the car and go
over to Open All Night,

where Rayette St. Clair
almost got mugged
and murdered the other night.

Hey-hey-hey.
You're getting ridiculous
about a beer.

I work
seven days a week...

For no money, I put up
with a pack of savages,

and all I ask for is a beer
so I can watch Johnny!

I'm gonna get you a beer!

[Myrna] If the Clydesdale
horses driven by Ed McMahon...

were to march down
Pennsylvania Avenue
to bring me the entire brewery,

I wouldn't drink
a beer now!
[Door Slams]

♪ [ Tonight Show Theme]
[Sighs]

I'll be right back.
Oh, hey.
I'll go with you.

My life ain't all your daddy
cracked it up to be, is it?

Hey. It's tough
to be a man, baby!

Dell!
Dell, Dell, Dell.

I passed my test. When will...
When will I get my license?

After you go through
the F.B.I. and the C.I.A.,
then you're okay.

Then, you got
to wear a fish costume
and blow the mayor.

[Xavier Laughs]

Hey, Bongo. Bongo.
Can I ride with you today?

Why?
I don't know.

I want you to tell me
about Jamaica and Kingston
and you know.

Jamaica?
How would I know?
I'm from Cleveland.

♪ Ohh ♪

Well, good mornin', honey.
Come on! Come on!

Come on! We're gonna have
to stop meetin' like this.
[Laughs]

[Tires Screeching]
Hey... Hey, Harold!

Yeah?
Passed!

Hey, good goin', Albert.
That's it, Harold,
I quit!

That's the third time I've been
ripped off by the same punk,
and I'm not havin' it no more.

You can't quit on me, Ophelia.
Listen, honey. you're the only
good driver I got.

Watch me!
Now, wait.

I don't work for you,
no way. I work for some punk
in a ski mask.

I'm going
over to Emerald
and drive for them.

You're not... Hey!
You're not gonna be happy
at Emerald and you know it.

I don't deserve
to be this happy.

I'm going to Emerald, where
nobody gets robbed 'cause they
know how to pay off the cops.

All right. But listen to me,
will ya? I got... Oh, no. Wait.
Now, wait now. Come on.

Now, you got to listen to me.
Listen, you can't leave now,
okay? I've got an idea.

I got somethin' I think
is gonna make this company
start to work.

You can't leave now.
Listen, Harold.
I like you, all right?

And I tried
to stick it out here.
But you ain't got no company.

No, that's what I...
You have an asylum,
all right?

I mean, you got
this animal magnetism.
You attract animals.

Come here. Come here
Come here. Come here.
Come here.

Come here.
Let's you and me
go have a beer.

I don't want to go
have a beer, 'cause you
ain't gonna do nothin'...

but try to talk me out
of leavin' again.
No, no. I won't do that.

Let's just
go have a beer.

[Sighs]
Okay.
Okay?
Put your stuff here, okay?

You put it there.
All right.

I'll be back in an hour.

Dell? Dell!
You okay?

Never better!
Just doin' some
intestinal yoga!

[Both Laughing]

[Albert]
You do drugs, Dell?
[Dell] I don't remember!

Dell!
Hey, Dell, darlin' baby.

[Dell]
Hey, you been missin' me?
Oh, you know I have!

[Overlapping Chatter]
You see this face? It's leavin'
town in five minutes. Be on it!

[Women Squealing]

♪ [Up-tempo Dance]

[Dell Cackling]

Hello, sweetheart!
[Chattering,
Laughing]

Hello,
sweetheart.

Hey, Dell! This looks like
a great place to pick up fares!
Might get lucky.

[Dell Whoops, Laughs]
Come here, Albert. Look.

Look at those
fine-lookin females.
Hot to trot!

Those guys are faggots!
Yeah, but women
love that shit!

- [Woman On P.A.]
That's the show, girls!
- There they come, damn it!

- Come on, ladies!
- [Women Squealing]

♪ [Continues]

[Yelling, Indistinct]

All right!
You, you, you...
We're about to party!

[Albert]
Hey, Dell!
Yeah.

Can I go with you?
Not tonight.

[Xavier] Carpooling,
what a beautiful idea!

Get in, sweetheart.
Don't you worry about the fare.
We'll work out something!

Xavier! Xavier!
You got room for me, huh?
Not today, baby!

You're on your own!
Buzzy!

Buzzy. Bu-Buzzy.
Got room?
No room!

Hey, ladies!
So where we goin'?

[Buzzy]
Your place or mine!
[Cackles]

Wow! Wild Time!

♪ [Scatting]

Hey, you got a good word,
Mr. Rhythm?
Hey, Mr. Rhythm say,

"If you can go through
the night till dawn
without committin' suicide,

then you okay!"

Uh, I don't think
I'll pay you for that one,
Mr. Rhythm.

♪ [Scatting]

Huh.
♪ [Scatting]

♪ [Jazzy Synthesizer]

You're a real fine
musician, Baba.
Yeah?

Well, I guess my fame
and fortune attest to that.

But,
I'm not complaining.

Music... is still
the best way I know
to fight off...

a little thing
I like to call
the "Big Fear."

Death.
Death.

♪ [Plays Chords]
No, not death.

Death, believe me,
is a little fear.

The Big Fear...
the real fear...

is that hard times
might squeeze you so bad,

you'll be drivin'
every day of the week.

It's the fear that
the music you're writing or...

your brilliant first novel
that's, like, a draft away...

from being
a best-seller or...

your plans for law school...
have to wait.

You see, Albert,
after all that it takes...

the hopes
and dreams and...

the whole bag of tricks
that you need...

just to walk around
on the planet...

Well,
the Big Fear, Albert,

is that you're
becoming a cabdriver.

[Woman]
♪ I'm lost in this crowd ♪

[Chattering]

Heads up! Heads up!
Myrna. Myrna.

[Waitress] Okay,
which one was yours?

Myrna, when you gonna
quit holdin' out on me?

You know I can suck the white
right off your teeth.

Oh, please,
I have a headache.
You have a headache, really?

Heal!
Heal this woman!

Dell!
Heal this woman!

That's enough!

Can I ride with you today,
Tyrone?

Can you ride with me?
What, is you drunk?

Ride with me?
[Laughs]

- ♪ Single heart ♪
- ♪ Single heart ♪

♪ Looking for another ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Single heart ♪
♪ Single heart ♪

♪ Looking for another ♪

♪ Single heart ♪
♪ Single heart ♪

♪ Looking for another ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

- ♪ Ooh... ♪
- And take your eyes
off my granddaughter, cabby!

Well, well, well.
If it ain't Deceased Cab.

And the war hero here.
[Chuckles]

♪ Fighting soldiers
from the sky ♪

When are you gonna
come to work for number one?

Ophelia?
Then, you'll be around
real men, honey.

Hey, we want
anymore shit outta you,
we'll squeeze your head!

- Hey, come here, fuckface!
- Don't you go talkin' trash
in my place!

Yeah, trash!
Huh?

Marty, Marty,
Marty, Hearty.

Got a pail of oats for
the last of the Mohicans here.

[Overlapping Shouts]

- [Shouts Continue]
- [Whistling]

Mr. Ernesto.

I love this man
and not because he's
the hack inspector,

but because
he is a marvelous
human being.

Oh, hey. Did you get
that, uh, case of wine
I sent over for you?

Marty, anything he wants,
put it on our tab.
No. No, thank you.

I don't have any time
for breakfast.
Uh, listen up, cabbies!

Did any of you...

have this passenger
in your cab?

[Overlapping Chatter]

That's too bad,
because he left
a very precious violin...

worth $1/2 million
in a cab!

[Commotion]

Did you find it!
Did you find it!

Jolene!

Get out! Jolene!
Get out of here!

Get out! I'll kill you,
punk, if I ever see you
with my niece again!

And that goes
for your boys too!

Go ahead!
Go ahead!
[Yells]

[Laughing]

Girl, did he touch you?
Did he put his hands on you?
Uh-uh.

I didn't nothin' bad.
I swear, Uncle Samson.

I just wanted to ride
in his pretty car!

I swear
I didn't do nothin' bad,
Uncle Samson!

[Sobbing]
I didn't do nothin' bad.

It's the car, Harold.
It's that car!

No violin!
No money! No Mercedes!

Aw, shit!

What do you want?
I am ridin' with you today,
Tyrone!

Oh, now, let me
get this straight.

You're like this honky dude
from the deep South...

who digs workin'
with the brothers, right?

No, Tyrone.
I'm from the new South,
where we're all brothers.

Ah! That's cool.

[Laughing]
[Baby Crying]

A little funky for you
here in the new South,
brother?

[Laughs]
No, it's fine.
[Indistinct]

My man!

Soul-brother number one.
[Snickers]

[Woman]
There's the British Embassy,
Albert, and the Brazilian.

And up ahead
is the embassy
where we work.

Tyrone drives us to work
every day.

So, Denise,
when you goin' out
with me?

Why should I go out with you?
'Cause I'm black
and I'm beautiful!

[Laughing]
Well,
so is Lola Falana,

but you don't see me
goin' out with her.

All right!
Oh, yeah!

[Tyrone]
Okay, now, here we are!
Get out fast!

Quick!
Get out before they see me!
Who?

- There they are! My babies!
- [Children Shouting]

- Ohh!
- It's too late!

[Matty] I couldn't wait
to see my babies this mornin'.
[Children] Hi, Matty!

Ohh!
Are you all right?
Now, how many times...

have I told you
not to throw eggs at Tyrone?

Be cool.
We ain't supposed to be here
without an airport license.

What are we doin' here?
You're hangin'
with a thief.

Yo, brah! Yo, brah!
What's up? What's up?

Yo, man. You need a cab
or do you travel O.J. Simpson?

Yeah, we need a cab.
Well, all right.

Albert, get out.
Open the trunk for these
fine people, man.

So, where y'all goin'?
What it look like?
[Man Shouting]

Oh, shit!
Get back in, Albert!
Get back in!

[Shouting Continues]
Let me see your license!
[Yelling]

[Shouting Continues]

They won't follow.
They don't want to lose
their place on line.

Ah! Fuck you!

Oh, sucker,
12:00 and high!

[Tires Screeching]

Take me
to the National Airport.

That's the other airport
way across town.
Cost you 50 bucks!

Should've asked him
for a hundred, huh?

Hey,
he passed out cold.
Huh?

[Tires Squeal]
National Airport!
Fifty bucks!

[Whimpers]

Hey, you can't take...
Watch me.
Watch me.

I'm teachin' you how
to get over in the city!
Here.

That's right.
Have a nice day, sir.
Have a good day.

Take care of yourself.
Get home safe.
What you talkin' about?

[Muttering]
This is 50 bucks less
he'll spend on booze!

I just gave
his liver a break.
Look at that, man!

Fifty dollars!
Yeah, well,
I won't let you be a thief.

Yo, what's wrong...
Oh, man!

Jesus, Tyrone!
Ain't I just
a bad dumbass nigger?

Yeah! And why don't for once
take those goddamn rollers
out of your hair?

You got it.

Yeah. Yeah.

All this time
you think I'm just
a crazy dumbass nigger...

with green rollers
in his hair, huh?

Well, that's good!

'Cause that's just what
I want everybody to think.

Get out of my cab, fool.
Get out of my cab.

You just like
all those fools in college.

Yeah, another surprise!
I got myself into college.

Was gonna get me
a Mercedes.

But I got hip
to the scam, man!

I showed 'em.

Dropped out.
Told them what they can do
with their college.

And now, this system's
got one more...

crazy, dumbass nigger
just like it deserves.

Hey, Tyrone, just stop it!
Just stay out of my way,
Albert...

white-bread,
chickenshit Hockenberry.

Stay out of my way!

Hey. Hey!

Hey, come on!

[Jet Passing Overhead]

I bet you're gonna tell
Harold all about the drunk...

and how I left you
out here, ain't you?

Not if you let me ride
with you tonight, Tyrone.

Shit!

♪ [Cabbies Singing
"Mission: Impossible Theme"
Over Radio]

♪ [Theme Continues]

♪ [Stops]
I hope you're satisfied,
Hockenberry!

I'm missin' out on the game
tonight because of you!
Hey, well, I like games.

This game is only for psychic
blood-brothers of D.C. Cab!

Yeah, well, how, uh...
how do I become one?

Go out there
and dig up three bodies.

[Laughs]
I'm only shittin' ya,
white bread.

There's only three ways
known to man to become
a psychic blood-brother.

One, you got to get
a hack license.
Well, I'm gettin' mine.

Two,
you got to get a mask!
Oh, that's easy.

And three,

you got to make The Run!

"The Run"?

The Run.

[Engine Idling]

Whoa! Okay!
[Tyrone]
Come on. Get in!

Dig this, white bread.
This is The Run!

Now, we gonna stay
on these tracks all night
until we make a man out'cha.

Yo, dig this, man.
Dell has the record
for the longest run...

seven miles...
all the way to Green Street!
Seven miles. No shit?

Yeah, man. But we gonna
beat it tonight, brother,
me and you.

Listen to my baby!
Ah, yeah!

[Woman]
♪ I've been chasin' dreams ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ Just one step behind ♪

♪ And then there goes ♪

- ♪ Illusions of love ♪
- Like that music, man?

Yeah.
Know who that is?
That's Irene Cara, man!

Look at this woman.
Ain't she fine?
Look at her, man.

What's happenin', baby?
What it look like?

Ain't she fine?
Check it out, man! When you
gonna let me bust it out?

- ♪ Everybody knows ♪
- Uh, I got one question,
Tyrone.

- How do you know
when the train's comin'?
- You don't!

You just got
to deal with it, man!

I see. I see.
This is The Run!
This is it! This is it!

You lookin' at it!
[Laughing]
Oh, I see how it works now.

I love it.
Let's get off.

♪ [Continues]

Goddamn, man! Jesus!
♪ [Stops]

You gonna be chickenshit
all your life, Albert?

And don't think I feel sorry
for you 'cause your daddy died!

My daddy came back
from the Korean War
with his brain so scrambled...

he thought he was Jesus!

They put him
in a nuthouse for five years.
When he came out,

he didn't think
he was Jesus no more.

He thought he was God!

- Which made me Jesus.
- [Train Horn Blaring]

- [Tyrone]
His shit got pretty heavy!
- Hey, hey, Tyrone!

- Oh, shit!
- [Engine Revs, Tires Squeal]

Tyrone!
Get us the hell outta here,
will you?

[Panicked Shouting]

[Horn Blasting]

- [Tires Screeching]
- Go forward! Go back!

Not backwards! Go forward!
Get us outta here!

[Horn Blaring]
[Tyrone Babbling]

If I get killed, I'm gonna
kick your ass! Jump!

- Jump!
- [Albert]
My hand's caught!

I'm caught!
I'm caught, Tyrone!

- I'm gonna die!
- Aw, shit!
[Indistinct Shouting]

- [Tyrone]
Oh, shit! It's too late!
- [Both Screaming]

- [Screaming Continues]
- [Tyrone]
I don't wanna die!

I don't wanna die!
[Babbling]

I don't wanna die!
Whoo, I don't wanna die!

[Tyrone Gasping, Weeping]

[Both Panting]

I knew it was on
the other tracks all the time!
Just testin' your ass!

[Laughs]

[Mocking Snicker]

[Swoons]

Hey, Tyrone.
Hey, you were willin'
to save my life.

I won't forget it.

You're okay for a white bread.
But you still can't be no
psychic blood-brother.

You're still too chickenshit.
And what you doin'
to those boots?

My daddy's boots.
He left 'em to me.

Uh, they're
a couple of sizes too big.

They slip off if I don't
stuff some paper in 'em.

Okay, now, you take us in,
but don't be sneakin' no looks
at my picture of Irene.

I don't want to have
to hurt nobody.
[Engine Starts]

Hey, Baba!
You seen Albert or Tyrone?

Yeah, they eloped
and moved to Jersey.
[Man Yelling]

[Harold]
Where's Albert and Tyrone?
[Dell] They went to Mass.

[Overlapping Chatter]

[Dell]
Harold, was that a violin?

[Harold]
Holy shit! The violin!
[Cabbies Shouting]

- Good mornin'.
- Just give him the money,
Albert.

Yeah. Just give me
the money, Albert.

- Stop it or you're dead!
- Albert! Albert!

- [Tyrone]
Albert! Jesus, man!
- [Robber Cries Out]

Albert!
See, Tyrone!
I ain't no chickenshit!

Be chickenshit, Albert!
Now's the time!

[Excited Chattering]
All right!
Just everybody hold it!

Mr. Rhythm, do you know
which cab you found it in?

Of course, I do.
It was the yellow one.

[All Shouting]

I'm gonna shoot you, man!
I will!

Yeah, at this speed,
you'll die too!

Miss Floyd, I'm comin' in
with a gun to my head!

A gun?
Shut up about that violin!

Albert's coming in
with a gun to his head!

[Buddy]
Let's go!

Oh, shit. I'm goin'
to nigger heaven. I don't
wanna go to nigger heaven.

[Screams]

Damn you! Stop this thing or
I'm gonna blow your brains out!

Yeah?
Then you got to deal
with my friends.

[Cabbies Clamoring]

Give him the gun.
I don't want the gun!

No, I don't want the gun!
I don't want the gun!

All right, motherfucker!
[Snickers]

Now, you gonna give back to
the United Negro College Fund!

Tyrone, you got him!
You got him!
[Excited Shouts]

No, wait a minute!
Don't shoot him!
Don't shoot him!

No! It's him!
It's him!

- [Commotion Continues]
- [Albert]
Yo! Hey, it's him!

[Albert]
Hey, get him! What the hell's
the matter with you?

[Gasps]
Good morning.

And good night.
[Agonized Groan]

Okay, okay,
Ophelia.
And where's my money?

Okay! Okay!
Let me hit him.
Let me hit him...

Hey, Tyrone.
I thought I lost you,
brother.

Sure.
Two white guys up in front.
Nigger in the back with a gun.

What do you expect?
Are you okay, Tyrone?

Now, I am!
Oh!

Listen.
Let me tell you somethin'.

You're lucky
those pork chops didn't shoot ya
and say you was crazed on P.C.P.

'Cause that's what they always
say about everybody they shoot.

And I think they're lacin'
the bullets with P.C.P.

That way, they got an alibi
for killin' everybody.
Now, think about it.

[Chattering]

Excuse me.
Where's the violin?

[Man]
I got a guitar.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Where is it?
- Well, uh, we want to know
about our reward.

Yeah.
What about the reward?

Whatever the reward is,
it's gonna go to Harold,

'cause he's the one who owns
whatever cab it was found in,
all right?

All right! Hold it!
[Whistling]
I want my money, man!

All right, hold it!
I've made a decision.

Okay, if there is a reward,
Myrna and I are gonna share it
with everybody.

Harold!
All right.
Okay.

All right. Now, listen!
And we can all take our money...

- and go crazy.
- Ahhh!

Harold!
I might go crazy too.

But if we do that,
we come back, there isn't
gonna be a cab company.

'Cause the bank's
gonna shut us down,
if Bravo doesn't do it first.

So, I'm gonna ask
somethin' of you,

that you make
an investment in D.C. Cab.

You just want us to give
the money back to you?

- But the money's not
the main issue, Dell.
- Well, maybe not to you.

Harold,
let me ask you something.
Are you saying that...

- we'd be like...
like partners?
- Yeah.

- No! Never!
- [All Shouting]

Come on!
Hear me out!
Hold it!

Hold it!
Hear me out!
Listen, guys!

This morning, we went
out in the street together...

as a team!

If we could pool our forces,
[Scoffs]

we... we could pay off
the loan.

We could paint the cabs.

Hey, man! We could
get airport licenses!

Yeah, we might be able to make
some payoffs like Emerald does.
I heard that.

We could get
our own jackets.
Oh, jackets!

I don't want
no jacket.
The thing is that...

we would share in the profits,
and we'd share
in the responsibilities.

If I wanted responsibility,
I would've a damn sex surrogate!

Yeah!
Dig it, man!

[All Shouting]

Mister. Now, someday,
a handsome young man
who is not a cabby....

is gonna walk
through that door...

carryin' flowers
and chocolates
and some other gifts.

And he is gonna
present himself
and ask permission...

to take Claudette out
on a respectable date.

Now, until that time,

I want you to think
of this place as a convent...

and her as a nun!

Get it?
N-O-N-E!

Get out!
All right! I want
everybody to get out!

Get out!
Get out!

[Shouting, Arguing Continue]

I want my goddamn money!
Fuck you!

I want
my goddamn money!

Hey, it'll be
all right, okay?

Uh,
I think they're
comin' around.

[Chuckles]
What about you?

You gonna be a part
of the new D.C. Cab?

Well, I didn't think
my vote counted.

Well, it does now.

My hack license?
[Excited Gasps]

Whoo!
[Joyous Grunt]

♪ [Horn Honking Out
"La Cucaracha"]

Hey, baby!
Congratulations!

Welcome to the wonderful world
of minimum wages!

[Laughs]
Thanks.

- Where to, ma'am?
- Just drive.

You know, you're my first fare.

Just sightseeing?

Look, lady.
Uh...
Hi, Albert!
[Laughing]

Claudette!

[Both Laughing]

Attention, all units.
Harold has something
to tell you.

Uh, any of you guys
who are interested
in a $10,000 reward...

be at my house
by 9:00 tonight.

Harold!

[Horns Honking]

[Laughing]
[Ecstatic Yelling]

Whooooo! Whoooo!
Whooo!

$10,000!
I'm gonna get $10,000!

Get out of my cab!
I'm rich!
[Grumbling]

Get out of my cab!
I'm rich! Get out of my cab!
I'm fucking rich!

No, Harold! No!

They minute they get ahold
of our money, they're gone!

Honey, when they see that
we're actually willing
to share the money,

they're gonna put it back
in the company.

Haven't you ever heard
of an act of faith?

Harold,
you have faith in God!

You have faith
in your country!

You do not have faith
in the eight stooges!

Well, I do,

and I think you're gonna
be real surprised tonight.

Harold!
Please, Harold, don't!

[Soft Moaning]

Oh, what a great day, huh?
[Giggles]

My first cab, the reward money,
and you came to see me.

Mmm!
My grandmother...

will never let me go out
with a cabdriver.

Mm. Well,
she's got no right.

Mm. Until I turn 18
next May,

she's my legal guardian.

Well, we can just
stay right here till May.

[Exhales Deeply]
Mm.

You'll find
someone else by then.

Bye, Albert.

♪ Single heart ♪

♪ Looking for another ♪

[All Shouting, Indistinct]
It's not your money anyway.

[Shouting Continues]

Hey, Harold!
What the hell's going on?

When I got to
the police station,

they sent me over
to the hack inspector's,

and when I got there,
Myrna had already been there
and picked up the money.

Yeah, so?

She, uh...
She put our stuff
out in the street.

She says she's gonna keep
the house and the money.

She saw this, uh,
Marvin Mitchelson
on Good Morning, America.

- She says she's entitled.
- [Shouting Continues]

[Glass Shatters]
Hey!

[Shouting Continues]

[Tapping]
Myrna, it's Dell.

I know a little motel
down in Spartanburg.

How about you and me,
the 10 grand,

a case of Cuervo Gold
and my lucky rubber?

[Shouting Continues]
I have already placed calls
to the police,

the hack inspector,
and Dan Rather
on the CBS Evening News!

[Shouting, Indistinct]

You are vandals,
trespassers...

and are trying
to gain entrance illegally.

[Shouting Continues]
I have given you fair warning.

Get outta here!
Grab and run.

All right? I'm gonna
try and talk to her.
Yeah.

[Harold]
Myrna! Myrna! Myrna!

Where you all going?
You can't...
I'm getting
out of here!

Buddy, you can't leave!
What about Harold?
What about loyalty?

His bitch
stole our money!
Hey, relax, Tyrone.

Get the fuck off me!
You know, she is his wife
and she's legally entitled.

Besides,
she had a flamethrower.

Harold don't owe you
anything anyway, Tyrone.
Albert's right.

This was gonna be
my ticket outta here,
so just shut up, Albert!

No, you just shut up
for once, goddamn it!

Y'all been talking about leaving
since the day I walked in here!

Well, you don't need to leave,
'cause you were never here
in the first place!

I'm gonna cream you,
sucker!

Stop! That's enough! Stop!
Albert's only telling the truth!

We the worst company in town
and we know it!

Yeah. I mean, get serious,
Albert.

You're the only one around here
who wants to be a cabdriver.

That's right.
You're the only one around here
that wants to be a cabdriver.

No, I don't.
I wanna own my own cab company,
but I gotta start someplace!

Hey, man, you dreamin'!
You're the ones dreaming all
the time about your big break!

Well, you ever think
that your break might be
right here, huh?

- I got a few bucks put away.
- [Cabbies Groaning]

How much, huh?
Yeah. $6,063.

- Whoa.
- You need a roommate, Albert?

That's what
my daddy left me.

That's a lot of money.
Good.

Now, Harold,
he put me up here in D.C.

Board and meals.
That's quite a bit
I owe him.

And y'all taught me
whatever you know.

I'm willing to
contribute my savings
to all you.

I'm sorry I was gonna
kick the shit out of you,
Albert.

But we do
like Harold says.

We become his partners,
we pull together,

and we make something
at D.C. Cab.

[Muttering]
I mean, if you guys...

would just put half the energy
into this company that you do
trying to get out of here,

we just might
make something of ourselves!

I'm with Albert.

You know, this is the first
conversation around here
ever made any sense.

Yeah, well, I'm not
actually due anywhere
for a few years.

I'm in, baby.
The kid's a man.

- Well, adios, suckers.
- Hey, Tyrone.

Hey. Hey, Tyrone.
You stick with us,

and every day
you're one step closer
to owning that Mercedes.

[Breathing Heavily]
Nobody makes decisions
for me, Albert,

especially
white-bread chickenshit.

Hey, hey.
Tyrone, come on.

We're psychic blood brothers,
aren't we?
Never!

All your friends
are right here.

What's outside there
for you?
Fresh air, honky!

Come on.
Let's go find Harold.

Yeah. Come on.
All right.

[Chattering]
[Dell]
Hold it!

I wanna get
one thing straight here
or I'm walking too.

I don't work
on January the 8th,

'cause that's
Elvis's birthday.

♪ Uh huh huh
Uh huh huh ♪

All right!
Rock and roll, baby!

♪ Uh huh huh huh huh ♪

- [Chattering]
- ♪ Uh huh huh ♪

Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go, Albert.

Wahoo!

♪ [Rock]

♪ D.C. ♪

♪ On the street
under pressure ♪

♪ The city ain't just mean ♪

♪ Makin' a stand
against the odds ♪

- ♪ You can feel the heat ♪
- [Cheering]

♪ It's make it or break it ♪

♪ Try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never ♪

♪ Keep your dream alive ♪

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street
up and down the block ♪

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ The dreams you hear
if the streets could talk ♪

All right, man.
Pleasure doing business
with you.

♪ Wanna be somebody
be a contender ♪

♪ Gotta reach for the sky ♪

♪ If you want it,
fight for it ♪

♪ Or kiss it good-bye ♪

♪ It's make it or break it ♪

♪ Try to survive... ♪

Uh, hold it right there.
You are in a lot of trouble,
my friend.

I want these guys arrested.
I know they don't have
airport licenses.

Well, your alacrity
has served you ill this time,
my liveried adversary.

In your face, Dick Tracy!

That too.
Who wins that?

You told me
they didn't have licenses.
I didn't know about this.

[Arguing, Indistinct]

♪ It's make it or break it ♪

♪ Got to try to survive ♪

♪ Don't ever say never ♪

♪ Keep your dreams alive ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, man!

♪ D.C.... ♪
Come here.
Get in my cab.

I wanna show you what
I bought with my tips.
All right.

Whoo!

♪ [Rockabilly]
Two-hundred watt amplifier,

six speakers...

and a power booster!

Watch this!

[Volume Increases]

[Volume Continues
Increasing]
[Rumbling]

Whoo!
Aaah!

♪ [Rockabilly Blaring]

♪ Why, baby, why ♪

♪ Why, why, why ♪

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street
up and down the block ♪
Ma'am.

Here's some flowers,
chocolate...

and a book
on the finest homes
of the South.

Now, I wanna take Claudette
out Saturday night.

Have her home by 10:30.

[Cheering]

♪ Da dee da day-o day ♪

♪ Da dee da ♪

♪ Da dee da, oh ho... ♪

[Onlookers Oohing]

♪ Around the clock
we're gonna rock ♪
[Chattering]

♪ To the rhythm of the street
up and down the block ♪

♪ Around the block, yeah
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ The dreams you hear
if the streets could talk ♪

♪ Around the clock, now
we're gonna rock ♪

♪ To the rhythm of the street
up and down the block ♪

♪ Around the clock, yeah
we're gonna rock ♪

You know, me and Miss Floyd
had this unspoken thing
for a long time.

Then Myrna stepped out
of the picture and...

Just keep on truckin',
eh, Deke?

I just called you "Deke,"
didn't I?

[Chuckles]

Well, let's drink to your dad.

- I wish he were here with us.
- Looks like part of him is.

The Chinese feast
has arrived!
Hey.

Wow.
[Chuckles]
Good Lord.

Oh.
Oh, hey.
I... I got it.

I got it.
I got it.

- Thanks, Albert.
- Hey, it's nothing.

No, no. No, I'm not
talking about dinner.

Thanks.

All right.

Hey!
Hey, Mr. Rhythm.

This is for you.
Well, I'll be dipped
in buttermilk.

What's
the good word?
Mr. Rhythm say,

"Remember, that which make you
can also break you."

Aw, man. Yo, brother,
you wanna buy a pencil man?

Eh, you wanna buy a jug?
This is the same jug
that Abraham Lincoln used!

One drink
and he freed the slaves.

We haven't had a job since!

Yo, my man. Yo. Wanna buy
some souvenirs, brother?

Yo, man! Awww.

I thought I had a sucker,
you know?
God.

Yo, miss.
You wanna buy a hat?
Well, well.

What are you,
Uncle Sambo, huh?

What are you doing here?
Hide this for me,
Dell!

Hey. We're doing great
at the cab company.
Man, I'm doing great here!

You oughta come back with us.
You don't look so great to me.

[Blows Whistle]

Miss Cara? Miss Cara?
[Blows Whistle]

Look at you.
You look like a clown.
Irene Cara!

Irene Cara! I can't believe it!
Irene Cara!

Hey! Tyrone! Hey! Hey!

[Tires Screech]

No more autographs!
No more autographs!

No more autographs.
I got your cab right here,
Miss Cara.

Tyrone Bywater,
at your service.

Do you always dress that way?
No. Last week I was
the Statue of Liberty,

but I couldn't get the crown
over the rollers. [Laughs]

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Goddamn it!

How is Tyrone doing?

He's doing great,
Denise.

Uh, he's working
for Uncle Sam.

I saw Tyrone yesterday,
Albert.

He is Uncle Sam.

[Humming]

[Denise]
Well, if you see Tyrone,
tell him I said, "Hi," okay?

Okay, I will.
See you tomorrow.
Have a good day.

- Oh, there's my babies.
- Go! Get him!

Oh!
[Screams]

Hey! What the...
Hey, who the hell are you?

Come here, Porky!

What in the hell
do you think you're doing?

[Screaming]

Just... No.
Don't!
Hey!

- Come on! Come on!
- [Shouts, Indistinct]

You gonna drive, hack?

Ow. Ouch.
Start it up.

Drive real easy...
real easy.

Here.
Over here.
Get a doctor.

Get a doctor,
quick!
They got my babies!

Hurry!
They got my babies.

[Sobbing]
Oh, God.
They got my...

I can't tell you
what this means to me.

I always carry
a picture of you
in my cab.

Wrong cab!
[Chuckles]

If you're here in D.C.
running for something,
I'll vote for you twice.

Oh, I'm singing
at the White House
Sunday night.

Oh, yeah?
Well, tell 'em all
hello from me.

[Whistle Blowing]
Singing at the White House?

Goddamn. I can't believe it.
Irene Cara.

Well, here we are,
Sheraton Hotel,
safe and sound.

But how about me and you
just ride around together
for a few more weeks?

Listen, how much
do I owe you?

It's on me. My pleasure,
believe me, Miss Cara.

Oh, well, thanks,
Tyrone.

Get over here.

[Grunts]

Albert.
Uh-huh.

This your first time
being kidnapped?
Uh-huh.

It's our third.
Yeah.
Don't worry.

[Telephone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

[Ringing]
Pick it up.

This is
Ambassador Rayburn.

[Woman, Sultry Voice]
Hi, stud-muffins.

Can you talk,
or is the wife around?

Wrong number!

[Ringing]

Well, pick it up,
stud-muffins!
[Rings]

This is Ambassador Rayburn.

This is Albert Hockenberry.

$2 million
in unmarked bills,
[Whispering]

tomorrow at midnight.

I'll call back
with instructions.

[Dial Tone]

[Police Radio Chatter]

[Chattering]

[Commotion]
[Harold]
Albert couldn't kidnap anyone.

Wait, wait, wait.
Let me ask you something.

Did Albert ever discuss
his political convictions?
[Sighs]

Albert don't have
no political convictions!
He's an American!

Shut up, Dell! You're
gonna mess everything up!

- Albert didn't do shit!
- His life is in danger...

and you're off
on some wild goose chase,
for crying out loud!

What?
Why did
your wife leave you?

[Huffs]
What the hell's that got to do
with Albert being kidnapped?

[Speaking, Indistinct]
Hold it! Somebody's
gotta think here, man!

Oswell. Listen, level with me.
Whose side is Albert on?

You know, I've had this bunch
under surveillance
for a long time...

and there's been some new money
around here suddenly.

There's new paint jobs
and jackets...

certain payoffs around town.

Yeah. Aren't you pissed off
you didn't get one?
Hah!

Well, come to think of it,
where did all the money
come from all of a sudden?

[Sighs]
Jesus.

It was from Albert.
[Exhales Deeply]
[Commotion]

[All Muttering]

There's no reason
to shut us down,
so why are you doing it?

You don't have to
shut us down!
This company is closed...

pending further investigation.

Lock it!
I got it.

Kidnapped the son and daughter
of Ambassador and Mrs. Rayburn
this afternoon.

One of them is identified
as D.C. Cab driver
Albert Hockenberry,

who is probably armed
and considered dangerous.

Police...
[Harold]
What a giant load of crap!

[Miss Floyd]
He's such a baby.
How could they say that?

[Crying]

[Grunts]

Hey. I know how everybody's
feeling here.

Uh-huh.
Feeling wild and on the edge,
self-destructive.

And I feel like that every day,
every minute of my life.

And now that you're all
down here on my level,

I got a game
I want to share with you.

Take a bottle, and you spin it,
like that old kissin' game.

Whoever it points to
holds it up by their face...

and they shake it
to see if it'll explode.

Shut up, Dell!

[Shouts, Indistinct]
I'm trying to help.

Well, well, well.

The D.C. Cab kidnappers.
Oh, that's really good.

Stay cool, guys.

You know,
I bet your friend's
having a good time...

with, uh, those kids...
especially that little girl.

- I'll kill you!
- [Commotion]

[Miss Floyd]
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

- You better get out of here
before you get hurt!
- All right! All right!

We still got that cab
with your name on it,
Ophelia!

- I'll wait for you
outside, baby. All right.
- Get out of here!

- Ophelia ain't going nowhere!
- [Harold] That's right.

Wait. No.
You not going with them.

Hey. I got a kid,
remember?

Oh, now, honey,
d-don't do this now.

I mean,
you come this far.

Th-They're gonna find Albert.
They're gonna find the kids.

We're gonna be
in business together
in a couple of days.

Come on. This is the time
we gotta stick together.

- Something's gonna turn up.
- You dreamin' again, Harold.

I mean, why don't you wake up
and realize that dreams just
ain't for people like us?

I mean, I don't wanna go,

but I ain't go no choice.

[Harold]
Hello.
[Murmuring]

Well, look over here.
If it isn't our Judas...

just in time
for the Last Supper.

- Pick up the check?
- I've got some ideas
about helping Albert.

Oh, yeah?
When did you get religion?

When I realized
that if any of us
was in Albert's place,

he'd be figuring out
a way to help us.

Did you see the paper!
We know half the people
involved in this kidnapping!

Now, I got a plan,
but I need some help.

Okay.
Let's go for it.
All right. Yeah!

Okay. Come here.
Okay, great. All right.

We're gonna split up
in two groups, all right?

Now, I got other business
to take care of, so we'll meet
in three hours at Abe's place.

[In Unison]
Abe's place! Hut!

[Chattering]

Look here, brothers.
I need a favor.
Please, I need a cab.

[Chuckles]
Bend and flush.

What you say?

[Shouting, Indistinct]

- [Tires Squealing]
- [Shouting, Indistinct]

They took the cabs!
Man, they took all the cabs!

Hey, you! You!

You are under arrest!
Citizen's arrest!

You are in a lot
of trouble, my friend.
You stay right there.

Come on, man!

[Cackling]

"Bend and flush."

[Whispering,
Indistinct]
[TV, Indistinct]

[Knocking]
[Ophelia]
Denise!

Ambassador Rayburn's children
were wearing school uniforms...
Open the door. It's Ophelia.

Look, uh,
I don't know nothin'.

I talked to the police
and they told me not to
talk to nobody.

Denise, if you don't open
this door, I'm gonna whoop you
to fried whale shit.

I don't know nothin'!
I don't know nothin'!

Plan "B."

Aaah!

I don't know nothin'.

[Woman On P.A.]
Dr. Gallagher, Dr. Berman,
please call the operator.

Dr. Gallagher, Dr. Berman,
please call the operator.

How well do you know
these two men?

I told you a hundred times,
those fools mean nothing to me!

That one?
My babies!
They got my babies!

Ed, her lawyers are here.
My lawyers?

Leibowitz, Lumkin
and Lopez.

Just as I suspected.
Look at this food.

It isn't fit
for Caucasians!
[Gasps]

And these sheets.
Are they changed every day?

And I don't mean
from room to room!

And you, Nurse. Isn't there
some life-supporting system
you can be unplugging right now?

Hey!
Let me tell you,
Mr. F.B.I.

This is the kind of scandal
the news media loves!

Get me my cousin,
Geraldo Rivera, on the line.

[Slams Phone Down]

[Tyrone]
Oh. How you doin', Matty?

All they do is keep showing me
these photographs they developed
from the nun's camera.

Hey. I ran over
a nun once.

Hey. This looks like
the kidnappers right here.

Does the F.B.I. have any idea
where this farm is located,
Matty?

They keep asking me
if I know.

Hell, this could be
Wisconsin or something.

Wisconsin. That's
the cheese state,
isn't it?

That's right.
Leibowitz, Lumkin and Lopez.

Ed, there's
a report out on D.C. Cab.
They stole two vehicles.

D.C. Cab.
That's where I know them!

[Woman On P.A.]
Dr. Zamuda to maternity.

[Whistling]

They found out!
Ohhh! Oh, shit!

My babies!
Find my babies!

Eldorado!
All right, move it!
Come on!

Get going! Hurry up!
Let's go! Come on! Go!

Hey! Hey! Come on!
Let's get 'em!

D.C. Cab! Come on!
This is the F.B.I.! Hold it.

- Ohhh! Jesus!
- Whoa! Come on!

Hold it! Don't just stand there!
Get after them! Come on!

♪ [All Singing
"Mission: Impossible
Theme"]

[F.B.I. Agent Shouting,
Indistinct]

Least you could do
is give the kids
a decent meal.

Yeah!
We're starving!

Shut up!
Shut up!

Let's get moving.
Come on.
Shit.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Don't worry.
I'll get us out of this.

We're not worried.

[Grunting]

[Grunting Continues]

[Groans]

[Dog Barking In Distance]

Harold!

What are you doing here?
You have no right here!

Myrna, I know you're entitled
to something for all the years
we spent together,

but so am I!

I gotta get some money together
and get a lawyer for Albert,
so get out of my way.

No. Where you going?
No, no. Harold!
Get out of my way!

No! Don't go up there!
Harold, don't come in here.
Don't come in here!

Where's
my flamethrower?

What do you need
the flamethrower for?

[Yells]
Where's my flamethrower?

In the basement! Why?

Get away from the door, Myrna.
Harold, don't.
I'm gonna call the police.

You're gonna be on the news
like that man who barricaded
himself with his bazooka!

Ernesto,
he has the flamethrower!

[Line Ringing]
Police!

Get a few bucks
for this two.

Uh, Ernesto, that door sticks.
Let me give you a hand with it,
all right.

[Mumbles]
Aaah!

You know what your problem is,
Bravo?

You're so short, your brain is
just too close to your asshole!

Holy Jes... W-Wait!
Myrna! Jesus!
Oh!

Ayyy!

[Gasps]
Oh!

Myrna, you shouldn't
have done it,

but I'm real glad you did!

Good-bye!
[Whimpers]

[Sputtering]
Ernesto!

[Clatter]

[Grunt]
Oh, Jesus.

Don't worry, kids.
I'm almost out of this.

[Breathing Heavily]

Yea, Albert!
Yea! All right!

Way to go!
Shh! Shh. Shh.

Where we going,
Albert?

We're not going anywhere.
I'm gonna go try
and find my cab.

My fault? You quit
your blaming me for stuff!
Shut up!

You should never have
been in this thing
in the first place.

[Arguing Continues,
Indistinct]

[Arguing Continues]

Ow! Shit.

[Breathing Heavily]
[Ignition Clicks]

Miss Floyd, can you...

[Radio Static]
Miss Floyd, can you hear me?

[Albert]
Miss Floyd, can you read me?

[Over Radio]
Hey, it's Albert.
Somebody answer me, okay?

It's Albert. Somebody...
Somebody answer me, please!

Hey, D.C. Cab!
It's Albert!

Somebody! Miss Floyd!
Harold!

Somebody answer me!

It's Albert! Help!

It's Albert! Come on, come on!
Isn't there anybody out there?

Where the hell is everybody?

Come on! Come on!
[Chattering]

Hold it. All right,
hold it! Hold it here!
What happened?

What happened?
Quiet!

What happened?
Denise don't know nothin'.

We ditched the cab.
All right. Good going.
Here's the deal.

We got these pictures here,
all right? There's a picture
of a farmhouse,

but it could be
any farmhouse anywhere.

A nun took 'em!
A nun took these.
But, anyway,

we don't know
that they've got Albert
and the kids.

Well, this is
all we got!
That's right.

You just hang on, Albert!
Hang on!

I'm going to Abe's place
and get Harold.

Hang on!

Mr. Rhythm, listen to me.
Listen to me.

Uh, there's a farmhouse
and a... and a windmill.

There's a million farmhouses
and a million windmills too!

Yeah, well, we're, uh...
[Jet Passes Overhead]

I hear airplanes. We're
south of the airport somewhere.

Wait a minute.
Maybe I'd better get
a pencil and paper.

Hey. Uh, I see it!

I see something.
I see something.
It's, uh...

It's, uh, Bruce Lee.

- What?
- It's Bruce Lee!
It's Bruce Lee.

I'm almost at Abe's place
where Harold is. Just hang on!

Come on, car!

Wait, wait, wait.
I gotta get back to the kids.

I got Albert!
I got Albert!
[Chattering]

I got Albert!
I got Albert on the squawk box!
I got him! I got him!

Come on!
Come on!
He's on the squawk box!

[Commotion]

Albert! Albert it's Harold.
Albert, it's Harold!
[Radio Static]

[Hammer Cocks]

Albert, it's...
[Radio Static]

It's dead, Mr. Rhythm.
No! It can't be!
I just talked to him!

Albert! Albert!
This is Mr. Rhythm!

Come on in! Man.
Okay. That's all right.

That's all right.
It doesn't matter, because...
because I got it.

He told me.
Yeah?

Okay. This is what he said.
Albert said...

that he's at a farm
and it's at the airport...

and there's a windmill.

And the important thing is...

that he's with Bruce Lee.

Bruce Lee?
Wait, wait. Wait a minute.

You sure
he said "Bruce Lee"?
He's dead, you know.

Uh-huh.
He said Bruce Lee.
That kung fu guy?

Hey, you know,
Bruce Lee,
he ain't dead.

They got him cryptonized
down in Chatsworth.

He's jammed in a silo
and he's frozen
hard as a carp.

And they're gonna
melt him down as soon as
the economy gets better.

- Thanks, Dell.
- Hey, man,

now that we know the farmhouse
is close to the airport,
let's go!

Come on! Come on!

Where? Where are you going?

There's gotta be
a hundred farms
near the airport.
Yeah.

Samson, we should call the cops.
We are in enough trouble
already.

Don't be stupid.
You know if the cops
find Albert before we do,

they're gonna shoot him
and ask questions later.

Yeah, but wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Just wait a minute.

We don't even know
where Albert is.

I mean trying to find him
is one thing,

but trying to rescue him
is something else entirely.

And if we could find him,
there'd be guns and kidnappers
and guns.

Wait a minute!
We better think about this
before we do something.

I'm sorry, brother.
I don't have a minute,

so you can do
what you wanna do.

But I owe Albert,
for helping me find the things
I never had before,

like pride and dignity.

So I'm going out there
after them,

because the least I can find
is my self-respect...

and the most I can find
is Albert and them kids.

I don't know about you,
but I like what I became
these past few weeks,

and I ain't never going back
to being what I was before.

Never!

[Choir]
♪ His truth ♪

♪ Is marching on ♪

Mine eyes
have seen the glory.

All right then.
Let's go.
Hallelujah!

[Engines Starting]

♪ ["Mission: Impossible
Theme"]

[Shouting, Indistinct]
[Muttering]

There are seven Lee's
out by the airport,
but no Bruce.

There is a Ruth.
We gotta
check 'em all, guys.

All right.
There's a "Spruce Tree Lane..."

and a "Moose Knee Landing."

Moose Knee Landing?
I said that.
It's on my map.

Okay. We'll take
Moose Knee Landing.

No! He said "Bruce Lee"!

I told you,
Bruce Lee was frozen.
[Jabbers]

[Shouting, Indistinct]

Everything's gonna be all right.
I got a message through.
Help's on the way.

You're not scared
are you?

We weren't
up till now.

But these guys
don't know
what they're doing.

[Arguing, Indistinct]

[Samson]
Hey, man, look! The windmill.
This is it. This is it.

This is the place.
It's the farmhouse.

I think we found him, man.
Come on.

Look at the mailbox, man.
It's Bruce "Lee"!
But that says Bruce "Leg."

I told you fools
to stay in school.
Now, keep it down.

Shh. Shh.
Shh.

[Trunk Squeaks]

[Grunts]

Oh.

Sorry, ma'am.
Wrong house.

Okay. This is Harold.
Listen up. Everybody report in.
Let's start with Tyrone.

I don't even know
where the hell I am.

[Harold]
All right. Uh, Baba.

[Baba] Well,
we had a Spruce Tree thing,
but I think it got washed away.

[Harold]
Okay, uh, Bongo?

[Bongo]
We checked all streets
to the airport. Nothing.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Albert was right!
It is Bruce Lee!

It is Bruce Lee!
Albert was right!

I found that
karate motherfucker!

[Horns Honking]
Get down!
Get on down from there!

Get on down from there!
Tyrone!

Get down!
Get down, you idiot!

[Woman]
Get down! Get down from there!

Ah, see? Ah, see?
I told you! It's Bruce Lee!

I told you
it was Bruce Lee!

I see it! I see the windmill!

I see it, Harold!
I see the windmill!

I see it! Aaah! I see it!

All right, everybody.
Get them son of a bitches,
Bruce!

Deck 'em! Deck 'em!

What the hell's
the matter with you?

Why are women so uptight?
They got have the money
and all the pussy!

[Harold]
All right, let's go!

We gotta move outta here now!
But we haven't called
about the ransom yet!

Will you shut up
about the stupid ransom?
Who the hell you talking to?

I'm talking to you!
Shut up!

We're moving,
and we're moving now.

- [Man On Bullhorn]
This is the police!
- Shit!

There must be a hundred cops
out there!
Get back in. Get back.

I ain't dying here, man.
I'll give myself up first.

This is the police.
We've got you surrounded.

Send the kids out... slow.

And Albert!

[Harold On Bullhorn]
And Albert Hockenberry.
Send them out.

Okay. What do I say now?
Tell them
you're Batman.

No!

You better come out now,
you scumbags!

[Groans]
Cops don't talk like that.

They do to me!

Do you hear us?

I say we kill
these fuckers, huh?

Yeah. Then we'll
go down fighting.

You are a pitiful bitch.
Oh, you...

[Kidnapper]
Okay, pigs!

Now, listen!
We'll give 'em up
after you let us go!

I don't trust 'em.
I don't either.
You can't trust 'em.

With those two
little kids in there?
We got no choice.

- Okay?
- Okay!

[Children Groaning]

Go. Come on.

All right.
Stay behind the cabs.
Don't get shot.

- Move your feet!
- All right just...
just hold your fire, men!

Okay. Okay.
Kid!

Okay.
Now, you can let them go!

We'll let 'em go
when we get out of here!

Get the van!
Get the van!

Let 'em go!
Damn it!

Tyrone!
Tyrone!
Shit.

Gimme those kids!

You're not a cop!
They're cabdrivers!

- What?
- Cab drivers!

Aaah!

Gotcha! I got ya!

Bring 'em over!
Bring 'em over!

[Commotion]
What are you doing?

[Gunshots]
Aaah!

Move over, girl!
Move over.

Get in there,
goddamn it!

- Drive, Dickey!
- Go! Go, baby!

Hey, man! Hey, man,
they got Albert!

Go get him!
We'll get him! Come on!
They got Albert!

Come on. Drive, Dickey!
Get us out of here, man!

♪ [Horn Honking Out
Military Charge]

Holy shit.
They're following us.
Oh!

Come on!
Give it the gas, man!

- Geez.
- All right. Drill 'em, Dell!

- Come on!
- Here we go.

- Drill 'em, Dell!
- Oh!

Very nice!
[Indistinct]

Go, go!
Come on!
Let's get 'em!

This machine
won't go any faster.

I'll take you in close.
All right, baby. Get 'em!

- [Shouting, Indistinct]
- [Tires Screeching]

Do it, baby.
Do some damage, baby!

Aaah!

[Shouting, Indistinct]

[Gunshots]
Hey, wait a minute, man!

Whoo! Whoo!

- Aaah!
- Drive, Dickey!
Don't listen to them!

Okay. You got it.
Got what?

Hey! Give a person a little
warning when you do that
next time, would you, please?

Move over, Tyrone!
Get out of my way!
Wait!

Let me get 'em!
I'll get 'em!
Get 'em!

I'm gonna get 'em!

[Thumping]
[Samson]
Let me get 'em!

I can't wait! Come on!

Hit the bitch! Hit the bitch!
Jack-smack that motherfucker!

Yahoo! Come on! Come on!
Come one!

[Shouts, Indistinct]

Jesus fucking Christ!

Go to the...
Move to the right!
Dance them off!

Why don't you
pick on somebody else?

You outta you min...
Wait a minute.
Hold this for me.

Oh, sure.
Priorities. Yeah.

Let's get 'em!
Let's get 'em!

[Gunshot]
Get that bitch, goddamn it!
I can't drive and die too!

Ow!

Yee-haw-haw-haw!

Oh, Albert!
[Grunting]

[Shouting, Indistinct]

[Groaning]
[Shouting Continues]

Come on!
We gonna save you,
Albert!

[Shouting Continues]

- Get off of me, bitch!
- [Shouting Continues]

Albert, tell me one thing!
Tell me you're wearing
your daddy's boots!

What?
Tell me you're wearing
your daddy's boots!

- I am!
- Hold him!

[Engine Revs]

They got him!
Ah! They got him!

Yee-haw-haw-haw!

They got him! Aaah!

[Tires Screeching]

[Horns Honking]

- [Cheering, Applause]
- [Confused Chattering]

[Kidnappers]
Whoaaaa!

Aaah!

[Cheering, Applause Continue]

[Cheering]
[Irene Cara]
♪ I've been chasing dreams ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ Just one step at a time ♪

♪ And then they're gone ♪

♪ Illusions of love ♪

♪ Would come and go ♪

♪ I guess you have to hurt ♪

♪ Before you grow ♪

[Blowing Whistle]
♪ And everybody knows ♪

♪ [Marching Band]
♪ D.C. Cab, D.C. Cab ♪

♪ D.C. Cab, D.C. Cab ♪

[Irene Cara]
♪ Never let go of the ♪

♪ Never let go of the ♪

♪ Dream ♪

♪ The dream ♪

♪ I always seem to lose
what I thought was mine ♪

♪ And many times
I tried to leave it behind ♪

♪ But deep inside
hope was still alive ♪

♪ Deep inside
dreams will never die ♪

♪ That is why, we're moving
closer to the truth ♪

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

[Cheering]
♪ Sometimes I saw my life
just falling apart ♪

♪ And all the rejection
tearing at my heart ♪

♪ But deep inside
hope was still alive ♪

♪ Deep inside
Dreams will never die ♪

♪ If you try, there'll be
so much more for you ♪

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

♪ We can all be free
We hold the key ♪

♪ If we could see
what we wanna be ♪

♪ Life's never easy
You get no guarantees ♪

♪ Why not give your all ♪

♪ And see what you can find ♪

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

♪ [Vocalizing]

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

♪ We can all be free
We hold the key ♪

♪ If we can see
what we wanna be ♪

♪ Life's never easy
you get no guarantees ♪

♪ Why not give your all
and see what you can find ♪

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

♪ [Vocalizing]

♪ It's really great
for me to be here ♪

♪ I won over the pain
and the fear ♪

♪ It's been so very hard
through the years ♪

♪ Been looking through
a rainbow of tears ♪

♪ And still I never really ♪

♪ Let go of the dream ♪

[Door Opens]

Where to?

I am the Angel of Death.
Take me to hell.

Got any luggage?